Tim Dillon imagines another world where "junk food" (donuts, tacos, sweets) is not a bad thing, the terrible tragedy, and crime, Ron DeSantis committed this week, how he's handling moving again in Los Angeles, and how much merch we need to sell to really make a difference.Tim's Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382Bonus episodes every week:▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshowSee Tim Live on the road:▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:🎧 HEADPHONES:For 15% off!▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim💆THERAPY▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMDDOORDASH▶▶Download the Doordash app and use code TIMDILLONESTABLISHED TITLES▶▶ Go to https://www.EstablishedTitles.com/TimDillon to get your gifts now and help support the channel. Use the code TimDillon you get an additional 10% off.UPSIDE▶▶ Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code TIMD to get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more. That’s $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more, using promo code, TIMD.BABBEL▶▶ https://www.babbel.com/tim for 60% off your subscriptionSHEATH UNDERWEAR▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com use promo code TIM20🔒 VPN:Get three months free▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon📦 BOX OF AWESOME▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% offONNIT▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% offEVERY MAN JACK▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON👨🦱 HAIR LOSS:▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon💆THERAPY▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMDATHLETIC GREENS▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillonMUD\WTR▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 offSTARTMAIL: start securing email privacy!▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year!DOORDASH▶▶Download the Doordash app and use code TIMDILLONMASTERWORKS▶▶ https://masterworks.art/tim▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃:📸 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/🐦 Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!:http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows📹 Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxgListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▶▶ Ed McMahonbenavery33@gmail.comhttps://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬#TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Real Fashion Results00:01:40
Yeah, well, thank you so much to everybody that purchased a solution.
And that's what that is.
That's not just merch.
That is something that we've been working on and brainstorming for a long time.
And it was essentially, how do we get involved?
How do we do more than what's being done?
We don't want to sit on the sidelines and make jokes.
We want to get involved and actually have real results.
And that's the difference between us and a lot of other people, not mentioning names, but most of the other podcasts out there aren't Joe Rogan, aren't getting involved and doing what we're doing for the people.
So what we are doing is, obviously, we're still in New York.
We're here at Gas Digital Studios.
We're here for Fashion Week.
We drop the clothing line.
Every year, I come for a fashion week in New York.
I'm kind of an ambassador for many of the brands.
I was asked to walk by Christian Dior, the House of Dior, the legendary fashion brand.
And I didn't do it.
And I didn't do it this year only because I am participating.
I'm dropping my own line, and it's finally here.
It's finally here for everybody.
And it is something that people say to me: you've done this for so long.
You've been a member of the fashion community for so long.
And I have.
And when is your line coming out?
This is at Art Basil in Miami over the summer in the Hamptons.
People would bump into me onto the beach and they would go, Hey, not for nothing.
Eight Hundred Million Revenue00:04:23
But that's how they talk.
When the people in the fashion industry, like French people, when they bump into you on the beach in like the south of France, they go, Hey, not for nothing.
When is your line going to drop?
And the answer is now.
We have a line of fashion for people.
And what's good about it is that we're actually using the profit to help homelessness in Los Angeles.
Every $400,000 of profit, which is roughly probably $800,000 of revenue because we're operating at, no, and I mean, really, here, we're operating at what?
Kind of like a 50% margin, right?
And that's not great.
It's not ideal.
But that's what we're operating at.
Is that really it?
No, I'm dead serious.
Like, 50%.
I think it's around 50%.
It's a little higher, but that's, you know, what are you going to do?
So, 800,000 of revenue, 400,000 of profit, every $400,000, we are donating $5 To alleviate the burden, we're donating $5 to right the wrong.
We are donating $5 to build a better future for this country that we live in.
We're not heartless monsters, okay?
And I want to do some simple math with you because this is every little bit helps.
Did you hear that when you were a kid ever?
Every little bit helps.
I remember that.
It's as American a saying as any.
Every little bit helps.
There is no, remember, there's no small roles.
There are only small actors, right?
Yes, that's the saying.
So there are no small donations.
There is nothing that is too small.
You have to remember that.
Because a lot of people say to me, well, some people have said to me, are you giving too much?
And the answer is, I don't think so, but I don't know.
But to me, I'd rather be on the side of giving rather than the side of taking.
So now let's just, with a $5 donation, every roughly $800,000 of revenue, $5 times $1,000 is $5,000.
Okay?
That's a good amount of money, right?
So now $800,000 in revenue times $1,000 is $800 million.
If we can gross on my store, my merch store with my new fashion line, $800 million of revenue, of, you know what I mean?
What we will be doing is we will then donate, well, hold on, because that's still only $400 million in profit, right?
So $400 million in profit divided by, can you, let's just, because I want to set goals.
If we make $400 million in profit, what are we donating?
So that would be $1,000 times $5,000.
So that's $5,000.
But, but, but, but, okay, so it's $800,000 in revenue.
So I am correct.
$800,000 in revenue.
I'm sorry, $800 million in revenue.
Yes.
$400 million in profit, $5,000 to help homelessness in Los Angeles.
Get involved now because if I'm telling you right now, I feel good about this.
I want to challenge other creators to do it.
And this is my mission right now.
And that's why I'm here in New York City.
It's why I'm not back in my beautiful desert oasis we've created for my studio.
I'm roughing it here.
I'm roughing it here because I believe in something.
Ending Food Guilt00:13:59
And I hope one day, God, I hope you believe in something too.
That's all I'll say.
Where can they purchase this merchandise and get it now and get a lot of it?
Because the more you order, here's what I want you to think about.
The more clothing you order, the more money gets put into a blanket fund for homeless babies.
A homeless baby will be swaddled in a new blanket if you buy.
Where do they buy?
Tim DylanComedy.com.
It's right there.
TimDylanComedy.com.
Go to the site.
I want people to see how easy it is.
Show them.
You can show them, Francis.
Show them, Francis.
Show them how easy it is.
There it is.
And there it is.
Right there.
Fake business.
We got it.
It's a real knife fight out here.
Beautiful shirts and hoodies.
I wish them well, shirts and hoodies.
And why do we do it?
We do it to help other people.
That's why we're here.
Others.
The other thing I was reading about that I find interesting is this article that you had sent me about junk food and that it is no longer a thing and we should stop focusing on it.
We have to decolonize our minds.
And one of the ways to do that, I had no idea how progressive I was until I read this article.
These are things I have been doing for years.
I have been making these kinds of choices for years.
Now, I want you to tell people a little bit about what's going on because there is a company and they sell food and they have hired a woman from Africa to tell people that worrying about what you eat and what you put into your body is inherently bigoted.
Right.
That's right.
In some degree.
And you should eat without guilt.
Agreed.
And you should eat without guilt.
And the people that are hyper-focused on lean meats, healthy fats, proteins, you know, the good carbs, those people are fascists.
That's right.
And those people.
And by the way, I have suspected that for a long time because they kind of, they kind of, they are a little, you know, strange.
But I had no idea this was laid out beautifully because occasionally you feel guilty for eating something.
And that is not right.
And actually your body, it's so deeply entrenched, this feeling of shame and guilt and racism and all of this stuff.
It's so deeply entrenched in us.
Sometimes after you eat something, your body will even feel sick.
But that is because your body is a racist.
Like even in your mind, if you eat a bunch of ho-hoes, donuts, tasty cakes, Suzy Q's, you know, yodels, Yankee doodles, snowball,
whatever could go on here for a while, but you might feel sick, but that is your body reinforcing the type of racist attitude, bigoted attitude.
Now, the company that hired, who is this woman?
So her actual name is Kara Niem Diop.
Yes.
She is in this viral sort of Instagram video here that the LA Unified School District did share on their Instagram food neutrality.
The LA school district.
Now, thank God.
Thank God because kids should learn at a very young age that there's absolutely no difference between the foods.
This is something that should be taught to children as young as possible.
There are no difference, there's no difference between a carrot and a carrot cake.
There's nothing.
It's only Nazis, Nazism.
So tell us, because the LA school district ran this ad or this promotion.
Yeah, yeah, they shared it.
They promoted it.
And tell us about it because I'm very interested in this.
So, and Francis, you can pull up the video they have here, but basically what they're trying to explain to the people.
They ever call you Franny Lou basically.
What they're trying to explain to the students is that there's food neutrality in the world.
I like this.
There's not a bad animal.
Remember net neutrality?
Oh, yes.
What was that?
Because that was huge.
Don't Google it if you don't know what it is.
I think net neutrality was...
That was a big deal.
That was a big deal.
And then everybody was like, is it going to happen or not?
So this is something else.
Yeah, this is something totally different where there's a misnomer that some foods are bad and some foods are good.
Yes.
And we need to eradicate these ideas.
There are only three types of bad foods.
Foods that are rotten.
Okay.
Foods that are filled with poison.
And foods that I think...
Well, here's the define poison, right?
Right.
Right.
That's the right.
But I like this.
So poison food.
Like I'm like, like Vladimir Putin, when he poisoned Alexander Levchenko with polonium.
Yes.
If you were to put polonium in a taco, it would be bad.
But other than that, everything's good.
That's right.
Okay.
So food neutrality means I don't judge the food I'm eating.
That's right.
I eat without guilt.
I want ice cream.
I eat it.
I want cake.
I eat it.
I want candy.
I eat it.
If I don't want vegetables, I don't eat them.
And I'm a child and I'm learning this from my school district.
This is what my school district is telling me on their Instagram, which I probably don't follow because no young people are really on Instagram.
They're all on TikTok watching, I don't know, people get hit by cars, but whatever.
It's still maybe healthier than the Instagram promotion being shoved down their throats by their school district, which is crazy.
And people were so horrified by this, they looked into who this woman worked for.
And on her LinkedIn page, she works for Mondelez International.
Which is what?
Chips Ahoy, Oreo.
But so what?
That, see, to me, I don't want to impugn her credibility because she works for Chips Ahoy.
If somebody that works for Oreo and Chips Ahoy, Nabisco, whoever owns them, Mondelez, you know, if they have a good non-racist idea, then let's hear it.
Can we actually play?
Can you play the actual promo?
Can we get some sound on this bad boy?
No, are they moldy?
I mean, are they poisoned?
Are you allergic?
No, I'm just saying.
You're judging my food choices based on a false standard of health again, aren't you?
Guilty.
Diet culture, fat phobia, and systems of oppression have created false hierarchies of food, and it shows up everywhere.
For instance, thought patterns like earning food through exercising, or that dessert is the reward for the punishment of eating vegetables.
Remember that you do not need to earn food.
We are all incorrectly taught from a young age to our size.
Yes.
And therefore, the foods that we eat are markers of our self-worth.
Correct.
Demoralizing food can lead to harmful relationships with food and disordered eating.
Thank you.
Instead of focusing on good and bad choices, try to approach food with neutrality in mind.
Yes.
The only foods that are bad for you are foods that contain allergens, poisons, and contaminants.
Or if someone's hitting you with it.
Like a frozen food that someone's hitting you with, that could also hurt you.
Like a frozen steak if you hit someone.
I mean, this is right on.
I'm right on with these people.
They're right on because they get it.
If you eat a donut or if you eat a salad, the only difference is how you look at it and society is judging you.
That's the really only difference in it.
Like if you sit down and have a bowl of donuts instead of a salad for lunch, that you feel the same.
I'm telling you, go and eat a bowl of ice cream with candy for lunch.
In an hour, you'll feel the exact same as if you have a salad.
It's the same feeling.
The only difference is that if you eat a salad, you'll be awake, but you're still alive.
See, if you eat a lot of carbs or sugar, you go to sleep right afterwards.
And if you eat a salad, you don't, but you're still technically alive after each meal.
So that's what they're getting at.
You might be asleep, but you might be not as like responsive in a vehicle, but you're still technically on earth.
You're in it.
You're still in the game.
I mean, I'm telling you right now, I know a lot of people are going to be offended by this.
There's something I like about it, food neutrality, being able to just say, I'm done with the shame.
I'm done with the guilt.
If there's something I see that I want to eat, I'm going to eat it.
And I shouldn't, like the idea that vegetables are healthy and junk food isn't.
Is if, what do they call it a false food standard?
Yes, it's a false food standard, but that's correct because it was put in into place.
It was put into practice.
False hierarchies of food, false hierarchies of food.
These things are all put into practice by by people that were doctors or people that were scientists and and that looked at the way these foods impacted your body, but they didn't take into account Lizzo.
And here come the big girls.
They didn't take into account, like you know what I mean, like there's so much more to science than just the actual science of it.
There's just a lot more fun to be had.
And, as a big person, i'll tell you right now I i'm telling you I feel liberated by this, because I always felt that when I was eating a lot of bad food, I was doing something wrong and I felt bad and my body felt bad and I felt like I was eating because I was in pain.
But now I realize i'm actually just being neutral.
It's all neutral and nothing is really bad or good.
And if I were to swap out all of the bad foods I eat, and let's take and, by the way, i'd like to take this a step further and include narcotics.
We have been told by an unfair system that crack and heroin are inherently bad for you.
This is a false virtue.
This is a system set up that doesn't recognize the realities.
I want you to think about a radical term, narcotics neutrality.
There is no, I have a glass of water, I'm good, I smoke meth, I'm bad.
That isn't real.
It shouldn't be real.
There is no difference between drinking tea, a nice Earl gray tea, maybe a bit of lavender on your porch, and setting the back of your head on fire with a big bowl of glass.
There's no difference at all.
The difference is that we have been taught unhealthy attitudes about meth.
That everyone who does it is southern, that they do it in a barn, that they're all running around afterwards, that they're not trustworthy, that they steal your mail, that they'll try to take your identity, that they're not good parents.
We've been taught this by a system that seeks to literally criminalize meth culture.
You're criminalizing meth culture, which is groups of people getting together and figuring out how to make meth in different open air spaces, barns, abandoned buildings, things like that.
Nantucket Season Vibes00:12:53
It is a culture.
It is not something that can be criticized or criminalized by people not participating in it.
I think this is great.
This seems to be a good idea.
And I'm glad that they're putting it on the Instagram page of where?
The LAUSD department page.
Specifically, the Los Angeles Unified School District.
Yeah, it was on their Instagram page.
Thank God.
Their human relations and diversity department shared it on Instagram.
And the shame.
Now, Ronda Sandis has done something very cruel.
Yeah, it's horrible.
It's really horrible because what he did was he sent a bunch of migrants to Martha's Vineyard.
The season's over.
Are you like nuts?
It's after Labor Day.
It's after September.
First of all, I have friends on the Vineyard.
I have friends on the Cape.
I have friends in Nantucket.
I have friends in the Hamptons.
The season is memorial through labor.
Stop it.
Don't be silly.
Yes, fall is lovely in all of these places.
And a small select group of people will hang out, you know, because work is more remote now.
And there's nothing wrong with a winery vineyard tour in the Hamptons of the fall or a beautiful, but for the most part, if you want to get really the full character of the area, drop them off in the beginning of summer.
So I don't get it.
Fall, everybody spends in New York City.
And then, of course, winter, everybody goes to Aspen or if they don't like the, or Jackson Hole, or Telluride or fucking Breckenridge.
And if you don't like the cold, you have St. Barth's and Anguilla.
There's options.
Why send them off season to the vineyard?
It's cruel.
I mean, it's fine.
It's not horrible, clearly.
But it's just not, you know what I mean?
Like all the good parties are over.
All the fun networking's done.
You know what I mean?
Like all of the kind of summer vibes.
The swimming and the swimming and the vibes aren't happening.
Like, so it's crazy.
It's so weird to me to send, like, it's not.
Guys, it's psychotic.
Fuck.
It's like your people come to this country and it's like, okay, the vibes right now are like pumpkins, fall, New England, calling somebody up at an Ivy League school you haven't fucked in a while and going up to see them, taking them to like an old creaky inn, getting drunk, drinking mulled cider.
You know, this is the thing.
Rainy days, kind of like the vibe right now is very much like I'm like LARPing as a poor person, kind of like, it's like big sweatshirts and hats and old jeans and, oh, look, I'm by the railroad now.
Photo.
You know what I mean?
And it's like the families, it's like getting our Adderall addiction kind of within range because there is a shortage.
And then just focusing on the holidays and like, what am I going to be for Halloween?
Where am I going to go?
Like, it's like you're cannibalizing people's Italy photos on Instagram and you're mad at that still because they in late August, everybody was in Italy, even Louis Gomez.
So it's just, it angers me.
So it's like, so to bring these migrants to Martha's Vineyard offseason isn't the deal.
Like you explain to them, they're like, the fall is like, it's a thing here.
It's a thing.
It's Halloween.
It's New England.
It's sexy.
It's fun.
It's, you know what I mean?
Like, and like, and then like explain to them like how it works, like how the social order operates.
Now, where do they, now where do they go?
Because Martha's Vineyard, nicely, because Martha's Vineyard gets it, got rid of them.
Because Martha's Vineyard goes, we're not at our best right now.
We are literally preparing for next year.
And then Martha's Vineyard sent them somewhere else.
Palm Beach, where did they go?
I believe they went to Cape Cod.
Cape Cod.
Okay.
But the reality is, it's like late fall through the spring, it's Palm Beach.
It's not like, what's wrong?
I don't get it.
Whatever.
I'm just, here's my whole thing with migrants.
My whole thing with migrants has always been, if you're going to come, you have to assimilate into the culture.
And the culture is Hampton's Vineyard summer, Palm Beach, Miami winter, New York spring, New York fall, New York spring, potentially.
This is the culture.
Assimilate into the culture.
Duh.
This is my biggest issue.
Immigrants come over here and they're like, oh, we're just going to go to Martha's Vineyard in the fall.
It's like, no, you're not.
You have to assimilate into our culture.
Dummies?
Everybody goes to their second beach house in like late June or even early July.
They do the summer, July to like the second week of August.
Then everybody goes to Europe.
Wake up.
So if these migrants don't want to like fall in line, then I don't know.
I don't know.
What's the point?
Are they nuts?
What were they even doing there?
I mean, here's the deal.
If they're looking at houses, I can't be mad at them.
No, because to look at houses, because you want to look off season and you don't, it doesn't want to be too hot.
You don't want to deal with traffic.
So if you're looking, if these migrants are looking at houses off season, trying to make a deal, I'm not mad at them.
I'm not mad at them.
I'm literally not mad at them now.
Were you looking at homes?
I got my eye on a few.
The thing with the vineyard, and I have to explain this to them.
Every migrant I meet, I have to explain to them.
I go, start, start somewhere closer.
Start on the cake.
Like the vineyard's a thing.
It's just its own thing.
It's like Nantucket.
Like when I see a migrant, I go, I know you want to live in Nantucket, but it's so far.
It's older money.
It's more finance.
Like you just, and they go, okay.
And I go, listen to what I'm saying to you.
That's the whole thing.
It's like these migrants, like I respect the hustle, but you have to understand the vineyard's its own vibe.
It's its own thing.
It's not for everybody.
I'm a Hamptons person.
You might be a vineyard person.
You might be a Nantucket person.
You might go to Crete.
You might go to Mykonos.
Like, no one's judging where you spend your summers.
But you have to experiment with a bunch of different things.
Here's the thought.
Rent first.
Migrants, listen to me.
Don't make the mistake that so many people have made.
Rent first.
It is a lot of money.
But you understand like what you like, what you don't like.
It's so simple.
It's like so many people commit.
Like I have a friend that just bought an Amigansa and they're like, oh my God, it's so far.
It's like, why didn't you rent in South First?
Why didn't you rent first?
So I get so terrified for migrants when they jump into things.
So that's my only concern.
And I think DeSantis is pretty fucking sadistic.
He's a little sadistic to send someone off season to the vineyard without giving them the lecture that they should rent first because you don't know where your summer is going to be.
I have friends in Malibu that would have been happier if they stayed in Palos Verdes.
It's just what it is.
That's my only concern for the migrants.
But that's, again, that's where I'm at with this.
Everyone's like making a political.
It's like, it's inherently not political.
It's about real estate and culture.
Everyone's like, hey, left and right of Biden and DeSantis.
This has nothing to do with Biden and DeSantis.
This is everything to do with making good real estate decisions.
My apartment building that I'm, that I'm being, I'm leaving because I am done with it.
And I'm going elsewhere has sent me this weird thing.
It's like a form where I have to vacate my lease.
I've never heard of this and no one else has ever heard of it either.
You're just supposed to leave, right?
But they've put like this thing in the form.
Now get this up.
This is something that the people at my apartment building, 10,000 Santa Monica in Los Angeles, which by the way is a dump.
Yeah.
I'm going to say it right now.
It's for rich people whose lives did not work out.
It's for divorced dads.
It's for Russian Instagram thoughts.
It's for young Saudi royalties.
Shout out to the whole MBS and the whole fam.
It's, you know, all of that.
And it's TikTokers TikToking away.
But what it is, is it is absolutely, it has no class.
It has no distinction.
It is an undignified home.
For anyone with any money, it is undignified if you have any type of pedigree, if you've even been near a school, if you've even sat in the same room with a book.
It's not for you.
It is a disgusting new money zoo full of junkies.
The police roam the halls, keeping the junkies in their cells.
The people beat the shit out of each other in their apartments, and the cops have to come and pick up all of the, and then sort the pills on the floor and give each group, each party the right amount of medication to settle them down.
The amenities, the gym, the pool, they usually don't work.
They're always this, that, and the other thing.
Our friend Ida is there now, and she's impressed by it, but she's impressed by anything.
So the reality is it's just not a nice place.
Now, I didn't know that when I moved in.
People told me that.
They said it has a dark energy.
Steve Bing jumped out of one of the windows and splattered himself all over the valet.
Now, these are all facts.
So I'm not saying anything bad about the building.
If you like to live in a building with junkies where some of them occasionally jump out of the windows and splatter themselves all over the valet, it is a good option.
It is not a bad option if you like excitement, if you like drug addicts and people that are famous for no reason, that have no talent walking around trying to figure out the coffee machine because they're too high.
It's not a bad idea.
Now, I didn't like that, so I'm moving on.
Now, these people, these people at the building tried to get me.
Can you pull this up, Francis?
Yeah, pull this up because how dare they?
Read this, Ben, if you can.
Non-disparagement clause.
I've never heard of this ever.
And I'm not disparaging it.
I'm being honest, solely, simply honest.
And you had to sign this because you're moving out October 1st.
And they tricked me.
They like threw this in there.
Tenant agrees that they will not disparage 10,000 or any of their officers, directors, or employees.
Some of the people that work there are nice.
Yeah, I like a lot of them.
I like a lot of the people that work there.
I'm talking exclusively about the ones who do not steal your food.
For purposes of this paragraph, disparage shall mean any negative statement, whether written or oral, about 10,000 or its officers, directors, or employees.
The Signature Battle00:02:36
You agree and acknowledge that this non-disparagement provision is a material term of this notice, the absence of which would have resulted in the parties refusing to enter into this notice.
I don't know what that means.
What I'll tell you is this, it's a dump, and I'll never stop saying it's a dump.
I will say it everywhere on every platform.
I actually wasn't going to say it until I got that.
Now I'm going to say it everywhere.
I'm going to start every media appearance I have talking about what a dump it is.
And you didn't sign that, right?
I think I might have.
No, but because it's an E.
No, it's an E signature.
It's an E signature that you can't take off.
I tried to take it off, but you can't delete it.
You can't delete it.
But I responded.
I'm not signing this.
It's America.
This is my constitutional rights.
I'm a trans-Indigenous, you dumb bitch.
I responded to that, but I do think my signature's on it.
But I did because you can't delete the E signature.
But I emailed her immediately going, I'm not, this isn't for me.
Okay.
I'd said that.
Well, and I called lawyers.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, they can't.
These e-signatures, they sneak this shit in.
But I emailed her.
said i'm trans indigenous and i'm not signing this it's against my constitutional right you dumb bitch that's what i said and that's what i believe you did actually write that i i saw that i like the building i mean My signature is on the line,
but I tried to delete it like nine times.
It can't get me.
I got too many fucking lawyers.
They don't want to get into a high-profile battle with me.
I will do a battle with them.
We'll get in a high-profile legal battle.
They don't want it.
They don't want that smoke as the drill rap community would say.
They'll just back off, you think?
Well, yeah.
I don't even, I'm leaving.
I'm not even supposed to be there.
I'm done.
My friend Ida is there.
Kill her.
If you want to really hurt me, go like if they want to, if they want to just throw her out of the, just bing her.
Binger.
Bing her right over to the balcony.
Bing!
High Profile Legal Fight00:16:15
But that's the.
I would like to say one positive thing about you as a resident there if they're listening to this.
You were one of the few people paying rent.
I just do want to put that out there.
Because everyone else is on drugs.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
The finishes suck.
As a luxury building, it's not good.
They need to, they need to turn flip a condo.
They need to go in there with new finishes.
They're getting a lot of money right now.
I understand it because people, you know, get divorced and they have to bring their sad fucking rich ass family to take the elevator up and go, remember when we were a family, but dad, dad just, you know, Christmas wasn't enough for dad or Chris.
I mean, Hanukkah, but whatever.
It wasn't enough for dad.
Dad needed to go see the whore and now we live in this apartment.
And isn't the view nice?
Oh, look at the view.
It's so nice.
Remember the old view you used to have?
The one of your mother and the family?
Well, we don't have that view anymore, but look, you can see the ocean kind of through the smog a little.
Not really.
I wish everyone well.
It's a good building.
And if you, if you need it, it's good for you.
Moving on.
Moving on.
There's not much, you know, there's not much to do here except move on and just and to believe.
So many children are back at school now, and so many of them should be listening to our how to be popular episode, one of the most classic things we've ever done.
Because what it does is it lays out, it lays out, I was Andrew Tate before Andrew Tate.
I was telling people, here's how to be popular, here's how to be cool.
And I was laying out a practical way for kids to attain levels of popularity that they had been denied.
And I had given them a good roadmap about choosing a personality, finding the weak link in the popular group and becoming their best friend, ultimately replacing them.
That's what happens.
You don't go for the star quarterback.
You don't go for the head cheerleader.
You go for the guy that's just on the periphery who's still in.
You befriend him or her and then replace them and you work your way up.
I mean, this is such a great episode called How to Be Popular on the Patreon.
You can find it.
But it is so amazing.
I almost want to animate it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I almost want to animate it and put it out as some type of cartoon, some type of animated short, because it is such an important thing.
Most people right now that are in school are, you know, woefully underprepared, unprepared really, for the rigors of social life.
How to be someone that people want to hang out with, how to be cool.
You know, and I said, and I said it was quite radical when I said it.
If you have no friends, it is your fault.
And that was a big moment in American culture because we have wrongly believed that the friendless are like geniuses who are waiting to be discovered, that they're going to produce some type of art that shifts the culture.
No, no, no, no.
Many of them are exactly where they are, still without friends.
They just get older.
They don't become the South Park creators.
In certain very rare instances, some people do.
But in most instances, your misery will just continue and compound.
So what you should do is reach out.
I mean, with the world the way it is today, if you cannot get some type of friend group, it really is your fault.
You know, half of 90% of this is all online.
You don't really even have to leave your house.
So you should be able to get some friend group.
So that episode, How to Be Popular, was a big, big episode that people will stop me in the street and go, my child listened to this and I've made my child sit down and listen to this episode of your podcast because it was so instructive.
It's amazing.
And literally, like one of the things I said is choose a personality because this is essential.
And one of them is like person whose parent died.
This is a personality that is available to you.
Someone whose father died or and then it never ends with that.
It's the beginning, middle, and end of who you are.
My father's dad, my dad's dead.
I love my dad.
Every Instagram post is dad, love your dad at the grave again with dad.
Daddy's gone, but I love him.
You're a two-year-old and you're in dad's arms and daddy loved me.
There was nobody that loved me like that.
And I love that.
And that is a fine personality for a person to have.
And literally people introduce you like, this is Alicia.
Her father is dead.
And that's what she brings to the table.
Her father's dead.
So every time anything about anybody comes up about their dad or whatever, we look at her, we go, are you okay?
And she's like, that's a lie.
And you go, of course it is.
But that's a personality.
I had a list of them.
I had a list of personality.
And you have to be one of these personalities.
You have to be.
You don't have a choice.
You cannot create your own thing.
Who are you, Picasso?
You choose a personality.
Whore.
You know, white guy who is literally black.
Gay guy with a girlfriend.
These are updated ones, by the way.
I mean, I know comics who are gay with girlfriends.
They're like, stop it in the name.
I love my bitch.
Like, gay guy with a girl, it's fine.
She wants it too.
Women are idiots.
Most of them.
Not all of them.
Some of them.
I don't mean most of them.
I mean, in love, they're idiots.
Not in other places.
Women get dumb with love.
Me really explain what I mean here because I'm not like a misogynist.
Women can be very smart, except when it comes to love.
They go for men that are so much lower than them in many cases.
It's amazing, which is why this incel shit.
I never really understood these guys.
They're like, I can't get laid.
And these women, they just want stockbrokers.
Not all of them.
You know how many women I know who are with total zeros?
You know how many women I know who have literally mortgaged their entire future on a fucking loser all the time.
It happens all the time.
And especially when they're young, when they're in high school.
So this idea that you have to be like a knight in shining armor is just not true, right?
So if you're dating a gay guy as a woman, you're an idiot.
You deserve it.
You like it.
It is what it is.
But that is a guy.
You're a gay theater guy.
And maybe you're straight.
Here's what's even sadder.
You're actually straight.
You're actually straight.
And you're like in theater and you're like, I hope I get it.
And you're actually, there are those people.
It's like a freak.
It's an accident in the lab.
You be like, if I suck cock, you have to.
Like, the cop should come to your house and drag you out of it and make you suck someone off on the lawn because there are guys that are so gay that it's amazing, but they like fucking women.
It's crazy and it happens.
But that's a personality to be.
This is a personality to be.
Being comfortable in your own skin is important.
So if you're a white guy, but you want to be a drill rapper, fine.
It's okay.
Just adopt that personality.
If you're a straight, gay, whatever, fine.
Adopt that personality.
Quiet, non-binary girl who isn't a girl, but you know what I mean.
Quiet, non-binary entity that wears Doc Martens and has like sewage green hair is a thing.
You can be that, but you have to be that.
Commit to that.
But you have to, but you can't show up one day with like big tits and blonde hair.
You have to choose it and you go, this is what I am.
You have to just choose it.
You know, these were all some of them, these are updated because things change all the time.
Hot guy who's going to destroy his life no matter what.
That's the person.
Good-looking guy who like grunts and smirks and doesn't really talk.
And every decision he makes brings him closer to his inevitable and sudden and absolute certainty of a violent death.
Every decision he makes brings him one step closer to his death.
That is a person that you can be, but die.
Do it.
Go all the way.
Fat girl with dietary restrictions.
Fat girl who makes it uncomfortable for everyone by telling them that you're vegan, gluten-free, you don't eat dairy.
You've got all these things, yet you still are a mammoth whale somehow.
But you don't eat anything, but you somehow still are fatter than everyone else.
And tell them all the time, tell them, guy, this is who I am.
This is a personality that you can be, but you have to stick with it.
Don't lose weight.
And don't get less annoying.
Be a fat girl with dietary restrictions and tell people all the time to be like when they say, oh, I'm going to go get the Taco Bell go, ew.
Ew.
I didn't eat that.
But be a house while you say it.
Be an absolute house.
Yeah.
Taco balance.
Christ.
I don't even do that, but just be the blob while you say it.
Literally be fucking say it like you are sitting on fucking Job of the Hut throne.
But that's a personality.
Damaged girl who just moved here.
That's a personality.
You don't know her life.
Here's a hint.
It's actually fine.
It's fine.
She claims she used to be a cutter, but there's no marks on her.
She's got like this weird past.
It's shrouded mystery, but it's actually not.
She's actually fine.
She's a disgusting narcissist who wants the world to celebrate her for her looks and her personality.
But she doesn't get that.
So she has created, she's cloaked herself in mystery.
All of it isn't true.
It's okay.
She's the damaged girl that just moved here from another town.
She was a third string cheerleader somewhere else, but now she showed up with purple hair and she's listening to Fiona Apple and she's like, you know, she's been through it.
And through it means the move.
It means nothing else.
But that's a personality you can be.
You can be that.
You can absolutely be that and it's not a big deal.
These are things you have to stick with.
You have to be this.
You have to be this thing and everyone's going to remember you as this thing.
And then when you graduate, you can be another thing.
But to be popular is to be consistent.
Build a fucking brand when you're out there.
It's important to build a brand.
Not everybody can be everything at all times to all people.
Build a brand.
It's true.
Deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply important to consistently show your life in one digestible way to people.
They have to be able to digest it and go, okay, I get what this is.
I get what this is.
It can't be too complex.
I understand what this is.
This makes sense to me.
You know, I get it.
So that's just a little quick primer, but there's so much more.
I mean, so much more in the episode, How to Be Popular on Patreon, because what it does is it crystallizes all of my points.
It goes back to the old archetypes.
You could sit down with your children and literally go, who are you going to be this year?
And every summer you can kind of change, but you have to commit for a year.
And you can sit down with the kids and go, who are you going to be this year?
Look at me.
Who are you going to be?
Who have you decided to be?
Are you going to be a jock?
Are you going to be kind of a smart aloof?
Are you going to be aloof?
Do you even know how to be aloof?
Aloof is not for ugly people.
Good-looking people have the option of being aloof, meaning kind of with it, kind of not.
Ugly people have to work very, very hard to just get into the game.
They have to work very, very hard.
That's why like the ugly girls are like, because they're always, and the ugly guys are always online trying to get better at things like shooting.
Now, they have to have hobbies and passions.
These are just the facts of life.
Don't get mad at me.
I didn't make them up.
I'm only illustrating them.
I'm only telling people the way things are.
People get mad at me.
They get angry.
But I do like that we're now telling kids to be as fat as possible, to eat whatever they want, to not be guilty, to just be big, fat pigs.
And the junk food industry, it's going to get awkward.
You know, one day it'll be awkward.
I don't know when that'll be.
It's going to be awkward.
You know, that Lizzo Big Girl show is awkward because they're doing the dances and they can't breathe.
And they're like, and we're celebrating it.
It's not a happenstance.
We're saying, good, good, good.
This is good.
Not breathing is good.
Your joints buckling under pressure is good.
Injuries and all that, it's good.
That's good.
Good.
Yeah, that lady's name in the video is at Savage Fatty or something like that.
Yeah, but own it.
I get it.
Just make that paper.
The point is, it's going to get awkward.
It'll eventually get awkward because we're now at a point where they're saying models that are plus size aren't plus size enough.
So it will get to a point where everybody is in a wheelchair on a fashion runway or, you know, there will be a point where everybody, and not for a genuine disability because they're just so fat that they literally have to be in a wheelchair.
And then you wonder if people at Nabisco like, oh, like, is there at any point, do the CEOs of these junk food companies, at any point, do they get uncomfortable by the level of fat?
Do they get like, if this was like a Black Mirror or Twilight Zone episode, like the CEOs of these companies should be just like set upon by fat people and eaten.
They should be taken out of their cars like the CEO of Mondelez or any of these places.
Their cars should be stopped.
They should be dragged out by fat people and literally eaten.
They should be eaten by the thing they've created.
They should be torn limb by limb and cooked by the thing they've created.
Is there any chance that that happens?
I don't know.
But that is literally the only hope.
It is the only hope here because we've gone so, and listen, fat people should not be the constant butt of jokes.
Eating Corporate CEOs00:13:05
It shouldn't be like it was in the 80s where people, you know, you're not respect.
I don't believe you should shame people and be overtly hostile to people.
But I do believe we're going in a direction that is insane, unhealthy, weird.
It's weird to destroy all beauty standards in a society.
Sex is different than beauty.
People can get off to all kinds of weird shit.
Some of the least attractive people I know have the most sex, probably the best sex.
What I'm saying is that it's odd that we're in this place, that we're going to this place where it is virtuous to be fat.
It's not just something that happened or something that you've done.
It's a virtuous.
It's good.
It's something to be proud of.
I don't know that you should be proud of it in the same way you shouldn't be proud of being Italian or any dumb thing, right?
Like being fat or Italian.
Dumb things.
You shouldn't be proud of them because they're dumb.
They both involve sauce.
You should be proud of being an individual.
That's what you should be proud of.
TimDylonComedy.com for all of your fashion needs.
Our clothes only, some of them go up to 3x.
Some of the t-shirts might go up to more, you know, because there are things.
There's other things.
We might do a bigger shirt if you're a really big guy.
We get it.
The shirts go up to, I think, four, though.
They might go up to four.
The hoodies.
What do we got here?
Tell them the reality.
It's hard to get a footy, a hoodie that goes up to 4x, but you get the shirts there in 4x.
If you want a 4x hoodie, you got to go to DXL and you got to spend that cash.
We should get a 4x hoodie, though.
We're going to try to get a 4x hoodie.
You know, we're trying, but it's just, it's an economic issue.
We're trying to help homeless people.
It is.
You know?
TimDillerComedy.com, go and get it.
Dig in.
We're working on England, by the way, but because it's not our fault.
It's Brexit.
It's Brexit.
all kinds of problems.
I didn't do it.
Things get stuck at customs.
I didn't do it.
It's the IRA.
You got people blowing up baby carriages.
You got Protestants over there going nuts.
You got the Catholics.
You got all kinds of issues.
I'm a working man.
I'm going to get involved in some civil war.
What about Norway and Amsterdam?
People are screaming at me.
They're going nuts.
Finland.
What about Finland?
I think we have Europe.
We have Europe.
Do we have Europe?
I think Europe.
Is that even Europe?
Is Scandinavia Europe?
For the purposes of delivery?
What else would it be?
For the purposes of delivery?
I want to be Asia.
I don't know what it is.
I'm talking about delivery.
I'm talking about getting the merch into the people's hands, putting the merchandise into the people's hands so that they can go solve fucking home.
We're solving homelessness with the money.
It would be easy for me to take all the fucking money and do nice things with you, dumb fuck.
The reason I'm doing this whole entire, the reason I got in that comedy was to end homelessness.
That's why I started this 12 years ago to end homelessness.
It's all been a project of leading me to that.
Everyone in this business got into it to make, to be good.
Everybody, for Jennifer Lawrence, everyone right on down.
Everybody got into this to end racism and end homelessness.
We just on the way, we made a couple of mil.
What do you got to say about this now?
I just asked Brendan if we ship, but I believe we do ship to these places.
Finland.
I hope we do.
I love those places.
But we deliver to Europe.
Or sorry, deliver is the wrong word.
That sounds so stupid.
We ship.
We ship to you.
We ship.
We don't deliver.
That's what I mean, shipping.
Well, I was saying delivery.
Oh, you were?
Well, because it makes people feel, they feel comfortable.
Shipping makes them feel like, oh, my God, boats are involved.
The Navy is China attacking Taiwan.
It's complex.
Delivery means, oh, it's a hot pizza.
Ooh, it's a sweatshirt.
Like, I'm trying to use words that make them feel comfortable.
I'm studied in this arena.
You are just popping off at the hip, confusing them, frightening them.
Shipping, shipping.
Join the Navy.
No.
Delivery.
You open up your door.
There it is.
Hot and fresh out of the oven, a hoodie to help homeless people in Los Angeles, California be stars.
To help homeless people be stars.
Because the first step to being a star is having a home.
And then it all comes together, dummy.
So TimDylanComedy.com for the merch.
Keep buying it.
Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter.
And we do not have a TikTok.
I'm locked out.
I changed phone numbers.
But you promised me that we're going to start building something on TikTok.
You've never done it.
You'd never do anything.
We're in touch with their support to get it.
But you've never done it.
Like, it's essential for people right now to get famous and get big is to be on TikTok more.
And you've never done it.
You really don't do it.
Right?
We gave up on TikTok.
Who's we?
I would say.
I've been telling you to do it.
We made content there for a while.
The Sebastian Impression.
But no, it's always me.
And I'm just telling you, can you cut the podcast up and put it on TikTok?
Absolutely.
Because other people are doing it.
And you're not even doing it.
You're like, oh, we'll get banned.
But that's a lie.
It's just because you're lazy.
No, my, I tried to upload it on mine because I have one.
Yeah.
It immediately got flagged for child abuse.
For what?
What was I saying?
It was the, remember the talkie?
Remember talkie, the little guy from DeAntword?
De Antword?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that freak they like abused or whatever.
Within 20 seconds, they had to evaluate if my cat was even like sharing it.
Well, then don't share that.
I mean, just think a little bit.
Can you think a little bit?
Maybe stop getting drunk and bowling with your wife every night and work a little bit.
The lady that we know at TikTok, I said, would they be okay with most of the content on the podcast?
And she was like, well, she's like, you need to, you know, bleep most stuff out and like, don't share most stuff.
You know, that sounds like good marching orders.
It sounds like she's giving you a roadmap of things to do.
And instead, you're instead going and buying a bottle of alcohol, sitting in a bowling alley parking lot with your wife in the valley, getting drunk, and then pouring booze into grape slushies and then going and bowling.
That's what your life is.
It's true.
That's what he does.
He's just drunk with his wife.
They love bowling and they love slushies.
And they just sit there and they eat nacho cheese with those, which is nice.
Sometimes you get a bowling alley with the scoops because the cheese is hot.
It is nice when it comes right out of the machine.
99% certain, yes, but Brendan is confirming.
Okay, good.
Well.
So get it if you're in Scandinavia.
Yeah, he's texting me too.
He's drunk.
Everybody's drunk except me.
Everybody's a big drug addict except me.
The bowling alley sounds great.
Sounds like a fun time.
Yeah, I mean, listen.
Slushies, nachos, vodka, slipping off.
99% certain, yeah.
Well, I mean, listen, I just want you to do a little work, just a tiny bit of work.
To all the migrants in Martha's Vineyard, holler at me because I've been through it.
I know what it is.
I will put you in contact with people that move real estate out there that know what they're doing.
If you're interested in a seasonal rental, next summer, people literally start looking during Christmas.
It is more competitive than you think.
Call me.
You know what I mean?
And there's also no shame.
Like, if you want to go to Paris, there's also no shame in it.
There's literally no shame in it.
If you're like, I want to do July in Paris.
It's not, hey, there's no right or wrong right now, you know?
And that's what people need to understand.
But Ron DeSantis sending you there offseason was cruel.
And I get it.
I get it.
So here's another thing.
And again, this is for the migrants.
For the migrants that are in Martha's Vineyard right now.
So few properties there are turnkey because of how old they are.
But I'm telling you right now, you can find help easily.
They can do things on the cheap.
Wink wink for the migrants.
I'm just saying that there are a lot of undocumented people that will help you do the things you need to your house if you need that.
Wink wink, nudge, nudge to the migrants that are coming looking at real estate right now in the vineyard.
I get it.
I like the vineyard too.
It's not for me.
I'm more of a hamster, but like I got respect to vineyard.
Like we all, I see you.
I see you.
I see the dream of a northeastern summer.
I understand what it is.
I understand the dream of a northeastern summer and I know what you want and I get it.
You're like, ugh, Malibu, so new money, so grotesque, so trashy.
It's weed.
I'm not into any of it.
You're like, Northeastern, are the kids at Salem Camp?
Yes, they are.
Lobsters, clam bake.
I get it.
We're with you.
We're with, hey, we're with you.
Just rent first for the love of God.
Rent first and see like, where do you want to be?
Where do you want to be on the vineyard?
You know, there's so many, even though the vineyard's not that big, it's pretty fucking big.
You know what I mean?
So it's like a very interesting layout of options to have.
And that's why, you know, are you a cottage person?
Are you a walk to the beach person?
Are you more of a, do you want a larger home?
Are you entertaining?
Hey.
So are you in Oak Bluffs?
Are you a cottage in Oak Bluffs?
Who knows?
Who knows?
I get it.
I get it.
I get, and I know it's scary right now.
I know for Martha's Vineyard migrants, it's scary because inventory is low and they want to make a choice they can live in with their families and really enjoy and make money off of.
And it's difficult.
It's very, very hard.
So I understand it's so scary being a migrant.
Where did they come from, these migrants?
Oh, Cuba, everywhere.
Everywhere.
But they were shipped from Florida.
Shipped, shipped's the wrong word, but you know what I mean.
What do you mean, Cuba?
Like they were Cuban.
I could pull up exactly what they were.
What do we mean by like migrant?
Let's see here.
So apparently.
I thought it was like these are not these are not people from like Connecticut?
No.
Like, oh, you mean like outside of?
No, these are, so the, let's see here.
Yeah, I thought migrant meant like carpet bagger where it's like, oh, you're from Florida, but you're, we're going to the vineyard like DeSantis is sending you to the vineyard.
Oh, no, that's not this.
What is this?
This is like people that emigrated to America that are like, I guess, undocumented workers, things like that.
Cuba, Venezuela, countries like that.
Oh, so this is like people from outside of America?
These are not people looking for summer homes.
That's what I'm pulling up.
Oh.
I can double check.
I thought migrants were just, these are people looking.
Oh, I'm like confused.
I'm very confused right now.
It says the migrants transported to Martha's Vineyard are, it says here, Venezuelans who recently crossed the Southwest border.
Is that where they have those like the big spiders?
Yeah, there's big spiders.
From arachnophobia.
Yeah.
It says the migrants who were dropped off at Vice President Kamala Harris's home were from Colombia, Cuba, Guyana.
Well, listen, I don't know what's going on.
Panama?
I don't know what's going on.
I have a lot of friends in the vineyard, and I just I'm very confused right now, as well as many other people.