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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Women in the Entertainment Business00:14:19
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show from New York City from the Gas Digital Studio, our good friends where it all started.
And thank God, didn't finish.
But we are, we like to come back here and visit the good people at Gas Digital Studios, New York City.
Contact them for studio rental.
I believe they do that.
Don't they do that, producer?
They do.
Contact them, Ralph Sutton, Lewis Gomez.
Drop the J beautiful studios here in New York City, Manhattan.
Get in here and record.
You're a day away from being a millionaire.
Podcasting's the new thing.
You've got to take, don't you have conversations with your friends?
Monetize them, dummy.
You're what we're waiting for.
Get over here to Gas Digital.
Studio rentals, probably reasonable.
Nothing's too much money to invest in your future.
Ben Avery, you just got back from Vienna with your wife.
We usually don't allow you to speak much on the show, but you did have an interesting experience traveling to Europe with your wife.
I, of course, let you go to take a week of time to Gallivant with your wife in Europe.
You're welcome.
Now, we don't usually let you speak, but now I think is an exception to that.
So, could you summarize your trip to Europe in one word?
Pick a word in which you believe best summarizes all the things you've learned while in Europe with your wife on my money, on my dime.
Delightful.
Ben Avery.
We covered the Queen's death on our Patreon.
We're not going to retread that territory.
Is that the term retread?
Yeah, trace our steps.
No.
I mean retread.
Look up retread, which you should have done.
Retread means what?
Go back over a path or once.
Thank you.
That's it.
So I'm right.
We're not going to do that.
We're moving on to women in our own country.
There's a new show out: Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton.
It's called Gutsy.
And it's about women who are brave.
And I, you know, me often at the end of a long day, when I have done everything I've done, I've made people laugh.
I've dealt with my incompetent employees, my horrific agents and managers and people that are impediments to my success.
When I'm done navigating that, I come home and I turn on the TV and I say, where are the brave women to watch?
Why are there not more?
Because these women that the Clintons have chosen to spotlight are gutsy.
Apparently not all women are gutsy, but some of these women are.
And many of these gutsy women are also very wealthy and famous, which is interesting.
I don't know.
So Hillary, one of the episodes is with an ex-white supremacist.
Did you know that?
I did not know that.
Hillary Clinton, our real president, speaks with an ex-white supremacist on the show Gutsy.
And there's a clip of that somewhere where this woman is happy to, because now what the ex-white supremacist does, she goes around the country trying to get other people to stop being hateful.
I think.
That's what she claims to do.
And Hillary is very impressed by this.
And Hillary and this woman, it's an unlikely kinship they have.
So do you, are you finding anything about this?
I'm finding this article on Yahoo right now.
I'm going through it.
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
And I don't usually fall for this type of emotional stuff, but it is kind of beautiful.
Yeah, Shannon Foley Martinez, a former white supremacist from Georgia, who uses canoe trips down the Broad River to help rehabilitate women leaving hate groups.
Canoe trips.
Yes.
So you're in a hate group.
She shows up with the canoe, goes, get in this canoe, you Nazi bitch.
And then you go down the river with her.
I like this.
What a good business.
Only in America can you have a business putting Nazis in a canoe and trying to get them to hate Jews less.
There's economic opportunity everywhere.
So this woman who used to be in a hate group, now she's in a canoe.
Hillary Clinton and her.
Now, do you have, there's a clip of this.
Let's find this clip.
And it's this woman talking about how grateful she is to have been contacted by Hillary Clinton, our secretary of hate groups.
Francis, I'm going to send this to you.
And it's beautiful.
I like this.
They paint with Megan the Stallion, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton.
You'd think they'd go away at some point, the Clintons, but they don't.
They never go away.
They're in their mid-hundreds.
They're both fat now.
They're walking around the Hamptons, and she's like wearing a big frock.
Looks like she's in a big painting smock.
Bill's just out of it because he had a heart thing.
He can't fuck.
He's got no, he doesn't want to live anymore because he can't fuck.
He's a vegan.
He looks dead.
He looked like he died years ago.
And he always has that weird look on his face like he's in the middle of a stroke.
And he's walking down the beach with his morbidly obese elderly wife, that daughter they have, and a few Secret Service people.
And they're in the Hamptons, and they're just kind of like, just the last few days, the last few hours, and no one really cares anymore.
Now they're just kind of like in the entertainment business, like the Obamas, and really like Donald Trump's always been in the entertainment business.
But like when you leave office in America, you just go right into the entertainment business.
You start producing documentaries and TV shows.
The Obama's had a deal with Netflix, and now Hillary's doing this show gutsy.
You just become part of the entertainment business.
Big stars, big stars on the show.
But who's on the show?
They're big stars.
You got Goldie Hahn.
Is it?
Yes.
A Kat Hudson?
Is that a Kate Hudson?
Kate Hudson.
You got Amy Schumer?
Yeah, Gutsy.
Kim Kardashian.
Guts.
Brave.
Wanda Sykes, James.
Brave Guts.
Megan Thee Stallion.
I like that they didn't go with nurses, teachers in bad areas.
I like that.
No, I like it because I'm happy that they're not pretending to care about those people because no one really does.
So everybody just wants to see, like, what's Goldie Hahn been up to?
No one wants to see a teacher from Detroit.
I'm happy that Hillary didn't go the route of like, let's spotlight non-famous, non-celebrity women who have balls, who are gutsy, who are brave, who are making a difference.
Let's find celebrities, multi-millionaires, and shove them down people's throats and tell regular people how brave Amy Schumer is, how hard it is to be Amy Schumer, how difficult it is to live in Martha's Vineyard, and how gutsy you are to take the private plane to Martha's Vineyard.
I like that.
I think it's good.
Is there anyone regular on the show besides the, is the one non-celebrity the ex-Nazi bitch?
I watched the first episode because it's free on Apple TV.
Okay, yeah.
Apple TV.
They do talk to some comedians in the show.
Okay.
I'm not high, high-level comedians.
So no, but no, no, no layman type of man.
How about a female cop?
That I did not say.
Did they leave out a female cop?
So here's what I would say.
If I'm thinking of gutsy female jobs, right?
Just off the top of my head, you're a bitch and you're out there working.
What's a gutsy job?
I think cop, female cop, right?
Because men have a physical advantage and strength.
Sure.
True.
Maybe a mental advantage in certain capacities.
Not going to comment on it.
I'm not a doctor.
The point is, I don't know.
I'm just saying if you're a cop, which is a horrible job anyway, reserved mainly for stupid and aggressive people.
Can we say that?
Dumb and aggressive people, for the most part, become police.
You need police, but it's not the best and brightest.
Sorry if you're a cop and you're listening to this.
You know I'm right.
It's like a backyard wrestling kind of, you know, animal or something that usually becomes a cop.
Most of the people I know who are police were literally criminals up until the moment they decided to become police.
Literally like the weekend before.
And a lot of during training.
During, what do they call that?
When you go into the police academy.
Yeah, when you're in the academy, they were still kind of criminals right up until graduate.
And some of them are just criminals.
Cops drive drunk.
They commit crimes, really.
They do.
But that being said, because it's not a celebration of the police, what we're saying is that a female cop, it's a ballsy job.
But I guess there's something that Hillary just doesn't want to highlight a female cop.
No.
She doesn't want to do it.
She doesn't want to do it.
So we're not going to make her do it.
But that would have been interesting to me.
Like, if you said a female gutsy job, I'd say a cop or maybe a teacher in the inner city, like Dangerous Minds.
Remember Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie Dangerous Minds where a white woman went into a school.
You want to talk about the most racist movie ever?
A white woman went into a school and the only way she could deal with minorities was to be like a Marine.
And remember like that first scene in the movie, she's like, she like, people are trying to fight her all the time.
Remember that?
And she's just like, she's constantly in a stance and they were like, dangerous minds.
And then she came in and she took them all out to a restaurant and they're like, yo, what's the Philette Mignon?
And she's like, it's a steak.
Remember that?
That was like one of the original white savior movies, Dangerous Mind.
Michelle Vega.
But that, I would think, ballsy female job teacher in the inner city cop.
So do we have this clip of this white supremacy?
Because this is actually kind of beautiful.
Francis, was that it in that article?
Because she left that, you know, movement of hate and discrimination to try to, you know, live a different life.
And she's now trying to reprogram others to help them get beyond all of that.
But more than that, we're looking for women who are gutsy, not just on behalf of themselves, but on behalf of others.
We had two-way conversations with the women we were interviewing, but we kind of want a two-way conversation with people watching it.
And we hope it sparks a lot of conversations in families and in groups of friends and everybody else.
Secretary Clinton, speaking of that give and take, you interview a reverend in the Rebel Hearts episode where you open up about one of the gutsiest decisions you've had to make in your life, which was the decision to stay in your marriage.
You have a marriage that has been on public display since the beginning.
You said the gutsiest thing you ever did was stay in your marriage.
That doesn't mean that's right for everybody.
Why did you want to open up about that?
And the reason, she goes, the reason that I stayed in my marriage is because my husband was the president of the United States.
Now, that's not right for everybody because many people's husbands are not the president of the United States.
But she goes, me and my husband, we've killed people together.
We have many, many shady financial deals.
We are blackmailing several people.
We run essentially a criminal crime syndicate together.
So it's more than just a marriage.
But I don't, you know, listen, go watch that show, Gutsy.
How about Freedom Fest?
What's it called?
It is Freedom Fest.
So the Trump scam is ending exactly how people would imagine it would in like a field.
This is exactly, you know, it would end exactly how it started, which is like it started in the lobby of one of his buildings and it will end in like an open field.
In northern Kentucky.
In northern Kentucky.
The Sad Reality of Freedom Fest00:16:03
And, you know, less and less people are showing up to these things.
And then the people that are showing up, it's really sad.
Like, that's the word for it.
It's actually terribly sad.
Like, it's really just people that are lost and they need something.
Like, when you walk up to them, one woman's like, people are talking about like Reiki healing and yoga.
And she's wrapping that up with like QAnon stuff.
And they're just people that are so lost in their lives and they have nothing.
And the world just confuses them.
It boggles their mind.
So like they need some type of, you know, consistent, like they need somebody to consistently tell them that they are part of a movement.
And it's so sad because all of this could be alleviated by like taking up tennis for most of these, like most of these people with a simple hobby, a simple hobby, like if they took up crocheting.
Most of the people that showed up at the Capitol Riot simply need some form of a restoring old tables.
Like to just restore an old woodworking.
Anything before you're in a field talking about JFK Jr. being like, and I saw this thing that Jordan Cleppert did on it, and I was like, oh, this had to be like years ago.
It's like last week.
They're still doing it.
The QAnon people are, they're still, they haven't been dissuaded by nothing coming true.
They're still out there against all odds.
And you want to kind of grab some of them and hug them and go like, stop.
They have the energy of addicts, of drug addicts.
Like you want to, you know, when someone's a drug addict at Christmas and they're skinny and their teeth are chattering and they're just sitting there and they keep going to the bathroom and you just want to grab them and hug them and go, you're going to be okay.
You just have to imagine a different life.
You want to go to these people in a field in northern Kentucky and go, imagine a different life.
How about fishing?
You don't have to talk about JFK Jr. anymore.
It's over.
Someone let them know it's over, but no one has.
No one has let these sad fucks know that this has ended.
For a quick minute, it was like a zeitgeisty thing to do.
And people were into it and celebrities were throwing things at.
Like all movements, it's gone.
It's down the river.
Yeah, Q even stopped.
He didn't even care.
No one's even involved.
You are taking this and running with it now.
The scam, the people who are perpetuating the scam are gone.
They are on to new scams.
I remember what this is like because I tried to sell mortgages in 2009 when it was over.
And you would call people and go, hey, are you looking to find it?
And they would go, what's wrong with you?
They'd go, the world ended six months ago.
The economy crashed.
There's nothing left here for you.
And we would just make cold calls every night trying to pick whatever flesh was off the bone.
And there was none.
And that's the sad, when I see the QAnon people, it's so sad to me because it's just like, oh, any hobby would do.
Any hobby would suffice.
Truly, cooking, anything, you don't have to be that particular about something to just devote your life to other than showing up in a field and buying trinkets and whatever they're doing.
And they're setting up tent.
There are tents like it's the San Jannaro Festival, except instead of sausage and peppers, they're selling shirts with JFK Jr.'s face.
It's so incredibly sad.
It's a subculture, like the gathering of the juggalos is so much better than this.
Like the gathering of the juggalos in Cave and Rock or wherever it is is so much more hopeful and positive of a subculture to be a part of.
It's crazy.
But for the people that still want to do this, I don't want to dissuade you.
So we do have an advertisement of Freedom Fest.
Oh, well, it's not necessarily an advertisement, but it's the trailer for the documentary that is debuting here at Freedom Fest.
Okay.
They really only made a flyer for Freedom Fest, which I have the full lineup, but it's wild.
Let's talk about the lineup at Freedom Fest.
All right, so it was announced that I caught it right here.
Okay, so you could watch Gutsy or you could go to Freedom Fest.
So opening it.
What a great country.
Oh, yeah, you have it here pulled up.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
So during the A-block, I don't even know who any of these people are, but it's just you have Trump bikers, the Trump bikers.
No one knows.
See, here's the deal now.
They have no, just get the flyer, Ben.
Just get the flyer up because nobody knows who any of these speakers are.
This is over.
The Trump thing's done.
It's been done.
Sorry.
Apologies.
I mean, I can't imagine people are still into this.
They're still showing up in a field for this nonsense.
Yeah, I know.
Can you imagine like on the car, like on the way there in the car?
Do you think anybody has regrets?
Do you think anyone on the way there in the car goes like, yeah, remember when we were going to these things and there used to be so much traffic?
There's no traffic anymore.
That's good, huh?
So you go, well, I don't know about that.
Yeah, well, there's no traffic.
Remember a couple of years ago, man, it'd be backed up off the exit now, but now we could just kind of fly into this.
Do you think any of them realize they're at the end?
They're the last of the Mohicans.
Just the very final.
The final, the dumbest of the dumb.
Because they now have the biggest morons.
They are the stupidest.
If you are at Freedom Fest, you are the dumbest of the dumb.
Except for the people who go next month, they're dumber than you.
And every month until it's over, until there's 25 people two years from now in like a small campground.
It's a big lineup.
So at the end, you have to get some.
Can you show it to us?
Francis, could you go to the bottom?
Bring up the flyer.
So you have Eric Dieters, then you have Seth Dillon who's president of the Babylon B.
Then you have Candace Owens, Eric Trump, Kimberly Guilfoyle, then Donald Trump Jr., then fireworks, then the 2000 Mule screening, which is the big documentary that stayed in freedom.
You bring your own BYOB.
It's BYOB.
They're not serving alcohol.
They're not.
But you can consume it.
And you should.
And it's family friendly.
It seems that way.
Bring the kids.
Bring the kids.
Bring grandma, grandpa.
It's a fest to celebrate freedom.
It's happening right now, actually.
In Kentucky.
As we record.
It's happening right now.
It's happening now.
The Festival of Lights.
The Festival of Freedom.
And people get up and give speeches.
And it really does get...
It goes Q very quick.
Like, people are like, they're going to, I can already anticipate the comments where like, you're actually conflating the cue with the.
It's actually different.
It's not that deal.
It's not that different.
It's not that different.
You're in a field.
You've gone to a field on Saturday on your day off.
You've gone into a field to listen to people that has never worked.
Didn't work when he was in office.
It's not working now.
I mean, it's, you know.
But that's okay because people enjoy.
If it's a fun day, if it's a fun day and you can go and get fucked up and drink and you're like, yeah, it's fucking, here's Canada.
And you get real loaded and you go, yeah, get that shirt.
Get that Let's Go Brandon shirt.
And you got a little spending money.
You go out there.
This is Burning Man for a certain group of people.
This is Burning Man for people that go to Bob's big boy.
This is their Burning Man.
This is their playa.
The playa is a field of Kentucky.
The radical, I forget what the term, the ethos of Burning Man, is radical self-reliance.
Their radical self-reliance in this field is B-Y-O-B.
Bring your own bottle of booze, bottle of Kentucky bourbon.
Instead of taking LSE.
And by the way, they don't even need the psychedelics.
That's what's great because they're living in a world where JFK Jr. is alive and he's coming back.
I mean, they don't even need acid.
Acid might sober them up.
A little hit of mescaline might make them start thinking clearly.
They're so out there already that if you took a Burning Man person and sat them down at the height of their trip, I mean rolling, and you took one of these people stone cold sober and sat them next to each other and interviewed them, you would not know who was on drugs.
You would go, the Burning Man person seems to make a lot of sense.
The Burning Man person would be fucked up.
They'd be like, man, I just realized that there were absorbs of energy.
It's like you're me.
And you go, okay, a little new agey.
Then you'd ask these people, what's going on?
And you go, well, it actually all started underground.
And that's where it will finish.
And there are bases underground right now.
The moon does not exist.
The earth is flat.
And you go, oh, interesting.
You don't really need drugs.
I'm a conspiracy guy my whole life.
And I've, you know, had more legitimate discussions about conspiracies.
Maybe I'm not going to say than any other podcaster, but I'll say I'm in the top group of podcasters that have entertained conspiracies, bringing people on.
And I don't even consider them conspiracies, right?
I brought people on that have written books in alternative history, that have looked at things and went, I come to a staggeringly different conclusion than the mainstream media.
We've had documentary filmmakers.
We've had ex-CIA agents, John Kuriaku, all of them on this show, okay?
We've thought about this realm of life more than most people ever have.
And it's crazy to watch people that had no idea about anything, that have no background, that have no experience with this thought, have their minds melted, as I've explained many times.
And they're all wrong about everything, except they're right about the fundamental thing where it's like, well, the things are fucked up and people are lying to you.
That's correct.
But every tree, every route that it goes from there, it just, none of it's real.
The COVID, the beginning of that, they were like, it's fake.
This is actually a disease that Trump released it because Hillary was going to kill people.
The one she released was going to kill people.
Trump released this one because he needs it because it was a cover for a military that was, again, it was on all the blogs.
It's a cover for a military operation.
It'd be three days of darkness.
Nothing.
I mean, none of it happened.
Zero, zero, zero happened.
And they're not dissuaded by any of it.
And they're going, so it's like, that's why we, you know, that's why they should be made fun of because they're stupid.
Stupid people should be made fun of.
Just like the same people that think Hillary Clinton cares about women should be made fun of because they're dumb.
And the reason you make fun of stupid people is because eventually they go away and their ideas are less potent.
So when someone does something or says something that's stupid, you go, oh, you're an idiot.
This is stupid.
It's not, it's actually a nice thing to do for society.
It's a good thing.
It's a necessary thing to do is when you go, actually, the earth is flat.
The moon's a spaceship.
Donald Trump Jr. never died.
He's still alive.
Princess Diana's alive.
Michael Jackson's alive.
When you start saying shit like that, you go, oh, you're a fucking lunatic and you're dumb.
You're not even like, I guess the argument is that, yes, could they be dangerous or everything?
Sure.
But they're actually just dumb.
And that's even, that's even, to me, it's like maddening.
When someone is stupid, I mean, we were around someone recently that was so dumb, it was, it bothered us.
People can be so dumb that they make you angry.
This is true.
And you realize that anger doesn't work because they cannot help being dumb.
It's not something that everyone can fix.
Some people are dull.
They're idiots.
They don't have the capacity for critical thought.
And when they're around you, if you are a smart person, just like fat people probably bother non-fat.
I probably bother like really in shape people if I'm around them and they're not like, oh, why aren't we hiking up a 14,000 foot mountain right now?
And I go, I don't know, we're going to do that.
And they go, well, yeah, that's what we do.
So I go, oh, all right.
It's like hot people like other hot people because they do hot people shit.
Like go out to be seen.
When you're hot, you like to be seen.
The whole point of being hot is for people to see you.
So you don't have to, there's no reason sometimes hot people do things other than to be seen.
People are confused by that.
They're confused why hot people go out to do not much.
It's like because they're hot and they've worked on themselves.
So they just want other people to look at them.
In the same way that smart people, you ever around a dumb person while smart people talk?
They don't understand why they're talking.
They don't get it because they're outside of it.
They go, I don't understand why.
Why would you discuss this thing?
Or they're like trying, and this is even sadder.
They like try to kind of follow along and you could see the wheels in their little head moving.
But they're stupid people.
Stupid people are part of society.
It helps if they're good looking.
This really helps.
Smart People Among Idiots00:04:02
If you're dumb out there, and many of you are, if you're dumb and ugly, you're fucked, truly, unless you have a real good skill.
But if you're dumb and hot, you have a, if you're dumb and hot, don't try to get smarter.
Try to get hotter.
Because there's so many people that are too dumb to really fully, and it's going to get worse.
They're going to get dumber.
So if you're a smart person, you actually have to go underground.
And when you're out of the world with most people who are dumb, you have to just deal with it and kind of like nod and go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you just have to kind of find other smart people.
Somehow you identify another smart person because it will eventually, you are the minority.
If you're an intelligent person, you are the minority of minorities here.
You are the smallest group of people on this planet right now, intelligent people.
And they will be killed unless you can figure out a way to just get away.
But dumb people and people that appeal to dumb people are going to have the next 50 years is going to be a boon for the dumb who appeal to the dumb.
No one will make more money.
Nobody will get further than retards, the retard kings, the people that are slightly smarter than the rest of the monsters are going to do so.
I'll be dead and most people won't be here.
We're on our way out in the next 30 to 40, 50 years, however much we have left.
That being said, whatever is coming next, smart people are going to be intact.
They're going to be dealing with machines.
Smart people are going to be dealing with mostly machines.
People that are dealing with people are going to be idiots, but only slightly smarter than the people that they're dealing with because it's going to help.
So if you are an intelligent person, because dumb is everywhere.
It's not just on one political faction.
It's not in one part of the country.
It's not just, you know, people shit on the South a lot.
It's not that.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
If you're watching Gutsy, you're an idiot.
You're a dumb person.
If you're watching Hillary Clinton and her daughter talk to a reverend about why Hillary stayed married and you're watching, well, it's interesting because, you know, she's opening up for the first time.
She's never opened up before about this.
It's there.
Come in here, honey.
Come in here.
You're dumb.
I don't care that you have a fucking apartment in Cobble Hill and you graduated from NYU and you just learned how to make spaghetti vangal, which has clams in it.
And you brought the clams at the farmers market and white wine, a little garlic, a little oil.
I don't care.
You're dumb.
It doesn't matter what the school you went to says.
If you're watching Hillary Clinton talk to a reverend about her marriage on a show called Gutsy, you're an idiot.
And if you're in a field watching Donald Trump Jr. introduce a jug band or whatever the fuck's going on there, you're dumb.
And if you are listening to this show, you are not dumb.
Congratulations.
And if you're buying the products we sell, you are incredibly smart.
And if you're on the Patreon, you are even smarter than that.
You may be one of the smartest people in the world.
Why You Are Not Dumb00:11:34
But I'm surrounded by dumb people all the time.
Ben is the least dumb person I can handle, and he's dumb.
Thank you.
But he's the least dumb that I can deal with on a day-to-day basis.
He reads books.
He's trying to better himself.
He's so good.
Truly.
For someone who's dumb, but he's going to be smart.
He's on his way.
He's almost there.
I see like there's, you know, every now and then a lights go on and then they shut right off.
But then they go on and off and on and off.
Intelligence is you're fully, I'm telling you, I want to talk about this.
Celebrities now are joining the special forces on a television show.
This is what I mean about who are we, who are these shows for?
You think they're for smart people?
This is a new show.
What do we have?
Tell the people what they've won.
So it's going to be on Fox.
Of course it is.
Yeah.
It's called Special Forces.
Yeah.
It's 60.
Yay.
Well, let me explain it real quick.
So the network announced the ultimate celebrity social experiment.
Special Forces, the ultimate test.
It's a working title.
Yes.
Might not be final.
Okay.
It will premiere in January.
And the series will put the celebrity recruits through some of the harshest, most grueling challenges.
If anyone's going to say that I look like a big pumpkin in the comments, just know that the person you really hate is yourself.
The series will put the celebrity recruits through some of the harshest, most grueling challenges from.
And this is good.
We take celebrities and we make them do challenges reserved usually for the special forces.
This is from the actual special forces selection process.
Oh, good.
Do we put them through hell week?
Do they die?
There are no votes.
Do they learn how to drown?
There are no votes or eliminations.
See the recruits and directing staff in the photos above and below.
Who's on the show?
We got 16 people.
Do we know any of them?
Former NFL player Danny Amendola.
Okay.
Melanie Brown of the Spice Girls.
Oh, boy.
Aka Mel B. Mel B. Former bachelorette Hannah Brown.
Okay.
Chef Tyler Florence.
I know you would have.
Yeah, I know them.
I think I know them.
I'm unimpressed by him.
Doesn't he have a partnership with the Olive Garden?
I think so.
He's a skunk.
Television personality Kate Goslin.
John and Kate plus eight.
Ah, yes.
They're not the rapists, right?
Or are they?
That is 23 and counting or whatever.
Okay.
Or how many it is.
I forget which family we profiled turned out to be the rapists.
The Duggars.
The Duggars.
Incestual.
Yeah.
Right.
Incestual rapists that we watched for many years, or some people did.
You have NBA player Dwight Howard.
I know him.
Okay.
He may do well.
Oh, singer Montel Jordan.
Okay.
This is how we do that.
Free skier Gus Kinworthy.
It's amazing what people will do to get back on top.
And I get it because you're like, we're doing a challenge.
It's called Special Forces.
All their agents call them and go, listen, you people don't have anything going on.
Yes or yes?
And they go, yeah.
There's a new show where celebrities compete in challenges that are very tough and they're physically grueling.
And it might be fun for you to just crawl around in the mud.
And I think that's good.
There's a couple on here.
What they should do is let them, when they're done with this, do something like the real special forces would do.
They should let Tyler Florence and Mel B or whoever the hell comes out on top parachute into a small village and kill a family because we have intelligence that says that the father is involved in an ISIS-related group that's trying to destabilize a region that we have economic interests in.
So Mel B gets to parachute out of a helicopter and crawl on the ground and then kill an entire family of people by planting explosives.
And then Tyler Florence is, all right, let's do it.
And they watch this.
They light up this village and this village burns to the ground.
That's the finale of the show.
Mel B from the Spice Girls has to cut, like she holds, she's got like this 10-year-old girl and she's got a knife to her throat and she tells the father, she goes, tell us what you know.
And the father goes, I will not.
And then she just cuts the daughter's throat and the daughter bleeds out and then Mel B throws her body and it's like special forces.
Do celebrities have what it take to kill people?
Do celebrities have what it takes to kill children?
By the way, I left the last two people are the best.
You have Anthony Scaramucci, remember?
Yeah.
High house communication director.
And then you have Jamie Lynn Spears.
So those are the two.
Does it hurt the Trump administration that many of the people that were in it are now appearing on shows like Special Forces?
And then fuck Jamie Lynn Spears.
Yeah.
Rat bitch.
My point only, folks, is that, you know, if you have anything going on intellectually, you just better, you better, you better get ready for the next 30 to 50 years.
You better get ready for the next 30 to 50 years.
You must retreat.
You're going to watch old movies.
You're going to read books.
You're going to kind of disengage.
You might go get property outside, you know, just do your own thing because the movements that are going to keep popping up are going to get stupider and stupider and dumber and dumber.
And the symbols and the things that people embrace are going to get dumber and dumber up until the point where it's full-on idiocracy.
The movie, we may be there now.
And, you know, to be honest, we may just, we're going to eventually get there where everybody is really, really dumb.
And it's never surprising.
What's going to be surprising is how dumb wealthy people are because wealthy people are going to be really, really terrified.
Because everybody's a social animal.
Everybody conforms to a certain degree.
So rich people are going to understand that in order to keep a lid on everything and in order to control the masses, they too are going to have to get really, really dumb and not articulate complex visions and ideas for society.
They're going to have to dumb everything down to just stay a little bit ahead of this just blob of people.
It's coming.
It's here.
Yeah, because I think this will probably work as a recruitment tool, which is probably the whole thing.
What, special forces?
That's probably the whole thing.
Nobody's going to be recruited.
To do what?
I don't know.
They go, oh, I like, you know, I like Mel B.
I see her, you know, climbing into the helicopter.
Maybe I'll become one of the guys that's over there in the Middle East, you know?
No, I think, no, nothing works like that anymore.
Nothing works like that anymore.
Nobody's going to be recruited.
Nobody really wants to join the military.
This is the thing about the military.
No one really wants to join it anymore.
We just like that people are in it.
Nobody's, who's doing, like, some people, I guess people, certain people are joining it, but recruitment's dipped.
Yeah, it's dipped.
It's dipped.
It's drones now.
It's all.
Yeah, well, you know, listen, obviously we need people in the military, but like, you know, I hook up with this guy from the military.
He's like this 24-year-old dude.
And here's the thing about him.
He, he's, how do I describe him?
He's like an inanimate object.
He's so, he's like, like if you, imagine sucking off a chair.
Imagine like sucking the leg of a chair until like wood shavings came out.
That his head, he's so like he has no, he's like almost nonverbal.
He's not like, he's not like medically, don't like be like, oh, Tim Dylan's having sex with a retard.
He's in the military.
He's clearly not retarded.
But he's like kind of nonverbal and is like just so like his job is to die.
His job is to be a body to be thrown into a conflict which greater, wealthier men have planned.
That is his job.
His job is to bravely charge an ongoing, like he doesn't have a clue.
He doesn't know anything.
He knows his little job, which I don't know what it even is.
I don't know what he does.
But the point is, and this is not, he doesn't listen to this show, but the point is that if he is listening to this show, this isn't offensive.
I'm not being a dick.
He's dull.
Like if I said to you, describe a deck, a deck, like a wood deck, which is a dull part of the house, right?
It's planks of wood.
It would be so much easier than to describe him.
Like my teak deck that I have in the Hamptons, I could spend 40 minutes talking about teak wood and how it weathers and gets gray and the rain and everything.
And I could not describe this guy for more than eight seconds, nine seconds, if I had to.
I got him a burrito once and he went, it's big.
Like he's, but that's who's in the military now.
Because it doesn't make any sense to join the military, but we need you to do it.
So please do it.
If you're thinking about it, get in there.
But most people, it doesn't make any sense because they start thinking about what they're going to do.
So most people just go to Freedom Fest because you feel like you're in the military.
That's fine.
You can be fat.
You can be, you can drive drunk.
And you just go to Freedom Fest and you go, America.
And you don't actually have to do any sit-ups or go somewhere with food you don't understand.
You don't have to go to a foreign country.
Just go to Freedom Fest.
Who wants to go to the military when you go to Freedom Fest?
America.
Impressed by Those Who Fled00:02:58
And you're like, just go to the field.
Eric Trump.
Just go see Eric Trump in a field.
What life are you living?
Imagine spending one minute of it watching Gutsy or seeing Eric Trump in a field.
Well, you're both sides.
That's what you do.
You just, you're a fence sitter.
You're going to both say, yeah, they're both bad.
You dumb fuck.
How dumb are you?
Leave the country.
I'm unimpressed by anyone who hasn't left the country permanently.
I'm only impressed by people who fled this country.
Really?
Like, if I go to dinner with you and you go, I fled.
I go, I'm impressed by you now.
You've impressed me.
Doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'll go down with the ship.
But I'm impressed only by people who fled the country permanently.
Gone.
Can't find them.
That's who I'm impressed by.
People go, yeah, fuck all that.
But we'll be back in our studio.
We'll be back in our studio next week.
We're closing up the house out east.
You know, it's the summer and the summer has ended and the summer ends and the fall begins.
And this is a brilliant thing.
And I love the fall.
The fall is probably one of my favorite seasons.
What is your favorite season?
Probably summer.
And why?
I mean, you hate swimming.
You hate the beach.
I mean, why do you even like summer, you freak?
I like the sun.
Shut up.
It's sunny everywhere in that dirt shit patch you're from.
It's never not sun.
I like the fall because it's it to me, it's beautiful.
And it, it, you, you become conscious of time.
Become conscious of time in the fall and become con every idiot that you have to suffer through, every moron, every person that steals a minute of your day with their nonsense, whether they're a friend, family, colleague, I don't care who it is, be conscious of that this fall.
Because, you know, just be conscious of every minute where somebody's stealing your life with their insanity.
And you go, oh, I don't.
If their insanity is amusing, I'm all for it.
I've been friends with people.
I've wasted hours and hours of my life listening to babbling psychopaths because they're entertaining.
And I've told you many of what they've said and it's funny.
But if they're not entertaining, just, you know.
But it's a great season.
October Halloween.
Buying Merch and Wasting Time00:11:45
We've got a line of merch.
I mean, is this the nicest thing you've ever seen?
Oh, by far.
Yeah, top tier.
I have never seen clothing like this in my life.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
This isn't a joke.
I've never seen clothing like this in my life.
It's, to me, it's so, it's, it's, it's epic and it stays, it's, it's amazing, and it can be worn in all seasons and all climates, which many clothes cannot be.
It is not a particular style.
It's timeless and it has a feeling.
No, yes.
Yeah, it is.
I'm imagining someone 100 years from now wearing it.
No, it actually would work.
It actually will work.
And people will wear it 100 years from now and they'll speak of these days.
And people will go, what was it like then?
And they'll go, it was a real knife fight out there.
Or so we were told.
But it's really beautiful merch.
And we are, you know, going to be introducing this very shortly.
And we're hoping that people enjoy it as much as we do because you worked very hard.
Now you emailed the designer.
I did.
A few times.
So to me, I don't want to understate his role in the operation and what we do.
So many people dismiss you because they just look at what you do and go, what?
But really the reality of it is that behind the scenes, you're doing so much.
And one of the things you've done is send a three or four sentence email to the designer of this merch.
With the vision for the vision for the merch that we both kind of came up with, right?
I think so.
Right?
You had one, I had one.
Right.
And it's important to me that you buy the merch.
It really is.
It is.
It is important that all of you listening buy the merch.
And I don't want to hear nothing.
Inflation's going down.
The price of gas is going down.
I don't want to hear nothing.
I don't want to hear that your kid is sick.
Your mother-in-law fell.
The job's not what it used to be.
The hours are getting crunched.
The neighborhood's changing.
The taxes are up.
The water's brown.
You got a pain in your lower back.
I don't want to hear that you're vomiting and shitting more than you used to.
That you wake up in the middle of the night shivering.
I don't want to hear that you don't have anything to believe in.
Your kids hate you because you can't provide them with the style of life that their friends have.
I don't want to hear that you can't get hard to fuck your wife because she's fat now because she's eating our poisoned food.
I don't want to hear that you can only jerk off to women getting beaten on the internet because you resent your wife because she finished college and you didn't.
I don't want to hear that you have three dogs and two of them need operations and you can't afford it and one of them's starting to smell.
I don't want to hear that your father doesn't look you in the eye because he's ashamed of the man that you've become.
I don't want to hear any of that.
I want you to go buy this merch and I want you to wear it.
And all those problems are fucking minuscule when you're supporting a podcast you like, that you enjoy.
And people go, what is that?
And you tell them, oh, it's a show I like.
And they go, how's your wife go?
Let's talk about something that's beautiful.
Let's talk about art.
Let's talk about a couple of guys that sit in a room and do their hot takes every week that I like.
I like it.
I like it.
It's my time.
I sit in my car and I get high and I listen to it and I drink.
And that bitch knows it's my time.
She doesn't come out to see me.
And if she did, man, I picture it.
I picture her coming out on that front porch.
I picture her going, stop listening to that fat fuck and raise your kids.
And I said, I'll just fucking, I'll reverse right into that fat bitch.
But she never comes outside because she's watching Gutsy.
She's watching Hillary Clinton talk to a Reverend about her very tough decision to stay married.
And she's drinking wine in our back room and she can't even hear me.
And I'm out there tinkering in the garage, tinkering, fixing it, finding it out.
And the kids, they run by and I go, what are you doing?
And they go, ah, yeah, man.
They pay me no mind.
And that's okay.
That's okay because I got a podcast that I like.
I got a podcast that I enjoy.
I got two boys who talk the shit I like.
I don't care what this family ends up doing.
This family is not going to produce generations of wealth.
It's not going to produce happy people.
It will end.
My kids may not have kids.
And if they have kids, I worry even more about it.
This will end.
It will end in juvenile hall.
It will end in small claims court.
It will end in family court.
It will end with addicts with four days of sobriety scraping the skin off their arms, trying not to fucking go to the 7-Eleven parking lot and buy another blue to just get them back to even.
It'll end in a suburb of Schenectady, New York.
It'll end in Schoharie County.
It'll end in Albany in the back of a catering hall.
It'll end bad.
It'll end at a funeral we can't afford.
It'll end going into the ground with a couple of bar buddies standing around checking their watches.
It ends bad.
But fuck it.
I got a podcast today with a couple of boys that I like.
And they're talking about Hillary Clinton on the internet.
And don't kid yourself.
That means something to me because my family hates me and I have no money and I wish I was dead every minute of every day.
But today, I got a podcast to listen to and they just said there's merch.
They actually just said there's going to be merch.
They said there's, and my wife's going to fight about it because we have an emergency only account.
Like the last time we used it is when my son was accused of rape.
He didn't do it.
He was dating a woman and she was taking liberties with the truth.
And he was accused of rape and we had to bail him out.
This is before the no-bail law.
But before the no-bail law, we had to bail my son out, who was accused of rape by his on-again, off-agun girlfriend who said he came over the house and had his way with her.
And he assured us that he had not done that, but we had to bail him out.
And we used the emergency fund.
The other time we used it is when my car broke down.
My wife was using my car.
She's a server at a local rest stop.
And she had to fix the car with the emergency fund.
We've reserved it for those types of things.
Son's problems and the wife needing to get to work.
But I swear to God, if I don't get that merch, if I don't support this guy, yes, he has three houses.
He deserves eight.
He deserves eight.
And I'll tell that to my wife, my fat wife, when she looks at me, goes, do you think he needs more?
You don't know what he needs.
He's not like us.
He's not like us.
He was raised in a different time, in a different place.
And this whore.
This whore will look at me and she'll go, how dare you spend our fucking money on merch for this big, this fat pig.
And I'll say to her, you know what?
That's it.
This ain't working.
And she's going to go, we don't have enough money for a divorce.
I'm going to go, I'm not talking about a divorce.
This ain't working anymore.
None of it.
The air, the water, the soil.
I feel like I'm on an alien fucking planet.
So I'm going to take my Tim Dylan show hoodie and I'm going to put it on.
And I'm going to go out and I'm going to listen to Free Bird in my truck one more time.
And then I'm going to blow my brains out and drench that hoodie in blood.
And I'm going to have you and the kids find me, you ungrateful, grading and horrible shrew.
I'm going to have you and the kids find me.
And the next day, like clockwork, they slept through the gunshot because they were all fucked up on their sleeping pills and their booze.
But they walked outside.
They didn't hear the old man.
They didn't hear him tinkering in the garage.
They didn't hear him.
They didn't smell the morning cigarette.
They just went up to the car and they saw the blood splattered all over the front seat.
The old man was dead.
But he was in his favorite merch.
He was in the merch of his favorite podcast.
And they buried him in it.
And they fought with the undertakers.
You're not going to bury him in a bloody hoodie.
You go, yes, we are.
Bury him in that bloody hoodie.
So my hope is that no matter where you are in your life, you buy this merchandise because it is important and it is beautiful.
We put the time in.
Ben emailed the designer.
I was on the email as well.
I don't really check the emails, but I'm on it as well.
Touring Hell on Earth00:02:35
Even if you're going to kill yourself in front of your family, as many, as I imagine many of you, I imagine 30% of the people who listen to this show are going to do exactly that.
Probably before New Year's, quite frankly.
I just hope that you do it in the Tim Dillon show merchandise because it is beautiful.
Because here's one thing.
It's gutsy.
You know who Hillary Clinton should have had on that show?
Vince Foster's wife.
I don't know if he was married.
He probably was.
We want to thank our friends at Gas Digital Studios.
We want to thank, what's your name, the producer?
Francis, right?
Francis.
I want to thank Francis.
We want to thank all the moms and dads out there and all the families that are listening to this on their way to Freedom Fest.
All the families out there in this great nation.
You know, I'm humbled and inspired every day when I hear about the stories of the Medicare fraud and people that are taking advantage of others and people that are faking their own deaths.
I'm so happy.
I say to myself, you know, it's fucking, we're still fighting.
We're still kicking.
We're still kicking.
And that's beautiful.
But I think I've done a decent job selling the merch.
And we're going to launch it soon, motherfuckers.
You can sign up at TimDylanComedy.com at the moment.
How about you go and sign the fuck up at TimDylanComedy.com?
You go sign up right now because I'll tell you right now, It's really beautiful.
We should do a tour of like four cities in upstate New York and just call it like Hell on Earth.
The Hell on Earth tour?
We just do like Binghamton, Buffalo.
Yes.
Schenectady.
It might be fun to just do a week like right by Halloween and call it the Hell on Earth Tour.
That'd be great.
I think we might do that.
There's nothing better than that area in the like Halloween.