Tim Dillon is joined by Louis CK to discuss life, comedy, the metaverse, fake tits, & much more.
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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time
Text
Welcome to the Tim Dylan Show00:15:01
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
We are here with one of the greatest comics, Louis C.K. You can go buy the movie Fourth of July with Joe List on his website right now.
You can get all five seasons of Louie on the website.
You can also get all the iconic stand-up specials in a bundle, I think, for $25.
That's right.
That's cheap.
It is right.
It's very cheap.
Yeah, I would have, I would have clicked.
I would have hiked it.
Yeah, I think I could have, maybe.
Yes.
But I think that maybe people would have bought less of them.
That's a good point.
When I raise the prices, I sell less of them.
That tends to happen.
Interesting.
And I think over time, it ends up not being more money.
Well, you got to come up with a lie.
Like, you got to come up and say these are going away.
But that's the thing with digital content.
It just doesn't.
It never goes away.
It just sits there.
You don't even make it anymore.
They just bring it, they just clone it and take it for themselves.
Yeah.
So you can't do like the farewell tour, which a lot of people will go.
You know, like Shares done it three times.
I mean, I'm doing this tour.
I'm on tour now.
And this tour, I'm in.
I mean, I don't have the list, but I'm coming to Milwaukee and Atlanta.
These are new shows I put on.
Everything's sold out.
Right.
But then I'm doing the Madison Square Garden on January 28th.
And that's the big one.
That's the big one.
I'm doing that.
And we sold 10,000 tickets the first day.
Wow.
And then now it's trickling because the seats get shittier and shittier.
Right.
But at the last email I sent out, I said this could be my last show.
Oh, well, that's good.
Yeah, right.
It's not.
Absolutely not.
Of course not.
But it's my last show.
If you want, it's the last opportunity to ever see me on stage.
He's dying.
It's going to be like the Beatles at Shea Stadium.
Yeah, he's dying.
Stay for just that's my last show.
The last show.
Yeah.
Well, do you ever think of it when you do the garden?
It's going to be such a big deal.
After the garden, do you think I'll take a minute?
Yeah, who knows?
Maybe the uh maybe the Boston Garden will call me.
Right.
The opportunities at the garden opens.
Well, you're no, that is how I think.
I am going.
I'm going to take a I didn't take a break between the last tour and this one.
The tour that ended with the last special, sorry.
I had shows to make up from the pandemic that were that were scheduled in March and June after the special came out.
And I didn't have an act anymore because I had to dump all the material into this.
You know, the special came out.
Everybody that comes to see me has usually seen the most recent special.
So, and they expect new material because that's what I've always done.
So I had to write a new act very quickly.
I didn't take, I took maybe three weeks off and I went right back to work.
You went right back out there.
Yeah.
And that turned that turned out.
I did a different process of writing an hour.
How did it differ?
I just said, like, Sal, you have to do this.
Instead of letting it flow, I just made it happen.
Is it better to have the pressure?
In this case, it was because it came out good, but then I had to do the next thing I knew I'm doing shows in Tel Aviv and all the real concerts with a brand new hour.
I usually like do them, but now it's better.
This hour is like really strong, I think.
Do you feel fully back?
Like fully back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
I mean, back to what?
Nobody's ever back.
It's always forward.
It's new.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't have a thing about back in my head.
I'm here.
You're doing the garden.
Yes.
I am going back to the garden.
That's huge.
Yes.
I'm really excited.
I like that room.
It's, you know.
In terms of doing stand-up comedy, is that a room where you go, this is the pinnacle?
No.
I mean, to me, honestly, any great show is the pinnacle.
So like I've done the garden eight times in my life.
And it was important enough to remember that it was eight.
I don't know how many times I've been to the funny bone.
I don't know how many times.
But I can't say.
But I've done the Columbus Funnybone where I've done shows where I'm looking out the window of the plane the next day going, that was fucking, that was it.
That was amazing.
That was it.
That's what I worked for.
That's what I wanted.
Yeah.
That's what I, this is what this, that was what this is all about.
That's why I give a shit.
Right.
So a show at the garden is definitely superficially like it's, you know, the 19,000 people.
And it's Madison Square Garden and Ali fought Frazier there.
Yeah.
I saw, you know, ACDC there when I was quite young and Led Zeppelin and I never saw there, but that's where they played.
That's where their concert film takes place.
Yeah, that place touches a lot of, you know, sure.
It feels like a pinnacle in terms of it's that many people.
It's New York City.
It's the premier room.
It's also expensive.
It's an expensive place.
Renting it is about 400,000.
Something like that.
Yeah, I forget.
To just rent it astronomical.
But you know, they got you because you want to play the garden.
You're going to play the garden.
Now the new generation is like, I guess the Barclay is just as good.
No.
I mean, I guess, but.
It is.
It's just as many people and it's Brooklyn.
Brooklyn sounds like a better city than Manhattan.
Really?
Not to me.
I love where I live.
I agree with you.
But I'm talking about it.
For the young people.
Yeah.
That Brooklyn's the thing.
What about the Bronx?
When does the Bronx ever, you know what I mean?
Because every area has been gentrified.
We've gone into Jersey City.
Even Harlem.
Harlem, everything.
But there's something about the Bronx that holds on.
It holds on and it just goes, we're never going to be anything but the Bronx.
It's going to be tough.
Yes.
And that's what it is.
It's still 1972 in the Bronx.
There's still long Oldsmobiles on the street with graffiti on them.
It's a time war.
You know, like a guy in a leather jacket carrying a briefcase with the music.
Right.
Right.
You know, and somebody's going to cut it.
I'm going to cut you, man.
Right.
I mean, that's, I never go to the Bronx.
I've been four times in my life.
Yeah.
So we don't know what it's really like.
Right.
That's a good point.
Some of the Bronx is very beautiful, you know, Wave Hill.
Sure.
Yeah.
The beautiful areas.
Yes, there's green in the Bronx.
It's the Bronx to me is the most, it's the best example of why a lot of these urban planning things failed.
When you look at these big buildings that they built where all of the people have to live kind of stacked on top of each other in these very bleak dreary buildings.
When you say fail, it depends on what the goal is.
That's a great point.
So the urban planning was just stick as many people as possible into the cheapest possible buildings.
Right.
Get paid by the city subsidies.
Right.
Because it's not just a simple building contract.
Yeah.
And make a shit ton of money and put pack all of those people into one small space out of Manhattan.
Right.
You know, mission accomplished.
Yes.
Right.
So if that was the goal.
Yeah.
Well done.
It was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's exactly right.
But a lot of a lot of great things.
Hip-hop came out of the Bronx.
Like that, that has given us good things.
Yeah.
But unfortunately.
At least they got hip-hop.
Well, it's it, I mean, that's, it came out of the Bronx.
It couldn't have come out of Long Island where I lived.
It would never have, hip hop would have never emerged from Levittown, Long Island.
It's just did, but now it is.
I mean, that's who got rich from him.
That is exactly who got rich.
So even in that sense, if you pack a bunch of people way uptown in these shit buildings that cost nothing.
Yes.
Also, their squalor will create music that you will get rich from.
That's right.
And then eventually.
They'll get a little money, but what you can count on.
You will get the lion's share.
Because they'll die.
Right.
Because it's going to be bad.
Yeah.
And you're going to take the money.
I'm sure Big E's mom gets a check.
But it's not.
But it's not the check that she deserves.
You know, Josh.
Josh.
Josh Robin gets.
He might get a bigger check.
He gets a far bigger.
They'll keep coming.
I just, I bought a Biggie album on iTunes recently.
Yes.
I like to listen to him when I'm jogging.
Yeah.
It's the best.
But, you know, his mom.
It's not 14 cents.
Yeah.
Well, those deals are.
This keeps on working.
This thing keeps on working.
Yeah.
These 360 deals that musicians sign, which is like a deal where they give you an advance and then they recoup the advance.
And it's designed to keep you in debt.
It's designed to keep you like constantly not earning money.
It's designed to keep you like beholden to the record company.
That's right.
And everything they give you, you think they're giving you stuff.
Right.
Like they say, hey, guess what, fellas?
They go to the band and they say, you're flying in a private plane.
And they go, woo!
And then they pay for the private plane.
That's right.
It comes out of their fucking record.
Yes.
And the private plane is a deal that the company has, you know, vertically with somebody else.
Right.
All those bells and whistles are just horse shit.
Yes.
You have to look after your own thing.
I mean, I stopped taking advances on the road a long time ago.
It's a stupid thing.
Right.
Because they get to call your advance an expense and sort of take it away from you when they split.
Right.
Well, I had to give you an advance.
Yeah, but we're this what?
Right.
It's such an easy con that you really, and nobody will tell the artists ever.
Right.
Nobody's going to, nobody sits down with you and goes, listen, don't take that Porsche.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
Yeah.
Or here's where your Porsche is coming from.
They have this thing now in the Bronx called Drill Rap.
So what Drill Rap is, and Eric Adam just talked about it, it's very, it's social media driven beefs with young rappers under 21, young guys, and they diss each other on Instagram.
And I mean, literally, they'll go outside of someone's project and go, I'm here, like with a gun.
They'll be like, I'm right here.
What fuck you?
Yeah.
And literally it's, they go on Instagram live.
So Eric Adams is kind of like, maybe we should ban this on Instagram.
Like the mayor of New York's like, why don't has it resulted in any killings?
Lots of killings.
Wow.
And the music is reflective of, no, it's literally.
But the kids are 16.
So a guy, a kid, a 16-year-old with a gun.
With a gun.
Goes, look, I'm outside of the fucking whatever, you know, great black person projects.
I'm outside of the Med Grevor's project.
Yes.
And come here and I'll kill you.
So now everybody's like, oh, shit.
If I go to his Instagram, I can see that.
Everybody on Instagram.
And then it starts having like the little balloons and the, yes, everybody is with the little faces.
You see the little faces.
And it starts really going.
And people have been literally killing me.
And then the guy shows up inside of the Instagram.
Meanwhile, he's doing like, I'm going to go kill my friend.
Yeah.
And it's.
And then has this resulted in like live Instagram deaths?
A few of them.
For real?
For real.
I mean, Bobby, you can look this up, but it's resulted in deaths 100%.
And the DA is now trying to use the rap lyrics as a way to like convict because some of the rap lyrics are so direct.
They're like, we killed him on 175th by the subway yesterday at 4 p.m.
So the DA is going like, we're trying to put these rap lyrics out as evidence.
Right.
In addition to other things, but it's some of the rap is very good.
I mean, it's very like, you know, it's very like, it's got a whole new sound and it's, it comes to the UK has it too.
This is going on in London where it's like social media.
You think of all the rap beats that have happened of people not liking each other.
Now you add social media.
Everything happens in like real time.
Right.
But also it feels like what's needed there.
Like when you look at a picture and you go, what's missing?
Right.
And how do we solve it with what we have today?
Right.
When you describe what those guys are doing, what's needed is an app that can bring them together more easier.
Right.
Like a grinder for I'm going to kill you.
100%.
Like a social media.
Like a, yeah, like an app called.
Like, and it's like this and you go, I don't want to kill it.
Like, but it's for killing people.
You like, you're swiping.
Well, because it is on some level, a guy going, I'm out here.
He has a gun.
I'm out here.
He's wanting to connect with that person.
That's right.
He's what I, what he really wants is to see him.
I think.
I'm not even being facetious.
It's like, no, it's a need to connect.
It's all that this always is.
Like when I was in my, like, I don't know, maybe 19.
I was just starting to do comedy.
I had a really fucked up job.
I was a moderator on a phone line.
This is before the internet.
People used to call party lines.
I don't know if you used to.
I don't remember.
I was 19 and you were dead.
I was, I was probably.
No, I am, I am 37.
Yeah, so that might have been before you.
So a party line was calling up like live girls type thing?
It was all, it was guys and girls all.
It was supposed to be, come on the party line.
We're all here hanging out.
Oh, on the phone.
Yeah, on the phone.
It's a part.
You call up and you hear people talking.
And so, and then you get, you can switch to different rooms, but it's rooms of people like talking on a phone.
It's like a chat room, but it was just voices.
Wow.
It was a 900 number.
So you were paying money per minute to sit there.
And the point, they started saying that it's social, but obviously the point is to try to get laid.
Right.
And the way what would happen is, because I, so I got a job working there and it's being an operator, essentially.
And you have headphones and a microphone and you have these banks and you see people light up.
You see, oh, there's 10 people in this room.
Right.
And so you go to that room and it's 10 or 12 guys and you go in.
It's silence.
You see that they're there and they're silenced because it's all dudes.
And then one light comes on and you hear a girl go, hello.
And you all try to talk to her because no girls would ever want to call.
Right.
And my part of my job was to try to like move people around so there'd be more of a mix.
But mainly my job was to break up fights and they disconnect guys who were getting aggressive.
Gangs and Neighborhood Violence00:09:28
So they would be fighting.
Mostly it was just fighting.
On the party.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hi.
Who's there?
Hey, dude, shut up.
I'm trying to fucking talk to her.
And they would fight.
And then when they would get in a fight, this is in Boston too.
All Boston Irish people get laid on the phone paying minutes dollars.
So when they got in fights, they'd go, I'm going to fucking kick your ass.
I'm going to kick your ass.
And they'd start yelling at each other and threatening each other.
Oh, yeah, where are you?
I'll fucking come right where you are right now.
And the guy would be like, I'm in Quincy, fucking fucking homo.
The other guy's like, I'll fucking, I'm, I'm on Dorchester.
It's right.
I'll come to fucking Quincy.
Where exactly fucking Quincy are you?
I'm on fucking 3rd Street and whatever.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Is that near the quick shop?
He goes, no, what you do.
And then they'd come down to make plans.
When are you going to be there?
I get out of work at seven.
And they'd make a date.
Yeah.
To fight.
To fight.
To fight over a girl on the other side.
A girl that doesn't, yeah, who's been gone for 10 minutes.
Yeah.
So it's kind of a similar thing now.
Now that you just have social media and you're able to broadcast all your activities.
So if you want to go and show up outside somebody's house and say, like, where are you, bitch?
You talked all this shit on that record.
Where are you?
Right.
And it's becoming kind of, I guess, an issue for the mayor.
The mayor has said this is a problem.
The mayor feels like it's got to.
We got to put a stop to it.
Yes.
Well, I mean, the other thing is there's a lot of gangs.
And I always thought, what's the, I always thought that what's the big deal if a kid's in a gang?
And hear me out because the way I feel about certain things is that, you know, are there no positives to a gang?
This is, we've, we've, we talk about gangs like there's no positives to them.
There's 100% positives to being in a, in a gang.
Well, to be just to parse what you're saying, you're not saying that gangs are 100% positive.
No.
You're saying that you're 100% certain that there's 1% positivity.
Well, there's got to be, well, here's the deal.
If you live in an area where being in it, it's almost required to be in a gang in certain areas.
You go, now, obviously, if there's negatives to the gang life that we don't even have to mention because they're obvious.
They're seemingly obvious.
You could be a rat, you know, and that's not, well, right?
If you're a bitch, if, if you're.
You mean what could happen to you if you're one of those things?
Well, yeah.
If you, if you can't handle it, like, it's obviously if you can't handle the gang life, it's bad.
There's negative ramifications.
Well, but, and also every gang life ends in death, most likely.
Well, some prison, and which means another gang.
Yes.
Yes.
But my whole thing is everybody always goes, gangs, gang.
You know, like my people like where I grew up, they're like that, gangs.
And I'm like, what are we offering the kids that isn't a gang?
That's my question.
Well, because here's what happens.
Right.
Kids that end up in gangs.
Okay.
So like your mother.
And I'm not describing every gang person.
I'm describing somebody I'm making up.
Right.
Your mother is, you don't even know you haven't seen her.
Right.
Sometimes you see her on the street.
Right.
And she's taking a guy into a building foyer to suck his cock.
That's right.
So that she can get some crack cocaine.
Right.
As soon as you see her, go, oh, that's, I think that's my mom.
That's mom's.
And you're with your friends and you're embarrassed.
Right.
And they tease you.
They go, haha, your mom's right.
She sucks the guy's cock for crack.
She's sucking him off for crack.
But the way they tease does.
Yeah.
Like, haha, you look funny.
You know, like, you listen to Bay City Rollers, you know, but they are like, your mom is sucking a guy's cock right there for crap behind the McDonald's.
I can see it.
And then you'll always have that feel fucking loser.
You'll always have that one good friend who's like, don't worry about them.
Don't worry.
Don't worry about them.
It's not like their mom's.
Nobody's that standing there to make fun of that kid has a great life.
Exactly.
So probably they don't much tease each other.
Right.
Because the guy, the meanest kids, he's that guy's mom sucking a cock.
And he goes, I'm going to let that go.
Right.
Because I know how that's going to come back.
That's mom.
Yeah.
Cause that's my aunt.
That's right.
That's auntie.
Yeah.
So that's that person's mom.
Let's start there.
Okay.
And he lives with his grandma.
Right.
Who is just hired at Suck and Dick.
So at least there's that.
She's elderly.
Yeah.
And she goes to church.
And it's, I mean, like the, it's like that's the church or whatever.
And I'm, by the way, this is like 90s.
I don't know anything about people's lives anymore.
I don't know anything about anyone's life.
Similar.
And then his dad is killed his uncle and his, it was a double murderous whatever.
And people are in prison and it's just, and he goes to a school where there's no, it's just a cop frisks you at the door.
Yeah.
It's just kids throwing chairs.
Yeah.
It's just madness.
There's no education.
Yes.
And every day he walks by these gangs and because he's not affiliated.
Right.
What the fuck?
I'm going to kick your ass every time you walk through this neighborhood.
That's right.
And his friends, all his friends are like, if you just join red, you walk down red streets and you're okay.
Yes.
That will, you will be safe if you do that.
And we have parties.
We have barbecues.
Right.
We go out.
We, we, we, uh, we have fun.
We have fun.
We, there's girl, every girl you want is affiliated or in the gang.
Right.
And uh, so then you join a gang and you start acting tough and you start talking about, and then you start carrying a weapon.
And then the city says, we got to get rid of these gangs.
Right.
Like, like if we get rid of the gangs, right, the kid will be fine.
Right.
Like, where does he walk back?
Like, what do you, okay, gang, everybody go home home to what?
Right.
Home to what?
Yeah.
So that's my, that was my whole thing.
It's like, listen, we all know that gangs have a lot of negatives.
And the problem is there's nothing being offered to these kids outside of that.
Like outside of that, like we have not articulated a vision for a lot of these young kids that doesn't involve joining a gang.
Right.
That's the issue.
Like we can be horrified by gangs and people in the suburbs are.
They go, I, how, I cannot believe it.
Well, because it doesn't become, it doesn't exist for you until they roll up your street.
That's right.
Or until you try to go to their neighborhood.
You go to their neighborhood to buy crack or to get a blowjob from a crack whore.
Right.
And these gangs bother you.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So to me, I was always like, obviously, I'm not saying join a gang, but I've always understood that people in certain areas, they feel like it's the best course of action for them.
Yeah, sure.
And, you know, there's also those people that do the far reaching ideas.
Like, you know what's a gang?
The Republican Party.
Like, no.
Yeah.
You know what the real gang is?
Yeah.
The teachers union.
That's right.
That's the real gang.
That's the gang for you.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, how do you, it's hard to clean any of that up.
How are you going to, how do you fix any of that?
It's tough.
No, I know how to do it.
Okay.
But I don't, it's boring to talk.
No, of course.
It's, it's, it's obvious, but it's boring.
Yeah.
I'd rather do other things.
Yeah.
No, I know.
It's, you know, what are you going to do?
So like you said, you just kind of watch.
I think that there is a quotient.
Is that, I don't even know what that word means.
I use it too much.
No, I think you're right.
Quotient.
Yeah.
On a podcast, know this.
You're always right.
Yeah.
Until you have any self-doubt.
Right.
See, what you're experiencing right now is a very old media thing where you go, did I say the wrong thing?
Is that word wrong?
That's old media.
It's, yeah, it's old media.
What you have to adapt to now is that you're creating reality every time you utter something.
Oh, great.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, you know, 40%.
Yes.
That's great.
There's a quotient of human suffering that's just always there.
So you can, you can squeeze the balloon here and it pops up here.
It's just, I mean, the thing is, as long as you have a world where people want more than they can hold in their hands.
That's a problem.
You're going to have this problem.
I mean, it's so basic.
It goes to the most basic thing that if you don't get rid of it, you're not going to solve anything.
And should you, what the words, the words solve and goal and failure are all relative to what you value and what you don't, you know?
Right.
So if you like a world where some people can be not only rich, but just like have four things that you don't know where they are.
Right.
If you own things that you're not holding like this, you're part of the problem.
Right.
If you view those as problems.
Right.
The reason there are gangs and murder is because I have some stuff that's behind a locked door and I depend on a whole system to keep people from just going in there.
But if you didn't need those, if you didn't need to have, and I don't, again, I don't mean, I mean, the wealthy obviously is an acute example of it.
Yeah.
The Disgusting Reality of Wealth00:08:26
I don't know where human beings got this urge to have more than just a little thing of food and, you know what I mean?
A roof, a food, you know, a tool to make food with, you know?
But that's the stem.
That's where all the problems stem.
All of them, because if you don't, if you just need what you really just need, sustenance and a little pleasure from the sky and the, the, and nature, then you need someone to look after shit for you.
You need to convince someone else that it's a good idea for them to protect your stuff, the stuff that you're not while you're sleeping or stuff that you can't look at.
You know what I mean?
And that creates.
That creates a system of like people willing to harm each other for somebody else's money.
Right.
Yeah.
And the only way you do that is by convincing them something like, well, they're from the other team or they're the other religion or they're not really bad people, that kind of thing.
So but once you human skills are learned for one thing and then applied to a bunch of other ones.
So we learned the skill of like, get other people to protect my stuff for this and that reason and get talk people into hurting each other, which isn't natural.
Right.
And then once you've done that, you can transfer that to many things.
Like let's make a whole country.
Let's annex the country.
Let's do this.
Let's do that.
Let's do this.
Let's do that.
And then you have people.
If you fast forward, you now have people in the Soviet Union or not, I'm sorry, Russia breaking their arms trying to avoid a conscription, a draft.
Right.
And then the government says, well, now you're a one-armed soldier, you fucking dummy.
You shouldn't have done that because now you're going to have an even harder time.
Now you're out there.
That's right.
Because people in Russia now are going, hey, we don't want to do this.
This is your thing.
You know what's weird is we're not in that war.
That's Russia versus Ukraine, right?
That's right.
We're funding Ukraine.
We're obsessed with it.
We're not even in it.
We're not in it, but we're giving them money.
It's as far away from us as you can get awards.
We're giving them money and we are giving them weapons.
Yes, but you know that Iran?
Yeah.
Like if you look on CNN.com right now, it's Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.
Yeah.
Always.
Marjorie Green, are you playing person?
Who the fuck is that?
She's in trouble.
She's got four stories.
She's getting a divorce.
Brett Favre, you and him.
They go after Herschel Walker once in a while.
Like, let's just bring up another, hey, we just found out that Herschel Walker didn't shave well this morning.
They just, that's what's on CNN.com, the weather and whatever.
Yeah.
I'm not saying the weather about Tampa.
Right.
That's CNN.com right now.
Iran is like a central problem to American history going back since I was alive.
Yeah.
They're having a fucking revolution right now.
Like they're having, there's people, there's freedom fighters in Iran being like mowed down and they're still, they're just going, fuck you.
We're going to do this.
Right.
And they're fighting for a general sense of freedom against this regime that we've been like saying is like they feed weapons to the Russians.
They're evil.
The evil Iranians who are and we conflate them with it.
They're not even Arabs.
They're not anything that anyone thinks they are.
Right.
The thing that the pro Iran's problem with us was that we really fucked with them for years.
For years.
So they got rid of our guys and they just said all Iran has really ever said to the U.S. is just leave us the fuck alone.
Yeah.
Get away from us.
They've never invaded us.
Yeah.
But anyway, yes.
So let's say they're the biggest problem in the world.
There's people there just like walking in the streets with no weapons, just trying to get rights now.
Like there's a huge one here really cares.
No one gives a shit.
No one cares.
It's not on CNN.com.
No.
It's not on the whole.
If you scroll down.
And you get to like, you know, here's a surprising picture of Lindsay Wagner.
Right.
The Bryonic woman.
Right.
You know, she looks like shit now.
Right.
I mean, I've seen, it's on Instagram.
I was, I once went on politico.com.
Yeah.
You have to take some responsibility for the banner ad right above your name.
Right.
That says politico.
Yeah.
And above it, it says the woman from Crocodile Dundee is disgusting now.
That's what it said.
She's disgusting now.
And I was like, wow.
Okay, Politico.
Why don't I get to believe that Politico, they sold that space and said, hey, if you want Politico to sponsor your idea, give us money.
And that idea was that girl is disgusting now.
She's disgusting.
Disgusting.
That was the word used.
I remember that very well.
But so that's what's important to those people.
But there's an actual thing.
Iran is like a huge, huge thing.
But it's on Instagram.
Like you go on Instagram and you see that there's Persian because I'm in LA.
So in LA, everybody has relatives in Iran.
So everybody is posting on Instagram, like, please talk about this.
Yeah.
Use your platform, amplify the voices.
But no one in the world.
No one cares.
Is that like terrorists?
What is Iran?
Right.
And I shared the post.
Like I shared a post on my story.
I don't know what that did, but like, you know, there was a woman that got killed there.
And I, I, I don't know.
The morality police or the virtuous police, whatever they are, killed a woman.
Right.
And then.
You mean the progressive people, the woke people killed her?
No, the, you know, the Iranian guard.
They call it a morality.
They have one there too.
They have one there, but it's different for different people.
Yeah.
It's what ours wants to be.
Right.
Where they actually, they're going like, hey, don't.
Right.
Maybe that's why they're not into it.
Well, the other thing is.
They're not into attacking Iran because they're like, we actually, we want to do that.
Yeah, well, the other thing is just like in Putin's such a great villain.
Yeah, he's just a Hollywood villain.
Yes.
A KGB, kills his friends, white guy, white man, heterosexual, white, beautiful villain.
And now the Iranian mullahs are less a trend.
They have an old religion and they're people of color and they've been and we settled in that country and we overthrew and the shah, the whole thing.
So they're, it's tougher to kind of aren't the Kardasians Kardashians.
They're Armenian, I believe.
Armenian?
They're Armenian.
So close to the word Iranian.
Yeah.
Well, they're related.
They should care.
They should.
And they might do a post.
They should be like, okay, we're not Iranian, but we're Armenian.
That sounds like it.
So please help.
Well, there's also, there's not much to do.
The way I felt about Ukraine when it happened was I was like, hey well, there's nothing you can do about any of these things.
It's not our business.
It's not our business.
But if you're gonna have a news website, sure you should mention a mention piece of news.
Talk about it.
But I mean in Iran Iran Iran, Iran.
Yes, i've always been fascinated by it.
Yeah, they make beautiful movies.
Yes, there's a film there, I I think it's called Cherry Tree or Sweet Cherry or something like that, and it's about a guy.
I saw it years ago on VHS.
It's about a guy driving around town ask he wants to kill himself, but it's a sin, he can't do it.
So he's driving around town asking people to kill him, and it's just that, it's like in real time and it's a heartbreaking beautiful, beautiful movie.
Right, there's another movie from there called The Separation.
That's actually was made an international noise.
Yeah, that guy still makes films, I think.
It's about an Iranian couple breaking up and raising their daughter separately and it's in the trappings of their war, their culture and their traditions.
But it's really just, it's just a like.
There's a scene where the dad is with his daughter, is like 14.
Yeah, and they stop to get gas and the.
It's a very beautifully shot movie.
You see the guy and he tells his daughter, um, the guy just pumped the gas and he says, pay the guy.
And he gives her money and she goes, how do I?
She's never done that before.
And he goes, just go give him the money and get the change.
And then you see him in the mirror he's watching his daughter negotiate a simple thing and he just has this smile on his face yeah, because he knows he sees her doing something growing up.
Social Media Affectations00:12:20
Right, that's such a moment of right.
When I saw that I was like I didn't need that to tell me.
But it's like there's no difference between me and New York City.
You know right, divorced dad and an Iranian dad, because we're sold this idea that it's this whole, all of the world, but it's not beautiful culture right, and uh, so they have.
I mean, we there's.
We never give a about actual freedom fighters like you don't really hear much about the Hong Kong folks, no.
Or Taiwan, it's like our goal is John Sena apologizes for saying that Taiwan exists well no no, no.
Our goal is, I don't think it's ever been freedom.
I think that's no, we don't.
We don't really want I don't even think we want freedom here, really.
No, I think what we want is this illusion of it and the illusion that it is the top of our list like well, you're saying we and that's the thing is, it's right.
Amazing thing about this version of like this thing this, this social media this, not this right weird thing is that everyone identifies with it and says they use words like everybody and we and we're.
Why, why is everything like this?
It's not right, barely anything.
This is how I feel about social media.
Is that, like everyone calls it, everybody right, like it's always, like you know, John Travolta right, said this and everyone got mad.
That's always the story that, first of all, they're not everyone right.
They're not even a lot of people right.
They're not even most people.
They're not even their whole selves right.
There's no whole person right on twitter, none.
Or instagram, or uh, or on in the media, because those are just giant twitters, those are just long tweets.
Yeah, there's no whole person on Twitter.
It's a fraction of a bunch of different people that adds up to a large number of fractions that doesn't represent any whole person.
Right.
Like if you cut a bunch of dogs heads off and put them in a pile, you wouldn't say that adds up to like 50 dogs.
Do you understand?
It's just their heads.
It's just their heads.
And in this case, it's just their assholes.
It's just their, it's just their fucking period.
It's just this worst part of ourselves of them, of not even all of them.
I'm not on Twitter.
Most people aren't.
Almost nobody is on fucking Twitter.
And even the people that aren't aren't actually wholly there.
That's why they wake up in the morning and look at their own tweets and go, oh.
I love doing this podcast.
I love talking to you guys.
14 years ago in 2008, I was a mortgage securities salesman.
Can you believe that?
That's not true.
I sold retail mortgages, but they don't know that.
Who wrote the copy?
Whatever.
What's interesting is how at this point in our society, going back seems impossible, meaning that the thing that has been created seems to be the thing that is going to be either what drives us into extinction, but it doesn't ever feel like people are going to say,
wait a minute, this on the whole is overtly negative.
And that the, you know, like everything about it, like every single thing about it.
Every single thing about it is overtly negative.
And yes, there are positives, just, but, but I mean, it's like I could, I could show more positives for being in a gang than Twitter.
And it's not even close.
Right.
So it, but it does feel like everybody's so invested in it.
And it's taken over the world so quickly that it's just, you know, the people that are going to opt out are going to be, you know, just kind of like, they're going to be Luddites.
They're going to be people that are kind of off the grid and they're not going to really, you know, they're not going to be able to participate in society because this, you know, in order to participate now in any societal function, you have to be on the grid.
So all if you're on the, yes, it's true.
You can't even listen to a piece of music.
You can't.
Without a credit card, without a directorship to the most elite club of the American economy.
That's right.
You can't.
When I was a kid, a credit card was a special thing.
Yeah.
And you paid for things with cash and checks.
And you would sometimes have a credit card, but it was hard to get.
And you had to sign up and be, you had to have accreditation.
Yeah.
You have to be approved.
You had to have your shit together.
That's still the case.
Right.
Or you have to be, find an entity that's willing to just like gouge you for, you know, for how much debt you take on, you know?
The debt that people have to go.
You can't exist without debt.
No, you have to.
You can't go like, I don't like credit cards.
I just want to, I want to pay for what I have and I don't want to have.
You have to be in debt.
You must be in, you have to create a open debt with a huge corporate entity that outweighs you in every way.
Right.
In order to listen to some tunes.
In order to just smoke a joint and listen to a song.
Yes.
Like that's.
And in order to get a job now, you have to have all these, you know, profiles.
They search your social media profiles.
That's right.
This is something that, you know, in order to be, you know, when you apply to college, they search these things when you are.
So you are recording all the mistakes you make from when you're talking about.
Yeah, you're not telling kids.
You're not telling them when they start this stuff.
Right.
That this is what's happening against you potentially.
I mean, that's, look, this is, it's very delicious to describe how horrible all this is.
Right.
Because you can go on and on in so many directions.
Right.
I do think on some level, it'll just go, it'll just sort of like become something else.
Interesting.
I have four nephews that are from like, I mean, my sisters would be aghast at how little I know about these boys or their ages.
But they're, they exist.
I'm going to say they're between 14 to 21.
Okay.
So they're like really the next people.
Yeah.
And they kind of get it.
Right.
They, I have daughters too, but I don't want to talk about them.
That's personal.
Troy.
Nephews, I don't care.
Right.
But they nor should you.
Yeah.
They get that they have ways around shit.
They hide in different places on the internet.
Well, what's actually encouraging to see is that kids now post less.
So it's cringy to have a lot of photos on Instagram.
It is.
Like a little, my little cousin goes, your Instagram's cringe because you have all of these photos.
And I go, that's my career.
He goes, yeah, but I have three photos.
He goes, so he goes, I get it that you're a comedian.
You have to do that.
But I just have three photos.
Like one of them's a night sky.
One of them's like a skateboard.
And one of them's like a blurred, a blurry face that you can't even tell is his, but it is.
And that's cool because if he posts that.
It's like dressing grunges.
Yes.
He goes, if I posted every day, it would look thirsty and hungry and thirsty.
That's good.
Thirsty.
So he goes, I stay away from that.
And that's all people in his generation are doing that.
Hopefully that opens the door.
I mean, I think that's where it's headed.
It's like, we're like, what is going to happen?
Mystery is cool again.
Yes, that's right.
Mystique.
Mystique.
That's what ruined our generation of famous people and artists.
Yes.
There's no mystique.
Look.
Right.
And it's so many images of the same person over and over and over and over and over again.
I wanted to ask you about the teacher.
And I want Bobby to get this picture up.
There's a teacher in Canada who's a trans teacher.
It's the Giant Hits.
Yes.
It's like everybody, the same fucking story is everybody.
It's the same story.
It's the Giant Hits.
Yes.
I mean, what is she doing in that class?
Well, no, I mean, it's the same thing.
Last week, it was the LA school system saying that food is, and your bid on it was hysterically funny.
Thank you.
But the thing, and I listened to your bid, I just laughed and laughed about let's tell kids that all the foods are the same.
Why not?
There's a difference between the foods.
Sure.
It was the best take on it I ever had.
Thank you.
But that thing, which is just somebody who works at LA Unified went like this.
Right.
And then Plowy.
Yes.
And so then there was, I listened to some other podcasts that I actually like, but it was a very serious discussion.
No, do we need this?
Yeah.
And every, it goes around the bases and everybody takes a turn.
Well, so now it's like, who's got to take on the giant titanium?
The tits are so big.
Here's the thing.
I could ignore the story if they weren't that big.
They're so massively big that this person wants you to discuss it.
But she doesn't need the whole planet Earth to discuss it.
You don't get tits that big if you don't think.
You want everybody on earth.
You want them to be able to see seen from space.
She wants, there's no way with getting these tits, but people have a right to be fucking stupid.
Yes.
People have, this is the problem right now is there's no local stupidity.
Yes.
There's no point.
There's no localized stupidity.
Yeah.
Like there was the woman in somewhere also Canada.
It all leaks out.
It's global.
If you do something stupid, you are going to fucking die from shame.
Right.
Because the entire, there's going to be Joy Reed.
Right.
And eventually Putin will say that they shouldn't have let that woman.
It will get there.
That's how he's motivating these army.
No one gets to just be like, you know, this, it's just the same as like fucking, there's no coffee shop down the street.
It's a Starbucks.
It doesn't matter where you are.
Right.
So it's not like, you know what I like about, you know, whatever, fucking Eugene Oregon is that coffee place I used to go.
No, it's not.
You know what I like about Eugene Oregon?
Same thing as the airport in Cincinnati.
Yeah.
It's just the Starbucks.
Yeah.
So no one gets to have a little local culture with the, you know, there's that weird person down there, you know?
Yeah.
Like that woman who was like the NAACP chapter head who was white, white.
Yeah, Rachel Dolezal.
Yeah.
Oh, see, you know her name.
And that's what I have to say.
She should have been able.
Yeah.
I'm not chastising you for knowing your name.
You're the only, you're the only end user that's worthwhile for any of this.
Right.
Right.
But that woman should have been able to be weird in that.
I said let Alec Baldwin's wife pretend to be Spanish.
I said, let her pretend to be black.
No, sure.
Her name's hilarious.
She's pretending to be a rich Spanish lady.
She's not LARPing as a maid.
She's not on all fours.
She's not cleaning floors.
She's pretending to be a rich Spanish.
Do you know the difference between a rich Brazilian woman and a rich Jewish woman?
Not that much difference.
So I was like, just let her put on an accent.
She just wants to have an affectation.
She wants to have, you know, she goes to these parties, these rich white contents every day.
She wants to be a little different.
She wants to stand out.
And her husband's Alec fucking Baldwin.
He just dominates all the news.
So like, just for her to be like, okay, just for something, for somebody to go, and where are you?
Oh, where are you from?
And she goes, you know, Seville.
It's just something fun for her.
Sure.
Yeah.
And also she wants to be international.
That's right.
She married a man who's an international celebrity and, you know, gun guy.
So, I mean, and I, so I've always been, I'm for letting everyone pretend to be everything.
Yes, but then you have folks like the kids in a, in, in Wisconsin, I think it was.
Yeah.
Who were taking a class picture and somebody said, do a Nazi salute.
It's a joke.
And they're just, they're kids on the planet earth in the middle of Wisconsin with a lot of empty space around them.
Yes.
And they're living in a town that doesn't benefit from a global community.
Right.
Just in a little place.
They're in a little capital.
And they want to make a dumb joke.
They want to make a dumb joke.
Yes.
And they do the Nazi joke.
So go ahead and freeze frame this and meme, I knew it.
He's a Nazi.
Go ahead.
Right.
I can take it.
You can take it.
But those young kids, they're just, you know, God, the shit you said when you're in junior high school.
Yeah.
And then somebody went, throw up a, there it is.
Throw up a COVID.
Oh, now we're doing it.
Yeah.
Now we're fucking, let's give that another.
All they, they're all, everyone in that picture was like, thank God that died down.
And now we're bringing it back.
It's a nightmare.
It's a never-ending nightmare.
It's a net.
I mean, comedy is a terrible part of this cycle.
Well, it's a terrible part.
But these kids, and then it's like, and then fucking people from fucking Simon Riesenthal is going, you know, or whoever the fuck.
Junk Mail and Nazi Jokes00:03:09
Yeah.
They're like, it's like, Auschwitz all over again.
Yeah.
It's just like this is, yeah.
I mean, come on, let them do a dumb thing over there.
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, it's what you, you really hit on it brilliantly with that term, localized stupidity.
Yeah, that doesn't exist.
And the idea that people need to be stupid in their local town and they need to have somebody go, hey, you're an idiot.
And it doesn't need to be national news and it doesn't need to be a cultural moment or international news.
No.
It just needs to be something that's kind of quickly forgotten.
Right.
But what's not going to stop any of that is that there's profit in it.
That's right.
Do you ever walk in your house and there's junk mail on the floor?
Like 10 centimeters?
It used to.
Now it's sent to a business manager.
Okay, but it exists.
Of course.
I still get junk mail with a little window in the envelope with plastic in it.
Yeah.
That there's, they put some in the window that makes that looks like a dollar or something.
Right.
The idea.
I mean junk mail, physical junk mail, where to take to, to get in on the, on the scam yeah, to be suckered.
Yeah, you have to open it and fill it in and and send it in.
Send it in.
They might make 10 cents a month right, but it's worth it.
It's worth it, it's worth it.
It's a little more than they're spending and so, as long as that's and then the internet, there's no physical.
You just go like yeah, you know, and the.
The trick with the media is just to put a question mark.
Yeah, just like this uh scandal uh, you know uh uh, Robin Williams was actually murdered by Sean Penny right, question mark, this gets you out of the liability.
Yeah, I don't know maybe yeah, somewhere in the, somewhere in the story you bury the absolutely not didn't happen.
But people go huh, as long as that'll make 10 cents right, they'll do it.
There's always a profit motive, that you know.
Yeah, like going back to Iran for a moment.
The last time Iran was a big thing for us was in 1980, when the there was the hostages right yeah, the Shah of Iran, nobody remembers this.
He said, you know, you all think that you know Paul Uh, Simon was in the Beatles, so you're not going to know what i'm talking about right, but there was uh, the Shah of Iran was a puppet dictator that we was a direct employee of the United States, that's right.
And uh, he was ejected by the ayatollah and by the Iranians who, because he was in, he put incredible suffering on the Iranian people.
Just American, uh paid for suffering right, I don't remember what our, why we made money doing this.
Yeah, maybe they because they had oil, I don't know, but anyway, when he so, then there was this thing with the ayatollah and then everyone was, they were, they took hostages, so we were expelling Iranians out of the country, we were throwing some Iranians out of the country and my mom and my dad we lived in Massachusetts then and my mom was at MIT Learning Computers and she knew this guy who in Cambridge he knew a bunch of that there was.
He just was this guy who.
He reminded me of you a little bit that he's just a guy who gets.
He's got his capitalism.
He's right there.
Metaverse Conflicts and Spirits00:13:50
You know what I mean, right?
So he figured out that there's Iranian families all over Cambridge that are needing to leave this week right, and they all bought their kids Trans Ams.
They all bought their kids that 1978 black Trans Am with a gold eagle that was Burt Reynolds' card, right in smoking the bandits, yeah.
And so he knew that there was all these.
So he went around to the houses of people like frantically packing, and said how much for your Trans Am?
And he bought like 50 Trans Ams that were brand new for nothing, put them all on a lot.
He bought a.
He bought a used car lot for like a week and just moved them, made a fortune yeah.
So as long as people are making money on that, you're just not going to stop it.
Yeah, this is a great analogy, but that's what.
That's why the woman with the big tits yeah, just just paying off like a slot machine and she's just being drilled into.
I mean either that, or maybe she's like, maybe she's flourishing, maybe it feels good, I don't know, but I, but I, I have a feeling it's really not fun for her and for the kids in her class and for the teachers and the school and all the local people.
See, this is good.
I never think about sized lives.
I never think about it like that.
Yeah.
So that's, I mean, if you're going to, if you go after, you know, fucking share for her the new lip or whatever the fuck.
It's a different thing.
I agree.
But there's, there's a, I'm not even saying you shouldn't do it.
No, Because I enjoy listening to you.
No, I understand.
But there's a certain thing.
Now there is a new social contract, whether people like it or not.
And I think there's a lot of things to not like about it.
We've illustrated a thousand of them.
But there is a new social contract where if you get tits that are bigger than anything that anyone has ever seen, and you teach in a school where you're in a shop class, you teach shop, you solder things together.
These tits, you know, my shop teacher, his name was Mr. Swanofsky.
He was a creepy old guy.
And this is what every shop teacher should be.
He was a creepy old dude who never smiled and would just make a face when we were doing something because we were never doing the right thing.
And he just cared about soldering irons and heating them up and just making sure that the little dumb rods that, you know, and we put together these little things that were meant nothing and none of these skills mean anything because you hire someone anyway.
It's one of, it's the least valuable position in a school.
And you know that because everything you do is fake.
Nobody in shop class goes, you know what?
I want to be an architect.
It never happens.
What happens is like you just make little bullshit things all day.
And then these kids just, and you just try kids, the only thing in shop is don't hurt yourself.
It's the only thing in shop class.
Just don't kill yourself.
Don't hurt yourself.
Please don't embarrass me.
Don't go to the nurse.
We don't want any accidents.
In fact, the first three days of shop are him telling you about all the horrible things that have happened to other kids that didn't listen, that talk during a safety precaution.
This guy burned his hand.
This guy can't use his pinky.
Everything's fucked.
And it's such a horrible job.
It's a bad job.
It's not even like biology where at least you can go like they need to know this.
It's nothing.
And then this woman goes and says, I'm going to get the biggest tip that anyone has ever seen.
Not big tits.
I'm talking about the cartoonously biggest tits to the point where it literally, I have to now stand back a foot and a half from the saw when I'm teaching the kids because these tits now are in between the kids and these shop bullshit things.
And it's so cartoonish that she waddles around this room with the big, big tits.
And then she said, and we should be allowed to laugh at her because she's done a ridiculous thing.
She's done a ridiculous thing.
But I get why a trans person would like shop class because it's like we're building things.
Everything can be built.
Yeah, sure.
Kids, everything can be built.
Nothing's, everything can be soldered.
And I get it.
I totally get it.
If I was trans, I would, a class like that to me, I'd go, this is good.
I want to teach biology.
Right.
I want to teach, look what we can build.
Right.
But it's just when you do it with such cartoonishly big tits.
Then the world should have at the world should because you want it.
You want it.
So here's what here's what here's what just happened that I really enjoy.
Yeah.
I'd like to just observe.
Sure.
So the whole time that I was making the point about localized stupidity.
Yeah.
Why do we, the whole time, and I remember that, remember the last few minutes this year.
Yeah.
It's like we were sitting in this car that you're sitting there.
You're just ready to go.
And the engine's going, and I'm going like, we don't need to do this to people.
Yeah.
It's too much.
It's overproportioned.
And you're going, uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Are you done?
Okay.
And then you went, You just went this and then you just did a big bit about this lady.
Because she, it does, it needs to happen.
Yeah.
In fact, what I view comedy as is this weird like, you know, these dumb cunts who walk around houses in L.A. with sage burning?
And they go, I'm like getting rid of the energy so the house will sell or whatever, right?
Oh, yeah.
This is what comedy is to me.
In a weird way, we need to kind of like, there needs to be a moment where everybody laughs at these big tits.
Yes.
And then we can all.
I could get with that on some level.
You've got back-to-back meetings, errands to run chores to take care of.
What's the secret to clearing your to-do list?
Show the tits, Bobby.
What happens?
Bobby, show the goddamn tits.
Because without the tits, it's academic.
Willie!
This woman, Willie, this woman did not get those tits to be ignored.
She did not get those.
No, but she's got...
Okay, put it away.
She has body dysmorphia.
Yeah, but you did.
She didn't want to be on the Tim Dylan show.
Oh, I don't know about that.
She didn't want to be on the Tim Dylan show.
I don't know about that, man.
Those dates there, you can't you get those to be ignored?
Not by, yeah, but it's not the point.
The point is you got some, tells you that that's what you need.
I don't know.
But it's a very internal thing.
It's not I want to be on the Tim Dylan.
It's an external thing.
Yeah, well, it manifests externally.
Yeah, it's a very external thing, too.
I mean, I get what you mean.
And I'm not, I'm not saying she shouldn't be.
So listen, here's the problem is that once things float up to comedy, I get it.
And I have, again, my issue is not with you.
No, of course.
It really isn't.
Well, of course.
Of course.
About yourself.
No, of course, of course.
No, it couldn't be me.
I mean, what I believe about comedy is that there is no moral arrow in comedy.
There's no moral up or down.
There's no moral gravity in comedy.
That's what we do.
And yes, I do think that on some level, it's like you're saging out all the serious shit that got said about her.
Yes.
And that people, I'm sure, got really angry on both sides.
Well, both sides, the left and the right tit.
Any of the sides.
Yeah.
And either tit.
Either one.
But I had, I'd just like to tell you a story about Sage because I was once home and this woman, I get a knock on my door.
Yeah.
And it's a woman that says, hey, I'm from next door.
The house next door had sold recently.
Right.
She said, I'm from next door.
And I was wondering if I could borrow a pot and a wooden spoon if you have that.
And I said, I do.
I said, it's so nice to have you in the neighborhood.
Right.
She went like, uh-huh, like, looks weird.
Right.
I said, do you need anything else?
Salt or paprika or something?
And she said, no, just pot and a spoon.
And I gave them to her.
And then she came back about two hours later and said, and gave them back to me.
Thank you.
And she was a little standoffish and she left.
And then about a month later, I get it.
I see them all moved in.
I get a knock on the door, a different woman.
She says, hey, I'm your next door neighbor.
I just want to say hi.
I said, you guys came here to get a pot and a spoon.
She said, oh, that was a woman I hired to get evil spirits out of the house.
Right.
So she took a pot from me and used the spoon to get evil spirits into the pot and then gave it to me.
I love belief systems because I love the idea.
Just think of that evil spirit.
Just a coupling of words.
Evil spirit will just go, oh, I don't like that herb.
Like, I'm out.
Like, if you're an evil spirit, Sage will do it.
That to me has always been shocking, like what people believe.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Like, if you're an evil spirit and you're trapped in this house, that just simply.
I know I'm an evil spirit who's trapped here because I was murdered in the basement.
Yes.
But if you, if you like Sage on Fire, I'm out of here.
It's just a thing.
It's for your mind, I think.
Yes.
Just so you feel better about it.
Before we get out of here, there's an article about people, the overpopulation is going to be concerned going to be fixed by metaverse children.
This is a thing where people are going to have children in the metaverse.
Oh, because they're not actually there.
They're not real.
And I, and I wanted to get your.
I think anybody who believes that should absolutely have a metaverse child instead of a physical child.
That's right.
I think that we should end the DNA strand that believes that.
Yes.
I mean, those, there's those people that, you know, there's that thing where they're all trying to get in the mainframe and live forever.
Yeah.
Please do.
Please do.
Please, all of you.
Yeah.
Please upload yourselves.
Yeah.
They've already started it with meta is a place that they're creating so they can go to it and live forever.
Right.
And by the way, when you get canceled now, you just, you can live in your home and feel okay.
Right.
But in meta, it's going to be purgatory.
It's going to be, they'll actually send you to hell.
What's interesting is you could go to a metaverse.
Yeah, they're going to make a hell in metaverse.
The idea of that damning you.
Well, that every day, because when you're, once you're in metaverse, once that really becomes existence, you're going to have to defend yourself there.
You're going to have to earn every day that you belong there.
That's a great point.
All of this mechanism of looking into everything you've said and thought is going to be used to weigh where you belong in the metaverse.
Do you think that they're really going to create a metaverse without a hierarchy?
Without a system of you, I don't know.
Right.
And what happens to you in that meta?
Well, you get lot.
They have a room for the folks.
There's not going to be a metaverse without justice.
No, of course.
Oh, yeah.
Of course not.
So then that's what all of this is practiced for.
Interesting.
All of this stuff that we're, that they are doing now.
Right.
Small parts of people.
Right.
They're there.
And maybe it's a sage-like thing.
They're getting it all into the thing, into the mainframe, and we can let all that go.
How beautiful that would that be?
And then we're just left with people walking in the streets.
That would be amazing.
Who are actually using their whole personality?
Yeah.
Because the thing about clickbait, cancel, all this tweeting is that it finds sectors of your person, right?
Right.
I was talking about this on another thing once, that when you watch a movie with your whole self, you take your entire body to a movie and you put your phone down and you sit there and you watch a film or a comedian or whatever.
Your whole self takes in the movie, right?
Right.
Your whole self isn't going to like it.
There's parts of you that are going to feel good.
There's parts of you that are going to feel angry.
There's parts of you that are going to, you're going to have a mixed reaction because you're using your entire multifaceted human spirit.
Right.
And that's going to create conflict in you.
I don't know how I feel about that movie.
You talk to your friend about it afterwards.
You go, I don't like that he did that at the end.
You know what I mean?
But I liked it.
I don't know.
That's a rich experience.
Right.
But it's very rare.
And for filmmakers and for studios, it's hard to know what thing is going to end up with an aggregate positive.
You know what I mean?
Right.
But if you tickle one part of somebody, you know, this is what you think right and wrong is.
This is what gets you off sexually.
These little parts of you.
That's a direct fucking touch.
That's like, yes.
It's like a drug.
And you react to it and it'll just keep getting more and more and more.
And you'll just keep wanting that more and more and more.
So that's the anger towards other people.
All these things, the hate and viral this and that.
It's just touching little parts of each person.
And you don't have to appeal to those.
That's why everything's fragmented, why no news shows the big picture.
Right.
And no news story is really about here's what's happening in Iran.
That's a big, big story.
Big story of wide ranging for a long time now.
This might, there's an opportunity in Iran for them to be like a cultured and complex nation that we might actually be friends with.
Right.
And why isn't, you know, like I saw Joe Biden say, American arms are flowing into the Ukraine as I speak.
I saw him say that proudly and I was like.
It's flowing.
Flowing.
Flowing as I speak.
He said that in Belgium when I was in, I was in Europe.
And, you know, if there's a shooting war and you send and you flow arms into it, more people get killed.
That's right.
More people die.
Yeah.
So, and I know that the young progressive kids that have like the little Ukrainian flag on their, on their ID are very comfortable with dead Russian soldiers with like charred face.
Yeah.
They don't loaded body.
Yeah.
Like coming out of a tank.
Arms Flowing into Ukraine00:05:55
Right.
They're like, you know, you, you know, it's right.
Go us, you know, whatever.
Fine.
But, but some effort to not just say out loud somebody, Biden, anybody.
Hey, I wish them well.
I, you know, at least do what Trump used to do for people.
I wish them luck.
I love it.
Yeah.
I wish them well.
The Iranian folks that are putting their.
I wish them luck.
Yeah.
And I don't, I don't know anything about it.
You know.
It's not our job.
No, it's not our job.
It's our job to shit on all of it and make fun of it.
And also just as Americans, too, it's like, we can sit it out.
We have a disease in this country where you can't.
That's Ralph.
He owns the studio.
I don't care.
Because you were here.
He came.
What he does is he came and took a photo of this and he's going to go back and you see, you see why?
No, and because his account's going to, he's been losing money for three years.
He's going to go, it's Louis C.K.
The account's going to go, Ralph, I'm telling you right now, we're in the, we're going to die here.
You know, a picture of me is not a good proof of concept.
I beg to differ.
I beg to differ.
It is in this world.
But no, everybody should go see you at your last show.
Yes, at Madison Square Garden.
Also, I'm at Wembley Arena.
Jesus Christ.
I'm at Wembley.
And this one I need to sell tickets to.
They're not buying that many things.
Sell them in Uga Free.
Wembley Arena.
Yes.
In London, October 4th, this coming fucking Tuesday.
That's amazing.
And the night before, I'm at the Hammersmith Apollo.
That's sold out.
That's been sold out for eight.
Amazing.
Wembley, there's still, I think, 6,000 tickets available for Wembley.
If you are one of 6,000 people in the UK.
You got to go to this show.
Go to this show in Wembley.
What are you doing?
I'm going to do something shocking at that.
He's going to do something.
I'm going to do something.
I don't want to telegraph it.
Of course not.
But I might commit suicide at that show.
Wembley.
Still buy tickets to the garden.
Think about the ad rev that you will get on a picture of Louis C.K. committing suicide.
Yes.
Think about that.
Yeah, because we restrict we restrict the phones.
Yes.
I mean, we don't put him in the sacks anymore.
I don't do that anymore.
Okay.
I just, we tell them, don't take it out.
But darn yourself.
And suicide is live suicide.
What I'm saying is that if you get a picture, you'll be one of the few because we are stomping people.
So that'd be worth a lot of money.
It's worth a lot of money.
Please come to Wembley Arena.
Also, I'm coming to Milwaukee.
I'm coming to Atlanta, New Orleans.
I'm thinking of places that haven't sold out yet.
Nashville, I'm playing the grand old Opry in Nashville, October, November, December 14th.
And I'm in Pittsburgh at a place, coming to Pittsburgh, and all those fucking, all those fucking places.
And you can go on my website, buy all seven specials for $25.
It's the best deal.
You can buy my new movie, Fourth of July.
Yeah.
And the series Louis that I made.
Best.
It's not on anywhere but my website.
So it's exclusive to the city.
I got it exclusive.
They took it off of Amazon and off of Apple and they gave it to me exclusively.
Right.
And the reason I asked him to do that was so that I could set a price that those people wouldn't have because you have to always be the same price to have like competitive parody or whatever.
Right.
So you only pay 30 bucks.
You get all five seasons and you can stream them for the next five years.
And Bobby Kelly made a special that I directed.
I saw it in the hour.
It's the best.
I saw it.
You're lying and I appreciate that.
No, no, no.
I saw it.
He did it in a bar.
Oh, okay.
I thought you just saw it.
No, he did it in a bar in fucking Round Rock, Texas.
Destroyed, right?
And he destroyed.
Yes.
And it's amazing.
It's called Killbucks.
Yes.
And we just gathered people in this box, this old fucking factory in Tampa.
Yeah.
And he went in there and he just crushed.
Yeah.
And so it's on my website October 8th.
Yeah.
For I think 10 bucks or something.
And Bobby's coming on the show too.
He's going to be out.
Good.
That's my shit.
I'm sorry.
And thank you, by the way, you're a big supporter of the show.
People don't know that, but you're.
How do I support it without people knowing, though?
Well, you just tell me that you think things are funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Which to me is how you should support.
It makes me happy.
I listen to your show.
Like I listen to it like a regular person when it makes my breakfast.
Well, that makes me happy that you think things are funny.
So that's how you support it.
It's very funny.
You with the woman in Chicago.
What's her name?
Lori Lightfoot.
The Lori Lightfoot Tim Dylan.
Yeah.
Just Google Lori Lightfoot, Tim Dylan.
It's one of the best pieces of audio.
Yeah.
I appreciate it.
She's a and you guys found that too, right?
Wasn't that your guys find for Yelp that she reviewed a limousine company on YouTube?
Other people knew about it.
And then through the, you could tell through the limousine company's reply that it was all lies.
And someone found, but son, your organization, someone found that.
We found it.
And your dissection of it.
Yeah.
I listened to it on a tour bus.
Yeah.
It's one of the funniest things ever.
It's a great piece.
That's great in the creative journalism.
We try.
And, you know, Lori is a gift.
Listen, if I lived in Chicago, I'd probably be angry, but I don't.
So it's pure comedy.
I wanted to win again.
Yes.
I wanted to win, win, win because there's nothing better than a petty kind of small, even though Chicago is not a small town, but like a small town, petulant, childlike dictator, which is the way she behaves.
It's incredible.
It's an incredible.
Nothing is better than like a mean lesbian who like gets in feuds with local businesses.
Nothing better than that.
That's local stupidity.
That's local.
Great level.
Localized stupidity.
If I lived in Chicago, I bet Chicago local papers make way more money on her.
Because in the morning, they have the crazy her with the eye and it says like, guess what she did today?
And people are like, fucking every fucking, it's like the Metro.
It's like the T in the 40s when they showed everybody with the newspaper.
No, it's absolutely.
Chicago's Notorious Characters00:01:04
What does she do now?
What is she doing?
It is wonderful that America, we have these characters.
We have these characters.
Nobody has better characters.
No, we are an amazing story.
There's no way that you can create a cast of characters the way this country has.
Incredible.
Trump and Kardashian and Bieber.
All of these things.
And Lori Lightfoot.
It's beautiful.
It's such a beautiful story.
And you know, and again, once it wafts up to you, what you do with it, you should never hold back.
No, we can't.
You should, you cannot.
I know how.
Yeah.
There's no, once it gets to you, it's too late.
That's right.
I believe that.
That's right.
It is once it's here.
It's too late.
It's too late.
It's time to go hard.
Yeah.
And for sure.
Fucking dig in, baby.
It's beautiful.
I love what you do.
Very good.
Louis C.K., go get everything he has.
LouisCK.com.
Go to my website.
Otherwise, I can't do this anymore.
Louis CK.com.
I'm not going to get a stream of income except my own industry now.