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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Old Money vs New Money00:07:25
Ladies and gentlemen, sorry, we had a Han Dynasty Chinese food and it's spicy.
Ben loves Chinese food.
It's his favorite kind of food.
It makes him feel very few things do.
And you would say it's your favorite food by far.
Is it Thai food more than Chinese food?
I would say it's Chinese and then Japanese kind of in its high right there.
Interesting.
It's all East Coast.
I mean, East Eastern.
Eastern world, yes.
Phenomenal.
That's great.
I like Chinese.
I don't, you know, I mean, I'm, you know, I don't, I don't know.
It's not my favorite, you know, because I'm a civilized person.
So I don't eat chicken feet and stuff, but I don't mind it.
I like countries with tablecloths.
Welcome to the alt-right Nazi food hour.
Thank you for coming.
And this is when we're, I'm watching a show on HBO right now called The Gilded Age, which isn't good, but it's not bad.
And it's about all these old money families in New York that are being displaced by new money families.
And it's about like a family that's supposed to be the Vanderbilts because it's a railroad tycoon and his wife and they're trying to break into old New York.
And you see in the show how bad the Irish had it.
You know, everybody, we always hear about, you know, you know, slaves, but we never hear about Irish slaves.
And there were like a ton of them.
And that's what my podcast is now about.
Telling the story of Irish slaves.
But, you know, one of the maids is Irish.
She's like a gambler.
And a guy's just beating her up and throwing her on the street, trying to get his money.
But now, you know, HBO has got to force all these storylines.
They got to force diversity.
So you have like a black character who, you know, it's just you're watching this thing.
A girl gets robbed.
The black lady lends her money.
And then she goes to this, you know, rich family in New York, and then they just take her in.
So here's what you have to believe now.
You have to believe that America was this stunningly racist, horrible society, which there's a lot of merit to that belief, but you also have to suspend that belief to enjoy a show where they just move a black woman into the home within two days of meeting her because you need the diversity in this show.
So it's like the craziest storyline ever.
It's like, oh, yeah, she lent me money to get on the train.
And then she gets there and they're like, oh, you can dictate my letters.
You can read or write.
Live with us.
Live with us and be a principal character on the show.
And that's where the diversity start going, that's odd.
I'm all for having another black family on the show in Brooklyn where it's believable, where it's not like you're not forcing this thing that would really just never happen in my estimation.
I'm not saying it's never happened, but the idea you have this old money, New York, rich family just taking in this black girl after knowing her for less than 24 hours.
It goes, just live here.
Just live here.
It's odd.
You know, but again, this is what this is part of the new ethos in Hollywood, where even if it doesn't make sense, just do it.
Just throw it in.
And no shade to anybody.
Hey, get your money.
I'd rather watch a show where there's a black family experiencing truly what it was like in that era than that forced storyline that we're seeing, which clearly seems to be not what would have happened.
Or maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem to be like the whole show is about this woman being terribly uncomfortable with her white neighbor.
That's the entire show is about these two women who are just, you know, one's old money, one's new money, and they don't get along.
The new money one is garish and vulgar.
She's a Vulgarian.
And the old money one, Christine Bransky, doesn't like her.
Now, we're supposed to believe that she's terribly uncomfortable with, but she moves into black girl in under 24 hours and goes, come live in a house.
Late 1800s, by the way.
Civil War ended hours ago.
And we're supposed to believe she just, oh, just come on in a house.
The whole show is about she hates different classes of white people who have money.
They have more money than her.
It's not even about, it's, it's just, the whole show is about how you hate the other.
Like, you just, there are, people are tribal by nature, and people hate disruptions and they hate change.
And she hates this woman who lives across the street who has real money.
And her husband's this, you know, brash railroad tycoon who's a, you know, a big money player in New York.
And she's terribly uncomfortable with that and she doesn't like it.
But she moves into black girl.
And we're supposed to just, you know, kind of ease past that, what seems to be a glaring contradiction because HBO needs to do that now.
And you go, okay.
All right.
It's also whatever.
The show is whatever.
Nobody asked for the show either.
Nobody was like, you know, we, because the guy made it to Downtown Abbey, which a lot of people loved.
My grandmother loved it, which was like a show about the British aristocracy.
And he's doing it for America, for New York.
But, you know, nobody was pounding on the door saying, please, God, make a show about this.
And not only have they made a show about it, but they've made a show about it where one of the key plot points to me feels a bit ludicrous.
Or maybe it wasn't that racist.
Maybe those old white women who lived on Fifth Avenue weren't that bad.
That's kind of what you have to deduce.
You have to go, she's not that bad.
There's a black girl live in a house.
That's lovely.
I'm sure that's not a common thing.
Again, you can't have it both ways, you know?
Oh, the country was horribly racist.
I'm with you there.
I agree with that.
I think you're right about that.
But this old bitch loved this black woman and moved her in in under 24 hours, having not even known her, moved her right in.
Empire Building Impulses00:15:19
Oh.
And that's the show.
Just go with it.
Just go with the show.
And you go, okay.
I was reading about, you know, I'm trying to, you know, the diet that we're all being fed right now is war.
It's just a steady diet of Ukraine war.
And it's unhealthy.
It's unhealthy.
The TV just went on.
It's unhealthy to just hear about the war.
I'm not saying it's unimportant.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter.
I'm saying there's how many explosions should you watch?
It's a fair point.
It's a fair question, right?
How many buildings should you watch being shelled before you have coffee?
Four?
Because we are now being fed a steady war diet.
The troops are advancing.
They may launch an amphibious assault on Odessa.
They are in the Black Sea.
The convoy has been stalled on the way to Kyiv, which everyone has pronounced Kiev, and now it is Kyiv, whatever.
People on Twitter are fighting.
Is Vladimir Putin a rational actor acting in his self-interest after being goaded into the war by the expansion of NATO?
There's something to that, for sure, certainly.
And the other side, or is Vladimir Putin a psychopath who's behaving erratically, which there's also room for that, because when you look at what he's going to have to do with Ukraine, have a military presence there for a long time, bleed his country there, bleed his country dry financially, have, you know, to deal with an insurgency for as long as they're there.
Ukrainians are never going to forget about this.
It's not like he could just install a puppet government and be done.
This is a real project.
We just got done with this in Iraq and Afghanistan.
How did it work out for us?
We were humiliated.
The Taliban came back 20 years later.
But a lot of people made a lot of money in that period.
I'm not, you know, naive, but these things don't usually work.
So a cost-benefit analysis of this, but I think he was like, listen, I'm in my 70s.
There's rumors that he has Parkinson's.
He's like, hey, he's concerned with his legacy.
He goes, I'm not going to let you put missiles all around Russia.
I'm just not going to do it.
I'm a nuclear power.
We have more nuclear warheads than anybody else.
I'm going to act like it.
There's a great line in succession.
What good is having fuck you money if you can't say fuck you?
And I think Putin goes, well, what good is having all these goddamn nukes?
Just so what?
I could talk to Oliver Stone?
No, I want a party too.
America's running around the Middle East pretending they're democratizing things and they ain't.
You know?
Israel's, you know, with Palestine, the whole thing.
Saudi Arabia is doing a genocide in Yemen.
Why don't I get involved?
I feel like, you know, he feels like, hey, you're not going to put me in a box.
But we, so we have that reality.
Now, that being said, he's invaded a country and it's terrible to watch, right?
Now, a lot of Americans don't seem to feel any which way about the people that are being killed.
In fact, some of them think it's a good thing or that Putin is doing something to be cheered on, like you would cheer on the Dallas Cowboys.
And they are saying that Vladimir Putin isn't your enemy, which is okay, sure, but who is my enemy?
I mean, why does there need to be an enemy all the time?
Because inherent in Vladimir Putin isn't your enemy, it's that, no, it's Kamala Harris as your enemy.
You go, well, okay, can I live in a world where I'm not in direct conflict with either Vladimir Putin or Kamala Harris?
Because I'm trying to, Kamala has more effect on my life.
She could raise my taxes.
She could do things that I don't like.
That being said, I'd rather live here in America than live in Moscow, which people have forgotten.
I think somehow, somewhere, people have forgotten that.
They go, well, no, America's got a lot of problems too.
Yeah, pound for pound, though, it would be hard to really make the argument that you'd be better off living in Russia.
I mean, I know you may be upset about what's happening in the country.
You don't like certain things.
Critical race series, you know, got you bent out of shape.
You know, whatever drag queens, you know, read the cat in the hat in a library.
That's keeping you up.
You know what I mean?
You know, there's not enough diversity in the Marvel movie franchise on the other side.
Whatever your problems happen to be, it's probably pound for pound still better to live here.
Not maybe by that much, and maybe not for much longer, depending on how we go.
But when you hear people talk about this idea, there seems to be this idea that, you know, the debate is kind of about, you know, like that we that the CIA and America has done bad things, which we are well aware of.
We've had all of this on the show.
We've been completely aware that we are an empire in a stage of decline, that the empire was established by CIA coups, military conquest, as all empires are.
I mean, we're very aware of this, right?
There's been no empire in history that's ever gotten to the size we are or any approximation of it without doing all those things.
It's just not the way empires are built.
That doesn't excuse them.
That doesn't make them right.
But there is a weird idea or a strange idea that everything Russia does, which is a bad thing, has to be immediately countered by reminding people that we've also done a bad thing.
It's like an interesting kind of a knee-jerk.
Whereas if Putin were to go in and nuke Ukraine tomorrow, people would tweet, well, we also dropped the atom bomb on Japan.
I don't know what that does.
I don't know what that accomplishes.
I don't know what, where that.
I don't know, but it's people are very, it's kind of people.
If nukes came flying over here, there'd be a fair amount of the population that went, and he's right.
Good for him.
Like, I mean, would they stop at that?
That's a fair point.
If Putin were to invade America, which he's not going to do, but if he were to do that, would there be a segment of the population that goes, good, good for him?
I don't know.
I'm not saying that's, it just does feel like it's a little bit of a knee-jerk reaction where a lot of the stuff coming out of the Ukraine is propaganda for sure.
We know that.
Is it, yeah, and is it dangerous propaganda?
Perhaps if it needlessly escalates the war where these neocon warhawks are like, let's just enforce no fly zones, which is essentially an act of war.
Yeah, I'm all for not being taken in by like war propaganda, you know?
But I don't personally need to fact check every single inspirational story that comes out of the Ukraine.
Like, I don't, I don't personally, like when that ghost to Kiev thing happened, I didn't, I don't care.
If the ghost to Kiev is real or not, whatever they need to believe, right?
They're getting bombed.
Whatever they need to believe.
You want to believe in the ghost of Kiev, the ghost of Christmas past?
None of it means anything to me.
People in this country believe in all kinds of shit.
They believe in monsters, cannibals.
You know, like people believe in Jesus.
People believe in all kinds of stuff that I don't care if they believe it or not.
It's great.
Good for you.
But if you want to believe in the ghost to Kiev, I don't care.
It doesn't really affect me.
Now, if you start to see the propaganda go in a direction where you can kind of see it moving, where it's like, well, I think we should do more.
Then you go, hold on.
Calm down.
Relax.
I am not for doing more.
I am for doing the same or less because we're not, we shouldn't be getting into a war with Russia over this.
It's not our fight.
I just don't, I don't see the value in like fact-checking every little thing that comes out of the Ukraine.
Where they're like, Putin, they got into some firefight at a nuclear plant and everybody's like, it's fine.
The nuclear plan is fine.
Everyone's freaking out over it, but it's actually good.
And you go, oh, okay.
But what is this?
How far will this go?
You know, the orphanage Putin bombed was actually a secondary school.
The kids were four to seven.
Okay.
Well, it's different because it's not an orphanage.
You said it was babies.
They're eight.
Okay.
I understand that.
Well, I'm just saying, get your facts straight.
Oh, yeah.
Well, all right.
But again, I understand like if that propaganda is being used to justify more of a direct conflict with Russia, then yeah, fuck it.
No.
That should be off the table.
That's off the table.
We're not doing that.
It's off the table.
So I understand, like, I understand, like, figuring out what's what.
I just don't see the need for myself to, like, you know, Zelensky, there were three assassination attempts.
Yeah, maybe not.
Okay, but in your own head, why wouldn't the Russians be trying to assassinate him, right?
Just think about it.
Like, why wouldn't they?
If you were put, would you not want him dead?
I don't, you know, he's doing a pretty good job of galvanizing support behind the cause.
So wouldn't you want him out of the picture?
Well, they said three.
It was two.
Get your facts straight.
You go, I understand the impulse to distrust media narratives.
I think it's important to have.
And I've done it my entire life with 9-11, with all these things.
But in this case, it just feels, again, like everything is domestic politics.
Like the big problem with the conspiracy movement was it got fused with domestic politics.
It used to be people that were really well-read, who knew a lot about history, questioning conclusions and doing it in a very like, you know, pretty bookish way.
They were pretty meticulous and they read a lot.
And then the conspiracy movement through QAnon became fused with domestic politics.
The horse race, you know, I'm going to win.
I'm going to beat you.
And then a lot of people started to get interested in these topics who had never read a book and didn't know anything and were completely unaware of what disinformation was and were completely unaware of, yes, there is human trafficking going around, but maybe the human traffickers are the ones pushing these stories that they're cannibals and they're boiling kids in pots.
And maybe they're doing that because it actually seems so fantastical that it makes people dismiss the actual reality of human trafficking as it relates to political elites in America.
So when you're talking about Chrissy Teigen running a cult of witches eating children, people easily dismiss that.
But when you talk about Epstein and you talk about things like that, and there's facts now, it's much harder to dismiss.
So a lot of that weird diss, and I'm not saying that the weird people in this country don't do occult shit and don't murder kids or whatever, but I'm saying as this grand conspiracy that QAnon became, it actually did more to hurt legitimate concerns and questions about human trafficking because it was all about winning.
So about the domestic political impulse of seeing your enemies get smashed, seeing them lose.
And this was, of course, seeing them get locked up, put in Guantanamo Bay, executed.
So looking at this war and making it about Joe Biden or Donald Trump or making it about how to win against somebody else that disagrees with you about something seems to be, it just seems to be very limiting.
It's limiting in the scope of human experience, the way to look at things, the way to analyze things.
Limiting Political Narratives00:06:42
You shouldn't necessarily hear something and then immediately leap to, okay, but how does this serve my overall goal of making my neighbor look stupid?
You should look at it and try to form opinions outside of that, outside of that impulse.
I try to check that impulse all the time.
It kills humor.
It kills creativity.
It kills being good at your job.
I mean, unless you just want to be a hack, partisan, shoving slop down people's throat, which is how many people earn great livings.
But if you don't want to do that, you shouldn't.
That's why everybody's like, oh, you're a centrist, so you're never ticketed.
Whatever you want to call it, I don't care what you people think.
Truly, I have enough money.
I could quit tomorrow.
Ben would have to work, but I don't.
And he's young and he can get a job.
I don't care what any of you think.
If I did, I never would have done this show because everybody told me it was a waste of my time and that I should just, you know, do a food show on Comedy Central and be the next Anthony Bourdain and go to places and talk to the diner waitress and do that or do a travel op, do a travel show, go around and talk to people and, you know, go to the fair.
But no, we did this show, so I don't give a fuck what you people think.
It doesn't matter.
I barely care what I think.
And I make a lot of money, thinking.
Noen dager, må man bare lufte hodet litt.
Ha en Stratos da vel?
Den luftige melkesjokoladen som bobler av glede.
Hva med en Stratos salty caramel?
Med fløyresmyk og salt karamell?
Har lufta gått litt ut av deg?
Prøv Stratos da vel?
Den luftige melkesjokoladen som bobler av glede.
Ta en bit, og la den smelte på tungen.
Oi, oi, nå snakker vi.
But I try to look at both people.
Like, I try to look at both sides of an issue and go, where are people correct in my estimation and where are they wrong?
So I get checking propaganda.
And I get that propaganda being dangerous if it's used to force more of a direct conflict with Russia, right?
But then, of course, I see that that can go overboard too.
That can get a little silly.
You know, that just seems it could get a little silly, right?
Like, for example, if Putin just launches nuclear strikes in four or five different countries, now he's not going to do this.
But let's say he did, you know, would people be, well, it's the expansion in NATO.
Yeah, maybe, but hey, we're in a different place now.
Let's try to think about how to survive here.
You know, you don't have any survival instinct.
Well, it's, well, you know, we shouldn't have done.
Yeah, well, hey, you know, it's like you're in a bad situation.
You know, some guy's got a gun to the back of your head.
You're in a bad part of the city.
And, you know, one of your friends looks and goes, we never should have came here.
It's like, hey, this is not helping.
This doesn't really help at the present moment.
I don't know how bad things are going to get.
You know?
You know, I mean, I'm hoping that this, I mean, I'm bored of it already, if that's a good sign.
I hope it's a good sign.
It's become boring to me.
I don't really want to keep watching this.
It was fun for a few days because it was like new and interesting, but it's really become, to be honest, dull.
And people's takes are already becoming circular.
You've heard them.
They keep, you know, I'm getting wary of the sing-songy bullshit on one side about how like Zelensky and all this stuff.
Like, I'm getting wary of that because that's my nature to be like, wait a minute, hold on, where are we going?
And then on the other side, where people are just literally putting Putin's cock in their mouth and sucking him off on TV is also slightly.
So I don't know where I just turn it off.
Got to turn it off.
You know, all these dumb things that we do, you know, the, you know, I was in Long Island the other day and there was a sign, you know, the town of Babylon stands with Ukraine.
It's like that type of shit.
Of course, it's like cringe.
You look at that stuff.
You go, what the fuck's this going to do?
But what else are we going to do?
What the fuck else are you going to do?
You just go, yeah, well, town of Babylon stands with Ukraine.
And by the way, I've been to Babylon.
They probably don't.
That's the other thing.
I don't know if I don't know if they took a poll.
I don't know who the fuck put up that sign.
But it's just, you know, I'm getting tired of it.
I'm getting tired of it.
We're supposed to be out of this.
We're supposed to be getting out of a pandemic.
And then there's supposed to be some type of creative renaissance.
This is what I've been.
And I don't mean in a good way.
I mean like a very dumb, silly, stupid, you know, spate of film projects that come out where it's like people are really goofy and like nothing has a plot and everybody just kind of so happy to be out of their house and they just don't care anymore.
And that's what I was picturing, not a war.
We're like in, like we're in war mode.
And I'm just like, I can't, I can't get in.
I just can't get into it.
I can't get into it.
Does that sound cunty?
Perhaps.
But what do you want me to do?
Force it?
I can't force it.
Like HBO is forcing the storyline.
I can't force myself into it.
You know, we did it.
We had the guy on the show.
And we listened to David Bowie's Heroes in the Car.
And we drove over the 59th Street Bridge.
And then we went to have bagels.
We did it.
We did what we were there to do.
He came on.
He told his tale.
And we supported him.
I donated $5,000 of Bitcoin to him.
And he sent me a few photos of like charred Russian bodies, I guess, which I wanted photos of something else, which I don't think he got.
I think it was a language barrier for $5,000.
I wanted other, but whatever.
Can't Force Summer Vibes00:03:45
Doesn't matter.
We wish him well.
We wish him the best.
But, you know, we did a heroic thing for Ukraine by having him on a show, you know, that's ad supported.
And we made a lot of money to do.
But I'm kind of now, I've reached the point now where I go, okay, I just, I want to, you know, we're heading into the spring and the summer, and I just, you know, we don't need gas being a million trillion dollars.
We just don't need it.
We don't need it.
Enough with the sanctions.
Let's calm down with the sanctions.
Because here's the deal.
It's about to impact all of us in ways we don't like.
Airfare going up.
Price of gas going up.
We're trying to have a summer here.
I'm talking like this.
Everyone's afraid to say these things.
I'm going to say them.
And by the way, I don't mean that because there's a lot of people saying them.
By the way, it should be taboo.
Like what I'm saying should be taboo, but I believe it's being pretty openly discussed in Congress.
But I do believe we got to look out for ourselves a little bit here.
And I just think we can't really go too crazy with the sanctions.
What if we did it?
What if we lifted the sanctions on Putin and said, hey, what is it?
You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
What if we lifted the sanctions?
I mean, As a show of good faith, I'm not a geopolitical mastermind, but whatever is a show of good faith, lift the sanctions and go, hey, do what you got to do, but just, you know, take care of us here.
We need to get the price of fuel down.
It's a fact from New York City, how many miles is it from New York City to the Hamptons?
How many miles?
It is, let's see here.
Sorry.
It is exactly 94 miles.
Okay, it's 100 miles.
Let's round it.
Okay.
It is 100 miles of gas.
How many miles to the gallon are people getting?
On average, like on that highway, probably like 18.
18 miles to the gallon.
So how many gallons of gas?
About five or six.
We're looking at about five or six gallons.
And gas is what now?
About four.
I mean, it's about four for five.
Yeah, people are bracing for five.
That's what's coming.
So every time you go to the Hamptons, about 30 bucks.
Yeah, five gallons there, five gallons back.
You're looking at.
$60.
Yeah.
That's $60 for one trip to the Hamptons.
$60.
Now, that's for the people that drive.
Then we have helicopters.
We have private planes.
Yes.
No, I mean, this is.
No, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Hey, hey, here's the reality here.
No, this is, I'm not, I'm not here to pretend that things aren't how they are.
This is a big problem heading into the summer.
People are going to want to go to Europe.
They're going to want to travel.
I have a lot of friends that are going to be in Martha's Vineyard.
Maybe they're going to be in Nantucket.
Ferries.
You know what I mean?
Like, guys, what are we?
What?
Trading Summer for War00:16:04
Like, are you willing to trade your summer for Ukraine?
No, I'm dead serious.
Are you willing to trade your summer for the Ukraine?
I'm talking about the summer of love, the summer of fucking.
COVID is finally over.
Fax mandates have dropped.
I'm talking partying outside.
I mean, eating a pussy that tastes like peach melba the summer.
I'm talking about warm summer breezes.
I mean, are you willing to not participate in a lot of those activities because of the Ukraine?
And I don't know.
I don't think I am.
So I believe right now we need to lift all the sanctions on Putin until the fall.
Because, and he'll still be there.
We can sanction him in the fall.
I just, let's be honest.
You know?
Where were you going to go this summer?
Carviv?
Is that where you were going to go?
Were you going to go to Carviv?
Were you?
Were you going to go to Malibu?
Let's start looking out for number one.
We didn't get to be the greatest country in the world by taking care of other people.
Let's be honest.
And maybe you might not believe we're the greatest country in the world, and that's absolutely fine.
But we didn't get here by concern for others, as Twitter will tell you.
So it's time to stop pretending that we got to cut it out now.
Cut it out.
Stop the flags.
Stop the songs.
Stop the song and dance routine.
Cut it out.
We've done it now for a week.
We don't, you know, our movies suck.
Nobody respects us anymore.
We don't even put out good shit.
Everything we make is horrible.
Every comedian special that comes out on HBO, not all of them, but a lot of them, it's just somebody on a stage talking about how sad they are without a goddamn joke.
The rest of the world has figured us out.
Okay?
We fucked up.
We haven't put out a good movie in a long fucking time.
There's not shit to watch.
We used to bomb the hell out of these people, rape and pillage, but we used to give them good shit.
Great movies, okay?
Ghostbusters and Seinfeld and Scent of a Woman, whatever.
They loved it.
You know, rap music, black culture, all these things we exported all over the world.
Everything we do now sucks.
We don't have any soft power that's worth a damn.
So just shut it down.
Lift the sanctions on Putin.
Lift them on Putin.
Let's have a summer.
It's time to have a summer.
Whether you're a poor piece of shit trash bag who gets drunk at a lake or you got a little scratch and you find your way to one of the fucking oceans in this country somewhere.
Whatever.
Not my business.
Everybody deserves a fucking summer after the two years we've had.
And that involves immediately lifting the sanctions on Vladimir Putin.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
But there's no other way out here.
Lift the fucking sanctions.
I'm talking gas 289.
Not even.
Let's start cutting deals.
Here's the deal.
We're going to feel bad if we lift the sanctions.
We're going to feel horrible because he's going to use all that money to go in there.
And I mean, God, what he's going to do.
But that's why the gas has to be so cheap.
The deal has to be so good.
I mean, I'm talking about what can we get it down to?
210.
It's got to be so good that you're eating that burger and the summer breeze is hitting you in the face and everybody's got their tits and dicks out and everybody's having fun.
And you just, you don't, you feel a little bad, but not that bad because the deal's got to be good for us to turn away from this, to look away and remove all sanctions.
We got to get a good deal on fuel.
Good deal.
So that we can go have a summer.
The world is going to be uninhabitable in, I don't know, seven years.
Enjoy what you have.
Enjoy what you have now.
So this is my, and again, it is not, it is not the most, you know, you know, it's not a position that makes me proud that I have it.
I'm not proud of it.
But do you see another way out?
Do you see another way out of this?
Here's how you see a way out.
Here's why I like it.
Here's why I like it.
Yeah, I like it.
Here's why I like it.
Because if they're going to occupy for 10 or 15 years, we come back in the fall and we sanction them.
We got a winter.
Or not because we got to do shit then, too.
The fall is amazing.
People want to do a weekend in the Berkshires.
Listen, can we cut it out with this?
Stop with this.
Have a summer.
I mean, I mean, this is what we got to do.
This is what we got to do.
There's no other way around this here.
And this is unfortunate.
When is this?
We should, I guess, do we have to just put this out as the main one?
Because if we put it out as a patron, when's that supposed to go out?
That would be in six days from now.
So if there's like nuclear things.
So we have to put this out as the main one.
Yeah, probably to audio only.
Yeah, what are you going to do?
Hey, fuck you if you don't like it.
Who cares?
But I am saying right now, we should absolutely, without a doubt, remove all sanctions on Vladimir Putin and commend him on securing the Ukraine from Nazis.
Now, there are some Nazis over there that Azoff, Azov, that's their elite fighting force.
They are all not.
Can we call the great.
I want to call the great Melanie here.
Let's see if she answers because there's no one funnier than her, quite frankly.
And she did sum this up kind of brilliantly the other day.
And by the way, some people listen from Ukraine, and I'm very sorry about this, but we just deserve a summer.
Hello.
Hey, Melanie.
How are you?
Hey, what's up, man?
Listen, you're on the podcast.
Let me ask you, you know more about everything.
Putin, we all know Putin's a psychopath, but aren't the Ukrainians also like kind of Nazis?
He's like white supremacists and all of a sudden everybody loves them.
They are kind of Nazis, though.
Yeah, they're part Nazi.
One of the guys that, like, what's his face?
Byron's hand, like, shaking hands with is like, you know, a total Nazi.
And people forget it, too.
It's like, oh, well, you know, they're Nazis, but they're not as bad as the Russians.
Right.
Right.
You know, it's convenient.
Right, for sure.
I don't know why this is all even happening.
But it's not going to end well, I can tell you that.
I mean, if, you know what, Putin's not going to lose.
He's just going to push the button at the end.
Right.
He's not going to.
But I'm just saying, listen, I want to keep gas cheap because I think we all deserve a nice summer.
Oh, God, dude.
Let me tell you something.
Yeah, exactly.
The gas situation, whatchamacallit, Putin has, I think it's about, I would say between at least almost 30% of the market coming in.
And he's, you know, he's exporting almost all the natural gas to Germany.
That's why you're seeing such a tepid response on Ukraine from all these countries.
They're like, yeah, we want to help, but we want to eat food.
You know, we don't want to pay a zillion dollars for heat and all this other stuff, especially here.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, we just, I think, I don't know what we're going to, what we have to do here, but like, you know, I'm not into going into a nuclear war for the Ukraine.
No, me neither.
I mean, no, no.
Biden would say the Uranian, which I thought was hysterical.
Yeah.
Well, he's, of course.
No, no nuclear war.
Whatchamacallit?
He, God, I mean, at the gas, like right now, it'd be like the poor Ukraine, but if it goes up to like, you know, $8 or $9 a gallon, they're going to go to war with them.
You know what I mean?
You know what?
That's fun.
That's probably what will happen is the gas will go up to about $7 a gallon and like $10 in California.
And we'll sneak a bomb in there to just end it and blame it on the Russians.
It may be the best thing to do.
Of course.
We just have to do it.
All right.
I'll call you later, babe.
Thank you so much.
We appreciate it.
It's a great Melanie.
Again, it's rare that someone has moral clarity in these times and she does.
That's what I like about it.
It's moral clarity.
And we don't see a lot of it.
We don't see a lot of it in these times.
But I do think it's important that we keep our eye on the prize here, which is the price of fuel and our ability to have a good summer.
And I know the world order, well, the world order is being rocked.
Yeah, But you know what?
How about a fun summer that we've earned, that we didn't have last summer because of fucking Delta?
Now we're just, it's going to be great.
COVID is done.
It's in the rear view.
And I think we're just going to, so I think that's the real, that's the challenge.
How much of your lifestyle are you willing to sacrifice?
I am willing to do what I've done.
Tweet, post.
I'll sign a sternly worded letter written by Barry Weiss.
But I mean, you know what I mean?
I wonder if I'm going to do the Bitcoin convention.
You know, we've been playing chicken with them because I want more money and whatever.
I don't know if I'm going to go.
I do have fun when I go.
I do like that community.
I got to find if I can get a big guest.
I don't know if I can get a big guest.
I wanted Caitlin Jenner.
That was my fucking goal.
And I don't know if I'm going to be able to get her.
I wanted Caitlin Jenner for the Bitcoin conference.
Logan Paul and Caitlin Jenner together was a goal of mine to have.
And then this kid Will Clemente on Twitter is very smart about Bitcoin.
But I just don't know if I'm going to get any of the big names.
Does it make sense to go there without the big names?
Right?
No, we got to have Caitlin.
I wanted somebody big.
Maybe we get Put.
If I could get Putin, that would be great.
If I could get, you know, Zelensky or something, but I don't want to sit there and I need some real fucking star power to make that conference worth it.
Last year, we had the Winklevoss twins who said a collection of nine words throughout the hour and Jake Paul, who talked about wanting to kill Dana White.
But I was at least funny and the show was good.
I don't know what else.
I don't know what we're going to do this year.
I don't want to do stand-up.
They're doing a comedy tent.
I don't want to do that.
So I don't know who I can bring in.
I just don't know.
So, you know, I'm still up in the air with this.
They just sold a house in L.A. called The One, and it's a great story.
I subscribed to the LA Times.
They sold it.
And the thing about this house is the builder is in a shitload of debt.
If you go to the L.A. Times article, which you're not subscribed to, but I'll give you the time to subscribe right now for $1 for six months.
What publications are you subscribed to for the good of the show?
Wall Street Journal, I finally signed up for.
Here's what you, no, no, no.
This is what you should be subscribed to.
And I'm not kidding.
Okay.
And you could submit this and I'll pay for it like I do everything else.
Here's what you should literally be subscribed to.
The New York Times, the LA Times, the Wall Street Journal, probably the Miami Herald, Chicago Tribune, fuck it, especially because of Lightfoot, the Chicago Tribune, the Boston Globe.
You should subscribe to 10 or 20 papers, truly.
Okay.
You know, even the Cleveland Plain Dealer, because there's stories in there.
You know what I mean?
But again, I know it's your like, how do we do less, spend less, do it on the cheap?
Well, this is my one of six free articles for the month for LA Times.
Well, is that the way to build a show?
No.
Into an empire?
It is not.
Trying to have six free articles?
No.
That's right.
Thank you.
Well, this article is cool because the guy that built this house took a $90 million subprime loan from a company called Westlake Financial, which does hard money loans, which means loans you can't get in the traditional banking system.
So the developer took this loan and then he went wild.
I mean, he built this massive home.
It's 100,000 square feet.
It's grotesque and heinous, vulgar.
And this guy then had trouble selling it.
So then he was like, hey, he went to Westlake Financial.
He's like, and this guy's a billionaire that is building the home.
And he goes, well, hey, why don't I, why don't I just live in the house and we'll do, I swear to God, this is all in the article.
He goes, we'll do celebrity boxing events.
We'll make our money another way.
We don't have to sell it.
We won't flip it.
I got in too deep.
I went too crazy.
I spent too much money.
He goes, we'll do celebrity boxing events and then we'll do, I'll do the best entertainers in the world, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and they'll all be holograms.
And there'll be holograms and then people beating shit out of each other in the backyard and then holograms of Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.
And that's how we'll make our money instead of flipping the house.
Read a little bit of the article.
It is interesting when you get to this point where you start building things that are this big.
And again, you want to sell it for more money?
Lift the sanctions.
Okay, so the mega mansion known as the one sold Thursday for $126 million at a bankruptcy auction.
It's a deal, by the way.
$126 million for that house is a steal.
It's a steal.
$126 million.
It's a good price.
It's Bel Air Prime, Prime, Prime.
That's a huge discount from $295 million listing price, even with the 12% auction fee, bringing the total to $141 million.
It set a record for the costliest house sold at auction, but it fell well short of the California sales record set by venture capitalist Mark Andreessen, who purchased a Malibu estate for $17.7 million.
So this is still leagues and above.
Wait a minute.
$17.7?
Billionaire Mansion Steal00:06:28
Who gives a fuck?
Why is that even in the article?
Oh, they put a period here.
It should be $177 million.
Yeah, I don't know why they put a period there.
That doesn't make any sense.
The most ever spent on a U.S. residence was $238 million by hedge fund mogul Ken Griffin for a New York City penthouse in 2019.
Right.
Several international sales have surpassed 300 million, though.
So the buyer will be disclosed by March 8th when paperwork must be.
I hope it's Putin.
I pray to God it's Putin.
What a great show.
Putin's in Bel Air.
It says the buyer pool for this is very small.
And with everything happening in Russia, all of a sudden those Russian billionaires who may have been your best bet to buy it are pulling out.
Lift the sanctions.
Lift the...
It's not their fault they own a yacht.
It's not their fault.
Putin went a little wacky.
It's not their fault.
Is it Roman Abramovich Bromovich's fault?
It's not.
He's got to sell the Chelsea Football Club.
It's not his fault.
Shout out to Roman Abramovich.
It says here, the guy who bought it just got a great deal.
He's got people willing to pay $50,000 a day just to do commercials and films.
I mean, that's going to be a long time to make your money back.
That's not a good deal at all.
What are you, an idiot?
Yeah, well, these people are brainstorming.
Hanky?
Hanky?
Who's Hanky?
I don't know who Hanky is.
The largest creditor is Los Angeles billionaire Don Hankey who lent $106 million to the dream project of developer.
He's a hard scrabble subprime lender scumbag who's got an office, I think, in the Valley, right?
Westlake Financial.
Westside.
Westlake Financial.
And he's a real old school scumbag.
And he lent this guy $90 million or something.
He lent him exactly $106 million.
And the lender is owed more than $130 million in secured debt, including money he provided in bankruptcy to repair and spiff up the property.
Yeah, so they, and now who did he lend it to?
Who did Hankey lend this?
The developer, Niall Naomi.
Yeah, Niall Naomi, who's a billionaire in L.A., right?
I believe.
He's a developer.
Let me see if he's a billionaire.
I don't know if he is.
He might not be.
I guess he's not if this is all happening.
He's an American former film producer, turned real estate developer who's built and sold multi-million dollar mansions.
Do they have a net worth?
Oh, he did point blank.
Interesting.
Let me see his net worth.
Net worth.
Niall's net worth is $6 billion.
Yeah, he's a billionaire.
And they're still fighting over this.
And the guy from Westlake Financial is also a billionaire.
Interesting.
What's his worth?
Don Hankey?
Yeah, Don Hankey.
He's just an old school, he's one of the last subprime lenders.
Hard money, baby.
God, it gives me a hard cock.
What a beautiful thing.
5.5 billion.
So you have two billionaires fighting over this house, the debt that was lent to build this.
By the way, go Google this thing.
It is heinous.
And I say that fully understanding and appreciating how ostentatious and vulgar LA homes usually are.
This is especially grotesque.
It is ugly in a way that is hard to describe.
It is aesthetically displeasing.
It is a big waste of money.
Truly, it is a big waste of money.
It is only for some billionaire that wants to say that they own the most expensive home in America.
And obviously, this isn't, but it was supposed to be.
It was listed for $295 million.
It was supposed to be the most expensive home in America.
So again, who would want that?
Oligarch, a chic, Saudi, somebody, Chinese amusement park, tycoon, Russian fertilizer magnet.
It's a small buyer's pool.
But I mean, go look at this house and they call it the one.
It is obnoxious beyond anything that you can even, it's not even nice.
Are you looking at it?
Yeah, yeah, it's in the article.
I mean, it's it has like a moat around it.
It's like a swimming pool and it looks like a moat.
Yeah, it's dumb.
But I'm rooting for Don Hankey, the hard money lender.
Yeah, so he took over his father's dealership in 1972 and he built the Hankey Group.
And its main business being Westlake Financial Services, which makes subprime car loans.
Here's the thing with a guy like Don Hankey: no matter how much money he has, they still treat him like scum.
Like that other guy, Niall's a developer, and he hangs out with the beautiful people.
And Don Hankey is just, he's a sunburned, low-class scumbag.
He is actually.
I look at him up.
No, he's a real drunk.
And no matter what, he just, he's not in that Hollywood glitterati, respected.
He's an unfortunate-looking guy.
Even though he's a billionaire, he's a used car salesman.
He's got the stink of used cars on him.
And he got swindled into lending this Niall, this Hollywood playboy, real estate developer, film producer, probably just fucking tens all day.
And Don Hankey, the name Hanky sounds like handkerchief.
You know, he is just, but that's why I root for him because he's just got soot on his red, sunburnt face.
And he's just trying to recoup his money.
And even though he's a billionaire, you just look at him, you go, he's one of those where they just, they don't want him in the club.
They don't want him in the country club.
They don't want him anywhere.
He's got a couple of properties in Malibu, but like they don't want him anywhere.
They don't want Don Hankey.
This was expected to hit the market at 500 million when they first built it.
They were mentally ill here.
Yeah, they really took a bath here.
And the buyer is going to be revealed.
Seasonal Sanctions Pause00:07:59
March 8th.
March 8th.
Who do you think it's going to be?
Well, it's 105,000 square feet, right?
You have a big 50-seat theater.
You have nine bedrooms, multiple kitchens.
This is big.
This is a big, big place.
It's got to be.
It's got to be.
So it's probably not a Russian oligarch, right?
Yeah.
It's probably not a Russian.
I hope it's Nancy Pelosi.
It's probably not a Russian.
Probably not a Russian.
It's an Arab.
So it's probably a Saudi.
It's an Arab.
It may not be a Saudi.
Could be a Qatari, somebody from the United Arab Emirates.
It's an Arab.
Or it's somebody from China.
But I don't know.
COVID.
But we won't know because it'll just be the name of their company, their offshore.
Most likely, unless they want you to know they own it.
They may want you to know they own it.
I don't know.
It's hard for me to know.
But I do want to say this.
You know, I don't trust all the Ukrainian propaganda, but this is a legit real story.
David Dobrik is fighting with that Nazi regiment in Ukraine right now against the Russians.
And I think that's pretty fucking cool, to be honest.
I think it's pretty fucking cool that David Dobrik right now is embedded fighting with the Azov Nazi Ukrainian battalion.
I think that's pretty fucking impressive.
And frankly, we don't need to go over the fact that they're Nazis.
What's important is that they are the elite fighting force of the Ukraine.
And Dobrik, one of our best canceled YouTubers, has decided to take it upon himself to go fight with them to hold off Russia.
I think that's pretty impressive.
Don't you?
Yeah.
It's the official position of the Tim Dylan show at this juncture to lift all sanctions and until September, until after Labor Day.
And then we'll talk about it.
We'll see what's been done.
If Putin can't get that place, you know, if he can't steamroll them until Labor Day, I mean, come on.
If he can't take that by Labor Day, we got a real problem.
And I don't know what's going to happen.
A lot of people are going to be angry with me because they're going to be, oh, you were so sympathetic to the Ukrainians.
I am.
You know how much gas it takes to fill up a boat.
I'm just saying, we can't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Do you get it?
Do you understand what I mean here?
Or do I sound like a fucking heartless psychopath?
Because you know what?
I don't think I do.
I think for the first time in my life, I'm making sense.
I mean, truly, what do you think?
What do you feel?
I think I'm with you, but we got to bring back the sanctions in the fall, though.
I think it should just be a seasonal sanction.
So that way they know they got to cool off at some point, and then they can return back to the killing and the bombing in the high season.
I personally don't love revisiting it before Jan because...
No, no, and you hear me out here.
The fall is very, very, very lovely at the wineries.
There's a lot of bed and breakfast, and then you go right into ski season.
I think we do sanctions for the month of January and February every single year until they leave Ukraine.
That's it.
That's it.
Sanctions January and February every single year until they leave Ukraine.
Yes or yes.
Yeah, because it would suck around Christmas if it was just a shot.
Oh, it would really suck.
January and February sanctions every year until they leave Ukraine.
Am I right or am I right?
I'm sorry.
Sorry it's an audio only this week, but we're on tour and we have dates coming in Nashville, in Jacksonville, in Charlotte, in New Orleans, in Dallas, in Houston, in Cleveland, in Cincinnati.
We're shooting the special in March.
It won't be out until early May.
So for the month of April, I'm going to do a lot of markets I haven't done.
And we'll do the show live.
We've had a lot of fun with it.
And then we will spend the spring and the summer chilling out, podcasting, making some other content, working on a book, hopefully enjoying.
You know, again, but if we lift the sanctions, we've got to make a deal about the gas.
We got to make a good deal.
I mean a good deal.
But we're in a position now to make a really, really good deal with him for cheap oil, daddy.
I mean, that's the only thing that I can really think of right now that would make sense.
And it's unfortunate that that's where we are.
But I also think there's something about self-determination that is very important that we as a society have to say there are things we enjoy and there are things we don't enjoy.
And we have to get back to figuring out how to enjoy more and have more fun and be less.
We need to bicker less.
Truly.
I think instead of fighting about this war, we ignore it.
We remove all sanctions, get cheap gas, and go swimming.
Put a couple of dogs and burgers on the grill.
Right?
You cannot hear Carviv being shelled over a kid rock song if you blast it hard enough.
It's time to have the summer we deserve.
The summer we've earned.
Doesn't matter who's right or wrong.
Doesn't matter.
It's time now.
It's time to enjoy our summer.
We'll revisit this in January of next year.
Let's give it a year.
Let's take a beat.
Let's take a beat.
That's the episode title.
Let's take a beat.
Because that's what we really have to do.
And a lot of people are upset with me right now because I've solved this.
And people hate when I'm right.
There's a lot of people out there that don't like when I'm right.
They go, oh, boy, that's uncomfortable.
Comedian, right again, solving world issues again.
But what?
Do you not want me to do it?
You want me to leave it up to these scumbags in Congress?
I've just done it.
Take an 11-month pause here on this.
And let's enjoy ourselves.
Let's enjoy ourselves in the spoils.
What good is an empire if you can't even have fun?
If we're going to live in this morally compromised hellscape that was built on the blood and bones of people, can't we enjoy it?