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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Colin Powell's Iraq War Lie00:02:50
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
We're doing a quick one this week.
We're probably going to do closer to 45 minutes.
If you have a problem with that, you can go watch something else.
We don't care.
Colin Powell is dead and it's very sad.
And he, you know, he was the first black liar and he lied to the UN.
He was the first black person who told a big lie about Iraq and he knew it was a lie.
And we respect Colin Powell because that's the game of politics is lying.
I mean, and he did it well.
He was a leader and a legend, and he did many other things that were great, but he also, you know, unfortunately, you know, Dick Cheney and that crew of goblins got him to go in and sell the Iraq war.
And people believed it.
I believed it.
I was in, you know, like 12th grade at the time, 11th or 12th grade, and I thought that we had to go into Iraq and democratize the Middle East.
I believe that.
I was a closeted, gay cocaine addict.
And to me, that logic made sense that people in the Middle East hated us because we were free and we had to make them free so that they would not hate us anymore.
And the way to do that was to go into the country of Iraq and get rid of Saddam Hussein.
This is for you Zoomers out there.
This is what happened when I was in high school.
You had COVID and whatever.
I had the Iraq war.
And the Iraq war was this war where, similar to Afghanistan, that was going to fix all the problems.
It was going to put pressure on Iran and all of these other anti-democratic regimes and it was going to force them to become thriving societies that respected the rule of law and the rights of women.
And they were going to become good trading partners.
And that's really what it's about.
But Colin Powell was essential in this because Colin Powell went to the UN and gave this very convincing speech about Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction.
And it was a black mark on an otherwise pretty stellar career.
And it's said that he died of COVID.
He died because he had a cancer that was attacking his immune system.
He was fully vaccinated, but that doesn't really matter if you have a cancer that's attacking your immune system.
We'll see.
There's statements here.
We're recording this on the day that he died.
Real Estate Careers for Women00:02:53
We're a week early today because we had to use the studio.
New studios being built, working with a new realtor.
Very excited about that, who seems to be a little bit more on the ball from what we understand.
We've had very bad luck with realtors across the board.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, very bad luck.
Everything.
And realtors fall into two categories usually.
They are older menopausal women that are suffering mild brain damage from either a car accident or an undiagnosed or self-diagnosed autoimmune disorder.
These women are usually middle-aged, mid-age.
They're on their second marriage or trying to keep the loveless first marriage.
And real estate for them might be a second career or it may be a first career that they kind of had while they were raising their children.
And every new client is a new husband for them.
And they find a way to let every new client down in the same way that they let their husband down over 30 years.
And that's the, what is this that you pulled up?
This is an interesting statistic.
The average age of an employed real estate agent is 48.
Yeah, the average age of an employed real estate agent is 48 years old.
So that's usually it's a menopausal woman who's having hot flashes, wants to fuck Ben, and I walk in behind him and go, here's the bad news.
I have all the money.
And they basically make a big mess out of everything you're trying to do.
The other realtor is a young, jocular, broy guy who got into real estate because he wants to crush it.
He wants to fucking crush it.
And both of these people are incredibly unhelpful when you're trying to get something done.
They're incredibly unhelpful.
The menopausal woman deals solely in the realm of emotions and says things like, yeah, oh, hmm.
Well, I believe what I think we can do, here's what, and then the broy guy is like, yeah, make it happen.
We're going to fucking make it happen.
Get it done.
Neither one of them gets it done.
Yeah, there's 156,000 real estate agents currently employed in the United States.
53% are women.
42% are men.
It is a women-dominated field, real estate.
It is one of the fields that women dominate, as they should.
Many of them are very good at it, but many are not.
And we've had some real tough run-ins with real estate agents.
You know, my realtor out in Palm Springs, lovely woman.
George Floyd SNL Sketch Pitch00:03:36
Lovely.
But fits the demographic of what I talked about.
Then we had the real estate agent in Gora Hills.
Remember her?
Same thing.
Oh, yeah.
We had the realtor in Malibu, similar things.
Incredibly bad in her job.
Do these windows open?
I don't know.
I mean, just a lazy person, you know, that had no understanding of what she was doing from day to day.
And, you know, then we had the woman in Texas who was good.
She was probably the best of all of them, but still not perfect from, you know, not perfect, but good, better, right?
I found the house, though.
That's what you don't realize.
When you use a real estate agent, you actually do most of the work.
You do all of the work.
You find the house.
You call them up and you go, please, God, can we not lose this?
Like we've done three other times.
And they go, no, not a problem.
We're going to get it.
Don't worry, TM.
I'm going to make it happen.
And then sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn't work.
But we're excited because we're building out this new studio that we're very excited about to take us into the new era of the Tim Dillon show, the post-COVID era, the, you know, wherever we are.
And we'll be very happy there and very excited about it.
We're also, I've just been hired at SNL and they've not announced that.
So congrats to me.
Congratulations to me.
And I was hired and the sketch that I pitched, I'm not even kidding.
And I was shocked that this got on the air, but the sketch that I pitched was a George Floyd cooking, a cook-off where people make food to honor the memory of George Floyd.
I was shocked that it was going to get on the, but hey, I'm excited.
So we're doing that next week over at Saturday Night Live.
And of course, the sketch is to make fun of the way that activists promote themselves and not the cause that they are promoting.
And nothing's funnier to me than a bunch of amateur chefs making food to commemorate the death of George Floyd.
That, of course, a sad thing that he died, tragic.
But the sketch, and I had to explain this because you don't get the benefit of the doubt.
But I said, well, we have the CBI show, The Activists.
What's really funny, let's start doing cooking competitions where people are showing their activism through food.
And then the contestants could accuse each other of being racist and appropriating culture.
It's a lot of fun.
It's a great idea for a sketch on Saturday Night Live.
So they hired me and we're making that sketch next week, George Floyd cook-off.
It's the opening sketch.
I'm very excited about it.
Now, the problem is the entire cast will not be in it.
So it's just me and Lauren against the entire cast.
There's a massive walkout, very similar to what's happened over at the Netflix, massive walkout.
So the entire SNL cast is, so if you want to be in it, just DM me or show up at SNL.
I want to be the George Floyd sketch and bring a gun.
That's a joke.
But I say bring a gun for safety.
What else is going on here?
Crew Lost at Sea Stories00:08:47
You told me a very interesting thing about the, there's people at sea.
There's a crew of people that were lost at sea.
Yes, yes.
So, you know, this was February 2021.
February 2021, after three years abandoned at sea without pay, this oil tanker crew is on the cusp of going home.
This is a very interesting story.
When a shipping company from the United Arab Emirates, which is why they, by the way, why do they have the best airline?
I'll tell you why.
Do you know why?
Because of fear.
Because if you work for Emirates, you have a fear of fucking up.
When you work at Delta or American, there is no fear of fucking up.
But when you work at Emirates, I can't say why this is, but maybe it's because the United Arab Emirates is a bit stricter, a bit harsher with some of the punishments that are doled out for many of the things that people do.
And there's something that is instilled in the flight attendants where they just do the right thing.
Emirates is a phenomenal airline.
United Arab Emirates hits financial trouble in 2017.
The shipping company hit financial trouble in 2017 and they abandoned an oil tanker off the coast of Dubai.
Now, Dubai is this modern city that's kind of built on slave labor.
And it's, you know, a lot of people are pointing to this and saying this is no good.
Now, Dubai is incredibly hot.
They have like indoor, everything's indoors.
I think they have indoor ski slopes.
Like what they've been able to do in Dubai is amazing because you can't really spend that much time outside.
What do they have?
Is this an indoor ski slope?
Yeah, the indoor ski slopes.
I mean, they have everything here.
They have everything in Dubai, everything you could want inside because what is the average temperature in Dubai?
It's very hot.
So what you have to do is spend a lot of your time inside.
It's very, very hot.
In September, it's 102.
So forget, I mean, the summer, forget it.
But the city, they've used a lot of what they consider slave labor to build these very tall, very luxurious buildings.
And they have been criticized for that heavily.
So now they abandoned a shipment company.
They ran into trouble and they abandoned this oil tanker.
It left a small crew aboard.
They were stranded at sea without pay or a way home.
We're talking 2017.
Those men have been on the tanker ever since.
But a chance at repatriation for the five remaining crew seems to be finally within grasp.
The owner told us, please wait.
I want to sell the ship and after I will clear the salaries.
Well, it's nice.
Remembers Nae Wynn, who came to work as a chief engineer on the MT IBA IBA from his home in Myanmar.
So we are waiting, waiting, waiting.
Be patient, be patient.
So Wynn started to work on the tanker 2017 a few months before the owner.
It's amazing to me that people could just, so through the whole pandemic, through the entire pandemic, these guys are stuck on an oil tanker.
It's kind of worked out well.
If you think about it, like everyone's going to go and blame the guys.
They're going to say, you shouldn't have done this.
But really, I love the quote, all's well that ends well.
And if you think about this, these people have been socially distanced away from others during a global pandemic.
How are they getting food?
Somebody said that in the article.
They go, without money, how can they eat?
With no money, how do we manage?
How is this?
I don't understand how this has happened.
Do you understand how they're eating?
I'm assuming they're fishing.
I'm looking at the gentleman.
They're probably fishing over the board, and they might have cans of food, you know?
But the only collateral they have, it says the only collateral they have is the ship itself.
So that's why they don't abandon it because the company, you know, wants to get the ship back.
So they're trying to get paid, you know.
Well, can't the company just hire people to go on there and kill them and take the ship?
I suppose so.
I believe that's the next step.
But I mean, I understand what they're saying.
Bowerman said his organization has been supporting the crew through, quote, a pretty grim existence.
But again, it's only one way to look at it.
The men have been living in the same clothes for months, washing in cold water or seawater and relying on his charity for food.
So someone's bringing them food out there.
But couldn't they just get on a boat and leave?
They don't have passports, it says, so they can't go anywhere.
They can't, you know.
So they're totally stuck.
But a boat comes, something drops them off food, and they can't get on this boat and leave.
Well, I guess they want to get paid.
Right.
So they're staying on the ship until they get paid.
Okay.
The first thing is to make sure they've got food.
They've got water.
They've got a little bit of oil for the generators.
The organization also wanted to, quote, be physically present to listen to their stories.
Bring them news of home.
Don't even do that.
Don't bring them any news of home.
Try to ensure that their well-being is looked after as much as possible.
So now what is going to happen here?
So following the agreement over pay, the crew agreed to stay on the ship while it towed to safety with hopes that the repatriation process can begin early next month.
So they eventually got home and supposedly got paid for their time at sea.
I smell a movie.
I think it would be a good film to have these guys on the boat just existing.
But we've had too many films like that already.
We've had too many.
So then it goes, music barbecues, Wi-Fi, managing morale for those idols at state.
I bet they were having a little more fun than they wanted to admit.
Do you go gay in that time in three years?
It's a question.
Do you?
It's very odd.
Three years of no females, do you go gay?
Because if this is a movie, it's got to just be about gay sex, Muslim gay sex.
That would have to be the direction Hollywood goes in.
Muslim guys, and they're like, I have this religion, but I also want to fuck.
And there's no women around.
So it just becomes like a hot kind of orgy.
And that seems like the way that the movie would go.
It would be like Brokeback Mountain, but these guys in an oil tanker for three years who can't bathe.
You know, just kind of pounding on an oil tanker.
Well, I wish them the best.
God bless.
You had an experience.
Everybody is looking in life for everybody plans everything.
Everybody has a plan.
And this is the real problem I noticed in between my generation where our parents did not care about us at all and subsequent generations where people were, you know, what do they call them?
Helicopter parents.
They were always involved.
They were helping their child strategize every single moment of their life.
There's some happy medium there.
And many parents listen to the show.
There's a happy medium between my parents where they just dropped you off a pizza hut and said, go get molested, and the people that were planning every single moment of your life.
Because really, you can't plan everything.
Sometimes you're going to end up on a ship having sex with a man and you didn't know you were gay, but you have three years.
For example, I'm going to go to the next one.
Sending is actually the whole thing we have.
Pro-Frakt is to ensure that the company has access to Norway's lead-to-frakt-tall.
So, technically, we don't stop sending.
TikTok Communities and Disorders00:13:06
We can't do sending.
No way, back to sending.
And remember, Pro-Frakt is better with the menu.
Start with a warm coffee, warm-up from the oven and a lot of norses from the whole country.
Spenned in the water and a lot of norses in the world.
Kose you in the sol with extra good handkerchiefs and a great deal.
Teen Girls are showing up to the doctor with tics.
Experts think anxiety, depression, and TikTok could be playing a role.
I have motor tick syndrome.
Something that I've had since I'm a kid.
I have ticks.
I have eye ticks.
I have all kinds of ticks.
If I don't get sleep or if I eat a lot of sugar, and when have I done that?
Thank God I've never done that.
But if I do these things, if I don't care for my overall health, the ticks will get worse.
I do not have the vocal component of Tourette's where I would yell words that would get me kicked off this site where you're watching the show.
I don't have that, but people do.
Tourette syndrome is a genetic nervous system disorder.
It can cause ticks, repetitive involuntary movements or sounds.
It mostly impacts boys, and the ticks physically start when a person is young and then develop over time.
But women get them as well.
And now women's ticks, and you may know more than me, but I read this article.
They seem that they're being exacerbated by the, meaning made worse by the content they're watching on TikTok.
And TikTok, ironically, tick talk.
So these people that have Tourette's are watching people on TikTok and just stroking out.
Is that what's going on here?
Yeah, it says doctors noted that what's happening isn't necessarily Tourette's.
It's not Tourette.
It's a functional movement disorder.
It's a functional movement disorder because kids want to fit in.
They want to fit in.
They want a community.
People all over the world want a community, whether it's hot people or rich people or fucking activists or poets or fucking some dumb hick.
They all want a community.
And even people that any community will do, the standards for what community you end up in are not high.
People don't care.
So if you have to have ticks as part of the initiation to get into the community, go, hey, you tick, I tick.
We're like this.
So I don't understand.
So some kids have pulled out their phones and they show the doctors TikTok and it's full of these Tourette's cooking and alphabet challenges.
I don't know what those are, but I imagine it's people with Tourette's cooking.
And just screaming like different slurs and mom and cooking everything.
Because it's funny.
It's funny when you make an omelette and you go, fan, it's funny.
That's funny.
I'd watch that, but I wouldn't because then maybe I'd tick more.
That's the game.
And then I can't blame, you know, nobody would believe.
People don't even believe I do.
If I just started saying horrible things, nobody's going to say, oh, yeah, it's Tourette.
No one would care.
It's mild Tourette's and I can't get away with anything.
Like I have mild homosexuality.
My homosexuality is not pronounced, but it's effective when it needs to be.
I have sex with men, but that doesn't, that's not really what being gay is anymore.
Being gay is not really having sex with men.
It's really dyeing your hair.
It's gone from having sex with men to dyeing your hair, which is much easier to do.
Having sex with men, you have to put a penis in your mouth, like an entire penis, or in your butt, or you have to put your penis in someone else's butt.
It's an activity.
And dyeing your hair is relatively simple.
You would dye it a purple or a blue or a green and then not have sex with men, women, or anyone.
But you can be queer.
You can be queer and go, I'm queer.
And you go, well, what does that mean?
And they go, well, I don't, I reject the gender binary and I reject I'm pansexual.
You go, well, what does that mean?
Well, I have sex with anyone.
Well, who have you had sex with?
Well, not anyone, really.
Maybe I have sex, but usually it's I'm pansexual, but I'm not having sex with a person of the same sex.
I just have sex with my boyfriend, but I'm a white woman with blue hair, so I'm queer.
So it's interesting that I have a very mild form of homosexuality.
It has not progressed into dyed hair and the rejection of the actual sex acts because That's the heightened form of homosexuality where you reject any and all sexual contact, but you replace it with fun glitter and hairstyles and things like that.
Some kids have pulled out their phones.
They show the doctors, hey, I'm watching people with Tourette's cook and do alphabet challenges.
The Jerusalem Post reported that these disorders can be treated.
Doctors suggest kids take a social media break.
Isn't it time to take a break if social media is giving you Tourette syndrome?
Isn't it time to take a break if social media is giving you an involuntary tick disorder?
It might be time to take a break.
And I don't know the, like, I don't think these kids are forcing these ticks.
This is actually something that is happening to them, right?
Well, you also see communities on TikTok of people who claim they have like Asperger's or autism.
Right.
And they love to, what's it called?
Where they shake.
I forget what they call it.
Where they do this together.
I don't know.
There's no sensory overload.
So it's girls jumping on their bed doing this because they love to have autism.
So it's a lot of like feigned.
They see that these people are very popular and a lot of these things are feigned to be just like interesting, you know?
So I think a lot of this is probably fake, right?
I think we've gotten to a point now where technology, I've made this point at nauseum, has flattened everybody to the point where people aren't really developing personalities anymore.
So the only way to distinguish themselves is to get a disorder and get it quick.
Get a disorder and get it quick.
Anxiety, depression, Tourette's, don't be picky.
Aspergers, anything.
Get on the spectrum and stay there.
That seems to be, if you want a social life, the best thing you can do as a child is to develop some type of disorder.
Now, in the real world, that doesn't work as well, but online, people actually gravitate to each other on the basis of shared horror, shared pain, shared problems.
Nobody online is like, I love this.
And the other person's like, I love that.
Let's together.
Usually it's like, I am suffering.
I am also suffering.
I hate this.
I also hate this.
Let's form a bond.
And all of these kids, their meaningful social interactions are primarily online.
So what they're doing is they're going online and they're saying, who else has a problem?
And certain problems look more fun than others.
And I mean, and I'm not saying that these problems aren't real and they don't exist and that people don't genuinely have them.
I'm saying that this word that nobody likes to use, social contagion, everyone hates that because usually when people talk about it, they talk about a lot of the women that are now identifying as non-binary.
And they're saying, you know, there are people that say, how many people are non-binary?
And the entire class at Oberlin College raises their hand and you go, statistically, it's impossible.
I come from a time where being a faggot was special.
Now, not so much.
Now, part of this social contagion word that people don't like is because it was used against gay people and against all, you know, we're saying, this isn't really who you are.
You're just doing this to piss off Tipper Gore or something.
I don't know.
Remember Al Gore's fat wife who didn't like Marilyn Manson?
I don't know if she had a problem with gays, but whatever.
She didn't like Marilyn Manson.
And I thought he was cool back then.
Not so much now.
It's gone in a weird direction.
I can't fully support.
But Antichrist Superstar was a good album if you were a seventh grade goth closeted gay guy who was just starting to discover that you could crush up pills and put them up your nose.
Now, people hate that word social contagion, but we're social animals.
We exist in a social space.
And all of the things we do primarily are to make ourselves achieve a level of comfort.
And then there are people out there that don't want that level of comfort and push through it.
And those are the people who genuinely, not always, but generally can accomplish things because to accomplish things, you have to push yourself out of a comfort zone.
But everything we're doing socially is to arrange our lives to be comfortable.
And having friends and having social commitments to people is a way to be comfortable.
And you know who does it?
The Nelk boys do it.
They do it very well.
And they have built this community amongst college kids who just want to drink, party, get fucked up, get their dicks wet.
I mean, they want to have fun.
And my favorite Nelk kid is Steve will do it.
Support him now before he's in a Mexican jail.
Steve will do it.
He's the world's number one YouTube channel.
I don't know if that's true, but it might be.
And if you're drunk enough, it is.
Steve is great.
He's always giving people Teslas.
He loves watches.
He makes bazillions of dollars.
And he's part of the collection of Nelk.
They're a Canadian group, internet pranksters, if you will.
They go and have a lot of fun.
They get to drive around and drink and do Coke in front of the cops.
And because they're white, none of them get shot.
It would be hard for a black group to pull off some of their videos, right?
It would end with Minnesota being burned down because that's just the reality of race in the country.
I didn't do it, but this is unfortunate, right?
There isn't really a black Nelk, is there?
Can you be a black Nelk?
Can you just go around and pretend to have cocaine on you if you're a black guy?
Probably not.
See?
Candace Owens would say you can.
She'll be like, you can absolutely be a black Nelk.
You could be a black Nelk.
I think you can.
Steve is one of the biggest.
He's got one of the biggest emerging fashion brands, baby, with full send.
They send me stuff.
Look at his hat.
Go to fullsend.com to sign up for exclusive merch drops.
Everything is currently sold out.
And you don't want to miss out on any more full send exclusives.
A lot of the young guys love that we're doing these ads and they're signing up.
Lastly, go right now to Steve Will Dewitt's YouTube channel and see what the hubbub is about for yourself.
He drops new videos every single Thursday.
Go to his YouTube channel right now.
See what he's doing.
What is he up to?
One of my favorite things he did was he's standing in a VIP line in a casino and a woman doesn't know who he is and goes, why are you in that line?
And he turns around and he goes, shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.
So it's fun stuff like that.
Bradley Martin is hiding Brian Laundry.
Surprising David Dobrik with a Tesla.
Well, he's also doing philanthropy with Takashi69.
That's right.
They go around and help young drunks secure drugs and alcohol for themselves.
Getting a happy ending massage.
I opened a free food truck in Compton.
I raced my Lamborghini for $200,000.
I almost died with Steve-O.
I'm dating a beauty, beautiful 31-year-old Latina woman.
And he is young, Steve will do it.
He's like a young person.
How old is this guy?
I believe he's like 22.
He's 22.
He's young and he's a very successful guy.
And he's been very kind to us here at the show.
He's been very nice to us.
He's 22.
22.
He's always trying to help us out.
And this goes to show you, not every 22-year-old with a drinking problem and mild autism is going to be as successful as this guy.
It's not going to happen.
You know what I mean?
You have to really put in the work and that work will kill you.
Most people who try to do what Steve will do it does will die.
Truly.
They will die.
So the fact that this guy has not only remained alive, but thrived is amazing.
So go to his website.
Steve will do it, right?
Yeah, just his YouTube channel.
That's what he's really passionate about.
The Hard Work Behind Success00:02:27
S-T-E-V-E will do it on YouTube.
Go to Steve WillDoIt on YouTube and subscribe.
Do you have any plans for the Halloween?
I know it's coming up and, you know, October is a great month and many people are excited about Halloween.
You, because you were at a Jesus school, were you allowed to participate in Halloween?
Yeah, but it was very innocent.
Like, you know, you dress up like a little skeleton and you just get candy.
It wasn't like, like, you went to haunted houses and stuff in Long Island, right?
Well, we would go sometimes to things like a hayride or a haunted house.
Right, right.
Yeah, nothing like that.
Too satanic.
My neighbors didn't read Harry Potter.
You know, people were weird about that.
People were weird about it.
And you were able to just, but you would go trick-or-treating.
Yeah, yeah.
Who would you go with?
Just my mom and my dad.
And they would bring you trick-or-treating.
We'd go.
In the neighborhood.
In the neighborhood.
And what would you get?
You get the classics.
You get Reese's Cups, you get Butterfinger, you get Twix.
Here's the deal, folks.
You need to have, if you're going to do a Halloween bowl of candy, Reese's is the best.
It's a peanut butter cup.
That's number one.
It's really the number one candy, I believe.
Go look at the candies ranked.
Look at the rankings of the candies.
I'm not a huge candy person, but Reese's is amazing.
You got to have the little bags of M ⁇ Ms. You got to have the little Butterfingers.
You got to have the little Hershey's where it's like special dark and milk chocolate, the little Hershey's things.
Start at number one.
Well, yeah, what is the number one ranked candy in America?
Yeah, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
They just are.
This is specifically for Halloween, so you're right on the money with that.
Here's the thing about the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
It's kind of the perfect candy.
When my parents told me that they were getting divorced because they didn't love each other anymore, and it surprised me because I thought all the fighting and the screaming and the sleeping in separate bedrooms meant that things were going well.
But when they told me that they didn't want to be a family anymore, but they were going to live together and have a very painful two-year period of figuring out who got Aunt Gussie's coffee table.
I took solace in the peanut butter cup, which is great if you freeze it.
If you put a peanut butter cup in the refrigerator or freezer, it's great.
They're great in ice cream.
They're just phenomenal.
They are the best candy by far.
You and your wife got a bowl of horrible things to give to children.
Healthy Food vs Poison Fears00:11:50
That's not true.
They didn't have Reese's.
They don't have Eminems.
But they don't have Hershey's.
We had peanut butter Snickers, which are good.
Dude, they're not nothing.
Twix is number two on this list.
We had Twix, which you ridiculous.
If you're a child and you're eating Twix, Twix's campaign was like never for children, isn't it?
What was it?
Well, no, that was Kit Kat.
Kid Kat was you need a break.
Yeah, but it was like Kit Kat, I think it's for all.
My mother likes Kit Kat.
I think Kit Kat's for like older people.
Yeah, yeah.
Twix's slogan is try both, pick a side.
Okay, interesting.
I don't know that that's the one to have in this political climate, huh?
But it's kind of sexy and fun.
Try both, pick a side.
It's like, I'm not picking a side.
How about that?
But it's exciting times here, you know, with Halloween right around the corner.
Remember the gang initiation myth, but maybe it wasn't a myth, where people were worried that if you went out on Halloween, people in gangs were going to kill you because then they could get into the gang.
This was a thing that white suburbanites were like, it was on their radar that Halloween.
Now, by the way, all these myths come from something.
So there has to be some truth to the idea that there is something going on on Halloween.
I'm checking it on Snopes.
Well, Snopes is a CIA front, but it is.
Yeah, I know.
Kind of is.
But they cite this.
Up until recently, Snopes was like, Jeffrey Epstein's a math teacher.
Like, Snopes is full of shit.
Fucking listening to Snopes.
I'm just saying it has to cut.
It doesn't mean that the level of like satanic panic.
Were people getting crazy?
Yes.
But were there, was there some child molestation going on?
Indisputably, it was happening.
And was some of those people evil and occult and whatever?
For sure.
But yes, did it go crazy to the point where like Tipper Gore is running around going, hey, you know, Pantera and Marilyn Manson and Ozzy Osborne?
Like, yeah, it went crazy.
But so I think the Halloween gang initiation has to come from somewhere.
Well, it says like here, like in 2008 was a busy year for the gang initiation week concept because in the days before Halloween in 08, two men were arrested in Newark for a drug and gang-related shooting rampage that left two dead.
And an intelligence report by the Virginia State Police presented a possible scenario in which the bloods would target law enforcement on Halloween with an ambush precipitated by a low-level gang member following a call to the police about a domestic disturbance or a street fight.
Right.
I heard that too, that they were going to go after cops and that they were going to, yeah, they don't seem to materialize.
No.
I was always told that like on Halloween, people would drive around without their headlights off.
And if you flash them to warn them that their headlights were off, then they would turn around and chase you down and kill you.
Well, this is all part of these gang initiation myths.
And then there was, oh, you're going to get people are going to poison your candy.
Remember that?
They were like, don't accept an apple, which is, I get it.
They're like, remember that there's a story where there's like razor blades in an apple?
Yeah, I wonder if that was urban myth.
It might have been.
I love the idea of Americans telling their fat children to not accept the fruit.
Don't you accept an apple?
You take sneakers, races, there's a whole Wikipedia for poisoned candy myths.
We're a very terrified country.
We like fear.
Fear is what unites us.
And Halloween is a great time for people to be afraid of losing the family members that they don't really care about anyway.
It's a very good time for that.
And this was a boomer thing.
They were like, everybody's going to kidnap you, poison your candy.
Gangs are getting, this is how I grew up.
And they don't realize, now they don't understand why everybody has anxiety and depression and everybody's paranoid.
They're like, there's a white van that's driving around the community who's going to kidnap you and fuck you.
And then the gang is going to initiate.
You're going to be part of a gang initiation when you get shot in the head on Halloween if you haven't died from your poison apple first.
By the way, this is straight out of like, what's the one with the poison apple?
Snow White?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is straight out of like a Grimm's fairy tale that there are people poisoning candy.
Now, I'm sure a few people did that, maybe.
No.
In fact, this just gained credence during the Industrial Revolution.
So it seems to be xenophobic because it says when food production moved out of the home or local area where it was made in familiar ways by known and trusted people to strangers using unknown ingredients and unfamiliar machines and processes.
So as soon as it wasn't local anymore, people were going, well, you don't know who made that.
You don't know what it came from.
Why haven't xenophobic people continued with that?
And like, why aren't they talking about poison burritos?
Because people are too fat.
Yeah, I guess.
You can slander an apple.
You can't slander an empanada.
People go, I don't care.
I don't care if it's poison.
It's good.
It's warm and I can hold it in my hand.
I love how apples took a beating.
Like, yeah, they're poisoning the apples.
There's razor blades in the fruit.
There's a the produce is going to kill you.
Don't, I love it.
All the things we're told are just horrible.
Don't eat anything that's not in the package.
Don't eat anything that's not highly processed food.
You look at the corporation that made that food before you ate it.
I'm going to give out celery sticks this year that have been dipped in fentanyl.
I want to be the first person who actually poisoned people on Halloween.
We should set up a video where the door opens and I just give kids healthy food and have them reject it because it's poison.
My mom said that's poison.
I'm like, it's a salad.
It's poison.
What is that?
It's Rudicchio.
That's poison.
Gave me a Cadbury cream egg or whatever.
I mean, that's for Easter.
But it's an unhealthy country.
What do you want me to do?
If a big news story happens this week, we'll address it on a Patreon.
We wanted to do a video episode.
I wish the best to everybody here that's suffering from involuntary tick disorders from their use of social media.
There is a time when perhaps we should put the phone down.
How bad is this going to get?
Are there going to be people that are actually getting cancer to fit in?
When will this end?
Did you see all the videos of the people faking the side effects of the COVID vaccine?
Well, I've seen some of them.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think there are real side effects, but I don't know if people are filming.
Right.
Yeah.
Like some of them are like this.
Yeah, it's like.
But here's the other thing.
Here's the other thing I was thinking about.
What were we just talking about before you interrupted with the COVID vaccine?
About the TikTok symptoms that girls were having?
Yeah, about social media.
Yeah, I never liked...
You know when someone got cancer and then everyone shaved their head?
I think that's patronizing.
Like, I didn't love that.
And I know that's a heartwarming thing that most people are supposed to love.
It's the same with the dog videos I never liked.
Like, the dog is happy that the guy's back for the soldier's back from Iraq.
I'm like, you adopted this animal and then abandoned it to go kill children in Iraq.
The dog has no idea what you've been doing.
If the dog knew how many children and dogs you killed, probably, right?
Dogs can't judge.
I never liked those videos.
I never liked the bald head where we all shave our head.
Well, we're shaving it in solidarity.
What?
I don't understand.
I guess it makes young kids feel better.
There's something nice about it.
I do, you know, like every now and then they'll be like, this dad got his son's birthmark tattooed on him to make his son feel better.
And I go, I get it.
There's something sweet about that.
But the kid's eventually going to grow up and go, this was dumb, right?
You know?
Like my dad's never copied anything that I like I wouldn't tell my dad to go out and be successful.
People have to have their own identities.
TimDylanComedy.com.
It's a quick one today, but last week we went 117.
So that's it.
You get what you get here.
TimDylanComedy.com.
I'm not reading all the dates.
There's a lot of dates.
Come see us live.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
We're doing stand-up comedy.
Well, I am.
It's a tremendous event.
We're all over the country.
After this tour, we're going to the UK.
We're announcing a week-long tour in the UK.
We're going to be in London and Ireland and I believe Scotland.
We're still firming up those details, but it's going to be good for everyone.
Everyone's going to love it.
It's going to be fun.
And eventually we're going to go to Australia when they open that place up.
But I mean, they just went full fascist mode in Australia.
Amazing.
You would never think it would be Australia.
You'd never think it would be the chill, laid-back country where people like grilling.
You never thought it would be.
Melbourne to bring an end to the world's longest lockdowns.
They had the longest lockdown in the world.
These people were subject to all kinds of intrusions, privacy, they had none.
They were pitching all this facial recognition software.
They're checking you and making sure you have coffee in your cup if you're out.
It is a fascist country.
You can see how easily countries slip into 100% fascism.
And Australia was particularly susceptible to this because as I've said before, their population is made up primarily of lazy and stupid criminals, which is why they were susceptible.
Now, not everyone is a lazy, stupid criminal.
I know that.
But too many people are over there.
And it allowed the government to just trample over their rights.
And we're going to touch on the Great Resignation a little bit on the Patreon, but there's something going on that's very interesting right now.
The Great Resignation has gone global.
I believe the pandemic has made people think about mortality and their life in a way that they've never thought about it before.
Global Great Resignation Trends00:03:32
Most people just get up every day and they kind of, you know, they don't question, they just do.
And they have to because that's the way, you know, the system is set up.
I think more and more of those people all over the world are going, what do I want out of life?
And they've seen or maybe know people that have died.
There was just enough death to make you go, ooh.
It wasn't black plague level by any means, but there was enough uncertainty and paranoia to go around that if you're a sentient creature, you had to start thinking about the random nature of life and how weird, cruel it is.
And that means you say to yourself, what should I be doing?
Am I wasting my time here at hoola hands?
Am I wasting my time at restaurant chain hoola hands?
I might be.
Maybe I should not spend my entire life working at hula.
Get up, hula hands.
I don't know what this is.
I'm googling this.
Hula hands.
Get the menu up.
Who's hungry?
You go to hula hands.
just a woman eating a French onion soup and she's lifting it up so you can see how much cheese they put on top.
They won't let me look at the menu until I tell them where I am.
Just tell them anywhere.
I'm from Jonesboro, Arkansas.
Great.
See.
So there are people right now that are working at Hula Han's.
Go to the appetizers.
You want apps?
Okay.
Yeah.
For lunch?
Yeah.
Okay.
And those people every day are not being paid what they want.
And they have to say, do you want to try Houlihan's famous shrooms?
And people go, what is that?
And you go, it's panko crusted and garlic herb cream cheese stuffed mushrooms with a creamy horseradish sauce.
And some people go, no, I don't want that.
And they're in a rush.
And they're just having their first dinner with their kid since, you know, the breakup was announced.
And people go, I don't want to do this.
I don't want to work at a theme restaurant.
I don't want to tell people about Hulihan's famous shrooms.
I want more out of life.
And you got to support those people, but you also have to get a cup of coffee in less than an hour.
So how do you do that?
How do you wrestle with those things?
I want people to fully realize their dreams, but I also want them to understand that dreams aren't real and we live in hell.
But I want people to really try to go after what they want, but I also want to get in and out of Starbucks in less than an hour and a half.
Somebody has to work at Starbucks.
Are they here?
I think I heard someone.
I'm not sure.
Well, we're wrapping up anyway.
There's a lot of really good podcasts that record here.
Very successful people.
So that's my whole thing.
And that's what we're going to go into on the Patreon.
Wrestling with those two things between, I want people like some of the, here's what it is.
Some of the slave owners probably like the hymns.
And they would sit on the porch and go, the music is beautiful.