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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Pandora Papers Leak00:04:49
Like for example, all the big pieces of chocolate before $39,90, now only $29,90.
Or, fill up thermos with coffee from Kjeldsberg before $54,90, now only $39,90.
For it's the end of the Casa Lappen that tells.
With Rema 1000.
Always the price.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
The Patagonia papers are out and there's gonna be hell to pay.
This one we're not taking lying down.
The Panama P- papers we took lying down, slouching, some of us, lying down, many of us, leaning against the wall, maybe, but we're not taking these lying down.
Something must be done, and I'm we're gonna do it.
The Pandora Papers, by the way, Pandora, the Periwinkle Papers are here, and they are making everybody because most people, when we're home in our houses, we go, These billionaires are doing things on the up and up.
That's right.
That's what I think.
I think when someone makes a billion dollars, for the most part, they're honest about everything.
And now, these papers have shown us that many of these people, if you can believe it, are fibbing.
They're concealing a wide array of assets through shell companies.
They have multiple properties.
They have streams of capital that are not being taxed.
And it's going to end tonight.
Many of you are sitting at home going, What are the Panorama papers?
What are they?
Why do I care?
Does it matter to me?
It does.
Because now you have the evidence.
King Abdullah, just to give you an idea, King Abdullah.
That's right.
This guy's full of it.
Listen to what King Abdullah is doing.
King Abdullah.
I do not want to get all the celebrity news.
Thank you.
I just want to read about King Abdullah.
Go up again.
Okay.
Okay.
These are King Abdullah's secret Malibu properties.
Okay?
Please go up.
Pandora papers reveal royal taste in oceanfront properties from modern palace to be cheek.
What's great about this?
This is a real estate website, the real deal.
They're reporting, you know, that a lot of people are cheating at the game, right?
This is part of what the Pandora papers are revealing: that people are taking money and not using it to better the lives of their people, or they're not paying into the tax system.
And they're using these illicit, not always illicit, but some of them are illicit streams of capital.
And they're using them to purchase real estate in cities like London, New York, California, and God help us, Austin, probably soon.
So now, the three Cliffside Drive homes perched side by side are combined 22,000 square feet and offer commanding views of the Pacific Ocean.
Bought for $70 million over a three-year period.
Their ownership remained a mystery to neighbors in the exclusive Point Doom section of Malibu.
I bet the neighbors went, who lives here?
The largest one, a 12,000 square foot mansion, was registered to an address in Switzerland.
Another, a four-bedroom villa was purchased by a company in the British Virgin Islands.
And the third, a 7,600-square-foot grand European style estate was acquired from a Delaware Bell-based LLC.
The high-end properties are among more than a dozen that King Abdullah II bin al-Hussein of Jordan, who I live with, purchased through shell companies in the U.S. and abroad, revealed in this week's massive leak of financial documents known as the Pandora Papers.
The Malibu homes were purchased between August 2014 and September 2017.
King Abdullah has also been going ahead with a plan to demolish one of his existing homes and build a much larger one.
Aesthetic Critique of Homes00:05:44
Every time you see, I'm not blaming all Arab billionaires here, but let me just say, when they do build things, they're not really concerned with, you know, how shall we say, the style of the neighborhood.
Can we say that?
Can we say that a lot of the Arab billionaires like to get big and bold with the home design?
They don't really value continuity.
Again, it's just, that's an aesthetic critique from me.
It's an aesthetic critique.
In some ways, the king's desire to remain anonymous is unremarkable.
The rich, famous, and powerful have long plunged millions into choice homes while utilizing layers of shell companies to hide their dealings.
It comes as no surprise, says Compass luxury broker Ron Wynn.
The desire to hold the true identity can be so great that an agent working on a sale may not know the actual buyer.
Many of them don't.
For example, when I bought my house in Texas, I had convinced my realtor that I was someone else because I did not want for her to know that it was actually me.
So I had convinced my realtor that I was Megan McCain.
I had gone into Megan McCain wig, the whole thing, and it was, you know, pretty seamless.
I was not called out.
So now here's the deal.
Congress, and aren't they powerful, the Congress?
I have a lot of faith in the Congress.
I do.
Oh, yeah.
They just get it done, don't they?
Congress, which has, what, a 15% approval rating in our own country, is now going to, they're cracking down on these hidden purchases.
It's Congress versus King Abdullah.
Hmm.
Who do you have?
I got to be honest.
Everything's about gambling now.
Who does Dave Portnoy have?
What's the sports book say?
Congress, on one hand, full of a bunch of slobs from Minnesota and King Abdullah bin Alziz Hussein Almani.
Who's going to win that war?
Well, let's see.
Let's see if King Abdullah, and by the way, all of our financial establishment, real estate establishment, and a lot of Congress versus, you know, people like Katie Porter, who seem like lovely people, who go there and she's got, you know, mayonnaise on her thing.
She's like, I made lunch for my kids today.
And, you know, hey, Mr. Diamond, Jamie Diamond, would it surprise you to know that everybody that works at your bank eats food they find on the floor?
And he goes, well, Ms. Porter, that would surprise me.
And would it surprise you to know that the food they found on the floor is not even warm?
It would.
It would.
I would think they'd pick it up right after it fell.
Well, that is not what they're doing, sir.
They're waiting many, many hours to eat the food.
It's cold.
So we have Katie Porter on one hand, and I like her because she seems like someone who throws breast milk, like water balloons of breast milk at a CEO.
And I think we need more of that.
She's just fun.
She's a mom.
She drives a minivan and she just shits on these billionaires.
I would like to see Katie Porter versus Abdullah bin Alziz Hussein Muhammad, whatever his name is.
I don't know.
I'm not being racist.
I can't remember his name.
Katie Porter on one side and then the King of Jordan on the other.
It'd be fun.
Excuse me, Mr. Muhammad.
You like Malibu, don't you?
Yeah, I don't have too much time to go to the beach because I have three kids that are always nagging me to make their lunches.
Okay?
Okay.
So I heard you have three properties in Malibu?
Yes.
See, the thing is, King Nagul is probably very charming.
You know, he's like, it is very nice.
Well, I heard they were purchased by shell companies.
Now, would it surprise you to know, King Abdullah, that many people are using shell companies?
This is not a bad Katie Porter, by the way.
Many people are using shell companies as a way to conceal the amount of money flowing into real estate that are illicit streams of capital.
Would that surprise you?
Yes, very surprising.
But for years, the Malibu properties had beguiled the king's neighbors and local government officials.
The local Malibu government, who is that?
Some stoner?
Who's that?
The local government in Malibu is like old poor people that have lived there forever and they just couldn't afford.
They couldn't afford to buy anything there now.
And they're just like, whoa, it's fucking the beach, man.
Some king is fucking here, dude.
Whoa.
You got to realize that the people that have money in California are very stupid.
And because in New York, you make money, you know, you go to good schools.
You're raised in a family that cares.
In California, you make money on OnlyFans or being like a music manager or whatever.
Those are the industries in California.
Whereas New York, it's like finance, you know, insurance, real estate tech, conventional banking.
And in Los Angeles, you have like OnlyFans, music manager, face-tatooed ragamuffin.
You just see like a kid with face tattoos and he's a trillionaire and you don't know how.
And his name is like Gucci Provolone or something.
So what is the point of, I'm struggling.
I read about the Pandora papers and I'm struggling to find a point in all this because what are we supposed to do?
Are we supposed to head down to Malibu and give the king the what for?
Is that the point here?
I'm struggling to find the point of what's going on.
Biden administration is cracking down on for-profit schools that made false promises about students' futures and drove them into debt.
Avoiding Financial Default00:07:43
Sorry, I clicked on that.
This has nothing to do with anything.
I clicked on the wrong article.
And by the way, Biden's also cracking down on this this week, though.
Biden is cracking down.
This is the theme of the week, cracking down.
We're cracking down.
The president says the IRS needs two bits of information, all the money that goes into your bank account and all the money that comes out.
I don't love that.
What's this guy doing?
He's cracking down.
He's cracking down on the good American people about their tax cheating.
There's no snooping around.
Most people in this country like not have a ton of money.
Do we really need to analyze the tens of dollars going in and out of people's bank accounts?
And on top of this, they're asking for everybody's stimuluses back if they prove they couldn't find employment and stuff.
So they're asking people to give back thousands and thousands.
That'll work.
That's a good idea.
That'll work.
That's like if you ever lend someone money, then you're like, hey, so if you, you know, if you ever want to put some of that together, that's going to work.
So Biden, this corpse, is out there.
They're trying to just, because they need money now.
We're about to default.
The country's about to default for the first time, and they need money, so they're cracking down on your Venmo transactions.
Who did you have that pizza with, and who did you pay?
So, the government's on track to default for the first time ever, which is bad because we're a good, you know, we have a good credit rating, and it'll fuck us up.
And Janet Yellen, who's a terrifying-looking human being, who what if she's the chairman of the Federal Reserve?
That's correct.
Man, they just trot her out when there's bad news to be had, don't they?
Well, she's the Treasury Secretary.
She's like Grandma, but Grandma's always got bad news.
She's always coming out with a cancer diagnosis, you know?
Yeah, that's grandma.
Grandma comes out, she's like, she just looks like the type of person who walks in the middle of dinner and goes, stage four.
At best case, an aggressive stage three.
Oh, sorry, grandma.
I'll be fine.
You know, I'll be fine.
They may have to chop my old tits off.
I may have to shave my head.
I look like that girl from that show you watch.
What's that show?
Stranger Things?
Yeah, I look like her, but that's okay.
Don't worry about me.
I'll just be here defaulting on the national debt with my cancer-ridden body.
I don't know if she's had cancer.
I'm just saying, she looks like an old grandma that comes in and drops a bomb.
Yeah, yeah.
And she has.
Janet Yellen on Tuesday said she believes the economy would fall into a recession if Congress fails to address the federal government's borrowing limit before an unprecedented default on the U.S. debt.
So, October 18th is a deadline.
It would be catastrophic to not pay government's bills for us to be in a position where we lack the resources to pay the government's bills.
Yellen said during an interview on CNBC's Squawk Box.
I like that guy.
You know, the fat guy from Squawk Box?
I don't know.
Get the fat guy up from Squawk Box.
I like him.
What happened to him?
Squawk Box, huh?
Squawkbox fat guy.
Image.
Okay, I'll just type in Squawkbox fat guy.
Yeah, what happened to him?
I don't like the new guy.
Squawkbox fat guy.
Yeah, where's he?
Is that him on the left?
Yes.
What happened to him?
Let me see.
It's this new guy I don't like.
Where is the fat guy from Squawkbox?
I got to see co-hosted by Joe Kernan, Becky Quick, Andrew Rosorkin.
I don't want Andrew Rosorkin.
Get him out of here.
It must be Joe Kernan.
That's right.
Maybe.
Yeah, Joe Kernan.
No, that's not good.
Well, he looks good there.
What the hell photo is that?
That's like me using a photo of Tana Mongeau.
Anyway, so Janet Yellen, Grim Grandma, let's call her.
Grandma Grimm.
Yeah, yeah.
So Grandma Grimm goes on Squawkbox with the reality, which is that we don't have any money left.
Joe Biden's trying to take your money out of Venmo.
And so what's the plan here?
They were going to come up with some coin.
They're really demonizing crypto.
We've got to get Peter Schiff.
Have we made any progress getting Peter Schiff on the show?
I am in communication with the assistant of Peter Schiff, but we don't really have the capability.
Because this is financial news now.
And Peter Schiff, I've been watching him for the last year, and every day he talks about the end.
I think he'd be a really good addition.
The trillion-dollar coin scheme.
So this is interesting.
This is a way to avoid potentially defaulting.
Okay.
It says on Tuesday, the Treasury Secretary Yellen said she does not intend to mint a platinum coin worth $1 trillion to pay for the U.S. government's expenses.
If you're not familiar with the platinum coin idea or the hashtag mint the coin, boy, we're at the end, aren't we?
The small army of coinistas who've become a vocal point of economics and financial circles since early 2010, you might be saying, what are you talking about?
The short answer is that later this month, the U.S. will exceed the legal limit on how much outstanding debt the federal government can hold.
The debt seal it.
The Senate Republicans have agreed to an allow an extension through December, and that just sets up another confrontation in a few months.
So, to avert a global economic catastrophe, some observers have broached some interesting but you know absurd ideas.
One of them is mint the coin.
And the Treasury Secretary could simply fund the government by minting platinum coins.
Interesting.
In 2013, even U.S. former Mint Director Philip Diehl agreed it would work.
Over the years, influential voices like Joe Wiesenthal, Paul Krugman have also promoted the idea.
But they did not simply stumble upon this.
It was brought to their attention by Beowulf, a blog commenter and reply guy, better known as Atlanta Area Attorney Carlos Mucha.
Mucha conceived of the idea in a short comment on financier Warren Mosler's blog posted May 24th, 2010.
This is the comment.
Curiously enough, Congress has enough delegates delegated to Treasury.
All the signerage, power authority, it needs to mill 1 trillion coin.
Even numismatic coins are legal tender at their face value, must be accepted by the Federal Reserve.
The catch is it's got to be made of platinum.
Dito the balls of any president who tried this that have platinum balls.
So for one ounce coin, TSY would net only 999.998 billion.
So Yellen is not prepared to mint the coin.
She doesn't want to mint the coin.
She doesn't want to mint the coin.
So instead, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be going through your Zelle and Venmo transactions to get the money back that they gave you so you stop burning things down.
Now that you've proven that you can go a few months without burning things down, they feel comfortable asking for the money back.
Imagine in the middle of the burning of the things down, they're like, how about that money?
No one said that, but now that everybody hasn't, you know, gotten frisky, they're saying let's get some of that money back.
I have gotten so much hang-up and brusket there, I think.
I think tomato is my favorite.
Now it's like that tomato is a fruit.
Yes, at least in the beginning, with fruit and fruit in everyday life.
With fresh and cheap, we always have a low price on fruit and fruit.
For example, 1,5 kg poteter for bare 19,90, og 200 g brocolini for bare 19,90.
Money and Strange Choices00:15:32
Det er slutt som en på kassalappen som teller.
Hos Rema 1000.
Holdt de lave priser.
Endelig er det påske igjen.
Og når skinen er smurt, er det kanskje lurt å pakke sekken med smøring til familien også?
Som for eksempel, alle storplatter sjokolade før fra 39,90, nå kun 29,90.
Eller, fyll opp termosen med kaffe fra Kjeldsberg før 54,90, nå kun 39,90.
For det er slutt som en på kassalappen som teller.
Hos Rema 1000.
Altid lave priser.
These Pandora papers outline this extra legal way that a lot of people, and I knew this when I was a tour guide in New York City.
I paid very close attention to real estate in New York, and we talked about it ad nauseum on this show.
When you have lots and lots of money, you have to do things with it.
You can't just put it in banks.
You can't just invest it.
You can't be constantly subject to regulators and taxes.
You want to get away from that.
And the way to do that is come up with shell corporations and put them in places that nobody really goes, right?
Or very few people go.
The Cayman Islands, Delaware.
And then use those shell corporations to purchase real estate, hide your ownership interest, evade taxes, do a little money laundering.
That's what New York City is.
It's a vertical money laundering scheme.
Look at what the guy, look at what the head of Louis Vuitton did with his yacht.
This is Bernard, I believe, Arnault or something.
He's ahead of Louis Vuitton, and the Pandora papers reveal he's got a real nice boat.
I wonder when these things get leaked.
No one's going to do anything, but it's just funny.
Because this happened 2016, 2017, like 20.
Yeah, it happens.
It's like the next set of papers will not be papers anymore.
There'll be photographs of these people with the middle finger to you.
Bernard Arnold.
Bernard Almart.
Yeah.
I was looking at his yacht.
He's got a sick yacht.
Okay.
Ooh, symphony.
Yeah, but this was something, again, that got leaked in the Pandora papers.
I don't know.
Because, you know, this is supposed to make you angry at these people.
But I say you just embrace it.
And you just say, hey, at least they're doing cool shit.
Do you want King Abdullah to like not do cool shit?
If you were the king of a country where you could literally kill anyone you wanted, you could do anything you wanted, you'd be expected.
Yeah, Bernard Arnault stealthily slips out 30 million for Beverly Hills House next door.
So all of these people in the Pandora papers, things are coming out.
You hear that?
Do they hear it now?
They probably will hear the siren, yeah.
All of these people are being outed as tricksters.
And then, you know, but they're cracking, they're cracking down.
Do you see?
They're cracking down.
So this won't be going on next year.
If I know, if I know the government, they will get a handle on this rather quickly.
And they're going to rein in the rich and make them do the right thing.
What's interesting about the rich is they never smile until they're forced to smile.
Like the really rich.
Not like you have a BMW.
I mean, like, the incredibly wealthy hate smiling.
Because I live in a building now with a lot of very wealthy people, albeit ones who've kind of destroyed their lives.
A lot of divorced dads and young kids and, you know, crypto punks, but actual crypto punks, not the things they sell.
And very few of them are smiling without, you know, some type of help.
Now, look at this yacht.
Isn't this a beauty?
It's a beautiful yacht.
This is nice.
That's it right there.
How much?
Let's see here.
Something crazy I read about it.
Oh, this yacht website's down.
They're not doing good, I guess.
They probably just put it down because of the Pandora papers.
They're just like, just chill for a week.
Just take the fucking website down for a week.
I wanted to find things out that would surprise us, you know?
Like, I wanted to find out that, like, like through a shell company, like, through a shell company where his ownership interest was hidden, I wanted to find out that like Sebastian Maniscalco owned like 20 private prisons.
That would have been fun to find out.
What are you doing?
They're bad.
They got it down.
Who cares?
What are you doing with these government prisons?
Are you embarrassed?
You go to the private prison.
Let the Italians cater to private prison.
But that would have been fun, but it's just the usual suspects.
Yeah, it's like Elton John Shakir.
Yeah, so he owns a luxury mega yacht with 150 million.
Yeah, he's got 93 billion.
So who's in the Pandora papers, you said?
Elton John?
Shakira?
Yeah, I got an article right here.
These guys, look at these guys right here.
The Pandora Papers taxes implicate several celebrities, including Shakira, Elton John, Julio Iglesias, Swedish House Mafia, and others.
Oh, Ringo Starr.
Ringo star.
Let's go get these people.
That's what Saudi Arabia did.
They locked them all in the Rich Calton, tortured them.
Why don't we do that?
We have a bunch of Rich Carltons.
What if we, for a purely, this is a purely comedic exercise.
Okay.
But imagine this.
Tomorrow you wake up and Joe Biden has commandeered the Ritz Carlton, let's say in, I don't know, wherever.
New York.
Okay.
D.C. There's a Ritz in D.C.
Okay.
And he has taken over the Ritz in D.C. In the D.C. Ritz, and tonight, while you're asleep, Shakira, Elton John, Julio Iglesias, Swedish House Mafia, Ringo Starr, Bernard Arnault,
everybody that is, all of these people, they're kidnapped and they're driven from their homes to the Ritz Carlton, where they are tortured mercilessly and made to give up all their money.
Now, again, wrong?
Perhaps, but he would win re-election, like if he would win reelection.
Because how could you say anything like, dude, he tortured Shakira?
Yeah, yeah.
She's just getting, you know, like whipped.
It's like squid games, but he's just torturing all these celebrities.
Joe Biden brought Julio Iglesias to the Ritz and caned him until Julio admitted all the shell corpse and all the real estate he owned.
Joe Biden, and he's on video, like MBS, I think, was on video or something.
Where he was like, hey, did you read about any of that?
I'm going to shut up.
We're going to get killed.
You showed me a video of that, but I mean, there's not much about that online.
There's not a ton about it.
There's not a ton about it.
There'll be a show on Netflix in a few years about it.
That is the one thing I'm going to show you.
Big game show.
I'm going to get a lot of on here.
It's like MBS and stuff like that.
Yeah, we don't want to cover it.
We're not even...
I'm agreeing.
I'm not.
I'm saying nothing negative.
Listen to what I am saying.
Understand what I am doing.
I am not saying you did anything wrong, sir.
I am saying if, and again, I would never call for this, but if Kamala Harris wanted my respect, if I found out she locked up Swedish House Mafia in the montage in Laguna Beach and tortured them until they gave up all their money, I would phone bank for her.
Night of the meeting, details emerge of Riyard Ritz Calton purge.
But this is kind of interesting.
It is, yeah.
Three years on, some of the Saudi detainees reveal what they say took place.
In early November 2017, nearly 400 of Saudi Arabia's most powerful people, among them princes, tycoons, ministers, and Shakira, were rounded up and detained in the Ritz Carlton Hotel in what became the biggest and most contentious purge in the modern kingdom's history.
The arrest shook the foundations of Saudi society in an instant, turning untouchable establishment figures into targets for arrest.
Statuses were discarded, assets seized, and business empires upended.
A conventional pact between the state and its influential elite was shredded overnight.
Now leading figures caught up in the detentions have revealed details of what they say took place.
Many of whom were stripped of fortunes, portray a scene of torture and coercion and of royal court advisors leading chaotic attempts to understand the investments behind the wealth of the king.
Wouldn't it be great?
So imagine our version of this.
And it's just Swedish house mafia.
You're playing their music and the torturers are going, how is this?
We don't understand how you make this much money.
We don't get it.
Some of it is okay, but most of it, I don't know.
We don't get it.
Because that's what happened here.
The Saudi officials are going, how are you doing this?
How are you making all this money?
Like they could bring Ringo Starr in and just put him up on the rack and go, you are the least talented Beatle, like by far.
I don't understand.
George wasn't great either, but the disclosures come on the third anniversary of the purge and ahead of the G20 summit in Riyadh this week.
And advocates of the right to woman to drive among them.
But see, that's what's cool.
Saudi Arabia, they know how to balance it.
They'll do something like this.
And they go, let the women drive.
Look, a woman's driving.
Wait, you just tortured everybody.
She's making a left.
Look at her make a left.
And everyone goes, ah, she is making a left.
So what they did, and we don't need to go into every detail here because you can get it and you can read the article.
Okay, hold on.
I like this.
On the first night, everyone was blindfolded and nearly everyone was subjected to what Egyptian intelligence calls the night of the beating.
I mean, what if Biden just came out and said this?
Like he said, in response to the Pandora papers, we kidnapped Swedish House Mafia and we subjected to them what we would call, and you know, Biden says it very calmly, he goes, we call them the night of the beating.
People were asked if they knew why they were here.
No one did.
They were beaten.
Many of them beaten badly.
They were tied to walls, stressed positions, and went on for hours.
And all of them doing the torturing were Americans.
Good old USA.
So the interrogators arrived on the next day.
So the first day is the beatings and the torture.
The next day, the interrogators.
The detainees had by then been separated into rooms in the hotel that a year earlier had been the venue for the launch of Prince Muhammad's ambitious Vision 2030.
Here's the thing with NBS.
I feel like I like him.
Yeah, yeah, he's great.
Well, there's people who have said negative things, but.
He's never done anything to me.
I live in Beverly Hills, and I'll say this.
I like him.
I think he's great.
And I am not in any way criticizing the Saudi royal family.
They have indoor lakes, and they ride jet skis on them.
And I don't even care about 9-11.
I don't like finance people that much anyway.
There is a misconception that they turned up all-knowing with pages of data and information.
They didn't.
The interrogators knew very little and they were winging it.
They were hopeless on the offshore stuff.
So basically, this is what you have two options when your Pandora papers come out.
And obviously there's a third option that involves Congress passing laws, you know, but you know, but you, Katie Porter is ferocious, but you'd have to have a bunch of Katie Porters.
You know, Katie Porter can only do so much.
She's trying to do her best and make a grilled cheese for everybody.
So what you could do is you could lock everybody up in a hotel and beat them and torture them, or you can just kind of do what we've done, which is write real estate blogs about the houses they bought and go, stunning modern chic.
It's a stunning modern chic beachfront complex.
That was not going on in Riyadh.
They were not talking about the stunning modern chic complexes.
It was the night of the beating.
These are the choices.
You can have night of the beating.
Night of the beating or real estate blog, stunning modern chic.
Many of the king's neighbors were, they were, they were in a tizzy.
They didn't know who lived there.
Many of those that came in, blah, I'll tell you this, man.
It's difficult to know what to do.
Isn't it?
It's hard.
Because MBS is sitting there.
And Saudi Arabia does horrible things to all kinds of people.
But he's sitting there and he finds out, not to me yet, and he's sitting there and he finds out that people are, they're taking money.
They're stealing.
They're doing kind of what's written about in the Pandora papers.
That's right.
And he goes, we're going to have to have a little bit of a talk.
And we're going to have to lock everybody up in the Ritz.
And the party's over.
And my thing is, if Katie Porter, God, if Katie Porter kidnapped Jamie Diamond in a minivan, like in a Lunch Lady outfit, like dressed like Chris Farley from Lunch Ladyland, if she threw Jamie Diamond in a minivan with a bunch of other CEOs and took them to like the four seasons, okay,
and just directed their torture.
I don't know that you'd get anything out of it, but the pure aesthetic value of that to me is not nothing.
You know what I mean?
You'd be like, oh, they mean business.
They're not kidding around.
There was a terrible shakeup in America.
The elites were on the run.
Lunch lady and Congresswoman Katie Porter, and I know she's like a lawyer, but she looks like a lunch lady.
She does.
Lunch lady, Katie Porter, in the middle of making sloppy joes, kidnapped Jamie Diamond and a bunch of other CEOs and brought them to the Four Seasons Hotel where they were mercilessly tortured by interrogators.
Elites on the Run00:09:00
And she's just sitting there.
She's like, where's the money?
Mr. Diamond, I feel like we've met before.
And he's like, he's like, chained to a wall.
She's like, we've met before, haven't we?
I believe I asked you a question about how people at your bank could make ends meet.
I broke down all their monthly expenses.
What?
And the guy's just hitting them.
Yeah, I remember.
Well, Mr. Chairman, I have a few more questions for you.
Do you have the time?
I think you do.
He's just chained up in a suite at the Four Seasons Hotel, being brutalized by interrogators.
And then Katie Porter is like, all right, so Mr. Diamond, let's just, let's start by saying, I'm your friend.
And I think we both want the best for America.
Wouldn't you agree, Jamie?
And he's like, please stop this.
I'll give you anything you want.
Well, I'm glad you said that because I have a lot of questions about your bank, about your lending practices, about the money that you've paid to get out of serious government inquiries.
So I'm glad you're here.
And just, just lashing his thin.
And again, I'm not saying it's the right thing to do.
I'm just saying these seem to be the choices.
We live in a world of so few choices.
There's not much to do when these things come out.
So you either drag all these people to a hotel and beat and torture them, or you just kind of ignore it.
And you go, bad boy.
You're a naughty boy.
You're a naughty boy.
Are you being a naughty boy in Martha's Vineyard?
I bet you are.
There's not, you know?
Poor Ghislaine Maxwell just sitting in there.
Poor Ghislaine.
She's like, oh, these motherfuckers, are you reading the Pandora Pipers?
I've done nothing compared to these fucks.
They probably treated her like a winch.
When is her trial?
When is Ghislaine Maxwell's trial?
I believe it's November.
I'm then going to talk about Ivor Mecton for three hours.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's November 29th.
So right around Thanksgiving there.
That'll be fun.
Oh, a Thanksgiving trial for Ghislaine?
Well, November 29th.
Ooh, I like that, huh?
A Thanksgiving party for Ghislaine Maxwell.
She's just in Brooklyn, just chilling.
Our friend.
Have you seen, have you heard about the new Alex Jones doc?
Oh, no, no.
That I was going to be interviewed for, but I had COVID.
No, no, no.
I don't know if it's public yet.
Oh, okay.
But it might be.
Oh, it's the woman who made the...
TFW.
Yeah, yeah.
TFW.
You're not going to get anything about it.
Yeah, I don't think it's public yet.
Y'all watch that.
It should be interesting.
They're screening it.
I think it's called Alex's War or something.
They're screening it.
Things are heating up with the kids in the vaccine because now people want to give the vaccine to five-year-old.
I don't understand any of this.
I'm completely lost on this.
I understand certain kids have gotten COVID and fared very badly, but the vast, vast, vast majority of children easily beat COVID, the vast majority.
They've suspended the Moderna shot in, I forget which country for people under a certain age because it was causing myocarditis and problems like that.
I forget which country.
Japan suspends 1.6 million doses of Moderna shot?
No, this was recently.
Oh, Scandinavians.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're just, they're like, hey, man.
And also Scandinavia, people aren't as fat.
You know what I mean?
Like, you eat your pickled herring and you go on about your day.
They don't have like, you know, you know, drive-through barbecue troughs and, you know, they don't have like bouncy castle pizza huts.
Yeah, I mean, they're just, it's Scandinavia.
They're a stoic people.
They barely laugh.
They barely, you know, they just, they enjoy like, you know, just light food, a little like kind of like, you know, interesting, earthy sex, a little like, like staring at the water in the night during the night, you know?
And then I think a lot of them are antidepressants and stuff as well, but I don't know.
Because after a while, you know, the great thing about America is you have the highs and the lows.
And over there, it's just kind of a state.
Like here, the Prozac.
The country is kind of a Prozac.
But they made a good point.
They're like, kids get over this stuff.
Why are we giving it to young people?
And they have an increased risk of heart inflammation, it says, for the Moderna.
Yeah, it's the myocarditis.
So this is kind of this debate is heating up about, go to Drudge.
Drudge had it.
There was a, and I think Gavin Newsom did a vax mandate.
Oh, Tesla's moving to Austin, by the way.
Elon Musk moving Tesla to Austin, Texas, my favorite city.
Finland joined Sweden and Denmark in limiting Moderna COVID-19 vaccine for people that were for men.
Okay, hold on.
They said that Finland would instead give Pfizer's vaccine to men born in 1991 and later.
So under 30.
Yeah.
I don't know if these countries are doing a ton of mandates, though.
I don't know that they are.
I think, you know.
I think in those countries, people just want to get vaccinated.
Some of them have to.
Some of them aren't doing the mandate.
Some of them aren't.
And now we have like, I told you, I walked in somewhere with my godson in like an ice cream parlor and the woman's like, how old is he?
I'm like, he's like, one.
She's like, oh, at two, they got to wear a mask.
It's like, bitch, what are you talking about?
Where was this?
This was here?
Yeah, at an ice cream parlor.
Good lord.
But this is what I mean about people who are a little going nutty now.
They're looking at a baby, like, what's his deal?
It's crazy.
They're looking at a baby like, yeah, what's his deal?
He's a little vector of disease, isn't he?
I'm like, man, people just turn into Nazis overnight.
Overnight, they turn into Nazi.
It's not even a process.
Where's your God?
Bah!
It's a lot.
But, you know, there's also a lot of people in this country that think that's a phenomenal idea.
So, you know, what are you going to do?
Tesla moving its headquarters from California to Austin, Texas, the greatest city in America.
Elon Musk is moving Tesla, which makes a silly car.
It's silly.
And it is.
It's kind of for children, right?
When I see Teslas, I go, that's for a child.
It's a toy.
It's not for an adult.
When you get in and it's like fun.
You're excited to get it.
Yeah, it's for a child.
So he's moved his children's toy car company to Austin, Texas.
And then he, the cool stuff he does is with those SpaceX satellites.
Remember, we were in the backyard with John Chihiti and we thought we were being invaded by aliens?
Yeah, yeah, it was crazy.
Yeah, we're all just sitting in the backyard smoking sticks.
And then the Tesla Starlink satellites went over our heads and we're all staring at them.
I'm like, dude, are we being, we thought we were being invaded?
Me and Shahidi thought we were being invaded by aliens.
Because the UFO stuff was ramping up with all the news.
John was like, when they land, what brands will they align with?
I'm like, I don't know.
I love John.
We miss him.
Hopefully we see more of them now that we're going to be back in LA.
But I'm still living in Texas and love Texas.
I'm a full-time resident and I have an apartment here occasionally when I need to be here for work.
Truly, I'll be in Texas for the majority of my life, forever, because I love it.
On a red dirt road.
I'll be on a red dirt road.
To be clear, but we should do that in Austin, by the way.
Let's kidnap everybody in Austin and bring them to a hotel and make them clean it.
To be clear, we will be continuing to expand our activities in California, Musk said.
Our intention is to increase output from Fremont and the Giga Nevada by 50%.
If you go to our Fremont facility, it's jammed.
But, he added, it's tough for people to afford houses.
People have come in from far away.
There's a limit to how big you can scale in the Bay Area.
So he's going to Austin.
Takes Tesla less time to build a factory than to reach high volume production, Musk said.
For example, Tesla's Shanghai plant was built in 11 months, but took a year to reach high volume production.
He expects Tesla's new plant near Austin will follow Shanghai's example.
It's going to be interesting.
Texas, California, you know, Tom Segura and Christina talked about this.
They're having a war.
Texas, California in a war.
I mean, Austin's not going to be cheap either.
I know the Bay Area is a lot of people.
Austin's not going to be cheap.
Here's the thing with Texas, California.
New York will always be the king.
It's just a reality.
New York will always be the king.
Steve Will Do It00:15:20
It is what it is.
It's always going to be the king.
Texas and California can vote, can fight each other for the secondary slot.
All of the meaningful, like New York has all of our cultural institutions.
You know, the East Coast has a lot of the academic institutions, a lot of intelligent people.
There's a reason Jeffrey Epstein didn't live in Austin.
Do you know what I mean?
There's a reason.
But New York's always going to be the king.
California and Texas can fight for number two.
And then Florida.
Are we doing Steve's ad today?
Yeah, you can go right into it.
So we're going into talk about Florida.
Steve will do it from Oviedo, Florida.
He's a member of the Nelk Boys.
The Nelk Boys are a group of internet pranksters who don't make any money on YouTube.
They've been demonetized because they're wild.
They do crazy stuff.
They pretend to drink and do Coke in front of the cops.
And they go to colleges all over America and get the kids.
And I like this.
They say with the kids, stop the focusing on the politics and the gender.
Let's get fucked up and jump off a roof.
That's what college used to be about.
Sexual assault, how about somersault?
Where we just jump off the house.
But that's what they do.
They go to colleges.
They get people nice and revved up.
They get people drunk and full send.
And they just, it's all about hedonism and it's fun.
It's good for the kids.
A little different, you know?
So we're very proud to have Steve.
And I like Steve because he's kind of the breakout star of the Nelk faction.
There's a few other ones, the Kyle, who I like, but he's serious.
The businessman.
He's the business guy.
He's serious.
He seems like he'll throw a woman down the stairs.
And then there's Salim, the other guy who I like, but could turn on the country at any minute.
So you got to watch him.
But Kyle is just a simple Florida guy who loves booze and Trump.
And so this episode is brought to you by Steve Will Do It.
And by the way, he is hilarious.
Like his videos are actually very funny.
He did a video with Dobrik where like he gives David Dobrik another Tesla because they had some beef that wasn't real and they kind of patched it up.
I like David Dobrik's like, how much is this watch?
And Steve Will Dewitt says like very nonchalantly.
He's like, it's $500,000.
It's very nonchalantly.
He's like, it's $500,000.
So this episode is brought to you by Steve Will Do It, the world's number one YouTube channel.
If you are not already aware, Steve, the prolific front man of the Canadian group, the Nelk Boys, you've probably seen his videos where he gave David Dobrik a Tesla.
Did he write this himself?
Did he write this like drunk in a car?
He might have, yeah.
He probably wrote this like drunk in a car, just coked out at like a signal.
Like everybody's like beeping.
Just go, go.
He's like, shut up.
He bought a yacht with $10 million in Bitcoin, met Donald Trump aboard Air Force One and donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the less fortunate, along with his best friend and philanthropist, Takashi69.
I mean, I can't make this ad funnier, but we do love Steve.
And I'm sure he has done things for the less fortunate with Takashi6ix9ine.
Check out his happy dad seltzer.
They have a new seltzer.
It's in stores in Florida, Nevada, California, and Massachusetts.
Places where people party.
Steve also is one of the biggest emerging fashion brands with full send.
This is true.
They send me shit all the time.
Go to fullsend.com to sign up for exclusive merch drops.
Everything is currently sold out, and you don't want to miss out.
Because these people, by the way, when they release merch, it's not like me where I got to beg my fans to buy it.
I got to beg them like a guy who cheated on his wife to get back in the door of their house so he can give his daughter a birthday present.
I got to beg them.
And then the merch companies we use are deadbeats.
And don't hold that against me.
Still buy.
But they're deadbeats and morons.
Michael Gruen with his fucking, you know, his advice.
Never take merch advice from a guy that wears an undershirt everywhere.
Michael, they make clothes for big people.
I'll take you to DXL.
Enough with the undershirt.
Go to fullsend.com to sign up for exclusive merch drop.
Do you know the Nelk video?
They have a new Nelk video coming out with Brian Laundry, where they said it's just about getting fucked up, and it's called Leaving the Past in the Past.
And it's Brian Laundry and Nelk.
Yeah, no, this is good.
It's Brian Laundry and Nelk, and they just go and get fucked up.
I don't know who this Brian Laundry is, but he's fun.
So go to fullsend.com because when they release this merch, it sells out immediately because all these kids, like all my little cousins and people like that, go and buy it.
Adults buy it too.
Lastly, go right now to Steve Will Do It YouTube channel right now and see what all the hubbub is about for yourself.
He drops new videos every single Thursday.
They actually are entertaining.
So go there, hit like and subscribe.
Steve Will Do It is literally the craziest channel on YouTube and in comparison makes David Dobrik seem like a docile peasant.
That is S-T-E-V-E-W-I-L-L-D-O-I-T.
Steve Will Do It on YouTube.
And he's a friend of this show.
He's a fan of the show.
He helps us all the time get our name out there.
We're really excited that he's come on now as a sponsor of the Tim Dylan show.
And we're very proud of him going because Brian Laundry's had a rough month.
And I think it's to Nelk to feature him in a video is like, cool.
And they'll get flacked for it.
They're going to get flacked for it because of the PC culture.
People are going to get angry because of PC culture when they put Brian Laundry on a jet ski and he's, you know, just funneling Bacardi rum in a Cancun or whatever, wherever these people go.
So SteveWillDoit.com.
Let's end this gangbuster of an episode with a trailer because you know me and Disney Plus.
I have nothing but great things to say.
There is a documentary about Fauci.
When the Obamas got a Netflix deal, and now that Harry and Megan have one, it is becoming quite clear that politicians are going to no longer rely on the hacks in Hollywood and the media to portray them in a flattering light.
They are going to directly get involved with how their legacies are sculpted.
It's a pretty brilliant move.
These people are directly going to get involved and influence public opinion.
So there is now a documentary about Fauci.
Now, whatever you think of Fauci, running the gamut from AIDS Hitler to second coming of vaccine Christ.
Whatever you think about Fauci, whatever you think about Fauci, this is wildly unnecessary.
We are still in the middle of a pandemic.
The resources devoted to making this film should not have been.
Let's watch the trailer.
When I think about my dad growing up, I certainly think about that seriousness.
But very few people get to see him.
He's funny, weird, and really playful.
God help us.
In 1981, the HIV AIDS was evolving rapidly and frighteningly.
There was anger at the government's response.
When you got sick, you were gone fast.
It's affecting you now.
Yeah.
I think he was good on this.
I think, you know, from what I've heard about him on the AIDS front, I believe he was in a don't, you know, people are going to be like, he created it.
You're a liar.
And I just, I, but what I've heard from people that work in epidemiology is that he was good on that.
He's been a little bit of a klutz here.
If we want to be really nice about it, you'd call him a klutz.
If you wanted to be a meanie, you would call him a liar.
And someone who has perhaps twisted the truth to protect people.
But a klutz would certainly be not wrong to call him.
But let's continue this.
Dress in.
He also loves a spotlight.
He's much target.
My dad said we're going to get through this whole thing.
Yeah, take it.
You don't want to do it.
He said it at the end of the day to make sure that you don't do it presently.
You do it because you care.
When you're involved in a race to stop a horrible disease, you always feel you're not doing things quickly enough.
Okay.
Well, it was morbid.
It kind of just shows that he kind of failed massively.
Well, what was he supposed to do?
You know, completely like stop AIDS.
Of course.
He's not supposed to do that.
You know, I mean, I guess if you work in that business, like you're always going to kind of fail.
Right.
You know?
You know?
He's an interesting guy.
He's been a government.
He's been the pandemic guy forever.
That's a weird dude.
You know?
The guy's like, you know what gets me up in the morning?
What?
Disease.
You go, okay.
Stopping it or what?
It's like the people that talk about poverty all the time.
Like, you really want it to end?
Then what would you do?
I work at the Center for Global Poverty.
Okay.
And what would you like?
Well, we'd like more global poverty.
Why?
Well, that's kind of what we do.
Okay.
It's kind of with disease a little bit.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like, we don't want to get rid of all the diseases.
He's like, we like to, you know, we like a little bit of disease.
A little bit of makes everything work.
See, that'd be funny.
Why doesn't Disney do that?
Like, do an animated thing where Fauci's like having a little fun with gain of function research.
You know, he's like, a little bit makes everything work.
We need just needles in the background.
Why can't we have a little fun?
Where are the talented people behind these pictures?
We can do something with a little music.
You know, Laura, who opened for me in Boston, works at Harvard and loves Fauci.
So I know that there's people that love him.
And my problem with him is that he's an Italian, an Italian.
And I believe that we should be represented by an Asian or a Jew in the medical field or a Pakistani or someone from India.
I don't trust a guy that looks like me talking about health.
And I certainly don't trust Mr. Meatball.
But go check that out for yourself.
What are they called?
Disney Plus.
What is it called?
It's Disney Plus.
It's just called Fauci.
They were shooting a doc this whole time.
I didn't know that.
When we see Jake Paul out and about and there's cameras following him, Fauci had the same thing.
Fauci is his epidemiology is Jake Paul.
That's what he is.
Fauci's epidemiology is Jake Paul.
You can hate him.
You can love him, but he ain't going nowhere.
That's what it is.
You could hate him.
You could love him.
But that man is determined to have his face splashed.
There's a version of Fauci that goes, no, I don't want to do this.
There's a version of him that goes, I'm busy.
There's a version of him that goes, I don't think it's appropriate in the middle of a pandemic that was supposedly serious enough where we had to decimate our entire economy.
I think it would be odd to do like a puff piece on me.
Why don't we wait a few years?
But I guess not.
You just dove right in.
He goes, yeah, what time are you going to be there?
Nine?
Should I be in makeup?
I'll be in makeup already.
Don't worry about it.
He's on the phone.
He's like, cancel the lab.
I got a thing.
No, I got all day.
The crew showing up.
They're like, we'll be quick.
He's like, no, no, no.
I blocked off a week for this.
They go, really?
He goes, yeah.
He goes, I'm doing two dope queens later, but right now I have all the time to talk to you.
I'm doing my favorite murder later.
I'm going to tell Karen Kilgareff about the vaccine.
Enough with him.
TimDylanComedy.com for all live dates.
He apologizes about Milwaukee.
We moved the Thursday show to Sunday.
Flights got fucked.
We got fucked.
We're using a temporary studio.
We got fucked out of TimDylanComedy.com's got all the dates for the tour.
We're starting in late October.
We're going everywhere.
Spokane, Seattle, Portland, Indianapolis, Morgantown, West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Washington, New York, Atlantic City, Rochester, Iowa City, Madison, Wisconsin, Louisville, Kentucky, Los Angeles, California, Bakersfield, California, San Diego, Redding, Pennsylvania, Atlanta, Georgia.
We've added second chosen, Atlanta and Sacramento.
Atlantic City.
Atlantic City, St. Louis, Sacramento, San Francisco, Garden City, Indiana, Toronto, Ontario.
Oh, and my favorite Iowa City.
Is that still happening?
Yeah, my favorite Iowa City.
We'll just go there and make the money.
So that is on the 18th, everybody.
Go get tickets to the Englert Theater in Iowa City where there was a big kerfuffle.
There was a big uproar at me doing jokes, I guess, at the expense of, I don't know, nurses.
Because we all know that the one thing heroes can't handle is a guy on a stage making a little joke.
They have all the heroes from movies being like, he made a joke about me.
And I'm not even blaming the nurse.
This is, again, this is supposedly because I questioned the response to the pandemic.
I questioned the response to the pandemic.
How are well-in-uh, there was a people were emailing the Englert Theater.
I don't even know what it is.
I don't know what they do at the Englert Theater.
I'm sure they have some big comedians and bands go, but I don't know what goes on at the Englert Theater.
But apparently they have a, there's a real thriving arts community in Iowa City that was unhappy with some of the remarks I've made.
And by thriving arts community, I mean two people with blue hair and cats who sent one email that Seth Simons wrote.