Tim finally reveals he was up for a part in The Many Saints of Newark, rehashes a twitter beef he had this week, tries to wrap his head around a new show starring an Afghani Translator on CBS, and why exactly big directors are casting the children of dead legends.Bonus episodes every week:▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshowSee Tim Live on the road:▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:🩳 UNDERWEAR:Order with PROMO CODE Tim▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/🔒 VPN:Get three months free▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon🥣 CEREAL:Use code TimDillon for free shipping!▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon🔵 BLUE CHEW :Use promo TD▶▶ https://bluechew.com/🤖 MANSCAPED:Use code TIMD▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/👨🦱 HAIR LOSS:▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon📦 SHIPPING:Enter code TIMDILLON▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/🎧 HEADPHONES:For 15% off!▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE:Use code TIM▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/🛏️ BEDS:▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon🚗 INSURANCE:▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon🚬 QUIT SMOKING:Use code TIM:▶▶ https://lucy.co💆THERAPY▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD📦 BOX OF AWESOME▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off💊 MASF SUPPLEMENTS▶▶ https://masfsupplements.com/ use code TIMD for 10% OFF🧴 DUKE CANNON DEODERANT▶▶ https://dukecannon.com/ use code DILLON for 10% off💍 NORTHBANDS RINGS▶▶ https://www.northbands.com/ use promo code TIM for 20% offCERTIFIED PIEDMONTESE BEEF▶▶ 25% OFF with discount code TIMDILLON at https://www.cpbeef.comHELLO FRESH▶▶ Go to https://www.hellofresh.com/timdillon12 for 12 free meals including free shipping!GET ACRE GOLD and start investing in physical Gold today!▶▶ https://www.GetAcreGold.com/TimDillonMAKE CRYPTO SIMPLE!▶▶ Visit https://Dchained.com/Inner-Circle and sign-up today.BIRD DOGS!▶▶ https://www.birddogs.com/ use code TIMDILLONDOORDASH▶▶ Download the Doordash app and enter code TIMDILLON to get 25% off.SIMPLI SAFE▶▶ https://simplisafe.com/timdillon to save 20%DRAFTKINGS▶▶ Download DraftKings app and use the code TIMDILLON to get a free shot at a one million dollar prizeCROWDHEALTH▶▶Just go to https://JoinCrowdHealth.com/fit and enter code TIMDILLON at sign up.That’s 30 days to try risk free plus the Fitness Wearable.▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃:📸 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/🐦 Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!:http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows📹 Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbgListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahonbenavery33@gmail.comhttps://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬#TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Watching Many Saints of Newark00:06:59
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
Excited to be with you.
A lot is happening and not happening, as always.
Did you?
I saw the Many Saints of Newark.
Have you seen that movie yet?
I haven't seen it yet.
This is weird.
And I don't want to talk about this because I don't want people to get the wrong idea.
I know that a lot of people are, they have a, you know, obviously I love Joey Diaz, who's in the movie, and I love a lot of the people that are in the movie, right?
I mean, The Sopranos is an epic show.
I don't, it's weird the direction they took to me.
I think it's odd.
It's strange to me to do a prequel where a huge element of the character that was not at all in the show is brought out.
That's weird to me.
The prequel to The Many Saints of Newark is about how Tony Soprano got into the mafia.
And the entire movie, I don't know if you know this, but is literally, and this is a little fucking why he was smiling.
The entire movie is Tony getting into the mafia because he's gay and he's trying to hide his sexuality from other people.
And he feels the most effective way to do that.
And there are sex scenes where Tony Soprano is having sex with men in this movie as the receptive partner.
He's taking it in the movie.
And people were shocked at this.
The whole crux of the movie is that Tony's in an interrelational, interracial relationship in Newark with a man.
This is odd to me because in The Sopranos, there was never a thought that, listen, I'm a gay guy.
I think gay cinema is great, but there was never a thought that Tony was gay.
So to me, to make his character gay and give him this story arc of having a love interest is very, very strange.
And even if you did all of that, the visceral nature of a lot of these sex scenes, I mean, it's really aggressive.
It's aggressive.
But this is what Hollywood has decided to do.
And I'm emailing you right now.
There's a scene because you know that I was asked to audition for this.
Oh, you did?
I was asked to audition for this.
So I got the script.
And there is a scene that me and you are going to read from The Many Saints of Newark.
And I, again, I worry, I worry that, you know, again, I don't want to offend anyone that really enjoyed the picture, but I think that it's worth stating how different this is than most of what we've come to expect from David Chase and the Sopranos.
Do you have it?
Did you get it?
I'm refreshing.
There it goes.
There it is.
Okay, so This is a scene from the Many Saints of Newark.
And again, I'm, so here, don't read it.
Read it as you do it.
That's what a real actor does.
Okay?
Okay, who am I?
Your African-American man.
Now, I want you to start.
I want you to start.
Describe the scene up top.
Okay, you want me to be the narrator?
Yes.
Okay.
Tony, a young sexually confused man, explores gender and sexuality with older men in the mafia.
This is weird, right?
I mean, let's be honest.
Is this, is this not, is this not weird?
This is not what I thought the movie was going to be about.
And listen, I don't do a good Tony Soprano impression.
That's not what I'm trying to do here.
What I'm trying to do is act and breathe life into the scene.
Okay, so let's start.
Okay.
Tony is sitting on a bench by the basketball court.
He notices a young African-American man playing basketball shirtless.
Tony is shy at first, but brings to speak to him.
Well, that...
I don't know why that was written like that.
Hey, what are you doing?
Okay, so I'm African-American, right?
You're the man.
Now, this is Tony's at a basketball court.
He's watching an African-American man play basketball shirtless, and Tony is sitting there.
And I think in the movie, he's eating an ice cream cone seductively, but that was added later.
Again, this is the Many Saints of Newark.
This is true.
I'm only laughing because I'm stunned that they went in this direction.
Okay, Tony is shy at first, but speaks to him.
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm playing ball.
What are you doing?
Watching you like what you see?
Hey, hey, what you're doing right now with the black hands and stuff?
It's not necessary.
You know what I mean?
Do you know what you just did?
You're like, I'm playing ball.
Black people don't talk like that.
Do you see what you did when you go to the bottom?
It's something in the 70s.
I'm trying to think of how they'd play it.
Maybe it's like it's groovy.
I think you just really just respect the work.
Okay.
Okay.
I don't think we need to start doing a dance.
Okay, okay.
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm playing ball.
What are you doing?
Watching you like what you see?
Okay, it's I'm playing ball.
What are you doing?
Watching?
You like what you see?
Watching?
You like what you see?
Yeah.
Maybe I do.
Maybe I do.
Let me ask you something.
Do you have bigger dicks than us?
You know, like, that's what people say.
Only one way to find out.
You guys must have real brajols over there where you come from.
I'm Italian.
I'm in the mafia.
Or at least I will be, but I can't tell anyone that I'm, you know, into men.
I know what that's like.
You do?
My pastor says that gay people go to hell.
He calls them $3 bills.
Your church, that's what they do to screaming and everything.
Hey, you think anyone is there right now?
Maybe we could go over there.
You want to see my church?
I want to see you.
Tony pulls the man close to him and they begin making out.
Tony is grabbing his crotch.
The man seems uncomfortable with all the people around.
Not here.
We can have sex in my church.
Mafia, Church, and AI Art00:04:24
So this is crazy to me.
Then they go have sex in a church where Tony is getting it in the ass.
And it's crazy.
So is there like a gospel choir and everything, but they're in the back?
No, it's an empty church.
Okay.
And he's just like pounding Tony.
And then Tony says, I don't know if I want you.
This is a quote from the movie.
Tony goes, I don't know if I want you to explode in me, but I also want to taste you.
And then the guy goes, well, have you heard of Felching?
And Tony goes, no, what's that?
And the guy goes, that's where I would come inside of you and then suck it out with a straw or something and then spit it back in your mouth.
All I'm saying is this is very surprising to me.
That's what I'm saying.
Again, go see the film make your own decisions.
It's very surprising that they went in this direction.
Personally, you know?
I mean, the whole thing, when we meet Carmella, like it's crazy because he's like having sex with guys is weird.
Anyway, that's just putting it.
That's just my two cents.
I don't want to make anyone mad.
No, and Joey Diaz is in this.
I heard it's her.
James DeMoore got mad at me.
That guy.
You know that guy from Google?
Yeah, yeah.
He's kind of has Marfan syndrome.
I think he's like, he's really like, I don't know.
He's like very lanky.
And he's autistic.
He says he's autistic.
He says that he sees the world differently.
He got angry with me because I criticized his digital art.
And this is the guy that wrote the memo at Google.
He wrote a memo where he was basically like, I think women should have bags around their heads and get taken out into the parking lot.
And he said that there's, you know, whatever.
So he made this AI art.
It's very bad.
So I just wrote, these are all bad.
I quote tweeted it.
And then he used that video, that thing of me where I have a sunburn and he goes, AI is a matter of inputs.
Like for this foul one, all I put was gay Chris Farley.
And I have a horrible sunburn.
I never should have put that photo out.
But sometimes you've got to put a photo out where you look the worst so that it can always be the photo people use.
But again, that photo still makes more sense than his like kind of deeply satanic, very strange AI art that he did.
It's like odd.
It's like demons and hell.
And so I don't know what the inputs he put in.
But again, people get very sensitive.
All these, a lot of these tech bros, which weird, they're like kind of like goth theater blanks.
And I don't know what, even though they're like tech bros, they're like, I don't, you know what I mean?
They're like weird nerd.
And again, they got, he was angry at me.
And I defended him when he wrote that memo saying that women wanted to get bads over their heads and take it out into the parking lot at Google.
So I don't understand what's the problem.
But he's very sensitive.
These people are very sensitive, okay?
And he lives in Austin.
So we know he's one of the worst people in the world.
But we still support him that, and we don't think it's fair that he was fired from Google for saying that women like to have garbage bags put over them and then put in a van.
He got angry with me.
People don't like objective reality anymore when you say, like, like the way he says, like, men and women have different, they have different aptitudes.
It's also like some things are bad.
That AI is art is bad.
That little Nas X version of Jolene is bad.
It's not good.
He's speaking.
He's going, Jolene.
And of course, Dolly Parton got a tweet like, I just am honored and I love him and blah, blah, blah.
Because you can't be honest because the appeal of Lil Noxes and Lil Nas X is in the package.
It's in, there's a good-looking black gay guy, and he has, you know, he's a flair about him.
He knows what he's doing, but the actual vocals are not good.
And for anyone to pretend they're good, and then the Old Town Road song was kind of a troll that became huge.
Yes.
But he's smart, but it's, and he knows what to do.
He says, look, I'm fucking Satan this week, and next week I'm pregnant.
But that's in that the rep that's replacing the music.
See, people should realize that that's not in addition to the music.
Like Lady Gaga is talented and then she does a lot of that stuff in addition to the music.
Al's Antiquated Views on Afghanistan00:13:05
Is this completely like.
Instead of the music, we're gonna do this.
I'm gonna uh, you know, take a photo of myself or or have a Cgi photo myself made, where I have a baby, and this is like you know.
But again, to say like this isn't good, people get very angry.
Or to point out the Ai art and go, hey man, this is not good, it's objectively terrible.
I'm sure you're a lovely person, but this art is very, very bad.
And why are you, Why do you care?
You just put inputs into a computer and then it made it.
Why do you give a shit?
Maybe I'm insulting the AI.
It may not be you.
But, you know, people don't like the truth.
It's unfortunate.
You know, it's like a lot of people are not going to like to hear that Tony Soprano is a gay man, but this is what it is.
This is something funny that you showed me from the show.
What is it called?
The United States of Al.
That's correct.
This show, United States of Al rewrite season two, premiere to offer powerful moving reaction to situation in Afghanistan.
By the way, the title of that article tells you everything you want to know.
And immediately you know it was the wrong move.
Rewrite season two premiere to offer powerful moving reaction to situation in Afghanistan.
Is this guy Afghani?
He's Indian and he's from South Africa.
This has nothing to do with Afghanistan.
He's playing an Afghani interpreter in the show.
So he was always an Afghani interpreter in the United States of AL?
Yes.
He was always afraid of the right.
And his best friend is a Marine who fought in Afghanistan and now they're here and they're, you know.
Oh, well, then I guess they have to do something.
But he's not Afghani in real life.
Understood.
But I mean, in the show, he's an Afghani interpreter.
I believe so, yeah.
And his friend's a Marine.
You wonder if the writers got like a tip that this was going to happen.
Do you think the United States of Al knew before the State Department that the Taliban was about to take over?
Because it does feel like the United States of Al now did have to guy.
Like, I do feel they were in the unenviable position of having to address this.
It feels that way.
It feels like they had, I had no idea he was an Afghani interpreter.
What show is this?
Like, why would this be a show?
And so the United States of Al is about apparently an Afghani interpreter and his Marine best friend that are what?
Buds?
They're like buddies, yeah.
They're buddies, and they live together in the same town.
Here it is.
A Marine combat veteran struggling to readjust to civilian life in Ohio.
And then Awalmir, aka Al, the interpreter who served with his unit in Afghanistan, has just arrived to start a new life in America.
It's just their friendship.
So it's an Afghani interpreter and a Marine.
They come back to the U.S. Hilarity ensues.
Now, the United States of Al, of course, they have to do something.
They can't ignore it.
They have to do something.
I'm sympathetic to this more than I thought I would be.
It does seem to be the...
Also, don't make a very bad show like this in the first place.
It's such a bad show.
It's a Marine and an Afghani interpreter like having beers like the Afghanistan war was worth it.
That's what the premise of the show is.
Because it brought them together.
It's a brotherhood.
So what?
A lot of people are dead.
Doesn't matter.
That's the premise of the show.
This is what Hollywood likes to do.
They like to make things where they go, it's kind of a wash, isn't it?
I mean, Al and his buddy would have never been brought together if we didn't have the Afghanistan war.
So it's an odd way to market a program, but they love this shit.
Oh, yeah.
This is how they kind of smooth over all these mistakes.
And by mistakes, I don't mean mistakes.
I mean, like, you know, the bloodlust empire.
I mean, to call it a mistake, you know, mistake is like, where's the car keys?
Not like, oh, we're going to Afghanistan to pay off pedophiles and, you know, steal lithium-ion.
That's not really a mistake.
But the way at the end of all of that, to kind of make it like, hey, sorry, they do these cutesy little shows where like people become friends with each other from, you know, this 20-year-long war that killed people for absolutely no reason.
And but the United States of Al.
And so this is the scene where Al, I guess, realizes that the Taliban.
This is the promo for the upcoming episode.
That's it's the big Afghanistan episode.
It's the big one.
Yeah, yeah.
This is the one because the fans of the United States of Al, I don't know who they are.
I imagine they're older white people with dementia's not, it's setting in.
It's not, it hasn't fully ravaged their brain, but it's setting in.
And they're like, we like the United States of Al.
And it's all, because that's CBS's crowd.
They're old people.
They're elderly people that watch the United States of Al and it explains to them why we went to war in Afghanistan through the TV.
And they sit there and they let mashed potatoes dribble out of their mouths while they stare at this.
So now let's play this for everyone.
This is the Afghanistan episode from the United States of Al.
Brian, is it confirmed?
The Taliban took her out.
Kabul might be next.
Al's family's there.
We're at the airport.
Although there's so many people, I don't think I can do this.
Listen to this for a minute.
This is.
So Al's family is still in Afghanistan.
He's during this scene.
Do you like, do you quit when they ask you to do this?
When they say, do you mind taking out a phone and then you're going to on speakerphone, pretend you're talking to someone desperately trying to get out of Afghanistan?
Like at this point, do you think of choosing another career?
There's always got to be a moment in your career.
Like I have it all the every day, every minute.
But you got to imagine that when you're doing this, it's so offensive on so many levels.
And it's first of all, when painful things happen, of course, one tries to make them into art forever, right?
But this is like immediately, this is happening.
And it's also happening in the most grotesque way imaginable.
Like we're rewriting the season premiere so that we can deliver a powerful, moving message from our sitcom on CBS.
Play the rest of this, but it's crazy.
It's crazy.
They're doing a scene where I guess his family member going, I don't know if I can do this.
And Al is trying to talk them through it.
Play it from the beginning again, please.
And I won't interrupt.
Brian, is it confirmed?
The Taliban took her out.
Kabul might be next.
Al's family's there.
We're at the airport.
Although there's so many people, I don't think I can do this.
Listen to me.
I am right there with you.
But he's not.
But hold on.
But Al is in America.
That's right.
Now, could CBS include any of the perspective of the Taliban in this?
Like, does the Taliban get to have any say at all?
Or is this just some type of like, you know, propaganda vehicle for the U.S. Because I think the Taliban have something to say as well that I would like to see their opinion in a CBS sitcom as well.
If we could fictionalize the Taliban and what they want out of this whole thing.
Well, when is it on?
When can you watch the United States of Al.
I think it's coming out sometime this week.
It says the premiere's dropping really soon.
Because I really want to see this.
Well, it's exciting.
And the Indian actors seem to have locked his account upon the release of this promo.
Well, it's not the actor's fault.
They're saying the words that they were written on the page.
I think people are mad that he's Indian, though, and he's doing an Afghani accent.
People are not even mad at the, they're not even mad at the right things.
What they should be mad at is that A, the show exists.
Right.
B, CBS exists.
They're not even mad at the, you know, they should.
I like that.
The Taliban just took a rot.
Kabul could be next.
Al has family there.
Here's a real synopsis of an episode that came out this year.
Al greets Riley's daughter, Hazel, and introduces himself as her godfather on a video call with his mother.
Al is berated for wearing shorts as it against his religion as a Muslim to do.
The following day, Al and Riley go to the DMV where Al becomes nervous after seeing that his female driving instructor, Paula, is also wearing shorts and as a result fails his driving test.
Wanting to adjust to American social norms, Al talks with Riley Art and an offended Lizzie to sort things out, deciding to avoid forcing his religious double standards on other people.
In his following visit to the DMV with Paula as his driving instructor, Al overcomes his issues by acknowledging both Paula and himself are wearing shorts only to become nervous once again after stopping at a traffic light next to a charity car wash with bikini clad women.
Okay.
Why are we doing this?
Why do we need to do this?
Why are we trying to do this?
I'm very curious as to why CBS is doing this.
Like this is a guy who's going to have to like some of his some of his beliefs and views are seem a little antiquated.
And CBS is now trying to figure out like funny situations to put him in.
I mean, who's this for?
I guess this is for young Muslims that love CBS.
I suppose so.
Is that what it's about?
That are also wrestling with some of these ideas and they need to.
Al goes to a party with milk and gets nervous when the women start taking jello shots in their pussy.
He doesn't know what to do.
He doesn't know how to square this with his Muslim faith.
Drinking tequila out of a woman's belly button really tests his religion next week on the United States of Al.
It's the worst show in the world other than La Brea.
Have you seen this thing, La Brea?
No, no.
It's a show where the, I think there's a sinkhole and then three, then people, read the, read, read the description of this.
A massive sinkhole opens up in the middle of LA separating a family between two worlds.
The mother and son fall into an unexplainable primeval land alongside a group of strangers trying to figure out where they are and how to get back home.
Left above is a daughter who barely manages to survive the disaster and the father whose troubled past and hallucinations make him an unlikely choice to help solve the mystery and reunite the family.
What?
But when he realizes his visions might just be the key to finding their loved ones, time will be the only thing that stands in their way.
Show is about a hole that opened up and people fell into it into a world with dinosaurs.
This is the biggest show on TV right now.
And I know a kid in it who's like a nice kid, but I do think it has to be canceled and he has to be homeless because this is truly a horrible, horrible thing.
So this is the biggest show and squid game, the show on Netflix.
Perhaps.
I don't know anything about Squid Game, but all I know is that La Brea is about people falling in a hole and landing in the land before time.
And they're like running around fighting like big prehistoric animals.
I mean, look at the look at the La Brea.
I mean, is there anything stupider than this?
Who is working?
Like, they don't know what to do anymore.
So they're just like, yeah, whatever, man.
Let's just.
Yeah, it's a hole that opens up and everybody falls into it and they fight dinosaurs.
And the dad is hallucinations and they unlock the key to the mystery.
What's the key to the myth?
We don't know.
We'll figure it out in season four.
Salt Bay Restaurant Chaos00:06:15
Leave us alone.
It's embarrassing.
And Salt Bay is losing his mind, suggesting that he's becoming an inspiration to millions of children.
Salt Bay is now saying, this is his quote.
Now everybody wants to be a butcher because of me.
Now, if you ask a kid, they want to be Salt Bay.
They see me as an idol.
I'm an inspiration to a lot of people in a very short period of time.
Salt Bay, let me correct you.
You're an inspiration to absolutely no one.
No child wants to be you.
I've never been to Salt Bay's restaurants.
He had one viral video where he was salting meat.
That was it.
Well, we know that.
But have you ever been to his restaurants?
Well, it's these restaurants where I guess on a good day he walks around from table to table and he has like a big sword.
This is true.
And then he just lobs women's clits off with his sword.
I mean, this is crazy, but people like it.
People love it.
He lobs clits of women off and he performs clitorectomies of women eating in the restaurant and people like it.
And then he salts the clit.
I just personally, I think it's a little backwards, but people like it.
Imagine eating in a Salt Bay restaurant, like unironically, going there and going like, I'm excited for this.
I'm excited.
The eye-popping prices of Salt Bay's New London restaurant include an $850 steak and a $15 Red Bull.
Well, here's the deal.
I am a fan of raising the prices of food till it becomes comical.
I do like that.
There's something that's very fitting about raising the prices of food so that they become so ridiculous and insane.
I remember when steaks used to be like in the high 30s.
Then they were in the mid-40s for a while.
Now, then they were in the 50s.
Now they're $80, $72 for a steak.
Some of them are well north of $100, depending on the cut that you get, depending if it's Wagu or not, Wagu.
You know, like it, it's crazy, but this is what they want.
Like, if you're an idiot and you're dumb enough to go to Salt Bay's restaurant, you should pay thousands of dollars for that.
The steak should be $2,000 because you're already dumb enough to go.
Like, that's the marketing meeting.
Like, when they talk to Salt Bay, they go, listen, these people are already stupid enough to walk in the door of this restaurant.
You've proved absolutely nothing about your ability to do anything other than let salt trickle down your fucking forearm onto a piece of meat.
So the fact that people are going to this means they're idiots and idiots and they're rich enough and they'll pay any amount of money.
So let's just start charging $850 for a steak.
And why not?
Why not?
I'm for this in a big way.
Somebody tweeted, it's cheaper to fly and have food at Salt Bay's Turkish restaurant than to go to the London one.
Yeah, the London one's very expensive.
I love when you get...
Now, by the way, somebody said that Salt Bay, and I don't know if this is true, is a very popular Halloween costume.
Could this possibly be true?
Let's see here.
I mean, let me hit news to see if it's like, I mean, I'm not seeing anybody write anything about it.
Supposedly, Salt Bay's, hey, I was, I'm an inspiration to children all over the world has something to do with the fact that people are dressing up as him.
First of all, kids don't want to be restaurateurs.
They want to be like firemen.
They want to be like garbage men.
They like things with trucks.
Men do.
Little girls want to be like princesses.
And I'm not saying this is always the case.
I don't want to reinforce the gender binary.
But a lot of people, children don't want to, they're not like thinking clearly.
You know what I mean?
Like, what kind of children are an inspiration?
Imagine if you asked your son or daughter, like, what do you want to be?
And they go, well, you know what I really like?
This guy's Salt Bay.
He doesn't really do anything.
And everybody goes to his restaurants.
They spend $900 on steak.
So I wish I could be like him because it's really spectacle.
Like your three-year-old tells you this?
That'd be terrifying.
Yeah, if your three-year-old just looks at you and go, the world is primarily spectacle.
Salt Bay really exemplifies this, wouldn't you say?
You go, what?
Kids want to be like Spider-Man when they grow up.
They don't want to be some freak.
This is a guy, by the way, like, you know, Mario Batali it came out that Mario Batali had a rape room?
Yes.
What do you think is going to come out of a salt bay eventually?
It's going to come out that Salt Bay was like a cannibal who liked carving women up and eating them.
Where does he come from, Salt Bay?
Turkey.
Interesting.
Salt Bay.
Well, we wish him the best.
He's a he's a figure that Nurse Red.
Yeah, I mean.
Turkish chef.
Yeah, it's the power of Instagram.
Good for him.
Good for him.
He made a lot of money.
All you need is one viral video on Instagram that gets people going.
Truly.
All you need is one viral video on Instagram.
And you can hawk your products to morons who want to feel something before the end.
And that's what his restaurant's about.
People in his restaurant, they're just like this with the phone.
They're like, ah, look.
Look where we are.
Look at Salt Bay.
God Enough Already in New York00:14:58
People really have so little going on in their life that it's exciting.
So we're excited about the Many Saints of New York.
We hope it's good.
We know several people that will really kill themselves if it's not good.
That's true.
They're seeing it the first day it comes out.
People get really excited about these things.
That's a big part of their life.
Like I was in New York with people and they went, this is where they film the Sopranos.
Like that's the entire way they interface with the world is a show.
And I love The Sopranos.
I think it's probably the greatest show ever made, but I haven't, you know, rewatched it 17 times.
And I'm not going to see, you know, I didn't buy my tickets six months ago to see the Mini Saints and Newark for the first day.
But I understand that people do.
It's like that Irishman movie where people were really overly invested.
You know, it's enough already.
To me, I think it's enough already.
I think it's overkill.
I haven't even seen the movie.
And I'm going to go out and just say already, like, I didn't need the prequel to Tony Soprano's life.
I just didn't care.
It didn't mean anything to me.
I thought it was a brilliant piece of art.
We don't need to make more of it than what it was, right?
It's not a philosophy of life, I don't think, or it shouldn't be.
I don't think we need that.
I think we need to just enjoy it for what it is, which is great art, and then move away, step away.
We don't need to get to Soprano's cookbook.
We don't need to, you know, talk about Fitch Lamana.
We don't need to do any of that.
We don't need to start going through the episodes that have changed our lives.
I think we just really need to move on.
But again, it's, you know, people are putting a little too much into it, in my opinion.
But I could be wrong.
Maybe it's the greatest film that's ever been made.
James Gandalfini's son is in it.
Why?
I don't know.
And Philip Seymour Hoffman's son is now in things.
Licorice Pizza Williams.
What are we talking about?
Why?
Why are we putting it?
They're fucking the children.
Why in God's name?
It makes me hate the legends that died.
We're giving your kids.
Aren't these people the same people that talk about how unfair everything is and inequality?
And they're always voting for Democrats because they're going to fix the inequality.
And there's so many concentrations of wealth.
And all they do is fucking give dead people's kids jobs that are already rich.
Christ Almighty, enough.
They're already fucking rich.
He's not a genius.
Philip Seymour Hoffman's son's not a genius.
His name is fucking Cooper.
He's clearly not a genius.
Genius skips many generations, okay?
Like all of them.
God forbid we get an actor who's been in fucking the grind for years, sleeping on a fucking floor, trying to get this job, who may be the next Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Maybe let's do that.
Okay?
What do you, how do you cast things now?
Ancestry.com?
This is absurd.
It's stupid and disgusting.
All the things you people portend to care about, you don't.
It's just a cheap fucking trick to get people out to the fucking movies.
Well, how about make a good fucking movie instead of using these cheap fucking tricks?
Okay?
I have no beef with Gandalfini's son and I have no beef with Cooper Hoffman or whatever.
But Jesus Christ already.
Why are we doing this?
They're not the best candidates.
It's absolutely impossible that they are the best candidates for the job.
There's no fucking way.
They're going to keep doing this.
They're just going to keep giving roles to children whose parents are legends who've died.
Here's what I love about stand-up comedy.
I won't mention names.
There are legends whose children do stand-up comedy.
No one cares about them.
And that's so important because it is kind of a little bit of a meritocracy.
Isn't it?
Isn't it?
I mean, so what's going on?
And I've had a little, I've had enough with Paul Thomas Anderson, too, you freak.
Wait, no, he's the genius.
Who have I had enough with?
Moonrise Kingdom.
Oh, Wes Anderson?
I've had enough with him.
I've just had enough with him.
And I like a lot of what he's done.
Paul Thomas Anderson, I like a lot.
I know that's your favorite director.
Yeah, he's great.
He is great.
Wes Anderson, I've had enough with.
He's put Chalamay in the new one.
Yeah, I'm kind of sick of that.
Chalame, stop ruining everything you do.
He really is, man.
He's ruining everything.
This is the new one.
It's like, you know, it's Bill Murray, Francis McDorman, the whole thing, but then Timothy is kind of the star of this one.
Oh, God, get me out of here, please.
This life is...
It's called the French Dispatch.
Here it is.
Of course it is.
Look at his face.
He just called one.
You know what I call that?
One black actor.
That's what I call it.
I don't call it the French dispatch.
I call it more of the same.
I want Christopher Guest to cast a movie with Fred Willard's son.
You know?
Everybody's, you know, and this is Hollywood.
Everybody's like, no, it's concentrations of wealth and family money.
And listen, Wes Anderson's great, and maybe this movie will be good.
I'm a little sick of Chalamay.
I'm just sick of it.
Yeah.
Can't we have something else?
Can we have something else other than this twink who doesn't age?
This pixie who does not age that must prance through every fucking movie that's ever been made?
Is there anything else?
That's all.
Is there anyone else that can do this job, please?
And not Hansel and Gretel L. Gordon, not him either.
Can we get someone else, please?
Someone else.
Other than Timothy Chalamet.
What about Cooper Hoffman?
What does Cooper Hoffman look like?
I'll show you.
This is him as a kid.
So here's what he looks like in the movie right here.
He kind of looks like Phil Sumer Hoffman in Boogie Knights, just kind of the.
So if this isn't offensive, why am I supposed to be offended that like Jamie Diamond's kid has money?
Right.
So when somebody at Goldman Sachs gives a job to their son, why is that supposed to offend me, you frauds?
Why is that supposed to offend me if this doesn't offend me?
Or shouldn't it all offend me?
I guess technically, yeah.
One of the kids that got hired on SNL's dad's like a producer at SNL.
I don't really care about that.
I'm not even tweeted like enough already because the kid's funny.
The kid is funny.
And if I see these movies and these guys are really good in it, I'll still say fuck them because it still should have went to, you know, one of these other people I'd end up hating.
But one of the kids got SNL.
I forget.
You know, one of those strange-looking kids from Brooklyn, that sketch group.
And I forget the name.
It's unimportant.
But his dad's a producer on SNL.
He's Adam Sandler collaboratively.
Yeah, one of the people.
Yeah, and people were like all twisted up about that.
I'm like, guys, this is the way the world works.
The guy with the dad gets the job.
And the kid's funny and their sketch group's funny.
I mean, they probably hate me or whatever, you know, because I'm logical and brilliant, but I just don't care.
Like, I'm just saying, let's not care at all.
Like, don't fucking ever come to me and start talking about like finance families then.
Stop with this shit.
Just cut it out immediately.
If you're going to do this, and Hollywood seems like they're going to do this, if we're just going to, as a gimmick, give roles to dead people's kids, then I don't want to hear shit about fucking the presidency of George W. Bush.
Remember that when Bush was the thing that was the entire narrative of like, how would you let this guy?
Right.
I'm sure this guy's a nice guy.
Michael Gandalfini.
I'm sure he's lovely.
I don't know.
He's like a nice kid.
I don't know.
I don't care.
Take your money and get out of here.
Can anyone take their goddamn money and leave, please?
Is anything ever enough for Christ?
Anything.
How many generate, like what?
Let it go.
We didn't need this fucking movie.
The Many Saints of Newark.
We didn't need it.
Yeah, we didn't need El Camino either, the Breaking Bad one with Jesse Pink.
We did not need that.
I didn't even dignify that with even like letting it hold any space in my head.
We do not need that.
Who's that actor?
Aaron Paul.
We do not need more of him.
We do not need that.
We do not need La Brea.
And one of the kids in La Brea, I think, is a sweet kid, but you have to be homeless, and the show has to be canceled.
Sorry.
The Jack kid.
Oh, Jack Martin?
Yeah, he's a nice kid.
I've met him.
You know, he's an actor in L.A., but he's not a bad actor, probably.
But the show is atrocious, and I believe it should be canceled, and that he should have to work at like Astro Burger for a year to pay for what he's done.
To just flip a few, put a few, put a Lameo on a bun, make a nice burger to pay for what you've done to us with this show where people fall in a hole.
You know?
And why should he have a chance?
Let some dead guy's kid do it.
Why have a new actor do it?
Let's have someone who died.
Let's have their kid do it.
That's all.
That seems to make sense, you know?
One exception is Michael K. Williams' son.
Michael K. Williams?
I don't know if he has a son, but maybe if he has a son, he could do something.
Okay.
That's my one exception.
Oh, yeah, that would be cool.
That might be cool.
That's one exception.
It rarely doesn't skip a generation.
You have like Larry McMurtry, James McMurtry.
It's hard to think of others.
Listen, Princess Diana died, right?
And what's her son doing over here?
Wasting everyone's goddamn time.
Him and his wife are running around spending millions of dollars on security, okay?
I don't know what they're afraid.
They're afraid that someone's going to come near them and be racist.
So they have to spend millions and millions of dollars going to New York City hotel.
She spent 75K on the baby shower at the presidential suite at the mark.
You're sitting there eating caviar.
And they are running around here.
So I just stop talking about fairness and inequality and the death tax and all this shit.
Like, stop this, please.
Stop it, please.
I'm just, you know, maybe they're good.
Maybe I'll see the many saints of Newark.
But again, the gay storyline shocked me.
It stunned me.
I was not prepared for it.
It was very interesting.
There's a scene in the thing where Tony is just getting, I mean, it's brutal.
And he's screaming, oh, oh, oh, fuck.
And you know what he's screaming?
As he's getting fucked, there is no God.
He's going, there is no fucking God.
There is no God.
I hate God.
And I just go, you know, it's too much.
TyndalandComedy.com, live tickets.
We're on tour.
Just shut up and go into the shows or own.
I don't even care anymore.
I have to go to the Ontario Improv.
Ontario, California is one of the biggest dumps in America, but the crowds are fucking phenomenal because they have nothing to live for.
You know, when does this come out?
Tomorrow, the Saturday.
Yeah, it's over.
By the time this comes out, it's over.
Go to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, get tickets, folks.
I'll be there next weekend.
Spokane, Washington, Seattle, Washington.
We're there at the end of the month.
Portland, Oregon, Indianapolis, Morgantown, West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C., New York, Atlantic City, Atlantic City, Rochester, and many more.
Iowa City, Madison, Louisville, Los Angeles, Bakersfield.
I do want to maybe say something about this Iowa City thing.
Okay.
But we don't have the time.
It's 3.57.
We got like three minutes if you want.
It's not enough.
What I'm going to say is I'm going to discuss it on the Patreon.
The people that run the theater in Iowa City sent out some type of email apologizing for booking me because some members of their like corn community were offended by things I had said.
Of course, they're not canceling the show because they want money.
Correct.
They're hypocrites.
And they sent out an email, you know, and they said that I had like questioned the vaccine or something.
I'm vaccinated.
I never said don't get the vaccine.
I've told people to make their own choices.
I've also said the vaccine's not working as well as everybody thought it would.
And by the way, that is something that I believe Pfizer would agree with.
I mean, this is legitimately crazy.
I've said people should make their own decisions about that and about everything, about voting, about everything.
I don't care what you do.
There's good reasons, I'm sure, that people have for not taking the vaccine.
And then there's good reasons that people have for taking it.
I don't know your health and your medicine.
It's not my fucking problem.
I'm not your doctor.
And then he also said that I said something racist about Black Lives Matter.
I believe I suggested that the person who was running Black Lives Matter should not have spent millions of dollars buying four houses.
I said that.
Tamir Rice's mother said, we didn't see any of the money.
Maybe she's a racist too.
I don't know.
I guess everyone's a racist.
But this theater of, you know, who these people are in Iowa.
I mean, they're the whitest, biggest pussies in the world who are pseudo-intellectuals, worthless people.
They live in Iowa.
They're in the art scene and they live in Iowa.
That's how seriously they take doing things.
And they're embarrassments.
They're embarrassments to life, these people.
Let's be very honest.
They're embarrassing.
They're embarrassments.
And they send out an article because some fat chick in the theater program didn't like something I said.
Well, how about moving out of Iowa and trying to make it for real?
Okay, dummy, move to New York, move to LA, and try to get on La Brea or whatever the hell you want to do.
But you send an email out and you didn't cancel the show.
So I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm looking for other venues.
I'm angry about this.
I'm not happy about it.
They're like treating me like it's weird to send an email out and be like, he's questioned the response to the pandemic.
I'm like, I didn't do that.
Iowa Caucus Morons00:02:03
I don't even know what the fuck that means.
This is weak.
It's truly weak that they did this.
I'm unhappy about it.
There's slimy, serpent-like behavior to do this, to send an email out on this low on this line.
And then you look to the comments.
Where are all these comments?
I can't find anybody.
Where are all these comments on social media?
Where is everyone that's so angry about this in your pretend world in their inbox?
Shut up, Iowa.
Give me a break, please.
You're lucky I'm going there.
We should use it as a nuclear testing facility.
The Iowa Democratic primary.
All these people care about is they have the Iowa caucus where all these idiots, every year they get a bunch of morons in a house and the Democrats go in there and people are like, well, I'm concerned about trade and my daughter's non-binary.
And then you have to pretend that these fucking people matter.
These corn-fed slobs, no one gives a shit.
Shut the fuck up.
And we have to pretend that they matter because of this dumb electoral college or whatever.
And I think the Electoral College is good because you do need some proportional representation.
I'm not trying to tell people in these small states what to do, but the idea that we're supposed to care about these fucking monsters is just not true.
And they derive their sense of political importance from the Iowa caucus, where they all have to convince each other.
It's not even a secret bout.
They all have to convince each other.
And they all have to debate.
And somebody's like, Pete Buddha Judge is in the diner.
And he saw me.
And he said that he was going to be fair to the little babies that are different.
It's like, all right, you shut the fuck up.
So, you know, I'm in a one-sided war with this dumb theater that just sent an email.
But of course, they don't want to cancel the show because they need money.
Because tickets are selling.
Yeah, tickets are selling and they need money to pay their $400 a month mortgage or something.