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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Why People Refuse To Work00:02:43
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
We have a large problem in this country.
People do not want to work because of the stimulus.
You see what happens.
People do not want to work.
They don't need to.
They don't need to come in and do their jobs.
So we're here because Ben Avery has decided that he is part of some labor movement because he doesn't think he needs to work.
He doesn't think he's treated well here.
So he's decided to not show up.
I talk to business owners all over this country and they are telling me they cannot get anyone to work.
I mean, it's absolutely absurd that these people will not do their jobs.
They won't do them.
They just won't show up.
Well, look who it is.
What is this issue you're having?
I need to get paid in like real money.
You're paid in safe moon.
Doesn't I got bills?
I got a wife.
This show barely makes any money.
We don't have any money.
I can't pay you any kind of money and stay afloat.
I just saw that article that you make a ton of money.
I had no idea.
The media is going to present things in any way they want to.
You have a unique opportunity here.
Well, my landlord doesn't take safe moon.
It's a unique opportunity.
You're building an infrastructure.
Do you see what I mean?
And by building an infrastructure, you then will one day sit behind the big microphone.
That's the goal.
All right.
I just like to get paid in like not safe moon, but well, we'll talk about it off air.
I think safe moon is fun.
What about Lightcorn?
That'd be fine.
You're going to work your way up to Ethereum.
We don't start at Ethereum.
But get some of these statistics up.
Nobody's working.
And these are good jobs like Arby's.
These aren't bad jobs.
These are good jobs people aren't working at, like Hardy's.
Who doesn't want to work at Hardy's?
And they complain: go to minimum wage in America right now.
What is minimum wage right now?
Good Jobs Like Arby's00:15:53
I can't believe it.
Minimum wage, I think it's $7.25 per hour.
What's the pro you're making $40 a day?
What's the problem?
Do that.
What is on a 40-hour work week?
$7.25 is what?
You will earn a good living.
$290 a week.
$290 a week.
That's almost $1,200 for the month.
What is that for a year?
If you're making $1,200 for a month, you're looking at $14,000, $15,000.
That's what I thought.
What's the problem out there?
I don't get it.
Do you get it?
$15,000 per year because they don't understand when they work at Arby's.
They think it's the end goal.
Guys, if you play your cards right, you move up so that one day you can be the CEO of Arby's.
That's the point.
Get the CEO of Arby's up.
Who is this?
I bet he started at Arby's.
It's Paul Brown.
Paul Brown is the CEO.
What's his deal?
Let's look up Paul Brown because I guarantee you, this is a guy that started working the fryers at Arby's, putting the beef and cheddars together, and then he worked his way up.
Early career, Brown was previously the president of brands and commercial services at Hilton and the president of Expedia.
But before this, he worked at Arby's.
I bet.
Watch.
He was also the senior vice president of global brands at Intercontinentals.
Okay.
But he also held positions at the Boston consulting firm and McKinsey and Company.
Now, McKinsey and Company is probably fast food.
Go to that.
This is probably a fast food company.
It's an American worldwide management consulting firm.
Oh.
That advises on strategic management to corporations, governments, and other organizations.
I thought it was like a...
What I'm saying is that this is an example of someone who worked their way up from working at Arby's.
In May of 2013, Brown became the CEO of Arby's.
During his tenure as CEO of Arby's, the brand introduced a new restaurant design and launched a we have the meat.
He's the guy behind we have the meat.
No, who could have came up with that?
Listen, the reason these people are making the money they are is because they have come up with things that you cannot.
We have the meat.
Do you remember that campaign?
Because we were unsure if they had the meats, but they do.
And he's here saying we have the meats.
He also introduced menu items such as the smokehouse brisket, pork belly, gyros, deep-fried turkey, and venison.
So he's not slacking.
He's working his ass off.
Okay?
Coming up with, do you know how many nights he probably laid in bed with his wife or and or someone else?
And he's laying there going, how do we communicate the idea that we have the meats?
How do we do that?
And some hooker was probably just like, well, just say you have the meats.
And he goes, yeah, we have the meats.
I'm telling you right now, Arby's completed its acquisition of Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.9 billion in 2018.
Under Brown's leadership, Inspire completed its acquisition of Sonic for $2.3 billion.
And in 2019 of October, Inspire brands completed its acquisition of the sandwich chain Jimmy Johns.
So this guy is responsible for a lot of the fast food you eat.
And he started work.
This is what I mean.
People at Arby's don't have a vision.
They keep going, oh, my kid needs food.
They don't have a vision.
They don't understand like what they can do if they believe in themselves and work hard and hustle and grind.
You can actually get to where you need to go in this country.
You keep focusing on health care and I don't have clean water.
But what you should be focusing on is what, how are you positioned uniquely in the market to come up with something brilliant like We Have the Meats?
Because if you're not coming up with We Have the Meats, what's the point?
So I'm just saying we've got a bunch of lazy mothers and fathers trying to raise their undeserving children while this poor guy who came up with the idea that we should give deep-fried turkey to people in the middle of the day This guy has to share some of his money?
Oh, I think not By the way under Brown's leadership Fortune named Arby's to its 100 best workplaces for millennials women and diversity So everyone who's fucked Arby's goes we're a perfect place to work for everyone who's fucked Are you a good place to work for white men?
They go like this.
They go No well I'm just saying I I I was surprised and shocked to know that this guy actually didn't start making sandwiches at Arby's.
I bet it's fun to work at Arby's.
I really do.
I mean so the idea that people are complaining what about Hardy's CEO of Hardy's?
Let's see.
No, just Hardee's in general.
Okay.
I want to know what Hardy's is up to.
Let's look at Hardy's.
Let's see what they're up to.
What are they doing?
Not in Wikipedia.
I want their website.
So then the A1 burger.
Checkers just introduced something called the monster or something.
I swear to God.
Checkers?
Yeah, Checkers New Burger.
I think it's Checkers.
It could be Rally's or something.
No.
The Big Buford?
No, that's been their classic.
Maybe it's Rally.
It's something I passed in Florida.
It's called The Monster.
Something.
Something.
I think that's Carl's Jr.
It might be Carl's.
Oh, Red Robin.
No, no.
This was a fast food restaurant that I passed.
I don't think it's that.
It doesn't matter.
Can we call Arby's and see if they're hiring right now?
Yeah, I got mine's hooked up right now.
Let's call.
I want to call Arby's, see if they're hiring and see what the big deal is here.
Because I want to work, and you know what?
They might not even have to pay me.
I just want to learn.
Is there an apprenticeship program where I can work at Arby's and just learn?
How about that?
Maybe stop asking for money like him and learn.
Okay, I'm calling Arby's.
Let's see if they answer.
I hope they do.
Everyone's dead.
They can't answer.
They're probably too busy to answer learning about business.
I mean, what the fuck's going on here?
And these are the people that want to get paid?
I'm trying to get a job.
Maybe we should call Inspire Brands and ask for Paul.
Are they not open?
No, they're open right now.
They have to be open.
It's 1230.
It's the lunch rush.
Call Sonic.
Sonic, okay.
Paul Sonic and let's see what I want to know what the starting salary is and what's the problem.
Sonic is a fun place to work.
You get to see fights.
It's fun.
None of them answer the phone.
I mean.
Good afternoon on the Sonic Show.
How might I help you?
Yeah, are you guys hiring right now?
We actually are, sir.
How are you doing?
Good.
What would this starting salary be there?
The starting salary, sir?
We pay by the hour, but depending on the position that you want, then we can see about salary.
What would it be for an hour work, would you say?
Yes, sir.
How much would it be for an hour work?
Depends what you do, sir.
If you're a cook, it's what?
100% pair cuts?
It'll be 11 for a cook.
Okay, 11 for a cook.
What about like a cashier?
We...
What as a cashier?
Carbs are $5 an hour because they get tips.
Car ups are $5 an hour because they get tips.
Oh, do you get a lot of tips?
They got a good amount of tips, but it's just, yeah, they got a good amount of tips.
So it's under minimum wage.
It's $5 an hour, and then you get tips.
Yes, sir.
Is it a fun place to work?
Like, can I take some food home for myself?
Yeah, of course.
Okay, so I could eat every day at Sonic if I wanted to.
Yeah, he's got a...
Yeah, pretty much you could have.
You could drink any drink you want.
Any drink I want.
Okay, so it's $5 an hour, but I could drink all the soda I want.
Yeah.
Okay, and eat any food.
Can I make myself an ice cream every now and then?
Yeah, of course.
Yes, sir.
It's not a bad deal.
Five an hour, tips.
Do they really give you, so they'll give you tips and I can eat all the soda and burgers I want and make myself an ice cream.
I mean, you can make yourself an ice cream and then maybe one day you'll be able to make yourself ice cream and then another day you'll be able to eat some food and then I get it.
So you don't want to abuse it, but every now and then you could get something different.
Yes, sir.
Right.
So you have one day is ice cream and then the next day you can sneak a burger.
Yeah.
And maybe I could sneak some french fries on the third day.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I appreciate it, man.
I'll head down there and I'll apply.
Yes, sir, but cooks do get paid $11 an hour and we are new cooks.
So your need of cooks, and do I have to be good at cooking?
No, no, sir, not at all.
Not really.
You learn.
You don't need any experience for this.
You just got to be having the willingness to learn.
And how much food can the cooks take?
I would say probably a good amount.
What was that, sir?
Like, the cooks can take a good amount of food, right?
Yeah, we cook about on the weekends, like, from $1,000 to $2,000 worth of food and product.
We're doing lunch, and that's on the bottom.
Right, because I have a family, and it's very hard to get them food.
So if I wanted to, I could maybe take two little burgers for my children.
Yeah, so you'd be able to be fine.
Okay, yeah, because they're one, they're babies, but they do like burgers.
We're getting them started early.
Yeah, of course, sir.
All right.
Well, thank you very much for your time, brother.
I appreciate it.
Yes, sir.
You have a good day.
Thank you.
What's the problem?
I mean, what is the fucking problem here?
You're allowed to eat and drink all the soda you want and eat all the sonic you want.
But you got to do it in a smart way.
It's like one day you make yourself the ice cream.
The next day you get it.
And it's five an hour.
What's wrong with that?
It's $5 an hour to work.
Now do the math on that.
$5 times $40, it's $800 a week, right?
5 times 40.
It's 800 a week.
And then, oh, no, it's 200 a week.
I'm an idiot.
So then 800 a month.
It's 800 a month is what I mean.
So 800 a month.
So what's the pro?
And now, what is that?
It's under 12 grand a year.
It's 11 grand a year.
Yeah.
But then you get the tips.
But, but, folks, you get the tips.
Now, you know me.
When I go to Sonic, I didn't even know you could tip or were supposed to.
We've gone to Sonic.
There's literally nothing that would suggest that I tip at Sonic.
Not a sign.
I don't, but I imagine that because you're making $9,600 a year.
But free.
You could drink anything you want.
Any soda you want.
One day you get an ice cream.
Next day you get French fries.
Not a bad deal.
If you're like me and my hypothetical and I had two little babies that wanted burgers, if I was a chef, I could bring the little burger home to the babies.
Again, it's not a big deal.
So you make $9,600 for the year.
Now, this is fair.
You make $9,600 for the year.
But tips.
Now, what do you think they make in tips there?
$20,000?
$25,000 at Sonic tips?
What do you think they make in tips a day?
Honestly, $25 a day.
Yeah, probably a day.
So then how many days would you imagine they work?
Probably four.
Four to five days.
So let's say five times 25 is what?
Five times 25 would be 125.
Okay.
And so 125 and then how many weeks?
Let's say they work 45.
Let's say they work 50 weeks a year.
Let's be honest.
They probably work more.
So 50 times 125.
Okay.
That's 6,250.
Add it to that nine.
Add it to the 9,600.
That is, hey, you greedy fucks.
That is $15,850 a year to work all day, every day at Sonic.
But what's included in that, which you're forget, you greedy pigs, is an occasional ice cream, and probably you could make the large and all the soda you want.
And occasionally you can bring a burger home for your baby, who you should get started on liking that burger as early as possible.
So it's absurd.
It's really absurd.
The anger.
Do you understand what i'm saying?
Do you understand?
Are you embarrassed now, as an employee complaining to me a little bit?
Have you ever paid for a meal in your life?
Never.
And you're asking me for money to work at this job.
Do you not enjoy this job?
I do, and you're, and you still come to me and say, I want actual money and you and your wife want actual money.
This is a bit Benern's.
More than he deserves truly, and and and and I I, what i've done for him and his wife is unimaginable.
What i've done for everyone in my life is is, quite frankly, unimaginable.
Not my family, but most, most others.
Really, it's only Ben.
It's really just Ben.
But this is a bit.
The Insane Net Worth Lie00:02:14
So don't infer in any, don't think that he in any.
Yeah, I'm not leaving the show.
I'm not.
Yeah, and aren't you happy?
We do take care of you.
Very, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Don't start because people are so dumb out there.
They don't know this is a bit.
But this is not a bit.
This is a fair wage.
You get $15,000 a year because of the tips.
It's Sonic.
$5 an hour as a cashier at side.
Wow.
And the tips aren't taxed because that's cash, you know?
Right.
Well, lucky ducks.
You're a lucky duck.
I don't understand the problem here.
We've clearly showed that the CEO of Sonic and NRBs and Buffalo El Wings, Paul Brown, started as a fry cook at McKinsey and Company and worked his way up to Intercontinental Hotels and then eventually Hilton and then Inspire Brands.
I like the name Inspire Brands because it's inspiring.
Are these people not even grateful to work for a company that's called Inspire Brands?
So we had to do a little deep dive, a little investigating.
So we've proven that the CEO is a self-made from scratch guy who started on the line making beef and cheddars.
Then we called Sonic and we proved how fair it is because as a cook, you make 11 and as a cashier, you make five because there's a little box where people take their change and put it in after they've given you a five or a ten dollar bill.
So this whole idea that we're not fair to workers in this country is truly insane.
It's truly, truly, truly, truly insane.
Now let's look at Paul Brown's net worth because I'm betting it's not that goddamn much.
I bet it's not that much.
That's a lie.
That's an absolute lie.
They're saying his net worth, it was 5.34 million.
That's an absolute lie.
That is, by the way, that is an absolute lie.
Paul Brown's Fake Wealth00:02:55
Oh, hold on.
Inspire is supported by 650 company and franchise team members.
The brand achieved $27 billion in global system sales.
Yeah.
And Paul...
Paul's paid $260,000.
He's paid $260,000.
And his net worth is only $5.34 million.
Yeah, okay.
Sure.
He's suffering.
What about Paul Brown House?
Yeah, let's look that up.
Now, we're not going to say where it is.
I'm just curious as to what he's rocking out with.
Let's see.
Gotta be something on images.
There might not be.
They keep him under wraps, huh?
Yeah.
Well, he's broke.
He's broke.
But this is what we mean here.
It's fair.
You don't understand the problem.
Oi, det er hjemmelaget lasagne.
Ja, men det er bare Toro altså.
Bare Toro.
Det er jo så godt så hjemmelaget bare er mye enklere.
Fyldig saus, deilig smak og alle liker det.
Når det er så lett å lage noe så godt, hvorfor gjør det vanskelig?
Toro, kjempegodt nok!
Med TripleTex blir det enkelt å få levert skattemeldingen for nettbutikker.
Og søvebønder.
Og kjøropraktere.
Og maskinutleire.
Og advokater.
Og alarmselskaper.
Og regnskapsførere selvfølgelig.
Og begravelsesbyråer.
Nei, kondolerer.
Og selvfølgelig elektriker.
Ja, du har sikkert skjønt det nå.
TripleTex hjelper alle slags bedrifter med å håndtere årsoppgjøret sitt.
Husk fristen for å levere skattemeldingen 31. mai.
Hele Norges regnskapsprogram.
TripleTex.
Oi, er hjemmelaget lasagne?
Ja, men det er bare Toro altså.
Bare Toro?
Det er jo så godt så hjemmelaget bare er mye enklere.
Fyldig saus, deilig smak og alle liker det.
Når det er så lett å lage noe så godt.
Hvorfor gjør det vanskelig, he?
Toro?
Kjempegodt nok!
Chrissy Teigen, uh, thrown off Twitter because she, or not thrown off Twitter, but being attacked by Candace.
Sånn.
By the way, every time I see Chrissy Teigen, she looks different, right?
Doesn't she look different every time I see her?
It's very interesting.
It's not unappealing, it's just different.
Chrissy Teigen Looks Different00:15:45
She told Courtney Stodden to kill herself, right?
Yeah, right here.
This is what Stodden said.
Teigen would just publicly tweet about wanting me to take a dirt nap, but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself.
I gotta be honest, like, that's hilarious.
Stodden said Teigen would send her things like, I can't wait for you to die.
Teigen took to Twitter to apologize.
I'm mortified and sad.
I used to be.
I was an insecure attention-seeking troll.
I'm ashamed and completely embarrassed at my behavior, but that is nothing compared to how I made Courtney feel.
I have worked so hard to give you guys joy, but you haven't.
What has she ever done?
Nothing.
What did you do?
Slap your name on some cookware?
I worked so hard to give you guys joy and be beloved, and the feeling of letting you down is nearly unbearable.
Truly, these were not my only mistakes, and surely won't be my last as I try hard.
So now, Courtney Stodden, if we don't know, is what again?
She's a singer, she's a reality show.
What is Courtney Stodden?
Courtney, so when she was 16, she married Doug Hutchinson, the guy who plays Percy in The Green Mile.
Remember the guy who doesn't put the sponge on John Coffey?
Yes, evil villain.
Okay.
Yes.
And so he was Courtney's acting coach via online back in the late 2000s, and he ended up marrying her when she was 16.
Hey man, weren't those the times?
So then they made a reality show about them being married when she was 16.
And they had a reality show about this guy marrying a child.
Yeah, yeah.
There was a reality show called I'm Fucking My Child.
What was it called?
I think it was called, let me see.
I mean, this is amazing to me.
Is that illegal to marry a 16-year-old?
Well, with the parents' permission, it was okay.
Oh, well, yeah.
Well, I imagine she came from a good family.
Good to know I was correct.
Yeah, they appeared on Couples Therapy.
Couples Therapy.
Okay, that was a reality show because it's hard when you are dating your daughter.
Now, and I'm not one of these freaks that thinks people, I've dated younger people.
Doesn't matter.
I'm dating one now who's younger, but it's like 16.
Let's draw a line here.
Let's draw a little bit of a line.
Anyway, we have her song, Reality, because there's a really hot dude in this.
He's kind of the nerd thing, but this came out in 2013.
This is Courtney Stodden's song, Reality, because this is a very talented woman.
And I think that that gets lost in this.
Let's take a look at her work.
And by the way, anybody at Sonic that's upset at where you are, the problem is you haven't attained this level of talent.
Do you get it?
So if you're at Arby's and you're angry about the money you're making, how about you take a look at the greatness and talent all around you in this country?
And it should, no pun intended, inspire you.
I give you Courtney Stodden's reality.
She's good.
Take a risk.
Take a risk and be a genius.
This is greatness.
Do you understand?
That's why you're not making money because you're not producing this content.
This is fucking great.
You don't need minimum wage.
You need a little dose of reality by Courtney Stodden.
This is almost so good that people are going to be put off because you're going to go, I can never do something like this.
It's like listening to Mozart.
But this is what I mean about people in this country not realizing that this woman is clearly a gift from whatever you want to call it, God or the universe.
I mean, look at the skill.
Let's play just a little more of it.
You know what's good, the writing.
And I like that the guy's like good looking, but not that good looking.
He's like a doughy chipmunk.
And he doesn't know what's happening.
He thought he was going to be an actor.
Great vocal is the way she, the way she sings.
It's amazing.
And I like the candy in the background because what that's saying is candy and eye candy.
This whole thing is about colonialism.
But you're not getting that.
This is about, oh, she's sucking his cocktail.
Which that's about America and Israel.
That's what that is about.
You have to read into it.
It's not cheap.
This is about colonialism and how to decolonize.
This is when it gets wild.
Look at, yeah.
This is about the right of return.
I'm telling you, people don't get it.
This is one of the most brilliant things ever done.
Why would you tell this woman to kill herself when she's doing this kind of art, Chrissy?
By the way, what's ironic is if Chrissy Teigen had a music video it would be this.
Yes.
Like, that's ironic.
It's like, it would just be Chrissy Teigen with cookware and her husband playing piano in the back.
It would be Chrissy Teigen and this woman have the same level of talent, which is why they don't like each other.
That's why Chrissy Teigen's threatened by her because you are her.
Chrissy Teigen is this woman, by the way.
Chrissy Teigen has zero, zero going on.
Zero skills.
Zero, zero, zero.
She's zero.
When people are like, she's a static pedophile and eating people, I'm like, no, those people have jobs.
Like, she's less.
She can't eat any.
She's a fucking complete drain on earth.
Let's just finish this.
We've gone so far.
I got to see the ending.
But that's why Chrissy doesn't like her.
I like that she goes down on him in the video.
It's good.
It's good for people to see for the children.
I mean, anyone not recognizing the deep themes present here is just completely, willfully ignorant of the message.
At the end, she just goes, free Palestine.
Anyway, that's Courtney Stott.
And I hope they patch it because I like when talented people get along.
I do.
I can't believe this.
People are mad at Barry Weiss again.
Barry Weiss, people are angry with her because she wrote something where you got to go on Twitter.
She wrote something.
She's trying to get pregnant, by the way.
Okay.
With her partner, Nelly.
And it's been difficult for her.
And do you know why it's been difficult for her?
She's trying to get pregnant with a bomb.
So it's very, it's very hard because they keep wanting her to have a human baby, but she said she'd be more comfortable with a missile.
So that's, it's been very difficult for her.
Now, it's been hard.
Now, she, and she did say it's very tiring to get pregnant while advocating a genocide.
It's very trying.
So she wrote something where she was basically like, hey, Zionism, every now and then, we got to just go in there.
And she has a quote.
It's pretty disturbing.
Okay.
Where it's basically like, I don't know if she meant to say this, but it does come off negative.
Quote, the results of this mess has always are especially bad for the Palestinians who live under Hamas rule, Hamas rule.
Casualty reports are hard to verify because Hamas controls the media, even the international press, inside the Gaza Strip.
But it appears that more than 50 Palestinians have been killed.
Here's what people are upset about this quote.
Some of these people are entirely innocent non-combatants, including children.
This is an unspeakable tragedy.
It is also one of the unavoidable burdens of political power of Zionism's dream turned into the reality of self-determination.
Well, that's not great.
What she's saying is that the dead children and the innocent people that have died are an unavoidable burden of political power of Zionism's dream turned into the reality of self-determination.
It's a little callous.
It's a little callous for someone who's trying to get pregnant, right?
That's a little callous.
What are we doing her podcast?
The ninth.
We'll be free that day, probably.
What we love is getting booked on things and then seeing if we can free up our day so we can go have lunch.
And I have no issue with Barry outside of some of the crazier things she said.
People make her out to be like some ghoul.
This isn't helping that.
But I mean, she has said some things that make sense.
This one, I don't know, makes sense.
It's very strange to be picking out furniture for nursery and then also say, hey, every now and then, Zionism's got to come in and kill the babies.
That's a tough, you know?
It's just ironic.
She's actually like trying to get pregnant during this time.
It's almost like she says to the doctor, she goes, don't worry, if my child acts up and goes against Israel, I will also realize that they must be killed because it is one of the burdens of political power.
The doctor's like, okay.
All right.
Thanks for coming in.
It's getting wild over there.
I, I, you know, Israel, Netanyahu's taking that country in a very like right-wing, crazy thing.
Also, the other side is that people think Hamas is like a theater group.
That's also not true.
So I'm just an Irish Catholic from Long Island.
Really leave me alone.
I just don't care anymore.
I know you're going to get mad at me for saying that.
I know you're going to, listen, I think what's the Palestinians should not live in those conditions.
That's ridiculous.
But the real people who are suffering right now, truly, I mean, yes, yes, the people over there.
But truly, it's the people that are going out for their first lunches and brunches that have to deal with this horseshit.
And I'm going to provide a way for you to get out of talking about this while you're out at your first lunch, the post-quarantine lunch.
These are things that I've seen my father do his entire life, and they really, they really do help.
Start, we're at a lunch right now.
Start a conversation about Israel and Palestine.
Did you see the Israeli strike destroyed the Gaza?
Very sad.
Not good.
Not good.
It's a mess.
You got a mess.
Yeah, the Al Jazeera building.
It's, oh, boy, you got these ones and then those guys.
I mean, and forever, it's going on forever.
It's bad.
Yeah, the U.S. said.
Is Social Crab out of season?
I think it is.
It's out of season in the spring, but that's all right.
I'll have the grouper.
But stick to it's bad.
It's a mess.
What a long time.
I can't believe it.
I just want peace.
Just say that.
I just want peace.
I hope they figure it out.
I hope they figure it out.
I just want peace.
Then steer the conversation into a fish dip because there's nothing you can do.
All these people that are tweeting and I understand that, but there's nothing you can really do.
There's probably quite a blackmail operation going on that the Mossad's been doing for a little while.
That's why Joe Biden, I mean, these people really can't say anything.
I mean, this is a guy that, what, made out with 11-year-olds?
What does he have to hide?
And so you get to a point where you go, yeah, we're kind of, you know, all of our political leaders for the most part are kind of blackmailed.
And then you have people like Ilhan Omar who thinks that, you know, we should just, the white guys have to go in the camp.
So it really isn't, it's, there's no way out.
So what you just do is try to avoid the conversation because politics can really ruin what is a lovely lunch.
That's what it is.
It's time to get out of your post-quarantine relationships.
If you were in a relationship with somebody, I don't mean if you met in the last couple of months, but I mean, if you were in a relationship with somebody when they shut down the NBA, it's time to call it quits out.
Leave your wife.
Uh-um, leave your husband.
Get out.
Get out now because it's over.
Say it was very fun wearing masks with you, but it's time to go.
And this is awkward.
People are watching this in their bed right now, smoking a joint.
You know the end is nigh.
You know it.
You know come July, you are going to be, you are going to be out of there.
I mean, just window open and fucking sheet tied down as a rope, climbed out, out, done.
This includes even some friendships.
Like, you got to shake it up.
Keep moving.
The quarantine was a very interesting time for a lot of people, but you got to go now.
You can't keep beating the dead horse.
These relationships, a lot of them were trauma bonding.
You got to just get out.
Reconnect later, maybe.
Not, no, don't, maybe.
I don't know.
But I'm telling you, a lot of relationships, I'm seeing them myself.
I go, and also move, move.
You're not going to want to live where you quarantined.
Just go somewhere else for a year.
You know, rehabilitate yourself.
Get somewhere else in your own life and then go back.
I'm telling you right now, leave your wife and kids right now.
Leave your husband and children.
Destroy your family.
It's time.
This year's about you.
It's about you.
It's not about the others.
This is a year of selfish hedonism.
It's a year of disgusting libertarian values.
It's a year of horrible things, anti-society behavior, just glorifying every impulse, eating s'mores out of a stranger's asshole in a subway platform.
That's what this year's about.
It's not about anything else.
Don't miss it.
You're going to have to do it.
I'm telling you, I know it's hard to look at someone.
You went through this whole thing with them and it's like, you guys are like, yeah, you know, and you're like, should I propose?
A Year Of Selfish Hedonism00:05:58
The answer is no.
You have to go out, experience other things.
Are you and your wife going to break up?
No, we're happily together.
But you knew each other before the quarantine.
Yes, a long time.
That's why it works.
But if you had met during the quarantine, I mean, it's just, you got to go.
And this is why Israel and Palestine are having issues, in my estimation.
Truly.
I don't think there were problems before this.
I don't know if there were, but I haven't read about them.
This is a cuffing season quarantine.
Like, okay, we wore masks together.
We watched the news together.
We figured out who Anthony Fauci was.
And now you have Israel who's like more powerful in the relationship, but you have Palestine who's like a dirty freaking bed.
And then you have these two people.
And now they're just not seeing eye to eye.
They have to like amicably break up.
Do you understand?
Because Quarr is over and Iz and Pal have to go.
But they can't bother their friend Tim, who's just on the other side of the world, finally mask off, enjoying a lunch.
I don't have to have talking points about this.
I don't have to go through talking points.
This is the summer of no talking points.
Telling you right now, the summer of no opinions.
Oh, your mother's a rape to your sister.
Yeah, all right.
The summer of no opinions.
You just had four years of opinions.
What did that do?
Nothing.
The summer of no opinions.
The summer of, yeah, man, don't know.
If it's not fun, not doing it.
It's got to be fun.
Water park.
Build a fort.
Try drugs again.
Maybe you can handle them this time.
Booze it up.
Drink and drive a little.
Not a lot, but if you have three or four in you, and I mean cocktails, not beers, always get in a car with three or four beers, pussy.
But I mean, if you're feeling it and you got four cocktails and it's a late afternoon and you're not going to get popped, get in there and feel what it feels like to control a vehicle, drunk, light a butt, blast so lonely by the police.
This is that summer.
This isn't a summer about making documentary films.
This is a summer about letting it go a little bit, having a little fun.
Fly somewhere to suck someone off.
Buy a plane ticket to suck someone's cock and have them give you a whatever, a return blowjob.
But that's what this summer is going to be about.
And this is really starting to ruin it.
And I don't want to see that.
I want to see people being happy on the beach.
Remember, quarantine was so fucked up, but now we're happy because we can make $15,000 a year at Sonic.
And everyone is going to be out this summer.
And I mean everyone.
So you got to pick and choose your places.
It's going to be a little grotesque out there.
The tits are out.
The fat pussies are going to be out.
You're going to be, you're just going to have a fat pussy put right on your table as you're reaching for a handful of calamari.
It's going to be a wild summer.
You got to get ready, wet and wild.
Bad.
Bad, disgusting.
People just vomiting, puking, ODing left and right, giving birth on the middle of a dance floor.
That's where we're headed to.
It's going to get fucking nuts.
Masks off, tits out.
People living on borrowed money and borrowed time.
You're going to be getting stimulus, pussy.
Do it.
Don't waste this summer in long, meaningless conversations in Brooklyn with some other loser in a knit sweater.
But actually, what I really think...
Shut up, let's fuck.
What are we doing?
Life is too short.
Take this pill.
Let's kill someone together.
Let's murder my mother.
That's what this summer is about.
Courtney Stodden, people like her.
Geniuses.
What do you think about Israel and Palestine?
I think I stand with Palestine.
Wow.
You know what?
That would have been harder for us to say, but they just passed on our movie.
And you know who didn't pass on our movie?
Hamas.
So that's what happens.
We just find.
We don't want to be in the industry anyway, you know?
So great.
It would have been nice to have a film, but what are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
Who cares?
We're having enough fun here.
But that's my advice for this summer.
Check out, find some new people, enjoy some things, travel, make your life meaningful this summer in any way that you can, if you can.
I know it's hard out there.
The whole first half of the show, we showed you how fucked people are.
We're not blind to that.
But I'm saying, even in any little small way that you can, get away from the people that you spent this quarantine with.
It is essential.
It is really essential that you leave because I think you want to have a little bit of an adventure.
And this quarantine was kind of a weird inverted adventure where it was like a slumber party for a year and everybody was in their pajamas and you can't go out.
Now we're heading back out and we're going to come out in the world very sloppily.
You know?
You ever see like a horse, like a baby horse?
Yeah, yeah.
After it's gives birth, it can like barely walk and it's covered in like afterbirth.
That's what people are going to look like walking into clubs and restaurants, just covered in afterbirth, not even able to walk, just being led to their seat.
That's what's going to happen.
But you have to embrace that just for the summer.
And then in the fall, get serious.
Get serious.
But this summer you should be having sweaty sex with people that you don't know.
Embrace Summer Sweaty Sex00:02:00
Even if you're not gay, you should be having gay sex.
You should bring another man into bed with you and your wife.
A man of color.
Oi, er hjemmelaget lasagne?
Ja, men det er bare Toro, altså.
Bare Toro?
Det er jo så godt så hjemmelaget bare er mye enklere.
Fyll i saus, deilig smak, og alle liker det.
Når det er så lett å lage noe så godt, hvorfor gjør det vanskelig, he?
Toro, kjempegodt nok.
Hei, du har kommet til Aschim, gjenferd og ånd utrivelse.
Men vi tar spøk på alvor.
Hei, jeg tror vi har blitt hjemsøkt.
Altså, det er noen som prøver å komme seg ut av veggen her.
Er det noen som nettopp er det, hva?
Nei, ikke som jeg vet.
Ja, men da er Bridget Jones da.
Hæ?
Ja, eller, du vet ikke.
Altså, serier, filmer, dokumentarer, sånne ting da.
Åja.
Alt for mange vet ikke at de har TV2 Play i veggen.
Eller i TV-pakka da.
Sjekk selv på TV2 Play.no, veggen.
Oi, er hjemmelaget lasagne?
Ja, men det er bare Toro, altså.
Bare Toro.
Det er jo så godt så hjemmelaget.
Bare mye enklere.
Fyll i saus, deilig smak, og alle liker det.
Når det er så lett å lage noe så godt, hvorfor gjør det vanskelig, he?
Toro, kjempegodt nok.
Våren 2025 overtok Sigrid og Kiran huset de lenge hadde ventet på.
Vi hadde alltid ønsket oss et opphusingsopjekt.
Lite visste de hva som skjulte seg i veggene.
Vi hørte litt sånne uforklarlige lyder.
Men så fikk vi jo sjekket veggen da.
Og hva var det som møtte dere der inne?
Det første vi fant var Norge bak fasaden.
Så Norge var bak fasaden deres?
Nei, eller Janne og Kaddafi da.
Og så var det tusenvis av filmer.
Serier, nordisk krim.
True crime, humor, dokumentarer.
Alt for mange vet ikke at de har TV2Play i veggen.
Eller i TV-pakkerne.
Sjekk selv på TV2Play.no veggen.
Norway Behind The Facade00:15:14
Look at this now.
The NYPD, they're not letting march in the gay pride parade.
They're not letting the NYPD and this is a real punishment for them because that's their favorite thing to do is march in the gay pride parade.
The NYPD interesting Heritage of Pride, the non-profit organization that produces New York's famous Pride Parade, announced Saturday it's banning corrections and law enforcement exhibitors from participating in NYC Pride events until 2025.
NYPD is not required to lead first response and security at NYC Pride events.
All aspects of first response and security can be reallocated to trained private security community leaders and volunteers.
I think if they want to punish the cops, make them all march.
Go every single turn it into a cop march.
Take all the police and make them wear revealing clothing.
And they should all, every NYPD officer should have to walk down the street with a sign that says, I am gay, we are all gay.
If anyone is gay, I am gay.
That's what the shirt should read.
They should have pink shirts that say, if anyone is trans, I am trans.
I am gay.
And they should all have to march.
And they should have choreographed dance numbers.
That would be fucking good.
I mean, they don't care about this.
No.
This is absurd.
What a crazy thing.
It's a weird way to punish the police.
What's next?
Wait, I mean, I mean, what's next?
Are you going to ban them from attending Broadway shows?
Are you going to ban them from the opera?
What comes next now?
Are the cops not going to be allowed to go to the ballet?
I mean, this is terrifying for the police.
On Friday, the NYPD Gay Officers Action League, hilarious name, the gay officers actually released a statement saying they were disheartened by the decision to placate some of the activists in our community.
They're looking to create a safer space for the LGBTQIA and BIPOC.
BIPOC.
That is.
I know the last one's people of color.
Black, Indigenous.
Black, Indigenous, people of color.
Communities at a time when violence against marginalized groups, specifically BIPOC and trans community has continued to escalate.
The sense of safety that law enforcement is meant to provide can instead be threatening and at times dangerous to those in our community who are most often targeted with excessive force and or without reason.
Is this the new thing now?
Cops are killing gays.
I know that during the Stonewall riots, the cops were clearly, you know, behaving like murderous fascists.
And I know that they do that too often.
But is that the thing where it's like cops are out there with gays?
I don't know.
I mean, I haven't heard that, but I imagine that is a new thing here.
Let's also, before we leave, let's comment on this.
Tony Hinchcliffe, our friend, and I've been on Kill Tony many times, got himself into a little bit of a pickle.
He made a statement as a joke.
He was saying something about the host of a show, and he called him a filthy fucking something.
He's an Asian gentleman.
There's only really two or three, but you're going to, it was the, it was, it was not good.
It's the one that lands not good.
Tony, I do not believe is a hateful person.
I don't believe he hates people.
I don't believe he's racist.
I believe he made, and I said this on Twitter, the worst decision a comic or human, anybody in that particular moment can make in that time.
That was not a good choice.
And people got enraged about it and angry about it.
Tony's a roast comic.
What Tony does is roast people.
Now, outside of the show, Kill Tony, that can be harrowing, I guess.
That's, you know, if you don't know Tony is a roast comic and you're not in his element watching what he does and how he does it, it can be disturbing and people were obviously unhappy with it.
That being said, I will say personally about Tony, a lot of people have launched their careers on Kill Tony, black people, gay people.
He's helped me dramatically.
He's helped other people, trans comics.
There's a lot of people that have traveled for hours and they've flown states to go to Kill Tony for the chance to do their set and to get roasted by Tony and to roast Tony.
You know, he has guys with ALS, Michael Lara, who's a brilliant comic with ALS.
He has him on the show every week.
Tony does have a heart.
He's a human being.
And I think that reducing him to just this collection of words is unfortunate.
And they were the wrong collection of words.
It was the wrong thing to do.
It wasn't funny.
It didn't work.
That being said, to diminish him as a human being because of this is a little ridiculous.
And of course, we all know what happens.
The agencies drop him and this happens and that happens.
And this is what happens, you know?
And to me, knowing him and knowing that he has provided a platform.
He built something and it's still a show.
And I'm, you know, on Twitter, I said it meant something to people.
And I talked to him.
He's like, you're staying at the past.
And I'm like, I know, but right now it's, you know, but it'll be back.
But I'm saying that like the show meant something to people of all races, genders, sexual orientations.
You can't just diminish that.
And I know that, you know, there's a lot.
And I didn't, you know, the full sets, I think, provide a little bit more context.
Still, it was probably not the best choice to make in that moment, but that's what being a comedian is.
You do make choices.
Some of them are good.
Some of them are bad.
And it's hard, you know, seeing that it's hard to see where the funny would have been, right?
But a lot of people will say things and then look back at it and go, ugh, not great, you know?
Me being one of them.
I mean, I've said all kinds of things.
Now, usually everything I say is correct.
And that's another burden.
I have the burden of being right all the time about everything, which people don't think that's a burden.
It's a terrible burden.
Where's my Netflix special?
I'm right all the time.
And they don't like that.
Okay?
Also, stop talking about John Mulaney and his Olivia Munn.
Leave him alone.
Who gives a shit?
He stopped to a blow and he needs some strange.
Let him be.
Let him be.
The bad people in this business are the ones who use words people don't like, not the people who destroy their families.
Anyway, those are the bad people.
Don't you get it?
See, you can do anything to anyone in your personal life as long as you say the right things.
Do you see what I mean?
You never judge.
And I'm not a moralist.
I'm not saying to judge anyone morally for their personal life.
But what happens is in your personal life, you can do whatever you want.
Kids on the island in the cage.
Fucking who cares?
Come here, honey.
Doesn't matter.
As long as you get out and you say what is needed at the moment, it's needed.
It doesn't matter what you behave like.
In fact, it almost feels like, I don't know.
It almost feels like saying this shit that they want you to say can inoculate you to a certain degree from being judged in any other way.
Huh?
And I'm sure that's not the case.
I'm sure I'm wrong.
But making life about words and phrases and opinions and not making it about character and what people do.
And if you're in entertainment, I think it should be about nothing.
I don't care if you're funny or funny.
Mulaney's a genius.
Whatever you think about, whatever.
He's a comedic.
Like, you know, he's not my favorite comedian, but when I watch John Mulaney, I go, that guy is fucking amazing at this.
That's a fact.
And if you don't think so, and when I watch Nick Cole, I say similar things.
Like, so, yeah, I mean, the family is involved in some, but who cares?
You know, at the end of the day, it's, to me, it truly is what you're doing on the stage.
But what's interesting to me is when everything becomes about words and just, I have the right opinion in the right package, and that's good.
And that's odd.
It's very interesting to me that that's really what people care about.
Hollywood is riddled with divorce, with abuse, with all kinds of problems, as is America.
But there's a real obsession with having the right posture on the right issues.
And that's what it seems to be.
So talking about this, you have to realize that I've seen Tony personally help people of every race by giving them a platform on his show, by encouraging them after the show, by having them open for him, by doing certain things, by putting them.
So the idea that you can reduce this guy to just a sentence that he said, which was, again, not wise, but the idea that you could reduce him to that after he's had a career of doing this, whether you like his comedy or not, the show that he built means something to people and it has elevated people.
And it has elevated them in cases where the industry has not elevated them.
And he's given a pathway for people to earn money, blah, blah, blah.
So that's what it is.
And that's what I have to say about it.
I did want to address it.
I know other people will not be addressing it, of course, because they don't have platforms as large as mine.
So we will just say that.
You know, and that's what I'm saying.
People need to be able to be taken the whole of what they've done has to be judged.
Not a few things here and a few things there.
Who people are, if you're going to judge them, you should judge them on everything, not so much just one thing.
So it is unfortunate, but we do have a new ad that I just got on my phone, and I want to read that because obviously we got to make money on this show.
Ben, half of my thing is out now.
Like it's this year, but it's not this year.
Right, but he wants more money.
Give him more money.
Okay, let me read this ad because I just got this email to me.
Now that quarantine is lifting, people are feeling like they have the revolutionary spirit all pent up in them.
That's why Hamas is proud to sponsor the Tim Dylan show.
Hamas is a Palestinian Sunni Islamic fundamentalist organization, but it has a pragmatic and militant track record of advancing nationalism.
Hamas, come on down.
We are proud to have them as a sponsor of the Tim Dylan show.
A lot of people said, don't take that ad, but they paid.
Go back to England.
Prince Harry, people are mad at Harry because he doesn't understand the First Amendment.
Is there any more proof that this guy's a fame-hungry grifter?
Him and his wife literally are coming here.
The American media is bamboozled by them.
I've got so much to tell you about the First Amendment.
I'll still understand it, but it is bonkers.
It's bonkers.
If somebody has a First Amendment, they might say something like my family killed my mother.
Man, why is Harry here?
Why is he here?
They're here because they're getting in bed with Netflix.
They're getting in bed with everybody.
This is what they're going to do.
They want to be celebrities.
They were sick of being lizards.
So they want to be celebrities.
They double-crossed the lizard family.
They don't have the decency to go to the bloodletting rituals.
They're here trying to fucking cry on Oprah and have a Netflix series.
I mean, how disgusting.
Truly, what's more offensive?
Being a fucking interdimensional shape-shifting lizard or whatever fucking these two have now become.
Strutting around Hollywood trying to get streamers to make their garbage content.
Get the fuck out, you white devil.
Get out of our country, you pale white gingerfock.
Out.
Go.
I don't like the First Amendment.
They let people say whatever they want here.
That's when the fucking the prince comes back out.
I try to be like every man.
Joe Rogan don't talk about the vaccine, but then he goes, why do they have the First Amendment here?
Why do they have it?
This guy has no core.
He has no fucking soul.
Look at his face.
Look at the vacant face of that guy.
Do you know how scary it is to be at that fucking point in your life and not have a goddamn clue as to who you are?
He has no fucking clue.
So this bitch came in, bamboozled him, pussy whipped him, dragged him back to America, but he's a willing participant in this, by the way.
And they're trying to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, except slightly reversed.
Whatever it is, get him out of here.
But look at the vacant look in his eyes.
He doesn't exist.
He has no core.
He's dangerous.
That is a dangerous man, a man without a core, a man who has no idea who he is.
Oh, what is this First Amendment?
Oh, I've read about it, but it's weird.
You've never read about the cornerstone of our country, you dumb fuck.
What is this First Amendment?
Why does Tim Dylan get to talk?
I don't like it.
Me and Megan are making a documentary about people with cleft palettes.
And Netflix has bought that.
We don't want any more comedy specials with the First Amendment.
We want a documentary about people with cleft palettes.
That's my favorite thing to watch is little kids with cleft palettes small and make sand castles.
God, he's grotesque.
He is a grotesque human being and he must go.
Truly.
I mean, truly, truly, truly.
We are launching merch.
It is coming on 520.
It is a new fake business collection.
Nelk can't win this game.
We must now advance.
Now, Nelk is lovely to me, and they send me free stuff.
They send me free merch.
But we will not be sending them free merch.
That's right, Mr. Will Do It.
If you want the merch, you will do it yourself.
But this is coming 520.
Go to what?
Fakebiz.net.
FakeBiz.net and sign up.
You put your email.
They give you a quick email when this goes live.
It is going live on 520, which is what day?
Thursday.
And this does not end with a merch drive.
We're opening stores in Paris and London and Milan, Fifth Avenue in New York.
We're going global.
This is a global fashion brand.
Stop Sending Free Merch00:04:59
That's what it is.
Get on board now.
Go to fakebiz.net.
Fakebiz.net.
Put your email in to be alerted.
We've got a new.
Can we show them?
Let's play our video.
Let's show them what we got.
We're bringing the heat.
These are legitimately beautiful clothes.
This is not what we did last time, which was good.
The screen printing was good.
We've taken it up to the next level.
We've kicked it up another notch, as they say.
Let us watch this promo together.
Cut together by Ben Avery, who wants more money for him and his wife.
I do fake business.
I call realtors all day when I'm bored and I pretend.
Oh!
As for me, I like the stock.
Kings of Leo.
Yeah, they tell us we're the first to release our album as an NFC.
Do you know that Lindsey Lohan now has a non-fungible token?
I wonder if like Rockefeller and Carnegie and Van Deville came back.
I wonder how disgusted they'd be at the new crop of people that have taken their place.
The currency that was invented as a joke, in fact, becomes the real currency to the moon.
Oh!
Fakebiz.net.
Get on there.
Put your email in.
Very exciting times coming up.
Very exciting things.
We're on the road.
There might be some tickets left for Foxwoods.
We're in San Antonio.
We are all over the place.
I am in San Antonio, Texas.
Denver, if it's not all sold out, try.
Raleigh, North Carolina, July 9th and 10th at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, which is almost all sold out, but go give it a shot the 21st through the 23rd.
Foxwoods Casino on the 24th.
Irvine, California, the 29th through the 31st.
Chicago, Illinois, August 24th through the 28th.
We are out there having fun, doing stuff.
I'll be in LA this week, all over the place, running around, doing spots.
If you're there, come say hello.
Merch is in the store.
Fine.
Do you want you want to be paid actual money?
Yeah.
Okay, fine.
So your first check will be coming of actual money.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Well, what I'm just saying is, you have all the opportunities in the world, and to want money is so crass.
It's so crass and undignified to even talk about money.
To want money or to even talk about money to me is crass and undignified.
And I don't know why you and the other people are in this country, the workers are doing it.
Why would you not realize the unique opportunity that you have at Arby's?
Why would you not realize how lucky you are to be at Arby's, like Paul Brown, who started there and worked his way up to be the CEO?
That's what it is.
You can't, we're talking about the wrong things here.
So just remember that I get annoyed when it takes a little bit longer to get a filet of fish, but just remember that, you know, I listen, man, these companies got to start paying people actual money.
That doesn't mean everyone will want to work when there is actual money either, by the way.
But they do have to start raising wages to lure people back into the market.
It's already happening, and that's a good thing.
That's a good thing, truly.
I don't think it's a bad thing to put a little pressure on companies so that they have to pay people more money.
That doesn't mean this doesn't hurt small businesses or people like that if they can't find work and they can't find people to work there.
But, you know, we got to figure out something where people in this country can live because it is quite difficult right now to live on the wages that we have shown that people are making.
I mean, this is poverty-level wages.
This is completely, completely ridiculous.
So I think that people are going to have to start paying real money to other people because it's tough out there.
And we hope we wish that Israel and Palestine figure it out.
That's all I can say.
We wish that Israel and Palestine figure it out.
That Barry Weiss figures it out.
Hopefully she finally gets pregnant.
You know, in nine months, when she gives birth to a missile, it flies out of her pussy and kills only a military target.