One American - Chase Geiser - Pat Dixon | Is Helen Keller Real?

Aug. 8, 2021 - One American - Chase Geiser

01:23:58

Pat Dixon | Is Helen Keller Real? | OAP #42

Chase Geiser Is Joined By Pat Dixon. Pat Dixon is a comedian and the host of NYC Crime Report NOW on Cumia Network http://CompoundMedia.com Episode Links: Chase's Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/RealChaseGeiser Pat's Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/PatDixon

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	They are easy, but because they are hard.
	Mr. Gorbachev tears down this wall.
	A date which will live in infamy.
	I still have a dream.
	Good night and good luck.
	Ladies and gentlemen, it's Pat Dixon.
	Why are you a communist?
	And what are you doing on my show?
	You know what?
	Are you talking to Edward R. Murrow?
	Because I started to think he was a comedy.
	You know what?
	I don't think that McCarthy was wrong.
	I have nothing, man.
	I'm just talking crap.
	I love it, man.
	Me too.
	So I actually know regrettably little about you.
	And I just heard you were cool.
	And word on the street is it might be true.
	And what's your story?
	What's your scoop?
	Well, I do a show called New York City Crime Report since 2011.
	I live in New York and I am sort of a fake reporter, but a real comedian.
	I do stand up.
	I've been doing stand-up for 25 years.
	And I have, you know, that show.
	It's going on for what, it's 11th season now.
	It's just New York City crime with punchlines, you know, sort of like stories from the post in the daily news, but with jokes, actual jokes.
	And so I do that.
	It's been a hell of it.
	It's been a good year for that then.
	It has, but a lot of the stuff that they've added on has not been the interesting kind of stuff.
	You know, like we like the stuff where a guy, you know, kidnaps a kid and cuts him up and leaves his feet in the freezer for some reason.
	Or, you know, when a couple of guys are staying at the, you know, international hotel up there and the guy ends up freaking out and cutting the guy's balls off with a corkscrew, you know, and wearing them around as a bracelet.
	You know, I mean, these are stories that happen.
	So a lot of the stuff now is this gang violence has just kind of expanded.
	I mean, there's still some interesting stuff.
	Don't get me wrong.
	There's plenty, but it's not the boom time that some people might think.
	Right.
	We need the bizarre behavior back.
	That's right.
	We have like the very boring, sort of passe type of evil shit going on right now.
	Yeah.
	Kind of like innovative criminals.
	It's like New York is going Chicago, you know, just like just trying to impress with big numbers and running up the score.
	Yeah.
	So how'd you get into all that, man?
	Just doing comedy?
	And then somebody was like, hey, we should do a radio show.
	Well, you know, I mean, obviously there came a point in stand-up.
	Now, when I started, it was like, oh, you're supposed to get it in front of the industry and then you get a sitcom or something like that.
	Well, that's not really the way it is anymore.
	And it has been that way for a long time.
	And it changed, you know, subtly, gradually until like, well, you know, with social media, YouTube, you have to have your own audience and you have to create a lot of stuff, you know, other than stand-up.
	You can't just do it just on stand-up anymore.
	Like, I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's, you know, it's rare.
	So, and plus, I like, do I minored in journalism or majored in journalism, you know, in college?
	I actually switched to alcoholism at some point from journalism.
	Alcoholics tell more truths than journalists these days.
	I mean, just like Bukowski man.
	It's true.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Bukowski, you know what?
	I like his novels.
	I even like his poetry, which is like a rare thing.
	I love his poetry, to be honest with you.
	I actually, I'm the inverted.
	I've never read a Bukowski novel, but I have studied his poetry, not in years, but in high school, I went through a big Bukowski phase.
	I remember I was in pre-calculus and Miss Duncan was the teacher.
	And she's actually a really sweet lady, but I was a dick.
	And I was reading Bukowski in her pre-calculus class while she was teaching.
	She goes, you know, that's really rude.
	I just go, it's just more interesting.
	And I got in big trouble for that.
	I feel bad about it, but at the same time, you know, I was right.
	Absolutely.
	You know, yeah, just tell her like it is.
	And so, you know, that's young to be into Bukowski.
	I guess it's about the right age.
	I was into Bukowski in my 20s, like early 20s and stuff.
	And, you know, that's why I started drinking wine, you know, for a little while, thinking that, well, that's what he does now.
	He drinks wine.
	So I'll just drink wine.
	I'll be fine.
	And I bought a gallon of burgundy, Ernest and Julio Gallo on Valentine's Day for myself and my wife to drink, you know, along with the dinner that I made, my first wife.
	And she didn't drink.
	So, you know, it was all for me.
	And I never drank wine again since February 14th, 1993.
	Wow.
	I mean, I quit that before I quit all the other stuff because I thought I was going to die the next day.
	I mean, I really did.
	That's the first time I thought a hangover might be fatal.
	So you don't drink it all now?
	No, I haven't drank in 21 years, but tonight might be the night.
	Who knows?
	Well, I guess if you always have that mentality, you're less likely to have a relapse.
	I suppose, yeah.
	I mean, I don't think of it as a relapse.
	It's just changing your mind.
	You know, like it's like, I'm not saying that I've certainly taken advantage, of course, of the programs that exist and stuff like that.
	I don't really like to talk about it.
	It's not really like something to specifically mention, but I, you know, that's the way I did it.
	And I've never been happy.
	I thought I had to drink.
	You know, I thought that was like, I thought it was like buying gas for the car.
	Yeah, I nipped it in the butt.
	I quit drinking in 2015, I think.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, 2015.
	And I was not an alcoholic when I quit, but I knew that I was going to be.
	Just because I got some family that have alcohol problems and they slowly became alcohol problems over a couple of decades.
	And I think I was like 26, 25 at the time.
	I was like, you know what?
	I've really got it in me.
	So I probably should quit now before it gets to be a problem.
	Well done, man.
	Well done.
	You know, I mean, like, if the thing is, if you can just quit that, quit like that, though, and you see the sense of that.
	You probably were not an alcoholic.
	Yeah, yeah, I wasn't.
	But I just, I just know that I could be.
	I've got like the spirit for it.
	You know, I'm a little bit of a cynic.
	I fucking love, I love the poets.
	And, you know, like Jim Morrison was my idol growing up, and I could just totally give it into like hedonism.
	Yeah, I could totally give into hedonism.
	And so I just decided that, listen, do I want to fucking make money and like be around for my family or do I want to live this life?
	And I just decided I was going to fucking fashion.
	Are you super selfish?
	Yeah, I'm super selfish.
	Okay.
	Well, then maybe you are an alcoholic.
	You know, Morrison was, he was like my, the Doors were my first favorite, like, you know, teenage band.
	Me too.
	And I was 13, 14, got into the Doors really big.
	I mean, I probably still know them more than I know any other group.
	You know, I mean, they only have six albums, you know, so it's not too tough.
	Yeah, at one point in time, I could probably type all the lyrics to every song.
	You know what?
	We should have we could, we could have a doors off, you know, and and uh i bet you'd win because it's been a long time.
	I got burned out, but I still love the doors.
	What's your favorite door song right now?
	The changeling, and I got into that later stuff, that LA woman stuff, more later on, because I used to be into all the lizard king type shit, you know, and the order lizard king.
	I can do anything.
	Yeah, I even had my eighth grade talent show for crying out loud.
	I did a recitation of celebration of the lizard, you know, falling on the ground.
	That's a hell of a thing for an eighth grader to do in my parachute pants.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	Yeah, it was fun.
	Yeah, it sort of established a reputation for me after that now that I think about it.
	But then later on, I got into more of the Roadhouse Blues type stuff, Maggie McGill, and the just, you know, the stuff that actually is pretty good.
	And then there's the future's uncertain and the end is always near.
	That's that is a great, great line.
	You know, he had some great, great line.
	He had some dumb, dumb lines, but he had some great lines.
	Yeah, I fucking love Jim.
	I got into him because I watched.
	I grew up with, I was born in 90, and I had three older brothers.
	So sort of some eclectic retro influences that most people my age didn't have just because I was born, my parents were 41 when they had me.
	My oldest brother was 17 years older than me.
	So I was really not my generation.
	This is insane.
	What?
	No, no, my parents were like 39, 40, and 39.
	And my oldest sister is 16 years older than me.
	Wow, that's crazy.
	So, so I'm the youngest, and I'm the youngest of three.
	I don't know, a four rather.
	I'm the youngest of four, too.
	That's wild.
	So I, uh, but they're all boys.
	But I, uh, I watched the Doors movie probably when I was too young to watch it.
	And that's when I fell in love with Jim Morrison because Val Kilmer nailed it.
	Um, and then I read No One Here Gets Out Alive, and then I started buying the poetry books, and then I listened to all the records.
	No one here gets out alive is like the that's a big gateway uh book into that whole world.
	Yeah, it's very good.
	I really enjoyed that book too.
	Uh, and and the thing that got me into it wasn't the movie, it was it was earlier than that.
	It was something that came on HBO called Too Young to Die or something like that.
	Or no, it's called When the Music's Over.
	And Morrison was in that, and Lenny Bruce was in that.
	So I kind of got into Lenny Bruce too, not too long after that, especially when I started thinking about comedy rather than music.
	Realizing that, you know, with musical talent, there's really like a, I don't know, man, you have to get other people to cooperate with you and shit like that.
	There's always too much drinking involved.
	But with stand-up, you can do it, you know, because it's just you.
	And that's what sort of guided me into stand-up.
	But yeah, it was that special.
	When the music's over, I was at early death stuff.
	I don't know why that was interesting.
	Before that, it was like Barry Manilow.
	Yeah, for me, it wasn't the early death stuff that I was particularly interested in necessarily.
	It was what fascinated me about Morrison was the idea that we could use psychedelics or any drug, any substance to open your mind.
	I was like into the philosophy of it, like the enlightenment aspect of it.
	And so I was like one of the first kids to ever smoke pot at my school because I was like, no, man, this is like, I'm going to open my mind.
	It was just pot.
	But, you know, that was, I think there's something to be said for that.
	I mean, it does a trick.
	Yeah, it does a trick.
	So, I mean, I know I heard Dark Side of the Moon in a different way after I got high.
	I know.
	And my brother and I sat and listened to it and giggled the whole damn time.
	We listened to that, that sort of dark-ish kind of album.
	And yeah, I smoked a lot of weed.
	And don't get me wrong, I did psychedelics and stuff like that, but I didn't.
	I don't know.
	I'm a little dubious on the doors that it opens up, but it sort of reduced everything to a genericism that I found fascinating.
	Yeah, I could get fascinated just by a stupid phrase, you know, like go to work.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, it's your work.
	And like, sort of breaking down human existence into work.
	And then you have recreation and sleep.
	And if you're a good human and you go to work, you eat, all these things that are not interesting at all.
	But they seem fascinating at the time.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, I do kind of know what you mean.
	Just the, I don't know.
	Yeah.
	The almost like the trivialness of everything, but you don't really realize it unless you take a second to look at it.
	Like, yeah, whatever you're doing, you're inherently interested in.
	I mean, it's the thing you're the most interested in while you're doing it.
	But then if you look at it, you're like, why the fuck was I interested?
	It's like when you watch porn, and as soon as you bust, you're like, why the fuck was I watching that?
	You ever had that?
	Like, what the fuck was I watching?
	Oh, sure.
	You know how that happens too?
	She's not nearly as hot as she was five seconds ago.
	Thank God you could just close the damn thing.
	You don't have to get anybody to leave.
	Oh, yeah.
	See, I downloaded the DuckDuckGo browser on my phone or the, yeah, yeah, on my phone so that you can hit the fire button and it just all goes up in flames.
	And it's a difference enough.
	I'm not quite porn on my phone young.
	You know, I mean, for me, masturbation is still an event.
	You know, we used to respect this, but, you know, like, what they start off the stuff you're interested in, actually, right?
	Like, and then, you know, and it gives you all these clips, you know, and maybe you didn't get to watch one that was the appropriate length, right?
	So you're still not finished.
	And so then it gives you eight, you know, to choose from, maybe.
	And seven of them are exactly what you just watched at different iterations.
	But one of them is like, well, give this, yeah.
	And then eventually, all right, fine.
	Mother and stepdaughter, you know.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Especially if it's close to the holidays.
	Did you know that?
	Did you know that the steps shit blows up during holidays?
	That's hot.
	That's actually kind of hot.
	I don't know why, but I find that that's kind of a hot idea that that happens.
	Oh, yeah.
	But see, the thing is, I never had step family.
	So like I never experienced having a crush on like somebody I was unrelated to that was like suddenly at every holiday event.
	They only make it step just so they will have a broader appeal and not, you know, truly offend all the anti-incest people, you know.
	Really?
	Do you think it's actually an incest fetish and it's just as close as you can get?
	Well, I think mother and daughter, it shouldn't be because really there's no way they can have a kid, right?
	So I mean, like, what's really wrong with it?
	I mean, if they're both of age, I guess.
	But that's that's usually they, I mean, like, they manage to sell it so quick.
	You know, whoever is seducing who says the mother seducing the daughter, they're like, come on, let's have sex.
	No, that's, you're crazy.
	You're my mother.
	And then within five minutes, it's like, yeah, lick it.
	Like, that is some fast grooming.
	Yeah, really, what it is is sales training.
	Like Jordan Belfour, you know, from Wall Street, he has like the straight line sales system where you can pay like five grand or whatever and get like the workbook.
	And honestly, if you just watch enough like step fantasy porn, you should know how to convert anybody within like 30 seconds.
	If they're family, you know right where those buttons are, I guess.
	You know, you're playing on the trust.
	I guess it's a sales technique.
	The, you know, plain folks, maternal trust, like whatever it is that tell them what you're selling, why they want it, and then just execute, right?
	Always be closing.
	Yeah, ABC.
	So, yeah, like let's like, how would it, how would it go?
	Like, imagine, like, if there was a car salesman, right, that was trying to sell you like a Nissan Versa, you know, pretty dorky, shitty car.
	Um, and I noticed that because I had two of them.
	So, so, imagine the sales guy's trying to sell you a Nissan Versa, but he's using the step porn fantasy sales method.
	How does that go?
	You show up at the car a lot.
	Well, you know, first of all, I got to call you by your first name the whole time, which is what they do anyway.
	Right.
	Find your first name and go, you know, I've watched you grow.
	You know, I've watched you.
	I see your progress, you know, and I don't want you to not know what you're doing, you know, when you get out there driving with, you know, other people, your rage.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You know how they that's usually the sales pitch is something like, uh, I can help you with your, oh, God, I hate to see you hurt.
	You know, it all comes from a can.
	Do you prefer manual or automatic?
	Yeah.
	Personally, I'm all about the, uh, I'm all about the automatic, but that doesn't translate into no stick.
	I still cannot, I can't watch, I can't watch porn with any men in it, you know?
	Really?
	Yep.
	Yeah, I go through phases.
	I've probably been through every heterosexual phase under the sun.
	You know what?
	It's sad when I think back to all the different stages I've been through, and I know I was in them for a period of time.
	There's the Asian massage stage, you know, and the mother's stepdaughter and daughter and not her daughter.
	They say not her daughter, just in case you're going to call child protective services or something, you know, and report them.
	Or, you know, the, well, if I go through my whole list of porn genres, it's going to be a very depressing show.
	Right.
	Well, we can just do a screen share and pull up the category section of Pornhub and basically, yes, yes, no, yes, yeah.
	Not on your life, man.
	Man, this conversation's been badass in 60 years.
	We found my limits.
	We've gone from the doors to porn to car sales.
	We have broken on through to the other side.
	Yeah, man.
	This is what enlightenment looks like.
	If you have ever taken acid in your life, you will break on through the other side and arrive here.
	Welcome.
	What's the worst thing you've ever watched on acid?
	I have actually never taken acid before.
	I have only taken shrooms.
	Okay.
	Shrooms are so much better.
	I used to have so much fun taking shrooms, but I didn't take them until I was like really grown.
	I mean, like, I said I haven't drank in 21 years.
	I did take some shrooms a few years ago.
	And we used to just jump on the subway, this girl and I, and we would just laugh our asses off and talk about how we were on drugs.
	And it was a blast to take the end train from Queens into New York, into Manhattan, and just fucking follow our noses all day.
	It was the most fun.
	Not back to nature type shit, but you know, it was all right.
	Mushrooms, they never were like frightening to me or anything like that.
	Acid is pretty scary.
	You want it to be over.
	Well, see, I would take LSD if it was the shit that they were making in the lab in the 60s.
	But today it's like, where the fuck did this come from?
	You know, like when people started taking acid, it was like the fucking lab-grade shit.
	And now it's like somebody's fucking reading the anarchist cookbook and trying to make it in their kitchen.
	And it's like, I don't know if this is going to work out.
	Is that the way it is?
	I really didn't know.
	I assume that you mean like Timothy Leary type stuff that they're using in like, I don't know, army experiments to see what people can do and what they can't do.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	That's what I mean.
	I think it was, I think the acid was better 50 years ago.
	Wow.
	But the leaves.
	I think it was, I think the acid was leaking from legitimate sources then.
	And now it's just being made illegitimately.
	And the other, it's gone the other way around with weed.
	With weed, it used to be illegitimate.
	Now it's legit.
	And that's why it's better.
	So you, so legitimacy, that's important when you're talking about.
	Well, I think so, because I think what's happening is like, if you buy weed that's like from the market, like the black market, like cartel shit, for example.
	And obviously anybody can grow weed.
	So I'm not saying that all weeds cartel, but the cartel, they don't follow any like pesticide regulations.
	You know, so you're smoking like whatever the fuck they like grew.
	And I think if you buy the lab-grade shit, it's going to be better, man.
	Like when you have people that can legitimately do it and hire real scientists and they're like messing with the genes and they're trying to figure out, you know, how to breed this with this to make it have a higher THC volume and how do we, you know, mitigate the anxiety factor associated with the greater high so that you can get as high as you want without having increased anxiety.
	Like they're doing the science shit that the cartel's not doing.
	They're just like fucking spray it with Agent Orange and fucking grow it.
	I don't know.
	Wow.
	Obviously not Agent Orange, but right, yeah, yeah.
	Spray it with whatever.
	Well, you know, they come up with some interesting results that way, you know, like this K2 that they have now, which is like this pot-pourri that they, it's not even weed to begin with.
	They spray it with different chemicals and they go, good luck, you know, and it gets you fucked up.
	But then they outlaw it and they have to change the chemicals.
	You can never really get used to what the hell's going on.
	I've never tried it before.
	I mean, like, I've seen people on it, though, man.
	They really are unpredictable.
	It's sort of like PCP, but I think without the strength, you know, I don't think it actually gives you the chimp strength that PCP can give you.
	I've never taken PCP.
	Oh, really?
	I'm looking at you and I'm seeing a background of a lot of angel dust, man.
	I don't know.
	You seem like a real dust guy.
	And there you are.
	I didn't even know that was the name for it, man.
	Oh, I'm from the street.
	Well, no, this.
	I saw a video from Atlantic City where a guy was on PCP, gets out of his truck.
	You know, he's led him on this.
	He's led the cops on like, I don't know, 20-minute chase, gets out of the truck and just has a gun and just, you know, starts shooting.
	And the cops, you know, they're all there.
	They're lined up.
	And they shot him something like 30 times with maybe a taser with guns, you know.
	I mean, because he was at a distance and firing a gun at them.
	I mean, this was back, this was back when you could still, you know, kill a criminal, you know, and sort of like it didn't always turn into a bad thing.
	But man, I mean, the guy was walking towards them and shooting, getting he got a lot closer and he and they were just like holes, bullet holes, you know, just like he was just getting shot up until one of them got him in the knee and he finally fell down.
	It looked as if, like, oh, this guy's basically indestructible.
	Well, I think that proves that if you die, it's only because you gave up like a pussy, you know?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Like, if you could say it's all will, bro.
	So, like, everybody who's ever died just gave up.
	They just gave up.
	Yeah, they stopped fighting.
	You know, it makes you wonder about what this could do for the Olympics, too.
	You know, like the Olympics boxing on PCP.
	What do you think?
	Do you think that they should just legalize all performance enhancing drugs so it's fair again?
	Fuck it.
	At this point, you know, if they're going to have male weightlifters competing with the women and shit, yeah, let's just go ahead and give them PCP.
	We've spat on the flag and all that is holy at this point.
	Why not?
	What if they did that as like a troll where you have, you know, a um, uh, oh, I'm trying to fucking say it the right way so I don't get banned.
	You have an XX chromosome person compete as an XY chromosome person in a weightlifting challenge, but the XX is like secretly allowed to take infinite numbers of PCP.
	So you got this girl just kicking everybody's ass.
	Yeah, that would be a funny troll, man.
	You lost me with all those variables, but I think I know what you're talking about.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, basically, if you had a girl compete in the mail event, oh, in the mail event, right?
	Well, you know, the trans person didn't even win a medal in the weightlifting.
	Apparently, oh, yeah, the dude.
	Yeah, the dude.
	Yeah, the dude.
	I should say the person with the individual who was born with a penis.
	The XY, yeah.
	And you know what?
	I mean, this Rapinoe chick with the purple hair, I'll just say it.
	You know what?
	You win a gold medal.
	You can come back and talk shit.
	I guess, you know, if you kneel during the anthem, we got to kind of put up with that.
	You come back with a bronze medal.
	Go fuck yourself.
	Yeah, I agree.
	You have to win.
	That's why they should start doing the national anthem at the end of the competition.
	Because if they did it at the end of the competition, then I don't know that she would have had the ballistan kneel at the bronze.
	Yeah, that's, you know what?
	You make a good point.
	I mean, she would have.
	She has no taste.
	She has no shame.
	She's just a terrible individual, like so many are today.
	They should make it an Olympic event where it's who can stand the longest for their national anthem, you know, like as an athletic endeavor.
	So it's like they just play it on repeat until somebody sits down.
	It's like four days.
	Like a dance time.
	If people are just standing there shaking like these.
	That would be a better tribute.
	Wouldn't that be awesome to watch of like a time lapse, you know?
	So many of us are moving in the background, you know, real fast.
	Throw PCP into that too.
	Oh, right.
	Time lapses.
	Days are going by.
	They can't eat or drink.
	They have to be fed.
	David Blaine shit.
	Yeah.
	David Blaine.
	Yeah, you into him.
	He eats frogs or something.
	Does he actually swallow those things?
	Is that something that I don't know that he eats frogs, but he does some, he does some crazy shit.
	But some on Joe Rogan eating frogs.
	I know you can swallow a sword, right?
	And I don't think the stuff that he does is fake.
	I think it's just unbelievable.
	Well, he probably knows how to do some fake shit, though.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, I'm sure.
	His part shit stuff fake is fake.
	But I like the David Blaine street magic stuff from the 90s.
	That's like, if you watch those old tapes, those are fucking crazy.
	He's walking up to people and he's telling them how much change they have in their pocket.
	And obviously, he could be faking it for TV, but I just don't think he's faking that.
	I think he's a trickster because he's a magician, but I don't think he's like a con man where he would just fucking lie to you like that.
	How could he possibly know how much change somebody has?
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	And that's a whole sexual idea, right?
	Yeah.
	But a guy like that, when he does magic in the street for white people, they don't appreciate it enough.
	The black people know how to enjoy magic.
	Yeah.
	Why the fuck did he do that?
	I tell you what, man.
	One thing I appreciate about African-American culture is those motherfuckers are way more fun to hang out.
	My brother-in-law said he was recently in Mexico and they did like an ATV day.
	He's like, there was a group of black people when we showed up that were like all, you know, on vacation together at Cabo.
	And they were having more fun than anybody I've ever seen in my entire fucking life.
	Just ATVs, you know.
	I bet.
	Just riding around, making jokes and stuff, like busting on each other or whatever it is they do.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I sound, I never sounded whiter than what I just said.
	I just realized.
	Busting on each other.
	But, you know, like white people be driving an ATV like this.
	I think that they 10 and two, honey, 10 and two.
	Black people be like, you know, I think that black people enjoy comedy more.
	You know, have you ever watched, you've seen Showtime with the Apollo or the things from the Apollo, the way they enjoy comedy?
	They're like literally falling out, you know, of their seats sometimes into the aisle, running up and down the aisles, swinging on chandeliers.
	You know, they really enjoy a good laugh.
	And I noticed that when I stopped talking about race in my stand-up, I got a much better reaction from all people, but black people in particular, you know, would be more likely to tell me afterwards, really enjoyed your show, you know, and I didn't have a lot of racial material, but I would touch on it.
	And I'm still here, by the way.
	My camera just froze.
	I got to reset it.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	But even touching on it, it's, you know, it doesn't always seem to come from a place that everybody is comfortable with.
	There's nobody more nervous than an all-white audience when it comes to anything racial.
	Really?
	See, well, I don't know.
	Do you think that it's just easier for black comedians to get away with talking about it?
	Listen to what you just said.
	What did you just say?
	Yes.
	I think it's much, much easier.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So, so, I mean, because I could fucking go to a Chappelle show and I don't think I would have any reluctance to laugh about anything he said about race.
	No, but I mean, an all-white audience, not a white person in the audience.
	I'm talking about like, like, if you have now, if he's talking to an all-white audience, there will never be a more giving audience, you know.
	But to a white comedian, if he's trying to talk about race, an all-white audience gets very nervous about that.
	They really do.
	It is.
	Unless it's a compound media audience.
	I also have a show on compound media called Crime Report, and it's just like New York City Crime Report, except it's all over the world.
	So I can talk about any state, anything.
	And basically, I just have a lot of fun with that show.
	It's live every Thursday on Compound Media.
	And it's like compound media is, I can't explain how free speech it is.
	It's like it's something that's so important and valuable right now in particular, more so now than it was even in 2015 when I became part of it.
	It's like, you know, I really do believe the media is the enemy of the people and the compound is the enemy of the media.
	So, you know, if the enemy of the of your enemy is your friend, you really need to be with compound media because there's no more truthful place than that.
	So like I completely, in giving that little promo, I lost my whole point.
	Well, what's the what tell me a little bit about what compound media is?
	Compound media is a it's a network for podcasts.
	Like it's, you know, like in a visual format.
	You know, we have a studio and, you know, like it's, it's here in New York.
	It's in Midtown.
	And we, you know, like, I guess there's probably 10 shows.
	It's four days a week.
	You know, I mean, there's so much content that you couldn't watch at all.
	There's no way you could stay caught up on all of it.
	A couple of days, a couple of the shows are four days a week.
	Are you familiar with Opie and Anthony at all?
	You ever hear of that?
	The radio legends?
	That name is ringing a bell, but I'm not familiar.
	Well, they were, they did radio in Boston and New York for a long, long time, like 20, 25 years or something like that.
	They had this huge following.
	I mean, they were guests on Letterman and stuff like that.
	And they made a lot of comedians.
	They broke a lot of comedians, probably more than any of the talk shows were doing at the time.
	Now that I think about it, talk shows kind of stopped breaking comedians once Letterman went to CBS and stuff, and everything kind of got diluted.
	So, like, you know, radio was kind of filling that gap, and they were great.
	But Opie, kind of a douchebag, and Anthony is super funny.
	So, you know, one night, Anthony was in Times Square.
	He's taking some pictures, and he got harassed by this woman.
	And then he made a bunch of comments on Twitter that got him fired.
	So he started his own network in 2015 called the Kumi Network, which is now compound media.
	He's great.
	He's a true legend.
	He's one of the funniest people I ever met.
	And without his network, I don't know where I'd be right now.
	You know what I mean?
	Because it's being linked with like-minded people is people call it tribalism.
	It's like, fuck you.
	I'm looking for anybody who agrees with a tenth of what I say.
	Well, and anybody who calls anything tribalism is really just saying that's not my tribe.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	You do what it's trying to do.
	Like, if you're fighting the Native Americans in fucking, you know, 1810, right?
	And you say, fuck these guys.
	They're tribalists.
	It's like, well, yeah, but you're just part of the white tribe, right?
	Like, so, yeah, anybody who calls anything tribalism is just, it's bullshit.
	You're just, they're just saying you're not my tribe.
	Can you imagine somebody like having a big problem with tribalism at that time?
	Like, that's a big problem in this country.
	Really?
	We kind of thought some of these beheadings and stuff and burning of ours.
	I think tribalism is insensitive to indigenous people.
	It's like, fucking dicks.
	That's what I think is insensitive, raping my daughter and stringing her up.
	I mean, like, you know, people, Indians were violent people sometimes.
	They did some very red-on-red crime.
	And, you know, like, like when Trump gets in a fist fight with Cruz, Jesus.
	That happens all the time, especially at Burger King.
	You know, you see that and it goes on.
	Then Trump's.
	I'll give you a whopper.
	I'll give you a whopper.
	I'll tell you something interesting.
	Man, in videos, when like when somebody gets their dress ripped off, their pants, they have no pants or underwear on, and their wig has been snatched, and they go on fighting as if they are fully clothed.
	Nothing's wrong.
	Yep.
	How that type of commitment is what we need.
	That is just a lack of care that I aspire to.
	I think I cannot dangle like that.
	I mean, it's not men.
	It's never men.
	It's always, those are women.
	Any man ends up naked.
	He's going to leave.
	I don't know.
	If I'm in a fight and the fight's gotten to the point where my pants got ripped off, I don't think I'm done fighting.
	Well, you just say, all right, you won.
	That's where we're different.
	I say, yeah, I can see it.
	I'm standing here, pantsless.
	You're the winner.
	You can be next in line.
	Because keep in mind, what you're arguing about is something that happened at a Burger King.
	It was never supposed to come to this.
	I don't know what happened.
	One thing went to another.
	Here we are.
	I'll go.
	Yeah, it's wild.
	I guess it just winds up looking like the first fight that Adam and Eve had before the Apple.
	Wow.
	That was an argument leading up to the Apple.
	I thought it was just more of a seduction.
	It was an argument.
	She's like, eat this.
	He's like, no.
	She's like, eat it.
	I made it.
	I made it.
	I made it for you.
	You don't like my apples now?
	Yeah.
	What do you think happened?
	Well, how does that story play out if they just actually never ate the apple?
	Because here's the thing that bothers me about it, right?
	Apparently, they couldn't sin before the apple.
	Then after the apple, it's the original sin.
	Now we're all sinful.
	Like, you couldn't sin before, then, like, how did you do the first one?
	With the tree of knowledge by eating, by disobeying God.
	He said, there's one thing, just one.
	You can do anything you want.
	One son.
	Only knew how to do one sin.
	You take Eve, and you don't even have to take her in private.
	You stick it in her fucking cornhole, do anything you want.
	You know, you, right?
	She is yours.
	Don't eat an apple.
	All right.
	Right.
	And the guy is like, this is cool.
	I can deal with that.
	Yeah.
	But of course, he's like, what do you mean?
	Can't women, women are so stupid.
	I've been taking care of this garden every day for millennia, and I want to eat from the tree of knowledge.
	Stat, I don't see any reason.
	Who is he?
	I talked to this snake, okay.
	Very interesting ideas.
	He said you've been growing a lot.
	I just want to make sure you know how to eat other apples.
	Yeah, like, all right, baby.
	Chomp.
	Oh, shit, my dick's out.
	And why is it a snake?
	Like in the story?
	Do you think it's just because they're like a fucking slithering, like belly, like close to the dirt as possible?
	Is that the metaphor?
	But they weren't at the time.
	They had legs.
	What do you mean at the time?
	Like, at the time.
	That was he was cursed.
	The snake was cursed to crawl on its belly after that.
	So prior to that, it had some other, maybe it had wheels.
	I don't know.
	It didn't.
	So it was an alligator and then it became a snake.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Maybe a monitor.
	Or, yeah, maybe a chameleon.
	I don't know.
	Any kind of a small lizard, a gecko, but it was, it was not a snake.
	That's interesting.
	I never thought of it like that.
	You're right.
	Yeah.
	And you got to crawl on your belly forever and you'll know when your dick's out.
	And the snake was like, you dumbass, I was already doing that.
	Basically, any dude, my legs are pretty short.
	This is better.
	That was the whole reason to do it, just so he could crawl on it, get rid of his fucking limbs.
	Tricked you.
	And then, and then that's why women have to have the pain of childbirth and having a period and everything because of that, too.
	Because he fucked them up.
	Whenever they're fucking feeling annoyed, they have to have a period.
	They should remember it's really their nature.
	Yeah, it's their fault.
	It's their nature.
	Even if they didn't have periods, they would make that same decision.
	You know, and I don't think that God's punishment for men, you know, having to work by the sweat of your brow, is actually what the punishment was.
	I think the punishment may have been like when you're working by the sweat of your brow, your wife coming in and saying, You don't spend enough time with me.
	It's tolerating women.
	Yeah, yeah, it's just having to deal with that.
	Because I love to work.
	I love to work, man.
	But I hate being nagged.
	He even says in the Bible in Proverbs, I think it says better to live on the corner of the roof than in the house with the nagging woman.
	Does it say that in Proverbs?
	Yeah, it's Proverbs or Psalms.
	I can't remember which one.
	It's one of those.
	Yeah, somebody sang it.
	Yeah.
	So it's a tune.
	And, you know, I'm not anti-women by any means.
	I think it's better to live on the corner of the roof than in the house with anybody who fucking nags.
	But no, no, I mean, like, I'm anti-woman.
	I'll go ahead and say it.
	I mean, like, because I'm, I'm, I'm by nature, men are anti-women.
	You know, I mean, like, if you, if you're a man, you have some sense of logic, of reason, a desire for peace, a desire for things to just be chill.
	Good is good.
	Let's just keep it that way.
	Women are chaos storms fucking things up, taking something that's good.
	You know, because they're women, or do you think it's have to do?
	It has to do with how the way our culture raises them.
	I'm not sure that.
	No, no, no, I'm not trying to like have some fucking leftist like argument with the screen.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	You know, I didn't mean, I didn't mean to sound like that.
	But like, but like, but like Viking women, I bet were pretty badass.
	You know, I bet you they were cunts.
	Yeah, they're probably like nightmares.
	Nightmares.
	Think of the Viking.
	Fitting your fucking shield.
	Going your own damn shield.
	Yeah, I'm out here.
	Yeah, they were bad.
	None of them have been good.
	Well, I mean, Embassy was great, Cleopatra.
	Margaret Thatcher, she hell of a woman.
	No, look, I'm not saying women are, there's nothing good about them, but I'm just against them, you know.
	I mean, just like they would be against me.
	You know, if I told you you had a nice body, would you hold against me?
	Yeah, I was trying to look for a punchline there, too.
	You ever heard that?
	Yeah, you ever heard that joke before?
	Yes.
	I mentioned a joke the other day to a couple of young women, younger women, you know, like if I say younger, to me, it's like 20s.
	A total girl was 24 and the other was like, I don't know, 29 or something, 30.
	And the old limerick, there once was a man from Nantucket.
	They didn't know any more of that limerick than they didn't even know what the fuck I was talking about.
	They never talking about.
	You've never heard that.
	That is gone.
	Dirty limericks are a thing of the past.
	Have there once was a man from Nantucket?
	Yeah, I have no fucking clue what that is.
	Well, you know, just Google those words and it'll give you the whole poem, I'm sure.
	Unless Google is so fucking commie now that it doesn't even sound vaguely familiar.
	Yeah, I mean, a man from Nantucket.
	I would tell you, you want to hear the rest of the limerick?
	It's just volume.
	I got it pulled up, but I don't know if I can say it.
	Does it have any slurs?
	No, it doesn't slurs.
	Okay.
	I just don't want to get kicked off at you.
	Why don't you say it?
	Go ahead.
	You're reading it for the first time.
	See if you find it amusing.
	Personally, I don't.
	I don't think so.
	So there once was a man from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a bucket, but his daughter named Nan ran away with a man.
	And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
	That's not the fucking poem.
	Where are you reading that?
	Fucking Wikipedia, bro.
	That sounds to me like some kind of commie horse shit.
	That sounds like that's the 1902 Princeton Tiger written by Professor Dayton Voorhees.
	So it probably is commie shit.
	Yeah, you're right.
	So there's like, so I can, I think they started to, I think people started to bastardize the original, and that was why it was funny.
	But that's the original.
	I think that's the original, and then people bastardized it because he kept all his cash in a bucket.
	And then what happened?
	But his daughter named Nan ran away with a man.
	And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
	Nan.
	I don't even get it.
	She took the bucket.
	Oh, yeah, Nantucket.
	Yeah, that's right.
	Boy, that is like that's the kind of rhyme.
	Like from Bob Dylan had a song.
	I'm not, I'm not really into old Bob Dylan.
	I only like three albums that are like from in the 90s and early 2000s.
	Yeah, I like just the song most of the time.
	That's pretty much the only Bob Dylan song.
	Mostly attack.
	He has high fidelity or something.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's got a song where he says, you know, I'm going to recruit an army, some tough sons of bitches.
	I'll recruit my army from the orphanages.
	I thought that was a great rhyme.
	But Nantucket, boy, that is that's right up there.
	So here's one.
	There, there was a young man from Nantucket whose dick was so long he could suck it.
	He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin, if my ear was a cunt, I would fuck it.
	Yeah, there you go.
	That's it.
	That's it.
	That's that's the one.
	That's the one.
	That is hysterical.
	It's pretty funny.
	What's that fucking weasel from Star Wars?
	Remember like fucking Java the Hutt's?
	You know what I'm talking about?
	No.
	Yeah, Java the Hut.
	He's got like a little pet up to him, you know, and like there's a scene where like Java the Hut's like fucking grabbing ass or something and the weasel just goes, it might have been like one of the Lucas films like redos of his old movies because he kept fucking fucking them up and oh yeah.
	I think he added I don't know if he added that find it for it.
	I'll send you the like.
	I love it.
	You know, I love dumb shit in those Star Wars movies because it's just it's such a blind spot.
	There's so much money being spent, you know, and then they, how can you have such a huge blind spot?
	You think we want to look at this little kid race his pod or whatever the fuck it was.
	That movie was not even the worst of those second three, I don't think.
	I never like had the only thing that got better was this was the lightsaber choreography.
	Those got better every movie, even through Disney.
	But but everything else got worse.
	And it's so frustrating because it's like, imagine Picasso coming out with his fucking famous blue period, you know, paintings.
	And then like he decides he starts, you know, he wants to fucking paint like Hunter Biden.
	It's like, what the fuck happened, man?
	Like, you had it.
	You had it.
	Where'd it go?
	Oh, right.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I see what you mean.
	Yeah.
	Just like, wow, you really lost the knack here, didn't you?
	Yeah.
	Like, how could you come to the conclusion?
	Like, how could you be so correct and amazing and then just proceed like to fuck it up from there?
	Like, like the difference in the hustler and the color of money or whatever.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Exactly.
	I actually do know that fucking cultural reference despite being on the line.
	I fucking love the hustler.
	Yeah.
	Black and white Paul Newman.
	Yeah.
	The color of money.
	He's the mentor and it's Tom Cruise and it was cute, but it wasn't the hustler.
	And it's an Oscar winning performance.
	I think they gave him like a retro sort of Oscar for that, you know, because he deserves something.
	But I mean, like, Tom Cruise kind of like made that movie kind of something else.
	But what's his name?
	Scorsese, right?
	You like Taxi Driver?
	Yeah.
	I do like Taxi Driver.
	I do.
	I don't know what you think about it, but I'll tell you the truth.
	Right now, I fucking love Taxi Driver.
	I think you know what I think about it.
	I love that movie.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I love every part of it.
	Are you talking to me?
	Yeah.
	Talking to me.
	I don't see anybody else here.
	Anybody else standing here?
	And when he's buying all those guns and the gun salesman, like, that's a beautiful gun.
	That's a beautiful guy.
	Nah, that's a lovely gun.
	At this little cutie, you know, he's talking to go through all these guns and shit.
	It's the cast of characters is so like uh wildly kind of all over the place, but at the same time, there's only a few, you know.
	The other cabbies, I guess, you know, Sybil Shepard, uh, Albert Brooks, who is fucking who is the girl?
	What's her name?
	Not Winona Ryder, but um, she's Silence of the Lambs, yeah, yeah, Jodi Foster, Jody Foster.
	Thank you.
	My girlfriend looks just like the young prostitute, Jodi Foster.
	Really?
	That's nice.
	So she looks basically like a 12-year-old girl.
	Yes, because she's 12.
	She needs a couple more summers.
	She thinks we're related.
	She thinks I'm looking after her.
	She's not that smart.
	No, she's she's older.
	She's 37, but you know, older than 12.
	But considering she's closer to being 12 than Joe Biden's age, but she does look like that.
	Yeah, she does look like that.
	Yeah, and Joe Biden has more of a fucking 12-year-old mentality right now.
	You know, watching him talk has become like a national pastime, isn't it?
	Because people still call it gaffes, but it's like gaffes?
	No, that's that's this is typical of a man with dementia.
	He's, you know, he's completely deranged.
	And, you know, I like to say, I don't know if I'm watching the White House or The Naked Gun sometimes, you know?
	I mean, like, it's just so silly.
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	And people are like, oh, it's just fucking Republicans being, you know, dicks.
	But the truth of the matter is, I don't know a single Republican that wouldn't be begging for Barack Obama to be president over Joe Biden right now.
	Well, we basically, you think that he listens to that.
	Why would anybody listen to him, though?
	He's got no power.
	He has ultimate power.
	He's he's the ultimate elite.
	He is untouchable.
	He's unassailable.
	Nobody can ever have a problem with anything he does.
	He's the most popular U.S. president.
	Take a poll and see.
	That will never end.
	He has the gold card forever, you know.
	And I think that he definitely intelligence community.
	I think the fucking FBI and CIA run the show.
	Oh, sure.
	They do.
	Yeah.
	But he's.
	Maybe Obama works for them.
	Yeah.
	They have to fucking respect him.
	You know what I mean?
	Because he can get a lot of their shit done.
	I mean, he's proved that.
	I mean, he just like fucking goes, okay, well, here's what we're going to do.
	I don't want to feel like passing a law going through Congress and shit.
	You know, Republicans are trying to win all these congressional races and stuff and the Tea Party and all that stuff.
	And he just goes, how about some guidance?
	We'll just do some guidance.
	All right.
	In schools now, you can go to any bathroom you want.
	And if you don't, we'll just take away your federal funding.
	Same with rape in colleges.
	If you don't convict some boys of rape, then we'll take away your federal funding.
	Guidance.
	Yeah.
	That Title IX shit was fucked up.
	Yeah, totally.
	You would have been in school around that time.
	I was in school around that time and I had to deal with that shit.
	To be honest, I had personal experience of being falsely accused of sexual assault.
	You're joking.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Well, I don't really want to share details, you know, because it's not like because you're because you're a rapist.
	I get it.
	But I mean, exactly.
	But what happened was there was an accusation made by a girl who I dated on and off for about a year and a half, and it was bullshit.
	And the university recognized that it was bullshit, but it was an ordeal.
	So I'm just lucky.
	I'm lucky.
	I mean, awesome.
	You mean you must have gone to like Oral Roberts University or something.
	Well, I went to Belmont University in Nashville and I was student body president.
	I knew the administration and I think they just knew that it was bullshit.
	Wow.
	I don't know.
	I mean, it was it, yeah.
	So like, uh, it's a big deal.
	I was lucky because I was lucky because the claim was made like a month after I graduated.
	So I wasn't even a student at the time, but I think if I had been a student at the time, it would have been a nightmare.
	They could have expelled you.
	They could have suspended you.
	They could have stopped you from graduating.
	They could have done that.
	But they told me they're like, they wrote me a letter and they're like, hey, we don't think you did anything wrong.
	We're not going to, you're in good standing.
	No problem.
	Just, you know, wanted to let we had to let you know that this happened.
	Thank God.
	I talked to a lawyer and my lawyer was like, listen, you're just, you're a ghost.
	Just don't fucking show.
	Don't show up for a while.
	I was like, no problem.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, I mean, didn't go back to my school for any events.
	Didn't talk to anybody related to that person.
	And that was it.
	Low profile, huh?
	I mean, how severe was the accusation?
	Was it like the severest form?
	Oh, my God.
	Wow.
	That would be anal rape.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Jump out of the bushes, violence, a weapon.
	But no, she said, well, the funny thing about it is I got a fucking genetic bleeding disorder or hemophilia.
	It's the most severe bleeding disorder you have.
	I'm not forcing anybody physically to do anything.
	There's no fucking way.
	Right.
	If I got in a fist fight with you and you hit me in the stomach, a normal guy would buckle over and maybe puke.
	I would die.
	That's where you're wrong.
	If I punch any man in the stomach, they will die.
	Yeah, okay.
	Fair enough.
	I'm that kind of dude.
	The point of the matter is I'm not even physically capable of doing something like that.
	Wow.
	Yeah, you can't.
	You're physically incapable of raping a woman.
	Without severe injury.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Well, yeah.
	I mean, I don't think I could get my dick hard, though, is what it is.
	I mean, I don't think I would be aroused by that much rejection.
	The power aspect of it doesn't appeal to me.
	I mean, power to me has to be consensually given.
	Otherwise, you're just who gives a shit.
	Yeah, it's only hot if you actually close the deal.
	You know, that's what's sexy about getting laid is going out and closing the deal.
	It's like an ego thing.
	Like, hey, she wants to because I'm so fucking awesome.
	You know, that's the sexy part of it.
	But it just forces somebody to do it.
	It's like cheating.
	Like, do you actually feel good about fucking cheating in a game of Monopoly?
	Like, ha ha ha, I won because I was not actually paying the bank.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	I was stealing properties.
	Yeah.
	I had counterfeit in my pocket.
	Monopoly is a game that is so over, right?
	I mean, like...
	Overrated?
	Over.
	It's just over.
	It's like now they've tried to evolve it into different, you know, like you'd have, you know...
	Simpsons Monopoly.
	You know, the Ria...
	What's the name of this show?
	One American Monopoly or something, you know, or Simpsons Monopoly or New York City Crime Report.
	Where it's all my fucking podcast guest face on the fucking squares.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to buy some Pat Dixon for $50.
	Yeah, I think you put me about, like, around those orange properties, maybe.
	I'm feeling, like, a light blue.
	Whoa!
	Wow.
	Connecticut Avenue.
	Yeah, I'm going to be a railroad, bro.
	There you go.
	Yeah.
	Then you're all over the board.
	Yeah.
	And, yeah, you can't improve on it, though.
	That's a problem.
	I know.
	I know.
	But it's nice to have some real estate in diverse markets.
	It is.
	We'll be right back.
	So where can people find you, man?
	At crimereport.nyc.
	That's a good place to go.
	So crimereport.nyc is kind of, you know, whatever.
	I want to tell you about some of the other stuff I do.
	You can find me at Compound Media.
	Subscribe on Compound Media.
	And that would be great.
	There's all kinds of different plans.
	I do a live show there.
	On Thursdays, I'm also doing a lot of live stuff.
	You don't see.
	I mean, this is live.
	That's great.
	I love live stuff.
	Anything can happen and shit.
	So there's a lot of that stuff on there.
	And it really does look, you know, it has a, you just have to just watch some clips.
	Compound Media.
	Great quality.
	I do a show called Too Woke to Fuck.
	That's like a sort of a liberal parody show.
	You know, we take woke ideas and just follow them to their logical conclusion.
	You know, myself and another guy, we kind of do characters, I guess, who believe all this shit.
	But, you know, but they're the super liberal guys in their 40s who are like, you know, trying to make it all work in their minds and stuff, you know.
	And so it's too woke to fuck.
	It's very funny.
	I mean, it's heavily edited and it's not for everybody because it's.
	little unusual sounding there's a musical element to it uh but it's uh the the number two the word woke the number two again and then f period so you know too woke to f because you can't just go ahead and say fuck on iTunes but New York City Crime Report is kind of like the thing I've been doing the longest.
	And, you know, I just did some stand-up in your town, Austin, there.
	And man, what a great town.
	Hit me up next time you're in town.
	I'll come to your show for sure.
	Yeah, we did it at the Gas Something, gas company, something gas company.
	I've only been here for a year or something downtown.
	Very familiar with all of that.
	Oh, it was called Vulcan Gas Company.
	Great place, great venue.
	I mean, like, it was, it was really cool.
	You know, like a great balcony and shit.
	We packed out a bunch of shows.
	People really do like to come and see a stand-up.
	A bunch of stand-ups are on the network.
	You know, Gino Biscani is one of them and Aaron Berg and Chrissy Mayer, who is, she's got a show called The West Spot, you know, so there's something for the ladies.
	Taleb Starks, his show I'm on every week as well.
	The West Spot.
	Yeah.
	She's a doll.
	Yeah, she's a peach.
	And I shouldn't say doll.
	I don't mean to diminish her.
	But I think that it's got a certain American charm.
	American, you know, did we talk enough about America?
	That's what I'm concerned about.
	I'm really concerned about it.
	We don't have a limited amount of time.
	We can talk as long as you want.
	I just wanted to be, I didn't want to take up your whole night, but I'm here for you.
	Yeah, clearly, I got a lot of America standing here against the mirror.
	Let's talk about America, bro.
	In a changing room somewhere.
	Yeah, you know, America is the greatest country ever.
	So it's, it's, it's the certainly has been at one point in time.
	Yeah.
	And yeah, the greatest, it's very ambitious in its concept and stuff.
	I think the founding fathers might be surprised it's even still going at all.
	Yeah, I think I'm going to tweet right now that America was the greatest country of all time.
	It once was.
	Yeah, it was.
	It was the greatest.
	And then for me, it ended.
	I mean, I know it ended for a lot of people at different times.
	You know, there's probably people who, like, when Kennedy got shot, maybe that's where they date it from, you know.
	But I would go with, you know, 9-11.
	We thought it was going to bring everybody together.
	And then George Bush goes, by the way, don't go.
	Don't go beating up Muslims.
	He said that really quick, though.
	Don't go beating up.
	Everybody's going to want to go commit hate crimes against Muslims.
	No, we're not.
	Why are you saying that?
	You know, you're saying it because it gives the liberals a talking point and then they can start nagging again.
	And it starts all this back and forth again.
	You know, I mean, it's just like, that's a very controversial thing to say when you think about it.
	At a time when everybody's feeling peak patriotism to say, no, no, no, don't go out there.
	And there's no reason why a Muslim woman should have to stop it.
	Just stop saying that.
	And that kicked it all off again and put us right back in the same boat.
	And then we have identity politics became the dominant narrative because we can't say shit about that.
	We can't say like, yeah, because every time 9-11 came up after that, some liberal person would go like, but it's important not to take it out on the Muslims.
	They would scold you, you know, and it pissed us off.
	We still couldn't say anything about it, really, you know, because that makes you an Islamophobe or something.
	And so that's when they started really beating us with this idea that like identity politics over everything.
	And that, you know, got kicked into high gear, but like over a period of time, Trump comes along, exposes the media.
	And once they're exposed, you know, they're like the naked person in the, in the, in, in the Burger King who wants to fight harder than ever.
	I got to ask you about this because I struggle with the whole Islamophobia like criticism.
	Okay.
	So, so I am not a racist person.
	In fact, I would go so far as to say that I don't necessarily believe that race even really exists.
	Okay.
	So I don't know if we agree or disagree there.
	I don't care.
	That's not my point.
	My point is, like, someone calls me an Islamophobic, right?
	Someone, you're an Islamophobic.
	And I, I, and I say, okay, so do you believe in the Muslim faith?
	They say, well, I'm not a Muslim.
	Like, so, so you think everything they believe is bullshit?
	Like, otherwise, if you didn't, you would become a Muslim, right?
	They're like, well, yeah, yeah.
	So it's like, how the fuck is that not Islamophobic?
	Like, like, if you're not a Muslim, it's because you don't believe any of their shit.
	Like, if you believed it, you'd be a fucking Muslim, right?
	Yeah.
	It's that simple.
	Like, I'm not a fucking Lutheran because I don't believe that bullshit.
	Like, am I a Lutheranophobic?
	Like, I don't know.
	It's fucking ridiculous.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	If you don't believe their shit, you're afraid of them.
	Yeah, I'm not necessarily even hoping.
	Just a phobic.
	Like, I'm just not part of it because I go away.
	I go a different direction.
	Like, if you see something's hydrophobic, it means water doesn't stick to it, right?
	So yeah, I'm Islamophobic.
	Like, yeah, I'm not anti-Islam.
	I'm just Islamophobic.
	Like, I'm going somewhere else.
	I'm not a fucking Muslim.
	Sorry.
	Okay.
	So, yeah, your interpretation of phobic is not like it's like you said, you know, hydrophobic.
	Yeah, like if I'm homophobic, if I'm homophobic, I'm not like, I'm not like, yeah, I'm not like bigoted.
	Like, I don't have a problem with gay people.
	I think they should have the same rights.
	Whatever.
	I got gay friends.
	I've even fucking fought for gay rights before.
	There's a whole story about that.
	You've even talked a couple of dicks.
	I mean, yeah, just, you know, you got to try it, you know, before you knock it.
	But I am homophobic in the sense that like I am certainly avoiding homosexual activity.
	You know, you don't want to be around it at all.
	I don't want to do it.
	I don't want to participate.
	I won't even watch the Al Pacino movie Cruising.
	Won't even watch it.
	Sense of a woman.
	That's all for me.
	Sent up a woman.
	Yeah.
	Smell pussy in here.
	Yes.
	But it's not a rat.
	Remember that?
	No, I don't.
	But great movie.
	But what?
	Scarface?
	No, no, no.
	Sense of a woman.
	Sent of a woman is a great movie.
	I saw it once and forgot all about it.
	I mean, the impression is all I remember from that.
	Well, I mean, it's a little bit sentimental, you know, but I really like the court scene in the end when he shows up to fucking back this kid.
	He was about ready to he was getting thrown under the bus by Philip Seymour Hoffman.
	You can't handle the truth.
	Yeah.
	It's kind of like that.
	Yeah.
	But he's like, yeah, he's like, he's not a Baylor man or whatever.
	And he's like, but he's not a rat.
	That's the basic movie.
	What would you say your top five movies are?
	Cool Hand Luke number one.
	Great choice.
	After Cool Hand Luke, I don't fucking know.
	Man.
	That's the one.
	I mean, I like all the Tarantino movies, man.
	I'm a fucking regular plebe and that shit.
	I love them.
	You think he's gotten better?
	Yeah, I do.
	I think his last movie is.
	I think the tech has certainly gotten better too.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, how can you really compare a movie like Pulp Fiction to the most recent movie?
	Reservoir Dogs or Reservoir Dogs to Hollywood.
	So the high-budget stuff.
	Yeah.
	So I think he always, I think he's probably gotten better, but he was always so good that it's almost hard to see the improvement.
	You know what, though?
	I have to say, watching pulp fiction now is a little bit like running your tongue over a sore tooth or something, you know, because it's just like, you can't stop with that, those dumb dialogue in pulp fiction, man.
	And some of the corny ass, you know, like when she makes the little square.
	Yeah.
	I love the way it's cut up.
	I love the way it's edited.
	It's really great.
	You know, obviously, fine classic movie.
	Does not age well when they're talking about like, I don't know, like cube dice versus crushed ice, you know?
	Oh, fuck.
	Cubes.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Cubes are much as I the foot massage argument is the famous one, right?
	Like talking about whether or not a foot massage was enough to justify throwing the guy out the window.
	Yeah.
	I still think it's entertaining, man.
	Fuck you.
	Yeah.
	He had a pretty good point.
	But then there's the fact that, you know, the, what do you call it?
	Royale with cheese and all that shit.
	$5 milkshake.
	I got to see what a $5 milkshake tastes like.
	I got a theory about John Travolta, and not everybody goes along with this, but he's been in Hollywood and acting a long time.
	And I think that he believes he's in every movie that he's in.
	Like whatever movie he's in, he thinks that's happening.
	Because he's such a serious method actor?
	No, because he's just a fucking, he's crazy.
	I think that he's crazy.
	Phenomena sucked.
	And he believes that he is Michael the Angel or whatever the, you know what I mean?
	Like, yeah, Battlestar Galactica or whatever the fuck that was.
	Hey, I'm a big Battlestar Galactica fan.
	Don't fuck with Battlestar, man.
	No, no, no.
	I didn't mean that.
	Like, whatever that was, you know, it wasn't called Battlestar Galactica.
	What was the movie that he was in that was so bad that was the Scientology movie?
	I didn't know that he was in a Scientology movie.
	Well, he was in Swordfish, which was one of the stories that L. Ron Hubbard wrote, I think.
	It was Phenomena.
	Phenomena was a science fiction one where he was a little bit more.
	Battlefield Earth.
	I think it was super.
	Oh, that sounds familiar.
	I don't know.
	I think it was Battlefield Earth.
	I think that was the one.
	So he got one of L. Ron Hubbard's books made into a movie.
	I think.
	I think it was some kind of Scientology theme or something.
	I would say Jaws is my favorite movie.
	I think Jaws, it is just lean.
	There's no fat on it.
	Did you see the HBO Steven Spielberg doc?
	It's really good.
	I didn't see it.
	Man, if you have HBO, you should watch it.
	I got HBO Max.
	Yeah, yeah, that works.
	That works.
	Yeah.
	So there's a whole Steven Spielberg documentary where they're actually interviewing Steven Spielberg talking about his whole career from beginning to end.
	And he goes through like every movie and what it was like to make and all this shit.
	You'd love it.
	He was sort of like that 70s kind of, yeah, he invented the blockbuster, basically.
	And, you know, George Lucas is a little bit more, I don't know, like, like, you know, they, you know, that this like era of movie making was the era of the director.
	It was only for a few years, you know, like there's a movie called Raging Bulls and Easy Riders or something.
	And it's all these guys.
	Yeah.
	Oh, fucking Sam Peck and Paw.
	Yeah, those dudes are in the dock.
	Yeah.
	Some of those guys are really interesting.
	And then some of them are just pretentious dickheads.
	You know, I mean, we see things like, man, I could make a fucking movie.
	What the hell?
	You know, we should make a fucking movie, Chase.
	We should make a movie.
	Which, by the way, Chase Geyser, thank you.
	Sounds very much like the name of a guy who should be in broadcasting, which you are.
	But it sounds like a guy who's like the local news with Chase Geyser, you know?
	Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
	This is Chase Geyser on otherwise known as NPR.
	Yeah.
	I'm Anita Bug, and I'm not even that hungry.
	That's a reference I don't get.
	Anita Bug was this NPR host when I lived in Nashville and every day.
	She's like, I'm Anita Bug.
	And I was like, why are you going to eat a bug?
	Like, what the fuck?
	Are you going to eat a bug?
	Yeah, I'm Anita Bug.
	I'm going to eat a bug.
	That's great.
	I'm going to eat a bug.
	And I'm not even that hungry.
	Her name was Anita Buck.
	Bug, like B-U-G-G, I think.
	Her name was Bug.
	Anita Buck.
	And she's like, I'm an e-bug.
	That's really great.
	Yeah, I swear she's real.
	I'm an eatabug, and I'm not even hungry.
	No, I mean, I can't.
	You lived in Nashville.
	Did you grow up in Tennessee?
	No, I grew up in the middle of nowhere, Illinois, and I went to Tennessee for college.
	You go to false rape accusations.
	Vanderbilt?
	Oh, no, you told me the college you went to.
	Small Christian school down the road from Vandy.
	Okay.
	I went to MTSU.
	Oh, cool.
	Murphy's bro.
	Yeah, I grew up in Tennessee over near Chattanooga, Cleveland, Tennessee.
	I don't really go around telling people my hometown all the fucking time.
	But I'm telling you.
	I'm down on the South, but I'm telling you, man, every dumb person I met in the South is smarter than every smart person I met in the North.
	Yeah.
	I agree with that to a degree.
	To an extent.
	I know growing up in my town, there was a certain attitude that they had where they were sort of like, they loved to have any situation where they could feign confusion with you.
	That's what's so brilliant.
	What?
	You need a who?
	You need a what?
	Do what now?
	Do what now?
	That was a big Tennessee one.
	Do what?
	Do what now?
	They didn't hear you.
	You didn't even ask me to do something.
	Like, you said, hey, like, do you know where the wrench is?
	And I say, do what now?
	Yeah.
	Do what?
	No, don't do anything.
	Don't do anything.
	Just tell them where the wrench is.
	I'm not telling you to do anything.
	It's kind of annoying.
	Do what?
	Do what?
	No.
	And they're always fixing everything.
	People come from the north, they find that funny.
	Oh, yeah.
	Fixing.
	What are you fixing?
	Stop fucking with it.
	You're going to break it.
	Well, and they use the term fixing too.
	Like, I'm fixing to go to the mall.
	Yeah.
	But they love fixing so much.
	They just say fixing.
	I'm fixing to go to the mall.
	I'm fixing to make dinner.
	I'm fixing to lose my mind.
	And reckon.
	I reckon.
	I reckon that's probably right.
	They do a lot of wrecking.
	It's stupid, but it's fucking charming.
	And y'all should actually be a contraction.
	It is way more efficient than you guys.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's one step.
	But it does make you sound like a dumbass.
	Well, you all is a very natural contraction to make.
	I don't understand why that's a thing.
	You know, y'all.
	I like it.
	Did you watch Lost, the TV show?
	No, but I had a con girlfriend who did.
	One of the things I hated about her.
	And guess who's coming on the show?
	Welcome, Miss Show.
	Wow.
	I married two women named Michelle.
	You pegged it.
	My first two were named Michelle.
	Yeah.
	That's generational, bro.
	And the third one was the third one was named Mandy.
	And yeah, it is generational because I was looking.
	I happen to be.
	I'm not getting married if you hate women so much, dude.
	What else am I supposed to do?
	I'm trying to narrow it down to one I can deal with.
	But why don't you just date somebody for a long time then instead of marrying them?
	Well, I did.
	Did you fall in love?
	You fucking fall in love and then you just think I'm not.
	Oh, I'm a very romantic guy.
	I think that you don't love a woman unless you also fucking hate her.
	I mean, I just don't think that one of those emotions can exist without the other.
	I think that if you, I think you've never loved a woman if you haven't hated her fucking guts and wished she was dead even.
	Man, maybe that might be the most super important thing.
	I'm not saying this because my wife does not watch this show.
	I'm not saying this just to make my wife happy, but I do not hate my wife.
	Have you ever hated her, though?
	Oh, yeah, for moments of rage.
	Yeah, for sure, for moments, but I've never gone through an extended period where I felt hatred for her.
	Well, I mean, hatred, I guess, is if you're going to define it super literally, you know, then maybe not.
	I'm just making sure I understand.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm not trying to like fucking.
	No, no, no.
	I see those moments of rage as like moments of clarity, you know, where you're like, you really discern the fact that you hate this fucking individual.
	I remember one time in particular, I could tell you.
	I set my alarm for like 4:30 in the morning one time because I had so much fucking work to do the next day.
	I owned a small advertising business and I had like way too many clients and it was just insane for a while.
	And I remember the alarm went off at 4.30 in the morning and she like snapped that the alarm went off that early.
	And I just went into a rage.
	Like, do you think I want to get up at 4.30 in the morning to like make money so we can fucking buy a house and live in California where we were living at the time?
	Like, do you think I want to pay the taxes?
	Like, it was a bad argument, but that was probably the worst argument we ever had.
	But that was like, that's a specific example of the rage.
	Like, I love her and I loved her, but I never felt more hate in my life than like those, you know, 15 minutes of just like, like, you're yelling at me for waking up to fucking pay for like everything you want.
	Yeah.
	Look around you.
	You see nothing but evidence of my love for you.
	Right.
	Right.
	Do you think I want to wake up at 4:30?
	I'm doing this for me because I'm selfish.
	Like, are you serious?
	What a dick I am.
	You know what?
	Snooze.
	Snooze, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I had a similar time.
	Yeah, one time I locked my wife out because I was drunk and I passed out and she had to get a guy to like the property manager to come over with a screwdriver and undo it.
	And then she had the nerve to come wake me up.
	And I'm like, what the fuck?
	You think I want to wake up right now?
	Same shit.
	We're practically the same guy.
	It's just pretty.
	You're what I might have been if I had to quit drinking earlier rather than when I was 30.
	Well, maybe I made the wrong decision then because, God, do I want to be you?
	Oh, sure.
	Who wouldn't?
	Who wouldn't want all of this?
	Yeah, where are you right now, man?
	Are you at your house?
	Oh, I'm at home.
	This is where I live.
	This is all of it.
	This is all of it.
	That's awesome, bro.
	You got the fucking cool backdrop with the glass and everything.
	Yeah, and then I've got this, like, I got a green screen.
	Yeah.
	It doesn't get used quite enough.
	But, hey, look, you know, I love where I live, and it only costs me $2,500 a minute to live here in Manhattan.
	So that's good.
	You actually do love living in New York.
	I mean, I love, I used to, and now I'm kind of up in the air about it.
	You know, I mean, I like the people that I know here.
	I used to love working all the clubs.
	It was great.
	Post-COVID, it's kind of like a new card is coming up.
	I don't know.
	It's like Texas, man.
	I'll cook you up on Austin.
	Thinking about it, I used to, I've worked Cap City was actually the last club I drank in back in 99.
	We should go back there.
	Yeah.
	See what's up.
	I've got a picture of myself and Greg Giraldo.
	It's in it's the last week I drank and I look like I ate Greg Giraldo.
	I swear to God.
	I'm so fucking puffy and worn out.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was like, I was like a very, I mean, not that I'm like in peak condition now with my tits and everything here, but I look terrible.
	And I look very unhappy.
	That's kind of shit you can fucking buy in fucking Texas.
	Look at that.
	That's a beauty.
	See, that's a beauty.
	You can go out and hammer nails all day with that.
	Bring it back and it'll cut straight down.
	I got the dust cover with the fucking, that's a UROS flag.
	I'm ready for action.
	That's beautiful, dude.
	Just fire off a couple of rounds, can you?
	No, I can't because I don't live on 10 acres, but if I lived on 10 acres, I could legally fire off my gun.
	That's what you need, 10 acres.
	Yeah, 10 acres.
	And, you know, anywhere but Austin, you can afford to get 10 acres in Texas.
	So if you buy land with at least 10 acres, you can go in your backyard and shoot your AR-15.
	No problem.
	So how is it guys like us wind up in these fucking metropolises?
	I'll tell you exactly why because I told my wife I wanted to move to Texas and she said she was only leaving California if she lived in a major city.
	And I said, fine, I'll move to fucking Austin, Texas.
	Why not?
	I mean, I guess Dallas would be the same deal, huh?
	Yeah, Dallas is harder than Boston in terms of like, you know, not having to deal with like social justice bullshit, but it's way better to live in a red in a blue city in a red state than a red city, a red area of a blue state.
	You know, so like every time the mayor does something fucked up in my city, the governor corrects it.
	So it's like that'd be nice.
	Yeah, I live in a, I live in the bluest part of one of the bluest states.
	Yeah.
	But New York's special because you're a comedian and there's some fucking smart people there.
	And I'm telling you something, the Democrats in New York are not pussies.
	Anybody who lives in New York, you cannot live there and be a pussy.
	You just can't fucking make it.
	Dude, they're totally pussies.
	They're the worst.
	They're the worst.
	They walk around with masks outdoors and they jog past you.
	I had a lady jog past me during lockdown.
	Nobody's around.
	I'm smoking a cigarette on the corner.
	This young woman jogs past with a mask on.
	What do you mean?
	The mask isn't even keeping out the cigarette smoke?
	Yeah.
	How do you think it's keeping out fucking COVID?
	Well, yeah.
	What do you think the air is like in New York City to begin with?
	There's metal shavings in it.
	People get lung cancer here earlier than they do other places.
	You're a fucking moron.
	Why are you outdoors?
	They're out with masks on.
	They are the biggest social justice idiots.
	Yeah, that's true.
	That's true.
	But here's the thing, though, man.
	Per capita, I'm not sure.
	Because if you live anywhere with millions and millions of people, you're going to see a lot of dumbasses.
	But there is some smart person for every dumbass who's able to afford to wear a mask and run in the middle of a weekday.
	There is some smart dude busting ass surviving for that person.
	And you know who that is?
	Usually they don't speak English.
	A lot of that.
	I mean, I meet a lot of people that I'm Sepatico with who are from Pakistan or whatever, because they see all this shit going on and they go, oh, yeah, governments lie to people.
	Americans don't seem to know that.
	But, yeah, they're totally lying to you, and this is bullshit, and they're making a shot our business is done.
	It's really – and so you try to – you communicate on that level as best you can.
	But you have to be careful, too, because I had a $5 bill that I found, and it said – I want to make sure I get the phrasing right.
	Somebody wrote on it?
	Yeah, somebody wrote on it, and it said, Alan, please save us, right?
	And I was like, that's weird.
	Alan Greenspan?
	Alan, please save us.
	And so I was showing it to the guy at the fucking convenience store, just a friend of mine who happens to be a Muslim guy.
	I'm like, look at this.
	And then I realized it actually says, Allah, please save us.
	And I'm showing it to him like, oh, look.
	And you got to be careful with shit like that, because I think I actually awakened a sleeper cell.
	Next time I saw him, he wouldn't look me in the eye.
	I mean, he changed things for the worse.
	Things started to blow up.
	He started taking pilot license?
	He said he was getting his pilot license?
	Yeah.
	He don't need to land.
	He started watching License to Kill?
	All these things, man, happened here, like the Eric Garner thing, the chokehold they talk about.
	That wasn't a fucking chokehold.
	And trying to talk sense to any – it's interesting as a comedian, because I've kind of like stopped trying to be like – obviously, I'm not anything that I'm not.
	So I'm talking to a diverse, young audience in the village, and I'm saying, yeah, I'm like your substitute fucking teacher here or something.
	I'm the oldest, whitest person here.
	But, you know, don't throw anything.
	And you start talking to these people.
	It's like they find shit funny, but they know that they're not supposed to laugh at it.
	It's weird.
	The generation now that will actually resist laughter unless it's just like fucking they just can't help it or it hits critical mass or something.
	I mean, I wonder about this generation.
	But then again, I guess – I think the generation – I'm millennial.
	I think Gen Z is going to be badass, to be honest with you.
	Yeah.
	I've seen good times.
	I look at my nephews.
	I look at my nephews of 15, 16, 14.
	Like they fucking worked their ass off.
	They bought their own fucking first cars.
	Shit that I didn't even do.
	And I thought that I wasn't really of my generation.
	And I just see a generation that you can't trick them because they know that so much is bullshit.
	Yeah.
	Like did you know that the Gen Z generation, like an astronomical number of them don't believe, that Helen Keller is real?
	They don't believe she's real.
	They don't believe that she was deaf and blind.
	So you tell them about Helen Keller in school and they just did like a study or something.
	I can't remember where I heard this.
	But an astronomical number of them are just like, yeah, bullshit.
	That's interesting.
	And I think that's awesome.
	And I believe in Helen Keller.
	Don't get me wrong.
	But they're just like, yeah, fuck you.
	No way.
	I don't buy it.
	I don't know.
	Maybe I don't believe in Helen Keller.
	You can't trick them.
	Think about it.
	Why would I believe some movie with Melissa Gilbert?
	Is it more likely that she made it up for a fucking speaking gig at book sales?
	There are a lot of snake oil sales people in the fucking 19th century or whatever.
	She was exploited by communists.
	You know that, right?
	She was a wobbly.
	I don't know shit about her.
	All I know is that.
	Facts about Helen Keller.
	She was a wobbly.
	They marched her out as like, you know, power to the people communist shit.
	That's true.
	If you're fucking dumb and blind, communism, you know, might be for you.
	That seems perfect, doesn't it?
	You're like, oh, my God.
	Yeah.
	I know so little, but I do know the system of government that we should all be living under.
	But yeah, I just think it's fascinating that Jet Z, like, apparently they, like, it was like something that happened one year where, I don't know if it was like a viral idea or something, but the teachers were like, none of my fucking students believe in Helen Keller.
	I can't, like, how the fuck can I explain it to them that Helen Keller is real?
	You know, I love that, though.
	Maybe she's not, though.
	Yeah.
	What would you put past anybody at this point?
	What would you put past anybody?
	The fake insurrection, you know, the Capitol Police.
	Yeah, so what does that say, though, about what they're going to be like in 15 years when like they start running for office and you know they're voting and they're working like I don't think they're going to be fucking critical race theory leftist pussies.
	It's the millennials that are fucking it up.
	They're the teachers now.
	They're my age.
	They're teaching.
	They're the fuck-ups.
	Gen Z is badass.
	You know why the millennials are so fucked up?
	It's because of the boomers.
	I'm not a boomer.
	Generation X is a very small generation, right?
	It's very elite, elite fraternity.
	And the boomers had kids and they were like, we are from the 60s.
	Oh my God, we invented America.
	We are the best things ever.
	And these are the best children ever.
	And they don't have to chew their candy.
	I'll chew it for them like a motherbird.
	And they have to wear a helmet when they ride their bike and all this shit.
	And peanut allergies and helicopter moms and all this.
	They ruined it just like that because they bought into all that stuff that's supposed to soften us up.
	And the boomers are the worst generation of people that ever existed.
	Yep.
	They suck.
	And you know what?
	If you think boomers are old, Joe Biden's not even a fucking boomer.
	He's from the silent generation.
	Did you know that?
	He's too old to be a fucking boomer.
	He's old enough to remember when Hitler died.
	He was born like five years after AC was invented for the car.
	This fucking guy is so fatal.
	After.
	He was born in 1942, I think.
	And I think AC and Cars was like 39.
	It was invented.
	Trump's pretty old too, but you never know.
	But there's a big difference between 72 and 76, though.
	Apparently, there is.
	My dad's 72.
	I'm sad to say it.
	But if you're 76, man, like the older you get, the more precious every minute is.
	Isn't Biden 79?
	Well, he might be now.
	I think he was 78 when he was elected.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Feasibility is 79.
	So, okay.
	If he got elected for a second term, he would be 86 at the end of it.
	He's not going to be elected for a second term.
	I don't think that's possible.
	I don't even know if he was elected for the first term.
	Who fucking knows?
	No, I know.
	Obviously, he wasn't.
	You've never met a Joe Biden voter.
	Neither have I. They don't exist.
	Nobody votes.
	Nobody's ever run for president three times and then won.
	I mean, I don't know.
	You know, there's a lot of shit wrong with him, man.
	I mean, and then the harder it is to win that fucking race.
	But he won like more votes than anybody, more than Barack Obama, more than anybody in the history of anything.
	Yeah, he's that fucking popular.
	And his poll numbers, what are they, 51%?
	And he's up there saying that, like, he doesn't know how many people there are in the country.
	Well, here's the thing.
	I don't even think that Trump got the number of votes that he got.
	I think they had to do fake votes for Trump in order to make it look like, I think that the whole thing was just inflated.
	Like, I think that they had to fuck with the numbers enough.
	I don't know.
	Maybe that doesn't add up mathematically, but I think his comment was so high just generally.
	I think he beat Biden.
	I think he beat Biden, but I don't think that's a good idea.
	I think Trump won 50.
	I think he won 50 states.
	I think he literally won every state, including Delaware.
	Way.
	Yeah, man.
	He won 49 states.
	I don't know why.
	I think he won the same states he won in 16.
	That's what I think.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that's more likely.
	I mean, why wouldn't he never?
	I never met anybody who voted for him the first time that's like, not going to, except for Joe Walsh.
	Joe Walsh was on my podcast.
	He voted for him in 2016.
	That's strange.
	That's strange.
	Joe Walsh is an interesting guy, isn't he?
	He's like sort of a never Trumper, but he's like anti-crime.
	I don't understand.
	Yeah, I don't know his deal either, but I don't agree with most of his shit.
	But I also don't think that he's lying because everything he says is like totally not conducive to any sort of political gain.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like lose lose shit all the time.
	So it's like he must mean it.
	Yeah.
	He gets a tough position to take and he's taking it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's like, fuck Trump and fuck the Democrats.
	It's like, now no one's going to vote for you, dude.
	He's like, I don't care.
	He's the worst fucking person I ever met.
	You Democrats are all fucking communists.
	He's like, all right, all right.
	I don't care if I take away my radio show.
	Fuck you.
	Yeah.
	He's the audience for that show.
	Yeah.
	So I had him on the podcast for like 30 minutes.
	We talked and it was, you know, it was really, I really enjoyed talking to him.
	I think he's a good guy.
	I don't agree with him, but I think he's a good guy.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Well, you obviously agree with everything I say.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, I told you we're the same guy.
	So it's crazy.
	We're the youngest of four, super old fucking siblings.
	Super gay.
	Yeah.
	Super gay.
	Love the dick.
	You know.
	It freaking fucking camera freezes all the time.
	It's because it overheats.
	Oh, you have a nice camera, probably.
	Yeah, I use the DSLR and I think it overheats after like 30 minutes.
	So I have to so I hope that all your viewers and listeners will check me out.
	I do have to go.
	Yeah.
	And I want to stay friends with you.
	You're actually like, yeah, we're going to strike.
	Yeah, that's that's uh I say that uh to not everybody actually, but uh, you know, we have a lot in common.
	And uh, it was, I really enjoyed talking to you.
	It was great, great conversation.
	I really enjoy it too, man.
	Real pleasure and honor to have you on.
	All right.
	Bye.
	All right, dude.

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