March 25, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
04:21
| 
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Welcome one and all to another feminist art narration. | |
| Commissaurs among you may have noticed that this intro does imply deep-seated childhood trauma, which is no surprise given that this is a feminist production. | |
| Let's see how they plan to desecrate memories of their youth and act out their daddy issues in front of an audience. | |
| As you can imagine, this is indeed the calm before a particularly vile storm. | |
| Unsurprisingly, our main performer is on a swing. | |
| You'll notice more references to childhood as a princess walks out of shot here and the main performer lulls the audience into a false sense of security. | |
| And it's worth noting that this ballet dancing is the closest you will get to an actual artistic performance in this entire spectacle. | |
| Yeah, that looks safe. | |
| Nothing good ever follows the statement, just do it like you're in the zoo. | |
| So prepare yourselves. | |
| Yes, this is a naked feminist spasming in a harness before a crowd. | |
| Yes, these are her dead eyes. | |
| And this is the entire spectacle in all its glory. | |
| It probably wasn't necessary to pixelate this part, but if you saw the original, you'd thank me. | |
| God only knows what this degeneracy is meant to represent. | |
| But they're only just getting started. | |
| And here our mental patient pushes a condom out of her vagina. | |
| Screams internally indeed. | |
| But luckily for us, a half-naked Minotaur on roller skates turns up to restore some sanity. | |
| I did say that they were going to defile their childhood memories, and I wasn't joking. | |
| And here our feminist performer cocks her leg up like a dog and takes a piss. | |
| I think we can all agree that she isn't waving to her parents. | |
| I swear that this is not real blood. | |
| I actually did check. | |
| It is vile though. | |
| Finally we get to vomiting, the least disgusting bodily fluid on offer here. | |
| Probably not, because as far as I can tell, this is a woman breaking packets of ketchup on something that's protruding from her vagina. | |
| Like you, dear viewer, I'm going to choose to believe that that bucket is filled with paint. | |
| That seems like a rather spectacular non sequitur. | |
| Sure, why not? | |
| This is actually the gayest part of the whole thing and I am glad for it. | |
| Nobody is excreting anything. | |
| Thankfully we can all rest assured that this look of desperation is absolutely genuine. | |
| And then our star gets pulled off the stage through the tour. | |
| Why wouldn't she? | |
| Unbelievably, people have actually put their names on this. | |
| A surprising amount of people. | |
| Supported by the Arts Council of England, Laban Theatre and the Queen Mary University of London. | |
| Thank goodness for a university education! | |
| JILOSATA LIFES BAY FORKAY. |
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