Dec. 24, 2014 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
03:04
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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| I don't know about you, but I really think it's about the right time of year to check the privilege of a certain special someone. | |
| That's right, a favourite character from European folklore. | |
| Okay, let's get checking that privilege, Santa. | |
| So, how attractive is Santa? | |
| Well, he's overweight. | |
| But let's be fair, he is a stallion of a man. | |
| Um, country, well, given his production capacity, I'd be inclined to say China, but let's go with the myths. | |
| Um, and the closest we can get to the North Pole is probably Lapland. | |
| So, how tall is he? | |
| I think Santa's probably just normal height and just looks tall because of all the elves. | |
| Um, I think he's very definitely cis. | |
| And his kinship is probably human kinship, Tumblr. | |
| Just like yours. | |
| Um, religion, well, St. Nicholas, I think, was definitely a Christian. | |
| Um, and let's be fair, his orientation, he doesn't take Mrs. Claws all the way to the North Pole and only work one day a year if he's asexual. | |
| Uh, he's definitely male. | |
| Look at him. | |
| Uh, profession, well, he works one day a year, like we said. | |
| So, I'm gonna generously go other, which just happens to be in the none category. | |
| Disability, oh, um, well, he's able-bodied. | |
| I'm not really sure that that's a disability, but hell, Tumblr could make anything disability. | |
| Um, let's be further, he probably does have social autism. | |
| I mean, he lives in the north fucking pole. | |
| That's about as socially autistic as I can imagine. | |
| Frankly, I think giving kids presents one night on every year is probably qualifying him for a mental disability too. | |
| But I'm feeling charitable, right? | |
| His status based on his dollar worth. | |
| So, he's not going to be poor, rich, or in the middle. | |
| He is, or affluent. | |
| He is very clearly either homeless and institutionalized because this is all a giant fucking fiction that he lives in the North Pole with a hot wife and he only works one goddamn day a year because he has a slave race to make all the presents for him. | |
| And that sounds likely, but I'm not willing to believe that I am a part of Santa's insane fiction. | |
| So, I'm going to say that he is a crazy plutocrat who can actually afford to do this. | |
| He is, unfortunately, for everyone, white European, and he's colonized the North Pole and he's oppressing the elves. | |
| He is as white as snow. | |
| And the verdict is in, Santa is a shitlord. | |
| But worse than that, he has a privilege score of 200, which is almost the maximum privilege score. | |
| And he absolutely qualifies for membership at the Patriarchy. | |
| Well, there you have it. | |
| Scientific evidence that we now have to hate Santa Claus. | |
| Sorry for ruining Christmas, but I hope you have a really inclusive and diverse one. |
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