Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin - Checking Santa's Privilege
Aired: 2014-12-24
Duration: 03:04


=== Checking Santa's Privilege (02:25) ===

[00:00:00]  I don't know about you, but I really think it's about the right time of year to check the privilege of a certain special someone.
[00:00:05]  That's right, a favourite character from European folklore.
[00:00:08]  Okay, let's get checking that privilege, Santa.
[00:00:10]  So, how attractive is Santa?
[00:00:12]  Well, he's overweight.
[00:00:13]  But let's be fair, he is a stallion of a man.
[00:00:17]  Um, country, well, given his production capacity, I'd be inclined to say China, but let's go with the myths.
[00:00:25]  Um, and the closest we can get to the North Pole is probably Lapland.
[00:00:31]  So, how tall is he?
[00:00:33]  I think Santa's probably just normal height and just looks tall because of all the elves.
[00:00:39]  Um, I think he's very definitely cis.
[00:00:44]  And his kinship is probably human kinship, Tumblr.
[00:00:48]  Just like yours.
[00:00:51]  Um, religion, well, St. Nicholas, I think, was definitely a Christian.
[00:00:56]  Um, and let's be fair, his orientation, he doesn't take Mrs. Claws all the way to the North Pole and only work one day a year if he's asexual.
[00:01:10]  Uh, he's definitely male.
[00:01:12]  Look at him.
[00:01:14]  Uh, profession, well, he works one day a year, like we said.
[00:01:18]  So, I'm gonna generously go other, which just happens to be in the none category.
[00:01:23]  Disability, oh, um, well, he's able-bodied.
[00:01:28]  I'm not really sure that that's a disability, but hell, Tumblr could make anything disability.
[00:01:35]  Um, let's be further, he probably does have social autism.
[00:01:38]  I mean, he lives in the north fucking pole.
[00:01:40]  That's about as socially autistic as I can imagine.
[00:01:43]  Frankly, I think giving kids presents one night on every year is probably qualifying him for a mental disability too.
[00:01:50]  But I'm feeling charitable, right?
[00:01:54]  His status based on his dollar worth.
[00:01:58]  So, he's not going to be poor, rich, or in the middle.
[00:02:03]  He is, or affluent.
[00:02:04]  He is very clearly either homeless and institutionalized because this is all a giant fucking fiction that he lives in the North Pole with a hot wife and he only works one goddamn day a year because he has a slave race to make all the presents for him.

=== Worst Privilege Score (00:53) ===

[00:02:19]  And that sounds likely, but I'm not willing to believe that I am a part of Santa's insane fiction.
[00:02:25]  So, I'm going to say that he is a crazy plutocrat who can actually afford to do this.
[00:02:32]  He is, unfortunately, for everyone, white European, and he's colonized the North Pole and he's oppressing the elves.
[00:02:40]  He is as white as snow.
[00:02:43]  And the verdict is in, Santa is a shitlord.
[00:02:46]  But worse than that, he has a privilege score of 200, which is almost the maximum privilege score.
[00:02:52]  And he absolutely qualifies for membership at the Patriarchy.
[00:02:56]  Well, there you have it.
[00:02:57]  Scientific evidence that we now have to hate Santa Claus.
[00:03:00]  Sorry for ruining Christmas, but I hope you have a really inclusive and diverse one.