The Wisest Wisdom Of Kamala Harris | The Babylon Bee Podcast
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, they dive into the deep wisdom of Kamala Harris, where the crew tries to untangle her philosophical musings on yellow school buses and Venn diagrams. They also chat about Trump's Twitter comeback, Kamala's team cooking the Google ad results with fake headlines, and the saga of breakdancing getting the boot from the 2028 Olympics. As always, the show wouldn't be complete without a "Banger of the Week" and a "Bomb of the Week"—because, well, they can't all be winners! This episode is sponsored by: Get $300 off on your mega 3-month emergency food supply kit from My Patriot Supply: http://preparewithbee.com Let American Financing help you get out of credit card debt: http://americanfinancing.net/Bee Support the Bee by using promocode 'PODCAST': http://babylonbee.com/plans
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, bringing you funny satire headlines straight out of the oven each and every morning, and I'm hanging out here.
Smells good.
Delicious.
Delish.
Straight out of the oven.
Smells like roasted Trump.
Oh, gross.
Well, that's not like we roast Trump or we roasted it.
It's more often.
It's more often roasted Kamala.
Roasted evangelical pastors.
That's cute.
Now that's something I could give you guys.
Roasted Chuck Schumer.
I'm hanging out here with Jarrett LeMaster.
Hi.
And our friend Travis Woodside.
Hi.
I'm just your friend.
He's not here in any official capacity.
It just keeps showing up.
Hey, what's up, guys?
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You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Well, guys, we usually do hate mail at the end of the podcast, but we did win a launch with one today.
We actually always get comments whenever Jarrett wears his hat backwards.
Which is all the time.
I didn't know that there was so much online vitriol towards people who wear their hat backwards.
People would email us and say things like, look at this guy wearing his hat backwards.
Like he's so cool.
Looks like he thinks he's better than everybody.
Yeah.
The favorite comment was, he doesn't think it's the flex.
No, it's not the flex.
It's not like flexibility.
Like it's totally flexing on people.
Like, check me out.
I got my hat on.
Like, boom.
Like, I feel like it's a very normal way to wear a hat nowadays.
Well, it's like the most normal way for, I think, a white dad to wear his hat.
I feel like.
There's basically two ways, forward, backward, and I think they're pretty equally distributed among the population.
I'm willing to bet that if you actually took a poll, like a Gallup poll of hat wearing, that would be like 52% wear it forward.
Or forward than backwards.
50% wear it.
Sure, especially because there's like people that wear it in a professional capacity, like at Hot Dog on a Stick.
Right, right.
And 10%.
If you're a professional baseball player in any way.
But they may even wear it backward, like in the dugout or something.
See, the thing is, there are events where people put it backwards.
They wear it forwards.
I mean, places, you know.
You can go sideways like the Beastie Boys, but it's been really hard to pull that off.
So what are some actual hate mail?
We got these comments this week after Jarrett wore the hat backwards on the podcast again.
Now, this is from Zoni Zuranos.
It says, I hear what the panel is saying and agree.
So the panel was, I can assume that's the podcast host.
It makes that sound like professional.
No, I don't really agree with the panel is saying.
But it is goofy for a grown man wearing his baseball cap backwards.
Goofy.
And then someone else is replying to something you guys are talking about.
I don't know.
It makes him look like a professor.
So talking about Dan's herringbone jacket that he wears.
It makes him look real.
This is a quote.
It makes him look like a professor, says the guy wearing his cap backwards like a wannabe rapper or someone who would listen to a wannabe rapper.
Oh, that's a major burn.
Yeah, solid burn, bro.
But we at the Babylon Bee want to be clear that we don't stand for hate and we don't want to discriminate against the backwards cap community.
So today, in honor of Jared and to show solidarity with the backwards cap community, we will be wearing backwards hats throughout the podcast.
Guys, I really feel loved today.
I feel loved today.
This is the tight my son was wearing.
Now that we're on the subject, just to get everything clear and out in the open, Jared, why do you wear your hat backwards?
You know it's supposed to go forwards to keep the sun out of your eyes.
You know what?
You sound just like my father when I was a kid.
Surprise.
I am your father.
There's no sun in here, though.
That's true.
And it's actually wearing it forward on a podcast can be weird because it can like too many shadows on your face.
Yeah, there's lights coming down.
I started wearing my hat backwards in high school.
My dad used to give me so much crap about it.
I remember it was one of the biggest things we fought about.
And I just, I don't know, I always liked it better.
I always liked what my, I felt like it.
Why do you wear hats in general?
Is it just the bald thing?
Do you feel like it.
Yeah.
Is it an embarrassment?
I mean, is there any shame?
Because I don't feel like there's shame in the bald community anymore.
Not anymore.
No, you know, it's weird.
I made great strides towards.
We have.
I mean, I don't want to say that we're the same that we were in the 90s.
You know, I think we've come a long way as a society.
But I do still feel maybe I always just cover my head.
I've always done it ever since I was a kid.
You and I had great hair when I was young.
And those were good days.
Picture missing.
Those were good days.
But over the years, I don't know.
I just liked wearing hats.
And I always wondered if it contributed to my baldness or if it was just.
I've thought about that when I wear hats for a long time.
Like, is it going to thin out your hair more?
I don't know.
I don't feel like...
Do you feel like that would actually...
I think people are, people go bald anyway.
Do you think we're going to make enough strides that in 2028 there will be a bald president?
You know, there has, well, I think Ike was bald, wasn't he?
Oh, what?
Sorry.
It was like Ike was bald, wasn't he?
Let's go all the way back.
Let's go all the way back to President Eisenhower.
Yeah, I guess he was bald.
You are correct, sir.
George Washington was bald.
Yeah, well, he wore a wig.
Oh, and Benjamin was a bad boy.
Well, was he bald?
I don't know.
Maybe he was bald because he wore a wig.
We don't know.
There's no way to find out.
Maybe there was a backward baseball cap on under that wig.
Well, I think that's what the wig was.
And everyone thought it was a wig.
See, that's really backwards.
I think what Woodside has a good point is that back in the day, it was so accepted to cover your own natural hair forever.
Everyone was covering their own natural hair.
Like everyone else is doing it.
And even in the 1800s, people would wear, they would wear a hat.
And if you didn't have a hat on when you went outside, it was like you weren't wearing your pants.
You know?
Well, probably.
Like, that's embarrassing.
Put a hat on.
For Pete's sake, man.
And so, I don't know.
I think people get a little weird, you know.
I kind of wish we would go back to an era where everyone wore fedoras and it was normal and not like, oh, look at that atheist.
You know, that hipster wearing a fedora.
Oh, I get it now.
Like, fedoras weren't.
Yeah, because fedoras are such a fringe thing now.
If you wear one, it's like, oh, that guy's trying to be.
Yeah, but I mean, ghoulers.
You watch Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
It's just normal.
You just wear this attire.
It's like, man, Steve Martin can pull off the fedora, I think.
I think a lot of my things.
I feel like if you're old, you can pull off the fedora.
I think in our age range, it just means you're trying to look like Indiana Jones or something.
If it's brown.
Is that a fedora?
No, that is a fedora.
It is a fedora.
It's a fedora, the brown fedora.
But more you see the trilby is like what the atheists wear.
That small fedora, you know, kind of the smaller brim, that's called a trilby.
That's called a trilby.
Yeah.
It is a variant of the fedora.
Oh, that's true.
So that one in particular is obnoxious.
Yes.
More obnoxious than a backwards hat.
That's like a Justment Bureau style.
Yeah.
1950s.
But not as obnoxious as a backwards trilby.
I think we can all agree.
That would be the ultimate.
Yeah.
Well, guys, one other couple more housekeeping items.
We got a nice gift sent to us from a fan.
So if you guys ever want to send us gifts, please do that.
I like gifts.
I like board games.
You want to send me any cool board games?
Someone sent me a giant Warhammer set once.
It was like a $300 Warhammer set.
I can't afford that.
Oh, send me one.
Can you say, too?
Somebody sent you this jersey.
Oh, yeah.
I think this was Dissidente Redactico, our subscriber, that made me a cool...
Dissidente, if you have...
I paid for it, though.
Oh, if you want me, I will pay.
I'll know thanks.
But he designed it.
And I will pay for my own with La Master on the back.
It doesn't have to be the same.
Maybe with Simon Team.
We could put that.
You guys can have them, but they will say man on the back.
They just like mine.
See?
And I'll show the audience.
Why 86?
You have to stand up straighter.
It's not my birth year because then you could steal my identity.
But, oh, Leandra sent us an unopened Carmen record that's apparently a promotional record for promotion only.
So I guess she went to an estate sale and somebody near Nashville and they had all this cool stuff.
So that's pretty neat.
Yeah.
And unfortunately, we're not allowed to open it and listen to it because it's for promotional purposes only.
So it could be a Carmen record in there.
We don't know.
It's Schrodinger's Carmen record.
To be honest, it looks like.
Carmen is both.
Never mind.
It looks like one of his earliest ones.
I mean, he's looking like early 20s.
This is copyright 82.
So I don't know where that's probably not one of his earliest, but it's probably on the upswing.
I read upswing of his career.
He really got going in the mid-80s.
So this was definitely before the big peak.
He was almost like a Gaither vocal guy before that.
So he previously was like a gospel singer, and then he started kind of branching out.
I don't know his whole, we should look up his history.
Yeah.
Carmen Facts.
This has been Carmen Facts.
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We're going to dive right in.
This is the only podcast that covers hats.
The deep wisdom of Kamala Harris.
Well, guys, Kamala Harris is the Democratic nominee, and we are just so proud to live in a country where such a bright, intelligent woman of color can be nominated as she is so popular.
She's gotten so many votes in the primary.
We're honored, really, to live in a country like this.
This is Kamala's world.
We're just living in.
That's right.
Yeah.
Who run the world?
Kamala.
Kamala.
As the song goes.
So we wanted to honor Kamala Harris, Kamala Harris, with the deep wisdom that she has transmuted to us over the years.
That was a good word.
And the first, so we're going to go through like her top quotes.
That's what we're going to do.
Okay.
So excited.
Words of wisdom.
Words of wisdom.
Maybe we'll comment on them.
Maybe we'll just let them sink in.
We should all do a Kamala impersonation.
Maybe just for the first one you read because that might get old really fast.
Here's the first one.
We have the ability to see what can be, unburdened by what has been, and then to make the possible actually happen.
Oh.
Inspirational.
I'm just dwelling on that.
Possible.
Actually.
Possible.
You know, they sound a little like AI generated.
Like, make me an inspirational quote about creating the future.
And just very like the style of Maya Andrews.
Very corporately like something that would be hanging on the wall at a corporate office somewhere.
Yeah.
Are you suggesting that she is the first sentient machine?
Well, not the first, but maybe the third or fourth for sure.
She's one of the pioneers.
Yeah.
All right.
Next one.
We will work together and continue to work together to address these issues and to work together as we continue to work, operating from the new norms, rules, and agreements that we will convene to work together.
We will work on this together.
We're not laughing at her.
We're laughing with her.
We're laughing together.
For her.
That's what we're doing.
You know, she has like a ton of speech writers, right?
Like, it's hard for her to give a speech without the teleprompter and all that.
I wonder, like, are the speech writers putting all this stuff in there?
Or is this when she goes off script?
This is when she goes off script primarily.
All right, got it.
But even some of like the unburdened by what has been stuff, like, that's in her speeches because she does it every time.
And it still doesn't make sense.
But here's the thing, though.
It doesn't make sense, but it's also a thing that she just, she grabbed onto because she likes it.
Yeah.
And they keep putting it in the speeches.
Like, why do they keep reusing the same lines over and over?
It's not like Ronald Reagan kept going, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
A great line.
And then he's using it for every event he does.
That'd be weird.
It's like every time JFK gets up, he's like, Eichbein Berliner.
They get around, the classmates gather around Reagan and they say, say the line.
He's like, say it.
He's like, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
Yay!
Eichbein Berliner.
Okay, so now it's my turn, I guess.
The governor and I.
No, that's not.
The governor.
We were all doing it.
It's in the nose.
Yeah, it's in the nose.
I'm just going to read normal.
Yeah, you do it.
You do you.
Phew.
The governor and I, we were all doing a tour of the library here and talking about the significance of the passage of time, right?
The significance of the passage of time.
So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do to lay these wires.
What we need to do to create jobs.
And there is such great significance to the passage of time when we think about a day in the life of our children.
The classic passage of time.
I mean, this is, yeah, this is the thing.
Yeah, we usually hear just like a sentence of that.
That's like the longer version.
But so she says it at their time and it doesn't really tie into anything.
She's talking.
I kind of relate.
I'll go around and give speeches in sometimes.
And if you kind of get off, you know, you track of your normal thing, you start talking about something else.
Oh, yeah.
You can like latch onto a phrase in your brain and you're like, yeah, because of the thing thing.
Yeah.
And you just keep like that phrase.
You can't get off that phrase in your mind.
But she just, that's her rules with it.
That's her MO.
That's what she's doing.
It's funny.
You would assume that we're sort of taking her out of context when we do these little quick quotes.
We say, oh, the significance of the passage of time is significant.
But that's the whole quote.
And it is even worse.
It's with the context of it.
Like reading the whole thing.
It's actually worse.
Like, I don't, I still, I really don't know what you're talking about now.
All right, here's another one.
We got to take this stuff seriously, as seriously as you are, because you have been forced to have taken this seriously.
I see the train of thought there.
She's talking to a group of people and she says, you know, we really need to take this seriously.
And then her brain goes, oh, but they already are.
Like, you don't want to imply they're not.
And she's like, not that you're not taking it seriously because you have been forced to have taken this seriously.
Right.
That's right.
It's like someone got murdered in front of someone else and they called an ambulance and then the ambulance gets there.
Whoa, we need to take this seriously.
And the person's crying like, I called you.
And she's like, nothing.
Because you have been forced to have been taken seriously.
I just want to acknowledge.
I think she's so worried about saying the wrong thing.
She just keeps saying the same thing.
I like the phrase, because you have been forced to have taken this seriously.
I want to break that down like in a grammar sentence structure diagram.
I have no idea what's going on.
No idea.
Okay, this one's the best one.
Wow, it's one of them.
It's time for us to do what we have been doing.
And that time is every day.
That's what I love about it.
So she's just saying, you know, we need to do the right thing all the time.
But she's just stretching it out and putting unnecessary emphasis on it.
Well, I think she's really trying to sound profound, presidential, memorable.
I think she's trying to sound like, you know, like a great civil rights leader or something like that, a preacher.
Yeah, so how would you fix this?
Like it's time.
It's time for us to do the right thing.
Like that's all.
That's it.
I don't know.
I don't think you even eat every day.
Like, no, it's because to say like, it is time or the time has come for us to do the right thing.
Like, that's all you need to say.
Like, that says the whole thing.
You don't need to continue it.
I think that's her issue with a lot of these.
She just keeps going.
She just keeps going and she's trying to emphasize what she already said.
And it was like, sometimes brevity is the emphasis.
I don't think anyone's telling her either.
No.
I think she has insulated herself.
A lot of yes people.
Yeah, there's so many yes.
Well, 40, what is it?
It's something like 95% of her staff since she got.
Turnover, yeah.
Yeah, the turnover rate's 95%.
Two people out of 47 or something.
The same as Adam McDonald's.
And the Babylon Bee.
I mean, let's be fair for a second.
I've been here for almost three years.
That's about that time.
And that's the time.
Yeah, I guess that time is every day.
That time is now.
Yeah.
That's about the right time.
Babylon Bee is about to become unburdened.
Oh, from what has been.
From what has been.
Yeah.
That's right.
But you know, I just want to tell you.
So Ukraine is a country in Europe.
It exists next to another country called Russia.
Russia is a bigger country.
Russia is a powerful country.
Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine.
So basically, that's wrong.
I just want to explain that to you.
Now, this one doesn't seem like you can really interpret it to mean anything then other than what she's saying.
Yeah.
It's very simple and straightforward.
But it's like she's talking to children.
It's actually a metaphor.
It's asking you who is the Russia in your life that you need to know about.
Yeah.
Basically.
That's wrong.
Basically, that's wrong.
So given where we are now, so no longer are you necessarily keeping those private files in some file cabinet that's locked in the basement of the house.
It's on your laptop and it's then therefore up here in this cloud that exists above us, right?
She's asking.
It's no longer in a physical place.
And so we have to, lawyers, judges, government, realize that times are changing and we're going to have to figure out a way to adapt and adapt to the realities of where we are.
You know, you're totally right.
Like, it's dumb to say that the cloud is above us.
Maybe you can read this graciously and say she's just giving a metaphor.
Maybe.
Although she literally says it's literally above us.
She literally says that.
It exists above us.
But if you just stopped her talking, if you just stopped her talking and you just said like, we have to adapt to the cloud, then it wouldn't be that dumb.
But she keeps on going and adapt to the realities of where we are.
Which I just explained.
And then she literally says it's no longer in a physical place, which is absolutely not true.
It's in a physical place.
It's still on a hard drive.
It's still on a server.
No longer in a physical class.
Well, because, you know, what we do is when we send our data to the cloud, what it's actually doing is getting lost in time and space in a secondary universe called the cloudverse.
Cloudverse.
It's like a phantom zone, sort of.
It's existing.
It's similar, but there's no copyright issues with Cloudverse.
Okay.
It's just information floating around.
Okay.
So here we go.
Next one.
I think the first part of this issue that should be articulated is AI is kind of a fancy thing.
First of all, it's two letters.
Right?
Right?
Artificial intelligence, but ultimately, what is it?
It's about machine learning.
You know?
Cool.
No, you read that last part wrong.
But ultimately, what it is, is it's about everything.
There are three ises and two its.
But ultimately, what it is is.
It's about.
It's about machine learning.
again, you cut this up and you say, it means artificial intelligence, but ultimately it's machine learning.
But ultimately what it is, is it's about, maybe I'm just more interested in grammar than other people.
But first of all, it's two letters.
No.
It's not three letters.
It's two.
Yes.
A.
It's a fancy.
And I.
A being the first letter of the alphabet, right?
Right.
And I being one of the middle ones.
One of the ones.
One of the unimportant ones.
But I is also focused on the self.
And what else do we get with the self?
Intelligent, because I'm intelligent.
Yeah.
Then artificial intelligence.
That was a fancy explanation.
So basically, that's wrong.
Yes, I feel like maybe she's just so smart that she feels like she has to dumb it down for everybody.
That's what it is.
She's operating on a different level.
Yeah.
It's like her level's up here above us.
In the cloud.
In the cloud.
She's in the cloud.
She's not in a physical space.
It's great, dude.
You need to get to go and need to be able to get where you need to go to do the work and get home.
You need to be able to go to work and come back home.
But is that what you mean talking about?
Who knows?
You need to get to go.
Is she talking about the structural inconveniences that are in the way or is she talking about you need a car?
I'm pretty sure she's talking about a game of monopoly.
You need to get to go.
So that you can get $200 and get $200.
And then you need to go all the way to Illinois.
Illinois Avenue.
I'm a straight.
There's no home.
You know, Monopoly would be a very different game if there was a home.
You wouldn't have to stay at all these hotels.
Yeah, you just go.
It seems foolish.
Like, from a business perspective, you're trying to build these hotel chains, but you're staying in everybody else's hotels.
But can't you?
And then you're going bankrupt.
You build this world.
You build houses first and then you build it.
You build houses and then hotels.
Yeah.
But you still have to rent other people's houses.
Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm a homeless billionaire.
I'm going on a real estate adventure.
Oh, I have to stay here, I guess.
This is a good area.
And spending so much money at these hotels that you're going bankrupt.
It's like maybe I should stay at my one place and then go out during the day.
Doesn't make any sense.
Culture is, it is a reflection of our moment and our time, right?
And present culture is the way we express how we're feeling about the moment.
And we should always find times to express how we feel about the moment.
That is a reflection of joy.
Because, you know, it comes in the morning.
I think the morning part is...
That's the icing on the cake with that one.
That's also the place where she laughed.
That was like her joke.
She said joy.
She thought joy comes in the morning and she said that.
She thought it was funny.
Or she's saying culture comes in the morning.
Culture.
Culture.
I have no idea.
All right.
Here we go.
Here's another one.
Who doesn't love a yellow school bus, right?
Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus?
Many of us went to school on the yellow school bus, right?
It's part of our experience growing up.
It's part of a nostalgia, a memory of the excitement and joy of going to school to be with your favorite teacher, to be with your best friends, and to learn.
The school bus takes us there.
She thought she was cooking with that one.
Well, she's just trying to make a connection about school, but for some reason, the only thing she could think of is the school bus, which no one cares about.
No one cares about it.
That's right.
I think she was standing in front of a bus when she gave the speech, if I remember right.
She was.
It was a cardboard cutout of a bus.
Oh, yeah.
She's just commenting on her.
Who doesn't love this yellow skull bus, right?
I think it's just totally the most comprehensible one.
This is the most, I mean, I can understand what she's saying here.
You know, the memory, the excitement.
It's just that she's so excited about.
This one is the most, yeah, it's probably the most cogent thought, but it's also, it's also just that very faux, deep statement.
Like, I'm trying to make this connection with the school bus.
And remember Nelt Nostalgia and your favorite teacher?
You know what takes us there?
It's the school bus.
It's like an inspirational thing.
Just think about it.
What is the school bus?
And if you think about it, the skull and the boss.
All right.
But you know, on another subject.
I just love Venn diagrams.
It's just something about those three circles.
The analysis of, you know, about where there is the intersection, right?
Right?
That's like the Anakin Skywalker reading of it.
There's always that upward inflection and question at the end of.
Right.
Right.
It's like seeking affirmation because you're not sure.
You know, like that.
Because she's not sure what she said.
That makes sense, right?
She's like looking for crowd reactions.
She's always looking for who's, she might as well be saying who's with me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, you know, Venn diagrams, they do come in three circle versions, but the traditional one is two.
You don't need three.
You don't need three.
So I think.
Three is a variant.
Sure.
Yeah.
I think she's just calling that middle section the third circle.
It's like it's it's not a soul.
You know the three circles?
Yeah, yeah, right.
I use Venn diagrams.
It's like a three leaf clover.
It's a saucer.
I just love Venn diagrams.
Yeah.
Right.
And she said, that's another thing she said more than once.
Yeah.
Like the unburdened by what has been said it all the time.
Something that was cooking.
Yeah, it's almost like she thought science-y people like Venn diagrams.
Therefore, I am science.
Therefore, I am like the research has come back.
Smart.
Sciencey people like Venn diagrams.
I very like, I'm very smart.
So I like Venn diagrams, don't you?
Smart people.
All right, we have one more, and this is maybe her most profound quote, so let's all just bask in the glory of this one.
You know, when we talk about our children, I know for this group, we all believe that when we talk about the children of the community, they are children of the community.
Oh.
She did this with banks, too, by the way.
There's one in here that's not in.
She's like, it's a bank.
A community bank is a bank.
Are you doing it like Christopher Walking a little bit?
Listen, actually, that'd be funny.
You know, when we talk about a children, dude.
Sorry.
I'll stop now.
Thank you, Kamala Harris, for all the wonderful thoughts today.
Send us your favorite Kamala Harris quote, podcast at BabylonB.com, or if you're a Babylon B subscriber, you can drop it in the comments on the podcast page.
If you're a YouTube commenter, put it there, but we won't read it.
Let's check out what's in the news.
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AmericanFinancing.net slash B. What's in the news this week?
Donald Trump the White returned to Twitter on Monday.
What hat was he wearing?
The same one he always wears.
Yeah, no, no hat.
I'm trying to think if I've ever seen.
Oh, yeah, Trump obviously wears the MAGA hat.
He wears the MAGA.
And the golf hats.
I'll see him in golf hats.
Oh, yeah.
But no trilbies.
Donald Trump the White returned to Twitter on Monday.
He did a big two-hour, wide-ranging conversation with Elon Musk.
There was apparently a DDOS attack that delayed it early on.
And the EU sent a letter telling Elon Musk to not air the interview or to face penalties.
Or I guess just one random guy from the EU sent him this.
Huh.
I don't know.
From the expanded universe.
So theory Brenton over harmful kind of.
So do any of you guys tune into the X Space?
I tuned in for a little bit.
I listened to about half of it, and there's a few things I took away.
One of them is that Trump has a lisp.
He has one of these.
Listen to the interview.
He's saying things like this.
I wonder if it wasn't just a speaker issue because he talks so much and you never hear that.
Like, I wonder if the phone, because he's like talking on this phone.
I wonder if.
I mean, it's possible.
Quality was bad.
Don't get me wrong, but he sounded like he was like, you know, Brussels has a cute.
That's what it sounded like.
Listen again.
I also took away this.
But he doesn't have a lisp anytime else you hear him speak.
So it makes me think that maybe it was.
His clone does.
He also could have just been very drunk on Diet Coke.
Would be a possibility.
This is why Christian shouldn't have drank Diet Coke.
Correct.
Yeah.
So true.
He was also very, it was kind of meandering, and that's been the biggest criticism I've heard.
But that was the framework that Elon laid out in the conversation.
Yeah, he was like, this is going to be a conversation.
It's not going to be hard hitting or whatever.
Yeah, I heard there was good stuff, bad stuff.
But I really like this idea of just these conversations that aren't, you know, some like, oh, this news media has some angle and they're out to get you and blah, blah, blah.
And Musk also extended the invitation to Kamala Harris.
He said, I'll talk with you too.
Yeah, and that'd be great.
Yeah, because the time to do that is the time that we have been doing what we are doing.
And that time is every day.
Every day.
Every day.
She should be doing it every day.
And it's sad because she won't do that.
There's no way she will.
Because she wants to be on script.
She can't have a normal conversation.
Well, I think the DNC very much wants her to be on script too.
So her overlords are not going to let her do it.
So, of course, the media responded very calmly and rationally to this, saying that it was an unmitigated disaster.
He rambled.
He slurred.
He has a lisp.
Yeah.
Oh, so other people are saying it.
It's not just crazy old Jared.
Marred by tech issues.
Like watching grumpy old men.
But that grumpy old men's great, though.
So a failed interview, technical glitches, glitches, softball questions.
Elon Musk throws a Trump rally.
You know, there were technical issues because of the DDOS attack.
That's a thing, but it's disingenuous when they're not just saying, oh, there was some issues.
It's like in the headline, like, oh, it was Trump terrible because of issues.
Like, what are you really doing here?
And it's so funny.
I just think it's so apparent the skewing of the media has been so one-sided for so long and it's becoming incredibly clear.
I think this may be.
Well, the weird thing being that they are such cheerleaders for Kamala Harris.
Yeah.
And as we'll see in a second.
And one guy has a conversation with Trump and it's like, oh, what it is.
Oh, he's giving them softball questions.
Oh, look at this.
It's all rigged for Trump.
And you're like, dude, 98% of it's on the other side.
Yeah.
So true.
And if the exact same thing happened, if Kamala Harris did go on there and there were technical difficulties, the headlines would be, Kamala Harris rises above technical difficulties to clearly state her platform.
To evil evil.
Overcomes adversity.
Yeah.
Overcomes.
So Kamala came up with a new great idea for her campaign.
Oh, I love ideas.
And it was to not tax tips.
That's a great idea.
Great idea.
She was the first one to come up with it.
Very smart.
Maybe I should vote for her.
I think you should.
It's such a compassionate move.
It is.
Yeah.
You know.
And it's very unusual, too, for a Democrat to not want to tax the crap out of something.
Yeah.
And then Trump actually stole the idea and proposed the same thing several months earlier.
He stole Kamala's idea and proposed it several months earlier.
Yeah.
Preemptively stole, went back in time using a wormhole that went through the cloudverse and stole her idea.
Evil.
Here's a weird thing.
Kamala Harris, the campaign, like on Twitter, they'll keep saying stuff like, just Google Trump's policies on this and just Google Kamala's stuff on this.
And then they were the way I understand this, what Kamala Harris' campaign was doing is they were then buying ads for those Google searches and linking to like, like they were buying an ad and sponsoring it so everyone would go to a USA Today story about something, whatever.
And then the way that Google's ad thing was set up, they could then change the headline.
Like they write whatever they want in the headline.
So it's like, oh, Kamala Harris is the most amazing person on earth.
Because it's not the official link.
It's a sponsored link.
You can control smart home devices from Google Home App or Google Assistant.
That is creepy.
That was you.
Google's like, did you say you want to vote for Kamala Harris?
You know, it's funny.
I've been reading, I mean, just on a side note, that happens to me all the time.
I'm reading Harry Potter, and every time I would say serious black, my phone would be like, yes, I can't answer that.
I don't know.
Sorry, I've fallen through the veil.
I can't see the color black.
I am not human.
I am dead.
He died.
Harry.
Harry.
What?
Harry Potter.
That's crazy.
So what you're saying is they're manipulating the algorithm in favor of Kamala.
It's a little, yeah, I don't know if it's manipulating the algorithm so much as like they were using kind of a weird exploit in Google ads to make it seem like there were positive Kamala stories and headlines that don't actually exist.
Faking news headlines and then trying to funnel people to Google to them.
Yeah.
And she hasn't given sat down and given an interview yet.
Yeah.
Even Time magazine was like, hey, can we do an interview?
And she's like, no.
But they gave her a cover story with a big, like a very inspiring looking looking to the future.
Her moment.
It's about her.
Her moment.
With a big inspiring sketch.
And here's the one that they had for Trump.
Meltdown.
Meltdown.
It's like that scene for those of you who are blind.
I don't know if you ever saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, but at the end of Raiders, when the faces are melting, it's Donald Trump.
Which is weird because Trump could open the arc and he'd be fine.
He would just absorb it.
He would absorb it.
His power level would just go way up.
Wow.
What's that sound?
Oh!
Oh!
You know what that sound is?
It's time for the banger of the week.
Whoa.
Banger of the week.
Sad.
Olympics official unable to get female boxing medal over giant Adam's apple.
Oh, that is sad.
That must be hard.
That's a gross picture.
I mean, did we photoshop that Adam's apple?
That is giant.
I don't think so.
It looks a little bit out of place.
That photo shows me.
Maybe it is big.
That's good.
But yeah, so this is obviously inspired by the name, which I can't remember, the female, quote, female boxer.
Yumain Khalif, I think.
I don't know how to pronounce it.
Yeah, Imani.
The man who beat up a bunch of women at the Olympics.
Be careful, Travis, because if you say that, you can be targeted in a cyberbullying lawsuit.
Oh, no.
As Elon Musk was and J.K. Rowling was.
And it was by the Olympic channel.
By the Olympic championship.
Could the UK put them in jail for this?
Like, that's what I want to know.
Cyber harassment.
I don't know.
How many extradite American citizens?
I very much doubt that they're going to get Elon Musk extradite.
Yeah, they could certainly request.
And the government would be like, what?
Then again, oh, this is interesting because I did watch this.
Can I talk about this?
Olympic breakdancing has been in the news.
This is interesting.
Did you guys catch any of the breakdancing?
I saw the viral.
Did you see the green, the lady in green?
Reagan or whatever?
Rachel Gunn.
Rachel Gunn.
But even the woman that was competing against the Japanese lady for gold, I think she was from Lithuania or something.
But she was, even she was just a little bit kind of like, really?
This is like the best you guys got?
Anyway, so it starts with they removed breakdancing from a 2028 program, essentially, before the Paris Olympics even began.
But it went on this year.
It went on this year.
But actually, it was very entertaining, especially the men's side was very entertaining.
The WDSF president.
What is that?
World Dance Sport Federation, dude.
Oh.
The World Dance Sport Federation.
Is that like Garm?
There's like two people on it.
Yeah, Game With a Time, dude.
That's right.
Dude.
They argued that the Olympics would be missing out on a sport that's very popular among the youths.
The youths dig it.
Sure.
That's awesome.
This is the problem I have with this, though.
It's so objective.
So subjective.
Subjective.
That's what I mean.
It's so subjective.
When you're watching it, it's like, how do you.
I know people, this guy looks better, but I mean, really?
Are you guys.
Well, that's true of a lot of the performance.
Yeah, like gymnastics is technically figure skating, you know.
I guess they came up with like a metric, you know, like they did with gymnastics.
Okay, we have to do this many things, this many tumbles, this many rolls.
Obviously, if you stumble, then you're going to get deducted points.
Yeah.
I guess that's what they did.
Like my dream to be a ribbon dancer.
You know, it's all subjective.
You can still do it at some local churches.
But what they found out about this Reagan person that she, she has a PhD in cultural studies and wrote her thesis on deterritorializing gender in Sydney's breakdancing scene: a b-girl's experience of b-boying.
Really?
So you know, like, you gotta, you gotta think that this was some performance art thing where she's now gonna write some book about this and like, see?
So to be clear, I've been b-boyed.
It's it's b-boy-ing.
B-boying.
B-boing?
Which is how b-boy.
Yeah.
Definitely, yeah.
Can we watch a little bit of this?
We probably shouldn't because the Olympics.
The Olympics keeps deleting people's videos that have that replay their videos.
That replay, especially this video.
Especially the stuff people are making fun of.
Yeah.
So, I mean, certainly there are copyright concerns with Olympics official Olympic content, but also, yeah, they're really going after this.
But hey, guys, if you want to see it, Google it.
So then what we're going to do is we're going to sponsor some ads.
Genius.
Where they're going to Google Reagan Olympics and it's going to be like, Kyle Man, it's the greatest.
Actually, that'd probably be a good idea because people are Googling this.
And then it'll be like, yeah.
That's true.
So Ray Guns did say one more thing.
And it's interesting.
So I was never going to beat these girls on what they do best, the dynamic and the power moves.
So I wanted to be to move differently, be artistic and creative.
She's kind of justifying being really terrible.
I wanted to be creative.
Yeah, I couldn't beat him on skill, so I wanted to be.
So I wanted to be different, and that's what I brought to the Olympics.
That's fantastic.
So, I mean, obviously.
She has a high opinion of herself.
Well, I mean, that's a good idea.
Let me finish.
Sorry.
To, I'm speaking, okay?
I'm speaking.
Speak?
You know, hey, okay, I need to do this differently, tackle this from a different angle because I can't do what they do.
But then what she came up with was just awful.
It was just so bad.
Like, she's flying on the ground like a fish.
And I'm like, what is happening?
My favorite meme I saw is the one where she lies, she's lying down and she's doing that much.
And it's like my six-year-old after saying, look what I can do.
Right.
It's like, and you're like, yeah.
Yeah, good job.
Hey, so a doctor died at a Disney Springs restaurant.
Was it Raygun?
She's a doctor.
From an allergic reaction.
Oh, I guess you're right.
Sorry, we should have been saying Dr. Ray Gun this whole time.
A doctor died at a Disney Springs restaurant from an allergic reaction after being assured the meal was allergen-free and the widower then sued.
Disney is trying to dismiss the suit, arguing he agreed to arbitrate all disputes when he signed up for a Disney Plus free trial years earlier.
So there's fine print when you get a Disney Plus account.
Like, if you ever have any kind of legal dispute with the Disney company, with the Walt Disney Company, if we ever accidentally kill you, you agree to arbitration.
Oh, my God.
That's some crazy language.
That is wild.
That's nuts.
Like that they're.
So they're at the Disney park.
That's like Scientology.
And they're going back.
Ah, you had a Disney Plus account.
Ah, you bought a VHS copy of The Little Mermaid back in 1994.
Oh, you bought Sydney.
You actually owe us money.
You actually.
So what's interesting to me about that, too, is not just how shady that is.
It's that Disney is a big company.
They settle lawsuits all the time just to get rid of them.
And they're not going to just give her a few million dollars or something.
I mean, what?
Oh, no.
We really need to go to court over this.
Well, they probably pick their battles.
Like, I mean.
There's other arguments you can use about the allergies.
Like, well, he's partially culpable for not asking about allergy.
You know, I don't know.
I don't know what the details of this case are.
But, like, there's ways to argue it that aren't.
Sure.
You signed up for Disney Plus account.
It seems like what they're doing.
You streamed The Mandalorian.
They're probably testing to see if that legal stuff works in court.
And they'll be like, if it does, we're going to put more.
I hope this backfires on them and they're going to have to rewrite the terms of service.
Yes, I hope so too.
Because that's ridiculous to require that of someone who's streaming The Mandalorian.
I hope it backfires and they're required to remove the acolyte from all streaming platforms.
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
Give that family ownership of the acolyte.
Yes.
And they can do whatever they want with it.
All $5 of it.
Let's check in on San Francisco.
So the last remaining Denny's in San Francisco has closed over a plague of dying and dashers.
Sad.
Remove any number of caps you are wearing and please place them over your heart.
Yes.
That goes for the listeners too.
Have you guys ever dined in Dashed?
I assume not.
I have not.
I have never.
Like even if you just suddenly realize, oh shoot, I don't have my wallet.
No.
Thankfully, that never happens.
Okay, one time I didn't dine in Dash, but I got a haircut and I got a haircut and I realized that I didn't have my debit card on me.
And I told the lady, I was like, this is weird.
There's beeping.
The FBI is listening to us.
Somebody's USB device is malfunctioning.
And I told the lady, like, hey, I'm sorry, I don't have my debit card.
I'm like, I'll be back.
And she was like, okay.
I mean, there's nothing they can really do.
Like, what are you going to do?
Hold me there, stab me?
What are you going to do?
Kill me?
Tie me up and put you in the back.
I mean, yeah, they could call the police, but you would just run away.
I'm like, no, I'll be right back.
And she didn't look like she believed me.
Like, okay.
And so I went and I, I don't know, even to the bank and got cash or something.
And I came back and I was like, and she's like, oh, yeah, thank you.
Like, you actually came.
If that story counts, I've done that quite a few times.
Oh, I do that every day, actually.
If that counts, I do that all the time.
I've lost my or forgotten my wallet.
I was in a taxi recently and I was like, I do not have what you need.
I didn't have any way to pay her.
And so it was just, I told her I'd get her, I got her information on Venmo, wrote it down on a piece of paper.
I think my phone was dead or something like that.
Anyway, and then I went on Venmo, paid her like four times what I was supposed to just because it was a pain in the butt.
But anyway, that was, it happens all the time.
Is this a situation where it's like, because you're showing integrity and honesty, you're hoping in the back of your mind when I get up there and explain it and then do it and follow through, they go, you know what?
I really appreciate that.
It's on us.
Yes.
And I didn't mention that part of the story, but she was like, oh, like she was surprised that I came back.
And I was just like, oh, thanks.
I'm like, no pat on the back.
No, like.
She's like, good.
Thanks for watching.
You're very honest.
Me and my wife did this once too, where we drove through Carl's Jr., Hardee's for you weirdos.
And we drove through Carls Jr. and their machine went down.
And they're like, well, and they're like, you can't pay because the computers are down.
And they're like, and we're like, oh, okay.
Well, I guess, can we get our food?
They're like, well, we'll give it to you.
I guess, you know, we're like, well, we'll come back and pay.
And they're like, okay.
And then we came back the next day and we're like, oh, yesterday we have this combo meal and like it was, you know, 16 bucks for both meals.
And they're like, what did you get?
And they punched it in the computer.
And they're like, that'll be $16.50.
Like, no, like, no, thank you for coming back.
I didn't even have to come here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the closest I get to that is when I was a kid, I would rollerblade to the local comic book store and, you know, take off my rollerblades outside and then walk in in my socks and be like, oh, get this.
And I'd go up to the little, the little shopkeep, the store runner, if you will.
And, you know, I'd be like, here, because, you know, you're not really calculating taxes in your head.
You're just going, ah, it's $3.
Okay.
You know what I want?
Is I want us to reenact this in your socks and have Travis's voice, like the micro thing, like have Travis's voice narrating it.
I like it.
Wallets.
And he's like, he comes up to the front here.
Little did I know.
So anyway.
That man would grow up to be Halberdeins.
Someday he'd work at the Babylon B.
To make a long story short.
They give me the total and I go, oh, well, I don't have enough.
So I'm like thinking about which comic book I should give back or something.
And then they go, yeah, it's fine.
You know, you can pay me when you come back.
I'm like, oh, okay.
But then I was like, I really made sure.
And I came back the next day and didn't buy anything.
I don't know if it was the next day or the next week, whatever.
That's irrelevant to me.
It was 37 years later.
He came back and I gave him the money.
And on that occasion, though, he's like, oh, thank you.
Oh, so you got to thank me.
And he put it in his thing.
And, but part of me was like, oh, you're going to actually free comic book now, right?
Because I did that.
He's just like, okay, bye.
It's like, yeah, thanks for.
Yeah.
And it's weird because you're just making it even again.
You're just doing what's right.
And you expect like an X.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I want something free for giving you the money.
10 years old, you know.
Yeah.
When you're 10.
No, it's a sign of integrity, though.
And like that conscience.
And I remember doing that many times as a kid.
Because you had a great conscience.
Well, no, I mean, you know, I think we all had actively.
It's a great sign of being a big person.
And I did it many times.
Bomb of the week.
Well, guys, it's time for the bomb of the week.
And Travis gets to read this one.
Local man expelled from church of Christ.
Oh, that's why.
Local man expelled from church of Christ for playing drums on steering wheel.
This isn't accurate.
You wouldn't get expelled for that.
It's just about instruments in church.
That's correct.
That guy looks really sad, though.
That man is me.
I like his expression.
Oh, man, I got expelled from church again.
Yeah.
I feel like you'd get expelled from wearing that little bracelet at the Church of Christ.
I wrote this article because our intern, he was about to grab it.
And then he DM'd me.
And he's like, I don't really know anything about it.
Do you want to write this?
I'm like, sure, I'll write this.
And I always feel, it's like, I think it's funny, but part of me is always like, oh no, what if someone sees this and they're going to overreact and get upset?
And I'm like, so I wrote it.
And then I think James was editing for the day.
And I told him, I wrote something.
Please make sure it's not overly biased or something because I want to be aware of that.
But I think it was mostly unchanged.
He just wrote a new punchline at the end.
Nice.
And now I've been disfellowshipped.
Sad.
Local man expelled.
Expelled.
For writing an article about man who was expelled.
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
It's time for Red Lobster Mail.
This is from Lauren.
She says that she loves our podcast and has been a listener for years.
And she says she's alive because of Red Lobster.
My parents dated in high school, but amicably broke up when my dad graduated and went to college.
But then my dad came home on break, and Nini oh, so her grandma decided it was time for my dad's family and my mom.
I need to chart this out like a Game of Thrones thing.
My dad's family and my mom, the lampster get together for dinner.
Whether this was an innocent desire for fellowship or a more intriguing scheme, we'll never know.
No, the two families met under the red lobster roof.
Met under the roof of a red lobster.
Is this going to become a red wedding?
And then my parents begin to chat.
The romantic atmosphere of Red Lobster did its magic, did its lot worked its lobster magic.
And after that dinner, my parents started dating again.
They married three years later, and my sister and I were born a few years after that.
It's truly a beautiful story of how cheddar bay biscuits and meddling mothers can bring people together.
Thank you for all that you do.
Sincerely, Lauren.
That's nice.
I love that.
That's nice.
Yeah, that's a good one.
When it started, though, and she's like, it saved my life or why I'm alive.
I thought it was going to be something like a she was choking and then a lobster.
Like I was thinking that she was choking on a lobster and one of the Red Lobster employees like something like that.
That's what I was thinking about.
But that's one of those things like it was killing her and then it saved her.
So it's like if she hadn't gone in the first place.
Yeah, yeah.
Like Avengers 2, where they're the ones who create the problem and then they save the day and you're like, oh, good job.
Great job.
For creating it's like it's like going back to a comic book store and being like, yeah, you just brought it back to even.
Yeah, it's like back to even.
All right, now it's time for Love Mail.
Muchas gracias.
Oh.
Hey, B-Podcasters.
I'm one of your loyal blind listeners, and I do appreciate it when you explain something that is visual on the podcast video.
That's great.
If you recall, I emailed you and you made fun of me because I misspelled Jared's name incorrectly.
For all I know, I spelled it wrong again.
You did.
I can't tell.
Did I spell it wrong or not?
I don't know.
I don't know what it says.
Keep up with the fun.
And if you ever want to talk to the unofficial world record holder of electrodes implanted in the human brain, whoa, I am your guy.
Just as a side note, of course we do.
Talk about burying the lead.
Yeah.
The lead.
Okay, so it's an unofficial.
Unofficial world record.
I didn't get it.
What was my pun?
It was burying the lead.
Usually that leads are the electrodes.
Oh, burying the they buried lead.
I don't know that's what they were called.
But I was saying burying the lead, like just I wasn't as clever as you think I was.
No, but that would have been really clever.
That's I could have just taken the compliment, dang it.
Yeah.
Shoot.
So to be clear to our blind listeners, our other blind listeners, they spell Jared's name as J-A-R-O-D-S.
O-D.
Oh, yeah, Gerard.
Yeah, Gerard.
It is spelled J-A-R-E-T-T.
J-A-R-No.
Now you're confusing me more.
I just got my will and testament done today.
I went.
There's a massive stack of papers.
And you finally learned how to spell your name.
No, and I went in and I sat down with this really amazing older guy, and he's explaining very slowly.
And we get about halfway through, and I'm like, I'm so, I gotta stop you there.
My name is misspelled the whole time.
Did they spell it as Jarvis?
And he's like, he's like, ah, stinking, brick and frick, we gotta go back and reprint this whole thing.
But it was like, it's J-A-R-R-E-T.
And it had two T's.
Yeah, so that was just today.
So I keep getting my name misspelled all the time.
For our blind listeners, a J is like a swoopy thing.
It looks like if you ever felt a candy can, yeah, okay, an upside-down candy can.
Well, he probably knows what letters because you can just feel them like that.
Well, I don't know.
Like, I don't know what to do how to describe to a blind person.
So I'm interested.
And I don't know if he would start, it'll be born blind or not, right?
That's the other thing.
Like, maybe it was like Slowly lost his sight.
Yeah, that Val Kilmer movie at first sight, he had lost his sight, right?
You know what, dude?
That is one of the Val Kilmer movies I never saw.
No, it's not good, but there's a time when he's holding an apple, and that's what I'm saying.
That was before he got like really big.
No, he was blind.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm thinking of Patrick Swayze.
Patrick Swayze was a goddamn person.
He was not a blind girl.
What was it called at first sight?
At first sight.
He gets his vision back.
He falls in love with Mira Savina or Sorvino.
Sorvino.
And then he gets his sight back through some surgery.
I would just imagine.
And then this is important, Kyle.
And then he sees her, and thankfully, he's not like, oh, I was dating what?
He's like, oh, I still love you.
What if you did get your sight back and you were like, yeah.
But spoilers, by the end of the movie, he loses his sight again.
Oh.
But he got seer for a little bit.
Like a couple of days.
It's kind of like waking Ned Devine or is that the right one?
No.
No.
Awakening.
That's the old naked man.
That was the one where the people come out of a coma for like a month.
Awakenings.
And then they go back.
It's not really a coma so much as like a like they're just retarded.
You said it.
Well, it's Robert De Niro being retarded, and then he's not retarded.
But now he's retarded again.
That's what you're saying.
Yeah.
You know what's funny?
The one chance at profundity that Ready Player One, the movie, had was that he didn't know what the girl looked like in real life.
And he could have, at the end, she could have been actually ugly and then been like, you know what?
Or a man.
I already know your personality.
And so we love each other anyway.
But she was like, oh, I'm just, I don't want to show my face.
I'm ugly.
And then she's like pretty, but has like a red spot on her face.
Yeah, there's a bit of a scar or something, but it's not like Elephant Man.
It's like, oh, great.
So the character doesn't have to get challenged or grow or make any tough decisions at all.
It's like, great, the chick is actually hot.
Well, she just got challenged in the sense that she had self-esteem issues.
A great dark comedy would be somebody waking up from not being able to see or whatever, getting their vision, and then their girlfriend is a dog.
And they really have to reconsider.
And he ends up making a terrible decision, leaving her, and that'd be an awful.
Oh, I thought you meant like an actual dog.
An actual dog.
I thought you were human this whole time.
I thought she was me.
I'm not.
Okay, so this was also a curb your enthusiasm plot line.
Well, anyway, thanks for your email.
The guy's blind and he's dating a girl that says she's a supermodel and she's obviously not a supermodel.
And then they have to like tell him, like, hey, she's lying.
And then he's like, well, why do you care?
And it's like a whole thing.
But maybe it's insensitive to Brian.
So anyway, oh, Brian, I wanted to also say.
His name is O'Brien.
O'Brien, I wanted to tell you that when we the oh no, we already described it.
Never mind.
I was going to say the Trump time cover was him, his like an orange face melting and he's screaming.
But we did talk about it because of the Indiana Jones.
But he doesn't know what that looks like.
Maybe he does.
We don't know if he lost his.
If he saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, that's what we're talking about.
Also, I'm sorry we keep making blind jokes.
It's not cool.
It's in good fun.
Unless he thinks it's funny, that's awesome.
Unless you think it's hateful, and then I apologize.
We'll keep going.
Do you think it's funny?
I'm sorry if you got offended.
I want to hear about those electrodes.
It's time for hate mail.
You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
So we wrote a joke.
You're going to be a perpetual what?
Joseph asks Mary on wedding night.
That's my favorite.
I like that picture, too.
I like this joke because you can't tell if it's making fun of Catholic theology on this or if it's like going the other, cutting the other way and saying like, oh, she was a perpetual virgin.
That's true.
It's not really making fun of that.
Like, it's not making fun of one social theology.
It's just like, it's making fun of that circumstance.
Yeah.
That's true.
Whether or not.
That would actually be a really good video.
Yeah.
That'd be a good video.
Just really short, like 10 seconds long.
What?
You don't hear her side of it.
You just hear him.
It's so funny, dude.
It's like, I, Joseph, am so happy to take you as my wedding wife.
I married the perpetual virgin.
I am so glad to take.
Wait, hold up.
Wait, Look at his face in the picture, too.
It's wonderful.
So somebody that's a Catholic shared this on Twitter and said, Babylon Bee should consider not meriting perpetual and eternal hellfire with a prayer emoji.
Oh, boy.
I guess you go to hell forever if you, what is it, you make fun of Mary?
And then all the replies are saying, well, they're Jews.
Technically, it's not making fun of Mary.
They're Jews.
That's everybody saying, well, we know who's behind it.
Jews.
Yeah.
They are all Jewish.
No Christians think that Mary was a normal person.
Goodness gracious.
But great article.
Great article.
Well, everybody, it's time for us to go to the subscriber exclusive lounge.
And you can't come.
And you can't come unless you have money.
So give us money.
Go to BabylonB.com slash plans, and you can support the podcast and help us grow our comedy brand and bring you piping hot satire headlines each and every morning.
Smells good.
Do you smell that?
I do smell it.
It smells like freedom.
Smells like good.
So we're going to do some bonus hate mail.
We're going to talk about the Sabbath, I think, for some reason.