Is Tim Walz A Crazy Communist? (10 Reasons The Answer Is Yes) | The Babylon Bee Podcast
The Babylon Bee Podcast looks at crazy lefty Tim Walz being chosen as Kamala Harris's VP pick. They analyze some of the many controversial bills he has signed and how he ran away from the call of duty. There was also a stock market crash, tensions between Iran and Israel, and violence in the UK. They conclude with a lighthearted Red Lobster fact, subscriber headlines, and a closing hymn in honor of Apollo 11. This episode is brought to you by American Financing! Get out of your credit card debt today: http://AmericanFinancing.net/Bee And also My Patriot Supply. Get $200 OFF 3-month emergency food kits:: http://preparewithbee.com And also AmmoSquared. Take the hassle out of buying ammo: http://ammosquared.com/bee Use Promocode PODCAST when you become a supporter of The Babylon Bee if you want to watch the whole podcast: http://babylonbee.com/plans
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The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
This is the Babylon Bee Podcast, the only podcast that talks about the news.
I'm sitting here, as always, with Jarrett LeMaster, everyone.
That's me and Travis Woodside.
And I'm Dan Coates, and this is the Babylon Bee Podcast, the only podcast that talks about the news.
Dan Coates, do you come from a family of coat makers?
Yeah.
What's the origin of your last name?
Well, my understanding is that when they got off the boat, it might have been Coots.
And then when they got off the boat, they're like, oh, that's too crazy.
You guys are Coates now.
And then Coots isn't that crazy.
I mean, it's a bird.
A coot is a bird.
I'll tell you.
So this is a nice coat.
Is that real herringbone?
It's from the finest herringbone.
Absolutely.
What is herringbone?
Finest on Amazon.
Herringbone is this pattern he's got here.
It's like, it makes him look like a professor.
It does make him look like a professor.
Don't you think?
It's Professor Coates.
I thought you were suggesting that it was made out of bones.
Yeah, that's why that question is so stupid.
Oh, I get it.
That's the joke.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, how's life going with you guys?
What's been new?
Oh, so much stuff, dude.
We're like, we're, we're hammering away on this secret top secret project, and it's been every day.
And that time is every day.
Yeah.
And we're like, we're going nuts.
So it's driving places, going to meeting with people, having phone calls, trying to get contracts.
And it's a lot.
Stalking people outside their homes.
That's been part of Travis's part.
I have a very specialized set of skills.
It's like almost work now.
I mean, what's that about?
Oh, you mean the fact that we're doing work here?
Like, we're actually doing work?
Yeah, it's weird.
It's not what I signed up for.
I signed up to come here, write an article, and then play board games all day.
But we have to do stuff.
Those days are over.
Pretty much.
You know?
So how's your life, Dan?
Not Dan.
Yeah, Dan.
Dan Coot?
I don't know.
Cool.
I'm just blanked.
I don't know.
That was a super good podcast response.
I think that tells us more than we need to know.
Wow.
There's just so much.
Yeah.
Would you like to get into the news?
Yeah, let's do it.
Why don't we start doing this thing?
But first, like this video, comment, leave a comment, subscribe to the channel.
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If you're audio only, Travis is wearing a blue shirt.
I am.
It says America on it.
And no, it doesn't.
It actually says Merica.
Oh, you're right.
That's a shirt you can buy also.
And it has a new Mount Rushmore with only Trump heads on it, which would be great.
I would love to have that be the real thing.
Yeah.
So if you like Travis's shirt and you want to wear it too, go to shop.babylonbee.com, use promo code podcast.
You get yourself a nice 10% off.
And if you love Dan's coat, I don't know where you get that.
Mervyn's.
Go to Mervin's.
Mervyn's doesn't exist.
I don't think it does, actually.
What's in the news this week?
All right.
Well, what's in the news this week?
Well, Mervyn's is closed.
Yeah.
That happened.
Yeah.
That's not breaking news, though.
No.
So Tim Walz.
Ever heard of that game?
Is it Waltz or Walls?
I'm pretty sure it's Walls.
Walls.
It's like Walls.
From a long line of wall makers.
Yeah.
Tim Walz.
Yeah.
So Kamala Harris picked Tim Walz as her vice president for running mate.
So he's probably like a normal dude, right?
Well, that's what most people would have thought because she's not normal.
And, you know, you need someone to balance the ticket, right?
Right.
But apparently, they have a romantic story.
They met at a Planned Parenthood event.
Oh, that's so cute.
Yeah.
That's where you meet people.
Am I right?
Well, if you want to bond over murdering children, that's where you go.
Who doesn't bond over that?
We all bond over trauma.
The people who like to murder kids definitely bond over it.
I imagine like a sleepless in Seattle style movie set at a Planned Parenthood where Mae Grind and Tom Hanks kind of meet and Tom Hanks was protesting.
Mae Grind was going in for an abortion.
And I can't keep it.
This is awful.
Eventually they fall in love and he becomes pro-choice.
Yeah, he's a pro-lifer.
Yeah.
And then he gets converted.
He gets converted.
This is an amazing movie.
Can we just write the script?
Can you have AI write out the script?
It's a lifetime movie.
It's a lifetime movie.
Oh, wow.
So that's not normal meeting at Planned Parenthood.
You wouldn't think so.
Well, I think for the circles they run in, for the circles they run in, it's very normal.
Looks like this Tim Walz guy, he signed a bill allowing abortion to take place up until the moment of birth.
For any reason whatsoever.
For any reason whatsoever.
That was in January of 2023.
So obviously after the Roe v. Wade got struck down, all these governors.
Right.
So he's the governor of Michigan?
Minnesota.
Minnesota.
Oh, yeah.
Michigan's Gretchen Whitmer, right?
Okay.
He's the governor of Minnesota.
And yeah, so this thing, signing a bill allowing abortion up until the moment of birth is a claim that Democrats say, oh, no one does that.
No one supports killing babies up until birth.
But he literally did that.
Yeah, he also signed a bill to allow babies to let you let them die if they're born alive after a failed abortion.
But we were told that that never happened.
We were told that never happened.
Never happens.
That no one wants to actually kill a baby.
But now they have a law that allows it.
But it's like the woman goes into delivery right then and there.
And all of a sudden, whoops, there's a baby.
What do we do?
Oops.
It's all baby.
Let it die.
Yeah.
Well, isn't that what that Virginia governor got in trouble for?
Because he was like talking on the media and he was saying, well, you know, we would just let it be born and keep it comfortable while the mom and the doctor make a decision.
So in this particular example, if a mother is in labor, I can tell you exactly what would happen.
The infant would be delivered.
The infant would be kept comfortable.
The infant would be resuscitated if that's what the mother and the family desired.
And then a discussion would ensue between the physicians and the mother.
So I think this was really blown out of proportion.
No, it's awful.
And he got in trouble for saying that.
And then when we brought it up, it was like, oh, no, that never happens.
There's no difference between us and ancient Rome or ancient Greece.
Like, you know, just exposing the babies in the trash heap.
Just go put them out there and let the coyotes have them.
Yeah.
You know, that's what they're doing.
It's depressing.
Well, and, you know, you do this stuff and it's sanctioned within a hospital setting, but then, you know, a desperate mother goes nuts and dumps their baby in a dumpster, which they also shouldn't do.
But then she gets, you know, tried for attempted murder and negligence.
Yeah.
Which she should be.
Well, yeah, she should.
But everyone should be is what you're saying.
If you took that child to a Planned Parenthood, it would be all okay.
Yeah.
That's where you could hand him over to a doctor and they could do your dirty work for you.
That's right.
So they're really like hitmen.
Yeah.
They're all those doctors, I think, are it is a dark world, man.
That's a dark thing.
Yeah.
Yep.
Anyway, all that to say, Tim Walz kind of stinks.
Kind of sucks.
Let's see.
There's another, there's more stuff he's done, though, that is going to make you not like him even more.
He signed a bill putting tampons into boys' restrooms in school.
Oh, that's totally normal.
Tampon Tim.
Tampon Tim, they call him.
You should share the, you should show them, our blind listeners can't see it, but you should show our video listeners the tweet that Hillary Clinton made.
Oh, yeah.
Where she's like, oh, everyone's making this joke about Tampon Tim.
Thanks for sharing that he's compassionate.
It's like, no, you, he's just, she's just inadvertently sharing the really awful news about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's completely weird.
She's brain dead.
They went on for like a whole week talking about how JD Vance and Donald Trump are weird.
Yep.
And then this guy's putting tampons in the boys' restroom.
Yeah.
Like, that's normal.
That's not weird.
You're like, what planet am I living on?
This is so bizarre.
Yeah.
That's all weird.
I have bad news.
It was Earth all along.
It's like the end of Planet of the Apes when you're like, no, I've been here the whole time.
No, you.
You blew it up.
You darn dirty apes.
I love that.
So here's another one.
So he also signed a bill protecting a minor's right to gender-affirming surgery, even taking custody away from non-affirming parents.
Yep.
This sounds about right.
You're a parent and you want to protect your kid and some guy at school is like, hey, you should cut off your genitals.
Yeah.
And then the kid's being persuaded, maybe I should.
You haven't tried cutting off your genitals.
And then if you're a parent, you go, no, that's weird.
Get out of here, you creepo.
But then the guy comes in and takes your kid away.
And Tim Walz is like, no, he's not weird.
You're weird.
Parent.
Because he's captain of the weird police.
There's weird police now.
So is Minnesota just California?
Well, my question is, why are all these middle states getting commie pinkos as governors?
Like, where are they?
Why are they so liberal?
Like, I don't understand why the middle states are liberal.
Now, I understand Minnesota has a fairly large Muslim population.
I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
They're not, they're in general, the Islamic population is conservative.
Well, but they vote for Democrats.
Yeah.
So they are, I mean, I guess, somewhat conservative.
However, if you get progressive Muslims that aren't really Muslim, they're just, you know, culturally Muslim, then they tend to be more progressive, I would think.
I mean, they even have like the Muslim Call to Prayer broadcast over loudspeakers in Minneapolis.
So that's another normal thing.
So normal.
Totally normal.
So normal.
Some more stuff.
Yeah, so he refused requests for the National Guard allowing BLM riders to burn 1,500 Minneapolis businesses and a police station during the George Floyd riots.
Tim's wife kept the windows open to smell the burning tires.
Amen.
That's how much they like the smell of burning businesses.
That clip is so weird where she's talking to the reporter and she's just like, well, I just kept the windows open.
It was just, you know, as long as I could.
Yeah, touchstone of our times, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, I guess to be fair, she doesn't literally say it, I love this smell, but she's clearly basking it.
Yeah, she's basking in it.
It's really strange.
It's like rolling around in your enemy's blood.
It is like that.
If your enemy was the Michelin man.
Because he's made of tires.
Because he's made of tires.
Beautiful.
I would say those first days, you know, when there were riots, I could smell the burning tires.
And that was a very real thing.
And I kept the windows open for as long as I could because I felt like that was such a touchstone of what was happening.
So Minnesota is also a sanctuary state giving illegal immigrants taxpayer-funded health care tuition and driver's licenses.
Did you know that?
Okay.
I mean, so is California, I guess, right?
Yeah, he's not real big on border security.
He's just kind of like, let them all in and everyone's fine.
And oh, yeah, we'll also pay for all of your stuff, too.
Oh, yeah, and let's burn the system down.
So if there's no border, is Minnesota even a state anymore?
Is it more like a territory?
The Minnesota region where you go and then just good things happen to you.
The Minnesota zone?
Yeah, the Minnesota zone.
Hey, here's a cool quote from Tim Walz.
He said, one person's socialism is another person's neighborliness.
One person's murder is another person's health care.
That's weird, Jarrett.
So if I'm understanding, I'm getting a bigger picture of this Tim Walz, a more clearer picture of this Tim Walz guy.
He's kind of like this folksy, Midwestern guy, down-to-earth.
Neighborly.
Neighborly, old white man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He's white?
He's white.
Yeah.
He was a coach.
He taught at high school level, I think.
But then underneath, he's like Bernie Sanders, but just 20 years younger.
Oh, so he's the hip Bernie Sanders.
He's the hip Bernie Sanders, huh?
I think he's less hip than Bernie.
I feel like Bernie in his age has become a little bit hipper.
So I think this next one is what makes me the angriest.
Tim Walz, he left his National Guard battalion hanging when the unit was ordered to go to Iraq.
So the man who replaced him as commanding sergeant major called him a coward and a traitor.
And then when Tim retired from the National Guard, he lost his promotion.
So he wasn't a commanding sergeant major anymore.
But he still used the title of retired commanding sergeant major in his political campaigns.
And then when he was advocating for more gun control, he basically said, like, we shouldn't have the weapons that I took to war.
Hope woke up like many of you did five weeks ago and said, Dad, you're the only person I know who's in elected office.
You need to stop what's happening with this.
I'll take my kick in the butt for the NRA.
I spent 25 years in the Army and I hunt.
And I gave the money back.
And I'll tell you what I have been doing.
I've been voting for common sense legislation that protects the Second Amendment, but we can do background checks.
We can do CDC research.
We can make sure we don't have reciprocal carry among states.
And we can make sure that those weapons of war that I carried in war is the only place where those weapons are.
But he didn't take them to war.
Right.
Because he never went to war.
So it's like the stolen valor of like, I'm a commanding sergeant major and I went to war.
This is completely awful.
He left his unit right before they got shipped off.
He's got the two C's: he's a coward and he's a commie.
I didn't know what that second C was going to be.
Now you know.
You never know.
You never know.
What else is great about Tim Walz Travis?
I have no idea.
I was thinking maybe this signed bill that he signed that redefined sexual orientation to remove a clause that excluded pedophilia or quote sexual attachment to children by an adult.
Oh, wow.
You know, because they're people.
So they redefined sexual orientation and then the clause used to say that it explicitly excluded, okay, pedophilia, we're not talking about that in this definition.
And they actually like excise the line.
So now the bill does include people who are attracted to children.
Yeah.
So is the point of this bill to say like you can't discriminate against you can't discriminate based on sexual orientation.
Such as pedophilia.
And then it used to say, but we're not talking about pedophilia.
And then they removed that line.
And now it's like you can't discriminate on sexual orientation.
So if somebody came to get a job at your coffee shop and they were a known pedophile, you would not be able to say, sorry, I can't hire you.
You're a pedophile.
Yeah, that's their sexual orientation.
I'm sorry that that was just so dry.
I'm sorry.
I can't hire you.
You are a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
I mean, hear me out here.
You're a pedophile.
So they used to define sexual orientation in this bill.
It said sexual orientation means having or being perceived as having an emotional, physical, or sexual attachment to another person without regard to the sex of that person or having or being perceived as having an orientation for such attachments.
And then it used to read, or having or being perceived as having a self-image or identity not traditionally associated with one's biological maleness or femaleness, sexual orientation does not include a physical or sexual attraction to children by an adult.
And so that whole line, they just got rid of it.
So now it does.
Sexual orientation means whatever.
Whatever you're attracted to, that's your orientation now.
And you can't discriminate on that.
I would propose a new amendment to this bill.
Yeah.
And it says sexual orientation isn't a thing.
Yeah.
Because there's only one.
It's man and woman.
There's no orientation.
Yeah.
Well, isn't the man to woman or woman to man an orientation?
Isn't that?
Okay, technically.
I just mean the idea that there's multiples.
So you don't really typically you want to define that because there's nothing else.
You wouldn't need to.
It's just the normal attractiveness.
It's just normalness and weird perverseness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's like, right.
Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
I forgot we were the weird ones.
Yeah.
So weird.
Got to really think about it.
You're going to do that t-shirt.
We should do that t-shirt.
What?
The make America weird again.
Oh.
That would be good.
Mawah. Mawah. Mawah. Mawah. Mawah is what brings us together. Mawah.
Hey, watch out.
Did you hear that?
The stock market just crashed.
Whoa.
Whoa.
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That was crazy.
That was crazy.
Did you experience that stock market crash?
Did you feel it?
I need to log on to Facebook and tell everyone I'm safe from the stock market crash.
I'm safe.
Mark Des.
Yeah.
So I guess the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell by 1,000 points on Monday.
It came back.
It got better.
I don't know if it's back.
1,000 points.
So 1,000 points sounds like a lot.
Now, what is it that's driving this?
Why is it going down?
There's a lack of confidence in the stock market.
Like, what's happening?
Well, some people are suggesting it's because Kamal Harris is now running for president.
I would suggest that would make me less confident in the future of the economy for sure.
But I saw that there was like a jobs report that came out that was less jobs than people were expecting.
And then there's all these reports of like Iran might be attacking Israel soon.
Right.
There's other things going on in the world, like in the UK, where it's like, oh, things are bad right now.
Maybe not a good time to be investing.
So this isn't even just in America.
This is around the world.
It's around the world.
So it crashed in Japan and it was the worst day ever for them.
Yeah.
Not good.
That said, I'm not a stockbroker.
I've never even seen Wall Street.
So I don't know how this affects me because the stock is like it's an imaginary thing up in the sky, like the cloud.
It's the cloud.
It's right.
It's above us.
It's above us.
It's here.
I just don't get it.
So how can we protect ourselves?
We need to invest in things that are for sure, you know, the sure bets out there.
Yeah.
Well, other than gold, because you always invest in gold.
So what are like things we can invest in?
What do you think, Dan?
Beanie babies.
Get into beanie babies now.
They are hot and they are going to stay hot for the next 20 years.
The value only goes up year after year.
It's beanie babies.
Beanie babies.
Oh, we had some.
You know what else?
Pokemon cards.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you get that special Charizard.
Oh, yeah, that foil Charizard.
That's going to last forever.
How about this?
Donald Trump EFTs.
Oh, yeah, those are good.
Those were those made a big splash, a tremendous splash.
And now they're still splashing.
They are still splashing.
And they were sold out, though.
So you have to buy them from other people.
Yeah.
Or wait till he comes out with more.
That's true.
I'm waiting for the elusive, rare Trump Pokemon EFT.
I would like a Trump on a Dinosaur EFT.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be cool too.
A kaiju.
A kaiju.
Kaiju Trump.
A kaiju trump.
That would be awesome.
You could also get like a rare out-of-print board game like Star Wars, The Queen's Gambit by Avalon Hill.
Oh, yeah.
That came out in 1999.
That's a great investment.
It's been out of print ever since.
But what if I opened it and played with it?
That just your value goes way down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I kind of want to play the Queen's Gambit.
Sounds like fun.
It is fun.
Yeah.
But do you want to have fun or do you want to survive the stock market collapse?
You're right.
That's true.
You can also invest in Tim Wall's memes.
They're hot, hot, hot.
It's going down.
So you mentioned that Iran is poised to strike Israel.
Yeah.
This is really a big deal.
Yeah, what's going on over there?
So Iran, it's they want to avenge the assassination of Hamas leader, the Hamas leader that went down.
I don't know how to say his name, but I think it's like Ismail Hanalahi.
Ishmael Hanai.
Ismail Hanaki.
He was killed in Tehran on Wednesday.
So the assassination, it was probably done by Israel, but why wouldn't it be?
You know, they're fighting a war against Hamas.
Anyway, so Jerusalem never confirmed it or denied it, though, which means it's probably Israel.
It is pretty wild to me that Israel has no, they have no hesitation of like, hey, that guy's over there fighting a war against us.
Let's bomb him.
And they're like, well, wait, that's a different country.
And they're like, nah, just do it anyway.
Still doing it.
So like they did that in Syria where they bombed that consulate in Syria and then now in Iran, like right in the capital of Iran, like that's pretty ballsy.
It is.
Well, yeah, the Mossad, they just sort of, they kill their enemies.
Like that's the charter, isn't it?
Kind of the charter.
They go after him.
Anyway, but we're looking at potential missile and drone attacks from Iran coming up here pretty soon.
Yeah, they've apparently vowed to retaliate.
Yeah, but Iran vows to do a lot of things.
They do.
And I remember I was in when Solomoni got killed.
I was in Israel driving to Tel Aviv.
And it was when Trump killed Soleimani.
It was a big day.
And the Iranis had, they vowed to kill American targets in Tel Aviv that day.
They threatened you directly.
Literally, I was driving to Tel Aviv when they said that.
Yeah.
They're like, we are going to kill Jared LeMaster.
Oh, man.
And I was like, so we were a little bit nervous.
And I really didn't tell anyone else that I was with because I was like, that's going to freak people out.
Yeah.
And so we just didn't, we just went to Tel Aviv, jumped on a plane and got out of there.
But I just feel like they don't usually, all this to say, I feel like they often make pronouncements that they don't follow through.
They're the North Korea of the Middle East.
But then they also have more finances, more money.
They're financing wars because of the friggin, you know, Obama deal.
And there's a lot of things about it.
Everyone's worried that they're close to a nuclear bomb at this point.
Yeah, who knows?
Maybe they'll, maybe they have one.
You got to imagine that even these extremist Islamic terrorists have some kind of hesitation when it comes to using nuclear warfare.
You've got to imagine.
It's one of the reasons why they haven't done it, really.
Because there's a massive follow-up.
You would think so.
I think the only reason people are very a little more cautious about it is because they live in a world where suicide bombings are normal.
So it's like, hey, if I'm dead anyway, I don't care about the blowback.
Well, and it does seem like it's oriented entirely toward the future.
Like all of their, it's in, it's, or their whole system, especially if you're one of those extremists, is, is completely focused on paradise, right?
So, like, getting your virgins and all that stuff is what they're looking forward to.
So, anything that's happening here is just, you know, it's, it's nothing.
You have nothing.
You know, if you get killed here, if you suffer here, it doesn't matter because it's all happening in the future.
And so maybe that's true, but at the same time, it seems like they haven't used, or it's the grace of God that they haven't gotten nuclear weapons or don't have a dirty bomb or something like that.
So, you know, I think that's probably more what's going on.
The Lord has a plan for the nuclear bombs in the world.
Well, it's a good thing that all those people are just in the Middle East.
Am I right?
Yeah, they're not anywhere else in the world.
I agree.
They're not making it over here at all.
Yeah.
And you know what?
They aren't in the United Kingdom either.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, they are.
I'm sorry.
It turns out that the United Kingdom's on the brink of exploding in violence.
Oh, good.
Really?
Yeah.
So three young white girls were murdered by Muslim youth and allegations of two-tier policing say that the government is very concerned about protecting the growing Muslim immigrant community while throwing the book at native British folk.
So they're trying to kind of sweep this under the rug.
And the UK prime minister warns the quote far right should stay home.
So Muslim gangs armed with knives and other weapons are kind of just running around the streets.
And when normal British people are kind of fighting back against this, it's become anti-Muslim riots.
So, and I'm sure there is some amount of actual rioting going on and violence, but there is the there's a reason for it.
You know, dude, it's so complex, but at the same time, it's really not that complex.
And it's a good thing they banned the guns over there because obviously nothing's happening now that they've banned guns.
There's no violence over there.
There's no violence.
That's why they're sweeping under the rug.
Like, you can't get attacked by a knife.
Yeah, that doesn't exist.
Yeah.
Attacking people with knives, not in this universe, this earth.
What do you think, Dan?
I think he's upset about it.
He's just enraged about England.
I think it's one of the, it's part of the, it's part of the larger story of the West that we've kind of lost our religion.
We've lost our traditions.
We've kind of lost our sense of purpose as a civilization, I feel like.
And so we're not reproducing.
We're not like, I think our birth rate is like well below replacement levels.
And so all these political elites in all these Western countries, they decided, well, we got to keep the tax rolls up and we got to keep the services going.
So let's just bring in a bunch of immigrants.
And now you have these different civilizations clashing, these different cultures clashing.
And then when the people that were there originally go, hey, I don't like this.
And then they vote against it and they vote against it and they vote against it.
They voted for Brexit.
They're voting.
In increasing numbers, they're voting for like the Reform Party or whatever over there.
They vote for these conservative parties and they say they're going to end immigration and then they don't.
And it's like, at that point, it's like, well, don't be violent.
Just vote better next time.
I can kind of understand why these people will be like, well, what are we supposed to do?
Our whole way of life is being taken over.
Yeah, they have a better reason for a revolutionary war than we did.
Yeah.
Not to say that we didn't, but I mean, there were other things about it than just this stamp tax.
But, you know, we were like, ah, taxes.
And then they're just like, ah, we're getting stabbed in the streets.
Yeah.
Well, I think it's an interesting problem.
It's a philosophical problem because the culture, the culture's divorced itself from its dependence on God, from its view of God.
This happened a few hundred years ago, and it's trickled down into the culture to where people don't have confidence that one worldview is better than another because it's all relative.
Trickle down relativism.
Yeah, there's no confidence in the Western supremacy of the Western idea or the Christian idea, the Christian culture.
Yeah, you can't say one religion is better than another.
You can't say one culture is better than another.
And so when you're bringing in a foreign group of people into your country and then the other group says, wait a minute, that's not what we're used to.
Yeah.
You go like, well, don't be a bigot.
You can't say that.
Well, it's not just not some of this stuff is immoral.
You know what I mean?
But they're like, oh, our moral code is no different than theirs.
And it's like, well, the way they're treating women is immoral.
You know what I mean?
So I can't say that with confidence because there's no basis for my belief system.
Yeah.
And I think one of the problems with discussing culture now is that the moment you start saying, oh, well, that culture, we should probably avoid it.
Then they go, well, you're a white supremacist.
And it's not about being white.
There are, you know, black people that share our culture or there are Hispanics that share our culture.
The culture is more than your skin color.
So this isn't just like middle America is full of white men and that's the only way to do it.
It's the American Christian ideal is the superior culture.
Yeah, the Western civilization, Christendom, all those things that brought about everything that we like, that we know and love.
And it's all under attack.
And we can't say with confidence that it's better than living in squalor in a third world country and abusing women and abusing kids and all this kind of stuff.
But we can't say because there's no base.
There's no authority to say that from.
Right.
And this is more like an ideological culture because, I mean, there's nothing wrong with sombreros.
That's Mexican culture, right?
But there's more to those different cultures that we're talking about.
It's not hey.
Well, and what we're replacing it with is autonomy.
Like entire and entirely, we're replacing the whole thing with autonomy.
So that's the person's ability to make their own decisions, define who they are, and do what they want.
Like that's what freedom is under this new thing.
That sounds suspiciously like liberty.
Well, yeah, well, if you define liberty that way, sure.
Yeah, because liberty when they did, when the life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness had to do with eudaimonia, it had to do with the common good.
It had to do with like what was virtue and all those things that we're missing now.
So inalienable rights granted by the creator.
By the creator.
Yeah, it was always granted by the creator.
You know, the enlightenment divorces us from him.
And then we get all this stuff trickled down over the last couple centuries.
Sucks.
Yeah.
This is what we get.
This is what we get.
So anybody can be part of our culture.
You just have to be on time.
Yeah, but that's like, that's so white of you to say.
Why would you say that?
Yeah, man.
That's evil.
Being on time is so germany.
Go back to your clan.
Wizard.
Yeah.
You know who else starts at 7 p.m.
You know who else was on time?
The Nazis.
It's true.
I have it on good authority.
They were always on time.
Have you ever been to Germany?
They're not Nazis anymore, but they're not?
Their trains sure run on time.
Tell you that much.
We need to get away from talking about German trains.
Hey, let me change the subject to some lighter news.
Okay.
You remember that cocaine that was found in the White House?
How could I forget?
Well, apparently the former Secret Service director, Kimberly Cheadle, was like, oh, cocaine, let's destroy that evidence.
What?
Yeah.
She's like, let's get rid of this.
This is the lady that resigned over the Trump assassination.
She wanted to get rid of the evidence.
So, and one of the things was they were talking about how, like, oh, if we found like, you know, drugs or something on the White House, we would just normally get rid of it.
But it was found by a uniformed division officer, not part of the Secret Service, during a routine check patrol around the White House.
And he found it and he, you know, told his supervisors and they started an investigation.
And then the Secret Service quickly came in and went, Oh, no, no, we don't know.
You don't need that.
And he got reassigned to the case to another case.
So he got in trouble in Alaska, in the northern hemisphere.
He's now in Alaska.
He's now in Alaska in an outpost where you can't see cocaine because everywhere is snow.
That's so bizarre.
It's like the standard operating procedure.
Like this happens all the time.
You're like, oh, there's cocaine.
There's cocaine.
I do wonder.
You're like, I didn't see anything.
It's fine.
That's nuts.
I'm sure if we could look at the incident log at the White House, there are probably a lot of people.
There probably is.
So that's why remember when they were like, I will never find out who did it.
They know exactly where it came from.
Don Cheadle.
Don Cheadle's cousin, Kimberly.
Do you know Don Cheadle?
He's a War Machine.
War Machine, yes.
Yeah.
He's Black Iron Man.
I like that guy.
He's pretty good.
I think he's a liberal, but I like him.
Yeah.
When I say liberal, you know what I mean.
Wow, that ended that conversation.
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And now it's time for this week's Heroes of the Faith.
Now it's time for our next hero of the faith.
Whoa, we haven't done that in a long time.
Dude, yeah.
So this came out.
This is the Chicago mayor, Brandon Johnson.
He made a comment after Trump came to town and he went to the National Association of Black Journalists.
Okay.
And he sat down and he had that really nasty, hostile interview.
Right.
And the lady just came right out of the gauges asking him like a big paragraph of you did this and you did that and you did this.
And so here's my question.
Yeah, so much stuff that he couldn't respond to it.
And he's like, what?
So let's listen to this clip right now of the Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson speaking.
Okay.
So Brandon Johnson's making a comment about that interview.
Yay.
But he ran into blackness.
And he felt it.
Yeah.
He felt the heat.
Trump felt that heat.
The unconditional love, the masterpiece of the black woman, that only an amazing God can take an Indian and a Jamaican and create somebody in his image.
Wait a minute.
A black woman.
What?
Only the Lord can create a black woman from an Indian and a Jamaican.
I like the implication of that, that only black women are the image of God.
And he's like, look, he even took an Indian and a Jamaican and made an image of God.
And he's not kidding.
No, he's not giving Kamala a hard time for saying she's black.
Because it sure sounds like he is.
Yeah, Trump was giving Kamala a hard time for saying she's black after really leaning on the Indian aspect for many years.
Wow.
And he's just.
Oh, man.
And you guys have seen Kamala pull her black accent out every once in a while.
Oh, yeah.
That was hilarious.
She did that in Georgia recently.
Yeah.
I don't feel no ways tired.
I come too far from where I started from.
Nobody told me that the road would be easy.
I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me.
And you all helped us win in 2020 and we don't do it again in 2024.
Twante, Twana, Follow.
So what a great hero of the faith.
A good example to us all.
We salute you, Chicago Mayor, whatever your name was.
That's just painful.
Yeah, that ran right into a black woman.
Into blackness.
He ran into blackness.
He ran into blackness.
He felt it.
And he felt it.
Did you feel the heat?
Man.
Man, guys.
It's like the most racist statement he could make, and he's black.
How was the drive in?
Well, I ran into some blackness on the way, and I felt the heat.
Yeah, like, whoa, the racist, like, I'm just talking about the weather.
It's hot.
Oh, man.
It sucks.
In America, we resolve our difference at the battle box.
You know, that's how we do it at the battle box, not with bullets.
Two things enter, one thing leaves.
Today in the battle box, we're going to choose between Kamala Harris and Martin Van Buren.
Can I just stop everyone there?
No.
Didn't she get mad at someone for saying Kamala?
Didn't she say it's Kamala?
I think the media got mad on her behalf.
That people, well, I'm not sure.
But they've also gotten mad on her behalf.
And they've even said like it's racist to mispronounce her name.
So there's Kamala, Kamala.
And Kamala.
Kamala.
Which I think Biden has actually said before.
Yeah.
Yeah, Kamala.
And then before she officially announced that she was the presidential candidate, someone on Twitter, I think it was Jen Rubin, she got mad that people were saying Kamala, even on Twitter, because they're like, it's sexist of you to just use her first name like that.
It's Vice President Harris.
And then she announced her campaign and all the signs say Kamala.
Yeah.
Like, what are you supposed to call it?
Only that.
They called Donald Trump Trump.
Yeah.
But I'm sure if they meet Donald Trump, they probably call him Trump.
Hey, excuse me, Trump.
You know?
Well, Kamala is her first name.
Yeah, but, you know, calling someone by, like, hey, Donald.
Hey, hey, Harris.
Hey, Harris.
People call me La Master.
I love it.
Just want to put that out.
You know.
How do you feel when we call you Jared?
Yeah.
You know, it's funny because, you know, like you watch the X-Files.
Yeah.
You know, there are like Mulder, Scully.
That's their last names.
Yeah, it's so cool.
And I've thought the same thing.
Like, I wish people would just say, hey, Woodside.
No one does that.
I feel the same way.
We're going to start doing that with you.
All right, La Master.
All right, Woodside.
I just feel like it kind of, you know, makes you feel like you're part of a team, you know?
Yeah.
It's okay.
I'm a coach.
Okay.
So back to the topic at hand.
Yeah.
Martin Van Buren, did you know he's the eighth president of the United States?
From 1837 to 1841.
That's right, Dan.
Wow, that's a really good memory on that.
So he regarded himself as the disciple of Thomas Jefferson, going for states' rights as opposed to strong federal government, like John Adams, dummy.
Yeah, jerk.
Did you guys know that he brought together a diverse coalition of Jeffersonian Republicans to start the Democratic Party?
What a jerk.
Did you know that Martin Van Buren was the founder of the Democratic Party?
I really didn't know that.
I actually didn't yet.
But where did he stand on LGBTQ allyship?
I'm pretty sure he was against it.
He probably had never heard of it before.
Yeah.
He's like, you see those effeminate men behind the tavern?
He loved slavery, I'm guessing, too.
Ah, actually, he didn't.
Surprisingly.
Oh, crazy.
So he was Andrew Jackson's VP, and he did not support annexing Texas because he feared it would add another slave territory because Texas was like, hey, we're in the South.
We want slaves.
I mean, eventually Texas did get annexed and it was great because it led to the birth of Chuck Norris.
But, you know, Walker.
In the beginning, there were some hiccups because they were a slave state.
Good Callwood side.
Yeah.
Thanks, LaMaster.
So we have to pick between Kamala and Martin.
Yeah.
I mean, on one hand, Kamala Harris is a black woman.
Kamala?
Kamala?
Did you see Trump was calling her like Kamabla or something?
Kamabla.
Kamabla.
Kamala.
I don't know if that was a typo or not.
Because it was on Truth Social.
Kamabla.
Kamba Bla.
It sounds like a monster, like a Universal Studios monster.
Kamabla.
We say that he was against slavery, but he sided against enslaved Africans for their part in the Amistad Mutiny.
That's true.
Steven Spielberg would be outraged because he directed Amistad.
Which, by the way, Amistad, not a bad movie if you get a chance, Gina.
Not bad, but also really hard to watch.
Hard to watch for many reasons.
You watch that one time and then you're like, well, that's it.
Yeah.
I'm never watching that again.
Those are like the two instances where nudity was required in filmmaking.
It's like the one about the Holocaust and then the one about the.
It was a little more palatable in Schindler's list because of the decision to make that film black and white.
Yeah.
It was just a little easier to get through.
Amistad is.
Black and white in a different way.
Yes.
But it's also in color.
So what does it mean?
It was a very gross movie.
What does Kamala have in her pros and cons column?
We've heard about Martin Van Buren.
Yeah.
Van Buren.
She's black.
She's black.
She was the border czar.
Willie Brown.
She's always got Willie Brown.
She picked Tim Walz as her VP.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's going to build the walls.
She's just a delightful person.
She laughs.
She dances.
She has that story about coconut trees.
She has that coconut tree story.
I haven't heard this story.
She does have a high turnover in her.
Yeah.
In her staff.
Yeah.
But giving more opportunities to be in her staff.
That's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
What's the coconut trees thing?
Oh, in speeches, she's brought it up multiple times, I think, where she'd say, like, oh, my grandmother used to say, do you fall out of a coconut tree?
Did you fall out of a coconut tree?
Yeah, it's like talking about people being dumb.
Did you fall out of coconut tree?
Because you're dumb.
It's supposed to sort of sound like it's colloquial and somehow from her cultural heritage.
Yeah.
You know?
This is what people used to say back on the island.
Yeah, because she's where I came from.
Jamaican.
I agree with Kamala that one time when she said kids were stupid.
What, 24 kids?
For kids that are 24?
Yeah, yeah, that age range.
Yeah.
What do we know about that generation?
I was stupid at 24.
Yeah.
So she's not wrong about that.
It was kind of stupid to say that in a speech.
They are stupid.
Also, she loves Venn diagrams.
That's true.
And she's also brought that up multiple times.
She does.
She likes yellow school buses.
Oh, who doesn't love a yellow school bus?
Who doesn't love it?
She likes space.
It connects space.
It connects.
And it inspires us.
What was it?
I don't remember.
Something and it connects.
I saw.
It's like the cloud.
It is like the cloud connection.
She likes clouds.
Yeah, she's got a lot going for her.
You know, I'm going to have to give it to Kamala.
I'm going to pick Kamala.
Yeah.
Over Martin Verbs.
His speeches are so inspiring to me.
I'll be honest, I'm going to give it to Martin Van Buren.
However, I mean...
It's a close one.
I get it.
Andrew Jackson wasn't a great president, and he's the VP for Andrew Jackson.
Oh, yeah, that's not good.
But vice presidents were different back then.
It was more like you come in second place, you're the vice president.
He did oppose the Bank of the United States.
Oh.
Which did that eventually turn into the Federal Reserve?
Well, the Bank of the United States would have been a federal institution, a federal financial institution.
The Federal Reserve is about as federal as Federal Express.
You know, now that I think about it, maybe I'm going with Martin.
Actually, you know what?
I'm going back to Kamala because he lost re-election to William Henry Harrison like a chump.
You know why?
Because in Florida, there was a war with the Seminoles and it eroded his popularity.
And so over time, people got tired of that old Seminole War.
So like, let's just make a football team out of this.
But I hate the Seminoles, so we're back to Martin Van Buren.
But is that as bad as the Afghanistan withdrawal?
Don't say that.
Actually, I don't know what the Seminoles are, so I shouldn't say that.
Do you think that the Seminole War was as bad as the Afghanistan withdrawal?
This is the first I've heard of the Seminole War.
Okay.
Yeah, you know what's crazy.
Begun the Seminole War.
You don't really learn about it in school.
No.
Do you know about it?
Not much.
Is it like the Trail of Tears?
I don't know nothing about it.
I don't really know.
Why has there been a media blackout of the Seminole War?
I feel like they've really covered up the Seminole War.
They've really covered it up.
I wonder if this is like one of those things where if you grow up in Florida, they teach you that in schools.
Like here in California, you go to school and you learn about the California missions.
You don't learn about that in other states.
Well, they whitewash it, you know.
They don't want to tell you any stories about any kind of...
But also, it's more very specific California history.
The California missions really doesn't mean anything 100% to anybody.
But you think that the way California history is taught is whitewashed?
100%.
We only tell white people stories.
Because I remember growing up and hearing about how all the missions were bad and how all the natives were being oppressed.
He's telling a joke.
Oh, it's a good joke.
Well, half joke.
Okay.
I don't think it's whitewashed.
Please don't get defensive.
You know, I'm going to go with Martin Van Buren.
I just changed my mind.
So you went to Kamala?
No, I'm going back to Van Buren.
I feel like Van Buren was a person that got there because he was doing all this stuff, right?
So obviously, you look at his kind of track record.
He did a bunch of crap.
He at least did stuff.
He did stuff.
Kamala has sort of stumbled her way up to the top, like by just being in the right place at the right time with the right skin color.
So I think it's a very strange one.
And there's other things she's done too, but I would say that's.
So are you committing to Martin Van Buren?
I hate to be serious about it, but yes.
All right.
Martin Van Buren has won.
Kamala Harris has now been expunged from the historical record.
And Martin Van Buren is now president.
But we did it at the battle box, not from bullets.
Let's move on to Red Lobster Facts.
Today's Red Lobster Fact comes from me because I looked it up.
The site of the first Red Lobster in Lakeland, Florida is now a Lakeland Fishing Outfitters Tackle Shop.
It's more than just a store.
It's a sanctuary for all who love fishing.
This has been Red Lobster Facts.
I'm always amused when we use the word sanctuary for things that aren't sanctuaries.
It's like, this is a holy sacred place, this fishing store.
Well, that's how they describe themselves.
That's how they describe.
What is that?
It's the Hall of Congress.
This is a really sacred place.
Very sacred.
People say that it's sacred.
I'm like, it's not holy.
It's a building.
Yeah.
You guys are weird.
Well, I guess that about does it for the Babylon Bee podcast, right?
I think that does it.
I think it's over.
I'm already doing work for the next thing that we have going on.
So yes.
What a nerd.
All right.
So this has been the Babylon Bee podcast, the only podcast that talks about the news.
If you want to hear or watch the rest of this, you need to go to babylonbee.com slash plans.
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