It's another podcast with Kyle, Jarret, Brandon, and Travis! They talk about the news of the week like In-N-Out closing its first ever location because of California, big tech CEOs having blood on their hands, and how pro-life protesters are facing up to 11 years in prison for trying to save lives. Also, what are the most searched for prompts on Google about the Bee? This episode is brought to you by Alliance Defending Freedom. Join ADF today! http://joinadf.com/bee
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The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Whoa!
Podcast!
What did you say?
Gender.
Oh, I said podcast.
Whoa!
Podcast!
Podcast!
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, I'm the editor-in-chief of the Babylon B. Writing funny articles and sometimes not funny ones.
And I'm hanging out with Jared.
I'm Jared.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
I am here at the Babylon B too.
I'm also hanging out with Brandon today.
My name is Brandon, and I am also here at the Babylon B.
And another one at the Babylon Bee is Travis.
He, him.
That is my pronoun.
You feel like people introduce themselves by their pronouns.
It's kind of like saying, like, I know you can't tell what I am.
Like, I know people, I know liberals will do it as like a courtesy thing and say, oh, he, him, because it's inclusive to everybody.
Always introduce yourself with your pronouns.
But you see some guy on Twitter and he's like, he, him, just in case you didn't.
Yeah, it's always weird when you go to their pronouns like he, him.
Well, that would have been my guess.
We had an article like years ago that was like, amazing.
This man can guess people's pronouns with 99% accuracy.
It's just like, I don't know, he, him?
And there are people that.
There's certain people that when you meet them, you assume they're going to offer their pronouns.
Like you can tell by looking at them that they will probably offer their pronouns.
I don't think I've ever had that happen.
Have you guys ever had anybody?
Not in person, no.
Like I know online that you see tweeters and stuff.
Xers.
Xers, thank you.
Tweeters.
Tweeters, sorry.
No pronouns.
Just unprofessional nouns.
Is it a myth?
Is it a real thing?
I think it's just in the DEI departments of industry.
It's definitely artificially forced from the top.
Yes.
It's a thing that people go by different pronouns, but I don't think, I just don't know if there's ever a situation where we go, hi, my name is Dave.
You know, she, her.
She, him.
I have a picture in Travis.
I'm Dave.
She, her.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
And for the gender fluid folk among us, do they have to give their pronouns every time they meet someone?
Yeah.
Like, I'm a woman today.
Yeah, yeah.
I assume so.
Today, I'm hippopotamus folk.
It's like, here's my, it's like you're meeting a barista or something.
Oh, here's my pronouns.
Or if a barista is meeting you, like, what are your pronouns?
In case I happen to refer to you in the third person in the three sentences, we're going to interact with each other.
Yeah, that's why, to be safe, I always call people by their name.
It just, the sentences are weird.
Travis says that Travis needs to go to the bathroom because Travis has been sitting in this podcast for a half hour.
That's right, Kyle.
That's like when the Progressive Church started changing all the references to God and the He's in the Bible, where it was like, God says this, then God did this, then God did this, instead of using he.
You know what I'm talking about?
I'm aware of the debate, but I don't know of any mainstream.
I know there's those weird fringe Episcopalian churches that do stuff like that.
Nah, dude, I mean, the Nazarenes, what I remember, they were doing that.
Or like hymns.
They'll change a hymn to get rid of a he or something.
Yeah.
They were just trying to remove he.
And I was like, I don't know.
It's a bunch of crap.
I imagine Media Matters or someone like them watching this podcast and saying, these simple-minded conservatives.
They don't even understand pronouns.
They don't understand this thing that we made up five seconds ago.
Just showing their ignorance.
Well, maybe we're too small for Media Matters to even care.
Yeah, I wish we were at that level.
I sometimes imagine, I sometimes do fantasize about them watching us.
I sometimes fantasize about Media Matters.
Watching our car.
You lay in bed awake at night imagining it.
Yeah.
I'm actually thinking about it right now.
You wouldn't believe.
Just awful.
Yeah.
Just got to be careful about our fantasy lives.
Well, you know what my fantasy is?
It's hearing about the news of the week.
Oh, I can make your dreams come true.
Phew.
Because today's show, we're going to talk about news of the week.
And then later on, we're going to answer the most commonly Googled questions about the Babylon B. That'll be fun.
What's in the news this week?
In N Out is closing down a store in Oakland.
Actually, that's phrased a little confusingly, right?
Because this is the first time In-N-Out has ever closed a location, is my understanding.
Ever.
And not just in Oakland and anywhere.
But for the first time ever, In-N-O is closing down the store.
This one is in Oakland, and it's due to rampant crime and lawlessness.
Yeah, so it wasn't even because it was like underperforming.
They said it was like, oh, we keep getting robbed.
They said, our customers and associates are regularly victimized by car break-ins, property damage, theft, and armed robberies.
Maybe we should leave.
The company said, quote, I made up that last part.
They didn't even say that.
Yeah, I'm from the Bay Area.
I remember when we first started getting In-N-Outs.
It was so exciting.
It had previously, we were familiar with In-N-Out from Southern California, but when we first got them, it was the greatest thing.
Yeah, Oakland's no joke.
I mean, the whole Bay Area, San Francisco in particular, my church that I used to go to, the alleyway behind the church would never not have broken glass from car windows.
Like, just a perpetual stream, a perpetual stream.
We walked over to that Internet when we were up there.
This very one?
No, no, no.
We just walked up to a N Inn and Out.
I was thinking that In N Out.
Do you remember that in In-N-Out that we went to?
I do.
It wasn't.
Yeah, and there was a bag of not In-N-Out on the sidewalk.
What was that about?
It may have been in the NOT ON ON ON ON THE SOURD.
There was a bag of special sauce spread on the sidewalk.
And it was delicious.
I mean, the internet was delicious.
Not the bag that picked up on the ground stuff.
But I was talking to somebody this week.
Yeah, I'm an industry friend associate, and he told me that he was like, oh, I loved your article on this.
The Babylon Bee ran an article on this where I think where the store moves to Gaza because it's much safer.
And he said, I love that article because I got robbed at the In-N-Out.
Oh, that's awesome.
I did see that.
Actually, that In-N-Out.
He told me that he pulled up and he was like on his phone or something, and he looks in his backseat, and there's a guy in a ski mask grabbing all his stuff.
Oh, it's like an urban legend.
And he's like, Don't look at the back seat.
And they just run off.
And he's like, I mean, he or she, whatever their pronouns.
Yeah, whatever.
Runs off.
Yeah.
Hi, my name is Rober Heham, and I'm robbing you today.
Robert Heham.
And I guess Gavin Newsome was upset that they closed this location because his family loves In-N-Out.
Oh, and does he live in Oakland?
No, but he loves In-N-Out.
Well, I don't know if parts of his family do.
I don't know.
I doubt it.
I seriously doubt it.
He lives.
There's no wineries in Oakland, I don't think.
Not anymore.
Not since the Raiders left.
Used to be all of them.
Winers.
Wineries.
They had all these wineries there to service the high-end Oakland Raiders client.
Now they're all in Vegas.
Would you like to go to a Raiders game followed by a trip to the vineyard?
And some cheese.
A cheese to.
All right.
Well, what else do we have?
Speaking of people that like to visit vineyards.
In and out.
Lindsey Graham is.
I don't know.
Wineries.
Vineyards.
Just like Noah had his own vineyard.
What do you mean by that?
I don't really know.
Lindsey Graham told social media big tech CEOs that they have blood on their hands.
What was he referring to?
Well, he said it's outrageous that social media companies are not regulated, have no protections for consumers, and you can't sue them.
I think you can.
I mean, can you?
Can you?
You can sue kind of anybody you want.
Yeah.
Oh, Mark Zuckerberg apologized to parents of users who committed suicide.
Well, there is an element where Mark Zuckerberg, or all people behind Facebook, have admitted that they designed it to be addictive.
And by contrast, it's led down this rabbit hole where people are addicted to social media and their self-esteem suffers and then they commit suicide, unfortunately.
So Lindsey Graham could be talking about that.
Hey, they have blood on their hands because of all these deaths.
And Zuckerberg says, my bad.
We will not change it, though.
I still don't know why he's telling them they have blood on their hands, though.
Well, because kids have killed them.
That's sorry.
So there's this yogurt company.
I think it's like Sigis or something.
Is that a yogurt company?
Sure.
Sigis.
Sigis.
There's a yogurt company that's that's running a contest right now that will they will pay you $10,000 if you lock your cell phone in a box for for a month, essentially.
And I'm so tempted.
I want to do that.
But you'd need to win their contest in order to gain the $10,000 and give up your phone.
I kind of am tempted to just chuck my cell phone anyway.
Like, I want a flip phone, but that to me...
There is an appeal to going back to a dumb phone.
100%.
But yeah, at the same time, it's like, hey, I need this to work.
I need it.
I love the maps aspect, but I don't know.
I'm just going to keep on edging as close as I can to Sin so that I can have my phone.
Yeah, part of me thinks getting a Gab wireless phone or a pinwheel phone would be great.
Like just kind of a, you know, something that just calls and texts and calculates.
Yeah, there was an article I read a while back about Gen Z is kind of rejecting smartphones.
Not necessarily in droves, but they're starting a trend where they just want to go back to being unplugged and things like that.
Well, I shouldn't say go back to.
They were born plugged in.
To the Matrix.
They want to unplug.
They want to go to Zion.
Yeah.
And I think there's something appealing about that, but it would be nice if someone like Elon Musk would make a dumb phone that was more advanced than something from the 90s.
I don't want to go back to like a Nokia phone.
Okay, what if we had a smartphone that had all the information of the world at our fingertips, but just you couldn't watch porn on it, and there's no social media?
I mean, technically, you can do that now.
Why couldn't you just do that?
It seems like AI is advanced enough to be able to axe that stuff out.
But I do think Pinwheel is doing that.
I don't know what that is.
Look up Pinwheel, Gab Wireless.
Those two companies are doing good.
Did they sponsor this podcast?
They don't, but they should.
Don't look it up.
They should.
It's interesting.
It's like one of the most one of the most important pieces of technology in all of human history is also responsible for the downfall of society in some ways.
But isn't that always the case?
You know, advances in technology, there's two sides.
Every science fiction is about that.
Yeah.
All those people dying in the aqueducts.
Aqueducts were a leap forward in technology, but also they brought prostitution to the outskirts of the world, you know?
I don't know.
C.S. Lewis, you know, in Abolition of Man and That Hideous Strength, his kind of the theory that he's kind of trying to advance there is that mankind through technology thinks he's conquering nature, but all mankind is doing is conquering himself.
And ultimately, nature is conquering man.
It was like his he had an interesting logical progression, logical proof of that sort of.
But we're just subjugating ourselves through our own technology.
Just like Swamp Thing.
Exactly like Swamp Thing.
We are becoming slaves to our own creation, like Frankenstein.
Or Swamp Thing.
Just like the movie Surrogates.
Yep, with Bruce Willis.
Boy, that's a deep movie.
Wait, that wasn't the one I was thinking of.
No, but sure, that one too.
Wait, what are you?
There was a really cheesy B movie with Keanu Reeves a few years ago where he like clones his dead kids or something.
Oh, wow.
I don't know.
I know not what you said.
I might be getting it completely right.
Wait, it was The Matrix.
No, never mind.
Hey, six Nashville pro-life demonstrators were found guilty and now face up to 11 years in federal prison.
Their crime, they were protesting outside of an abortion clinic.
Is that all they were doing?
I think they were also singing hymns, right?
Dangerous with instruments.
Anti-party.
Travis is like, may they rot in jail forever for using musical instruments?
No, it was just a pitch pipe.
Oh, well.
So it's okay.
But they were rocking that pitch pipe.
It's really interesting.
That's an interesting song to get.
I don't know a lot of details about that story.
For all I know, there could have been something bad they were doing also.
But in general, it's really uneven how the government tends to go after pro-life protesters versus, well, the opposite.
People that are.
Well, this is a federal law that makes it a crime to restrict access.
So it's like, oh, you're forming this line in front of this clinic protesting, and you could argue, oh, you're blocking people from accessing this business that makes money by killing.
Unless they were, like, planning to bomb it any time in prison is ridiculous.
So I don't – this is insane.
To my knowledge, climate protesters blocking freeways don't get jail time.
They just.
And what if one of those people was driving to an abortion clinic?
And oh, then they're pro-life activists by accident.
That's great.
What if you run over one of those people?
Do you go to jail or do they go to jail?
That's how insidious the tactics are because it's like, oh, no, no, we're going to stand right in front of your car even as you're running over.
What if you say you're running over the person to reduce the carbon footprint of the world?
Yeah.
Of the earth?
I can't say that I wouldn't lose my cool in that situation.
And just be like, ah!
Oh, and if somebody was in the...
Yeah, especially if I really had to pee.
Well, if you see those videos where the people, people get out of their cars and they go over there and they grab him by the hair and pull them.
I cheer for those people.
I love it.
There was that dude in Central America that ended up shooting some of them.
Did you see that?
No.
He just got out with a gun.
He was like, bam, bam, bam, bam.
And he, you know, he's on media.
I obviously got arrested for murder.
Yeah, that's a very good thing.
For murder.
You know, murdering them.
Wow.
But most people were just kind of like, well, oh, it was an American.
He was in Panama and he gunned down two.
Yeah, we don't need to watch it.
Yeah, so this is a package.
Oh, I forgot about that guy.
He looks like Santa Claus.
He's a big picture with that.
He definitely looks like he's over.
I think at some point you're 77, you know.
I think that does happen to some people, not to everyone.
And you're like, you know what?
I've lived a good life.
Yeah.
I'd like to go out.
Go down.
I'd like to go out with a bang.
And I'm going to shoot my shot.
Oh, I just realized that photo shows the shell casing coming out.
And I totally thought that was like a hair clip or something.
He's like, I'm about to go commit some murder.
No, that's a clip back.
That's an action shot.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Who got that shot?
That's a good shot.
Who shot that?
That's crazy.
I don't know.
You know what better?
Okay, never mind.
Let's.
We don't want to cheer that.
He looks so bored in that picture, though.
Like, eh.
He's like, yeah, I'm tired.
So these people haven't been sentenced yet, and I assume that they're going to appeal this Nashville whole life demonstration thing.
It's crazy it's happening in the middle of the country, too.
It's not happening somewhere out here.
Like, it's crazy.
I agree with what you were saying, though, Travis.
Like, some of these things, I haven't read the whole article.
I don't know if there was anything more going on beyond just blocking the thing.
But what always infuriates me the most is the hypocrisy.
We're in a country where you can burn down the whole country for a whole summer of love and no prosecutions on all that stuff.
And the vice president will bail you out.
Yeah, exactly.
Or Mark Howe, who he did push a protester that was harassing his son.
He did technically push him, but does that justify an entire raid on an armed raid on his house in front of his children?
Yeah, that is the question.
And the answer is no.
Yes, yes.
No, it is no.
And the answer for the FBI who's listening in right now is absolutely yes.
100%.
You're justified.
Send them to jail.
Whatever you do, DOJ, FBI.
We're always justified.
Well, that's it.
That is all the news that happened this week.
All the news.
That's it.
And In-N-Out closed.
And some pro-life protesters.
Mark Zuckerberg apologized.
Folks, this really upsets me.
Government officials are threatening the ability of churches, Christian ministries, and people of faith like you and me to freely live out the gospel, to minister to those in need, and to express what we believe.
Friends, we must no longer stay silent.
The great folks at Alliance Defending Freedom are on the front lines of this battle.
They defend everyday Americans like you and me in court, free of charge, whose First Amendment freedoms and God-given rights are being violated.
And we need to stand with them.
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And now we are going to move into a segment called Answering the Most Asked Questions on Google search about us.
So we used Google's auto-suggestion feature to find out what people are Googling about the Babylon Bee.
And we're going to answer all the questions.
So the first one is, is the Babylon Bee Catholic?
That's a good answer.
The answer is no, although we've had various Catholics either contribute articles or work with us or appear on the podcast as guest hosts and that kind of stuff.
I think most of us are Protestant.
And the Babylon Bee is not like a denomination, also.
It's a satire website.
I was going to say Dan is Reformed Catholic.
Dan wrote that in the quickly deleted it.
We are Protestants.
We were protesting.
We're still protesting the 95 things.
Right.
All right, here's another one.
Is Babylon B Calvinist?
Well, once again, the Babylon B is not a Christian believer.
It is a satire site.
So we don't.
We're not really like a person who believes in Calvinism.
But I'm mostly a Calvinist, and I know we all have various viewpoints on that.
I would say the mix whenever we talk about it is probably close to 50-50 between people who lean towards that side and people who lean the wrong side.
I think we just end up making a lot of Calvinist jokes.
So it seems more like we're all on board with it.
Calvinists are probably a little bit more fun to make fun of because it's a little bit of a subculture right now.
And that's kind of a fun thing to think about.
Like, well, if everything's predestined, then, you know, there's a lot of jokes can come out of that.
This joke was predestined, including the jokes.
Yeah.
They also take themselves really seriously most of the time.
Yeah, there's kind of that comes to their theology, so it's easier to make fun of them.
Which was also predestined.
And which also, yes.
It's so serious.
Adam Ford, who founded the Babylon B, is a Calvinist.
And he, you know, right out of the gate, we were just making a bunch of Calvinist jokes because that was the most fun.
It's always the most fun to start by making fun of yourself.
Yeah, well, it's what you know.
It's what you know, right?
Yeah.
That's why I pitch a lot of Church of Christ jokes, and everyone's like, what is this?
What does this mean?
That's the only problem.
There's only like 12 members of churches of Christ.
There are dozens of us.
Dozens.
A dozen.
Literally dozens.
But you guys are the right ones.
Yes, correct.
So there are only 12 correct ones, but it's you guys.
And you guys are not a cult, right?
That's not a cult, right?
No.
But that is what all the cults say.
Well, officially, that is what all the cults say.
Hold on, let me turn this around.
Are you part of a cult?
No.
What the cults say.
What Christianity says?
What Christians, you know.
Well, Christianity was seen as a.
We're looking it up right now.
Is Church of Christ a good biblical church?
Well.
Answer.
The answer, oh, it's just yes.
Wow.
That's all it says.
Amazing.
It says that the problem is that they don't allow music.
Yeah, the only thing is musical.
The second issue is that they claim to be the one true church outside of which there is no salvation.
Do you agree with that, Travis?
I agree that the one true church is Christianity.
Okay.
So you wouldn't say like I'm going to hell because I'm not a member of the church of Christianity.
Anyone who follows God and believes in Christ as the Son is going to heaven.
And is baptized according to the doctrine, too.
A third issue is the emphasis on baptism.
It's necessary for salvation.
Yes.
What if people want to be baptized?
Well, there's a baptism by desire.
I mean, that's what Catholics would say.
Yeah.
You know, that the Duck Dynasty guys, Churches of Christ.
Are they really?
Willie?
Yeah.
Just met Willie.
He's not the most famous person I met, but.
Willie Smith is.
No, I've never met Will Smith.
I don't think you can say that you met Willie.
You can say I met.
There's a couple Willies I met.
I don't know where we're going with that one.
No, I'm just saying you can't.
Your face.
Okay, never mind.
Anyway, scrub that.
What?
Scrub that one.
Please scrub all mention of Willie.
What denomination is Babylon B?
Well, once again, Babylon B is not a church.
We could be.
We could do a what is it, 501c3 or whatever.
We could file as a become a church.
And become a church.
Take tithe and donations.
We wouldn't have to pay taxes, which would be nice.
Would get that pastor's tax shelter.
Yeah, well, they don't really have a tax shelter.
They do.
I was a pastor.
The housing allowance.
That's a big thing.
Yeah, but it's just a minor.
There's this idea that pastors don't have to pay any taxes, but they do.
They do pay taxes.
Wow.
It's just that there are clever ways to structure the allowance so that they don't have to pay as much.
Well, it's a housing allowance is you can put anything you put towards your housing is a write-off.
So that's a big deal.
Usually that's the significant portion of your income.
Babylon B net worth.
What's our net worth, Kyle?
At least five.
Right?
Five.
At least.
If Elon Musk offered us $1 billion for the website, we would say yes.
Interesting.
So if you're watching Elon, that is our net worth.
But my question is: what is the Babylon B?
The Babylon B is a Christian news satire site modeled on the Onion.
I don't know what Wikipedia says.
It probably says something like that.
In the style of The Onion.
What is the Babylon B?
Why?
Why is Babylon Baby?
When people ask me what I do with the Babylon B is, I tell them that we spread right-wing misinformation under the guise of satire.
That is kind of what we do, yeah.
I don't even tell people I work for the Babylon B.
I say I work for a satire site just in case.
Here's how I navigate those conversations.
I say.
Oh.
Oh, look, there's a picture of Seth.
There's Seth.
I say I'm a writer.
Holy cow, there's a lot of information on our Wikipedia page.
You're a writer.
I say a lot of this information in this Wikipedia article is not great.
I say, I'm a writer.
And then they go, oh, what do you write?
And I say, comedy.
And they go, oh, well, for what?
And then I go, for a satire site online.
Then they go, what satire?
And I say, the Babylon.
And they say, the Babylon what?
And then I go, The Babylon B.
The Babylon A?
B?
C?
Because usually if they drilled that far down, then they're going to know what it is.
But if I'm like, oh, satire site, they don't know what that is, then they're not going to know what the Babylon B is.
All right, here's another question from Google.
Who are the Babylon B actors?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, all four of us.
I guess we all count.
You know?
Here.
Does it come up when you actually search that?
Who are the Babylon B actors?
Does it like have a list?
Oh, I don't know what the result was.
That's fine.
You were supposed to answer.
Well, if we answer, who are the Babylon B actors?
Yeah.
I mean, I know we can say, I know we know that your name is Jarrett LeMaster, but who is Jarrett LeMaster?
That's the question I keep trying to answer.
Oh, so it comes up with our IMDB page.
So it doesn't be like these guys.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Somebody that knows a creepy lot about us.
Hey, our podcast has only a 6.2 out of 10 on IMDb.
Who's rating podcasts on IMDb?
Who is this person?
Have you ever rated a podcast on IMDb?
I have never.
I rated ours a 10.
Okay.
That's about it.
All right.
Well.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's our podcast, too, right?
That's just the podcast.
Well, unfortunately, it's not just the podcast.
Unfortunately, that's a lot of our shorts as well that somehow got to the point.
Oh, yeah.
Some of these people aren't in the podcast.
They're just on shorts.
All right.
Well, so the Babylon B actors are many.
We get our actors from lots of places.
Costco.
Home Depot.
Stater Brothers.
They get really good deals at Home Depot.
Did get one from State Brothers.
Is Babylon B satire?
No.
No, it is all 100%.
Babylon B reliable.
Yes.
Yes, because it's 100% accurate news.
Is Babylon B conservative?
Yeah.
I would say we're conservative.
But is Babylon B right-wing?
Is Babylon B right-wing?
Yeah, sure.
Is Babylon B free?
No.
As in price or as free people?
Are we free to make our own decisions?
Are we free in crossing?
Are we Calvinists?
That goes back to are you Calvinists?
Well, Babylon B is free if you're a freeloader.
But if you really want to support what we do, you can go to Babylon B.com slash plans.
I want piano music under this.
You can go to BabylonB.com slash plans where you'll find a button to help support the starving satire writer.
Join us today.
All right, what are some more questions?
Oh, Seth Dylan.
Okay, these are questions about Seth Dylan.
Seth Dylan.
Seth Dylan, Babylon B. Seth Dylan net worth.
Let's look that up.
I have no idea what Seth is worth.
At least five.
At least.
Five.
Are we going to look that down at dollars?
I don't know.
At least.
I think at least let's find out.
These net worth things are always really interesting.
You do it on yourself at some point.
Okay, this is Seth Dylan's estimated net worth is approximately $1 million.
That's highly.
It's true.
The answer is $1 million.
$1 million.
Seth Dylan wife.
Her name is Tara.
I don't know if he wants to tell everybody that.
But she's great.
Her name is Blank.
Did you guys all meet her at the conference?
I did.
She was nice.
She was great.
She was really cool.
Yeah.
Seth Dylan Ladyballers.
Yep.
Yes, Seth Dillon was in the hit classic comedy movie, Lady Ballers.
Funniest thing that's ever come out.
Seth was actually snubbed.
Did not get an Oscar nomination.
Yeah.
But these kind of snubs are common with.
But I think Ladyballers was also snubbed.
That's the movie that Hollywood doesn't want you to see.
Jeremy Boring was snubbed.
He was snubbed so hard.
Didn't get nominated for actor, writer, director.
Yeah.
What gives, Hollywood?
They are silencing conservative voices yet again.
Yet again.
Seth Dylan age, I think he's 41.
What?
With a one?
I think he is.
I think he turned 40 last year.
Okay.
And then he just had a birthday 94.
And so now that goes one more.
I'm surprised I wasn't invited to his birthday party.
Yeah.
Oh, my favorite.
Me, neither.
I didn't go to that.
My favorite search is the last one.
Seth Dylan Gettysburg.
What does that mean?
Was there a Seth Dylan at Gettysburg?
Let's find out.
Seth Dylan Gettysburg.
If anybody's confused, by the way, Seth Dillon is our CEO.
Oh, Seth Dylan is a dynamic.
Oh, he spoke at Gettysburg Dynamics.
Gettysburg College.
Oh, I see.
Oh, I almost took that over for him because he was feeling sick.
And then he called me back and said, now I'm feeling better.
You missed out on having a second Gettysburg address.
It's true.
Ooh, Kyle Man.
So excited.
All right, here we go.
Here's Kyle Mann.
Kyle Mann net worth.
At least, at least three.
It'll be more than Seth.
My net worth might be higher than Seth's based on the last Google's.
Let's find out.
I always think I don't have much net worth.
But I do own part of the B, so that helps.
Right.
And then I own a half-blood.
Property, cars.
Yeah.
But I owe on all that stuff, you know.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
The famous fans are the famous data.
Kyle stands at five feet eight inches.
Is that correct?
No, he's at 5'10.
This is all AI written.
Yeah.
Look, Kyle was born and raised in the United States of America to a caring father and a supportive mother.
Moreover, he has an attractive man.
He's happily married to his appealing wife called Destiny Man.
Moreover, he is.
The lovely couple walked down to Iowa on February 12th, 2007.
That's incorrect.
That's not a good idea.
You didn't walk down to Aisle?
Well, the husband doesn't.
But also, that's not my anniversary.
It mentions your sister twice and how good-looking she is.
I did not graduate with the degree.
Kyle is a proud father of three good-looking boys.
Oh, look at that.
He receives a satisfactory salary of $82,000 annually.
Satisfactory.
This is according to the Babylon Bee editor-in-chief salaries.
There's only ever been one editor-in-chief.
Is your sister attractive, though?
Answer.
Good question.
Answer us.
Both of my sisters are very pretty.
Which one, though?
I don't know how much I want me to talk about this on the file.
Only one is mentioned.
He has one attractive sister.
Oh, no.
He has two sisters, one of whom is attractive.
Does this go on?
Is there more?
Is it in there?
It has your previous job history that you worked at Western Waterworks for nine years and four months.
Between $1 and $5 million, by the way.
That's what you're worth.
That's what you're worth to me.
Yeah.
I was reading a video game article one time.
I worked at Western for longer than that.
I was reading a video game article one time, and like halfway through or part of the way through the article, I was like, this was not written by a person.
Yeah, you just, there is no information in here that is actually could not be parsed by a computer.
So the other autofills for Kyle Mann are Kyle Man Babylon B, Kyle Mann Twitter, Kyle Mann rookie rankings.
So there's a basketball writer whose name is Kyle Mann.
Oh, interesting.
So I get like auto news emails that are like, oh, did you know that Kyle Mann has been talking about basketball stuff?
Kyle Mann wife.
Yes, there is one.
Kyle Mann Marsock.
What is that?
Is that a basketball thing or what's Marsak?
Marsak.
That sounds like an Army thing.
Mars OC.
What is M-A-R-O-C?
Kyle Mann Marsock.
Marsock Special Operations Officer.
Oh, there's an officer.
Oh, that's a handsome fellow.
Okay, so there's some dude that does that.
Okay, cool.
Wow, look at that.
Man, he's more manly than I am.
Yeah.
He is.
He's more of a man.
I must begin training immediately.
Okay.
So there's a.
So it's cool to know that there's a Kyle Mann who does.
So this is like looking into the multiverse.
I could have been a basketball sports writer.
I could have been Marsock.
You could have been the last one, Kyle Mann Obituary.
Yes.
That's true.
Now that'll be interesting.
Let's look up the obituary.
What's the.
And you have to use this for your actual obituary one of these days.
Let's read the first hit.
This is more.
Okay.
Oh, this is sad.
Yeah.
Let's not do this.
He's born in 90.
Yeah, let's not read that.
Goodness, man.
That guy's younger than me.
I thought it would be like some guy.
84.
That guy's about your age.
He's a little older than me.
Yeah.
This is sad, man.
Let's not read people's.
We've got to stop clicking on the obituary.
Yeah.
This guy went to church.
He was always the life of the party.
Baseball and hockey.
Make Travis.
Stop clicking on him, guys.
Oh, this guy's old.
That's okay.
He's 97.
Danny, this guy's old.
He's 97.
97.
Oh, I couldn't read it.
Okay, 97.
Did he serve in the.
Yeah, served in the Army during World War II and stationed in Japan after the war.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Thank you for your service, Kyle Mann.
Well done, Kyle Man.
Wow.
Kyle Clinton, man.
Dude, he died like a week and a half ago.
Oh, bro.
Couple weeks ago.
Dang, bro.
Sincerely, thank you for your service.
Wow.
Wow.
I always respect those World War II guys, you know?
Like.
Kyle Mann Net Worth is in my search history, guys, because I was preparing for this segment.
Okay.
Is Jarrett LeMaster still alive?
People have searched that?
I like people probably watch your early movies, such as Turn Around Jake.
Yeah.
And we're like, is that guy still alive?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had the weirdest experience.
So the guy who bought our movie, Turn Around Jake, speaking of which, we were in Nashville coming home.
And I walk in and the dude that bought our movie, David A. R. White, what's standing there?
Oh, wait.
There's more search.
Oh, that's funny.
Is Jarrett LeMaster related to Kyle Mann?
Is that the only reason why he turned out to be a fan of the family?
I mean, if we go all the way back to Noah.
Yeah.
Yeah, ultimately, at some point back there.
Wow.
Are we related?
Anyway, so I saw David A.R. White in the airport shooting God's Not Dead 17 or whatever.
And there he was.
Huh.
Look at that way, yeah.
I think the net worth is in there, too.
I want to know what my net worth is.
Is Jarrett LeMaster married?
Yeah, I am.
Is Jarrett LeMaster in the FNAF movie?
What is FNAF movie?
Five and a half.
Five?
FNAF.
Five Nights at Freddy's.
Oh.
Oh, that's interesting.
And they do call it FNAF, so I thought you knew that.
Oh, I didn't.
No, I was just being a jerk.
I am not in that movie, but it would be cool.
Were we going to find out how much Jared is worth?
I want to also know my net worth.
Is that possible to check out?
You can check it out.
I could do it at another.
I could do it at another time.
No, we can do it right now.
Okay, fine.
I'm just saying you have ways of finding out your net worth that don't involve Googling.
I know.
I suppose I could look it up.
$300,000.
Is that it?
Yeah.
They're wrong.
It says you're worth $300,000.
That's $400,000.
Great Barrington, Massachusetts.
That's it.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
But I'm worth more than both of those, I think.
Not to brag or anything.
I mean.
All right.
We're going to do a bonus game called Kyle Explains His Search History.
As I was doing this game, I clicked on the little box to start typing in in Google.
And I glanced down on my search history and I thought it was kind of funny.
So the first one is, is this the world you want?
Switchfoot, which is the name of a Switchfoot song.
I would like it if that was like an inquiry you had.
Is this the world you want, Switchfoot?
Switchfoot.
Is this the world you want?
The next one is Giants Curly Hair Pitcher.
Can't remember his name.
I was trying to find the name of, I think it was Manoah or something.
There was a pitcher for the Giants this year, and I couldn't remember his name.
But he had curly hair.
But he had curly hair.
And I think it was Manoa.
Manoa.
Minerva.
The next one I searched was Shoe-In.
Because I was trying to find out if you spell it Shoo-in or S-H-O-O.
Oh, I thought you were trying to determine if the Giants curly hair pitcher was a shoe-in.
See a Shoe-In?
Yeah.
The Hall of Fame.
Yeah, for the Hall of Fame.
Cooperstown.
He would not be.
But Shoe-In, and I think it's Shoe-In is S-H-O-O.
Hmm.
Really?
Shoe them into the Hall of Fame.
Shoe them.
You shoe in instead of shoeing out.
Well, because Shoe is in the shoe.
You'd be like, you're kicking somebody.
You don't kick people into the Hall of Fame.
Yeah, you just kind of like, hey, just get in there.
Get in there, buddy.
He's a shoe-in.
Stanley Thermos.
Fascinating.
I don't know why I searched for a Stanley Thermos.
That seems.
They're so expensive.
We all think about Stanley Thermoses a lot now.
I think I was trying to write a joke about it, about Stanley Cup thing, and so I was like looking for it.
I don't know why.
Babylon B, Man Has Kids just to have someone to crush at Super Smash Brothers.
Was that to check if that article had been written before?
Yeah.
It did sound very similar to it.
It did.
Yeah.
Because we ended up writing that article, but I wanted to see if we had written it before.
I do this a lot.
I'm like, wait, did we do this already?
I thought that one was a year's old headline.
Weather San Diego.
What was the weather?
It was probably perfect.
Five.
Kind of rainy.
This is probably right before you and I took off to San Diego, and I wanted to know, and it was great.
It was actually very nice.
Very nice.
Ron Wright, MLB, must have been looking up a player.
Was that the curly-haired guy?
No, it was a different guy.
It wasn't curly-haired Giants picture.
The Great Divorce, full text.
Didn't want to pay for it.
Oh, yeah, because you can get all that.
It's public domain.
Yeah.
It's actually not, but it is public domain in other countries, so it's hosted everywhere on a Canadian website or something.
Sure.
But I was trying to find a quote, the one about there are two kinds of people in the end.
Those who say to God, thy will be done, and those to whom God says, no, thy will be done.
Yeah.
That's his thing of like sinners are choosing hell versus being condemned to hell, which I don't entirely agree with, but I like the framing of that quote.
That's a good book to pad your reading list to make it look like you read more books in a year.
That's what I did.
It's so short, though.
It is.
Absolutely, yeah.
C.S. Lewis has kind of an Obi-Wan Kenobi sort of way about him where it's like, so what I say was true.
From a certain point of view, you are condemning yourself.
God's like, no, I just sent them to hell.
And C.S. Lewis is like, ah, from a certain point of view.
And he's like, no, you're wrong.
C.S.M. C.S. You're wrong, C.S. They're on a first initials basis.
Not again.
Is fluoride in water good or bad?
Now, that's the debate of the century.
So I didn't search this.
I think my son searched it on my account.
And I think he was watching the Parks and Recreation episode where they're debating over the fluoride in the water.
And he was like, wait a minute.
So what did you find out?
I don't know.
I don't know what page he landed on.
Seems like it's a debate.
And then my last search history is, why don't some people react to being tased?
And this was also my son.
It seems like something your son would look up.
Searching.
Interesting.
He was T-Tased somebody and they didn't react.
That seems like something one of your stunning boys would look up.
And your really beautiful sister.
Jeez.
All right, here's a bonus bonus segment.
Whose search history is this?
We have a mystery Babylon B person with a search history.
That's got to be Travis.
Strong pulse and neck.
Logical positivism.
Brandon Tatum denies divinity of Christ.
He's got to be Dan.
It's Dan.
It's Dan.
It's got the devil who announces works.
37-year-old Zone 2.
Oh, yeah, that's Dan for sure.
Also, it's funny because is he 37?
I don't know.
But he does try to get to Zone 2 almost every day.
What does Zone 2 mean?
Like heart rate?
Yeah, it's a heart rate thing.
Science behind massage.
Ooh, Babylon B after Dark.
Followed by Golden Corral.
Oh, my gosh.
Zone 2 for 37-year-old.
I guess 37-year-old Zone 2 didn't come up with the right results, so he resorted to Zone 2 for 37.
This was fairly recent because I was just listening to the radio on the way home from work yesterday, and Brandon Tatum was on the show on 590, whatever it's called.
And he was talking about how when Jesus says, before Abraham was, I am, that he's not actually saying that he's God.
It was very interesting.
But didn't he say that?
That was like two years ago.
This begs the question.
This was the first time I had heard him have that opinion.
This begs the question on who is Brandon Tatum?
Oh, he was on the show.
He's the police officer that has a podcast.
Does he have a radio show?
He's a black black conservative.
He took over for Larry Elder, I think.
I think the real big question is: Dan, what's with the strong pulse in your neck?
Dan?
Dan?
Dan!
Snake?
Everyone?
Snake?
Mine's like.
Mine's not that strong.
All right, guys.
Well, thanks for joining us on this episode of the Baba Ombe Podcast.
We hope to see you again soon.
If you have a strong pulse in your neck, get it checked out.
And if you want to send us your Google search history, please do.
We'll definitely look at all of them.
But all mankind is doing is conquering himself.
And ultimately, nature is conquering man.
We're just subjugating ourselves through our own technology.