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Jan. 19, 2024 - Babylon Bee
47:12
The One About 7-Eleven

It's another Babylon Bee Podcast! Vivek is out of the race after the Iowa Caucus, Hulk Hogan got saved and he's already saving others, and the United States is bombing the Houthis prompting American citizens to ask: who are the Houthis? Be encouraged by The Babylon Bee's Bible verse of the week. Then, be discouraged by how the internet reacted to that one joke about Vivek and 7-Eleven.

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The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Hi, everyone.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
I am Travis Woodside, a person.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And joining me today is Jarrett LeMaster, a man who has done a push-up.
At least one in his life.
At least one in his life.
I cannot confirm how many.
That's yeah.
And Brandon.
It's probably more than one.
It's me.
Are you still a Chinese man?
Today, I currently am a Chinese person.
Have you ever thought about changing your race?
I've thought about it and I've like within the Asian sphere.
Yeah, like I'm Japanese today.
Not recently.
Would that be an easier transition than, say, trying to become white?
I think the slant of my eyes needs to shift just a little, almost imperceptibly, but yeah, I could do it.
Okay.
And also, Emma's here.
Emma.
I don't get an intro.
Emma.
That's your intro.
Emma, who always says a low-grade sense of anxiety.
Yeah.
And a person who needs no introduction.
Emma.
Emma.
Thank you.
Who needs no introduction?
I didn't do a push-up and I'm not Chinese.
I get nothing.
You could probably do more push-ups than all of us, though, because you are in the Army.
Yep.
Are we allowed to talk about you being in the Army?
We're allowed to talk about me being in the Army.
Not about anything going on, but like you can't tell us where you're going to go when you go.
I can't say anything until it's already happened.
Okay, but can you talk about things in the past?
Yeah.
Okay.
So when General Custer, you know, did his Custer's last stand at the Battle of Gettysburg.
Okay.
What exactly went into that thinking?
So can you ask me something about the last five years?
No.
What did I have for breakfast last week?
Can you talk about things in the past?
Correct.
I got it.
Anything in the past.
So we're going to have a great show today.
Going to have some news.
We're going to talk about things we've been consuming as all good Christians do, consuming material possessions.
And we're going to have some hate mail.
And I don't know.
We might see Jared do push-ups.
Okay.
Push-ups or push-ups.
Whatever you want.
Push-up one.
All right.
We're probably not going to.
Stick around.
Stick to it.
Stick around.
So, yeah, stick around.
Hit the bell.
Subscribe.
Hit the like button.
Because if you like it, we'll know about it.
So, hey, let's start with the news today.
What's in the news this week?
What is in the news?
Yeah.
Tell us.
Well, you tell me, Jim.
Okay, I'll tell you.
This is actually a big deal.
So Vivek is out of the race.
Oh, you mean Ramaswamy.
The human race.
He is out of the human race.
He's out of the race.
And he threw his weight behind Donald Trump.
His significant weight.
Yeah, he looks pretty thin.
Yeah.
He looks thin.
Oh, does he?
Very fit.
He endorsed Trump right after Trump went after him.
I thought that was kind of weird.
It's kind of a beta move, right?
It's like Trump stepped on his neck and he was like.
Well, on the other hand, he's very humble.
I mean, that's a good quality, too.
It's like, you know what?
Still, I would vote for you.
He wanted to be VP.
When did he not endorse Trump?
He endorsed Trump while he was running for president Dixon.
That's actually true.
He's kind of been endorsing Trump the whole time.
Yeah.
Because he's been running for Trump's VP the whole time.
Yeah, that's actually, I think you're probably right.
I don't know why Trump would go after him.
It's unnecessary because he's so many points ahead of him and he knows that Vivek supports him so much.
Yeah.
So what did Trump say?
He specifically said, oh, a vote for Vivek is a vote for the other side.
Doesn't he say that about everybody?
He does, but it's also not true because you're just voting for a Republican.
This is a primary race.
Apparently, Nikki Haley endorsed Ron DeSantis after placing third.
She said, Iowa made this Republican primary a two-person race.
So I guess she's conceding that it's a two-person race between Donald Trump and I guess so.
Is she running for a while?
She's running for Ron DeSantis' VP.
Yeah, I think she's running for the VP for Ron.
I don't think that's going to happen.
Yeah.
So Trump got about, what, 51% of the vote.
It was a huge blowout.
I mean, and Ron DeSantis came in second.
So Nikki Haley came in third, like you said, and all the way at number four with a shocking 0.7%, Ryan Binkley.
Yeah, he got seven.
I didn't even know that Ryan Binkley existed before I read it on the screen right now.
I think that's the only reason he's running.
Yeah, who is it?
People can know.
Can we, though, can we appreciate how neat and tidy the Iowa counties are?
Look at that.
You know what?
It's funny.
I noticed that when we were away, I'm like, what is this?
Although, occasionally, some of those lines are weird because it's like, oh, we're almost a square, but check out this personality.
Is there like a river?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Or like those, it could be.
It's those straight lines up there, and then one county line's just a little higher than the rest of them.
He's like, I'm taller than you guys.
A bunch of boxes, and then the middle section all looks like Michigan.
Here, see graphics.
Like little Michigans everywhere.
And so, yeah, then MSNBC host Rachel Maddow told viewers that they would not air Trump's victory speech because of his, quote, lies.
Like, oh, no, I won.
What about Rachel's lies?
Does she have any?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure she did.
She's fake news, but, you know.
This is what she said.
So, yeah, what did she say?
Emma, you should read it because you're a woman.
At this point in the evening, the projected winner of the Iowa caucuses has just started giving his victory speech.
Maddow said without directly mentioning Trump by name.
We will keep an eye on that as it happens.
We will let you know if there is any news made in that speech, if there is anything noteworthy, something substantive, substantive, and important.
Now, is she saying that we will filter any information that comes from Trump so that you can know what to think about it?
Correct.
Isn't that what she said?
That's basically what she said.
She just said that.
She wouldn't even say Trump by name.
She's like, the winner of today is talking over there, but I'll tell you about it if I feel like it.
Yeah.
So can you say what Joe Biden said?
Because you're a man and he's a man.
Well, I can.
Joe Biden said, looks like Donald Trump just won Iowa.
He's a clear frontrunner on the other side at this point.
But here's the thing.
This election was always going to be you and me versus extreme MAGA Republicans.
It was true yesterday and it'll be true tomorrow.
So if you're with us, join us now at True International Depression.
That was pretty good.
Yeah, just just it's you and me Steve against the MAGA Republicans.
Yeah, you and me.
It does make it sound like it's just you, the president, and one person against the world.
But since Emma read the words of a female and I wrote read the words of a male, I think Jared needs to read these next words of a wrestler.
Oh, I think you're quite right.
So moving on to the next.
All right, so wrestler Hulk Hogan helps rescue teenage girl trapped after Florida car crash.
Oh, that's would you like to be saved by Hulk Hogan?
I would love to be saved.
I think that would be pretty amazing.
Like, I'm in the arms of Hulk Hogan.
Yeah, he's like he's going to pick you up after that.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
He picked me up out of the car.
And he can hold his breath for like 20 minutes.
And he is, he's 70 years old and he's still like moving it.
Yeah, he's definitely replacing his testosterone.
Yeah, so a retired wrestler and friend and a friend.
So he wasn't alone.
And he rescued a teenage girl who was.
Oh, I thought this was still describing Hulk Hogan.
Hulk Hogan, retired wrestler and friend.
And personal friends of friend, father, husband, and a friend.
Hulk Hogan.
So he rescued a teenage girl who was trapped in an overturned vehicle that overturned in a crash in Florida.
So overturned vehicles, that's a big deal.
It's a big deal.
And he used a ballpoint pen to puncture that car's airbag and free the girl.
Oh my gosh, I thought I was going to say he used a ballpoint pen to perform a trachea.
I thought that was like, he would have killed the girl.
I've seen it in shows.
It works.
It does.
Actually, apparently it does work.
So what did Hulk Hogan say on the skills?
What does he say?
In a Hulk Hogan voice.
How did he sound?
I'm trying to remember.
Hey, brother.
Hey, brother.
We're Hulkamaniacs.
We got it.
The crazy part about the teenager that flipped her car was that without a knife to puncture the airbags to get her out, an Indian rock rock's Christian ballpoint pen came in really handy to pot the bags.
Thank you, God.
All is well even now.
Amen.
HH.
So I like that he's of a generation that signs his tweets after an amen.
Just so you know.
Amen.
My name is HH.
I wonder if that's how he prays.
But I do love that.
I do love that so quickly after Hulk Hogan being saved, he's saving others.
Literally.
Literally.
And figuratively.
When did he get saved?
What's that?
I don't know if he just got saved, but he got a lot of people.
He got baptized in the last year.
I thought it was like 10 years ago he started talking about God.
Okay, maybe he was saved a while ago, but he just got baptized then.
For all I know, he was Catholics.
If we're Catholics, then he just got saved very recently.
But we're not.
Because we're Christian.
Baptism is essential to justification.
Sorry, Kevin.
Sorry, Kevin.
But counterpoint, what if it is?
Yeah.
Well, then we're wrong.
Then the Protestants are wrong.
Have you followed Hulk Hogan's career closely?
Like, I was.
I was enamored with him as a child, but I don't think I've.
The same.
I was enamored with Hulk Hogan.
And everyone's gave me into his eyes.
Personally, or on the TV screen.
Yes.
And I also was a big fan of his movie, Suburban Commando, co-starring Christopher Lloyd.
Is that the one where he held his breath for 20 minutes underwater while rescuing a woman?
That is a thing I've not heard of.
So that's not a real thing he can do.
That's just from a movie.
Oh, I'm pretty sure that's not a real thing anyone can do.
Well, he did it in real life for those.
Tom Cruise did six minutes, and that's like the most any actor's ever done.
That's a long time.
No, I think Kate Winslet broke it in Avatar.
No, second Avatar movie.
Oh, really?
Because they kept her underwater, even though the whole movie's CG.
Wow.
That's an interesting factor.
I heard it here first.
I was a little bit enamored with Hulk Hogan as a child, too.
He was always my favorite WWF guy.
And I didn't really know any of the other ones except for Rowdy Rowdy Piper.
I think that was the only other one.
Yeah, I didn't really, I didn't watch Russell Piper.
I didn't like all the side soap opera stories in the background.
That was all the B wrestling enthusiasts are in the control room right now.
But I did enjoy watching a match because, you know, just stunt men going at each other.
It's kind of fun.
Sometimes the matches are really slow, and then you're like, what is this?
I imagine it's way more fun live.
Maybe or maybe it's more annoying live because you're around a bunch of wrestling fans.
I'm so annoyed.
I don't know.
Emma, who is your favorite wrestler?
I don't know any wrestler at all.
Well, you know Hulk Hogan.
Okay.
Is he your favorite by default?
He's my favorite.
What about Gravedigger?
So consensus.
Hulk Hogan.
The Undertaker.
The Undertaker.
Gravedigger is the monster truck.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, a monster truck can wrestle too.
There's nothing in the rules that say a monster truck can't wrestle.
There may be some rules that say that.
I would, I think, though.
I've gone to monster rallies.
I don't know.
Have you read the WWF rulebook?
Never.
It doesn't say anything about monster trucks not competing.
Yeah.
Nothing or dogs.
Emma, who is your favorite monster truck?
The green one.
Gravedigger?
Is that Gravedigger?
I don't know.
Yeah.
No, Gravedigger is the black one.
I don't know.
It's like a hearse.
My favorite is Bigfoot.
I was like the shark.
I didn't know they were famous.
I don't know what it's called.
They were famous.
The Megalodogs.
Famous monster trucks.
Yeah, there are.
In fact, the monster trucks are the celebrities if you go to these things.
People just love these monster trucks.
There's Gravedigger, Gravedigger Jr.
You know, there's a Bull Rider one, not a Bull Rider.
There's really Gravedigger Jr. Toro.
Yeah, there's like, yeah, there's like a junior.
Totoro?
So we said El Toro?
El Toro?
Oh, yeah.
Not Totoro.
No.
Not Totoro.
No.
Named after a Studio Ghibli character or the Spanish word for bull.
Yeah.
The Studio Ghibli monster truck.
Yeah.
So, Emma, what else is happening in the news?
So the U.S. bombed Houthis in Yemen.
That's how you say it, right?
Houthis?
I think so.
Sure.
It's not the Houthis.
Where is Yemen?
It's in the Middle East.
Can you name three provinces in Yemen?
Nope.
Why are you bombing them?
It's an Iranian-backed militant group that has been causing issues over there for people who do not know.
And so this was a good thing.
I thought it was a good thing because it was U.S. showing strength in the Middle East.
And I feel like we haven't really been the country that's, you know, seen us strong recently.
So I saw this as a good thing.
And then all of the B's headlines were anti-bombing.
I know.
Well, I mean, technically, they were all anti-Nikki Haley and how excited she was about the bombing, which didn't happen.
It was just a joke.
Oh, okay.
So it was more about, oh, Nikki Haley's all excited about this bombing.
But yeah, I mean, they were attacking, as far as I know, they were attacking ships in the Red Sea.
And then we're like, no, don't do that.
Stop that.
Like, it is still important for U.S. to be the superpower because then somebody else is going to step up.
And if Iran steps up and they become the superpower, it's going to ruin everything for us in a lot of other places.
So this was not just U.S., this was a coalition force.
Do you think, though, if Iran, I mean, this is an interesting philosophical question.
If somebody did step up, like in Iran, and they started doing all kinds of crazy stuff, the United States isn't just going to sit back on its heels and allow this to happen.
Eventually, they're going to come after them.
Well, you know.
If we elect somebody who's an American isolationist, like Candace Owens, and they're in office and they don't interfere because they don't want us to be involved with international conflicts, then I do think that I think if Iran does step up and they're taking over that whole area, it's going to be too late for us to do anything.
Like you can't just wait for that to already be accomplished and then you want to get involved.
Brandon, do you have strong feelings about Yemen?
I do not.
Honestly, I'm staying quiet intentionally because I don't really know the story very well.
However, according to our notes, one of their slogans is God is great, death to the U.S., death to Israel, curse the Jews, and victory for Islam.
So I think I don't have problems taking the side against them, if that's one of their core beliefs.
They mentioned killing people more than how great their God is.
When you think about that slogan again, if you only mention that God is great once, but you mentioned death, death, death.
Like, I don't know.
I know.
But yeah, so it's a good thing that they were put in place unless they retaliate, but I don't think we've seen that yet.
Well, I mean, they vowed to retaliate, but I mean, what's that going to be in their eyes?
Just doing more about what they've been doing, probably.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I guess we'll see.
I don't know.
Exciting.
I took it as a show of force.
Maybe I was excited like Nikki Haley, which is apparently a bad thing, but I don't know.
Well, I mean, so a lot of people are making jokes about Nikki Haley.
We've been making jokes about Nikki Haley at the expense of Nikki Haley.
So how do you guys feel about like intervention in the Middle East in general?
I kind of get a sense that we're okay with it when warranted.
This seems a little more warranted than other situations, but I'm not a complete non-interventionist libertarian.
I do think we are probably involved in more conflicts than we need to be.
Sure.
But I'm not for removing ourselves from the world stage entirely because I think global politics does affect us.
I have this sense that we have a responsibility just because we have the power.
Like it's like we have a, we have a reason, you know, it's like Spider-Man.
I think I think I wouldn't go that far.
I understand the position, but I think if it affects us and if we could trace how it, how it actually affects us as a country, and it does for many countries, I'm not sure about the Middle East.
There's a lot of various conflicts going on there that are way too numerous to comprehend.
Yeah, that's true.
If like, if we shouldn't be there, you know, I do, I don't know what the alternate solution would be, you know, because I met a lot of people from who were deployed right after 9-11 and were there.
And a lot of people, like, they should be the people that are mad that we went if we were over there for false reasons, supposedly.
But a lot of them were not mad about when they got there and what they did.
They weren't mad about it.
They thought like they helped that area.
I don't know.
Yeah, well, it tends to be that there's like a mix.
Like, I remember back when America was, you know, attacking Iraq for the so-called weapons of mass destruction, which I guess we didn't find.
But there was a mix like of news reports coming in with the Iraqis going, oh, this is so great.
We're glad America's here.
And then there was a mix of people going, like, ah, America's dah.
Now, and it was all filtered through at the time I was in college.
And I have a lot of professors going, like, oh, this is so terrible, these poor Iraqi people.
And I'm like, they look happy.
What's the problem?
Look at that guy.
So, you know, there's a mix, I think, of people on the ground with different opinions, just like here.
We all have different opinions.
What would it look like if we weren't there at all?
Like, they took us out of Afghanistan completely, besides the Americans they felt like leaving behind.
And then, like, the Taliban took over.
And it's just, you know, the lives for the women and the children there are not better than they were a couple years ago.
So I just worry, like, what is the solution?
Like, when everyone's like, oh, there should be a like Israel should stop fighting Hamas.
What is the solution there?
There's no solution.
Well, I don't, I mean, obviously, I don't agree with that.
That Israel should stop fighting Hamas.
If somebody's going to keep poking the bear, obviously they have to get, they have to get smacked down eventually.
I don't think there is a solution.
I think it's biblical, biblical conflict that will not resolve until the end of the world.
Until Christ returns and the kingdom is here.
I do wonder about that.
And the moon is the church kingdom.
Yes.
Yes.
We see it.
When the moon has turned to see in part.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I do.
When the blood moon rises once again, all the enemies come back to life.
Yes.
Just like in Zelda.
Just like that.
Just like that.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's good.
Speaking of Bible.
And now it's time for the Babylon Bee's Bible verse of the week.
Amen.
Oh.
What's our Bible verse of the week?
That's right.
Bible verse of the week.
Very special Bible verse of the week.
Jared, would you like to read?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Okay, Romans 15, 13.
This is in the King James Version.
The only infallible translation.
I don't know about that.
But yeah, but okay.
13.
Now, the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that ye may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Ghost.
Good.
I mean, that's that's good.
I agree.
Agreed.
Agreed.
May abound.
Do you agree or disagree, Emma?
I would say hype hype or not.
That's right.
That's funny.
I do like the King James Version, the Holy Ghost, that translation says spirit.
I don't say spirit.
I don't say it's, I don't mean it's better than spirit.
I just think it's funnier.
Like, why is that?
That's such a weird translation.
It is a weird transition.
But you know what?
That was the ghost meant spirit and spirit meant ghost back then.
I mean, I guess technically they are synonyms.
It's just that we use ghost as a more, I don't want to say modern because it's been hundreds of years, I'm sure.
But, you know, the idea of like, oh, I'm a haunted king in the castle.
That's, that's a ghost.
Ghost has more of a human.
You know, the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Ghost.
Yeah.
The spirit and a spirit is, you know, something beyond that.
But it's interesting.
I was just reading RC Sproll today and it talked about joy and peace, talked about the fruit of the spirit and how the indwelling in the presence of God brings the fruit of the spirit.
And joy and peace and love are actually the three that are the most profound.
And then hope is the result of that.
So this is just Paul reiterating that whole concept.
By the Holy Spirit, we receive joy, peace, hope, love, and then all the other fruit of the spirit.
This has been the Babylon Bees official Bible verse of the week.
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It's time to consume.
Consume.
I shall consume all things and become all things and absorb their power.
jared what have you been consuming uh i've been reading oh this is interesting I'm reading a series of books.
I just started the series called Black Autumn.
It is the basically an apocalypse scenario that is very realistic.
It starts with a dirty bomb in Saudi Arabia.
This is fiction.
It's fiction.
It's a realistic scenario that, and immediately, you know, there's another dirty bomb off the coast of San Pedro, and it just shuts down the United States because there's no access to energy.
And then the food storages go away, you know, because we only have about four days of food on the shelves available to the human, to the American population at any time.
So after four days, all the food's gone.
And then people just start to starve.
So two weeks later, everyone turns into a crazy person.
They're stealing from each other.
And this is actually kind of realistic.
Well, that's what happened to Jerusalem.
When?
Well, not recently.
I mean, when was that?
I mean, when the Babylonians surrounded it and then everyone was starving, they started eating, they ate their babies.
Their babies and bird poop.
Those are the other two things.
I don't remember the bird poop.
Yeah, they ate like bags of bird poop.
See, where did he procure these bags?
That was in 2 Kings.
I don't know.
It's probably like a black.
They go to the bird poop depository, obviously.
It was 2 Kings 7 or somewhere.
Yeah, anyway.
So it's a really great story, though.
And the show Homestead is based on this series of books, which is, I'm very excited about that.
Any exciting people we know starring in Homesteads?
I don't know about starring.
Leading roles.
I do know.
I do know I have a name in the show.
Leading roles.
My character's name is Rick Baumgartner.
Where's that show going to air?
It's in the theaters first.
So the first two episodes are going to be in the theaters probably in June.
Now, is it a, I'm sorry, is it an Angel Studios production?
It is an Angel Studios production.
Okay, so they're doing the thing like they do with the Chosen where they have like a limited theatrical release for like the first episode.
So have you been to Angel Studios?
I did.
Yeah, I went.
They all walk around with harps and little halos.
There's angels everywhere.
All employees.
That's fair.
They're coming.
Yeah, Gabriel's at the front desk.
He's like, hey, welcome.
Welcome to Angel Studios.
I thought he'd be in the mailroom because he's the messenger.
No, that was Michael.
Michael's in the mail.
They can switch jobs.
Oh, okay.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's great.
It was cool.
And actually, the studio itself is really cool.
It's like when you go downtown to LA and there's like some cool studio with like corrugated metal and wood made out of gold.
Brick.
No, the streets are not paved with gold.
You would expect that.
But it was in Provo, which is like LDS Central.
It is.
It is.
It's like where they're all at.
So anyway, yeah, so I'm reading that book series.
It was great.
That was a lot, but you should read it.
It's really good and terrifying.
So, yeah.
Well, I love being terrified.
Yeah.
Speaking of terror, Brandon.
Well, I've been watching, I've been watching a lot of Korean shows lately.
Ah, scary.
So scary.
Whoa.
Crazy.
So, you know, they've been a lot of fun.
And it's really interesting taking a type of anthro, anthropomorphic.
Anthropological.
What's that?
Oh, anthropological animal.
Anthropological dive into seeing how they act and the turns of phrases that they use.
Do you ever hear chugule?
I do.
All right, I get it.
I do.
It's very, very common.
You guys don't know it.
Chugale?
It means, do you want to die in Korean?
But it's a common phrase that they use.
It's a threatening.
but slightly also not entirely serious.
It's just like a- Sometimes we're serious.
What are you talking about, huh?
What are you talking about?
You want to die, dummy?
I wish I knew how to say, but did you die?
Because I think I would use that a lot more often.
But did you die?
But did you die?
Yeah.
So, yeah, so I've been watching Korean variety shows and The Master's Son, which I really enjoyed.
And I had a picture in my mind of variety shows.
I had a picture in my mind of The Wheel of Fish.
Is that what we're talking about?
Exactly that.
And The Fire Hose, Drinking from the Fire Hose.
What about that show, Wipeout?
That kind of started as a Korean show.
I tried to get on there.
It started out as a American one.
The original one was so funny, dude.
I thought it was English.
Maybe it was Japanese.
I thought it was an American show.
It's a ripoff of either a Japanese or Korean show.
As all good things are.
I wanted to get on that show so bad.
People got so hurt.
I thought I would make it.
My wife.
I was auditioned to be on it.
Really?
Yeah.
She didn't make it.
I have friends.
I have friends that went on it.
Korean friends, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
In America?
In America.
How did they do?
Were they okay afterwards?
They're both deceased now.
No, not from the opposite side.
You want to die?
Go on Wipeout.
I had a friend who went on.
She maxed semester backup.
Oh, no.
Terrible.
On the show.
Yeah.
I guess that makes sense.
I'm there for it.
I believe that they are healthy currently.
I've seen that show and you see people get really just annihilated.
And you're like, oh, hilarious.
They must be fine.
So that's sad.
Well, they add the fun music.
Yeah, and they usually add like a cracking noise.
But maybe they didn't.
There's like that lettuce sound when you get a punch in an Indiana Jones movie.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I don't think that show's on anymore, is it?
No, it's not because I looked it up to apply again.
Oh, sad.
It's not.
It's no longer.
Oh, because it fell off.
It's no longer amongst it.
It's just no longer.
So in truth.
Yes.
Your truth.
Yes.
My truth.
What is this actual Korean variety show you're talking about?
Oh, they're just, for instance, there's one where basically a Korean comedian and like some other Korean celebrity guest, they'll just walk around Seoul and they'll ring random doorbells and ask people if they can come in and have dinner with them.
And every once in a while they do.
And they went into this house of this guy who was a retiring pilot and he was talking about his life and how he's been married for 40 years.
And I was watching this and I was like, this is the most wholesome television show I've seen in a long time where they're just sitting down with a person.
He's talking about his life and his kids.
And yeah.
Wait, so there's no joke?
It's just they're doing it.
Well, I mean, they're like reacting in funny ways, making jokes on the side.
But it's interesting, like getting to know these people and seeing who they are.
Also, there's another variety show where Jack Black was on it and they put a pair of headphones on him and they would play a Korean song for him and he would have to communicate it to them and they would have to guess what the song is.
And obviously Jack Black does not natively speak Korean.
And so he would be like, they would guess what the song is.
Jack Black's so funny.
Fantastic.
Jimmy'd be good at that too.
He was.
There's like a viral short where he does that kid's saxophone.
No, I haven't seen that.
Oh my gosh.
It's so funny.
He's on Jimmy Fallon or something and he's like doing that.
Then the band starts like coming in.
And anyway, don't trust me.
Go look at it.
It's way better.
So let's go around the room and say one nice thing about Jack Black.
I like Nacho Libre.
You know what?
I like Nacho Libre.
I didn't like it at first, but it grew on me, which is actually how I felt about Napoleon Dynamite.
At first, I was like, I don't get it.
And then it just more and more, it sinks in.
You're like, I get it now.
Or I think I do.
I do very much appreciate all of his vocalizations in the movies that he does vocalizations.
I think he's exceptional.
Like, he's a really exceptional brain.
He's got a really smart brain.
Yeah.
I think one of my favorite movies of his is School of Rock.
I think that's a fantastic modern classic.
I very much like School of Rock, but I am a little, I don't love putting kids in precarious situations and the movie did.
I do.
Yeah.
But that's you.
It's like how he kidnapped you.
You and Michael Jackson.
No, like making kids swear or making kids do tell sexual jokes.
Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
I don't usually like that either.
But hanging him out of like a hotel window is probably okay.
Like probably like Michael Jackson did.
Yeah.
Mike.
I forgot he did that.
Though my image, I remember the first time I had ever heard of Jack Black, it was in a commercial for the movie Orange County, starring Tom Hank's son, I believe.
And Colin.
The way that they advertised the movie was, you get to see Jack Black in his underwear.
And so the Orange County movie, right?
For many years, I thought to myself, I do not want to see Jack Black in his underwear.
That's interesting.
This is not a selling point to me.
Did you guys watch Orange County Type?
I thought it was very boring, actually.
It was kind of like a mid-movie, but it was good.
I mean, there were some good moments.
And the song by what's his name?
California, California.
Here we go.
Mr. California, of course.
No, it's that California.
It's the actor.
The actor from the Royal Tenenbaums.
What's his name?
The young guy.
Ben Stiller.
No, he's in everything.
Owen Wilson.
No, he's in everything.
Dean Hickman.
No.
No.
He's in all of those movies with Wes Anderson.
Jason Schwartzmann.
Jason Schwartzman.
He was the lead singer of that band or the drummer of the band.
I can't remember.
Emma, what have you been consuming?
So Mark and I have been watching Reacher.
Oh.
The Babylon B article recently made me think of it.
Yeah.
Not for that reason.
Season one or two.
Season one.
It's better.
So Mark's seen it before.
So we try to watch season two together and we're watching the first episode and he was like, I don't remember the show being this gay.
Like it's just so dumb.
And then we watched the first episode.
It's like, I don't, I don't know.
It's just kind of out there.
And then we watched season one.
I was expecting it to be much, much better.
But the whole time I'm watching it, I'm like, is this guy autistic?
Yeah.
He's super autistic.
So we're not watching it in the frame that he's like PTSD written or whatever and quiet.
He's just autistic.
He definitely has Asperger's or something.
Well, the character Jack Reacher is kind of Asperger's.
Like that's the whole point, Lee Child's character.
Yeah.
I didn't get that from the Tom Cruise movie.
No.
I don't think Tom.
I don't think Tom Tom Cruise can play Autistic.
I don't think he could either.
But Tom Cruise would be, okay.
The whole character is that he's like this giant muscular beast of a man and he's autistic.
So Tom Cruise couldn't play that guy.
He's shorter than everybody else.
He's a small, tiny little man.
He'd have a great personality.
He's Jack Reacher.
He'd be on like high heels the entire show.
Fun facts.
Fun fact, my wedding was shot with the same camera as Jack Reacher.
Not the same model, the exact camera, the same camera.
Your wedding?
Fun fact.
Your DP was your DP.
It wasn't the same DP, but it was the rental from the same rental house, I believe.
Interesting.
Now, do you know it was that exactly?
It was the exact same.
So it's like this is the Reacher camera.
It was like a recent.
I'm sure they used many cameras on Jack Reacher.
It was one of the many cameras that they shot.
Correct.
So your wedding was professionally shot.
Nice.
My wedding was shot on a combination of Canon DSLRs at the time.
Yep.
One Ari Alexa and 35mm film.
I think mine was shot on an XL2.
That's how long ago it was.
Your wedding was shot on film for fun.
Yeah.
Oh, that's fun.
How interesting.
My wedding was shot by the Avatar 3D camera that James Cameron invented.
But also, we had the wrong anamorphic lenses on the Alexa, so it ended up being stretched out to like a three to one ratio.
It was insane.
It was insane.
That's crazy.
Jack Reacher, though, I think you're right.
And he is autistic.
And I think Tom Cruise was the wrong cast for the wrong cast.
He was looking for another.
He was looking for another, what do you call those?
Action vehicle.
Yeah.
It was just one that he could just crank out a bunch of action movies.
Maybe, maybe Henry Cavill would still fit into that.
But he's only like six feet tall.
I don't think Henry Cavill is even big enough.
Oh.
Well, he doesn't have to be exactly that character, right?
I mean, he looks huge in Mission Impossible only because Tom Cruise is so diminutive.
Yeah, he does look huge in that movie.
He does.
Well, then that's easy.
So Henry Cavill as Jack Reacher, and Tom Cruise is every other character.
Yes.
So I have been consuming Sonic Frontiers.
I'm surprised.
I know, very on brand for me.
Did Kyle get that for you?
Is that?
No, I wanted to play it.
I've never played a, or I've never finished, I should say, a Sonic game.
I've never played more than like a level or two.
Yeah.
I've picked it up before, you know, like the dentist's office, but I don't think I've ever.
It would be fine if you never did.
Okay.
I think Sonic the Hedgehog is charming.
He loves chili dogs.
Oh.
Sonic Frontiers.
Is he actually?
I feel like that's not in it.
Like, no, it's not in the game, but it's the movie.
But and the TV show.
Is it because of the comic book?
The fast food restaurant, Sonic.
Yeah.
It sells chili dogs.
No, it's not.
Is that based on the Coney Island hot dog?
Got it.
Is it Coney Island?
Isn't a Coney Cheeky?
Is Sonic related to Sonic the Hedgehog?
Isn't a Coney just a chili dog?
Aren't they synonymous?
Kind of.
It's just it has a type of cheese and some onions on it.
It's like a Philly cheese steak.
Well, no, it's a hot dog.
Well, I know, but how Philly cheesesteaks are.
Well, if Philly cheese.
If a Philly cheesesteak was also chili, but it's not.
Oh, wait, I see what you mean.
You're saying.
I don't even know anymore.
Okay.
I mean, you can eat a Philly cheesesteak anywhere, but the best are in Philly.
So I was because I don't know.
It's the origin.
We're going to go off on some food.
I want to hear from Brandon.
I don't want to draw this out too long.
Too many, too many drives.
Are you going to hate on Philadelphia?
Oh, no.
Not at all.
I was.
Okay, I'll say it real quick.
Why do you hate Philadelphia?
We were, Amy, my wife and I, we were driving from Virginia to New York, and we were driving through Philadelphia.
So I thought to myself, oh, we should probably stop and get a Philly cheesesteak while we're at it.
And so I started researching it.
I started researching where to go.
And I ended up finding a place that people said was the best, but it was in New Jersey.
Oh.
So I had my Philly cheesesteak in New Jersey instead of Philadelphia.
Oh, you made a mistake.
Yeah.
So I went to the famous place that's across the street from the other famous place, and they both claimed to be the Starbucks, yes.
And it has this like plaque on the ground.
It says, Rocky stood here.
Because, you know, Sylvester Sloan, Rocky.
That's Philadelphia.
I'm sure who played Rocky.
Its entire identity is built around a fictional character.
I know.
I'd love it.
I do too.
I love how they have the statue up there.
Yeah, I do too.
And that they've incorporated it into the sequels.
I think that's so funny.
Donkey's Place.
That's where I went.
Donkey's Place.
It's called Donkey's Place.
It's called Donkey's Place.
Like a burrow, a donkey, an actual animal that you ride.
Or a small burrow people will love when they think of food donkeys.
A burrito is a small burrow.
It's a small donkey.
Is that why we eat?
Are we eating donkeys?
Just small donkey.
What were you going to say about your cheesecake or cheesecake?
Oh, my Philly cheesecake.
Just that it was good.
It was good.
But it was the only one I've ever had.
Well, I've been to Philly's Best and, you know, eh.
Eh.
Is it Philly's Best?
Is it really?
But I had, I, it was the first one I ever had.
And I was like, you know what?
I don't normally like the cheese whiz, whatever.
I just don't like that.
I like real cheese.
But I was like, this is how they make it.
I want how they make it.
So I had a standard Philly cheese steak with the cheese sauce and onions.
And it was the heaviest thing I've ever eaten.
I ate the whole thing.
It was good.
But I was like, oh, man, I'm just dead now.
I literally am dead.
The heaviest thing I ever ate.
Came back as a ghost.
And now I'm a ghost.
Every time when I was a kid, I went to every greasy spoon I could find, and I would eat chicken fried steak.
And that's the heaviest thing.
Wait, is Greasy Spoon a restaurant or a French?
Yeah, like a, it's a, it's like a type of restaurant.
It's a descriptor for a restaurant.
It's a restaurant that serves very greasy food.
I have never greasy, usually breakfast.
They're from a different generation.
Yeah, a lot of breakfast.
This must be a California thing.
Brandon's wedding was shot on film.
So from an older generation.
Mine was shot on an XLT.
DSLR's.
It's another time.
It has been like 20 years.
I just got to say for me.
Was your wedding, Emma?
Was your wedding shot on anything?
Was like, is there video?
There's a short.
Is there proof that it actually happened?
Can you confirm?
Do you have a marriage certificate?
Were there witnesses?
Yeah.
Okay.
But I mean, was there actually a video?
No, it's not a whole video.
Yeah.
We didn't do videos.
It was a tiny little thing.
It was in full seriousness.
We just did photos.
Yeah.
Why did it?
I didn't do a traditional wedding.
Did you do like a courthouse?
Oh, you didn't do like a Jedi Master like Randyu or something or an alien?
No.
That would also not be traditional.
That's not traditional.
That's what I imagine or Elvis.
We did take photos separately.
Oh, that's cool.
You know, I kind of still want to take other wedding photos.
Like, keep the outfits, go to the Grand Canyon.
It's never too late.
And just pretend that this is where we got married.
Oh, that'd be amazing.
Yeah.
I mean, a lie, but amazing.
It's never too late.
No one will ever know.
To take your wedding photos.
See, lies aren't sin if no one ever knows.
You never find out.
It's in the Bible.
It's a shame.
So, you know, let's close out consume now that we've not talked about Sonic.
Consume.
I keep thinking of Barsoom.
Barsoom?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
No.
No, I don't know what's going on.
America, do you understand what Jerry says?
No, it's yeah, it's from the Queen of Mars or the Princess of Mars, John Rice Burroughs.
No.
Oh, okay.
I know that.
Yeah, John Carter.
Edgar Rice Burrows.
Edgar.
Edgar.
Thank you.
What did you call him?
John Rice Burroughs?
I did.
I think what John Burroughs is.
John Rice Burroughs wrote Edgar Carter.
Yes, that was the name of Mars in the... Barsoom.
Yes.
I remember now because I saw the John Carter movie, which was Though Taylor Kitch was in it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I like Taylor Kitch.
Am I weird?
Yes.
Yes.
I like him.
I think he's good anyway.
On that note, let's move on to hate mail about how weird Jared is.
You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Actually, all of these hate mail segments or messages are in response to our absolute banger headline.
Trump promises Vivek an administration position running the White House 7-Eleven.
This is one of those.
So, first of all, Matt Binder.
From X, he says, Vivek, racism doesn't not exist.
The Babylon Bee.
Oh, here's a sweet headline.
Absolute banger headline.
So he's basically saying the Babylon B is racist.
Yeah.
Can you read the next one, Jared?
Yes, I will, but Vivek never said racism doesn't exist.
Do you guys know that quote?
Anyway, there's a whole thing.
He explains it.
Look it up.
Okay, so from Kyoto Zumer says, this is literally how I find out that Jews run the Babylon Bee.
I want to know who they are.
That's an interesting tale.
Because we said something, you know, edgy about Vivek.
Therefore, we're Jews.
And it's a joke about a stereotype.
And then, so they're basically being like, ah, you're racist.
You must be Jews.
I wait to be racist.
Because it's a funny headline that we're Jewish.
This next guy says, the replies are filled with people just now realizing that the Babylon Bee is racist.
And it's showing that meme of the two astronauts.
Wait, they're just racist?
Always have been.
Where does that meme come from?
I don't know.
It looks like I'm not going to say what it looks like.
That looks like the Filipino flag on their shoulders.
That's what I.
Oh, well, only on one of them.
One of them is American, yeah.
So someone else responded: so is the joke that Trump values him so poorly that he only sees him as a clerk at 7-Eleven, or that you think he's a clerk at 7-Eleven because of a tired stereotype about Indian people.
So what's the reply to that?
What's Tim Young?
So it says, The real reason people have picked their ears up at this joke is because they know that the Babylon Bee genuinely has a problem with Vivek because he wants to defund Israel.
Good thing Generalissimo Snake knows us so well.
I don't even know about Vivek wanting to defund Israel.
We literally have a president in the White House who said it in a non-really jokey way.
You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.
With a slight, a slight Indian accent.
You're right.
That wasn't racist.
Followed by, I'm not joking.
I know, literally.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
It almost takes effort to not understand the joke and to conflate it with actual racism.
It almost takes effort.
So I applaud them for putting in the effort, at least.
Well, thanks, everybody, for listening to another controversial episode of the Babylon Bee podcast.
We'll be back in the future at some point.
If you dream about it, it will happen.
And Ghost Travis will haunt you in your dreams.
That's a promise.
That's true.
That's a Babylon B promise.
That's a bad one,
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