Men, Women, And Millions Of New Genders We Just Made Up
The Bee Podcast takes a look at the new Babylon Bee Guide To Gender! The artists and writers behind the book talk about their favorite gags and easter eggs they hid throughout the book! Get your copy of The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender today!: https://www.amazon.com/Babylon-Bee-Guide-Gender-Guides/dp/1684514533/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2ID0H0W0GFV8U&keywords=babylon+bee+guide+to+gender&qid=1695054437&sprefix=babylon+bee+gui%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-1
You didn't think I was talking to your Star Wars action figures, did you?
Oh, well, sometimes I talk to them, so I wasn't sure.
Shut up.
I'm trying to sell you something.
Where were we?
Oh, yeah.
Are you unsure what gender you are?
Boy, am I. Do you need to know what kind of genders there are to choose from?
Boy, do I. Stop saying boy.
It's not one of the approved genders to pick from.
Anyway, check out the hot new book, The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
Gender!
Hi, I'm the Gender Fairy, here to grant all of your amazing gender wishes.
All my gender wishes?
Hey, no!
You have to buy the book first.
It's gonna ask you a quick question.
10%?
Who do you think I am?
Joe Biden?
All you did was hand me the book, so I didn't...
That's more than he's ever done.
Woo!
Glad that unpleasantness is over.
Now, let the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender make all of your gender dreams come true.
The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender will explain what is a man, what is woman, how many genders are there really?
How to raise woke little babies?
How to change your gender and more.
End graphic segment.
Wow, this book is awesome.
So if I wanted to go about changing my gender, would I kind of- Say no more.
I got you covered.
Boop!
Wow, my very own gender!
Thanks, Gender Fairy.
You got it, man.
Man?
Oh no, I've committed gender crime.
No!
No, gender fairy!
No!
I forgive you, gender fairy.
I forgive you.
Hey, you should pick up the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
It's available to order now.
Go do it before Gender Fairy finds you and accuses you of hate crime.
Boop!
The Babylon Bee Podcast!
Hey, everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, and I'm hanging out today with all these fine people who all worked on our new book, The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender, which is available on September 19th.
You should go check it out.
Go pick up a copy on Amazon or a website that doesn't hit you, whichever you prefer.
And we're going to go through this book today.
So, Brandon, what did you do on the book?
I wrote sections of the book.
Nice.
Yes.
I wrote part of page 58.
I wrote part of page 126, and I also wrote part of, I actually did write part of both those pages.
I was trying to turn to random pages, but that actually worked.
Here's page 138 that Brandon worked on.
That's the one.
That's the one.
It's blank.
I get this.
I get it.
Well, there's audio listeners, I assume.
Oh, that's true.
So for the audio listeners, the joke is that I held up a blank page.
Did you work on any of the art this time?
I did not do any art this time.
Oh, wow.
You helped with the cover, didn't you?
I actually did a little bit of a cover, but that doesn't count in the grand scale of all the art that Travis and Bettina worked on.
It was a lot of art.
Yeah, I wrote swaths of the book.
And Bettina, what did you work on?
I drew all the really gross pictures.
Yeah, I was just saying before this started, there's so many gross pictures in this.
So many.
I said thank you.
And Easter egg, every single person in the office appears somewhere in the book.
At least every single person.
Every single person.
How about the married people?
What about every married person?
Okay.
Travis, what did you do on the book?
I also did art, but I did mostly the infographic type art, the stick figures.
Oh, yes.
Because that's what I did.
And you also drawing stick figures in third grade, and I said, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.
And you drew a reference photo from Jurassic Park that I falsely attributed to Bettina on Facebook.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it costs you so much treasure in heaven.
Yeah.
I also wrote a chapter of the book that got cut.
So that was cool.
Well, in that case, I got to cut Travis's chapter of the book.
Yeah, I do remember hearing sort of after the fact, you guys went over and went, what is this?
I went, okay, I understand.
My humor is very smart.
I get it.
It went over my head.
It's not for everyone.
Or anyone.
Wow.
But you had just gotten hit by a bus.
That is true.
I was amazed that I was able to put words together.
did preserve something from that didn't we I'm sure there's a couple sentences here and there The?
We kept that.
I remember you wrote the gender in workplace, gender in the workplace.
Yeah, gender in the workplace.
And the opening sentence was, Karl Marx famously said, I'm a woman in the workplace.
And then I guess that was where I was like, what is this?
Is that what happened to my Karl Marx and a dress?
Is that why he didn't get to go in the book?
Did it not go in the book ever anywhere?
I think Bettina kept trying to sneak it into different places and I kept cutting it.
There's this really gross picture of Karl Marx with a giant head and a dress and like lifting up his skirt.
Well, yeah, that's lifting up his dress to like, I don't know if it was like hairy legs or fishnets.
It was magnificent.
I was actually, I was drawing that on the plane when we were going to be live and the person sitting next to me kept glancing over.
Can I have a copy of that?
And we'll put it up on the screen.
Bonus cut content for you.
Here is Karl Marx and a dress.
Let me know if I made a huge mistake not putting this in the book.
And then we'll put it on a shirt and sell it because you'll buy that.
I would never wear a communist symbol on the book.
That's the issue, not the drag Karl Marx.
I would never do that.
There's also a picture in the book somewhere.
I asked Travis to draw a self-portrait of himself for a particular joke that we had in the book.
Well, hold on.
You're leaving out a little context.
The context is do it without looking at yourself.
Just do it all from memory and don't work very hard on it.
I specifically said draw it as lifelike and realistic as possible.
How would you think you look like that?
But we'll leave it for them to find it.
To leave Travis's.
Oh, and there's also a picture of my loving wife.
There is.
Yeah.
Did we have any fun Easter eggs like we did with Nicholas Cage, who was hiding throughout Democracy?
There were some.
I would say it's not quite as Nicholas Cagey, but like the Yodel Boy, if you guys noticed Yodel Boys.
Yeah, take a look and see if you can find all the references to Yodel Boy in the book, which is one of the genders.
It's very, I mean, it's an important subject that I feel too few people talk about these days.
The Yodel Boy is really misunderstood and underrepresented as a community.
And we're glad that this book was finally able to bring some light to the plight that they struggled through every day.
It's fun writing this book.
And we were just commenting that writing a book, you know, you write it six months ago, eight months ago, whatever, when we're working on this stuff.
And then it shows up in the mail.
And I get to laugh at my own jokes again because I forgot that I wrote them.
It's like giving yourself a present, putting it in the mail and saying, do not mail.
I don't know if the post office has that service.
Maybe.
Do not mail until.
Until this date.
And then it shows up.
I literally am holding this today for the first time.
Glenn Beck has a copy.
Dave Landau has a copy.
And we were getting, we just got our copies of today.
All right.
So I did.
As the editor of the website in the book, I had to go through and check everything.
But there were so many revisions right up to the press date that I missed things.
And one thing I missed was Travis's about the artists.
Most people just had a normal, like Bettina's, you know, is the creative designer of the Babylon Bee.
She recently completed her bachelor's degree in nursing.
Oh, and it says, and then promptly quit to pursue her dream of drawing Karl Marx and heels.
And it's not even there.
Which is not in the book.
I just noticed that too.
You know, just normal stuff.
And Travis's says, as a quote.
Wait, have him read it in his own voice.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
And it's, and by the way, it's a picture of Travis with like a demon monkey that has a syringe and it's about to inject him with something.
There are at least three demon monkeys in the book.
See if you can find them all.
Oh, see, there's a.
Wait, what's the story?
Oh, the demon monkey has a symbol.
That's a relic from the last book.
He was cut from the last book because I was trying very hard to come up with original art and not use everything from Shutterstock.
And then one of them was a monkey.
Let's put that on the screen.
It was for the, we had an intro in our democracy book where the Senate is replaced by a bunch of monkeys.
Yes.
And so he drew like the, so you had a clip art of the Senate and then you had these like, and I'm like, what are these?
They're like demon monkeys.
And they didn't look good.
So I asked for a revision, so they got cut.
Yeah.
But now forever we keep using these things whenever we can.
So what is your about the?
My quote is, dear Laura, I am no longer a man.
I am just a simple bee trying to make my way in the universe.
My pronouns are be, be self.
I long to make honey.
Please don't stand in the way of my dreams.
I place our two daughters into your care.
It is better this way.
Buzz.
And the best part is everybody else has a pretty normal bio.
I mean, there's a little satire in there, but Travis is a random quote.
And also, there's no mention of who Laura is.
So nobody knows what you're talking about.
It's devoid of context.
Laura is my wife.
Laura is your wife.
But you never mentioned her name anywhere else, so nobody knows.
That's correct.
Because there's another acknowledgments page also.
Yeah, but you don't mention that your wife's name.
She's named my wife, but I don't mention her.
You don't mention her name's Laura.
Which is just incredible.
Well, guys, this is a really fun book.
We went through all the different genders that you have to choose from.
Everyone.
Almost 250 pages, jam-packed with custom illustrations and clip art and graphs, infographics, and stick figures punching each other.
Everything you could want.
Get this, put it on your coffee table for the holidays when your liberal relatives come over and they'll love it.
They will.
You know, we worked so hard on it, but we had to really commemorate the right person for it.
Who did we dedicate this book?
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to mention the dedication page.
This book is dedicated to the Babylon Bee's man of the year, Rachel Levine.
And yep, thank you.
Appreciate that.
I think you're supposed to clap.
You don't have to clap at the same time.
And then we have a quote from Rachel Levine that he gave us, which is, I am a woman.
That is what Rachel Levine would say.
Known biological male.
Rachel Levine.
Do we need to say biological male?
I think you can just say male right.
No.
Yeah.
I don't.
But known male just sounds weird.
We should recall all the copies and reprint everything.
Stop the presses.
So we wanted to.
Can we print it?
Can we add another A to the spine of the book?
That would be dumb.
Gendar.
Dendar.
Well, we ask important questions in this book, like what is a man?
What is a woman?
And we have a quiz.
You can find out if you're a woman, which is nice.
All 437 genders that we just made up.
We have dating tips in here.
Do we want to use the pickup line generator and generate some later on?
Let's give it a shot.
One of my favorite features that's at the end of every chapter, though, and make sure that you really pay special attention to this.
And I mean, set aside like 15 minutes after you read each chapter to really reflect and apply.
And we ask important questions that allow you to dig into the material and apply it to your own life, you know?
For instance, at the end of Gender in the Family, one of the reflect and apply questions is: search the internet for a coloring page of Vin Diesel and his Fast and Furious family, dressed in drag, color it while listening to Lady Gaga.
Do it now.
And there's some lines there for you to write something.
I'm not sure what you're supposed to write because it's telling you to just color on a coloring picture, but you can write, like, I guess, your experience, how that was for you.
Did it make you happy?
Did it, did it, I don't know, did it give you any gender insights?
It doesn't have to do anything.
It's, you're just reflecting on it on that experience.
There are no bad answers in the world of gender.
I mean, really be sure to apply it to your life.
Otherwise, this was all for nothing.
My favorite one is at the end of the chapter on men.
It says, please draw a Hitler mustache on the man picture below.
And it's a picture of Hitler without a mustache.
There's no context given for this.
I don't remember why it was in here.
I think Hitler is mentioned earlier in the chapter as being, you know, he is a man.
He's a man.
Yeah.
And we're talking about how evil men are.
So Hitler.
And so we have you draw a mustache.
Yes.
But the other question is, why do we want to put a mustache on Hitler?
And then there's the question, how many sons did Father Abraham have?
Please list them in alphabetical order.
Yeah.
Women.
Are you a woman?
Why or why not?
Self-explanatory.
Do you have any recommendations for a good dentist?
Does it actually say that?
Yeah.
I don't know who wrote that.
I think the fun thing about this book, too, is that so many different people worked on it is that finally seeing the physical copy together, you're just like, I don't know how this got in the book.
Who wrote this part?
It was made by a team of demon monkeys assembled.
Some of them.
Yeah.
I like this.
What is your favorite gender?
What gender do you feel like now?
What about now?
How about now?
You still feel like that?
Make up five new genders below.
Just laughing at our own book.
Laughing at our own jokes the entire episode.
Well, let's do some of the interactive features.
Page 58, if you guys want to turn with me in your book to page 58, where we have the gender rator.
This is how you invent a gender.
Now that you know a little bit about gender, you're ready to start experimenting.
Find the last person who texted you and use the first four letters of their name to generate your gender.
Since gender is completely mutable, the next time someone else texts you, you will be a new gender.
And you can use this guide to see what you've turned into this time.
I like that it's like quantum leap or something.
You're just constantly, whoa, just leaping into a new gender.
All right, let me find out who texted you.
For example, the last person to text you was Travis.
T-R-A-V would dictate that you are a Mexican solar sexual narcissist.
Oh, that's terrible.
Oh, I'm calling my voicemail on accident.
Hang on, let me see who texted me last.
My friend Benji, B-E-N-J.
G. J, right?
So grateful, A grateful quad colonial fruit kick is my gender right now.
I do feel like that.
Yeah.
Quad colonial.
Quad colonial.
Of the four colonies.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
But Tina, what gender are you right now?
Am I using my name to make myself?
Well, the last person to text you or the last person you can think of who texted you.
Four letters and then.
We'll say my dad.
Okay.
His name is Dad.
Just D-A-G.
You need to never lie about that.
My mom is the last one to text me.
His name is Greg.
So let's see.
He is a queer solar lateral boy.
B-O-I.
Boy.
Travis, did you gender yourself?
Yeah.
So my current gender is ultimate by mustachioed hedgehog.
That's pretty fitting for you.
Yeah.
It's always, that's always my gender.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Well, by mustachioed is new, but you do feel like a hedgehog.
Yeah.
I mean, figuratively speaking.
Most not focused on and actually speaking.
So yeah, this is the genderator.
This is available in the Babyloni, but we have a few examples too.
We'll put up on the screen of some genders that we've generated using the book here.
I guess we can all go around and say one.
What's the first?
The Mexican bat mustachioed buffalo guy.
That's a gender.
We have the katana wielding mullet curious tater tot.
That's my gender.
The Hylene hyperdental hedgehog.
That's almost like Travis.
Almost.
What's the last one, Betina?
Oh, this one was my favorite.
I love the steaks on his feet.
Elvish meat-footed Waligi.
How do you say that?
Waluigi.
Now, that is my gender.
It's changed in the course of reading this segment.
I was commenting yesterday while we were looking through these books when they arrived that God is sovereign and he controls all of history.
And he created this universe in a timeline where the words Elvish meat-footed Waluigi would be strung together in a book.
It's God's will.
It's God's will.
Even if you're not a Calvinist, like you, he knew that that was going to happen and he still actualized a universe.
He was foreknown and he allowed it.
Another funny thing I wanted to mention is that our publisher made us go through and remove copyrighted material.
So we couldn't do like the Death Star, like a picture of the Death Star.
We could mention the Death Star, but we couldn't draw because that's like a visual trademark of Disney, you know, or whatever.
But I don't think our publisher knows what video games are.
So some Nintendo stuff slipped in like Waluigi's Waluigi.
I didn't see that we had a shorthanded genderator.
Oh, try to simple meat.
Oh, okay.
And the object closest to your right hand.
So I would be a chicken soup Brandon gender.
Is he the object closest to your right hand?
Do you see me as an object, Betty?
I'm sorry.
The last thing I ate.
I didn't read the agent.
I'm a chicken sandwich, Martin Luther gender.
I guess, what is the last thing?
I had beef jerky.
So I'm a beef jerky leg gender.
Because my hand is next to yourself.
Is your leg an object?
It's more an object than Brandon is.
Well, I mean, there's cups over there and stuff.
Right hand.
Oh, wait a minute.
Right hand, Travis.
Oh, I can read.
What's your short gender?
What did I eat?
I don't even remember what I ate for dinner last night.
I'm trying to.
Did you not eat until since last night?
I'm fasting right now.
Oh, okay.
Maybe.
Because your whole year is a fairly good thing.
Not a spiritual fast.
Maybe you talked about it.
Maybe pudding.
It might have been pudding.
Okay.
So I'm a pudding Babylon B guide to gender sexual.
Everybody will have to.
We didn't think this through.
All right, we're going to now look at our pickup line generator, which is on page 115 for those following along in their bi in their that lumpy guy.
Turn to Rome.
This might be my favorite thing that I wrote in this book.
Okay, it's a gender-sensitive pickup line, gender.
So this is the gender-sensitive pickup line generator.
You think of any five-letter word, then use each letter from the word to generate each successive segment of your pickup line.
Or you can just choose five letters at random.
And then you have to add, if you know what I mean, to the end of your pickup line.
So we need a five-letter word.
I'll go with Calvin in honor of.
You know what we should have done?
We should have had it the person or object you're trying to pick up.
That's what you put into the generator.
And that's what you get.
Too late now.
Okay.
Too late now.
Stop the presses.
But then you could only pick up five-letter.
Well, the first five letters of the thing.
No, only an object that's five letters.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm going to go for Calvin, John Calvin here.
But that's longer than five letters.
C-A-L-V-I.
Calvy.
Because I don't count how many letters are in Calvin.
So this is how you would pick up John Calvin.
Yeah.
Greetings, good neighbor.
I just learned how to get away from the world, if you know what I mean.
That kind of works for Devon.
That kind of does.
Well, in this case, I'll do Martin Luther because he's right here.
That's way too many letters.
It's only five letters.
Okay.
Okay, so I'll do Luth A.
Well, you could just do Mart.
Oh, yeah.
Do Luther because I already did the A as the second letter.
Yeah, Luther.
Okay.
You have to choose church figures.
Yes.
We're only using church fathers and reformers.
Chow, gangsta, want to go poison consequences, if you know what I mean.
You know, consequences pops up a lot, and I don't know if that was our strongest.
It's always there, and it's just, it cracks me up every time.
So I'm going to go for sprawl.
Okay.
Hear ye, potential human.
Did your father fly away to escape blood?
Wow.
Dark.
If you know what I mean.
Well, yes.
Yes, you did.
Do I have to do a church figure?
No, well.
Can I say parts?
Because I know that.
Parts?
No, farts.
Oh.
That's too many letters.
It's hearts.
Joel Osteen.
Osteen.
You do Osteen.
All right.
Hey, unspecified gender.
Want to take a sniff of consequences?
It always ends on consequences.
If you know what I mean.
Would you like to take a sniff of consequences?
Consequences.
It's better if you whisper.
I think you actually did the Irish Osteen.
Osteen.
Because it's supposed to OL.
It's Olstein?
Olstein.
It's not.
No, it's not Olstein.
It's not?
No.
Fired.
To the internet.
I don't believe you.
It's Osteen.
To the bus internet.
We have the cube.
The Osteen thing was that they put an apostrophe in it.
There's no apostrophe.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah.
But people always say Joel Olstein.
But now I want to know where they say Olstein.
I see Olstein.
That's what I hear all the time.
That's why I thought it was.
Good Olsteen.
Wait, I'm going to do one more.
Let me do Trump.
Attention, specimen of beauty.
It's in your best interest to destroy LaCroix.
If you know what I mean.
That's so poetic.
Believe me.
No one can pick you up better than Trump.
That's nice.
Hey, wait a minute.
This book is just punching down.
Oh.
You're right.
We don't punch up at all in this book.
Oh, man.
I mean, it's easier to punch down.
It is way easier to make fun of.
Yeah.
Up is hard.
I just realized that.
Now, what are we going to do?
Should we just burn all copies of the book and tell everyone that purchased a copy to burn their books?
We might triple sales.
Well, if they burn their books, they might have to buy another one after we've taken all the punching down out.
Is it too late?
Or do what do we do now?
Well, I guess we should burn them.
Can we at least leave the pictures in?
I think so.
The second edition will just be a one-page document of Karl Marx and address.
It's just a pamphlet.
Oh, we do need to mention, and we know a lot of our fans are Christians.
And Brandon actually went through the Bible and pulled out Bible verses.
Well, I mean, because a lot of people don't understand that the Bible is actually 100% all gender affirming.
And everyone that reads the Bible to say it condemns homosexuality is misreading it and it's completely misinterpreting the context of the Bible.
So I did a deep dive to find out what the Bible verses actually meant and removed problematic words that didn't adhere to God's actual word.
You could put that away.
There will be no heresy.
There already has been.
So if you take out just some of the problematic words from Galatians 3, 28, you'll see that the Bible verse in context should actually read, there is neither dot dot dot, male and female.
And that's basically God saying that trans lives matter with that particular verse.
Deuteronomy 22, 5 says, the woman shall dot dot dot wear that which pertaineth unto a man.
Dot dot dot.
A man put on a woman's garment for all that do so are dot dot dot the Lord thy God.
That one really spoke to me.
And almost as I'm convinced, it almost spoke to me as much as Genesis 2:18, 2 through 25.
And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone.
I will make him dot dot dot a man, dot dot dot, and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, dot dot dot, and were not ashamed.
Leviticus 20, 13.
If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them dot dot dot are dot dot dot beh t er that one works better on the page.
But you string the letters together and it does say both of them are better.
And I think the most revealing Thomas Jefferson Bible.
One of the most revealing pieces of scripture that I didn't know before I started researching for this book, but it's literally, literally in the Bible.
Thou shalt have dot dot dot drag dot dot dot queen dot dot dot story dot dot dot hour.
And this comes from Exodus 20, 30, 2 Samuel 17, 13, 1 Kings 10, 1, Acts 20, 9, and Revelation 8, 1, in order.
So many citations.
In order.
It's in order in the Bible.
It's in the Bible.
And I think if you don't adhere to it, that you are, quite frankly, living in sin.
This is one that I thought maybe Bettina would like on page 38.
We have careers for women.
Oh, I was wondering about those.
Is one of them graphic designer?
Well, you'll have to wait and see as we read through the creative designer to you.
These are jobs that even women can do.
I don't know.
Let's look forward to that.
We have engineer, but a woman one.
And she's got a bow on her.
But Tina, you could be a lawyer.
But a woman one.
With a bow tie.
I mean, bow tie.
Oh my gosh.
Bow.
Well, she does have a tie and a bow.
Do I even work here?
I don't have my bow on.
We have doctor, but a woman one.
Accountant, but a woman one.
Computer programmer, but a woman one.
Management consultant, but a woman one.
Economist, but a woman one.
Nurse.
Human resources manager, but a woman one.
And organic baby factory, but a woman one.
Because men can menstruate.
Menstruate.
Yeah.
Literally.
Men put the men in menstruate.
So, Kyle, how did you feel about writing this book?
I had to take a shower afterwards.
Which, you know, it took a few months.
So it was probably about to write the book.
So it's probably about time to shower anyway.
Oh, gross.
But my internet search history is forever ruined.
Yeah.
Because of the research we had to do for this.
I'm like going through when we were writing the book and when I was showing you my drawings, you guys were like, why did you draw those?
Why did you do that?
Like, it's literally what you said.
Was it in the democracy guide when we had the sexy badgers?
Yes.
That was, yeah.
And there were the creative feedback notes where please make the badgers less sexy.
I always love the iteration notes.
Meanwhile, this book.
Yeah.
I got a little bit depressed while writing some of this book, to be completely honest.
Well, can you talk about that?
Why did you get depressed?
I remember at one point I said, I think I said to Kyle and Joel, I said, please take this chapter from me.
I see no humor in the world anymore, or something along those lines.
My biggest editorial notes for Brandon were like, hey, this book is supposed to be funny.
You don't, because Brandon's like so serious about it.
And he's like, this is terrible stuff, which it is.
And that's part of the balance.
It's like, you have to make it funny, but it's obviously making fun.
So you gave him the Jimmy Fallon notes of like, are you okay?
Are you?
What is seriously?
What's wrong with you?
I like some of these gender symbols we have on pages 63 and 64.
Man, woman, Texan, Death Star kin with generic Death Star, generic Death Star.
Off-brand Death Star, yeah.
We have Shrek gendered, Irish, Pillsbury Doughboy, Eskimo Queer, Astrogender, Five Soul, Mulan Kin, Harry Styles, Larry Boy, MXPX gender.
I had no idea what to draw for that.
Well, you had to actually draw on the MXPX symbol, but we took it out for copyright.
So now it's like a very creepy thing.
It's a weird looking thing.
Robot Jock, which is a great movie.
Panjak is a great movie.
Fan of the 1983 classic sci-fi film Kroll.
I think I've gotten a Kroll reference in all three of our books so far, or maybe just two.
What ticks they count?
We got TikTok Sexual, Triforce, Major League Soccer, BaristaQueer, Cocaine Bear, Marvel Sexual, Pansexual, Pot Sexual.
Maybe the most underrated joke in the book.
Infiniqueer, Pinneagram, Goomba Sexual, and Yodel Boy.
Why is pot sexual underrated joke?
Because you go pansexual, pot sexual.
Because pansexual is a real thing, right?
Yeah.
Well, a real made-up thing.
A real made-up thing.
And then he used pansexual, but there's also pot sexual.
And then whoever drew it literally drew a pan.
It's just a pan with gender symbols simmering on low heat.
And then we have pot sexual with the same gender symbols boiling in the pot.
I think the gender symbols were one of the last things we did.
Yeah, I like the weird ideas and I was like, make these look prettier.
I like Goomba sexual.
Goomba sexual is good.
I like cocaine bear.
Okay, bear is good too.
These are just random references.
Yes, correct.
Just like all genders that people make up bars.
And what was the one I saw the other day?
Someone saying that they were a Goomba sexual.
No, it was like along the lines of tree sexual.
Well, tree sexual is a thing.
That people aren't.
A real thing.
Well, Keenan Lonsdale of The Flash is a tree sexual or a tree.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Wait, who is he?
Keenan Lonsdale?
He played the yellow.
He played the yellow flash.
How is a tree sexual defined?
What's that?
Does he like trees?
By their roots.
You shall know.
He's not tree sexual.
He is a tree.
He's a tree gender.
Well, what's the difference?
Because sexual implies you're attracted to trees.
He feels like he is a tree.
Therefore, he would be attracted to trees.
I don't know if he's not necessarily.
I don't think he hates trees.
He's a tree attracted to humans.
He's a tree-tree self-pronoun guy.
Yeah.
Tree self.
But anytime I hear people talk about these genders that they are, that they feel like today, I'm literally like, that's just a mood.
Or like, that's just a personality trait.
I'm feeling very happy sexual today.
It was a bad damn, I'm depressed sexual today.
They just add sexual to things.
Like, it's just, oh, this is my gender I did.
And you're just like, I saw somebody say something like, oh, you know, I like to, I don't wake up very early in the mornings, but then once I get going in the morning, I'm really energetic and then I stay up late at night.
And that is the, that is an owl gender.
You know, like, and they just like assume that it has something to do with being this identity.
You're like, no, that's just.
We're a person.
Yeah, we're in this state where for some reason, and I don't mean California, but also we are somewhere in California.
But we're in this state of existence where people need labels for everything.
Yeah, it's labels.
It's a labels thing.
And I don't, it's, I guess it's because they've, you know, they've left God behind.
They're not, you know, like, oh, I'm a Christian.
That's now, that's a label.
Tell your priest.
I don't know.
But people are just looking for labels to fulfill that they've lost.
And why did they blow it?
When I was growing up, you had labels, but it was like, I bought a Nintendo.
You bought a Sega Genesis.
Yeah.
It wasn't like associated with biological sex and gender and like go cut off buddy parts.
But that's how it's buddy parts.
But that's how it started.
Because the Sego Nintendo words were a big deal.
They were.
Were you a Sega business?
You were Nintendo.
I was kind of a neutral party.
What?
Yes, that's correct.
You're either with us or you're against us.
I was a big Switzerland of the thing.
And now this podcast has transitioned into Travis's Game Corner.
Stick around for Travis's Game Corner.
Yeah, I owned a NES, but instead of moving on to the Super Nintendo, I got a Sega Genesis.
And then I went back to Nintendo 64.
I just kind of.
I mean, you just needed to get in or get out.
Yeah, but I did what Nintend don't.
I ran really fast with my.
Speaking of video games, in the Babyloni Guide to Gender, we have a chapter on raising woke babies, how to make your children gender neutral.
And we have an acceptable video games guide, video games that are okay for your kids who are transitioning.
And we have Ms. Pac-Man.
Obviously.
Because why?
He's a single mother.
Well, I thought it was because Mr. Pac-Man transitioned into, and it is actually Pac-Man.
Have you ever been to an arcade and ever seen a Pac-Man machine and a Ms. Pac-Man machine in the same arcade?
No, it's not possible.
It's the same.
It's the same being.
It's the same yellow circular being.
I said no yellows.
It is Pac-Man.
It's Pac-Ma'am.
The Last of Us Part 2.
Obviously, because she's a single mother.
Animorphs on the Game Boy Color from the year 2000.
Kids Turning Into Animals is an allegory for trans ideology.
And for being furries.
Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.
So many pride flags.
All of them.
All of them.
Is there really pride flags in that game?
I thought there were.
Well, that's in our book.
So I guess there are now.
Yeah, next to your name, you could display pride flag, right?
Which is great, because you're going around shooting everybody, and you can have a, as long as you can have a transplant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild.
Link sometimes dresses up as a girl.
Sometimes.
Bugs Bunny Rabbit Rampage.
Super Nintendo 1994.
Because Bugs Bunny dresses as a girl.
Yeah.
In that game or just both.
Final Fantasy VII.
Because it's a little problematic.
And here's some unacceptable video games.
Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, the old one.
Where are the pride flags?
None.
There are none.
Tetris 1984.
Where are the pride flags?
Tetris perpetuates harmful notions of sexuality as players anticipate the vaunted straight piece.
It's always the straight piece that everyone's looking after, and that perpetuates cis heteronormativity.
The straight piece is the valuable piece.
Diddycom racing.
If anyone ever embodied the full essence of toxic masculinity, it is Rare Rur's flagship racing game.
It's pure masculine energy distilled into 9.8 megabytes of polygonal patriarchy.
Space Station Silicon Valley.
That's a good game.
Which one?
Kyle changed my copy for this one.
Space Station Silicon Valley.
It's not really problematic.
It just has dated platforming mechanics and it didn't age that well.
The concept was better realized in Grand Theft Auto 3.
That's correct.
And then 1080 snowboarding because snow is white.
You know why.
And 1080 is so good.
Bettina, do you want to say anything?
How do you feel about 1080 degrees snowboarding?
Yes.
Cool.
I wanted to platform women.
I was trying to platform women, and I feel like we're really man splitting a lot over.
You haven't splained it enough, though.
What is your favorite part of the book?
All of it.
It's all amazing.
What is your least favorite part of the book?
What was your least favorite thing to draw?
Oh, man.
How about this pregnant furry?
No, I loved every weird, strange thing.
So how did I not catch a pregnant furry when I was editing this book?
I thought my favorite part was when I was drawing the trans man.
And then, you know, I draw a curved line that is representative of a bulge.
And it freaked everybody out that there was a curved line in this area.
That's because it's.
And it's like it's just a line.
Didn't we censor it?
We did.
We put a sensor cube over it.
Which draws no attention to it.
Well, you can't see the curved line anymore.
So safe.
I think my favorite thing about that note is that you had written, like, you were doing your notes and your note was, this is a Christian book.
And that's because we're, you know, a Christian company.
But then someone else who was working on the book took that note the wrong way and wrote, this is a Christian book next to the censor block.
And I'm like, no, no, you have to remove that because we're the fake authors of the book are not Christians.
Oh.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Every once in a while, I would look over Bettina's shoulder to see what she was drawing.
And I would be I would be revolted.
Like literally every time he'd be like, gross.
And then I'm like, what are you drawing?
And she would tell me which part of the book I was.
And I was like, oh, I wrote that.
I shouldn't have.
I shouldn't.
I've made a huge mistake.
Why am I drawn as a man who identifies as a child?
I've got cat ears and I'm playing video games.
I guess that's kind of accurate.
Yeah, especially the cat ears.
Yeah.
It's true.
Travis.
Yes.
If you had to rip out one page and place it on your tombstone for everyone to remember you by, which page would it be?
That's easy.
Famous men.
Because I'm on here.
So people will come up to your children.
Oh, you're right.
He just looks a lot like me.
So is this Steve that you drew?
Was that you drawing yourself in how to attract other genders?
Wait, what?
Yeah, that's Dave.
He looks kind of like the kid in the monsters with the super widow's peak because he's a part of Empire.
You know what it looks like to me?
Have you guys ever seen that news broadcast where they're talking about the wanted poster, like the police sketch of a criminal or whatever?
Yeah.
And it's like really poorly drawn.
And they're like, he looks like he's got a nose.
He's got his nose.
And he's like the beady eyes.
It just looks like a really quick police sketch.
Anyway, everybody, go pick up for yourselves a copy of The Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
If you saw how much we just laughed at our own jokes, you will laugh at them at least one and a half times more because you were not involved in writing them.
It sounds all passive aggressive, though.
You weren't involved, but you didn't do anything, but now you help us eat the cake.
And now because you listen to this, you can feel like you're in on the inside jokes.
Yeah.
You're not, but you can feel like it.
Everyone, pick up the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
You're supporting the work of comedians, comedy writers, artists, stick-figure experts.
That's me.
Who don't hate you?
You could buy Stephen King's new book where he has a three-paragraph rant about Trump and people who are not vaccinated.
Did you guys see this?
I did see that.
What book was it from?
Do we know?
I don't know.
It's whatever his latest one is.
But he has a character that he has die because they weren't vaccinated.
And then he goes off about it for three paragraphs.
If only they had been vaccinated, they would have been alive, but they wouldn't wear their MAGA mask.
It's like wish fulfillment fanfic under the name of Stephen King.
So if you want that, but funny, and written by people who don't hate you, pick up the Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
Our first book, Babylon Bee Guide to Awokeness, sold out so fast that nobody could get a copy for like two months.
I'm not lying.
That actually happened.
Not satire.
Not satire.
That actually happened.
So make sure to get your copy.
Secure some copies for friends for Christmas.
Buy some for your liberal cousin, roommate, dog.
And you'll have your Christmas Hanukkah Kwansa gifts all ready to go for this year.
Babylon Bee Guide to Gender.
Guys, you did a great job on this book.
Thank you.
Blown away.
One of the funnest, grossest experiences I've ever had.
This is the grossest.
It's definitely gross.
But not so gross that you wouldn't want to buy it and have it on your shelf.
Gross, but not too gross.
Yeah, just right.
Just gross enough.
Just a pinch of gender fluid added to this book to make it perfect.
And then you can, then you too can look at the picture that grosses me out the most, which is for some reason this old lady.
That one's one of my favorite ones.
Oh, it weirds me out so much.
Why is that a thing?
That's my question.
Isn't that a pickup line?
That's not the pickup.
Aloha, my geriatric friend.
Call a doctor so we can dine in macaroni, if you know what I mean.
It looks like he's just cooking her in the macaroni.
Don't critique gender.
Don't critique gender practice.
Yeah.
Thanks for tuning in today, guys.
And today that works.
And pick up the Babylon Be Guide to Gender.
We guys appreciate your guys' support.
And we'll talk to you guys next time.
And we'll either have a best-selling book at that point or we'll all be looking for a job.