Domestic Extremist Peachy Keenan And Cocaine At The White House
Peachy Keenan is at The Babylon Bee to encourage everyone to become extremely domestic while The Babylon Bee winds down from the Fourth of July. Travis and Adam are here to talk about cocaine being found at the White House and the crazy rioting going on in France. Check out Peachy Keenan's practical guide for winning the culture war, Domestic Extremist: https://www.amazon.com/Domestic-Extremist-Practical-Winning-Culture/dp/1684513529 This episode is brought to you by our wonderful sponsors who you should absolutely check out: Allegiance Gold: http://protectwithbee.com or CALL 844-790-9191 Patriot Academy: http://patriotacademy.com/thebee Patriot Mobile: http://patriotmobile.com/bee2023 or CALL 878-PATRIOT Samaritan Ministries: http://samaritanministries.org/thebabylonbee In the full-length, subscribers-only podcast, Peachy Keenan answers the Ten Questions and The Babylon Bee reads all its extra spicy hate mail. Become a Babylon Bee subscriber to get the ad-free, full-length podcast. You'll be supporting The Babylon Bee! Use promo code 'PODCAST' to get 20% OFF: https://babylonbee.com/plans?utm_source=YT&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=description Use this special link in the show description to get 10% OFF anything in The Babylon Bee store!: https://shop.babylonbee.com/discount/PODCAST
Cocaine was found at the White House and everyone already knows how it got there.
Who has France surrendered to this week?
Ah, France.
Those cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
Are you a domestic extremist?
Tune in to find out how you might be and not even know it.
All this and more on the Babylon Bee Podcast.
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We made it through the stickers, everybody.
I'm here.
I'm Adam Yenser.
I'm here with Travis.
Hello.
And our guest this week is Peachy Keenan.
Thank you so much for being here.
Thanks for having me.
It's great to be here.
Yeah, so you are the internet's favorite converted Gen X suburban wine mom, turned base domestic queen.
And you have this new book out, Domestic Extremist.
So we will talk about that a little bit later.
First, we just had 4th of July.
How was everybody's Independence Day?
Mine was okay.
I didn't do anything.
You did nothing at all?
Just like a real American.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
On Sunday, we will go up to Lake Arrowhead and there's fireworks.
They do it over the weekend.
I see.
So when 4th of July came around, I didn't care anymore.
You don't care about our independence by Independence Day.
You're just over it.
Well, when you say it like that, it sounds terrible.
It does.
I care about America's independence.
That's good.
How was your 4th of July?
It was great.
We slept over to Santa Monica to the ancestral homeland, visited with the in-laws, and then got home before the crazy people came out.
And then it sounded like Beirut for the next four hours.
See, I'm very pro fireworks all day until night and the next day.
I know some people, you seem against it.
Yeah, you know, when you have little kids and dogs who are crying for six straight hours.
I like kids and dogs, but on 4th of July, I don't care about them.
We gave them all Benadryl.
Oh, okay.
I was on Twitter and everyone was giving their dogs Benadryl last night.
I was like, that's what we're going to do.
We just dosed everybody.
Oh, interesting.
You see, I have a dog and she doesn't like fireworks, but it's never been to the point where I feel like I have to give her something.
You're lucky.
Yeah, maybe I'm just lucky.
It's just my autistic dog.
Oh, sad.
I know.
Well, did she have vaccines?
Oh, yeah, that was that last booster that did it.
Darn.
She got the autism.
Yeah, from the dog vaccine.
It's that raby shot.
See, I grew up in Pennsylvania, and so I'm a big fan of the illegal fireworks and sending them off in your backyard and just going off all day and all night.
I went up to a country club in Santa Clarita, and they had, it was one of those views where you could just see the fireworks going off all over the valley and stuff.
It was very nice.
And then on the drive home, it was awesome because I drove home around 10.30 and there was a huge moon.
I don't think it was quite a full moon.
The moon was very big.
And there was just everybody's fireworks were going off all over the highway as I'm driving on either side.
Very cool.
Are you sure you weren't under attack?
I'm pretty sure I wasn't under attack.
But there's parts of LA where I could have been.
Maybe it might have been that I was under attack.
So we all love Fourth of July, but here's what the AP had to say about Fourth of July.
The term patriot in America has become infused in political rhetoric and school curriculums with varying meanings while also being appropriated by white nationalist groups.
I love that appropriated.
Like they didn't use it.
Like they weren't allowed to use it before.
We used to be very ashamed now, I think, of 4th of July and of our country.
It's just all it's all white supremacy now.
Yeah, technically they're correct.
It has had a political meaning now, but they're the ones that did it.
That's absolutely true.
Everyone used to be a patriot and you could love the country and not be perceived as a bad person by the media.
And then Ben and Jerry's, oh, I'm sure they had something nice to say about Fourth of July.
Oh, yeah.
So they said this Fourth of July, it's high time we recognize that the U.S. exists on stolen indigenous land and commit to returning it.
Are they going to return Vermont?
Well, that's what they're saying, right?
But they're not going to, so they should lead by example.
Like, here's our business, and now the Indians have it.
But it's a strange thing because, I mean, obviously, tribes still exist, but they're not necessarily all of the same peoples who had all the same lands around.
Some tribes don't exist anymore.
I'm pretty sure.
Who are you giving them to?
We're all sitting on stolen land at all times.
I opened my book with a stolen land acknowledgement.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
The one where unceded stolen lands.
I love that.
That was so funny.
My ancestors claimed these back in the 60s when they came to California.
Yeah.
That's how I knew I could trust that book.
Really, we're all on stolen land from Britain.
That's true.
That's true, yeah.
At least in the East Coast.
Yeah, we're kind of, we're celebrating stealing our land from Britain.
This is ours now.
We've been getting a few questions about our interview show.
This is for the people watching.
We are not going to have a regular interview show like we were with new interviews coming out once a week.
We'll still do sporadic interviews with big guests and things like that.
We'll still have guests here on the podcast pretty regularly.
But there won't be as regular interview shows released.
So anyone who misses those, you can just watch the Elon Musk one over and over again.
Yeah, like I do all the time.
Yeah.
Every day.
Every day.
But we've got lots of stuff, great stuff on the show today.
We have Peachy here.
We've got News of the Week.
We've got Hate Mail.
We've got my weekly news.
And for subscribers who get the whole podcast ad-free, they will get the 10 questions with Peachy Keenan and an extra spicy bonus hate mail.
Nice.
Spicy.
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Great.
I am a subscriber.
I'm sold.
I'm sold.
Nice.
So, but really, who is Peachy Keene?
And what is a domestic terrorist?
Extremist.
Oh, I'm not.
Excuse me, not a terrorist.
I mean, extremist.
Extremists.
There's a difference.
He hasn't evolved into the terrorist podcast.
Well, that's good.
So not a terrorist.
Not yet.
But you are a domestic extremist.
That's right.
Okay.
And what does that mean to you?
Yeah, being a domestic extremist is someone who's just simply extremely domestic.
So I am talking in the book to all my fellow domestic explanations.
Like you can start the wash laundry and get it done all at once.
That would be domestically extreme.
That's extreme.
Never done it in one day.
Really extreme is if you fold it and put it away.
I'm not quite there.
I can't do that.
I'm working on it.
So who are you really?
Deep down.
Who are you, really?
Well, because Comfrey Bogart voice.
You're using Peachy.
Is that your real name?
No, my mother's not that stupid.
It's not my real name.
It's a pseudonym.
I'm a Twitter non.
I've been writing as Peachy Keenan for like, I don't know, four years now.
Is Keenan any part of your real name?
Nope, totally made up.
It's just like play all Peachy Keene.
All the Keenans I know are either white Irish guys or black guys.
Right.
I'm neither.
I'm a little Irish, actually.
I have a little pinch of Irish, but I'm not a Keenan.
It's just a play on Peachy Keen because I thought, you know, things are not Peachy Keen right now.
And I need to tweet about this.
And I'm going to write about this since it's a joke.
But I had to have the pseudonym because at the time, I was working for a very large entertainment company in Los Angeles.
Are you at liberty to say which one it was?
No, no, but it's a very large one.
And, you know, some women's opinions.
Moving on.
Only twice if it was Disney.
Was it Warner Brothers?
One of the big studios.
One of the big studios.
Was it three I've said so far?
Was Angel Studios.
No comment.
Okay.
If I had dared to express an opinion about anything, I would have been beheaded, like right there in their environmentally friendly.
You know.
But I wanted to keep my job.
And so I had to adopt this crazy persona.
And here I am.
And now I don't know who's who.
You know, my real name is like my dead name now.
I'm just Peachy all the time.
Oh, I see.
I've been characters, like method acting.
Right.
But are you comfortable now?
Because you're showing your face on the podcast.
I am.
That's new.
You don't plan to go back to working for a big Hollywood company?
No, that all ended with the pandemic.
So I can't be canceled anymore.
I'm post-cancellation.
I don't care.
I mean, I still use the name just because, you know, I don't know.
It makes me feel like I have kids and I have a family and they don't, I don't need my in-laws getting weird letters.
Speaking of hate mail, you know.
Sure, that's fair.
Yeah.
I like to think I could still go back.
Like I could apply at Disney.
And then they'd look up this podcast.
I'd be like, no, that was a joke.
Yeah.
Whatever.
It was performance art is what you would say.
I was doing a character.
Yeah.
It was acting.
Yeah.
It depends on how you sell it.
Exactly.
I feel like I burned all my ships.
This better work out.
Like, people better buy this book because otherwise, you know, it's a homeless tent for me.
There's no going back.
So as a domestic extremist, how many government watch lists are you on?
I know I was on the one that the German government was funding by some Twitter guy.
He was scraping all the data on like all these different Twitter anons.
I was on that one.
People would tell me, like, you're on this list.
Block these people.
So I'm probably going to be on like one of the ACLU or whoever put the moms of liberty on their hate watch list.
I'm probably going to be on there, but I feel like it's a badge of honor.
Which lists are your goal?
Are there ones that would be the no-fly list would be?
No, I don't want to go that far.
That would actually be nice.
I hate flying anyway, so it wouldn't really be.
Well, then you'd have a great excuse.
Like, sorry, I'm on the no-fly list.
As a conservative, I always see the Southern Poverty Law Center's hate group list.
I feel like that's the highest mark of all.
That's like the VIP.
That's like where you want to be as long as the Southern Poverty Law Center saying that you're a really white supremacist.
It's a really obscure list.
Cool people are on the hate watch list.
Yeah.
What about me?
So what exactly inspired you to write the book other than your hate for Disney?
Don't hate anyone.
This is a movement of love and peace, okay, and tolerance.
I, you know, I myself journeyed from the land of woke feminism into the land of becoming domestically extreme housewife, basically.
You know, like I quit my job to stay home with my kids.
I had five kids.
And I would get these questions from people like, well, why didn't you, at work, why didn't you abort the new baby?
I was like seven months pregnant.
You know, oh my gosh, you're having a third child?
What are you?
Some kind of Mormon, like extremist.
People would really ask you, why didn't you abort the baby?
That happened to me at work.
Well, that just shows how casual that is as a conversation.
I'm just curious.
They were just curious, not mean, no judgment.
So why didn't you murder your baby?
You know, yeah, my daughter, who needs that?
But people would look at me like I was a freak.
Like, you know, you have more than three children.
You live in the west side of Los Angeles.
You start going to mass every week.
It's like having gang tattoos on your neck.
There's no hiding who you really are.
You've gone to the dark side.
So I was just joking, like, I'm not a domestic extremist.
I'm just extremely domestic, okay?
And that's where the idea of the book came from.
And so while you were working in that environment, is that when you're sort of transitioned from being a woke feminist to, you know, identifying as more conservative or when did that transition?
It had happened, my transition.
Yes.
It was Pride Month last month.
That's why I came out with my face.
I had been, you know, through college, just a liberal feminist.
You know, my friends had gotten abortions in college.
I would cheer them on.
I was like, that's just what you do.
You know, you just punch your ticket.
You would cheer them on?
Well, supported them.
Oh, okay.
You know, I was, it's okay.
I imagine outside the Planned Parenthood, there's like the protesters, and then on the other side, there's people like, yay!
That's, that's, that's crazy.
But in those days, we didn't know.
We thought, oh, it's just what you have to do, you know, so I would support them.
And I had no idea.
I just had been lied to, right?
Sure.
And then I became more politically conservative really overnight on 9-11 when I saw college kids like me burning the American flag.
I was like, wait, wait, huh?
I thought, but wait.
I sort of like tried to figure out what was, I had no idea.
And then when I met my husband, you know, really his toxic masculinity is what sort of lured me over all the way to sort of being socially conservative.
And then he converted to Catholicism and I sort of tagged along.
And, you know, here I am.
So to be clear, you became conservative due to events around 9-11 because of seeing how other people are reacting.
And you did not become a domestic terrorist.
No, I'm a woman of peace.
Okay, just make sure, trying to clear up your name in advance.
Absolutely not.
Okay.
So you can't learn to make any bombs with this book?
No, that's a different book.
I think you can probably find it on the book.
It's a Lord of the Pamphlet.
There's a tear out in the back.
It says, mail in for your bomb making.
You know, unless there's nothing to fear in the book, unless you're afraid of monogamous breeding pairs.
If you think they're dangerous, if you think babies are dangerous, then yes, it is a very dangerous book.
So you did, you mentioned that you converted to Catholicism.
Did you have a spiritual background before that or was it more atheist?
I was an atheist.
Okay, wow.
You know, we had no God but Santa and Rudolph was his messenger.
Like we had Christmas and that was it.
I never met anybody who believed, you know, I was a coastal elitist.
So I was raised to believe that the flyover people, the ones who like believed in, you know, some guy in the sky, that they're, don't just ignore them.
We don't, we don't need to pay any attention to them.
And that was just the attitude that a lot of like sort of these people who go through like elite education that, you know, you just really, you're, you're a snob about anyone who believes, anyone who has faith.
And so for me, it just became like a slow process where I really felt like, oh, this is like, this is the shortcut.
Like, you know, I found it at the end of my sort of process to becoming a conservative, becoming, you know, extremely domestic.
But really, I tell people now, this is like a shortcut.
This is just do this first.
And you go all the way to the end.
And do you think your faith has informed your views on women and motherhood?
Or is it more that you started getting to that point politically and then it kind of solidified your beliefs?
Yeah, it's like codified them.
It's like, oh, this is not all in a vacuum.
Yeah.
Oh, this is actually rooted in some like real, incredibly old, ancient customs and traditions, which of course all come from just like human nature, who we are as men and women, those are differences.
And the church was sort of built to kind of support all that, in my opinion.
So it just sort of worked perfectly at the end.
We sort of dovetailed the final act.
And what type of audience do you say your book is for?
Is it for women and men out there that might be still going through that debate in their minds?
Or is it people who are kind of already on the right that want to see what they can do better in terms of being parents?
Yeah, I mean, it's sort of two audiences.
It's, you know, I hate just like preaching to the choir.
It's like, you know, you can only get, that's wonderful.
You can only get so far, though.
But it is really a way to like build morale in the foxholes.
So it's like for other parents like me who feel like they're under attack.
They escaped feminism also.
And to know that they're not alone.
But it also really is for people, you know, on the younger side.
Like maybe we can kind of try to peel off some of the young women and men before they get totally sucked into the vortex in college or beyond.
That's basically it.
I do want to call you out on one thing, though.
Okay, uh-oh.
You dedicated your book to multiple people, not just one.
Sorry.
That's against the book laws.
What do you have to say about that?
I broke a lot of laws with this book.
You're not supposed to have a book with a fake name for a nonfiction book.
That was unheard of.
But I have a large family, so I felt like I had to shout them out because otherwise they'll hate me when I'm dead.
That's true.
That's what it's about.
Is that the title of your next book?
Please don't hate me when I'm dead.
If you read my book, your children are less likely to hate you after you die.
And you mentioned, and this might be some sort of inside knowledge with Catholicism.
Full disclosure, I'm not Catholic.
But you mentioned the velvet mafia in a Catholic context.
And I was just wondering, what exactly is that?
What does that refer to?
Okay, so yes, I'm a Catholic.
I'm somewhat of a dissident Catholic.
I mean, if you're Catholic on the right, especially an American conservative Catholic, you're sort of out of favor of the powers that be in the church, right?
You guys know there's sort of not really a schism, but there's definitely a huge conflict between the Pope and his guys and like people like us who really want to do the real thing.
I bother to convert.
I don't want the fake version.
And this is the velvet mafia that refers to Pope Francis and his boys up out in Rome.
Oh, right.
Okay.
But why velvet?
That's just the term that they use for these guys, these sort of older Vatican II men.
Interesting.
So the war is between domestic extremists and the velvet mafia.
Sort of, yeah.
I mean, it's really hard.
Like, it's hard out there for a Catholic these days.
It's hard to find a parish that doesn't want to, you know, drape your child in rainbows, really.
That's happening in a lot of Christian denominations, right?
Right.
I'm Lutheran and there's a schism between the more conservative cinnas and the more left-leaning ones.
And yeah, a lot of us, it's like you want to follow scripture.
You don't want it all influenced by politics, exactly.
Yeah, at the Dodger Stadium peaceful protest that I covered for the Federalist, you know, remember the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the drag sisters were getting honored.
But at the protest, not a single representative from the LA Archdiocese was there because they don't want to take sides and Judge anyone.
God forbid.
Yeah.
God forbid you, you know, take a stand on something like that.
It does seem that there is a lot of maybe too much concern for politics in a sense, where they're worried about, oh, I don't want to offend these people.
But Paul offended tons of people and started throwing a picture.
That's exactly the issues they need to be taking a stand on culturally.
That's putting out a clear message of this is where the church stands and this is where scripture stands.
Yeah, I feel like things are kind of muddled lately, especially with Francis's messaging.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, since you said, you know, all the you're more on the other domestic extremist side, I feel like I can say that.
I'm probably going to get excommunicated after this.
Oh, no, no, that's okay.
I'm sorry.
For my own church.
Okay.
Speaking of Francis, here's what's in the news this week.
What's in the news this week?
France is burning.
Oh, France is burning.
Excellent segue.
Very nice.
Very good.
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France has been wrecked by more than seven days of Muslim riots after the police shooting death of a 17-year-old during a traffic stop.
The officer has been charged with murder, but a GoFundMe for the officer reached over $1.4 million.
That's interesting.
Maureen LePan is calling for a new general election following Macron's failure to quell the riots and blames the government's anarchic immigration policy for the lawlessness, looting, and bloodshed.
What have you done with France?
She asks.
Yeah, so it's interesting that we're calling it Muslim riots because it's about a police officer shooting someone.
And I see our notes, when I read that, I don't know that it's, I don't know that my choice of words would have been Muslim riots, but that's what it said on the screen.
Oh, well, that's all that's important.
Well, I mean, there's a bunch of reporting about the demographics that are involved.
Is it mostly the Muslim community that is committing the riots?
I couldn't say that for sure.
I saw lots of pictures with a bunch of white people, but whites can be Muslims.
It can be white Muslims.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
But it's an interesting case of rioting because it's not, I mean, the George Floyd thing was awful.
Yeah.
But it was also he's restraining someone and he died in custody.
But this is like, did you see the video?
I didn't see the video.
I've read about it, but I haven't watched the video.
I mean, the police officer is positioned in front of the guy's windshield with a gun out.
Yeah.
Which I guess you could argue that that's going too far, but we don't know the whole story.
And then the guy just decides to drive.
So he's like pushing the guy out of the way with the car and then he shoots him.
It's like.
Once you're in a vehicle, that can be a weapon.
Yeah.
It was hard for me to find the real problem there with him firing.
So I don't know.
It's just a little strange to come out of riots with that and him being charged with murder.
Yeah.
I mean, you could argue there was negligence or something.
I don't know, but it was strange.
Have you followed this one at all?
Yeah, I didn't watch.
I didn't watch the video, but I mean, France has been burning in various times for several decades now.
I mean, in the Ben Loo around Paris, which is like the heavily immigrant neighborhoods, there's always been car burnings.
They'll burn 500 cars in a night.
That's just sort of a thing that happens in France.
Well, you have to when the Lakers win.
Yeah, exactly.
So I think, I mean, was it just a trigger?
It was already sort of this like, you know, powder keg.
So, yeah, I don't know if it's Muslim.
It's just these young young men who are anti-France.
Yeah, there's been several riots in France.
Yeah.
All different issues.
Lots of issues.
To be fair, can we really say they're burning down France if it's already burning?
Right.
They're just burning French cars anyway.
Who doesn't know?
They're just burning Paris.
The rest of it's okay.
Who cares?
They already got Notre Dame.
We don't know what happened there.
Right.
Yeah, that's oddly suspicious.
That was a little weird.
I saw a thing this week.
Did you see where Morrissey is singing a song about that it was probably terrorist or something?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
I didn't see that.
Yeah, there was a, I don't know, I don't follow Morrissey well, but a friend of mine posted a video at some concert.
Morrissey has a new song about how the Notre Dame fire, that they said it wasn't terrorism, but that it seems like it was terrorism.
That wouldn't surprise me that they tried to cover that up for the sake of like political relations and stuff.
And I think part of the aspect of this Muslim riots is that they did deface like the Holocaust memorials and stuff.
Why would rioters do that?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm just asking questions.
I'm just noticing something.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting.
So speaking of rioters, it's not a good segue.
Sorry.
Cocaine was found in the west wing of the White House.
How did it get there?
No one will ever know.
Who would possibly bring cocaine in the White House?
Happy Snort of July.
Yeah, so Hunter Biden was confirmed at the White House.
And then he spent the weekend with his father at Camp David.
And then suddenly they're like, hey, what's this white substance here?
He was there on Friday and then he left for the weekend with his family.
And then it was Sunday right there.
It was Sunday they discovered it.
And they've been really cagey and weird about saying where it was found and what exactly it was.
Because first they said it was a mysterious substance and a lot of the media had reported that.
Yeah, and then they said, oh, wait, it's a nasal spray.
They said it was nasal spray.
And then there were some outlets that started saying it was cocaine.
And then a lot of out was saying it was like cocaine hydroxychloroquine.
And they were like, it's like an anesthetic that's sometimes used that's sort of like cocaine.
And then it came out, it was just a bag of cocaine.
And then they said it was in the library, but it can't be in the library because we know Hunter is not going and checking any books.
No, that's a good point.
I don't think he's reading anything.
He should read my book.
Maybe we'll clean him up.
Yeah, he would.
And where can you buy your book?
Anywhere bookstores are sold?
Not bookstores.
No bookstores.
People have said they've walked into local bookstores and just get some blank stairs.
There's no Barnes and Noble.
Will they order it for you at Barnes and Noble?
They say, hey, I want this domestic exchange.
Order it from you.
Amazon still stocks it.
All the websites.
Yeah, good luck finding it in real life.
No one.
We have the only real copy.
This is it.
The one lucky listener will get to.
Yeah.
But maybe we can get a copy of this in the White House library where the cocaine was found.
Yeah.
I mean, it was not found.
You know, Gavin Newsom keeps talking about banning books.
He was just in Idaho talking about this at a bookstore where they have all the banned books.
I'm like, well, my book better be there.
Yeah.
Why isn't my book in all these little school libraries, Gavin?
Oh.
Oh, some books maybe need to be banned.
Yeah.
That would be interesting.
You know, he probably was using your book because that's a very nice, smooth surface for whatever, whatever they do.
Folks, it doubles as a for your drug bindle.
This is another way of the story.
I mean, you can do this endlessly with almost every story, but it's one of these things.
Had Trump been in the White House and cocaine was found in the West Wing, it would be non-stop covering morning to night reporters outside asking every official every time he stepped off the helicopter.
Evacuating the building.
All they'd be asking about day in and day out.
I think that's actually the really curious thing with this news, that they evacuated the White House.
Like, oh, no, it's a white substance.
Oh, no, it's just Hunter's Coke.
Never mind.
Yeah.
Who saw this and went that?
I don't know what that is.
We're evacuating right now.
I mean, for all they know, it could have been flour or something.
Are there any possible explanations other than it was Hunter's Coke?
No.
Is there any possible Corrine Jean-Pierre?
She doesn't strike me as a coke snorter.
But then they were trying to say that it was part of the West Wing that's accessible to tour groups.
But it seemed like that was just a random sort of way to deflect.
I'm not trying to deflect.
Maybe there was tourists coming through.
Well, I always bring my Coke when I tour the White House.
Yeah.
I could have sworn they didn't allow tours in the West Wing.
And I feel like the security for those tours, they check pretty well that you don't have cocaine on you first.
Among other things.
Yeah, they check stuff.
They should be checking anybody that goes in the White House.
But I guess they don't.
I mean, they have a melody detectors.
They probably don't frisk them or anything.
But they might now.
So I've actually been to the White House.
And yeah, unless they've changed things, you don't go to the West Wing.
They don't take you to the offices and stuff.
You just look at all the fancy bedrooms.
This is about a father's love for his son.
Okay.
We just need to all just pray for his recovery.
He's proud of his son.
That's right.
That's what he always says.
No matter how many crimes he commits, he's proud of his son.
I'm proud of Hunter.
Come on.
It's un-American.
You're right.
We should all be proud of Hunter.
Good old Hunter.
Let's go around and say one nice thing about Hunter right now.
Yeah.
One nice thing about Hunter.
He's entertaining.
He is very entertaining.
He likes kids.
Maybe too much.
Yeah.
He's got a strong jawline.
You heard it here first.
Oh, well, did you know that an Indiana Jones movie just came out?
I did.
I have not seen it yet.
Did you?
I did.
I saw it.
What was your take on it?
I actually liked it.
Yeah.
I thought it was pretty good.
Not the best.
I know.
I know.
Well, that's what the thing.
Right now, I feel like the right is a little overreactionary about, well, because I was concerned.
It's coming from Disney.
I looked it up.
Is there gay stuff in Indiana Jones?
You know, just because I'm going to take my kids to see it.
I just want to be sure.
But there's nothing like that.
There's, you know, there's a so-called strong feminine character that people are concerned.
Oh, he's just there to, she's just there to put Indy in his place, you know, and be like, look, I'm strong and sassy or whatever.
And there's nothing like that in the movie.
So I was impressed from that standpoint.
All the women weak and submissive.
All weak and submissive.
That's why you like them.
Yeah, I know.
The character played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, I think her name is, She was fine, but she's kind of semi-an antagonist for part of the movie.
It's not like she's there.
She punched him at one point.
She spoilers.
Sorry.
She does, but it's funny.
It's a funny punch.
Yeah, so it's really not this.
My husband always laughs when I punch him.
Oh, well, I do too, when my wife punches me.
I don't know.
Anyway, I think people are one thumb.
Not two.
Okay.
You know, not as good as the original three.
Maybe a smidge better than Crystal Skull.
You're admitting that you saw Crystal Skull.
I saw Crystal Skull Skull three times in theaters.
We're all just so desperate for something.
Crystal Skull actually did okay in theaters.
It got $100 million to open in the weekend.
This one looks like it might be a flop.
It cost $295 million to produce and only brought in $82 million in the first five days.
I mean, that's certainly a flop in terms of expectations, but it's not bad enough that it'll get its money back in the long run, I think.
It'll make it back over time.
I think people are so aware now of the politics at Disney and Kathleen Kennedy and even Harrison Ford's personal politics and the girl who's the co-star.
So they're just sort of like in Bud Light cancellation mode.
And they're like, screw it.
They're going.
Their reputation probably has been hurting her box.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
They're just over it.
I mean, it's not just Indiana Jones.
It's across the board with Disney.
They're kind of flailing around right now.
But this one I can't tell from the preview.
It looks like maybe it'll be good.
I'll probably still go see it at some point.
But then there was also that Pixar Elementals one they just came out with that bomb.
But that, in addition to having the non-binary character, the preview just looked not good.
It just didn't look like a good movie.
They've lost their touch.
Yeah.
Yeah, they really have.
But here at the Babylon B, we have not lost our touch.
No, our touches are banging.
We have a banger of the week.
Yeah.
Banger of the week.
This is our most popular story this week.
Inspiring.
Justice Sotomayor shows world illiteracy doesn't have to stop you from achieving your dreams.
Thank goodness.
Beautiful.
Brave.
There she is.
There she is.
Let's stare at her.
The Supreme Court recently ruled that a Colorado wedding website designer didn't have to comply with Colorado law and make gay wedding websites.
Gorsuk replied to Sotomayor's dissent saying it is difficult to read the dissent and conclude we are looking at the same case.
He says that when Sotomayor's dissent finally gets around to the facts of the case, it reimagined the facts of the case from top to bottom.
Sounds about right.
They also just struck down affirmative action in higher education and Joe Biden's attempt to cancel student loan debt.
Yeah, I think Justice Sotomayor is she's just a fan fiction writer and no one's caught on yet.
Did she go to law school?
Do we know that she affirmed that?
Was it her or was it Kagan, one of them that wrote about in the student loan forgiveness thing where she was like, about slavery or something?
No, she imagined that if a dirty bomb went off in Chicago and people had to flee, they'd still have to worry about paying off their student loan.
I forgot about that.
Yeah.
I forget that was her Kaga.
It was one of the two, but what an incredible legal artistic thing.
I know.
But if there's a dirty bomb in Chicago and people have to flee the city, they have to worry about their student loan.
Well, that's how OJ was not guilty.
You're like, what if a dirty bomb went off while he was in prison?
He couldn't find the real killer.
Yeah, he would never find her in the post-apocalyptic radiation.
How would you tell the difference between Chicago post-dirty bomb and free?
It would sort of look the same.
That's true.
Same with Detroit, man.
It's already been looted.
Yeah.
Not a lot to radiate.
Yeah.
Well, the Chicago River would be green all the time instead of just glowing green.
Glowing green, yeah.
That's right.
But we also had a bomb of the week.
Our dirty bomb of the week.
Our dirty bomb of the week.
Every day the parallel economy grows bigger and bigger.
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Bum of the week.
Tweet view limit forces man to interact with real life.
Nice.
So this is Elon Musk limiting the number of tweets people could view in a day.
Right.
Which that's all technical stuff.
He says to address extreme levels of data scraping and system manipulation, we have applied the following temporary limits.
And I won't go into those.
Suffice to say people were limited.
But I didn't really understand what he's saying.
I'm just like, oh, okay, you're the guy who owns Twitter.
Are there real people who read more than 6,000 posts a day?
That's the upper limit for verified accounts.
People were replying to this saying, oh, I can't, I'm out of my things.
and I'm like, but you're posting.
I don't use Twitter much, but I can't imagine looking at, I imagine if you're addicted, I get the 300 a day you could pass.
Yeah.
But 600 seems like pressing it and 6,000, I don't know.
It's too much Twitter, probably.
And I use Twitter a lot.
Yeah.
And I have a blue check or whatever.
And I never, I didn't hit my limit.
So I'm fine.
I think I wouldn't recommend more than that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You need to touch grass sometimes.
You do need to remember what your children look like sometimes.
I'm sorry, you said touch grass.
And this is a phrase I've seen throughout this week.
And I think partially in relation to this Twitter.
He lost me to that, yeah.
Yeah.
And I've always thought it was like a mean thing to say.
Like, why don't you touch grass, jerk, or something?
Exactly.
I thought it was.
And I was like, is he insulting us?
But I guess he means go outside and literally touch grass?
I think he's being helpful.
It's like, okay.
Yeah, therapeutic.
Of course, for Hunter Biden, touching grass is a little bit different.
Yeah.
A different kind of grass he's teaching.
But I thought, like you, it was one of those insults that we're allowed to say on the Babylon beef because it's like the not vulgar version of a worse insult.
Go touch grass.
What's the insult you're thinking of?
Go.
Flower bed.
Whoa.
Have you guys heard blue?
Okay, good to know.
I was testing you and you failed.
Yeah, it used to be an insult.
Now it's sort of helpful.
But he also recommended people...
Elon had some other suggestions what to do with your non-Twitter time.
Yeah, he.
Some of them are a little off color.
But they will help you make you a domestic extremist.
So do you think Elon Musk himself is a domestic extremist?
Absolutely.
He doesn't, you know, he's not like in a long-term monogamous relationship, let's say, necessary with one woman.
But I like to say, yeah, but he dabbles in long-term monogamous relationships.
But I'd like to say, if you have more children than you've had baby mamas, yeah, you're a domestic extremist.
And he's also, he's worried about the birth rate and population collapse.
So I say, you know, he's and he's doing his part.
He's doing a lot of the heavy lifting, you guys, donating his, you know, precious bottom.
And so, you know, maybe we all need to take a page out of the Elon playbook.
Yeah, because if we don't, the whole world might be a bunch of Elon Musks in the future.
Yeah.
Elon Musk and Nick Cannon.
It'll be all their offspring.
That's right.
Well, that's all well and good, but let's listen to the real news with Adam Jenser when he runs out here and puts on a suit really fast for the weekly news.
Go, Adam Jenser, go.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
After 63 days of silence, NASA received a new message from its Ingenuity helicopter on Mars.
Sadly, it asked how its friend the Titanic sub is doing.
Riders on a roller coaster in Wisconsin got stuck upside down for three hours before being rescued.
Engineers determined the coaster got stuck because everyone in Wisconsin is over the weight limit.
This week, the Secret Service found a bag of cocaine in the west wing of the White House.
They insist it can't be Hunters because he didn't take 500 selfies of himself doing it first.
A super PAC supporting Democratic challenger RFK Jr. has already raised $10 million.
At this point, the only thing that can stop him are easily preventable, mostly extinct diseases.
On his podcast this week, Joe Rogan called Dylan Mulvaney a mentally ill narcissist.
Mulvaney replied, OMG, thanks for talking about me.
A new study ranked Singapore as the best country in the world.
The study was conducted by the Singapore Board of Tourism.
According to new data gathered from Quasars, time moved more slowly in the early days of the universe.
And every time I try to finish Martin Scorsese's The Irishman, a Taylor Swift fan wore a towel and sunglasses disguise to her concert so she wouldn't get caught skipping work.
This is also what Maroon 5 fans do so they won't get caught listening to Maroon 5.
Subway announced that this week they will begin using freshly sliced meat.
And at Englewood Penitentiary, Jared is also excited for this week's fresh meat.
That's it for weekly news.
To see more, check out my YouTube channel and come see me live.
I'll be headlining the Savannah Comedy Room in Georgia July 8th and I'll be at the Comedy Chateau in North Hollywood on July 14th.
I'm back.
Wow, that was so fast.
How'd you do that?
Oh, I've gotten really good at changing.
Wow, good job, Adam Jenser.
Hey, I have two questions for you.
How are you paying for your health care?
And how's that working out for you?
If it's working perfectly, great.
Go grab a snack.
If not, then listen closely because I have a solution for you.
A biblical solution.
Samaritan Ministries.
Samaritan Ministries is a community of Christians paying one another's medical bills.
It's biblical, affordable healthcare sharing with no network restrictions.
Here's how it works: when a medical need arises, you choose the healthcare provider that's right for you and have a say in the treatment you receive, even if it's a natural approach or an alternative medical treatment.
Your medical bills are shared with fellow members, and your need is covered in prayer.
Healthcare sharing with Samaritan Ministries may also be more affordable than what you're paying now.
And if it's the right fit, you can join anytime, even today.
Check it out at samaritanministries.org/slash thebabylonb.
This is regarding last week's podcast entitled Waiting for Your Call with My Father.
It was a reference to Hunter Biden's text message.
Maddie Bobati6874 wrote, I was expecting the Babylon Bee to make a funny joke in the podcast, but the entire time I found myself just waiting here with my father.
To be fair, I think that's funny.
That's good.
There was a lot of waiting for my father references in the comments.
Yeah, a whole lot.
That was a good running joke there.
And then here we got some hate mail on this article.
Awkward Supreme Court rules against affirmative action with affirmative action hire sitting right there.
And they put Angie Brown Jackson.
And AI wrote, oh, she's qualified out the wazoo.
Maybe the most qualified person ever to be put on the court.
That's strong.
Wow.
Well, obviously you guys are wrong.
Yeah.
Oh, who cares what artificial intelligence has to say?
Yeah.
Dummy.
I couldn't tell if that was Al or AI.
I'm sure it's Al.
Yeah.
I thought it was funny that you read it as AI.
I was trying to figure out what it was, but then I couldn't really read what the name said either.
Lowercase L's are so confusing.
Yeah, they are.
The worst letter in the English language.
Here's one from our subscribers.
You want to take this one, Travis?
Sure.
So Michael Mathis says, whenever a Bab B article about pronouns is published, a star goes supernova, and a civilization never achieves space travel.
Please, please, at Babylon Bee Staff, never publish an article about pronouns again.
The universe will thank you.
Well, the joke's on you.
Supernovas are a healthy part of the universe.
We need new stars, and some stars have to get out of the way.
Good to know.
Your articles are so powerful.
They're changing space.
Powerful.
Wow.
I had no idea.
And we only publish maybe 10 or 11 pronoun jokes per week.
Yeah, it's not that many.
We could go way more.
Yeah.
It was Pride Month.
What are we supposed to do?
Yeah.
We need low-hanging fruit right there.
Well, thank you everyone for watching.
That's it for the public part of our podcast.
And if you're a subscriber, stick around for the subscribers only section.
We'll do some more hate mail.
We'll do subscriber headlines and the 10 questions with Peachy Keenan and be sure to check out her book.
It's good.
It's entertaining reading.
Thank you.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Give the land back to Indians and touch grass.
And touch grass.
Native Americans, please.
Would you like to meet him somewhere?
Absolutely.
Okay, he has passed.
And if you brought her back, but she went to the place we don't want to go, then she might just be screaming the whole time and like insane.
She might be a little banged up.
Yeah.
He's Belgian.
The country no one cares about.
This has been another edition of the Babylon Bee Podcast from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee.