The Bee Weekly: Top Ten Cartoons with Tuttle Twins Voice Actor Alex Elkin!
Kyle and Adam are joined by Comedian and Tuttle Twins voice actor Alex Elkin to dive deep into hard hitting issues like Jill Biden comparing "latinx" to "breakfast tacos," Hunter Biden's leaked iCloud messages (why is no one covering this?), and more! We also list our top 10 cartoons OF ALL TIME, thanks mostly to hate mail saying that grown men shouldn't watch cartoons. And don't miss out on this week's Sizzler Fact! Bee Radio w/ Austin Robertson and Weakly News w/ Adam Yenser strike back at fake news by being even faker. The Babylon Bee talks to Glen Scrivener about his new book The Air We Breathe where he suggests people are believers without even knowing it. Hmm?! In the subscriber portion, the crew reads subscriber headlines, the classic article of the week, bonus hate mail, and then Alex Elkin answers the ten questions.
I'm hanging out with Adam Yenser and a big hairy man is with us.
Yeah, this is Alex Elkin.
He's a voice on the Tuttle Twins.
And in addition to that, he's a comedian.
We've done a ton of shows together.
He's hilarious.
Thank you.
Just got back from a cruise ship tour.
We did an all-conservative show called Make America Laugh Again over the weekend, which we do from time to time.
We've been trying to have you on for a while.
I'm glad you can make it.
Thank you.
It's really a pleasure to be had.
Yes.
And you drove down from Oregon?
Yes.
Yeah.
$11,000 in gasoline.
Drove down from Oregon.
Yeah, it was a nice drive.
But we are ordering you pastrami for lunch, so it'll kind of take off, right?
It's good.
Because the food prices are up also.
They are.
And I've got a special place for pastrami right in my heart.
It's in the third ventricle.
They call it a blockage, but I love pastrami.
I was just thinking about how you now have to make different calculations for what's worth driving across town for because we bought something at a store and they forgot part of it.
And I was like, okay, it's a $3 part.
It's going to cost me $5 in gas to go over there and get it.
I just ordered it on Amazon.
It was cheaper to have it flown from Iowa or whatever.
Well, we're going to talk about what's going on in the news today.
We're going to talk about cartoons.
We had some people that didn't like that we like cartoons.
Yeah, last week we listed our top comedies shows of all time.
Each of our favorites, Emma was here, me and Kyle.
And some people didn't like that we chose some cartoons on our list.
You're kidding.
You put something out into the world and other people didn't like it?
It wasn't just universally embraced by all of us.
It's crazy.
It's the first time that's happened.
I've never heard of that.
And what's odd, you know, the people who disagreed, they didn't keep it to themselves and move on with their lives.
They didn't just scroll.
No, no, yes.
And they weren't polite, which was strange.
We also have an interview with Glenn Scrivener, who wrote a book called The Air We Breathe.
And he had a weird statement that everyone is already a believer.
So we drilled him on that and we really destroyed him.
The book was called The Air We Breathe.
Yeah.
I mean, what a spoiler right there on the cover.
Just giving away the ending right there.
Duh.
Okay, so what happened in the news this week?
AOC says that Republicans are banning treatment for ectopic pregnancy as abortions, which could get women killed with actual medical misinformation.
She was slamming Kavanaugh because he was trying to eat dinner and there's protesters outside.
They ended up having to leave before.
Oh, he was at Morton Steakhouse?
Oh, that's a great place.
Did he order a beer?
Probably at least one.
I hear he loves beer.
And she said, poor guy, he left before his souffle because he decided half the country should risk death if they have an ectopic pregnancy within the wrong state lines.
It's all very unfair to him.
The least they could do is let him eat cake.
I will never understand the pearl clutching over these protests.
Republicans send people to protest me all the time, sometimes drunk and belligerent.
Nobody cares about it unless it's a Republican in a restaurant.
Can someone please explain the obsession?
Because I don't get it.
I think she's thinking back to her days as a bartender.
She's like, who sent all these drunk and belligerent people to me?
How many times do you think she had to Google that whole sentence because there's an accent on souffle?
On souffle.
And then ectopic.
I mean, I got to Google that one.
Really?
She was like, what's the most insulting food word name I can put in here?
Yeah.
He would probably order a souffle.
He would.
Kavanaugh seems like a souffle kind of guy.
Well, she has a team of comedy writers.
They probably contract with all the late night guys.
That's true.
And they write all her material.
You're not writing for Coleman in a way.
That one out there.
Yeah, for sure.
Get souffle in there.
I guarantee.
No, really, it'll be a hit.
Slam dunk.
It has no K sound, but it's still a funny word.
Trust me.
Two F's.
Remember, two F's.
It's a weird thing to call Pearl clutching too just because Kavanaugh was almost just assassinated.
He had an assassin outside his house.
Well, you got to bring up old stuff.
Yeah, sad.
And then also, Elizabeth Warren was in the news.
She wants to shut down pro-life pregnancy care centers, which outnumber abortion clinics three to one for how they are, quote, fooling pregnant people into.
She said they were fooling people that are seeking to terminate their pregnancies and keeping their babies.
So she's trying to Jedi mind trick people.
She called them evil.
So there's these pregnancy crisis centers that give women advice and resources and options other than abortion.
They're often run by Christian groups and pro-life groups.
And she called them evil and said that they fool people who are seeking to terminate their pregnancy.
How dare you trick someone out of an abortion?
That's what worked with my three kids.
I just tricked my wife into bed and nine months later.
Gotcha.
Yeah, the wording is just so funny.
Yeah.
They fool people looking for pregnancy termination.
We need to shut them down all around the country.
Like even what he would, what would be the basis for shutting down a place that's like against abortions?
Well, and it's ridiculous the way they attack these places.
You know, it's the same.
They're harassing and threatening Brett Kavanaugh and the other justices over this Roe v. Wade thing.
And then they also are vandalizing and attacking a lot of these crisis pregnancy centers also because they're pro-life.
So they'll do this thing where they say, oh, pro-life people don't care about babies after they're born.
And then they'll also attack the sender's run by people that are trying to help pregnant women's babies.
But the Episcopal Church voted to apologize for its past support for pregnancy crisis centers, and they voted to support abortion on demand this week.
The Episcopal Church is like the most left-leaning one, right?
They're the ones that have like the kneeler flags outside.
They're a kneeler church.
They're a lot.
One of the kneelers here.
There are a lot of kneelers over there.
Yeah.
I don't remember that in the Bible.
Is that in first or second opinions where you're able to abortion on demand?
Right.
Yeah.
Thou shalt abort on demand.
And the church, the Episcopal Church has church and scare quotes, I think.
That's how I like to read it.
Episcopal Church.
Speaking of people who have definitely paid for abortions at some point, Hunter Biden was in the news.
We're nailing these transitions.
He had someone named Pedo Peter in his iCloud context as part of this iCloud hack leak thing that came out this week that nobody's talking about the media.
Well, you know, he could be a podiatrist.
I mean, let's give him the benefit of the doubt, right?
Yeah, he's got lots of foot problems.
Have you looked at the Hunter Biden, the leaks from the 4chan stuff?
I try not to.
I'm never, I'm always, some of it is clear that Lee, him, because there's videos and pictures and stuff.
But then, you know, some of it I'm always like wary of until it's very, until it's confirmed.
Is this real?
I don't know what to make of 4chan stuff.
It seems like most of this is accurate, though.
Wonderful.
There's a whole screenshot of all this text.
And there's theories.
People are trying to figure out who Pedo Peter is.
Some people have theorized that it's Joe Biden because some of the group messages, it's like Joe Biden and Pedo Peter.
What if it's Dinklich?
And then he's got Aunt Ashley, but he spells Aunt A-N-T.
Lots of typos.
Very sad.
She only shows up to picnics.
Yeah.
Well, the biggest telescope ever launched into space, the James Webb Telescope, sent back its first pictures this week, and they're pretty gorgeous and pretty.
They're pretty pretty.
There is.
And our own Kyle Mann had a wonderful tweet about this.
Should I read my own tweet?
Yeah, quote your own tweet.
NASA has just released this image of thousands more galaxies where Christ reigns as king.
That ought to trigger Satan.
I owned.
I had an atheist reply and say, I love you guys, but this is really cringy.
Oh, man.
You didn't make him cringe, did you?
I did.
Very sad.
That's a beautiful picture, though.
It is.
It is.
It's pretty cool.
And I saw some people like dunking on this picture, and they're like, you know, it's not an actual picture, right?
Like, it's just an artist's rendition of they calculate based on the infrared and then they like put it together.
But I think we all know how much of it is, yeah, but I think we all know it's not like a Polaroid.
Yeah, it's done in a certain way.
Right.
Yeah.
You can see scientists out there at NASA holding the thing under their arm, shaking it.
Yeah.
It'd be funny if they were just like NASA Photoshop's beautiful picture of all the galaxies.
Right.
I don't know.
I think this is pretty tiresome, though.
I mean, this picture is billions of years old from what they say.
Let's get some new pictures out there, right?
That's a good point.
Jill Biden, she got in a few issues this week.
Yeah, Dr. Jill Biden compared the diversity of Latino people to breakfast tacos at a Latin Latinx in Cluxian.
Is that really what it was called?
Yeah, that was the title of it.
They put X. Was it a Lunxian?
X is O. Wasn't the original X thing just to get rid of men out of words?
And now it's just a little bit of a title.
Yeah, and then they put it on the O Latino at the end, and I don't think anybody really understood why or still understand.
Yeah, like the O was gendered.
So it's because.
So speaking as somebody who's not Latino, I'm sure the Latino community loves it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They've embraced it.
Embraced it.
So she said that the diversity of this community as distinct as the bodegas of the Bronx.
Except she called it like Bogatas or something.
Right.
We corrected it for the transcript.
Have you ever seen how, this is an aside, but they always correct the transcripts of what Biden says when they release the official White House transcript.
They don't put ragged.
If you like type something, definitely not coherent.
You're like, that's not what he said.
It's more brackets than quotes.
It's amazing.
They add, let me repeat the line instead of just repeat line.
Let me repeat the line.
As beautiful as the blossoms of Miami and as unique as the breakfast tacos here in San Antonio.
She had a speech writer write this.
Yeah.
It's your strength.
Wonderful.
She was just hungry while she was talking.
Dude, I love this story.
In more uplifting news, democracy is alive and well as this county in New York is holding a contest for high school students to design the best I voted sticker.
And 93% of the vote is, look, we got to show this crazy spider thing.
It went with voter McVoter face.
It's basically the Bodie McVote face story all over again.
That's so funny.
A 14-year-old?
Yeah.
That kid got started.
That's great.
I want the sticker.
I need this sticker.
They should hand those out nationally.
I have a feeling that'll catch on.
That's what we'll all be wearing in 2022.
Can we print this out, guys?
I need this as a sticker.
Great.
That needs to be on a shirt.
It's so wonderful.
93, 170,000 people voted for it.
Got 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, I saw, too.
That was pretty incredible.
Yeah.
Well, here's our Babylon Bee banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
Elon Musk backs out of Twitter deal after realizing he can read the Babylon Bee by going directly to their website.
You're allowed to laugh at it because you're not with the Babylon B. Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks for reminding me I'm not with the Babylon B.
I like it because it's both like it's a strong joke.
Well, I don't even think it's self-deprecated.
It's like promotional.
It's like, hey, everybody, you can go to the Babylon B website now that we're still kicked off of Twitter.
Right.
We also had the bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
Update number of safe abortions performed in all of human history still at zero.
That was a good point.
And there's an abortion doctor feeling bad about what he's done.
Just regretting the Redding website.
I guess I don't know what the pic has to do with that.
He can't find his glasses.
That's the problem.
I was actually murdering babies the whole time.
We should have tricked them into having their pregnancy.
We should have.
All right, everyone.
Well, it's time for our favorite segment of the week, Sizzler Facts.
I love Sizzler.
Yeah.
I'm glad.
We tell a Sizzler fact every week here.
19 weeks ago, we debuted Sizzler Facts to critical acclaim.
Here's this week's.
Since you love Sizzler, would you like to read our Sizzler fact?
Well, I'll read the first one there.
Sure, yeah, start with that one in week 25.
Yeah, well, in May, I don't know if you guys know this, but I didn't either until I finished this sentence.
In May of 19, is that 85 or 95?
95.
95.
Can you guys zoom in a touch?
15 years ago, William B. Grodegutt, 68, mistook the accelerator for the break while trying to park his 1992 Oldsmobile and consequently ended up parking his car into the corner of a Sizzler in Provo, Utah.
Good one.
The first Sizzler with a drive-thru.
Very, just very progressive.
Here's another one.
Get this.
It's not a one-time incident.
On December 16th, 2018, a Brown Ram 1500 crashed into a Sizzler in Hayward, California.
In February, on February 7th, 2022, a car lodged itself halfway through two windows of a Sizzler in Lakewood, Washington.
Wow.
Now, here's something interesting.
If you're on the video podcast, you need to look at this map.
We have created a border between these three Sizzler restaurants.
And when you do a search for Sizzlers in the area of the triangle, something interesting occurs.
While many Sizzler restaurants will pop up on the map, you'll notice that they get close to, but never actually appear inside the area triangulated by these three restaurants.
This area has been referred to by experts as the Sizzler Dead Zone.
Oh, wow.
Well, I'll tell you, I can't tell you how many times I've been in Elko, Nevada, and have wanted a three-ounce steak and some bread and chicken wings at a Sizzler Dead Zone is fascinating.
I was quiet because I was literally studying the map.
I was fascinated by it.
This has been Sizzler Facts.
Now we have some Sizzler comments.
This first one's from Danger Buddy.
I find myself deeply humbled to have my Sizzler comment read out loud on the podcast by none other than perpetual Sizzler Facts appreciator Adam Jenser.
Hey, that's you.
It just means a lot to me.
Someday I'd like to shake that man's hand, look him in the eye, and tell him how wrong he is about Zoolander, which is a terrible movie.
Andrews 042 says, Sizzler Facts.
Could it be that it took 10 years to haul the tree and allow it to season?
And then he had it in his possession when Sizzler placed the order for the tables.
See, our Sizzler fact last week was that at the original Sizzler, they cut tables out of a giant redwood tree.
Single redwood tree.
And it took them months to prepare.
It's like years.
Yeah, it was like David Stone, right?
You know, it just took eons for him to finally pick it up.
And then slew Goliath.
Yeah.
Which is what Applebee's is trying to.
They're the Goliath of the David and Sizzler world.
A lot of people don't know that.
That's another Sizzler fact, I guess.
So here's a final comment by R. Block.
Well, what's crazy is I've been listening to these Sizzler facts and have no idea what that place is.
In my entire 33 years and travel across maybe 15 states, I've never seen or eaten out of Sizzlers.
Is this a West Coast thing?
So he must be stuck in the dead zone.
Yeah, this guy's driving in a giant triangle.
He's in the dead zone.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, come on out and check it out.
It's not just a West Coast thing.
It was all over the country in its heyday.
Yeah.
But yeah, definitely check out the best.
We definitely had some on the East Coast.
But it's weird.
Where I grew up on the East Coast, the restaurant that was like that for me, I would always see commercials for Sonic advertised on TV, and there was no Sonics around.
Sonic is just years and years and years I lived my life seeing commercials for it and never seeing an actual Sonic restaurant.
What if it's in hiding on the East Coast?
You know, like they do, because you know, you go to, like, I don't know if they're a sponsor, we're not going to talk about them, but if you know Carl, his kid has a joint out here on the West Coast.
But if you go a little farther east, you're going to run into Hardys.
You know, same idea, sort of same menu.
They go by different name, different, you know, it's White Castle on the East Coast, but then when you get over to Florida, it's Crystal, which I don't know if it's short for meth, but it both are very addictive and bad for you.
But they're, yeah, they change.
Maybe Sizzler somewhere across the Mississippi is, you know, the Ponderosa.
Ponderosa.
That way you can make your own dessert.
That was a great one.
I love the Ponderosa.
I mean, it wasn't as good as Sizzler.
Yeah, we don't want to endorse it.
Is there anything as good as Sizzler?
Come on.
Correct.
Okay, well, this has been Sizzler Comments.
Yeah.
Now it's time for B-Radio with Austin Robertson.
Factually inaccurate.
Morally correct.
This is Babylon B Radio.
Our top story.
According to recent polling data, the Americans described by Jill Biden as breakfast tacos are inexplicably switching to the Republican Party in record numbers.
We aren't sure why the Latinx, who are as special and unique as a breakfast taco or maybe a toasted cheddar chalupa, are leaving the Democrats.
Don't they know how much we Democrats care about their vote?
Perhaps we need more abortions and drag queen story hours.
Local breakfast taco Carlos Hernandez isn't convinced.
No, I am just not sure the Democrats really care about me.
He said as he entered church on Sunday with his family.
I'm just not sure Democrat values are my values.
Am I allowed to say that?
Pen Savby.
Said Valentina Gonzalez, another local breakfast taco, firing her favorite AR-15 at the local gun range.
At airtime, several breakfast egg rolls were beginning to think the same thing.
This is not the first time Dr. Joe Biden has used colorful language to describe ethnic groups.
We've compiled a full list of each instance at Babylonbee.com.
In a related story, President Biden gave an address to the American people this week, acknowledging that many minorities are struggling in this economy, vowing to work hard to help them, whether they are, quote, black, yellow, or taco.
Senior White House aides are still searching for a Biden they can send out in public following recent gaffes and federal crimes committed by Joe, Jill, and Hunter Biden.
The pressure to find a member of the Biden family who will not do the administration harm has resulted in the resignation of numerous employees, including former Press Secretary Jen Saki.
When asked to comment on the growing scandals within the White House, Saki laughed wildly over the phone and hung up.
Some have put forward the president's daughter Ashley as a potential Biden to show off to the public.
Her social activism and sense of fashion have tested well with focus groups.
Unfortunately, her alleged diary, which details sexual abuse within the Biden family, has placed her squarely on the no-show list.
Senator Elizabeth Warren has condemned the Underground Railroad for using devious and deceptive tactics to trick slaves into escaping their masters.
The senator released a statement: quote, This Underground Railroad was just there to fool people into finding freedom when they really just wanted to be slaves.
Slaves love being slaves, and many slaves reported that being a slave was the best decision they ever made.
Their masters fed them and cared for them.
The anti-choice Underground Railroad didn't know what's best for them like we Democrats do.
We should have shut this down across the country.
Democrat experts are in agreement that slavery is in the best interests of slave health and that abolitionists interfered in very personal life decisions that should be left between a slave and her master.
Warren has since decided to take matters into her own hands, personally smacking free resources away from pregnant women when they leave what she calls, quote, deceptive pregnancy resource centers.
She was seen jumping out from the bushes in front of one such building, tackling a pregnant mom, wrestling away her prenatal vitamins, and ripping apart her free ultrasound pictures.
Warren has also set up an abortion teepee on the front lawn and is committed to chasing down every pregnant woman with the tomahawks and offering a free abortion.
Governor Ron DeSantis has responded to Governor Gavin Newsom's political ads in Florida by running political ads of his own in California.
While Newsome's ads were urging Libs to move to California, DeSantis is begging the Libs in California to stay put.
Listen, folks, it's simple, really.
In Florida, we believe in clean sidewalks and shrinking the homeless problem, not growing it.
So to all the woke Libs out there, let me be clear: do not come to Florida.
Stay in California and indoctrinate your own kids.
That is, if you actually have kids you haven't aborted.
Viewers are then treated to a shot of DeSantis wrestling an alligator.
Here in Florida, we do not want more crime or taxes or a racist school curriculum.
We want citizens that are based and red-pilled.
Still thinking Florida is right for you, Callie Libs?
Well, just remember that we have American flags all over our state.
We love guns.
And most importantly, President Trump lives here permanently.
The commercial ends with a shot of DeSantis and Trump throwing commies out of helicopters.
Upon watching these ads, millions of Californians fainted on the spot.
According to sources, they were so triggered by the alarming levels of patriotism that their California brains couldn't handle it.
Many of the libs who saw the ads are now trying to sue DeSantis for emotional damage and trauma.
He's responded with plans to run the same ads on CNN and MSNBC.
Despite an already crowded field consisting of popular incumbent Greg Abbott, Irish drug addict Robert O'Rourke, and several unknown candidates, a dark horse candidate has threatened to upset the Texas governor's race.
Bucky Beaver has announced his candidacy.
For too long, citizens of the great state of Texas have been plagued by tedious stops at multiple stores to pick up their basics.
And these stores don't even sell gallons of barbecue sauce and other Bucky's branded materials at a 67,000 square foot retail space.
Within five minutes of his announcement, Bucky Beaver became the frontrunner, polling at 100% approval.
Experts anticipate he will win in a landslide.
Members of Texas-based publications asked heavy policy questions after the announcement, including whether Texas could expect a universal basic income of delicious barbecue sandwiches and whether Buckies had any plans to invade Texas' target locations that still failed to carry beaver nuggets and garlic beef jerky infused fudge.
Chaos broke out, however, when members of non-Texan press asked, what's so special about a truck stop anyway?
Causing bystanders to holler, you don't mess with candied nuts, and everything's bigger in Buckies, and remember the barbecue.
In a bid to get WNBA star Brittany Griner out of Russian prison and back home to the states where she belongs, Americans have eagerly stepped up to offer LeBron James as a substitute.
A change.org petition supporting the swap has already garnered more than 200 million signatures.
Griner reported being happy to hear of the petition, but was concerned that James might not last long in a tough Russian prison where people foul you all the time and there's no rest to stop it.
The State Department says that if the petition reaches 250 million signatures, they will consider placing LeBron on a plane to Moscow.
Upon hearing the news, he immediately cried out in pain and flopped down to the ground.
NASA's James Webb Space Telescope team has unveiled the farthest and most massive image of deep space ever captured.
In light of the success of the program, NASA has announced they will be developing an even larger space telescope to capture a photograph of your mom.
Already, NASA sent out scientists to buy up all the hard drive space on the planet to hold a photo with that many megapixels.
They're also gathering up all the gold-plated beryllium in the entire solar system, as that is how much would be required to make a telescope able to handle a photograph of such impossible magnitude.
At airtime, NASA scientists also announced they're developing a warp drive in hopes of sending space travelers to see the other side of your mom.
Now you're up to date on the only news that matters.
Find more fake news you can trust at BabylonBee.com.
Until next time, this is Austin Robertson, the voice of the Babylon Bee.
So long.
That was great, Austin.
Now we're going to go to weekly news with Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
Leaked messages from Hunter Biden's iPhone show that he called his stepmom Jill Biden a, quote, selfish, silly entitled C word.
Jill reminded him it's doctor selfish silly entitled C-word.
Twitter is now suing Elon Musk in an attempt to stop him from backing out of his deal to buy the company.
Elon's backup plan is to take Twitter to the Nordstrom's return counter and tell them he bought it there but lost the receipt.
To bypass state abortion bans, a California doctor has proposed building a floating abortion clinic in the Gulf of Mexico, where instead of sacrificing babies to Moloch, they'll sacrifice them to Neptune.
In more disturbing news, the woke activists at Disney have made the floating abortion clinic the plot of their new sequel, Pirates of the Caribbean, Baby Jones Locker.
Due to increasing crime and safety concerns, Starbucks announced that they are closing 16 stores in several major cities, including six here in Los Angeles.
The six Starbucks that will be closing are the one on Hollywood and Vine, the other one on Hollywood and Vine, the one near Hollywood and Vine, the one across from Hollywood and Vine, the one on the other corner of Hollywood and Vine, and the one inside the Ralphs on Hollywood and Vine.
President Biden is traveling to the Middle East this week to discuss Palestinian relations in Jerusalem, beg for oil in Saudi Arabia, and revisit the park where he and Methuselah hung out as kids.
A New York Times poll found that 64% of Democrats don't want Joe Biden to be their party's nominee in 2024, while 100% of Republicans want Joe Biden to be the Democrats' nominee in 2024.
Although despite his low approval numbers, another poll showed that Joe Biden is still ahead of Trump in a 2024 rematch and is also ahead of Trump in age and dementia.
According to the Secret Service, the January 6th committee has not contacted any agents or Trump staff members to verify the claims made last week by Cassidy Hutchinson.
The committee said they're just going to take her word for it that she took another person's word for it who took someone else's word for it.
The population of the world is expected to hit 8 billion this year, mostly thanks to Nick Cannon and Elon Musk.
In comments this week, Senator Elizabeth Warren called crisis pregnancy centers evil and said that they fool people seeking abortions.
Pocahontas also explained that when her people kill a baby, they use every part of the baby.
A former advisor revealed that Leonardo DiCaprio once offered to coach Pete Buttigig on public speaking during his presidential campaign.
The coaching session got awkward when Buttigig suddenly stripped and said, paint me like one of your French girls.
Women in Iran are rebelling against a strict law that requires them to cover their hair in public.
The government insists it's only to keep them safe while Biden's in the Middle East.
In a speech to a Hispanic civil rights group, Jill Biden said that Latino people are as unique as breakfast tacos.
And they said she is una egoista torta titulada coño.
Whatever that means.
Jill Biden ultimately issued an apology and told the breakfast tacos she's sorry her comments made them hot tamales.
That's it for weekly news.
Come see me live this Friday and Saturday with Laura Bites at Laugh Boston and all next week at the Comedy Cabana in Myrtle Beach.
Thank you, Adam.
Another good one.
Now it's time for our segment, discussing cartoons.
So first we're going to start with some hate mail because this was inspired by last week.
Kyle Emma and I, we listed our top 10 what we called the best comedy shows of all time and we each had a different list.
But many of our list had cartoons on them like South Park or The Simpsons, Futurama.
I think did yours have Looney Tunes on it?
No, but I had King of the Hill on it.
King of the Hill, yeah.
So this is several comments we got from someone named Robert Beattie.
Adam, it's not TikTok, it's cartoons.
So quit being a part of the problem and become part of the solution.
Stop as an adult if you choose to do so watching cartoons.
Whoever found the gun video to be serious watches cartoons.
I promise you they watch cartoons.
As much as I love Babylon B, I'm being serious here and not comedic.
If they found the gun video to be true, they watch cartoons.
Do some research if you don't believe me.
It goes on.
It's not, it's not as this has been a Chuck Lorry fest.
For Adam, it's been a cartoon fest.
Because if my memory is right, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a cartoon.
I am absolutely not sure on this because I've never watched it.
Hey, Adam, I know how to make you happy.
Let's sing this song together.
Cartoon cartoon.
I love cartoon, cartoon, cartoon.
Give me more cartoon.
I'm a grown man, but give me cartoon.
I'm a grown man and I watch cartoons.
But you can trust me because I declare myself mutter.
Can we auto tune your auto tune this?
Cartoon cartoon.
Give me more cartoon.
I'm a grown man, but give me cartoon.
I'm a grown man and I watch cartoons.
But you can trust me because I declare myself mutter.
If you're old enough to make babies, cartoons should be a thing of your past, including The Simpsons or The Flintstones or whatever.
It frightens me to think leaders of the current world are watching cartoons.
This goes on.
Am I reading this whole thing?
Poor guy is sitting there and frightening.
First of all, he's mentioning, I only mentioned South Park, Simpsons, and Futurama on mine.
He's brought up Ninja Turtles, the Flintstones, which were not even part of it.
We got to read this last one.
Oh boy, Adam Yissinger is going to tell us what a woman is in cartoon language.
Can't wait.
I've got my coloring book and crowns out already.
And it's really funny that we all listen to cartoons, but he honed in on you.
Yeah, you and Emma both had cartoons on your list also.
Obviously, Adam has the easiest last name.
Yinzinger.
Why not?
He had a lot of letters to my name.
The hate for cartoons is interesting to me because it's just a medium.
Like cartoons can have a wide range of what they can be.
And I have no shame about watching cartoons as an adult, even beyond the ones that are on my list.
Because I think you can still enjoy cartoons that you liked as a kid.
There are cartoons like, you know, South Park and The Simpsons that are geared for an older crowd.
And I think if you have kids or if you just like, you know, television, there's some good kids' cartoons.
I think cartoons are necessary for adults.
I mean, look at what we have to go through every day with bills and making sure things are there on time and deadlines and all this stuff, making sure there's gas in the car.
Don't you just want a 22-minute time slot where you can just veg out and not have to worry about anything?
You can just enjoy what's being, and it's bright colors and loud noises and fart jokes.
I mean, come on.
There's beauty.
There's a beauty.
And what's nice is Robert wrote this song.
So now while you're doing taxes or all your adult stuff in your head, you can be gearing up going cartoon cartoon.
I love cartoons.
That's an earworm.
That's not getting out of my head at all this week.
Yeah.
You nailed that.
Cartoon?
Real hook.
We got to get Brandon or someone who's good at it.
To set this to actually make it.
It's so great.
So great.
And Alex, you do a voice on the Tuttle Twins cartoon, correct?
Tuttle Twins cartoon show.
It's a cartoon show not just for adults, but for kids as well.
And yeah, it teaches you about freedom and the free market and your individual rights, the Constitution, all kinds of good stuff.
And yes, I play one of the main characters.
They were smart enough not to give me any lines.
I just make squeaking noises.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I play Derek the Raccoon for at least we're in the second season.
I'm just waiting for the woke crowd to come after me because I don't literally identify as a raccoon in real life.
Yeah.
So they're going to, I'm sure.
But there are lots of cartoons out there that teach kids things, but it's usually not good things like that.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, I was taught a lot of things by cartoons, but nothing good.
Not one good thing.
Taught me how to do voices for cartoons.
Yeah, and you do some other voices on Tuttleton's also, right?
I do.
Yeah, I got to play the great Babe Ruth.
I got to play a few of our U.S. presidents.
Yeah, it's a great show.
Everyone should check that one out.
Yeah, it is a good show.
There's a lot of sponsorship.
You can pick it up on YouTube.
You can get it on the Angel Studios app where you can also see the chosen and things like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I will say it's legit good.
I mean, it is supposed to be instructional.
It's not like they're just like, we're just going to make a fun cartoon.
It's like they're obviously trying to teach you things, but it's quality.
It is.
Yeah, it is quality.
I enjoy it.
I'm glad to be a part of it.
Really blessed to be a part of it.
I like the grandma.
You're not the grandma, Ryan.
I'm not the grandma.
Can we get the grandma in here?
Yeah, I'm sure he's booked next.
Do you know all the other voice actors on it, or do you do that thing where you're just like in a booth?
No, I get to do mine in my garage in my pajamas.
I just do that.
We all do it.
But we did get together for a premiere in Utah, and I did get to meet all the other voice actors.
Yeah.
And that was exciting.
Good people, really fun people.
Awesome.
Really cool.
Yeah, so check that out on the Angel Studios app.
And you said it's also on YouTube.
Also on YouTube.
You can watch all the episodes there.
It's good for kids.
Very cool.
And so inspired by Robert's hatred of people who love cartoons, we've decided this week to do our top 10 favorite cartoon shows.
Nice time.
I'm going to call it favorite because people get mad when we say best of all time.
They say, no, you're wrong.
You forgot this one.
I watched once when I was a kid.
And remember, you can trust us because we declare ourselves mature.
We're grown men, as Robert puts it.
We're going to have to check our bicycle.
But I'm pretty sure they're grown.
All right.
So I put my list together rather quickly.
I'm worried that I probably have missed some big ones.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm sure you'll get letters.
Yeah.
And I would like to put out an apology for both picking the Big Bang Theory last week and for overlooking Arrested Development.
That was a worse crime than Laughing During Suzuki.
See, I'll get more hate for this.
I think Arrested Development is good, but it would not make my top 10 list.
I think it's a good show.
I think it's funny.
I think it's overrated in terms of being one of the best.
Yeah, to me, it's almost like Andy Griffith.
Funnier than Andy Griffith, but I can watch it when it's on.
And I think it's very hit or miss by season, too.
I think there's some that are very strong.
Well, I only consider the first three.
Yeah, because the Netflix ones were awful.
All right, let's get to our top 10 cartoons, and we'll start with number 10.
And why don't you go first?
Sure.
At number 10, this is a show that I didn't watch a lot of when I was younger, but I just watched their new movie.
So I may be biased towards that, Beavis and Butthead.
Nice.
Oh, yeah.
Those are great.
Did you watch the new movie?
Yeah.
Full of like, that was pretty cool.
I did watch it.
And you know what I liked about it?
They didn't try to like wake it up to modern day.
They just, they left it right in the 90s and picked it up where it left off.
It was great.
It's such, it's got a good nostalgia factor, and it's just them in the modern world, but still doing their stamp.
And the voices were the same.
You notice how, like, you know, like, Marge Simpson doesn't sound like Marge Simpson anymore.
She sounds like her mother now, you know, everything.
Sounds like her sister's because her voice is going.
But I don't know.
Mike Judge, yeah, he nailed it.
I think it was.
That's how the raccoon and tuttle twins is going to sound 30 years ago.
It's true.
Wait a minute.
There's Tatkrash.
Looking for Tatrash.
Well, my number 10 is Phineas and Ferb.
I was a little too old for Phineas and Ferb when it came out, but my younger siblings watched it.
And it was one of those that the little kids can enjoy and you sit down.
I'm like, this is fair quality.
Yeah.
Those are great.
Yeah, that's a good one, too.
I like that one.
My top, we're going from 10.
We're going to go with Bob Clinton.
Okay, bottom up.
Bottom up.
Well, I'm going to have to say I give it to Beanie and Cecil.
First of all, it's a Bob Clampett cartoon.
Bob Clampett, just a champion of 20th century animation, I think.
And Beanie and Cecil was hilarious because it was a show in the 60s.
But, you know, a lot of like the cartoons today, there's adult humor in there.
It was something that everybody could watch.
It was just goofy and funny, you know, unapologetically funny.
You know, it's just, it was a good cartoon.
That's a good choice, yeah.
At number nine, I have Rocco's Modern Life.
I love that.
That was a clever one.
Yeah.
It was in one of the original Nick Toon lineups.
That's one of those ones you have to rewatch as an adult.
Yeah.
Because there's so much that you missed as a kid.
I assume your whole list is going to be cartoons Kyle was not allowed to watch as a kid.
There's not all of them.
No, there's a lot of those on there, but there's one.
Oh, sorry.
You always wanted to watch Rocco's Modern Life because that one, I don't know.
Was it bad?
That one wasn't.
I don't think it was that bad.
There's one joke.
I watched it too when I was a young kid, but there's one joke that stuck with me for my whole life.
It's when he was going to some rock concert or the beach or something.
He was trying to find a parking spot.
He ended up just parking in his own driveway.
Yeah.
And then walking to, I still use that joke.
I think that's hilarious.
Why don't we just park at the house and we'll walk in?
There's a lot of jokes I remember that.
I remember there's one where he gets in a taxi cab in New York and it's just disgusting inside and he does the cartoon thing where he's like, like he's going to throw up.
And the cabby turns around and goes, read sign, no baffing.
But there were a few more adult-oriented jokes on that one.
There was one where he's switching between jobs and you see him just in a phone operator booth and he goes, oh, baby, oh, baby.
Oh, really?
I don't know that I was specifically banned from huh, but we didn't have cable and it was kind of understood that we weren't supposed to watch.
You were switching around alone and you heard some jokes and you were like, mommy wouldn't want me to do it.
Exactly.
And you chose to ban it for yourself.
Oh, so mine number nine is X-Men the animated series.
Oh, that's a solid.
That's a great one.
You know, speaking of songs, awesome.
Speaking of banned cartoons, my wife as a kid was not allowed to watch that because, yeah, her mother felt it was too sexualized because, well, their costumes were painted on.
You know, you could see you're pretty much looking at nipples.
Wolverine.
It's funny, though.
His nipples were fantastic.
It's funny, though, whenever someone says, like, that cartoon is too sexualized, you know that they're attracted to a character.
It's like, oh, I don't want you watching that hot rogue anymore.
Yeah, that mystique is just.
Anyway, I need five minutes.
We went back and binge-watched all the X-Men animated series, like in high school, because we had watched them as kids and we've re-watched them all in high school.
And there's still lines in there that will quote, like, our friend group will quote to each other.
Yeah.
In the very first episode, one of the Sentinels is still plugged in when the water comes rushing in.
He goes, I'm still plugged in.
Well, he's dying.
It's wonderful.
I loved the X-Men animated series, but I feel like it lost its way when Bishop and Cabal were such cool characters.
But whenever they started messing with the timeline, I feel like it got to be a little bit different.
Yeah, it got goofy.
Dark Phoenix stuff.
I mean, yeah.
But it was great.
Yeah.
You could always tell the kids that were banned from watching cartoons because they didn't know the name of it.
They wouldn't tell you, I'm not allowed to watch The Simpsons.
They'd say, I'm not allowed to watch Bart Simpson.
Yeah.
You know, and you know, it's like, ah, yeah, you're one of those guys.
You're not allowed to watch.
You're a Mormon kid, right?
You're doing family time or whatever crap.
You don't watch The Sampsons.
Number nine, I'm going to have to give it to King of the Hill.
Solid choice.
It's just.
It's a terrific show.
It's a great show.
I love it.
It's a good one.
It's so good.
It's so good.
And it's so simple.
It didn't have a lot of the loud bangs and the colors and everything.
But man, getting raped by a dolphin.
It's just quality.
That's quality after dinner television.
How'd you feel about Homer getting raped by a panda?
Did that happen?
Did that happen?
See, King of the Hill did it first.
I liked King of the Hill growing up, but I feel like I have to go back and re-watch because I think there's stuff in it that I miss, and there's episodes and storylines that I remember from it, but I don't know if I ever saw every episode.
When The Simpsons went off the rails and became really like every episode was a parody of something, King of the Hill was still just very dull plot lines and it's character driven.
But it's funny.
Number eight, I have Scooby-Doo.
I always loved Scooby-Doo when I was growing up.
It's very formula.
I think I kind of wasn't because of the ghosts and they rip off masks and show people's naked faces.
You weren't allowed to watch Scooby-Doo.
I'm not allowed to watch the Mystery Machine show.
No, as formulaic as Scooby-Doo was, as far as Saturday morning cartoons go, I always loved it.
And it made its own sort of formula with the way they reveal the ghosts at the end.
I always thought it was fun.
Oh, is that what happened?
I don't know.
My number eight is Legend of Cora, which is the sequel to sequel to Avatar, The Last Air.
Oh, okay.
Not as good as the first one, but still beautiful animation.
Great show.
I think James Cameron gets mad when you call anything the sequel to Avatar that is not his nine-hour epic that he's been working on for 40 years that no one cares about.
There's going to be six sequels now, apparently.
That's coming up on my list.
Yeah, I don't understand the fascination with it.
Anyway.
Okay, so number eight.
Yeah.
Number eight.
You know what I fell in love with?
Bojack Horseman.
I've heard that's amazing.
I did.
I loved it.
You know, somebody who I'm outside of the Hollywood scene, but I know enough about it to where I could relate to it.
And I loved watching the Hollywood scene portrayed in, well, basically the Animal Kingdom.
Yeah.
Because that's what Bojack was.
But it was just good.
It was just gut-punching, you know, real comedy.
And I liked it.
I've heard only good things about that.
I've only seen maybe two episodes of it.
I liked it, but I have to watch both of them.
It's a binge watcher.
You can really sit and enjoy it.
Number seven, I have SpongeBob SquarePants.
I was just at the cusp of where I was a little older when that came out.
But it's one of those that at first I thought it was just a silly kind of kids cartoon.
But the more I started watching it, the jokes in that, I think there's some jokes in that that are just top rate.
It's such a funny character.
It is.
It's one that kids can enjoy.
And I think older adults, when you watch it, it's just as funny.
For me, it's one of those cartoons.
I just never got into it, but I can watch it because I realize that now.
It is for adults.
The Amazing World of Gumball was like that, too.
My kids would watch it, and then I'd hear it in the background.
I'm like, ah, all it is is screaming and yelling.
But when you sit down and listen to it and watch it, you're like, wow, there's some really good writing in here.
There's another one I didn't put on my list, but I've caught episodes of it that came out when I was older, like too old to kind of watch the show.
But there was one called Chowder on Cartoon Network, and there was hilarious jokes in that one, but I just never watched it a whole lot.
So my number seven is Batman Beyond.
Really?
Over the animated series?
Well, that might be coming up.
This is number eight.
Oh, I see.
You're right.
We're early in the there's still a lot of lists to go, folks.
We still got.
Yeah, I love Batman Beyond.
That was one my parents let me watch, but I know that they didn't actually watch it because there was some sexually attractive characters.
Well, like one of the first episodes is like they're like dying of drug overdoses.
Oh, wow.
You know, it's pretty edgy.
Yeah.
It was a great show.
It is a good one.
Old Batman coming back to like help Terry once in a while.
He donn the suit and come help.
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah.
On a very special Batman Beyond.
Exactly.
This week.
On Kids' WB.
Number seven for, we're on seven.
Yeah.
I would have to go with regular show.
Now, this one, not everybody had access to this because this is a Cartoon Network one, but regular show was funny.
And I love the nostalgia of it.
You know, they were very, whoever wrote it was very 80s.
Their video game system was an old Sega master system, you know, not the Genesis Master System.
They went for the deep cut.
Yeah, right?
It was cool.
It's a fun.
It's a fun show.
That's great.
Yeah.
And number six, I have Batman the Animated Series.
Oh, awesome.
Yeah.
It was just, as far as a dramatic cartoon goes, it was one of the first best ever.
For people to show you could do a really good, serious show.
Yeah.
And it defined, I mean, Harley Quinn was invented on that.
Yeah.
You know, so it's actually invented characters and introduced them into DC.
His name, Kevin Conroy, he does Batman and that.
It's like he's my favorite.
He's one of the best Batman.
Oh, that's just as the animated voice for that Batman.
And Mark Hamilton.
Phenomenal.
My number six is Looney Tunes.
And specifically, I enjoyed the Wiley Coyote and Roadrunner.
Those are my favorites also.
Favorites of those.
Yeah.
I love Looney Tunes.
You know what, though?
I love Tex Avery.
Like, he was with the Looney Tunes, but he was kind of aside.
But anything he did, man, Droopy, you know, that weird, you know, that Wolfman, that guy, you know, the Southern.
I just love those.
Yeah, I love all those.
Those are great ones.
Classic.
Six for me, Top Cat.
It's a Hannah Barbera character.
I don't know how popular he was.
His stuff I wasn't allowed to watch.
His list is stuff I've never heard of.
Right.
Oh, see, I've heard of all of that.
I think I'm 10 years older than everybody in this room.
Top Cat was great because he was always getting one over on the cop.
He was just, you know, he was a street thug that always just had one step ahead of the cop, and I loved it.
Awesome.
Yeah.
So now you're on the Tuttle Twins, which teaches kids values, but you liked watching Timmy.
Well, we're still one step ahead of the cops.
I think that's Libertarian.
That's right.
Top Cat would always say, Am I being detained?
Am I free to go, officer?
Am I going to be able to do that?
I know my rights.
Number five, we're at now.
That's where I put Looney Tunes.
Okay.
Looney Tunes at number four.
I mean, just a blanket Looney Tunes?
Yeah.
Really?
Even like the Tweeties and Sylvesters?
Well, I include all of that as part of Looney's, but the really look to the camera and we can zoom in.
Yeah.
Wiley Coyote and Roadrunner were usually my favorites.
I also liked The Bugs Bunny.
And, you know, he had his different adversaries.
I like the Yosemite Sam ones a lot when they would have the rivalries.
There was also a one-off one.
I think it was, I forget if it was Looney Tunes or Merry Melodies or one of those.
It was called The Three Bops, and it was like the three little pigs, but set to this like jazz musical.
Yes.
It's so good.
It's one of my favorites of all time.
Yeah.
I love the ones where they would take you into the future and you could see the house of the future.
Oh, I love those.
Just the creative ideas that they would come up with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Awesome.
My number five is King of the Hill.
Nice.
What more can be said?
I watched it later in life, too.
It was like after it was, I don't know if it was over yet or if it was like on the last few seasons, and I started watching it and just they're playing it.
They're playing them now.
We have a little ritual at the house.
It's, you know, it's Jeopardy and then Wheel, and then we go over to King of the Hill a couple episodes.
Then after nine o'clock, you can do what you want.
But we watch it as a family together.
Mandatory team.
Yeah, it's it.
Yeah.
Gather.
King of the Hill devotional.
Gather.
We are gathering.
So I'm going down my list here.
Family Guy had to hit it.
I mean, talk about a show that, you know, just fought the good fight.
You know, canceled not once, but twice, came back from the dead and is still going pretty strong.
And, you know, I love the fact that they're not afraid to hit.
You know, they don't pull a lot of punches.
They get some hate mail, maybe, you know, and somebody telling them how horrible they are and they're worse than Hitler.
And they just come back even worse next week.
And I think we need that, you know?
We need these kind of shows.
Yeah, Family Guy is great.
Now we're at number four.
I put Ren and Stimpy number four.
Ren and Stimpy was like the cartoon that defined my childhood.
It was so weird and bizarre and funny, and I hadn't seen anything like it before.
And I feel like it came just pre, it's like The Simpsons was already on at the time, but it came like pre-Beavis and Butthead or South Park, and it wasn't that vulgar or raunchy, but it had this sort of weird, gross-out humor.
That's gross, yeah.
And it had just these silly characters, and the animation was so just funny in itself when they do the like close-up cutaways and stuff.
Yeah, there was screams.
There's an episode I just re-watched recently, which is so funny where they're in a haunted house with this Casper-like ghost.
And then at the end, they want to bring the ghost back to life.
So they have to convince the ghost to kill himself by drinking poison.
So then he'll come back to life.
And it's this little Casper ghost.
And when he comes back, he's like this huge, fat, black guy that drives away a Cadillac.
Have you seen these adult Ren and Stimpy's?
Yeah, I feel like when they brought it back and tried to make it more an adult show, it kind of took something away from it.
Oh, it was a little bit more.
Maybe we're thinking of the same thing.
No, the different thing.
This is actually very gross sexual.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Really?
I said I think it took something away from it when they tried to, like, it was like.
Yeah, there was an innocence taken away for sure.
But I don't know.
But I don't think it was good.
No, I don't think they made it.
I don't think it was that good either.
The animation was fun because it was that crick value, you know, just almost like you're throwing paint at a cell.
Yeah.
You know, and letting nature be aware of that.
There's so much good.
There's Muddy Mud Skipper.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
The classic space madness.
Another one I wasn't allowed to watch because Ren and Stimpy were sexually attractive.
It's my first crush.
My number four is The Simpsons.
And I think I said last week too, but one I wasn't allowed to watch and watched as an adult just in the last few years.
And what season did they just fall off, though?
I mean, some people have said it's when Homer gets raped by the panda.
That's the season 12.
That's Jumping the Shark.
Season 12 was The Jumping the Shark.
Okay.
Raping the Shark.
So we should call it, yeah, Getting Rapid.
That show really.
Right.
Yeah, we've gone past Happy Days Now.
When I watched it, I felt like season one was really shaky.
Two, they started to pick up.
And about eight or nine, somewhere in there, is when it started to fall off.
Yeah.
And that's someone from the outside.
I love the Conan O'Brien years.
Those were just one of the legendary episodes.
Oh, and of course, you know, he had, you know, Lyle Langley and who was Phil Hartman.
Yeah, Phil Hartman did all the best.
I was with you on number four.
I was Ren and Stimpy as well.
Nice.
Absolutely.
Loved it.
Look, same show and same number.
That's interesting.
Yeah, collusion, Russian collusion.
That's right.
We are loving the Ren and Stimpy.
And then three for me was The Simpsons.
Okay.
I didn't even put them on my list because I haven't watched it in so long.
I know.
I know it's awful.
I'm not sure what Director Haymail did.
So much of my humor is built on watching The Simpsons over the years, but I've just, it used to be the ritual.
It was Sunday nights, eight o'clock, and then it was Thursday nights, eight o'clock for a couple of years, and then back to Sundays.
But now I just couldn't care less.
Yeah, it definitely overstayed its welcome.
I still think it deserves to be one of the best because it had so many great seasons.
But it's one of those shows that you wish would have ended leaving you wanting more rather than just kind of fading into this.
Like when I catch it now, which is very rare, it's still okay.
It's just not what it was, and it stayed to a point where nobody really tunes into it anymore because you have an impact.
I don't know if you have the same thing, but I can count on one hand how many memories I have of literally almost peeing my pants laughing.
And a good three of those have The Simpsons to thank for it.
Yeah.
And I remember from the time I was in high school through college, like rushing home on Sunday nights.
Like you want to be in front of the TV when The Simpsons comes on.
Yeah.
And that shows a whole cultural shift there too, as well.
You know, where you had to be home to watch it.
Yeah.
You know, nobody's going to record it for you.
It's not going to DVR.
You're not going to be able to watch it on Hulu or HBO Max.
And, you know, on Monday night, it's there.
You better catch it.
And then my family had a different ritual on Sundays.
That was Sunday.
I went to church on Sunday morning.
I would still go home and watch Simpsons later.
Oh, they'd be there all day.
It was all day church.
That your number four?
Or that was your number three?
That was my number three.
Oh, okay.
So, my three now, yes.
My three is Avatar the Last Airbender.
And you guys haven't watched it since.
I haven't, but I've heard it's fantastic.
It's wonderful.
It's one of the best character arcs.
Wonderful.
Wonderful show.
Great animation.
What's your number three?
Number three, this is the one that I rushed home for, but it wasn't college.
It was elementary school.
But Thundercats.
Couldn't miss Thundercats on Fox 11 KTTV, 3 p.m. Monday through Friday.
It was a great show.
It was well drawn, well-voiced, well-written.
I'm wondering, here we are, 2022.
Where is our friggin live-action Thundercats movie?
That's a great reboot.
We got the CGI technology.
Haven't we done some reboots, some animated reboots?
They did some weird animated.
It was strange animation style.
Yeah, Chitara wasn't nearly as sexy.
See, I'd be allowed to watch that one.
Vin Diesel is Panthera or something like that.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
I was tempted to put Thundercats on my list.
I didn't make it on, but I loved that one as a kid.
That's such a good one.
Number two, we're kind of into the ones that were on my comedy list last week.
Now, at number two, I had Futurama.
That's a good one.
How about that heartbreaking episode with the dog?
Oh, yep.
Oh, man.
Try to keep it drawing.
No spoilers.
I wasn't allowed to watch it.
You weren't allowed.
Oh.
Well, I watched Simpsons.
Now my plan is to do Futurama, but I haven't hit it yet.
My number two is Animaniacs and specifically the Pinky and the Brain segments, which spun off into its own show and I think probably eventually surpassed the original Animaniacs, but wonderful.
I loved Animaniacs.
Yeah, they were fantastic when they first came out.
What a shock.
It's one of those I go back and watch, and then I'm like, oh, crap, I can't believe my parents let me watch this one.
They're so sexy.
The nurse.
They were Hello Nurse.
Yeah, the Hello News.
Hello Nurse was pretty good looking.
Yeah.
I'm kind of in that realm as well.
Tiny Toon Adventures.
You know, it took all of the great, it stood upon the shoulders of Looney Tunes and then did greater bigger things.
Yeah, I loved it.
I loved it.
Nice.
So much hype for that, too, man.
I remember there were commercials for it, and Steven Spielberg presents.
It's a big deal.
So are we at number one right now?
We're at number one.
Well, I don't think this will be a surprise.
I picked South Park.
I just, I loved South Park.
I think I wasn't allowed to watch like eight or nine of your 10.
Yeah, yep.
My number one's Batman the Animated Series.
We already talked about it.
Solid.
Formative for me.
You know, that was the rush home from school and watched Batman on the other side.
Absolutely.
My number one, just because, you know, loyalty, I have to go with Total Twins.
It's a terrific show.
That's awesome.
You can watch it anywhere.
But South Park certainly does get an honorable mention.
I was in an animation class my senior year in high school when somebody brought a bootleg copy of the very first episode in, and we all watched it.
We all sat around and watched it with the animation teacher just busting a gut, laughing our heads off.
Never seen anything like it.
That was that was the pilot that aired or was that the Jesus versus Santa?
We watched the clip.
I guess the pilot, the pilot episode, because it was Mr. Hankey.
Yes.
The Christmas Poo.
Well, Mr. Hankey wasn't the pilot was Cartman Gets an Anal Probe.
Oh, okay.
Then it wasn't.
No, it was, it was one of the first episodes.
Why were you not allowed to watch Jesus versus Santa and Cartman gets an anal probe?
Too sexy.
That anal throws.
Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.
Well, speaking of Jesus versus Santa, we're going to talk to Glenn Scrivener, who has a theory about how everyone is already a believer in their hearts.
Let's find out if we agree with him or not.
Here we go.
And now for another interview on the Fee Weekly.
All right, well, here we are talking to Glenn Scrivener, and he's got a new book out, The Air We Breathe: How We All Came to Believe in Freedom, Kindness, Progress, and Equality.
And it's kind of an interesting claim that everyone in the West is a believer.
Yeah.
He's also a former stand-up comedian Church of England minister and author of nine books.
Isn't that right?
This is my ninth, yeah.
Ninth book, awesome.
So, why should we buy your book?
You have 30 seconds.
I have children and they need new shoes.
So, if that's not reason enough, uh, I can't, I well, I wrote this book for a friend of mine, really, who wrote to me one day and said, I could never be a person of faith.
And she said it in a way that it was like she felt constitutionally unable to be a believer.
And she felt like I think she felt like, you know, I had the Midichlorians in my blood that enables me to have the force.
And she did not have the Midichlorians in her blood.
You know how Star Wars gave that biological explanation.
Very familiar.
Very familiar.
But my friend's kind of, yeah, she very much, I think, is a poster girl for so many people who just think faith is not for them.
And yet, at the same time, my friend lives by all these values every day.
She lives by compassion and believes in equality and believes in consent and freedom and progress and all these beautiful things.
And yet it's not her secular worldview that delivers those things to her.
It is Christianity.
And so I sort of wrote the book to demonstrate that, really.
Wow.
So you say that everybody in the world is a believer.
So people like Richard Dawkins, people like Bart Ehrman, like these are people that are believers and they're borrowing sort of their compassion and like the things you just said from Christianity.
So everyone's a believer.
So is everybody saved?
No, not everyone's saved.
But Bart Ehrman, I debated him just the other day on the Unbelievable podcast and we had a great deal of agreement, for instance, on this value of compassion.
So one of the seven values that I say we all live by or tend to want to live by in the modern West is this idea of compassion.
We don't want to live in a society that's ruled by dominance and we don't want to live in a society that's just ruled by our selfish genes, as Richard Dawkins would say.
I think Richard Dawkins lives better than living according to his selfish genes.
And I think Bart Ehrman certainly certainly acknowledges that though ancient societies like Rome and Greece were dominant societies, it is Jesus Christ who's very specifically taught us the way of compassion.
Now, that doesn't mean we live up to these ideals of compassion, not at all.
That is why we need somebody who is far above these values, someone who embodies them, someone who is compassionate himself.
And we need someone who forgives us for when we fail at these values, because I can be a selfish so-and-so, and so can we all.
So we don't simply need values in our lives.
We need someone to forgive us when we fail at those values.
And that's who Christ is.
That's a good point.
What is the counter argument?
Like, what is the pushback that you get when you make this argument, specifically when you're making this argument towards atheists or agnostics?
Because they probably wouldn't agree that their values come from Christianity.
Some of them do, as you mentioned, but some of them would probably say, oh, it's, you know, evolved from, you know, our selflessness has evolved as a societal need to, you know, that's the way that our herd best evolves is by evolving moral values.
What do you say to those kinds of arguments?
So I think there's a biological argument that says we're not going to get very far if we don't have pro-social behavior.
And that's absolutely true.
Chimpanzees can't just live by a pure law of the jungle.
They've got to be pro-social.
They've got to pick nits off other members.
And the leader of the pack cannot simply dominate other people or he'll get torn to pieces by a couple of younger chimps.
But what Jesus comes to bring to us is not simply a pro-social behavior so that I just love a small coterie around me, my small family, my small clan.
What Jesus has come to teach us is to love our neighbors.
And then who is our neighbor?
Oh, my goodness.
even the Samaritan, really, that guy?
And Jesus is like, yeah, absolutely.
In fact, you're meant to love your enemy.
You're meant to draw the circle of compassion right to the very fringes of human society, such that nowadays we feel that a society ought to look after its weakest members.
And the society should be judged by the way it looks after its weakest members.
Now, that I don't think you find any biological backing for that.
There are all sorts of scenarios where you could marginalize, you could even eliminate minorities, and it would be for the greater good of the society as a whole.
But we tend to think that that kind of thing is fascism.
We tend to think that that kind of thing is you're Hitler, you're worse than Hitler.
Everything kind of descends into Godwin's law at that point.
And so even someone like Steven Pinker, atheist, evolutionary psychologist, said that if you're just following survival of the fittest, then fascism could be a perfectly natural outcome of just wanting to survive.
Now, that's a really good.
I was going to say, that's a good point.
So you're saying that nihilism is lived out through fascism.
And have you ever met anybody that actually lives a nihilistic livestock?
I really haven't.
I meet a lot of people who talk the nihilist game.
But they're some of the loveliest people you'll meet and they don't live up to it at all.
I was at Eton College just two weeks ago.
Now, Eton in the UK, where I live, is the poshest of private schools.
It's produced a ridiculous number of prime ministers for Great Britain.
And it's a place of real privilege.
And I was talking to this guy who was kind of a Hugh Laurie or Hugh Grant kind of very posh, very privileged guy.
And I was sort of running in through the argument with this book.
And he was just saying, well, we just have to bite the bullet, don't we?
I think basically love just boils down to survival value.
And beauty, it's just neuronal firings.
And freedom probably doesn't exist.
And human rights, they are as mythical as the Christianity that gave them to us.
But the whole time he had this massive smile on his face.
And, you know, he was a teenager.
He was 17 years old with the world at his feet.
And I think everyone as a teenager goes through those nihilist years.
But you certainly don't live up to those kind of values.
Everybody lives as though I don't treat you like you're a mischievous chimp.
Or at least I try not to treat you like you're a mischievous chimp.
And I make that wager.
I kind of treat you not on the basis of reason and evidence, not on the basis of what you've shown me, but I kind of have this faith commitment to treating you like a person who is worthy of respect and dignity and freedom and rights.
We have not given him any evidence that we're not mischievous chimps so far.
A lot of people think we are.
Oh, the evidence.
The evidence would say you are.
I mean, Richard Dawkins says the universe appears at bottom to contain no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
And so your argument is he doesn't act that way, though.
He doesn't act that way.
And then I always compare that quotation from Richard Dawkins to the Song of Moses in Deuteronomy 33, where Moses says, underneath are the everlasting arms.
So you've got two very different visions of what is at bottom.
At bottom, there is blind, pitiless indifference, according to Richard Dawkins, or underneath there are everlasting arms of love.
And I would say that even Richard Dawkins doesn't live as though there's blinds, there's pitilessness, there's indifference.
I mean, even those words give the game away, don't they?
Because he says blind because he knows we want someone to see.
He says pitiless because he knows that at the bottom of all things, we seek compassion.
He says indifferent because he knows that we want someone to care.
And I would say this is not just wish fulfillment.
This has been deeply embedded into us through the Christian story over 2,000 years.
And Richard Dawkins has chosen his words because the Christian story has been shaping him.
That's really interesting.
So there's a really good quote by Tim Keller in The Reasons for God.
Let's see if I can remember this.
The moral values of Judaism and Christianity flow from and fit the biblical view of the universe.
If there's a personal God who made people in the image of God, then belief in equal human dignity and so on is a natural implication.
But secular people have a materialistic view of the universe.
We aren't here for any purpose.
We evolved strictly through a process of strong eating the weak, and nothing we do here will matter in the end since everything will burn up in the death of the sun.
So yet we're told we shouldn't live selfish lives and we should treat everybody as having human rights, humanistic values, and no way fits with that view of the universe.
What do you think of that?
He's showing us the stark choice, you know, and when you hear somebody talk about secular humanism, because people will sort of say, look, the values that I'm talking about in my book, I talk about equality, compassion, consent, enlightenment, science, freedom, and progress.
People say, oh, those are just the values of secular humanism.
But I always want to pull those two words apart and say, okay, on the secular side of things, we are mischievous, clever apes.
On the humanist side of things, and we have equal human rights.
Well, does that make sense?
Or, you know, on compassion, we are the heirs of a brutal evolutionary history and we should treat one another with kindness and never eliminate the weak.
Or on consent, you know, you and me, baby, we ain't nothing but mammals.
So let's honor one another's sexual boundaries at all times.
That was a good song.
It was a big song in the 90s.
Yeah.
But yeah, it's like I always want to say secular, humanist, pick one.
Pick one.
You genuinely can't have both.
And the humanist values that we have have not historically arisen from those secular views.
And I don't think logically you can derive them from those secular views.
You can't just say we are, you know, biological survival machines clinging to an insignificant rock, hurtling through a meaningless universe towards eternal extinction, but things are going to get better, baby.
You know, it doesn't work.
And my friends, the hopeful thing is my friends don't really lean into that nihilistic view, that secular view.
My friends actually, they live in this castle in the air called humanism.
And it's a wonderful castle and it's housed billions of people, but it's the castle that Jesus built.
And really what they, they don't need to take a leap of faith.
They need some ground beneath their feet and only Jesus will do.
Amen.
Amen as well.
And amen.
I've noticed a bent in recent films where they kind of acknowledge their nihilism, but then just say, well, but we got to create our own meaning anyway.
I watched that new multiverse movie, Everything Everywhere All at Once.
And the whole message of the movie is like, there's a kind of an evil person that's saying, you know, nothing has any meaning in all the multiverse.
There's no purpose.
And then at the end, the hero is like, I agree.
So therefore, we need to create love.
And it's like they just kind of give away the game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was like, but why couldn't the conclusion of the movie just be, all right, so let's murder everybody?
You know, there's no re there's they give no reason for it.
They just make the leap and it's almost like they've they've just acknowledged we embrace this and we embrace this and they don't make any sense.
That's so true.
I just watched, I read your article on the gospel coalition about this very thing and I liked what you said because you said that the argument is not between Christian values and secular values.
It's actually from it's it's between secular values and their intuitions towards all this stuff.
I love that it was a concise way of kind of explaining it.
And I think you're absolutely right.
They're not arguing with us.
They're arguing with themselves.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, cognitive dissonance is this phrase that people use to talk about, you know, two different ideas that are crunching like gears inside people's heads.
And it's really an existential, it's an existential dissonance that our friends are living with.
The real divide is not between the believer and the unbeliever.
The real divide is inside the secular humanists because that secularism and that humanism, they just don't go together.
I hope Christians get a lot of hope out of it and insight out of it.
And I hope that non-Christians are challenged to know that they are believers and where their beliefs have come from.
All right.
We ask every guest the same 10 questions.
So here we go.
The 10 questions.
Have you ever met Carmen?
No.
Sad.
Very sad.
Are you a Calvinist or an Arminian?
I'm an Anglican Calvinist.
Okay.
Good.
You get to add one book to the Bible.
What is it?
I would add, and this would be as an interpretation of the whole Bible, what to look for and expect in the Gospels by Martin Luther.
And it's tiny, but it totally unlocks the rest of the Bible.
Great.
That's great.
Cigars or pipes?
Cigars.
All right.
You get to hang out with any three people, living or dead.
Who are they?
I'd be fascinated in King David and his life.
I would be fascinated by Friedrich Nietzsche before he got syphilis and turned absolutely crazy.
And I would be fascinated by Charlemagne.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Good question.
As an emperor.
Very interesting.
Okay.
Whiskey or beer?
Beer.
Good choice.
What would be the first thing you would do as president of the UK?
President, the prime minister.
I mean, and this is another sign of the Christianization of the world.
The leader of our nation is the chief servant, the prime minister.
Four-day weeks.
Let's do it.
Let's just go for the four-day work week.
Okay.
Yeah, come on.
All right.
So have you ever punched anybody or been punched?
I've been punched.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, never, never punched anyone because I'm just so Christ-like.
Is it a good punching story or no?
He threatened to punch me.
I was 10 years old.
He said, come over here and I'll punch you.
And so I did and I got punched.
It's a terrible story.
Why did it explain so much of my life?
Why did you go over there?
If you knew the trajectory of my life, you'd just see everything is boiled down to that one.
Go to this place and you will be punched in the face.
Okay, it sounds good.
Okay.
All right.
You get to go to one concert, any band in history.
Who do you go see?
Oh, Radiohead.
It's probably.
Yeah.
All right.
So this is the last question.
Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
1,000%.
Yeah.
But, and I like the way that you phrase that because I think I gave my life to Jesus about a thousand times in my teenage years.
And what I never got was that Christ was offered to me as a free gift.
And that was really what transformed me from just being a good churchy Pharisee to being someone who was kind of unlocked by the grace of Jesus.
You accept Jesus given to you.
Amen.
I do.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Amen.
All right.
Well, the book is for sale now.
Absolutely.
All right.
Everybody go check it out.
And we'll include links in the show notes as well.
And thank you so much for coming on, Glenn.
Broadcasting live from your spaceship.
We really, really appreciate him.
Thank you.
From Orange.
Turned off the zero gravity.
See you guys.
All right.
God bless.
Oh, well, that was an interesting discussion.
Now let's move on to hate mail, even though this whole episode has just been a spite episode responding to hate mail anyways.
I really miss Adam Ford.
And Emma was on our podcast last week, and this person named Jehu says, I vote Emma to be a permanent member of the podcast.
And responding to that is Castonius Prime, who counters with, please, God, no.
And then also goes on.
I love what Emma's on.
I think she's a good energy for the podcast.
She seems like a nice gal, but I'm tired of hearing women speak all the time.
Can we please keep the B podcast a men's podcast, please?
Hopefully he's getting what he wants to say.
He's getting what he wants to say.
All men here.
Well, I'm no biologist, but thanks for having me.
I guess this is in response to our.
Oh, yes.
So this one is in response to after Joe Biden was caught using his cheat sheet that says you take your seat.
At one of our podcasts two weeks ago, I think Kyle had his little cheat sheet at the beginning here that had his you messages on it.
And Claude Alvales wrote, The Babylon Bee is a joke.
You make Christ and Christians look bad.
You rape the scriptures for entertainment value.
You have probably led more people away from Christ by your childish antics.
We don't need Satan and his demons.
You are doing their work.
I think they are on vacation.
Okay.
You know what, though?
I don't have any.
South Park's great.
I don't have any red pens for that.
That was actually well written.
That's true.
There was no.
Oh, he was so close.
So close.
We should give an award sometime to the first hate mail that doesn't have a spelling, right?
Send him a chance.
Why do I have to sit here and decipher your hieroglyphics to find out how much you hate me?
Well, thanks for joining us today, everybody.
And thanks for coming out, Alex.
And everybody go check out the Tuttle Twins.
And stay tuned because we're going to go into our subscriber portion where we have more bonus hate mail and some subscriber submitted headlines.
And we're going to ask Alex the 10 questions.
Uh-oh.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
Satan would not know the deference from A and Egg, a fetuses, and a baby.
Back to Kirgoy.
Tour group complains about the old person smell in the White House.
That's legitimate.
What would be the first thing you would do as president?
Get the old people smell out of the White House for sure.
You can get some mothballs in there.
This has been another edition of the Bee Weekly from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee.
Reminding you that someone out there knows something about Carmen.