THE BEE WEEKLY: Bigoted Crossword Puzzles, Pregnant Man Emojis, and Ask A Christian Woman
In this episode, Kyle and Ethan are joined by Kristin Weber, a comedian, speaker, and author of several books including Adulting For Jesus. She also plays a mean accordion. Kristin gifts us with our new theme song before getting into all the weird news of the week like how human civilization has finally reached pregnant man emojis and how crossword puzzles are bigoted now. There's also Real Things Blue Checks Say, Ask A Christian Woman, and glorious hate mail. This episode is brought to you by The Chesterton Conference happening July 29, 30, and 31 and you can even attend online! (Bee fans make sure to get your substantial discount by using promo code TheBee25!) Other weird news includes a candle thief using bear spray on everyone in the store, a police officer who got scared of Jupiter, and a turtle getting stuck to an owl. Blue Checks on Twitter announce a new Dungeons & Dragons campaign where you go to prom, the hidden bigotry of crosswords, and that declaring martial law solves all problems. Also the bright side of a dollar being devalued by inflationary policies is that your wages will go up! In the super-exclusive subscriber lounge, Kristin tries out the Worship Song Generator. Subscriber headlines of the week are read and Kristin finally answers The Ten Questions.
Candle thief uses bear spray to incapacitate dozens.
Ooh, that burns.
A turtle got stuck to an owl.
What the shell?
It turns out crossword puzzles are super bigoted.
Who knew?
And guess who brought an accordion?
All this and more on the Bee Weekly.
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G.K. Chesterton.
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So forget about the normal B Weekly theme song, everyone.
Here's the actual B Weekly theme song from our new friend, Kristen Weber.
All right.
And she has an accordion, I guess.
This is the new B weekly theme song.
Yes.
We'll see if you can hear my voice over the accordion.
It goes.
Written six hours ago.
The Babylon Bee brings satire to you and me.
So spot on, you'll spot on.
You'll slap your knee with glee.
So fake, it's real, so real, it's fake.
Leaving all the woke tears in its wake.
The Babylon Bee, it's fake news you can count on.
Cheers.
All right.
I feel like you need like one of those, like a slide whistle at the end.
You need to bust that leader hose in for that one.
It's going to be stuck in my head all day.
Yeah.
I'm not allowed back in that Airbnb though.
The jingle, it's fake news you can count on.
That's fake.
That's catchy.
It's catchy.
That's just catchy.
I want to hear like a whole pub full of like German guys singing that song.
Yes.
That needs to happen.
We can make that happen.
Babylon Bee sea shanties is what we need in life.
All right, everyone.
This is the Babylon Bee Weekly where we talk about all kinds of crazy stuff that happened this week and just hang out and have fun.
Yeah, we do.
And who's this?
There's someone here.
Kristen Weber is with us.
She's a comedian, an accordion player, sometimes both, and an author of Adulting for Jesus.
Not to be confused with adultery for Jesus.
That's right.
We're on a date.
Somebody thought it was auditing for Jesus.
If you look at it real quick, I was like, well, that would be a useful book, too.
Doing taxes to the glory of God.
But you don't want a comedian.
Yeah, there you go.
Speaking into your tax life.
Could be, I'm sure that would sell.
It could be a Dave Ramsey thing.
A book about purpose, trusting God, and obviously burritos.
Yes.
That's my favorite part.
Yeah.
The burritos.
And dress my food idolatry.
So we'll talk more about your book, you, your accordion, your life.
But first, weird news?
Let's do it.
This news is weird.
Brooklyn man passes out outside his apartment late at night and is robbed not just once, but twice.
I'm not laughing.
Was he rich guy?
Was it like the Monopoly guy?
Woohoo!
You think that wouldn't the first guy get enough?
Like, what did he have left after the first robbing?
Maybe he had so much stuff in his pockets.
He had to make two trips.
That's like my pockets sometimes.
Oh, okay.
So it says someone took his laptop and then another man took his phone and wallet.
It's just beating him while he's down.
Yeah.
But why did he fall asleep on the front stoop of his apartment building?
I'm guessing either drugs or alcohol.
yeah is it saying here it seems like that's just glossed over This is totally glossed over in the story.
It's like a man who fell asleep on his happened to have his laptop with him on this bender or whatever.
Maybe he's just going down the YouTube rabbit hole every day and then you just keep passing out like he, oh, oh, look.
But why is he sitting on the porch?
Yeah, you're sitting on the porch.
You're enjoying a nice cool night.
Yeah.
And then you just fall asleep.
It's completely glossed over in the story.
They don't even try to explain it.
They don't explain why he fell asleep.
He just fell asleep on his front stoop around 4:30 a.m.
A short time later, someone took his messenger back containing a laptop.
Wow.
Don't fall asleep on your porch, especially if you have a laptop on you.
That's the moral of the story.
Yeah.
That seems unwise.
Should we do an accordion song about falling asleep with your laptop?
I don't know.
I wanted this song for every single thing.
You just play will make up words.
Don't fall asleep on your porch with the guy.
A laptop.
Laptops are expensive and you shouldn't leave them out.
Leave them out.
Police officer calls for support after being pursued by a drone that was actually a planet.
So, okay, I got to figure this out.
A Scottish police officer left a Glasgow police station.
So the Scottish police officer was like, a drone is following me.
Oh, it's a planet.
I don't know.
On Tuesday, when she noticed an object, oh, it's a she.
Hey!
A drone is following me!
An object in the sky was following her.
She's calling this on the radio.
There's a drone!
She tried to lose what she thought was a drone.
She's like sweeping down streets doing cookies.
But she couldn't escape this thing.
And after a drawn-out pursuit, like how long?
I don't know, she sought help from senior officers who told her the drone was just Jupiter.
It's a planet as old as the sky.
It's some 365 million miles away.
So she was slightly off in her assessment of what was.
How do you think Jupiter's chasing you?
Is Jupiter really close to Scotland?
I don't know how.
Well, it's like, you know, when you're driving in the car as a kid or you're riding in the back as a kid and you see the moon, it looks like it's following you.
Yeah, because you can see that.
So she sees the bright star and the, you know, Jupiter's star.
So she just thinks that star.
Isn't there other stars in the sky?
Does she think that's an army of them?
You know, depending on what time of year it is or whatever, the planets are much brighter than the star.
So she just sees this bright light and she thinks it's following her.
I wasn't there.
I can't judge.
And so.
Yeah.
So.
It'll be like a Scottish accordion song about being chased by a drone that's planned.
I'm being chased by a drone named Jupiter.
Jupiter, Jupiter.
But my eyesight's really swell.
I don't need glasses.
Don't need glasses.
I don't know who is stupid or stupid or the guy on the porch or the lady in the car.
Thinking that was Jupiter.
Bump, bump, bump.
All right.
All right, here.
Story three.
All right.
Oklahoma woman arrested after commenting on police department's Facebook post concerning shootings she was involved in.
So on Wednesday, the Tulsa Police Department posted on Facebook that Lorraine Graves was wanted in connection to the murder of Eric Graves, who was shot earlier this year.
After the Facebook post went up, Graves responded by commenting, What's where's the reward money at?
So she commented on her own post saying we are looking for Lorraine Graves and it says Lorraine Graves.
What's where that reward money at?
What's where's the reward money at?
Where's because if it's greater than the bail money, then she was going to maybe turn a profit, I guess.
That's not she was going to start off saying, what's the reward?
I don't understand her comment.
Yeah.
And then she changed it and forgot to backspace.
That's usually what I do.
Yes.
She was in a hurry, probably.
Then they tracked her down.
Yeah, on Thursday afternoon, and they tracked her down and arrested her in North Tulsa.
But my favorite part of this is if you click on the little link you sent, the picture of her, she looks so joyful.
She looks very happy with how things turned out.
What would be sorry?
I keep trying to use your accordion for things.
I want, show the picture of her in the jail cell and then the song that would be playing with that facial expression.
Can you do that real quick?
Yeah.
Sort of like a sad trombone, but kind of like a stinger on a sitcom.
Actually, sitting in the.
Oh, yeah.
Can you do a probably can't do a Kirby enthusiasm theme?
Bomb, bump, bump.
I don't know that I can play that later.
Just about to see how terrible.
Okay, get ready.
Get the photo ready, guys.
Where's the photo?
We'll edit it on.
Okay, here it is.
Perfect.
It's kind of whimsical and eerie at the same time.
So I'm looking at her comment.
What's where's the reward money at?
It's like she's offended that there wasn't any reward offered for her capture.
Is that the idea?
She's like, I guess.
Oh, he wants to know where am I aware.
What am I worth?
The original post, they just say, hey, anybody knows where this girl is?
Let us know.
She's like, no, no reward money.
You know, like, come on.
She got to be worth it.
She needed to commit a bigger crime.
I thought she was thinking she could get it, but yeah, you're right.
She was offended that they weren't offering a bigger, like, or at least something to catch her.
Where's the reward money at?
Where?
What, where's the reward money?
What's what's where's what where's what's where's Waldo?
I'm forgetting a key part of that grammar.
So perfect.
Hey, are you guys ready for pregnant man emojis?
I know I am.
They don't look like they're enjoying being pregnant.
They look like they're like it looks like this picture above the picture, the caption could say, diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you.
And then you look at the guy, he's like, he does look like he ate like a giant burrito.
Huge burrito.
He regretted every bit of it.
Be a beer gut emoji.
Beer gut.
Like, how do we know the difference for guys?
Oh, God.
I immediately.
You combine that with a toilet emoji.
Enough said.
I regret drinking that 36 pack of Keystone Light.
He's just like, oh no.
Just to escape that ATV.
Also, why the mustache?
Yeah, the mustache.
So the mustache.
It's just a very strange.
It's so you know it's a guy.
Like Tom Seller.
Okay.
I don't know.
It's very strange.
Because he has moobs, too, a little bit of moobs.
Yeah, they're trying to make him look glowing and joyful.
Like if you see, like, is that supposed to be?
You know, like the pregnant woman.
It's like, oh, but she's, but he's just like, what is he doing?
Well, I'm glad that we have more inclusion.
There's no accordion emoji yet, though, which is when the peak inclusion will be achieved.
Yeah, so pregnant.
Yeah, what else can you say?
Emoji.
I'm sure we'll be using that a lot.
I'm willing to bet that like 99.99999999% of the usage of this emoji is entirely ironic.
Right.
Like who is actually using this emoji?
Well, plus, emojis are to convey emotion.
And so I don't understand all these ones that have all these.
Yeah, it's like burrito or whatever.
Oh, man, I feel just like a pregnant man right now.
But if we use that, I would eat one of those.
Like one time I had this burrito place in Portland that I really liked.
And I was feeling extremely gluttonous that night.
And I was like, I'm going to order two burritos.
So I ordered, which is way too much.
One's, they're big, like the size of a newborn baby.
And so I do impair all my food.
I ordered two of them.
And they accidentally gave me a third.
And in one of my highest moments of gluttony, I ate all three.
And this is the emoji I would use if I said, should not have eaten three burritos from Los Dos Amigos.
And here it is.
It's the patron emoji of digestive regret.
All right.
A New Jersey woman has been fighting the IRS for seven years to prove that she's alive.
That seems easy to prove, usually.
25-year-old Samantha Dressig says she has been trying for years to undo an administrative mix-up that declared her dead to the IRS and caused tax problems for her father.
She speculates that the administrative mistake happened in 2014.
She attempted to file her taxes in that year, which was the same year her mother died, but was unable to.
She does not share the same first or last name with her mother.
So it's still going.
It looks like it's ongoing.
She's still trying to.
It's ongoing.
She's still trying.
She can't just go to the IRS and be like, check my pulse.
Or just take a basic Facebook video.
Wouldn't you want to be dead to the IRS?
Yeah, isn't that good?
That may cause issues though.
Is anybody frozen?
I don't know.
Just stop paying your taxes and they'll acknowledge that you're still alive.
Well, I know they like automatically shut all your accounts down when you reported dead, so that could be an issue.
And that happened to my stepmom.
My dad recently passed and like suddenly all these accounts that his name was on just like, boom, just shut down.
So that could be a problem.
Yeah, that would be a problem.
So she has to just keep all her money under a mattress.
I would just, if any IRS agents are watching, I'm dead.
Help her out.
No, I'm dead.
Oh.
I'm dead than to know.
Okay.
You're dead to me, and I'm dead to you.
All right.
All right.
Oh, I like this one.
Oh, boy.
Suspected candle thief in Florida injures dozens of people with bear spray during his escape.
So Dwight Schroot was candle shopping.
At large.
A man in Florida escaped from a bath and bodyworks store with stolen candles on Saturday by spraying everyone in his way with bear repellent.
At least.
Many people are trying to stop him.
Drop those candles.
I've never seen that many people in a bath and bodywork.
There are people diving to tackle him and he's like dodging them and stuff.
Shea butter and warm ginger is my favorite scent.
He could have also injured them with bath and bodywork spray.
Yeah, cucumber melon has a kick to it.
At least 30 people required treatment for their injuries, about 15 of them being employees of the store.
That is the most well-employed store right now.
So it's like in The Matrix when he's fighting all those agent Smiths all at once.
It's just all these bath and bodyworks guys coming at him.
With a slow motion like that.
15 Bath and Body Works employees.
They were just lined up.
15.
Wow.
Or did he run around the store spraying them?
I just want to know how this happened.
One person had to be taken to the hospital after taking a direct hit of the spray to the face.
Police said each sickened person could be considered a victim of aggravated battery, and the suspect is potentially looking at 30 to 35 felonies.
Wow.
The suspect was last seen leaving the mall in a taxi.
So clearly he thought through his escape plan.
Did he get the candles?
It doesn't say.
And have they caught him?
I don't know.
All these details we need.
Yeah, we're missing a good idea.
It says he was last seen escaping in a taxi.
This is like you're still looking for him.
This is the there's no update on the story.
So 30 to 35 felonies for a eucalyptus spearmint candle.
Sounds worth it to me.
I don't know.
I had to say what candles you need.
No, I didn't know.
Well, at least we have our plot for the next oceans.
Because you can't carry that many candles unless he's got a shopping cart full of them.
Yeah.
Oh, they have like the little baskets at Bath and Body Works.
I'm going to guess neither of you guys frequent baths.
Wait, I always get this mixed up.
I get it mixed up with Bed Bath.
Bed Bath and Beyond.
That's what I was picturing.
That's what I was picturing.
That's not that.
Bath and Body Works is geared more toward like the middle school scent profiles.
When I was in junior high, all the girls wore like the fruit spray from that place.
And it would just like destroy your bed, bath and beyond.
And you can get the candles in, I guess, bed.
And then bath, you might get like a hand soap.
But then in Beyond, you can get bear spray.
Yeah, that's what Bath Beyond.
Yeah.
They need to do scented bear spray is what they do.
Just combine everything into one super product.
Campfire marshmallow.
Seven-in-one product.
Or salmon, and then this bear will run away.
Well, they're supposed to hate it.
Oh, never mind.
Yeah, that's right.
That would attract it.
Yeah.
Counterintuitive.
Clearly, I've not been around many times.
Human joy.
Is bear spraying like a jet stream or is like an aerosol can.
I think it's more of a stream.
I think you're going to light the candle.
I'm like, yeah, does it light?
Blowtorch thing.
You can try it.
I think it's probably just a stream of liquid.
It's not going to work.
Sad.
Good job, Candle Thief.
I love the idea.
They're candle thieves, too.
Gonna resell them for $9.
Animal control officers untangle owl and turtle that are stuck together in Virginia.
Romantic.
So they got a call about an owl in a resident's backyard that couldn't fly, and a deputy animal control officer investigated.
And the owl had a claw clamped between the turtle's top and bottom shell.
And he's completely stuck to the turtle.
Can turtles clamp their shells like a bear trap?
I'm just like, come on in.
Yeah, you're stuck.
Like a clam.
I like this quote.
This was a first for our animal control team.
An owl and a turtle stuck together.
AWL Arlington tweeted with a link to a TikTok video of the team's separation of the animals.
Jump online, you can see that video.
Are you watching it?
I didn't watch it.
You gotta think that owl is questioning its life.
Yeah, when you've never seen a turtle, then you find out they exist.
Do owls?
That's weird enough.
Do they eat turtles?
Probably was trying to eat it.
Or probably saw it move and scoop down.
There's something?
Yeah.
I assume that they say these birds can see so far, but I think they can just see something.
They don't know specifically what they're looking at.
So they just dive for it.
Yeah.
You know, it is soon you get stuck in a turtle.
You wouldn't assume so.
I wouldn't assume that.
I wouldn't assume so either.
Last story is yours, Kyle.
Idaho men pass giant ball 356 times in three minutes for a world record.
All right.
Good job, Idaho men.
A pair of Idaho men teamed up to break the gas world record by passing a giant inflatable ball between them 356 times in three minutes.
It broke the previous record of 180 passes.
Wow.
The duo previously passed the inflatable ball between them 4,169 times in a row to break the overall record for most consecutive passes.
Good job.
That's like without dropping it or something.
How close together were they?
See, that's what's so dumb about this.
How big is the ball?
How close, you know.
World's longest game of hot potato.
It's just, that's ridiculous.
That's a big jump, though, in numbers from 180 to 10.
Yeah, just the other one.
What are they?
Did we check that?
Just like other records, they beat it by 0.2 seconds or something.
Yeah.
That's why it's not a legitimate record.
If the previous record, you double it, it's not like a real sport that a bunch of people are competing in.
Like when somebody breaks like the sprinting world record or something, it's like 0.00002.
This one's like, oh, yeah, we like tripled it.
Nope.
This thing keeps you up at night, isn't it?
It does.
It charges me.
They don't win anything.
They don't get money.
Yeah.
Well, well, they did get a news story.
They'll use it to like raise money for some charity cause.
Oh, let's save the children or whatever.
It's like, gosh.
Women should be saved for legitimate reasons.
Exactly.
I don't want no charity from it.
You need to be a legitimate world record if you're going to save children.
Yes.
Thank you.
All right.
All right.
Well.
Hey, you know, some blue checks said some stuff this week.
Let's see what they said.
Real things that Blue Checks say.
Ooh, D&D.
I'm excited about this one.
I like Dungeons and Dragons.
So they've released, or they're going to release a new source book where you can play a campaign.
And this is a fun, exciting fantasy campaign.
You're playing Dungeons and Dragons.
You know, usually you're fighting dragons and exploring dungeons.
In this one, you go to prom.
Go to prom.
Yeah.
And in the photo, it looks like you go to prom with James Cameron's avatar.
And you get to date blue elves, and you get to go to class.
So I was reading about the source book, and it has like rules for you can roll dice to see how well you did on a test in college.
And you can roll dice to see how good your grades are.
It's like, what are we doing, people?
I don't understand.
I never understood Dungeons and Dragons.
I really don't know.
So, yeah.
Does it come full circle when you start role-playing just a normal thing?
Yes.
At what point we're pretending to play?
We're in so deep that like making breakfast is now considered fantasy.
Hey, that's fun.
An older Atlantic article started making the rounds again.
Culture.
The hidden bigotry of crosswords.
So crosswords are, it says it says the popular puzzles are largely written and edited by old white men who dictate what makes it into the grid and what is kept out.
I just don't know where this goes, but I have a picture of like a guy in a KKK who's doing creating the crosswords.
Like, wait, have we been ordering our cross from KK crosswords?
Suspect.
So, what do they do?
Like, how do you get a certain answer?
Like, does it say like people who shouldn't ride in the front of a bus?
And then there's a blank that says, you know, it spells out, oh, wait.
You have to be bigoted to get the answer.
I'm not saying I think that.
If I was a KKK crossword puzzle maker, I'd think that.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'm saying like the hint.
Right.
The hint would have to be something really racist, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Or it would be like, yeah, the only good race, the only good skin color is.
And you're like, wait a minute, I think you're the KKK.
They took our jobs.
And then it's like, what's that thing?
Yeah.
Immigrants.
All right.
Well, watch out for crossword puzzles if you want to avoid bigotry.
It's everywhere.
All right.
CNBC defended inflation with this galaxy brain take.
Do you know what a galaxy brain take is?
Sure, don't.
I'm nodding.
I have no idea what a galaxy brain take is, but it feels like it belongs.
Super smart.
Super smart brain take.
Oh, I was going to assume it belonged with that first headline.
Like out of this world.
Like a galaxy brain.
Your brain is as large as a galaxy.
I'm a galaxy brain.
Okay.
I'm too dumb for headlines, I guess.
Yeah, um, correct.
No, also, I'm a girl.
Um, I had demands inflation silver lining, higher salaries.
There you go.
So, we can afford to pay for our $15 loaf of bread.
So, the salaries are higher because money is worth less.
Yeah.
As inflation takes hold, wages may increase too.
So, that's good.
Silver lining.
That is how I keep track of inflation: I look at the candy bar prices at the checkout stands because they were like four for a dollar when I was a kid, and now it's like two for two dollars or something like that.
So, whatever percentage that is.
Like, if you go to one of those countries where like a dollar is like six billion, yeah, whatever's like, we make six billion dollars an hour.
Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, moving to Cuba's silver lining or whatever, wherever it is.
Higher salary, I assume Cuba, I don't know, coming like billions.
Well, silver lining.
The one I the place I always noticed at pay raise.
The place I always noticed in inflation is the uh 99 cents store.
So, when I was growing up, you could get like go get like a nice pair of headphones, you know, 99 cents.
We used to get like our TV antennas there when you had the bunny ears, and we buy a new TV antenna there for 99 cents.
And now, they do like the trick where it's like not, it's not actually 99 cents, you know, they'll, they'll, yeah, it's like five, they'll put like a special item, five dollars, yeah.
You know, I was like, well, I thought everything was 99 cents, but they don't.
They like now, it's like a multiple of 99 cents, yeah, 99 cents times three for this item for 5.99 cents, you can get one-fifth of this for 99 cents for five easy payments of 99 cents.
You can have this, so it's very sad.
Uh, so an MSNBC contributor complained that the new movie Dune doesn't have people of color, and to prove this, he shared a picture of all the posters that have mostly people of color a movie about a desert planet in space that features no dark-skinned people of any nationality, hard pass, and like Jason Mamoa's on there, he's like what, Pacific Islander or something, right?
Does he count?
Oh, he's absolutely Jason Mamoa, he feels like he doesn't count, like kind of like the rock doesn't count.
The rock totally counts.
Does he count though?
He doesn't feel like he counts.
I don't know why.
Why wouldn't he count?
He's just he just doesn't have enough, he's not hard ethnic enough.
Ethan is sounding very racist.
Do you write crossword puzzles on the side?
I just mean if I was trying to earn points, so I wouldn't go for the rock or mamoa, I'd go for somebody more, you know, has more of an accent.
So, this guy was going and defending his position after he's like, Well, yeah, there are people of color, but they're not dark-skinned enough.
So, he's saying if you live on a desert planet, you're all no one, there's gonna be no white people up there, right?
But but most, but the thing about Dune is that's the whole point is that there's these white people coming to take over.
Oh, they came from off the planet, yeah.
Oh, so they're from the it's like a whole book about colonialism-that's the whole point of the book.
So, of course, they're gonna be white for the people on the sand planet, are there people there?
Yeah, and they're darker-skinned.
Oh, what?
Yeah, so he just had nothing, they're like Arabic, they're like, you know, it's a whole allegory for learn your dune, bro.
Yeah, learn your dune, man.
Educate yourself.
So, anyway, go see Dune.
Okay, if you're a racist.
Um, so this is the Palmer report declaring place unvaccinated people under house arrest until the pandemic is over.
If they don't like it, they can get vaccinated.
Problem solved.
I like when people declare some wild thing, and then problem solved.
Please simple people.
Police state, problem solved.
Like, literally, I'm sure, I'm sure Hitler said similar things: just get rid of all the Jews, problem solved, kill everyone who disagrees with me, problem solved, Lock up everybody I don't like and disagree with.
Problem solved.
The B or not the B?
That is the question I ask myself every morning as I drink from my the B or not the B mug.
Now you too can drink from this amazing coffee cup and ask yourself the same question, which is better?
It's so hard to decide.
In fact, I would say it's absolutely the battle on B, but not the B is pretty cool too.
Enjoy this mug.
Well, speaking of solving problems, we're going to solve some problems with an accordion now.
So I'm just going to commit to wearing those three.
Do you have any favorite accordion songs you want to share with us?
What's your hit?
My hit.
Or you want to do an improv?
What you want to do?
Yeah.
Do you have a polka?
Like a weirdo.
Parodies.
Can I do parodies without getting you guys into more legal trouble than you are?
I don't know if the algorithm will catch the parody on that recording.
Okay.
Do you want to parody about masks?
Sure.
Yeah, we're all.
Yeah.
You guys like masks.
You tell me.
I like masks.
Sure.
Sure.
All right.
So here's.
Do we need to wear masks?
I got to do it while I can because masks are going away, which is.
They're coming back too, though.
I don't think they'll ever really go away.
They'll come back into style, I'm sure.
LA just.
There's like Charlton Heston mask people that are like, take it from my cold, dead face.
They'll wear it forever.
Let's see.
All right.
This is my mask parody.
So we recognize the song.
Yeah.
I'm going to take my mask to the grocery store.
So the Rono won't spread no more.
Gonna wear my mask at the grocery store.
Cause if I don't, then I can't shop there no more.
There's a one-way arrow there, but ain't nobody care.
Some wear their mask below their nose, so you better say a prayer.
Some point this tiny cloth protects me.
Others say that's fetching far.
But I'ma play it safe and wear it in my car.
Graphs they don't tell me nothing.
Graphs say don't tell me nothing.
Graphs say don't tell me nothing.
They're just weird and confusing.
Yeah, I'm gonna take my mask to the grocery store.
I think you're smiling at me, but I can't tell for sure.
I'm gonna wear my mask at the grocery store.
Then burn them all when COVID is no more.
There you go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There we go.
It's a sample of what most of my son says.
Oh, yeah.
You hit all the stuff, the guy in the car with his mask on.
Yeah.
The arrows.
The arrows.
Those went away, at least in Georgia.
I started going to a gym and there's like a whole wall around the whole gym area.
And there's a little tiny door on this side and a little tiny door on that side.
And it says enter only on one and exit only on the other.
There's no reason.
It's like one of their COVID things.
I got little blue arrows going around like people have to follow.
Like literally nobody listens to these.
It's just, I think it's just to say if COVID breakout happens, they go, we have the signs and arrows.
Nobody listens.
I know somebody who got a mask to wear to his gym because you had to wear a mask going and then leaving.
So he got a mask going, COVID going in, COVID going out, no COVID working out.
And he'd wear it to the gym.
What's the crack tip about that restaurant?
Like you're in the line and everybody around you is eating without masks on.
And somehow you have to have the mask on right there in that line.
We were at a restaurant in Nashville.
They're like, hey, mask on in the line.
They gave us masks.
They gave us masks.
And Seth, our CEO, is like, no.
And so we're just ordered.
And then she's like, phoning those.
They get masks.
And they had signs everywhere like stand in masks.
So like, yeah, you can sit at your table, but then the moment you stand, the mask goes off.
The mask goes on.
But then are you really going to fight with a 16-year-old working?
Yeah, he'll start.
She's just being told what to do.
Yeah, that's the other weird thing.
It's like, it's not their fault.
Yeah.
That's how out here, now that the lockdowns are ending, there's most restaurants are like just normal now.
And then a lot of chains are just playing it safe.
So then you'll suddenly walk into like Chick-fil-A was like, it's like walking into a museum of COVID history because there's like a little table at the front of the door.
No one can go in.
The lady is like out there like taking notes on a notebook to get your order or whatever.
And it's just like, come on.
Is your one restaurant doing this, like saving all of us when we're all going out and just being normal everywhere else?
It's going to feel weird because I feel like I haven't worn a mask in months.
And I have to get, you know, I'm going on an airplane next month.
I'm going to get on and just be like the whole.
Back of the mask on the airplane.
Yeah.
Bring a lot of snacks.
That's what I've noticed.
Yeah, just a very slow bag of Cheetos is the strategy.
Savor each bite.
Yeah, I wonder what people that work on airplanes are the most Karen-like of enforcers, it seems like.
They are hardcore.
I wonder why.
You have like a two-year-old in their masking.
So it's like, get that, get your mask on.
We're going to stop the plane.
We're going to get you off.
We're going to call the air marshal.
Yeah, every time I've been on a flight, like throughout the flight, they're going like...
They're hardcore.
Oh, just a reminder, your mask goes over your nose as well.
And I'm like, ooh.
Your nose also breathes, in case you're wondering.
You idiot.
So what decision is it?
I ask myself every day.
I'm going to say, what decision is that?
How do you end up of all the instruments, accordion?
The accordion, I grew up in purity culture.
So the accordion.
That's a year.
You got it.
Yeah, it's more effective than a promise ring.
It's modern day chess.
So my parents, we were homeschooled and my parents were like, that will be what my children play.
My daughters play.
I know.
Dennis Preger, have you heard his little story about he plays accordion?
No, I didn't know that.
He said that his parents said you have to take a music lesson, which I think is a good rule for kids to learn some music.
So he just went into the, you know, alphabetically what the first thing was.
And he said, oh, accordion, all right.
Fine, accordion.
That's amazing.
I didn't know that.
That's funny.
Is that the first alphabetical instrument?
No, I'm wondering.
A C, it's possible.
Double C.
That was pretty early on.
Every single instrument.
I'm sure there's a Wikipedia.
This was also back in when he was a kid, so there's only like eight instruments at that time.
That's true.
There were only three.
It was that or the harpsichord or the bagpipes, probably.
Oh, it has to be alphabetical, though.
Accordina.
Afghani guitar.
Algoza.
Is that like a guitar with a blanket according to it?
He could have been an Afghani guitar.
Yeah, guitar or Algoza, but I think he had to be, he was in the right country, probably.
Because on Wikipedia, even those instruments don't even have a link to what the heck they are.
It's just said.
An Acordina is listed before.
Oh, you're on a different list.
Is that a female accordion?
Accordina?
Well, if you go to the Wikipedia list, they sort it by category of instruments.
A female accordion player is an Acordina.
An Acordina.
A Dungoo?
Nope, that's not.
Too far.
Dungu.
A Dungu?
That sounds like a Pokemon character.
Oh, okay.
So, okay.
I'm looking at a video of the Acordina.
What is it?
Accordina.
Accordina.
It looks like you blow into it.
It looks like a computer keyboard, but it has a little, like, a breathalyzer thing that you have to look.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It looks like you're like blowing into an abacus or something.
Or like a dot matrix, like the very first keyboard IBM came out with.
Well, that's cool.
Okay.
I guess.
I have to add that to my repertoire.
So you were on Mike Huckleby's show.
I sure was.
How does his breath smell?
Honestly, I didn't get that close to him.
Sad.
Yeah, I'll report back if I ever do the show again.
I didn't realize that was an interest to people, what his breath smelled like, or I would have paid closer attention.
All right, we're moving on.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
It sets the ambrosia of the environment feeling important.
Do you like being around?
Any scents?
Any smells?
Yeah.
I didn't notice anything afoul.
Okay.
Okay.
It smelled like a nice Bath and Body Works candle or something.
Yeah.
She was on camera.
You smell like a thousand wishes.
I get a thousand.
Is that a candle?
That's one of Bath and Body Works signature scents.
A thousand wishes.
Wow.
One of the first ones.
You ought to be in that writer's room.
I wish I had better money to afford nicer cologne or perfume.
So if the Babyloni doesn't work out, we could name, we could just name candles.
We get hired at Bath and Byworth to just name candles.
You just have to think of good things that make you feel good.
Yeah.
And like maybe mix it with a fruit or a leaf of some kind.
Yeah.
So like it feels good to be open-minded.
Okay.
So like tolerance, tea leaf.
Tolerance.
Woke candles.
They always add end warm ginger to everything now.
End warm ginger.
Tolerance and warm ginger.
No, the ginger's warm.
To me, that feels like someone is holding it in their hand real tight for a long time and they handed it to you.
Why is this ginger warm?
Soggy ginger.
Oh my gosh.
It's like a toilet seat that someone else just used.
So is Mike Huckabee nice?
Yeah, I would say so.
Yeah.
He wasn't like a huge jerk.
No, he's a very, very down-to-earth person.
As far as in this industry where you can meet some.
No, he's very down-to-earth.
I like him.
He's a good dude.
Cool.
I have no dirt to report.
Do you have any crazy stories from doing accordion shows all over the world?
Or in the United States or wherever you do them?
Crazy stories.
Well, the accordion is.
More embarrassing stories or like just cool stories.
Tell us a cool story.
It's a funny story.
Do you have a cool story?
Yeah, I can share the one.
I was telling Dan, a lady came up to me because I joke, like I have the accordion and then I joke about like it being the reason I'm still single and all this stuff.
So this lady came up to me after a show one time and she was like, oh, I know you joke about it, but is getting married something you want?
And I was like, sure, like eventually, maybe.
And she was like, no, no, no.
If you want to get married now, here's what you got to do.
She's like, you need to get a pair of man's pants and you need to hang them on the end of your bed.
And then you pray to God every single night to fill those pants with the perfect man.
And so then I was like.
I hung a pair of women's panties on the end of my bed when I went to get married.
And are you married?
Oh, yeah.
And did the woman fit the panties?
Oh, yeah.
Because that was my question for her.
Okay, now that you're in my life, can you try these on?
Right.
And she's still married.
She's appeared in them.
See that?
Yeah.
I had a lot of questions for this lady.
It's weird when you flip it around.
Well, it's already weird.
It is.
Yeah, it's already weird.
And then I told her, I was like, well, because I was just like, how do I even respond to this?
I was like, well, I mean, next time I'm home, I'll just use a pair of my dad's.
And then she said, no, that's a little weird, sweetie.
Like, that was where the bar was.
So you have to go to the store and buy them.
Yeah.
No, she said to go to Goodwill and get a pair.
And I was like, but then do I get a used man?
Like, what do I, like, what happens?
You never know what those pants are going to produce.
Yeah.
And so that'd be crazy if you could buy a piece of clothing and then the person who once owned it would appear in the clothing.
Yeah.
Or hold up to a mirror and see who they are, who they were.
Right.
So if you get scrubs, like, get a doctor or an orderly, I guess.
Yeah.
Or you get, put an Iron Man suit, get Robert Downey Jr.
Put a pair of skinny jeans, get a worship pastor.
That's what I was wondering: the kind of pants you pick.
Yeah, that's what I wondered, too.
Like, if you get a huge pair of pants.
Yeah.
You get some foo boos or I know.
Do you go?
Sean Johns.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can't be too careful with the pants that you hang on the end of your bed.
So, yeah, so that was weird.
And then a lot of people tell me that their like great aunt played the accordion.
So I have a tally going at each show for the number of people who tell me that some distant relative played the accordion.
And I think eight people at one show had a connection to the accordion.
How big of an audience was that?
Pretty big.
I think it was like a 1,200 or something.
But still.
Wow.
Eight and 1,200.
That's a lot of.
How many people here have a distant relative who played the accordion?
I don't think I got anybody.
My aunt's, I think my aunt's brother played the accordion.
She had it in the corner of her house.
Your aunt's brother, wouldn't that be your uncle?
No.
No, because she's.
Is he like a half-brother or stepbrother or something?
She was married.
She's married to my brother's accord.
Oh, I see.
My mom's brother.
Got you.
So on the other side.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
That makes sense.
So I have one.
We have one out of?
I don't know, math.
That's about.
And then I own four accordions because I don't ever want to have any friends.
You own four accordions?
I do.
Well, people keep giving them to me now because they want them to mean something.
So now I just have this growing pile of accordions.
This is my great aunt's accordion.
I want you to have it.
They do.
It's actually really sweet because the accordions have a lot of history to each instrument.
So it is actually a very kind and meaningful thing when someone gives it to you because they trust you're going to kind of keep that legacy alive if you look at the history of accordions.
And they always come with a story.
So what are some like, what would you not understand?
Like, if I've never played an accordion.
Tell me, just give me a brief rundown of how it works.
All these little buttons here.
That's a piano right there.
Do you understand music at all?
Yeah.
Okay.
So this, like a regular keyboard.
Yeah.
That's just a piano.
The registers.
So this is actually.
It's like an octave or something.
Yeah, I'm not sure.
And then it would be, yeah.
I think this one is an octave.
And then here, so wherever you see.
I see you're flying blind for like the first year of playing and you just have to.
It's crazy.
It's like Braille.
It is.
Yeah, it's very, very much easier.
Do you see that on the camera?
All these little buttons right there?
Madness.
It's single notes, and then you have each accordion is a little bit different.
This is major, minor, and then sevens, and then I think it's a good thing.
You're doing combinations.
There's your chords over there.
Yeah, so it's chords.
So it goes in a different way.
You can do chords on that side.
I mean, you can.
But what's the difference?
Like, why do that and that?
Well, because this will accompany you.
So you can do like your melody there and your accordion.
Yeah, I like that.
But then it's one chord.
If you go up one, it's your five chord.
Or if you go down one, it's your four chords.
So you have everything you need for the most part right there.
So that when you're good and drunk and playing it.
Do they make new ones with like an air pump that's automatic?
Like with the battery-powered air pumps, you don't have to keep doing that.
No, but that's a good idea.
Yeah, it seems like that's the hardest part.
It seems like they're struggling to do this thing.
Yeah.
I'm trying to play a song, but I got to keep pumping air.
Yeah, you'd think they would have thought of that because it's like initially it started in pubs when everybody was like drunk playing it.
So it was a very, but they put it together very practically for when people would be like just half paying attention to what they're doing.
But you would think that they would try to minimize the effort.
But there's electric accordions now.
Oh.
So maybe that's.
Does that work?
I don't know.
I've never had one.
We'll have to find out.
You got to add that to your collection.
I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to have to find one.
I would guess so because, or it picks up, the sensor picks up when you're moving.
Kyle's Googling electric accordions right now.
Perfect.
Great.
I need more accordions.
But it still has the, you know, full.
You got to have it.
Yeah.
I know it's just cosmetic at that point or does it have a telegrapher or accordion?
Where it only turns, maybe that powers the battery and push, and then the battery comes on.
I have only has enough power to be.
That is where my accordion knowledge hits a wall.
I'm not that.
My nerdiness has a limit, and that is it.
Yeah, it's just a synthesized sound, but it still does the innovative.
But it's not actually doing like air.
So, like chords, I mean, all those buttons.
Do you use all those?
Is it kind of like a guitar?
Like, there's all these frets, but I rarely use them all.
It's only like real crazy virtuosos that go all the way and down the fretboard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, eventually, yeah, and I usually stick to simpler stuff.
I stick to like the worship model of stuff where it's like a one, four, and five, seven chord.
And then if I get crazy, I'll add like, you know, a six minor or something like that.
So, as an accordion player, how good is Weird Al actually at the accordion?
He's good.
He's a really, really good musician.
Yeah, yeah.
He's a good musician.
Because you can't tell if you don't know.
Yeah.
I think he's, yeah.
He's like your hero.
He's good.
He is.
He's the only person who can be in a court, like an accordion.
He's the only modern day.
Judy Tenuto, who was around several decades ago, she played the accordion.
And then Lawrence Welk is another one I get.
But I don't know that he was funny.
I think he just had German ancestry.
Okay.
Which is funny, I guess.
Yeah.
German's so funny.
German.
I mean, nothing seriotic about Germany.
Yeah, nothing at all.
But yeah, sausages.
They are like sausages.
Sausages are funny.
Well, if you've seen, I went to Germany a couple years ago, and if you see they serve the bratwurst, like this giant bratwurst on this little tiny bun, that's funny.
Like you had to think that they were like, we should do this as a joke for the whole country.
That'd be a cool sausage and eaty bitty bread.
That's the keto.
Yeah, the keto, exactly.
So ever any regrets about pursuing the accordion?
Well, not until this moment.
Not until now.
Just wondering.
No, it's worked out pretty.
I'm an introvert, so it's kind of my insurance policy.
Well, so you wrote a lot of books.
Oh, yeah, your book.
We haven't even talked about your book.
Yeah.
Are they good?
They any good?
Sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Check out her book.
That was on the Amazon review you read.
Yeah.
I like this one.
This one's good.
Adulting.
If you can buy it so that it's a lot of royalties, that'd be great.
So adulting for millennials just means doing everything doing normal grown-up responsible.
Yeah, not being on Facebook and stuff.
Adulting.
Yeah.
It's just kind of my take on those of us who grew up in like the, I call it the golden era of commercial Christianity where we were kind of promised all these things if we did X, Y, and Z.
And then we get older and we're like, oh, life was kind of hard.
And God didn't really, I don't think God promised me that.
I think church leaders promised me that.
And so there's a lot of disillusionment about life and faith.
And so this was just my take of just, I'm an over-observer.
And so just years of conversations and observing what people were struggling with.
And yeah.
And more burrito references than you'll find in your average Christian market book.
So I don't know.
It might be a Guinness World Record.
It might be.
Yeah.
In a Christian.
Yeah.
In a Christian book about adulting with a font that makes it look like another word.
Cool.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks for watching.
Well, we have another list of questions for you.
Perfect.
We're going to ask.
Yeah.
Are we doing that in this portion?
Yeah, let's do it.
So last week we like to reduce people down to just like their identity class.
Identity class, because that's what you should do.
If you're moral and tolerant, you just reduce people to an identity class and take, just completely remove their personality and anything unique about them.
So last week we had a woman on.
So we asked a woman things about women to write so she would represent all women ever.
So now we have a Christian woman on.
Okay.
So we're going to ask a Christian woman some questions.
Okay.
All right.
So you now speak for all Christian women.
Yeah.
How attractive is it when a youth group kid plays guitar?
Does it have an output to plug into an amplifier?
Okay, so like electric versus acoustic.
No, an acoustic plugged into an amplifier is pretty, pretty cool too.
Okay.
So it's got to have an electric input to the acoustic guitar.
Because then it's the little bit of magic.
You understand what that little hole is, but like I think a lot of women don't even know what that is.
Like the sound hole?
Yeah, the sound hole.
I don't know.
No, the sound hole.
Is that what you're talking about?
No, not everyone has a sound hole.
Oh, the quarter-inch cable plug-in, the guitar chord plug-in.
Gotcha.
Like, oh, that's a hybrid acoustic and electric guitar.
Yeah.
Like, wait, that guy's just got an acoustic.
There's no plug-in for an amplifier on that thing.
She's looking like, oh, yeah, he's kind of automated, and she looks for it.
The audience he can reach is limited.
I want a guy who can reach it at a stadium.
Yeah.
Sure, yes.
Okay.
Yes.
It is attractive because it shows that he's put some time and effort into something.
I think we had an overemphasis on it, like in youth group.
Like we felt like this is going.
So you felt like as guys, if you played the guitar, it would increase your chances with the youth group girls.
Flocks of women.
Because it makes you seem very in tune with your spiritual side.
Flocks of women in polo shirts and cool-otts would be chasing you.
I mean, it feels like you're a little alternative.
You're not the jock guy.
You're like a little thoughtful.
You don't totally play by the rules?
Yeah.
A little edgy.
Yeah.
Something edgy there.
But if you were a jock guy who did play the guitar, stop everything.
Yeah.
Total package.
Yeah.
There's no competing with that guy.
It's a good thing they're usually dumb.
You're married before you get out of college.
Any tips for getting girls for our young youth group listener, kid listeners?
Yeah, other than play guitar, I guess.
Don't play the accordion.
Don't play the accordion.
Is it still work to carry on a skateboard?
I remember when I was in high school.
Yeah, the skateboard.
If you carry a skateboard around, you don't have to write it.
You just carry it according to it.
You just carry it around.
Yeah, that was true.
know i haven't seen a lot of i actually lead a youth group uh which was a bad idea I never put an accordion playing comic in charge of a bunch of adolescents.
It's all gathered for worship.
Yes.
It's funny.
There's only two kids left.
Do you ever do that?
Can you play worship songs?
Do you play worship songs on your accordion?
I can, but just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Like that polka version of In the Secret?
I've been lobbying for a polka service at our church.
We can do oceans.
Yeah.
What we should do is do a worship generator song.
Worship songs.
Yeah, there you go.
How are we going to not?
We're going to do that.
Absolutely.
We have to.
That's going to happen.
Yeah.
Spirit-led worship.
We have a worship song generator on our website.
It automatically generates an AI, but not really, randomized worship song.
Oh, there we go.
And then just make a video.
You just play a tune and sing.
I really want to do a hill song audition video with the accordion.
There you go.
Spirit lead me where my trust is not like.
I feel like this will give you trust issues.
Is modest really hottest?
As someone who has grown up in Texas, literally, yes, it is.
Modest is hottest, and we need modest girl deodorants to go with that.
You're saying temperature.
Modest clothing.
Modest is sweatiest.
Yeah, I was speaking literally.
Modest is hottest.
Yeah, temperature.
Temperature-wise.
Temperature.
So, yes.
You see what she did there?
Temperature is good.
Yeah.
It's not a good joke if you have to explain it to somebody who does jokes for a living.
It doesn't mean I always get jokes.
It's true.
So, yes, literally, it is.
When a girl says she's breaking up with you to date God, what's that really mean?
Just confrontation issues.
She's nice.
Date God.
Do women really date God?
I've heard dating Jesus.
I've heard dating God, too.
I've never heard dating God.
I've heard date Jesus, which I'm like, but that's awkward when I go into a restaurant.
I'll be like, my date's going to pay.
Like, what?
It's just.
Yeah, he always goes Dutch.
Yeah.
You know what that means when you don't pay?
Never invest himself.
Yeah.
Jesus.
Never opens the door for you, man.
Does it work if you go up to, if a guy goes up to a girl and says, Jesus told me that you are the one for me?
Only if he's told the girl to, because otherwise it's like, I didn't get the memo.
Yeah, that sounds good.
It was a, he forgot to, I was not CC'd on that email.
But if he's a, if he's a jock that plays guitar, oh, then you're probably on board.
Then, yeah, you just.
Oh, yeah, God told me that too.
That's just a revolution.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah.
No debate there.
All right.
Well, I guess that's all I have for asking Christian woman.
Do we have anything else we want to know?
From the Christian women.
Those were deep, solid questions, guys.
Real, you guys really thought those through.
It was good.
As a Christian girl, I feel very understood right now.
We just, the core of all the issues right there.
All the things we blogged about in like the early 2000s, you guys hit right there.
Hey, you play the accordion.
I do.
All right, let's do some hate mail.
Perfect.
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Babylon B.com/slash plans.
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Yeah, be part of the community, the in-crowd, the B crowd.
I miss Adam Ford.
Can you do a hate mail jingle for us?
Yeah.
Babylon B, hate mail.
No, with the accordion.
Oh, you have to do a little clipping.
She's working on.
Man, it's like a switchblade.
It's like a.
No, switchblades are way more fast.
Don't ask Collins.
Mail.
All right.
And then, wait, you have to get this part.
A loud sigh.
That sounds like me on the phone.
Oh, my gosh.
I played in church one time, and the pastor prayed right after worship ended, and all you could hear was the back of the church anymore.
Oh, my gosh.
So we got a hate mail from a guy named Michael.
Michael.
And he says, Do you scum actually think it's funny to make fun of the COVID Delta surge that's killing people?
You are nothing but an unfunny rip-off of the onion written by hack juvenile amateurs, Trump Tards who wouldn't qualify to write for a high school newspaper.
Is a Trump Tard like a gymnastics outfit you'd wear to like a right-wing jazzer size class?
You rip off the warm-ups.
My Trump tard.
Wearing my Trump Tard.
That could also be an instrument.
A Trump tard.
Play it, and it just has a Trump quote.
It's not to be confused with the Trump card.
Deploy the Trump card.
I don't know.
Hey, we got another hate mail.
This is a tweet from a guy named Brandon.
Off-brand Brandon.
Imagining a nice Lutheran mom following the Babylon Bee on Facebook because they were thrilled to see actually funny, good-natured satire of evangelical culture and biblical stories, only to watch them descend into hateful, unfunny, fascist agit prop in like three years.
How long have we been around?
Five years.
Okay.
Yeah.
So we got two years of agit prop.
I want to know what fascist satire would look like.
Like if not, like if Germany did satire.
Maxi Derrick.
Sure, they had it.
You got to find it.
I don't think they had propaganda.
They don't get enough sunlight for satire there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, sorry, Brandon.
We disappointed you.
Oh, let's go into the subscriber lounge and everybody check out Christian's stand-up comedy and check out Christian's books and accordion.
Accordion playing and comedy.
He's got over 27 albums of accordion music you can find.
But maybe not.
For sale for five payments of 99 cents.
You can get all of them.
What's your top Spotify play?
Would you have songs on Spotify?
I do not.
I don't have anything.
I have YouTube.
Okay.
That's where we're at right now with my career.
So check me out before I do it.
YouTube's the big time now.
I mean, that's where everybody gets it.
Yeah.
I have that.
I have a website.
I have Facebook and Instagram.
I have a Twitter.
I'm not on it much because I value happiness.
That's true.
And then I haven't gotten into TikTok because apparently they're trying to steal our identities.
And I can't wait till China invades and they have our identities and they come in doing all these dances.
All right, let's go over.
We're going to go to the lounge.
We're going to kick back.
We're going to talk with Kristen a little bit more and we're going to ask her the 10 questions.
Yay.
Do some more.
We'll do a song.
We'll do a worship song on the accordion.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
That's the instrument created by committee.
It is, yeah.
Yeah, it's like the Homer card in the Simpsons where he's got like he wants every feature on it.
What about a cup holder?
You must get a cup holder out of that.
I would like to have a serious conversation with Snoop Dogg just about life.
I feel like he's got some good stuff going on in his head.
And then probably want you to light up when you do that with him.
Huh?
He'll probably want you to light up and smoke with him when you do that.
He can.
Okay.
I won't.
He might not open up to you for a church and people might be watching this.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to babylonbee.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.