Christian Comic, Secret Conservative: Kerri Pomarolli Interview
This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show. In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kerri Pomarolli, comedian, actress, author of 6 books, and "out-of-the-closet Christian in Hollywood." Kerri has worked with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, performing in numerous sketches. She has hosted the Gospel Music Awards and has a Dry Bar Comedy special coming up. Her book Confessions Of A Proverbs 32 Woman has been featured on The Babylon Bee. Topics include Mormon heaven, comedy in the Trump era, and keeping her ex-husband in her garage. Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more. To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans Topics Discussed Mormons and heaven Jim Bakker story Earthquake kits Asian babies Ancestry Being outside of the Liberal bubble Confessions about Proverbs 32 Essential oils Married people Value of ex-husbands Homeschooling Healing through prayer Honor students Organizing moms on Facebook Being asked out by a 22 year old dentist 80s entertainment Henry Winkler TikTok Parler Instagram Linkedin Cobra Kai Trump voting Mike Lindell having secret information Soap opera acting Working with Jay Leno Being openly conservative in Hollywood Having to say no to films Wikifeet Touring with your ex-husband Divorce Subscriber Portion Roaming the isles of Homegoods Steven Wright High energy Kyle Jonas Brothers Casting Crowns Amy Grant Meeting Kirk Cameron Dukes of Hazzard Kathy Lee Gifford Sean Astin Hosting red carpets Behind the scenes of The Tonight Show Jim Carrey Losing the edge in comedy Eminem Mormonism EHarmony Future of stand up comedy Censorship Subtle racism of entertainment Hallmark movies Smiling under a mask 10 questions
I just have to say that I object strenuously to your use of the word hilarious.
Hard-hitting questions.
What do you think about feminism?
Do you like it?
Taking you to the cutting edge of truth.
Yeah, well, Last Jedi is one of the worst movies ever made, and it was very clear that Ryan Johnson doesn't like Star Wars.
Kyle pulls no punches.
I want to ask how you're able to sleep at night.
Ethan brings bone-shattering common sense from the top rope.
If I may, how double dare you?
This is the Babylon B interview show.
Babylon Bee's releasing an interview show.
Oh my gosh.
It's so incredible.
So cool.
Cool.
So we talked to the funniest people on the planet, and today we're talking to a woman and she's actually funny.
An actually funny woman.
An actually funny woman, a female, a human female who tells jokes and they're funny and they're not about periods.
I don't think maybe she probably has some.
We don't want to.
That's just like bread and butter.
That's like us and pronoun jokes.
Yeah.
For females, it's like.
Yeah.
I like how I say females.
Like I've never met one.
Females.
I've heard of woman.
Very neckbeard.
Very neckbeard.
See, the problem with females.
Helping all the people that call us incels on the comments.
Oh, yeah.
I'm just leaning into it.
I'm leaning into the character.
They already think it.
Anyway, so Carrie Pomerali wrote a book called Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman.
It's been featured on the Babylon Bee website before.
And we found out she lives relatively close.
So we brought her in to tell jokes and be funny.
She's funny in person.
She's a comedian.
She's been on the tonight show like almost 30 times.
She's done a lot.
A lot of stand-up.
Oh, and she's been on soap operas?
She acted in soap operas.
Yeah.
In General Hospital.
And she's met Carmen.
And she met Carmen.
Well, spoiler.
But in the subscriber portion, we find out all the dirty secrets of Carmen.
Do we?
Well, we find out some dirty secrets.
There'll be some stuff that she's like, yeah, I don't know if that was recorded or not.
I can't remember.
But we'll get it.
We'll find out.
We'll find out.
We tried to have a hot mic going.
That's how that started.
And then they can drink coffee now.
Mormon can.
Yeah.
Kellen Erskine doesn't drink coffee when he comes here.
It's true.
But I had a very long Uber ride from the Mormon Comedy Club back to my hotel with a Mormon driver who tried to convert me for 47 minutes.
And it was 47 minutes to explain their religion.
I was like, let me get this straight.
There's good heaven, meteor heaven, bad heaven.
But I don't feel like they tell you that on the first time.
Well, the Uber drivers.
It's bad heaven.
Go to heaven, but it's bad heaven.
The Uber drivers are like, all right.
And then at the end of the cab ride, I go, what if I have different beliefs?
He goes, someday, when you're face to face with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I hope you remember this conversation.
I was like, look, Gavin, someday when you're face to face with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I hope you remember this conversation.
I always wonder if that's the first thing we were going to do.
He's like, ha, I was right.
I hope those are my words.
Well, they'd be on the other side of the gate.
Or they'll be laughing at us in bad heaven.
Ah, man, they're in.
I really want to know about this bad heaven.
Is it like Davenbusters or what?
Can you feel badness?
And if you're a woman, you're not allowed to go to heaven unless a man stands in for you.
The good heaven.
Yeah.
Oh, so you can get it to bad heaven as well.
There's three heavens, right?
Bad heaven is three.
Bad heaven is like earth now, probably.
It's like earth now.
You can't die.
Look, there's still dishes.
Which would be awesome.
it's like grand theft auto what is i got five stones baby Like, I can jump off this building.
Or can you die?
Or you can die in Greta.
A Mormon scholar Grand Theft Dano with God mode.
First of all, you need more women.
You need more women.
You need more Mormons.
Okay, I'm going to say that on record.
January 2021.
I need a Mormon writing staff.
I'm putting it out there before you guys get scandalized for not estrogen in the comments.
Estrogen and Mormons.
You just triggered a flurry of hate mail.
Thanks a lot.
I'll be answering this for days.
I just like, are we taught?
Are we on the book?
Well, we can edit this out.
Hopefully.
I think we started really.
I wanted to be a part of the Babylon Bee, so this is a grand step for women, even though you've had women.
All right, give us your five best Babylon Bee headlines.
Go.
Oh, you guys don't put me on this.
This is your audition.
You know what?
I think I meant her favorite thing.
No, no, no.
Your best.
Yeah.
Give us your best pitches.
This is an audio.
I can't, Kyle, because I'm too expensive.
I'm too serious.
That's something I was going to say.
Like, the first one who's actually a professional comedian asked me, like, how do I get writing?
Well, we pay so, you know.
You know what?
You pay a guy from the works at a fast food restaurant and does this on the side kind of pay.
Well, and Kyle, I have to confess, I've never even heard of you.
I just say that to all my podcasts.
My favorite is how to escape a prayer circle.
You request prayer for rare hand-holding skin disease.
That's my number one.
I don't know.
It just came to me.
You can't just look at the light.
It's like the Lord.
And you know, there's a picture of Trump, but he looks like a prophet.
I don't know.
It just, it's weird.
There's just so many.
And when you guys use Kirk Cameron and Gary Busey in the same email.
One of my best moments of my life is when we had Kevin Sorbo on the podcast.
Nice.
You know, and it's like we literally have Kevin Sorbo as salty songbook.
Have you ever done anything with Jim Baker?
Because I have a really good Jim Baker story.
We have.
Like jokes about him?
No, like a real story.
Like I've done a show where we were acquaintances, but so he's in Christian Las Vegas, Branson, Missouri.
And so I did his talk show when I was in Brants, Missouri.
But he came to LA to visit some years ago.
And he had never been to an IKEA.
Okay.
So he and his wife got really excited because as we know, Jim likes to sell things to the people, like the bracelet of the golden streets of heaven and like doomsday prepper kits.
And where better.
He had like some kind of COVID medicine.
Yeah.
So where better to get paraphernalia to sell to people but IKEA.
So he got super excited and bought all these picture frames and people were looking in the parking lot as I was loading things into my trunk and it looked like I was doing a drug deal with Jim Baker.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like they were kind of like, why is this strange girl loading things?
So a lot of his heavenly paraphernalia is actually IKEA.
He just buys stuff from IKEA and recently now he does, thanks to me.
Well, he was selling those giant buckets of nacho cheese.
Are you serious?
You ever see that?
That I would buy.
How do we know about this?
I don't know about any of those.
I have.
He was selling the, it was the doomsday prepper stuff, and he goes on TV and he's like, he takes the ladle and he goes, wow, you need nacho cheese with a little ladle?
And that's like the kind of stuff I would like to do, but I have to do it in secret.
Now, you guys, with COVID, did any of you start eating your earthquake kits like back in April?
That's an earthquake.
I don't even think I have one anymore.
Oh, yeah.
When I was a kid, it was a huge deal.
We've got to have the earthquake.
Okay, this is the Ziploc bag.
I'm not from here.
So embarrassing.
I do not know your ways.
When I went to pick up my kids in March for the last day of school, they're like, Miss Pomeroli, we regret to inform you that Ruby ate her earthquake kit.
And I was like, how bad that she had to have canned tuna?
Like, what are you serving in the cafeteria that she broke out the stovetop stuffing, like uncooked?
You know what I'm saying?
It's like an MRU.
You were supposed to take a big Ziploc bag and pack for your kids at school.
And the teacher would keep it in the cupboard in case the building fell down.
And Kyle, did you write a note?
They told you to write a note.
Yeah, there was my mom had a note in the like, if you're buried under rubble right now, we love you.
My note literally was like, sucks for you.
Like, I missed it.
If you're in an earthquake, you're not reading this.
Like, clearly.
And you have lights.
Yeah, that's the weirdest thing.
Like, you're buried under rubble before you get to the earthquake kids.
But your mommy loves you.
Just want to let you know.
And by the way, soda doesn't stunt your growth.
I just should tell her.
in the earthquake.
I think we might have gotten a letter from Jim Baker's lawyers about this article that we wrote about him.
Trump was nearly sharing the gospel with that porn star, explains Jeremy Baker.
No, you guys, when San Diego had closed their churches and kept the strip clubs open, I did a campaign that we need to be evangelizing in the strip clubs and having church in the strip clubs because the tithe would be in cash and that's tax deductible.
That's good, yeah.
And I think there's a lot of dance ministry that could be expanding our horizons as Christians.
If we would get out of our box, be so narrow-minded.
Shaka Khan could be a new member.
I could see pole dancing worship bands.
I could see pole dancing worship bands on Babylon B for sure.
I bet if you Googled it, it's happened.
I'm sure it's happened.
If it hasn't, I feel that we could make a lot of money.
We need to stop being in our box.
There's definitely other places we need to evangelize.
ABC News says, hallelujah, Christians Pole Dance for Jesus in Texas.
The new class, Pole Fitness for Jesus, gets Christian women to spin without sin.
Oh, and Kyle, you didn't write that?
I did.
That's real strange.
I didn't steal it.
That's amazing.
That's the real struggle is trying to stay ahead of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you ever write something and then found out that somebody else across the country had the same idea?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And then you win, right?
You're like, well, mine's more public.
Especially when we're trying to make the, we're trying to get ahead of a thing that just happened, you know, and write the joke.
Well, that's the thing about Twitter is everybody can tell a joke immediately.
But we kind of have to wait until the story's big and then we get, we prepare it with a Photoshop and the article.
And so by the time we hit it, it's too late.
So we got to like try to have a unique angle.
I mean, I've had, I had a sketch that was stolen from my YouTube and put on the tonight show.
And then I was working on the tonight show, not as a writer, as a performer.
And I just was like, well, we're not going to climb that mountain and I don't want to get fired.
But writers would be searching YouTube.
We did this thing called eBaby.com.
And it's like, if you don't like your baby, you can go to ebaby.com and get a better one.
And then years later, it resurfaced and I got in trouble because the ebaby.com in my skit was Asian because we were like, we want an Asian baby.
Now, my kids are half Asian, so I can say that.
And they're like, she did our taxes and plays the violin.
And the mom's club wanted to vote me off because I posted this video on mom's clubs.
It's really degrading to ethnic babies.
It's really degrading to the children out there that have been adopted.
And I was like, well, bye.
So you have that Trump card ready.
Like, I have half Asian babies.
I do.
Well, for sure.
I always use that.
Like, I married an Asian guy.
I can drive that so you could have the drum car.
I married them so they would be smart and go to college for free.
Oh, that works.
And they're part of the camera.
And they're part Native American, so they're getting a casino as well.
So we're excited about that.
But though, we did get Ancestry.
I'm Italian, Pomeroli.
We got Ancestry.com from my 81-year-old father, but we couldn't give it to him because we're not Italian like he thinks we are.
We're Scandinavian, and he would have a seizure.
Like he would be freaking.
We're like 11% Italian, but he's Tony Soprano.
You know those guys that think they're Italian?
No, we're Vikings and it's not cool.
It's not cool at all.
So we had to rig it.
We're like, dad, you're 80% for sure.
You're going to die.
Mob, a mob head.
So I find it fascinating you're, you're an outspoken Christian, or at least you know you everybody, if anybody knows you're a Christian.
But you, you've been on the Tonight Show almost 30 times yeah, so that you ever get any like oh, Christian.
You know Hollywood's known for being kind of not.
Can I be honest with you like be, tell me about that.
I don't get that as much as I would get if I were to publicly say I am a conservative, that's it.
Are you saying that right now?
Yeah, I am a conservative and they shoot you with these illegal guns and I don't know where they get the guns because we're just not supposed to have them.
But um, i've been quote a Christian on stage for a long time and Comedy Central at one point go.
We love that character, that like Ditzy, like really stupid, like air heady character.
I was like well no, that's me like, but they're like it's so great how you brought the religion into it.
Um, I got a lot of backlash like I used to do stand-up comedy anywhere, you would ask me.
So I would do stand-up comedy anywhere yes, I well no, the gay drag bars and and with the drag queens.
And then I would have Christians being like, why are you there?
And I was like, i'm not on the bar, Dora.
Okay, i'm in the bar, you know.
So um, in the bar, not of the bar.
You know what Christians exactly, thank you, thank you, you guys just trumped me on that one.
Uh, Christians have given me more slack through the years than Non-Christians, I think Non-Christians.
Slack or flack?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, flack.
Thank you.
Just checking.
I was a music major.
I think non-Christians don't care because you're not bothering them.
You're not infringing.
Now, when I would do comedy at the drag bars, and I'd be like, where am I Christians at today?
And then all these guys would clap.
I'm like, what are you guys doing here?
Did you make a wrong turn?
And some of the guys backstage would be like, well, I went to church, but they didn't want me.
Or, you know, they didn't, they didn't want me.
And, but you seem kind and you seem loving.
So I felt like the ministry of what I do is backstage at a drag bar or backstage at a comedy club.
So I never wanted to be in the bubble completely, even though it's easier there.
It's more comfortable.
But there's nothing like the adrenaline rush of being in a secular environment and making people laugh and being number comic 23 and they're wasted drunk and they don't care about your Christian fame or they haven't looked up your resume.
You're just comic 23 and you have to go out.
And if I make them laugh, there's nothing better than that feeling.
Not to say that I don't love my people.
But your Beth Moore.
If you're listening right now, I would love to do your retreat.
But I was going to say your Beth Moore jokes probably don't kill on the Stroof Club.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I have Beth Moore jokes that I want to tell.
Well, it's not Beth Moore jokes.
I just get obsessed with her because some like when you watch Beth Moore, people that are ADD like me, I can't focus on Beth Moore because her hair is too pretty and I just don't know if it's ever going to move.
Do you know what I mean?
And then like the nails are too perfect.
So I get obsessed with, you know, like physical details.
And then she's like, and I said to God, I said to God, I cannot handle it one more time.
And then so in my head, I'm like, well, there's a Beth Moore impersonation.
Where am I ever going to do that?
Right.
You know what I mean?
On the Babylon Bee Park.
Yes, thank you.
I said, Jesus, I cannot handle it one more time.
Not one more time, Jesus, but I submitted.
That's what I did.
I like to picture Beth Moore walking around hearing God and just like shouting at him all the time.
And that's very strange.
No, I said not one more time.
Yes.
So yeah, I have a friend who's a very well-known impressionist and she's so much better than I am.
Her name's Angela Hoover.
And so when I try to do impressions with her on the phone, she just politely laughs at me.
And we do a lot of housewives from the housewives of New York are the housewives at Beverly Hills.
I'm sure you haven't probably parodied them yet on Babylon B.
I don't even know that world at all.
But you know who they are, right?
They're the ladies that have the reality shows, like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Well, I've heard the name and I know nothing else beyond.
I assume it's just a reality show about housewives.
Sounds good.
Yeah, but they hate each other and they have cat fights and there's a lot of drama behind a lot of it.
It's kind of, it's like a train wreck.
It's like the bachelorette you can't watch, but you can't not watch.
It's just like women, the show.
And Kyle, tell me again how many women writers you have on the Babylon base at your last retreat.
How many women writers?
The percentage.
Okay.
Okay.
Our last retreat, we had one woman.
Yes.
And how many are actively writing for your last article that was written by a woman was probably a few months ago.
Oh man, this is totally going to get edited out.
I'm losing.
That actually wrote, they actually write articles.
Yeah.
We have some women, but the problem is, yeah.
The problem is they're not funny.
And Kyle.
That's the main thing.
Kyle, so what do women need to do, considering that I've made you laugh and counting 14 times since I started this book?
I gave you a chance to pitch headlines and you froze up.
I literally did.
That's like, I had a, you know what?
I've had those meetings.
Tough business.
I had, do you guys remember the actor Charles Derning?
He was like in the 80s.
Do you get out much?
Just wondering.
He's very sheltered as a woman.
He's an academy.
He's an academy of warriors.
But I first moved to LA and there was this Pulitzer Prize winning novel.
It was called The Pig Man.
It was about like two teenage kids and I was up for the role.
And I went to lunch.
I swear, you just totally triggered me.
So I went to lunch with Charles Sterning, who was going to be the lead of the movie.
And he said, what was your favorite part of the script?
And I just went, like, literally, just don't ask me pointed questions.
Did the thing.
Don't ask me pointed questions.
The beginning was good.
Yeah.
Like the beginning and the end, but really the middle was good too.
Because in theory, I mean, I like Babylon B, like the idea of it.
Right.
Thanks.
Like, I don't know what it is, but I mean, I'm really a big fan.
Appreciate it.
But you wrote a review on my book, which was very funny.
So that was my favorite Babylon B, November 15th, 2008.
Wow.
Thank you.
She remembers Proverbs 32.
I just hit the mic really hard.
Here's her book.
Oh my gosh.
It's weird that I brought that up.
Confessions of a Proverbs 32 woman.
Yes, thank you.
Is there Proverbs 32?
No.
Well, there is now.
It's in my Bible.
I never could relate to Proverbs 31 because I was like, I don't rise early and I don't plow.
And it says she gathers her food from afar.
And I was like, that's Uber Eats.
And so I've never fit into that mold.
And I've been in the church world for so many years and I don't crock pot or farm to table and, you know, like dress my kids.
It's like a lot of work.
So I never, I always would joke, there's got to be a Proverbs 32, like a hot mess for Jesus.
There's got to be that extra.
This is how my comic brain works.
Like, don't you think there's always an extra person?
Like, there was probably a disciple who sucked and he didn't get named.
Do you know what I mean?
Like Jerome.
Like, he was like a little chubby.
He tried to walk on water.
Jesus, like, Jerome, get back in the boat.
Like, send Peter.
You had so many fishes and loaves.
So I'm always thinking outside the box.
And it's always been a joke.
Like, it's not gossip.
If your head is bowed, Proverbs 32, you know, so I was making up these proverbs.
I will submit to not going to work.
And finally, a publisher said yes, that I could write this book because I said, there's so many books about how to be more holy, how to be more spiritual, how to, and I never fit that mold ever, ever.
And so they let me write it and they let me write two books about it.
One of them, my Devo, is called She Rises Late and Her Kids Make Her Breakfast.
And it's a devotional.
Yep.
Oh, they're different book.
Yep.
They're different books.
And the cover of this book does look like a crime scene.
So they did, yeah, they did kind of go along.
But yes, I thought it was either crayons or cereal killer.
And my people will know, you know, that buy the book.
So I wrote, I sold some people down the river pretty bad in this book to the point where I had to get legal agreements because I wrote about the mean girls that were mean to me in high school and college.
You named them?
I tried.
Apparently, legally, we can't do that, but I can on my Facebook.
You can do it right here and now.
But no, it was fun.
It was fun.
Can you tell me about this photo shoot?
You've got like a rolling pin and a...
Okay, can I tell you what was really in my hands during that photo shoot?
I had a bit.
I was sitting under the table because it's Babylon be, I have freedom.
I was sitting under the table as a mom, with my kids on top of me, and I had an empty vodka bottle and I was like a motherhood photo shoot and like a baked ham in the other hand of the.
Can we take the label off the vodka bottle?
I go yeah, take the label off, because anybody who knows what vodka is knows that's not water right, it's like a big stamp.
Um, so we did a really fun mom photo shoot of being a bad mom, and so we had the.
We, we got all this food, this beautiful table in China, and we let my kids have a food fight and we just shot it.
And so it was the 1950s mom.
And then we did some really fun photos where we were in bed my, my children and I all in bed together.
One was reading People magazine and one was on her ipad and like one was reading the bible and it was like homeschool.
I mean, that's really what's happening.
So that's kind of where that came from okay.
So did they photoshop out the vodka bottle?
Yes, they did.
Yes, so that's not even your hand.
I don't even endorse vodka.
I just thought it was funny.
I do a lot of things, like my business card had that photo on it for a while and then I had to get a second set of business cards because, depending on who I meet, shall I hand them that card?
Maybe not.
You sell essential oils ever beside.
No, thank you for asking, but I have been wondering where my oils people are during covet.
Do you know what I mean?
Because can't they cure Covid?
Because they can cure everything else.
They haven't been.
Yeah, they've been mysteriously silent on the subject because my Covid, might you know, they're always like, I have an oil for that.
Do you need a man?
I have an oil.
And so my friend Angela and her name is Angela Hoover we were on the phone before Covid and we were supposed to go to lunch and I said, I can't meet you.
I think i'm coming down with a cold.
She said, no, you just think you're coming down with a cold.
I thought I was coming down to the cold, but I took some sage and I put it underneath my nose.
I took some oregano, I put it underneath my tongue and then I snorted three lines of cocaine and I feel amazing.
That just sounds terrible.
That sounds like you're just smelling like pizza sauce.
Well, I just wonder, why have they become?
You know who's silent during covid?
Married people and oils people?
Because where are all the married people with hashtag?
Blessed pictures?
Right, they're not posting anymore, just giving a little shout out to all my married couples, all their cute outings with their family.
Nope, it's not happening.
They're just stuck in the house together and nobody's photographing it.
Because we're you're married and you're married.
Well, and I live with my ex-husband, so I don't know if that counts, but I mean, what do you do to get away from yourselves?
Like mow the lawn for three days, to hide in separate rooms now and then?
Well, I will live in La.
That would mean I have a two-room house that's very prestigious.
Oh, and running water you're gonna rub that in, aren't you?
Electricity, I mean, how do you guys?
Well okay, so I live with my two kids, my roommate and my ex-husband lives in my garage and um, I don't normally talk about that on a lot of it is, and he's a comedian, but he was helping us move.
This is definitely sitcom.
Yeah, he was helping us move and then he's like i'll just stay around for a week because Covet's dangerous him coming back and forth.
But he does a lot of stuff around my house and I got used to having it like he takes all my garbage.
You guys are super valuable.
He like screws things in.
He like fixed the TV.
So now my roommate constantly is like, hey, she'll text Ron.
Hey, can you come in and fix my cable?
My cable's out.
So he's kind of like handy manny.
You know what I mean?
So I don't mind having him around.
I like him.
We're like most married couples.
We live in separate rooms.
Don't judge people.
So, but he's, yeah, we homeschool.
That's a team sport.
I don't know if any of you guys, are you homeschooling?
We are now.
Well, everybody homeschools now, but yeah, we've been homeschooling for, we're hipster homeschoolers.
We were doing it before.
Oh, heck no.
I cheated my way through third grade.
Like I learned how to sign her name.
I learned how to do her math problems.
I learned how to influence her and what to write on the test.
Yeah, it can be pretty easy to do that with the online stuff.
So this year we didn't cheat at all.
And so to be semi-serious on your podcast for two seconds and then we'll go back.
I have a daughter who 10 years ago, and I gave you her DVD.
She was born very sick and she was born with what they said was going to be severe special needs, mental deficiencies, just a lot.
She was going to walk with the walker.
She was just going to be really sick.
And we're people of prayer.
And so we were just like, not today, Satan.
And so we prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.
And it's been an incredible supernatural healing journey.
Her name's Ruby.
She's 10.
She's so healed that she got in trouble for jumping in the boys' bathroom, like over the stalls, which I was like, that's an achievement.
You said she wasn't going to walk.
You know what I mean?
And, but she was born with a chromosome disorder and there's no cure for that.
But just for anybody who's listening, like never stop praying because God never said there's no cure for that.
So it's just been a journey, a journey.
Is she going to pass math?
And we put her in regular school.
She's in a regular Christian school because God's been healing her brain.
And last year, as I was cheating my way through third grade, because it was just hard.
And this year, her teacher called me on Christmas Day and said, I need to speak to you about your daughter on Christmas Day.
That's never good when the teacher calls.
And she said, I want to let you know that Ruby has the highest GPA in the whole class, right?
So in humility, I made a video for all of social media going, who's the smartest kid in the whole fourth grade?
And I did a rap about it to be humble.
And she's like, stop it.
You're embarrassing me.
But I totally became that mom.
I don't even care.
I became that mom that I hate that has that like my kids an honor student bumper sticker.
Like I was like, I'm getting a car wrap.
This is my kids better than you can.
But no, it was such a huge achievement.
I wrote about her in one of the chapters.
But to think that she had been barely passing some grades to having, and I told the teacher, we're not cheating.
That was the point of my story.
We're not cheating at all.
Which is, I know you guys don't think that's a big deal, but it is.
It is a big deal.
No cheating at all.
Like we didn't even like wink at her and she could spell finally.
I can't spell finally.
Like how many N's?
How many N's?
One.
The two L's.
You got to remember the two L's.
So now you guys have to.
I've never misspelled finally in my life.
So now this podcast is heartfelt and funny.
So now you get like all the moms will listen now because we have a sick kid story in there.
Yeah.
We're trying to get the moms.
Do you have the mom?
How do you feel?
Are you reaching the mom demographic?
Because we are.
We got a good amount of moms.
We're the decision makers.
You want the mommy mafia.
We get a lot of like homeschool families that listen together.
Oh, yeah.
That's interesting.
Those poor children.
I'm so sorry for your kids right now that are listening.
But see, here's what's different about moms today.
We're organized and we got Facebook.
Okay.
And that is dangerous for moms to be organized on Facebook because now they can talk to each other.
And then all the crazy moms can talk to each other too.
There's a lot of them.
Plan things, yeah.
It's the internet.
You're crazy, but you were always like kind of isolated and you're crazy.
Yeah, because every town has one or two isolated crazy people, but then all those towns, those crazy people, find each other.
And you know who also we need to worry about?
The doomsday preppers, they're organized.
They're organizing, they're organizing events, shall we say, on Facebook.
And I don't know why Facebook thinks that I need to know about them.
Do they think you get invited to the music?
I do.
Event invite.
I like, I don't know if it's you guys are married.
Do you get those Instagram with a handsome pro?
I get a handsome man profile who's a doctor in Boshwana.
And he'll be like, hey, lovely.
Like, and that's the whole aspect of message.
Yeah, I always write back.
Yeah.
So it's like a woman who looks like a model and it's just like, hi.
Is that a right over?
Like, like, they'll be like, hey, there, lovely lady.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
What is it?
They, what are they reeling you into there?
I haven't got you ever gone down the path.
No.
But I did get asked out by a 22-year-old who was in dental school, which I was very excited about.
But then I realized I can't date someone that legally I could be their mom.
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
Like, not in Alabama.
I could be your mom.
Like, for real.
And he was, he had a skateboard.
And I told my daughter, I'm like, mommy got asked out by a future dentist.
She goes, we're not doing Halloween sugar-free.
You can't marry a dentist.
I'm like, yeah.
You don't want to be that house that's handing out toothpicks and little toothbrushes and brushes.
Well, do you want to be the house that's like Halloween's demonic?
But we're doing it anyway.
We're doing it.
We're saved by grace.
We've had some people like that at church that are like, Halloween's evil and demonic, but we're going to still hand out candy.
We're going to have Harvest Fest.
Yeah, yeah.
The trunk or tree.
We do the trunk or treat.
Yep, we do it.
I don't know.
We had some good discussions about it.
My birthday's on Halloween.
And so I felt like it was like a kid that somebody told me Santa wasn't real.
And don't even think about telling me Santa's not real.
But like, as I became a California Christian and got involved in different churches, I grew up Catholic.
Everything's demonic and Catholic.
We just embrace it, you know.
And so when they started to tell me that Halloween wasn't okay and give me these tracks and these books, it's kind of hard to.
But the problem is, I was on an airplane with my daughter who was four at the time, and she met a yoga teacher.
And so the teacher's like, you're four.
You know, you go to preschool and she goes, what do you do?
And the lady goes, I did yoga.
And Lucy's like, we can't do yoga.
My mommy says it's demonic, right?
And it's like a four-hour flight.
I'm like, mommy doesn't want to work out.
And then, you know, your homeschool community, right?
That word gets thrown around a lot.
I'm sure.
Sure.
We're a little less crazy because it's mostly online.
But you can use demonic to get out of anything.
You can be like, you can't watch TV past seven o'clock.
It's demonic.
Yeah, we don't use that much.
Demonic?
Yeah, I got to use it.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
But our kids.
If you bubble up your kids, the problem is at some point they will go out in the real world and they will realize how much you've been lying.
Yeah.
And then you get in trouble.
And then child protective service just shows up.
I'm not saying I know this by fact, but yeah, I feel like I caught the tail end of the demonic, like Satan craze.
Oh, were you raised that way?
No, but like, like we just had the kind of the after effects of it.
Like I wanted to go play Dungeons and Dragons.
Demonic.
But my parents didn't really think it was demonic.
It was just like, well, we had heard some things decades ago.
And I don't know.
You know, they were like not sure.
And like Harry Potter, Harry Potter.
It's like, well, maybe you can read it.
I don't know.
We'd rather you read Narnia, but I'm crazy about it.
Pokemon.
The Pokemon.
They let me do Pokemon.
I had Pokemon Blue that my parents bought for me.
I mean, I'm like old school.
I'm like garbage pail kids.
Like I'm sure that would have been gremlins.
My entire generation was demonic.
I mean, seriously, there's a lot of drugs.
There's a lot of drugs in 80s.
Look at Sesame Street.
Like, who thought up Sesame Street that wasn't high?
Like, Derby Menson, he's a total hippie.
Yeah, like, there's a bird.
He has an imaginary friend who lives in the garbage can because he's hungry.
There's a guy who eats cookies all the time.
Okay.
Yeah, and Snuffle Up I guess is definitely some kind of acid trip creature or something.
Yeah, Lewis Carroll didn't end that.
Like definitely Sesame Street picked up the torch.
Yeah.
Yeah, when you think back to how strange entertainment was in the 80s.
Have you ever watched 80s cartoons with your kids and see how Jack, like The Last Unicorn or The Hobbit, like the original Hobbit cartoon?
Yeah.
And like The Last Unicorn ends and there's a vulture and he starts eating animals and like my kids are crying.
You know, like, suck it up.
We did.
Like, why is mommy in therapy?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I know.
My dad would have us watch The Secret of Nim.
Yes, I love that.
I like the owls like cranking his head all the way around and munching on rats.
And you're like, oh.
Do you remember Labyrinth with David Bowie?
It's my kids' favorite movie.
You've never seen Labyrinth.
I've never seen it.
It's so good.
It's actually so good.
It's David Bowie as like the demon king and he's like stealing babies.
Yeah.
It's so Christian.
The goblin.
Yes, it's awesome.
But my kids are like, I'm like, you can't watch Disney Channel, but Labyrinth is on, you know.
But it probably is less damaging than the Disney Channel.
Kyle, amen, brother.
I think the Disney Channel is the reason this country's in trouble.
I really do.
I think you got to stop stereotyping and the kids are always lying to their parents in every episode.
It's demonic.
Yes, it's demonic.
They're talking about Disney sitcoms.
Like Hannah, Hannah Montana, and all that stuff.
You know, the little kid sitcoms in the Disney Channel.
But I do think it's worse than a movie that's just got some crazy demon thing.
You're like, oh, that guy's evil.
Because it's just horror movies with demonic stuff are always pretty good wholesome entertainment because it's like really black and white about evil is real.
You have to do something about it.
And usually it has to be some form of prayer or calling out to God.
Yeah, you have to have the, you have to go there.
But the problem is Disney.
It's unrealistic if you don't.
Disney made some jacked up horror movies in the 80s.
And I'm dating myself, but we would go to rent the DVDs.
Like you had to go to the store to get the DVDs, right?
And so my mom would be like, I got you this Disney movie.
It's called Watcher in the Woods.
And it's Betty Davis like drowning this girl in a swamp with like a big stick and then bringing her back to life.
And her name was Karen, but they would write it backwards on the mirror.
I'm so scarred.
That's why I think Karens are messed up.
Yes, Nerik.
See, you just did it, Teeny.
I'm telling you.
That's where that Karen thing got started.
It's from Watcher in the Woods from the Disney.
It all goes back to Disney, Kyle.
You said it here.
It's all connected.
When did Disney start going bad?
Because they had like the, you know, the Don Knots movies and stuff like that.
At what point did it go after you?
70s and 80s, don't you think?
I mean, Herbie Rides Again was fine, but I think after Herbie, they went downhill.
Is that before after the Love Bug?
The Love Bug.
Oh, Love Bug was first.
And then Herbie wrote, and my kids, when I try to show them.
And then Herbie fully loaded, came out.
Okay, that's Disney.
That's not canon.
Do you guys try to show you, like, do you ever try to show your kids old movies that you thought were cool and they annihilate them?
Yeah.
Like I showed Lucy Grease, my favorite, like, rom-com.
And she's like, oh, I get it.
So I need to wear tight leather and smoke cigarettes for a boy to like me.
I'm like, no, you need to dance.
Okay.
You need to dance.
And then she got all the dirty jokes that were in Greece.
Like that, she's like, so Rizzo missed a period.
I'm like, it's a typewriter.
She's like, no, she's pregnant.
I'm like, how do you know these things?
Like, just dance.
Okay.
Just dance.
And then like I showed, you guys are dudes, but you remember Pretty in Pink, Molly Ringwald, right?
So she ends up with like the hot guy at the end, but there's always the friend guy, Ducky.
She's like, why didn't he end up with Ducky?
Like, this is an argument we've been having for 20 years.
Like, women, women are still upset.
We get it.
She should have been with John Cryer, you know.
So, yeah, their rom-coms are weird.
I hate them.
I hate the new rom-coms.
I think it needs to go back to Girl Meets Boy, and she leaves the nice guy and dates the idiot and then rides away.
He just sticks with the idiot.
Well, yeah, but later she's divorced and unhappy.
I mean, you know, it's implied.
Yeah.
That's the dark sequel.
Well, speaking of dark seafood, I'll break some news on your podcast.
You know, Sex in the City is doing a reboot.
Everything is.
It's called Less Sex.
They're kind of old.
Yeah.
They are.
And then what are they going to do about Samantha?
Because Kim Cottrell hates them.
And there's a huge war between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cottrell on Twitter.
Huge war.
So now they're thinking of killing Samantha's character for the reboot.
You heard it here on the Babylon B. Thank you, homeschool moms.
I don't understand where you're speaking Japanese.
Have you watched Sex in the City?
In my 20s before I found Jesus?
Yes.
That's part of your testimony.
That's part of my testimony.
It's like saying I used to deal drugs.
I used to, yeah.
I don't have a dramatic testimony.
The worst thing I ever did is watch Sex in the City.
Did you like the movies?
I did, but it's so funny now that I'm old and cranky.
I won't let my daughter watch anything even close to that.
And then she'll throw it back at my face.
Well, you had Sex in the City.
I was like, that was pre-Jesus.
Okay.
I was finding myself.
Don't bring up my past.
Yeah, my 13-year-old wants to go through something.
So she's like, can I start listening to punk rock?
And because she's cooped up in the house.
Can I cut my hair?
And I go, well, no, you can't listen to punk rock.
But here's a cutlass CD.
You know, here's like Reliant K. She's like, it's not the same, mom.
I'm like, yes, it is.
Reliant K is punk.
You know, have you tried MXPX?
No, are they good?
Yeah, they're good, but they're like, they were like what I was allowed to rebel to.
MXPX.
MXPX.
Because they were like Christian, but didn't really say the word Christian.
Right, this one was trying to be with Reliant K and Cutlass.
Reliant K is a little too inside the Christian.
You know, you got to go out of the bubble.
Because she's comparing it to Green Day and My Chemical Romance.
So, and then MXPX is perfect for that because it's a good thing.
But, you know, they might say the D-word like once every couple of records.
Yeah.
Like, oh, yeah, I'm rebelling.
The D-A one.
But she wants to rebel.
Like, she's dying to rebel.
And she's like, let me go through something.
I'm like, I just cut your hair.
Like, can you really, you know?
I feel sorry for Christian kids.
I mean, I grew up Christian, but it wasn't like a big issue.
But Christian kids today, I think she feels like she can't do anything.
She is restricted way more.
Like, she doesn't have a cell phone.
She's 13.
I don't let her use the internet on her on her iPad.
I'm really mean because I know all the tricks and I've done them all.
And I did tell her that we have an implantation in her right molar where we can track her.
And she's like, no, you don't.
I'm like, try me.
Why don't you try me one time?
We don't even need that anymore.
It's just her phone.
You can track her now.
Well, she doesn't have a phone.
Oh, that's a good thing.
Yeah.
If she travels with the iPad.
Very everywhere she moves.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm past the stage of caring if my kids think I'm cool or not.
How old are your kids again?
12, 10, and 4.
You're right with me because I have 13 and 10.
And like the 12-year-old knows everything, right?
Yeah.
Like about everything.
About everything.
You want to call NASA and be like, would you harvest their brain?
Because they're so smart.
Right.
He's a little dumb.
No, I'm just joking.
He knows everything about everything.
And they're never wrong.
Like, even when you catch them doing something wrong, they're like, ah, and it's like, she's going to be an incredible lawyer.
She wants to be a lawyer.
And you can't let him win.
Right?
Correct.
This is correct.
Right.
Yes.
What was I talking about?
I was, I was saying something about my kids, and I don't remember.
I heard you say they were dumb.
No, no, no, they don't listen to your podcast, do they?
My wife doesn't even listen to my podcast.
Yeah, isn't it funny how you can be in the world of entertainment and the people that are closest?
You do not care.
They don't care.
I was, um, and I think that's good.
I think it's healthy.
Shameless plug.
I did a movie and it was on Amazon and I didn't even know it was on Amazon.
And I had a small part.
But so during Christmas break, I downloaded the movie for my family.
My mother, we were visiting my mother and I played my scene.
And my mother goes, Oh, I go, That's it.
Like, not even, oh, that's nice.
She goes, oh, I go, that's all you have to say.
She goes, you're in a movie.
Like, literally.
And then my kids were like, that's cool.
Like, literally, and walked away.
But you just said shameless plug, and then you didn't tell us the name of the movie.
Oh, I just wanted to plug that I was in a movie.
Let people figure it out.
It's called the Brennan Manning Story.
It's a Christian movie.
Ragamuffin.
Did you guys see Ragamuffin?
It was the sequel to that.
But my kids don't care, but they do care that I know famous people.
Like, then they care.
Like, I know the Joan.
I knew the Jonas brothers back in the day.
Yeah, that.
Yeah.
I took my kids to hang out with Henry Winkler.
Oh, and they had no clue.
Oh, my gosh, you met the fans.
Stop.
Stop right now.
You met the Fonz.
Yeah.
Was he amazing?
Super.
Yeah, really nice.
Obsessed with him.
He illustrated his book.
That's fine.
He has children's books.
Have you seen the dancing videos of him lately?
He's been dancing on the internet.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So speaking of TikTok, my daughter was like, You should go on TikTok.
And I go, There's predators.
She goes, Mom, you're not exactly what the predators are looking for.
How do you feel?
Predator for everything.
How do you feel about TikTok?
Because I sort of, I don't sort of hate it.
I do hate it.
Like with everything inside of me.
Yeah.
I'm kind of fascinated by it.
Oh, I like not that I love it, but I'm fascinated by what it's trying to do and then like how horrible it is for your brain.
Well, it's horrible for anyone that tries to put out produced content in another place because all of my friends that have tried to transition to TikNAC, we have a competition.
Like I'm winning.
I have 21 followers on TikTok.
But you could eat an apple wearing a thong and be a middle-aged mom and have 4 million or be like, my cat just died, make this go viral.
And then it goes viral.
So I am fascinated by it.
Yeah, that's fast.
That fascinates me.
And then I'm fascinated by the, hey, he's my grandpa.
No, he's really my dad and they're dancing together videos.
Like, I'm fascinated by all of these concoctions of entertainment.
But as an entertainer, it's insulting.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Sorry, that Sam Rando's just in his bedroom and he's like, Yeah, he's going to get a sitcom.
Like, he will clearly get a sitcom on NBC.
Right.
And that you're just producing content for this site because no one's ever going to leave TikTok and go see your thing.
And what does it mean that you have a million TikTok?
It's not monetized.
Yeah, you can't do anything.
Because all anyone's ever going to do is be like, oh, that's funny.
Like, next video.
They're never going to go like, I'm going to.
I guess they might like subscribe to your Patreon or something.
Okay, so I'm dumb enough to go to Instagram and try to follow them.
They don't have followers on Instagram.
It's a weird you're producing content for them.
So TikTok can make money on it.
You know what it reminds me of?
It reminds me of people that go, and if you do, excuse me, but it reminds me of people that go to Renaissance fairs every year.
Do tell.
Are you laughing, Kyle?
I've been to Renaissance.
It's a world of its own, and they have a hierarchy and they have cool people and they're all within the world of each other.
And they eat the turkey bones and they slay each other.
And they don't care what the world thinks because within the Renaissance world, they have each other.
And that's how I feel about TikTok, except they're growing and there's going to be more of them than us.
Yeah.
We're all going to be thrown in the TikTok gulag.
Oh, wait, you guys, I have an idea, political idea.
All the people on Parlor that are getting shut out should go on TikTok.
Turn TikTok into the conservative.
I think all the conservatives should start infiltrating TikTok with our conservative TikToks.
I think we have a tough time staying within the one-minute boundary or whatever it is of TikTok.
You're not wrong.
Are you alright?
The 37 points of how Donald Trump is really secretly winning the election.
I was on Parlor for one day and then I was like, I'm bored.
Yeah, I have a tough time on Parlor.
I can't even design very figure out what the feed is.
It makes you work too hard.
You have to find people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's poorly designed.
And it's just the problem with any social media.
Until you have a critical mass of people, no one's going to use it.
You could have the best program in the world.
Yeah.
And they don't.
So I think I'm going to stay with the heathens on Facebook.
I feel like my people are Instagram.
Instagram's for people that can't read.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like they just post a photo.
Those are my people.
And I love food.
So I feel like every time you have a guest on the podcast, you should go through their Instagram because you can tell a lot about a person by what they follow.
It's not, don't look at what they post.
Look at what they follow.
Yeah.
Mine is all slow cookers.
Everything is because I was on that COVID diet, the whole body challenge, which is how much food am I eating in my whole body every day?
Like how much food can I load up?
So I've been eating like a Wisconsin, like a Midwest the way I was raised, which is like, let's put spaghetti and cheese and sausage in a crock pot and then bake it.
And just see what happens.
Cover it in cheese.
Everything's covered in cheese.
Yeah, yeah.
All got to hold it together.
I feel like by the time I discover a social network, it's already like the kids have left it.
You know, like I'm old.
I'm at that age where I'm like, oh, TikTok, interesting.
And now they've already found something else that I don't know about yet.
Yes.
I never did the snap.
I never did Snapchat.
I missed that completely.
Me completely too.
Because I figured I didn't need a unicorn horn to be pretty.
Like I was like, if you're like, if you're a single girl and you're trying to meet guys and you're like, you know, it'd be great if I look like a donkey.
So then you're meeting at the coffee shop and the guy's looking for a donkey, right?
So that's.
I'm a total freak.
He's like, oh, yeah.
He's like, she's a fairy godmother.
It sells on her profile.
So I, I don't know.
I think Facebook should stay around because all my baby pictures are on there of my kids and I didn't do scrapbooks.
I just tagged them.
Yeah.
I'm just like, I cared about you.
Look at.
Yeah, we had the scrapbook for, I think, our first.
And then I don't think we did it.
Oh, wait, Kyle, here, I'm going to hook you up.
Facebook has this thing where they will capture your year and they will mail you a book.
Really?
A fury.
Yeah.
So, and then now they have one that they capture the decade.
And so you could go in there and see what your decade looks like.
It's all pictures of food and my kids.
That's all it is.
Yeah, I always like kept really well.
Every year I'd make a photo book for our family of all the pictures from our phones.
And I just realized that I haven't done that in the last like three years.
I got catching up to do.
And by the way, they have services that will do it for you.
So it's so easy now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm already, I'm a graphic designer and stuff.
So I'm picky.
So it drives me nuts to just auto-generate, but I do let it like auto-generate.
Then I go in and tweak it.
If you could see the calendar I made my dad for Christmas, we would not be, you would be appalled at me.
I did a picture calendar with no graphic design skills whatsoever.
A lot of comic sans and just a lot of emojis.
Lots of people.
Love you, dad.
The reflecting water effect.
I know.
I just feel like people with graphic design skills, does it bother you to see all the horrible things that are out there?
It's only if it's my stuff.
I don't, I get kind of, I'm not like that.
I'm not one of those type of people that gets angry about that kind of stuff.
I recently, I'm always late.
Kyle, you know, I said I'm late to the party with technology.
I discovered gifts a few years ago way after everybody.
So a good solid six months, I only communicated in gifts.
Like, and I would get kicked off mom's clubs all the time because they would be fighting.
And I'd be like, I'm going to post the gift eating popcorn now.
Or like, I have so much joy in gifts.
If we just communicate in gifts, I'd be happy.
Yeah, that's how I am with emojis.
Like, I just recently discovered that.
I was like, hey, smiley, sad, you're crying.
I never used emojis until I met the Babylon B guys and they all use them a ton.
So we're just, we're like a decade behind.
Like the worst confession ever is I thought LinkedIn was called Lindakin for like the lunch.
Like for real, I didn't even know what it was.
And I was like, that's that Linda Ken thing.
It's all the kids are doing it.
I'm so lame.
I'm not even like, I feel like I'm too young for LinkedIn.
I'm too old for TikTok.
So I'm Instagram all the way.
Like, here's what I had for lunch, people.
We were watching Cobra Kai and my 14-year-old daughter.
There's like a scene where the kid is teaching, I can't remember any of the names, the blonde-haired instructor, main character.
Johnny.
Johnny.
He's teaching the kid the Miguel or the Miguel.
Okay, yeah.
He's teaching him how to use Facebook.
Oh, yeah, I was teaching Johnny.
So unrealistic.
He wouldn't be on Facebook, the kid.
He's on the high schooler.
Oh, I know.
They're all.
So I let my 13-year-old watch season one of Cobra Kai.
I'm just confessing to this to all the homeschool moms.
And so I let her watch season one of Cobra Kai.
And we were at Knott's Berry Farm this summer.
They shut the park down, but they had a food tasting.
So of course I went and took my children's lives in their hand.
It was all food, no rides, which is my favorite theme park.
It's like the best thing ever.
No, you had a ticket and you would go to the booth and they would contact List give you all these food tastings.
Okay.
So she got in a fight with the 10-year-old and she used a expletive word that I've never heard come out of her mouth.
And I mean, have you seen the movie Christmas Story where the voice, I was getting a bar of soap and like shoving it in her mouth.
I'm like, where did you learn that?
And I'm like, Cobra Kai.
So I could have grounded her for six weeks, but the worst thing I did is like, no more Cobra Kai.
And she's still so angry.
But then I was like, I can't, I secretly want to let her watch it because she's super into the story, but I can't because the language is atrocious.
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
It is.
It's true.
I was just thinking that my 10-year-old's been, or he's 11 now.
He's been watching it.
And I was like, thinking, he's not imitating it.
Good job.
As long as you keep that up, you can't.
They can't watch anything.
She learned her first swear word from Goonies.
Yeah, Goonies is pretty bad.
I know.
Back in the 80s, yeah, that's the thing.
A lot of movies for kids, they'd sneak all the stuff in there.
Like, why?
I don't even know if it was sneaking, right?
It wasn't sneaking.
That was part of what they did.
And even every RA movie had to have some kind of sex scene, just even completely out of place.
Or just a naked woman pops up randomly.
And it's, do you ever watch those old like 80s movies that we were really, really young, but they stayed around like the John Candy movies and the Dan Ackrid?
They're super dirty.
Like I watched Summer Rental with them and there's like total, I don't know how that got a PG rating in any way, shape, or form.
Yeah, Ghostbusters has like, well, probably can't even say it on this podcast.
Have I said a lot of things on this podcast I'm going to get in trouble for?
I said that I watched Cobra Kai.
You're going to get hate mail for that.
We're going to bleep out cocaine.
But other than that, you're.
I didn't say I did cocaine.
No, I know.
My friend did.
But you said the word cocaine.
We can't say it.
Oh, that's like home.
I was telling you.
I'm just joking.
We can leave it in.
Leave it in.
Have you ever had a guest that you got like massive hate form?
Well, just I'm saying it was like so over the edge.
When most upset people get, our audience gets really upset about Trump stuff, right?
So like Trump bashing.
Yeah, because we had Jonathan Goldberg on and he's an anti-he's not a big Trump fan.
So we got a lot of hate for that.
See, the thing that I like to do is when I, if I ever had any sort of altercations, like my brother is a very, very liberal, agnostic social worker in San Diego.
And we gotten some sort of, you know, when you're an adult with your siblings and years go by and you don't have a fight, you just have some like raging fight.
We had this raging fight a few years ago over nothing, but I think it was 20 years of pent-up energy and the worst thing at the end of the day, I voted for Trump, right?
And it was just like his head exploded.
He starts spinning.
Like it was like, I feel like if there's one thing you could say to just put the anchor in the coffin of something, I'm a Trump supporter.
And my neighbors would, I mean, I could not tell my neighbors in LA.
No, you cannot tell the neighbors because they have all the signs and I'm sure there's some sort of like button they would push and my house explodes.
Like I'm sure.
It already got and your insurance has nothing.
Yeah, I can't.
You need to move down by me.
I know.
I think I have block parties.
We have Trump block parties.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Well, my parents live in Georgia, so I know what that's like.
But so my brother, I mean, seriously, with families today, my mother had to bribe him for Christmas.
We traveled.
We're evil people.
But so I went to see my parents and she said, if you say one word, Mark, one word, there's no Santa for you.
You know, and he's like 35, but he's like, okay.
But no, seriously, she was like, don't say.
And the whole thing is, it'll upset your father.
It's going to upset your father.
But families are being torn apart.
I mean, he turned on CNN.
I thought my mom was going to lose her mind.
Like, she was like, we don't get CNN here.
Get that Fox News back on.
But now that's even evil.
That's demonic.
You want to talk about demonic?
Now it's Newsmax.
Yeah.
So, but now lately, I don't know when this is going to air.
My friends that are Uber, Uber, Uber Trump supporters and Uber, Uber, like, it's not over.
Like, he's got, like, I get a lot of YouTube videos.
And this is my favorite one.
I got one.
And there was this guy.
And he goes, I just want to let you know.
And he's in a private jet.
This is just yesterday.
And you guys are going to have to look it up.
Trump is going to be your president for four more years.
I have some very high intel meetings.
And I go, oh my gosh, Jake, this is amazing.
Is he a prophet?
And she goes, No, he's the my pillow guy.
He's the my pillow guy.
We had him on.
We had him on this pillow.
So he's meeting.
Well, you can edit that out, but he's doing videos.
Yeah, no, I see that's the one in the plane, right?
I thought it was like text chats or somebody.
I thought it was like he's a wild character.
He is a character.
How did you get him?
Is he Christian?
Yeah, we just emailed him and said, You want to come on?
Oh my gosh, that's amazing.
Was he awesome?
He was the absolute like most wildest interview we've ever had.
But how is he telling me Trump's going to be president and he's got some high intel meetings?
There's just a fervor of people that, because we have a buddy, Doug Tenapel.
He started on his YouTube channel.
Just he only started only talking about Trump will win and talking about all that kind of stuff, like secret things about a Trump will win.
His YouTube channel shot from like 2,000 subscribers to like 300,000.
But wait, you guys, what if he is secretly a spy and he's a secret KGB agent and he secretly knows a bunch of stuff that we don't know?
The pillow guy.
My pillow guy.
And the pillow thing is a front.
Yeah.
He can't.
What if it's a front?
Pillow murderer.
For his.
We asked him about that.
We asked him if his pillows could be used to kill people.
And he said, no, they're very breathable.
But wait, wasn't there a spy movie about that guy in the 70s who hosted the gong show, but he was secretly a spy?
Do you guys remember that movie?
I'm not old enough to know that.
Yeah.
So maybe my pillow missed that in history class.
But my friends are sending me some really select YouTube videos right now.
Yeah, that's all I've done.
I did get a lot of that.
My mother-in-law was at the Capitol.
She sent me all this stuff about Antifa and all this.
Yeah.
I mean, I am openly a Trump.
I am openly a conservative.
I'm openly a Republican, but some of my kids' friends, my friends, have taken the wagon, pulled off, went into a forest, and never to be found again.
Like they're so off the wagon.
Right.
And I don't want to offend them by saying I don't agree with, because I've already offended all my liberal friends.
So I'm stuck in a bubble with like four people.
You know what I'm saying?
They're all in this room.
Yeah.
And we're all just, you guys, don't we just have our heads down?
We're like, ride it out.
Just ride it out.
Just ride it out.
Mario Marilla says it's going to be okay.
I mean, there's like two people I listen to.
I'm listening to the My Pillow guy.
So I'm on his side.
I cannot believe that you guys know him.
And he was on my YouTube.
The rough thing about it is, yeah, his connection was terrible.
And the guy was making so much money or a billionaire.
And he's like talking to us on his iPad, you know, like walking around like 1G or something.
He's like staring up at his nostrils.
It was wonderful.
He was like talking to your old uncle.
Yes.
Can you tell us?
Can you give us some advice on how to act on soap operas?
Yeah.
You have to learn.
You have to learn really big words because when I was on General Hospital, the actresses were having trouble.
And the director would literally come down.
He's like, Jessica, the word is the.
Okay.
And she's like, I can't.
I just can't.
And then my favorite was the crew because they've been there 20 years.
They're all chain smoking.
They're like, is it five yet?
Is it five?
And then it was sort of a grind, but yet I was perky and 22 and happy to be there.
But then the huge difference, just the huge difference is working with Jay Leno and when you work on a comedy set.
And I have lots of juicy gossip about him, but he's just delightful.
You know, he wears the same shirt every single day to work.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
All this juicy gossip will be in our subscriber portion.
Oh, coming up shortly.
Okay.
So I mean, well, they're quirky things.
Like he wears the same denim shirt and the same denim pants, but he has 10 pairs, but it's the same exact because he's superstitious.
He's never spent a dime of his tonight show money because he thinks he's going to go broke.
So he only spends money.
And when my dad met like a paper out on the side?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, he does stand up for like 150 grand a night.
So I think he's okay.
So my dad met Jay Leno when I was like 12.
And he goes, my daughter wants to come to LA.
Can I have your autograph?
So he wrote me a note and it says to Carrie, come to LA.
We'll make movies.
Love you, Jay.
So it was like a great story of coming of age.
But he's so nice.
He's just so incredibly nice.
But back to my point, the set on that show, when here's some more juicy gossip.
When the strike happened, we were trying to save this for the subscriber portion.
When do I tell the juicy gossip?
You can tell now.
You can tell me.
When the strike happened back in 2008 and the writer strike, and there was a lot of strike, Jay Leno said, I will give my salary to the crew so that we keep like these are.
And so you would go on the set and they would not tell you who the guest stars would be.
But if you were nice to the hair and makeup people who are always in a good mood, another thing about Jay is he shakes everyone's hand every single day.
Every single day he says, Jay, yeah, we know you.
We know who you are.
You're Jay Leno.
But he shakes your hand and says, Thanks for being here.
But there were a couple times where in my dressing room one day was going to be JFK Jr.
He was coming at one and my segment was at 11.
And I just happened to be hanging around the clock.
You know what I'm saying?
I just happened to be on the couch.
But you never knew who was going to walk through that door.
It could be John Travolta.
I met John Travolta and I did the same thing that I did to you when you asked me for the headlines.
He was like, hello, how are you?
And I was like, like nothing.
But it was just a joyous, that's why I love comedy.
The crew is laughing.
Everybody's laughing.
My first, one of my first sketches, I played a Jerry Springer contestant, and we had to do a fist fight with each other.
This girl, Dahlia, and I, and we were just really enthusiastic about being on the show.
And so she pulled my hair, throws me off the chair.
We go into a full role around fight, like a real fight.
Yeah.
And then Jaylena was on set.
They're like, print it, take one, we're fine.
And then, like, I still have the scar in my ankle from her heel because we were like, so excited.
But just a completely different vibe, shall I say, from doing the heavy drama sick.
But the food is really good on the soap opera sets, but the actors can't eat it.
So yeah, you can't eat that.
No, but it's really funny because they want actors to be skinny, but the food on sets is like, you know, donuts and hoagies.
And I mean, I might have gotten caught putting some in my purse when you're a starving actor.
You're like, these are real sobboy sandwiches wrapped.
I'm taking them.
So isn't like, I mean, you're openly Christian and conservative.
You have that, because I know in Hollywood, because I've done some work in Hollywood, like there's the relationship before they realize you're that.
And then sometimes you kind of like realize, oh, they know now.
Or have you ever had that shift?
Or, or do you have good relationships in Hollywood that fully know you in that space?
And like, it's totally open.
And even though they completely disagree, like, I feel like that's the hardest thing to find in that culture.
It's like, it's very, if you don't think like we do, then just either be quiet or I've had to turn down things.
My daughter, my little girl, got offered a sitcom and an Academy Award-winning movie.
And we turned both of them down.
And the sitcom was produced by Ron Howard.
And it wasn't even real.
It didn't end up.
It was a juicy gossip.
It was Sarah Silverman was doing a sitcom and Lucy was going to play the daughter.
And it wasn't overtly dirty, but the first three pages were enough that we were like, Sarah Silverman.
Sarah Silverman.
And just to be open on your podcast, every single time she would get cast for something, it was always like the daughter of the gay couple.
And I have no problem with her playing the daughter, but I was like, I see where this is going.
And she was like four or five.
She was a child auditioning at the time.
And so when we turned them down enough times, the agency dropped her because they, and then one time I was in talks to get my own sitcom and they loved this character I was doing, the Christian girl.
And they're like, you know what we want for episode one?
This is true.
We want you to get a boob job.
We want you to get a boob job.
And then we'll put it on the show.
And then I'll be like, am I still Christian?
And I really wanted them to pay for my breast enlargement.
But that's hilarious.
That really speaks to things that we Christians would actually do.
Yes.
I mean, it's just so real.
Don't you notice when Christians are on TV, they're the biggest dumble wits, like pastors?
Like that movie with Toby Maguire was playing the pastor and the one where her son almost, her son got flatline and Chrissy Metz had to bring him back.
No idea.
But they just don't represent them in the greatest light and they don't know how to write Christian characters.
But so I've had to turn more things down and then they'll say, or one time I was at the Hollywood improv and I prayed before a meal and I was meeting with some big wig producers and later the guy goes, that was really, that was really out there.
I go, what?
You know how you like prayed before the meal?
Like that was, that was really risky, what you did there.
And I was like, what?
So I've had those, but more so, I've been sitting in a Sony studio pitching a film and they'll go, I love what she does that talk to the God, talk to the God.
I go, prayer?
Yeah.
Talk to the gods.
You should try it.
And then God will open a really cool door.
So, more so on the positive side, I think I've just had a long history of saying no to things, but I feel like God has kept me there because there's a lot of heartbreak.
And I could get on a soapbox for another episode about how many, quote, professing Christians are doing non-Christian material, but yet they're still professing Christians in the public and in the PR.
So then what I say to my friends is, well, you just did that and you just said that.
And there's kids that look up to you and are saying, well, she's a Christian and she just got naked in that movie.
Or she's doing these TV shows that are compromising, but yet they'll go on press junkets and be like, well, Jesus, all the time.
I think you can get away with that if you're a rapper.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a football player.
But behind the scenes, I'm like, do you realize what you're doing?
And they'll say, well, I had to do it.
It was for the show or I had to do it.
So I'd like to end my career someday that God will look at me and I didn't do anything, you know, compromising because I had to.
Like, there's no really raunchy pictures out there on the internet because any pictures I took were before the internet.
So it's fine.
Aren't you glad?
Well, you grew up social media, right?
Your whole time?
No.
Both of you guys, probably.
No.
Internet came out when I was like, I got, I got MySpace like first year of college.
It was like MySpace.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was around the time.
I want to dig up my MySpace profile.
I think it'd be great.
They're all gone.
Dang it.
Tom Nuke.
And MySpace is gone.
Tom Nuke.
Well, you can get MySpace exists, but they accidentally nuked all the old.
They're like, oh, we're moving servers.
We delete everybody's old photos.
Really?
I think they did it on purpose.
What if it happens to Facebook?
Our kids are scratching.
I know.
Better stare to get people going.
Isn't everything on the internet like permanent now or something?
Well, yeah, but usually the Wayback Machine, you can go find it, but I guess whatever they did, you can get it.
What if the Wayback Machine blows up?
I know.
Do you guys ever, I mean, this sounds really pretentious.
I don't know if I do it on purpose, but if you've ever Googled your name, if you ever put your name in Google, constantly.
He's got a program Twitter search that always there is some jacked up stuff that like there's a thing called Wiki Feet.
It's a Wikipedia thing for celebrity feet.
You made it on there?
Yes, thank you.
But there's a scared.
And then like there's a photo of me on the street.
Like there's a photo of me standing in front of a store.
Like it's Wiki feet.
Like, so I, and I. Early picture?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look it up, people.
Look it up.
Put it in the show notes.
Or there'll be a headshot of me on eBay and it's on sale for $4 and no one's bid on it.
Not even my mom, you know?
But no, there's some weird stuff.
I think the longer you're in entertainment, there's some stuff that'll, but I married a comic, so my proposal was online because he proposed to me in the middle of my comedy act to the theme from Dirty Dancing, which was pretty epic, even to this day.
I like that.
But no, there's a lot of stuff that you just have to, and you can't touch.
I can't call the WikiFeet people and be like, thank you for this big honor.
Did he catch you like the Dirty Dance?
We did the dance for real.
It's on YouTube.
When we got divorced, I was afraid that I was going to be scarlet lettered by everyone in the Christian.
I really was.
Very, very afraid.
And so I went and made everything private, but it was almost too difficult because there was so much of it.
We toured together.
We toured for millions of people.
And now that we're such good friends, he tapes my videos.
I do these videos called Cooking with My Ex.
And so he's the camera guy and he never comes on camera.
But I'm always like, and my ex-husband's filming.
But people that have followed me for a long time, they know Ron.
And we did not have an angry divorce.
It was more like sad.
So he sort of, I just threw my hands in the air.
It's been six years now.
And I'm like, if my divorce offends you, you probably don't want to hire me, you know?
But I don't support divorce.
I think divorce is horrible.
And God has a funny way.
I prayed when he got divorced.
I said, please don't hurt my kids.
Not that God would hurt my kids, but I said, please don't let my kids hurt.
This is not their fault.
And God heard my prayer.
And now my ex-husband's living in my garage.
So who's doing better?
And not paying rent.
It's crushing it.
Thank you, TikTok.
All right.
Well, we're going to break to the subscriber lounge where we're going to get some more juicy gossip and enough scene pictures.
So here we go.
We're all going to pose our feet.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Oh, you want to hear about when I first met Kirk Cameron?
Yeah.
Yes, we have heard.
Can tell us to.
Okay, and so I was hosting Red Carpet.
I'm going to get in trouble, but anyway, I was hosting Red Carpet and DV interview the whole unexpected.
Like, oh, that guy's hi.
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