The Queen Bees, Destiny, Jess, and Chandra, join their blockheaded husbands, Kyle, Ethan, and Dan, for a great Valentine's Party on The Babylon Bee Podcast. They talk about their spouse's annoying habits, tough guys from San Bernardino getting stabbed, and Kyle's thing for feet. In the subscriber portion, they answer questions taken from subscribers and the ladies are subjected to the world-famous Ten Questions! Chandra is a different color than Dan The horrors of parenting Some of the scariest moments of having children Why a kid will need a rhino leash Relationship Questions Spouse's Annoying Habits Cultivating desire or repulsion Kyle's Thing For Feet Fighting is a good thing Don't leave your meat trash in the sink Tough Guys From San Bernardino Patrick is single, ladies Subscriber-submitted questions Wives Answer The Ten Questions
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth.
With your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon B. Fake news you can trust.
Hello, everyone.
Love is in the air today at the Babylon B because we have brought our lovely wives to join us for the hotly anticipated fan favorite Real Housewives of the Babylon B episode.
So some introductions are in order, I guess.
Yeah, it was just go around because last time it was audio and people need to associate.
We had to kind of, you know, try to convince everybody that we have really gross wives and that one that can see the truth.
They were voice actors.
We didn't hire them out.
So yeah, we were able to hire some stand-in models for our wives today.
So this is my wife, Jessica.
Say hi, everybody.
Hi, everyone.
And three interesting factors.
Oh, yeah, three interesting facts.
We've been married for seven years.
Yes.
Our ninth anniversary of our first date is on the same day as Kyle and Destiny's anniversary of their wedding.
Yes.
This week.
This week.
So, Dan?
This is my wife, Chandra.
We've been married for eight years.
And we have one daughter, Amelia.
And as you can tell, Chandra has a different skin color than me.
This is how he always introduces her at all events.
We brought her in just for the diversity, really.
I'm also Kyle's first cousin, so I get double the benefit.
It is kind of a nice little clap back because I've seen you do that on Twitter.
People will be like, Babylon B is written by white males or something.
And Chandra will go on there and be like, actually.
You guys are inviting me on the market.
I know, but you'll get so many white males.
No way.
You'll give us a little diversity.
This is why Kyle's not the clap back.
Sure.
And here is my wife, Destiny, and we've been married for 14 years almost this week.
That's crazy.
14 years.
And you're like seven years younger than I.
Yeah, we got married.
So you guys got married when you were 12.
Little children.
We were 20.
I think 20.
20.
21.
I was 20 and you were 21.
Yep.
So it was an arranged marriage.
It was an arranged marriage.
We traded four goats for her.
I tried to fight it, but you know.
And my dad was like, no, you have to marry him.
We need the goats.
We need the goats.
We need some goats.
Hard.
Well, got any crazy stories?
Yeah, anybody got any cool stories?
Any cool stories from being married this week?
If this is awkward at all, this is how it is when we interview actual, like, actual people.
They come on.
So this is what we do.
I tell as many Calvin stories as I can, but I don't know if you have any on your mind of the horrors of raising our son.
Well, I mean, I think the most recent thing that I'm having to explain to everybody is why he has a black eye and a busted mouth.
Yeah.
And no, we don't abuse him.
Black eyes knew.
Yeah, he fell at the park, like on a normal, you know, play structure thing and somehow landed directly on his eye on like hard plastic.
And within like moments of him doing it, like it was the type of fall where like the other mothers at the park all went, oh, and like took one step toward him before they saw that I was like coming over.
But yeah, within like a second of it happening, it was like puffed out from his face.
Yeah.
And I was like, well, now Calvin's going to have a black eye.
And his two front teeth are broken.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's like a little pupilist.
I forgot the tooth store.
Told us that his two frontiers are knocked out on his bike.
He's like a bike.
He's riding up.
And one of them was already a crown.
Yeah, we already paid $500 to fix one of those.
He cracked that thing off again.
And the crown shattered into like dust.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can't even find that.
And those ones are accidents, but he does plenty of things on purpose too.
Kicking the dog, strangling the dog.
He likes to put the toilet paper into the toilet and just flush and watch it spin.
The toilet is clogging up almost every day.
So I heard him in the bathroom yesterday and I raced in there just to kind of see because he's very private about his bathroom habits.
So yeah.
So, okay, the toilet paper, there's a very long tail.
It's going out to like out the door.
And he's flushing it.
He's like, look, mommy, the toilet pulls it in.
You know, and he's like, he's just so pleased with himself.
He is, it's like a smart thing.
He's getting curiosity.
There is something Chestertonian to the wonder that he has.
Definitely.
Really Chesterton had Calvin in mind.
He has an unquenchable life force.
That's just how I like to look at it.
He's very curious and he has very low impulse control.
Very low.
So the combination of a three-year-old's impulse, lack of impulse control, plus his innate curiosity has led us into many adventures with this child.
And it's a bad time because he's like, he's the fourth kid.
So it's like the last, you know, each with each kid, you get more lax.
Yeah.
And we should have not been, we needed our, we needed our first kid's strictness with Calvin.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And we just don't want to deal with it.
But then he wouldn't be Calvin if he wasn't like doing crazy stuff and exploring everything.
I found the bathroom covered in toilet paper.
It was all full in the bowl, all down, and then mostly all over in the toilet and soaked around the sides and stuff.
And then on the floor was a wad of toilet paper that actually had been used for the proper reasons, but it was in the improper place.
It was on the floor.
Oh, yeah, fun.
It was all poopy.
I'm just saying.
And there's poop all over it.
It's gross.
I don't know how you deal with it, man.
We just like one-upped everybody on Kid Story somewhere.
I have no more checks.
You were talking about how you had to give your child a heim up maneuver multiple times.
So I want to hear about that.
Emma and Sam, when they were little, not Calvin.
Emmett, when he was like 11 months old, I was like chasing him.
He was like running on the couch and I was like, you know, patting the couch and chasing him.
I didn't even know he had something in his mouth.
And then I just heard this like gulp for a second and he looked at me.
And then thinking that stupid word outsong.
And I looked at him.
And it's the change from his face color is so drastic.
Like it's so quick.
Like whenever I see like movies or shows and someone's choking, they're always like, like breathing.
No, there's no choking is actually silent.
Like it's completely silent.
And, but tears are streaming down his face, you know, and I'm just like, oh my gosh.
And I had been in children's ministry.
So I had to do like CPR classes and all those things.
So I know I just grabbed.
And he was a big boy.
He was like 30 pounds and like 11 months old.
And I just chucked him and just boom, boom.
And it was not like the movies are as funny.
He just vomited, like vomit just flew out.
And I don't do well with vomit.
So I was like, okay, you're breathing.
Wait, it came out and you vomited?
Yeah, like it came out with a vomit.
So I saw what he had found was like a Cheez-It.
And he's not supposed to eat Cheez-Its.
He's only 11 months old.
So he must have found it in the couch cushion where Kyle hides things.
Whoa, whoa.
You hide things.
Hides things.
Well, we talked about that last time.
You're going to have to refer to the first episode if you want the full story on that.
If you haven't watched the first episode, go back and watch the fan favorite.
Mousewives at the bottom on me at this point.
Yeah.
Okay.
So don't explain that.
For like months, we were getting emails.
People are saying, when are you going to have the ones back on?
Yeah.
They didn't want to just.
They loved it.
Okay, what you ask for.
Yeah.
Well, you guys just have one child, Amelia.
Yeah.
Do you have any horror stories?
I don't know.
She just like says she's very, she's very crazy.
She's about the same age as your hyper.
So we have to hide the toilet paper.
And then I never have it on the roll.
And my mom's always like, she puts it back on the roll.
Like, don't know.
And then she just rolls it all off, like right into the toilet or whatever, or like right wherever.
And she'll hide it in her room, just like in a big pile.
And I'm like, why?
Okay.
I don't understand, like, I don't understand the adult hoarding toilet paper.
So, like, when my toddler's doing it, I'm like, and she's not even potty.
She was potty trained, but now she's not.
So she went back.
She's like, not using it.
Yeah.
And I was like, why are why do you have the toilet paper?
I don't understand.
And she's like, mommy, I'm making a rhino leash.
She says, rhinoceros.
And I'm like, we don't have a rhinoceros.
In preparation for the rhino you'll buy with my birthday.
I know.
I mean, I have to consider what kind of dystopia my child will be growing up.
We could all be writing rhinoceroses in the maximum future COVID-19.
That's true.
Amelia will rule us all.
So do we want to do some of these relationship questions that we have?
So these are from what's this card set that you got me for like Christmas?
Yeah, it's called the brand is like it's called the skin deep.
Yeah.
Are we advertising?
There's a lot of different.
I chose the long term long-term couple edition.
That's us.
Yep.
That's all of us.
We all qualify.
Especially you guys.
Long term.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
We're all in on the long term.
To help you get to know your spouse better.
You got at least another five, ten years in us.
That was a joke.
I didn't hear what you said.
Everybody laughed.
Everybody laughed.
All right.
Kyle and Ethan are on more of a wavelength than me and Ethan are.
I know what you're saying.
That's long term.
All right.
Here we go.
What?
Oh, so we have to ask this person.
Well, everyone has to answer these.
Okay.
So, Destiny.
Oh, yeah, did we do this one?
What habit do I have that still drives you crazy?
Do I still have the drives?
I would have to say, recently.
Yeah.
Doesn't matter if we asked this last time.
There's new ones.
Yeah, there's new ones there.
Recently.
This is for the single people to learn.
Yeah.
It's been he always.
No, okay.
There's a couple things.
One of them is, I don't know why, just recently he's been bugging me with how he's chewing.
And I'm like, I need you to not chew like that.
Or you need to walk away from me.
I think that's a product of pandemic togetherness.
And I think hearing that from other couples, too.
It's like, because we're always together all the time.
And I love it.
Like, everyone's like, oh my gosh, does it drive you crazy that he's home all the time?
Are you kidding me?
Like, this is fantastic.
Like, it's great.
But just don't chew.
Stop chewing.
Don't eat.
Abbre.
If you can hold your breath for a while, that'd be great.
I was mouthfully choosing.
Yeah, so he munges, and I'm like, see how we can just like chew with our mouth closed and just like, you know, do it.
I've seen any jerky.
I'm kidding because you've eaten like cheeseburgers or whatever, and you've eaten the wrapper.
I was going to see it too quick.
He's like, and he's joked before.
I just didn't heim him.
Oh, you didn't heim?
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to tell you, her reaction to me choking is totally different from the kids.
When the kids choke, she jumps into action.
So I'm eating like a gumball.
She starts looking at the life insurance policy.
Yeah.
We should opt this on the phone.
Oh, yeah.
I heard a story about that too.
But I start chewing gum and we're walking through the mall or something.
And I go, and she looks at me.
She starts to do that.
But did you do the universal sign for choking?
No, he didn't.
I was doing, I was sure I was reaching down next.
Kyle, next time.
I'm sure I look.
That's the universal sign.
No, it wasn't.
Because possibly, if Destiny won't help you, a stranger might recognize.
So she goes, she starts laughing and she goes, Are you choking on that gumball?
I have a problem.
She starts cracking up.
I have a problem where I laugh in situations I shouldn't laugh in.
So it's really bad.
And sometimes I know I shouldn't have been laughing.
But the girl who walked by after you were okay, she laughed with me.
She laughs too.
So we knew that.
I just managed to laugh.
That's so hilarious.
You almost died.
And I know that it's funny.
I just sometimes I laugh at inappropriate situations.
It's like a nervous laugh.
I do that.
So, and then, but the life insurance thing, I was getting on a plane, and you know, like right before you take off, you do the like, I love you, you know, just in case the plane crashes.
So I'm like, I love you for taking off.
And she replies, have you upped your life insurance yet?
I mean, it's just when you start thinking about it.
Like you start thinking about it when things happen.
Like, oh, gee, thanks.
You just never know.
Wait, you said you had another habit, or was that the only habit you wanted to?
No, when your foot touches me at night.
Oh, that's hilarious because on the podcast, he says that's your favorite thing about being married.
I absolutely had a foot episode.
Yeah.
And he goes, What's the best part about being married?
He's like, at night, when I reach over and just touch her with my foot, and I know she's there.
I hate it.
Stop lying.
She just wants to know that you're there.
I just want to say that.
And then to say, hey, you're there.
I'm like, yeah, I'm here.
She doesn't sleep.
I have some time, so I'm like, awake.
He, it's hard for me to fall asleep.
Very hard for me to fall asleep.
And Kyle's like, it helps me sleep when I touch your foot.
And I'm like, but could you fall asleep without touching my foot?
And he's like, yeah.
And I'm like, okay, I can't fall asleep if your foot's touching me.
Like, I can't do it at all.
You should put a mannequin leg in the bed.
A leg lamp.
We've talked about things like this.
I'm like, why don't you, we get like an artificial leg?
Yeah, I get one made from Japan that's like $6,000, you know, like real life leg.
Maybe it moves a little bit.
I just can't.
I'm like, you have two minutes.
Like, at what point is like a sex doll moral enough?
It was just a leg.
Just a leg.
That's all we need.
It's just a leg.
Come on.
So are your feet touching?
Like, his foot touches your foot?
Yeah, but so it'll first start by touching my foot, but then he'll like try to wrap his leg around my leg.
And I'm like, okay, you are now.
I gave you two minutes.
Well, it's like we're on opposite sides of the bed.
You know, we're both on the edges.
And then I just like take one leg and go, bink.
But then he goes, bink, and then he goes, and he tries to like wrap it.
And I'm like, okay, yes.
How long are these toes?
Well, it's like my whole leg.
So he starts to wrap his leg around my thing, like to choke my leg.
Like a monkey.
And I don't mind cuddling and touching all that stuff while I'm awake.
And that's like, but when I'm sleeping, I'm just like, it's, this is me time.
So that's the other habit.
All right.
Well, we spent a long time on the habits that drive Destiny crazy.
I got more.
I'm sure you do.
I can't think of anything.
I don't let you touch my foot.
It just drives me crazy how beautiful you are.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, maybe this question is like the things I do that still drive you crazy.
I guess the thing that drives me crazy is when you ask me to do something and then I don't get up within like 15 seconds and you just do it yourself.
It's amazing.
That's one of the habits that drive me crazy as well.
Also, when I get up and you ask me to get you a drink of water.
Well, you're up.
And then eventually it turns into like, oh, and then could you like microwave me this?
And then could you?
I just like, I'll stand up to adjust my pants or something.
You know, I'll just stand up to you.
I'll sit you up.
I do get that.
I do like getting you water, but I'm just like water.
If I'm over there in the area of the water, that's one thing.
But it's like if I just stand up for a second and then you just, but I still love you.
I love you.
This is just very mild.
So this is where we say, like, you can touch my foot and you know, then you can get me water.
Oh, without the foot touching, you give me the foot.
That's fair.
You want to shake?
Because I know tonight I'm even like, oh, forget I don't need water.
I know.
Okay.
Well, next couple.
What habit does Dan have?
An updated habit.
Do you remember what last ones were?
Last time?
That's crazy.
I don't remember at all.
I don't remember.
I probably mentioned the vacuum.
Yeah, the vacuums and stuff.
You leave the vacuums out.
Oh, yeah.
I do do that.
House completely spick and span, except she leaves all the vacuums out.
We have one vacuum.
I was going to say, how many vacuums do you have?
We have several vacuums.
We have one vacuum.
We constantly are shuffling through vacuum.
And a mom.
Don't you have the vacuum robot?
I don't know what a vacuum is.
You have the vacuum robot, right?
There's the hand, the little one, the robot, the big one.
I got rid of that.
It just broke.
And Kyle said he was going to fix it.
And I waited 15 minutes, not really.
Yeah, we're on the next six months.
We're on to the next couple for the things that drive them crazy.
Either of you.
What drives you crazy, Chandra?
You are a blanket thief.
That's terrible.
Sad.
That's my wife.
Kyle did that.
Don't think that's accurate, but he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm warm all night long.
Fact checking.
So I'm like really small, and like our bed is not that big.
So we have like a queen-size bed.
And our blanket, so I just think of a blanket as like a sheet of paper.
It just like goes over me.
Dan like wants to be like tangled up in a little paste.
I am waiting for that.
Which is not unreasonable.
You take all the blankets.
But when you curl, the blanket on the other side of the bed comes this way.
You lose surface area.
So I'll be like this with like most of my leg out, just one leg.
And I look over and he's like, and I'm like.
And that is how he sounds.
Yeah, Ethan had to sleep in the same room as me and he had like these noise-canceling ear pods and then the batteries ran out.
Oh, I remember in Florida, right?
Julian and Jessica both asked me what I do for your story.
Oh, yeah.
It's probably like your white noise now.
It's like, you just need it to fall asleep.
Yeah, I have like the little white noise.
No, I know.
Squirt wolfing.
Turned up louder than his snoring.
Well, we shared.
With our daughter.
room so it's like double we have the hatch and then i have the i have like the portable travel one so we just do both so Fantastic.
See, I've never thought of myself as a blanket thief, even though Ethan always says that I am.
But I definitely identify with the wanting to like curl.
So Dan, we may be guilty.
Jess gets like, you know how mothers, like if their child's pinned under a car and they get this superhuman strength to lift the car up?
For her, it's at night when she wraps them in the blanket and I get into bed and I pull a blanket.
While I'm asleep, I realize it only goes to like here.
I'm not doing this on purpose.
I don't wear a lot of clothes in bed, so I look like I'm on like some weird rolling stone cover where like I'm sensuously only showing half my body off.
Somebody here and I'm just trying to like, I just want it to get to here.
So I just need that much more.
And the amount of strength that she has, I'm putting all my, she's like, just pull on it.
I'll wake up a little bit and give you something.
It's like a rock.
It's amazing.
I mean, you can't see the guns, but she hides in one.
Well, Dan, any crazy driving from Chandra?
No, I think I'm pretty happy.
Nothing I can't wait.
Correct answer.
Well, Dan and I were friends for like 20 years before we got married.
So I feel like we both kind of knew.
It's very clear that I do not do not deserve you.
So that you stay around that's pretty good.
Like a full house episode in here.
You can ask my cousin.
You can ask my cousin what he don't you guys have you and her brother talk about her driving a red light through a red light and she's like sometimes I forget my color.
Yeah, we talked about red and Trag yells Treg yells go and so you went well he was like go like confused.
She was like turtling too so like cars were like going.
I don't remember the Treg element.
Yeah.
I couldn't remember if it was Treg or Andrew.
Does he subscribe?
He makes good money.
He should subscribe.
Treg's like really it okay.
Nicole's do I go first or you?
Whoever's got something.
I think the only thing I can think of right now is like I'll cook Jess a meal because I do a lot of cooking in the house and I'll cook one specific like a specific like a plate for her that I'm really proud of how good it is and everything.
It'll be like look really nice and I'll set it there and I'll be like, all right, I made it for you.
And then I'll like sit there for like 15 minutes.
I'm like, your food's ready whenever you want.
She's like, yeah, I'll eat it later.
And she waits till it just sits there and becomes completely room temperature and cold before taking a single bite.
So you don't get like the experience of the.
That's because I'm an intuitive eater.
I eat when I'm hungry.
If I'm not hungry, I don't want to experience the in its full glory.
That's all I do.
That would be hard for somebody who cooks like who's cold.
But once I'm actually hungry, then I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm ready for this.
Yeah.
Because if I'm just eating it then and I'm not really hungry.
Why do we get so cold?
Yeah, it's good.
I mean, she's like, why is this chicken cold and dry?
Like, I just got it.
I never say that.
No, you know.
No.
How does that make you feel, Ethan?
Do you want to express it?
I put my life, my heart and soul into it.
The blanket things aren't really your fault.
your sleep so i think other than that i sleep pretty hard You only think she knows.
She's rolled over like Hammering all the meat.
I should do that.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
The golden spice crew.
Well, possibly, ironically, mine's also food preparation related.
So Ethan's like a pretty extreme carnivore.
So there's like meat involved in almost all of our meals.
And so the packaging that comes on the meat, I don't like meat.
Like if I was a vegetarian, I would be happy.
But I just don't like raw meat.
It's gross.
So he takes the packaging off the meat and just puts it in the sink where it doesn't belong, clearly.
And it's just on a plate?
No, like he like takes like you know the styrofoam off the raw chicken or the whatever.
You know, there's just gross all manners of packaging to the pan.
You know, meat, you know, preparation, packaging.
It's gross.
Okay, so I mean, yes, it's fine.
It's in the sink.
But then he just leaves it there.
So it's yes, I've taken the meat packaging out of the sink like countless times because I'm just like, this is nasty and it's got to go.
And I'm the only one.
And then when you're like carrying it to the trash, it's like all dripping the meat, disgusting meat juices.
And I'm just like, but notice you didn't mention my feet.
Oh, that was last year, yeah.
Yeah, because I've taken care of my feet.
We should have done an update.
Moderately better.
Moderately.
And moderately improved.
That was probably the grossest story.
I'll show them off right now.
From last year, that was the grossest story.
I got smooth feet now.
I'm proud of it.
But I put crap on them like three times a day.
We've traded the dry, flaking like snow flurries for like the bloody, bloody fissures because you let your feet get so bad that the calluses are like cracking.
That's what led to it.
I was starting to get open wounds on my feet.
So I was like, I got to do something about this.
And he describes it as a puppet's mouth.
That's how he describes.
He's like, yeah, when I walk.
You turn those little bags into a puppet, the way like the flap on top opens up.
That's how he describes it.
Like a puppet's mouth.
He doesn't like my description.
I'm not someone.
Obviously, I'm a nurse.
I don't get grossed out by blood.
He tells this story about this graphic story about a time he stabbed himself with a pair of scissors.
And the way he tells it, it turns my stomach.
Like, I'm like, you have to stop.
Like, blood does not bother me at all.
Somehow, the way he describes it, and when he called the literally, like, the fissures on his feet puppet mouths open and close when he walks, I was like, I'm like, damn, you're not alone, Jess.
We tell Ethan to stop every day.
Sexy, Ethan.
Ethan, Ethan, you have to stop.
Yeah, we've just never, a lot of us have a filter.
He doesn't want that.
I'm like, are we trying to cultivate desire for each other?
Are we trying to repulse each other?
Like, what are we trying to do in this marriage?
And how does that make you feel?
How did you become the psychologist of the show?
I'm in the right spot.
So I just, you know, the hostode is brought to you by faithfulcounseling.com.
Have marriage problems.
All right, what else we got?
What has grown in our relationship over time?
Well, I'm about 60 pounds heavier.
60?
When we got married, I was 140 pounds.
Tiny little kids.
But he was kids.
I was like, really.
The guys in the camera are like very bad.
It was way too skinny.
We got to throw up that picture of our engagement photos that we have.
Turnip.
The pedophile.
I'll pass it around and we'll throw it up on the screen.
What?
It does look like that.
I had told him, don't.
You need to not with us.
It's not a potato.
I know exactly.
You guys get a pedestal.
I was there.
Oh, my goodness.
It's sad.
And then I.
This is your engagement photo, man.
This isn't our engagement photos.
This is just photos.
It was kind of like our engagement.
Probably not our official engagement photo.
But we got engaged and then we were like, well, let's take pictures.
That wasn't even cool back then.
No, it wasn't.
Is that your real hair?
He had like a goatee thing that Jen has now.
And he thought, I'm going to shave it for the wedding.
And the shirt is going to be a little bit more.
But he didn't shave the mustache.
And I was like, oh, that's where we're going.
So I didn't have it like a pay-do-stash for our wedding.
No, you didn't.
Not for our wedding.
I thought I had the stick.
Oh, I did not have the stash.
No, and you've got like the one eye covered by the hair, so it looks even more.
She would have just been a little bit more.
I can't hear how you're scary.
Like under that hair, there's so much hair.
You can picture that guy in your bushes at night.
Like parking or like looking through your window asking your daughter out.
Yeah, you look extremely Mexican in that picture.
He was trying to test your family.
He's like, hola.
Brutal.
Just absolutely brutal hole.
You look so like Kyle.
So what has grown in your relationship over time?
Yeah.
You're just facial hair here.
You have facial hair.
Yeah.
What else?
I don't know.
I think, I don't know, talking to each other now.
Like, I used to be so, I'm like a one and done kind of person.
Like, if you make me mad, I'm just like, nope, I don't want to talk to you again.
We're done.
And obviously, you can't do that in marriage.
Yeah, we'll go through the Wendy's drive-through, and the person will start talking like, hey, welcome to Winnie's.
And she goes, don't like her.
I am very good at Mexico.
I was like, what?
She's very intuitive.
Like, she just knows, don't like that person.
And I have been right a lot of the time.
I have.
Yeah.
Hey, guess who Destiny got a really good feeling about the first time she met her?
Who?
I did.
Just saying that?
No, I did.
I told you that.
Yeah.
Like, I told her.
I was like, I liked you.
She's like, I need more chests in my life.
Tell us your gut reaction.
Everybody in this room.
I'm here, aren't I?
No, but it's true.
You don't shut down as much when it's me and you.
Like we get in a fight.
Yeah.
And now I'm just like, and if we do like get an argument, I just say, like, you need to give me a little bit to be mad so I can just be mad.
Because Kyle is always like, let's talk, let's fix this.
And I'm just like, you need to let me stew for a second.
And then I'll start to think about it.
And I'm either able to apologize or, you know, most likely accept an apology.
Because, you know, that's just how things go in your relationship.
But yeah, so I think that is something that has grown.
Agreed.
Anyone else want to answer?
We can always pop to the next question if no one's got anything.
I mean, probably our way of handling conflict has grown and changed over time, for sure.
We never had conflict when we first got married.
Hardly.
Yeah, kind of.
We got married in the middle of.
The fact that we actually fight now is actually a good thing.
In a way, yeah.
Did you guys all have like the same misconception before you got married?
Like, oh, we'll never fight.
Whoa, we're, you know, like, I always had like this naive thing, like, oh, well, we'll figure it out.
Other people don't know what they're doing.
And then when I got married, I'm like, oh, yeah, everyone's going through the same exact thing.
Yeah.
I don't think we ever had that, like, saying we'll never fight because we had had arguments and we had a hard engagement.
So we had had arguments in our engagement, but it was easier, I think, getting married.
I'm not against fighting.
I think that having arguments is a good thing.
At least you're trying to fix it.
But it was easier having arguments as we were married because there's nowhere else to run to.
Because we didn't live together when we were engaged.
You know, we waited until we were married, but he, if we were arguing, he's like, oh, I have to go home, you know?
And I'm like, well, now I get to stew for 24 hours until I see you again.
And it's going to be even worse then.
So now it's like we're home and we'll talk until three in the morning if we have to, you know.
Now you're married and you say, now you're in my house.
Now you're in my house.
The inability to like escape in some way.
I mean, I don't mean that in like a weird way.
Like I'm trying to.
You know, we get into the space.
Like, I'll take the kids if you need me to, or you let me go, whatever.
Yeah.
But yeah, just being like, you're with this person all the time.
Yeah.
It's nothing you can really explain.
You have to experience it.
It's something that it's new.
You know, you, yeah.
Like you have to just learn from that.
It's hard.
Yep.
Are you sitting over there laughing?
He is.
Well, by the way, we need to fix Patrick up.
Do you guys have any ideas?
He's kind of said he's willing to convert.
So.
Convert to what?
Oh, he's a convertible.
Oh.
I know.
I'm willing to convert it down.
I think if the girl's hot enough, like, he would probably convert.
Any guy would.
I mean, let's be honest.
No integrity.
All right.
What else we got?
What have we achieved together that we could not have done alone?
There's that guess.
Children.
That's kind of where my mind went.
Yes.
Right.
I think not just children, but like you wouldn't have been.
I think we've talked about this before, like where you were working out before this.
It's like you had to get that job because we were getting married, you know, and then through that, like he just had this really stressful time at Western Wild Works and then he found something Adam Ford.
He started writing because like, you know, we were poor when we were young, when we first started getting when we were first married.
And it was like he's doing like side writing jobs like for video games or what were you doing?
Yeah, video games, board game reviews.
Reviews and stuff.
And that just upped his writing and writing and writing, which he would never have maybe done if we weren't like, you know, struggling 20-year-old who were married.
Yeah, it's true.
Having to provide for a family pushes you to do things that, yeah.
That's true.
You can send your first kid right away, too.
And we got pregnant seven months after we were married.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, which whatever.
My kid will be 18.
I'll be 40.
You know, going on a cruise.
We did the early kids strategy of like as early as possible.
Yeah.
We still like our Calvin is four, so 14 years.
How old will I be?
I'll be 30.
I'll be 48.
Yeah.
And we're still our last kid's out of the house.
Yeah.
Unless you got any deadbeats to hang around.
Yeah.
No, we're kicking them.
We're kicking them out.
Even if they do hang around, I'm still going to leave them.
Yeah, but we can still like go on kids.
Yeah.
For sure.
What else we got?
Let's do like one more, maybe two more, and then we'll jump to subscriber ports.
Oh, this one's great.
I've got like double five.
What's the most uncomfortable situation my family put you through?
And what did you learn from it?
Oh, dear.
This is like when we put our guests on the spot with the 10 questions.
Yeah.
So this is not an episode I'm sharing with my family.
Guys, watch this episode.
We can't upload this to YouTube.
This is all going to be subscribers.
You can insult our entire family.
You insult everybody.
Or you can be juiced to yours.
I know the first time I met Jess's family, it was all.
So Jess had been through a pretty brutal divorce.
Everybody was very defensive of who she would be the next guy in her life.
She'd gone through hell.
And so I met everybody this trip I took up to Nashville with them.
And I remember I got left alone with all the uncles and in-law dads and all the men.
That was probably intentional.
And I'm just alone in this back porch.
And her sister's father-in-law looks like Teddy Roosevelt, but manlier.
And he has big mustache, little glasses, you know, giant square jaw, early guy.
And he's like, what are your intentions with Jessica Ethan?
Full-on, like, they just all just stared me down and made me explain my intentions.
Yeah, everybody was very protective of me.
Yeah.
Although I did my best to answer, but they seem to like me.
Yeah, they do.
They still do.
They like me.
And he even worked my family into the proposal.
I did.
I told that story in the subscriber portion.
I remember.
Yeah, my family loves Ethan.
If I'm like talking to somebody, like my sister, like my mom and my grandma, it's like Ethan, they're like, just saintly.
They just love Ethan.
Yeah.
So if I try to say something, it's, I mean, there's a reason why.
I mean, if you evaluate the mental state he's been in lately, it's just, it makes sense why you would have said that.
Like, you know, they're like trying to get away from me.
If I say something, that's what my mom did.
Like, if I say something negative about Ethan, they're like, hold up.
Let's think this through.
Like, what did you say maybe that made Ethan?
Destiny would call her mom and be like, oh, you know, we're fighting and your mom was like.
No, it wasn't even.
I joked.
Like, I joked to my mom and I called her and I was like, hey, I'm leaving Kyle.
And she's like, you idiot.
And I was like, first of all, like, how do you know?
You're such a boron.
What are you doing?
And I was like, wait.
Like, doesn't he say, did he beat you?
Like, did he cheat on you?
What happened?
It's just like, you are so dumb.
And I was like, oh my gosh, first of all, I'm kidding.
I was like, second of all, wow, I know where we stand.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't know about like uncomfortable situations, but I know that like her family's Mexican.
And this is not a related statement.
Her family's Mexican.
And they just had a different sentence.
Hold on, there's a pause.
Probably not related if you're saying it.
There's a pause here.
There's some people that had recently gotten out of prison and all this.
And her family connected with them.
We love them also.
And no, but I've grown to love her family events are wild and I love them.
Yeah.
I've been at some of your family events where you guys got quite a diverse group.
Yeah, you guys have all lots of fireworks going on.
Her cousin burnt literally in figurative.
They burned his face off.
But I also had Destiny going all like street on everybody.
I have to get Richard burned his eyebrows off.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
He glided all his time.
He was very enthusiastic about the 4th of July.
And then he, Ben and Daniel almost blew himself up.
And then, yeah.
Daniel?
No, not you.
No, they just pointed to him.
That's weird.
Anyways, one time we're at her grandma's house and someone comes knocking on the door looking for someone.
And I don't know if it's a bad situation or something.
Destiny goes and opens the door and she's like, what do you want?
And she walks outside and closes the door and locks it behind her so people can't get in the house.
I didn't know who he was and I didn't know what to do.
He's like fighting off this random.
It was like a friend of a cousin.
I don't know.
It was some.
He was okay.
Destiny's immediate instinct is not like, oh, let's hide and call the police.
She goes out there, she grabs a knife and charges outside and it goes through the work and locks the door behind her.
You don't know how I'm going to do it.
I married Street.
I married Street.
Destiny.
Where am I?
Somebody threw a rock at our window in Tears Anna and I ran out and chased.
Oh, yeah.
Someone like walked by and either like shot a BB or like threw a little rock.
There's like a little crack in our window all of a sudden.
So there's a guy in a hoodie like walking by.
There's this little punk kid.
Destiny grabs a knife and charges outside chasing.
Destiny with the knife.
I witnessed a stabbing one time.
Oh yeah.
I was like telling Ethan about it and he's like, dang.
She was laughing.
It was really funny.
Because this kid was like, there's a group of people and then there was this guy alone and just like at the park right down the street from us.
And he's like, I'm not from Rancho Cucamonga.
I'm from San Bernardino.
You know, and like he's like going into this big posturing thing or whatever.
And this group of people are like, whatever.
So he just keeps going and he's like approaching them like, you know, it's like a group.
So the smallest girl in the group pulls out something.
I don't know.
It might have been a box cutter because it was a tiny, it was a henny cut and just and he's all you know, just starts like screaming.
Like suddenly all the San Bernardino left him.
I don't know where it went.
Like he was so tough when he was just yelling.
And then like this little like five-foot girl was like shut up and just like stabbed him in the gut.
So I'm like, okay, well, I'm a medical professional.
So maybe I should go evaluate the situation.
So he's like on the ground and somebody, some like nice person had taken off their shirt to give it to him to like, you know, hold on the wound or whatever.
The blood's gushing.
And he's like, marshmallow.
I'm going to die.
Like just, you know, complete full hysterics screaming, like hyperventilating to the point where he's vomiting.
Oh, he's so bad.
We're done.
I can't help you.
I'm like, okay, lay down.
And I have somebody like raise his legs because he's like, looks like he's going to pass out, you know, to try to, you know, is there a lot of blood?
Okay, I'm getting there.
So I'm like, okay, buddy, I need to see, like, just lift up the shirt and let me see.
And he's like, I see the line.
What was he doing?
No, he was just being super dramatic.
So me and this other guy who had given him the shirt are standing there and we're waiting for like paramedics to come and stuff.
So he finally just, I like talk him into releasing it just a little bit so I can see.
No joke.
It's like an inch, like one inch.
And there was like nothing.
Like there's no gaping intestines.
There's no, there was nothing.
It wasn't even into the muscle.
It was like a little bit bloody.
And then, so I look at the guy.
I just kind of like started chuckling.
And I looked at the guy beside me and I said, I lost more blood the last time I had a period.
I was like, you are such a punk.
Like, quit.
And then the paramedics cause it even stitch worthy or possibly.
But it was like not even, it was nothing.
It was literally nothing.
I'm like, can you, can we look at this together?
Like to the guy, I'm like, can you look at what you're screaming about right now?
Like, I've had paper cuts worse than that.
Yeah.
You know, like, geez.
I was like, wow, somebody lost some street cred today.
And it wasn't me.
No.
We just laughed at the injured.
He's going to have to.
Things happen around Jess.
He's going to have to be from Urbiside now.
Yeah.
He needs to get immersed in the ghetto because he's not.
We were at that event and the lady just passed out right next to Jess.
Like she's had things happening around her.
Oh, yeah.
I remember.
There's a nurse in the vicinity.
Yeah.
I can figure it out.
Yeah, they're like, it's okay.
I'll just put a guard down.
Happened to my mom, too.
My dad will always be like, she's a nurse.
She's a nurse.
And she'd be like, your mom's like, but I don't want to help.
My mom is kidding down.
She's like, off-duty nurse.
Yeah.
Let's go to the subscriber portion where we're going to get really juicy.
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to answer some questions that our subscribers sent in, and we're going to ask our wives the famous ten questions.
Oh.
Oh, here we go.
By popular demand.
Oh.
Oh, for us.
The 10 questions.
We have like 10 rapid-fire questions.
She doesn't listen to me.
We ask every guest.
We ask every guest.
You know, if you listen to my guests.
Oh, yeah.
I already have them memorized.
I'm sure you do.
I listen to Small Town Dicks.
Yeah, I know.
I got everybody in that show.
I'm like, hey, honey, I have a podcast.
You're welcome.
I mentioned Small Town Dicks, and she just listens to that.
Me and the boys are listening to in the car.
Really?
Yeah.
It's like talking about stabbing, and I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have this in my gallons.
All right, everyone.
Well, thanks for joining us.
May you all have a happy Valentine's Day with your wives or betrothed.
And if you're single, we'll pray for you.
Pray for you.
Patrick's in the same boat.
And if you're Patrick, we're praying for you.
Patrick.
Beautiful Catholic woman in the Southern California area.
Please contact us.
We know on B.com.
If you don't mind really intense laughter.
A little resume for him.
Like on the back.
That is so cute.
Like interest.
And, you know, the whole thing Indian genetic.
It's called the biodiversity.
He's a really great guy.
He's so good.
He's a good guy.
He is a good guy.
Or if you're a Protestant girl, you think he can overpower his.
We're Protestants and we like him.
So that's saying something.
That's how great he is.
You're technically so cute.
Very tall.
He's tall.
I don't even have an issue with that.
Really?
Yeah, they can't be.
Well, you know, it's weird if you hug and the face goes into the props.
Yeah, you gotta be.
Okay, let's move on to the subscriber portion now.
Hi, everybody.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
What do you do as president?
Oh, nothing.
You wouldn't change a thing.
You wouldn't change a thing?
I would stop all the taxes.
I'd fire everybody, probably.
Stop firing.
Especially from like zero to like a million.
I punched Ethan one time.
Oh, yeah.
Because we were at Legoland.
We were at Legoland.
At Legoland.
Chandra, have you ever punched anyone?
I just threatened to punch you right now.
Like we were filming you.
You kind of did, didn't you?
I did, and I flicked your ear.
Oh.
So, yeah, she punched me.
Acts of aggression.
You're a bully.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.