All Episodes
Oct. 2, 2020 - Babylon Bee
56:15
Dumpster Fire Debate/ACB Blood Cult/Smart People Don't Pay Taxes News Show 10.2.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/2/2020. In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's biggest stories like it being revealed by the corporate press that Amy Coney Barrett is part of some weird religious cult that drinks blood, the nation's libertarians cheering Trump's smart avoidance of Federal theft, and a state without electricity now demanding everyone buy an electric car. Kyle and Ethan also react to the dumpster fire that is our nation's presidential debate. Buckle your Chesterbelts, it's another Babylon Bee News Show. Introduction Ethan wants face foam and Kyle visited Texas for The Texan's Night With The Babylon Bee. Stuff That's Good Kyle likes Stryper - Even the Devil Believes. Ethan likes BREAKDOWN with Kurt Russell. Weird News Coronavirus: Half a million sharks may be killed for virus vaccine Romanian mayor wins landslide re-election two weeks after death Bear with three legs steals Diet Coke from Florida garage Turkey crashes through window into Virginia home Couple win $100,100 in two-day lottery winning streak Man died from eating excessive amounts of black licorice Bengal govt releases obit for its 'alive and healthy' minister Stories of the Week Story 1  CNN Reports Amy Coney Barrett Attended Bizarre Ceremony Where She Ate Flesh, Drank Blood Of Jewish Guy Summary:  In a disturbing new report, CNN has revealed the bizarre practices of the strange cult Amy Coney Berrett belongs to. Known to some as "Christendom," it features many ancient rituals that were recorded by undercover CNN journalists at a strange stone building on Sunday where the ceremonies were held. Secret cameras showed Amy Coney Barrett kneeling before a priest-type figure as he recited some kind of incantation in a dead tongue. The priest then held up a round wafer and a goblet of red liquid which he announced to be the true body and blood of a Jewish rabbi who died 2000 years ago.They then brought a newborn baby to a basin of water and attempted to drown it. Both Are In The Same Church, But Media Love Joe Biden's Faith And Hate Amy Coney Barrett's She has 7 children, 2 adopted Haitan children. Some people call that potentially problematic like Director Of Antiracist Research @ Boston University Ibram X. Kendi (TIME lists him in the top 100 most influential ppl…) saying White colonizers 'adopted' blacks and 'civilized' them to use as props..  She belongs to a charismatic Catholic church called "People of Praise" Newsweek published and then "corrected" a headline stating that her church inspired The Handmaid's Tale What options do Dems have? They don't have the votes and there might be backlash if they are seen as attacking successful bright mother of 7 Story 2 Libertarian Voters Flock To Trump After Learning He Avoided Paying Taxes Summary: Trump is polling high among an unexpected group: libertarians, who were energized and drawn to Trump's cause after the New York Times revealed that he paid as little as $750 in federal taxes some years. The NYT published last Sunday twenty years of back tax returns after some anonymous bureaucrat leaked it showing "chronic losses and years of tax avoidance" Within 4 hours Biden had a video ad attack the info contained in the leak It is illegal for the IRS to leak the personal tax returns of any individual. The Times is guarding its sources closely. Trump bragged in 2016 at debates that he paid the least amount of taxes that he legally could. "That makes me smart," he said in a debate with Hillary. Story 3 State With No Electricity Orders Everyone To Drive Cars That Run On Electricity Summary: California, a state with no electricity, has ordered everyone to drive cars that run on electricity. Well, how dya like that California to ban all new gas-powered cars by 2035 under order by Gov. Gavin Newsom This doesn't require a bill to be passed into law??? Gavin just decided this? School House Rock was a lie! Topic of the Week: Biden-Trump Debate Reaction Kyle and Ethan laugh and then cry a little when reacting to the first debate between Trump and Biden. Hate Mail Tony wants to know why it is our mission to spread misinformation and lies in this pandemic apocalyptic time and we also get accused of being "proud boy lovers". Love Mail The people demand more animation and weird Bible stories. Subscriber Portion Kyle and Ethan talk muppets for some reason and answer an email from Holly about Kyle being such a rebel with his non-voting. To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

|

Time Text
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Welcome, everybody.
The Babylon Bee Studio.
We are here.
Live.
Live.
Kyle.
Ethan.
And this is like, you know, it looks legit now.
We're getting close.
Sound things up like these foam things back here.
Yeah.
They make everything sound different.
And they make our voices sound more radio, but not really.
They don't help our faces.
We need to get some face foam that makes the faces better.
Especially your face.
Sad.
Sad.
Well, I flew up to Dallas this weekend.
And me and Seth did this event called A Night with the Babylon Bee.
Or maybe an evening with the Babylon B. Like after hours kind of thing.
I guess.
Are you guys wearing lingerie?
What was going on?
That's Babylon Bee after dark.
That's something different.
Babylon Bee?
A bone night.
To be a premium subscriber for that kind of action.
But no, there was the Texan, which is kind of an independent Texas newspaper.
They kind of try to do what Discern does, where they just report the news.
You know, no bias or whatever, but they are right-leaning.
Just reporting.
Or just reporting the news.
That's how they sounded.
And they were introducing us and stuff.
And it was a lot of fun.
You know, I got invited kind of at the last minute.
Seth was just going to give a speech, but then they wanted me to sit on a panel.
So he sat on the panel.
It's a lot of fun.
It's interesting to see people's reactions to the Babylon Bee headlines in person.
You read them off, and he had them up on the screen.
Some classic Ethan Photoshops up there.
Good, good.
People dying laughing over it.
So it was a lot of fun.
Nice.
But I'm back.
I'm still a little tired.
Did you see Joe Rogan laughed at one of our photos?
I saw that.
Yeah.
About the.
Of course it was the weed one.
Trump smoking weed.
Yeah.
It was on Joe Rogan, right?
That was the joke.
He said, yeah.
Smokes weed on Joe Rogan.
It wasn't really a joke.
It was much more of like a fantasy situation.
Like, what if Trump got on Joe Rogan and smoked weed, talked for seven hours?
But that's what the Babylon Bee does.
Sometimes we just do what-ifs.
Yeah.
You create this alternate world and then you report on it.
Yeah.
That's how I see it.
So, anyway, I'm back.
Oh, did you hear Seth got canceled?
Did you see that?
I've been seeing some tweets.
He got canceled?
Yeah.
Seth's our CEO, by the way.
He was going to speak at his alma mater, I guess, and they uninvited him for some tweet about something.
Wow.
But I don't know.
Did it get moved or fully canceled?
I heard it got canceled, but I'll have to ask him exactly.
We're going to have him on as a victim of cancel culture now.
I know.
You got to make the rounds.
You'd be on Ruben Report, Candace Owens.
Yeah.
It's got to be everywhere.
Go big.
Yeah.
That's how we go big.
That's huge.
What's the next step?
So I hope someone uninvites me to something someday.
Yeah.
I can start GoFundMe.
You could un-invite me.
Well, you've done that.
Cancel each other.
We could say I got canceled from the Texas thing.
It could be a big, it could be a big false flag, like a false cancel flag.
Yeah.
And we make a whole fake event and then get ourselves uninvited from it.
Yeah.
There you go.
Subscriber boost.
Yeah, I like it.
All right, let's talk about some stuff that is quality.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
All right, I've been a big fan of heavy metal band Striper for a long time.
Is it count as heavy metal if they're Christian?
They're like more heavy metal, more heavy, more hardcore than a lot of secular heavy metal.
But it is, it is, uh, it's not like death metal or or speed metal.
It's not living sacrifice, it's nothing like that.
They're not yelling, and he's got that like shrill growing voice.
Yeah, yeah, it's not growling, yeah.
They are falsetto, yeah, kind of a falsetto thing to hell with the devil that thing.
So I just spiked his level.
No respect for people's eardrums.
And uh, sorry, Dan.
Anyway, they got a new album out called Even the Devil Believes, and it's just amazing to me that it's 2020 and they're putting out an 80s hair metal.
Yeah, how old are these guys?
They're in their 50s.
I think we're supposed to get Michael Sweet on at some point here.
I don't know what that's scheduled for, but it'd be nice to have him on.
So anyway, it's super heavy and it's very much in the traditional metal vein, like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden and Megadeth, that kind of thing.
And it's killer.
So I like all their stuff post-2000.
It's just, they've gotten better and better and hardcore.
Striper.
Cool.
I am going to do a recommendation for an old-ish, a 90s movie that I don't know.
A lot of people that have seen this movie.
It's a Kurt Russell movie called Breakdown.
And it's always a crowd pleaser.
Like you're always looking for a movie to watch with, you know, like at my in-laws rover.
And I'm like, let's watch Breakdown.
This is a movie where they're him and just Kurt Russell and his wife are out on some long road trip together and they're out in the middle of nowhere and their car breaks down.
And so while he's working on the car, this truck pulls up and says, I can take your wife back to town and we'll make some phone calls or whatever.
And you stay at the car or whatever.
So the truck drives off, wife's gone, and then they just never come back.
So he like walks away back to town.
He finds the trucker and the trucker denies ever having met him and he can't find his wife.
So there's this whole like crazy thing where it's basically just some guy going through this like how insane you would go to like save your wife from psychos.
But it's not super violent, but it is, I think it might be R-rated, but uh, I don't remember there being any like nudity and stuff, but it's like it's one of those every man in a crazy situation going buck and it's over the top in a good way.
It's just so good.
I feel like you've recommended like a dozen of these movies.
Yeah, that's because I love them.
And I always like I'm like, I always wish people recommend that because there's so many bad ones.
You need to be recommended the good ones.
And I know that I'm helping the world by picking out the good ones.
And when Ethan says there's little violence, probably no nudity, it probably means there's tons of it.
A guy gets smashed by a truck that is hanging in the air and then it gets dropped on him.
A semi-truck.
It's awesome.
So basically no violence.
But you don't see anything.
It's like Wiley Coyote.
It's mostly not violent.
Yeah.
Well, it's a good, it's very enjoyable violence.
I would put it in the world like in like a taken realm, but he's not a professional.
He's a guy that doesn't know how to fight anybody.
But because of his love for his wife, suddenly he just made him mad.
All right.
Breakdown.
Kurt Russell.
Watch Breakdown while you listen, Striper.
Weird news.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
Half a million sharks may be killed for a coronavirus vaccine.
For it?
So they have something in them.
They have shark juice, also known as squalene.
It's a natural oil, shark oil.
They stick that in the vaccine and then it cures COVID, but then they got to kill 250,000 sharks.
Wait, it says half a million.
Oh, I see.
Two dose.
So they're thinking two doses required per person, 250,000 sharks for one dose.
Oh, for one dose?
250,000.
Wait, so that's like to provide one dose for each person.
So total.
Wait, so the math on that for everybody in the world?
No, it's 250,000 for one person, for everybody in the world.
For everybody in the world.
Sharks die.
And then everybody in the world can take one dose.
Oh, I thought it was 250,000 sharks.
It's worth it.
But then they're thinking that everybody needs two doses.
They need rapid shark breeding.
Yeah.
Just like a machine that as soon as they grow up, they turn to oil, just breeding and oiling.
Wow.
is it worth it is this something where like i'm glad it's not something cuter like Like fluffy pink bottoms.
Yeah, otters.
Oh, I couldn't do like river otters.
250,000 have to die.
Shoot me instead.
They should make you be the one to kill your shark when you take the vaccine.
You have to.
Yeah, come on in.
Yeah.
Step into the shark murder room first.
Look into this poor shark's eyes and see speedy, soulless eyes.
That wouldn't be hard.
Yeah.
But if it was otters, nobody would do it.
Nobody would do it.
This is something where like humanist worldviews kind of come into like crashing in on each other, crashing in on itself, right?
Like, because they believe that like the environment and nature.
Yeah, and so we shouldn't kill nature and we shouldn't do this.
But they're also like super freaked out that they'll die.
We all have to take the vaccine.
Pretty much every animal I know would be right on board.
With my dog, I was like, you have to kill 250,000 of some other kind of animal in order to live.
And they'd be like, they'd do it.
Every animal would do it.
Yeah.
Cats would kill me.
Cats would do it just for the fun of it.
Cats would eat me if they'd want you to kill like 90% kill the 250,000 sharks and then play around with their corpses for a while as they suffer for the last 10%.
Have I mentioned the horror movie that I live in every morning where I walk downstairs and my cats, all four of my cats, because my wife loves cats, all four of them circle me.
Circle you like raptors?
Yeah, like sharks or something.
Do you do the Chris Pratt thing where you're like...
Yeah, I do this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like blue.
Blue.
Can't whistle.
And do they look like really crappy CG?
Do you have any cats with really human eyes?
Those are the worst.
No, they look like cats.
That's why God gave them the slit eyes.
Because if they look too round and human.
Anyway, they circle me because they're waiting for food.
And I know that if I didn't feed them, they would devour me.
So what happened to this Romanian mayor?
Romanian mayor wins landslide re-election two weeks after he died.
So he died and then they still voted for him.
I could see that.
That's a better politician than most, probably.
Do they just place him in the seat and do they at least embalm him?
How does it work?
What happens in the Constitution if someone gets elected and then they're dead?
Or let's say they die like on election night and then they win.
Is it the next person down?
But I or designated survivor?
Or if Biden died before the election, could they like scramble and say, actually, Camel is our homo?
Yeah, could they?
Is our person.
Or does it not count?
Because she's not actually the president.
Nobody actually voted for her for president, you know, or whatever.
Unfortunately, I'm not a political scholar.
Yeah, me neither.
That's why we need Dan here.
In the comments, tell us.
Tell us, everybody.
Smart people in the comments.
Let us know.
This reminds me of the.
It might be in this very story if we clicked on it.
Wasn't it the Battle of New Orleans that took place like two weeks after the War of 1812 ended?
Because they didn't have, you know, you couldn't just call everybody and say, hey, everybody, war's over.
So they're still fighting, but the war weeks before.
Yeah, you can't text everybody.
Yeah.
Is that how it works?
They didn't have texting.
They get like a text and everybody's like, war's over.
Everybody who's in the war is in a Facebook group when someone posts like a.
Yeah, or like a group me chat.
Yeah.
They're on Slack.
Yeah.
Both sides.
Bear with three legs steals Diet Coke from Florida garage.
Three legs.
So, this is an ongoing narrative.
We had the bear who stole the chips.
Remember the bear that robbed the convenience store?
Now the bears are getting their diet coke.
Getting a diet cakes.
Something to wash it down with.
But I don't know where its leg went.
And which leg?
Is it a front leg or a back leg?
Because it's probably hard to carry a Diet Coke.
Oh, I missed that detail.
Three legs.
Glossop or it over.
Yeah.
Maybe it got its arm cut off or leg.
And it's like, man, I need a Diet Coke.
That was its response.
Wait, three legs.
Does it do bears have arms and legs?
I think they have legs, but I think of the forelegs as arms sometimes because they stand on their hind legs.
It's confusing.
So he doesn't have three bottom legs and two top arms.
I don't think so.
That would be a scarier story.
Yeah, like if a quint, what do you call that?
Yeah.
A quintercinian.
I don't know.
Cinco Lego.
Turkey crashes through window into Virginia home.
We're happy to report that while the turkey did take out the entire window in the family's home, he was unhurt and quickly fled the scene to roost in a nearby tree.
Hmm.
So he just crashed through.
I believe.
Birds don't understand glass.
That the turkey is okay.
Well, people, some people don't understand glass.
You ever done the boom?
Yeah.
I had a friend who walked into my sliding glass door one time so hard.
He left this greasy, perfect face print on there.
I remember this now.
Oh, did I tell this?
It's just so great.
I kept it there as long as I could.
I didn't want to wash it off because it's so cartoonishly great.
It's still there.
And people flock from miles and pilgrimages to the Greece.
It's like, oh, is that the crack picture?
Yeah, little like Mexican women come up to it and like.
It looks kind of like Jesus.
Looks like Jesus if his face was smashed up against the windshield.
A couple win $100,100 in two-day lottery winning streak.
So what are the odds of that?
So they won $100 prize and then $100,000.
Then $100,000 the next day.
Did they try the next day?
You know what?
Let's put it all in.
They're like, we're going to go to the scene or tomorrow.
We're going to bet $100,000 or something.
We're going to get a million the next day.
I don't know.
It's possible.
Did you hear about the kid that one time that drove out to Vegas from California or something and he bet his entire life savings on?
He just bet it, just bet it on black.
He had had money saved for college or his parents, so he wasn't like a six-year-old no, he wasn't six.
I don't think they they allow that.
Yeah, he's.
He showed up and like just put down I don't remember what it was 50 grand or 100 grand doubled it drove home really wow, that's the way to do it, you know.
Yeah, i've never.
I don't know how any of that works in Vegas, so I just i've never even tried.
I've done like the little machines.
My problem is that like as soon as i'm up, i'm like i'm out, i'm five dollars richer.
I don't, I don't get the, the impulse to like keep going.
So, man died from eating excessive amounts of black licorice.
That makes sense.
My hate for black licorice is justified at long last.
Sounds very problematic.
Yeah.
Do you like black licorice?
No, it's disgusting.
I don't understand it.
Yeah, it doesn't taste like anything.
Like, maybe as a curiosity, like, I'll have a little gummy and be like, that's interesting.
But, like, people that just eat, I don't know, black licorice.
It's wrong.
I imagine like you know, like you know, how dogs have those like wet black noses?
Like, if you made jerky out of that or something and then like soaked it in some weird chemicals and then ate that, that's what I imagine black licorice is.
You guys don't know how hard it's made.
You guys don't understand how hard it is to do a podcast with Ethan because I'm trying to read notes and like track and like track the notes.
There's nothing there.
I'm trying to track along, talk.
And if I miss half of an Ethan sentence, he's talking about eating dog noses all of a sudden.
And then I'm gonna go.
Do you ever look at a dog's nose and think, man, that looks chewy?
No.
No.
Subscribers, please comment and let us know how many of you have ever thought that thought.
Goodness gracious.
So you can eat half of because this guy is 54 years old.
He ate a bag and a half of candy, I guess, black licorice every day.
Oh, for two weeks prior to dying.
So not every day of his life, just for two weeks.
What inspired that?
Click in the link.
How do they know?
How do they know that?
Did he report it?
Okay, so it says licorice contains glycerhizic acid.
Does it contain shark juice?
It depletes potassium levels and electrolytes, contributing to heart rhythm problems.
So a small amount of licorice increases your blood pressure.
A lot can cause heart issues.
So maybe, so maybe he already had some heart issues.
And then he just switched from red, fruit-flavored twists to the black licorice version.
He clapped inside a fast food restaurant, which I'm sure that had nothing to do with dying.
Hmm.
Well, don't eat two and a half weeks.
It's also in Belgian beers.
I also don't drink too much Belgian beer, too, I guess.
Yeah, I don't drink two and a half bags of Belgian beer every day for two weeks.
Two and a half weeks.
Does beer come in bags?
Maybe just in Canada.
Yeah, probably somewhere it does.
Yeah.
Bengal government releases obituary for its alive and healthy minister.
So was it wishful thinking?
They just were like, he died.
What happened?
How do you not know?
Because they have text.
Tested positive for COVID-19.
It was transferred to a hospital.
And it issued a condolence message.
However, the department realized its mistake and withdrew the message.
Oops.
I'm alive.
I'm not dead.
Hmm.
How about some stories of the week?
Yeah.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
In a disturbing new report, CNN has revealed the bizarre practices of the strange cult Amy Coney Barrett belongs to.
Known to some as Christendom, it features many ancient rituals that were recorded by undercover CNN journalists at a strange stone building on Sunday where the ceremonies were held.
Secret cameras showed Amy Coney Barrett kneeling before a priest-type figure as he recited some kind of incantation in a dead tongue.
The priest then held up a round wafer and a goblet of red liquid, which he announced to be the true body and blood of a Jewish rabbi who died 2,000 years ago and then brought a newborn baby to a basin of water and attempted to drown it.
Bizarre.
Uncanny.
Yeah, they all gathered.
They all stood in these rows.
They chanted some weird songs.
They all knelt and stood at the same time.
Blood.
Some kind of dark cult.
Eating blood.
They drank blood and ate flesh.
Drowned a baby.
Drowned a baby.
Attempted baby drowning.
And this is the person that Trump wants on the Supreme Court.
This cult member.
Sad.
Oof.
Well, I heard it's getting worse.
It gets worse.
She has seven kids.
That must be part of this cult.
And the gall.
The racism of this woman.
Oh.
She has two of them that are adopted and they're Haitian.
Trigger warning.
Trigger warning.
Which is, I mean, it's a dog whistle.
If you're racist, the thing you immediately do is you go through the extensive and very expensive process of adopting a child from a foreign country and taking them in and providing for them for the rest of their lives.
Or she just stole them.
She might have just kidnapped them.
Could be.
That's possible.
Yeah.
I saw some people on Twitter saying that.
Oh, they think they just stole them?
They said that there's a lot of, there's a lot of her judge robe.
She just walked up and threw it over and then walked away and they're gone.
She uses it like Batman uses it.
Knocked him out with her gavel.
Yeah.
Put him under the robe.
Dragged him away.
So the director of anti-racist research at Boston University, Ibram X. Kindy, listed by Time as one of the top 100 most influential people.
What does the X stand for?
He has a middle name X. That's pretty.
That's like villain thing.
That's got to be made up.
Ibram X.
He did that to be cool.
And he said that, where is it?
Some white colonizers adopted black children.
They civilized these savage children in the superior ways of white people while using them as props in their lifelong pictures of denial while cutting the biological parents of these children out of the picture of humanity.
That was one of those tweets you read and you're just like, it's our guy who's not on Twitter.
Why?
Sketch idea.
Why?
My God.
Why do these people think this way?
You remember when they started saying, like, we're going to capitalize black?
Yeah.
Like, I don't know, it was a month or two ago.
It's like everywhere now.
Like, if you're on Amazon and it goes, like, watch these black.
And they like intentionally put it in the middle of the sentence so you can see that they capitalize it.
And then they also said they're going to start capitalizing white, which is really funny.
Oh, they are going to now?
So this Ibram guy's capitalizing white.
Before they were going to keep, always keep white lowercase.
Yeah, but then they said, yeah, they changed the, now we capitalize white and black.
And it's like.
You're kidding.
How can anybody keep up?
Like, I don't know that.
They're going to have to start using font colors.
Yeah.
Black will always be in black.
White will always be white.
Bold white.
But it's funny because racists probably would do that too.
Like, what?
Yeah.
Like, capitalize it all.
Capitalizing white.
W.
It's so silly.
It's a horseshoe.
It is like a game.
So she's in a charismatic Catholic church called People of Praise.
Have you ever heard of charismatic Catholics?
No, I haven't.
Like that, I imagine that being like, like you could poke your eyes out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Horrible.
It's dangerous.
Because my dad was charismatic.
And I can't imagine combining.
That's like combining my parents.
Because my dad is a charismatic Four Square Church guy.
My mom was Roman Catholic.
Yeah.
So in all, really, I should be because I'm the product of their bonding.
Maybe it's maybe it's a weight loss thing.
Like, because if you go to a People of Praise?
Well, Catholics already do the standing, kneeling.
That's already a pretty good workout.
And if you add charismatic worship to it, you're bouncing up and down.
Yeah, that's probably crazy.
Yeah, it is probably.
They were doing jumping jacks instead of kneeling.
I couldn't be charismatic just because I'm tired.
Yeah, I'm too much of an introvert.
So Newsweek published and then corrected a headline saying that ACB's church inspired the Handmaid's Tale.
Inspired it?
Yeah.
Like they were the inspiration.
I don't even remember the name of the lady who wrote Handmaid's Tale.
She based it off people of praise or something.
I guess that was not true.
Gosh.
I tried reading Headman's Teal.
I couldn't get a chapter in.
It was brutal.
I know they got bonnets.
Yeah.
That's all I know.
Bonnets.
And red.
Like they're forced to reproduce for the guy or something.
Something like that.
Yeah.
Because that's what guys want.
Reproducing.
Yeah.
That's what we want.
Make more of me.
Yeah.
Please.
Well, I don't know.
But that's just what we needed right now is a confirmation hearing.
Yeah.
That's what we need this year.
It's going to be a blast.
October 12th.
Look forward to it.
Trump is polling high among an unexpected group, libertarians, who are energized and drawn to Trump's cause after the New York Times revealed that he paid as little as $750 in federal taxes some years.
He should put a book out how to do that.
Total hero, man.
Total hero.
It is true.
Like everybody who has a business tries to pay the least amount of taxes they can.
I don't know how the heck he did that, but because if you take a net loss, you haven't made any money that year.
So even if you have a billion dollars, if you lose $300 million that year, at least on paper, you're not gonna pay income taxes, because you haven't made it.
That's what an income tax is.
So what is the $752?
Is that just like there's certain things you have to pay no matter what, right?
Like Social Security and stuff.
So maybe it doesn't include any of that.
I don't know.
So if you just have a complete loss, then.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Or maybe that's all it was.
I need to report better and just have a complete loss.
Yeah.
I'm bad at reporting.
Tons of money.
Yeah.
Babylon B losing money left or right.
Left and right.
Hand over fist.
Yeah.
So yeah, Trump needs to be a consultant.
He needs to launch like Trumpo tax or something where you can go online and fill out.
Oh, yeah, I've got a bunch of buildings and they all lost money.
Only paid.
I like how the New York Times thought that this was going to destroy him.
Like this was the bomb shot.
I'm pretty sure we all kind of expected it, right?
Well, they were saying it in 2016 already.
Back in the debates, Hillary Clinton kept bringing it up.
Yeah.
You know, that he's not a good businessman.
He loses money.
That's what it was.
That's what everybody already knew.
Is that a real picture with a stack of giant papers?
Is that Photoshop?
Signing my tax return.
Here's Trump.
That's real, right?
Is that real?
2015 tax return.
That looks like one of our Photoshops.
Like the stack is above his head.
And it's real.
Looks real to me.
I know Photoshop.
I've seen a few good shops in my day.
I don't know.
I can't tell if it's a joke or if it's real, but if that's really his taxes, that's pretty crazy.
So in the 2016 debates, he said that he pays the least amount of taxes that he legally could.
And he says, that makes me smart.
Most would agree with the drive.
Did you see the ad that they put out that the Democrats put out saying like the show teacher?
And she's like, I paid $7,000.
And they show some like nurse.
I paid $10,000.
Trump only paid $750.
But their whole platform is to raise taxes.
Yeah.
But they're going to pay more under us.
But still, Trump only paid.
It's like their whole philosophy is this.
It doesn't matter if you're paying way too much taxes, but that guy didn't pay any.
He needs to pay his fair share, even though you're getting robbed blind.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It doesn't make any sense.
That's all I can say.
Taxes are the worst.
Yeah, I'm not good at talking about taxes.
Taxes are the worst.
They just make me freeze up.
Let this be the best.
I'm thinking right now about how I still need to pay some taxes.
I'm starting to shake.
The preacher says in Ecclesiastes that man sees the sun rise and fall and pays taxes and wants to kill himself and urinates into the wind.
Everything is pee in the wind.
Everything is peeing into the wind.
Amen.
Not actual Bible quotes.
California, a state with no electricity, has ordered everyone to drive cars that run on wait for it.
Electricity.
How do you like that?
How do you like that?
What the heck?
So, California will ban all new gas-powered cars by 2035 under executive order by Gavin Newsom, which is just insane on so many levels.
Like, he has no authority.
You can ban whatever you want in the future.
He has no authority to do it.
He'll be long out of office, probably the president by then.
Yeah, probably.
And yeah, it's 15 years from now.
It does nothing now because if he did it now, he knows that if he did it now, it would absolutely destroy him.
So he just puts it off pie in the sky.
It's just for accolades from people who like it.
Good job.
You banned cars.
It's like fantasy.
Way off in the future.
I demand that in 15 years, all cars will have really long legs and have funny faces on them and will dance.
It's insane.
It's also in.
See, if I tune out, then I don't know what he's talking about.
It's insane on the level that electric cars probably will be a lot more ubiquitous at that point.
Yeah.
And, you know, I don't know, maybe 80% of cars will be electric anyway by that point.
So the legislation is pointless at that point anyway.
I think point a lot.
Point, He's just trying to score some points.
That's my point.
I'm glad you pointed that out.
Yeah.
But I can't remember what my point was.
Yeah, I don't know.
So it's insane on that level.
He's banking on, well, in 15 years, everybody will be buying electric cars anyway.
And then the whole thing about electric cars is that they.
And there's not a bill or anything.
They just said this.
He just announced it.
Yeah.
He didn't even bother passing an insane bill or an insane legislature.
He just announced it.
He doesn't even care anymore.
We're not even pretending to be a democracy or a republic or whatever.
All cars will run on hair gel.
They'll have hair gel dispensers in the roof and it will squirt the hair gel down.
There will be a hair gel pedal in the floor.
The gas, brake, clutch, hair gel.
And then Gavin Newsom can personally fuel all of our cars.
Right.
By squeezing it.
He stuck a bunch of hoses to his head.
And the whole runoff is like, he looks like a Morton Joe or something.
With all the tubes.
Does he have tubes?
I don't know.
But I imagine you'd start looking like that if you had a bunch of tubes hooked up to you.
And he stands up and all the people are like, more gel, please.
More gel.
Took the giant bucket of hair gel out.
He like turns the big valve and all the hair gel goes, everybody runs out with little pens.
Yeah.
More, please.
More.
See, I like when I get you on board.
I have to just, as long as I can keep up, I need to snort some kind of drug or something to keep up with you sometimes.
Some shark juice.
Yeah.
Well, so I imagine if it hits 2035 and they do ban gas cars, that would be my last straw.
I'm done.
Your last paper straw.
Although now they're trying to like tax people who leave California and talking about that.
Yeah.
Do a wealth tax if you try to leave.
People even California is so dumb.
It is extremely dumb.
When we have the new earth, when God makes all things new, I want to live in California because you want to.
After all, the government will be much better.
When we have the new earth, you'll see the North America continent, and there'll be a chunk missing where California used to be because it's here.
It's made new and he just sinks it into the earth.
It's gone.
Just delete.
We're going to fix a few things from the last one.
He right-clicks on California, delete, and then.
Yeah, so lasso tool draws around it.
Control N for new.
Like, yeah, continent where Phil.
Ocean, just trying to floss your Photoshop.
All right.
Well, let's come with us on a journey as we stare into the abyss and talk about the Trump-Biden debates now.
Because no one's talking about those.
That's all you want to hear about.
And now, the Babylon Bees Tommy of the Week.
Well, everybody, the week that everybody has been waiting for has arrived.
Biden Trump in the octagon.
The ultimate event.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
The ticket gets you the entire seat, but you only need the edge.
Watch as these two old men absolutely flatten each other.
But it was basically just two old men screaming at each other.
Yeah, I saw a great tweet from, I can't remember who it is.
He's a writer, and he said, he said, well, I guess the good news is I don't need to go visit my family for Thanksgiving.
That's already taken care of.
You already got to watch old men in politics on the podcast.
They should give them each turkey legs to gnaw into in between like, ah, wrong about the economy.
I feel like they could have really leaned into that with the set design.
Like they could have done it in a family room, like put them on a couch, maybe rocking on a chair.
They're like a bench outside on the front porch.
They should have designed it to look like a patio, kind of like that old American funny audio set.
Yeah.
They can yell about people staying off of.
Yeah.
They could have people walk by and then just.
Hey, hey.
People of races, of different races.
Give them canes.
People of different races.
To see who yells at which.
Yeah, who yells at which.
You're clean and articulate.
Hey, you.
Oh, boy.
And then Trump says, what did he say about the proud boys?
Like, stand back.
That was weird.
That was the weirdest part.
Stand back and stand by.
Because when they brought it up, okay, finally, he can clear this stupid thing up that constantly Biden constantly uses this thing that Trump said there's good people on both sides.
He never tells the rest where Trump said, except for white supremacists, obviously, and whatever else he added.
And then instead, Trump goes, proud boys, stand by and stay something.
Well, he kept going back and forth with Chris Wallace, the moderator.
I don't know if he got off track.
He was like trying to clarify and he goes, sure, sure, sure.
Stand back.
Stand back.
Tell them to stand back and stand by.
Like, or something.
And I saw they made a, I don't know if that's true or not, but it looked like they made a shirt.
The Proud Boys made a shirt that said stand back, stand by, or something.
He says, Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.
And says, sure, who would you like me to condemn?
I want peace.
But it's like if he had just said.
Was he like not finishing his sentence?
Like, stand back so that I can drop an anvil on you.
Or stand by while I load up this gun and shoot you.
Maybe he did.
Maybe they edited it out.
Or he just didn't finish the sentence because it was rapid fire out there.
But the other side of it is that no matter what he said about white supremacy, they would have, they could have hit it.
He could have said anything.
He could have been like, F-white supremacy.
Yeah.
And they would have cut off, they would have cut off the F. Or would have been a dog.
White white supremacy.
Yeah.
That's all I would have said.
Oh.
So, what do you think of people that are like, man, I was really disappointed.
I didn't see that coming that it was going to be like that.
Like, how else did you expect it to go?
Yeah, did you expect your guy to absolutely mop the floor?
I guess I lean toward like if Trump could control himself and he could let sense wind and he could let Biden just ramble.
You know, Trump would do these sleepy Joe insults and all that, but if he could at least let Biden get those weird, rambling, like, gaffes that are all over that he always says.
I think Trump sees himself as at his best when he is interrupting and owning somebody the moment they say something wrong.
Like he thinks that's his strength.
So absolutely no surprises.
Trump and Biden just absolutely did that.
It was bad.
I mean, it's like it's like the debates over the years that I've been watching them, they do get a little worse every year.
It seems like a little, the conduct gets a little worse, but it really did just like plummet.
But I don't know that they've ever been substantive.
You know, it's not like you've got like a world expert atheist and a world expert Christian politely discussing the issues.
It's not that.
It's two personalities trying to get in sound bites.
Right.
They should really just have each have a bucket of water balloons and each one has a political point on it and they just keep pelting each other.
Economy.
Yeah.
200,000 deaths.
Stand by and stand back.
Wow, what was that one?
That'd be more entertaining.
You got to think this is bad for Trump.
You think so?
Make Spell expected Biden to like.
Biden has been leading in the polls.
Yeah.
Poop is.
And if Biden just absolutely faltered and face planted, yeah, could have come undone and unraveled and all of that.
And I think Trump needed that and it didn't happen.
We've still got more debates.
I do wonder if it'll change how Trump acts at the next debate, the reaction to it.
His base, I'm sure, is riled up by it.
Trump has always been great about listening to feedback.
Well, he might try to be more humorous.
He won't be nicer and he won't stop interrupting, but he might be like, because he was very super combative.
Yeah.
Like he was just ready to pounce on everything.
And he is better when he's most of the things we remember about the debates with Hillary were when he was funny.
Yeah, snapping back and the funny little sound bites and all that.
Yeah, it was a big win for Biden.
He stayed awake the whole time.
He gets such easy big wins.
Yeah.
Well, that's when your expectations are very low.
It's like, hey.
Oh, he lived and he didn't crap himself.
And he said all his words mostly.
Big win for Biden.
Big win.
But yeah, a collapse like that definitely would have helped Trump.
And, you know, it seems like collapse like that.
Like if he passed out.
Well, if Biden had just been absolutely unintelligible or something.
If Biden just collapsed.
Well, that would have been a big win for Trump.
Big win for Trump.
Yeah.
Maybe next time he'll try to.
Do you think Biden had a moment or something?
Do you hear about that?
No, but I mean, you're like, we got to check for earpieces.
And the Biden campaign is like, nope, can't do it.
You're not going to check me for an earpiece.
He's all like a televangelist.
He's got the earpiece in.
Did you see the screenshots people were posting?
Like, there's some weird wire coming out of his wrist.
Biden has a wire in his head?
He kept doing this, and there was like this weird metal thing that was like sticking up.
Kind of like sticking up.
It could have been like a latch or like a weird suspender latch-looking thing is what it looked like.
And it was like sticking way out and people are circling it.
Oh, really?
And then I saw someone circle like a wire on his tie, but it didn't look that obvious to me.
It just looked like little pieces of the clothing or this or that.
I mean, it is, you have to be sad to some extent about this is this thing.
This is it's a bit of an indictment, right?
It's very sad.
The wrath of God is being revealed against all unrighteousness.
This is part of that.
It's all in there.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the thing is like Biden acts like he's above and Trump's horrible and low, but I Biden's part of the whole culture and what led to this.
You're in politics for 40 years.
Yeah.
We got here in large part because of you.
All the fakeness and all the BS like led to this clown show that we are now.
Oh, I absolutely agree.
One of my, I'm not a huge Trump fan, but one of my and partisan, like the hyper-partisanship, like everybody just doubling down on that, I think.
Yeah, although I was encouraged that most people like on Twitter, at least that I follow, were very like, yeah, that was not good for anybody.
That's what I saw the most of.
But I mean, I follow up particularly with people on Twitter.
I saw it as mostly conservatives and libertarians, most people on the left.
That's true.
So I probably follow most of the libertarians.
Yeah.
I have like a good chunk of people on the left that I follow and follow me because of, yeah.
So I agree with a lot of criticism of Trump.
One thing that I just one criticism of Trump that I just don't understand is this idea that he is some outlier, that he is some new thing, that he's disrupting norms and all this stuff.
It's like we've had terrible presidents.
We don't have any norms that I can like get behind and be like, oh, yeah, if only we could go back to Obama, if only we could go back to Clinton, if only we could go back to Bush or whatever.
I don't see that.
I don't get that.
And so what you're saying about Biden, it's like, yeah, he's exactly the same, like just on the other side.
You know, they have different personalities.
Well, I think, do you think that there's something to the idea that Biden's part of, he's agreed to be a part of this machine, this thing, but I do see Trump as not really being that.
Not saying that that makes him any more intelligent than he is or anything, but he's definitely an outsider when it comes to like the political, like just that, even if it's just the even if it's just a click, like he's not part of that click.
I don't know.
He used to hang out with the Clintons.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
I agree with what you're saying, that he's not the typical politician who his words are polished and written by a speechwriter and read off a teleprompter and he gives the state line and he stands by the American position on this and that and that.
He just kind of looks at things and goes, hey, that's dumb.
Why are you guys doing that?
You know, right or wrong.
Yeah.
And I'm not saying good or bad.
I'm just saying I get that.
Well, okay.
He does seem like the most out of the loop.
Like just, I don't know.
So I guess I could say that I agree that Trump has disrupted a lot of norms.
Yeah.
But norms that I didn't respect in the first place.
How about that?
Okay.
Do you accept my position?
No.
I accept it.
Do you believe?
Will you accept Ron Paul into your heart?
Ooh, Ron Paul had already, or not, had a stroke.
Yeah, he's okay.
Oh, he's okay now.
He was like back on his show the next day from over the weekend.
He's getting up there in age, right?
He's getting up there 83, maybe?
Wow.
Yeah.
So, yeah, what about Chris Wallace, the moderator in this debate?
I heard.
Now, to be clear, I didn't watch this debate.
You didn't watch any of it?
You saw clips?
Did not.
I didn't watch a single clip.
Wow.
Wait, what?
I timed my commute home to leave exactly when the debate started.
I turned on the Dune audio book.
I said, I will rather listen to Dune than watch a single word of this freaking disaster.
And it turned out I was right.
No, but I just kind of read summaries and stuff.
I had that train wreck thing.
I just wanted to see.
Couldn't, yeah, I just had to see it.
My wife is pretty, like, she kind of stays uninvolved with some of this stuff.
And she watched the entire thing.
So there was something about it.
It was, yeah, it was like, you felt dirty for watching it, but it was entertaining.
It was like those YouTube videos where people are fighting, punching each other and stuff.
And you're like, they probably would not be doing this if there wasn't cameras going.
So it's like you're like a person in the Capitol watching the Hunger Games.
Like, it's kind of dirty.
These kids are killing each other, but man.
Great entertainment.
It's pretty good entertainment, man.
Yeah, so I guess Chris Wallace, some people were saying he was at one point he like agreed with Biden.
Biden said something.
My personal, I didn't catch it all because I had to take care of kids and do stuff during it.
But I was generally, I didn't seem leaning too far one direction, but I don't know.
So as someone who didn't watch it at all, I got to say, Chris Wallace was completely biased.
But he did, at one point, I saw the clip where he goes, Trump was saying something about going on and on.
And then Biden said, I can't keep up with his ranting.
And Chris Wallace goes, I'm having trouble myself.
Yeah.
No, there was definitely moments where you could see he was, it was like Biden and Chris were like, gosh, you know, but you also kind of get it.
Like, Trump's crazy.
It is true.
To be fair.
Like, I would like, I would probably bond with somebody that I don't really agree with.
Trump was ranting next to him.
I'm like, this guy, man.
It's sort of like if you're on a subway, you get on and there's you and then some stranger and then the guy who's like says he's Jesus and is wiping crap over the walls.
You guys would both be like, this guy.
It's so hilarious.
Like Trump starts arguing with Chris Wallace.
You're in a debate where you're now debating the moderator.
And like, I'm trying to, I'm trying to picture some of the great Christian atheist debates of the past where like some start debating the moderator.
Yeah.
Like William Lane Craig is like, what?
He starts like shouting at the moderator and he's like, oh no.
I'm sure it's happened.
Yeah, I'm sure.
It's like those boxing matches where they knock out the ref.
Just turn like, there's great YouTube, which is way more entertaining than this podcast.
You just search ref knockouts or something like that.
It's just like every time somebody either accidentally or on purpose knocked out a ref in boxing.
So sometimes it's unaccident.
But come back to our show after you watch them.
Yeah.
Open a new tab.
Yeah, new tab.
Well, everybody, this is all your fault and you deserve this.
We all deserve this.
So thanks a lot.
It can only go downhill from here.
Yeah.
So strap in, oil up.
Slide down.
Take your shirt off.
Slide on in.
Get all the sliding down a shoot.
Will you shut up, man?
You shut up, Jack.
We got a new Bidenism.
Will you shut up, man?
You shut up, man.
Will you shut up, man?
You remember the debate better than I do.
And you didn't.
I just read the summaries.
Yeah, that's better.
Because you don't remember it in the moment.
You read the summaries and it seals it.
I try to do it.
Seals moments.
Try to keep my sanity.
So we've got two more of these bad boys coming up, I guess.
Right?
Two more?
Something like that.
So stay tuned to the battlefield.
I do wonder why they don't have the mic get cut off.
Sorry.
Yeah, we were thinking trap doors or shot collars or something.
Yeah.
You interrupt.
Yeah, like a, or like a little metal plate on their mouth and it opens up.
Maybe the Matrix thing where your mouth just disappears and your skin sucks together.
So creepy.
Or maybe they could just leave the metal plates on the entire time.
That would probably improve it greatly.
Yeah, we can have it to video debate without audio.
a debate of facial expressions every once in a while they agree Let's go to hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
You know, we got a hate mail from a guy with the name Tony.
And, you know, Tony's are very aggressive people.
Anybody named Tony.
Yeah, they probably the mafia.
Italian.
Own a pizza restaurant.
Probably took out some guys' kneecaps.
They own a pizza restaurant, but it's just a front for a money laundering operation for the mob.
They got somebody's swimming with the fishes.
And they hate satire.
Yeah.
So what did Tony say?
Can he do a Tony?
why are you so for turnip why is it your mission to spread misinformation and lies in this pandemic apocalyptic time Why are you such a donkey marshmallow?
I wish you could all hear the uncensored version of that.
Subscribe.
We're going to have to the uncensored subscriber version.
It's true.
It does say on our mission statement right on the website, it is our mission to spread misinformation and lies in a pandemic apocalyptic time.
So I sympathize with Tony.
So here's another hate mail.
This is from another Italian person.
If you weren't such a right-wing full of site, I might stay.
What happened to you, people?
Probably proud boy lovers like your idiot president.
Best regards.
That's my favorite part of that one.
It ends with best regards.
Yeah, you're probably proud boy lovers like your idiot president.
Best regards.
Let me know if I can do anything to help.
All right.
Have a good one.
Good talk.
I like to imagine these in real life.
Like if you're just sitting on a bench in the park or something, someone walks by.
Yeah.
Hey, you're full of turnip.
Man, what happened to you?
Proud boy lover?
Have a good day.
Beautiful day we're having, isn't it?
It's like the Mormon that kind of like lost it for a second.
Snapped and then brought it all back together.
You Christians are heretics.
You don't understand all the stuff about Joel Smith and Mom.
Have a nice day, sir.
Good seeing you.
Can I take out your garbage?
My pleasure.
There's Mormons that used to come through our neighborhood, and my friend's mom was Guatemalan.
And she'd be like, open the door, like, no, we're Christian.
We don't want to talk to you.
And then they'd be like, well, can we do anything?
And she'd be like, yeah, we got chores.
And she would just give them chores and just work for hours.
But I always ask if you need help.
That's a good life hack.
Yeah.
Life hack.
Mormons at your door.
Exploit the Latter-day Saints.
Yeah.
Have them mow your lawn, take out your trash, paint your house.
You just got to let them think that you're getting closer and closer.
Yeah, I've really been thinking about what you guys have been saying.
Hey, let's read some more of that Moroni and then get on over to the dishes.
How many chapters of 2 Nephi do I need to read for a full kitchen scrub down?
Yeah, how about you fix my Wi-Fi and then we'll read some Nephi?
Hey.
We also got some love mail.
Love mail, baby.
Makes me sad that I haven't watched your animations until now.
Hilarious content.
I love animation, and I'm glad you're all branching out into new stuff.
Watching them all expand into new territory is very exciting, and I hope it all goes well.
Ethan, Kyle, and the rest of the hive, keep up the good work.
The hive.
Ethan hates the bee analogies.
Isn't there on Teen Titans Go?
There's a bad guy group called The Hive.
I know because I wrote an episode.
I have never seen Teen Titans.
Sorry.
If you ever watch Teen Titans, Go.
Yeah.
Episode about an ice cream scoop.
I wrote it.
That thudding sound was Ethan trying to point to himself and shoving the microphone.
All right, here's another one.
Hey, we do make cartoons, just so you guys know.
Cartoons YouTube channel.
Check it out.
You made a playlist.
Go to the animation playlist.
I'm making them.
Roll over that subscribe button with the steamroller.
I drew them all by hand.
Every frame.
Every frame lovingly barfed out on the screen by Ethan Nichols.
Every keyframe, kind of.
Not really.
Option two.
Oh, wait.
No, this is number two.
No.
Love mail, number two.
From the B podcast email.
I am now only here for the weird Bible stories.
It is something I didn't know I needed until last episode.
Come on, then we have to come up with more.
Like these weird Bible stories.
Brett is our subscriber.
He's going to watch this episode.
He's going to be like, no weird Bible stories.
Yeah, sorry.
What's one off the top of your head?
We got all the best ones.
A weird Bible story off the top of our head.
Isn't there like a part where the guy's like, he tied his donkey tree and then walked.
No, that's fake.
That's an old joke that's not true.
It doesn't say it in the Bible anymore.
Really?
Yeah.
That's sad.
I don't think so anyway.
What about like the angels in Genesis 6?
Fact-checking real quick.
The sons of God saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful and they married any of them they chose.
The Nephilim were on the earth in those days and also after when the sons of God went to the daughters of humans and had children by them.
So as actually the Bible actually says that like angels came down to earth, had sex with giants?
Human women and their descendants are the Nephilim, which are the giants came giants.
Yeah.
And that's really weird.
God said it.
I believe it.
That settles it.
Wait.
Okay.
10 of the most bizarre Bible verses.
If it ain't King James, it ain't Bible.
I'm almost there.
Almost there.
There's like a top 10 list.
I'm trying to find it in there.
It's still 1611 in my heart.
What?
I'm running out of King James slogans.
You got to really.
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
Is that real?
Yeah, I think it's talking about like intentional mutilation cutting off your wee wee.
Who would intentionally crush their testimony?
That's insane.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm going to do some work on this.
I got to find it.
What are you looking for?
Trying to find that title tree thing.
You're making Dan.
I know lots of.
It says, no, that's not it.
Never mind.
I don't know.
I can't find it.
It's not.
It's not.
It's just a joke.
All right.
Fine.
The joke is.
Well, I know he didn't really.
It was a donkey joke.
The man with the biggest butt in the Bible.
And it's Balaam.
He tied his tree and walked into town.
All the ones I'm finding say Moses tied his donkey.
Yeah, sometimes it's done as Moses, but it's not true.
It's not, that passage is not in the Bible anymore.
They should have it.
It's just a joke.
When I do my 10 questions, I'm going to say, what book would you have to do?
I just add that line.
Well, see, this joke still works if you just say, did you hear about the guy who tied his donkey to a tree and walked into town?
That's one big, you know, like you can still just tell the joke.
They just do the setup as like the like it's actually in the Bible, but it's not.
I challenge anyone to find that verse in the Bible.
It's not there.
Find it in the comments.
All right, are we moving on to the subscriber portion?
Let's do it.
We're going to the subscriber lounge.
Peace out, all the cheapskates and freeloaders.
Goodbye.
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
If you're not a Babylon Bee subscriber, go to babylonbee.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Access to our headline forum, 20% off the items in the Babylon Bee store, a gift, and more.
Please drop us a review on iTunes and share the podcast with a friend.
Feedback and love mail go to podcast at babylonbee.com.
Follow Ethan at Axe Cop and Kyle at the underscore Kyle underscore man on Twitter.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Export Selection