This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 7/24/2020. In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's big stories like Nick Cannon informing us all about the rotten savage mountain people in our midst, humanity deciding producing masks was more important than sustaining the earth, and all of the times the Babylon Bee has successfully predicted the future through its prophetic ministry. In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan discover a way to eat an entire civilization in a few bites and answer voicemails from subscribers. Show Outline Introduction Stuff That's Good Kyle likes Pandemic Hot Zone. Ethan likes Jason Brubaker. Also mentioned: Ethan Nicolle, Jason Brubaker and Doug TenNapel once did a podcast. Weird News Swarm of flying ants spreads across London, Kent and Sussex Man unearths 'witch bottle' with teeth inside - but is urged to 'put it back' Frustrated in lockdown? Send your scream to Iceland. Wait, what? Man throws 19 chopsticks into archery target for\Guinness record Sea gull rescued with face mask wrapped around legs Stories of the Week Story 1 Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants Summary: In a move that's being called "unprecedented tyranny," Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants in their stores. But really, Walmart told everyone to wear masks in their stores. Shout out to Jimmy Humphrey for submitting the headline idea Story 2 Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment' Summary: Nick Cannon has stepped down from his position as host of The Masked Singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin. The move comes just days after Cannon totally owned white people on his podcast, calling them "sick animals," and "rotten little mountain people." Hey, that last part is mostly true! Cannon was fired by ViacomCBS for crazy anti-white, anti-semitic comments. Though he was not fired by Masked Singer. Adam Ford seems to have started the controversy with this tweet: https://twitter.com/Adam4d/status/1283087941271801861 Story 3 10 Safety Tips For Going Back To Church Topic of the Week Fulfilled Babylon Bee Prophecies Hate Mail We are serenaded by someone who doesn't like what we do. Give his video some likes and positive comments. The world would be a better place if people who disagreed with each other created stuff instead of destroying stuff. Subscriber Portion: Mailbag and CHIRPS A subscriber mailed The Bee some bug chips. And two other subscribers sent The Bee audio questions, so Kyle and Ethan dive into the mailbag! To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon Bee.
Fake news you can trust.
Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
Whoa, hello.
This is a show where all the news is made up, and the facts don't matter.
We do weird news that's real.
Oh, that's true.
So not all the news is made up.
But it all sounds like it is.
This was supposed to be a whose line is it anyway, reference.
Oh, sorry.
You kind of ruined it.
You need to write scripts.
I did write that in the script.
You did?
Yeah, I did.
Well, you wait.
How long have you been doing this, writing the introduction?
A couple of times.
I'm your host, Kyle Mann, along with my partner in crime, Ethan Nicole.
I'm Drew Carey.
He's my Ryan Styles or somebody.
I don't know.
Is that this tall, skinny guy, Ryan Styles?
Drew Carey's a short, fat guy.
Yeah, but I was trying to be the main host.
Okay, you still want to be still wanting to be better than me.
You deserve it because you wrote it.
I was trying to think if one of the guys was more of your body shape, but I couldn't think of any.
I guess it is Drew Carey.
So Drew Carey and...
We could be half and half each.
How could I?
I don't look like any of them.
I'll be Ryan Carey and you can be Drew Stiles.
We can both be weird abominations of the two men.
Like half of one of their faces glued together at the other.
One of us gets the top half, the other bottom half, and switch them.
Just be horrible.
Yeah.
Created by a mad scientist.
Anyway, this is a show where we read Babylon Bee stories to bring you the news.
I don't know.
You could just read the website, but here we are.
We're the guys who write a lot of it.
Yeah, just talk about it.
We like it.
Let's talk about it.
Talk about it.
And it's fun.
This episode might be a little bit shorter than normal because Ethan's about to go on a vacation.
I'm crunching.
Where are you guys going?
We're going to Big Sir, sir.
Sir?
Up in, I don't know where they got that name.
It's pretty cool.
It's kind of got a cool.
Big sir.
That's one big sir.
But it's sir with a U. Which that could be a good pronoun.
Well, would you quote the other version?
Yeah, I don't know.
C, sir, yeah.
I guess Sue, sir.
I don't know.
Sue, sir.
Yeah.
Yeah, Sue.
And sir.
Yeah, so we should just book through this.
Let's do it.
We did want to mention our Babylon B best of book, The Sacred Texts of the Babylon Bee, will be out pretty soon, hopefully in the next four to six weeks.
Something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
And so you can pre-order it on shop.babylonbee.com, and it's absolutely gorgeous, and you're going to love it.
Yeah, just imagine like a giant golden-looking Bible full of Babylon Bee stories.
Lots of brand new facts.
Absolutely gorgeous.
It's going to be on your coffee table when you have women to your house to study the Bible.
They will see it and be like, and they will want to marry you right there.
And when your liberal friends come over and read it, they'll be totally owned.
They'll just explode and blood all over.
So you might want to put some plastic sheeting all over the room before that happens.
All right, let's go on to some stuff that's good.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
Well, I have been pretty restrained in my stuff that's good recommendations and not recommending board games every week because that's probably what I want to do.
But I've been like, okay, some books, some shows, and I save it every, I don't know.
I think I've only recommended one board game, possibly.
I remember I recommended code names.
I don't remember if I did any others.
Anyway, I'm going to recommend Pandemic Hot Zone.
It's part of the pandemic family of games, which is very timely right now.
But you go around and try to stop diseases from spreading all over the world.
Sounds kind of familiar.
What's great about it is that you can all play together and you play against the game.
So this is like for families.
They're fighting disease together.
Yeah.
So this is like for families that you play sorry and one of the kids gets all upset because he gets sent back home and he screams and flips the board.
It doesn't happen in this game.
Or if it does, you all lost together and you all flip the word together.
We played this at the Babylon Bee Retreat with some of the guys.
It's awesome.
It's the easiest, simplest, and shortest and cheapest of the pandemic games.
So they made it kind of as an introversion.
So if you haven't played many modern board games, you've only ever played Sahari in Trouble.
Pandemic Hot Zone is a great one to go with.
It's like 20 bucks a target and it's fantastic.
So Pandemic Hot Zone.
Check it out.
I want to recommend a, he's a good friend of mine.
He's a Christian artist and he's one of the most creative guys in comics that I know.
His name's Jason Brubaker.
He does a comic called, well, he did one called Remind.
R-E is in capitals than Mind.
I kind of never caught the meaning, but he has newer projects too.
I know that he does.
I got to keep up better, but I just, if you just search Jason Brubaker, Remind, you'll find, or even just search him.
You'll find a ton of amazing art.
He basically does Kickstarters and just makes these beautiful books and he sells directly to his audience.
He worked at DreamWorks.
He quit his job at DreamWorks and just moved out of LA to live a cheaper life.
And he just makes these very authentic, beautiful, hardbound books from a Christian perspective, but they're very, they're not like, you know, they're not like Christian bookstore books.
They're very artistic and like well, well, well written and very creative, like beautiful, kind of a real wonder to them and stuff, real unique.
So I'm looking at them right now.
They look great.
See?
So yeah, check those out.
Support Jason Brubaker.
He's a good guy, too.
There's a great podcast somewhere out there.
Me and Doug Tenable did with him one time.
And like, it was just really good.
All right.
He was on your podcast?
No, we were on his.
No, we're on his podcast.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Cool.
Jason Brubak.
Brubaker.
The document says Brubak.
I think someone typed a slash there.
There we go.
Brubaker.
Oh, yeah.
Oops.
Sorry.
Something happened.
Something happened.
All right.
Let's go on to weird news.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
Swarm of flying ants.
Oh, wait, these are real headlines.
We didn't make these up.
Swarm of flying ants spreads across London, Kent, and Sussex.
Now, the image is more what's funny here because they actually have a weather.
You see a cold front coming in?
It's a 50-mile swarm.
That's not in the headline here.
That's weird that it took it out when I, because I use the headline that it gives you from the link.
It's a massive, it looks like a storm front coming in from weather satellites picked it up because it's this many ants.
Sunday and Monday sunny weather will give way to a high-pressure ant front coming in over the Atlantic.
Yeah, so like the things that we joke about sharks doing, like creating a tornado and flying in, like ants here.
Let me show you.
Flying ants.
I like the little label.
Flying ants.
Yeah, so we joke about sharks doing this, and ants just are doing it.
Like they're creating their own weather storm.
Maybe they're refugees from the murder hornets.
Yeah, or it's a plague from God.
Or something like that.
On the sins of our time.
You know, nothing would surprise me at this point.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could start raining frogs and I'd be like, yep.
It's raining frogs.
My son discovered Perry Grip's channel and is just taco cat.
Do you like waffles?
The whole deal.
Which son?
The youngest.
The youngest, yeah.
A man unearths witch bottle with teeth inside, but it's urged to put it back.
I guess this guy is one of these guys that digs around trying to find interesting things.
So there's a home in the mid-1800s.
The bottle was from around that time, and it had teeth or a tooth, strands of human hair, a pincher beetle, and some urine.
And possibly some urine.
Possibly some urine.
They didn't do a full forensic analysis.
But I guess they're afraid that it's a protection spell or something.
And they're like, put it back, man.
You're going to release all the, you're going to release the 50-mile ant swarm or whatever.
This is why.
This is all tied together.
They didn't put back the witch bottle and the flying against the tech.
Sad.
Yeah.
Not good.
Frustrated in lockdown?
Send your scream to Iceland.
Wait.
What?
That's a dumb headline.
But people are struggling with the events of this year.
They're being invited to let off steam by recording their scream into their phone, send it to people in Iceland, and they'll play it over a loudspeaker in their giant mountain, mountainous, you know, it's all echoey and dramatic out there.
So like that Trump girl, the girl that screamed when Trump won, she could send herself and they could play it because that would, I guess.
Do you think somebody pays for this in real life?
I don't know.
I do like this headline because I feel like an editor, someone wrote it, like, you can send your screen to Iceland.
And the editor's like, no, no, no, no.
We need people to click on this.
Yeah.
Frustrated and locked down, send your screen to Iceland.
He's like, no, I need something else.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
The guy's sitting there.
He's like crumpling up his bad ideas and throwing them over his shoulder.
Oh, I know.
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
Record scratch.
What?
What?
Did you see that?
I don't know.
Did we read it on the podcast, Japan's thing about screaming on roller coasters?
Did you see that?
Like, Japan's roller coasters, they're not allowing people to scream.
Oh, yeah.
What is this?
Please scream inside your heart.
Scream inside your heart.
So you can either scream inside your heart or you can scream in Iceland, apparently.
I don't know.
I imagine you could just like.
Yeah, I don't know.
I want to do some kind of special effects thing where I go like, scream inside your heart.
Right now, you think.
You zoop into my heart and you see that the Trump screaming.
Do it.
Let's see the.
Go.
Scream inside your heart now.
Okay, and then we'll have to.
We'll do it in post.
Oh, you're an extra time because I'll be gone.
Man throws 19 chopsticks into archery target for Guinness Record.
Yeah.
That's pretty impressive.
It's hard to get a chopstick to sink into an archery target.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess he got 20.
And then one fell out before the minute.
He has to just stay in for a minute.
But yeah, he said he thought it was going to be pretty easy, but he said it was pretty hard.
So that's crazy.
Guinness record just Guinness record seems so dubious to me.
Yeah, apparently this guy's won a whole bunch of Guinness records because they're just all really random stuff like this.
It's like, oh, how many olives could you fit on a piece of hay?
I can respect the guy who has picked up the biggest amount of weight or the guy who's run the fastest mile or something.
That seems like an achievement that mankind just respects.
That's something we get.
High-five 30 gibbons within five minutes or something.
Okay, come on.
Like, aren't there people?
So this guy made it.
Does this guy have multiple Guinness records?
Is that what you were saying?
That's what I remember reading.
So there are these guys that just try to get in the book by doing stupid stuff.
Yeah, because it's a fundraiser, I guess.
Well, I'm not going to bash in a fundraiser.
He said to promote STEM education.
Yeah, I can't remember.
A noble goal.
He's broken more than 150 Guinness World Records to promote STEM education.
All right.
Well, good for him, though.
So he does things like this where he like surf on a stink bug or something.
Keep balancing sausages on your head or whatever.
And I support it.
Yeah, or like turn celery into nunchucks and keep it intact.
Ride a unicycle across the Pacific Ocean.
No, that one would be hard.
All right.
You got the next.
Oh, it's your turn.
I do.
I lost my notes there.
It's about a seagull.
More animal news.
Oh, this is our first animal.
No, it was our second.
Seagull rescued with face mask wrapped around its legs.
I was just thinking about this this morning.
I was trying to come up with some headline about how to.
I walked through the grocery store parking lot and there's just masks and glasses.
Yeah, they're everywhere, right?
Like, so we have now decided humanity is more important than the environment, right?
Before they were.
It's so funny.
I mean, you have to sacrifice everything for the environment.
Ah, the mask.
Like, if you really believe that humanity was this scourge on the land, wouldn't you?
It'd be like, nobody wear masks.
Everybody kiss each other.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, the overpopulation people should be the most excited about this whole thing.
Like, oh, yeah, naturally, you're going to bring down this population.
I'm sure some people said stuff like that.
And like, oh, look, nature's healing and all this.
But they're never the ones to go look a doorknob.
Right.
They want you to lick the doorknob.
I'm not looking the doorknob.
I saw everything.
I mean, I don't love it, but everything backfires.
Like, oh, wait, the plastic bags, we can't, we get, we can't be doing the reusable plastic bags because things are filthy.
That's disgusting.
It just seems like all these little, all the little steps they're trying to take to fix the or the fix the earth.
Now they're like, now we got masks out there killing seagulls.
So.
Well, it didn't kill the seagull.
Almost.
If somebody hadn't shown up, probably.
So was he just hopping around?
I bet the guy that caught him that fountain was a good American, blue-collar, hard-working.
It was from England.
Yeah, I didn't read it.
I skimmed it.
We had a lot going on yesterday.
You had more than me.
I was amazed at what you did.
Does your wife rescue animals when she sees the mountain?
Like, if you guys are driving.
My mom doesn't care about my mom.
My wife doesn't care about animals.
We'll talk about that later.
There's issues there.
But we'll be just driving, like, hurdling down the freeway, and there'll be a dog, and my wife will go, stop.
She's walking around.
Yeah, like, well, even, you know, if a dog gets out and it's running on the shoulder or whatever.
She's like, stop, we got a guy.
We got to get it.
So now if it's like legs ran over.
No, no, no.
It's just like, you know, it's a stray.
She's just walking around.
She wants to save it.
Yeah.
She has a big heart.
I don't think so.
My wife grew up on a farm, so she's a little more callous.
She's like, let's shoot it.
Yeah.
Shoot the dog before.
Make some good jerky.
A little cookie jerky.
All right.
Story.
This reference to a different episode that hasn't come out yet.
Cookie jerky.
Remember?
Cookie jerky.
My mind is shot.
Story show, crossover episode.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I forgot that whole thing already.
The cookie jerky.
Was the dog possibly jerky?
Remember?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Cookie, the dog.
I've already told that story to multiple people.
We're doing an episode with the story show, guys, and it's going to be hilarious.
All right.
Stories of the week.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
At this rate, we're going to be done with this episode in about five minutes.
We're already through, man.
This is good.
This is good.
High energy.
High energy.
Yeah.
All right.
Our first story.
In a move that's being called unprecedented tyranny.
Walmart is now requiring all shoppers to wear pants.
Perhaps.
These are not my pants.
I don't know whose they are.
Smell a lot like Marbies.
Because he likes to fart.
That was pretty good, man.
Take reference in late 90s Five Iron Frenzy bonus track on an EP of Five Iron Frenzy.
I used to listen to those pants songs more than the album.
My wife says, like, Alexa, shuffle Five Iron Frenzy.
And then that'll come on and she's like, skip.
Or there's always like the sandwiches.
Everyone likes them.
Yeah.
Sandwiches.
Derailed Walmart.
Pants.
I kind of wonder if I've earned Frenzy could have gotten huge if they weren't just weird.
Sometimes it works for people, though.
He just didn't care.
You know, he wanted to be weird.
I don't know.
Anyway, all right.
Walmart.
Walmart told everyone to wear masks in stores.
And a lot of people were not happy about it.
Okay.
Because they released a statement or whatever, like, you got to wear masks in Walmart.
I think they were one of the last chains.
They were like the last holdout.
Oh, really?
And people really weren't doing it.
They're like, yeah.
Walmart.
I'm shopping at Walmart.
So everyone's like, I'm taking my business elsewhere.
So here's my hot tick.
Okay.
I've seen a lot of people say masks don't stop the spread at all.
I think it's kind of self-evident that masks probably help some.
Some.
At least like if you sneeze.
If you sneeze and you're staying.
The blobs are not going to fly out and land at people.
But people will say, oh, well, the COVID-19 is small enough.
It'll go through the market.
It's like a mosquito going through a chain link fence.
That's what they tell me.
Yeah.
But it's like, well, but not having a bunch of gunk on your face from someone sneezing at you is probably a little less likely.
In some measurable way, I'm sure, where it must work in some measurable way.
It seems obvious to me.
Like, I don't think you really.
So you're becoming pro-mask suddenly.
No, no, no.
I hate masks.
But I also think that most people are really bad with their mask wearing habits to where it probably negates a lot of the well, yeah.
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
I'm bad.
I am terrible.
That's how I know because I go.
Yeah.
You're not supposed to touch your face at all.
You're supposed to completely have your hands perfectly washed every time you touch the mask.
There's always, and you're supposed to.
I never wash my mask.
Yeah.
You're supposed to wash it.
You're supposed to put new ones on constantly.
Yeah.
I'm just not good at the proper use.
Most people aren't good at it.
I think I really do think the only use they have is that like maybe you're not going to smear.
You're not going to like sneeze a Lugie and it's going to smear all over the railing at the subway station or something.
Yeah, so it probably helps with some of that like substance spread.
This is the medical term.
And it's, yeah.
But that's also why one reason I hate mandatory stuff where they have to just do a one blanket thing.
It's like there are going to be situations you're in where you know there's nobody within six feet of you.
I'm not going to wear a freaking mask.
Or you're outside in the hot sun.
Everybody's walking around the park.
I'm going to wear a mask.
Sun kills it faster.
I think as a situation here, as a society, we really need to ostracize the people who wear masks in their cars by themselves.
Well, the excuse for that is, though, they're like, I'm a safe.
They're the people who don't touch the mask.
That's why I've seen people say.
I was trying to figure out why.
So maybe we should either all do that or nobody do anything because if we're not doing that, then who cares?
Do you have any weird Walmart stories?
Walmart's a weird place.
I'm from a Walmart town where Walmart came in and most of the mom paw shops alive and kind of got shut down.
And everybody embraced it.
So like the weird thing is, though, is a small town of like 20,000 people, but in a town that size, you generally see anytime you go out, you see somebody, you know.
That's just how it is being in a small town.
Walmart was weird.
It was like this weird pocket where I could go to Walmart and not know anybody who's there.
It's just the other thing is one of my friend Norty, who's a total gun nut, if we were just sitting around, it was like 1 a.m. or something or 2 a.m.
He'd be like, want to go to Walmart?
Look at guns, I guess.
So that's what he liked to do at night.
We just go to Walmart and he just liked to look at all the guns and then usually hit a fast food or something.
There's not a lot of stuff open late in the small town.
So Walmart, they're open 24 hours in small towns.
I don't know if that one up by my house is still 24 hours, but I know when it was 24 hours, when I had to go, when my kids would get sick and I had to go get some medicine or something, it was always, I had to go there because that was the only 24-hour thing in the area.
And you saw some personalities, man.
Oh, yeah.
Go to Walmart at 3 a.m. up there.
I do have one.
I was at, well, this is not really a fitting.
Well, maybe.
This is a multi-ethnic story.
I was in a line at Walmart.
Good.
We need more diversity on this podcast.
And there's a giant Mexican family in front of me.
Like, there's kids, there's giant Mexicans.
A lot of tons of people, like just a whole crowd.
Like everybody had left the house or the more like the village because it was like a ton of them.
They came out from a small village.
They looked very rural.
They had like, you know, they looked like they'd been working all day.
And, you know, like they had auntie with like your shawl type of thing.
And then the guy looked like a farmer.
Like they look like a classic, you know, hard-working Mexican family.
Hard-working Mexican family.
Right.
They're all in line.
I'm like, what is the event?
They've all come to Walmart together for this event.
And the man lays one item down on the line.
It is a DVD of Bonanza.
The old show.
Like they all came to Walmart.
I don't know if he was like at home.
I want to know what the story is.
The greatest movement, the greatest TV show ever made is Bonanza.
And it was like, we will go.
Don't forget the children.
Come.
And they buy it and everybody's just like huge event.
That's fantastic.
I love that.
I love being that excited about a DVD of Bonanza.
It was like a dollar bin DVD.
Yeah, I've seen the feces spread on the floor.
I walked by an aisle once.
It was a frozen food aisle.
It was all coned off.
And we're like, we're going to get our milk.
And we go.
And it's just smeared.
I don't know if it was kid feces or adult feces or emu or something.
You just never know in Walmart.
I still have PTSD.
I can't go to Walmart.
Yeah, Walmart in a small town is a little different to me than in a big city.
It is still the more poor people.
In a small town, everybody's poor.
Like if you're from a rural area, almost everybody.
But it's a bit of a different culture.
It's actually more, a little more, it's not, I don't know.
Walmart in out here since I moved here.
It's a little more frightening.
It's just like a weird, like, I don't know.
It's not, it's not.
I don't know.
Everything I say is going to sound bad.
Walmart feels a little more like.
I like how you're gatekeeping the Walmart experience, right?
I mean, it's saying you haven't really been to Walmart.
Well, I went to small town.
You know, Walmart was like a huge hub.
So it's more like...
It's the town center.
Yeah.
Yeah, so everybody's happy and like, hey, everybody.
And we loved having a Walmart because we don't have a lot of big chains in our little city.
And there's the thankfulness.
But in the city, Walmart is just like, I'm a Walmart person.
Screw all y'all.
And like, you know, I hate you, hate you, and hate you.
And we all hate each other.
And there's anger at Walmart in the city.
Everybody walking through Walmart.
I hate you.
Hate my life.
I hate you too.
I hate you too.
Like, just get dirty looks.
I'm strangers.
It might be because I only go at two in the morning because they're the only place open.
So I've only been seeing the late night crowd of Walmart.
Anyway, we've talked too much about Walmart.
All right.
Let's, oh, and then I wanted to shout out to Jimmy Humphrey, one of our Babylon B subscribers who submitted the idea that led to this.
Okay.
Good job, Jimmy.
Oh, and the joke is that people like to wear sweatpants and shorts and stuff at Walmart.
Because when I read this, I was like, is that known that people just walk around in underwear?
Since explaining the joke always makes it funnier.
I think yes.
And then also just that people are weird at Walmart.
Or Walmart walking in Wales.
I guess it would be accepted if somebody walked around in their tidy.
People walking in like no shirt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of the people of Walmart.
You ever see that website?
Oh, yeah.
It probably appealed to the worst part of our instincts, but it was fun to watch.
All right.
Let's go on to our next story.
Nick Cannon, that mega famous person that I just learned about.
Yeah.
He has stepped down from his position as host of the masked singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin.
The move comes just days after Cannon totally owned white people on his podcast, calling them sick animals and rotten little mountain people.
Did he say rotten little mountain people?
I don't know.
I don't think that's an exact question.
I don't know who wrote this.
One of our writers.
Rotten little mountain people.
It's something like that, though.
Yeah, there's something.
It's something weird like that.
Savages.
Hey, that last part of the story is mostly true.
Cannon didn't quit Math Singer, but he was fired by Viacom CBS for crazy anti-white, anti-Semitic comments.
What's really weird to me about this is like what he's saying on race, if you purely are an evolution-believing person.
It's fine to believe.
It makes completely perfect sense.
It's really fine to believe if you believe it.
It would be completely fine.
It would be the most rational view on equality I've seen yet.
Because you would have to have some distinctions.
Some people go to some races because they're raised this way and raised in this way.
All these races are different and unequal.
only way you get to actual intrinsic equality is if we were created by some god that had that in their mind when they did it like yeah didn't we have a Babylonian story about like no don't we have a story where it was like democrats come out against equality because it's a christian idea or something like that Probably it sounds like there was something like that.
Yeah.
I don't remember if that was a Frank or who that was.
But yeah, they are appropriating our idea of equality.
Yeah.
The Christian idea of equality.
I mean, he's just doing the flip of like, yeah, what was argued in the Senate for, I think our buddy was talking about.
Henry Clay, right?
Yeah, saying that blacks are less evolved.
So that's why.
That was one of the main arguments for slavery.
Right.
Yeah.
The original title of argument in front of the U.S. Congress.
Yeah.
So Adam Ford seems to have started this Nick Cannon controversy.
Our own Adam Ford of Babylon B fame, the guy you might miss.
The guy you miss who doesn't love us anymore.
And he really tweeted out this.
I forgot to ask him how this came about, but he tweeted out this thing from Nick Cannon on his podcast.
And it got 35,000 retweets.
Wow.
That's pretty big.
That's like huge.
In Twitter numbers, that's massive.
In Twitter numbers, that's huge.
That's a viral status.
Even over a couple thousand is huge.
Twitter's really hard unless you're the president.
I see people on there that'll get a couple hundred retweets and then they'll reply, oh, I didn't expect this to go so viral.
Yeah.
Check out my band.
Say on SoundCloud.
I think because Twitter users are more active than like, if you get 30 shares on Facebook, you still might not get a much action on it.
But if you get like 300 shares on Twitter, everybody's commenting and you're getting tons more interaction.
Because it's easy to just fire off those little tweets.
Yeah, so Adam Ford might have got someone canceled.
I don't think he can tell.
I don't know if it really counts as canceled if you're still on like a major TV show and you're the host of, you know, with other celebrities.
Oh, he got partially canceled.
Partial canceled.
But it sounded like he wasn't even canceled for the anti-white portion of his comments.
They said for anti-Semitic comments because he said something about the Jews.
Yeah, there's some about the Jews.
I think that seems to be.
That's what people came.
I actually don't think he should be canceling.
Say whatever he wants.
But Nick Cannon said that white people are a little less closer to animals, the true savages, acting out of a deficiency.
So the only way they can act is evil.
I couldn't talk because I have a deficiency.
You have that white deficiency.
That white deficiency.
Adam, what's your name, Dan?
Do you have the audio?
Oh, do we have it?
Ben, let's go to what it really is then.
When we talk about the power of melanated people, when we talk about who we really are as guys and understanding that our melanin is so power and it connects us in a way that the reason why they fear black, the reason why they fear is because the lack that they have of it.
So then when you see what Dr. Francis C. Wesley talked about is that fear and that genetic annihilation of when you have a person that has the lack of pigment, the lack of melanin, that they know that they will be annihilated.
So therefore, however, they got the power, they have the lack of compassion.
That melanin comes with compassion.
Melanin comes with soul.
We call it soul.
We soul brothers and sisters.
That's the melanin that connects us.
So the people that don't have it have are a little, and I'm going to say this carefully.
Are a little less.
And where the term actually comes from, because I'm bringing it all the way back around to Minister Farrakhan, to where they may not have the compassion or when they were sent to the mountains of Caucasus, when they didn't have the power of the sun, that was that the sun then started to deteriorate.
So then they're acting out of fear.
They're acting out of low self-esteem.
They're acting out of a deficiency.
So therefore, the only way that they can act is evil.
The only way they can, they have to rob, steal, rape, kill, and fight a flight in order to serve.
All right, that's enough.
Exactly.
So then these people who have-that's enough of that.
Yeah, I just wanted to get to that part where he says the only way they can act is evil.
They have to act.
Let's go a little far, right?
They have to pillage.
Like he says, I'm going to say this carefully.
White people.
He works with all these white people on Mass Singer, right?
That's so strange.
It is weird that you can just say that.
You believe that.
But once again, he's not calling for anybody to like do something.
I don't like that view.
I don't like it.
But like, I don't.
If he wants to talk crazy in a podcast about that stuff, whatever.
I don't really care.
Don't really care.
And if his view is evolution, it makes perfect sense to me.
He'd be going down that path.
It should be explored.
If you really think that, if you really want to go down the path of people's worth is based on their genetics and their DNA, like, all right, man.
Hopefully just talk your way down that path and don't start taking action.
It's true.
What about like the Congo?
Where's all the joy and all the happy and go lucky melanin people there?
It's the joy and the soul and the sun, brother.
I don't know.
So, I don't know.
Okay.
Yeah, it's like if you're talking to someone like that and they're like, yeah, so, you know, melanin is good.
And you're like, yeah, yeah, brother, that's good.
And he's like, melanin, you know, it's where the joy comes from.
It's where the soul comes from.
Yeah.
Compassion.
So if you don't have melanin, you know, you're an evil mountain savage.
And you're like, all right, have a good one, bro.
Later.
Yeah.
Is he telling it to a white guy?
I do like that.
I do find that connection hilarious that he is on the Mask Singer.
And he's like, I could be standing next to a white person right now.
This monster suit.
And I wouldn't know.
You can see the moment they put the mask off.
He's like, no, a savage.
There's still a monster.
I took off the monster suit, but the monster was inside.
The monster was inside you all along.
All right.
Story three.
So we have some safety tips for you for this story.
10 safety tips for going back to church.
All right.
Like during COVID.
Yeah.
A lot of people getting to go back to church.
I've forgotten that church is something you can go back to that'll ever happen again.
Unless you live in China or California, you've probably gone back to church now.
So we should start at Outdoor California Church.
Some of the things are doing like the find like an empty lot somewhere and just do something.
Let's do it.
I'm down.
Let us know if you're in Inland Empire people.
Let us know.
We'll do a church service.
Babylon B church.
Yep.
Playing hooky was fun while it lasted, but it's time to get out of our pajamas and head back to church.
But the deadly coronavirus is still out there.
Have to worry about, we won't have to worry about dying once it's gone, but as long as it's here, we need to put safety over other lesser things like liberty, life, property, and worship.
So, here are 10 great ways to stay safe when you go back to church.
Do you have the list?
I do.
I just opened the wrong article on accent.
I was like, man, are you saying this off the top of your head?
Impressive.
Number one, avoid sticking your entire face into the communion goblet.
That's good.
Good advice.
Separate straws for goblet makes me want to go, it says goblet.
It says goblet.
I don't know.
Gobble this.
Do you guys do the tiny plastic cups?
Do we?
I think so.
I've been to churches that have done the goblet and the like dip in the goblet.
But I don't.
I think.
Oh, yeah, I know.
It's been so long since you've been to church.
You have no memory.
Well, yeah, because it's got to be the little cups.
Little cups.
I'm pretty sure.
All right.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Replace side hugs with more sanitary air hugs.
Is that like the crossroom?
Like you do like a hudo can hug?
Something like that.
No, side air hug you are.
You still have to side hug.
Oh, it's a side hug when you air.
Yeah.
You're an airbender.
Avatar.
Avatar reference.
Number three, make sure your kids don't eat the frosting off the donuts and then put them back.
My son is notorious for doing this.
He'll grab a donut from the box at church.
Yeah.
Eat all the frosting.
I'll put it back in.
We're not highbrow enough to have donuts in our church, especially the frosting.
You guys are.
You go to some mega church or something?
No.
I will say that we have stale bagels.
I will say the most disappointing thing is showing up to church, and someone brought just like those little brownie cubes that are all stale.
And you're like, instead of donuts.
We get day-old bagels from the bagel shop and they've cut them up into four pieces.
The fourths.
It's always fourths, but is that?
And so they're very hard and rubbery.
And then there's a bit of cream cheese, but there's never enough for everybody.
So it's just mangled and just like it's everywhere.
And like savages came through and tried to consider getting a new church.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know if they're going to open again, so that's true, too.
That's true.
That was a threat, church.
Listen up, church.
Can you imagine your church without me in it?
Sitting in the back?
What a disaster that would be.
Staring at you.
I also got hardly any sleep.
I'm trying here.
What number are we on?
For so, did you already pack your car for your vacation?
Yeah, I packed like all ASCII.
Are you the dad that does the Tetris?
Like, get everything in.
I got one of those giant bags you put on top of the car, car bag.
Yeah.
Because we have a lot of mechanics.
So I was like shoving and trying to fit it all in there.
And then every time you shift it and try to zip it, you have to go all around the car and it's an SUV setting up on top of it.
And then I realized that I didn't do it right.
I got to snap it all again, keep putting all this stuff in and moving around.
Disaster.
Finally getting there perfect.
And like, I will not open it until we arrive.
I'm not touching it.
Sorry for the derailment.
Make oh, wear pants.
Oh, wear pants.
I feel like we did that joke.
We did the Walmart one.
Yeah.
Oh, we did it.
We did do another article about wearing pants.
Wearing pants when you go back to church.
Number five, start talking about weird end times prophecies and Bible codes.
To scare people away.
It's the social distance.
There was a guy at this church I went to as this old guy.
And he would come up to me and say, Kyle, look at this.
And he would show me some equation he had entered on his calculator.
And he's like, if you add Isaiah chapter 66 to Numbers chapter 17, look what comes up.
You know what I'm like?
I don't know.
80 83.
Spell something out.
And he's like, 83.
The number of years between the fall of Jericho and the whatever, you know.
Okay, like, oh, that's that's interesting.
My dad was really into near-death experiences.
He'd talk to like everybody he met about him like for like an hour.
Did he have near-death experiences?
No, he read about all he'd tell all these stories he'd read to people that had no, you could tell they're like, that's cool that you believe in that.
So, did he read, what was the big one with the kid that died and went to heaven?
Yeah, but he read a bunch of, he went deep.
That was like mainstream.
Anyway, yeah, we're on time crunch on this show today.
Start talk.
Oh, you read that.
When asked how you're doing during this unprecedented time of turmoil, just say, fine.
It's good.
It eliminates all small talk.
Yeah.
That's just what you do anyway at church.
Exactly.
So now you just say fine still.
Lysa spray the church greeters in the face.
Hi, welcome to North Point Come here.
That'd be fun anyway.
Check if there are any state ordinances against singing.
If so, sing louder.
We have a state order.
I don't know if our state's the only one that is banned as singing.
It seems so arbitrary.
And also, singing off the table.
Singing.
So, wow.
This seems like a jab, a dig at churches, right?
Oh, totally.
Who else gets together and sings?
It just shows me.
And it is just churches, right?
It shows me that they're in such a bubble in Sacramento that someone suggested that idea and nobody was in the room that just said, you know what?
We should probably not do that.
That's going to look bad.
Number nine, reserve the few seats around you using the time-honored method of setting church bulletins on them.
Yeah.
No one sits near you, you're good.
The moment there's one page of it.
That's why each church bulletin contains hopefully a few pages because you need to spread that out.
Claim your territory.
That's probably why.
The church bulletin is the equivalent of a dog urinating on something.
Mark your territory.
Church dogs.
And if the worship leader tells you to greet those around you, shout, you want grandma to die!
You should probably do this even when there's no pandemic.
Yeah.
Just to stop the greeting time.
Well, if you have any great ways to stay safe during the pandemic, going back to church, just shout it right now at your podcast device or whatever.
We won't hear you, but it'll be fun.
All right, we're going to move on to our topic of the week.
And now, the Babylon Bee's topic of the week.
All right.
Well, the Babylon Bee has been known to not just be funny, hilarious, but also to predict the future in a hilarious fashion.
Nostradamus.
Nostradamus style.
Yeah.
A lot of times we write an article and then within months, sometimes days.
Weeks?
Days?
Something very similar, eerily similar happens in the news.
And we don't know if we're causing it or if we just happen to predict it.
Our fingers are on the pulse.
Our fingers are on the pulse of modern culture.
Seems like a bad Fox News podcast or something.
I don't know.
It's not what James Lindsey said.
He said, you guys' fingers on the pulse.
You guys' fingers are really on the pulse.
More than anybody.
Is it the correct fingers?
I always get wrong which fingers it is.
Oh, are you supposed to put specific fingers on the pulse?
These two.
Yeah.
Because you can mess up if you just use one.
It's like you might be feeling the fingers pulse.
So maybe that's why we're more on the ball than other satire sites.
They're using the wrong finger.
Yeah, they're using a thumb.
Yeah.
Can't use your thumb.
Or they didn't even do it on the neck.
They're like on the wrong part of the body.
Wrong or wrong.
Sad.
Okay, so here's the first prophecy made on January 23rd, 2020.
Dumb Ocasio-Cortez strangles herself tying her shoes because she's so stupid.
This is one of my favorite articles because we were making fun of, we were really making fun of a lot of our readers with it.
Ones who purely come here for Aoc.
Hate yeah, so ugly.
He has huge teeth.
He looks like a donkey.
Yeah, what a dummy.
I'm sure this guy's just a real charmer there.
Yeah, whoever says that is always a very attractive.
Yeah, it's always like the guy with like yeah, the elastic band on the glasses and just freaky looking like of all the weird looking ugly people in Washington.
You're gonna go after Aoc?
Yeah, come on.
I mean it could be much worse.
Come on, come on um, but yeah, so I purposely did a bad.
We've been.
I think we've talked about this one before.
So this, this was fulfilled, bizarrely enough, on february 6 2020, when Aoc said, it is a physical impossibility to lift yourself up by a bootstrap by your shoelaces.
It's physically impossible.
You would strangle yourself.
It was just bizarre that we did this article about her not being able to tie her shoes and then like, a day later, she's like, you can't tie your shoelaces.
Yeah, you can't lift up yourself with your shoelaces.
I've tried this.
Prophecy fulfilled.
It's like, yeah, it was like implied that she tried and then she almost died.
Prophecy fulfilled.
Sorry, I was trying to do like a really yeah stamp.
We need.
We need a stamp.
Dan, put a stamp on the screen.
All right, this one was made on september 20th 2019.
Liberals clarify their racism, actually just Democratic racism.
So then on december 28th uh, is this Karen Tumulty?
I think so.
She says back when a racist photo first serviced in this in his medical school yearbook.
Most Virginia lawmakers are editorial page in Yours Truly said uh, the governor Northam should resign.
We were wrong.
so and the opinion he says how how ralph northam came back from the political dead yeah i think when the northam stuff first came out it was like oh he's got to resign everybody was calling on him too and he was just like nope and then a few months later they're like yeah we were wrong we were wrong yeah Prophecy fulfilled.
Oh yeah, sorry.
Prophecy number three made on december 23rd 2019.
Trump I have done more for Christianity than Jesus.
He didn't really say that.
This was one that a lot of people thought were real was real though, and this was filled on december 27th.
Uh, four day, four days later, he put on instagram a photo that says it shows a picture of Jesus and it says, Obama kicked me out.
Trump invited me back.
Jesus looks like a, like a male model, and he's got like four suitcases.
So he's got.
He's clearly like a prima donna.
He has to have all these products he's got.
One of them has to be pure hair product.
Well, for his hair yeah, and his the beard oil and all of that skin products.
Prophecy fulfilled.
I'm catching on.
Uh, Trump 2020 campaign.
This was july 16th 2019.
Trump 2020 campaign is simply air, unedited footage of Democrats talking.
So yeah, we're just gonna make an ad of them talking fulfilled.
Uh, we have a tweet from Ryan Savage that says, new RNC ad uses Democrats own words on impeachment against them.
So it's literally just so.
They just took a bunch of clips of Democrats talking and put it published in as an ad.
Yeah, which was exactly what?
Exactly what the joke was prophecy fulfilled.
prophecy number five made on january 21st 2020 new deadlier ar-16 introduced which is an ar-15 wearing a maga hat that came true i can't wait to well not with the hat but on february 1st uh john kerry said no veteran would hunt with an ar-16 Yeah, the joke was an AR16.
AR16 wasn't invented.
So he probably doesn't know about the features of those guns.
That they have a MAGA hat, but it did.
He would get it wrong.
He'd call it a cap or something.
Prophecy fulfilled.
I like how half-hearted you are on the prophecy fulfilled.
I'm not used to you being so energetic.
Prophecy number six, made on you're excited about prophesying.
You have an inner, an inner Pentecostal guy in you.
Bloomberg purchases first supporter for $1.7 billion.
That's the fake story.
That's a fake story.
Fulfilled on February 7, 2020.
Michael Bloomberg has already burned through $300 million on television ads, boosting his late starting presidential campaign.
Now he wants to pay social media influencers a flat $150 to say why they like Mike on Instagram and Twitter.
Yeah, literally a few days later, he started paying influencers.
He just looks up blue checks.
He's like, hey, man, just say I love Mike.
Yeah, people were posting these DMs for screenshots from the Bloomberg campaign saying for $1,500, we post as much.
It was $1.7 billion.
Sometimes prophecy is a little fuzzy.
It's more of an art than a science.
The decimal point.
A lot of times a scripture.
We just saw fuzzy 1.7 and the vision and it was.
There's a one on the seven.
Well, we're close.
Prophecy fulfilled.
Prophecy number seven, made on February 7th, 2019.
Green New Deal promises energy-efficient gulags in every neighborhood.
On January 14th of the following year, the Sanders campaign was caught talking about all the gulags that they were going to build.
Sanders campaign organizer: free education, gulags needed to re-educate you not to be an effing Nazi.
Yeah, they were talking about how they weren't so bad, right?
There's free health care or something like that, or reading, or I can't remember.
The gulags, you know, they were pretty good places.
They're pretty good.
And you know, yeah, if you're, we're going to burn down the cities and yeah, we got to teach you not to be an effing Nazi.
You got to go to the gulag.
Prophecy fulfilled.
I can't keep up with you.
Prophecy number eight, made on August 16th, 2018.
Pope says he will address sex abuse scandal once he's finished talking about climate change.
Fulfilled on August 27th.
So can you paraphrase that for me?
So they kind of confronted the Vatican and the Pope on the sex abuse scandal, and they were talking to Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.
McCarrick.
And he said, the Pope knows that we have a bigger agenda than the sex abuse thing.
We have to speak about the environment.
About the poor.
And we have to reach out to people who are marginalized.
We cannot be distracted.
Wow.
That's a pretty close prophecy.
As far as those go, that's pretty good.
He wasn't the Pope, but we were.
There's a funny hat of some kind.
There was a funny hat, and it was.
Yeah, he's speaking for the Pope.
Some kind of robe.
So.
Prophecy fulfilled.
Prophecy number nine, made on March 25th, 2020.
Pants sales plummet.
Is everyone working from home?
We're all working on our underwear.
This one was pretty incredible because Frank wrote this joke, and this is like literally 100% fulfillment.
Yeah, that's 100%.
Amid coronavirus, Walmart says it's seeing increased sales of tops, but not bottoms.
A lot of jokes about Walmart and pants today.
So, wait, and so filled the next day?
It was one day later, Walmart announced that they had no pants sales.
So maybe it was all like sublunal.
Like Frank went to Walmart and just didn't see a bunch of paint or he saw an abundance of paint there.
I don't know.
Yeah, no, that didn't make sense.
Let's continue.
Prophecy fulfilled.
You're so wrong.
Prophecy number 10 made on April 7th, 2020.
Liberal treated with hydroxychloroquine hopes he still dies of COVID-19 to prove Trump is stupid.
Fulfilled on April 13th.
According to the Washington Examiner, Democrats are less willing to take hydroxychloroquine, the drug touted by real Donald Trump.
That is really silly.
53% of Republicans said they would take it, and just 18% of Democrats.
This will save your life.
No!
Wait, that's the drug that Trump recommended.
No, it probably tastes like Trump.
Well, guys, those are the 10 prophecies we had for you today.
That was, and that's its beginning.
That's just because I would like to throw in a bonus one.
Oh, so we said squirrels are up to something.
Oh, yeah, this was amazing.
And then, like, a couple weeks, a week or two later, what?
A squirrel was tested and had the bubonic plague.
A squirrel.
We picked any animal in the animal kingdom.
And I just want to say that we tried to warn you guys.
Yeah, we tried to warn you guys.
What are they doing out there?
How are they getting the bubonic plague?
Are they anti-vaxxers?
Are they injecting themselves with whoever they can find?
I thought the bubonic plague was gone.
I mean, I guess squirrels are bringing it back.
So they're up to something.
The squirrels are up to something.
All right.
Well, we're going to go on to hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All right.
So this is a very special hate mail segment because we have a song.
Someone wrote a song.
Someone was very.
Oh, sorry.
I'm not supposed to play here.
Someone was very triggered by the Babylon B and wrote the song.
His name's Chris Creech.
Should I say his name?
Should I say his name?
I don't know.
He seems like he wants to be heard and seen.
He's on YouTube singing.
Man, I never saw this.
He wrote this song.
It's only like a week ago.
Well, it's uploaded on March 21st.
Oh.
Maybe just recently shared it or something.
Oh, maybe.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't Google.
What was that?
I don't Google Angry Songs about the Babylon B.
Well, I had heard that Babylon Bee had been that Owen Benjamin was going off about us.
And so I searched for it, and then I found this while I was searching for it.
Oh, this is how you found this.
He claims that we're stealing his jokes.
And every joke he references is one you wrote.
Do you know who Owen Benjamin is?
I did not until you showed me.
Right?
Exactly.
And I knew.
I was like, Kyle doesn't even know who you are, Owen Benjamin.
And I know who he is.
And he actually is a hilarious comedian, but he's getting a little bit paranoid.
A little paranoid.
Keep writing great jokes, Owen Benjamin.
We like you, Owen.
Not, I don't know, all the little racist sometimes.
Okay.
So let's listen to the song.
Listen to this song.
It's called Babylon Bee, Not Funny.
See the bait.
Click the link.
Try to unsee.
What?
Babylon B. Not funny.
It's just partisan manipulation.
It's pretty good.
Look.
And you'll see it's just all completely magnification.
Back again.
Back in the beginning.
With a spin.
Traveling through a rabbit hole of garbage.
A rabbit hole.
And so carnage.
If you want to view bitterness, simply click a link and view it.
Can I get less guitar on my monitor?
I don't care who they hurt.
Don't want to change the world.
Just how folks feel it.
And there is no site I know that has this much disrespect for others.
It could really be on the whole internet?
Wow.
I think there's a few.
You could be writing there instead.
Is that it?
Is that that?
We're done.
It could have been much longer.
I respect the.
There's a couple of really good rhymes in there as far as parodies go.
Like MAGA Nation.
Mega Nation.
The Pure Imagination from Millie Wonka.
What is it?
Partisan Manipulation.
It's a pretty good to get that into a song.
We had to write that parody of the weird owl of people that hate the Babylon B.
So that's a pretty niche group.
And we want to be clear.
We don't want anyone to go pick on this guy.
No, do not.
Because we think it's hilarious.
Yeah.
I like when he said, okay, you person that is like, you're at your keyboard.
I'm going to write a horrible comment to this guy.
You're the problem.
You're the problem.
This guy is the solution.
He's like, I want to write a horrible comment, but I'm going to get my guitar and be creative instead and do some work and express myself in a unique way.
So Chris Creech, was that his name?
Yeah.
Hey, I don't expect everybody to like the Babylon B.
I thank you for not liking us in a creative way.
I just thumbs up his video.
Nice.
So now he's got one thumbs up.
He only got one?
Yeah.
I don't know what's on.
I don't know.
Maybe he uploaded it somewhere else and this was just somewhere he dumped it.
I'm clicking like right now.
Anyway.
You're going to click like too.
So now we have two likes.
Done.
Yep.
All right.
Good job.
Chris, go like Chris's video and subscribe to his channel.
Like and subscribe.
I think he wrote other parodies too.
All right.
I didn't look at them all.
Okay, we're going to move on to our subscriber portion.
So if you're a freeloading scumbag, you're out of here.
The rest of you, go away.
We are going to read.
We're going to listen to two voicemails that we got and respond.
And we are going to eat grasshoppers on the subject.
We talked about eating chips.
Bugs.
That bugs could be made into chips.
Somebody email is like, oh yeah, that exists.
I'm going to send you some.
They're called chirps.
They're called chirps.
And so we're going to eat some chirps.
See how we're going to hurt some chirps.
We're going to hurt some chirps.
Turned urts.
And the subscriber person.
Here we go.
Everybody, I'll see you later.
Remember to wear pants at Walmart and church.
Yeah, when you're buying your Bonanza DVD.
When you're buying your Bonanza D. All right.
See you.
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Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dillon for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go forth and embrace old-fashioned things like woodworking with hand tools, ragtime jazz music,