This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/11/2020. In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week's big stories like all the democratic candidates joining their powers together into a giant mech to take down Bernie Sanders, Brian Williams' math makes everything clear for us, and Elizabeth Warren heads back home. 'Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?' becomes a real game show and Kyle and Ethan talk about billionaires. In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan talk about how women have tricked men into cooking and also discuss a Chick-Fil-A miracle. Ethan also pontificates on whether or not flies have souls. Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Show Outline Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about how we're not supposed to talk about cognitive decline and flubber-diddles. Ethan got to see comedian Norm MacDonald live. Coronavirus travel restrictions change some of Kyle's family plans. Story 1 - Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders Right before Super Tuesday, Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar dropped out giving Biden a dominating election night. Biden got the Robert Francis O'Rourke to endorse him and promised Beto that he could head up his gun control efforts After a disappointed Super Tuesday, Bloomberg dropped out and endorsed Biden too. Kamala Harris endorsed Biden too. Story 2 - Brian Williams To Host New Game Show 'Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?' How many people didn't catch this before airing this segment? Producer, scriptwriter, graphics guy, Brian, guest, etc. "Brian Williams" hosts an exciting episode of 'Are You Smarter Than A Journalist?' Story 3 - Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces It's a sad story. Topic of the Week - Income inequality and the idea that billionaires are just sitting in a vault of hoarded cash and could solve everyone else's problems if they gave away all their cash. Looking at income inequality from Christian worldview. Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback - A reverend complains about having to keep explaining to people that the Babylon Bee is "SPOOF!" Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 00:56:05) Story 1 - Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts Story 2 - Historians: Women Invented Grilling To Trick Men Into Cooking Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans
In a world of fake news, this is news you can trust.
Because fake news is a basic human right, you're listening to the Babylon B with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
I don't know where we are or what we're doing.
I should run for president.
Brought to you by Joe Biden for president.
2020 paid for.
This joke has been approved by Joe Biden.
No, I do know where I am.
I am at the Babylon B offices, and I do know who I am.
I'm Kyle Mann.
Are you trying to perpetuate some kind of story saying that Joe Biden is becoming senile?
You know what I'm doing?
Are you part of the GOP pouncing?
I'm pouncing on the story.
It's unsubstantiated.
Yeah, he has a stammer.
He has a stutter, and once in a while, instead of saying the word you're trying to say, you just...
What's worse than a stammer or a stutter?
What's a little bit worse?
A flubber?
A flab.
A flubber, flipper, flipperdoodle.
A flibberdoodle.
Yeah, he stumbles into flibberdoodle territory.
He definitely does.
He gets that where his eyes look suddenly blank, like he forgot where he was in his sentence, and he's just lost now.
Which, to be honest, happens to me.
Yeah.
And I'm young.
But I'm also not saying that I should run the country.
It's true.
To be fair.
Yeah.
No, yeah, he's old.
He's definitely old.
Definitive commentary on Joe Biden brought to you by Ethan Nicole.
How was your week, Kyle?
He is old.
My week was good.
How was yours?
I've been sick still.
Just this cough.
I have a cough that will not go away.
Oh, man.
My best apartment week does.
I saw Norm McDonald's.
Oh, I heard about this for the first time.
And how was that?
Amazing.
The man is an artist.
I don't even know how to put into words.
It was just like, it was a blast.
Laughed hard, coughed.
Most of his jokes are about coronavirus, which is amazing about Norm McDonald.
Most comics, they work on all this material all the time.
Right, right, right.
Clearly, these are all new jokes because it's coronavirus.
But he's known for not doing the same set twice.
He always just kind of, he goes up there a few notes and just plays off of them.
Takes a lot of skill to do that.
Yeah.
He is a, I think he's a com he's a comedy writer's comic because I think people that are just used to kind of your normal, like he was a more standard comedian, like Jeff Foxworthy or like, you know, one of the prepared material.
Prepared material, you know.
They probably would have more fun at a show like that, but I think if you're into the idea of writing comedy, he really is kind of like jazz for somebody who's like a musician who gets the technical side of comedy because he's playing this idiot.
I don't know.
He's just, I have so much respect for Norm McDonald.
Hope we'll come on the show someday.
That's my dream.
Oh, that would be awesome.
Yeah.
Is he local?
California, I think.
Oh, man.
We got to get him on.
I don't know.
My arms hurt because I went rock climbing last night.
At Disneyland?
I wasn't at Disneyland.
Oh, believe it or not.
Yeah, we just took the kids, decided we were going to go to Hangar 18 around here.
Go running.
Oh, yeah.
I know a guy that works there.
And it was a lot of fun.
And my arms are killing me.
So it wasn't real rocks.
It was like those wads of gum on a wall.
Yeah.
That's exactly.
That's what it looks like to me.
I think that's what they're made out of.
It looks like giant wads of gum.
And speaking of coronavirus, my parents, we're all set to go on an Israel trip this week.
Oh, that's sad.
Flight canceled this morning.
Man.
Planned for months, you know, and Israel just announced, I guess, some kind of nobody from California.
Really?
Yeah, there was a few states they called out.
We've been wanting to do this for a while.
You know, honestly, we've been wanting to do this anyway.
Oh, we should do it.
We should do a Babon B article on this.
Kyle's wheels are turning.
Like the nation quarantines California.
Not because of the coronavirus, or yeah.
Oh, yeah, I don't know.
It's not about the coronavirus.
It's California.
It's California.
Yeah.
I did a similar joke about Florida once, though.
Anyway, so that's disappointing.
But I told my mom at least she's already in the Holy Land.
That's right.
America.
I don't know if she thought, I appreciated that.
Erica.
Yeah.
They were very disappointed.
Hmm.
Sorry, Kyle's parents.
Sorry.
It's a bar.
You know what they can do, though?
Google Earth.
You just go there, and then you click on Street View.
And it's like 3D.
And you just keep clicking and you keep going on all the streets.
You can even see people walking around.
Just like being there.
Yeah.
You could probably play like the Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack in the background.
Just eat a kebab while you're at your computer.
Or like kebabs?
Yeah.
Or listen to the Ben Shapiro podcast while you, yeah.
And then it's just like you're in Israel.
Yeah, or the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme song.
Are we just thinking of all popular Jews?
Watch a Steven Spielberg movie.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But anyway, stay safe out there, folks.
Oh, you can listen to some klezmer music.
Klez?
What's the Jewish thing?
It's like really zany.
It's basically like the music in this.
Here's one for you: the Star Wars Cantina scene.
Oh, music.
It's very close to.
Oh, maybe I'm wrong.
Wait.
Why can't I think of the camp?
I think it was.
Maybe I'm wrong.
It's very close to it.
It's kind of like klezmer.
It's that really upbeat, fast-paced, kind of zany-sounding Yiddish.
Maybe Dan could play a clip right here.
We'd probably get sued by Disney if we played that clip.
No, that one, yeah.
Just do some Yiddish.
There's actually a great Christmas album called Oway to the World by this Klezmer band.
They do like Yiddish versions of all the Christmas songs.
It's pretty funny.
Disneyland actually has that cantina now.
But you can't get in.
You have to get reservations way in advance.
A man of your stature?
You can't get in yet.
Anybody listening who's got tickets?
Babylon B.
Yeah.
They don't care.
They don't care.
Yeah.
Sad.
All right.
Well, let's.
There is some news happened this week, and we're going to cover it thoroughly.
Thoroughly.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
Democrats combine into giant mech to annihilate Bernie Sanders.
This is not fake news.
This is true.
But just visually represented.
What do they yell before they combined?
Demazord a symbol.
Demazord.
And then each one yelled out, like Beto was like.
Power of the furry.
I'll take your gun.
Yeah.
I like yours better.
Power of the furry.
Wait, what'd you say?
Darn right, I'll take your AR-15s.
Darn right.
I had Biden shout power of senility, but I thought it would be better if maybe he just yelled something completely random.
Like he was obviously confused about where he was.
Come on, Ethan.
Random.
Bagels and by the bagels trout from the fucking ninja fly farm.
What'd I just say?
Flubble diddle.
What do we say?
I'm talking about a Kentucky bagel from the Ninja Fly Farm.
What do we call his mistakes?
Flubberdiddles or something?
Flubberdiddle.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Power of howdy duty.
That's Buddha Jinj.
Okay.
Cluba Char Power.
It's howdy duty time.
You could say that.
You should have written this article.
You got better jokes than I do.
Power of having lots of money, shouted Bloomberg.
Power of being stinking rich.
He endorsed Bernie Sanders.
So all these people have endorsed Bernie Sanders now.
And it was all like at the same time.
Yeah, like in the same 24-hour period.
No Elizabeth Warren yet, though.
She has not endorsed.
She's still bitter.
She's still mad.
And she's like, you know what?
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
But there are conspiracy theories about that, too, saying that the DNC paid her off to stay in because she's more progressive.
So she was stealing votes from Bernie.
She's probably going to be the vice whoever.
You think?
I don't know.
It probably depends on whatever the weakness of that presidential location is.
They want that.
The points.
The woman points.
Yeah.
And she's the young one.
Well.
She's the young one.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's 72 or whatever.
So we're going to.
She's 70, actually.
She's younger than Trump, so she's the only one that's young.
Well, except for Buddha Judge, but who really wants that guy?
We're going to youthen up our ticket.
Youthen.
With a 70-year-old.
Yeah.
Yeah, so Biden got the Beto endorsement, and then he also said that Beto would be the gun guy.
Yeah, huh?
You know, I mean, my gun control guy.
Beto.
Oh, man.
What do you think?
Why?
You know, I always think Biden would be pretty harmless in office because he would just be wandering around in circles and stuff.
Yeah.
But you think about all the horrible people that he'd bring with him, and you're like, you always get the sense that he got into politics somehow by accident or something.
Like it just kind of wandered in there like, yeah, oh, sure.
He was just smelling one head of hair to the next head of hair, and he just kept smelling heads.
And he's like, oh, I'm in the White House.
This is crazy.
He sniffed his way to the test.
Sniffed his way up.
It's a really dirty political system.
You can sniff your way in.
Sniff your way in from one head to the next.
Like frog to lily pads.
And what about Bloomberg, man, spending $500 million to get basically no votes?
Did he get no delegates?
I mean, it was very.
I didn't know this existed until there's a place called American Samoa.
And he won.
Is that different from old, normal Samoa?
It's the American version, yeah.
So it's kind of like the American office.
I've never heard of the place.
There was the office and the American office.
So they had the Samoan, the hipster.
And then the American.
So they have Steve Corell as a Samoan.
He's like the cool, or he's like the dorky boss of the Sumo Wrestlers.
There are different Samoas.
There are different Samoas.
Okay, Dan's checking it out.
Is it in America?
Where is it?
It's like by Australia.
Wait.
So it's one of those islands.
But that counts as America?
It's probably one of those islands we got in World War II.
Did we get it?
It's crazy.
So we can fly there and not have to.
Yeah, probably.
Do like a Puerto Rico.
That's so cool.
Did we get Samoa after World War II, Dan?
I bet we.
We could have our own sumo wrestling team.
Do we?
We probably do.
I'm so behind in all this stuff.
And I'm just associating Samoa with sumo wrestling, and that's it.
They got to have other stuff they do.
That's racist.
Or just ignorant.
I like that Bloomberg is super popular in American Samoa.
It's like those bands that get real popular in Japan.
Yeah.
Yeah, like Indonesia or something.
I think in This Is Spinal Tap, they're like playing for the Senior Center in America.
And the big conclusion at the end is, actually, your album's huge in Japan.
And they go over there and they're playing for all that.
They're massive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember I met some guys like that.
They're like 80s rockers.
And they're like, oh, yeah, the states are horrible.
But we play arenas in Japan.
Crazy.
Sure, you do.
Sure you do.
And what about Kamala Harris?
I even forgot she existed and she came out and endorsed.
When you started saying that, I thought you were going to talk about a camel.
What about Camel?
And then you're like, you had a Harris.
I was like, oh, yeah, that's a person that existed.
Whose name?
Sounds like Camel.
Begins with Camel.
Yeah, who'd she endorse?
Anybody?
Biden.
Did she?
Wow.
Wait, we didn't put her on the robot.
I think all these people are like positioned.
No, because she hadn't endorsed until afterwards.
Oh, it was afterwards.
And we have a limited number of slots for the Demosort.
Yeah, we had four.
Two legs.
We actually had because we had the three and we were waiting until the morning.
Because I actually had the robot mostly constructed, but we needed to know who was the left leg or the right leg of the robot going to be.
Yeah, and Ethan's like, who's endorsing?
We figured it would be Bloomberg, but we didn't know until it happened.
And then as soon as I saw the headline in the morning, Bloomberg endorses.
I text Ethan.
He's go time.
Yeah, it's Go Time.
Bloomberg, Bloomberg, go, go!
Dem is order symbol!
So I was like photoshopping as fast as possible.
The detail, there are a few little details on it.
I like that Beto is a gun.
I like making Beto a gun.
Poor Beto.
Boor Beto.
Ed Butajej looks at.
Budaje, I didn't.
I made everybody else like a part robot, but Budaj.
He's already a robot, so he didn't need any special cybernetic eye or anything.
He looks especially sanctimonious, popping out of the left arm of a mech.
Like he's going to lecture you or something.
Sanctimonious is the perfect word for him.
Yeah.
You look it up, it's a picture of him.
And I liked Biden.
I don't know why.
I was trying to find a cybernetic eye for him, but giving him those max headroom sunglasses just worked for me.
I don't know why.
He has at least sunglasses made of metal.
Be a good character.
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah, so you know.
I wanted to call it Dem 209 because that's from RoboCop Ed209.
But I don't know if people know Ed209, I guess.
I'm always trying to go with the obscure thing.
Well, you sent me all these great ideas for names after I published the article.
You're like, oh, Biden 209 or whatever you said.
Oh, it did?
That was after.
Yeah.
And I actually put them in the article.
Oh, I didn't read it.
I was thinking that every show we should read one article because we somewhere worth reading.
The mech was codenamed DNC 209.
It even beat up the leg.
No, this is defeated many villains over the years, but they only call on it in times of great peril.
It even beat up the legendary Optimus Primary.
Oh, yeah, Optimus Primary.
That was an idea.
So see, I worked your jokes in.
You worked it in.
Oh, man.
And then I really wanted to make a joke about Magazord instead of Megazord.
Yeah.
So I just threw it in the end.
I saw people quoting it.
Megazord.
That's the real joke here.
I was never into Power Rangers.
I wasn't allowed to watch it.
But this is also a common intro for it.
The robot that comes together.
Like Voltron.
Yeah.
So.
Anyway.
Good job, Dems.
Blow up Bernie Sanders.
I mean, don't.
Yeah, why do they hate him so much?
Because he's not really Democrat.
He's a socialist in Democrat clothing.
He hates the DNC.
They hate him.
He just kind of uses it because that's the only platform that he could possibly get.
It's kind of like, I mean, because kind of Trump, too.
Like, Trump wasn't really a Republican, and he showed up, and all the Republicans got mad.
Like, hey, yeah, but the RNC never figured out how to stop him.
Yeah.
The DNC is like, no, we got this.
And they shut him down.
So you think they got it?
Oh, yeah.
I just saw this morning for sure.
The new odds are 99.9% that Biden will be the nominee and like 0.1% for or 98.9.
You're saying there's a chance.
Yeah, 0.1% for Bernie.
And then it was like 1%, nobody.
So he's getting beat.
There's a chance that nobody could win.
Nobody gets enough delegates, and then it's like a brokered convention, I think.
And so then they would have to decide what to do at the convention.
I'm glad you know stuff, Kyle.
I don't know.
I'm waiting for Dan to shake his head at me and say that's completely wrong, but he hasn't done that yet.
He's so confident in his knowledge of things.
He's the smartest one out of all of us.
He is.
But by far.
Let's go on to our next.
Let's move on.
Brian Williams to host new game show.
Are you smarter than a journalist?
This is a good week for a funny thing happening.
Brian Williams.
Oh, man.
That guy.
So Brian Williams read on the air him and New York Times journalist Mara Gay.
And they read on the air this horrible tweet that suggested that Bloomberg could have given every American in the country $1 million instead of running for president.
Can we read the original tweet we have it here?
Because it's amazing to me that like I read it to my wife.
And like I get math stuff wrong all the time.
I didn't make it through Algebra 1.
I took it two years in a row.
I repeated it.
I'm horrible at math.
Yeah, as we've said many times on this program, Ethan does not do the numbers.
I don't do the numbers.
But just at the moment that I read the word 500 million, I knew that you couldn't give every American a million dollars.
So they read this tweet.
Bloomberg spent $500 million on ads.
The U.S. population is $327 million.
He could have given each American $1 million and still have money left over.
I feel like a $1 million check would be life-changing for most people.
Yet he wasted it all on ads and still lost.
It's so bizarre.
Okay, so that's a tweet by some guy.
A girl, I think.
A girl?
Makita Rivas.
Blue check verified Twitter user.
So somebody who's a commentator is smart posted this.
Yeah.
And then so what did Brian Williams got this tweet posted on his show?
He must not have read the comments that had to be mine.
He had to be blasting this person.
And so he brought on his show.
They had made a graphic.
Yeah, they turned it into a graphic.
They probably wrote some kind of script.
Put it on the screen.
Writers approved it.
Editors approved me.
I assume they planned these shows a little bit.
More than the Babylon B podcast does, that's for sure.
Probably.
But nobody along that path went, wait, 500 million.
How many people are in America?
Yeah.
A million dollars to everybody in the world or in America?
It's just America.
327 million.
We don't want to be outlandish and say the whole world.
I think actually that's low.
It's 330 something.
330 million.
Billion or million.
Not billion, million.
It's like six or seven billion in the earth, right?
Yes.
Almost eight, I think.
We're getting close to it.
Almost to eight now?
7.7 billion, if I'm not mistaken.
Wow.
Just keeps going up.
Yes, it does.
Although that may change.
Here is the clip from the Brian Williams program at AmsNBC.
But you see it as a possibility.
If he wants to spend a billion bucks beating this guy, he could do it.
Absolutely.
Somebody tweeted recently that actually with the money he spent, he could have given every American a million dollars.
Got it.
Let's put it up on the screen.
When I read it tonight on social media, it kind of all became clear.
Bloomberg spent $500 million on ads.
U.S. population, $327 million.
Don't tell us if you're ahead of us on the math.
He could have given each American $1 million and have had lunch money left over.
It's an incredible way of putting it.
It's an incredible way of putting it.
It's true.
It's disturbing.
It does suggest what we're talking about here, which is there is too much money in politics.
Wow.
That really does make it much more clear.
Yeah, it really brings.
Unless you get ahead of them on the math.
I do want to say that.
Might not be as incredible.
It's an incredible way of putting it.
It's an incredible way of putting it.
So we wanted to play a little, Are You Smarter Than a Journalist?
We actually got Brian Williams to come on the show.
We did.
Didn't we?
I guess we did.
Where is he?
So get ready for this.
We didn't decide who's going to be Brian Williams.
So here we are.
This is the very first ever edition of Are You Smarter Than a Journalist?
Cue the Music.
Hello, America.
It's time to find out.
Are You Smarter Than a Journalist? On Are You Smarter Than a Journalist?
Here's your host, Brian Williams.
All right, this is Brian Williams.
Thank you for joining us.
And we are here in Florida in a city at a studio recording this actual real show.
And we have our first contestant, Cletus Vanderbilt.
Thank you for joining us.
Ah, thanks for having me.
Cletus is a chicken farmer.
He has a family of 17, and he loves to knit.
It's a strange hobby.
Thank you.
Thank you for joining us.
Thank you for having me.
All right, first question.
Now, there are cash prizes.
I don't know the exact amount.
If you're ahead of us on the math, then hopefully they'll figure it out.
Coronavirus, the death rate.
Six people died on Monday, 12 by Thursday.
How many will be dead by Sunday, Cletus?
Gee, I don't know.
It's six and then 12, maybe 18.
You know, when I saw this answer, it all became clear.
Everybody dies.
Complete apocalypse.
Wow, it really makes it clear.
It's incredible.
Next question.
If a socialist has one house, buys two more houses, how many houses does he have?
I'm thinking it's probably about three.
The answer is actually incredible.
500 million.
Amazing.
Really, really puts things into perspective.
Okay, next question.
If Tommy has two apples and gets three more apples, how many apples does he have?
Oh, this one's easy.
It's five.
It's actually 30 billion.
Wow.
That really puts it in perspective.
I'm amazed.
I mean, I'm not.
If you're ahead of me on the math on this one, let's move on.
Next question.
Every year, 30 to 60,000 people die of the common flu.
Now, imagine if everyone died of coronavirus.
How many people would be left alive if everybody died of coronavirus?
Zero.
Over 7 billion.
Well, I'm no mathematician.
Let's move on.
How many decades will Trump have been in office in the next 10 years?
One.
You have to remember that a decade is 10 years.
And then you add the 10 years.
10 years is a decade to get 10 decades.
10 decades make a century.
You take a century, 10 centuries, and then you fill those into 10 years and then another century and a millennium.
You end up with double ongoing majillion.
I didn't even know that was a number.
Okay, so final question.
If an AR-15 can hold 30 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, how many bullets can an AR-15 fire in under a minute?
31.
It's infinite ammo.
I know the guns they make these days are very powerful.
It amazes me they can create guns that can do that.
They can fire infinite ammo.
Wow.
That really puts into perspective.
It's an incredible way of putting it.
Wow.
Well, thank you, Brian Williams, for coming on.
That was...
That was quite a enlightening experience.
It made it really clear for me.
Very, very eye-opening.
Okay, Walter Kronky.
It all became clear.
You got very Walter Kronkite in your head.
I don't know.
And then it was like, you toned it down a bit, but it was good.
He's got a strange voice.
It's like almost deep, but there's a nasal.
Yeah.
He sounds so fake.
And it's like very robotic.
He's from another time, right?
Because people have do not, the moment you talk like that, people do not trust you now.
People from our generation, you just sound so fake.
But I think the weirdest thing about this story is that It's true to them because it shows there's a worldview they're coming from, that they, that they could even believe that it would be true that oh, Bloomberg could just give everybody in America a million dollars, could he?
That's a lot of money.
Well, we're gonna talk about this more.
Yeah, we'll talk about it more in the main topic of all.
Right, we'll get into it.
Then our third story, Elizabeth Warren returns to tribe and shame after failing to take land back from the pale faces.
This is truly a tragic story.
It's also really racist Kyle, very much so I. I've wanted to do this for a long time.
We had this ready for when she dropped out, ready to go locked and loaded, and I didn't realize how close it was to Frank's article where he wrote, Elizabeth Warren vows to take land back from the pale faces.
Oh, yeah.
And then I looked at the two side by side and I was like oh, so I just changed the wording to be exactly like that article.
But now she's coming back and saying, I'm sorry, wasn't able to take the land back and you just did a great photoshop with Warren very dramatic.
She's got the white flag yeah, and she's writing back to her.
People looks so defeated.
This was like one of our biggest shared articles.
That was insane and it was because we had it ready.
It was all timing.
It was a timing yeah, because it was probably a lot of people that learned she had dropped out from the article.
Yeah, and she's kind of a polarizing figure and people on twitter were like her fans were like grieving.
I bet like, just take all the time.
You need nobody, you know, you don't feel like you need to endorse somebody else.
Warren fans, take the time to grieve.
You lost something important and it's just like I don't know, I can't imagine getting that emotionally invested in something like this.
But I think that's the one of the bigger differences between the left and the right.
There are people on the right who's passionate, for sure, but it's it's not as widespread.
I don't think like you don't have giant morning rallies, like about your, and also, I don't think the celebration of, like you know, we are changing the world and this is the new dawn of a new era when you get your Republican president, and it's like yeah, I guess, if the, if the difference is, you feel a government is the solution to humanity's problem.
Right finally, this is the dawn of the new era.
It's like that attitude, like when Obama and there's things about when Obama came I got, I got the like, even I choked up when he, when he came into office, because of the just the finally crossing that threshold of a black president.
Yeah, that was historic, but it did feel like that was the reason that.
Yeah, but it was so.
It was also way over like shoved on our throats, like non-stop, but like it felt like people cared more that that barrier was broken than, like you know, Obama's got this great track record of doing all this stuff.
Well yeah, he's a symbol.
Yeah, but there's this whole attitude like I remember this, remember that song there's like it was like in Japan or something that this like La World, these weird songs, but maybe Dan can find that clip.
So we got a lot of work to do here.
So, when he got elected, they hilarious, they they sang this song.
Yeah, where Obama, his name, they're saying his name means beautiful world.
But yeah, anyway, just this idea that the politician is going to be the big savior that's going to change all our lives, and we're part of this giant thing.
You know, for me, I think, who I vote for, It's kind of like a if I vote, i'm already kind of like yeah, they're probably not going to win.
And if they do win, i'm like huh well hopefully, you know, they do a few good things.
But like whatever, it's just politics, it's just a bunch of people over there in Washington Dc, Just a bunch of idiots.
Idiots.
What an idiot.
Yeah, I agree with you.
I think if you look at it like I'm voting because I, you know, you're voting defensively, like, I feel like this is going to protect me the most.
Versus you're voting, you're putting all your faith in this person.
This person is not going to be able to do that.
I'm voting more to keep the government from taking rights rather than trying to create a bunch of rights that I think need to be added on.
Like, I was actually pretty horrified by during the Obama years and during the election when they had like that hope.
You know, that hope banner.
There's nothing I hate more than hope.
Exactly.
But it felt very like messianic, right?
Oh, yeah, totally.
This face and he's painted all.
And all the words they use, hope.
Hope for what?
It doesn't mean anything.
Progress.
Progress for what?
It doesn't mean anything.
Change.
Change towards what?
It doesn't mean anything.
Drove me crazy.
Hope.
Hope.
Change.
Transmogrify.
Transmogrify.
That's right.
That should have been his.
Transformation.
Morph.
It's morph in time.
That's what he could have said.
Elizabeth Warren rode back in solitude to her reservation, having failed to take the land back from the pale faces.
I'm sorry, my people.
I have failed, she said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
The white man still holds our land, and the very trees cry out against them.
May Great Spirit grant us another chance in four harvests.
The Cherokee people looked confused, so she clarified.
That means years.
The Cherokee expressed mixed emotions at seeing Warren returned from, who are you, to, how many times do we have to tell you that if you're not going to play some slots at the casino, then you're going to need to leave.
Warren nodded, accepting her banishment from her once great place among the Cherokee people.
I accept my punishment and vow never to return until the sun once again never sets on the Cherokee Nation.
As I depart, let me simply ask you if you have ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins.
Wait, now you're just quoting Pocahontas.
The tribal security guard said.
All right, lady, let's go.
The buffet's having crab legs tonight.
Other than that, you're going to have to scram.
At publishing time, Warren had sought advice from Grandmother Willow as to who it is that she should endorse.
Wow.
Tragic and somber.
I got nothing.
Well, that pretty much covered it.
Yeah, that covered it.
So she, yeah, she cratered.
I mean, she was like the favored candidate of the progressive wing, I think, for a while there.
I think even when we interviewed Scott Derrickson, he was like, who do you guys think's going to win?
And he was like, I'm all for Warren.
I haven't seen a lot of people.
I think it was like on the left that she was like this inspiring progressive candidate to them.
Yeah.
So like there's the, the more, well, there's the Bernie bro type guys that are clearly for Bernie.
But then, yeah, there's like, I can kind of see the two camps.
I'm trying to figure out how I can like parse out.
Because it seems like the more Hollywood elite type people liked Warren.
Yeah, I agree with that.
That's what it seems like.
And then like the stoner guys and stuff, like Bernie?
Is it stoners?
I don't know if it's stoners.
It's like college guys.
Yeah.
College.
Radicals.
Yeah.
College know-it-all hippies is what South Park would call them.
Yeah.
So I think Warren struggled because she was like, she wouldn't really commit to like, you know, she kept backpedaling on Medicare for all, not Medicare for all.
Like she wouldn't commit fully to the gulags.
Yeah, it's like, well, and it makes sense, right?
If you're going to be like, I am a socialist, at least Bernie is like, he is what he is.
I'm a socialist, you know, and he doesn't really back away from that.
I like dictators.
So sue me.
And Warren's like, oh, I'm not that.
I'm not that far left, but I am pretty far left, but I'm not in the center and I'm not.
And she just, you know, dances around a little bit.
She also said she was never going to take super PAC money.
And she had this big vow on Twitter: I will not take super PAC money.
And I encourage all the other candidates to do the same.
And then she reversed it when she started running out of money.
So it felt like very calculated.
And I think she lost a lot of her support on the progressive wing.
I think it's happened to other people.
I've heard that one before.
Super PAC.
That's like a Pac-Man.
It sounds like a Pac-Man game.
Yeah, it's after he eats the giant white dot.
He turns into Super PAC.
You're in the Super PAC, and then he starts spitting out money.
Is that what happens?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's political.
Oh, I get it now.
Okay, so it's political.
You went back to the political from the video game thing.
What?
No, it's all one.
It's all.
It's all one thing.
Yeah.
So we're going to go into our topic of the week now, which is billionaires.
Billionaires.
And now, the Babylon bees topic of the week.
Dirty, stinking, rotten billionaires.
Dirty billionaires.
Why do people hate billionaires so much?
Because they have money and they don't.
It's like that.
Remember the 99% thing?
That always struck me as so hypocritical and envious when I saw them.
Yeah.
We are the 99%.
You're the 1%.
You have all the money.
And the implied is, we should have that money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you always think about, oh, poor rich guy.
Like you, you know, imagine some rich guy who's going through something bad.
It's like, oh, yeah, wipe your tears away with your thousand-dollar bills or whatever.
But then I, you know, I think, well, there's somebody probably in some third world country who would see my life and go, ooh, boo-hoo, poor you, when I'm feeling bad.
Yeah, it's always relative.
Yeah, it's all relative.
And on the scale of 1%, we're already at that top 1% probably in the world.
It's like the classic thing, how Bernie Sanders used to rant about millionaires.
And there was a subtle shift a few years back when he became a millionaire.
It's the billionaires.
Yeah.
Maybe he could get a billion dollars and then start ranting about the trillionaires.
I think we all like feeling like there's a bad guy.
It's this monster.
You know, we talked about this a bit when we had Anafi on talking about the flip side.
Feels good to know that there's a monster there.
The idea that they're so powerful, there's nothing we can do to stop them.
It makes us more of a victim if we can kind of have that bad guy, undefeatable bad guy that we can blame everything on.
I think that everybody wants that.
We want to be a victim of something and we want a bad guy that we can blame everything on.
Yeah, and I think all sides do this.
Oh, yeah.
I think everybody, maybe to varying degrees and with varying degrees of legitimacy.
But I think every side has to have a boogeyman.
And it's not to say there's no truth at all.
There's truth in everything.
That's what makes it compelling.
Yeah.
My boogeyman right now is this microphone that is between me and you, and I'm staring at you through this little rugged spin it over there.
I can see you.
Yeah, I mean, and it's probably because there is some truth to the narrative that, you know, there is an enemy out there.
From a Christian perspective, we have a boogeyman.
It's not a real boogeyman.
It's, you know, we have an enemy of our soul.
So I think we always need to have that enemy.
You have to have that bad guy.
We want that narrative.
We've talked before about narrative and how we always have to paint ourselves in this.
You want to feel like you're part of something and some story and some narrative.
And that's just a human need.
So to say, there are these evil people out there.
And the reason my life is bad is them.
And you point at that.
Yeah.
But I think the thing with the Christian worldview, as you've said before, is that we acknowledge that it's us.
Like part of the reason that my life has fallen apart or whatever is me.
And it's a foreign concept to our culture.
Responsibility is really a foreign concept.
Responsibility, what's everything we've done is to deflect that away.
Yeah.
Right.
No, I agree.
I mean, that's like all of you get into the abortion debate, and you can't even talk about responsibility.
You can't talk about the idea that the man is responsible for getting, you know, he has some responsibility in this.
He should have some if the baby's born.
The woman has responsibility.
Like, there's responsibility to not have a kid if you're, you know, if you're not ready.
And if you're not going to, if you're not ready to have a kid, then don't do the thing that's going to lead to have a kid.
Like, there's.
What is that thing?
That's all responsibility.
What thing leads to having a kid?
You know, like, well, there's this whistle, then the stork comes with a blanket with a baby.
For the homeschoolers.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
And I think the problem is that there's legitimate issues of victimhood out there.
You know, we talked to Jeff Derman about abortion and such.
And I think, I don't know if that's airing this week.
Yeah.
But we talked about is the woman a victim.
And I think there are issues where in our society where women have been lied to and deceived on things like abortion and maybe victimized in the cases of rape and other issues, sexual abuse and all that.
But the problem is that then we just take ourselves out of the equation entirely and say it's all victim and no responsibility on my part.
So as with all these things, there's always truth kind of in the middle sometimes that we need to find.
But yeah, so for the left, it's become billionaires.
And that's the boogeyman.
That's the bad guy.
And the whole idea that they look at economics as a pie, right?
Right.
So if they're getting this big chunk of pie, then we're all losing out on it.
And that's inherently, it seems so obviously untrue to me that it works that way.
I mean, the amount of money that can exist, obviously every civilization has a different sized pie that's constantly changing sizes, which only leads me to believe that the pie size can change.
So it doesn't, you know, just this idea that, you know, somebody has a big piece of the pie, which is already kind of this way of looking at it.
It's a weird way of looking at it because it assumes that we should all get an equal slice for some reason.
Why?
And then also that that's somehow yours.
Yeah.
Somehow they're taking something that was supposed to be yours.
Yeah, someone else's prosperity means that you were robbed.
It's a zero-sum game.
Or as if, yeah, you can't succeed because they succeeded or something.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't get the logic.
And I grew up poor.
Like I grew up in, I'm sure I've said it before, but like we get mocked all the time.
Poor people that lean capitalist, that we're just like in the hands of the billionaires, you know?
Billionaires.
I'd prefer if you're billionaires.
I can't say I sound like a gangster.
I don't even know.
It's not quite how he's the billionaire.
The billionaires.
That was better.
Our election is being bought by billionaires.
No, we were in low-income housing in an area called Methpyre.
I mean, it was called Empire, but I already called it Methpyre because there's so much meth.
And I grew up in poor Whiteville.
Is that the name of the town?
Yeah.
But it is like you see like the difference in attitude.
It seems like you're setting them up for failure when you just name the town then.
Poor Whiteville.
And the people are like, oh, I guess.
Well, I mean, I say I grew up around poor white people.
I'm just kidding.
So all the characterizations of like, I think it's weirder to people from an area like that when you hear the ideas of like white privilege.
It's a little different.
Like you're in a city, you can see it way more clearly because everybody's kind of like in these groups in cities, bigger cities and stuff.
Anyway, I'm going off topic a bit, but only to say the whole boogeyman idea of the billionaire.
Booleanaires.
Why do we do it?
Why are we going there?
What do we have to gain?
You know what else it is?
Cartoons.
Like all the cartoons we grew up with, it's always the bad guys.
Scrooge McDonald.
Yeah, the billionaire.
Well, he's the one good one.
The bad guys are always, you know, Fern Gully, all these big billionaire guy who wants to just strike oil.
Oh, there's oil in this land.
We got to wipe away Carolot or whatever.
Well, and I think part of the problem, too, is that we don't think that all billionaires are good people.
Right.
And actually, as Christians, we believe that money does have a tempting quality to it.
You know, makes it hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
Right.
So I think there is something destructive about money.
And I think we can acknowledge that without saying, therefore, all billionaires are evil and I deserve their money.
Because you're falling to the exact same trap that an evil billionaire is when you're saying that I want that money instead.
And it's the sin of envy, which is when we don't get into as much in our culture.
We're kind of like, it's kind of okay.
Or it's relative.
Like, if you have a certain amount of money, it's not okay to be envious.
But if you don't have a certain amount of money, it's free for all.
Yeah.
Envy away, my friend.
Okay, you're about to look something up.
Envy away, my friend.
Envy away.
This one doesn't apply to you.
This sin doesn't apply to you.
It's sort of like if you're like anorexic or not anorexic, if you're like super skinny, then like the gluttony sin doesn't apply to you.
You can just eat whatever you want.
It's sort of like if you're not a billionaire, then you can just be as envious as you want to be.
You should be hatefully envious.
I think that's part of it, too.
Like the rich young ruler, he's not shining this light of like, oh, if we all had what he had, we'd be fine.
You kind of feel sorry for the rich in some ways.
Like you think they've got to, it's harder for them to get in the kingdom of God.
Like it's not, it's not purely easy street if you're rich.
Like you're a lot of the really truly good things in life are kind of hidden from you.
Now we need a socialist version of the New Testament where Jesus rants about the rich young ruler comes up.
Yeah.
He beheads him.
Look at this billionaire.
Bullionaire.
I can't do that.
Bullionaire.
Bullionaire.
He's getting dumber and dumber as we go.
Bullionaire.
There's a, I think Psalm 62 has this verse I always like where it says, the lowborn or the poor are but a breath and the highborn are but a lie.
If weighed on a balance, they are nothing.
Together, they are only a breath.
Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods.
Though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them.
And I always love that it's not saying like this verse isn't saying like, ah, those rich people, they're horrible.
But it says like the lowborn are a breath.
Like the poor are there and then they're gone.
And same thing with the highborn.
Same thing with the rich person.
Together, they are nothing.
I always, there was this little quote by C.S. Lewis that I can never find.
And I thought it was C.S. Lewis, but it must not be because I can never find it.
But I remember it as a kid that we compare ourselves to each other as like we see my sin compared to your sin.
And it's like, I'm a shining white beacon and you're this dark blackness.
And he says, but when Christ's righteousness comes, it all fades to gray.
Like, the difference between me and you is nothing compared to the ultimate standard.
And I always feel that with this rich and poor thing, it's like, honestly, in the end, it doesn't matter.
Yeah.
Have you ever known anybody who's crazy rich?
Seth Dylan.
Seth Dylan.
I don't actually know which money Seth has, but I guess he has a good amount of money.
I'm just kidding.
I mean, yeah, probably just whatever companies I've worked for, the owners or whatever.
I've always worked for relatively small companies where I know the owner.
I know the humans.
I had this kind of exciting.
And they've actually all been great.
They've all been great guys.
Yeah, a lot of them are, yeah.
I had this eccentric rich guy that owned this company I worked for where he had just, he had found this patent for this night vision lenses that he just made crazy money on these things.
And he had all these hobbies.
He had planes.
He had really nice cars.
He'd take me driving.
For me, he liked me.
He'd just drive me around.
And there's a loneliness to him, too, though.
Like he was really nice.
But yeah, there's a weird.
I've had other people I've known in Hollywood too.
Like, there's a there is almost kind of a loneliness to because you think your friendship gap, who you can actually be friends with if you're that rich, is like narrows down because you need to be able to be friends with who are people you know aren't friends just for the because they want some money.
True.
Which I also assume that's why famous people all hang out together.
That's probably very true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So rich people have never really been jerks to me.
Yeah.
And another interesting thing is like all of the only reason that I ever have a job is because of these rich people.
That's true.
Honestly, that like because I worked for small companies and the previous company I was.
But imagine if the government could have given you those jobs.
How much better they would have been.
Billionaires.
Billionaires.
The last company I worked for was owned by a Mormon guy and just, you know, in the family old.
So Satan.
So Satan.
And I mean, took a chance on a 19-year-old geek Dweeb.
I was a little scrawny guy, and they hired me to work in the warehouse and pick stuff up and drive a truck.
And I mean, I ended up becoming the regional sales manager.
And it was basically like we're sharing the world.
You're like Dwight Schrute.
People who want to work.
So I don't know.
There's the image of like they said they set up that class warfare of you have to hate them and they have to hate you.
And I think there are abuses sometimes.
Obviously, some employers are huge jerks.
And so obviously that needs to be addressed.
But I think when you make that and you just paint with this broad brush, that's where so much cartoonifying.
So what's the boogeyman that the right uses?
Government?
I guess it's government.
Swamp.
Yeah, that's what that's Trump rose on this popular leftist hate or leftist, like the elites or something.
Elites and leftism as if it's like a cancerous ideology that wants to destroy us all.
Which is accurate.
I mean, yeah, that's the hard thing.
There's truth to all these things.
Right.
So I think on the Bernie side, they take, you know, obviously that there are some billionaires who use crony capitalism to get rich and they use the power of the government to ensure that they have this monopoly.
And that's a horrible thing.
But then they take that and just say, these are the source of your problems.
Yeah, it's like I agree that those things are bad, but I don't want that to be the reason that we take away capitalism, like the freedom to.
I mean, I've lived this life where I've done ridiculous things.
I make money doing ridiculous things.
Like the government never could have given me the jobs that I've found.
You know, the weird comics.
I mean, I made a comic with my five-year-old brother.
Yeah, I don't think the government would have funded that.
I don't think I could have gone before a panel and been like, I have a comic that I made.
I mean, I couldn't even have gone before a publisher with that.
Yeah, that was because the power of the internet.
The internet which Algore invented, so it was the government.
That's true.
It all goes back.
They gave you the job.
You didn't make that.
You didn't build that.
You didn't build that.
Oh, Obama.
How we love you.
This is like a podcast from 10 years ago where we're conservatives ranting about Obama.
Are we?
I think the radio.
He brought up Obama more than usual.
Radio went huge during the Obama era because, well, I mean, the side that's out of power always gets their media to go bigger because it's like, oh, I hate this guy.
Yeah.
So, so maybe we should want Biden to win and then we can rant about Biden all the time.
But what is our point?
I think the main point is, yeah, now that we need a point, but it's not that there aren't bad rich people, and it's not that there aren't problems with capitalism and the abuses that can happen.
But I do think there's a very dangerous temptation in focusing on them, focusing on the rich, deflecting, making them the boogeyman.
Yeah, we can acknowledge abuses of power by the rich, and at the same time, we can say we do have some responsibility.
Yeah, Dan just gave me the, I was actually thinking of this verse, Leviticus 19, 15.
You shall do no injustice in court.
You shall not be partial to the poor or defer.
to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor.
So yeah, don't favor the poor, don't favor the rich in court.
And that's that's a big one on the left.
It's like favor the poor.
Just by being poor, you are innocent.
Your guilt is on the rich.
Dan gave us this tweet from Robert P. Murphy.
Oh, yeah, because what inspired this was the...
That we talked about earlier with Brian Williams.
Brian Williams and the fact that they would even believe this tweet.
Yeah, and that's what drove me crazy was at any point reading that tweet on the air, like your brain, there's sort of been these stops in logic as you read it.
Like, wait a minute.
You know, and like you read it.
I could see you getting confused by the numbers and going, oh, yeah, duh, a million.
Yeah.
You know, but at some point you should have gone, wait a minute.
Yeah.
They were off by a factor of a million.
And it's like, if Bloomberg had enough money to give a million dollars to each person, he could just do that.
And then he would definitely be president, right?
Right.
Yeah.
I will give each of you a million dollars if you elect me.
Okay.
I'd vote for him.
I mean, so here's what Robert P. Here's what Robert P. Murphy said.
After my initial shock at the MSNBC, Bloomberg could have given everyone a million dollars segment.
I better understood the moral framework of progressives.
If you actually thought we could all be millionaires just with a mild gesture from one guy, then high taxes wouldn't seem so immoral.
Forget about the arithmetic.
A lot of people shut down and don't even try to divide two big numbers, even when a shortcut.
The fact that everyone involved with that clip thinks Bloomberg has the power to solve poverty overnight and just chooses not to is even more astounding to me.
That's exactly what I'm thinking is that the math, I mean, I can understand being really bad at math.
Yeah, I get that.
But that they actually, the reason that they didn't do this problem right on the air and didn't catch it is because they already believed it.
They already believed that he had enough money to fix everything.
Yeah, they've put him in a godlike place.
What was the, I remember Dan was saying that there was, if you actually add up all the billionaires' money in America, what's that number?
That's how many months that could fund the government for nine months.
So yeah, if you took all the money of all the rich in America, 100% tax, you could fund the government for nine months.
So it's like maybe we have a drop in the bucket, right?
I mean, it's insane compared to what the government actually spends.
And that's probably way high because it probably assumes that all their assets and stuff could be liquidated without destroying the economy.
Yeah.
Because if someone's worth $2 billion, they don't have a vault with $2 billion.
There's not $2 billion in their mattress.
Unless they're a drug dealer.
And then it's like on a pallet somewhere.
Buried in random places around South America.
Yeah.
Or South America.
I was going for Breaking Ben.
I was going for, what's that guy?
Pablo Escobar.
Ah, okay.
Yeah, that's better.
He had like random just plots where the buried everywhere.
I was going for a non-fictional character.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Walter White.
All right, so that's it.
So don't hate billionaires.
But if you have a billion dollars, subscribe to the Bambelon B if you want to donation.
Do that.
And don't let your riches take over your heart.
That's right.
There are better things in this world than being rich.
Amen.
Amen.
Like Chesterton.
Yes.
Cheese.
And cheese.
Cheese is good.
Cheese is good.
That is the, this is like Ecclesiastes, the conclusion of the matter.
Cheese is good.
Cheese is good.
If Ethan wrote Ecclesiastes, let's do some hate mail.
Cheesyastes.
Hate mail?
Hate mail.
I miss Adam Ford.
This is a Reverend?
I am a Reverend.
Should we talk in a Reverend voice?
I am no railroad billionaires.
I am a Reverend.
Although I'm an ordained conservative evangelical minister of the gospel, I am not contacting you on behalf of my church or my judicatory.
That's a word, judicatory?
Yes, it is.
I'm contacting you on behalf of myself.
I want to say flat out that I'm not a fan of your website, The Babylon Bee.
I'm weary of having to explain to people that your content is all spoof.
Further, I don't think that what you are doing is helping the kingdom of God to be continued.
And then he did not continue it, which is the best part to me.
Well, that's coming.
He's working on it at some point.
Seth Dylan responded.
I love when Seth responds.
Because we can see when he replies.
Seth replies.
So here's a billionaire responding.
Yeah.
Seth says, okay, we'll go ahead and shut it down.
Just kidding.
That was a spoof.
Oh, Seth.
Maybe the guy felt so owned by that response that he said, you know what?
I'm not going to be continued.
This is not going to be continued.
Yeah, maybe that was a to-be continued, like at the end of the Old Testament.
To be to be continued.
And then 400 years later.
So 400 years from now, he will respond.
Yeah, judicatory is a real word.
It sounds weird.
It sounds made up.
Fact check that.
I like how he says he's weary of having to explain that all our content is a spoof.
Like all these people.
There's a big line outside his door.
Oh, that's at his church office door.
I say, I say, boy, that's a spoof, I tell you.
That's a spoof.
Another spoof, I tell you.
The Reverend is tired.
And someone else comes in.
Reverend, this better not be about the Babylon Bee.
Pops his monocle.
It's this article about Trump in the stained glass window at Liberty University.
I say, boy.
You're not listening to me, boy.
Listen, put your open your ears, boy.
You got to hear me, boy.
The Babylon Bee spoof.
You're trusted source for Christian news spoof.
Oh, goodness gracious.
I love the word spoof.
It's a great word.
And with that, with that, we bid our freeloading fans adieu.
Adjew?
Adieu.
I always say a Jew.
Adew.
We bid you a Jew.
And his name has been Shapiro.
Gazuntite.
Gazuntite.
So, I don't know what's in there.
We're going to move on.
We're going to read some more stories.
We're going to talk about some coronavirus talk.
We're going to talk about his history, grilling, meat, Chick-fil-A, all sorts of stuff.
And then in the subscriber portion.
And I'm very excited about it.
Aren't you?
We'll see you there.
See you there.
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Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to train your children to mimic your political beliefs before they have a chance to start thinking for themselves.
You're not listening to me, boy.
Listen, put your open your ears, boy.
I got a hair in my boy.
The Babylon Bee spoof.
You're trusted the source for Christian News spoof.
Oh, goodness gracious.
Their flies aren't, they don't have souls.
They're just like a little robot.
To my, I believe.
I doubt they have souls.
They're an organic robot.
Like they're one step up from a plant, right?
The plant sits there and grows.
A fly sits there and flies.
But nothing else.
It just thinks, where is some poop?
I will land on the poop.
I am rubbing my little things together.
I am scheming on the poop.
That's what they do.
If you're like a fly, they like rub their hands together.