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Nov. 21, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld

01:43:13

Adventures In HellwQrld Episode #215: L's Final Episode

This week we cover all the horrible stuff Trump and the Republicans are doing and L bids farewell to the show. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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	Jensidie presenterer en dårlig dag på jobben på 90-tallet.
	Hei, nå er det litt krise her.
	Det har vært innbrudd i butikken, og de har bare...
	Vi har tatt alt!
	Og en dårlig dag på jobben i dag.
	Vi har blitt hacka med nå.
	Alle filene er låst, og nå skal vi bare ha masse krypte for å få låst opp igjen.
	Jensidie har alltid vært der for bedrifter for små og store uheld.
	Og det skal vi fortsette med.
	Tiden går.
	Jensidie består.
	Velkommen til høvleriet Eik og List.
	Tast N for å tale med selger.
	To for høvleriet.
	And three for...
	What did you taste now?
	Two.
	Two, yes.
	I thought I could try to tone on the tongue.
	You should have to talk with me.
	Proffa a bit with IceBedrift.
	God dekning, sentralboløsning og tastevalg til en hyggelig pris.
	Så høvleriet Eikolist.
	Prøv Eisbedrift.
	Det finnes mange innkjøpssystemer for hotell, restaurant og kantine.
	Felles for mange av dem er at de driver med så mye annet.
	Millum derimot driver bare med én ting.
	Innkjøpssystem for hotell, restaurant og kantine.
	Dette har de gjort i mer enn 20 år i tett samarbeid med de beste i bransjen.
	Resultatet er at man får økt kontroll, et mer solidt grunnlag for å forhandle avtaler, og sparer inntil 20 prosent av kostnadene.
	Ble du litt nysgjerrig nå?
	Check Millum.no
	Check Millum.no
	The Adventures in Hell World podcast talks in-depth about QAnon.
	While it's meant to be comedic informative, sometimes we have to get into things like child abuse and violence against people.
	Listener discretion advised.
	Hello everybody, I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
	Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hell World.
	This week I am joined as always by Haley, a.k.a.
	Arizona Right Watch.
	Hello, listeners.
	I got nothing for you this week.
	I'm tired.
	Sleepy Haley.
	I've always said that about her.
	Crooked Haley.
	I'm also joined by the mysterious L. Zoot alors!
	It was a Trump impersonation from Mike Raines.
	I love it.
	Hello, beautiful babies.
	It's me.
	I'm Mario.
	I guess French Mario, sorry.
	I don't know why I exclaimed Zoot Allures.
	It was the first thing that came to my head because I also had nothing going into it.
	That's something that one of my Animal Crossing characters shouts at me sometimes.
	That's really cute.
	Yeah, that was totally intentional.
	That was an Animal Crossing ref, for sure, for the people who love Animal Crossing.
	No, I just exclaimed that for no reason.
	But before we get into any other bullshit, housekeeping, important, earth-shattering, show-shaking news, this is actually going to be my last episode as a recurring weekly guest host, or co-host, I should say, on the show.
	I am semi-retiring from the show.
	I reserve the right to come back for special occasions and or for bonus content.
	But my third chair...
	I'm hanging up the jersey!
	And my third chair is going to somebody who is shrouded in mystery.
	I'm not sure if it's locked in yet, but...
	He hates me.
	That's why he's leaving.
	He's been wandering a year straight and he just hasn't been able to do it.
	And that was why 16 months ago I was like, Haley, I hate your guts.
	So a year and a half from now, after the election happens, I'm out of here.
	The slowest slow burn.
	All our listeners have no idea, but after we've done recording, Hayley always dips out because she's super busy, and then Elle's just like, God damn it, another week with that woman!
	Oh, the pain!
	And he just starts absolutely just pounding a Jack Daniels bottle direct on camera in front of me.
	And I'm like, Elle, calm down!
	He's like, no!
	You calm down!
	And I'm like, okay, this is really bad.
	And I don't want to...
	labor the issue for too long and take up too much of the recording time with it.
	But I'm sure that the listeners will have some questions.
	So I'll just say for the record that no, it has nothing to do with Mike or Haley.
	It is simply a matter of the fact that I have been pretty open with my contempt for normal political discourse.
	I just don't give a fuck about regular politics.
	And unfortunately, QAnon, which was a fun, wacky thing to cover back in the day, just became too much of the status quo for me to want to talk about every week.
	So I still love my co-hosts.
	I just don't care about what we're talking about even a little anymore.
	And I feel like I would rather have you, the listener, be informed by people who have fucking skin in the game.
	Haley has a lot of skin in the game.
	Mike, for his part, does as well.
	And then there's old me.
	I hate everything about everything.
	Yeah.
	But if there ever is any sort of crazy reason to bring ol' Elle back into the saddle for a guest host spot, I've been a reference to Mike now for over 20 years.
	He knows how to get in touch with me.
	So...
	No, I'm just imagining something crazy thing happening and someone's like, man, L would have a hilarious take on this.
	And I'm just sitting there saying, if only I could find him.
	If only L was on the grid anymore.
	I'm like at a shack in the woods by a stream.
	I'm that grizzly Adams looking guy gif where he just looks down the barrel of the camera and nods solemnly at you with his big rugged beard.
	That's me.
	Except, you know, I'm a big fat guy and not a rugged mountain man.
	You're just going to turn around and face the rainforest like Joe Biden did and walk in there.
	Okay, so, yes.
	Let's use this as a way to segue into normally talking about stuff that we normally talk about on the show.
	No, I just want to make real clear, real quick to our listeners that he is leaving because of me.
	Occasionally he texts me, fuck you, just out of nowhere.
	I did.
	To be fair, that was only after I sent her a dick pic and she was like, this is inappropriate.
	I was like, fuck you!
	That's my dick!
	No, we're all good.
	I want you back when...
	Things will get weird at some point.
	There'll be a point, like, a year from now where, like, the entire right is making a conspiracy about, like, Toyota Corollas.
	And they all, you know, are, I don't know, trafficking children via pizza boxes from Pizza Hut.
	Yeah, I'm assuming they'll get bored enough at some point where they're going to have to start generating stuff that's worth talking about.
	And if anything gets extra weird, Mike will just be like, hey, we're going to be talking about this this week if you want to jump on.
	And in those instances, if it tickles my pickle, I'll come on, you know.
	This is a very real thing that could happen is that Trump gets back in and he's just doing dog shit and is flailing and America is just like super fucking pissed with him and everything sucks.
	And even the maggot shuds and the QAnon people are getting disgruntled because he's not throwing Obama and Hillary in jail and all the rest of it.
	And then sensing that moment, feeling the opportunity, Ron just goes back to posting cue drops and just tries to whip the crowd back into a feather.
	To explain 5D chess?
	Yes, exactly.
	We need a 5D chess master to explain 5D chess to us, the normal idiots.
	Right, exactly.
	To me, it just looks like those terrorists were a terrible idea and are ruining our country.
	To me, it just looks like we probably should have not done that thing that you did.
	Because it could be any number of his policies.
	Every single policy, throw a dart.
	Yeah, exactly, exactly.
	The fact that prices at Walmart have doubled was probably a bad idea.
	We probably shouldn't have done that.
	But no, we had to double the prices at Walmart to shut down the adrenochrome farms, obviously.
	So it's like, yeah, all that shit's coming.
	Anyway, one last point.
	I have a handful of friends who I am also blindsiding with this news because I didn't warn them in advance.
	I know they listen to the show, and I'm sure that they're going to yell at me.
	And to those people, I say, fair enough.
	You know where to find me if you need to yell at me.
	They're going to be like, you prick.
	I listen to your show.
	Like, what are you doing?
	And I'm just like, ah.
	Anyway.
	Sleepy Joe Biden.
	Like, okay, so that jungle photo op.
	How did they, like, they felt like the fakest looking part of jungle there was.
	Like, it looked like they were in a, it looked like they were in a rainforest cafe.
	Like, I was giving the AP News credit for it being the jungle because they said it was.
	But if it was like a regular, like if that was just a thing I saw on Twitter, I was just like, who's photoshopping Joe Biden into this rainforest cafe?
	It was the Amazon rainforest in Brazil.
	You know, it's just proof why you need to take care of it because it's so beautiful that it looks fake as fuck.
	Also, why is Joe Biden's, like, move as the still current President of the United States just slowly doddering away from camera?
	Like, why is that?
	Are they leaning into that as his move?
	Yeah.
	Like, they're just like, okay, now he's done talking and it's time for him to walk.
	And we've gone over this, Mr. President.
	You're going to turn around and then you're just going to walk sort of like away from the camera, 25 feet, and then just sort of like off to the side to get off stage.
	It's just like, have him move horizontally.
	Like, you know, like, have him...
	I don't know why we're slowly watching him walk away from us, the American people.
	I loved that they brought a desk.
	Because he was signing something at a desk and I thought that was really funny.
	It was like bringing a desk to the rainforest.
	I just think it's just a very weird thing and it feels like the media and the stagecraft of it all is designed to just, in a way, vindicate them.
	They're like...
	Look, he's really old, and we were right to get him out of the election because he's so goddamn old!
	And my reaction to all of this is, man, I need to see every time Donald Trump is walking away from cameras during his time in office.
	I need to see that man's solid, steady stride every time he walks away from a podium.
	Because if you cut away after he's done babbling incoherently at me...
	And then the moment he turns to walk away, you cut to the studio desk and be like, that was President Trump giving his remarks.
	I'm going to be like, no!
	I want to see him walking!
	I want to see him walking away, assholes!
	Yeah, let's get some film editor techniques in there.
	Have a real film director get in there and just be like, you know what we could probably edit out of this?
	All the parts where it's just Sleepy Joe doddering.
	You know?
	You have the power of the camera.
	It doesn't have to be on the doddering president.
	Right, exactly.
	People need to know that he daughters.
	No, we do know.
	He called it quits.
	He was like, hey, I'm not going to try to be friends anymore because I'm too old.
	So it's just like, yeah, we get it.
	He's old.
	You don't have to show us.
	Now you're just sort of being mean to him.
	Let the man talk about the rainforest or whatever.
	Malarkey.
	Exactly.
	Have you seen these monkeys?
	I have...
	We both like bananas.
	That's the thing we have in common.
	Okay, Mr. President.
	That's pretty cool.
	Good stuff.
	All right.
	Thank you, everybody.
	A round of applause for the president.
	That's literally going to be our next four years.
	That's what's so great about it.
	And we're going to have his clown show in the fucking cabinet being like, nope, not 25th Amendment.
	I'm totally loyal.
	Absolutely.
	God.
	You ever had Donkey Kong Country game?
	Monkey named Donkey on Rhino.
	What's up with that?
	Okay, President.
	Time for bed.
	Oh, boy.
	It's funny because he's a thousand, but so is Donald Trump.
	He gets to have his hand on the wheel for four years.
	He's going to do fine.
	I'm sure he will.
	That is, like, literally in a year, some person who's going to be desperate for anything to try to, like, prop up Trump's going to grab that quote.
	They're going to, like, misattribute it as though you meant it.
	He's going to put his hand on the wheel for four years.
	He'll be fine.
	Mysterious L. Damn, endorsing Trump.
	It's not part of our boosh.
	We have a couple of minutes before we don't really get into that, so let me talk about this now.
	I'm sure we're going to have to talk about Elon Musk because that's just the way it goes now, but I do think it's funny that since the election, what is the percentage of amount you have heard about Donald Trump and his buddy Elon Musk versus Donald Trump and his vice president J.D. Vance?
	It is wild, the disappearance of J.D. Vance.
	I cannot wrap my head around it.
	It's so fucked up because...
	Can we get a quality of life check on that guy?
	Is he the new Miscavige wife?
	Or whatever that guy's name is?
	Yeah, Miscavige.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Because what's so fucked up about it is that even if you were this sort of doe-eyed optimist about Donald Trump's mental and physical health for the next four years...
	You would, as a Republican, kind of know that unless the Supreme Court decides to just play Calvin Ball of the 22nd Amendment and we actually decide to try to run like 90 year old Trump in 2028, if we just like decide that the Constitution is no longer valid and fuck this shit, we're just going to run it, run the old man again. if we just like decide that the Constitution is no You kind of know that Vance is the heir apparent.
	He's going to be the Republican nominee in 2028 unless Republican Obama falls out of the sky and just charismas the shit out of him.
	So you would think that getting Vance to the forefront of the administration would be your goal because you've got to normalize this weird freak with the voters.
	For the next election.
	And instead of that, they've just locked him in a closet and are throwing him fish heads.
	It's so strange.
	It's like so fucked up.
	I don't understand it.
	I mean, it's like Elon Musk just fully hermit grabbed his way right in there.
	He was just like, you might be the vice president on a fucking paper, bud, but I'm the vice president in reality because Donald Trump can't get rid of me, even if he wants to.
	Because I am actually the richest man in the world.
	He is not.
	That's me.
	I'm that guy.
	Yeah, it's so messed up.
	The UFC, pretty much everyone in his inner circle went to the UFC show with him, except Vance, which was so strange.
	They were walking around backstage like they were going to the ring.
	Like it was the fighter in his entourage.
	But it was Trump flanked by Elon Musk and Dana White.
	And it's just like, where the fuck is the vice president?
	Or the vice president-elect?
	Kelly Roll, who I just learned about last week because of you.
	Kid Rock, RFK Jr. All these weird freaks are around Trump, but the guy that's going to have to run things in the near future is just gone.
	He's just mysteriously vanished.
	I just got to say that, because it wasn't on the list of things, that event, the UFC event where they were all hanging out, But I was actually watching The Daily Wire this morning and that Brett Cooper, who's kind of like their it girl, she's very popular, was talking about the fight for 10 minutes straight and just kind of fawning over, just like, I love how happy Trump is!
	I love to see him smile.
	I love to see Elon smile.
	I love to see them smile together.
	I love seeing them, like, whisper things in each other's ears.
	And wouldn't it be so great to just, like, be in that room with them?
	It was, like, the highest level of, like...
	Just being a sycophant, being a weird fascist bootlicker that I keep noticing that people are just like, I love to see Elon happy on Twitter.
	It's a weird thing that I think these ass lickers are like doing right now.
	It's like...
	Oh, well, for people that were on the fence about whether or not they should be absolutely glazing these lunatics, like once they all rose to very obviously the highest echelons of power, those fence hitters were suddenly just like...
	Actually, I think Elon's pretty masculine and cool now that I think about it.
	The Tesla soccer truck is maybe the greatest looking vehicle to have ever been created in existence.
	And its function is beyond reproach.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, it's maximum glaze now.
	Oh, those donuts.
	There's no more plain donuts anywhere.
	They're all glazed.
	Yeah, dude, it's like full-on Krispy Kreme over here.
	Yes!
	It is crazy.
	Oh, one more thing I'm squeezing in because we somehow didn't have it on the boosh.
	Did you guys see RFK Jr. have to bend the knee in the form of that soul-crushing photo of him eating McDonald's on Air Force One?
	A couple of weeks after being like, I love Donald Trump, but the stuff that he puts in his body is poison.
	Donald Trump's like, I'll fucking show you poison, buddy.
	Eat the fucking Big Mac.
	Eat it with his camera.
	Chow on that Big Mac.
	Shove those fries down your gullet.
	Do it!
	If you guys haven't seen this photo, man, you need to look at it.
	The look at RFK Juju's eye bead.
	Even for a guy who believes all the crazy stuff that he believes, you can tell by the look at his photo and his eyes in that picture that he has realized now that he is selling out.
	That was his sellout photo.
	You've got the look of a guy selling out in media res captured in that photo.
	It's so good.
	You want to lick the boot?
	You gotta eat the Big Mac.
	Of all the things for Donald Trump to be trying to force you to eat, a Big Mac is pretty fucking good.
	You should be counting your blessing.
	If it was a lady, if you were a woman in that situation, it'd be much worse for you.
	Oh, yeah.
	Allegedly, but only according to all those court cases he lost badly.
	Anyway, okay.
	Moving on from that funny little anecdote about RFK Jr. having to put Donald Trump's whole asshole in his mouth, let's get on to our amuse-a-bouche.
	It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
	Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
	Speaking of assholes, uh...
	I couldn't even get it out of my face.
	Which one of the Paul brothers is it?
	Is it Jake?
	Is this one Jake?
	This one is Jake.
	This is Jake Paul.
	Jake Paul fought Grandpa Mike Tyson to a predictable conclusion of a boring finish that satisfied nobody, except for the pockets of the two fighters involved, I guess.
	Each of them getting huge paydays for it.
	But of course, nobody can buy that it was just a sad fight between somebody who's not that good versus somebody who's very old.
	And they have some shit to say about it.
	So Mike, what are the conspiracy theories swirling around not-so-iron Mike Tyson's loss to the worst person in the history of the world?
	Maybe.
	Well, maybe not, but pretty close.
	He's up there, and how dare you slander Jake Paul, the 55th president of the United States, if the trajectory of these people is going the way I see it as.
	I will admit that he could beat me in a fight very easily.
	That's just something he has on me.
	But dude, sit down and do a parody song lyric writing competition.
	I'll put 10 racks on it, dude.
	So the first conspiracy theory that a bunch of people have postulated is that Tyson was paid to take a dive, which he's 58. That's why he didn't fight very well.
	He's very old.
	He's very washed up.
	They literally did everything in their power to carry him through this fight because he was fighting with two-minute rounds instead of three-minute rounds.
	They had giant pillow gloves on instead of real gloves.
	And after the fight was over...
	Yeah, but unfortunately they couldn't rig anything rules-wise to make his feet work.
	You know?
	Like, in the training videos leading up to it, it was like Mike Tyson throwing punches at his trainer in the pads, and it was just like, oh my god, his punching power.
	And it's just like, okay, but how does he move?
	And the answer is, like a 60-year-old man.
	Even worse than that, like a 60-year-old boxer.
	Yes.
	When you saw the massive knee brace he had on, that probably should have been a big tip-off that this dude does not actually have the stability needed to plant his feet and then throw effective punches and move around.
	But the other side of this, because Tyson being paid to take a dive, snooze, boring, that's conspiracy theory 101. The real people, the real G's in the conspiracy world know what really happened.
	Was that this boring ass fight was an Illuminati humiliation ritual to break Paul and Tyson and make them accept their place in the Illuminati as distraction piss babies.
	I guess, but they're very publicly making $40 million and $20 million respectively just to be in the ring, not including any other stuff on the back end.
	Like, if that's the payment for the ritual, then like, ritual me up, daddy.
	Like, what do I gotta do, dude?
	Cock cage?
	Fucking ball gag?
	Prance me around like a pony in front of everyone I've ever loved?
	$40 million?
	Are you out of your fucking mind?
	Yeah, $40 million would buy you a lot of humiliation from me.
	Point to a person who is consenting and I will fuck them, no questions asked.
	In front of God and everybody.
	$40 million.
	There is no depth to my shame.
	I could do a lot with $40 million.
	Like, own a home.
	List over.
	Welcome to South America.
	Yeah, I mean, people would be like, hey, weren't you that guy that did that horrible thing?
	I'd be like, yeah, guess what?
	$40 million.
	Don't care.
	I came out the other end of that thing with $40 million.
	So, I'm doing okay.
	I'm doing okay.
	Dude, imagine the fame, baby, or the infamy, at least.
	You could parlay infamy.
	Like, dude, RedTube would be at your door with a G-Man the next day, like a briefcase.
	We had to make you an offer.
	So he likes to fuck on camera, you know?
	So, you know?
	If you can't parlay your shame into money, it's a skillet.
	Yes, exactly.
	Oh, yeah, absolutely.
	What are we talking about?
	Oh, yeah, turning your shame into money.
	Mike Tyson coming out of retirement at almost age 60 to fight this fucking dig dog.
	And then after the fight, Tyson tweeted out that the reason why the fight didn't happen over the summer is because he had an ulcer and lost half of his blood.
	He had to have multiple blood transfusions.
	So basically Tyson was like, yeah, I nearly died over the summer, so getting in ring shape and getting back in the ring was a win for me.
	That's one way to look at it.
	The other way to look at it is that a 58-year-old Mike Tyson, even with a body full of brand new blood, couldn't beat this kid.
	That's how boxing works, man.
	You've got to be strong and quick.
	You've got to have good reactions.
	And not old anymore.
	It sucks, because, like, I don't want to sound like I'm defending Mike Tyson, because he's, like, a bad dude and, like, a rapist.
	Like, famously a rapist, but, like, you know, allegedly, because I don't know if he's ever been convicted.
	Oh, no, Tyson was convicted of rape and jail.
	Oh, perfect.
	A convicted rapist, boo.
	No allegations here.
	Come at me, Mike.
	You know what?
	Honestly, my legs don't work great, but I think I can take you.
	No, that's not true.
	I'm soft, I'll die.
	Again, parody song, right?
	Let's go.
	But yeah, my favorite of the two conspiracy theories is the one that's just like, hey, he got paid to take a dive.
	What Mike Tyson do you know that seems like the sort of guy who would take a dive for money?
	Especially when you just fight for money, you know?
	Like, if they're asking him to get into the ring, like, they're just like, we're going to pay you $20 million, but you have to, like, not fight at your hardest.
	I don't know if Mike Tyson is the sort of guy who would do that.
	I mean, this is the guy, he got angry when he was losing a fight, so he bit his opponent's ear off.
	Remember, like, he's that same guy.
	I don't know.
	I feel like there's no reason for Mike Tyson to take a dive for money when he can just fight for money.
	Especially because if they're gonna rig the fight one way or the other, they're probably gonna be like, uh, hey, guy who's not a senior citizen, please don't kill Grandpa Tyson.
	In the ring, because that would look very bad for boxing as a whole.
	Just, you know, get it there, let's everybody get our bag, and let's get the fuck out.
	I'm not saying that's how it went down, but I'm just saying, of the two guys that you need to rig the fight for, like, you know, I don't think the young dude who's like an active boxer needs to worry about Grandpa Tyson coming out and like really doing the damage to him.
	Did I hope that Mike Tyson came out, summoned a Saitama one-punch, and literally blew the Paul head, cleared it off his shoulders?
	Yeah, but that didn't happen.
	We can all have big dreams.
	Right, exactly.
	Yeah, that's the kind of thing that is just so funny about all of this, is that people went into this fight obsessed with the idea that Tyson was going to knock him out, and then when he didn't knock him out, and it was a boring decision for Paul...
	People were then like, well, why didn't Tyson knock him out?
	Oh, because Tyson was paid to take a dive.
	Because they just had it in their heads that Tyson is this murder machine and Paul is a dumb YouTuber.
	When Tyson is 58 and when he was fighting as an active professional, at the end of his career he was getting knocked out by bums.
	Tyson, at the end, was a sad, sad fighter who was just losing to people you've never even heard of.
	Everybody loves 19-year-old Mike Tyson.
	Myself included.
	Back when he was in his prime, that dude was crazy.
	He boxed for a long time.
	Oh, absolutely he did.
	I mean, he's just, he's washed up, and that's all there is to it.
	He's a bum rock!
	A bum!
	Yes.
	What's really funny about this, and this kind of, like, unlocks something about my understanding of Trump as well, is that people refuse to accept that Jake Paul is a boxer, even though he's been boxing for seven years.
	And I know that Jake Paul doesn't fight real boxers, and the only real boxer he's fought, he's lost to.
	But the dude's been training boxing for seven years, and he's a multi-millionaire.
	So he has real trainers, and he's got like a real dietician.
	So he has learned boxing for seven years.
	Yet, when anyone talks about his fight, they're like, oh, he's that YouTube guy.
	He's a celebrity from the internet.
	He's a streamer.
	And he just couldn't have transformed from like random YouTube celebrity to boxer over seven years in people's eyes.
	The same way that now we're in like year 10 or so of Donald Trump, the politician and people just are like, yeah, I like Trump because he's not a politician.
	And it's like, He was the president.
	You literally cannot be the president without being a politician.
	Nah, he's a businessman.
	And he gets on that show and says, you're fired.
	And so he ain't a politician.
	He ain't like one of those people.
	Mike, I respect how you brought that back to being on topic, but I do have to cut you off because we have to move on.
	I did want to shout you out, though.
	That was a good way to get that back to actually being in the ballpark of something we should be talking about.
	Well done.
	And a hefty big sneeze to you, too, whoever that was in the background.
	Yeah, but also calm.
	Let's talk about somebody else getting tuned up besides Mike Tyson, and that's Jay Leno.
	Because apparently Jay Leno got tuned up real bad by either the mob or the Illuminati.
	Mike, is it the mob or the Illuminati?
	It's the mobinati.
	It's both of these things.
	Oh my god.
	Mobby!
	Mobbywobby!
	Yeah, so Jay Leno apparently did an interview where he was really fucked up.
	Like, his body was all black and blue.
	He had like a cast...
	Did you see that clip?
	Yes.
	I mean, the degree to which he is fucked up is sort of like astronomical.
	Yes.
	Like, half of his face is actually just one massive bruise.
	It's insane.
	Sorry, continue.
	Yeah, Jay Leno looks really bad.
	If you have not seen the clip, no matter how bad you think Jay Leno looks, it is worse.
	The man is severely damaged.
	And he was interviewed about...
	I'm learning of this story live, everybody.
	I actually don't know this for once.
	Yeah, dude.
	When that thing popped up on my Twitter feed, I was just like, what exactly am I looking at here?
	And I was like, oh, shit!
	I think it wasn't until I realized that he also had his arm in a cast or something, that he was just fucking destroyed.
	Yes.
	Yeah, so basically Jay's excuse for what happened is that he fell leaving his hotel where he was staying.
	And people are trying to suss out how this all worked out.
	But what appears to be the case is that there was a Bob Evans store near the hotel that Leno was staying at.
	And if you actually follow the road, it's a long, winding journey to get to the Bob Evans.
	But if you just cut across the parking lot, it's like a straight shot.
	You could...
	It's one of those things where, like, the Bob Evans is right there, and all I have to do is walk over this grass, and it's like 10 feet.
	It's no muss, no fuss.
	And Jay probably did that, and then found out that that hill was a lot steeper than he thought it was, and fucked himself up taking a tumble on his way down to the Bob Evans.
	So...
	Okay, so that being said, I mean...
	He does look like he got tuned up.
	Like, Like, I'm not 100% saying that that is not what happened, that he definitely got jumped for being in, like, debt with the mob or what have you.
	But those bruises are, like, very much isolated to just one side of his face.
	And, like, are just...
	The density of it is just so continuous.
	It really just seems like somebody went to work on that side of his face.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, like, he, again, another old man, and, you know, it could be a steep hill, and maybe you just, like, sort of slide down it on your side or whatever and somehow fuck up that side of your face, but somehow break your other arm or whatever, you know?
	Yeah, he went on a little tumblewumble and slammed his face on the ground, and then as he was tumbling, he slammed his other arm onto the ground.
	I mean, he definitely, I mean, he fucked himself up real bad.
	I mean, that's definitely...
	I'm not saying the Hill thing is impossible.
	I am just saying that looking at that guy, it is very easy to see why some people would just be like, that guy looks like he got fucked up by some dudes.
	I don't know.
	That guy looks like he got tuned up by a wrench or something.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Exactly.
	I mean, the conspiracy theories write themselves when you look at Jay Leno.
	I mean, when you look at Jay Leno, you're like, holy shit.
	But also, the guy's worth like $500 million or whatever.
	Right.
	How much debt could he have?
	Right.
	That's the thing, is that if Jay Leno was in debt to the mob or the Illuminati, he could just sell 20 of his high-end cars and be like, hey guys, I'm selling some of my infinite cars.
	I'll have the money for you next week because I'm Jay Leno and I'm infinitely rich.
	So it's such a strange situation.
	It's a very weird story.
	So until the mob confirms they did it, I'm going to stick with the Hill theory, even though, again, he looks really bad.
	And I'm gonna split the difference and say that the mobster that tuned him up with the wrench was named Hill.
	You know, his last name was Hill.
	It was Hank Hill, actually.
	He's like, damn it, Jay!
	I'll tell you what.
	There we go.
	Okay, so moving swiftly along.
	The Onion bought Infowars, kind of, maybe.
	They're trying.
	Any news update on this one, Mike?
	Wasn't Alex Jones trying to fight this somehow because he's a baby?
	Yes.
	So, this is going to be your five-minute synopsis of this, so you don't have to listen to the 73 hours of Knowledge Fight people breaking this down.
	But basically what happened was...
	What's really frustrating is that it turned out that Infowars could have been purchased by anybody for the low price of $3.5 million plus $1.
	Because that was the amount of the bid that was made by the people that Alex was working for and working with to try to keep Infowars for himself.
	Which seems obscenely low.
	Like the idea that Alex called up all his buddies and was like, hey guys, you gotta keep InfoWars from me.
	I need it.
	I can't lose it.
	And they were like, okay, Alex, we've come up with three and a half million dollars.
	And then Alex was like, great, that's absolutely gonna do the trick.
	There's no way anyone could outbid three and a half million dollars.
	It's just wild.
	But what happened was that was the offer that the Alex Corp made.
	The other side that was made by The Onion, we don't know what the cash value of The Onion bid was, but what we do know is that what The Onion did was they went to the Sandy Hook families, the people who Alex owes one and a half billion with a B dollars to, And those people said, okay, what we're going to do is we're going to massively defer or massively reduce the amount of settlement money we want from Alex in exchange for the Onion buying Infowars.
	So they basically put their amount of credit that they were owed from Alex for the defamation suits that he lost.
	And they were just like...
	Shave $10 million off my settlement, $10 million off this person's settlement, $5 million off this person's settlement, because we're all getting $80, $90, $100 million that we're never going to see because Alex is never going to actually pay us.
	But they basically put a bunch of their judgment into the Onion bid to...
	To let the Onion win it.
	And the guy running the auction was just like, 3.5 million in money versus whatever amount of money the Sandy Hook families were willing to give in credit in deference to their supposed lawsuit settlements.
	I have to take the credit because it's more.
	And the whole point of me is paying back the creditors.
	So that's why the Onion bid won.
	And now Alex is throwing a little hissy fit and screaming...
	But I offered more money!
	And it's like, yeah, but you didn't offer more value, which is what the guy running the auction was doing, looking for the best value.
	And so this Monday, there's going to be a hearing before the judge where the guy who ran the auction is going to explain to the judge basically why he ruled in the Onion's favor, which is that their offer was the most valuable offer when it came to settling the debts that InfoWars owes due to the Sandy Hook judgments.
	I would assume like 75-25 that this thing goes in the Onion's favor, that the transaction does go through and the Onion does own Infowars.
	But Alex and his ilk are busy like throwing a shit fit and trying to fundraise off this, which is all they were ever trying to do anyways.
	So that's their main goal.
	But don't we want to see Infowars return?
	I don't know if I made this joke already.
	I can't remember who it was.
	I mentioned this to somebody, but I think it would be great if Infowars just came back with a different host who's just a fake Alex Jones.
	Aside from that, the content is identical.
	But now just with the knowledge that it's sarcastic.
	That would be great.
	Oh, the one other really funny little thing was Alex, being a complete idiot, called Steve Bannon on the phone live while he was on air and didn't tell Bannon he was calling him ahead of time.
	Didn't text him and say, Steve, I'm on air.
	I'm calling you.
	He's like, I'm just gonna get Steve Bannon on the phone.
	And he calls Steve Bannon.
	How you doing?
	I just did a huge rail of coke.
	How are you, Alex?
	Yes!
	That's almost what happened.
	It was so great.
	Because Alex calls him up and Steve Bannon shouts on the phone, Alex, what the fuck is this story?
	And Alex realizes that he's fucked up by not prepping Steve to know that he's on air.
	So Alex tries to shut him down to let him know.
	And the next words out of Bannon's mouth are, I thought Roger.
	And then Alex tells him and clues him in.
	And so basically, Like, Bannon is admitting that the three of them all knew that Roger Stone was putting together a group to rebuy Infowars and give it back to Alex, which that kind of colluding with one of the people bidding on Infowars might just be illegal for Alex to be doing.
	Mike, that is dangerous speculation.
	He was about to say that he thought Roger Rabbit was a pretty fun movie.
	This is true.
	This is true.
	Yes.
	They all had a Zoom movie night the night before.
	That's why he thought he was calling to talk about how great Who Framed Dr. Rabbit is.
	And they could never make it anymore because Jessica Rabbit is anti-woke and they would be cancelled for Jessica Rabbit.
	So yes.
	Hell no.
	Live action.
	Let's remake it, but live action all the animated parts.
	As is the Disney way.
	Or just take them from cel-shaded to 3D animation.
	That would be the real trick.
	Just butcher Who Framed Roger Rabbit by remaking it.
	All the animated parts are all CG now, but Sidney Sweeney is the new Jessica Rabbit because...
	We all know that Cindy Sweetie is the proof of anti-woke.
	That poor girl.
	Those people somehow made her the queen of anti-woke just because she is attractive.
	And she's got big natties, and apparently that's something that's bad in this world now.
	Apparently liberals hate big natties.
	I don't understand where that came from.
	Liberals hate all these sexy women.
	If we're even allowed to have sexy women now, and it's just like...
	What about her and, like, Sabrina Carpenter, who's constantly being yelled at for being too sexy because she used to be a Disney star.
	And, you know, how about that young actress from that movie, The Substance, who everyone online only talks about because of how attractive she is.
	I haven't heard a single person say how good her fucking performance is in that movie.
	They're just like, look at her, this leotard, me want, me want.
	It's like, really cool.
	Yeah.
	My favorite thing about the Sabrina Carpenter stuff is the people responding to it are saying, have you listened to literally any of her songs since she left Disney?
	All of her songs are I Love Fucking.
	That is what I'm about.
	People don't listen.
	Mike, these are common run-of-the-mill folks.
	Real salt-of-the-earth people.
	You know.
	Morons.
	Yes, exactly.
	They can't listen to a song lyric and understand what it means at the same time.
	Are you out of your fucking mind?
	That's why I just saw a big fucking picture.
	I just saw a picture.
	I saw a TikTok of a bunch of Christian choir people singing Madonna's Like a Prayer.
	They have no idea what that song is about.
	No earthly idea.
	They're probably actually, they're just like, wow, Madonna, such a wholesome girl, really loves the Lord.
	It's just like, dude, I hate to break this to you ladies, but that whole song is about dick sucking me.
	It's about to suck a dick.
	Anyway.
	Yeah.
	It's absolutely wild.
	Yeah, you can't expect these people to understand a song lyric.
	No.
	Dude, they do not get subtext, or text, or whatever, superior text, whatever the category is.
	Super text.
	Max text.
	That's why Donald Trump is their president, because they recognize a guy in a suit, and they like that.
	Right.
	That's basically it.
	Yeah.
	Speaking of things that people like, it's time for Arizona, baby.
	Everybody loves Arizona, especially the people in Arizona.
	Some might even say only the people in Arizona, but that would probably be rude to the people in Arizona.
	Thankfully, I don't care about that.
	Get fucked!
	No, just kidding.
	We have an Arizona correspondent to talk to us about that thing.
	Her name is Haley.
	We call her Chaley, but you may also know her as Arizona Right Watcher, A-Z-R-W. Hi, Chaley!
	What's going on in your fine state of Arizona this week?
	Not much, you know.
	It's kind of quiet right now.
	It's almost holiday season.
	Most of those shitheads won, so they're all happy.
	There's some fervor about Carrie Lake losing, but I don't even think Carrie Lake cares because she's been at Mar-a-Lago non-stop trying to just get anything.
	She's like, please hire me for fucking anything.
	This is actually kind of what my segment is about.
	Like, there is a lot of chaos happening at Mar-a-Lago right now.
	It's like the place to be if you want to kiss ass to Trump and try to get a seat.
	And Carrie Lake is one of those people that's been there.
	But also, one of the people that literally booked a room in Mar-a-Lago and has been staying there ever since...
	Is the woman that I keep bringing up the past couple weeks, Melissa Rand Lively, the woman who destroyed the mask display in Target back in like...
	Yeah, you're like weirdly obsessed with this lady all of a sudden.
	Did she like run over your dog or something?
	What's going on?
	No, I just...
	I brought her up...
	Because I noticed initially that she was like, I'm not actually anti-QAnon.
	I did that for PR. And then she immediately started to be relevant in the news a little bit because she's been one of the people hanging out at Mar-a-Lago.
	And she kind of went viral, not her herself, but some stuff that she did at Mar-a-Lago over the weekend.
	Because, obviously, she was trying to become the press secretary.
	She wanted to be the press secretary, and she kept saying that she was the press secretary, which was not true.
	And then, when it got announced, some, like, 27-year-old got it, she had, like, a mental breakdown, like, pretty visibly on her...
	Instagram, where she at first didn't believe that she didn't get the spot, and then was basically crying in her stories, and Then just like kind of started to go.
	It was actually a bit.
	I actually just was at Mar-a-Lago as a bit.
	It was a bit.
	I pulled a prank on you guys.
	I'm going home.
	But in the process of this, she seemed to have gotten to a little tiff with Kimberly Guilfoyle, whatever the fuck.
	Because everybody's just being annoying at Mar-a-Logger right now.
	Lively was talking about how Elon's kid, his little toddler, came up to her and she was like, oh, this is the perfect opportunity to get into Elon's orbit is to be nice to this kid.
	Literally using a toddler to try to get a seat.
	Also, she clearly doesn't know shit about Elon.
	He probably doesn't even know that kid is there.
	No, he's like, I haven't seen that kid in three days.
	So, anyway, she was posting all this live.
	She was texting what looks to be Carrie Lake, but I don't want to say that's 100% true because this lady's an elaborate liar.
	But she did post that...
	She was upset that Guilfoyle had her escorted out of Mar-a-Lago by the police.
	And she was telling this, what looks to be Carrie Lake, that Guilfoyle is very stinky.
	She said she has the worst BO I've ever smelled in my entire life.
	I was literally gagging the entire time I was standing behind her.
	And this kind of went viral on like Midas Touch type, you know, like the resistance type Twitter.
	And she started responding to it and getting more into details of how stinky Kimberly Guilfoyle is.
	Like, in videos, just going off about how she's like, she wears this brand of dress, and that's why she's so stinky.
	Like, it's not her fault.
	She lives in Florida.
	I would be stinky, too, if I was her.
	That's true.
	We'd all be stinky if we lived in Florida.
	That's just a fact.
	Smelly Florida.
	The smelliest state.
	Many people are saying it.
	Ron DeSantis, Stinky Florida.
	I've always called it that.
	But, yeah, so she did not get the press secretary's position, and now she's saying that it was the most elaborate PR stunt ever, and is like...
	She's going through it.
	She's clearly not okay.
	She was going on and on and on about how she did all this as a prank, as a stunt for her business, and she didn't actually want to be press secretary, even though she was visibly crying right when she got the news.
	And...
	Yeah, she's just in denial.
	But in the middle of her video, she was like, you guys, a lot of people are saying that I have mental health problems.
	And I think that that's really rude.
	I don't have mental health problems.
	But if I did, some of your commentary would come off as really hurtful.
	And then cut to her continuing that, like, her living in Mar-a-Lago for a month straight was just a PR stunt.
	So she's like not well, I think, in general, but she'll still be around because she is kind of like semi-tied to Arizona politics.
	She's like the PR rep for Shelby Bush, who's like just some far-right GOP lady here.
	But yeah, that's all.
	I didn't care to get into anything dark in Arizona, so I just stuck with her because she's funny, you know?
	You know what?
	That's cool.
	And we appreciate it.
	Because when it gets dark in Arizona, you know shit is fucked.
	It's your last day.
	Why talk about something dark when we can talk about just a lady who lied about being a reformed QAnon-er and is now...
	Yeah, why talk about something dark when you can use an instant excuse to talk about this lady that you were obsessed with?
	Yes.
	Classic Haley.
	Stockin' Haley.
	Oh.
	Anything else going down in the state of Arizona or are we moving on for the week?
	I don't know.
	I hear that Wonder Woman's just in the theme of we can't stop electing celebrities.
	There's a real world guy that's going to be part of the Trump administration.
	We elected Wonder Woman's sister here, which is just like, come on.
	Enough.
	Enough.
	Like, new Wonder Woman?
	Gal Gadot?
	No, like, uh...
	Old Wonder Woman?
	Linda Hamilton?
	Or not Linda Hamilton, what's her name?
	Yeah, Linda Carter?
	Yeah, there we go.
	Linda Hamilton is T2 lady.
	She'd make a sweet Wonder Woman.
	I'm ready to fuck you up.
	The actual Wonder Woman was actually campaigning against her sister.
	It's just, like, another example of just, like, too many celebrities entering politics.
	Please go away.
	Or not enough.
	The Rock 2028, you know, let's go.
	I, for one, am backing The Rock for President of Earth 2028. If we get there, you know, we have a spicy news segment this week.
	Yep.
	So thank you so much for your Arizona correspondence, Haley.
	We appreciate it.
	The fans love you.
	But it's time for us to talk about cues in the news.
	From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News.
	It's about to be World War III again and again, maybe for real this time.
	My God.
	Get your nuclear clocks out.
	It's time to keep a track again because Vladimir Putin said he's going to nuke us all to shit.
	We're all fucked.
	Right, Mike?
	We're all dead.
	We don't even know it.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Linda Hamilton, etc.
	Oh, yeah.
	She's going to be holding on to that chain link fence and having her skeleton fucking atomized in front of us.
	It's going to be great.
	It's going to be incredible.
	Man, we're doing a lot of Terminator this week.
	This is exciting.
	I mean, I always said the show needed more Terminators.
	I'm trying to squeeze some in on the way out.
	I appreciate you.
	I appreciate that very much.
	Anyway, I mean, The Terminator is literally about the Third World War.
	So what's going on this week, Mike?
	So basically what's happening this week is that outgoing stumbling through the rainforest President Joe Biden is taking the gloves off Ukraine.
	Like, they've authorized deep strikes into Russian territory.
	They're giving the Ukrainians anti-personnel mines to defend Ukraine against Russian attacks.
	Basically, it's just, hey, I got a couple months left on the clock here.
	Let's go hog wild giving Ukraine whatever aid they can get.
	And to try to, you know, hamstring the Trump administration when it comes in to, like, show themselves to be Russian allies.
	When they start taking those things away from the Ukrainians.
	And the response to this is, of course, right-wingers throwing a giant fit and screaming that in his dying hours of his presidency, Biden is trying to push the Russians into World War III and blah blah blah.
	And...
	We're not throwing nukes at them.
	We're not putting in American troops.
	If anyone's going to do World War III, it's Putin.
	And why would he do that?
	His boy's going to be in office in a couple months.
	He can just eat shit for a couple more months and then be okay.
	But no, it's pissing and shitting ourselves.
	It's demanding Biden be impeached and remove from office immediately because obviously Kamala Harris would totally 100% stop this and sell Ukraine out to Russia ASAP and all the rest of it.
	Yeah, it's a lot of whining.
	To be fair to the whiners, Putin did decide to do some saber-rattling where he ratified their constitution or whatever documents he needed to just be like, well, you know, if you supply missiles to a nation and then that nation uses those missiles to shoot our country, that's war, baby!
	That's a declaration of war, baby!
	It's just like, okay, I'll improve it, because we did that.
	So are you to declare war with the United States, Chief?
	Yeah, right.
	Would you like to make that one official?
	Yep, let's go.
	Hey, if you're feeling froggy, Putin, jump.
	Let's go.
	Let's do it.
	And also, not for nothing, but this is kind of in response to the fact that it's just confirmed that they're just recruiting foreign military from North Korea to come fight Ukraine.
	It's just like Putin's fucking innocent.
	He's just like, oh, it's just a regular our country trying to invade another country.
	It's not even that.
	It's your country trying to invade another country and now you're getting a third country's military to help you do it.
	It's like, okay, well, here you go.
	It takes these fucking missiles and, you know, you can continue to get American munitions in your face until Donald Trump comes and is immediately just like, I actually love Vladimir Putin.
	I actually love Vladimir Putin and I hate national sovereignty, so...
	It's so weird.
	It's so weird the way that works.
	Yeah.
	There were some really awesome stories about how the North Korean soldiers got their first exposure to the internet in Russia and became addicted to porn.
	The culture exchange has been magical between the Russians and the North Koreans.
	There's all kinds of talk today about the North Korean soldiers being attacked by Ukrainian missiles, but I haven't actually seen any evidence confirming that.
	And it's weird that X, the everything platform, isn't trustworthy when it comes to news and current events.
	So, huge.
	Also, unless they've got like Suicide Squad style bombs in their head, don't you think that any Ukrainian soldier could defeat any North Korean soldier by just being like, hey, just come over to our side and we just won't send you back to North Korea?
	You know?
	Would you like a burrito?
	Come over here.
	Yeah, we've got, like, food over here and stuff.
	It's not great, but it is food.
	They'd be like, what?
	We've only heard of food.
	My God.
	Yeah, no wonder they get addicted to porn immediately.
	It's sort of like contacting, like, an actual, like, undiscovered tribe.
	Like, those people who've been at their, like, crazy dictatorship for so long.
	I would not trust them to fight my war for me.
	No.
	Again, if I was a Ukrainian commander and it was just like, sir, we think there's like 100 North Korean troops over there, just be like, okay, send them like a turkey or whatever.
	And then with a note that just says, like, stop fighting and come, like, chill over here.
	Like, you know, our prisons are better than your country.
	So how do you like that?
	You know?
	Exactly!
	That's 100% the option when it comes to this.
	How do we defeat the North Koreans by offering them any kindness whatsoever?
	They've probably had none in their entire lives.
	They're just starving, malnourished people who've been sent here by their evil overlord of a dictator.
	And if we were just like, hey, here's some chocolate.
	Wait until you guys see porn.
	You're not going to believe this porn.
	Wait until you see porn.
	One of the greatest things coming out of the world today, it's porn.
	Ick it.
	Sit down and watch this porn.
	You tell the fight gone immediately.
	Will to jerk off 100 million percent.
	Hard to want to blow somebody away when you're busy masturbating like you've never masturbated.
	Like there's no tomorrow because there might not be.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I gotta do it right away.
	This might not get another chance.
	Oh, no.
	Anyway, as always, I support Ukraine and their fucking ability to defend themselves, including shooting cool giant missiles while providing them into Russia, because fuck Russia.
	Yes, 100%.
	That's my favorite part about all of this stuff, is all the people who are like, you're emboldening World War III. It's like, Putin can just leave Ukraine and this is over.
	Why do you not call for that?
	Why is Ukraine defending itself and other people giving them the means to defend themselves?
	Why is that World War III? Can you explain that to me?
	And also, why are these conservatives such huge pussies?
	Like, fucking...
	What America do you want to go back to being great again that backs down when Russia rattles its sword at us?
	When Russia's just like, hey, we might do a World War III if you do that.
	We're just supposed to back down immediately.
	That's what making America great again is?
	Yeah.
	Is backing down in the face of a bully?
	Sweet.
	Good.
	A super awesome country.
	I'm glad we have, like, the biggest defense budget in history.
	Not close.
	I love people who say shit like that.
	They're like, you think our woke military can stand up too?
	I'm like, yes, our woke military can beat the entire world.
	It's not even close.
	And they're like, what?
	I'm like, you truly- Yeah, it turns out my Predator drone is agender, you know?
	Like- It does not give a fuck.
	The Prejudice Road is lethal regardless of its gender identity.
	It just kills.
	And the same thing is true for all of our hardware, you know?
	These missiles cost $1.4 million each.
	They don't have a pronoun and they don't have a sexual identity.
	They just go into your bunker and they kill you and all your family and friends.
	Yeah, my Predator drone's pronouns are, you die.
	That's how this works.
	It's really not tough.
	It's just so ridiculous.
	Like, you know what?
	A woman can pilot a Predator drone.
	It's literally an Xbox controller.
	Like, a woman, a transgender person, anyone.
	If you, like...
	Amaranth is gonna be fucking blown away like brown people in the Middle East here in, like, ten years.
	Just you wait.
	Asmund Gold is going to be sitting in a lake of his own piss and shit, but he's still going to have the VR helmet on just doing his patriotic duty fighting in World War III. Yeah, there's nothing to this.
	If you trained me up, I could run a drone and kill people.
	It's not hard.
	This is a skill set that can be learned.
	I'm sure that, like, three years ago, there were very few Ukrainians, if any, who knew how to pilot a drone.
	Now, probably 25% of the country could throw a grenade at a Russian via a drone if they really needed to.
	Yeah, I just don't get it.
	I mean, you know, and I've been pretty open about the fact that I just think that we need to stop letting Russia bully around Ukraine.
	We need to be more aggressively protecting Ukraine against Russia and sending a message to the world that it's just like, we are beyond the part of history where you can just decide to take over your neighbor because you have more guns than them.
	That shit is crazy.
	Yeah.
	Because otherwise, hey, guess who's coming to take over your shit?
	America.
	Because we have more guns than all of you.
	We got the most and the best guns.
	Guess what?
	Welcome to one nation under God and one world under that nation.
	That's not it.
	Oh, I truly can't wait for QAnon's pivot on the quote-unquote peace president when we're at war with both Mexico and Iran within the first year of the new Trump administration.
	It's going to be so great listening to them explain that away.
	But Mexico had bio labs.
	That's where COVID came from.
	Wasn't that Ukraine a couple years ago?
	Yeah, shut up, you cuck.
	There's no internal logic to our bullshit.
	Well, okay, great.
	Sounds wonderful.
	Yeah, man.
	Speaking of a country that could use a little freedom, I mean, Mexico's in a real bad way right now.
	But we don't have time to talk about that.
	In fact, a better man than me would have segued into our funny jokes about pronouns earlier into our next talking point, but I failed.
	I failed you, dear listeners, and for that, I am sorry.
	But it is time for us to talk about the GOP's anti-transgender man.
	They hate transgender people.
	Something powerful.
	Your genitals determine who you are for your whole life, and that's just the way it goes.
	Suck it up, buttercup.
	Anyway, Mike, what's going on with Crazy GOP and their hatred of the trans community this week?
	So, get ready for the new Democrat villain du jour.
	AOC, boo.
	Nancy Pelosi, boo.
	Hakeem Jeffries, boo.
	All these great villains that the Republicans hate.
	Your new great enemy, the new downfall of America, is a woman named Sarah McBride.
	And the reason why Sarah McBride is a terrible bad person is that she's transgender.
	And she is a representative elect from the great state of Delaware.
	Because America is about to have its first transgender person in the National Congress, the Republicans are doing what they do best, which is throw a giant hissy fit and be massive bigots.
	Nancy Mace, the Republican sack of shit and pick me of the Republican Party, the highest order, has tweeted something like over a hundred times about this by now.
	Just absolutely...
	Yeah, just absolutely losing her fucking mind.
	And the best part about her bullshit is that she loves talking about how she was sexually assaulted and how she's just doing this to protect women, as if Sarah McBride is some sort of criminal who has a history of violence and sexual assault in her life.
	And it's like, no, you're doing this because Sarah McBride is transgender and you're just a piece of shit who hates transgender people as are Republicans.
	Well, it's actually kind of both.
	They're doing it because in their twisted, fucked up mind, simply being transgender makes you a sexual danger to the community.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's the same thing with like back in like the, you know, fucking up until Chex Watch.
	Well, now kind of still in some communities being gay.
	Same thing.
	They're just like, gay, fucking sex pervert over here.
	Gonna fuck everything up for everybody.
	It's just how exactly.
	Yeah, they're going to turn your kids gay.
	How are they going to do that?
	They just do.
	By providing them the greatest crook masseur they've ever had in their life.
	By giving them a fashion tip about how to coordinate pants.
	Like, what are you guys like?
	What the fuck are they going to do that's going to ruin?
	Like, you know, I've never understood it in my life.
	Because I'm just like, have you ever been around a gay person in your life?
	They're delightful.
	Right.
	They're delightful or just like you and me, which means that they are anywhere from a piece of shit to the best person you've ever met.
	It turns out that there's a pretty fucking...
	Some of them suck, just like you and me.
	Isn't that delightful, too?
	What a world, you know?
	Everybody can equally be shitty or terrible.
	Ellen DeGeneres.
	You know, I think she's a piece of shit, kind of, I've heard.
	I'm so glad that she got her comeuppance.
	I've heard people, like, being sort of sad that she had to go away, and I was like, why?
	She was never even accidentally funny once.
	I mean, she was pretty good finding Nemo or whatever, finding Dory, but that's voice acting work.
	She can still do that if she wants.
	Because I imagine that it's too hard to be incredibly rude and mean to people you're working with if you're in a booth.
	It's what's out-digit-deered.
	He can mute you.
	Yeah, so the Republicans basically are going to pass a referendum or an act.
	It's not a law, but basically the code of conduct for the new Congress is going to make it illegal for Sarah McBride to use a women's bathroom in the public areas of the House because That's not how this works around here.
	You showed me a picture of this person before the show, and honestly, I thought it was just you had a hot and ready example of a pretty trans woman, because that's what we were talking about at the time.
	I didn't know it was going to become relevant to the show, but this person having to use a men's restroom puts them in a million times more danger than vice versa.
	I'm just going to call that one right there.
	Yeah, exactly.
	I mean, that's what's so ridiculous about this, is that people have responded to these various kinds of bathroom bills by posting photos of trans models who are absolutely gorgeous and saying, yeah, you're going to put this woman in a men's bathroom, and then you'll see trans men who are Absolutely swole.
	These dudes who are jacked.
	And you're gonna be like, yeah, you're gonna put this dude in a woman's bathroom.
	This dude is gonna have to go into a woman's bathroom to use it.
	Because that's your mentality.
	Because you just...
	We're like, eh, born a woman, totally a woman, and they have facial hair.
	They don't even look like a woman.
	They got a six-pack.
	They have a ten-pack.
	They have Chinese abs.
	What are you doing?
	What was wrong with your brain?
	Like, I honestly...
	The reason why Trump and Vance got so upset about being called weird is because that has always been their attack on Democrats.
	And it's always been their attack on minorities.
	Gay people are weird.
	Trans people are weird.
	You sick freaks are weird.
	Remember when that strategy was surprisingly kind of working and then the Kamala campaign decided to pivot away from it to be like...
	Actually, you people that are closer to the middle, we think that you're not weird.
	In fact, you're pretty cool.
	And we'd really like for you to come over to our side.
	So, look, it's Liz Cheney!
	Anyway, sorry.
	But the thing is, is that it's calling them out for being obsessed with this shit and saying being obsessed with this shit is weird.
	That...
	That throws them off balance because it's like, no, being obsessed with this stuff isn't weird.
	It's totally normal to prevent a congresswoman from using a woman's bathroom because I don't like her due to reasons.
	So, yeah, it's just really bizarre that they're doing this.
	It's...
	It's open bigotry that makes no sense.
	And at the end of the day, when have the bigots ever been right?
	When has America ever gone, oh yeah, you guys got it right.
	The Italian and the Irish, they're not really white.
	They're not really Americans.
	Let me put my Nina sign back up.
	Boom.
	There we go.
	Not letting those scum work at my fine establishment.
	Just...
	All of it.
	It's just so...
	Yeah, I mean, progress does...
	Again, progress is sort of steady and...
	The generations crop up to fight against it pretty hard, but, like, overall, the track record has been pretty good.
	We've been slow to get there, so I'm not patting humanity on the back or anything, but yeah, like, the Irish, the Italians, like, black folks, gay folks, hopefully trans folks, like, eventually, the rights do come, and the fact that it is still a fight is truly a shame upon us as a species.
	Uh, Which is a great note for my segue into us talking about human boil on the ass of society, Matt Gaetz, who we sort of thought was just sort of done and dusted.
	I mean, why would we ever talk about him again unless it was him going to prison, right?
	Seek!
	Donald Trump off the top rope.
	Unpredictable wildcard Donald Trump deciding that Matt Gaetz needs to have one of his hands on the fucking wheel of the country.
	Yeah.
	Causing even a bunch of GOP people to be like, what the fuck, really?
	As far as I could tell, a lot of people were concerned slash shocked.
	So, Mike, what's going on with our buddy Matt Gaetz?
	So, our boy Matt Gaetz, as we found out last week, is going to be nominated to be the Attorney General of the United States.
	And Elon Musk is going to bat for this guy, because of course he would, declaring that Matt Gaetz is...
	Quote, our hammer of justice, which doesn't sound ominous or threatening or bad in any way, shape, or form.
	That is weird.
	Sounds like the nickname you might give somebody when you are whacked out on ketamine together and probably also sleeping with underage girls together.
	I mean, allegedly, just kidding.
	It's a joke, a comedy podcast.
	That is Matt Cates' jam, though, allegedly.
	Absolutely.
	He loves going to parties with teenagers, high schoolers, which is a weird thing.
	That's a weird thing for a run man to do.
	Honestly, in a way, it would be a lot weirder if you weren't there to pick up underage girls.
	I'm not saying that that's a good thing to do.
	In fact, it's terrible.
	It's the reason why Matt Cate shouldn't be anywhere near politics.
	But if you're a weird old man and you're at a high school party with a bunch of these high school girls, if you're not there to pick up Underage girls, what are you doing there?
	Are you there to sell drugs?
	If not, then why are you here?
	Give them a little alcohol.
	That's like slasher movie shit.
	Like, it'd be like, wait a minute, so you're saying that you're not interested in sex or drugs?
	In fact, is that water in that cup?
	Are you going to kill all of us?
	And it's just like, yes!
	Puts on clown mask.
	Stab.
	Matt Gaetz's face.
	The mask.
	I mean, like, that would be a terrifying mask to have.
	He's scary looking.
	His eyebrows are scary.
	His face is scary.
	To quote an old internet meme, that dude has beforehand, forehead, and afterhead.
	Yes.
	But no, it's like just...
	Him being picked, I feel like, is Trump being like, yeah, we have so much fucking dirt on this guy.
	He's going to be my bitch for the next four years because if he steps out of line, I'm dropping the dick pics that he sent to 12-year-olds or whatever.
	Yeah, it's what's so weird about it is I'm already seeing QAnon grifters talking about Ken Paxton being a replacement if Gates can't get through Congress, which really tells you that Trump was just going hog wild.
	And he's like, fuck these senators.
	They're going to have to do it.
	They're going to have to give me my pedophile attorney general because I said so.
	It's such a move where he's just trying to cuck the Republican Senate by saying, yeah, you're going to do this.
	And now there is stories coming out about how there are witnesses to him having sex with a 17 year old.
	There's a story that I saw a couple hours ago about how the House ethics report that died as soon as Gates resigned from the House.
	Apparently some third party who is unauthorized to have the report does have the report in their hot little hands right now.
	So, dear third-party person, please get that to the public any way you can.
	That would be really great if you could do that for us.
	And it's just, it's so strange that...
	You could nominate anyone for this job, but they were just like, nope, we're going straight with the most toxic, shitty, horrible selection possible to antagonize the maximum number of people possible.
	And imagine you're a Republican in a swing state and you've got a vote to confirm this piece of shit.
	I mean, what is that all about?
	It's like, boy, howdy.
	Hey, Susan Collins, I don't know when you're up for re-election, but I'm sure the people of Maine will be really...
	I'm happy to see you endorsing this pederast as our next Attorney General.
	So I can't wait for you to raise your hand and say aye on that one.
	It's going to be magical.
	Problem is, Mike, I'm pretty sure that somewhere around 53% of the country will look at the 17-year-old girl in question.
	Well, by the time she would be in the public eye, at that point she'd probably be 20 or whatever, and be like, I'm in 17, you know, it's pretty close.
	You know, pretty much like a full-grown woman at that point.
	Who cares?
	You know, like, you tell me you've never been attracted to a girl who's like 17, maybe 16 before?
	Come on.
	It'll be a whole round of media conversation.
	The Sneakers and the Andrew Tates will come out and be like, it's not a big deal.
	And then a bunch of- What, have you ever transported 17-year-old girl across state lines for sex before?
	I mean, come on.
	It can't happen to anybody.
	Absolutely good to have that, buddy.
	Like, Charlie Kirk has already been pretty openly, like, just, like, squash any nonsense that you hear about Matt Gaetz.
	It's all bullshit.
	Like, he's just fully running, like, defense for the pedo-cons.
	You know, biologically, the human body tells you when it's ready, you know?
	Hey, Mike, QAnon has obviously been like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	What are we doing here, right?
	Right?
	Oh god no!
	Oh, God, no.
	Yeah, oh.
	Yeah, the same...
	They got that guy from that movie.
	That movie was based on to come bust up this child.
	Like, because, man, it's notorious.
	He's a trafficker.
	Where's our hero?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Tim Ballard.
	Oh, yeah, Tim Ballard.
	Like, Jim Caviezel playing Tim Ballard running onto the fucking...
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah.
	It's...
	Yeah, Liz Crokin and all the Save the Children people who do all the fucking Pizzagate stuff is just, yeah, total silence.
	No one's going to actually come at this guy because he's got an R next to his name, which means you're allowed to be a pederast in their eyes.
	They don't give a shit.
	We're going to be hearing a lot about a fibafolia real soon, I'm sure, because, yeah, it's...
	I mean, I know we talked about it earlier in the pod, but it's just like how they claim to hate celebrities and celebrity culture.
	And then it's like, once a celebrity's on their side, even if it's like the most washed up, abusive dipshit imaginable, they're just like, yes!
	We love that person!
	We love Kid Rock, the guy who sang about teenagers, and we love this other, you know...
	For Osmosis Jones, of all things, what an insane fact that is.
	That crazy song where Kid Rock is talking about having sex with teenage girls is for the animated movie Osmosis Jones.
	I believe it plays in the movie, too.
	It's like, who the fuck didn't catch this?
	It's just like...
	You know, like, when they're 14 or whatever, like, it's pretty egregious.
	It's, like, not that much softer than that.
	It's bananas.
	But, you know, hey, you know, clap with any of us.
	You hang around the middle school long enough, you know, things are bound to happen.
	These people are fucking weird creeps, and I hate all of them.
	Yes.
	But, you know, they're in power now, so just kidding.
	I love them.
	Yeah.
	You know, I also, I have Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, remember?
	Like, wink!
	Yeah, okay.
	Wow.
	The line is, I'm just, I had to look it up, because I knew there was a creepy line in the Kid Rock.
	It's really bad.
	I can never remember what it actually is, though.
	Hold on, I just had it.
	Okay, young ladies, young ladies, I like them under age C. Some say that's statutory, but I say it's mandatory.
	Mandatory.
	Gotta do it.
	Literally have to.
	And that's why Kid Rock is supporting Matt Gaetz.
	Matt Gaetz is going to put that in the law.
	That was actually probably the platform we were starting on.
	This used to be called statutory.
	Now, mandatory.
	The song is called Cool Daddy Cool.
	I hate the use of the word daddy there.
	The word daddy has gotten ruined in the past decade.
	But that word went from being innocuous and a little corny to being just like Daddy is like the new cunt.
	It makes me feel that.
	It makes me feel icky.
	It makes me feel like...
	I don't want to hear anyone say daddy under no circumstance.
	Unless you were imitating an old scat jazz guy or bebop dude.
	You're like, hey, daddy-o.
	That's the only...
	And he's an accent and a hyphen and an O. And then maybe we could talk...
	Otherwise, it's creepy.
	Perverts ruined it, dude.
	Again, like, we build gates for reasons.
	Anyway, that's my hill to die on.
	That's enough talking about Matt Gaetz and various other pedophiles.
	Let's get to our sweet, sweet mail bit.
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	Check Millum.no.
	Love it. you . Thank you.
	Our listeners got questions.
	We got answers.
	It's time for Q&A. Salty Bastard says, how long do you think it'll take before Elon Musk will claim to have the Frazzle Trip video and threaten to leak it?
	And do you think he will even acknowledge Ron Watkins?
	After all, these are two of the most socially inept human beings on Earth.
	There's certainly no way that's not going to lead the two nerds having a fight with each other.
	Elon will never acknowledge Ron, so there'll never be a fight because Ron's nowhere near Elon's status.
	Ron...
	Ron, as Q, had poll.
	Ron, as Ron, has no poll.
	He has zero riz.
	He got negative votes when he ran for Congress in Arizona.
	And whatever flavor of autism that Elon has, it certainly has not affected his ability to know he's got the juice.
	I mean, he just decided he wanted to be vice president and just slid up in there and just kind of did it.
	Did you see Elon did post like a QNN... Yes!
	Yeah, like an old post.
	Yeah, it was an old Pepe QAnon bullshit meme.
	Oh, trust me, QAnon.
	Oh, God.
	Sydney Sweeney naked would have no impact on them.
	She would not pleasure them nearly as much as that Elon posted.
	Oh, they were working it.
	Oh, they were working it.
	A lot of typing with one hand after they saw Elon posted that fucking meme online.
	Boy, howdy.
	Oh, they were calling Elon Daddy there.
	Oh, man.
	Daddy Elon with the QNN meme.
	Sheesh.
	Yeah.
	Yuck.
	It was a lot of...
	The glaze was heavy.
	The glaze was heavy.
	It was not great.
	But, yeah.
	That's the thing that was really funny about Frazzle Trip is the idea of this murderous video of Hillary Clinton came out.
	Everyone got all horny over it.
	And then the first wave of deepfakes and people talking about deepfakes happened.
	And QAnon was like, it's bullshit.
	There's no such thing as a deepfake.
	It's all a lie.
	They're all doing this to cover up the bad shit that's about to come out.
	Because they all thought we were going to get a deepfake Frazzledrip video immediately.
	And then it didn't happen.
	So now, if Elon or any other idiot does post the obviously AI Frazzledrip video, it's just not going to hit as hard as they wanted it to.
	It's just going to be so underwhelming.
	So I just...
	I don't know.
	I don't know if Elon's going to go the full nine and get pulled to the point where he's going to talk about Frazzledrip and that shit, but he might because...
	I mean, if he was smart, he'd fucking stay away from it because as a person who owns a satellite internet rocket ship company and all sorts of other shit like that, if you can't fucking get your hands on the tape, you just bought your way into the vice presidency, you're literally the richest man in the world.
	If anybody had the pull and the juice to get any of this so-called alleged evidence out into the world and Elon can't do it, that would be a problem.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, if you're the richest, most powerful man in the world, and you can't crack the case and expose frazzledrip, then what does that say about you?
	Exactly.
	That's one of the things, like, that's the problem with QAnon, is that it's the whole problem with evil that Christianity and religion has, where it's just like, if Donald Trump is all-powerful and the god of America, why does evil still exist?
	And then they're like, oh, the deep state is hard to defeat.
	No.
	All the Q drops talk about how Trump's an unbeatable God and he has literal minions who can look through time streams to find the best time stream to win the battle in.
	And so this is a done deal.
	It's a wrap.
	It should be over.
	It should be over yesterday.
	I shouldn't even be talking about it.
	Hillary and Obama should be in leg irons now, if not a month ago.
	Yeah, so that's that.
	Until Ron comes back in a year as Q, which would be magical.
	I totally think that's possible.
	Jay Lagardo asks, Dr. Oz is head of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.
	Funniest appointment yet, or is the DOJ appointment unbeatable?
	I mean...
	Dr. Oz should be just thanking his lucky stars for the Matt Gaetz appointment because it makes every other appointment look tame by comparison.
	I mean, every appointment is laughably absurd, but the Matt Gaetz one is laughably absurd with the side of an active ethics investigation into allegations that you were sleeping with underage girls.
	That he's just like, oh, I know how to beat these allegations.
	I'll just resign.
	Now that I have a new job, I resigned.
	So, investigation over, you know?
	Because it was just an ethics investigation, so we're good with that, right?
	And people are just like...
	And reasonable people are just like, well, I mean, we should at least get to see what the investigation had turned up thus far.
	And then unreasonable people, aka people that are just Trump bootlickers, are like, actually, all of that information should be destroyed forever.
	Yeah.
	So that no one may ever look upon.
	In fact, all witnesses involved should also be killed.
	It's like, okay, cool.
	Good.
	Super fun stuff.
	Love the way the next four years are already trending.
	It's been a sweet couple of weeks.
	Preview.
	Nightmare preview.
	Vladimir Putin threatening nuclear war.
	Sex pests in Washington, D.C. And they're the good guys.
	Yeah, I mean, and this is the thing, is that they're going to talk about cutting Medicare and Medicaid because Elon's already talking about this shit.
	They're just going to claim...
	Oh, there's so much waste and inefficiency in all these government departments.
	We have to do this.
	And no, you don't.
	Old people need their health care and their social security.
	And you idiots are going to just run this shit into a cliff.
	It's going to be really...
	We're fucked.
	The moral of the story is we're fucked.
	This is all whistling past the graveyard.
	We're all having a good time having a laugh.
	But boy, I... I'm not looking forward to the next little while.
	It's going to be a spot.
	I mean, fucking Elon had that interview where he was like, yeah, we're going to have a temporary hardship for a little while before we get back on firmer ground.
	And it's like, I don't know what you think temporary hardship looks like, Mr. Richest Man in the world, but that doesn't sound great for any of us.
	Anyhow, Pancake Peasant asks, what happened to the rumors of Trump crapping in an adult diaper?
	Do you believe there was something there or was it Blue Anon Cope?
	Also, is the pod moving to Blue Sky?
	I'll probably put up Hellworld to count on Blue Sky at some point, or Chaley can do that, or someone.
	Oh yeah, it should be on Blue Sky.
	I feel like it would get more interaction on Blue Sky.
	Yeah.
	No, the blue sky's not fucking worthless.
	I'm not gonna lie.
	It sucks to have been part of the tip of that spear only to have to come crawling back to Twitter.
	Only for now to blue sky be blowing up.
	I was there when it sucked shit.
	It was so boring that I left it.
	That's gonna be my badge.
	Where's my t-shirt?
	You know?
	Can I get a user medal or something that signifies that I was there when it fucking sucked and it had no features and nobody was there?
	Except for furries.
	Except for furries that I had to fucking block by the dozens every day.
	Yeah, my follower count on Blue Sky is almost evening out with my follower count on Twitter and I honestly don't Care to post on Twitter much anymore because it sucks and you get a bunch of weirdos.
	For the record, I am glad that Blue Sky actually pulled its head out of its ass and is now just, like, liberal Twitter.
	Like, the old Twitter with, like, moderation and all that good stuff.
	Like, I'm glad for it.
	That is pretty cool, but I am still just fucking...
	My ass is a little chapped.
	I already tried to do that.
	Nobody followed me.
	I was like, come on, guys!
	Twitter sucks!
	It's toxic!
	Let's go!
	And everybody was just like, no.
	See, we have these things called user bases on Twitter that we refuse to leave.
	And I was like, I don't!
	Follow Heroic Me!
	You're on the money early.
	It's true.
	And I think a lot of people...
	There's like all these think pieces now about people leaving for Blue Sky.
	And I just think so many of them are missing the mark because Elle...
	And me.
	One of the reasons that Twitter is cooked is because it was no longer a source for news.
	It's just a source mainly for disinformation.
	What is being lied about in America right now?
	What are the liars?
	How are they reacting to the news and twisting it?
	I'm going to keep it a hundo with y'all.
	The main thing I use Twitter for now is fight clips and thirst trap photos from women over the age of 50. Beautiful.
	As God intended.
	The mind for both of those things still runs deep on creepy bad Twitter, which is great.
	But if somebody tells me that I can get that thing without all the Nazi re-uploads or whatever going on underneath it on Blue Sky, if there's a robust sexy ladies over the age of 50 community on Blue Sky, let me know.
	I'll get right back over there.
	And maybe I don't need to watch fight clips.
	Or maybe I can just watch fake clips on TikTok.
	You know, starter packs are really popular now.
	It's kind of an easy way to just follow a bunch of people of a certain type.
	And I'll let you know if I find a sexy ladies over 50 starter pack.
	Yeah, you find the cougar starter pack for Elle.
	You know the cougar starter pack?
	Send us so we can get Elle back on there.
	Yes.
	I need people to be like, man, look at this photo of Jennifer Tilly.
	Isn't she still super attractive at 60?
	I'm just like, yeah.
	It turns out, yeah, absolutely.
	Rock on, anonymous internet user who is just as horny for older ladies as I am.
	Godspeed.
	As for the first thing, there was all kinds of allegations that Trump was very smelly during this election.
	And there is something going on in his...
	waist area like his like it's either just the way his suits are cut to fit him or his like potato body or or it could be an adult diaper maybe he needs it all the time maybe he doesn't you know he's fucking old so like there is a chance that that's true but like you can certainly see pictures and videos of him where there's like something going on down there where it's just like why is there like why why is he shaped like donald duck like why he's got extra padding down around his ass Like, what's going on down there?
	Like, it is weird.
	Girdle.
	Girdle's boss.
	It would be so funny if Trump wore a girdle.
	But he does...
	That's why I think the, like, the, like, Maha folks being like, we're gonna make America hot again are like, have you seen Trump?
	He's lumpy.
	He's lumpy like all of us.
	Elon Musk famously looks like that Rob Liefeld drawing of Captain America.
	He just has impossible anatomy and somehow, if you were just like, imagine a South African billionaire on a yacht.
	And imagine what their pasty skin looks like.
	You'd be like, oh my god!
	It's like, yeah, it's that, but somehow slightly worse.
	It looks clamorier than what you're imagining, but you're still pretty close.
	I think taking HGH, but he thinks that you can take that and just not have to work out, and it works, but it's just making his torso more square and large.
	I can't wait until he gets breasts or whatever, you know?
	Yeah, he's just taking drugs to make him puffy, and he thinks that puffy is swole, and it's not.
	Yeah, Matt Gantz is trying to be puffy the other way.
	The deepest L Mike Raines cut imaginable.
	And finally, Amanda Scatlin asks, how are you guys going over there?
	It seems to be getting weirder and weirder, even though the man hasn't even become president yet.
	What the fuck is going on?
	Yeah, it sucks.
	And that's the thing, is that right now we're just in this abeyance.
	We're just stuck waiting for the actual shoe to drop because they're promising all kinds of clown shit on January 20th.
	His goons are stating that basically when the office is finished...
	Like, people are going to start, like, running around and start rounding up people for deporting them.
	So we're just going to have this absolute train wreck of the Trump administration being, like, five minutes old and they're already trying to deport people who may or may not be legally here.
	We already have dipshits talking about how we're going to illegalize birthright and citizenship.
	We're just going to invalidate the 14th Amendment, which...
	If we do this and the Supreme Court is okay with it, then I guess we don't have a constitution anymore.
	Waka waka!
	Literally, if being born in this country doesn't make you a citizen, what the fuck is the metric?
	There's no metric at that point.
	How do you decide who is a citizen?
	It's like, really?
	You can't just be naturally born a citizen and I didn't say it.
	You have to wear a MAGA hat.
	Right, you have to wear a MAGA hat, yeah.
	It depends on how white you are.
	That's right.
	Now we just get to say it.
	Yes.
	Literally.
	Were you born with white skin and a penis?
	If so, why?
	If not, M. I actually saw someone post that they were like, you know, I wasn't really a fan of the idea of packing the Supreme Court, but if they literally just say the 14th Amendment isn't the 14th Amendment anymore, then we don't even have a constitution, so we have to blow the Supreme Court up at that point.
	So, yeah.
	So, I mean, it's just like...
	Which would be great, because of the two sides to need to get that done to save the world, I don't know if I like Democrats' thoughts to ever get to that point.
	Well, I mean...
	They're like, wouldn't it be great if somebody did that?
	And it's just like, yeah, call to action.
	And they're like, no.
	A thought discourse.
	A hypothetical.
	Like, literally no action whatsoever.
	Yeah, well...
	That'll be if we actually have elections in the upcoming years.
	Nervous laughter.
	I will say that'll be my litmus test for any primary candidate is, will you vote to expensive people court?
	Why N? And if N, I vote for the other person.
	Fuck you.
	Because, yeah, if we're just going to declare that the Constitution is actually the gold plates that That Adam Smith found, and no one but the nine wise scholars of the Supreme Court can read them and tell you what the gold plates say, then no, get fucked.
	We need 13 scholars to read them.
	Actually, we need 20 scholars, and they all need to say what I say they are saying, because fuck this shit.
	Yeah, so, boy howdy, are we heading to some delightfully fucked up times, and if you dum-dums voted for Trump because the price of eggs was too expensive, get ready for some fucking expensive eggs the next year, you pieces of shit.
	There's not going to be any cheaper groceries, you stupid bitch.
	I've been saying that meme floating around a lot.
	Yep, exactly.
	Oh my god.
	Yep.
	That's coming.
	It's coming right down the pike.
	So, what are you guys looking forward to?
	I have a kitschy Christmas photo shoot with my pals coming up.
	Black Friday evening, we're getting together and Me and my child friend pals, who are also 30-somethings, are all going to get together.
	We're going to go to JCPenney, and we're going to take holiday photos in the Christmas family fashion, where we're all posing and doing dorky stuff, like looking off to the camera and, you know, cradling each other by the waist and things of that nature.
	I've done it a few times in the past with my friends, and it always makes for a good evening and a lot of funny photos to share for the holidays, so...
	It's one of my favorite things to do when we can pull it together, and that is what we're doing next week.
	It's going to be great.
	How about you, Chaley?
	I don't know.
	I don't know what I'm looking forward to.
	It's just like, I guess the lack of news that usually occurs over the holidays, it's usually pretty quiet.
	I feel like people are kind of quiet because we're in the transition mode.
	So I'm looking forward to some fucking peace and quiet.
	I'm looking forward to some stovetop stuffing.
	It's my favorite part of Thanksgiving.
	Honestly, respect.
	Just some chicken, an endless pile of stovetop, and my yearly admonishment from my mother about how much butter goes into stovetop stuffing, and me just ignoring her as I just choked down endless, just shoving fistfuls of stovetop down my maw.
	Yeah, it's Thanksgiving.
	The whole point of the holiday is to overeat.
	Yes.
	It's your waistline.
	You're never going to be in the magazines.
	This is true.
	I will never be the pretty girls.
	I will never be.
	Actually, I'll get on the OSM pick until RFK Jr. bans it.
	So that's what's going to happen.
	Thanksgiving, gorging.
	The next day, Ozempic prescription.
	Go on Ozempic for six weeks between now and the inauguration.
	Lose a little weight.
	Inauguration.
	RFK outlaws Ozempic.
	Now having to get bootleg Ozempic.
	Die because my bootleg Ozempic killed me.
	So that's what I'm looking forward to.
	It's great.
	But I'm going to be in for the funeral.
	Yeah, I will.
	Oh, yeah.
	Open casket.
	Open casket.
	Looking swell.
	Looking great.
	Yeah, especially because if you're dead and you have all the loose skin, they can just, like, fucking peel it back, stitch it up, do whatever they need to, to make you look as good as possible.
	Because it's just, you know, you're laying on your back.
	They could tuck it all behind you.
	Just, like, close-pin it up like Homer Simpson.
	Yep.
	I'm on that super soldier serum right now, and man, it's going to start making me look like a melted candle at some point.
	It's going to be great.
	I can't wait.
	I can't wait to be like, I'm thin, like all you wanted.
	Isn't it great?
	Aren't I so hot now?
	And you're like, no, God.
	Not like this.
	Well, that's when you have the surgery to have your excess skin removed and donated to burn victims.
	It's a win-win situation for everybody.
	Nice.
	This is a horrible thing to have to wish for, but, you know.
	I hope that a lot of people need to excess skin, you know?
	I hope that a whole orphanage is burned down or whatever.
	Yeah.
	We're all getting thinner and hotter in our own way.
	It's going to be great.
	Honestly, I'm hoping that...
	So for the photo shoot I talked about, I ordered myself in a special Christmas flannel.
	I've never worn a flannel before in my life.
	So we'll see if I look good in it.
	When I told my friends who I'm going with that, they said, oh, that's a good choice.
	Big guys usually look good in flannels.
	And I was like, I guess that's true.
	So we'll see.
	Maybe I'll find something that I look kind of good in.
	It'll be great.
	I can take thirst trap photos for the fat guy fetish sites.
	And the ladies there will just be like, all we care about is wanting to put more food inside of you.
	And I'm just like, ah, beans.
	I'm actually doing less of that than ever.
	Yeah.
	C'est la vie.
	So I guess that's going to do it.
	Oh, wait, no.
	Am I about to skip you again, Mike?
	Did you say what you...
	Oh, stuff, stuff, stuff.
	That was it.
	Yes.
	I got in this week.
	I got myself because I remember last week I fucking...
	I sneakily snuck you out of your thing that you were looking forward to like a piece of shit.
	All right.
	Well, that's going to do it for this week's episode of the Official Hell World Podcast.
	It is time for us to eat too much and then roll our fat asses literally horizontally like big balls, like Willy Wonka, blueberry people, out of Hell World for the week.
	Thank you guys so much for listening and supporting the show.
	If you want to continue to support the show for free, but even harder, you can give a five-star review wherever you get your show from.
	If you have money and you want to donate it to the cause, patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
	$5 more per month gets you access to all of our bonus content, past, present, and future, including all the stuff we recorded previously with Sarge, all the way up to all the newer stuff that Mike has been recording with Haley, and who knows, maybe even sneaky stuff starring special guests all in the future.
	Thank you so much to all the beautiful babies up in the crib.
	If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, Lord knows there's a billion ways to do good with it in the world right now, but love146.org is the organization we've always suggested donating to.
	They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
	Thanks, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our original theme song, Remix by Mike Reigns, into what you heard at the top of the show.
	Thanks, as always, to Frosty, our voiceover artist.
	You can find Frosty over at BlueSky, at Frosty VO. You can find the show currently on Twitter, at HellWorld, with a Q instead of an O. I am there, but all I do is talk shit about things that I don't like, typically, and occasionally make dumb jokes about stuff I do like.
	But if you're interested in that sort of thing, you can find me on Twitter at hellworldfatty, world spelled with a Q instead of an O, just like the show itself.
	Haley, doing the good work reporting on Arizona and busting people's chops when they need to be busted.
	On various social media at ArizonaWriteWatch, or AZRW. And Mike Raines on all social media, of course, at PokerPolitics.
	So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hell World podcast, for the last time, I have been one of your co-hosts, TheMysteriousL.
	Joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
	Chaley, a.k.a.
	ArizonaWriteWatch, a.k.a.
	AZRW, and Mike Raines, our expert in all things QAnon Crazy, a.k.a.
	Poker and Politics.
	Turbo Team!
	Dødhjelm!
	Tast N for å tale med selger.
	To for høvleriet.
	Og tre for...
	Hva er det du taster nå, egentlig?
	To.
	To, ja.
	Jeg trodde jeg skulle klare å kine tona på taler, skjønner du?
	Ja, ja.
	Nei, men du skal uansett tale med meg, du.
	Så det, ja.
	Proffa opp litt med eisbedrift.
	God dekning, sentralboløsning og tastevalg til en hyggelig pris.
	Så høvleriet Eik og List.
	Prøv eisbedrift.
	Det finnes mange innkjøpssystemer for hotell, restaurant og kantine.
	Felles for mange av dem er at de driver med så mye annet.
	Millum derimot driver bare med én ting.
	Innkjøpssystem for hotell, restaurant og kantine.
	Dette har de gjort i mer enn 20 år i tett samarbeid med de beste i bransjen.
	Resultatet er at man får økt kontroll, et mer solidt grunnlag for å forhandle avtaler, og sparer inntil 20 prosent av kostnadene.
	Ble du litt nysgjerrig nå?

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