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Sept. 19, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld

01:39:07

Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #207: Springfield Reporting By Amanda Moore

This week Haley was busy so Amanda Moore was kind enough to join the pod to tell us what was happening in Springfield. Also we go over all the attempts on Trump's life and Diddy getting arrested. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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	Hello, everybody.
	I am Mike Grains, AKA Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
	This week, we're joined by Amanda, fresh from Springfield.
	Hello, Amanda.
	Hello.
	Caught her by surprise with my introduction.
	I don't know how to click my mouse, apparently.
	I'm hitting everything but unmute.
	I just assumed that the internet is slow out in Springfield where you're eating the dust.
	Well, I'm not there anymore, but it was like there was no service was awful everywhere.
	So that that is a fair assumption.
	Thank you for your time.
	I'm also joined by the mysterious Elle.
	Yeah, that's me.
	Hello, my beautiful babies.
	If we have any audio issues this week, No, that is probably my fault.
	My microphone is desperately trying to die in media res.
	It's gonna be very scintillating.
	We've got to drive by Amanda Ng to talk about some boots on the ground reporting this week.
	It's gonna be pretty nice.
	So, you know what?
	Because I know we're short on Amanda time, I feel like we should just, let's just jump straight into the boosh this week.
	We'll do our unstructured stuff later.
	For now, let's go straight into our sweet boosh so we can get through our topics and make sure that we have Amanda for the maximum amount of important time.
	It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
	Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
	That's right.
	We're only going to be recording for like 30 seconds.
	The listeners are already probably pretty fucking confused.
	Uh, but let's get, let's get right into it.
	Amuse-bouche topic number one, the Trump family scamily.
	Them people love scamming.
	Uh, Mike, what is going on with the Trump family scamily this week?
	Okay.
	So, uh, these are two hilarious scams that a serious presidential campaign would absolutely do within two months before the election itself.
	Our boy, our beloved Orange God, Donald Trump, held a Twitter space one Monday where he talks about his new shitcoin.
	Yes, like Liberty, Freedom, Democracy, or whatever else it was called.
	That's right.
	Donald Trump's getting into crypto.
	And whenever the hosts of this space would be like, so Don, What's your take on crypto?
	He would just be like, yeah, crypto is amazing.
	It's very good.
	I love it.
	Now, buy this thing I don't understand.
	Give me lots of money for the thing that I would not talk about in detail for even 10 seconds.
	Please don't make me answer questions about what a Bitcoin is.
	I have no earth the idea what you kids are talking about.
	In, like, a game show gotcha moment, I want, like, a curtain to drop and Sleepy Joe to walk out, and then, like, the announcer to just be like, and for a full presidential pardon, Donald Trump, tell us what crypto is and how it works!
	And it's like... You know, I'll take my chances in the court.
	Exactly.
	No fucking way that guy understands what crypto is.
	I don't understand what crypto is.
	Like I've had it explained to me and like I know what the blockchain is.
	I'm just not sure how at some point that becomes value.
	They're just like, dude, it's so rare.
	You got to like do all these numbers and stuff.
	It's like, okay, I get it.
	Scarcity, whatever.
	But why is it worth?
	And they're just like, because, you know, because we've chopped down a big forest to make it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, so basically, Trump, and basically Trump went on his standard rambling, talking about whatever he needed to talk about.
	And whenever the conversation went to crypto, he let the crypto bros in the room.
	They can sweat the small stuff, the actual product he's rolling out, the thing he's selling.
	but uh boy howdy it was uh not not a great look um and a bunch of crypto bros are very mad that trump is trying to make his own crypto and just embracing bitcoin or whatever it's just i actually saw someone say like this is a bad look donald and i was like oh yeah like like he has he doesn't know what he's doing and apparently like the setup of his coin is such that uh Basically, he makes a lot of money and you don't make as much money buying his coin.
	The distribution of wealth from the coins is heavily pro the ownership side of the company and not so much the plebs that buy the shit.
	I mean, is that how true social works?
	Is it like the true social agreement?
	Like, hey, you nerds figure out how to make it work and then I'll take 90%?
	Yes.
	Okay, sweet.
	I mean, if that's the sort of Donald Trump scam you're into, then by all means, please buy into Orange Coin or whatever it is.
	Is this the same coin that Trump Jr.
	was like, oh, Tiffany Trump's been hacked because she's posting about some coin, and then, like, he had to delete that because she had it been hacked, they are actually doing something?
	Is that, is that this?
	I would assume so.
	I have to, I have to look up if, like, Donald Trump Jr.
	is also involved in World Liberty, which I can't imagine he's not.
	I mean, this is, again, this is a family of scammers, so.
	Donald Trump world liberty.
	Well, it would have been like, like hacked would have been like, I think, because the tweet got deleted because obviously like it was not.
	Yeah, we need to, as a society, we need to come together and figure out some sort of suitable punishment for somebody who says that they are hacked only to immediately have to eat shit and reveal that they were not hacked.
	So it's everybody's go to first excuse.
	It's just like, oh no, something bad happened to me.
	You're just like, I was hacked.
	And that like buys you 12 hours to figure out what your actual statement is.
	It's like, look, Mr. Sharp, we knew you weren't hacked.
	We heard the whole thing.
	The whole thing.
	And it was pretty obvious that that was legitimate and that it wasn't some like anonymous didn't get in there and say, hey, we're going to play like animal growling noise.
	That was all you, buddy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, exactly.
	No, it's that coin.
	It is.
	It is.
	It was Eric Trump.
	It wasn't Junior.
	Eric Trump.
	Laura Trump and Tiffany Trump both tweeted about it.
	And Eric Trump was like, this is a scam.
	They've been hacked.
	They've been compromised.
	And then he had to walk it back because it's actually his dad's coin.
	I love it.
	The Trump family can't even get coordinated on their scams.
	That's so good.
	They're like, we got hacked.
	The initial posts are supposed to be way more glowing about how great this deal is for this coin.
	You wouldn't believe this coin.
	Oh, I'm sorry, did we say 50%?
	We meant 70%!
	Oh my god, so stupid.
	I hate all of them.
	Also, I like how it was funny, Amanda gave a rundown of how many of the Trumps involved, and after she got past, like, Junior, I was only, like, 50-50 on whether or not I actually knew that these were real people.
	It was, like, Eric Trump, and I was like, what?
	Everyone forgets about Eric.
	Yeah, every now and then, uh, people who are like psychotic Trump cultists will post, uh, like back when, back when, like, Trump was supposed to beat Biden and all that kind of stuff, they would post, uh, like photos of, uh, Don Jr., Ivanka, and Eric, and they would have, like, they would, like, Don Jr.
	would be 46, Ivanka would be 47, and Eric would be the 48th president of the United States.
	It would just be this perpetual Trump dynasty of Trump presidents.
	I like that Eric always got a heightened tit.
	He had to even wait behind Ivanka for his turn to be president.
	Yeah, I mean, I still can't conjure a mental image of this Eric person, so I... I mean, I can, but only in so much that if I have to picture a conservative white male, the picture comes together, and, oh god, it's Jaden Pierce!
	Get out of here!
	Yeah, exactly!
	Get out of here!
	Get out of here, you lookin' sorta like Haley Joel Osment, motherfucker!
	So the other Trump scandal of the week, or family scandal of the week, is Melania Trump is now flogging her biography.
	And she's been posting a bunch of tweets that have like short, it's basically a video.
	It's like a film reel.
	And the latest one includes her saying, I defend my nude modeling.
	Because, again, if a Democrat first lady candidate said that, they were just like, yeah, I had my tits out back in the day.
	What of it, bro?
	Come at me.
	It'd be 24-7 Fox News.
	They'd be running pixelated photos of her boobs all the time.
	Also, the funny thing is, of all the shit that she's been involved in, one of the last things her enemies are probably going to come after her for is, I mean, because her fucking enemies are mostly blue, pinko lefties like me.
	And in my, like, if you want to do nude modeling, I'm just like, good for you.
	Look at that nude modeling.
	So good.
	Like, you know, so I was never going to be like, fuck you.
	Like, I'm like, it's like your side is the one that would look at that and be calling you names.
	Our side is going to be like, oh, you know, yes, queen, et cetera.
	Do your thing because it's your choice.
	And we're about that life.
	Yeah, that's the thing that's so funny about it.
	It's like Melania is conjuring up this fictional leftist straw man to attack when it's her supporters that are the people that are against women doing this kind of stuff.
	They're the people who are like, I can't believe she's doing it.
	Only fits that slut.
	Only way she can make dollars to show her boobs to the world.
	And you're the morals, Melania, you're on the side of the moral scolds.
	Like, I don't know who you're fighting with here.
	Yeah, let teachers have OnlyFans, who cares?
	So it's just like, I don't know, like Melania's just like, yeah, I'm so brave for defending my nude modeling against the people that support my own husband.
	It's like, okay, excellent.
	We'll get your medal on it to you just as soon as we can.
	Why would you say something so controversial and yet so brave?
	Melania, truly the icon of feminism in America.
	I mean, For her showing strength, we are going to give her 100 Trump Coin.
	Exactly.
	Guaranteed to make her a multi-cajillionaire within the year.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Yeah.
	By the end of the year, she's filing for Chapter 11.
	Somehow the coin has been stealing my money!
	The coin actually goes into your CryptoWallet and sucks away your other coins.
	Yeah.
	It's an actual invasive coin.
	It's an attacking coin.
	She's like, I stand by my nude modeling and will continue to do so because, holy fans, now please!
	I really need the money!
	I have 100 of these Trump coins and it's like a wizard's curse!
	Okay.
	Now let's move on to some grim talk.
	Of course we have to talk about the Trump assassination third attempt?
	Question mark and an M. Night Shyamalan twist.
	I don't even know what Mike's talking about with this one.
	Mike, what's going on?
	Are we already on part three?
	Yeah.
	So this morning, Trump is holding a rally in New York, which makes a ton of sense.
	New York, notorious battleground state.
	Could go either way.
	I mean, it's going to be very dicey on election night.
	Who's going to win New York?
	But some reports came out this morning that allegedly An explosive device was found somewhere near where the rally was being held.
	And even Elon Musk was posting, oh, they're trying to kill Trump again.
	What's going on here?
	These murderous libs with their bloodlust and their need to end the god emperor.
	And their reporting has come out now.
	The police have said there was no bomb.
	This is all a lie.
	None of it's true.
	And like, again, like, Things are sketchy right now.
	So don't take everything that I'm saying as being the gospel truth here.
	Dramatic informative podcast, jokey jokes, all that good stuff.
	But, uh, supposedly, uh, the person who claimed this was a bomb was not at law enforcement and they just claimed their dog was sniffing for bombs.
	And now that person is actually the person that is in custody right now for wasting the police's time and annoying the police with this like fake bomb threat.
	So, um, that is the story at the moment.
	Like when you listen to this 12 hours later, the story may have changed, but that's what I've been reading on, uh, the Inner Trons about this event.
	I mean, I hadn't seen anything reported about this, but I will say, uh, breaking news and a little tease for the back half of the episode.
	You know, I went to check the validity of this and see why I hadn't heard about it.
	Breaking news, Israel committing another war crime.
	So that's going to be exciting.
	We'll get to fold this new war crime into the other one we were going to talk about in the headline news segment.
	That's pretty cool.
	They're blowing up everything over there.
	I mean, they're really going for it.
	Okay, so stay tuned for that one, dear listeners.
	Still not saying anything about this alleged explosive device near Trump, but I would say that he probably shouldn't use a pager or walkie-talkie just for a little while.
	Yeah.
	Link that sort of thing to your goods.
	Yeah, literal GTA 5 going on in reality now.
	Yeah, I mean, actual crazy shit.
	We'll get into that more later, but because for now, before the whole pager explosion thing, there was another hot topic dominating the headlines, and that's why we have our friend Amanda on, because she happened to be boots on the ground in Springfield State, the home of the Simpsons.
	No, what was this?
	It was actual Springfield, Ohio, right?
	I just want to make sure I have the right one in every state, I believe.
	Where, you know, Donald Trump and some other people alleged that some pet eating was happening, which has been, I mean, as thoroughly debunked as possible.
	But that isn't stopping them.
	I'm too included.
	J.D.
	Vance is giving up the bag.
	Just be like, I made it up.
	OK.
	But anyway, so Amanda, a good reporter that she is, is down, boots on the ground.
	So for our comedy show, we've hoodwinked her on to, like, coming on and giving us her opinion on the matter.
	So hi, Amanda.
	Welcome back to the show.
	Hello.
	How was it in Springfield?
	I hear it's pretty dour out there right now.
	Um, it was like really dead.
	I mean, it's, it was really interesting because I didn't really see any other reporters and I didn't really see any cops.
	And so, you know, I was listening to the police scanner and I was going to, you know, as there were these bomb threats and these shooting threats.
	Was there a high school basketball game happening?
	For the entire time?
	Probably not.
	No, no, everything got cancelled, so they couldn't have done it anyway.
	In small towns like that, it's just like, where is everybody?
	And sometimes you're like flagged out at a gas station, like somebody at a gas station's like, what's going on?
	And they're just like, oh, high school, high school game.
	Like literally everyone in the town is there.
	You're like, oh shit.
	Yeah, I mean, yeah, that would have made more sense.
	But I mean, it was just empty.
	You know, we would listen to the scanner and when it would be like, all right, you know, Threats of a shooting at the college.
	We go to the college and no cops.
	And I don't understand what was going on there.
	You know, there was an evacuation at an elementary school for a bomb threat.
	And I went to it in the parking lot, interviewing parents, no other reporters, no cops.
	I mean, it was like there were cops briefly, but then they were also gone.
	So very strange.
	Very, very sleepy.
	Very sleepy town, especially on Sunday.
	Now, did you get the sense that that was just because the sort of, like, the storm was already done moving through?
	Or was it just because everybody was sort of tired of having to deal with their bullshit and was just sort of batting it down the hatches?
	I mean, it's just like, it's just like middle America.
	Or just back to like regular sleepy middle town America, like nothing ever happened.
	Yeah, like everything closes at noon on Sunday, right?
	Like, I mean, that just is what it is.
	Things weren't closed because of this.
	It's just, shit's not open on Sunday.
	I think some of the kids at the college have gone home.
	Some of the ones that were, you know, had means to do so.
	One kid I talked to, he was like, my parents are coming to pick me up later today.
	So I'm sure some of them left, but there's still, I mean, it just really not a lot like going on in the downtown area.
	I know people were talking, you know, a lot of people who are Haitian did not want to go out in public.
	And some of the people that I talked to that were black were like, I am a little wary being out.
	I'm not Haitian, but you know, you don't know that looking at me.
	And so I do think some people were staying home because of it.
	I know there was a school reunion.
	I think it was the high school had a reunion.
	Maybe it was the college.
	I actually didn't ask.
	It must have been a high school actually.
	And some people that were there for it told me like, you know, people would left town, you know, growing up and left town were like worried to come back.
	And so their high school reunion was impacted.
	Yeah.
	Were you at any of the schools that got shut down for the day because of a bomb threat that had been phoned in?
	Yeah, I went to Kenwood Elementary when they had their bomb threat.
	They bused the kids to the high school, went to the high school, you know, just a line of parents waiting to pick up their kids, interviewed some of the parents.
	Everyone's like really tired.
	They're really over it, was pretty much the consensus.
	Yeah.
	What always makes me laugh about this sort of thing is that Springfield I mean, it's Ohio, so Ohio's become a very red state over the course of the last little while.
	It's why they elected J.D.
	Vance a senator.
	And it just feels like so weird that these people have this relationship with a political party that has no problem just trashing their lives like this.
	And yet, like, I don't know that there's going to be any actual, like, backlash against J.D.
	Vance and the Ohio Republicans for, like, pulling this stuff and, like, terrorizing them.
	Because, well, for the greater good, you've got to demonize some people, I guess.
	I mean, it just seems so strange.
	Was anyone mad at the Republicans for this whole thing, or was everyone just sort of more concerned about the actual threat?
	Oh, of course they were mad at the Republicans.
	You know, I mean, Springfield is 60,000 people tops, and not all of those people are in actual Springfield.
	You know, like how you have a mailing address that says Springfield, but you're not really, like, and so some of it's that.
	So, you know, there are voter, like, there are chunks of Springfield that voted overwhelmingly Biden.
	There are chunks that voted overwhelmingly Trump.
	And, you know, everyone's angry.
	I think I would, if I had to guess based on what people are talking to me, I mean, obviously, if you're not in Springfield, it's not going to impact you.
	Like, it's not going to change your vote.
	But I would say that the people of Springfield do not like JD Banz.
	You know, even people who like Trump, like, they were like, he needs to be more careful or, you know, not put this stuff out.
	But like other people, like, I mean, no one had anything positive to say about JD Banz.
	Um, so hopefully Donald Trump.
	Um, yeah.
	Uh, so that, yeah.
	So it's kind of a weird thing cause it's like an event and the fallout of that event is annoying, but at the same time, I wholly disagree with that assessment.
	terrorized like nothing happens but it's just frustrating because it's like oh look an idiot phoned in a bomb threat so now my day is ruined but well i don't agree with that at all i i wholly disagree with that it's just right i've never in my life been somewhere where i've got 65 year old retired school teachers trying to explain blood tribe to me and how they're different from patriot front because these people are so familiar with these organizations because they've been terrorized by them for so long
	Well, that sucks.
	That's like, yeah.
	Does that have to do with this dog eating thing?
	Or is that just like life in Springfield?
	So back earlier this year, there was a car accident.
	So everybody across the board.
	Well, I really didn't hear anybody talk shit about the Haitians.
	In fact, it didn't really get the impression people were lying to me to come off as not racist, because some people were still racist, clearly.
	But still, one woman was like, I don't really care.
	These people have never impacted my life outside of clogging up the emergency room system.
	But now this is a problem for me, because she's there with her three kids, picking them up from school again.
	Everybody says that Haitians can't drive.
	Like, that's just 100% what I was hearing across the board.
	Like, because, you know, you don't have to, like, as an adult, the rules to get a license are much looser than if you get it when you're, like, 16.
	And so, that was one of the biggest complaints I heard.
	It was like, there needs to be some kind of driver education program that they do because they're bad drivers.
	And, you know, I can honestly tell you I have not yet looked into the statistics on this.
	But that's how everyone feels.
	And there was a car accident.
	And a child died.
	And the driver was Haitian.
	And the child was white.
	And that kind of sparked this tension.
	It was after that, I believe, that the FBI started putting up more of the billboards that said in Creole how to report a hate crime.
	And so Springfield has, for the past few months, kind of been this flashpoint.
	Blood Tribe is when you see that video of somebody at the community meeting who's complaining about the Haitians.
	That guy's in Blood Tribe.
	And that precedes Vance and Trump.
	I mean, it really precedes Trump talking about it.
	I guess not really Vance.
	Vance has talked about Springfield on and off in the past, but at the same hand, Patriot Front's been going there for the past few months as well.
	When I was there, the Proud Boys were there.
	So, yeah, it really is about The Haitian migrant community, it's like being specifically targeted and it's primarily out-of-towners.
	Like Blood Tribe doesn't live in Springfield.
	Hammer doesn't live in Ohio.
	And so you've got that and they've already started targeting new cities.
	There's a place in Pennsylvania they're targeting now and one in Alabama that they want to make the next Springfield.
	Oh, there was a Republican lady named camera who was like super angry that they were going at the Haitians in her Pennsylvania town.
	And it was like, Hey, you, you bought the ticket lady.
	You're riding the ride now.
	Like, this is how this works.
	Um, and I also enjoyed the fact that you brought up Patriot front front as being a big part of this, because whenever you deal with Patriot front in the general right-wing griftosphere, everyone screams the Patriot front's a bunch of feds and they're just there to make us look bad.
	And it's like, no, Patriot Front isn't it to win it.
	They're, they're on your team and they are a bunch of racist shit bags.
	But the fact that Patriot Front will parade around wearing their dumb little masks and every now and then they get busted and they get their masks taken off and they're just a bunch of chubby chode losers and they make you look bad.
	You're like, Oh no, they're fed.
	So they're just trying to, no, that's your team.
	Except that those people are on your team.
	They're wearing your uniform.
	They're fighting for you.
	They're with you.
	And don't try to put them on the left.
	Don't try to blame us for that because they're not us.
	Yeah.
	If you, if you want your hotter guys to be the ones getting arrested, that's on you.
	You know, like if you have hotter guys, which you don't, but I mean, if you did, if you had a bunch of like big, like beefy firefighter calendar looking guys, you go get them arrested.
	That'd make your organization look pretty sweet.
	It's getting arrested, getting their masks pulled off.
	Like, like, remember for a while with like hot, uh, hot mug shots were like a thing that were going viral online.
	And it's just like, look at how hot this guy is.
	And it's just like, yeah, for his fucking, let's check those battery charge.
	Like what are you doing?
	That's a mug shot.
	He's doing crime.
	That'd be so great if like some right-wing influencer like Tucker or someone got to Patriot from, they were like, look, you're giving us, you're putting too much heat on us, but if you're going to do this, Here's some memberships to a CrossFit gym in your area.
	Like, c'mon guys, let's tone up a little at least.
	Something.
	At least watch this YouTube thing on mewing.
	You know?
	You need to learn how to look smacks.
	I literally have look smacks in my head.
	Oh god.
	I'm so pilled.
	Yeah, it's tough.
	I mean, you do have to try to get- if you want to keep up at all, you do have to get- you have to get way to get around to the back of the fuckin' parade rock pool.
	Yeah.
	Because even talking about that thing, I was inclined to do the stupid finger motion, because I know it.
	So I can blend it with the youths.
	You know?
	As if I don't look 40.
	Okay.
	So is there anything else?
	Is there anything more we need to cover on Springfield?
	I'm not sure how... I mean, this rabbit hole goes deeper than I thought it did.
	Because I didn't even know anything beyond the stupid pet eating nonsense.
	You guys tell me when we're done talking about Springfield.
	Do you have questions?
	So like how many people in Springfield were actually in on the pet eating stuff or how many were just rolling their eyes about it when you talk to them about this sort of thing?
	Because that was like so like a crazy part of this whole thing was that like that the Haitians are just inhuman savages feasting on animals, which was a big part of this like story.
	It was like Newsmax or whatever managed to find some authentically racist people that were willing to just do their normal shtick on camera, so I didn't know how much of the general population that represented.
	I assumed very little, but maybe that was hope.
	Yeah, so I tried to recreate what you saw.
	Newsmax and Rumble people and whatever the fuck else.
	Zoomed in on their videos.
	I went to the intersections they had been at.
	I went to the stores they've been to.
	I could not recreate their content, even though I tried.
	I did not find anybody who believed that these stories were true.
	I found people who were overwhelmingly upset.
	Like, that was an overwhelming stance.
	They were very upset that this is what was happening.
	I, you know, There's been, like, I mean, like, opioids have destroyed, like, a lot of this country, and Springfield, Ohio, is no exception to that.
	You have a G3 school there, uh, Wittenberg University, that does bring in people, mostly, I think, um, either from out of state for athletics, or from, you know, like, parts of Ohio that are actually rural, because Springfield is not rural.
	Um, and it's a small school, it's like 300 people, and, you know, people were, like,
	saying you know this is not like because the school is like in the city it's like right there you can just walk into it um they're like you know this is not like these people like the Haitian migrants like not a lot of them go to the school but they're like our neighbors like literally because we live off campus a lot of us and you know like these are the people who live next door to you um and it's just as many I've ever seen in my three years here my two years here Um, it just, like, really upset, you know, that this is, like, the reputation that Springfield was going to have.
	A lot of concern that, like, um, it would spark some kind of violent, um, race, you know, terrorism, and that that would be what their school and their town would be known for.
	Um, and so, yeah, I mean, I talked to students, I talked to parents at the school picking up their kids, and there's, you know, there's only the one high school, so all the, you know, A lot of people were coming through there.
	I think that a lot of what happened, a lot of those cherry-picked interviews you saw, and I saw one of the guys from Newsmax arguing with a woman in the middle of the walkway downtown.
	And he was telling her, oh, they're eating the dogs.
	And she's like, where are you from?
	Because you're not from here.
	Like, this is not, you know?
	You are an outside agitator.
	I know what you're doing.
	Please stop.
	Yeah.
	And so I think that, you know, a lot of this was targeting people who, um, there's like a lot of problems, right?
	In Springfield.
	So, um, the, the, the organization, the nonprofit that was given the contract to basically run the shelters, uh, didn't comply with the terms of the grant.
	Um, and so like, They're, you know, they've had all these issues with the shelters, with, with housing homeless people, with different community services.
	Um, and a lot of that trickle down effect has impacted people at the lowest socioeconomic rung.
	And like, I'm not saying that all poor people are drug addicts, but if you're a drug addict and you live in Springfield, Ohio, you're going to be poor really fast if you weren't already.
	You know, this is not, you're not doing coke at the club with your parents' money.
	Um, and so I, I think that they really cherry picked, um, the neighborhoods that they went to and the kinds of people that they approached and the interviews that they aired.
	Because, um, if you are living in poverty and it now is harder for you to get services, you're not reading the 990 of the nonprofit that your city government gave a contract to.
	Um, you just know you can't feed your kids.
	There was one interview in particular that was done.
	Taylor Hanson interviewed a woman, a single mother, who was homeless.
	And in the interview, she says it's the Haitians.
	I can't get anything because it's the Haitians.
	And he said, where did you move to Springfield?
	And she said, January.
	What?
	The Haitians have probably been here longer than you in many cases.
	Like, what are you talking about?
	And of course, you know, I tried, like, I was like, I should find her, but how am I going to find her?
	You know?
	Because I wanted to ask her about that and where she had come from.
	But yeah, I mean, it's just really like the bulk of the town, um, you know, this is not, they don't want this and they don't, they don't believe that this is true.
	Well, that's refreshing and good to hear.
	Uh, I believe this was also the week where, uh, Chris Ruffo or whatever that, that moron, uh, posted the like video from a year ago, not in Springfield of not a cat on a grill.
	And as I and numerous people pointed out, cats do not have talons, and the little feety feet on this animal that was on the grill absolutely had a talon.
	This was a chicken or a duck, because raptors have talons.
	Cats don't.
	The other thing about this is so silly to me is I cannot imagine a worse risk reward proposition on earth than trying to chase down, catch and eat a feral cat.
	I mean, the amount of effort you would have to put in for the amount of meat you would get from such an animal is mind blowing.
	I mean, you would obviously trap them.
	You would not be hunting them.
	Do not be foolish.
	I'm not saying anybody is doing this, but hypothetically, in a survival situation like post-apocalypse, and you need to eat cat to survive, you're not going to hunt it.
	You're just going to lay out a trap, dude.
	And if that existed, then we should be finding the Haitian cat traps all over Springfield.
	Amanda should have, like, got her foot caught in one while she was walking around town and being like, oh, another cat trap.
	I didn't see that one.
	Darn.
	Shucks.
	I mean, the whole story is so absurd for an infinite number of reasons.
	And the fact that we have this guy who could be the next vice president of the United States peddling this shit.
	And the thing about Vance that's even more terrifying is that, like, for those of us with ears that can hear and we listen to Donald Trump talking, It's like, boy, howdy, if Trump were to win this election, he'd be president for what, six months, maybe a year if he was really lucky before the health crisis hit.
	And then we've got President Vance.
	I mean, J.D.
	Vance is not going to be vice president.
	He's going to be president in waiting because I got no faith in the long term health or mental acuity of Donnie.
	So to me, J.D.
	Vance is terrifying.
	I mean, The shit he's doing and the shit he's willing to do is horrible.
	I mean, he's basically a sociopath and the fact that he's going to be president if his ticket wins this election should be deeply offensive to a lot of people.
	Amanda, I remember, like basically after Vance got nominated, said something to the effect of, we cannot let JD Vance become president because holy shit, this guy is super.
	Investigate the Secret Service.
	Figure out what the hell is going on.
	Protect Donald Trump.
	Protect our Pope Donald Trump and all of us.
	Yes.
	Protect our benevolent God Emperor.
	Oh man.
	I mean, to be fair though, if a heart attack or natural causes or whatever health crisis did happen to befall Donald Trump before the election was over, then it would be J.D.
	Vance running the race.
	And I don't know.
	Like, hey, the Donald Trump campaign without any of the sizzle.
	Oh, God, no.
	If Trump were to have the health crisis before the election resolved, that would be manna from heaven.
	Because, like, immediately the MAGA QAnon cult would turn on vans for usurping Trump.
	And he would be a deep state shill who obviously bumped off Trump.
	so he and Peter Thiel could run America in their evil way.
	Yeah.
	So, I mean, that's the thing.
	I've said this before, but like if, if, if Vance were to become president through Trump by succeeding him, J.D.
	Vance would become the most unpopular president in the history of America.
	Because all the MAGA chuds would think that he killed Trump to get in and we would all hate him because he's a goddamn, like just a, he's just an American psycho lunatic.
	He's just Christian Bale in that movie, peeling his skin off to start the film.
	Christian Babel's like proper fit, at least, you know?
	Which I'm not saying justifies anything, but I am saying that, like, again, JD Vance looks like the Mirror Mirror Universe evil version of Haley Joel Osment.
	Yeah.
	Oh, he does.
	He does.
	That's true.
	I never thought of that.
	Especially because, like, good Haley Joel Osment, like, wears a beard now, and every once in a while you get to see those pictures of JD shaved, and you're just like, Oh man!
	I'm so disappointed for our audience.
	The glow of enlightenment in Amanda's eyes when she put two and two together on Elle's statement.
	She's like, no, it's true.
	He really is.
	It was, it was amazing.
	It was truly amazing.
	But yeah, I just.
	I mean, like, yeah, absolutely unreal that that guy might become the president.
	Can you, could you imagine just like the kids growing up at school, like looking at like the timeline of presidents?
	You know, there's like the pictures that, like, will line the top walls of, like, the elementary school.
	And then you're just, like, going down the line, and you're just like, Obama!
	And the kids are just like, oh, black guy!
	Finally!
	My god, excellent!
	High-fiving each other, everybody thinks it's great.
	And then they're just like, yeah.
	And then it was not great.
	Trump!
	And then they're just like, oh god!
	And then they're just like, yeah, that was the oldest man ever.
	Meh.
	And then it was Trump again, somehow.
	And then it was this guy, and they're just like, oh shit.
	And they're like, no, surprisingly, that's J.D.
	Vance.
	Now we have to call him Kryptonite for my heart attack.
	Because he ran all the cheeseburgers and Diet Coke platform.
	Yeah, basically, I just, like, if J.D.
	Vance is our president, we will be at war in the Middle East in no time at all, because that man will need a war so badly to try to drum up popularity for himself.
	I have the most negative views of our potential timeline with President Vance running the ship estate.
	It's no bueno.
	Oh yeah?
	You don't have any positive?
	You're not just like, hey, I'm making a pros and cons list of if J.D.
	Vance becomes the President of the United States?
	You know?
	But pro, I've always thought that Peter Thiel should be President of the United States.
	Yeah, I've always wanted Peter Thiel and Elon Musk to basically have the president's ear and push him around.
	And because J.D.
	Vance is just a doughy, weak little boy, he's just gonna let them.
	I hate how, even when he hasn't done anything newsworthy, we always have to at least mention Elon Musk because he's just so close to all of these stupid idiots.
	Like, man.
	Yeah.
	Elon himself, like a ketamine bender last night, he was off the rails.
	Like apparently he like tweeted like 159 times in the last 24 hours.
	He made some emo poem about atheism being not great this morning.
	Hell yeah.
	I mean, you know, losing billions and billions of dollars would probably have me have a come to Jesus moment too.
	Let's see what religion he lands on though.
	Like maybe he'll do a fun one.
	Remember when Madonna got really into Kabbalah because her career wasn't doing so hot at the time?
	So she was just like, you know what?
	I'm going to hitch my wagon to one of these wacky religions.
	It was excellent.
	I just love Russell Brand becoming a Catholic because he's like, man, I'm a huge sex pest.
	I need a religion now.
	Darted, dartboard, boom, Catholicism.
	I get to see him soon.
	Oh, when are you going to go see that sex pest?
	He's speaking with Charlie Kirk, and RFK Jr., and Matt Taibbi, and Jimmy Dore, and all the other bad people.
	Oh, what a murderous row.
	What a lineup.
	Oh my god.
	What else really reminds me of a point that I forgot to mention during our Springfield talk?
	How is RFK Jr.
	getting a pass on this whole dog-eating thing?
	He bragged himself about eating dogs!
	Well, that was different.
	Wait, what's the difference?
	White.
	Oh, yeah, I mean, that is true.
	You got me there.
	He was just doing it because he's a crazy white person.
	The Haitians are doing it as a part of a satanic voodoo ritual.
	Yeah, if you saw a fucking phrased RFK Jr.
	walking down the street with a machete in one hand and the decapitated head of a whale behind him in the other, you'd be like, look at that good old boy, honey, that whale's such a strong Caucasian man.
	And then if you saw a Haitian doing it, you'd be like, I'm confused and scared at the same time.
	Fucking so unreal.
	Absolutely crazy.
	So here is what, uh, I don't know, freshman in high school, Elon wrote into his journal this morning.
	Atheism left an empty space.
	Secular religion took its place, but left the people in despair.
	Childless hedonism sans care.
	Maybe religion's not so bad to keep you from feeling, from being sad.
	That's $44 billion, baby.
	Maybe religion's not so bad to keep you from feeling sad.
	Yup.
	I'm gonna say something controversial as somebody who likes poetry and my hot take about that is that I hate poetry.
	I mean like I get it as an art form and like I understand it and like sometimes I will do it like as a form of expression but I never show my shit to anybody because anytime I read anybody else's poem I'm just like what are you doing?
	What is that?
	What is this?
	What is this?
	Especially the ones that rhyme like that where it's just like like just inane couplets back-to-back Like you're freestyling, like you're just the worst freestyle off the Dome MC of all time.
	Or you're any Beastie Boys album Boone Roasted.
	Sorry, I'd have to throw it back to Old Hell World where I was possibly busting out the Beastie Boys.
	But anyway, yeah, I mean, God.
	Elon Musk, like, stop trying to prove you're a genius.
	Everything you do sucks.
	That sounds like first grade English class.
	Yes!
	Maybe religion is not so bad if it stops you from being sad.
	You can put anything in there.
	Anything.
	Maybe ketamine isn't so bad it stops me from being sad.
	I thought maybe some religion would be nice, so now I have started worshiping Jesus Christ all over.
	Yeah.
	Well, I got Grock Jew to tell me how great God is, so this is bad.
	Grog, too, talk to me about how great religion is and the style of creed, please.
	Actually, I would never ascribe this to Elon, because I don't think the man can think more than three minutes ahead of himself, but Elon's setting up the ultimate religion turn, because his avatar photo on Twitter is him wearing the satanic arm So in like six months, when he finds God, it puts his new avatar up and it's like him in a church or whatever.
	It's going to be like, oh, Elon, the redeemed.
	Like his previous photo was him in the evil Satan armor.
	And now he's found Christ and he's Elon, the better man.
	I can't wait for it to be so great when he does it.
	I can't wait until he's on Twitter, like, you know, scribing out his next poem and he's Like, he just got done talking about how his love of Christ has gotten bigger and he's like, he's pouring sweat trying to think of his next rhyme.
	Just... There's a South African inside of a room desperately trying to find his way out.
	Say it.
	It's racial.
	No, you are.
	You are.
	No.
	Oh, don't just deny it.
	Like the whole Rich Lowry thing that happened this week where like so many people are like, no, Rich Lowry did not say the N word.
	And it's like, no, he did.
	I heard it.
	Calm down.
	You heard something different though.
	Oh yeah.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Easy mistake to make Mike.
	It really is.
	It really is.
	Oh God.
	Everyone mixes up the N word in immigrant.
	It just happens all the time.
	Just those two words are so close to each other.
	It's a mistake anyone could make.
	Yeah.
	Let's get the world's most racist etymologist to try to tell us how that works.
	It's like, no, in the pure Caucasian mouth, there's a tongue.
	It's like a phrenologist, but for your tongue.
	Anyway, this is a stupid bit and I hate it.
	Let's move on to our news segment.
	From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
	Do not edit out any of that.
	I insist on you keeping in both that weird exhale and both failed attempts to try to get the pump to work.
	It was like a Liberty Stick and a series of unfortunate sounds that just shouldn't have been there.
	But now you have to edit out all of this.
	You've kept it in, good sir.
	You've kept it in.
	I didn't.
	I saved the worst of our material.
	Okay, so let's go ahead and because the news is breaking and I had forgotten to write it down in our initial show notes, I think we should talk about our news segment.
	Let's talk about Israel blowing up all those pagers fucking walkie-talkies over in Lebanon.
	Is that it, right?
	Yeah.
	Fucking absolutely insane stuff happening.
	The second wave just hit, I think about 30 minutes ago.
	First wave was pagers, second wave is apparently walkie-talkies.
	Banana stuff.
	I mean, did nobody tell them that this is a war crime?
	It's like, it's just like, we got an obvious one.
	You're not allowed to just create combat scenarios where you're just maiming your opponent.
	Like, you should not kill.
	I repeat, make sure they only can't walk anymore.
	That's a war crime.
	You can't do that.
	Yeah.
	Amanda just did a double take when you brought up the walkie talkies.
	Cause yeah, that's the, that's the new hotness that just happened like moments ago.
	Wow.
	Yeah, and this is obviously, like, fucked up.
	I mean, when the first major wave of detonations happened yesterday, or the day before, I can't remember when that actually broke.
	But when it first happened, my initial thought was, I'm not gonna lie, kind of a foolish one.
	For a brief moment, I lived in a magical world where somehow Israel had created a super-age space ray that they could just point and make old technology explode in your hand.
	And I was just like, Okay!
	The future is now!
	And then I was just like, wait a minute, isn't it just more likely that somehow they got tricked into buying a bunch of, like, grenade pagers, and it turns out that's exactly what happened?
	Thanks to, allegedly, this company in Hungary.
	I'm sure they're going to be denying it, or desperately trying not to get involved in this war crime, despite the fact that at some point somebody was just like, yeah, we need you to make us 800 pagers with explosives at the police.
	Yeah, the whole story was so bizarre over a couple days ago.
	First time people were like, who still uses pagers?
	And then after that joke came out, it was like, you know, this is like, you don't know who's near that person when their pager detonates.
	Like this is, this is dangerous to civilians.
	None of this is actually like cool.
	This is very much an act of terrorism and like, That's the whole point of what they're doing.
	They're going to try to make it so that, like, basically, like, all of these groups and everyone inside Lebanon is going to be terrified of touching any piece of technology for fear that the Israelis are going to detonate on them.
	This is objectively a terrorist attack.
	No, no, no, Mike.
	You're an American and you forgot the Golden Rule, just like when we got attacked for 9-11 and it justified everything we did for the next 20 years.
	It's not terrorism if they hit you first.
	Even if you hit them first before they hit you first.
	It's still not terrorism.
	It's only terrorism when brown people are doing it, Mike.
	Oh, right.
	Right.
	My bad.
	My bad.
	Yeah.
	So that was the big thing that happened for a couple of days.
	And then right now, like the walkie talkies, the second form of electronics has now been detonating across Lebanon.
	Allegedly from people from Hezbollah who had purchased these walkie-talkies.
	At the behest of their leader, I believe, which is like a little funny wrinkle to it, but I saw some reporting that one of their senior members or maybe even the head honcho was just like, hey, don't use cell phones because you could be traced by the enemy.
	The time for the pager is now.
	And then, you know, I guess that information trickled into the wrong people.
	They're just like, oh, they're about to make a huge order for some pagers.
	Let's see what we can do with this info.
	And Warcraft is the answer, but that's our answer to so many questions.
	It's still crazy, though.
	What an insane way to kick off what they're now just sort of proudly talking about as their next offensive.
	They're just like, yeah, this is the next phase of our war offensive against the people who are trying to come at us.
	And it's just like, oh God, it's so grisly and terrible.
	And they just don't seem to care.
	So, I mean, you know, More as it develops, I guess.
	We'll see how many waves of this there is.
	It's unfortunate that at this point, if you're like a civilian in those areas, you just can't trust anything with a battery in it, right?
	That you haven't, like, for more than two years, you're like, oh, shit.
	Yeah.
	At this point, you're just going to be like, oh, I need to tell mom I'm going to be late.
	And then you have to, like, throw a carrier pigeon into the air with, like, the message tied to its leg, because otherwise the Israelis could blow you up, which is Like, terrifying.
	It's like, really... Do you expect me to trust a pigeon that flies up to me on the battlefield?
	Absolutely not.
	I don't want nothing flying towards me on the battlefield, including birds.
	Like, I'm gonna zero that thing as best I can, just like... And then when I inevitably miss, because I'm not, like, a sub-crack shot, I'll just, like, brace like a baby.
	I'll be like, ehhh!
	And then it will land safely with a note at my feet, but I would expect it to blow up.
	Woke is the belief that birds are like surveillance cameras sent by the government to spy on us.
	Woke is the birds are massacred.
	That's the proper conspiracy theory.
	Yeah, let's get those memes going.
	Okay, so that was breaking news, so that sort of like supplanted what would ordinarily have been the first thing we would obviously have to talk about this week, which is...
	Donald Trump Assassination Attempt Part 2, the one that was a real thing, for sure.
	Insane.
	Stop doing this.
	Nobody wants you to do this.
	Stop it.
	Like, if anybody's out there, can you please, if you're hearing my voice and you're considering it, just don't.
	Like, why?
	Uh, but yeah, so of course, uh, for those of you who have been living under a rock, uh, Donald Trump was, uh, doing some backline golf action or what have you, you know, doing his athleticism, the world's most athletic sport, where you stand around doing nothing when you're not driving around in a little car to get to your next hole.
	Uh, and, uh, the Secret Service apparently spotted the barrel of a rifle being pointed out of the bushes.
	Uh, and then the situation Uh, escalated from there until eventually the suspect was, uh, bundled up, unharmed, and arrested, and then we found out who they were.
	Uh, so, Mike, what's going on with assassination attempt number two?
	My god, what a year it's been.
	Please stop.
	I just want normal.
	Like, let's go back to normal.
	Remember when George W. was our president, and despite the war he was in, like, all of his stuff was just goofy and stupid?
	And the worst thing that happened to him was someone threw a pair of shoes at him, and he kind of sidestepped them, and people were like, hey, good reflex on you, W. Way to avoid those shoes.
	I hate that I'm pining for that.
	Like, it's like 20 years ago was such a simpler time, you know?
	The president was nudging shoes, not bullets.
	So they're just like, well, what about the other presidents that did get assassinated?
	I'm like, well, I wasn't alive for those, so shut up!
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, um, what happened here was this guy, Ryan Ruth, uh, was apparently camped out for like 12 hours near Trump's golf course.
	And he was at, Like, the sixth hole, and Trump was golfing on the fifth hole, and then, like, the Secret Service protection detail went to the sixth hole to make sure nothing was up there.
	They spotted Roof.
	They fired at him.
	He ran away.
	He was then caught, like, a random citizen saw him, like, duck into his car and got his plate, and then they were able to track him down and grab him and arrest him.
	This led to everyone freaking out because now we gotta try to find out if the right wing has finally obtained the golden goose they've been yearning for all this time, a lunatic leftist trying to kill Trump.
	Because that's what they really hoped Crooks would be, and when Crooks turned out to just be a Republican, it was so depressing.
	Roof appears to be more politically nuts, is the easiest way to describe him.
	Mercurial, let's say?
	Mercurial, oh god, that's a great word, man.
	Word of the podcast.
	God, I love the word mercurial.
	He voted for Trump in 2016, apparently felt that Trump had sold him a bill of goods and he wasn't really on board with Trump.
	After that, he got big in the Tulsi Gabbard for a while there, and then wanted Trump to lose in 2020 to Biden.
	And then for this election cycle, our boy was calling on Nikki Haley and Vivek Raghuswamy to power ranger fusion ticket To give the Republicans a good option to defeat Biden and not have Trump be the nominee.
	And Vivek and Haley didn't listen to his brilliant advice and thus Trump got the nomination.
	So this guy has been just literally all over the place.
	And then after the war in Ukraine started, didn't he become like hard stumping for like freedom fighting patriots to help go battle the Russians in Ukraine?
	Yeah he's that's like kind of his weird north his weird north star recently in politics is like he's like psycho pro-ukraine which uh really like trying to square that circle with vivek give ukraine to russia uh didn't really make a lot of sense but Yeah.
	And apparently like he tried to like contact the Ukrainian government and talk to them and they shoot him away for being a kook.
	And some other person who was actively working, uh, for like pro-Ukrainian, uh, like resources, that person released some texts that Roof sent them.
	And they were like, look, buddy, this doesn't work the way you think it does.
	And I don't know who you are.
	So like, leave me alone.
	And Rufus was like, no, you don't understand.
	I've got contacts, man.
	I can help you out.
	I can get you like 2000 fighters if you really need them.
	And this person was like, I don't think you can do that.
	And I don't want 2000 people.
	I don't know.
	I need 30 dedicated volunteers who are going to ditch like at the first sign of trouble.
	Like I don't need impressive sounding numbers.
	And so it's, I mean, I'm the Riddler, like, you know, you get it.
	Yeah.
	So this guy was just all over the place.
	Uh, he had a Biden Harris sticker on his truck.
	So Republicans are trying to like paint him as a lunatic leftist and all this kind of stuff.
	But at the end of the day, A, he, uh, never had line of sight on Trump.
	He never fired a shot at Trump.
	The, like all these people are like the secret service screwed this up.
	It's like, no, the secret service did their job.
	the person they were protecting was protected.
	He was never in danger.
	This would have been like people getting mad if a Secret Service agent had spotted Oswald pointing his rifle out the window and go, hey, stop that guy, and then they tattled him.
	Or if a group of several hundred citizens was just like, there's a guy on that roof with a gun, and the Secret Service went and stopped that from developing any sort of thing.
	Yes, right.
	I mean, no, that didn't happen.
	Smash cut to everyone in Pennsylvania pointing at that guy, police officers licking ice cream cones, ignoring them.
	There was that one guy that got boosted up there early to be confronted with a rifle.
	I mean, that guy was at least drunk.
	And Lord knows, I would also be scared if somebody drew down on me with a rifle, but I'm also not a member of law enforcement, so that's the way that cookie crumbles.
	Anyway, so yeah, mercurial politics aside, do we know anything about why they were just going after Trump?
	Like, was it just literally like, I think you're too close to winning!
	That would be a disaster!
	Kaplambo!
	Like, have we heard anything from the horse's mouth, so to speak?
	No, not yet that I've heard.
	He got arraigned for non-assassination-based charges.
	Which some people have tried to use as an excuse to say, look, this proves it wasn't an assassination attempt.
	Just like the first one was staged, so was this one.
	To be fair, the more failed assassination attempts stack up, the more the silver or the aluminum foil hat people have a leg to stand on in terms of just a narrative, you know?
	Because if it keeps happening after attempt 10 or whatever, is it just like, Maybe?
	He is literally blessed by God.
	I mean, I don't know.
	It's sort of like the Am I the baddies sketch.
	Are we the baddies?
	sketches are we the baddies like yeah what's going on here so yeah uh you know we so yeah the people on the people have been like oh this proves it's not an assassination attempt And then other people have pointed out, these are just the holding charges.
	These are just the charges they need to keep him in jail, to indict him for some crimes, to keep him under observation.
	They will probably file the big boy charges against him as the investigation progresses.
	So, uh, don't you worry.
	He will eventually get nailed for something if they have the evidence to charge him for that, which seems very likely seeing as how apparently He was like sleeping on the outskirts of the of the sixth hole for like 12 hours waiting for Trump to show up.
	There was a little bit of like snacks and tools just like hung up on an iron link or like a chain link fence.
	Yeah, like a little nest.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	The other funny thing about this is people on the right freaking out.
	They're like, Trump wasn't scheduled to golf that day.
	How did he know?
	And it's like, uh, cause he lives in Mar-a-Lago and he golfs constantly.
	Well, I feel like that was the narrative before it was revealed that the guy was there waiting for 12 hours.
	And then like, I feel like I started to see that narrative sort of calm down because at that point people were just like, well, how did he know he was going to be golfing?
	And it was just like, the guy was waiting for him.
	Like has Donald Trump gone 36 hours without golfing?
	Like the guy was just set up to wait there until it happened.
	It didn't show up right on time.
	Like, he waited a significant amount of time, and then lo and behold, Trump came to golf.
	Who could have guessed?
	Everybody.
	In fact, the Secret Service are like, please, former President Trump, golf less.
	People are trying to kill you.
	And he's like, no.
	Well, if you're going to golf, go to different golf courses so you're at least a little unpredictable.
	He's like, no.
	I will be on the Mar-a-Lago golf course.
	Roughly 25% of my time.
	Like, so if you just show up, you have a one in four chance of running into me, because I'll be here.
	I mean, it's like, Mr. Trump, you're running for president.
	The election's less than 50 days away.
	Shouldn't you be out holding rallies?
	And he's like, nah, man, got to work on my handicap.
	Can I get the links?
	Can I get another round in?
	Yeah, and I bet he was probably just out there golfing the next day after the second attempt.
	He was like, what the fuck does he care?
	He's just like, eh, they keep missing, so who cares?
	Anyway, since I got this guy alive, presumably more on this story as it develops.
	Plus, I believe we are running up on Amanda's hard out for recording, if I'm not incorrect.
	So I will give Amanda an opportunity to tell the people where can they find you on social media if they want more of your reporting and such.
	I am NoTurtleSoup17 on Twitter, Blue Sky, Instagram, Threads, Facebook, TikTok, all of it.
	And then I've got a sub stack at turtlediaries.net.
	Rock on.
	There we go.
	Thank you for coming in and filling in for Haley's seat this week and willing to get even more credibility to the show.
	We love it when you do that.
	There's generally... Uncredible credibility.
	Massively.
	Of course.
	Myself especially.
	I've never been boots on the ground anywhere before.
	It's me, Adam, going to January 6th.
	I did, actually.
	I'm not sure if we've ever really discussed that on the podcast before, but Mike did float the idea.
	He was like, hey, there's this big thing going down there.
	We could do a Hellworld live thing.
	Live?!
	And I was just like, that seems like a lot of driving.
	Wow.
	Yeah, you're missed there.
	Anyway, thanks again Amanda for showing up.
	Mike and I will continue to do the news and finish off the show without you, but we do appreciate you showing up and giving us your perspective on the Springfield stuff.
	Thanks for having me.
	Yes, happy to do so.
	Yes, very much so.
	Now it's time for us to soldier—oops, sorry, no, Mike.
	Mike's stepping on each other.
	I'll show.
	I'll show.
	And I'm being waved off.
	I'm being waved!
	I was saying continue.
	Go for it.
	Yeah, we're good.
	Okay, so, second—the third, I guess, because I got my group thrown off by the exploding walkie-talkie.
	The third big headline of the week, another insane story.
	P. Diddy finally being indicted on all the stuff that he's guilty of doing.
	Uh, for posterity's sake, let's continue to presume that he is innocent.
	Wink.
	Uh, because he's mad guilty.
	I mean, like, this dude is obviously a huge creep.
	Uh, but the indictment finally came in after his properties were raided a few months back, and it's looking quite bad for the didster!
	Uh, Mike, how bad is it looking for the didster?
	Uh, so bad when he asked for $50 million for bail, and the judge was like, no.
	Even 50 million is too small for you.
	You're just going to be held literally without bail until trial.
	And honestly, like, that was how I expected that to come because I couldn't imagine a bigger flight risk.
	I was honestly still, I was a little shocked that P. Diddy was still in the country when he got pitched.
	I mean, like, he seems like a flight risk kind of guy.
	You know, he has, he built this whole, uh, his whole fortune off of rap videos where he was like in speed boats and stuff down in like the islands and like, you know, Yes, absolutely.
	where you could just like very easily flee the country from if you've got a fast boat.
	Just get the fuck out of the country real quick.
	You know, like so.
	And, you know, he's like worth like five hundred million dollars.
	He like, you know, I would have expected him to potentially flee the country.
	So I think no bail is a good call anyway.
	Yes, absolutely.
	Agreed on all counts.
	The best part of this was the press conference that was held touting his indictment for his endless crimes.
	And during that press conference, the guy giving the speech stated repeatedly about the evidence they had about Diddy's freak-offs.
	We had to hear the word freak-off roughly a dozen times as they were explaining what was going on.
	Can I interject here for a moment?
	I am a liberal dude and I get where people's hearts are coming from so don't take this as like a finger wag like condemnation of your heart not being in the right place but I have seen some people uh on social media complaining that the media is referring to this is still referring to like the stuff as quote unquote freak offs and not say uh gang rape which is what was the actual crime that was happening in a lot of those cases and for the record that is like
	A position that is morally correct, like, that is accurate.
	But at the same time, like, I don't really want to read those words like a jillion times.
	I don't think your average media person, like, person who is consuming any amount of media wants to see the words gang rape just dozens of times while this is discussed.
	So I think sometimes you just have to kind of take a little bit of a bullet to get a thing widely reported.
	So that way, like, you know, the news is out there that stuff like this is going down.
	So, I don't know.
	It's just like a sticky wicket.
	But, like, I saw a lot of people getting angry that they were still referring to it as freak-offs with, like, the crime is much more horrible than that.
	And it's like, for people that want to know exactly how horrible the crime is, they can see the unsealed indictment, like, and read all about it.
	Yeah, if you want to find out about this stuff, you can find out about this stuff.
	I was just more... I just found the term freak-off and the fact that, like, now it is a part of case law in a federal indictment To be, like, just weird and oddly, like, just humorous to me.
	Oh yeah, I needed to interject because I'm going to continue to call them freak-offs, but I wanted to acknowledge that, yeah, I know what that means, and I'm sugarcoating it on purpose.
	For the sake of you, the listener, and me, the person who would have to say that shit over and over again.
	So for as long as Diddy is still not Epstein'd, we're going to refer to this as freak-off.
	Also, hey Mike, what do you think the odds are that Diddy is Epstein'd?
	Oh, that meme has already started in the QAnonverse.
	Oh, let me tell you, sir, Diddy did not kill himself.
	That is a thing that is being said.
	I don't, I mean, I don't know, in the sense that I feel like this is, this is, I don't know.
	It's really strange because I wonder if Diddy thinks he can beat the case or if he has any chance to do anything.
	I don't, I don't exactly know where his headspace is at because For Epstein, it was very obvious this thing was over.
	This was a done deal.
	He was done, though.
	And I can totally see where X, Y, and Z led to Epstein agreeing to cash out and call it a day.
	Whereas, I don't know.
	I mean, again, most of the QAnon and right-wing griftosphere There's this deep and abiding hope that Diddy is just ratting out everybody from Jay-Z to Oprah to everyone else in Hollywood to bringing down Obama and all the rest of it.
	They're just hoping that Diddy is going to be the ultimate state witness to tear down the Illuminati and to shatter Hollywood and the music industry and liberal politicians.
	So.
	But I think that's kind of the big question is, like, does Diddy think he can flip and get anything to, like, save his own skin here?
	Or does he know he's just looking at life imprisonment and it's over?
	Well, that's the thing.
	I mean, like, apparently he liked to record stuff so that way he had, like, blackmail materials on people involved to, like, help buy their silence, etc.
	So it's just, like, If the dream is that he just has dirt on a bunch of people, like, isn't the likelihood that they just have footage that they've already seized as part of, like, a federal case?
	Like, so it's just like if Jay-Z's Jared just, like, going to freak off town on somebody and, like, Oprah's there, like, wearing, like, a Plague Doctor mask, like, just doing, like, orchestra-like motions.
	Like, if that's all on tape that they already have as part of, like, federal material, like, they don't need him to flip.
	They're just, like...
	Your Honor, you'll see in our next exhibit that when she walks out of the room, she literally says, I'm Oprah, before putting on the blind doctor mask and doing the thing.
	They're just like, he's going to flip.
	And it's like, he recorded everything.
	I love the idea of Diddy recording a ton of evidence, thusly making his own personal testimony meaningless.
	And therefore, the feds don't need him to just take all the hard evidence he already had and just use it without him.
	Also at the very least, he's not beating the gun charges.
	I mean, whatever they have him on gun-wise seems like it has to be a slam-dunk.
	When they raided his property, they just pulled out a bunch of apparently not-copacetic fireworks.
	Yeah, I believe the term they used was defaced AR-15s, so they literally had burned the serial numbers off them so they couldn't be traced, which is a no-no.
	You can't do that.
	It's like getting alcohol for tax evasion.
	Even if they don't have Diddy on the litany of sex crimes that they actually have him on, they can just be like, boom, you have these illegal guns and enjoy prison for the next 15 years, moron.
	So yeah.
	So yeah, if Diddy goes away, do you suppose they put him in the same prison as R. Kelly?
	And if so, do we get the greatest album of all time?
	Yes.
	Yeah, that would be magical.
	Can you imagine the live from Folsom County prison or whatever, but it's R. Kelly and P. Diddy both serving time for fucking anus sex crimes?
	Yes.
	Like in a prison full of guys that are just like, yo, if they weren't musically talented, we would have beat them to death with soap right now.
	Yeah, they're literally singing for their supper, and by supper, I mean survival.
	It's like, entertain us, or don't.
	It's the harsh life of prison as a A-list celebrity.
	Yeah, I mean, that's what you get for being a couple of pieces of shit.
	I mean, I feel like most of us would prefer the sock bath.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I mean, there's something about this that's so bizarre.
	It's just like the hope this gives these grifters.
	That, oh yeah, all our enemies are going to pay.
	And it's, they, they can't even take the dub.
	Like when this started and we heard what was happening with Diddy, people were just thinking, man, this guy needs to get indicted.
	Like this is, he pulled some real shady shit here and he needs to pay for it.
	And then the indictment comes down and everyone's like, good, good.
	I'm glad that that guy is actually facing consequences for his horrible actions.
	Meanwhile, QAnon just can't take the dub.
	They can't be like, boom, Diddy's going down.
	Excellent.
	Justice for his victims.
	Fuck that guy.
	They have to be, they have to sit there saying, now that they got Diddy, they're going to get JC.
	Then they're going to get Oprah.
	Then they're going to get Obama.
	And then, then they're going to get George Soros.
	And then, and it's like, and then they're going to get the devil.
	And it's like, calm down guys, calm down.
	I actually saw One Nut talk about how Diddy's indictment is going to lead to the fall of Israel, because the people that own Israel are connected to this, and it's just- I mean, I will say that if on the Diddy tapes there's fuckin' Bibi, like, next to the Christian Devil, and they're gonna get us some business there, then yeah, I mean, let's see if we can get Diddy to flip.
	I mean- Yes!
	Like, I hate his guts as much as the next person, but if we're gonna pinch Bibi and the literal Christian Devil, then I feel like we could do some trades- Yes.
	Yeah.
	I mean, Christian Devil's atrocities are through the roof.
	Like, you gotta admit.
	Yes.
	I'm the only person that's currently given him anything in the ranks.
	I mean, let's be real.
	Exactly.
	So, yeah.
	It's terrible what Diddy did, but it is good that he has been caught.
	I think he's indicted, and now the wheels of justice are slowly going to turn.
	And in two years, we're going to hear news that he's been convicted on 230 counts of sex crimes and gun running and various forms of financial fraud.
	I'm sure, eh, it's in there.
	I'm sure the man has done literally every crime, so... Oh yeah, 30 years after writing his bloated friend's corpse, and no, I didn't do that backwards accidentally, to superstar of a $500 million worth of net worth, he's finally getting his comeuppance, because fuck him.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, despite my funny joke, Biggie Smalls is worth like a thousand P. Diddies.
	So the way that show kept is incredibly bad.
	Yes.
	Yeah, we, uh, it really sucks that like the two most talented artists in that period of time were the ones that got gunned down.
	And then we just had like a bunch of parasites just mooch a leech off of them to obtain stardom and fame, uh, vicariously through them.
	Oh, I was a big fan of Tupac and I knew him.
	So now I'm going to rap and you have to like me.
	And people were like, okay, fine.
	And then the same thing with Biggie, and it was just like, ah, no, this shouldn't work this way.
	At one point they brought Tupac back in hologram form, and then Drake tried to bring Tupac back in diss track form, and Kendrick killed him, and they got the Super Bowl, and made Lil Wayne big sad, and he cried and cried and cried, and then Nicki Minaj was on Twitter crying and crying with him, and they both tugged each other and got messy and cried and cried, and it made it impossible to distinguish which one of them was Nicki Minaj and which one of them was Lil Wayne, which is a bad look for Lil Wayne.
	because Nicki Minaj sucks, and Lil Wayne is actually pretty talented.
	Anyway, yeah, that was one of the things I was going to rant about a little bit during the unstructured stuff time.
	It's just that the whole messy Lil Wayne Super Bowl thing.
	But the show ended up going just long enough where we can get straight into our mailbag.
	Jensidie presenterer en dårlig dag på jobben på 90.
	Hi, there's been a crisis here.
	There's been a break-in in the shop, and they've just... We've taken everything!
	And a bad day at work today.
	We've been hacked.
	All the files have been locked, and now we just need a lot of crypts to unlock them again.
	Jensidia has always been there for businesses with small and large losses.
	And we're going to continue with that.
	Time passes, Jensidia exists.
	Mjøndalen House and Lift, come in.
	Yes, hi, I need a service for a skin disease.
	Ok, let's talk to Jørn.
	Hold him for a second.
	JØRN!
	What?
	Telephone!
	Coming!
	He's coming!
	Sorry, he's coming now.
	Profit a bit with Ice Bedrift.
	Good coverage and central table, so you can actually put it over to a colleague.
	All for a nice price.
	So, Mjøndalen Heiserlift.
	Try Ice Bedrift.
	Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
	It's time for Q and A. Space Cat asks, why does JD Vance think that Haitia is a country?
	For the same reason that Donald Trump thought Wakanda was a country, because he's a moron.
	Yeah, pretty much.
	I thought that was very weird.
	JD has had some Real awesome verbal gaffes in the last week.
	The HCF thing was great.
	The fact that he tried to talk about how RFK Jr.' 's really cool and then stated that America truly hasn't healed from RFK Jr.' 's assassination.
	Oh man, we forgot to mention that Donald Trump said he hated Taylor Swift.
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	In light of the second attempt, it was just like, like I remember the first wave of jokes were just like, damn Taylor Swift fans wasted no time.
	Right.
	Oh God.
	That was, that was awesome.
	Cause it was so dumb and it had, it was like the dumbest thing in the world for him to do.
	And then I was looking at all these QAnon people talking about the 90 chess he was playing by posting that.
	And it was obviously a huge winner.
	And, uh, Trump doesn't say these things without something behind them.
	And, yeah, so, like, uh, I guess, uh... Yeah, he was behind his posting of, I hate Taylor Swift, uh, Taylor Swift's endorsement of his enemy.
	Like, that was what was behind it.
	Like, it's not, it's not Ford, it's not Nike chess, it's regular chess.
	He's just bad at it.
	Right, exactly.
	He's just like, oh, you said people should vote for Kamala on walls.
	I hate you now.
	I'm mad.
	It's like, oh, God, what a...
	What a silly little baby he is.
	Oh boy, boy.
	And JD Vance is also a silly little baby in a different reason.
	And that's why he thinks Haysha is a place.
	Although to be fair, I have accidentally called Canada, Canadia more than once.
	So yeah, I could sort of get it.
	Take that, Connecticut.
	No one can get your name right, nor should they.
	No one cares.
	I mean, Canadia just sounds cooler.
	Yes, it does.
	Boom.
	The extra eye gives it like a fantasy styling.
	It's like, ooh, Canadia.
	Yes.
	It's like Narnia.
	It's like awesome.
	They're ruled by a lion.
	They're, they're ruled by lion Jesus.
	And then we just, and then we replaced the O with the A for Mexico.
	And then we, it could be Mexico, America, Canada.
	That would be pretty cool.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Come on the rest of North America.
	Get out of the program.
	Like roll out, roll out flow.
	I mean, because we matter and we're... America is a giant emotionally satisfied little baby.
	Yeah, listen to what we want you to do because you know that we could just make you if we really wanted to and it would actually be really easy.
	Yes, exactly, exactly.
	It's the big brother role.
	I'll just sit on you if you don't, you know, like I can just sit on you at any moment to make you too happy.
	I mean, that was the whole 2016 presidential campaign for Trump was, I'm going to make Mexico pay for this wall, because I can do it.
	And then he won, and then he didn't do it.
	And it's like, oh, great.
	Yeah.
	Their money is too busy being funneled directly into the gangs and cartels while people are getting decapitated left, right, and center.
	Mexico's a mess.
	But, you know, hopefully they get their shit together.
	Okay, so thank you for the question.
	Up next is MeBad who asks, is Trump getting shot at the new Bolsonaro is back in the hospital?
	Not many care and it's kind of funny.
	Uh, well, Bolsonaro was in the hospital like literally all the time.
	Trump would have to have these weird, you know, they get up to like, uh, like failed assassination attempt number six for him to be in the Bolsonaro in the hospital range.
	Cause, uh, like, That was a very odd thing that just happened in Brazil constantly.
	And I guess it even happens in America now, because apparently that's where Bolsonaro is hanging out.
	He's in America.
	Thank God.
	I mean, the primary difference between Bolsonaro being in the hospital and Donald Trump's assassination attempts is that Bolsonaro was actually in the hospital.
	Boom.
	Roasted.
	Right.
	Exactly.
	Tinfoil hat.
	I don't know, man.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing, is that, like, there's all these people who are very upset that Trump's not getting more sympathy for, like, these attempts, and what's A, Trump talks a ton of shit, and he doesn't, he doesn't change his rhetoric ever, so no one's gonna think that, oh, it's the Democrats and their heated rhetoric that's causing all of this.
	I mean, in 2016, Trump was talking about how if Hillary wins, she's going to fill that empty Supreme Court seat with a lunatic liberal judge and we're not going to have any more guns anymore.
	And then he literally said, but if maybe some second amendment people, and then just like let the, let that simmer over the crowd, just directly implying that maybe Hillary needs to be shot here in order to prevent her from packing the Supreme Court.
	How about that?
	So it's like, Guys, your guy's been doing the heightened rhetoric thing for like nine years now, so let's not beat around the bush.
	He's not gonna change his tone, so we have to call him out for his tone.
	And you claiming, you can't do that, you can't say those things about him or else crazy people are gonna go after him.
	Well, again, crazy guy number one was a Republican, and crazy guy number two was literally a crazy guy.
	Just, that was it.
	Like when the actual, uh, when your stereotype of the blue haired feminist who, uh, hates Trump actually like gives a go at him, then, then we can talk.
	But until then, like, no, not so much.
	Calm down.
	Well, there we go.
	Thank you for your question.
	And the, the rant it enabled.
	Yes.
	That's what these questions are.
	You, you, you give us questions as a launching off point for conversations, which I appreciate very much.
	And finally, Woodrow Wilson Pickett asks, when a Trump-Laura Loomer sex tape leaks, what's the best way to remove my eyeballs so I never have to see it?
	I would watch it immediately, obviously.
	Mint.
	Like, look, look, I take no enjoyment in regrettably admitting that because A, yes, it means I would have to watch Donald Trump have sex.
	And B, it's very unlikely that that tape would have been leaked from the Donald Trump camp, so watching it would be dubious morally at best.
	But, at the same time, I'm just gonna be... I'm gonna keep it a hundo with my audience and say, yeah, I'd watch it the second it would drop.
	Because curiosity would get the better of me, you know?
	I'm a weak man.
	I'm weak.
	I'm just so weak.
	Sometimes you just have a primal human weakness.
	Like, I think that's part of the reason why Donald Trump doesn't give very much sympathy for these attempts, right?
	Is that I think there's like something primally human about the idea of no harm, no foul.
	And like Donald Trump does not project weakness or, or fear like that, like as part of his personality.
	So as far as these attempts have happened, it's like they happen.
	He does not get injured almost at all.
	A second attempt, not at all.
	Uh, and then he doesn't act like he is scared about future attempts.
	So it's just like, Oh, well, you know, no harm, no foul.
	Then I guess like the world keeps turning.
	Maybe if he acted spooked or he was actually injured and put in like arms more obvious way.
	Like, cause you know, people don't like abstracting the idea of like, Oh, if he was too, if he was like an inch in a different side, you know, like who knows what could have happened?
	It's like, yeah, anything could have happened.
	Like people don't want to think of that.
	Right.
	That's the thing is that nothing really happened to this guy.
	People felt sympathy for Reagan when it happened because Reagan actually got hit and was in the hospital for a while recovering from being hit.
	Whereas Trump literally had a cut on his ear that, for some reason, the doctors and Trump's staff didn't release what hit him, which fueled a bunch of conspiracy nonsense, because it doesn't matter if it was the bullet itself or, like, DeBris, the bullet hit that struck him in the ear.
	He was shot.
	Like, someone tried to kill him.
	It wasn't faked.
	Like, everyone who thinks this is staged is just a nut.
	Without damage to Trump, it's really hard to care about.
	As for the sex tape, what Elle said, it wouldn't be leaked from the Trump camp.
	I think Loomer would leak it if something happened.
	I mean, that would certainly be great because that would at least mean that it would have 50% more consent than it had in the other situation where neither of them leak it.
	Right.
	Am I the only person who's thought that it was kind of like the speculation as to whether or not they're boning has been kind of icky?
	And not just because they're gross people that I don't want to picture boning.
	I mean, you know, Laura Loomer, like, you know, we could maybe square that circle, but Donald Trump, absolutely not.
	And it's just like, I don't know, like, it just sort of seemed like one of the, one of those, this is the weapon of my enemy, we do not use it, we do not need it moments.
	Well, wait until something comes out before you're just like, uh, looks like she's giving Trump the fucking fuck me ass or whatever.
	I'm like, that's, that's kind of icky.
	Just let a male, a man and a woman be together.
	Like, I don't know.
	Well, I think that most of that commentary came about because of the fact that Trump has hung out with like literally every scumbag under the sun.
	And I think, and the only one who earned even the mildest of rebukes was Nick Fuentes cause he's an outright Nazi and a Holocaust denier.
	So when he's hanging out with Loomer, I think everyone was like, oh, look, Trump's hanging out with another nut.
	Like, what of it?
	And then Marjorie Taylor Greene comes out with the fact that Loomer sucks and she shouldn't be anywhere near Trump.
	And Lindsey Graham is coming out and screaming about how Trump has distanced himself from Loomer.
	And it was just this weird thing where you had actual Republican elected officials saying this nut in particular and uh by the way uh people were posting the audio of uh when loomer was running for congress marjorie taylor green was in one of her ads saying hey boy where are the congress and marjorie taylor green and i love her so people were trying to speculate
	why is loomer now so massively persona non grata in the trump sphere that these people who are elected officials are going out of their way to take shots at her and that was what led people to saying well the only reason why people could be this upset about it as if like loomer speak loomer's trying to get intimate with trump and like she's rasputin him Because if she's, like, in the inner circle, like, what the hell is that all about?
	I don't buy that.
	I think it was just misogyny.
	I think it's literally just, like, there was some question as to how she managed to go from being sort of, like, this weird toxic mouthpiece to riding in Trump's jet with him.
	And, like, you know, all of a sudden just the misogyny engines kicked in.
	It was like, well, I mean, she's sucking his dick.
	I mean, it's clear that dick is going right in her mouth because she's a lady and there's no possible other way that could have happened.
	And it's just like, I don't know, Trump is an idiot who's easy to trick.
	It seems like she could have just flattered him a little and that would have played out.
	So, you know, I'm just saying, like, give me a photo where his hand is on her ass, or even better, a hand where her hand is on his ass.
	Like, give me something, but I just don't want to, like, it just feels gross when you have pictures of two, like, of, like, a lady and a dude next to each other, and, like, the people are just, like, look at the way she's standing, man.
	She obviously wants that D. She wants that D, because she's a lady, and ladies are all about that D. It's like, fuck you.
	What's that?
	Do not put me in a position to defend these people.
	Like, stop being weird and gross.
	And I understand that this is, Really stupid coming from somebody who just admitted that they will watch a hypothetical sex tape.
	Like, this is a comedy show, this is why this is not a morality show, nor is it a show where we report news.
	But, like, you know, there are lines that we all will and won't cross.
	I'm just saying that, like, maybe do not jump to the misogynistic take that every lady who's in a position of power suddenly is psychotic.
	That is exactly what the Republicans did when Harris got nominated.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And recently now, apparently, Loomer has been, like, removed from Trump's airplane and all this kind of stuff.
	So we'll see.
	I mean, it is a very... Oh, I guess he finished, am I right?
	We'll see.
	I mean, we'll see how the creepy Loomer-Trump relationship goes.
	I will say that uh thank you Laura and apparently Chelsea Gabbert for your excellent debate prep because that was that was one of this whole thing kind of like that's when this became a big news story was that Lunar was like first one off the plane as part of his delegation of civilians like he had all of his military people coming off the plane because he just got shot at and he's gotta look tough But then, like, Loomer was the first one off the plane of his, like, actual inner circle.
	And people were like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Why?
	Why is Loomer coming off the plane for the big debate?
	Why?
	Let me throw this hypothetical at you.
	Ahead of the debate, Trump was looking for, like, good talking point.
	He knew he had nothing in terms of, like, strat, like, you know, policies or whatever.
	He knew it was going to be a sticky wicket.
	So he's just like, hey, I need some big bombs I can throw to get under Kamala's skin.
	And crazy mouthpiece Laura Loomer was just like, You should talk about the immigrants eating the dogs.
	People love pets.
	They will be spooked and scared if they find out that immigrants are attacking pets.
	And then Donald Trump went out there and fired it off.
	It went like a fucking Led Zeppelin.
	It crashed and burned incredibly quickly.
	And then all of a sudden, Laura Loomer's not on the plane anymore.
	That's a hypothetical I just came up with that somehow avoided her sucking his dick at all.
	so weird so that brings us to our final question which is always what are you looking forward to - Uh, That's a dynamite question.
	I don't actually have anything specifically coming up too soon that's sparking joy.
	In a few weeks, I'm going to be spending time with Sarge.
	So I'm actually going to miss a recording in a few weeks because I'm going to be too busy yacking it up with Sarge.
	But in the short term, you know, I'm just vibing.
	It's fall.
	The weather's good, if a little dry.
	Some places in and around my town are burning, but that's just kind of the way it goes until the rain shows up.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, I love fall, so I'm just generally kind of jazzed, but I don't have anything specific to be looking forward to.
	If only Hayley was here, she could pass my balls about that.
	That's usually Hayley's thing.
	Yes.
	Hayley's thing is either a burrito, a nap, or staring off into the middle distance.
	Yeah, dude, I foolishly don't have a burrito on deck.
	I should just have a burrito for my excitement burrito.
	Yes!
	How about you?
	It's the middle of football season, so I'm sure it's football-related.
	Well, I will say that now that I've had a taste of Detective City of Angels, now my interest has even further peaked.
	I played my first game.
	It was very funny.
	It's like the tutorial case.
	It's really easy.
	And the detectives I was playing against, I almost stumped them, which was hilarious.
	I was terrified I was going to win the tutorial game as the dungeon master, also known as the Chisel.
	And they did solve the case.
	Someone did win it, so that was nice.
	I didn't want to win, because that would have been kind of depressing.
	But it was very funny.
	So that was enjoyable.
	Yeah, football season started, so that's fun.
	Houston Texans looking good.
	And people were down on the Arizona Cardinals because they lost week one, but then they just won week two, 500 to nothing over the Rams.
	So I'd like to see the Cardinals do good because they've been terrible for forever.
	It'd be really funny if we had a year where it was like the Detroit Lions versus the Arizona Cardinals for the right to go to the Super Bowl.
	just like two ultimate sad sack franchises, finally getting off the mat and then battling for the right to be the God emperor of the NFL.
	But what about the lions?
	Shut up lions.
	You get out of here.
	No, that's one of them.
	Yeah.
	I love the lions and those Cardinals, but yeah, the Cardinals beat them.
	That'd be hilarious.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, I mean like, dude, of the two of them, the car, the, the lions can fuck right off, you know, like, like I, I, I, I never want to see a lions fan happy.
	I don't know why it'd be, it's just like, it's the same thing with the Cowboys.
	Like, how are you still supporting this team?
	Like, at some point you guys should have fucking risen up and like literally overthrown your local government to get this to stop.
	And yet, you've let it continue to go.
	It's one of the many failings of the city of Detroit.
	Get your shit together!
	Yeah, I mean, at the very least, like now, like the Lions are competent, they made it to the NFC title game, which the Cowboys have not done in 30 years.
	And if you go through like the history of the NFL, It's like literally impossible to not do that.
	It's early making the semifinals.
	Just through sheer dumb luck, you should be able to get there.
	It shouldn't be that hard.
	Like the list of teams that haven't gotten there in that period of time is basically the Cowboys and the Browns, because the Texans haven't existed for 30 years.
	So like, boy howdy, you have to be a special level of bad to have not made it to not even the Super Bowl, the game before the Super Bowl.
	And the thing about Browns fans is they know they suck, so they just sort of like, eat shit and accept it.
	But Cowboys fans are like, Elliot Chespears, America's team, you're the greatest.
	And it's like, you haven't done anything in most people's lifetimes.
	Like, any millennial has to be an older millennial to remember you winning the Super Bowl.
	Anyone from Gen Z or younger than that, they have no concept of Cowboys success.
	They know you as the team that blows it in the playoffs every year.
	That's who you really are.
	Yeah.
	Everything's bigger in Texas except for trophy cabinets, apparently, because that team does fucking piss and shit all nothing every season, and yet they're still somehow the most profitable team in the league.
	Like, what a country, you know?
	Surely they are America's team.
	They're being mediocre to the top.
	The America's Team, coasting on success three decades ago, which is, yeah, way to go.
	You're the best.
	Yeah, I remember the Cowboys' dynasty.
	It's like, didn't that end in, like, 93 or 94?
	They're just like, yeah, that's pretty great.
	It's like, that was 30 years ago.
	Shut up.
	I'm ashamed of, like, being the Patriot dynasty guy, and that was kind of recent.
	I mean, Jesus.
	Anyway, that's going to do it for the show.
	Thank you for sticking with us despite whatever audio issues there may have been and the fact that there were only two of us riding this out of here.
	But since there's only two of us, it means that me and Mike can ride a tandem bike for two out of Hellworld for the week and look like we're on an adorable little date, you know.
	And in the background, you can picture the scenic rolling hills that are on fire and The purple sky with the nightmare creatures swarming around them.
	Because it's Hellworld.
	You get it.
	Anyway, thank you for supporting the show.
	If you want to support the show harder but still for free, you can give us a 5-star review wherever you get your show from.
	If you have money and you want to donate it to the cause, you can visit patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
	Anybody who donates $5 or more per month gets access to all of our bonus content, past, present, and future.
	Thank you to all of our beautifuller babies hanging out in the crib.
	If you have money and you want to do some good with it, there's a billion ways to do that in the world currently because everything is on fire.
	We've always suggested going to love146.org.
	They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
	Thanks, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of the original theme song, accidentally remixed by Mike Rains, and to what you heard at the top of the show.
	Thanks goes out to our buddy Frosty, who does all of our voiceover work and all of our bumps and such.
	You can find Frosty on BlueSky at FrostyVO.
	You can find the show that you're listening to, that's right, the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, on Twitter, at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. I am there as well, at Hellworld Fatty, but all I do is talk shit about things I don't like, usually pop culture related, so, you know, that's sort of my jam.
	Haley, who is normally with us, you can find on various social media, Arizona Right Watcher, AZRW, she does Arizona reporting, and is a pretty good egg, you know.
	And then, of course, Mike Brains, of course, on all social media, at PokerPolitics, if you want any poker or politics.
	So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in the Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, TheMysteriousL, who joined this week by the attack in the sack, my dynamic duo, the Batman to my Robin, because he's the guy who actually knows stuff.
	Jensidie presents a regular case at work in 1988.
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	With insurance from Jensidie, the company is in safe hands.
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	Hi, I need a service on a skin animal.
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