This week we get into the Russians buying off right wing grifters. The racist anti-immigrant nonsense the GOP is peddling and then we shift to Taylor Swift endorsing Harris and Kamala crushing Trump in the debate. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Jensidia presents a bad day at work in the 90's. | |
| Hi, there's been a crisis here. | |
| There's been a break-in in the shop, and they've just... We've taken everything! | |
| And a bad day at work today. | |
| We've been hacked. | |
| All the files have been locked, and now we just need a lot of crypts to unlock them again. | |
| Jensidia has always been there for small and big businesses. | |
| And we will continue to do so. | |
| The clock is ticking. | |
| Jensidia is here. | |
| You, the new budget advice says that we should eat between 500 and 800 grams of fruit and vegetables every day. | |
| How much is that really? | |
| I think it's around 8 fruits and vegetables. | |
| Oh yes, that's why Extra has that... Always 8! | |
| Yes, it's probably the same number there. | |
| Yes, at Extra you always get 8. | |
| Now you get, among other things, green kiwi for 5 kroner per piece and cabbage for 9 kroner per kilo. | |
| Make fruit and vegetables cheap at Extra. | |
| Wibb.no. | |
| Vibb. | |
| We're on, yeah. | |
| I Vibb are we stolte over to have developed what maybe is the easiest way to do. | |
| It's also one of the market's cheapest spot price contracts. | |
| Check out Wibb.no. | |
| Isn't there anything more to say than that? | |
| Or... Yes, maybe there isn't. | |
| I can add that it's a zero bid, and you get everything on one invoice, and only pay 39 kroner per month. | |
| So then we're talking board driving, I think. | |
| Check out vib.no | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in-depth about QAnon. | |
| While it's meant to be comedic informative, sometimes we have to get into things like child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| This week I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a. | |
| Arizona Right Watch. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| Welcome. | |
| We are not funded by the Russians, unfortunately. | |
| We're barely funded by anybody. | |
| I almost opened with the Soviet national anthem as the start of the pod, but I didn't go there. | |
| And we're also joined by the unfunded Mysterious L. | |
| You don't know that I'm unfunded. | |
| Hello, beautiful babies! | |
| Dosvidanya, beautiful babies and comrades! | |
| One hundred thousand dollars for Al! | |
| Give him the money, he'll work for it well! | |
| I don't know why I'm doing Russian fake pop music now, but okay. | |
| It's one of the trembling paymaster's demands. | |
| Dude, for a hundred thousand dollars an episode? | |
| I'll fuck it. | |
| I'll fake it. | |
| So a war is coming. | |
| Ukraine is our enemy. | |
| Knock knock, FBI here. | |
| Ukraine is great. | |
| I love Ukraine. | |
| Repeat. | |
| Ukraine is awesome. | |
| See ya. | |
| I love all those tweets because that guy really thought he was cooking with his, like, super sarcastic pivot to being, like, a Ukraine bootleg. | |
| And it's just like, uh, did you think that doing this sarcastically made you look any less scared? | |
| Because it did not. | |
| You still seem pretty spooked, bud. | |
| Anyway, for those of us that, uh, did we talk about this last week? | |
| The Russian funding? | |
| It broke literally right after we finished recording. | |
| And then, did we forget to put it in the boosh? | |
| In which case, welcome to Unstructured Time. | |
| We got to talk about this thing, because we have to talk about it. | |
| No, in the boosh, it's called Tenet, which was the... | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| That was inscrutable. | |
| I had no idea what that... Especially because, not like a few years ago, a movie called Tenet came out. | |
| There was a reference. | |
| There was a line from the movie. | |
| Nobody saw that movie, Mike! | |
| Famously, nobody knows what that movie is! | |
| And the people who saw it do not understand it! | |
| Does this help? | |
| Okay, so I guess it's in the bush and we'll talk about it then, but my god. | |
| Every once in a while, I forget to scold Mike ahead of the podcast for one of these inscrutable headlines he gives me. | |
| And I'm just like, yeah, I'll figure it out when we start talking about it. | |
| And then he'll be like, oh yeah, it's called Tiddit. | |
| That's obviously the Tim Coole Twitter thing. | |
| I'm just like, no, that wasn't even fucking close! | |
| It's not even in the same ballpark! | |
| Look at my beanie. | |
| I just put on my Tenet beanie. | |
| I, listeners, for those who are not, can't see, I'm not kidding. | |
| I'm wearing my Tenet beanie. | |
| And it's great, except for the fact that having a word under Tenet ruins the effect. | |
| So a Tenet media beanie is nothing, you know? | |
| Because it's like, the whole point of being a cool palindrome, like, that was exactly what got overrated director Christopher Nolan excited to make a movie that no one could understand. | |
| Some of the lettering is backwards. | |
| We should have known. | |
| Look at this. | |
| Yeah, the way that these look like they're in Cyrillic. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| I got this the day that they announced Tenet Media was launching, and it was at AmericaFest last year. | |
| Um, in Phoenix, and they didn't even bother to man the booth. | |
| They had, like, this huge setup with the beanies and the bags and all the merch, and they were... I guess the payment didn't go through, uh, because they didn't even bother to have anybody actually man the booth, so I took a few beanies. | |
| I gave one... That's fine. | |
| Christopher Nolan didn't even bother to name his protagonist, so... | |
| It's that kind of high-quality laziness that makes a production really sparkle. | |
| Yeah, well, I mean, he's very good at tricking audiences into thinking that he's mysterious and deep. | |
| I will give Christopher Nolan that. | |
| And he does occasionally actually direct a good movie. | |
| Oppenheimer is genuinely a good piece of cinema for the most part. | |
| I like that. | |
| Also still talking about the Tenet media beanie. | |
| It's in kind of like bisexual colors. | |
| Yeah, it's great. | |
| My favorite thing about the ongoing discussion about this physical object that our listeners can't see is that they can't see it. | |
| That's why we're describing it. | |
| And it's very lightly bisexual. | |
| I mean, isn't it just purple? | |
| Is that officially the color of bisexuality now? | |
| No, if you look at it, it fades into the blue, purple, pink. | |
| It's hard to maybe see. | |
| Isn't that like a popular douchebag sports car color thing? | |
| Like that chroma shift nonsense? | |
| I'm not sure. | |
| I call it bisexual lighting because that's what I hear it called. | |
| Turning Point USA does the bisexual lighting at all their events, which I find to be funny, because it's a weird mood to be listening to fascist rhetoric. | |
| So, as somebody who absolutely has no dog in the race, I do think that bisexual PR is still pretty bad relative to all the other folks in that alphabet, you know? | |
| Like, I still see them struggling for visibility, but I'll be like, it still seems like the general vibe is, shut up, bisexuals, get out of here. | |
| What do you think about Kristen's cinema? | |
| She's not good. | |
| Kristen Sinema is not good PR for bisexual people. | |
| Honestly, I think the best current PR for bisexual people running is this slate of lady hip-hop artists of color who are just like, oh yeah, love eating pussy. | |
| Hands suck your dick. | |
| Both is great. | |
| In incredibly explicit rap songs. | |
| It's like, yeah, get it. | |
| I love this. | |
| Doichi just put out a sick new banger. | |
| I think it's called Nissan or whatever. | |
| Nissan Altima or some shit like that. | |
| But yeah. | |
| One of my friends listens to a lot of these indie rappers, and I get a lot of it on my TikTok, and a lot of them are starting to experiment in the more explicitly queer space. | |
| Just like, fuck it, I'm going to write a Lil' Kim song, but instead of me talking about fucking a guy, I'm just going to talk about fucking some chicks, because I like to do both, and it's pretty great. | |
| And it's just like, yeah, rock on. | |
| I mean, you know, go for it. | |
| Um, I'm looking at the, uh, list of, uh, confirmed celebrity bisexuals, which is a little bit weird. | |
| Um, but on Wikipedia- Bisexual confirmed! | |
| I just- Coordinated bisexual! | |
| I don't want lists like this, you know? | |
| It's like, what are you keeping this list for? | |
| But it is Wikipedia, so that's just how they do it. | |
| Uh, the lead singer of Green Day, Billie Joe Armstrong, uh, confirmed bisexual. | |
| Not a Scientologist, like the lead singer of Linkin Park now. | |
| Oh my god, okay, can we get into that a little bit? | |
| That transition was rough. | |
| It was the Kool-Aid man of transitions. | |
| And absolutely nothing to do shit about bisexuality. | |
| Just bring her to the tour, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park, bring her to Linkin Park Um, I don't know much about this drama, but I keep seeing it pop up because apparently a lot of people are invested. | |
| Okay, so yeah, Linkin Park is like a cultural touchstone for a lot of people of my generation, not including me. | |
| I still think that first album of theirs is like pretty great. | |
| I will still listen to it. | |
| I'm my own volition, but if it's not, I'll just be like, oh, yeah, fuckin' sweet. | |
| A time and a place, I remember. | |
| This, like, transports me there. | |
| But a lot of people are, like, really into it. | |
| So, Linkin Park did this countdown-to-a-countdown bullshit that eventually led to them announcing their new lead singer, who is a woman. | |
| And, first of all, they lost half their fans right there. | |
| 50% of people are immediately just like, boo, Linkin woke, get fucked, we don't want no part of this. | |
| And then the rest of the people were just like, hey, shut up. | |
| Her being a woman is irrelevant. | |
| Like, you know, let's just see how this goes. | |
| Like, she sounds pretty good in her own band. | |
| Like, you know, and she's not doing like a imitation of the guy who died. | |
| What's her band? | |
| I don't know, because I don't listen to that music, because it sucks. | |
| To me. | |
| If you love it, that's great. | |
| It's not my thing. | |
| I'm like a hip-hop punk guy. | |
| But yeah, so then everybody else was like, let's see how it goes. | |
| She performed some songs with them. | |
| They announced it by having her up on stage with them. | |
| They did some songs. | |
| It was like, OK, cool. | |
| Then it came out that she had ties to Scientology and went to speak on Danny Masterson's behalf at one of his hearings back in late 2016. | |
| Oh! | |
| So, everybody was just like, hey, her being a woman is irrelevant, and her not sounding like Chester is irrelevant. | |
| You know what's super relevant? | |
| Her supporting this fucking rapist, dude. | |
| This sucks, and this is a huge problem, and they probably should have, like, seen this coming if they had done any, like, check on her stuff. | |
| Question. | |
| I vaguely saw through, because again, it keeps getting recommended to me, um, Is it true that Chester Bennington's son, or maybe wife, spoke out against this new singer? | |
| I saw a headline that his son was not on board, but I did not do any due diligence, like reading into it or whatever, so I can't speak to that. | |
| I did see a headline to that effect, but it could have been bullshit. | |
| Yeah, Scientology Girl posted a statement saying that she didn't know about the- she like, the Danny Masterson thing was a mistake, but the rest of her statement was completely avoiding the topic of Scientology. | |
| And the main thing I've seen from people defending her is the fact that she was born into Scientology, her parents are Scientologists, and So she was basically born into the cult. | |
| So people are just like, look, it's really hard to get out of Scientology if your parents are Scientologists. | |
| Well, she can stay a Scientologist and just not be famous. | |
| Yes. | |
| I mean, that is the way this should work. | |
| It's like, oh, you're part of an incredibly dangerous cult that has destroyed thousands of lives? | |
| Oh, well, then no fame for you. | |
| You go relegated to your small levels of fame. | |
| She can go back to whatever her band is and be doing second or third stage at some of these tours or whatever. | |
| That's fine. | |
| Go get it, girl. | |
| You do not get to be the replacement for Chester Bedingfield in Linkin Park. | |
| Like, that is too high profile. | |
| Even if you don't give a fuck about that band. | |
| Like, I do not really give a fuck about that band. | |
| Like, that's still too high profile with too much money on you. | |
| Like, you don't get that level of fame and success. | |
| You go fuck off. | |
| You fuck right back off to your spooky Scientology building and you get your thetans checked out and you worry about how full of space ghosts you are. | |
| Ben is local. | |
| He was from here. | |
| He went to Greenway High School. | |
| We were in the same district. | |
| So I think a lot of people would be sensitive to this here. | |
| I don't know. | |
| no listeners. | |
| And the thing is, if that is like, I would be really suspicious that this, this like new singer, like kerfuffle and all that stuff was like the, it's definitely the height of like corpo marketing. | |
| Like, again, they did a countdown to a countdown on their timer or whatever, you know, this is, so it was just like, it would be really easy to be mad at that. | |
| Except for the fact that Lincoln park was always like a corpo show band. | |
| Like they, they came out so fully for it. | |
| It was obvious that they were being manicured. | |
| It's just like, you know, at the end of the day, surely there had to be another female singer that could have done this job that wasn't, that isn't like on record as being just like, my friend the rapist should not be arrested, actually, because he's a pretty cool guy and we are both in the same spooky cult. | |
| Um, for no reason whatsoever, I just want to say, to wrap it back around, a couple more famous bisexuals, Cardi B, like you said, Rapper? | |
| Yeah! | |
| I'm familiar with Cardi B. Caligula! | |
| That's funny they put that in the Wikipedia. | |
| Who? | |
| Caligula, the Roman Emperor. | |
| I mean, I guess that is true. | |
| It is true. | |
| But not in a good way. | |
| Like, true comma negative, right? | |
| Because Caligula is like... The connotation of putting something next to Caligula's name is that it is too debaucherous. | |
| Too debaucherous! | |
| Yeah, Caligula is not in the ringing endorsement of any part of his- any aspect of Caligula is not an aspect you want to be a part of yourself. | |
| Alastair Tully. | |
| He's also listed. | |
| Oh, well, uh... Did you get to select- oh, you got to the douchebag section. | |
| Bisexual douchebags. | |
| Gotcha. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Because yeah, that guy also not super great. | |
| Yeah, you know what? | |
| I'll be brave enough to say it. | |
| Bisexuals, just pick a lane. | |
| Stop being greedy and all that stuff. | |
| That's not an exercise. | |
| Are you literally bisexual? | |
| Me? | |
| I'm not really bisexual. | |
| I just, you know, I experimented and I'm still open to further penises being inside of parts of me. | |
| But typically, these days, when I imagine that, they're attached to women. | |
| Because, fuckin', society came around to what I wanted, you know? | |
| Every once in a while I could get behind the idea of a penis, but I've always kinda just wanted it attached to a lady. | |
| Great, that's nice. | |
| I honestly personally consider myself bisexual, or... I think the kids call it, like, pansexual nowadays. | |
| So I should get added to this list, Wikipedia. | |
| Just not for long. | |
| Yeah, once we get famous, you can go on the list and I will politely bow away because it's just like, my percentage is not high enough to make the list, you know? | |
| And then Mike is straight as an arrow. | |
| He's like a railgun. | |
| That's me. | |
| Oh, boring cishet Mike. | |
| I'm just... | |
| Which, of course, was not how people viewed me. | |
| When you're in high school, if you're not popular, you're pretty gay. | |
| I'm a pretty gay little boy, according to a lot of people. | |
| I'm sure a lot of that still goes on these days. | |
| You would hope that culture has sort of gotten rid of some of it, but man, even back when I was still in high school, which was like slightly after Mike, because he's got a few years on me, but it's just like, we were called lots of stuff gay. | |
| Everything was just gay. | |
| We just, we just, anything we thought was even remotely unpleasant, yeah, so gay. | |
| It's just like, wow, what a bunch of snot-nosed little punks we are. | |
| Now when I call something gay, it's usually like, oh, awesome. | |
| Like, dude, look at this. | |
| Like, I'll send my friend some, like, TikTok to just be like, dude, look at this. | |
| Look at this sweet queer guy. | |
| It's just like, just because I like the way their fashion is or I like their sense of humor or whatever. | |
| It's just like, usually nowadays when I'm calling something gay, I think it's because it's awesome. | |
| What a turnaround. | |
| What a redemption arc for gay. | |
| What was I going to say? | |
| Oh, it's really funny. | |
| I even see QAnon promoters. | |
| I've seen people that are just Holocaust deniers and other kinds of horrifying monsters, and they will use the quote-unquote slur of gay and spell it G-H-E-Y instead of G-A-Y because they want to let you know that they're doing an attack with the word instead of just commenting on someone's orientation. | |
| They don't want to be confused with somebody who might think it's cool or hip or even just like normal. | |
| Yep. | |
| Which is great because that means that we have won, the people that are allies of queer culture and of course queer folk themselves because any Republican or conservative that has to do that, they are acknowledging that the word gay has been reclaimed. | |
| They have to change it. | |
| They were using it for a long time to try to attack people, but that community came together and they took it back. | |
| So fuck them. | |
| Yes. | |
| Righteous. | |
| Love to see it. | |
| It's going to be a good, it's going to be a good news kind of episode, uh, despite the fact that we're going to be talking about some unfortunate stuff in the boosh, but just, just you wait, because in the back half, we're going to be talking about the debate and it's pretty much all upside from there. | |
| Uh, but before we get there, we have to go into our amuse boosh. | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the Anusboosh! | |
| Alright, boosh topic number one, as I mentioned before, it's called Tenet. | |
| Nobody knows what that is because nobody saw that movie, but it turns out it's Mike Poole and a bunch of other idiots getting swept up for being... | |
| Tim Pool. | |
| That was it. | |
| Sorry. | |
| Tim Pool and a bunch of other idiots getting caught up for being funded by the Russians, which they totally didn't know about. | |
| They promised. | |
| So for more on this, I'll toss it over to Mike, who has been shrouded in darkness for some time while recording. | |
| I don't know if Mike notices this, but Mike, shrouded in darkness reigns. | |
| What is going on with Tenet? | |
| Please finally explain it so that we can understand. | |
| Yeah, my computer did a weird glitchy thing and then Riverside said, your camera's down. | |
| And I was like, thanks, Riverside. | |
| Thanks for pointing that out. | |
| But yeah, so basically what happened was a bunch of right-wing grifters were approached by a nebulous European businessman who they figured out very quickly was a Russian. | |
| And so Lauren Shannon and her husband, Liam Donovan, They were approached by this fake European who was Russian, and he was just sort of like, hey, I want you to gather up a bunch of... | |
| Right-wing social media influencers and I want you to start a media empire with them and I will pay you to do this. | |
| And originally his offer for the to start this whole thing was around two million dollars and then when Laura and Liam like went to Went to Benny Johnson and Tim Pool and were like, hey guys, how much money would it take to get you on board with a new media project? | |
| And they were like, oh, way more than $2 million. | |
| So then they went back to their Russian benefactor and were just like, Russian guy, sorry to tell you this, but they're going to want more than $2 million. | |
| And the Russian guy was like, oh, they want more than $2 million? | |
| And that's not a problem. | |
| Boy howdy, do you have no idea how much money I'm sitting on. | |
| And so they negotiated deals and Benny and Tim got like $100,000 each per episode of pro-Russia bullshit that they were peddling. | |
| Hayley is shaking her head violently. | |
| It's just like, I cannot believe that those fucks were getting that much money. | |
| It's like, they're so not worth that at all, like whatsoever, like not even remotely close. | |
| I don't want to be that guy, but it's just like, there's a lot better people that could be getting that money, including us. | |
| You just need to find the right angel investor. | |
| Yo! | |
| I am French entrepreneur! | |
| I would like to pay you some money to say USA is bad. | |
| Remember, I'm French. | |
| Really, really, I'm very French. | |
| Oh yes, a baguette, you know? | |
| know? | |
| Oh God. | |
| Just at one point when they were talking about the funding, they were like in a room and the, again, I think Chen and Donovan were talking about like the European funder And when they were unable to reach the guy at one point, they like, they just gave up and Googled what time is it in Moscow. | |
| So they were just like fully acknowledging the fact that this guy was Russian and was funding them. | |
| Um, and then... No, it was just at a business trip. | |
| That's just how it works out. | |
| And then the indictment came out and at this point it was really funny because Tim Pool and Benny Johnson, who are the two main grifters off this movement, They both published tweets stating that it was a quote-unquote leaked indictment. | |
| And it's like, no, it's not a leaked indictment. | |
| It's on DOJ's website. | |
| They did a press conference. | |
| They talked about it. | |
| This isn't something your sources found and learned about. | |
| They literally did everything but have breaking news and have the major networks cut in as they talked about this. | |
| And as Alice brought up after, suddenly Tim Pool was all just like, you know what I love? | |
| Ukraine. | |
| Ukraine, truly the greatest of all nations. | |
| Yeah, just this absolute shit-eating asshole fucking talking about how, oh yeah, Russia didn't buy me and blah blah blah and Putin can go fuck himself. | |
| When this all came out, immediately afterwards, everyone was posting the minute-long clip of Tim Pool, like banging his table, getting red in the face about how Ukraine is our enemy. | |
| Ukraine is escalating this war. | |
| Ukraine is bringing the world to the brink of World War III. | |
| And if Americans can't see how bad Ukraine is, then... And Tim was also like, no one told me what to say. | |
| I had total editorial control. | |
| So you were just spewing Russian propaganda for free? | |
| Is that what your argument is? | |
| is that you would have done this without payment? | |
| Like, buddy. | |
| Because there are other people, so some of their other cast was like Lauren Southern, who is a white supremacist. | |
| That lady has like shot flares at migrant, like boats bringing migrants across. | |
| Like this woman is a pretty extreme white supremacist. | |
| Taylor Hanson has been involved in some pretty extreme anti-LGBTQ propaganda. | |
| Some of his work has even, quote-unquote work, hate propaganda, has made it into like... | |
| uh lawmakers like reasoning for banning drag uh he infamously took the video of the people um the drag performers dancing in the ice cream parlor that had the sign that said it's not gonna lick itself um which like the right absolutely had a shit fit over Um, Timpool, obviously, is just, like, constantly beating the Civil War drum. | |
| And then Benny Johnson, who is, like, a Turning Point guy, uh, so is Lauren Chen, and, like, he was previously fired from BuzzFeed for plagiarism, right? | |
| Yeah, Benny was a plagiarist for a long time. | |
| He plagiarized, like, I think more than one place that Benny did the plagiarism. | |
| That was basically like the running gag everyone was doing after he got busted. | |
| They're like, did you actually do your own content for the reference or did you just steal it from somebody else? | |
| Does somebody else own your money? | |
| It's just like, if you were going to ask me one right-wing commentator who probably took money from the Russian government, I'd be like, well, Benny Johnson, because that guy's never had an honest job in his career, you know? | |
| Oh, no. | |
| Oh, God, no. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Anyway. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Is that all there is to say about the Russian dimfo squad? | |
| Yeah, pretty much. | |
| I mean, I don't know that there's any more things that are happening right now because the case is still ongoing. | |
| Oh, the one other thing was that Tim Pool literally said something to the effect of, yeah, I'm being interviewed by the FBI. | |
| I'm talking to them about what's going on. | |
| And all these other right-wingers were like, Tim, no! | |
| Bring a lawyer! | |
| No! | |
| Don't talk to the FBI by yourself! | |
| That's a really bad idea! | |
| People are wondering if people are worried for Tim's safety or their own safety. | |
| What's going on here that has everybody worried about Tim Pool talking to the Feds? | |
| Yeah, because technically Tim and Lauren Southern are claiming that they're victims in this and basically saying that they were duped by Lauren Shen and her husband, which is funny because it's like Benny Johnson and them. | |
| It's like turning point on turning point violence. | |
| They're claiming that one turning point grifter duped another turning point grifter and somehow they didn't all know. | |
| Where their money was coming from, which is a funny argument. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, and someone who's walked up to me and be like, sir, I will give you six figures per podcast. | |
| Like, I mean, I'd probably be like, is what you're doing legal? | |
| Will I get arrested if I take your money? | |
| I need the little sourcing on my newfound wealth I'm about to obtain. | |
| Cause this sounds really suspect. | |
| But not Tim Pool and Benny. | |
| They were just like, boom, give me the money. | |
| Did Eldai? | |
| I was just muted, you know? | |
| And sometimes it happens. | |
| And sometimes when it happens, you guys don't notice that you're just waiting for me to re-control the raids, which I appreciate. | |
| Okay, sorry. | |
| Let's stop talking about those dumb idiots in Russia. | |
| We can edit all that horseshit out and instead we can talk about how... It's Springfield! | |
| They're eating dugs! | |
| I saw it on the TV! | |
| A little girl, I think her name was Lisa, beautiful girl, wearing pearls. | |
| Weird hair, but beautiful girl. | |
| She's had her drugs, had his little outbreak, got eaten. | |
| This fucking guy, I can't believe it. | |
| How long did it take before he started launching into the dog eating conversation once again? | |
| He did it twice. | |
| He kind of, like, hinted at it. | |
| I watched the whole debate, unfortunately. | |
| And he kind of, like, hinted at it at the beginning, and then just fully went into, they're eating dogs! | |
| They're eating cats! | |
| Yeah, it was like the, I mean, I don't want to, you know, we'll talk more in depth about the debate later, but, like, literally the first moment he got, like, sort of jabbed. | |
| He just lost all sense of reason. | |
| And he did yell it. | |
| He essentially just, like, you can see that he was like, I'm not sure if he was trying to fight it back or if he was just like gearing up, but like, there was a brief little beat. | |
| Like there was like a pause where some gears turned in his head. | |
| And then he just yelled, it's Springfield. | |
| They're eating dogs. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So the story of this was a woman, Not from Springfield and not a Haitian immigrant, Because this whole story is this racist, anti-immigrant, anti-Black narrative that these murderous savages are coming to America to eat your pets. | |
| But the actual story was an American, not an immigrant, and not from Springfield. | |
| She apparently was arrested by the police for eating a cat. | |
| And somehow people transposed this happening to being like a actual crime wave of pet eating that was being committed by Haitian immigrants. | |
| Is the only woman having like a mental health crisis? | |
| Yeah, she's melting down. | |
| Like if you watch the police video, she's not well. | |
| She's obviously in a bad place in that moment when the cops are talking to her. | |
| And then there was other talk about ducks being eaten by the Haitians. | |
| And this led all these idiots online to post all kinds of memes of ducks and kittens. | |
| And then the ducks kind of just sort of went away because they aren't nearly as cute and interesting. | |
| And suddenly the whole internet was just full of shitty AI art of Donald Trump protecting kittens from black people. | |
| And kittens armed with machine guns protecting themselves from the invading immigrants. | |
| And what was really funny about all this was there were people talking about how this dumb story wasn't going away for a couple days. | |
| And there were some people that were saying, you know, this isn't going away. | |
| So Is Trump, is this going to be a debate question? | |
| Are they actually going to talk to Trump about this? | |
| And a spoiler alert, they did. | |
| But like that happening was so wild. | |
| But the darkness of all this is that people are now sourcing where this shit came from. | |
| And shocker, it's neo-Nazis. | |
| Are you going to talk about Blood Tribe? | |
| I can talk more extensively about the Blood Tribe stuff because I've been tracking this for a while. | |
| So basically, almost a month ago at this point, Blood Tribe held a march in Springfield, Ohio, because this basically got no coverage, and the point of their march was because of the The Haitian migrants that had been relocated to this small town. | |
| You know, this town, Springfield. | |
| We gotta get rid of that Apu! | |
| I don't trust him. | |
| I know, Trump did kind of sound like he was yelling about the Simpsons last night, if you had like no context. | |
| Oh yeah, even Jon Stewart said that he was behaving like Grandpa Simpson. | |
| Like, just adding the word Springfield to the mix really made this one pretty spicy. | |
| I can't think of his ranting about they're eating dogs at Springfield without thinking about the Simpsons. | |
| Just a yellow Donald Trump terrorizing the Simpsons. | |
| Okay, so some people might be familiar with Blood Tribe because they go pretty viral when they do march because they are goofy looking. | |
| They have like basically big swastika necklaces. | |
| They have legit swastika flags. | |
| Their leader has like tattoos on his face. | |
| Another local, he used to be a tattoo artist here in Phoenix. | |
| um and uh they wear like suits that are red and black usually and sometimes cover their face like entirely with a mask so it's like they got the suit get up and then that whole look um one of the guys um like like bone | |
| Bonecrusher or something like that went viral because his whole face is tattooed like a skull and he was like involved in some like fucking Russian crimes or some shit. | |
| Um, but anyway, the reason that- another reason that they went pretty- the Blood Tribe had presence in Springfield was because they have- Blood Tribe doesn't have that many members, but it's like, if you got one in your region, you know, there's a pretty good chance that they'll bring the whole crew there. | |
| Um, and there is a member in Springfield. | |
| And one of them, I don't know if this guy's from Springfield, but he is from the area, Drake Behrens, he's a former Marine and Blood Tribe member, and he gave a long rant at a public council meeting. | |
| Just spewing really anti-Haitian, anti-Black, anti-immigrant rhetoric that would eventually feed into the rest of the narrative, which is what we're hearing now. | |
| So, the short story is that Trump, Vance, and all these Republicans are sharing a lie promoted by neo-Nazis, and they are claiming victory on their social media that, like, their narrative got all the way up to the debate. | |
| So that's my perspective. | |
| The other thing I was going to bring up is the fact that this was brought to JD Vance's attention, that this was all bullshit. | |
| And Vance's response was basically, it might not be true, but don't let the mean media stop you. | |
| Keep the cat memes flowing. | |
| So JD Vance wanted this bullshit to be continuously propagated. | |
| He, of being mad about the couch fucking thing, was just like, hey, if they're lying about me, we should lie about immigrants. | |
| Because that's totally fair. | |
| That's a thing that tracks as being two targets that are equally powerful being punched at deceptively. | |
| And the last thing that I was going to bring up is, so some people actually went to Springfield, and they interviewed the locals at Springfield, and they interviewed a guy, the pastor of a church, and that pastor was like, yeah, it's fucking awesome the Haitians are here. | |
| They're really religious, and my church had been dwindling until they came here, and now my pews are filling back up. | |
| And we still have the old locals, and now we have the Haitians who are coming to congregate and get closer to God. | |
| It's wonderful. | |
| And then they interviewed the local warehouse owner, and the local warehouse owner was like, yeah, the locals around here kind of suck. | |
| You know what's really great? | |
| The Haitians, who show up on time and don't do drugs and work an honest day's work. | |
| Bumblebee Man is here to steal your jab. | |
| We need to shut down the wall. | |
| We need to close that wall. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Unfortunately, the right-wingers have also been pointing to an incident where a bus driver was in a car accident and the driver of the bus is a Haitian man. | |
| And some people died in that accident, including a young little white boy who the right has been... It's been like Sandy Hook Part 2, kind of. | |
| They're like... The family has had to come out and say, like, can you please not use my dead child for your racist narrative? | |
| And they're just, like, getting angrier at him for that. | |
| So that's cool. | |
| Yeah, oh yeah. | |
| They'd love, uh, anything they can use to, like, blame the victims for being monsters that are slaughtering innocent white Americans. | |
| They're obviously going to do that. | |
| That's their whole M.O., so. | |
| Yeah, dude. | |
| A seven-nation army couldn't stop them from doing that. | |
| Correct. | |
| Surprise boost topic. | |
| Brief one. | |
| I guess the White Stripes are coming back to sue Donald Trump to stop him from using their fucking song. | |
| I love that. | |
| I love that, like, literally every song. | |
| Hey, we're burying our weird hatchet. | |
| Yes. | |
| So that we can come together and speak in one voice and say, no, you can't use our cool, timeless song for your bullshit. | |
| That is for stadiums only. | |
| That is for sports forever. | |
| Speaking of people that were mad about Trump using their music, man, Dave Grohl really missed the spot there. | |
| He should have absolutely have leaned into the MAGA bullshit. | |
| So then when he disclosed that he got a kid out of wedlock behind his wife's back, all the right-wingers would be like, well, good on you, Dave! | |
| Repopulating America! | |
| Woo! | |
| And he went about his audience all ready for him. | |
| You know, I mean, Like, it's a shitty thing to do, but I just composed a tweet, like literally three minutes ago while we were recording, unprofessionally, about this topic, to the effect of, I've got another confession to make. | |
| I don't care. | |
| The Dave girl has a new kid. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Or an affair. | |
| Like I just that's not like I don't know that dude. | |
| Because I don't know that dude! | |
| Yeah, it's like who cares? | |
| Oh, no, you you put a halo on a guy and it turns out that he is a rock star with rock star problems. | |
| Maybe stop giving out halos to people. | |
| Like yeah, Dave Grohl did a bunch of cool stuff, but like he's been a professional rock star for like 40 years? | |
| I don't know. | |
| I'm sure he's fucked a lot of girls. | |
| I'm just laughing because someone posted a thing that said Dave Grohl should have worn a there's like a weenie beanie as a Foo Fighters star. | |
| I mean, there were a bunch of great memes that came out of this. | |
| And it does suck to find out that, like, you know, he seemed by all accounts to be a pretty good dude, but, you know, cheating on your wife and having a kebab on your back is obviously not a great look. | |
| So, you know, but again, the internet, or at least the fucking section, like, Twitter seemed to think I really cared about Dave Grohl. | |
| It was just like, hey, here's a bunch of people's wildly hot takes about Dave Grohl having sired a child out of, you know, like an affair. | |
| I'm just like, dude, who gives a shit? | |
| Go join the Lil Wayne fans about complaining about nothing. | |
| Like, you know, who cares about these people? | |
| They are not your friends. | |
| They're celebrities. | |
| They don't know or care about you. | |
| Right. | |
| Exactly. | |
| It's very silly. | |
| With the exception of Nicki Minaj, who probably is affiliated with Lil Wayne, which actually makes it sort of less appropriate for her to be getting sloppy on the internet over it, but whatever. | |
| I've never been pinned to, except for Nicki Minaj, who I am best friends with. | |
| And I was like, oh shit, I had no idea that Elle and Nicki were tight. | |
| No, I mean, I don't think I would get along with her. | |
| Her personality seems kind of, yeah, I don't know. | |
| I have covered, Cardi B though, the more I learn about Cardi B, the more I, and Megan Thee Stallion, I'm just like, I bet, I bet we could fucking just hang out in a room and get high and just fucking like, you know, shoot the shit, have a good time. | |
| Anyway, we're done talking about dog eating, although we failed to mention the fact that JFK endorsed Donald Trump and that that guy is a certified dog eater, but you know, whatever. | |
| That's neither here nor there. | |
| Why are you mad? | |
| Why are you mad? | |
| A bunch of people who hunt, and the Trump sons have photos of them killing exotic animals, and JFK's eaten every piece of roadkill he's ever- JFK. | |
| RFK Jr. | |
| has every piece of roadkill he's ever come across and it's like, you guys are pretending to be mad about people eating hooks. | |
| Cruising through the fucking backwoods of like, Jersey. | |
| Like, you know, fucking headlights in the middle of the night illuminating the dark road. | |
| You take like a quarter. | |
| Suddenly they're illuminating in the middle of the road. | |
| It's just JFK. | |
| He's eating a deer parka. | |
| He's covered in food. | |
| No, Mr. President, no! | |
| Come back! | |
| Dammit! | |
| Come back! | |
| Please come back! | |
| America needs you so much! | |
| Goddammit, Farrell Kennedy! | |
| Nobody cares about the moon anymore, Mr. President. | |
| Okay, there we go. | |
| Gotta keep it light after all that Nazi talk. | |
| And I'm sure the Nazi talk will stop, because it's time for us to talk about Arizona, where no Nazis are. | |
| No one's ever seen a Nazi in Arizona. | |
| And to continue to spot no Nazis, we have our own Arizona correspondent. | |
| The, of course, wonderful Chaley. | |
| Chaley from Arizona. | |
| Once again, I'm saying that because of the parentheses around her name in the text box that I can see that you, the audience, cannot. | |
| It's not like a weird racist thing. | |
| It just looks like her name is Jaylee. | |
| Jaylee. | |
| It does. | |
| The Riverside changed their font. | |
| But anyway, hello, everybody. | |
| Hi. | |
| What's going on in Arizona this week, Hayley? | |
| Well, first of all, sticking to the Springfield, they're eating dogs, they're eating cats. | |
| The Arizona Republican Party legit took out a dozen billboards over the next week that do play into this racist narrative. | |
| It looks like a Chick-fil-A ad and it says, it says, save the kittens, vote Republican. | |
| And it's like a bunch of cats dressed as cows and it's done in Chick-fil-A font. | |
| Yeah, which I love that billboard because of how inscrutable it is. | |
| You have to be so plugged in to know what the fuck is going on with that billboard. | |
| Like, you have to be at least partially brain-rotted to even parse it. | |
| Otherwise you would just be like, what? | |
| What? | |
| It's just you're driving by it in theory, right? | |
| Or maybe you're like stopped behind some traffic and you get to look at it for a little while. | |
| But if you're just like cruising by it at like 20 or more miles per hour, you're just like, what the fuck is that? | |
| Is Chick-fil-A endorsing Trump? | |
| Okay, that tracks, because they're kind of, they're the Christian nutball chicken group, so yeah. | |
| I mean, like, how that billboard moves the needle at all, how anyone looks at that billboard and goes like, oh my, oh, I thought you were going to vote for Kamala, but now, oh, that's a bridge too far. | |
| There's fucking kidneying going on? | |
| Oh, what the hell are you talking about? | |
| I've noticed this more and more about people who have been growing up in the age of social media and all that stuff. | |
| They like to share things that they really enjoy or that they think is cooking or that they think is hilarious, not remembering that it does require some context, that just posting it in a vacuum doesn't Likely to. | |
| Like, I'll see people post it and be like, dude, this is the fucking hardest comic book panel that's ever existed. | |
| And it'll just be a thing that's, like, completely inscrutable again. | |
| I hate to use the word again, but it's the perfect word. | |
| Unless you have the context for it. | |
| It's just like, what does this even mean? | |
| Why is this hard? | |
| I don't know what this is. | |
| Like, what? | |
| I'm not inside your head, dude. | |
| Like, you need to post some context for this. | |
| I think Hayley made this reference to me when she was talking about these billboards off-air, that she was just sort of like, is this talking about how Republicans don't eat pussy? | |
| Is that what these billboards are about? | |
| Just like... Turning it around the sensors. | |
| Right. | |
| Dude, I managed to be so good, I made it through the whole pet eating bit without making that joke, and then Mike comes in like a wrecking ball. | |
| It's true, though! | |
| It says, save the kittens, vote Republican, and it's like, does that mean, like, they don't eat pussy? | |
| Is it, like, anti-Republican? | |
| I don't get it. | |
| One of my buddies sent me one of those dumb AI images Mike was talking about, about this whole fiasco. | |
| It looked like a migrant family in their backyard barbecuing some dogs. | |
| And he was just like, dude, this shit is getting crazy. | |
| and I was just like, just call me an immigrant the way I eat kitty. | |
| Anyway. | |
| So, that billboard is actually up. | |
| I honestly just cringe. | |
| There was some- Chick-fil-A said that they did not approve of them stealing their likeness. | |
| I don't know if they're going to do anything about it because they probably support that. | |
| Well, it's one thing to passively support it, but having them sort of get their wagon hitched, I can see where they might want to take legal action to distance themselves from that. | |
| I mean, there's a lot of ways that can go south for you. | |
| Even if it's just like, hey, we just want you to take the billboard down. | |
| We're not trying to get any money out of you. | |
| Just knock it off. | |
| There was even at least one Republican, or maybe some, that didn't like it because one of the AZGOP Legislative District Twitter accounts posted, like, basically, who put up this ridiculous sign and wasted our money on something that nobody gets and is ridiculous and stupid. | |
| Um, so even some fellow AZGOP members were like, what the fuck is this? | |
| Um, but anyway, moving on, um, I'm going to talk about Charlie Kirk a little bit, who is the CEO of Turning Point USA. | |
| A lot of people know him as like small face Kirk. | |
| He's got a small face. | |
| That's how people know him. | |
| Um, he's also like, I feel like slowly becoming kind of just like a normalized commentator in the political sphere. | |
| He got press credentialed at DNC, the DNC. | |
| He's just in general kind of been doing a lot of like normie online shows and even our local media has kind of stopped, I feel like, Just characterizing how extreme they are, especially here. | |
| They assaulted a professor. | |
| Some of their videographers assaulted an Arizona State University professor here, basically because he's gay and works with the drag community here. | |
| They pled guilt to that. | |
| So they're very extreme here and I think the normalization of him is very annoying. | |
| Which gets me to his recent appearance on Jubilee, which for those of you who are not incredibly online and watch Trash. | |
| Jubilee is the worst Trash you'll ever see because it's like this it presents itself as like we're just getting everybody's perspective so we got you know uh half of these people are pro-life half of these are people are pro-choice and it's just like a bunch of random pro-choice like teenagers and then the most like right-wing ops you'll see it's just like they bring on Alex Stein and now Charlie Kirk and like all the uh you know | |
| all the turning point like girlies that are like the influencers it's very frustrating how it's basically just like constantly bringing on these like right wingers um they also do trash like where they blindfold people and they're like find the black guy and it's like a bunch of white guys and then one black guy and you have to guess which one's the black guy it's really cool normal entertainment like that but they had charlie kirk on | |
| The other day to talk with 25 liberal students because that's his shtick is that he debates children because he has the mind of a child and he just goes around colleges debating kids as like a 30 plus year old man with children. | |
| In this debate um this sort of like debate about style like it's very debate is sports kind of energy but there was this bit where they got into abortion and charlotte kirk i feel like was talking some pretty extreme stuff in this um like even for a right-wing commentator uh he was basically saying that there's no such thing as um | |
| um medical necessity for an abortion like there's no instance where there actually is a risk to the life of the mother as he put it uh he said like this is all bullshit obviously but he said like there's consensus is being made that there's never instances where you know abortion is needed for | |
| Health reasons, which is like I can't think of a bigger lie to be pushing and just incredibly dangerous and people were questioning him like Okay, so what's your solution? | |
| To dangerous pregnancies like just have a c-section which is just nightmare scenario in my opinion like what a what a weird What a weird What a weird torture scenario to be in where it's like you have a terrible pregnancy and then you have to get cut open because Charlie Kirk said so. | |
| Mike, do you have something to say? | |
| Yeah, I was going to say, the idea of 18 weeks or 20 weeks when the fetus is unviable, and a doctor's like, yeah, you have to have this fetus removed from your body or you're going to die, but we're not just going to go in and do the regular procedure. | |
| We're going to just slice your tummy open and rip the dead fetus out of you, because that's, quote unquote, not abortion. | |
| But if we just go through your birth canal, get the baby out the normal way, That's abortion and that's murder? | |
| So the c-section isn't murder? | |
| That's what you're trying to tell me? | |
| Um, yeah, and also there's just like a lot of scenarios where it doesn't even like reach that point. | |
| Like, you know, it's just like, I don't think Charlie Kirk knows women's health care. | |
| Um, but also at one point in the debate, in this debate style thing, um, someone straight up just asked him like, okay, if your daughter was raped at 10 years old and got pregnant, would you force her to carry out the pregnancy? | |
| And he just told, he just like, like cold face says like the baby would be delivered. | |
| Um, which is like, okay, that's pretty fucking wild because there was that story of that 10-year-old that did, you know, suffer from the abortion ban because her state had banned abortion after Roe fell. | |
| And like, I didn't hear too many right-wing commentators being like, no, I would definitely make my daughter have the kid in that scenario. | |
| And here's Charlie Kirk just like on some like YouTube game show being like, I would force my 10-year-old daughter to fucking die giving birth to a baby. | |
| So yeah. | |
| A rape baby. | |
| Giving birth to a rape baby. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Um, so Kirk is on one. | |
| I can't leave you guys alone for even a couple of minutes before you start pulling out real bangers like that. | |
| That was a pretty... Dude, that was a rape baby with a strong R, you know? | |
| That was an R to R rape baby. | |
| Yikes. | |
| Waka waka! | |
| It's bring me up there eating the dags. - And then just real quick, because Vance was just here with Kirk, the pastors that they brought to their event are also similarly in that vein. | |
| Extreme anti-choice rhetoric, obviously, but one of them was preaching that women who are abused shouldn't leave their husband. | |
| And then Mark Driscoll was there, who a lot of people might know him for being a disgraced pastor because of how abusive he is. | |
| So I don't know, Charlie Kirk's like, uh, misogyny and just like growing, uh, like radicalization and this like women hate I feel like is interesting, especially since he's basically running the Trump get out the vote stuff, uh, basically has taken over the Arizona Republican Party. | |
| Um, so yeah, that's what's going on with Charlie Kirk. | |
| Um, every, every rally here so far this year for the Republicans, uh, Trump and Vance has been Kirk headlining it. | |
| So that's what he's up to. | |
| He thinks that his 10 year old daughter should be forced to give birth if raped because he said so. | |
| Oh but also he announced a concert series with like four rappers who I've never heard of but I was looking into them and one of those rappers has forced his wife, allegedly, according to court documents, to have an abortion. | |
| So again, I just think this is interesting. | |
| It's just like, just the misogyny is wild. | |
| Anyways, that's my bit. | |
| Back to normal stuff. | |
| Nice. | |
| Well, normal is relative. | |
| However, back to more pleasant stuff. | |
| Hopefully with less of that combination of words that I was making jokes about earlier that still sits badly in the mouth. | |
| Okay, on to our headlines. | |
| Time for Qs in the News. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Qs in the News. | |
| Okay, because the boosh went a little long, I'm going to criss-cross applesauce these and start with the shorter of the two because I'm not sure how much we're really going to have to say about it. | |
| But it is important. | |
| It turns out that Tay-Tay was just waiting to pull the old trigger on her endorsement and decided last night at a very opportune time to endorse Kamala Harris with what was actually a pretty funny single cat lady bit or childless cat lady bit or whatever. | |
| Yes, that was how she signed the Instagram post. | |
| She made an Instagram post, it was her holding one of her cats, and then it was a bunch of, she then wrote a pretty long thing explaining that like, look, this election is really important, I've done my research, and btdubs, Uh, Republicans have been using AI to make it look like I'm endorsing Donald Trump, and that is wrong. | |
| So I'm going to be very forthright and honest with you and tell you I'm, I'm voting for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz. | |
| And she explained why, and after she explained why, she said, uh, it was in signed Taylor Swift, childless, uh, cat lady. | |
| To let everybody know, JD Vance, go fuck yourself. | |
| Um, so that was the main thing and, uh, Democrats everywhere, uh, celebrated and cheered. | |
| And Elon Musk, uh, reacted to the endorsement by Taylor Swift by going on Twitter and posting the most inscrutable, weird, freak shit imaginable. | |
| Uh, I am scrolling through my thing. | |
| Uh, here he is. | |
| Uh, find Taylor, ellipsis, you win, ellipsis. | |
| I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life. | |
| That was Elon's response to Taylor endorsing Kamala Harris. | |
| He just wants people to forget that last week there was that footage of him circulating, jumping up and down at Space Camp or whatever. | |
| He was just some rocket hangar or whatever. | |
| And he looked like grown-up Augustus Gloop, jumping around like a doughy idiot, and just like, you know, it's like, wow, okay. | |
| How on earth did you become the world's richest man? | |
| Yeah, and also he made some comments about how he's totally gonna get us to Mars in the next four years, and it's like, buddy, you're never fucking getting us to Mars. | |
| It's not happening. | |
| Calm the fuck down. | |
| Just shut up about Mars. | |
| You're not gonna do it. | |
| A super polite way to say this, so I'll use a little bit of my social credit and I'll just say it in the most polite way I can, but if I sound like Elon Musk, like in public, just sort of like behaving the way he generally does, like I might be inclined to go to him and just be like Hey bud, are you here with anybody? | |
| Do you have somebody around here? | |
| Are you okay? | |
| You alright bud? | |
| Do you have a handler somewhere around here? | |
| Like a nurse? | |
| He just seems like a wide eyed idiot in every place. | |
| Which is so weird because he commands so much power. | |
| You know, but then you just see the way he behaves in public and you're just like, Oh my God, he does behave like somebody who like might have a like, a disorder or two that that might be just like, I don't know, man, like, it would be great if you had somebody to sort of filter your everything through that would be maybe then you wouldn't say such creepy stuff on the social media platform you bought about impregnating Taylor Swift. | |
| Yeah, a lot of people have made the comment about, I wish Elon would have said that in front of Taylor and Travis Kelsey and saw how it goes over. | |
| Yeah, I mean, you know, to be fair, Taylor Swift also gets used as an excuse to have people stop talking about her and her fucking beau looking like they were watching the Kentucky Derby while also doing karaoke at the same time. | |
| A lot of people were just like, man, Taylor Swift looks insufferable. | |
| It's like, I get that. | |
| She does look a little extra in the way that, like, excitable white ladies can be when you've got them in your, like, friendship group, especially when they've got some pops in them. | |
| But, you know, generally she also seems like she's doing pretty well for herself, you know? | |
| I feel like she's no dum-dum, you know? | |
| So I guess everyone's like, oh, poor Travis. | |
| I'm just like, Travis is doing fine. | |
| I think Travis is doing just fine. | |
| Yeah, he's pretty okay. | |
| Elon's daughter saw the tweet and responded by saying, and also yes, I saw the tweet, heinous incel nonsense is in fact heinous incel nonsense. | |
| I don't really have much to add to it. | |
| It's just abhorrent. | |
| That much is obvious. | |
| And if you don't see how, then you are part of the problem. | |
| I would just like to say to my audience members, don't let people talk to you like that. | |
| It's disgusting. | |
| It's belittling and incredibly sexist. | |
| You deserve better. | |
| I just love that Elon's daughter dunks on him so aggressively and he just can't stand her because she's a fully formed human being who accepted who she is and is living her best life. | |
| Yeah, I mean, but he's, you know, he's Elon. | |
| He doesn't care about any of that stuff. | |
| He's too busy insisting we're going to be on Mars in two years. | |
| Or, I mean, we're going to blast off from Mars in two years. | |
| He's like, it's happening. | |
| Everyone's like, Elon, that is certainly not happening. | |
| That's nowhere close to happening. | |
| Why would we go to Mars? | |
| There's no food, there's no environment. | |
| No matter what you do, our musculature and our bones are going to get fucked up because the gravity is different on Mars. | |
| We are literally designed to be on Earth and Earth alone. | |
| Bringing us to a new planet will only hurt us. | |
| No, no, Mike, you are going about this the wrong way. | |
| Elon is playing to the base that we no longer want on Earth, so we need to spin it the opposite way. | |
| It's just like, sure, there's no food or resources there. | |
| It's pretty barren and desolate. | |
| But also, no immigrants, am I right? | |
| You can bring your pets there. | |
| You don't have to worry about them. | |
| They will be perfectly safe. | |
| Also, you know what else they don't have on Mars? | |
| Woke? | |
| There's no woke on Mars? | |
| Ooh, doesn't that sound pretty nice? | |
| All right! | |
| We're blasted Republicans to Mars. | |
| Let's go! | |
| I'm okay with that. | |
| That sounds good. | |
| You're right. | |
| You're right. | |
| Go, Elon! | |
| Take your fan base to Mars with you. | |
| Please. | |
| Solve that puzzle. | |
| You know? | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Go back to Mars where you belong! | |
| Okay, and of course our biggest headline of the week, the debate, the first and only debate there's been this year, we promise. | |
| But no, it was the first debate for Vice President Kamala Harris. | |
| Checking to see, one, if she was capable of delivering on talking about her policies, which she kind of did. | |
| And two, what everybody was waiting for, to see if Donald Trump could stay cool under pressure from his new opponent who has been vexing him so hard. | |
| And the answer was, of course not. | |
| I mean, he folded almost immediately. | |
| It was pretty fast. | |
| But only because Kamala seemed like she was out there specifically to needle him and to put him into a position to open his stupid mouth and say the stupid shit he believes. | |
| So, Mike, where do we want to start? | |
| I think I started at the start of this whole thing, which was the fact that when she just walked over and shook his hand, it was just... that just felt like such a power move, because... Strong vertical posture, he was all slanted, fucking cut the shit, being ashamed behind the podium, like, dude, like, messy outfit and shoes, looking the opposite of crisp, fucking complete beta behavior, absolutely unbelievable. | |
| Yeah, I can tell by those memes, yeah, but I will say that, like, Just when she actually walked across the stage to shake his hand, it made me feel better about the situation because old Joe would just run to his podium and just stand there and just get ready for the debate. | |
| Neither Joe Biden or Donald Trump would do much walking if they could avoid it. | |
| Yes, this is very true. | |
| Joe Biden was a physically fit enough guy to do it, but it didn't mean that it wasn't without incident. | |
| It was always like a roll of the dice. | |
| like it's like yeah you can do it but there's like a better than average chance you're gonna like stumble or trip or go in the wrong direction like a Roomba yeah oh Oh, man. | |
| I just love the fact that the eneas with which, like, liberals and Democrats can joke about their political leaders, whereas this kind of mirth and jocularity about Trump is literally impossible for Republicans. | |
| He is the God Emperor. | |
| He's infallible. | |
| How dare you? | |
| I mean, it's the difference between just, like, having a political candidate and having, like, a cult of personality figurehead. | |
| Like we, we, we never, we never really gave a fuck about Joe Biden. | |
| The guy we cared about was Barack Obama. | |
| He got his turn and then he had to leave. | |
| And we all just accepted that instead of rioting to try to keep him as our emperor forever. | |
| But I mean, it feels like we were just like, Joe Biden is the guy who is here. | |
| And we accept that. | |
| I remember like a while ago we were on the pod and we were just talking about just how kind of milquetoast and there Biden was. | |
| And you just like said, man, are we really going to give Joe eight years? | |
| That seems wild. | |
| And it was just like, yeah, I mean, like, that's just kind of how the way this shakes out. | |
| And then one thing leads to another and not so much on the whole Joey two terms, but Harris comes in. | |
| And again, because Biden had done so terrible in the previous debate, it's like, man, she better not blow this. | |
| And then Like from the jump Trump is like super rattled just like everything he's weirdly on the defensive he's complaining about the crowd like he's taking every she just like literally throws a mouth trap in front of him and he's like oh no cheese ow ow and then she just does it again and again and again and you just can't stop grabbing the cheese she's just able to bait him so easily with everything she says like Go ahead, Hayley. | |
| It's because she was wearing earpiece. | |
| She was wearing an earpiece. | |
| We are getting to the earpieces. | |
| We are getting to the earpieces. | |
| I mean, yeah. | |
| We have the QAnon excuse section ready to go, so don't worry about that. | |
| I mean, that's coming. | |
| Wow, Mike, why are you deflecting on the earpieces? | |
| That's a little sus. | |
| Am I right, Hayley? | |
| He was the one giving her comms. | |
| Mike, were you doing Comrade Kamala comms? | |
| Yeah, you did. | |
| I'll proceed to this. | |
| Thank you. | |
| I have no idea what we were talking about with those earrings. | |
| The show's over! | |
| I do like that Kamala did rattle him by mocking his... I mean, the opening salvo was her mocking his crowd size, or the fact that his crowd will start snoozing and leave. | |
| And that was all it took to set his fuse off, and he blew. | |
| And that was when he started ranting about the dogs and being eaten. | |
| But it was just like, there was some stuff there where it was just like, is she going to mention him talking about Hannibal Lecter? | |
| Yes, kind of. | |
| Is she going to mention him talking about his fear of sharks? | |
| No, not that I've heard of. | |
| Did she mention the shark thing? | |
| No, sadly. | |
| Maybe we're saving that for the second debate, because that's a very funny thing that came up in the aftermath of all of this. | |
| After she clobbered him, the Harris campaign came out with, hey, we're up for another debate if he wants it. | |
| And Trump was on Fox News this morning saying, ah, I think I'm pretty good. | |
| I won that debate, so I don't need to do another one. | |
| I dominated Comrade Kamala decisively. | |
| I won the debate 93 to 7, according to Newsmax viewers, which obviously a very impartial swing demographic in the election. | |
| I saw it on TV, so. | |
| Yes! | |
| Oh, God, yeah. | |
| That was the best. | |
| The people that are pissing and moaning about the fact-checking of Trump, where he screamed about how they were eating dogs in Springfield, and the moderator was like, Mr. Trump, that's not true. | |
| They're not. | |
| And then Trump went, no, they are! | |
| I saw it on TV! | |
| And it was like, oh, my God. | |
| Oh, my God. | |
| Calm down. | |
| Uh, this led to one of the greatest tweets online. | |
| Uh, Eric Erickson, who is a right-wing grifter and a giant piss baby who vacillates between unyielding support for the God Emperor and also, like, being upset at the fact that he has to vote for Trump, who's such an absolute dunderhead moron. | |
| Eric Erickson was basically at a tweet where he was like, you idiots posted this fucking dumb shit about the fucking dogs being eaten and now Trump's gotten a hold of it and he's running with it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| You stupid motherfuckers just got Trump to repeat your lie about the pets. | |
| Congrats on setting the news stories tomorrow by lying so Trump picks it up and says stupid shit. | |
| And it's like, you're not going to blame Trump for being unable to fucking understand how reality works? | |
| Not going to blame his debate prep team for saying, Mr. President, the pet eating thing, not real. | |
| Don't bring it up. | |
| Or for bringing Laura fucking Loomer around, who they were probably having a real normal chat on the plane over. | |
| Like, why is she part of the team all of a sudden? | |
| Like, that lady said that there was going to be a live abortion done on the stage of the DNC done by, like, a trans doctor. | |
| Like, can we stop platforming this woman and bring her around the political sphere? | |
| Well, yeah, that was the thing. | |
| Like, people were bringing up the fact that, like, his inner circle for this debate was, like, Laura Loomer, Tulsi Gabbard, and just this right-wing franco-sphere of idiots. | |
| And they were so high off their own supply from beating Biden in the first debate that they just completely forgot that Donald Trump sucks at debates and can't do them. | |
| I mean, as like a football analogy, in the last debate Trump was in, the other team turned the ball over six times, gave Trump easy field position, and he scored some touchdowns just because the other team lost, not because Trump actually won. | |
| And then... Yeah, it's like if they were boxers and the bell rang and then one of them rolled their ankle on their walk out to the ring to meet their opponent, and then afterwards they were just like, wow, our guy clobbered that motherfucker. | |
| Exactly, exactly. | |
| You see how fast he fell down? | |
| Our guy smoked him. | |
| It's just like, didn't he roll an ankle and fall down? | |
| It's like, shut up, we beat him. | |
| Yeah, yeah, it's happened like twice in the UFC where a guy goes to throw a leg kick and the other guy just puts up his leg and the guy that's kicking ends up going shin on shin and breaks his leg and then the fight's over and it's like, yeah, fucking crush that guy just because I moved my leg slightly and then his leg freakishly exploded on mine. | |
| It's like, yep, total skill there. | |
| You did it, buddy. | |
| Totally won that fight entirely not because of a freak accident. | |
| That's exactly, that's something you can game plan for in the future. | |
| Yeah, you say that, but what about Jimmy the Iron Leg Da Silva? | |
| That guy had such a run. | |
| He was injuring everybody with his powerful leg technique. | |
| Yeah, he had titanium shins. | |
| You couldn't deal with him. | |
| Eventually, people figured out to stop kicking him in the leg. | |
| Because it turns out, Iron Leg's glass jaw. | |
| Just a shocking fall from grace for him. | |
| You think so, but I mean, I don't know. | |
| It's also pretty effective. | |
| You go to shoot at him. | |
| If you cover the rocket, he's like, boom! | |
| The leg! | |
| just bounce off. | |
| He's got super armor. | |
| It's a vulnerable startup. | |
| Anyway. | |
| So are we as a bunch of fellow comrades, are we excited with how the debate went? | |
| Do we like it? | |
| Do we think it went well? | |
| Was it very demure as idiots are saying? | |
| Yes. | |
| I thought the debate went as well as it could have. | |
| Trump looked like dog shit got smashed That's the way it should be. | |
| Nature is healing. | |
| I mean, this was as good an outcome as you could possibly get. | |
| We got the one-two punch of it, like literally right after the debate was over. | |
| Swift hits with the endorsement. | |
| There's a really funny clip of Harris addressing a crowd after the debate. | |
| And she's talking about, like, what we're gonna do. | |
| We got, like, two months left to win this election. | |
| And someone in the crowd just yells at her, Swift just endorsed! | |
| And I just thought that was so funny that, like, they were, like, Paul Revere running in with the message that the redcoats are coming. | |
| But instead, it was the Swifties that arrived. | |
| Now, given that we're recording this on September 11th, I would really love for, like, another giant celebrity to endorse Kamala just so we could make the funny joke. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yeah, that is my sincerest wish. | |
| So if some big celebrity, like Beyonce, would like to choose now to officially come out and endorse Kamala, if she hasn't already, that would be great. | |
| Did you see that tweet about what Biden said about yesterday? | |
| He was like, oh, I'm going to go watch the debate. | |
| Oh, you sent it to me, Mike. | |
| I'm going to go watch the debate with my granddaughter, and then tomorrow I'm going to do 9-11. | |
| And that's why he's not our nominee anymore. | |
| It's been a do-it-again moment. | |
| Yeah, dude. | |
| I mean, he's obviously going sea dial. | |
| Bush did that 24 years ago or whatever. | |
| Like, it's 43 years ago. | |
| It's already been done, old man. | |
| It happened a while ago. | |
| GW beat you to the punch. | |
| Yeah, I think I said, I think I said, L, the AI art of Biden getting ready to fly a plane into the World Trade Center under the caption of that quote. | |
| And someone put, someone recaptioned it said, force me out of the race, will you? | |
| Biden just flying Air Force One into the World Trade Center. | |
| Hopefully it causes a bunch of boomers to pearl clutch into an early grave because I love when people are just like, why are you making fun of such a fucking sacred event or whatever? | |
| This is a horrible tragedy. | |
| You shouldn't be making fun of it. | |
| It's just like, man, it happened during the digital age, dude. | |
| Stuff is weird now. | |
| At the ye olde hobby shop that me and Elle used to frequent, like, 9-11 happened on a Tuesday. | |
| I remember we were doing, like, Friday Night Magic, and there was a kid there already talking about how the Pentagon was a square, and it was, like, three days after. | |
| - Well, I mean, I remember- - "Cupel on the Tuesday" sounds like a Lena Del Rey song. - Lena Del Rey, my muse, as I have often said. | |
| So yes. | |
| Yeah, I think I may have even mentioned it on the pod before, but on October 31st or whatever, on Halloween of 2001, in the town that I lived in at the time, downtown, there was a group costume of two people dressed up like the trade centers, and two people dressed up like chasing them around. | |
| And my friends and I were just like, holy shit. | |
| Those guys have to be the bravest motherfuckers on the planet, because they are begging to get jumped. | |
| Like, just jump patriotic yahoos on Halloween. | |
| Like, we were just like, wow. | |
| Holy smokes. | |
| If they got jumped, it would be kind of a funny recreation. | |
| Get jumped by a plate. | |
| They got attacked by a bunch of patriotic Americans wielding box cutters. | |
| It just gets really, really ironic. | |
| Have you guys seen that Unhinged? | |
| I want to say it's an Indian cement company commercial that was going viral on TikTok for a while. | |
| But it just opened on the Twin Towers, and a plane is about to crash into one of them. | |
| And then the plane harmlessly bounces off of it and flies around a bit. | |
| And then it just goes like, Blah, blah, blah, cement company! | |
| Ba, ba, da, ba! | |
| We do the best cement! | |
| All of our stuff is great! | |
| It's, like, super insane. | |
| I've seen that. | |
| But it's in that, like, intentionally crappy, like, Korean recreate, like, news drama recreation style, where it's just, like, like a low-poly plane, and, like, a low-poly rectangle, and it bounces off and goes boink! | |
| Anyway, yeah, it's really funny. | |
| So that is the debate that we saw in reality. | |
| In the right-wing excusosphere, we immediately had people declaring that Kamala's answers to the questions were way too sharp and way too effective. | |
| So she had to have foreknowledge of the questions, and ABC had to give her the questions. | |
| That's what happens when you're used to your candidate not being able to give sharp, concise answers to questions regarding president-related stuff. | |
| Yeah, as possible. | |
| No one could possibly be prepared for this sort of thing. | |
| Absolutely not. | |
| Yeah, Donald Trump at the end when asked about healthcare and when he's been like running for the presidency or been the president for like 10 fucking years at this point, declared that he quote, has the concept of a plan for healthcare. | |
| It's like, ooh, ooh, that is, that is rough. | |
| That is not great. | |
| Did you say rough, Mike? | |
| It's Brickfield! | |
| They're eating dogs! | |
| They're eating cats! | |
| They're eating all your pets! | |
| Hide your kids. | |
| Hide your wife. | |
| Remember that video? | |
| It's pretty funny. | |
| Yes, I do. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| So, we first had the... they gave Kamala the questions. | |
| Then we had all the... all the, like, quote-unquote, somber, serious right-wingers We're pissing and moaning about how the moderators were working with Harris and it was a three-on-one. | |
| They were fact-checking and dogpiling on Trump and they didn't fact-check Kamala when she brought up the very fine people statement because Trump fucking said that. | |
| There's nothing to fact-check. | |
| And that was the reality-based world of people whining about this. | |
| Then you dip into the fantasy land that I live in, and as Elle brought up, Tumblr was wearing earrings that actually were communicating devices. | |
| That was Hayley. | |
| How dare you misattribute that to me? | |
| You even scolded Hayley for saying that. | |
| Oh, that's because I haven't had my adrenochrome this morning. | |
| I'm senile. | |
| I'm like Sleepy Joe. | |
| I can barely make out who's in front of me at any time. | |
| How does it feel looking down at Hayley through that glass ceiling, which for you is a floor, Mike? | |
| Big time misogynist Mike Raines. | |
| Mike, the misogynist Raines. | |
| What'd you say, Hayley? | |
| You listened to too much Rob Reiner. | |
| Yes. | |
| Hey, Twits, read this from me. | |
| Yes. | |
| But people, the funniest thing I saw online was someone actually did a detailed analysis of Kamala's earrings and pointed out that they are, in fact, not communication devices. | |
| And some guy replied to that thread and said, bro, why are you getting so bent out of shape over a joke? | |
| And it's like, no, this isn't a joke. | |
| The people actually do think they were communication devices. | |
| I saw somebody else being like, uh, they're not communicator earrings. | |
| They're $800 earrings. | |
| So it just shows how out of touch Kamala is with the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | |
| And it was just like, nobody voting for Kamala Harris is under the delusion that she is not financially well off. | |
| Like, what are you talking about? | |
| Yeah, do you think that Kamala's gonna dress like Mahatma Gandhi and just show up to the debate wearing a sackcloth? | |
| If someone did something like that where she wore really plain clothes, all the Republicans would bitch about her cosplaying as a poor person and how it was inauthentic and bullshit that she would And also, her opponent on the stage has made a career out of just trying to be rich Uncle Pennybags. | |
| Like, it's fucking absolutely absurd to be upset that Kamala Harris is wearing a pair of expensive earrings to a presidential debate. | |
| Like, if I was in the audience of a presidential debate, I would be, like, bringing out, like, my best cufflinks and stuff to go with whatever suit I was wearing. | |
| It's like a pretty high-profile event, right? | |
| Like, it doesn't seem crazy to be bringing out, like, expensive pieces. | |
| I don't know. | |
| She's not a touch. | |
| It's just like, okay, well, I didn't think she was, like, an Aladdin-esque street rat. | |
| I assume... She's been a famous prosecutor for a while and then was the vice president of the United States. | |
| I assume she had some money saved up. | |
| Oh, shit! | |
| She's got earring money? | |
| That's crazy! | |
| Boo! | |
| Sorry. | |
| Well, there... | |
| They're listening devices. | |
| So like, I understand why it costs a bit, you know? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Uh, I think, uh, Mike Rothschild pointed out that the earrings people are trying to claim she was wearing were actually a Kickstarter that never like finished. | |
| They were never actually released. | |
| So these, uh, listening device earrings were like a prototype that never actually made it to market. | |
| So she had to get the deep state, like secret exclusive earrings that are also communication devices. | |
| Yeah, she used her connections. | |
| She's constantly looking at failed Kickstarter projects for like, you know, tools of subterfuge. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And what's really funny about all of this is obviously her aggressive boomer stance of being super anti-Bluetooth and wearing wired ear headsets. | |
| Clearly that was all just a front for her to use her Bluetooth earpiece to get her handlers to tell her what to say during the debate. | |
| Is that an actual thing? | |
| She just says she refuses to use Bluetooth? | |
| Yeah, she thinks Bluetooth is a huge security violation that people can hack into Bluetooth very easily. | |
| So she just wears like wired headsets. | |
| I mean, that's fine. | |
| Fair enough. | |
| I'd rather you be a little more paranoid about that than less, as the Vice President of the United States, but... Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Who knows? | |
| Maybe she's had a security briefing that would spook her, but... Yeah. | |
| I have not heard that about her yet. | |
| Anyway, so it sounds like we're all pretty excited about how the debate went down, because the first one went pretty poorly. | |
| But, well, pretty poorly in the terms that sleepy Joe Biden, like, malfunctioned on stage. | |
| And then afterwards, it ended up being a silver lining because we finally managed to use that to pivot to Kamala, who, given the opportunity, easily vanquished Donald Trump in front of everybody on a debate stage. | |
| It was in a way that was easily predictable by anyone who is not a Donald Trump fan. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| So that's good. | |
| And hopefully it can. | |
| Hopefully that and the old Tay-Tay parlay means that after this holiday season, we won't have to worry about Donald Trump anymore. | |
| He can campaign all he wants for the election after that, but I believe Father Time and Papa Death will tag team to just ferry him away before that becomes an issue, because he's old is what I'm getting at. | |
| He's a very old man. | |
| Now it is time for us to get into our sweet, sweet mailbag. | |
| Hey, the new diet advice says that we should eat between 500 and 800 grams of fruit and vegetables every day. | |
| How much is that really? | |
| I think it's around 8 fruits and vegetables. | |
| Oh yes, that's why Extra has that... Always 8! | |
| Yes, it's probably the same amount there. | |
| Yes, at Extra you always get 8. | |
| Now you get, among other things, green kiwi for 5 kroner per piece and cabbage for 9 kroner per kilo. | |
| Make fruit and vegetables cheap at Extra. | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| Okay. | |
| It better be great. | |
| It better be incredible. | |
| We have questions that are kind of redundant, so I'm gonna try to piece through them as best I can. | |
| Go out there. | |
| Go then. | |
| There are other... Your name is way too long and Twitter's cutting it off. | |
| I apologize. | |
| If he shits the bed or literally himself tonight, do you think of any MAGA and or Q folks who will face any cognitive dissonance? | |
| No, because we saw it. | |
| They're all declaring Trump the winner of the debate. | |
| He crushed it. | |
| He's totally vindicated. | |
| It's totally successful. | |
| Boom. | |
| Roasted. | |
| I mean, he nailed it, of course. | |
| There's a lot of cope with the, like, she was wearing an earpiece. | |
| It wasn't fair. | |
| The moderators were against him. | |
| You know, he still did good, despite everybody being big meanie to my... Yeah, they kept fact-checking him over and over again, and they only fact-checked her, like, the one time. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And it's just like, do you suppose it might have anything to do with him lying more? | |
| And they're just like, of course not. | |
| Yeah, and you're like, oh, the refs called a lot of penalties on our team and not their team. | |
| Well, it's like, was your team cheating more? | |
| It's like, oh, well, no. | |
| No, they were. | |
| Like, look, let's play back the tape. | |
| Yeah, that's fast interference all day, buddy. | |
| Well, Mike, that's where you're wrong, because the team I was talking about is in the NBA. | |
| I was just kidding. | |
| It is fixed then. | |
| I'll carry you. | |
| I'll carry you. | |
| The Celtics won fair and square. | |
| Yeah, I believe the color of that team is green. | |
| Am I right? | |
| Yes, there we go. | |
| Yes. | |
| It turns out you can say a lot with a green team. | |
| You know what I'm saying? | |
| Look at how many players my green team has! | |
| So many that I could give some to you, referee! | |
| Exactly. | |
| The funny thing is, I don't know fucking shit about basketball. | |
| I just know that people claim it's rigged. | |
| There was a crazy college football game this week where a tiny school went to Notre Dame and Notre Dame paid them $1.4 million for the honor of getting smashed by Notre Dame. | |
| And the tiny school actually beat them. | |
| They actually beat the Fighting Irish on their home stadium. | |
| But one of the final plays of the game, the tiny school obviously got a first down to salt the game away and win it. | |
| And the refs were just like, Short of line to gain, fourth down! | |
| And it was just like, you got that call wrong by like three yards. | |
| It is not even funny how egregiously home cooking the spot of that ball was. | |
| But tiny school still won anyways. | |
| That's hilarious. | |
| I miss that because the only sports highlights I see are from like pro teams because I don't really, like TikTok knows I don't really give a fuck about college sports. | |
| Yeah, I'll define that clip because it's so egregious. | |
| It's just like... You know what it's like when our buddy missed the shooting star press on Kurt Angle? | |
| Yes, it was about that. | |
| And like Brock Lesnar just like broke his own neck. | |
| Yeah, Brock Lesnar. | |
| I couldn't remember his name for the life of me. | |
| Yeah, Kurt Angle by miles. | |
| Kurt Angle's selling. | |
| Yeah, it was like, the commentators were like, and he's through the line and he has the first down! | |
| And they're like, wait, no, it's short! | |
| And it's like, no, it wasn't. | |
| The ref just literally just decided, nope, fuck this, keeping the Irish in the game, don't care what you say. | |
| It's like, oh my god. | |
| Yeah, great job. | |
| So PJ asks if Kamablah, remember when that was a thing? | |
| Remember that hilarious joke they tried to do? | |
| Oh my god. | |
| It gives transgender operations to all the illegals in prison, then release them into the suburbs to eat our pets. | |
| Do you think the influx of transgender terrier taco trucks will help our economy? | |
| Well, only if RFK Jr. | |
| will frequent all of them and purchase their delicious wares. | |
| I do imagine that that could only increase the quality of the available dog meat industry in the States, which as far as I know currently is zero. | |
| But let's imagine even then it wasn't zero. | |
| I mean, I feel like if you got a bunch of like, you know, creative queer people into the market and just giving them like a second opportunity to life, like in, you know, some redemption, and then they have like fucking, you know, that movie chef-like transformations into food truck artisans, it'd be great, you know? | |
| I can see that being great. | |
| And if a dog taco truck pulled up, I would probably try some. | |
| Don't get me wrong, I like dogs. | |
| I'm not trying to kill any dogs, but if a dog has already been killed and is ready to be eaten, you know, and it was just like, here's like, this one here is carne asada and this one here is dog, I'd be like, oh shit, really? | |
| Like, for real? | |
| I'd be like, for real though? | |
| And then I would definitely try it. | |
| I mean, I'm not going to say I wouldn't try it. | |
| I might tell you, like, the Chinese restaurant where they give you a little, they'd stab the, they put the toothpick in the little slice of the thing and offer it to you. | |
| I might try like a nugget of dog to see how it tastes and be like, eh, not, I don't know. | |
| I have to imagine that it can't taste good enough where it would like be transformative. | |
| Otherwise we'd be eating them already. | |
| So I have to imagine that one bite is all I take for me to just be like, oh, now I understand why we have these as pets and not food. | |
| Do you think other dogs taste different from other dogs? | |
| Uh, almost certainly. | |
| Right. | |
| I mean, they would have to. | |
| Like the fat content and the way they marble up and all that stuff. | |
| Muscle content versus, like, chihuahuas. | |
| I mean, that meat's got to be horrible. | |
| Small, stringy, and stressed out like its whole life. | |
| That's got to be terribly good. | |
| The worst part is you find out that the best tasting dogs are the happiest, healthiest looking ones. | |
| So it's just like, you know how much you love gold retrievers? | |
| Well, I've got bad news for you. | |
| The Golden Retriever burger is just absolutely succulent. | |
| Yeah, Golden Retriever's man's best of monk's best friends is the Wagyu beef of dog. | |
| And a tragic turn of fate. | |
| You see a neighbor of, like, three goldens, and they're just, like, massaging them constantly, just, like, running them around the yard, keeping them fit, and you're just like, man, I don't know if he's actually, like, loving those dogs, or if he's, like, setting them up for the butcher's block. | |
| I'm not trusting my neighbor anymore. | |
| I have to imagine that dog tastes pretty mint though, compared to other meats that are easier to cultivate. | |
| I do know there are cultures that eat it, but I mean, like, I gotta imagine. | |
| I don't have faith in humanity enough to think that if dog was delicious, we wouldn't all be eating it. | |
| I imagine that if dog was delicious, like, by the time we were recording this podcast, it would have just been so culturally ingrained that I'd just be like, dude, I'm looking forward to my fucking shih tzu sub after this. | |
| It's gonna be delightful. | |
| You know, and we would be batting an eye. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Eric, the Deep State Operative says, the quote, Haitians eating cat's things was brought up in the debate. | |
| Does this mean that random internet rumors are now becoming the subject of presidential debates, or is it another sign of significant cognitive decline that the media will ignore? | |
| I think it's the fact that our presidential candidates are dumb enough to do that shit. | |
| I don't know that Trump is... I don't know that Trump's brain being smooth is the issue, because J.D. | |
| Vance was like fucking pushing this shit hard. | |
| If last night had been Walls versus Vance, JT absolutely would have gone for the fucking dog eating shit too. | |
| It's more about Republicans getting pilled online and believing their own bullshit than it is about like Trump being a fucking senile old idiot. | |
| That's like the real issue, I think, is just that Republicans are just drifting further and further into the alternate reality conspiracy world. | |
| And they're trying to drag us with them, which is like, like, again, Trump's like screaming, they're eating dogs. | |
| I mean, so it's like, oh, my God, like, what the fuck are we doing? | |
| Yeah, I sure hope not for their sake, because I heard an Internet rumor that Donald Trump came down with a condition that caused his tiny penis and balls to, like, fall off of his body. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So thank you for the question. | |
| I did want to just give a shout out to Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld's Grand Inquisitor, but your question has pretty much been covered by all the other questions about eating dogs and cats, so thank you, but you have been defeated by the rest of our audience. | |
| And finally, the final question from the mailbag from Pancake Peasant is, what is your opinion on Nate Silver? | |
| Especially for Mike, what's your take on his poker career? | |
| Nate really hasn't done fuck all in poker. | |
| That was substantial things. | |
| I mean, from what his lore and backstory is, Nate's been like kind of like a mid grinder of poker for a long time. | |
| And I think that's a lot of like where his anger at Biden and the Democrats was, is that they didn't open the casinos near him fast enough for his liking after COVID ended. | |
| So he'd go out and get his ass kicked at 2-5 and 5-10 games, which again are like, you can make some real money at 5-10 and shit like that, but it's not a super impressive game. | |
| I mean, any fucking idiot with a pile of money can play that game. | |
| This has nothing to do with the question, Mike, but it reminds me that I wanted to bring this up at some point with you because it would probably tickle you. | |
| It wasn't until literally about 24 hours ago that I had heard for the first time about Phil Ivey's back-a-rat hustle. | |
| Oh, shit! | |
| Yeah, that fucking is awesome! | |
| Like, I saw a fucking little mini-doc on it floating across my YouTube thing, and it wasn't advertising that Phil Ivey was involved. | |
| It was just like, oh, this, like, the biggest, like, legal casino hustle in history. | |
| And I was like, what the fuck? | |
| So I was watching it while I was at work at the background, and it started talking about, like, Phil Ivey was, like, a badass poker player. | |
| And I was like, oh, shit! | |
| What's that dude doing here? | |
| Yeah. | |
| So pivot away from all this, but I think Nate's just a right-wing crank now. | |
| COVID broke his brain. | |
| He wanted to play poker and Biden held up the casinos for a little while. | |
| He got mad and that's what went on in the short of it. | |
| And now he's in bed with Peter Thiel. | |
| So fuck Nate Silver. | |
| Baccarat is one of the most boring games in a casino. | |
| You literally just watch a dealer flip over cards, and then he tells you if you won or you lost. | |
| You don't make any decisions. | |
| You don't do anything. | |
| It's just boom, boom, boom, and that's it. | |
| Yeah, you can bet on yourself to win or for the dealer to win, but whatever. | |
| That's the only thing you can do. | |
| You either say, I'm going to lose or I'm going to win. | |
| But what Phil Ivey did was he found out there was a casino where the cards were not symmetrical on the back. | |
| The cards had a pattern mistake where on one side of the cards the diamond pattern was completed and on the other side of the card the diamond pattern was broken at the midpoint so the cards you could tell which way the cards were orientated. | |
| So Ivy went into this casino with a woman who spoke Mandarin and asked the pit bosses to get him a Mandarin-speaking dealer so that the woman could talk to that dealer in a non-English language. | |
| And because he's Phil Ivy and he's a high roller, they agreed to this. | |
| And then... Go ahead, Del. | |
| There's a lot going on to it because the Mandarin thing involves Chinese. | |
| Cultural mores surrounding luck and gambling and the degree to which they get to handle game pieces in their culture. | |
| Because the main reason he brought her along was because they needed to be able to touch the cards themselves in order for their trick to work. | |
| Anyway, I recommend looking it up on YouTube. | |
| It's too long to get into here. | |
| But I know Mike would love it. | |
| So it's my fault for winding him up. | |
| I'll allow him to gush at me about poker related stuff off the pod. | |
| Yeah, so basically, the end of the story is that they just spun all the big cards one direction, and they kept all the low cards the other direction, so they knew what the next card coming out of the deck was. | |
| And people did analysis, and it gives them a massive edge over the house. | |
| They ended up beating a couple of casinos for millions of dollars, and then the casinos got the money back from them in the end. | |
| So that was about it. | |
| But yeah, it's a crazy story, and it's very interesting to look into. | |
| So yeah, it's a lot of fun. | |
| Good stuff. | |
| I think we're done with our last question of the week. | |
| Yes, what are you guys looking forward to? | |
| Oh man, what am I looking forward to? | |
| Oh, my new D&D Player's Handbook is in the mail, and I always love getting to look through a new roleplaying game supplement, especially physical copies, which I only treat myself to rarely. | |
| And I know that it has become de rigueur to think that D&D is lame or like there are other tabletop roleplaying systems out there, and maybe that's true, but I don't give a fuck. | |
| Because I like to play D&D. | |
| Sometimes I just want to be a colonialism simulator, you know? | |
| I want my heroic white male to grave rob a chalice from a place for a king. | |
| You know? | |
| And if I have to go through the native tribes, so be it! | |
| It is really funny. | |
| Like, I do remember at one point with somebody when I was first confronted with the idea that D&D was just colonialism to game. | |
| And I was just like, oh, I suppose that's true. | |
| And then I had like a brief moment where like I internalized a bunch of stuff all at once. | |
| And I was just like, eh, I mean, it's so fantastical. | |
| Like, I don't know. | |
| I don't really care. | |
| It's like, I get it, that is a good point, but at the same time, like, the games I'm playing are so far removed from actual reality, it is not really a problem. | |
| And we've even been getting better at it as we get older and more, like, in tune with the fact that some of this stuff is kind of icky. | |
| It's like, you know, you just get away from the stuff that seems more, like, obviously tied to racial, real-world component stuff, and instead you're just like, the stone gargoyle people are the tribe here, and they look nothing like any regular humanoid. | |
| So we're just like, yeah, we're gonna smash these gargoyles. | |
| Exactly. | |
| What are you looking forward to, Hayley? | |
| This weekend is kind of like this art festival thing that I am gonna go to, and yeah, it'll be cool. | |
| I don't want to say too much, you know, because I feel like I don't like to dox location, but yeah, it'll be cool. | |
| I'll probably talk more about it next week, and it'll be fun. | |
| Also- You don't want people to know that you're going to be at Cannes? | |
| What? | |
| I said you don't want people to know that you're going to be at Cannes or Cannes. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The film festival. | |
| I imagine that's where you're going to be. | |
| You know, a small art festival. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yep, that's- yep. | |
| But Blue Sky just got video, so I'm also looking to see what my first Blue Sky video shitpost is going to be. | |
| Oh God, live the dream of trying to make Blue Sky relevant. | |
| Holy shit. | |
| It's pretty bumpin' all now. | |
| I get more interactions on there than Twitter now. | |
| Oh, thank God. | |
| Hopefully we can all flee the hellscape of Elon's lusting after Taylor Swift platform. | |
| I am looking forward to just seeing if the terrible New England Patriots can go to 2-0 this week, because they actually won their first game, which was kind of a miracle. | |
| So, will we have a football season? | |
| Probably not, but Hey, hope springs eternal, and we can dream of getting raffle-stomped by the Chiefs in the playoffs one day if we try really hard, which it means. | |
| Holding out for a hero, and that hero is any quarterback, please. | |
| Yes. | |
| Oh god, our terrible quarterback did not turn the ball over, which was a huge win for him. | |
| Although, is there any offensive line for the Patriots that truly is the problem? | |
| I've been hearing that as well. | |
| Yeah, but that was the thing. | |
| Going into the season, everyone's like, oh god, this offensive line's a sieve. | |
| We can't play the rookie quarterback because he'll be killed immediately. | |
| And they actually were not a total disaster. | |
| So it's kind of where people are kind of getting their hopes up that maybe we'll think the offensive line's OK so we can actually bring the rookie in and start getting him some game time to see if he's anything, if he's any great shakes or not. | |
| We know what our current quarterback Jacoby Brissett is, and he's literally a giant ball of nothing. | |
| So... So you just need confidence in the wall that you're building around the guy that you paid for, or drafted, or drafted. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| Which, fair enough. | |
| You know, hopefully they can get above 500, because I know that you're still a fan or whatever, and that's the first step. | |
| The first step is being above 500. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah, I mean, I'm getting to hurt lions hard this year, so if the Patriots do anything great, then God bless them, but go Lions! | |
| They also won their game, so yeah. | |
| Man, and you know, shout out to Chiefs fans. | |
| Welcome to being the new Pats fans. | |
| Everybody just hates your team because they're good, so good fuck losers. | |
| Yes. | |
| All right, that's going to do it for this week's episode. | |
| We are going to magic carpet ride our way out of Hellworld for the week, because at one point I mentioned Aladdin, remember? | |
| Probably not, because it was brief. | |
| Anyway, thank you for listening and supporting the show. | |
| If for whatever reason you want to support the show even harder, but still for free. | |
| You can do so by giving us a five-star review wherever you get your show from. | |
| If you have money and you want to give it to us for some reason, you can do so by visiting patreon.com slash PokerPolitics. | |
| If you donate five dollars or more, you get access to our bonus content, past, present, and future. | |
| I believe Mike and Haley just recorded some bonus content last night, so there's some new stuff already in the pipeline there for y'all. | |
| Thank you to all the beautiful babies who are already up in the crib. | |
| If you have money and you want to do good with it, there's a billion ways to do that in the world, but one we've always suggested is love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation. | |
| Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our original theme song accidentally remixed by Mike Raines into what you heard at the top of the show. | |
| No social media for them because they are an absolute legend. | |
| Uh, thanks to Frosty, our buddy who does all of our voiceover work. | |
| You can find them on BlueSky at FrostyVO. | |
| Uh, you can find us, the show that you're listening to, The Avengers of Hellworld, on Twitter at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. I'm there as well at HellworldFatty, spelled the same way. | |
| You can find Haley on various social media platforms at AZRW or Arizona Right Watch. | |
| And Mike Raines, of course, on various social media platforms at PokerPolitics. | |
| So for another successful episode of the Avengers of Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts. | |
| The Mysterious L, joined as always by our expert in all things Arizona crazy, Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, and Mike Rains, our expert in all things QAnon crazy, aka poker and politics. | |
| It's Springfield! | |
| They're eating the dogs! | |
| It started with the classic "lærerns epple", which one of the students had laid on the pult for a little bit, I think. | |
| The next day it was the teacher's banana, and then it was broccoli and watermelons I got. | |
| Then it became more exotic things like the teacher's mango and the teacher's fusalis. | |
| Yes, so it may have taken a little of this. | |
| Yes, now you always get 8 at Extra, so it gets a little easier to get even more fruit and vegetables. | |
| Now you get, among other things, red onion for 14 kroner per stump and salad mix for 19 kroner per bag. | |
| Make fruit and vegetables cheap at Extra. | |
| Jensidia presents a bad day at work in the 90s. | |
| Hi, there's been a crisis here. | |
| There's been a break-in in the shop, and they've just... We've taken everything! | |
| And a bad day at work today. | |
| We've been hacked. | |
| All the files have been locked, and now we just need a lot of crypts to unlock them again. | |
| Jensidia has always been there for businesses with small and large losses. | |
| And we will continue to do so. | |
| Time passes. | |
| Jensidia exists. | |
| I helped once. | |
| Once! | |
| And now I get questions about everything. | |
| You put PCs here, the screen in the meeting room doesn't work, the printer has stopped. | |
| I can't do my job! | |
| Have you also become the job's involuntary tech expert? | |
| See how we can help your company at lkjøp.no slash bedrift. | |
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