All Episodes
Previous Next
July 25, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:34:10
Adventures in HellwQrld #199: What Can Be, Unburdened By What Has Been

This week we cover Sleepy Joe leaving the race and his tragic death that totally happened and is a real thing. We also go over Trump's horrible speech at the RNC and and the GOP being caught flat footed by Harris entering the race. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hey guys, where's the bread and milk I bought yesterday?
What?
It was your bread?
Yes.
What could have happened?
As a Coop member, you're lucky enough to get a pack price of a liter of milk and a loaf of bread for only 48 kroner.
Cooprix.
Get out and play now!
The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, or events, or settings is entirely coincidental.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, or events, or settings is entirely coincidental.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, everybody.
I am currently mourning Joe Biden.
The late Joe Biden, as it were.
And we are also joined by the mysterious Elle.
Oh, fuck bud.
How you going, my beautiful babies?
What is that one?
What is that?
It's Canadian.
They say like, oh, fuck bud.
It's Gordon.
Oh my god.
It is so funny you did that because I was walking out of a gas station last night and this woman... We were picking up a two-four.
Did you go by anybody punching darts on your way out, bud?
I was getting a brew at Timmy's.
Canada rules.
But, uh, this woman opened the door for this old man and then the old man gestured for her to come in and then she gestured for him to leave and they were paralyzed.
And as I was walking behind them, I literally said, Canadian standoff!
And then they finally started moving and it was great.
It was just like the weirdest thing.
You guys have more of the Canadian culture than I do.
I'm more, I'm, um, I have the, I'm closer to the other border.
Right.
So I don't get the delights of Canadian culture as much.
Maple syrup and all that.
I don't know what else they have.
Gavin McInnes, the Proud Boy founder.
Weird racists.
I know about them.
I know about the racists of Canada.
That's about it.
I have one of my co-workers.
She was at Disney World and they Like she got breakfast somewhere and they brought her pancakes and then she was talking to the waiter and like somehow it came up that she was from New Hampshire and the waiter's eyes lit up and he ran away and then he came back with real maple syrup and he was like, I hide this for the people who understand.
He only gave it to people who are from like New Hampshire, Maine or Vermont or Canada, but he like knows that like he went for the hard shit for her because she was like North America enough that she was close to Canada to appreciate maple syrup.
Unlike the rest of American scum who are just high fructose slop.
Yeah, I usually get sick when I have maple syrup, but I think that's because I have American maple syrup and it's just 100% sugar and it's not real syrup or something.
I don't know what it is.
Right, you need the actual tree blood.
You need the people to actually stab a tree and drain its delicious blood for you and then put it on your pancakes.
That's actual maple syrup.
Um, so, uh, Elle's roommate got locked out.
So I think, um, we, we just have the mic for a second.
So what a, what a week, huh, everybody?
Huh?
Uh, yeah, there, there, there were, there was stuff and things going on, uh, this week.
Boy, howdy.
Uh, but.
I mentioned this on Twitter, but I have a local at my work who just does nothing but wear anti-Biden shirts.
And I was like, man, that guy's reason for existing is done.
And then, like, CNN had a story where, like, anti-Biden stores collapsing!
An announcement of dropping out of the race.
Oh my gosh.
So many people have so much money tied up into anti-Biden sentiment that, like, Even, like, Donald Trump and his lot are just like, no, no, no!
Sleepy Joe pulled out of the race!
We should get reimbursed for all that money we spent!
It's okay, they'll just, like, flip the shirts around and print, like, a really, really, really misogynistic anti-Kamala shirt.
Yeah, and it took them literally no time.
Every, like, divorced dad in the suburb that carries a gun on him in your Safeway is going to have a shirt that's going to be, like, something inferring that Kamala sucked dick to get to where she is and probably a hoe reference in there or maybe something racially charged.
The shirts are coming.
You're going to see the worst guy in your neighborhood just Oh yeah, that's the thing that's so awesome about this, is that like, the fact that they don't have a long history with Harris, to like kind of know how to talk about her.
Like with Hillary, they would like say stuff like, she's ambitious, like the ice queen, she's cold and calculating and a shrew.
They found ways to try to code their misogyny to be where it's kind of acceptable.
With Harris, they're just like, she's a slut!
This bitch is a slut!
She just loves to dick!
She gets laid and sucks dicks!
It's just like...
Who do you think you're winning over with that shit when you're getting red in the face and screaming about that?
It's like anyone who's on your side was already voting for Trump.
Like this, you're not, there's no outreach when you're just like screaming that this woman who's now been running for president enjoys sex.
You're just like, ah, she's the sex having woman.
It's bad.
My kid.
It's like, okay, great.
Please keep yelling.
Mulo.
Mulo goggles.
Do you guys hate women who give blowjobs?
And yeah, I love blowjobs.
It's like the weirdest, it's like an incredibly bizarre paradox.
Right.
So I struck my dick so I could talk shit about you for doing it.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm just gonna lean back here and let you fall on my sword.
Let's fuck the losers.
It's so bizarre!
They hate seeing women in power.
They can't rationalize it.
That means that they have brains in their head that are the same as male brains, which is weird.
But they can't rationalize that.
They have no idea how to separate the dick-sucking from the job element of it.
I'm not saying that Kamala Harris has never sucked dick.
I'm just saying that it probably hasn't done anything to advance her political career.
Probably just for the same reason that Donald Trump might have such a dick, you know?
Because he saw a dick, and he was like, I want that in my mouth.
It's like the weirdest thing, too.
You've never seen anyone talk about a guy and be like, yeah, that guy's eating pussy to get ahead.
Yeah, that guy's been going down on all the pages.
Because if it was possible, I'd be the president, and I would have made it mandatory by now.
We wouldn't need to talk about it.
It would be the law.
Yeah.
It's a meritocracy now.
When you gain merits, one way.
And here it is.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's it is.
It's like I just we'll talk about it more when we get to our headlines, but
it's just so funny to me how weird they've been about this event that was
practically forecast for like a month.
Ever since Biden tanked that debate, it was just kind of like, ooh, man, Joe, maybe this should happen.
The fact that this was a binary situation where A, Biden stays in and B, Harris takes his place.
The fact that Republicans had no plan for option B is incredible.
Who the fuck is running their campaign that this was their reaction to this event that was very obvious?
Yeah, especially because somehow they also got caught with their pants down thing of like now, now all the liberals just get to play Uno reverse card and just be like, dude, your fucking candidate is so old.
How old is your candidate, my guy?
He's like almost 80.
Yeah.
They had nothing prepared for that.
Like they were just like, President Trump, it would really help if you could at least kind of stop pounding Diet Coke and cheeseburgers and playing golf for a little while and maybe tone up.
Of course his answer to that would be like, fuck you, you're gay!
And it's like, okay, well...
And literally this week, he did the shark speech again.
Beat for beat, word for word.
I mean, he's workshopping it.
He thinks he's really got something there.
Which is great, because he's spending all this time and effort workshopping the shark speech so that he can, I don't know, lobby against electric boats?
How many votes is the electric boat, the gasoline guzzling boat industry going to give this guy?
I've never heard of these cats before.
I guess they're like 40% of the vote.
Because every time he's at a big stop where he's not getting his head almost taken off, he's just like, oh, I really got to bring it out now.
I was going to say it then, and then that thing happened.
The people didn't know!
The people didn't know!
That was why he left back up.
They cut his mics immediately.
But if there were mics around him, he would have been like, Shanks!
Alex Jones Show!
They're just like, what's he saying?
It sounds like he's saying sharks.
And someone's like, no, he's saying fight.
And they're just like, yeah, fight!
Fight, President Trump!
That needs to be our actual conspiracy theory, that instead of yelling fight, fight, fight, he was yelling shark, shark, shark.
That's actually what he was saying when they were dragging him off the stage.
That's because if you get the actual footage that was from the CCTV in the area, you'll notice there was a second shooter and it was a shark.
Yes!
Yeah, it was from the Watery Knoll.
He was on the Water Tower because he's a shooter.
That's why he was the Water Tower shooter!
Oh god, we've cracked the code!
Yes!
At the end of the episode, Shark is the second shooter.
for Daddy Trump, but you know, unfortunately, would you take a shot at the king, et cetera,
et cetera, according to Omar from the letter.
Yes.
Shark is the second shooter.
Water tower.
Uh, no, no, no.
The name of this episode is very obvious, so... The name of this episode is so obvious.
You fool.
We have a lot to talk about, so do we want to get straight into the boosh?
Sounds like a plan to me.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-boosh.
Vice Presidential Candidate J.D.
Vance fucks couches!
Yes!
What a crazy thing I have to talk about this week.
I love it.
It's so good.
I don't know what it has to do with QAnon, but who cares?
I'm sure they've got a conspiracy theory about it.
Oh, they're mostly very upset about the fact that somebody posted lies on the internet.
He was just probing the couch, looking for Hillary's laptop.
Yes!
So, basically, somebody posted a tweet about how JD Vance did an audiobook version of Hillbilly Elegy.
And they were stating that they can't wait until people break down the clips where he talks about how he went ham on a glove that was wedged between two couch cushions when he was in college back in the day.
And this led to everyone talking about JD Vance being a couch fucker.
The debunking sites have now caught up to this story and are reporting that no, there is no section of Hillbilly Elegy where JD Vance talks about fucking couches.
This is not an actual thing that has happened.
But as is the nature of the internet, the couch fucking thing is now, it's now there.
It's baked into the cake.
Like, you can deny it, and you'll be right, but people are still going to say it.
I haven't seen any evidence to prove that J.D.
Vance has never fucked a couch, for the record.
Right.
Yes.
Exactly.
If he wants to defend his honor, he should provide the evidence that proves irrefutably that he's never fucked couches.
That's the way they like to play this game.
Right.
He needs to go back to Ohio State, find that couch, and hit it with a blacklight.
And if it's good, we're cool.
If it's not, then we're gonna...
Have to DNA test that couch and see if it's J.D.
Vance's or not.
So, I mean... My god!
He got it pregnant!
Little baby catches come out.
Yes!
That I don't doubt.
That's like a fucking joke for that show, Big Mouth.
I was going to say it's hacky, but it's not really hacky.
It just plays to a certain base, you know?
Yeah.
Beyond his couch fucking, J.D.
Vance has been getting less than rave reviews since being picked as the vice presidential nominee.
He has come out with a negative approval rating, which is literally fucking impossible when you're the vice presidential pick, because people are just like, oh cool, you're the Veep, that's great!
Like, CNN did a thing where, generally speaking, Veep picks come out of the convention with an average of like a plus 17 approval rating, and Vance is already at negative 6.
His first rally that I saw involved him whining about how he drank Diet Mountain Dew yesterday and today, and they're probably going to call that racist at some point.
And the crowd went mild.
You could just see the crowd looking at him being like, what was...
What were you going for with that?
Like, the crowd wasn't like, yeah!
Those crazy liberals call Mountain Dew racist!
Die them!
The crowd was just sort of like, um, okay, and what's your- Who's dying Mountain Dew anyway?
Yeah, I mean I don't even know like I've tried to put it I've like been trying to put it together pretty much all week like I have no idea what he was going for with that one.
Me neither.
Like I don't know what like was he just trying to was he just trying to pick any old example and he just decided to also show for Mountain Dew while he was at it because he's obviously just like a I think he's trying to claim it's, like, part of Appalachia identity.
Like, oh, the poor whites be drinking Mountain Dew, right?
That's what they drink, right?
I'm appealing.
They'll probably call that racist.
And it's like, I don't think that you're correct in that stereotype, so your sentence makes no sense.
Yeah, but also he couldn't properly say mellow yellow or some of these like citrus, like southern specific citrus drinks that nobody in like civilization has ever heard of because nobody in civilization has ever heard of those.
So he'd be preaching directly to his choir.
There'd be people in like Indiana being like, yeah, mellow yellow.
We'd rather die before you take it from us or whatever.
But like the rest of the world, you know.
That'd be like coming with Moxie.
I drank a Diet Moxie yesterday, and I drank a Diet Moxie today, and they're gonna call that racist.
But that would even make more sense, because Moxie's a dark soda, you know?
Like, if you're gonna affix it to a, like, color racial identity thing, like, I don't know, man.
A green soda that's not associated with anybody but white gamers is, like, a weird choice.
Right.
That was the thing.
When he did the whole Mountain Dew thing, I'm like, who are the... Maybe that was his target.
Sorry.
Maybe he was going for the... Maybe it was a gamer thing.
Maybe he was going for gamer incel vote.
Yeah, because he does follow, like, he did just unfollow Steve Saylor, and he's part of, like, he touches with that Groyper crowd, the more explicitly esoteric white supremacist crowd.
I bet he probably had some fucked up shit to say about Sketch until Peter Thiel reminded him that he was gay, and then he was just like, actually, Sketch is a good kid, you know?
Yeah, someone was saying, like, boy howdy, the day we find Vance's Graper alt account is gonna be a spicy day in this election.
Yes, please.
It's gonna happen.
It's like, the people that worked for Gosar have probably moved on to, like, the Vance team, you know?
It's just, it's a matter of finding it.
It's like that Joey Long last name that gives you an M. That clown who got nailed for trying to pose as a black woman.
Oh yeah, that's a legendary tweet.
Saw that, love that.
He was just like, who is a working class black person?
I love Donald Trump.
You forgot to log into your sock puppet account there, chief.
Anyway, J.D.
Vance sucks and anything bad that happens couldn't happen to somebody more deserving with a more viral Tiny Face picture.
I love Tiny Face.
He's got a great face to make tiny.
Good for him.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, just search J.D.
Vance Tiny Face.
But, in the meantime, we have to talk about the decrepit old face of our dead former president.
Well, current president.
Soon-to-be former president.
Uh, because Sleepy Joe Biden is dead.
Or is he?
Dead.
Probably.
I think he's dead.
No, he's dead.
I think he's dead.
I think they're giving us a weekend at Bernie's.
Yeah, so the totally dead President Biden died at some ill-defined point between yesterday, the day before yesterday, and today.
This was crank bullshit, mostly being peddled by Laura Loomer.
Even Charlie Kirk got in on this.
And Rob Fournier, or Rob Fortier, however you say his name.
There were people who should fucking know better than to do this, who were peddling crap where they were saying that Biden was going to die Monday night into Tuesday morning.
That he was in hospice care, and at any moment he could expire.
This even led to like, I don't even remember the name of it, but it was like Global News Alert or something.
But some dumb fake news account was like, Biden is dead!
And if we're not right, we'll delete our account.
But only if Real Raw News will agree to that challenge.
And Real Raw News, which is also another fake website, was like, deal.
We believe Biden is alive.
And Smash cut to like global news deactivating their Twitter account because they were wrong.
And like they even posted a thing where like, we have a verified source that Biden is dead.
And it was just like, uh, no, you're, you're wrong.
You're absolutely wrong.
And Laura Loomer has since backtracked from all of this and is now- After Joe Biden showed up and a bunch of reporters talked to him.
Laura backed off after that.
Biden did a call-in to Harris when Harris was at Biden's headquarters and they were still parroting the recorded lines, AI voice generator, Biden's still dead.
But then when Biden actually got on Air Force One and flew back to D.C., and the reporter's like, how do you feel?
And he was like, OK, I feel OK, but very old, because that's why I dropped out.
And they were just like, go away, old man.
He's like, I am, you fucking idiots.
That's the point of dropping out.
Leave me alone.
And then he scrubbed up the steps of Air Force One and went away.
At that point, Laura... I want to know what's the end game for that fantasy?
What is the end game for the fantasy that President Joe Biden is dead?
Because that would just mean that Kamala Harris is president now.
It gets you a lot of clicks on Twitter, which is all that... Laura Loomer just peddles in disinformation constantly.
Shout out Tucson native, by the way, Laura Loomer.
Uh, her father was a dentist here.
Would you trust that?
You should be so proud.
No.
Why do all these people- You wouldn't have access to my medical records for one?
Why do all these fucked up people have dentists for fathers?
Alex Jones' dad is a dentist.
He never stops talking about it.
And now Laura Loomer's dad is a dentist.
Dentistry needs to be investigated.
Dude, Willy Wonka?
That guy's factory is fucking, uh, deathtrap.
And he's mad racist.
I have a screenshot just from Charlie Kirk's post from days ago when he was peddling this and it had like 18 million views at that time.
It's just like they're ranking in a bunch of views and clicks and and and and eyeballs
right now and all their disinformation shows and on their verified accounts on Twitter
that you can now subscribe to.
So it's just like it Twitter is a place where it's just like instead of news it's just like
people selling you a story.
Right, I mean all my Twitter is is like fucking just the the stupidest engagement farming bullshit.
My favorite engagement farming tactic which it just it works too easy because fucking humans are apes and like you know this proves evolution more than anything else is it'll just be somebody posting some opinion that they obviously don't hold that's clearly wrong and then just waiting for thousands of people to jump out there and engage with it to tell them how wrong they are.
And it's just like, you know, recently I've been seeing a lot of people going on there and just being like, The Eternals!
Marvel's The Eternals, what a movie.
And I'm just like, come on, no one's ever thought that, shut up.
No one's ever thought that.
Shut up.
And if you have that sort of opinion, I imagine that you would be smart enough to keep it to yourself.
Because the market widely agreed that that sucked shit and was very bad.
And I'm going to use my platform to remind everybody.
It's just like, dude, this ain't no Star Wars prequel trilogy.
No amount of fucking Asher Turfett and Gaslighting is going to fix this.
Like, you know, shit's still bad.
Sorry.
Sorry to tell you this.
Still bad.
Just like the prequel trilogy, still bad.
But you know, you can like what you want to like.
Doesn't make it any better, but you can like it.
You're allowed.
That's right.
You are allowed to be wrong.
That is one of your great rights as an American, to be wrong about things.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's great.
And to be indignant about being wrong?
Even better.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
So, what I was going to say about this is, what's so nuts about this whole thing about Biden being secretly dead is, as Elle was saying, what's the plot here?
Because if Biden's dead, then Harris is just the president.
That's just how that works.
And if Biden is incapacitated by illness and will be dead soon or will be on death's door in critical care at an ICU somewhere, then the 25th Amendment exists and Harris and the cabinet would invoke it.
And we would have acting President Harris until Biden's health crisis resolved itself one way or the other.
So it's like the whole point of a conspiracy is that you're doing an illegal thing.
Like, when Chucky the typewriter and the CIA got together to blow away Kennedy, it was a crime, and they were trying to hide their crime.
There's no crime to hide here.
If Biden just can't do the job, then we just kick him out the door.
It's over.
Goodbye, Joe.
No way, man.
They're obscuring it so that we don't know, so that way Kamala Harris checks notes, wins a fair election.
Weird.
What a bizarre plan for them.
Instead of just getting her in by way of just admitting that the president is dead, we're gonna weaken at Bernie's end until she can just win it clean, I guess?
Yeah, it's very strange.
It doesn't make any sense at all.
It's so bizarre.
I mean, the liberals are, like, soft, but I don't think they're that soft.
Like that's like this is literally what Haley was saying is like this is literally misinformation for the purpose of misinformation just to make a few bucks off of Elon's misinformation like slot machine where it's just like if I peddle bullshit to Extra $75!
Score, baby!
I mean, it's just, like, so dumb.
Speaking of spreading misinformation for cash, I'm segwaying into Trump's crappy RNC speech, because we have to press forward, ever forward, talking about all these horrible things and people.
So, we missed it last week because we were in media res in the middle of that RNC.
So, let's talk about what Trump had to say.
Mike and or Haley, what did our former prez have to say to the people?
You want to lead off with Hulk Hogan, Haley?
Yeah, Hulk Hogan just did his whole shtick and then ripped off his shirt and revealed a J.D.
Vance Trump shirt.
It was very hokey and well-received by Trump.
He was bored for a lot of the speeches, but he was entertained by Hogan.
He even blew him a little kissy-poo.
He was funny.
It's like he could barely sit through his son's speeches and then he was like so invigorated for like him and the UFC guy.
Dana White.
That's who actually introduced Trump.
And so, like, the last day had big, like, wrestling energy.
And the day before, like, it was big golf energy because, like, a bunch of the everyday Americans, which are like so-called normal everyday Americans, We're like people that worked at Trump golf courses, and there was just like a lot of golf references that day.
And then like the next day, it was just full on like, let's do kind of like wrestling energy.
And I'm just going to say personally that like the Trump speech was incredibly boring, like for because he did his normal kind of routine of like the full two fucking hours, which is so boring.
I never honestly stay at Trump rallies for this part.
I leave during the Trump speech because it will last forever.
Best time to leave.
But the first like 15-ish minutes are kind of interesting.
Not so much for what Trump says because he's just kind of recounting his point of view of what happened on the day of the shooting.
But when he mentions the like fight fight fight part, like in unison the whole crowd Which is like, it's all delegates, and a lot of, like, you know, politicians and professional people, like, in unison, like, went, like, fight, fight, fight, and it was just very, um, it was a little bit, like, uh, eerie to see, and, you know, I think- Would you call it reiky?
Was it a little reiky?
It was a little, it was a little bit that, but also it's just, like, I think a lot of people Like journalists have been treating this election like it's just a normal election and treating Trump like he's a normal candidate, which is already a silly, silly thing to do.
Uh, but I, I think there's like, I think Harris has a good chance of like beating Trump, but I think you can see kind of the fervor in the audience at the RNC with this and how like kind of much they now see Trump as a like religious figure and are willing to like actually literally fight for him.
Uh, so I think it'll be an interesting election and, like, we'll get more into this in the Arizona section, but, like, yeah, the religious stuff is getting interesting.
On to you, Mike.
Uh, the thing that's funny to me is after, like, that, like, so basically everyone was, like, looking at that first 20 minutes of that speech and they were like, okay, Trump's, like, Got the plane.
He's taking the plane off.
he's got it to like a good elevation.
We're good here.
I, I saw a bunch of people, uh, talking early about it and they weren't like
freaking out, but like, uh, Daniel Legrand, new poker player who, uh, hilariously
I've managed to like bump that guy off of number one.
If you search for poker and politics online, he comes up number two now, even though he's a millionaire and far more famous than me.
Oh, Flex?
Big Flex!
Oh yeah, that's me!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, look at the power of me!
But, Negreanu, like 20 minutes into the speech was like, oh man, Trump's killing this.
This election's off the board.
Vegas won't even take bets anymore.
Like, just book your flight to the inauguration now, kids.
Done deal.
And then the speech wouldn't end.
Trump just because this is the thing is that like Trump knows he's got these people trapped in this building and they can't leave until he's done talking.
So Jesus fucking Christ is he not going to stop talking because he's got you and you're going to have to listen to his shit.
It's a campaign stop for him and he's going to do the whole fucking speech.
Right.
They're not going to kick him off.
Right.
Can you imagine them playing Trump off at the RNC?
And he's just like, and another thing about sharks, and then suddenly, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
And Trump's looking around like, that's not the QAnon music.
What's that music for?
Why?
What are you doing?
And then it's like, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, At one point during the RNC, Lee Greenwood, the proud-to-be-American singer, who sang that song a couple times during the RNC, did literally get played off because he would not shut the fuck up during his speech, and they just were like, get off.
I love how they kept cutting back to Trump, who was waiting to walk back out, and then fucking Mr. Greenwood was just rambling like an old man every time.
But the thing is, he would be winding down, and it seemed like he was about to segue any minute into going and pulling Trump on stage, and he would just be like, And the only person who can save our freedom is the man I'm about to bring in tonight.
So, let's get ready for that.
And he loves our troops too, by the way.
He's great.
He knows the troops and he's pretty awesome about that.
Like, he is.
And he did that for like two or three minutes before they played him off with just Donald Trump's music.
And then Donald Trump just walked out and was like, alright, fuck that guy.
Oh God, yeah.
So what was really funny was watching everyone in real time realizing, oh, Trump is not going to shut up.
We're getting it.
We're getting like the whole thing.
He played almost all the hits.
We got the Hannibal Lecter speech.
We got that section of it.
The only two things we did not get from a standard Trump rally was the shark story, which he then gave us in Michigan again, and the QAnon music.
We did not get the QAnon music at the end of his acceptance speech.
But we got all the rest of it, and boy howdy, watching Twitter in real time, it was so funny.
Because literally everyone was just like, wow.
Democrats have had a really bad two weeks.
Trump is literally turning this around for them.
Like, Trump is making things better for the Democrats the longer he won't shut up.
All he had to do was just go up there, 30 minutes, unity.
Someone tried to kill me, but I'm not backing down.
And, like, everyone was like, boom!
RNC total success.
Smash.
Nailed it.
Well done.
But the idiot just had to go up there for 90 minutes just vamping about whatever the fuck it was that would enter into his brain.
I actually saw some lunatic, some person who actually believed Trump was capable of this level of self-restraint.
Who posted on Twitter that I saw Trump's prepared remarks and they were supposed to go 40 minutes.
And I was like, 40 minutes at an RNC for Trump?
Oh my God, you sweet summer child.
Do you not know how this man operates?
If he goes less than 80, it would be a miracle.
So, oh my God, it was just so wild watching people just shit themselves into horror as they realized that Trump was just like, Driving himself into the ground as hard as possible and like, just bully on him.
And like, uh, Nate Silver, now Trump's biggest fanboy on Twitter at the start was like, weird, but not bad.
And then he's like, eh, this isn't going so great.
And then at the end, he's like, I fully retract everything I said about this.
Neither party wants to win this election.
It was just like, Oh my God.
Just how do you take the goodwill of being shot at and just piss it away so quickly?
He was gonna rip the...
Oh yeah!
...sea style, like, wrestling style energy in the night.
I thought he was gonna, like, do it by being like...
Rip the bandage off his ear, yeah.
Yeah, he was gonna do his Teddy Roosevelt.
If he did that, it would have revealed that he was fine.
Like, I mean, there's...
Then he'd go up for stitches for a little, a wee little boo-boo, because it barely grazed him.
Which, don't get me wrong, is kind of miraculous.
That guy did have him dead to rights under many different circumstances.
But, you know, he was making a huge deal out of it.
The fact that you can put, like, if you rip that thing off, people will just be like, honestly, it just kind of looks like his ear.
Maybe then they could have been like, and it was miraculously healed by Jesus Christ!
Oh!
Oh, God!
They should have done that!
They should have had a faith healer go on stage and, like, touch his ear.
And then they take the bandage off and it's immaculate.
And they're just like, oh, Yahweh!
He did it!
They should have done it when that lady was giving her very offensive non-Christian speech that offended all the Christian folks.
Like, she's in the middle of her prayer.
She's in the middle of her prayer.
Glass breaks.
Jesus Christ.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Comes out, grabs Donald Trump, brings him up, heals his ear.
That's the RNC I want, dude!
Yes!
More wrestling!
What makes me laugh about all that is what Hayley was saying.
Earlier in the RNC, you've got people on stage and they're like, Donald Trump is gonna give us energy independence and have a strong foreign policy!
And Trump's just in the crowd like... And then Hulk Hogan gets on stage and Trump's like, THE HULKSTER!
The Hulk!
Oh, he ripped his shirt off and said, Trumpamania!
Kisses, kisses!
I love you!
I love you, Hulk!
And it's like, Jesus Christ, dude.
Like, you just want to be president so that, like, watched-up celebrities will salute you.
You don't want to be president so you can actually fucking do the work of being president.
It bores the shit out of you to listen to people talk about trade policy and how are we going to confront the European Union when it comes to, like, potatoes and shit.
Like, fucking... Oh, my God.
Listen here, brother.
I'd do a bunch of cool wrestling moves for you, but the Hulk's had a bunch of sushi the other night, so go troop!
I'm outta here!
Yeah, exactly!
Oh man, yeah, so, uh... Remember Suburban Commando?
No?
What do you mean, no?
I was in Suburban Commando, brother!
I had the Undertaker in that movie, it was great!
It was incredible!
You didn't even know it was the Undertaker back then!
My goodness.
Okay.
Speaking of Donald Trump and his miraculous healed ear, thanks to the Lord of Jesus Christ, he wouldn't even have an ear to heal if it wasn't for Jesus Christ already intervening on his behalf during the shooting attempt.
Or was Jesus even necessary?
Was the shooting real?
Was everything a hologram?
Was Joe Biden the one pulling the trigger?
Was there a shark on the wet knoll?
Like, who knows, you know?
So let's talk about some rootin' tootin' conspiracy shootin'!
Donald Trump Conspiracy Theories.
Mike, what's going on?
Now that we've got a little space between us and it, let's talk about it.
Let's have some jokes and some japes.
Yes.
So, the left-wingers who had been like, this is all faked and staged, that's kind of petered out, mostly because no one really cares about it anymore.
But in right-wing QAnon world, the conspiracy against Trump to assassinate him is only growing bigger, bolder, and better by the day.
We have our second shooter, which was from the water tank.
This was probably a shark that was opening fire on Trump while swimming around in the water of the water tank.
These people do not understand how video compression works and how shadows in video compression work.
Cause people are like, look at this, look at this.
This isn't a shadow.
This is a guy.
And it's like, no, it's a shadow.
That's literally how video compression works.
There's, there's nothing there.
You're, you're literally making this up.
It's, it's delusional.
And then on top of that.
They're now claiming that the roof that Crooks shot from, that inside that building where Crooks shot from, somebody else was firing from beneath Crooks from a window inside that building as another shooter.
So we are now up to three shooters attacking Trump at his rally in Pennsylvania.
This is literally the last episode of the Rob Reiner podcast is where he is kind of claiming that like, there's shooters from fucking, there's windows, multiple windows, the fucking drain over here, over there, there's east, south, west.
And when JFK is driving by, he's just getting fucking popped out from every fucking angle.
His head was never making it out of there alive.
And that's kind of the theory that is kind of being thrown around right now, which I think is really funny.
And that's what makes it so ridiculous, is that if we've got the fucking Illuminati that have ruled humanity since the dawn of civilization, and these people had three shooters lining Trump up to kill him, how did an ear graze be the total result of their efforts?
How did three of the world's greatest marksmen only graze Trump's ear?
How did the Illuminati fuck this up that bad?
It's so wild that like... God, the angel flag?
Right, right, the angel flag.
Literally that.
In order to make this story make any sense, you literally have to credit divine intervention on Trump's side, protecting him from the Illuminati on the other side.
Which then makes you say, so God stepped in for Trump, but he didn't step in for Kennedy, or the children of Sandy Hook or Ivaldi, or the people that were murdered on 9-11.
Like all these other tragedies that have happened, God didn't care about.
But when it came to Donald Trump, God got off his ass.
It was like, Oh shit!
It started matrixing those bullets away.
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, b Yes.
God loves America.
That's why America's always doing so great.
Yep.
Yes.
And doing so much good in the world.
Right.
Oh, that's us.
America.
Absolutely the greatest force for global good in the world.
We are sort of like Earth's cops, and it turns out the cops kind of stink.
So that is a bummer.
And you know what else stinks about America?
The fine state of Arizona, one of the many 50 states that make up America, all of which kind of suck in their own special way.
But every week we talk about one special sucky state in particular, Arizona, because Haley, is our Arizona correspondent.
Hi, Hayley.
Would you like to tell us about the do-ins in Arizona this week?
Well, I do have to say that, like, Hayley getting glassy-eyed when El threw to her for the Arizona segment, I was like, oh man, this is gonna be really bad.
Because, like, the moment El said, Arizona, Hayley just, like, immediately was just, like, on a thousand-yard stare.
She was just like, oh god, my fucking state.
It was just like, no!
At first, it seemed like she was shocked that I was throwing to her.
And I was like, man, maybe if we do this one, 200 more times, she'll know that she gets a recurring segment on the show.
But no, I guess it's just I'm the one who needs to be prepared.
I guess I need to be a full pucker.
Everyone was just like, whoa, here we go, you know?
All right, well, now I'm sufficiently puckered up and scared.
All of my holes are mad tight currently, so go ahead and give it to me.
Wait a minute, no, scratch that.
Hellworld Aftertuff.
Aftertuff.
Alright, Arizona was on one this week, like more so than usual, so I'll just do a few
updates first to like keep it chill at the beginning.
We've talked a couple times about Steve Slayton on the podcast who runs the Trumped store
here in Arizona up in Show Low.
Um, he's also running, uh, to be a lawmaker in Arizona and has been endorsed by Carrie Lake.
And Wendy Rogers, our white supremacist lawmaker here.
Carrie Lake made the news recently because she was at an event with him and standing behind a confederate flag or in front of a confederate flag.
But anyway, that guy.
He also is claiming stolen valor.
He is falsely claiming he was a like a combat pilot in Vietnam, which he was not.
He even has been wearing, like, a fake bomber jacket with, like, fake medals.
Very funny.
But some audio came out of him calling a black Republican lawmaker here, the N-word, in a private conversation with a A candidate who is Jewish.
His name is Ari Bradshaw.
Ari Bradshaw kind of leaked some of this extra racism that Mr. Slayton is engaging in.
Calling a fellow Republican the N-word just because, you know, well he's black.
Wendy Rogers was called Ari Bradshaw, the lawmaker who leaked the info.
She called him before he leaked the info and threatened if he leaks the info that she's going to ruin his career.
And that also got leaked.
So that happened.
And then Wendy Rogers started to basically accuse this lawmaker, Ari Bradshaw, of dealing fentanyl to teenagers.
And she got this information from literally like a neo-Nazi student
group here in Arizona.
It's like a a griper club at ASU and U of A.
And like they're attacking Bradshaw because he's Jewish and like
saying like horribly anti-semitic stuff about him.
and then accusing him of dealing fentanyl to kids.
And Wendy Rogers is just like, sure, that's my source.
It's these groiper Nazis.
So there's beef in Republican world.
They're all fighting, you know, If you're a Jewish Republican, you're currently getting attacked by a Graper's lawmaker and then black Republicans getting attacked for being black by a racist white supremacist possible future lawmaker.
I don't think he'll win.
Slantin.
But anyway.
That's the update on that guy, just beef.
There was also, like, an actual fight between some, like, physical fight.
Like, a couple Republicans headbutted each other last week at, like, a Gilbert meeting.
I don't know all the details of that yet, but, like, the Republicans are beefing here, is what I'm saying.
So, yeah, WWGOP, you know, let's go.
Let's get a federation together, brother.
Sorry, brother.
They kept up with the wrestling energy of the RNC.
Um, and then, so, I don't know if you guys saw this, but at the RNC, there were some folks who were wearing a ear patch on their ear, uh, to kinda cosplay.
as Trump being shot, you know, like they were in solidarity with Trump wearing the ear cover.
That started in the Arizona like delegate circle. Like the guy that kind of went viral for it and
was like interviewed by CBS is like a Tempe delegate named Joe Neglia.
And, like, he was getting interviewed, like, I'm starting a new fashion trend!
And then the next day, like, almost everybody in the Arizona section was wearing the ear patch.
There's some pretty, like, gnarly photos of the Arizona delegates just, like, looking extra kind of, like, cultish.
At this RNC.
But that was definite.
They were like making a little bit of a... I feel like the Arizona folks were just being like extra at the RNC.
Like with the ear thing and you know, they had the lady who, uh, you know, called for our recorder to be lynched, like announced the delegate, uh, for Arizona.
Like they were just like being a little bit extra wild at the RNC.
And then they got back from the RNC and the Maricopa County GOP shared a incredibly bizarre video.
Um, of like a AI or like it was like a like an anime a badly animated Trump with like a bandage on his ear but in the shape of a cross and red like and for like blood red um and it was
like, overlaid with this AI voice that I'm gonna read this.
In the Bible, the concept of blood on the right ear, Leviticus 8, 2, 24, and 4, 28,
serves as a viable mark of consecration, signifying that the person is dedicated to God's service
and has been set apart for a specific purpose.
This act represents a physical and spiritual transformation, preparing the individual for
their sacred role.
Here's a breakdown of their significance.
Right ear.
The right ear represents hearing and obedience.
In ancient times, the right ear was considered the most important ear, as it was the ear
that heard the words of God.
Blood.
Blood represents life, sacrifice, and atonement.
In this context, the blood is a symbol of purification and consecration.
Consecration means to set something or someone apart for a specific purpose, making it holy
and dedicated to God.
In this case, the blood on the right ear signifies that the person is being set apart for a sacred
task or role.
Priestly consecration.
In Leviticus 8, 2, 24, and 4, 28, the blood on the right ear signifies that the person
is being set apart for a sacred task or role.
Not you.
Well, not just you.
The post as well.
I know.
I know.
This is too long.
It's almost done.
The blood is applied to the right ear of Aaron and his son's consecrating them as priests.
This act sets them apart as mediators between God and the people.
Anyways, there's a little bit more, but the basic point is that like Trump is
now holier than man because he was shot in the ear and this was like a-
I don't think you need any of that text.
I feel like you communicate that message perfectly just with your fucking dumb AI image or whatever of Trump with a cross-shaped bleeding ear bandage.
Like, I'll never understand why in the age of social media some people still think it's just like, you know what people are really gonna want?
They're really gonna want three minutes worth of AI voice explaining why this is hot shit.
And also, do you suppose that the person who made that even knows that currently the Catholic Church is canonizing a new saint?
Like, the first millennial saint.
That is happening right now.
They're actually doing that.
So if you think that there was like a Holy Spirit like recently on earth, if you're inclined to be part of that faith, dude, they're already in the process of doing that.
And it turns out it wasn't Donald Trump.
It was some kid that was like 19 or whatever.
It's crazy.
So yeah, I don't know.
Sorry.
I wasn't yelling at you, but God, I hate it when people do that.
Like when I'm scrolling TikTok and I come across one that's five minutes long, what are you doing?
It's TikTok.
Go to YouTube with that shit.
So anyway, the Maricopa GOP and all the Arizona delegates are fully on one right now and are on the, like, Trump is God train, which is healthy and good and I'm sure Arizona being a swing state and being incredibly violent in the last election won't result in anything bad this election.
Moving on.
Dude, but Arizona is sweet.
It's the linchpin by which our country operates these days.
Everybody seems to love Arizona.
Which is wild, because I remember eight years ago, Arizona, to the rest of the country, I don't think was like... I don't remember it being...
Like, really newsworthy, right?
I mean, like, I'm not, like, trying to talk non-comic shit on Arizona.
You know, usually when I'm busting on Arizona, it's for goofs.
But I just remember, like, in terms of, like, general media share, I don't remember Arizona being that important until this, like, crazy rise of the hyper-right, you know, Nazi-Trump nonsense movement.
It's purple right now and changing quickly and the right has trouble giving up power.
So for any people who might be listening from Arizona and have to deal with me talking shit about Arizona every week just know that if you're one of the good guys in Arizona I do feel for you and like every state I hope that your state at some point gets taken over by people to see reason and then we can like you know get trans health care and you know rights for everybody and all that good shit that we all love.
We could stop sending weapons to Israel at some point if we get enough states together to be like, hey fucking knock it
off Anyway, sorry enough lefty virtue signaling for me we have
to get to cues in the news From the digital headlines to the digital front lines it's
cues in the news so, uh
Despite his protests, uh, the word got through to good old Current president soon to be former president joe biden
that hey bud You're a tool for the sea.
You know their old doggy, it's time for you to ride your horse in the old sunset there, pal.
Thank you for your service, but you are too old for anybody to want you to be president anymore.
Too sleepy.
I thought that he was going to stick it out, because he was bitterly claiming he was going to fight to the end, and thankfully he did not, and I'm happy to be wrong about that.
Good work, Sleepy Joe.
Thank you for stepping aside, and thank you for your service, but it's time for a new plan, you know, a new democratic plan, so to speak.
So, for more on the biggest headline for the week, of course, President Joe Biden announced he is not going to be running for re-election.
I'll pass it over to Mike.
Mike, crazy times.
I wish we could get through one week without something insane happening in our political news cycle.
I mean, it's been like absolutely devastating body blows every week for the past, like, month.
Yes.
I mean, this has been like the wildest election in a long time.
I mean, just usually like at the conventions happen and then after the conventions stuff gets moving and we have debates and it's just like, no, it's just boom, boom, boom, stuff going on constantly.
It's just wild.
And So, as Elle said, and as everyone has heard, there was a big to-do here about this, about Biden finally stepping out of the race.
And it came out of nowhere on Sunday.
Literally, Biden basically tweeted out, I'm dropping out, gone in a day.
For the record, I will contend that maybe it's just me enjoying to, like, you know, towing the line to the dark side of the conspiratorial force.
But I'm not sure if it did come out of nowhere.
And I'm honestly not super convinced that Joe Biden never actually had COVID.
I think that people were just like, we need to have a lot of closed-door conversations with you about some stuff.
So you need to just go away from the public eye for a while.
And then behind closed doors they convinced him that he should step out, and then that's what he did.
Oh, I don't know about the COVID conspiracy so much, but I do believe that there absolutely was.
But what I mean more is that...
I think that the fact that Biden, uh, I'm saying that he dropped out on Sunday, just the way he did, where it was just like a post on social media.
I'm not going to keep running, uh, BT dubs.
I'm endorsing Harris.
The fact that it wasn't done with like a thing where he made an announcement that I'm going to make a speech tonight.
And then people started leaking out that the speech is going to be about him dropping out and blah, blah, blah.
And then he gives a speech.
The fact that it was just literally on social media being like, yo, I'm dipping out, catch you all later.
BT Dubs, Harris should be the nominee.
Thank you.
Signed, your current president, who is not dead.
That was what was strange.
And I mean... For the record, I agree with the move.
I think that fake COVID or not, either fake COVID or just taking advantage of COVID, doing it this way, it really did suck all of the oxygen out of the GOP.
Like, overnight.
Like, it just, it suddenly just took literally all of the, like, it cut their nuts off overnight.
They had no idea.
And somehow they were bamboozled by it.
It was a good move.
Oh yeah, I agree that it was a good move.
It was just really funny the way it happened, because literally I learned about it basically through... I forget which of these two events happened.
Either Haley texted me and said it's Jover, and then I went to Twitter and then I saw someone had started a space saying Biden drops out.
Basically those two things happened within like three minutes of each other.
And I'm just going to give Hayley credit because it's funnier that way.
So I just saw that and then the ball got rolling and it was very interesting.
One of the things that was really funny is you just had so many people in like the media just like just they really wanted this massive open convention where everyone's throwing punches at each other and I want the nomination I want the nomination!
And the next thing you know, what actually happens is the party just consolidates around Harris like ASAP.
The whole party is just like, Harris is the nominee, fuck Obama for dragging his feet on this shit, but everybody else was just down with Harris being the nominee and we're just going with it.
Yeah, big round of applause for all the fucking Democrats for just, I mean, because even when I was saying that I thought that Joe Biden, like, I think last week my position was Joe, but there's no way Joe Biden is dropping out of the race and Democrats need to stop, like, being fractured.
They need to fuck off and they need to, we need a unified front against Trump now that he has survived an assassination attempt.
You're not going to beat him by pulling yourself apart.
I was half right.
Because instead, Joe Biden was just like, actually, I am just going to drop out.
And we agree on the unified front thing.
So I'm going to put up Harris.
And then everyone's just going to be like, oh, sick, Harris.
Yeah, for sure.
Right.
Exactly.
My name's just Brat.
Haley, how do you feel about it?
Haley, where do you fall on Kamala Harris being Brat?
I personally think that Kamala Harris is more of that Katy Perry song that was just released.
That, I mean, that Katy Perry just used to endorse Kamala Harris?
Did you not see that yet?
No, I'm talking about that horrible American crap song that she just put out.
This is not, I'm not being negative, it's just like, you know, that's America, it's just, it's America, we're doing the damn thing, damn it.
You know?
I mean, I literally think that Katy Perry posted onto her Twitter one of the Kamala Harris viral videos that's going around using her new song.
Oh, really?
I think that literally happened this morning, which is why I was like, have you not seen this?
You totally nailed it, Hayley.
Look at that prescient finger on the fucking pulse of the pop culture comedian.
That's not even a word.
What just happened to me?
Anyway, yeah.
I just enjoyed that Hayley was like, I'm not being negative.
And then the tone of her voice was so brutally negative.
Katy Perry on this fucking dog shit.
It's really bad.
It's so appealing to like, like, like, yeah, somebody who's like, I'm trying to make a cute song to appeal to my audience to get votes.
This is a pop song, and it's poppy, and it's kind of about America.
Isn't that nice, kids?
And it's like, no.
No, it's not nice.
It sucks.
It's just like, I don't know how much credit I should give her for putting that song out.
Like, how much of that Like, did she just think that it was, like, that the irony was really funny and that was the point the whole way, despite the fact that it literally just is the thing that it's supposed to be mocking?
Because I'm the target demographic for both, like, the original type of that video that she is supposedly lampooning and the new video, which I don't think is her intent, because, like, I don't need a pro-feminist message.
I'm incredibly already pro-feminist.
Which means that if I'm, like, bigly in favor of her new video, it's just because I'm bigly, because she's jiggly.
And, like, that's just the way it is.
She's just like, aren't I attractive?
And I'm just like, yeah, I guess.
And at this point, like, I'm old enough as a man at this point, like, and I've been liberal for a long enough time where, dude, like, I hate my male gaze.
My male gaze makes me feel mad uncomfy now.
So, like, when people, like, make a video like that to titillate that shit, I'm just like, even in the privacy of my own home, I'm just like, uh, uh.
It's so grim.
I don't know, man.
It's rough.
Getting older is rough.
Yeah, but I think it's that her leaning into the brat thing, like her PR team, her team, is smart, you know?
Yeah, so technically our second headline for the week is Kamala Harris focused, but we've just sort of, it's all become sort of like, it's all become sort of a gumbo, and we talk about it all at once, which is fair enough.
So I think they'll probably keep leaning into memes.
I saw Fox News complaining that her campaign is too online.
Like they're leaning too into the online shit.
Spoken like a bunch of old fucks who are fucking out of touch as fuck.
What, do these people think that the generation that just became old enough to vote isn't online that much?
Dude, they're literally constantly online.
Like, you have to, you have to, like, I have to go out of my way to watch TikToks to explain what skibbity Ohio, like, you know, fuck it, and all that shit means, you know?
Like, if I want to stay concurrent, I have to go deeper into the internet, you know?
So, I feel like, whether or not it seems cringe to me, I don't think is the point.
Especially because Kamala Harris doesn't have to win me over, you know?
Like, I'm voting against Trump, no matter who they put up, unless somehow Democrats manage to find an even more Nazi.
Yeah, it looks like Hitler, you know?
Right!
Actual Hitler!
Like, that McKenna-Hitler has secured enough delegates for the Democratic nomination!
Yeah, uh, yeah.
I, and I, I've been, like, the thing is, is that if people are complaining about Harris being too online, it's like, I know that I'm terminally online.
I understand that very much.
I'm aggressively addicted to the internet.
But I must say that, like, ever since the The switch happened.
The vibes online are so much better.
It just feels like everyone's so much more optimistic and hopeful.
So many of my mutuals now have coconuts and coconut trees in their screen names.
Yeah, and everybody got to take a little bit of a victory lap.
All the people that are inclined to make content poking fun at Republican hypocrisy got to have their victory lap.
Who's got the old fuck candidate now, loser?
Like, you know, I mentioned earlier, but like, I'm certainly part of that.
I like those posts.
I'm just like, yeah, he is too fucking old to be the president.
I mean, I thought they were both too old.
That's the difference between Democrats and Republicans.
Like, I was just like, yeah, I agree with you Republicans, but I mean, this is the guy that we have right now that can beat your guy.
If we had a better guy, I would love that guy, you know?
Or that lady, or that non-binary whoever.
I don't give a fuck.
Like, they need to be young.
Younger, at least.
Right.
And that's the thing is that now people are dragging up like the old tweet from Elon where he was like, Trump would be 82 at the end of a second term.
We can't have that.
DeSantis needs to be the nominee.
And it's just like, hey Elon, remember when you said this you fucking clown?
And it's just like...
So I haven't verified this, but I did see some, like, white reporting that maybe Elon Musk is reconsidering his $45 million per month pledge.
So maybe Elon did get reminded about that tweet.
Maybe somebody actually did do good by digging that one up and being like, hey, Elon, remember this?
Maybe he was sitting in his, like, glass egg or whatever he hangs out in in his downtime because he's a stupid billionaire idiot.
And he was just like, oh, actually, I brought up a good point because I'm a genius.
Yeah.
Oh, it's, this is so funny.
Cause, um, now people are freaking out about that whole thing and they're claiming that he never said it.
Uh, and it's, and I'm sure that you can parse it any which way you want, but the, Trump at a rally literally was like, hey, Elon does great stuff.
Gotta make the world better for Elon.
As a matter of fact, I just read that he's pledged to give me $45 million a month.
So Trump literally said it on the campaign trail that Elon was handing over him bags of money every month.
For the rest of the election.
And now Elon's coming out and going, I never said that.
I'm not doing that.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Mike, let me stop you right there.
I have to make an observation.
I think it's a pretty important one.
I like that you went for a Trump there.
You usually don't get in there with an accent.
I like it.
I like the way you're mixing it up.
It didn't sound very much like Trump, which I'm only bringing up because what it did sound very much like was sketch.
That was a surprisingly close sketch imitation.
Because part of Sketch's character is sort of like, he's got a very similar Trump cadence like that, but in a different register.
So when you were doing your Trump, I was just like, oh, this kinda just sounds like Sketch.
Especially because you're wearing the jersey and everything.
Well done.
Well done, poser Sketch.
Had no idea.
Oh man, go me.
But yeah, back to talking about Montel Williams' arm candy.
This lady who had sex and is attractive.
Boo!
I don't trust anybody who laughs.
Yuck.
So funny, again, reiterating, they fucking had nothing.
Like, as soon as that debate went so bad for Sleepy Joe, you would imagine that some of them would have started to look into Harris to try to find anything.
But apparently not!
It is, it is so wild, like this is what I was saying earlier, it is so wild that when the very obvious option B happened, that the Trump campaign was caught so flat-footed that Trump was just like, uh, uh, uh, I'll debate it but only if it's on Fox News!
Uh, uh, like, like squid ink, like smoke bomb, like, The fact that... Get our money back!
We spent so much money going after Papa Joe!
We should be reimbursed!
You're cheating!
It's illegal for her to be running!
It's cheating!
Put Joe back in!
We hate him!
You're cheating!
Right!
I mean, the fact that your campaign did not have a pre-written statement ready to go that said, Now that Sleepy Joe Biden has dropped out of the race due to his disastrous debate performance, I look forward to crushing crooked, unpopular Kamala Harris and showing the American people that the Democrats' radical left agenda is totally destructive and that we will make America great again.
Like, I came up with that off the top of my head right fucking now.
You had a month, you had over a month to craft something to hit her with.
And your reaction was, uh, I don't agree to that debate.
I agreed to previously.
Oh, like, like, like my God, like everyone loves to talk about Donald
Trump being this master strategist and this like cunning genius that plays five.
D chess, please.
Please put me at a poker table with that man if that's his poker face.
That, like, literally if Trump, like, look, I'm all in!
And then, like, two seconds later, his, like, face turns beet red.
He's like, please fold!
Please fold!
And then I'm like, I call.
Give me your money.
Thanks, idiot.
Yeah, I mean, fuck it, I'll even play chess against the guy.
And I don't think I've played chess since I was like 11.
I still remember enough of the rules where I could play a legal game of chess.
And I'm just like, yeah, I would love to sit down and play chess for high stakes against Donald Trump.
Like, I'll fuck it up, I'll put everything I have on the line against the man.
Yeah, oh shit, oh shit, oh my god.
Honestly, Mr. Trump, pick your game.
Honestly, as long as it's not golf.
Pick any game of mental intelligence, you know?
Let's go.
Let's see.
You get to pick them.
Anything that just requires a little bit of a brain in your head.
And even maybe golf, which I've never played.
But I hear he is notoriously very bad, which is why he sticks to playing at the place he odes with the people that like him.
Yeah, and if he's got a 12-foot putt, they just give it to him.
Like, yeah, you'll make that.
Mark a 5, Mr. President.
You got it.
I mean, so yeah.
Of course, we wouldn't deign to let the President make such a gimme putt.
He's like, literally just like, he's fucking 200 yards away from the green.
Right, exactly.
Exactly.
Isn't it like when Homer becomes a stonecutter?
Oh, that's the Royal Sampler.
Oh, great.
I win again.
Except he's not sad.
He's just loving it.
He's like, oh great, bye Wiggin!
Yeah, it was wild watching Republicans sputter and flail.
And now the big attack line that I'm seeing from, even Elon's getting in on this.
He's such a sad, sad little boy.
Everyone from the lowest QAnon promoter to Elon is just like, if the Democrats are just anointing someone, are they really the Democratic Party?
And it's like, buddy, Like we all, do you, I mean, I understand that you're like a South African apartheid, uh, like baby and all that good stuff.
We here in America have a vice presidency, and we understand that the vice presidency, 95% of the time, is fucking worthless, but that other 5% of the time, it's very important.
And also, not for nothing, like, we didn't just put somebody up, you know, like, as a party.
We were just lauding that they got together, and they hashed it out, and they were just like, yeah, we're all pledging our delegates to this person.
And it turns out that the reason that they have delegates to pledge is because those people are elected officials.
So, I don't understand what's so confusing to Mr. Musk, but I'd be happy to explain it to him, and if he needs somebody to explain simple concepts like this to him, I can get on his payroll and do that.
I can be that guy for him.
I can explain very simple, easy to understand, like, yes.
Like, in this instance, it's not the traditional way, but the people have, in fact, made their voices heard by going up the chain of representation as high as it goes.
Usually that goes all the way up to President.
In this instance, it stopped just short of that, because the President is the one stepping back, you know?
Like, it's pretty simple to fucking me.
I don't understand why it's so hard to understand.
Yeah, Biden has his delegates, and he's told his delegates, please vote for Harris, and they're going to do that.
Normally, your delegates just vote for you, but because Biden is dropping out of this race, They're making the switch to Harris.
And what's so funny about this is that, what are these people suggesting?
That Biden has to run until he dies?
That he has signed some sort of life pact where he must remain the candidate until he is in the grave?
Which is like, I mean, that would be a wild thing to put forward considering their candidate, somebody just tried to, let's just say, grievously wound them at best.
So, like, what happens if Donald Trump, like, gets shot, like, in the gut there, and he doesn't die immediately, like, it's just, like, what, do the Republicans just ass out?
You don't get a candidate that isn't this gut-shot dude that has to campaign from inside of a fucking intensive care unit or something?
Like, what are we doing here?
Like, that's crazy talk.
And, like, and also, not for nothing, but we, like, As a pink Okami Democrat, you know, lefty dude myself, I don't typically fear the fact that the person that I did vote for, who has those delegates, will, like, two-faced stab me in the back and be like, actually, now that I have your delegates, I'm gonna give them to somebody who's gonna work against your self-interest.
Somebody who's not like me at all!
Like, I trust them if it comes to it to just be like, I can no longer conduct my duties as President of the United States, so I am vouching For this person who I made my vice president.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I vouched for them before, because of the nominee, but I'm reiterating how much I am vouching for them by this.
And I trust their opinion, because I trusted them to run the country.
So...
Right, like literally, I'm an incredibly old dude, and so I have put this person in a position to become president if I, an incredibly old dude, either die or get so egregiously sick, I have to be removed by the 25th Amendment.
I mean, this is, this wasn't, this wasn't a shocking twist that no one could see coming.
We understand how the line of secession works in America, and this isn't unprecedented.
This has happened a lot of times.
To be fair, Republicans are just confused because the way they want it to work is they elect a dictator, and then because of how powerful their blood is, naturally their progeny continues to just lead the country.
Yes, exactly!
That doesn't matter if it's on their bike.
They are still workshopping words for it.
But at some point they will get there.
And once they get there, they'll just be like, we'd really love for our leader to be a single genetic lineage because we really think that these people are super awesome.
I mean, you have no idea how great these people are.
So that is reality land.
Reality land is that Kamala Harris will be the Democratic nominee for president.
And in non-reality land, we have people who are trying to make hay about all this shit because the Democratic National Convention isn't until the middle of August.
So we've still got, I think, like three weeks before that will happen.
And as a result, we have Alex Jones and all these other clowns barking about how Hillary Clinton is going to swoop in and seize the nomination and become the Democrat nominee because they need to have their hate totem as the representative of the Democrats.
They don't have decades of hatred that they've worked up with against Kamala Harris.
All they have is just, uh, she's a woman.
And she isn't white.
And when we say those things, it makes it sound like... Oh, don't forget that she doesn't have any biological kids.
Because they want to get right in there and make sure that you know exactly where they stand on adoption and a step-parent.
You were not that kid's real parent, and you never will be.
So go fuck yourself!
Maybe running on, it's definitely going to bring in more voters.
Yeah, I'm sure that everybody out there is really going to love the Hard Right's even deeper pivot into really caring about genetics.
Like, you know, it's just like, okay, sweet.
I actually saw someone say, uh, Harris isn't the step-president, she's the president that stepped up.
So that made me laugh.
Perfect.
Whoever said that, great.
That's a great take in the face of that absolutely insane thing.
Jamie Rich is being like, Kamala Harris doesn't have a stake in this country because she doesn't have any genetic kids.
What an absolutely ghoulish and horrible thing to say.
She has raised several children.
Like, go fuck yourself.
You monster!
Like, the Republicans, again, Republicans, they really care about kids up to the point where they are outside of the woman.
And then they're just like, ugh, yuck!
A child!
Ugh, get this away from me!
Oh yeah, no kidding!
Yeah, it is.
The attack lines they have on Harris right now are so bad and so insulting.
I really just, I mean, eventually someone probably will figure out something to actually say that isn't totally repellent to every non-white man in America.
But until that moment, boys, keep it up.
Over and under on Trump saying something racially charged on one of his jogs about Kamala.
Oh boy, howdy.
Can you imagine that dude after the DNC and the polling comes out and Harris is up a little on him at that point?
I mean, there have already been a couple polls where she's either made up a lot of the gap that Biden had or she's tied or one point ahead.
Oh my god, can you imagine after the DNC, Trump down four to her at a rally?
Oh man.
Him actually just outright saying the N-word is totally on the table.
I mean, it is just, it's just out there.
We know he's totally doesn't have a filter anymore.
I mean, anything that gets into his head, he just says it.
That's why we just like, there have now been people for the past week breaking down why he does the Hannibal Lecter speech, like that he doesn't understand how the word asylum works.
And he thinks that Asylum from an immigrant means an insane asylum, and then he free associates insane asylum to Hannibal Lecter.
So that's how he does it, and it's just... Oh my god.
That would be great if we found out that he was just so stupid that he hates immigrants and people coming to our country to seek asylum because he thinks that that means that they are classically deranged.
Like 1920s black and white movie inside of a fucking sanatorium, deranged.
And he's just like, eh, yuck!
No.
This is like, why would we let all of these crazy people into our country?
I don't get it.
No other country in the world is expected to let all these crazy people in.
America, we're the only one.
It's like, they're not crazy.
They're seeking asylum.
Mr. President, I can't believe it.
Before we get into our mailbag, I do need to make an appeal to the Democratic Party at large and the people responsible for the upcoming DNC.
Look, man, I believe in your ability to deliver on the bread.
I'm not worried about the bread.
You guys have a message and you stick to it, and that's cool, and it'll be nice to hear more about Harris's political opinions and all that stuff.
That's going to be great.
Uh, we need a little circuses, you know?
The bread part you got, you need to get a little bit better about the circus part.
Like, this is, like, essentially Harris' coming out party, and it needs to be, like... People need to be talking about this event like it's an event, you know?
Like, it can't just be a bunch of boring Democrats in a building talking about how genocide is bad.
We do need to talk about that stuff.
But like, in this particular instance, we need some sizzle for that steak, baby.
Like, let's fucking go.
Like, make it exciting.
Get people fired up about Harris.
And let's fucking beat Trump, you know?
Please don't be boring.
Please don't be boring!
Please!
Yeah, let's get Charlie XCX there to say that Kamala's brat.
Let's do this.
Let's get some people in there.
Reach out to Taylor Swift.
Kamala Harris, have your people reach out to Taylor Swift.
Be like, hey Mrs. Swift, would you please like to endorse Harris?
And if you could, would you like to come to the TNC and endorse Harris President?
That'd be pretty great.
Yeah, exactly.
Let's up the circus level.
I think we can do better celebrities than Dana White and Hulk Hogan and Kid Rock.
I think we can outdo the Republicans.
And what's the thing, Lee Greenwood?
Yeah, leverage your ability to, like, leverage the melting pot and the acceptance and all that stuff, the fact that you produce better media than Republicans just across the board.
Russell was there.
Leverage it to get people fired up.
Like, if your message is anything more exciting than Jesus Christ saved Donald Trump because the other guy that got shot by that bullet fucked him, like, that's cool and all, but I'm looking for a little bit more than that, baby.
You know?
Bring in a cooler wrestler.
John Cena?
You can't see me?
Dwayne The Rock Johnson?
Let's go, you know?
How about a wrestler that's been, like, famous for, like, more recently than 30 years ago?
Exactly.
Okay, and with that, let's go to the mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers. It's time for Q&A.
Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor asks, now that Kamala has replaced Biden, what
other person, regardless of what job they do, do you feel would be best replaced by
a surprise Kamala?
Elon, Surprise Kamala should be the new head of Twitter.
That would be an awesome move.
Please, Elon, just shockingly resign your position and endorse Vice President Harris for president of Twitter.
Oh, dude, I've got a great answer.
The new Dr. Disrespect.
Get her in the gear and get her streaming.
That would be great.
Dr. Disrespect, but without the bad stuff.
A better Dr. Disrespect.
Cal, Vice President Harris, go on Hot Ones.
That's been the big thing I've been seeing on social media for the last couple of days.
Everyone wants her to do Hot Ones.
So my personal opinion of Hot Ones is that like, it's not traditional haterism.
I think that guy's a great interviewer, but I don't, like, I think that the gimmick of the hot sauce sort of, like, gets in the way of the experience for me.
I don't watch those because I don't want to watch people eat hot sauce.
But, like, the stuff that they say is really interesting, so when I see clips from it, I'm always happy to, like, get, like, you know, Childish Gambino's perspective on a thing, because the dude who does Hot Ones is a surprisingly good interviewer.
But, uh, yeah.
The show is really popular, though, so she should do it.
That is true facts.
Or see if Galvin Echols will come out and do it between two ferns.
Yes.
Hayley, who is your surprise Harris attack?
I have no idea.
I don't.
She can take over the SRP board here, because that sucks.
I don't know.
She can do whatever.
Way to commit to the bit, Hayley.
Appreciate you.
Yep.
I'm going to invite you on stage for my next improv bit, Elle.
She's not cutting it.
So thank you for the question.
Up next, Salty Bastard.
I only got one question.
Where is Freddie Benson?
He was a true poster.
Freddie was basically an antagonist for the QAnon shitbags, and that stuff went away.
I mean, Q stopped posting.
Uh, Freddy hasn't been seen on the Chan boards in forever.
Uh, no, pouring one out for Toot's little fighter and all that stuff.
Freddy is a deep cut for the QAnon people.
I don't even think Hayley understands what I'm talking about here, so...
Yeah, so basically there was this guy when Q was big and all the Anons were all over the Chan boards,
there was this guy named Freddie Benson who would like just post shit talking about how dumb they
were and how everything Q was saying was bullshit and it was stupid. And there were a lot of QAnon
believers who thought that Travis View was Freddie because like there's just no way anyone could just
go on 4chan or 8chan and call people that believe in QAnon idiots and losers.
It had to be a famous guy that was a QAnon debunker.
And, um, one of, uh, Freddy's, uh, bits of commentary was that he had a cat named Toots and he would like post like photos of his cat.
And then like one day he said that his cat was like killed as a result of all the stupidity of QAnon or something like that.
So people would say, pour one out for Toots, little fighter.
But yeah, so that was just a little slice of QAnon mythos.
Yeah, that one was all you, buddy, because I don't know who the fuck we're talking about.
But you know, good on our listener for knowing the deep cuts.
Respect.
Yeah.
Snorlaxcpap asks, how long before Elon goes woke?
He just backtracked under 45 million a month to Trump.
I don't know that Elon's ever going woke.
Well, considering he just gave that fucking horrible interview where he said that he, quote unquote, lost his son, referring to his daughter who transitioned.
Like, I mean, that's pretty... It seems like he would have to get pretty, pretty woked up to go woke from there.
Yeah, I feel like he's on the opposite side of the whole woke thing.
I think the $45 million thing is more of the broke thing, seeing as how Tesla just announced that they got doom obliterated on their earnings.
And as a result, the stock market apparently is down considerably today because Tesla just got defeated.
Which couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of assholes.
Yeah.
Headline, Tesla shares fall 11% due to bad earnings report.
So good.
Great.
I mean, Tesla stock, even at its current price, is still grossly overvalued because the whole thing, the whole narrative around Tesla is that they're going to eventually make the self-driving car.
Like their electric cars, which is great.
And that's good.
And it's really funny that Elon is backing the political party.
That hates EVs and hates the environment, and he himself has to kind of, like, soft-pedal the environmentally beneficial nature of his Tesla cars through his audience now.
Because they're just like, I want to roll coal!
I want a car that gets, like, one mile to the gallon!
I just want to destroy the planet!
And Elon's like, well, you could also buy a Tesla.
And it's like, no!
Fuck you, Lib!
And he's like, no, but I hate trans people and my trans child the most!
Why won't you love me?
And it's like, because you have woke cars, idiot!
So yeah.
So it's great.
Yeah, it feels like it feels like Elon's tightening up the old purse strings because he has this giant, this giant bleeding bullet wound to his wallet that is the unprofitable and dying Twitter that he paid a little too much for.
So yeah, him throwing $45 million a month into another fireplace that is the Trump campaign probably wasn't a great idea.
Elon is ideally a white supremacist and will never be quote-unquote woke, so... No.
No.
That ain't never not happening.
Yeah.
And our final question from the mailbag is from MeBad who asks, has Trump team asked for a refund yet for that failed Hunter Biden laptop bullshit?
Oh man!
Oh man, that is, uh, just remembering all the Hunter Biden shit now is just chef's kiss.
Oh my God.
Like just all this fire they trained at the Biden family and all of it just gets thrown directly into the shitter.
Just, uh, it's so beautiful.
It's so great.
It's just lovely that they worked so hard to demonize both Joe Biden and his kid and all this shit.
And now none of it works.
None of it means anything.
It's all worthless.
Now you're trying to duck debates with the Vice President and the crazy lady from Wyoming who replaced Liz Cheney's on TV calling her a DEI hire.
And it's just, oh boy.
I mean, like, could not have been a worse week of messaging for the Republican Party against the new nominee for president for the Democrats.
Just keep it up, boys.
Keep it up.
We're like, I don't know, a hundred or so days away from the election.
Just try to step on as many rakes as you possibly can on your way to the November 5th.
I highly recommend it.
Yes, for those about to suck, we salute you.
Yes!
Absolutely.
And so that brings us to our final question as always, which is, what are you guys looking forward to?
I am looking forward to role-playing.
I've got a bunch of that coming up this week, I think.
I've got role-playing tomorrow, and then on Sunday, and then I'm making characters for a potential third game, to be determined.
So yeah, tabletop role-playing.
It's pretty sweet.
I love it.
It's my favorite hobby.
Good stuff.
Um, the primary is in, uh, less than a week in Arizona.
So maybe some fucks who suck will get out of here.
Uh, any particular people that could lose their primaries?
I know Carrie Lake's going to win her primary, but are there any Republican dickbags that you particularly are hoping will lose?
Um, well, um, we'll see if Steve Slayton gets, uh, Moves forward and also Wendy Rogers is actually in a little bit of a hot seat for once.
I mean.
She hasn't been in office for that long but she just since taking office has like been incredibly popular here and has ranked in donations but that's more nationwide like it's people from out of state giving her money and locally she's been in a lot of hot water for um basically backing the stolen Valerie guy.
And there is like a solid kind of piece of shit conservative
that's like doing a hard campaign against her.
And there's a shot.
There's also another race down in Tucson.
Justine Wadd-Sack is facing a challenger who used to be an...
She took out a guy named Vince Leach and now he's trying to take her out again.
He's, again, just your standard piece of shit Republican, whereas she's like more QAnon friendly.
And she just lost her endorsement from the Arizona Fraternal Order of the Police because she was going 75 in like a 35 zone and then immediately claimed legislative immunity and is claiming political persecution by the police.
So she might lose her seat, too.
Yeah, so what's the status of the Masters Abe primary?
Who's favorite to win that dogshit?
Well, Hamaday has the Trump endorsement, which is probably the one little thing he needs just to boost him forward.
And Lake Masters has been just deciding to do an incredibly hateful campaign, where all of his signs are just like, if you like Tomaday, it's sharia law in America.
Here's a photo of him, you know, at Mecca.
And it's just like, tone it down, bud.
Oh, I hope after he loses his primary, Blake Masters can be the point man for messaging against Kamala Harris.
Oh yeah, he can make the commercials for Vance.
Yeah, he's gonna make the commercials.
This bitch has sex and she laughs.
Trump 2024.
I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
Here's my gun.
Walter PVK, German engineering at its finest.
Oh God.
Blake Masters, you fucking inhuman monster.
Just think, if Blake Masters fucking lives in Ohio and JD Vance lives in Arizona, we would have Vice President Masters right now.
Because they're interchangeable Peter Thiel puppets.
Oh my God.
Yeah, so I am looking forward to potentially hanging out with DJ Minimal Effort, who was living in a bunker for the last couple years, but I messaged him and he woke from his crypt and answered me, which was shocking.
So we'll see from there.
And beyond that, still trying to gather a game night.
For to play Detective City of Angels.
So eventually I'm going to play this game.
It's going to be great because I know that I enjoy these kinds of games, so it's not going to disappoint me.
And if it does, I'll let you all know and I'll be very sad.
Hell yeah, dude.
I'm rooting for you to get some some dicks across L.A.
going.
If it's ever on a Wednesday and you need another player, let me know.
My Sundays are almost always spoken for, unfortunately, but my Wednesdays are usually pretty free after we're done here.
Cool.
I'm always free on Wednesdays, too, so if we can ever obtain a crew, then it is a thing we can do.
Perfect!
And that's going to do it for this week.
Thank you so much for listening.
It's time for us to get on our wee little micro-bicycles like clowns and pedal our ways out of Hellworld for the week, because we are, in fact, a bunch of clowns.
Thank you so much for listening to the show and supporting us.
If you want to support us harder, you can do so for free by giving us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
If you've got money and you want to give it to us, you can visit us at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics where you can donate what you would like.
If you donate $5 or more per month, you get access to our back catalog of bonus content and any bonus content we put out in the future.
Thank you so much to all the beautifuller babies who are already hanging out with us at the crib over at Patreon.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, Lord knows that we understand there's a lot of ways you can do good with it in the world, but the one we've always suggested is love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our original theme song, accidentally remixed by Mike Raines into what you heard at the top of the show.
Thanks to our buddy Frosty, who you can find on bluesky.frosty.vo for all of our voiceover work.
You can find the show you're listening to, That's Right!
Adventures in Hellworld, on Twitter, at hellworld with a Q instead of an O.
You can find me on Twitter at HellWorldFatty, spelled the same way.
You can find Haley on various social media at ArizonaRightWatcher, A-Z-R-W.
And you can find Mike Rains, of course, on various social media at PokerPolitics.
So, for another successful episode of the Avengers in Hell World... Let me try that take one more time.
For another successful episode of the Avengers in Hell World podcast, I have been your host, Mysterio Sal.
Joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
ArizonaRightWatch, and Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics.
▲
Export Selection