All Episodes
Previous Next
June 17, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:25:34
Adventures In HellwQrld Episode #193: Trump Talks Sharks and Electrocution

We apologize for the audio quality. We had issues with Riverside this week so if you can't handle it we understand. Otherwise enjoy us basking in the glory of Donald Trump explaining why he'd rather be electrocuted instead of being eaten by a shark. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
🎵Outro Music🎵 Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I'm Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I'm joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, everybody.
I survived the Trump rally and did not pass out from heat stroke, unlike dozens of others.
Tough break for them.
I'm also joined by the Mysterious Elle.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
It's me, Mysterious Jack Elle.
And I'm back, baby!
You are all made of stars.
Yeah, love hearing Kennedy's in the news.
Pretty sure I heard somebody straight up tell me the other day that they would rather vote for Robert Kennedy than Biden, because it's that time of year where the dumb fucking conservatives are sons of guns out, or libertarians I guess at this point, whoever the fuck might vote for him.
And I was like, you know he had a brain worm, right?
Literal brain worm.
Yeah, you know the worm that ate part of his brain, didn't escape, it just died in there, and it's just like chilling.
Anyway, yes, I'm back.
RFK Jr.
is not a Kennedy.
As a staunch Kennedy fan, do you have to do it out of priorities or are you going to stick to your guns and vote
Biden?
RFK jr. Is not a Kennedy. I mean the entire Kennedy family has announced that man. It's a piece of shit
Let's all just vote for JFK again We also like him.
Yeah, right in JFK.
Screw it.
I mean, living doesn't have to be a prerequisite to being president.
I mean, he got an unfair shake there, being taken out of the presidency by a murderer in Dallas.
That's a bunch of bullshit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it's a two-party system, and it sucks, but... Yeah.
Let's not anybody get crazy and say they're gonna throw away their vote for RFK.
I mean, just, like, literally write in a funnier name than him.
Yeah.
Like, if you're just gonna throw it away.
There's no way he could win.
Like, no data you could collect on the planet would ever say that he could win a victory.
So just, like, you know, if you really just vote in, like, if what's really got you chuffed is the Palestine thing, just write in, free Palestine, or whatever.
That's my vote.
Yeah.
My vote for President of the United States is a free Palestine.
It wins!
Somehow the entity of liberal and liberated Palestine is our president.
I believe you mean Hamas!
Yes!
Who would your ideal president be?
It could be anybody, not politician.
It could be celebrity.
It could be fictional character.
It could be made up in your head.
Who's my ideal president?
Yeah.
Me!
Who's the one you want to see most?
You?
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
It just seems like the one place where you don't really have to worry about who it is, because it's you.
That's a good point.
And sure, like, you're supposed to do a lot of work, but I feel like a lot of these guys have shown that you can just kind of not do that if you don't want to.
Like, how much should Trump possibly get done in his four years in office?
Fucking nothing.
He was on the golf course.
Yeah, literally, the two hours of work he would do a day as president was called executive time.
And it was when they could coax him off the couch from watching Fox News to come in and chair a meeting where they'd literally have staffers using sock puppets being like, I'm the bad person who's doing a bad thing!
And I'm the good person who thinks we should do this, and then Trump would be like, this is boring, I don't understand it.
And then she'd be like, goddammit, oh god, this moron, oh man.
And I would make so many unpopular decisions, and I would have so many unpopular opinions, but I would give Republicans what they want.
I would just give it to them straight.
I'd just be like, hey, here's my opinion on the matter as your president, and here's what I want to do.
But, you know, thanks to the way our country is structured, I need people to sign off on that.
Isn't that great?
So if you really hate what I'm doing, just make sure to tell the other people that they vote me down, make your voices heard or whatever.
But until then, I feel like we should probably deal with North Korea.
We've been letting that one slide for a long time.
Now seems like a great time to nip that one in the bud.
It's like, but Russia, they can't even fight Ukraine.
Like, let's just go.
Oh, we're suddenly taking over a place?
Well, we decided that North Korea is the place we're taking over.
How do you like that?
El, have you been following the Young Thug trial?
Because I have now fallen into the spiderweb of trial insanity, and it is... Only in passing?
Like, it's funny because there's another lower profile trial going on where Like, it was like one rapper-influencer lady went to another's trial for getting, she had a warrant out for her arrest, just got arrested on the spot.
That's pretty funny.
Yeah, I've heard some stuff about the Young Thug trial.
You know, people admitting to fucking murders that they did on the stand and stuff.
Like, apparently it's been pretty wild.
I guess the judge is really out of line?
I haven't really looked into it.
I'm not gonna lie.
Yeah, like, basically, at my work, literally, it's all Karen Reed all the time.
And for those of you who are not in Massachusetts, Karen Reed is this, like, criminal trial where the state is accusing her of killing her husband.
And it appears there's a massive conspiracy to, like, pin it on her.
Her husband was a cop.
Which is bullcrap, because she backed over him with a snowblower, or a snowplow, or whatever.
And then the snowplow detached itself, grew arms, and, like, physically beat the guy to death.
And then, bam, bam!
Bam, bam!
Skull fracture!
She was, like, pushing!
Boom, boom!
And then went back to being a regular plow.
And she was like, what the hell?
And they were like, boo!
You killed him!
I know it looks like a bunch of cops did a bunch of coke and beat him up, but it was you!
Yeah, exactly.
This case is so ridiculous, and basically, falling down the Karen Reid rabbit hole got me into the Young Thug rabbit hole, where apparently, like, yesterday, basically the judge and the prosecution just did a crime, and basically told this witness, yeah, witness, say that Young Thug killed this guy, and we're all gonna be cool.
And then when Young Thug's lawyer heard about this, He's like, I wasn't invited to this meeting.
It's illegal for you to have a meeting without me being there.
And the judge was like, who told you about the meeting?
He's like, I don't have to tell you that.
That's ridiculous.
The judge was like, throw that man in jail.
Until he tells me who told him about the illegal meeting that I was the chair of.
And so yeah, it is just rampant criminality in the legal system right now.
I mean, I'm just gonna say, like, you know, comedy podcast.
Everything we're saying is jokes.
But I also still don't want to say too much.
Let's just say, like, if the revolution is going to come, I feel like at this point we have a pretty good starting target, like, for a hypothetical French-style revolution.
Like, when the guillotines are coming out and stuff, like, some of these people are just getting brazen with their corruption.
They're just like, you fucking appointed me, what are you going to do about it?
Who judges the judge?
Yeah, basically.
Yeah, like literally, I was down the rabbit hole like this morning, I was just reading all these lawyers who are just like, this judge is tripling down.
This is insane.
Like, the state of Georgia has to figure out what's going on here because the amount of wrongness that's going on here is unbelievable.
This is just open corruption, just outright open corruption.
Which is crazy, too, because it's not like a case that no one's paying attention to.
And it's not like a Wall Street case or whatever where they just need to get somebody under the bus because there's like a billion dollars worth of fucking venture capital assets involved or whatever.
It's some dub rap thing!
Like, what's going on?
It's like about a dub rapper!
Like, what's going on here?
Yeah, like, why was the state of Georgia so horny to throw Young Thug in jail that they have to concoct this bullshit?
Like, what is going on here?
Are they just really angry that the people in Atlanta hate Cop Land?
And they're just like, we're gonna take it out on Young Thug because he's available in the system.
I don't know, man.
Shit is wild.
But yeah, like, judges are getting crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was really, it was really interesting that...
I was following this Karen Reid stuff, and, like, it's getting my hackles up.
My blood's starting to, like, boil.
And then the Young Thug stuff was like, well, let's just turn that up a notch for you there, son.
If you thought Massachusetts was bad, wait till you see Georgia.
Which is crazy.
I believe I mentioned this on the podcast, but, like, as angry as you are reading that stuff, that is how I felt watching Anatomy of the Fall.
Like, watching what is allegedly a depiction of the French judicial system, it was top-to-bottom that.
I was just like, how are they getting away with any of this?
I was like, how does this legal system function?
What's going on with France?
When was the last time you heard something good about it?
Hey, France!
Can you get your shit together, bud?
You've been a pretty major country for a long time now.
Can you get your fucking shit together, bud?
Yeah, it's making me worry about that British trial where that lady was convicted of killing seven babies in a hospital, and their evidence was basically, she was in the building when those babies died, so she did it.
And it's just like, at least that's the article I read.
I've heard other people say, oh no, they had a lot more evidence than that.
And I was like, oh, I would love that to be presented to me then.
Also, I watch a YouTuber named Lazy Masquerade, shout out to that dude.
He does like Japanese crew crime stuff, and man, it turns out that Japanese crew tribe detectives are just as, if not more, bumbling than the stuff you hear when you hear, like, bumbling American detectives.
It seems like every detective in Japan that's involved in one of those cases is one of these, like, small-town pumpkin detectives, even when they're not.
They just behave that way.
They'll shut up and they'll just be like, this crime scene is disgusting, clean it up.
So we can...
LAUGHING Ah, get all this blood and other bodily fluids off this
floor immediately.
But sir!
No!
No!
Clean it now!
Clean!
Clean!
Boss, we found this bloody knife!
It's like, ah!
Knives are dangerous!
Throw that away immediately!
We have no intention of hearing about this.
Uh, okay, because there's no other place I could possibly think of to squeeze into the podcast without having to do a bunch of hoops, I am going to mention briefly... Did you hear that, like, Lakota tribe prophecy just came true?
Like, it's time to see.
Dude, like, a prophecy has come true.
It's time to see if it starts kicking off.
We're on different parts of the internet than me, you're going to have to explain.
So I guess, I think it's the Lakota tribe.
I apologize to all native people if I'm wrong about that and this is making me racist.
But a white buffalo calf was born.
And it's like pure white.
It's not an albino.
It's just a white furred buffalo with a black nose, black eyes, and black hooves, which is like the Textbook like depiction of this calf from the prophecy now
to be fair I think another calf of like similar nature showed up in
1994, but according to prophecy it means a good times are ahead, baby
It means good times are ahead, but you got it. You got to get good with nature
you know like hey things are gonna get better, but Yeah, you're good nature
So, shout out to any of the people who are part of that prophecy that got fulfilled, because I mean, fucking, how often do prophecies get fulfilled these days?
That sounds awesome!
What a rush!
Can you imagine the dopamine?
There's pictures on NBC News of the little calf.
He's adorable!
So cute!
Yeah, he's incredibly adorable.
They grow up to be majestic, but horrible.
Like, they just, like, when they're, like, up close, they just sort of smell and look bad, like all...
Musky fur animals.
But from the right distance, they're majestic as fuck.
And his babies, they're mad cute.
So, shout out to you, little baby.
I mean, like, I think, like, the highest, like, spiritual leader for the local, like, peoples was just like, oh yeah, this would be, like, if Jesus Christ was born.
Like, this is a big deal to us.
And it's just like, oh shit, really?
Like, that's crazy.
Good for you guys.
That's so awesome.
Yeah, I looked it up.
It is the Lakota tribe.
And I'm looking at the adorable white calf buffalo.
That is wild.
That is absolutely wild.
Literally, the prophecy was foretold and fulfilled.
It says there was a similar white buffalo born in Wisconsin in 1994 and they named him Miracle.
Yeah, I mentioned that, although I did forget the name.
The name Miracle.
It's hilarious.
So, you know, and we all remember how awesome 1994 was.
The good times.
It was.
Yeah.
That's around when I was born.
I was alive, technically, but... Dude, I mean, compared to now, fuckin' 94 to like 2004 were the salad days, bro.
Like, compared to now, that's where all my nostalgia is, pretty much.
I'm just like, yeah, dude, rose-tinted glasses all the way for that decade.
Isn't that good?
Nothing bad happened between 94 and 2004.
Nothing at all.
Nothing at all.
Absolutely nothing.
Nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedys.
That's uh...
Error!
Okay.
So, uh, I'm glad I got to squeeze that in, but it's time to get down to business to
defeat the Huns, and that means it's time for the Amuse-a-Pouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche!
Y'all think Hayden Clark has a dick?
I don't, nor do I care, but conservatives of course do, and do care very much, speculating about any woman of power, stature, acumen, ability, and hell, probably just half of regular women that they see.
Everything's a dick, you know?
And again, I've said it before, everything's a nail to a hammer.
Like, the Tootsie Roll commercial made it pretty clear that if you're looking around and all you see is Tootsie Rolls, it's because you want Tootsie Rolls in your mouth.
That was the whole point of that commercial.
So, anyway, yeah.
Of course, Caitlin Clark dared to be successful, so she's gonna get this sort of rage and stupid version.
But this part around Caitlin Clark is so interesting.
Everything about it is horrible.
I hate it.
Anything I read about her that's not just like, Caitlyn Clarke, incredible at her sport.
It's just like, shut the fuck up.
Like, who cares?
Like, you know.
Yeah, anyway.
This is where I toss it over to Mike so we can find out exactly how horrible conservative goons are going to be at our current reigning WNBA God Queen, Caitlyn Clarke.
Yeah, so phase one started off with the whole fact that because the WNBA features mostly black players and Katelyn Clark is white, that Katelyn Clark getting a rough deal because she's a rookie coming of all this hype and all these other players looking to knock her down a peg or two was classic racism and this is proof that black people are awful and bad and blah blah blah.
And we had to have this whole go around the merry-go-round about that shit.
And these people turning Caitlin Clarke into some sort of white warrior that was fighting to save our glorious race and all that nonsense.
Turning Point USA literally said that the ghetto women on the WNBA should be grateful that Caitlin Clarke is bringing them so much viewers and they shouldn't bite the hand that feeds them.
Okay, again, they're close to having a point.
I mean, I've seen some of the hits that Caitlin's been taking, like, on the court and stuff, and, like, I mean, it looks pretty sketchy and dirty, but fuck it, the race has nothing to do with it.
No, they're doing full-blown race baiting on this, as in... Oh, of course they would, because they, like, you know, they're just too racist and stupid and or conditioned by sports movies to realize that in the real world, sometimes your heroic athlete trains their hardest for her whole life and finally makes it to the big show.
And then a superstar comes out of nowhere, and nobody cares about that person, despite all of their best efforts, because the superstar has arrived.
It sucks, but it happens, especially in sports.
It's the whole point of sports.
Like, name, like, the seventh guy on the bench during, like, any Bulls season when Jordan was on it, you know?
Like, you don't fucking know those guys.
You don't care about those guys.
No.
Yeah, and the thing about this is that they were doing the race baiting bullshit to start and then some of the audience decided, you know, we got to crank this up to 11, like the angle of Caitlin Clark, the white hero fighting the black.
Uh, WNBA and all that bullshit.
That ain't spicy enough.
So then I started seeing people posting on TikTok and stuff.
They were like, look, we said we wanted a star.
We wanted someone big in the, in, in WNBA to grow the league, but we didn't want a man.
And Kaitlin Clark is a dude and this is unacceptable.
And my favorite part about all of that is that, yeah, Caitlin Clarke's six foot tall, which is tall for a woman, but it's not WNBA tall.
She is tiny for a professional basketball player.
So the idea that some six foot tall dude, like, somehow sneakily transitioned before college or whatever, and then did this to get into the WNBA, and it's like, well, you're still facing six foot six cis women.
So, congratulations.
Like, you don't actually have a physical advantage over these people.
I want to know I want to know what what these like scared scared of any like sort of like quote-unquote masculine traits or whatever conservative dudes think that the best WNBA player's body should look like.
I want to know, like, what is it?
Is it just Margot Robbie, but stretched, like in Photoshop?
Is it just Gal Gadot, but she's exactly seven foot tall?
Aside from that, like, everything's the same?
She's just a giantess, and she's just like, when I'm not busy practicing 14 hours a day to maintain being the best, it's all beauty regimen, baby!
What the fuck do you guys think?
Like, dude, yeah, they're gonna look like fucking athletes, because they're fucking athletes.
I don't get it.
I mean, I've never gotten it, though.
I mean, these people are so dumb.
Who cares?
First of all, no.
As far as we know, not trans.
Second of all, who cares?
And especially because it's Pride Month, let me throw out, who double cares?
Because trans women are beautiful.
And they are women.
And fuck yourselves.
Fuck you, bigots.
Sorry.
It's making me angry.
Yeah, in Arizona we have Brittany Griner discourse because she is an icon here and just a big topic of conversation in the news.
And also she's the subject of a lot of anti-LGBTQ harassment.
Both physically, people will show up to try to do shit at the Footprint Center in Phoenix, which is where they hold the games, and then also just in general, You know, she's the subject of a lot of like anti-trans, like she gets Michelle Obama'd pretty heavily here.
And because she made the Olympic team and Caitlin Clark did not, there's been a lot of, again, like the just race baiting and like Yeah.
To be fair, everyone has always cared really passionately about the women's Olympic basketball team.
It's something that Americans have always really been about.
We're very passionate about it.
We always have been.
We're just like, hey.
To wedge in like fascist ideology because like they did this with the uh like Riley Gaines type of like like they're going after women's sports kind of thing and it was a means to attack trans women and a lot of the discourse around Caitlin Clark is a means to attack uh black women and also trans black women or just uh queer people in general so Yeah, the far right does not care about women's sports, only as a way to carry this horrible conversation.
Watch it.
Oh, my favorite thing was one guy that I saw pissing and moaning about this shit was like, look, I'm not a fan of the WNBA, but, and then got into this whole Caitlin Clarke thing.
It's like, bro, you're watching.
You're watching the fucking games.
You don't, don't claim you're like, don't claim you're like staying away from it when you're engaging on it.
It's, it's ridiculous.
It's like, but what Haley said is like, they hate women's sports already.
So like, this is just, Even if Caitlin Clarke won, even if she just dominated and the WNBA became big, they'd still be mad because now the evil woke woman sport won.
And they'd be like, no!
Now people are watching women play sports!
Boo!
No!
It's like so... It's a lose-lose-lose proposition for them on every level.
It's awesome.
Yeah, being a woman sounds super awesome.
I'm glad that I don't have to deal with it.
Sorry, Hayley, that's a rough beat.
But shout out to us and our male privilege, Mike, brofisting through the computer.
I can't think of a better way to transition out of this than a brofist celebrating our male privilege.
So let's talk about Bannon, who's going to jail.
Mike?
Talk to us about jail time for Bannon.
This is like an all-upside story.
It's hard to imagine this one going south.
The last one was all about fascism and racism.
Yeah, this is just good times.
Steve Bannon finally had his appeal to not go to jail struck down, and the court has ordered him to report to jail on July 1st.
So on July 1st, Steve Bannon will begin serving his four-month sentence for contempt of Congress.
And what's really awesome about this is that QAnon and other right-wingers are pissing and moaning about how we're gonna lose Biden in this stretch run of the campaign and this is horseshit.
This is how the Illuminati planned all this shit.
And it's like, no.
He was the one who stretched this out for like two years, appealing and fighting and refusing to go to jail.
Peter Navarro got convicted for the same thing years after Bannon did, and is already in jail serving his time.
He's like, ah, fuck it.
They got me.
I'll do my four months.
I'll be in and out.
Whatever.
What are you going to do?
Bannon was the one who dragged this out, so it now coincides perfectly with the 2024 presidential campaign culminating while he'll be in club fed.
So excellent timing, Steve.
It's all part of the storm wave.
It's happening.
Here it comes.
It's crashing down this November.
Here we go.
We'll get into more of that down the line.
And the other good news, sorry, the other good news is that Bannon's facing another trial for big boy prison time starting this September.
So he may never actually be out of prison during this whole run.
He may just be fucked permanently.
He can't live long, right?
He can't live too old.
He can't Henry Kissinger us all.
No, Steve Bannon's in rough shape.
Just look at the man.
Looking the way he does, you might think that he was running for President of the United States of America.
Yes, literally!
Absolutely insane stuff.
But unfortunately we have to move on from Bannon, from our triumphant, you know, Sand People style, triumphant double fist raise of the hands and making a noise, to move on to a Bushido that is not very happy, not very happy indeed, which is the Infallible, racist-dependent pipeline.
The special political track only available to conventionally attractive white women.
Which has been leveraged.
The power of which has been leveraged.
And for more on this, I'm gonna throw it to Haley!
Me?
Yeah, you!
Mike specifically instructed me to throw to you to talk about jawline racism and how it leads to conservative bank notes.
Um, yeah, so, uh, I guess, uh, what we're gonna be talking about is the final boss of, like, racist tradwife, uh, TikTokers.
Um, her name's, like, Lily Gaddis.
Uh, have you seen this woman, uh, Elle?
Because you actually perused the TikTok world, and it was the woman... I only saw her because of this, and then, like, I've seen some of her, like, I guess older clips that are resurfacing because of this or whatever, but...
Yeah, for listeners who don't know, she went viral on the timeline because somebody posted to Twitter, it was like one of those end-wokeness type of big accounts posted her video talking about how a bunch of fucking dorks have taken over the country Uh, like Mark Zuckerberg and Fauci and all the, uh... Which is great!
Yeah, because I... In her course, like, without complaining about this, she admits that all the people that she hated in high school are just doing better than her and all the people she liked.
She's just like, hey, who else?
Fucking losers that we hated in high school because they were fucking dorks and dweebs doing their stupid gay plays and stuff?
Well, now those people...
like take control they own they control everything man like you know it's real
tough and like you know those fucking dreams are now like our bosses and stuff
but um yeah so she was like that video kind of went viral uh alex jones even
quote tweeted that video and was like i think i'm in love um and then um what's your tower gonna be
Fuckin' nothing but ash in your mouth, you loser.
Enjoy tasting it.
I hope you never enjoyed that one going down your throat, you bitch!
But yeah, so then she responded to the backlash she was getting, and she dropped the N-word in that response video.
And that catapulted her into the more my world of the internet, which is just full on Nazis.
They were like, new queen!
So she was immediately invited on InfoWars and did an interview.
I think one of the people that previously worked for Stu Peters, who's just fully doing Holocaust denial Nazi shit at this point, one of his like former workers I think poached her and she's gonna work for one of them.
She did a Twitter spaces with like quite a few of the bigger names in the like yeah like Alex Jones, Stu Peters, Lucas Gage White Supremacist Sphere, because that's just Twitter now.
They have two conspiracies about her.
It's like when a woman would post herself on 4chan and just subject herself to ridicule.
She's currently in that phase.
I was on 4chan for some of that.
That shit was crazy.
Yes, it was.
It was always interesting to observe that.
So she's currently getting and she was in her Twitter spaces she was debating that she is actually not Jewish because some of the more uh hard-lined Nazis did not find her nose to be acceptable and they were baking that she Has had a nose job and is hiding that she's Jewish and is actually a Jewish op.
So she was proving that she was not Jewish and just answering questions.
Imagine the mindset of these guys.
They finally have one on the hook.
A conventionally attractive woman going out of her way to position herself to be their new goddess.
Like, that's what she wanted the whole time.
Which I'll circle back to in a minute.
And then they're just like, OK, cool.
Here it is.
We finally got one.
And then they're just like, well, actually, she might secretly be Jewish.
I mean, what are you gonna do?
How non-Jewish does somebody have to be?
I mean, exactly where's the bar for conventional attractiveness, willing to say they hate Jews and Blacks, and definitively not looking in any way like a Jewish person?
Is it a 10 only?
Is there 10s only for the Nazis?
We're very particular.
I just loved when she was doing her rant about the dweebs and the nerds, and she's like, these people who didn't get laid in high school!
And it's like, lady, your audience is literally people who brand themselves as incels.
Who brand themselves as SEX IS BAD AND I WON'T HAVE ANY!
Also, for the record, that lady, if you're listening, the theater kids at your high school were likely fucking way, way more than you.
Like, to a magnitude that you could not imagine.
During school hours, while people were in classes, like, getting blowjobs in practice rooms, non-stop, all the time, like, that was the experience.
They get access to special rooms in the school, and they're just- In our school, they have, like, a whole fucking wing dedicated to that.
They have the best water fountain, the best bathrooms, like, private rehearsal spaces, like, a Rove hallway that was just obviously for sex.
It was just like, oh, couches and private rooms that you could lock, and like, you'd tint the windows, and I was like, my God.
Nobody goes there, because it's like, only the theater kids have access, and within the theater kid realm, only like, two people have access, and they're fucking... For us, that whole stuff was banned.
I was part of the theater kids, and we were close enough to the band where they would like, I could venture into their territory to use their bathroom or their water fountain, but like, I knew that I shouldn't linger, because there was stuff going on that I wasn't I was in something called stage production, which is you built the sets.
Yeah, theater tech.
Yeah.
Yeah, you people usually graduate to rocky horror picture show midnight events and anime convention organization.
I know, because I was friends with a lot of theater tech kids, because I was an actor.
So one more thing on this Lilly person, because she's again doing the, she's going through the beatings of being a woman on the internet.
They're asking her like, yeah, what's your body count?
But also Lucas Gage, who is a neo-Nazi, who's popular on Twitter, unfortunately, he is offended that she, he doesn't like that she's a poser because she said she dropped the n-word Without saying the E-R, she used the A. And he's basically calling her a poser, and thinks that the real ones should be dropping the E-R.
So that's the discourse right now around this, and I just... Which is crazy, because it's obviously, yeah, currently she's on the fringe of being part of that life, and she's looking for somebody to pay her.
And now that somebody's willing to do that, she'll probably dance to your tune, whatever that tune is.
And that's what I did to take a moment to scold all the liberals who were on TikTok.
People were like, stop signal boosting this.
Oh, you're just going to make her, you're just going to get her a job.
Like when she got fired from her position as like a real estate whatever something.
People were just like, oh, this isn't a job.
She's just going to get a job working for like Newsmax or something.
And it's just like.
If you look at any of her content before her stuff started to go viral and up to the stuff that got her over, it was clear that she was positioning herself as this.
She already had a follower base.
If you just start letting her do rants on TikTok where she's saying the n-word, she's not going to not be popular with Nazis.
She's just not going to be popular with Nazis in a way that surfaces to regular people.
This way, she just sort of, like, skipped having to, like, build a base of people by just, like, talking about how she's not a fan of black dudes or, you know, nerds in high school or whatever, until somebody notices her.
She just, like, got straight to the Newsmax part, which will hopefully prevent her from getting too crazy with it.
But she was obviously dancing for this kind of attention.
Like, this is what she wanted.
So, like, I don't think us calling her out and, like, you know, trying to get repercussions in her daily life for being a bigot was a bad idea.
You can't just let it slide.
You can't just let it slide because it might be good for them.
That's fucking crazy talk.
You gotta call them out every time.
Every time, dude.
I think she's embracing her role kind of as like a Pearl figure who did that like, why don't we talk about the Jews song, which was just, it was a, it was explicitly just like a anti-Semitic Nazi song.
And Lily seems to be doing like explicit anti-Black racism.
Cause she, she, she tweeted, thanks Black community for helping to launch my new career in conservative media.
You all played your role well, like the puppets you are.
Heart emoji.
She's like a demon.
She knew what she was doing.
If she wasn't horrible, I would respect the hustle, you know?
Because it was obvious what she was going for, and she got exactly that.
I think too many people think they can make a career off of this and a lot of them realize that like oh there's actually not that much money in this because there's a guy here that kind of tries to do this shit like like just really you know explicit viral stuff and like it mostly just ruins his life.
Oh, you're putting yourself in a real quick shelf life doing shit like this, where you make yourself so toxic to, like, regular people, and now your only audience is right-wing grifters and right-wing media.
When you're a conventionally attractive woman, you just have a time frame where that lasts.
But in, like, ten years, the new hotness is going to come in and take your spot.
I mean, by that point, she'll be married to one of these goons that can just take care of her.
That's what trad life is.
She's gonna make her bag and make a name for herself until she can land herself a husband.
And then she'll just be wealthy off of the teat of some multi-millionaire who's just like, I don't like the border!
All the better if he's, like, 69 when they, like, get together.
Not only because it's a nice age, but also it's just like, she's like, yeah, he could die at any moment now.
It's pretty nice.
It'd be great.
Gold Diggory.
The modern form of Gold Diggory.
She's like, she's like the T-1000.
These Republican, because, like, now it's like the Terminus is getting, like, a rich sugar daddy.
But in between that, you just get to be a horrible pundit or horrible mouthpiece for bigotry and make a bunch of money that way, too.
It sucks.
It's the worst.
It used to be you were like a model or something, or an actress.
And you did that.
Also, for the record, there shouldn't be a thing that people need to do.
Why are women the only people that age out of being able to do their stuff?
I don't know.
Sorry.
We're going to stick with Haley, because now it is finally the time.
The time of every week that everybody loves the most, where we talk about everyone's favorite state, the state of Arizona.
Suck it, Florida.
We've got a new favorite state, because nobody from Florida is on the show.
Hi Hayley!
Hello!
How's Arizona?
It's okay.
Okay, thanks.
Good talk.
Thank you.
And remember Jews!
In the news!
Trump was just here.
He was here last week.
I heard it was hot!
Oh, buddy, was it?
They predicted that it was going to be a hundred and eleven high, which was already breaking a record, and it ended up being a hundred and thirteen degree high.
That's crazy.
How did the hundreds of thousands of people that showed up to attend Trump's rally take this?
Well, there were.
It was actually pretty packed.
But is that including all the people that got caught leaving as soon as their hour was done because they were paid?
Oh, the people that were leaving was because I was at this, unfortunately.
It was balls hot.
And this was held at Dream City Church, which People might know here in Arizona is a Turning Point affiliated church.
It's incredibly like Linked to the AZGOP here.
They hold events there.
They host Turning Point events.
Charlie Kirk has a faith night there where he basically is the pastor for the night.
So it sucks.
They recently had a pretty big scandal where one of the teachers at their academy, which is also Turning Point linked, was caught abusing a student there.
Yeah.
And then they're also dipping into the voucher program, which is a big scandal also.
But anyway.
Trump was at that.
It was actually fucking packed and there was a ton of medical emergencies outside because the Dream City campus doesn't have that much coverage.
Most people had to wait outside until doors opened and there's only one like Ramada basically covering it and then everybody else was kind of zigzagged on the green Um, and they didn't provide any coverage.
And like in Arizona, you can only last like 15 minutes in that before it starts to get a little dangerous.
So people were dropping.
The second I arrived, I heard ambulances and I like, I saw them flying by.
One almost hit this, uh, vendor that was like selling Trump shit.
He had this huge Trump flag and there was just like a commotion right when I got in
with a guy that was holding a sign that was basically calling like the Trump people like
stupid imbeciles or something and he had like a Trump dummy and then the guy with the cart
selling the merch and then like ambulances trying to get in.
And yeah I heard that 11 were hospitalized due to heat related illness and then about
50 were treated.
So it was a bit of a day.
I didn't stick around for long but the point of this rally was Turning Point USA is now basically doing this ballot chasing initiative called Chase the Vote and this was the launch kind of rally for that slash the first Trump event of the season.
Because it was like the first event also after his indictment, there were a lot of people there that were just like, you know, the usual Trump boomers all having a heat emergency in their red, white, and blue outfits.
I did see, like, I don't know.
I don't know what the, like, lib conspiracies are on Twitter, but, like, yeah, it was packed.
It's not, like, a huge venue.
It's, like, 3,000 people at most.
Like, there were some empty seats, like, up in the top rafters, but, like, they would've filled them.
No matter what because the like overflow in the outside was pretty huge and like yeah a lot of people did get have to go home which was hilarious uh because they just like waited the way that it worked was like turning point usa they don't they do this forever rally the turning point action they just sell endless tickets Like, they never, it'll never say sold out, so basically, and then when you go up they don't ask for your fucking ticket, they just let you in.
So a bunch of people who sign up for a ticket are, um, didn't get let in and they're like, what the fuck, I signed up for a ticket, but it's just like, they just wave everyone in, you just have to go through the scanner to make sure you're not, like, carrying weapons or anything.
Um, so yeah, it was actually fucking packed, um, and, uh, let's see, what was the speaker's main point?
It was literally just, like, ballot chasing shit, which is basically just, like, go around your neighborhood and convince, uh, independents and, um, like, apolitical, like, people who are, like, Republicans who don't vote and, like, kind of get them to, yeah, vote this next election.
Kind of encouraging mail-in, which I find to be funny for how much they've discouraged it in the past.
It's just basically use any means to vote, which is just like, yeah, that's how it works.
You were the guys that discouraged us last time around.
So anyway, that was the event.
It sucked.
There wasn't a lot of merch boosts.
All the boosts, there was like 30 boosts for this Chase the Vote shit.
Um, so yeah, the merch boosts were not a plenty.
I did not even find a cool funny shirt post, um, sentencing.
So that sucks.
So F Trump rally.
It was hot.
Didn't find a shirt.
It sucked.
Um, I know.
I know you mentioned the Carrie Lake thing.
We kind of talked about most of it last week with her giving a speech in front of a Confederate flag at the Trump Store, which is owned by Steve Slanton, who is currently in some hot water because he's also running for a seat.
Um, and he's claiming that he was a combat pilot in Vietnam, which he was not.
He's been putting on the medals and wearing the uniform and he falsified records to give to a radio station to be like, no, I was in the military and I served in NOM.
Look.
And that was all fake.
It's all fake.
It's all bullshit.
And that's the guy that owns the Trump store here, which is so funny.
I love it.
I love fake-valor-guy-owns-the-Trump-store.
Could not be a more on-brand decision by that guy.
Well, I mean, their biggest rock star is Ted Nugent, right?
Same thing as him.
Yes!
He's like, uh, I can't go to Vietnam.
I'm, uh, disabled or whatever.
And then as soon as he's moved in musically, he's just like, I love the troops!
Can't get enough of them troops!
But I don't want to be one.
No.
Oh, God, no.
I can get all my John Wayne Trump merch at the Trump store by the Stolen Valor guy, you know?
Yeah, that's what it's all about.
But yeah, I think there's been a few protests actually outside the Trump store because, you know...
Obviously, he's running, so there's like, just political protests, but I think actual, like, veterans have been protesting because, like, that's kind of like a pretty offensive thing, I guess.
Yeah, Stolen Valor is something they fucking care about a lot.
Yeah, except that conservatives no longer care about what people in the military care about.
So they're just like, boo, boo, how dare you protest in front of Trump's store?
We love Trump.
They're just like, but it's still in valor.
They're just like, we don't care.
Remember, we prefer our fucking war heroes uncaptured and stuff these days.
You know, remember when Trump refused to go to that cemetery because it was raining out?
He was like, bleh.
Tussle his golden hair, his flowing locks.
Yeah.
You know, people love Trump and hate the troops, which is funny, because I'm sure a lot of people in the service love Trump for reasons that can only be attributed to racism, or sexism, or both.
I mean, I can't think of anything else, you know?
You got nothing else for me.
It's quickly becoming clear he's not even as rich as we think he is.
He had to get a loan to pay his half a billion dollar debt.
That's not what billionaires have to do.
A billionaire should just be like, 490 million dollars, for sure.
I'll sell one of my oil fields, I guess.
That's what a Saudi prince would do.
Those people have real money.
Anyway, I can get back to talking about how awesome Saudi Arabia is once we get to Q's in the News!
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
I love how they bought golf.
That was such a power move.
It made them look really strong.
I saw the controversy with Joey Chestnut apparently not being in the July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest.
And I was just like, did the Saudis buy competitive eating?
Is Joey Chestnut on the live eating score?
Weirdly enough, did you see who it might actually be?
Who the contract Joey Chestnut might be with now?
I believe it came out, you know, Great Assault, etc.
It's the internet.
Anybody can say anything.
But I believe it came out that it was like impossible foods or whatever.
Yeah, I've been following this.
I've been reading all there was a New York Times article that the guy must be on the
competitive food eating beat because his like little bio said like whatever the fuck his name
was, like braved the elements at the 2016 competitive food eating contest, where a
spectator was struck by lightning and like the game went on and I was like,
oh, this guy's like covers the beat.
And like, yeah, he, he, he, uh, Joey Chestnut was basically like, um, I'll, I'll continue doing the, uh, July 4th competitive food eating contest, but you have to let me stream through this like other network basically.
Um, and you also have to let me, uh, have the new brand with Impossible Foods.
And the guy who runs the competition was like, well, I don't mind if you, like, stream it through another network because you won't see any of the brands, but I will not stand for a rival competitor to, you know, like, have an endorsement.
Yeah, this isn't, like, the Super Bowl.
It's Nathan's Famous Hot Dog's Hot Dog Eating Competition, you know?
Like, it's always been a promotional thing.
I don't know.
To me, this has always, as soon as I heard about it, it will continue to smack if there's Joey Chestnut's guy getting too big for his goddamn britches.
Like, this is him biting the hand that feed him.
Nobody gives a fuck about you outside of this one thing you do.
And the place where you do it is the Nathan's Eating Competition.
Like, I don't know.
It's pretty simple to me, bud.
Like, don't fuck with that.
Don't try to upturn the apple cart, you know?
Like... Why isn't he already under contract with Nathan's?
Does Nathan's not have Joey Chestnut money?
I love the idea of Johnny Chestnut being so big time that he's like, look, Nathan's... Because again, I'm not going to pretend like I would give a fuck about that competition if it wasn't for him and, uh, who was the other guy?
Kobayashi.
I didn't want to be racist because that's also the beginning part of Kobayashi Maru, which is a Star Trek thing.
So I was just like, is it Kobayashi?
Is that racist?
Dude, my white yells get out of control.
Um, I have to read this because I screenshotted it from the article on this because it made me laugh out loud, but it was about the host.
Being upset that him and Joey couldn't come to a deal.
And it says, Major League Eating hosts a number of eating events around the country, but the 4th of July contest is its most popular.
Mr. Shea said that without Mr. Chestnut, it would be a sad day, and that introducing him to the crowd each year was one of the singular joys of my life.
Okay, well, that's unfortunate.
Like, again, why weren't you already paying him to be, like, a brand ambassador for yours?
Like, why wasn't there already a contract involved?
That seems like either Natives is really struggling or somebody's, like, fumbling this bag real bad.
I mean, his fucking name is Joey Chestnuts.
How much could he really be worth?
He does this one thing, and while it is more of a sport than esports, for sure, it's still barely a sport, you know?
And it's only a sport if you don't think that you need Sports to have defense, which is an argument I've always had.
Anyway, you know, I'm getting down the rabbit hole.
Anyway, what a stupid thing all around.
Nathans, pay the man.
Buy the contract out from underneath him and just have him return to your stupid thing.
Why is anybody losing here?
Like, hot dog enthusiasts, make your voices heard.
If you care about this thing, tell them to get their heads out of their asses and just contract Joey Chestnuts for like a few hundred thousand dollars a year or whatever he's worth.
There you go.
Here it is, buddy.
You travel the country and eat hot dogs fast, and there are hot dogs because you like them the best.
Exactly!
Also, talking about this, it surprises me.
We have a friend, I believe this is the show, but I'm not sure if he'd like to be named, but we have a friend who's potentially also a friend of the podcast who, he's always vexed by, there's a YouTube gentleman named Summoning Salt who makes very good videos regarding the speedrunning community.
And they're very engaging videos, and we all love them very much, but this particular friend always hates how, like, frequently there's, like, one or two guys that, uh, something Saul has to talk about that are great at this game that have ridiculous names, and one of them was Jimmy Poopins.
So, we always talk about how funny it was, uh, whenever something like that comes up, somebody with a dumb name, like Joey Chestnuts, they're just like, oh, he's Jimmy Poopins.
That's a joke just for me.
Anyway, so now I think we're finally into, we got distracted talking about hot dog eating at the top of our news segment, right?
Because it's obviously big news.
Speaking of wieners akimbo, Hunter Biden trial.
Boom boom.
Look at that segway.
Although the trial was for like guns or whatever, but I'm sure that Marjorie Taylor Greene used it to bust out some more of her nude photos of Hunter Biden, which I'm sure she's got a lot of, because she hates him.
Because we all collect nude photos of our enemies, so we can show them to the public.
They can creep.
Anyway, Mike, talk to me about the President's son.
I hear he got convicted, which is just as, if not more important, as the former President of the United States getting convicted for 34 felonies?
38?
All these things are actually, yeah.
Some 30x of felonies.
Yeah, so our boy Hunter Biden was convicted of basically lying on records when he tried to purchase a gun back when he was on drugs.
The big part about this whole thing is that there's a lot of controversy about how the case was run, if it's going to hold up on appeal.
The fact that there is actually a Supreme Court case that's going to be, a verdict's going to come down from the Supreme Court soon that might invalidate some of the charges Hunter Biden faced.
Which is going to be hilarious when the Lib Supreme Court decides to coddle Hunter Biden and save his ass, which is going to be just wonderful to see people scream and yell about it.
But on top of all of that, QAnon is the land of people who cannot take a dub.
Dubs are something they are allergic to.
The reaction from right-wing community in general was, well, they actually evicted him.
This is a bunch of horse shit.
They just did this here to make it look like it was right what they did when they railroaded Trump.
And other people are talking about how they haven't even gotten into the laptop yet.
There are so many crimes on the laptop.
Oh, why aren't they going after Hunter's real crimes?
Because they just can't... a whim.
They just can't take a whim.
There's a possibility of a win that could be presented to them, and they're just like, no!
They just smack it away.
Like when you try to feed a baby and the baby just smacks the spoon away.
Like, no!
I don't want it!
And that's how they're operating in this situation.
The only joy that I've seen from QAnon...
Is there was an ancient Q drop, which happened to be a six year Delta for these morons.
And, uh, this Q drop is called, uh, the gun drop because it's posted in such a way that if you inverted it and flipped it around it, the text might kind of look like a gun.
And they were like, Oh, look, the like six years after Q posted the gun Q drop.
Hunter Biden convicted on gun charges.
The prophecy, much like a white calf, fulfilled.
And it's like, no, you're just really reaching.
You're desperate.
It's very sad.
And I actually saw someone post right on schedule.
Six years.
Six years, Hunter Biden, right on schedule.
Well, cue prophecy or not, as liberals, it's time for us to rise up and become furious over this.
Because this person has been convicted of crimes that they clearly didn't do.
Because that would be crazy.
Why aren't you guys angrier about this?
You're liberals!
Damn it!
One of ours is getting convicted!
We're supposed to rise up and be furious about this!
It's the punishment of some for God's sakes!
Ah, behold our tempted indifference!
I think even Patton Oswalt Like, he tweeted something where he was just like, yeah, the breaking headline, Democrat accused of crimes that he was obviously guilty of, liberal, doing nothing.
And it's just like, yeah, exactly.
Like, that's not how we play ball.
We're not, like, emotionally connected to our guys like that, you know?
It's sort of weird how our side seems, like, more inclined to think that no one is above the law.
But I guess the other side would just conject that that is because our side has rigged everything and we're just keeping them down.
Which is why the Supreme Court is packed in their favor, by the way, because we're keeping them down.
And, you know, that's why abortion is like a thing that we're still, like, confused about whether or not people should have access to.
You couldn't hate the love of a politician.
Yeah.
Oh, we'll get further into that with our second news item, because our second news item for this week is actually really funny and worrying and funny.
But for the moment, we're talking about how furious we are about Hunter Biden.
And obviously, it's a huge, huge news story that we all really invested in.
Uh, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to just acknowledge that no, none of us really care.
I mean, it is technically a big deal, I guess, in that it is the President's son getting convicted of doing crack in the falsified records to get a gun, which is wild, but he was guilty, and he got convicted of it.
So, excellent, you know?
Well done.
Yeah, the system works.
I don't care about Hunter Biden.
This is the breaking news to everybody.
I don't care about the President's failed son.
I didn't care about Chelsea Clinton.
I didn't care about Sasha and Malia Obama.
I don't care about the fact that apparently one of them smokes weed now.
I just don't care.
Dude, I don't care about any of those people's parents either.
I don't care about either of the Clintons, Hillary or Bill.
Bill got accused of a thing.
And there was like an inquiry.
It turned out that he was found to be guilty of that thing.
And it kind of like, you know, that was sort of like, it for him.
You know, everybody thought that he was real, he was guilty.
It got proven.
And it was a real blemish on him for a while there.
Uh, you know, cool.
If you have the evidence, if you have the face carving video, same thing for Hillary.
Let's get her.
Fuck it.
Like I'm not pro face carving.
Like if you got the video, put it out there.
Let's fucking get her.
Let's fucking lock her up.
It's just crazy.
I'll say that thing that Donald Trump never said, lock her up if she's guilty.
We need to lock her up.
That thing he absolutely never said.
He never said lock her up.
My fans said lock her up, but I never said that.
I'm never on record having said that literally dozens of times.
Okay, speaking of former President of the United States, Donald Trump, great President, incredible President.
He was part of a twofer this week, in what I'm calling Dementia Daddy Shark Week, because two roads diverged in a snowy wood, and no matter what path we take, we get to an old buffoon.
One former president and potential future president, and one current president and potential future president.
So, Mike and or Haley, pick one.
Who do we want to talk about first?
Uh, I was gonna just talk about Trump, so... Oh, you're out of your mind, you liberal cuck.
There's no way we're avoiding talking about sleepy Joe Biden on this podcast.
I mean, he was looking crazy this week.
Don't get me wrong, I think the Trump shark rant is better and juicier, but there's no...
Okay, let's talk about Trump first.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I forgot about Biden sitting in the chair.
I totally forgot about that.
Dude, sitting, standing, moving, that guy is turning into a were-grandpa by the day.
Like, it's crazy.
His decline into grandpa-hood is getting buckwild at this point.
It is insane.
And we'll talk about that after we talk about Donald Trump's weird shark rant.
So, the best part about the weird shark rant is the fact that at the start of this whole thing, Trump blames his teleprompters for breaking, blames the people who set up his teleprompters for failing him, and thusly making it so he cannot read his teleprompters.
And making it so that he has to go off the cuff, which we all know will decline into a rant about sharks, because he's got a proven track record of this happening, which is pretty funny.
Yeah, the man is terrified of sharks.
The man really has an issue with sharks.
He hates them.
And on top of that, he has been, I guess, like, workshopping this exact sort of, like, comparison.
Like, I guess he did this at a couple of other stops of this thing, or, like, a version of this.
He's been working up to it.
I saw somebody, like, yeah, I can't remember who it was.
Maybe it was the Daily Star or something.
Anyway, continue.
Yeah, so he has to riff because his teleprompters aren't working.
And by the way, while Trump was running for president in 2016, all Republicans were like, Obama's an idiot!
If you turn his teleprompter off, he can't talk!
He'll just stand there and drool like a moron!
Which, not true, also racist, also kind of shitty.
But anyways, so Trump's teleprompters go out, and at which point I decided to transcribe this because it's fucking so mental that you actually have to know the words.
He started talking he said my relationship to MIT very smart he goes I say what would happen if the bet if the boat sank from the weight and You're in the boat, and you have this tremendously powerful battery and the battery is now underwater, and there is a shark That's approximately 10 yards over there lots of shark attacks notice that a lot of sharks I Watched some guy justifying it today.
Well.
They weren't really that I That angry they just bit off the young lady's leg because of the fact that they were, they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what, who she was.
These people are crazy.
He kind of got the word crazy wrong.
Uh, he said that there's no problem with the sharks.
They just don't really understand a young woman swimming now and really got decimated and other people too.
A lot of shark attacks.
They said there is, so there is a shark 10 yards away from the boat here or there.
Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the top of the battery, the boat is sinking?
Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?
Because I will tell you, he didn't know the answer.
He said, nobody's ever asked me that question before.
I think it is a very good question.
I think there's a lot of electric current going through the water, but you know what I'd do if there was a shark or he got electrocuted?
I'd take electrocution every time.
I'm not getting near that shark.
So we're gonna end that.
We're gonna end that for boats.
We're gonna end that for trucks.
You're our next president.
Yeah, so what he's talking about is electric vehicles.
Specifically, the high-capacity batteries that make them go.
And in this particular instance, specifically about how people are trying to use that for boats and starting to move away from, like, diesel engines and stuff in boats.
So what he's trying to communicate Is that there is a potential danger if the boat sinks that people caught in the boat when it sinks will get electrocuted as the battery becomes submerged by water, which I can't imagine is true.
But that is what he's trying to say here.
In the process of saying that, he gets distracted by himself.
First of all, he has to, of course, give him credit for having the smartest and biggest brain of all time.
So, of course, this anecdote takes place.
He's asking a guy from MIT.
He's asking a guy who says that his question is very smart, and it has to be because of his relationship to MIT, which is just insane.
What relationship to MIT?
What do you want about me?
Then he goes on a grandpa tangent related to his mortal enemy, sharks, who he's very afraid of.
Sorby Daniels relayed that information to us.
His Twitter told us that back when he was on Twitter and his ranting on the campaign trail about sharks after he wrote nothing.
So he's talking about that.
Then he, you know, sharks are in the news because there have been some shark attacks recently.
So he's talking about that.
And then, because of the shark attacks, there are bits of protesters who are just like, hey, sharks aren't so bad.
You know, like, shark attacks are actually pretty rare.
Like, let's not get crazy.
So he starts talking about that.
Then he remembers that he's supposed to be talking about the electric current thing.
And then he remembers that for anybody to take him seriously about that, they have to remember that he's smart.
So he loops back to the MIT thing one last time there at the end.
Then he gets back to talking about the battery, and he wraps up with, so, that's where I'm going to stop there at the end right there.
So, like, I understand what happened to him, you know?
Like, I understand, like, what his train of thought was.
If you just cut out the Shirk stuff, his argument is still incredibly stupid.
But it makes Trump sense, the same way that, like, you know, let's just, let's just use bleach to get rid of the coronavirus.
Seems pretty good.
Like, you know, because if you cut out all the shark stuff, he's just like, hey, they've got these batteries, they're incredibly potent, the guy from MID said this, I'm a genius by the way, and if the boat sinks, there's a lot of current in the water, and I don't want to be electrocuted.
But I would prefer to being killed by a shark if I had to choose.
Like, you know, you could chug it the whole thing, you could get it in there in like 10 seconds or whatever.
Because that's all I really said.
He's just like, by the way, I hate sharks, you know?
Fucking absolute lunatic.
So crazy.
And the people there gobbled it up.
Can you imagine?
Imagine if this is what he was saying in Arizona.
You're standing around, it's 114 degrees outside.
You're literally risking your life being there.
And he's just like, these sharks!
You're like, we're in a desert!
We couldn't be farther away from a shark!
None of us here know what the ocean looks like.
It is nothing but desert and misery and casinos.
That's all we live in.
And this guy is just going on a jag about sharks and how these evil liberals are trying to defend the sharks and justify the sharks mauling people.
I love how Trump always, like, he's got a formula.
And his formula is like, he starts his topic Then he works in, like, a force multiplier, like, talking about, like, you know, he's just like, I'm sitting in a chair, great leather chair, like, you know, or like, he's just like, or in this instance, he's just like, so I had this question, I asked it to a guy, he said it was very smart, it must be because I'm from MIT, like, he was like, lead to the thing, get the force multiplier in there, make sure everyone is, like, really fluffed for what your point is, and then we had to watch Sharks for two minutes, in order to get your point,
Incredible stuff.
It was so funny watching and hearing about this.
Yeah, it's just really awesome that we are now slightly more than two weeks away from the great debate between these two titans of brainpower.
It's truly going to be incredible.
And I think last night Hannity floated that Trump's trying to figure out a way to get out of the debate, which The only way Hannity would talk about that is if Trump gave him a phone call and told him, hey, start working on excuses for me.
Fear of sharks.
Yes.
He's been saying it the whole time.
Yes.
That'd be great.
Speaking of our other presidential candidate and current president, Sleepy Joe Biden, you know, like, that guy looks hilarious on camera.
I just got to say it.
Look, I know this is a liberal forward show and like, don't get me wrong, like, I don't hate Papa Joe as much as most people do, although he is an old man.
And this week, him being on camera made him look real old.
Like, watching a parade, looking just, like, up and slightly to the left, like, a little bit of a slack jaw to him, looking like he's, like, fully 98, and that there's nobody home, or just, like, you know, the chair incident.
It's like, when he's moving in a small space, he's like a Roomba.
It does seem like he needs someone to direct him.
Like, I think he's just bad with stage direction.
Like, it just seems like he's always just been really bad with cues and stage direction, because it doesn't seem like he's getting lost because he's so old it doesn't know where he's going.
It just seems like he doesn't really remember where his marks are.
Just a different kind of problem, because it's not that hard, but... Or in this instance, you know, trying to sit down on a chair that's not there, it's pretty funny.
Like...
I do wish that our president projected a little more strength so that it was a little... I would like it to be more laughable when the opponents, like, ridicule him.
But he was looking like a real pleasant but sleepy grandpa this whole news cycle for the past two weeks.
Oh yeah, and the thing that makes me laugh about all of that is the fact that these people are like, oh, if only we had a better candidate!
Let's just name them.
Name this magical unicorn that would fall out of the sky that would be this candidate that would crush Trump easily and win a 50-state landslide.
L. What'd you say?
L. L?
L, yeah.
Yes, L would beat Trump.
That would not be, uh, A. So, look.
Yes.
So when we have the brokered convention that Nate Silver and all these people want, when Biden elects to not run and we have to have a convention to pick the nominee, that's when we're all going to go to Chicago and we're going to get L on the stump.
And boom, we're going to have L for president.
Who would your vice president be, L?
Because you're going to have to pick one of the convention after we nominate you.
Oh man, this answer used to be so easy when it was Dwayne The Rock Johnson, before he lost a lot of his shine.
Yes!
Man, that would be my vice president.
God, who's almost conservative enough to win people over?
Maybe I should just use one of these comedians that has a persona to trick a bunch of people, but allow them to... How long was that kid that plays Sketch?
What was that dude?
I'm sure Trump fans love Sketch.
If he's old enough, I'll make him my running mate.
Can this be your, like, kind of, you know, mantra?
As a, like, this is what your fans do.
They do the, like, loser L to the forehead.
I think that's... And they have the MAGA hat and you just do this.
I think that's for the fans to decide.
Or for my marketing team to decide.
I don't know if the presidential candidate does that.
Hell yeah, you could be my manager or whatever.
My, my, my, uh, probably not the full campaign manager, but whatever that is.
Brand manager?
Anyway, you could be a brand manager.
Hell yeah.
We're reclaiming the L. We should also reclaim the Q while we're at it.
Let's think of a way to reclaim Q and really piss those idiots off.
Oh, I wonder if...
I wonder if he's old enough, but there was a guy on Survivor recently who was called Q, and all of QAnon loved him because he had the name Q. So if that dude's like 35, he's absolutely Elle's vice presidential candidate.
We literally have the Elle slash Q poster.
That's just the ticket.
Or I can get my name legally changed so that I have the middle initial Q. Yes!
So we can distract people by just being like, you know, vote for LQ.
And they're just like, oh shit, we weren't that interested by the first letter, but the second letter got our dicks rock hard.
It ended weirdly small percentages my vagina, whatever the equivalent of heart is for that.
I'm assuming wet, which is gross to say, because I am not a woman.
I don't know, it's like, as a guy, I can say hard, turgid, engorged, throbbing, any of that stuff, just grab the veins, head, all that stuff, the caps.
No big deal, like, just throw that out there as much as I want to, but because of the culture I was growing up in, like, if I tried to say the other stuff, I was just like, huh, is that too far?
Is that, like, I don't know, am I allowed to say that?
My white guilt and my male guilt is really an overdrive, it's just so guilty.
I need to start flogging myself like I was a Q supporter.
I think from us putting up to your campaign, we should do a mystery campaign that, no information on the signs, but we'll put them everywhere and they'll just say, who is L, who is Q. And we'll put them all over the town.
And I think that would, I think people would be caught on.
People, people would gravitate.
They'd be like, man, we got to find out the mystery.
Who is L?
What's going on?
Or it could just be like Q, like, like a huge Q, like a little colon.
Like it's a, like it's posing like a question.
But the colon's very small for far away.
And then below it says, Who is Mysterious L?
And then there's the location for the QR code you gotta scan or whatever.
You gotta really sucker people in with that Q. You gotta let the crazy people hope and dream.
You could use Photoshop to have it on a stormy background.
When I was a teenager, there was actually a guy who ran as an independent for a state seat.
And I think his name was like Doug Quayland or something like that.
He owned a couple of business lots here and it was just like Q was like the logo for it because his last name.
And then when he would run for office it was just a big Q because I have one of his old stickers because he came to my house when I was a kid.
And I wonder how that campaign would go now.
Uh, he'd be a lot more popular.
He'd have a lot more fans.
They would have no fucking idea what was going on.
But they'd be there for him.
Oh, man.
You know what would be great?
Like, running on a platform.
Like, I pivot.
I go hard.
Cue.
I say all the right things.
They get those people to love me real good.
They get me into office.
Or anybody, for that matter.
It doesn't have to be me.
But as soon as they're in office, they're just like...
Joke's on you, losers.
You're all chumps.
I tricked you.
I hoodwinked you.
I'm gonna vote for everything you hate.
Like, you were right.
Like, we're in control.
Get fucked, losers.
Just really rile them up.
Just, like, drop the mic on them and just be like, dude, if this isn't gonna stir up enough for them to be relevant, then nothing will.
He hasn't posted since 2012, but he still did the Q thing.
Look.
My name is Doug Q. Quelland, and it's just a Q in his Twitter photo.
I just linked it in chat.
That's so funny.
My name is QQQ.
It's pronounced QQQ.
QQQ.
That's our boy.
Okie dokie.
I think that's probably about it for talking about our sad old presidential candidates.
So let's get into our succulent listener mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
Leach from Buffalo asks, if you had to fill out the juror form for a theoretical trial of a former president, what would you list as part of your media diet?
This is a reference to the guy that said he was on Truth Social, but also listen to Mueller, she wrote, and all kinds of other weird, eclectic political stuff, and thusly got on the jury, and then had all of the right-wing going, oh, we got the Truth Social juror!
Totally gonna get a missed trial!
And then that guy was like, Trump is guilty.
Fuck that guy.
So, way to go, that juror.
Uh, I mean, I guess if I was being truthful, I'd have to just be like, uh, the only thing I really talk about or listen to politically-wise with any consistency is Mike Raines, a.k.a.
Poker Politics, on the internet.
And then I guess they would look at your shit and make of that what they would.
I'm assuming I would not get to be part of Trump's jury, considering I'm on a podcast talking about how he sucks every week.
It wouldn't probably be bad.
Yeah, I don't really consume that much.
I mean, I... Oh, Internet Today!
That was the people I think were covering the Shark Rant.
It was the Daily Shows.
Yeah, I watch Internet Today on YouTube every now and again.
I like the Jon Stewart Daily Show pieces.
I'll watch that every once in a while.
I'll watch Last Week's Night with John Oliver.
I'm so basic.
I don't watch cable.
Like, I read AP and HuffPo, so I guess just by dint of reading HuffPo, I'm probably too liberal to be on any jury for the high-profile conservative case.
But I do try to get my AP in there as well, you know, just to get the more measured response.
Yeah.
What about you, Haley?
Um, I feel like I would be like that jerk who got, uh, who tricked the world with the true social answer because I do have a very funny diet of just like, I listen to random YouTube guys and podcasts and then I'm on Gab and Telegram and, you know, true social.
And, um, uh, but yeah, uh, you know, uh, the internet.
Would be my response.
Yeah, that would be kind of what I would have to do is I'd be like, oh, yeah, I follow right side media and Newsmax and blah, blah, blah.
And people are like, what do you mean by follow them?
I mean, like, oh, I just see the crazy shit they're saying about Trump.
And then they're like, you're dismissed.
I'm like, fuck.
God damn it.
Son of a bitch.
I watch hours of Charlie Kirk.
Yes!
Huge fan of Turning Point USA, let me tell you.
Big fan of Turning Point USA.
I just list all the Turning Point shows.
I'm like, the Charlie Kirk show for three straight hours, then I hit two hours of thought crime with Charlie Kirk, and then I move over to the women's segment for an hour of spillover with Alex Clark.
That's my name.
You're on!
You're like, yes!
Trump totes guilty!
Ha ha, got him!
Does it count as a media diet if you're part of a Like a comedy political podcast?
Like, is that like throwing up part of your diet?
Yes.
It's just like, well, we do talk about how trans people have rights a lot.
They're just like, you're dismissed.
Sorry.
Oh man, you bringing up Charlie Kirk and all this shit reminded me of the fucking fake mistrial juror bullshit that got all the right-wing pantaloons all hot and bothered, which is gonna go nowhere and is nothing.
So yeah, there you go.
I covered it for the 10 seconds.
It deserved, you idiots.
That was like the dumbest shit ever.
Oh shit, they caught a juror!
They're totally rigged!
No, they weren't.
Settle down.
Calm down, buddy.
Calm down.
SpaceCats asks, why can QAnon and some MAGA not accept the Hunter Biden verdict as a win?
I think a lot of it is just the fact that they want the world to be rigged against them.
And the fact that Hunter Biden got convicted means that the bad guys can lose too.
It's a martyr complex.
They don't feel anything if it's not the whip at their back.
They need it.
They need to feel persecuted for them to get any sort of high.
Pretty much.
I mean, that's... And also, they know that Hunter isn't going to go to jail for forever.
This isn't big boy crimes.
And it's a fucking gun charge!
They should be outraged!
They should be like, what the fuck?
Why can't someone do it?
All kinds of crack, not get a gun!
Second Amendment!
America!
I mean, like, this should literally be something that they should be outraged that Hunter... Also, it doesn't help that liberals don't care, which we don't.
Right.
Yeah.
So, there we go.
It's so silly.
It's so silly.
And finally in the mailbag from MeBad is, in a tournament style showdown, what cryptid would defeat them all?
Xenu is hosting the event.
Oh my god.
Wow, what a question.
This is right in my wheelhouse, but I haven't really thought of cryptid power scaling in like a hot minute.
And I know some of the ones from outside of my country are like pretty intense in terms of power level.
Like the Baba Yaga and stuff like that?
Yeah, I mean, Baba Yaga's more of a folktale than a cryptid, you know?
It depends on where you draw the line on that, as well.
He's a copper, but he's weak.
Yeah, Chippewa Copper's so weak.
He's just popular because he's local to us.
Same thing with Mothmane.
It's not really related to the question, but my friends and I were musing about how Mothmane's the new Cthulhu.
Like, Cthulhu had his time of the sun, where you could get plushies and blankets and tote bags and stuff with Cthulhu on it, and everybody was like, ha ha ha, Cthulhu.
Well, now that's Mothman.
Like, Mothman is getting his time of the sun, everybody's making Mothman burst out.
I think TikTok has something to do with it.
TikTok is spreading the love of Mothman.
But, like, power-wise, I mean, I just don't really think he's that intense, you know?
What you said always, like, that makes me laugh when I think about the fact that there's an actual basketball team named the Toronto Raptors.
The, like, Raptors just received that mega push after Jurassic Park.
Like, we don't have a professional sports team anywhere named after Tyrannosaurus Rexes, but the Raptor, like, suddenly, like, got a major sports franchise named after it.
It's like, oh my god.
Way to go, that movie, for making that dinosaur, like, very popular.
I think out of the ones people talk about pretty frequently, I think Skinwalkers probably have the highest ceiling in terms of what their powers should be capable of.
But that's just because a lot of the North American crickets are pretty boring.
Mothman is probably up there in terms of being interesting, but Bigfoot, you're just a big hairy and maybe elusive guy.
The Jersey Devil can fly, that's scary.
I guess, except in Mothman.
It's like, what have you got for me?
And then all the plesiosaurs or whatever, like your champs, and it's just like, what if the fight is not taking place literally in the lake, you know?
I feel like that's sort of... At least when you're doing this with Aquaman, he can get out of the water to fight, but not so much with Champ.
If Champ was coming out... Actually, I think there's a... I can't remember if it's in Alaska or what.
It's like an avalanche cliff fish or something.
It is this crazy thing I had never heard of before that, uh, maybe I got hoodwinked, but I watched a video or something that was talking about them.
It was like a, it's like a landslide-related cryptid, where it's like, it's apparently, like, it's massive.
It's like the size of a football field that, like, hangs out on the side of a hill, and then when prey gets below it, it just sort of, like, scuttles down the hill real fast at them, and it looks like a landslide, then it just gets them.
Can't remember what the thing was called, but it was just, like, very entertaining, and if that thing, I mean, just size alone, how you gonna beat that?
Okay, I'm in.
I'm in on the Alaskan landslide cryptid.
That sounds like a winner to me.
My pick is Mongolian Death Worm, because it could get into the ear of any of the other cryptids and kill it.
So Mongolian Death Worm is a great pick, but there's like a lot of different, like, I don't know what the, I don't know enough about the base source material, because a lot of, like, pop culture stuff has messed with the Death Worm.
But in some cases, it's like, like, I think of the Weird West, aka Deathlands, like the Mongolian Death Worm is like, gigantic or whatever, like there's like a supplement where
it's like it's like it's like huge it's like a graboid and It's got like acid blood that could spit at you or whatever
and it's like well Yeah, I mean if it's like the size of a dragon and it blows
up violently into like an acidic explosion and stuff like that
Yeah, it's probably gonna win most fights, but Worm is pretty cool, but
Yeah, I mean, I I guess I guess the Mongolia deathworm is a good pick
I respect that.
God, the cryptids are where it's at.
Good question, Shatter.
Yes, thank you.
But is a banshee a cryptid, again, or is it folklore?
It became folklore because people claimed it existed out there.
A scream that makes you die in Centavious is a pretty good power in a tournament, you know?
Yes!
And your next opponent, a thing that can hear you!
Oh, don't worry, I got this.
It is intangible, so anyway, sorry.
Yeah, so that's the question.
Do the monsters in A Quiet Place die to the Banshee when they fight each other?
Oh, they make regular noise.
I mean, they would be fucking incredibly bothered by the Banshee.
And that brings us to our final question as always.
What are you guys looking forward to?
I am going to probably do some Magic the Gathering playing today, because the new Modern Horizon set is available on their digital platform, which I still have enough currency to play for free on.
So I'll probably be doing that this afternoon.
It'll be pretty fun.
And I might take a nap, because I feel like a lazy, tired boy.
Yeah.
What are you looking forward to, Hayley?
My day's been all fucking weird.
Already.
So once I'm done with a meeting after this podcast, I am also taking up El on the nap idea.
Nice.
So maybe we'll meet on the dreamscape.
I am also going to jump on the sleep train here because it may be waiting on my steps right now,
or it may be arriving shortly, but I'm getting a new CPAP mask and a tube.
So my CPAP mask will be form-fitting and snug, and I'll be able to sleep better starting this evening.
And I'll be grateful for it.
So for those of you thinking I was going to go Celtics, you were wrong!
I tricked you!
And also the Celtics made me too nervous.
So I'm not looking forward to it.
Just please win.
Please win, you stupid basketball players that are from my home city.
Yeah, fuck you basketball players.
We've always said that.
We hate your guts.
Especially you, Caitlin Clark.
You're the worst.
Just kidding.
That's very stupid and the people who think that are dumb.
Thank you so much for listening to the show this week.
It's time for us to fuck off so we can all sleep like the dream warriors we are.
So we're gonna dream our way out of Hellworld for the week.
I hope you guys enjoyed the show.
If you want to support the show for free, but harder, you can do so by giving us a 5-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
If you have money and you want to give it to us, we will take it.
You can visit patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
Your donation of $5 or more per month gets you access to all of our bonus content, past, present, and future.
There's a bunch of it on there, including all the stuff we've recorded with Sarge and all the stuff that we've been recording recently.
Mostly Mike and Haley, but there's new and old stuff available there for you.
Thank you so much to all of the beautiful little babies who are already hanging out in the crib.
We love you.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to some dickheads that you listen to online for free, you're just like, hey, being free is the whole point.
We totally get it.
But if you want to do some good with some money, you can donate to love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for our original theme song that was accidentally remixed by Mike Rains into what you heard at the top of the show.
Thanks to our buddy Frosty, who does all of our voiceover work when we need it.
You can find Frosty on Blue Sky, at FrostyBO.
You can find the show itself that you're listening to right now, yes yes, The Adventures of Hellworld,
or in Hellworld, and also of Hellworld I suppose, at Hellworld on various social media, that's
Hellworld with a Q, 7-0.
I buckled and returned to Twitter, embarrassingly, with my tail between my legs, at Hellworld,
that in fact spelled the same way as Hellworld the show.
Of course, Hayley, our Arizona correspondent, you can find on various social media, at Arizona
Right Watch.
And Mike Raines, our expert in all things QAnon Crazy, can be found on various social media at PokerPolitics.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures of the Hell World Podcast, I've been one of your hosts, Mr. Yurzel, joined as always by Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, and our expert in all things QAnon Crazy, Mr. Mike Raines.
▲
Export Selection