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June 6, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:43:11
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #192: Convicted Felon Trump

Good news all around this week. Trump loses in court, Russia is losing on the battlefield. The Epoch Times got exposed as being a front for a money laundering ring and so much more. Steph fills in for L who is off celebrating all the good times. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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you.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, listeners.
That's all I've got this week.
Low energy Hayley.
That's what I've always called her.
I'm in the middle of coffee.
And this week we're joined by Steph, aka Existential Dreads.
Hi!
Woo!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I, your host, Mike Rains, am a huge moron, I did not check the podcast chat I have with me and Elle.
And literally on Sunday, Elle had messaged me and said, Hey, Mike, I'm going to be busy with some stuff on Wednesday.
Thursday's not looking too great either.
We're going to have to try to work this out.
And I got that message 15 minutes before the pod.
Basically, 15 minutes before we start recording normally.
I'm like, time to check the messages!
Time to tell Elle the headlines!
And smash cuts of me being like, uh, gotta find a third from somewhere.
Stephanie!
Bam!
I choose you!
Throws Pokeball.
Stephanie pops out of it.
So it was just like... I'm always here.
Thank you, Stephanie.
Yes.
Thank you, Stephanie.
And also a motor vehicle that's backing up behind one of you.
Appreciate that.
That's me.
Sorry about that.
It's not your fault.
There's a car backing up behind you.
That's great.
Oh, man.
So at my work, we had So we're doing it.
There was a show that was supposed to be happening and the show was a DJ you've probably never heard of.
And that was kind of like the thing is that we're good at promoting people that already have names and the people want to come and see like low level celebrity kind of people.
But if you're like a no level celebrity it becomes like a real issue.
And this thing was a train wreck from the jump.
And then, so the DJ set begins.
And from what I've been told, like basically no one was there.
Like they, they did not have anyone actually attend.
The event.
But, uh, that's just what happens in these kinds of situations.
And then an hour into the DJ set, suddenly on the casino floor walk out these two women who appear to be wearing, like, lampshades on their heads.
Like, these weird, like, flowing lampshades on their heads.
and they have tinier lampshades on their hands that they're holding.
And these women are just in their underwear, just bras that are revealing.
They're wearing garters with stockings and thongs under them.
So their asses are just hanging out.
And I was told that the women were actually like mushrooms and that this was supposed to be the psychedelic vibe
of the DJ set.
And the end. And.
And my only thought was, why are the half-naked ladies on the casino floor and not in the room with the DJ?
Because I'm already getting the show.
The DJ really can't do better than this.
Like, no DJ is gonna beat Half Naked Mushroom Lady.
Like, I don't like, like, sorry, just so it's like, to me, I would just go into the person who promoted this thing and be like, yo, dude, bro.
Get like an opaque black curtain and let's put our half-naked mushroom ladies behind the opaque black curtain.
And you can hear the music and you can see them like dancing around.
And now if you want to see the half-naked mushroom ladies, you gotta pay!
That's how this is supposed to work.
No touch.
No touch.
And, well, it was really funny because there was a guy that was like in a black button-up shirt, black pants, he was like all black, just, just, and he was like the mushroom lady wrangler.
Like, he would like walk them around the casino floor, they'd do a lap, because visibility was probably very poor for those ladies, because they were wearing these very elaborately weird mushroom hats.
Like dog gowns?
Yeah, it's like a reverse dog cone.
Instead of the dog cone starting at your neck and going up, it started on the top of your head and went down.
So if they didn't have their chins up, you couldn't see their eyes.
Their faces were obscured, which means that their vision was probably obscured.
I just cannot imagine being a model from some agency And you get the phone call and they're like, look, this gig pays this.
The gig is you have to walk around half naked in a casino for like two hours while wearing a quote-unquote mushroom on your head and hands.
And you just go into your dresser and start pulling out your lingerie and you're like, it's a living!
I mean, it's just the most bleak, dystopian thing I could imagine.
I wish I could be a mushroom lady.
Oh yeah just just just imagine that like actually being like what happens to you is that like one day you're just like okay like time to just get in ripped shape and you're just like busting your ass you're a lady who has abs which is like really hard to do you just get super fit and you're like i've done it i've got an incredibly attractive body now what am i going to do with it and someone guy's like here's your mushroom hat put it on Thank you for all your hard work.
Thank you for all your hard work.
Here are your mushroom gloves.
Put your mushroom gloves on.
Now traipse around this casino.
Traipse for the men, please.
And it's just like, this is not why I was in spin class like five days a week.
This is not why I'm doing all these things.
How did my life get to this point?
It's like, yeah, sorry.
That's just, them's the breaks.
Just them's the breaks.
Um, we were in Las Vegas.
It was my first and so far only time in Las Vegas.
And this was New Year's Eve, you know, going from 2019 into 2020.
And Doug Stanhope was performing.
So I decided that I was going to wear my Leloo bandage outfit the whole time we were there.
And that was fun.
And then I microdosed.
So it was a little fear and loathing in Fifth Element.
That was that was that was definitely and the guy at the door.
He was like, I'm gonna have to need to see your multi pass.
So I showed him because I have the I showed him my wrist because I have the Leloo tattoo on my wrist.
He's like, all right, you can go in.
Oh man.
Multi-pass.
It's a good thing.
It's so interesting what movies just manage to get a shelf life.
I think The Filament's fine.
It's a perfectly cromulent movie, but it's just wild that that's a movie that's a cultural touchstone.
What's your cultural touchstone movie?
I mean, like, in my community, I mean, like, when people remember it, it's Rounders, which is... I would say Rounders was probably a little bit bigger 10 years ago, because poker was still booming and stuff has happened.
Poker's now kind of plateaued.
Poker's gotten to where it's going to go and there's really no next level for it to achieve.
But there was oh god, there was a period of time in my life where literally every idiot at every poker table was goddamn Teddy KGB and it was just like You just couldn't you just couldn't stop listening to idiots being like you're on a draw Mike go away This one's not good for you.
That's like buddy.
You're the 98th millionth person that said this shit and Just like oh, yeah, I mean that's another thing is that like rounders was again perfectly fine movie Way outlasted its relevancy just because it just hit at the right time because like a few years after rounders moneymaker wins the world series suddenly every moron thinks they can become a millionaire if they play poker and then boom it's just like skyrockets and
It's really funny because every now and then I want to like do a breakdown of how not great the poker scenes are in Rounders, but like some sort of like just this crippling wave of inertia just grabs me and is like, Mike, probably a million people have done that.
People have really explained how that movie is not very poker good.
And I'm just like, but it's the famous poker movie.
I have to knock it down a peg or two.
And it's just like, yeah, but.
Do it for bonus content.
That would be really interesting.
Stephanie, do you, like, know poker at all?
No, I used to play, like, one of those little handheld digital games, and I would always win with 666 and stuff, but I don't really know, like, the rules for it.
Right.
Well, I think that would be kind of interesting, is if I had, like, two people who didn't understand the game at all watching rounders along with me.
We could do like a Normie riff tracks where it's just like you and or Haley are watching along with me and just sort of being like, why is this the thing that's going on?
And I have to explain why it's stupid and makes no sense.
And then you can just sort of nod your head and look at me all red in the face and be like, wow, Mike's really angry about this.
Buddy, dial it back a little.
Yeah, I watch a movie that's about something I don't understand whatsoever.
Hell yeah, I've never even heard of this movie.
Who's in it?
Oh, it's a murderer's row of talent.
Matt Damon and Edward Norton are the leads.
Okay, I wonder if Edward Norton's in it.
Yeah.
Edward Norton.
Basically, Matt Damon plays the noble poker player, the guy that wins fair and square and lets his skill bring glory to him.
And Edward Norton plays the shitbag who's stacking the deck and cheating and doing all sorts of unscrupulous stuff.
So they're the yin and the yang of poker and John Malkovich plays this ridiculously cartoony lunatic moron criminal mastermind named Teddy KGB that is like the antagonist who is in the movie for like two scenes.
And what's very funny is They find out they got Malkovich to play the role of Teddy KGB and everyone's like so pumped like they're like oh god we got Malkovich this is gonna be great and then like his first scene he got his Russian accent from a Russian woman that lived in the same apartment complex as him so he's speaking like a Russian woman not a Russian man and his accent is so over the top and campy and ridiculous
That after the first take, Matt Damon is just like, bro, what the fuck?
Just looking at Malkovich like, are you out of your mind?
What the fuck are you doing?
Cause he's just like, very aggressive, but I will not be pushed around.
He's just like this campy lunatic.
Malkovich, like, waves Matt Damon over to him to, like, lean in, and Matt Damon leans in and Malkovich whispers to him, I'm a horrible actor.
And that's just, like, how he excused the fact that he was just gonna play this, like, Russian mob boss as a complete lunatic with the most ridiculous accent possible.
Hey, you know what?
I take exception.
You know, because John Malkovich nailed John Malkovich in being John Malkovich.
Right.
Who harder to play than yourself?
Yeah, Gretchen Mole plays Matt Damon's wet blanket girlfriend who makes him quit playing poker.
And the other girl, I believe, is the hot Russian who throws herself at Matt Damon, but he's in so much turmoil he can't have sex with her.
Many idiots who have talked about the movie are like, there's no way Matt Damon's character does a banger!
And it's like, buddy, this isn't a movie that needs a sex scene.
There's no point.
What is wrong with you?
Hot poker, what do you mean?
Ha ha ha!
Poker after dark!
Which is actually already a show, but it involves no sexuality.
It's just literally.
Poker After Dark, oh God, what a tangent.
Don't worry, audience, I can hear you falling asleep as I'm speaking, so we're gonna get right to the good stuff right now, because this was a good week.
This was a week of fun.
Skip, skip, skip, skip.
Oh, oh, oh, they're hitting the 30-second marker.
They're hitting the 30-second marker so many times until they finally hear Frosty announce the amuse-bouche.
They're like, oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
But the big thing about Poker After Dark was that they just didn't edit out all the boring poker hands.
Because before that, before the live streaming happened, when ESPN would show us poker, it was always monster hand after monster hand, which is very unrealistic.
It's basically, it's weird because we turn to poker from what Elle wants, which is all highlights, to the actual full game of poker, which is full of downtime and boredom.
So it's, I just like, usually after dark, Means we're getting sexy!
We're getting action!
And Poker After Dark was like, Poker After Dark!
Poker!
But now boring!
What a great decision, guys.
So, uh, yeah.
Enough of all that nonsense.
Time for the Boosh!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse Boosh!
Boom.
So, Bush topic number one is that Anthony Fauci going to Gitmo!
Or maybe not, who knows, but something's going to happen.
House Republicans, for God knows what reason, dragged Anthony Fauci before them again.
And called him a bad person, who did bad things, and is bad, and we don't like him.
And QAnon watched this whole thing while typing with one hand, because boy howdy were they cranking it.
Oh man, nothing gets them more fuckin' large or moist in the pantaloons than seeing Anthony Fauci being yelled at by Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Because having Marjorie Taylor Greene going, you're not a doctor!
You're Mr. Fauci!
You killed puppies, you sick monster!
And then Fauci just being like, I'm retired.
I'm not even part of the government anymore.
Why are you doing this?
What is wrong with you people?
And then Marjorie Taylor Greene like, what's wrong with you?
You murderer!
It's so bizarre how much of the Republican base is now just disease-minded conspiracy theorists who hate Anthony Fauci.
If you were like a reporter and watching people walking out of a polling station, and then you were like, excuse me ma'am, what is your opinion about Anthony Fauci?
And if the person was ambivalent to positive, you know they're a Democrat.
And if they're like frothing with rage, they're a Republican.
I mean, it's just, how is this?
Because he killed us all.
What's Marjorie Taylor Greene's take on Gnome?
from the health sector of presidential administrations now, this lightning rod of controversy
that has America like fighting over itself about him.
Because he killed us all.
Well, what's Marjorie Taylor Greene's take on Nome?
She killed a dog, or it only goes one way.
It only goes one way, and the dog was bad!
Cricket had it coming!
I mean, Cricket was a monster, unlike the dogs Fauci killed.
The dogs Fauci killed were adorable and lovely and the best dogs ever.
They were all good boys, and then Anthony Fauci killed them because he's a monster.
Unlike Cricket.
I talk to people that legit think that Anthony Fauci should be hung because they think he's
responsible for the vaccine, therefore responsible for all these heart attacks, therefore responsible
for also all the vaccine injured and the totalitarian lockdowns and also blah blah blah blah blah.
I was actually watching the Patrick Bet David podcast, which is wild, to see his interview with Chris Cuomo.
And like Chris Cuomo is also similarly doing this like anti-vax kind of nonsense.
So it's just kind of infested a lot of people's brains apparently.
Mike, how do you think people would react if Marjorie Taylor Greene, instead of grilling Anthony Fauci, hung him from the gallows?
Victory.
Oh god, the celebration.
If Marjorie Taylor Greene just drew a sword from her belt and then just charged Fauci and beheaded him, it would be one of the most celebrated moments in American political history for so many people.
So many people would be so happy.
There would be Highlander edits of her beheading Fauci and receiving his quickening.
It would be on t-shirts.
Oh, it would be on t-shirts.
Oh!
I mean, it would be like all the iconography of Kennedy and the crosshairs.
It'd just be all these things of Anthony Fauci and swords.
People would be selling Fauci blades, all kinds of fun stuff like that.
I mean, it's just... The desperate, burning desire for all these... It's the bloodlust.
QAnon just wants to see their enemies killed.
That's it.
That's the whole point of the movement.
It has got to be so taxing and damaging to your brain to just wake up in the morning, turn on the TV, and then just start seething with rage at the people on the TV.
You're like, oh, that news anchor who's Illuminati!
And now they're interviewing Biden, who's Illuminati!
And you're just like, And then you just go to work.
People are like, Hey Bob, how are you doing?
You're like, Oh, I'm doing okay.
And you're just like, just like red in the face.
He's just so mad because Morning Joe was defending Joe Biden this morning.
And then Trump gets on the TV and you get your little dopamine hit of seeing the God Emperor.
And you're like, Oh, once Trump's back to being president, everything's going to go back to being good again.
My blood pressure will drop 20 points.
Because instead of being upset at the news, I'll have his orange countenance reflecting in the glow of my TV, letting me know the world is safe again.
Oh my god.
This is the way people have just warped themselves.
There's a political party in America who's like, hey, this guy that retired last year, haul him before Congress and yell at him because it'll just get people all hot and bothered and it will boost our poll ratings and we'll get clips to post on TV.
Here's where I knocked Anthony Fauci down a peg or two.
I showed him who's boss.
Ha ha ha!
How do you like them apples?
Yeah, you know, political theater that's never been done before.
I mean, political theater is a thing, and I get it, but if you're doing that, you want to, like, haul someone before you who's topical, who's current.
Who would you haul right now?
Well, I mean, like, right now, I would haul executives from Boeing and start yelling at them about killing all the witnesses, which, again, is bullshit, but at least it's, like, the topical conspiracy theory.
I'd be like, hey, Boeing, why are all these whistleblowers dying when they try to testify against you?
And the Boeing executive would be like, that's not true at all.
That first whistleblower testified against us years ago, and so did the other guy.
And the first one committed suicide, the second guy died in the hospital.
There's nothing to it.
And then I'd be like, there's nothing to you being murderous dogs!
I yield my time!
And then boom!
I got my clip!
I win!
I'm gonna make, I'm gonna go viral!
So I mean, it's like, oh man.
But, Fauci, really?
Like, why?
And the answer is because he's the one villain they hate that they can call before Congress.
Because they can't, like, Can you imagine if the House or the Senate could subpoena the President to testify before them?
They're like, Biden!
Get down here!
I've got a bone to pick with you!
I mostly laugh about that because the idea of Trump having to do that in front of Democrats would have been just absolutely insane.
But yeah, so dumb.
So dumb.
You gotta do it for the lulz.
You gotta do it for the views and the clicks and MTG destroys Fauci and the fundraising letters.
I just exposed Anthony Fauci's corruption to the world.
Give me 20 bucks.
You got it, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Boom.
One Andrew Jackson in your hot little hand.
Boom.
Did it.
Man, that was some incredible foley work by me smacking my hand into my ball, really selling that $20 bill exchange.
Me good at radio.
So anyhow, I think we've beaten and shot that dog to death as much as we could.
Time to move on to another miserable little piss baby.
Our boy Alex Jones.
Alex Jones decided, weirdly, that his life was coming to an end this weekend.
And as a result decided to just...
...run a very long stream of him pissing and moaning and getting progressively more and more drunk and incoherent and vomiting on set, which was carefully edited around, apparently.
This was all because, from what I've been reading, there was going to be a preliminary hearing on the 3rd.
And the big boy hearing is going to come in two weeks, but for some reason he thought that on the third InfoWars was going to get shut down.
So he decided to try to go out with a blaze of glory on the second by throwing a, by just throwing a giant temper tantrum and just being on a stream and swearing an unbelievable amount.
And talking about dick sucking a lot.
A lot of repressed anger in Alex there.
It was just really strange.
Stephanie, did you see any of this?
You're kind of an expert.
Well, not really.
I mean, I listened to the Knowledge Fight and I saw the unedited clip of Alex, kind of like he puts his You know, he covers his face with his shirt and his cheeks are puffing out and he's doing that like, I just vomit it in my mouth thing.
And, um, but I, you know, and I actually, it was almost a four hour Knowledge Fight episode and I did listen to it twice because I'm an obsessive idiot.
But the one thing that stood out to me was, and this was just in the knowledge fight, so this, it was only twice that I heard it, but might have been more, as Alex is getting drunker, He goes, I love you guys so much.
And then he says, I feel like you're a part of me.
I feel like you guys are my arms or my legs and I love you so much.
And that stood out to me.
And I tweeted about this because that is, and Alex was diagnosed as a narcissist during his custody trial with his first wife.
And that, the fact that he's relating love for his coworkers, As if they are a part of him.
That's classic narcissist.
That was like the only genuine emotion I could feel.
The crying was fake.
Definitely.
But there was real emotion in there.
Like, he has built this legacy.
And I would be sad if it was going away.
But he's also a narcissist.
So the only way he can express that, like grief, is by relating it to himself.
Like, I'm gonna miss you, Owen.
You're like my leg.
Like, dude, that's not how we relate to people in normal land.
Oh, I've always said Hayley's my left pinky.
I mean, when I really get down to it... I'm your right ball, dammit.
Right ball?
That would be... Oh man, that's... I provide you with stability when you sit.
It's really interesting that Hayley understands the male physiology that well, that the scrotum does dictate our balance.
And with improper ball alignment, a guy can start listing the starboard very hard.
It's not great.
You just start moving, and then someone has to walk over to you and give you a little jiggle.
Just get the boys in the right spot, and then you can start walking normally again.
When you see a guy tilting, you know he's lost one.
Or the ball's just kind of, like, scooted to one side.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
That's how it works.
That is the incredible burden us men bear, is that we are very, very dependent on proper ball alignment.
Otherwise, everything just turns to shit.
It's just not great.
This is After Dark territory.
So we're going to try to get to a point where we get paid.
Emeril got paid for every time he said blam or boom or whatever his thing was.
So we're going to try to get paid for every After Dark we whisper.
It's going to be great.
In our Spotify contract.
The thing that was so weird about this is it felt like Alex wanted to be pulled off the air.
And that was never going to happen because even In the fastest resolution of this, it was going to happen the day after his long, drunken, vomiting stream happened, and the judge was just like, look, we're going to dial this back a little, and we're going to take this up in two weeks, and then we're actually going to get to the meat and potatoes of this.
We're actually going to get to the big payoff.
And so in two weeks, we're going to find out if Alex is going to be liquidated immediately, Or if Alex is going to be allowed to pull his bankruptcy claim out of bankruptcy court.
And if that does happen, he will then be directed either into a state court or a federal court and they're going to begin the process of paying his debtors.
As one person posted on Twitter, The first person listed as a creditor that Alex owes is his former legal counsel that he's in hock to for $800,000.
And that was probably the group of people that may have made the phone calls about, hey, hey, I'm stuck 800K here.
I need restitution.
So it's very possible that his former lawyers were the people that got Alex all freaked out and upset.
and started him on this spiral. It wasn't even the Sandy Hook families and their mountains of cash
they are going to get from him at some ill-defined point in the future and that he's trying to hide
the money from them on. This is just literally, yo, your legal bills. We now own InfoWars because
you need to give us money for all the representation we did.
So we're going to get more resolution on this in a couple weeks.
We're gonna see where the ball bounces.
Alex doesn't seem like he's in a very good headspace at this point, so we'll see.
We'll see how it's all going.
And it might be worse now for him because he...
Doxed his, what is it, Chief Reorganization Officer and he, and you can hear in the recording, he even like projected a picture of this guy and it's like, dude, you did that to Lenny Posner when he had your YouTube taken down.
You didn't learn your lesson?
You're still doing this, dude.
Don't do this.
Chief restructuring officer and yeah, he's just a huge moron who can't stop shooting himself in the foot He's very he's just a child.
He's just an angry dumb child.
It's ridiculous So That all happened, but we're going to get the payoff in a couple weeks, and then hopefully the payoff is actually the judge is like, no, you cannot withdraw your bankruptcy claim.
Fuck you.
We're going to start taking shit from you.
And the last bit of information I'll give about this is that Alex is trying to kill InfoWars so that money does not go from InfoWars to the Sandy Hook families and the other creditors that he owes his infinite money to.
Alex is trying to get people to give money to his father's company because his father is a separate legal entity from him.
And he's trying to keep his, basically he's turning his dad into a shell corporation to hide his money from the Sandy Hook families and other creditors by being like, look, InfoWars is dead.
All the people that were supplying us that were part of the InfoWars chain and the InfoWars brand, they're all dead.
My dad's got great products, products you need, like Super Male Ultra Vitality 7, which is not like my other dick pills.
It's a totally different brand that my dad made.
buy my dad's products.
Wink, like sound effect, emoji of twinkle out of I just all of that.
So we'll see how his scams go and we'll see how his desperation goes.
The one thing that really just like settled in for me listening to him and all
that is it's just, it's really amazing that you can become a multimillionaire and
do all this stuff and achieve a level of like fame that most people would find to
be pretty like crazy that you're like this well known figure.
People on the internet are like, Alex Jones was right, blah, blah, blah.
And you're still just a miserable drunk.
At the end of the day, It didn't buy you any happiness.
Everything you did, everything you worked for, everything you tried to achieve, it didn't get you peace of mind, it didn't get you solace, it didn't get you anything.
You're still just this broken, miserable, upset dude who...
At one point in that stream was talking about how God commended him to stop drinking because the drinking is interfering with God's transmission into his brain and he's got to stop doing it and then immediately afterwards he's just absolutely, totally in the bag, just hammered.
I mean...
You're a multi-multi-millionaire, and you're still just like, God hates when I drink!
Chug-chug-chug-chug-chug-chug.
Like, that level of self-loathing, it's like, wow.
That is rough.
That eight figures worth of monetary compensation for pulling all your bullshit still hasn't healed that.
That wound is still bleeding in you.
It's like, man.
It's rough.
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, though.
Fuck him.
So.
Turning around all my empathy to stab Alex in the back.
Fuck him.
So that covers our... For us listeners, Hayley was engaged in an intense battle of Angry Birds or some other thing on her phone, but managed to just perk up to yell at Alex Jones at the end there.
So it was great.
That's not Hayley.
That's Bruce Springsteen.
It says the boss.
Oh yeah.
Or something wrestling, Mike?
Yes, Sasha Banks, who is now Mercedes Monet, who was the boss, and Mercedes is now the CEO.
She has upgraded her nickname of being the leader of a corporation.
So anyways, we are going to throw it over to the boss to talk about Arizona, because Arizona is full of madness and insanity.
And oh my God, Hayley, pick the phone up real quick.
She's got notes, I guess.
I just have to pull up the video.
We have a couple Arizona stories this week, folks.
First of all, we'll do an update on the Congressional District 8 race, which Uh, Debbie Lesko is stepping down.
She's a Republican, um, and she currently is that seat.
She was actually, like, grilling Fauci in that, um, hearing also, uh, and Fauci was just, like, literally calling her a liar.
But, um, she, she is, uh... She was, she was, we got the email!
She's like, no you don't!
She's like, I killed my time!
Yeah, that was her.
Rushed you!
Boom!
Roasted!
So yeah, she's no longer going to be in that seat.
She's running for Maricopa County Supervisor.
So that's kind of a big deal.
Anyways, running in that seat, it made kind of news because Jake Chansley was attempting to run for that, but he's not gonna be running.
Uh Trent Franks who kind of made news like like a half decade or so ago um for um for uh for uh what do you call it like basically trying to pay a work like a co-worker like a like a like a staffer to uh
have his babies and um what the fuck yeah and uh i i think he was i think he was like let's do it the
traditional way you know so he was being a little bit of a creep and uh was no longer in arizona
politics He's running for the seat, but he hasn't made as much news as Abe Hamaday and Blake Masters, who are going at it with one another.
They previously campaigned together when they were running for separate seats back in 2022.
And Now they're running against each other, and Blake Masters has put up signs all over the valley that basically is like, Abe Hamaday, Muslim, derogatory, you know?
I love that parentheses derogatory and parentheses salutary is like a thing now, it's just great.
It's literally, it's just photos of Abe, like, And it says, you know, like, he wants to Islamify America or something.
Those signs are everywhere.
And he's also kind of insinuating that Hamaday is gay.
There's been some, like, kind of, like, gay stuff at him.
I'm here for that.
I'm here for the LBJ calling his opponent a pig fucker argument.
That's the kind of politics I'm here for.
But yeah, Hamaday put out an attack ad yesterday that was...
It accuses Blake Masters of, it says, Blake Masters acts like a leftist, lives like a leftist.
He lived in a nudist vegan commune.
He said veterans have no stake in America's future.
He praised drug dealers, which of course is why he also played on a woman's basketball team, and said that we should cut Social Security.
Blake the Snake Masters is a fake, is the campaign.
The nudist vegan commune thing made me laugh out loud.
And it is partially true, he was part of a co-op in college that had this nudist aspect to it.
And he did play on a women's basketball team in the sense that he was not cut out for the men's team, so he played as the male practice for the women's team.
Hammond is obviously insinuating some anti-trans stuff here.
But, yeah, so this race is getting interesting, and then Hamadeh has been saying, like, kind of openly, like, we were friends and now he's being mean.
So these guys are going at it, you know, in the funniest way possible.
It's just like, you're a Muslim, you're a vegan.
You know?
What I really enjoy about that is the thing about the Blake Masters nudist colony part is that We now have QAnon promoters talking about how the sun is good and the sun is healthy.
Brian Cates, formerly of the Epoch Times, which we'll be talking about as our first headline, our boy Brian Cates did a thing recently where he was just like, hey, I'm in Arizona right now, and because I haven't eaten any seed oils in months, I can bask in the sun with no damage!
And he's literally just posting photos of himself in a hotel, just smiling cheerfully as hour after hour is spent outdoors and he's not being murdered by the sun.
Because if you don't take seed oils and you have a proper diet, you don't sunburn.
That is a new QAnon myth that is being promoted by Brian Cates.
So Haley, cut out the seed oils and you can enjoy Arizona sun with no consequences.
Oh, the Turning Point USA people are all about this, like, anti-seed oil shit.
They push a lot of this.
They push this app that basically lets you find restaurants that only cook with, you know, non-seed oils, duck fat, or whatever the fuck it is that they're always pushing.
And they also do this anti-sunscreen kind of shit, which is wild to push in Arizona.
So yeah, that was one story, a little bit, just an update on that race, but also hilarious news.
Some Arizonans will know about the Trumped Store.
The Trumped Store is one of several Trump-themed stores in Arizona.
It's literally just all Trump merchandise.
Like the tackiest shit you'll ever find.
I have this Trump that if you squeeze, his eyeballs pop out.
It's awesome.
They also have this guestbook that you can sign, which I've definitely signed that thing.
Yeah, so the Trump Store.
Trumped Store.
They also host a lot of far-right events.
They host events with State Senator Wendy Rogers, also a white supremacist.
And Carrie Lake!
They recently just had an event with Carrie Lake.
There was a really great shot where you could see the group, the whole crowd, and it's like the people with the Trump Store, Wendy Rogers, Carrie Lake.
Um, some kids throwing up a west side, and then a confederate flag right behind all of them, so that's cool.
Um, and, uh, yeah, so Trump's store.
You kind of get the deal.
Um, the guy who owns it is named Steve, uh, uh, Slatton?
Steve Slatton?
He's currently running against a former representative here, Walt Blackman, in Legislative District 7.
This is kind of more up the northern Arizona area.
Walt Blackman sucks too.
I was at a rally one time where he praised the Proud Boys and he was like, we love the Proud Boys, don't we folks?
So he sucks, this is not an endorsement of Walt Blackman who sucks ass.
Um, but he's black so sometimes he does get, like, attacked by the even more far-right people here.
Like, some people... He got in a kind of an argument, him and his wife, with... They got in a little tussle with Jordan Conradson of the Gateway Pundit and he started getting, like, the N-word sent to him.
Oh!
Knocked me over with a feather.
Oh my god.
So again, not an endorsement of former Representative Walt Blackmun.
He is a far right piece of shit, but he is also sometimes attacked for that.
He's also a Mormon.
So Steve Slayton, who I'm about to talk about, he's kind of attacked Blackmun for being a Mormon and just Mormons in general.
So anyway, this guy, the Trump store guy.
is currently lying about being a decorated Vietnam veteran.
He claimed to have served in Vietnam as a Cobra pilot and was special forces.
And he claimed the following awards, National Defense Service Medal, Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal, Vietnam Service Medal, Army Good Conduct Medal, Army Commendation Medal.
He claims to be a part of something called the Nixon Vietnam Program.
That's not true.
He joined the army after Vietnam ended.
He served in Korea for one year.
He didn't get those medals that he claimed.
And that Nixon Vietnamese program that he claimed to be a part of?
There's no such thing as that.
I will just never understand why people do this shit.
If you're going to be a liar, just lie but don't run for public office because eventually people are going to fact check you because they want to hold the office and they want to make sure you don't so they try to beat you so your shit's going to come out.
I'll never understand why George Santos ran for office because He's obviously going to enjoy another year or two of being a weird political celebrity oddity.
And then he's gonna spend, like, ten years at a club vet for all his crimes.
Like, I just don't understand why anyone would be like, yeah, I was a Vietnam vet, and I was battling in Saigon and all that stuff, and now I'm gonna run for office where my previous statements about my military service can be aggressively fact-checked by my campaign opponents.
Oh no, they're all lies!
Fuck!
Dammit!
I can't believe they caught me!
Yeah, he just submitted...
Oh, I'm sorry, I was going to say, didn't Mueller, she wrote, didn't they do that too with that stupid podcast?
Something was going on with her.
I don't know exactly.
I mean, the thing is, I've heard people talk about her, and then I've seen people defending her.
But the thing is, at the end of the day, she's a podcaster.
Who the fuck cares?
If she got important, she's like, I'm gonna run for officer, do something.
Then it's like, now I'm gonna care more about your backstory.
Lying is dumb enough.
Lying and then trying to get famous is dumb.
But then the ultimate level is lying, getting famous, and then running for office, where you know that shit's going to be fucking exposed.
I just don't understand it.
It's such a crippling narcissism and ego of these people.
Nah, I'll get away with it.
Guess what, buddy?
There's only one Donald Trump.
There's only one guy who's ever, like, literally just done all the crimes and then people just didn't care because he's mean to liberals.
Yeah, apparently he even submitted a fake- so he attempted to prove that he actually did serve in Vietnam by submitting a DD-214 to a local radio station to prove his service in Vietnam.
The forms that he submitted were altered from the original document and it's been now verified that they don't match the ones that are on his actual file.
This is just like actual crimes!
Oh, really?
We're not going to spend the next, I don't know, half hour talking about falsifying documents in a major court case?
Oh my god.
What the fuck is wrong with these people?
So that's the Patriot that runs the Trumped store up in Show Low.
This is kind of, even normal, even some normal Republicans will take offense to this, because apparently we have the most, like, veterans in the United States, like, of Arizona.
You know, we're a retirement state, so, yeah, that'd be funny if, uh, the Trump store shut down, because he lost so much business, but that's just me dreaming, so.
If they make the Trump store, I can go get all that shit for really cheap, that'd be awesome.
Oh god, oh man.
It's like the Knowledge Fight guy is dreaming about getting Alex's desk from the studio.
You're gonna own some giant piece of legendary history of the Trump store.
They sell a toilet scrubber that the base, the bottom, is Trump's face and the bristles is orange and it's his hair.
And I wanted it so bad.
And if Trump's fart goes under, I'll go get it.
Why the fuck would you make that?
Oh my God.
Why is your toilet scrubber not Hillary's head or Biden's head?
Like, why the fuck would you be like, this is the God Emperor who I love and I was going to clean all this shit off my toilet.
Yeah, Trump.
I wouldn't know if there are Trump themed sex toys.
I'm sure there are.
Listeners, please don't send me that.
No, no.
Yes, please don't.
Yeah, this is imagination only.
Why did you open that door, Stephanie?
Why?
What evil possessed you to say such a terrible thing?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
One final thing about Arizona.
Trump's coming here tomorrow.
Dumpy is here tomorrow.
I hope he brings Kerry Lake on stage.
It's going to be great.
One thing I'll bring up about that is people have been pointing out that Trump is broke and all the rallies he used to do where he'd have people be indoors of him and he'd have a rally, that's all gone out the window.
He's now doing all of his shit outdoors in places where they can scam them or get it for cheap.
So it's going to be awesome when he's campaigning in the summer, doing all these campaign stops in Arizona, Nevada, Georgia, Florida.
It's going to be great.
Just let Trump cook in the heat.
It's going to be awesome.
So anyways, we have news to cover.
Let's do it.
It's time for news.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Uh, so, The Epoch Times.
Fraud.
Fraud Times.
The Epoch Times, more like Epic Crimes, am I right?
Oh, God.
But it's the number one trusted news.
That's what my billboards keep telling me.
Say it ain't so!
The number one trusted news for the Falun Gong.
If you didn't know already, the Epoch Times is literally a paper or a media enterprise funded by a Chinese cult called the Falun Gong, which has been trying to not be suppressed by the Chinese government because the Chinese government is communist and they don't really care for religion and they especially don't care for the Falun Gong.
And it has turned out that the Epoch Times is just a multi-level marketing scam of some sort.
It was a pretty intense scam.
I read the documents and it's like they were doing some pretty intense fraud.
How intense was the fraud?
It was like $67,000,000 worth of fraud, wasn't it?
That sounds like a lot of fraud to me, $67,000,000.
And yeah, they were taking out fake insurance claims and just fake credit cards and just absolutely scamming people's identity.
That's a huge crime.
Didn't they have, like, a team or an operation that was called, like, the Make More Money group?
Yeah.
That was so funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So this is, yeah, they had a department called Making Money Online that then laundered the money through cryptocurrency in prepaid debit cards.
So the entire thing was just literally a scam.
This is basically how all right-wing media operates, is build a brand of lib-hating, Trump-loving nonsense, attract a base of technology and media illiterate morons, and then rob them, aggressively rob them, and take all their money.
And I would like, I don't know, kind of hope that any of these people have a little self-respect, a little dignity.
It'd be really nice if they did, but it feels like they don't.
It feels like they're pretty shameful.
It's pretty, it's pretty wild.
So more news to come as that works its way through the system and more grifters who were getting money from the Epoch Times suddenly find out that that well just went dry.
Oh no!
My pile of infinite free money is gone!
No!
Uh, very happy about the Epoch Times.
Couldn't happen to a nicer group of people because they suck.
They're, uh, literally just corrupt bastards who, uh, found out that their, uh, heliography and QAnon promoting for Trump really didn't work out because, uh, he wasn't that tough on Xi Jinping the way the Falun Gong wanted him to be.
Uh, they, he just sort of was like, you know what?
You guys are really, uh, oppressing the Chinese people.
I don't care.
I'm Donald Trump.
I'm...
I'm in favor of oppression.
I'm a big oppressor myself.
It's not great.
So that all happened.
Moving on swiftly from the Epoch Times, we have Russia, America's favorite neighbor, ally, friend, with our favorite political leader that's not Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Vladdy Daddy.
It turns out that Russia is currently getting their asses kicked in a couple of theaters in Ukraine and that this is bad news for Russia.
In Kirkov, their attacks have faltered and there's a video of 60 Russians just basically throwing down their arms and surrendering to Ukrainian forces in the area.
I cannot recall the, I can't say it right, but basically in another area there is a river crossing that the Russians were trying to make and the Russians have failed spectacularly and brutally and they're getting Slaughtered in that zone as well.
And this is being very quickly like swept under the rug by the pro-Ukraine QAnon people because They are very upset that America and NATO have now authorized Ukraine to strike inside of Russia with Western technology and weapons.
So like American and Western missiles, rockets, artillery are now hitting Russian cities that are neighboring Ukraine.
And like, I'm seeing so much of QAnon being like, hey, are you enjoying our slow descent into World War Three?
Because it's what's happening.
America is attacking.
America is attacking Ukraine.
America is letting them attack Russia and Putin ain't gonna stand for this.
So if you idiots are Are okay with nuclear war and all of us dying for Ukraine, then guess you should be happy.
Guess you should be happy that this is happening now.
And it's just like, well, you know, takes two to tango.
If you're worried about nuclear war, why don't you have White Hat Vladimir Putin withdraw from Ukraine and minimize this issue and we can have peace and the war will be over right quick?
And QAnon never talks about that.
They never talk about Russia being the aggressor, because they always talk about the biolabs, or NATO promised not to advance and expand, and then they did, and Russia was provoked into this conflict, and yada yada, and that's all nonsense.
But if you're worried about nuclear war, then why don't you guys call on Putin to just leave?
But they can't do that, because Putin's the hero, and he's right.
He's right to want to conquer Ukraine because of the bio labs or something or any reason whatsoever.
So we're stuck with all these idiots complaining about the fact that we're The world's going to end.
Joe Biden and the West's imperialism and oppression of the Soviet people and the beloved people of Russia is too much.
And Vladimir Putin's totally justified in setting off some nukes and turning all major American cities into glass parking lots.
So it's all going great.
We are We are going to be destroyed and we deserve it, according to QAnon.
And not Russia being bad and losing a war that they don't know how to fight because they way overestimated the military capabilities they had.
And it turns out their military is a bunch of cardboard boxes on top of, like, Hampshire wheels that have the word tank written on them on the side.
It's just very, very sad that The people are like, USA!
America!
Woo!
Freedom!
Are very upset that our stockpile of technology from 30 years ago is crushing Russia with contemptuous ease.
This isn't even an argument.
The only reason why the Russians are doing anything is because Republicans held up funding for Ukraine for a long time because they're in bed with Putin.
And I don't know why they finally gave Ukraine the money.
It's very weird.
But thank you, Republicans, for clearing that low bar of defending a nation that's being invaded by its belligerent neighbor.
In other, better, awesomest, greatest news, the news you've been waiting for a whole goddamn hour for, but we dragged it out!
We tortured you!
And if you were hitting the skip button, if you were advancing 30 seconds to get to the payoff, it's finally here!
Donald Trump convicted of crimes!
I was taking a nap when this news broke.
I heard the jury came in and I was just like so rattled.
I just drove to the supermarket because I just I didn't want to be looking at my phone the whole goddamn time because I knew it was going to be like a half hour between the jury coming in.
So I just drove to the supermarket.
Grab some groceries, paid for my groceries, got back in the car, and then I checked my phone.
And by the time I did that, I had accurately and beautifully burned all the time.
And by the time I got back to my phone, it was like, GUILTY OF EVERYTHING!
ALL THE CRIMES!
HE DID THEM!
And I was just like, yes, because they just do how unbelievably mentally unhealthy it was going to be.
It was just sitting there going refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, come on, come on.
And I was just gonna get so nervous that like somehow he was gonna fucking get away with it.
Because As it turns out, right-wing media lied to me!
Some people on Twitter have pointed out to me that the truth social juror, the guy that liked JD Vance, was actually a weird political omnivore who also listens to Mueller, she wrote, and enjoys a wide spectrum of political engagement.
Yes, but we're not weird freaks where we're just like, I'm going to go on Truth Social to absorb what they're saying and take it and then scruff my beard and stroke my chin and think about what their message has.
And then I want to fire up Mueller, she wrote, and listen to her and see what she's talking about and discern all these vague data points.
It's like, no, my politics are pretty baked in.
I'm pretty much who I am.
And it's not going to change.
So, yeah.
But it turns out that the guy that was the true social juror was actually the weird politics guy who just loves all that shit.
And I mean, that was the thing, is that literally the Trump side of this was just sort of, we need one juror to hang this shit and save our ass.
And it turns out that they didn't get that, and he was slam-dunk convicted of everything.
And Stephanie was mentioning about the 9-Hour Knowledge Fight episode that we listened to.
They had General Flynn on for a brief moment, and at one point, Flynn was just like, I didn't think they were going to convict him of all 32 counts.
I thought they might get him for one or two, but 34?
Holy smokes!
That's a lot of crime!
And what's 34 divided by 2?
It's 17.
Q-proof.
Boom.
You have more than you know.
Trust the plan.
Oh, God.
The amount of baking I've seen about this conviction, like Q-drop 34, people are digging into that.
Trump raised like $52.3 million after the conviction.
Some people started looking up Q-drop 523.
Everything has to be in accordance with the plan and the holy script and the writings of Q, the gospel according to Q.
Q-Drop 34 is a spicy one, because it's basically about how Podesta is about to be arrested and the world's about to be saved and all that great shit.
And this was back when Q was actually going to do something.
And they were going to do something very quickly.
And that was seven years ago.
And shit hasn't happened yet.
So maybe you should figure out it's all a LARP.
Maybe you should figure out it's all bullshit.
Honestly, I saw an interview with Trump's lawyer on CNN with that Kaitlyn Collins or whatever, who's a hack, you know?
She's a hack journalist, reporter, piece of shit, but even he was like getting stumped by her and Her first question was like, how did the jury, you know, find Trump guilty?
And she's like, I don't know.
I'm like, okay, it's obvious why Trump lost all counts.
This guy sucks.
Like he's getting owned by like a A fake journalist, just, like, crap journalist, so... He's getting owned in a softball interview.
Literally, the interviewer's like, Are you ready?
Are you ready?
I'm gonna throw you the ball!
Are you gonna hit the ball?
And then they throw the ball to him, and then he just whips.
He just does like a whirling dervish 360 and falls on his ass, and suddenly there was just like a pie there, and he's like, Oh no!
Now my bottom is covered in apple pie!
And it's just this slapstick nonsense comedy.
Yeah, Blanche, Trump's lawyer, when you're doing the media rounds, he is just, oh my God, it's just like, how?
Wasn't the whole point of Trump, like the whole point of Trump in 2016 was I am a fucking genius and also I am a shrewd businessman who hires the best people so even if you don't like me personally You can put your head on your pillow at night knowing that the best and brightest in America are, in my administration, guiding the ship of state towards success and prosperity.
And now literally every person Trump's hired to do everything for them is just like a gibbering moron who gets interviewed and they're just like, So, Mr. Lawyer Person, how'd you fuck this up?
And they're just like... And it's like...
What is going on here?
Like the whole point of Trump was massive competency and that he was like the ultimate CEO who knew what talent was and would just look at someone and go, I like the cut of that man's jib.
Put him on my staff and it would all work out and you'd make more money because it was all great.
And it's like, no, actually everyone's a goddamn moron.
Like everyone around this guy is just an idiot and he sucks at picking people.
So yeah.
It was great.
So the other thing that's been going around the around about this is the fact that The right are claiming that Trump was railroaded because the charge that he was convicted under was falsifying documents and this is a misdemeanor unless you can add it to another crime which makes it a felony.
The main count of this was that this Falsifying your business records was done as election interference.
And this was the whole thing, was that these were campaign funds that Trump used, and then he tried to make it look like it wasn't that, and then he gave the money to Cohen for other reasons other than to try to quash the Stormy Daniels story from coming out.
Because I don't know if I We got down to brass tacks about this when the trial started, but the whole point of this was, is that in 2016, the pussy tape had just leaked.
Trump talking about how you can just grab women by the pussy, it's totally okay when you're famous, you can just sexually assault them.
That's just how these dames are.
And so, the Trump campaign is reeling from this, and while this is happening, suddenly there's news that On top of Donald Trump bragging about sexual assault, a porn star is about to go public with the fact that she and Trump had sex while Trump's third wife was at home with the baby she had just had with Trump.
And so you're going to get this one-two punch of, Trump, sexual assault is cool, plus Trump banging porn stars behind his wife's back while his wife is Literally in bed with their newborn baby suckling at her teeth.
So you're just going to have this picture of Donald Trump, the worst possible candidate for a woman to ever vote for in the history of the universe.
And so the Trump campaign was like, fuck, we've got to stop that Stormy Daniels story from coming out.
Because if it comes out, we're finished and Hillary is going to win.
So that was the other crime, that they were doing this in order to try to run election interference.
And the New York attorneys literally stated this a year ago, that they were going to be like, this is the predicate crime we're adding on top of the falsifying of documents to charge Trump with a felony.
And basically all the judge said was, how you decide that he committed election interference, that's up to you.
But once you've done that, you've done it.
And then you can hit him with a felony charge.
So basically, they were just saying that Trump was hit with this Byzantine legal theory that was nonsense and it's ridiculous.
And as a result, this whole case is a bunch of poppycock that should be thrown out and blah, blah, blah.
But none of that's true.
It's all nonsense.
It's not accurate at all.
And the final thing about all of this when it comes to Trump and this court case from the eyes of QAnon is that, again, this is part of the plan.
That Trump had to be indicted.
He had to be put on trial.
He had to be convicted because he is setting the precedent for when we try Obama and Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.
And if Jimmy Carter is still alive, we'll drag him in front of the military tribunals also.
But that Trump's conviction is proof that presidents can be convicted of crimes now.
So all the other presidents are gonna get it once Trump's back in office.
And this is what Trump was working for this whole time.
So everything's great and don't worry about it.
It's all good.
That is what they say out of one half of their mouths.
Out of the other side of their mouth, they say that the Supreme Court is gonna step in and Overturn this fraudulent bullshit conviction and Trump will be a free man.
And they never square that circle.
They never say to themselves, you know, it's weird that we're talking about how Trump has to suffer all these slings and arrows of his fraudulent persecution so that we can righteously persecute his enemies, but at the same time his persecution is going to be overturned.
Because we're just gonna flip a little switch, we're gonna beep the boop.
Just boop!
And Trump's just gonna walk away scot-free.
No muss, no fuss.
But if that happens, doesn't that mean the precedent wasn't set and we can't arrest Obama and Bill Clinton and George W. Bush?
Shut up!
Shut up!
Don't ruin our fun!
Don't yuck our yum, you jerk!
Oh, it's just...
It's so silly.
Isn't that like, uh, if Jesus had been pardoned or something, like you have to do the suffering to achieve the higher vibrational frequency or whatever, you know, like it just, but it's all oppositional defiance.
That's what Trump's base is.
Oh, you're telling me not to stick a fork in a toaster in the bathtub?
Well, I'm going to stick a fork in the toaster in the bathtub.
Yeah, basically.
I mean, it's really that.
What you're talking about is one of the weird parts of the blood libel anti-Semitism, the Jews kill Jesus shit, which is, wasn't Jesus supposed to sacrifice himself?
Wasn't the whole point of him being Christ the Redeemer that he has to die so that we can all achieve salvation?
Shouldn't we be like, Yo, Jews!
You killed Jesus!
Way to go, Jews!
You did it!
You played your part in the thing!
You did the good thing!
Hey, Judas!
You betrayed Jesus, but you were supposed to betray Jesus, and it's good that you did, because then he died and redeemed us all!
Way to go, Judas!
You're the best!
None of the story of the crucifixion, that the bad guys did the bad thing, it's like, no!
It was God's plan.
It was literally all fate.
Nothing could stop it.
That was the whole point, that God created himself as a human being and then sacrificed himself to himself to save humanity from himself.
It all makes perfect sense.
Don't think about it too hard.
And that was your 5-Minute Atheism Podcast.
5-Minute Atheist.
Except without Islamophobia or transphobia.
Oh, well, that's atheism plus.
And that's only because it works.
That shit gets the clicks.
And I mean, like, debunking Islam, I don't consider debunking Islam to be Islamophobia.
I think that's totally fine to go with the Quran and like those kinds of beliefs.
But I think like being mad at Muslims and just like, thinking like they're any way different than Christians is very silly.
Because all Western religions are very silly.
That's just the nature of them.
Because You have an all-powerful god and you have a devil, and your god doesn't kill the devil for reasons.
But the transphobia and the misogyny and the atheism to Gamergate pipeline, all of that is just yuck.
Just yuck.
Don't understand it.
One of the core things about atheism that was so kind of cool to me when I was just like, I'm an atheist and I'm a cool person!
One of the things about that that was kind of part of my self-identification was that because I don't have all this weird religion in my head, I don't think of women as lesser than men.
Because that's absolutely a big part of religion.
Is that, like, in Christianity you're just all about how a woman doesn't speak at church, keep your mouth shut, the man's the head of the household, all that kind of good stuff.
And it's like, I don't believe in that.
I believe in women being equal!
Woo!
Go me!
I'm so progressive!
Unless you're doing a podcast and I have to read something.
Then you can't really read this.
Yes!
Read this, you broad!
I forgot about Rob Reiner misogyny.
Oh, man.
Oh, that's my favorite thing.
Yo, Dave, read this for me.
Soledad O'Brien reduced to the secretary.
Yo, toots, read this for me.
It's like, oh my God.
She's like, I've won Pulitzer's and now I have to do this.
It's like, oh yeah.
That was Rob Reiner handing Soledad O'Brien her mushroom hat, her mushroom gloves, and her underwear.
It was just like, Soledad, time to traipse around the casino for me, dame.
And she's like, God dammit, why did I sign up for this?
What the fuck?
Soledad O'Brien just randomly catching strays out of nowhere.
Well, not really.
You did sign up for the JFK Conspiracy nutball podcast where fuckin' Chuckie the typewriter blew away the president.
Chuckie the typewriter did it.
I cannot wait to get you that shirt for Christmas.
I'm here for it.
Oh, God.
Actually, if we ever make a Hellworld merch store, besides the Hellworld shirt, the second shirt will be Oswald acted alone, because that's a shirt that has universal knowledge.
It's not a deep cut.
It's like, you know that guy they accused of killing the president back in the day?
Fucking did it.
It's not hard.
You just did it.
I mean, it's into it.
Actually, that would be the shirt.
The front is just big.
Oswald acted alone.
And then the back is all microtext.
Just a giant list of evidence against him.
So it's just like...
For me and only me.
Although I think there could be a bunch of edgelord contrarians who could just be like, you know what?
Oswald didn't do it.
Fuck this CIA shit.
I'm going to reverse, reverse rebellion.
I'm going to rebel against the conspiracy theory and back the government view of the assassination of President Kennedy.
Because I'm a rebel.
I trust the government.
So.
So sentencing for Trump will be, I believe, July 11th, which is, people have pointed out, it's like a few days before the RNC.
So he might need permission from his parole officer to go to the convention.
Although probably not.
He'll probably be allowed to stay out pending appeal and all that good stuff, but it'd be really funny if they literally said, yo, you're under house arrest, and you're gonna have to, like, Zoom in to the Republican National Convention.
And now accepting your nomination live via Zoom!
Donald Trump!
Does he just see, like, Donald Trump, like, glitching and freezing?
It's just a shitty Zoom connection.
Oh, that'd be great.
Speaking of probation officer, I just want to remind the listeners that that Jack Smith Twitter account is a bullshit, blue and on disinfo account because that account the other day posted a picture of a black police officer, a female black police officer, and it's clearly like labeled on her shirt sleeve like Indiana police or something.
And he's like, meet Trump's probation officer.
I'm like, you fucking piece of shit.
You are putting an innocent woman's life in danger by posting this and I just went off on like this mini rampage like, you know, this account is blue and odd bullshit.
It's not a real account.
If you're following this account, maybe you might want to consider your life choices.
The thing about the Jack Smith account makes me... God, I can't roll my eyes hard enough.
Just the idea of appropriating someone else's identity, pretending to be that person, it's ridiculous.
Like, Angry Staffer.
Like, I don't know if... I mean, Angry Staffer is a LARPer, very obviously a LARPer, but I'm just saying, at least they're just like, I worked in the White House for a time!
Talk to me!
At least that is vague and nebulous.
When you're literally like, Jack Smith, it's like, what the fuck are you doing?
You're literally just trading on somebody else's identity to make a puck.
Like, fuck you.
Like, oh god, like that... Yeah, that...
Those kinds of accounts are just like, ugh, just nails on a chalkboard.
Just absolutely the worst.
Absolutely the worst.
And that's ridiculous to post a photo of anyone.
Especially, like, doing that because you know you're inflaming misogynist racists.
Like, just the idea of you're like, Donald Trump's gonna listen to a black woman telling him what to do.
Oh my god.
Like, just, you're literally, again, you're just calling for his audience to be violent against this woman.
Who has nothing to do with the situation at all.
Nothing at all.
But it's follow back resistance, Mike.
They're such good people.
Put your name on this follow train.
I remember when I was a young boy on the internet and I was getting desperate.
I was thinking of doing some follow trains.
I never did it and never broke down.
I grew my account the old-fashioned way by letting porn bots follow me and never blocking them.
It's like, oh, oh, I remembered that shit!
Like some fucking QAnon guy.
So some QAnon guy fell out of the sky and they rehashed the whole thing.
So, this is a total tangent.
So, the news segment is over, everybody.
So, you know, this is just me on a... My brain unlocked this dumb story, and then we're going to go right to the mailbag.
But a long time ago, there was this person who was a fake anti-QAnon account.
And they would follow me, and they would engage with me.
They engaged with QTalk.
I believe they engaged with Karma.
And then they started a DM group and they pulled us into that DM group.
And basically what this person wanted us to do was start blocking, like they wanted us to start like, uh, coordinating our plans to get people kicked off Twitter.
Like that was the goal of what this person was like, we need to get these people off Twitter because they're doing bad things.
And so like me, Karma and, um, QTalk.
We would work on that, find people, report them for ban evasion.
And then we were going after this one guy, and basically when we did that, the guy suddenly immediately started projecting his tweets, which was a huge red flag that something was wrong.
And then we found out that the guy that pulled us into the room had started the room to make us look bad, and that he was a QAnon believer.
So that was poor OPSEC on me and QTalk and Karma's fault.
We all, like, let this guy set us up in that way.
But again, literally all we were doing was just talking about, hey, this guy's banivading, or this guy's, like, posting, like, hate speech.
We should, like, report that to Twitter.
That was literally all we were doing.
And this guy was just, like, You are censoring people, and you're working for the FBI, and you're mean, and you're bad, and I hate you, and argle-bargle, and it was just like, buddy, that was years ago, and calm down.
And you think the FBI gets pulled into a room by some moron and then admits to what they're doing in front of him?
The FBI's better at this than I am, I promise you.
But someone got into this story.
Someone got into this story this guy was telling.
They went to my account.
My account now has 17.1 thousand followers.
And he was like, oh, look at that!
So now I am a Q-proof.
I am proof of the plan.
I am a white hat.
Because my follower count has the magic number 17 in it.
So it's just, it was just awesome that I was comms for this guy.
This guy was like, really?
You think this guy's a bad guy?
He's got 17.1 thousand followers!
Woohoo!
Q-proof!
He's a white hat!
Let Jim Stewartson know that.
They figured me out.
I'm actually on Flynn's payroll.
They got me.
They figured me out.
Boom!
Yes.
So, all that's been said, so now Hayley can get into the mailbag!
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Cluedor Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor asks, now that Trump has been convicted and thus proving to be under reasonable doubt that your mind powers can affect reality to your whims, what else will you wish to happen to be real?
World peace.
That's so weak!
Boo!
I got one!
I got one.
Well, me and Spiral D on Twitter have this ongoing fantasy fanfiction LARP about buying a large mansion someday.
And yesterday we were talking about it.
I was like, we need one with a lot of rooms because there will be three rooms for Quacks Anonymous' books, which I saw in person and it's phenomenal.
And then I'll have two rooms just for my stuffed animals.
And then we'll have like 10 rooms for cats.
So that's my fantasy that I would like to come true.
Having a huge mansion with D and quacks and a bunch of stuffed animals and a bunch of cats and books.
Oh, man.
What can I manifest into the world?
Ah, this is tough, because I'm low-balling it.
I would manifest any of my books being reasonably popular.
I would say that would definitely be my thing.
About halfway done with the first chapter of a fantasy book that I've been working on for like, I don't know, a hundred years.
It's very sad how long I've had this story in my brain.
And once it's done, I'm probably going to send the first chapter to a bunch of people to have them look at it and give me commentary, critique, criticism, praise, all that good stuff.
And I think that that would be kind of my ultimate, like, my ultimate moment of I made it in the world and stuff is super awesome.
Like right now, it's people telling me, you got me out of QAnon.
Thank you so much, good sir.
And that's more important, and that's obviously, like, an incredibly vital thing.
But I think creating a character and then seeing someone, like, cosplaying as the character you created would be, like, the ultimate empowerment of an artist ever for me.
I'd just be like, oh my god, that person is, like, dressed as the character that I made.
Like, holy smokes.
Like, I would just, like, probably have, like, an out-of-body experience at that moment.
Oh my god, like this is the thing.
I vomited this thing out of my brain into the world and it resonated with people so much that they were like, that thing is cool.
I want to be like that thing you made.
So I think that'd be like what I wanted to do.
Or what I would like to see happen.
I can't promise anything.
But, uh, yeah.
I don't know why I said that.
My brain just short-circuited.
So thank you for the question.
Chris Brandenburg asks, uh, tell us everything about the Nazi teacher bust.
I'm so proud.
Hayley, the Nazi teacher bust.
Do you know about this?
Yeah, that was the story that I talked about last week on the show.
Yes.
Um, yeah, as far as update, oh, if you want to, if you want some of the story, you can listen to last week's episode or go to leftcoastrightwatch.org and you'll see the story there.
But, um, as far as updates, um, The school that she works for, as far as the high school, has said she will no longer be teaching there.
Her contract has ended and she will not be asked back.
The National Guard said she is being investigated, however, she is still basically able to do certain duties.
I don't know if she's been like, you know, she's deranked or not deranked, but like, you know, just kind of like doing lesser jobs right now.
But yeah, she's still active in the National Guard while they investigate her.
And it made local news, actually.
Some local news channels picked it up.
Left Coast Right Watch made local news.
They showed the front page of Left Coast Right Watch, which is kind of cool.
Yay!
Yay, love!
Indie news!
Yay!
And, let's see, she's not responding to any phone calls or emails on the matter.
She technically has also taught at University of Arizona and nobody has seemingly cared to Dig a little bit more into that.
So, unknown about the University of Arizona stuff, but the man who she married who was also unmasked as a neo-nazi active and he was previously part of another neo-nazi group and he killed a man.
He killed a teenager while wearing a Nazi uniform.
He turned into a massage therapist and changed his name after getting out of prison.
Oh yeah, he went from Drake to Draco.
Or Drago.
Drago.
Yes.
Like Dragon, but with no N. Or like the guy from Rocky.
Yes.
And yeah, he...
Is a licensed massage therapist.
It doesn't seem like the massage place cares.
They've left him on the website and ignored all calls and have seemingly removed all the bad reviews from Yelp and Google.
Would you say he's a misogynist?
Probably.
I mean, yeah, definitely, actually.
Oh, God.
The rim shot thing goes too long on this thing, but where is it?
Drum joke, there it is.
Yay!
Yeah, we should be using that more.
Yeah, oh yeah.
Yep.
But yeah, that's kind of the main updates.
You know, feel free to reach out to your local National Guard, to your Valley Unified School District and University of Arizona if you have any concerns about this lady who's a Nazi working with children or in the The end.
Diane asks, here's a topic.
Old women are being cheated again by social security formula based on earnings after we were paid 24% less.
Some of us worked a decade before the equal pay law was passed.
Plus, after that, employers just had a bogus reason to lower, keep our wages low.
Yes, the struggle for equality will continue in perpetuity between the genders because men are terrible and bad.
And that's just the nature of things, which is why I had to give myself two female co-hosts today to balance out my horrible inequity as being a scumbag male.
And I properly self-hate.
Hayley is now pointing at me, which is something I accept.
And if you if you join the highest tier of the Patreon, you get to watch me and Hayley beat the shit out of Mike.
It's true.
Yeah, if you actually, I forget if it's $10,000 or $50,000, whatever one it is, but yeah, whatever one it is, it can be a party or it can be an equality and justice moment where Hayley and Stephanie get to just beat on me for five minutes.
And I don't want any punches pulled.
I want to come out of that actually fucked up.
I want to hurt at the end of that.
My only hope is that five minutes is a long time, and that the two of you will get winded after, like, a couple minutes.
Like, after the first two minutes, it won't be that bad, and I will be, like, covering up, but you'll still be able to get me in the ribs and probably the legs.
And no amount of yelling serial names will save you.
No!
No, no.
This is a Proud Boys recruitment.
No, no, no.
I wouldn't know what I wanted to be.
Writing wrongs.
I love the fact that that was such a bizarre, non sequitur statement by Stephanie.
And yet, immediately Hayley just took that bump and spiked it.
I know exactly what sick wavelength Stephanie's mind is on of this shit.
And it's just like, okay, because I gotta say, when Stephanie said that, I was just like, okay, that's absolutely the most fucking bizarre thing I could possibly hear.
And then Hayley's like, oh, yes, good, sir.
Good, ma'am.
What you have just said is incredibly cogent and topical, and I shall not riff on it.
And I'm just like, and it's like, That is one thing I enjoy about these kinds of situations, because it's usually I'm the nut who has the mysterious esoteric knowledge.
And other people around me are like, what the fuck are you on about, mate?
And I'm just like, no, no.
I know Nazis, I know Militias, I know White Supremacists, and Christian Nationalists, and we misogynists, yeah.
I just love the idea of this guy just gettin' fuckin' his ass paddled, just dudes.
Cheerios.
Yeah, just dudes.
People are just bombin' fuckin', like punches, rainin' down shots at him, and he's just like, Fruit Loops!
Special K!
And they're just like, Every serial name takes 10 seconds off your beating!
Oh my god.
And the one random guy yells, Grape Nuts, and everyone's like, Beat him harder!
Yeah, Crispy Hexagons, which I actually had when I was a kid, that's just like an off-brand of, what do you call it, the honey ones?
Like the hexagonal...
Rice Chex.
Yeah, and Crispy Hexagons.
It came in the cheap box.
Crispy Hexagons.
Oh my god, what a fucking name.
Oh, that's so good.
Oh, man.
And the final question in the mailbag was actually from Stephanie, which was about Alex Jones vomiting on air.
Which, basically, if that ever happened where I was drunk and incoherent and puking on myself and you were my two co-hosts, cut me off.
Just wrap the show up at that point.
Just be like, Mike's a little under the weather right now, so we're gonna call it.
And then I started lashing out at you, just leave.
Just leave.
And eventually I'll figure out that I was in the wrong and maybe in a day or two later.
Or maybe if I was Alex, my narcissistic injury would be so great it would kind of like spiral out of control.
But either way, I would deserve it.
Because if I'm fucking puking on myself on the stream while I'm drunkenly rambling about how the bad people want me to suck their dicks, because boy howdy, am I very much obsessed about that, that is the thing that I'm very, very concerned about, it's just like, yeah, I deserve to be shut down.
That is a stream that you need to pull off the air as quickly as possible.
Yeah, I wouldn't let that.
No, that wouldn't happen.
I'd be like, Mike, I love you, man.
I ain't gonna let you do this to yourself, bro.
That's what real friends do.
They don't let you keep going.
Stephanie, you're like my left shoulder.
My left shoulder's kind of sore.
It's not great, but it's what you are.
It's what you are to me.
It's awesome.
And Haley, oh man, like, three of the toes on my left foot, that's just where you rate.
You're really great that way.
Love you.
Love those toes.
They're so good.
They're really important.
They bounce me out.
Why do I sound like Rick from Rick and Morty, not Alex Jones?
Gravel voice is gravel voice.
It's just not great.
So yeah.
Anyways, finally, what are you guys looking forward to?
Uh...
The crushing, crushing cold embrace of oblivion, apparently.
I'm not sure yet.
Stephanie, go!
I'm looking forward to having my application for the Halloween store accepted, and I'm hoping that I get hired again this year because This is like the prime time to start applying if anyone else out there is interested in the seasonal work.
And it's fun as fuck.
And I love it.
So I'm looking forward to hopefully getting hired again this year.
My third season in a row it will be.
And doing spooky Halloween shit till November.
That's cool.
Okay, I've decided to start playing Animal Crossing again.
So I'm looking forward to the next day I get to pick something.
Start playing Hades!
Start playing Hades.
Yeah, apparently there was a patch for Hades 2 that came out today.
I'll have to look into it.
I don't think it's that it's not the big patch, which is basically when I'm going to be like, that's going to be when it's when it's all like Donkey Kong.
It's going to be big time.
I am looking forward to the fact that I am going to be talking to a reporter tonight about QAnon because I'm a bridge troll.
And now that election season is rolling around.
People are like, oh, look, we've got to find the bridge troll.
We've got to talk to him with that weird QAnon shit.
It's weird.
So after three years of being kept under the bridge and being fed fish heads by people, now they're letting me out.
They're letting me out of my cage to talk to people about the bad people that are poisoning our politics in America.
And it's great and wonderful.
On top of that, tomorrow begins the NBA Finals, which my Boston Celtics are involved in.
So I get to, one of my friends was a Minnesota Timberwolves fan and And I've also got a friend who's a Boston Bruins fan, and the thing that you learn through the course of these events is that it only gets worse the more your team wins.
It just gets to suck more.
Until your team actually wins the title, it's just more painful every step of the way.
It's just like, why would anyone want to get invested in sports when it's just endless suffering?
But we do it to ourselves.
It sucks.
Because I just remember when the Bruins were in Game 7 against Toronto, my friend was just like, man, if we win this, we're going to play Florida.
They're probably going to beat us.
And I hate Florida.
I hate them so much.
And I was like, yeah, it's great.
Even when we win, we lose.
So yeah.
So here's hoping the Celtics do good.
A lot of stakes here, so I'll have fun.
Anyways, enough of all this nonsense, all this boulderdash.
It is time to levitate out of Hellworld this week.
And as a result, I will thank DJ Minimal Effort for making our music, which then I accidentally remixed and made better, stronger, faster, better.
Take that, DJ Minimal Effort!
I owed you!
That was a totally real laugh, and now I'm going to really cry like Alex Jones.
Spoiler, I'm not going to do that.
Also, shout out to Frosty, who you can find on social media at FrostyVO, who does all of our bumps.
Also did our RFK If you are enjoying the show, please continue to do so.
Leave a five-star review wherever you are, wherever you're listening.
Watkins gave up on Q a long, long time ago. If you are enjoying the show, please continue to do so. Leave a five
star review wherever you are, wherever you're listening.
Tell people about it. Be our street team. Help us grow the pod
so we can become podcasting millionaires.
Because that's our actual dream that we want to manifest into the world.
We want to do live shows where you can't see us.
That's what happened to me when I went to the Knowledge Fight live show.
It was not their fault.
The venue was just not very well situated for the scene.
It was suboptimal.
So, Dan and Jordan, I absolve you.
The Middle East and Boston, I do not absolve you.
You were in the wrong.
You did a bad thing.
And if anybody is coming out of conspiracy theories, or is about ready to come out, or you have a family member or friend that's still in, and you need someone to talk to, I'm not a licensed therapist, but this is what I do.
I've talked to many people, and I've given them advice, and sometimes people just need to listen.
I'm on Twitter at StephInDoubt.
My DMs are open, and my email address is in my background.
And I will talk to you.
As will I. As will I. You can find me at Poker Politics.
So, if you wish to give us money, and again, if you go to that unbelievably high tier, which is like five figures, if you want to give us a pile of money so that I can get the shit beat out of me by Haley and Stephanie, I'll be glad to bruise their knuckles and damage their legs as they kick, strike, and claw at me for five minutes of brutality.
Totally worth it.
We're splitting the money three ways.
Even though I should probably get more because I'm being assaulted, but hey, again, equality, diversity, inclusion.
That's what I'm all about.
I will gladly suffer those slings and arrows for cold hard cash.
But for only five bucks you can get our bonus content, which is great.
Patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
And if you want to give money to people that are not us, love146.org.
They fight human trafficking and they do so honestly and really, unlike QAnon who screams about Wayfair and other bullshit, which is useless and doesn't help and is actually counterproductive.
So, for another successful episode of The Judges in Hellworld, this is Mike Brains, signing off for Hayley and Stephanie.
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