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May 16, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld

01:37:13

Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #189: Dark Brandon says Debate Me, Bro

This week we cover more StewAnon madness, Trump's melting brain and Trump's legal troubles. Also Dark Brandon challenges Trump to debates. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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	You I
	I Content warning.
	The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
	Listener discretion advised.
	Hello, everybody.
	I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
	Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
	This week, I'm joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
	Arizona Right Watch.
	Hello, everybody.
	I'm in extra hell this last week because my air conditioner broke.
	Ooh, fun.
	You lucky dog.
	And I'm also joined by the mysterious hell.
	Hello, my beautiful babies.
	I couldn't sell out on a voice, so you get no voice.
	That's right.
	If I can't think of something, you suffer.
	And in my air conditioner related news, presumably it works just fine.
	I considered installing it today slash yesterday because it was the first time it's been, it just barely got to 80 degrees.
	That's usually my cutoff, but I decided against it like an adult.
	Because the rest of the week is supposed to be like 60 to 70.
	It's literally already in the hundreds here.
	Oh yeah, Arizona's terrible.
	I tell you that every week.
	We all know it.
	I mean, I'm sure there's parts of it that are rad and one of them being you, for the record.
	I'm sure you and the people that you associate with are cool and rad and you are making Arizona a better place and you're doing the good work and we love you for it.
	We try.
	But, that being said, the state that you are fighting in is shitty.
	And that's why you're fighting there.
	It sucks.
	That's why there needs to be a fight there.
	And part of it sucking is something that you're not even bothering to fight against.
	The scorching hot heat.
	The blazing sun.
	Why are you not installing something to block the sun?
	Then I will come visit you in Arizona.
	I need a Mr. Burns style contraption.
	Also we're joined by Mike Raines.
	Blah blah blah.
	I need...
	A contraption to do it.
	Sorry, I just realized I haven't let Mike talk since we started.
	I don't care!
	I've always said that Arizona should kind of just be turned into a big solar panel.
	And it would do two things.
	It would block out the heat.
	It would provide carbon for us because we would be covered by the solar panel.
	And then the solar panel would be absorbing all this energy from the sun that we get 300 plus days of.
	It could charge Arizona.
	It could be like a two-tier thing.
	That would be great!
	And then you could have like a like a cyberpunk style series of like slums built under the solar panels and sometimes they could get misaligned and accidentally shoot like a heat beam that just destroys a low-income neighborhood.
	It would be an interesting setting, I think, for... someone take that!
	Arizona's not the center of many, you know, like, like fantasy fictional type stories.
	Like we should we should do that more.
	It's interesting.
	It's weird.
	Yeah, we need more cyberpunk Arizona based storylines.
	We need more narratives like that.
	Yeah, I feel like the American Southwest isn't super well represented in media since the 80s.
	I feel like the 80s was the last time there was a lot of shit going on in the American Southwest that was popular.
	And I guess into the early 90s with shows like Renegade and stuff.
	Wow.
	I mean, I can't believe those neurons fired it like that.
	That was a surprise to even me.
	I didn't watch fucking Renegade.
	Like, was that show set in the American Southwest?
	I don't know.
	I think so.
	Nobody checked me on that one though.
	That was a reference that came from, that was like a, that was like an elder god speaking through me to get that reference.
	Have you ever seen Tombstone?
	Have any of you ever seen Tombstone?
	What, you mean the incredibly famous movie Tombstone?
	Yeah.
	With all of the actors in it?
	With every actor on Earth in it?
	Yeah.
	Is Cowboy?
	No, actually, I haven't seen that one.
	It brings shame into me that I haven't seen it, because I've seen a bunch of clips from it.
	It seems rad.
	Tombstone, the city of Tombstone, the town of Tombstone in Arizona is like basically like a little tourist trap because they you know they kind of center themselves around being the set of that movie and I went to Tombstone like last year Um, and it was very fun.
	You know, it was cute.
	And I talked to people that like legit were like, yeah, I just loved the movie and I decided to move here.
	Like, wow.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I had a friend who, we had lured him out to Vegas from where he was living previously, and he road tripped.
	And on his road trip, because he loved the show Deadwood, he actually went to Deadwood, South Dakota.
	And it was just a dumb tourist trap with really crummy poker rooms where they played weird Howdy, partner!
	Welcome to the mood!
	Yep, exactly that.
	Oh, God.
	All of that.
	Yeah.
	But I bet they'd get real upset if you just started shooting up the place, you know?
	Like, fucking hypocrites.
	Jesus.
	Yeah, absolute.
	Where's my authenticity?
	Yeah, I want a duel in the yard.
	Yeah, you tell them.
	So, that all happened...
	And then, of course, when you're talking about these kinds of things, we'd be remiss not to bring up Salem, the ultimate tourist trap based off history.
	Like, literally an entire city just existing exclusively to lure people in based on something that happened hundreds of years ago.
	A series of murders at that.
	But that just means that Salem was ahead of the curve, man.
	Like, again, true crime is like catnip for white ladies.
	That's a fact.
	Yeah, at Tombstone, they have the...
	The graveyard where you could basically see all these tombstones that just say silly like fucking obviously fake cowboy names and they're obviously fake tombstones and everybody thinks that's the real graveyard where all the goofy cowboys were buried but it's just also like a tourist trap and the real graveyard's like miles down like a dirt road.
	Oh yeah, that's my favorite thing of QAnon people.
	God, I don't know why I said that.
	What a brain fart.
	But no, I just love it when people come to Salem and they're like, where did they kill the witches?
	And you have to be like, Danvers, it's not even in this town anymore.
	Salem just kept shrinking, so where the actual hangings and everything happened is somewhere else.
	You have to go looking at other places.
	So it's just like, it's just like that kind of thing where the, the quote unquote history that you're looking at is not where it really happened.
	The history is somewhere else.
	It's like when I went to Waco before our trip, Mike, when we were in Texas and it wasn't actually in Waco and what was in Waco was something called like the Magnolia Market where some like Target interior designers have basically taken over the town with these things called the silos where they sell rolled ice cream
	and lemonade and just a lot of knitted things and I don't really understand why it's popular but I
	was like this isn't Waco and then you go out like 20 miles into an area called not Waco to go
	to Waco you know. I think the Dr. Pepper plant is also in Waco. Oh. But when I lived in
	Texas I was too broke to go anywhere so Uh, including Waco, which I was just like, oh, Waco, that's interesting.
	But, yeah.
	Sort of the same trip, uh, my whole life.
	Like, I've lived in a lot of cool places, technically, but I, up until recently, I didn't really have an opportunity to go out and, like, mix it up anywhere but my hometown, really.
	So, shout out to my hometown for being the only place where I got shit done.
	We should all take a road trip somewhere really weird.
	We should go to D.C.
	together, actually.
	Have you ever been to D.C., Mike?
	Have either of you ever been to D.C.?
	Yeah, I did the D.C.
	trip when I was in high school.
	Oh, I've never been.
	I technically go to D.C.
	every year, but I've never actually done any of the tourist stuff.
	I only ever go to... There's an event that happens every year in January in D.C., if you know, you know.
	And I go to that event every year where I do cool shit.
	Like drugs.
	No.
	Like, I'm living with my friends who live in the area, you know?
	And that's usually where I save my annual allotment of drinking.
	I save up my days for then.
	Although, they just legalized marijuana down that way, so this past time, a bunch of my friends were getting very drunk, and I was just legally getting toasty-roasty off of the soothing vapors of a marijuana pen.
	And as a young man, I would just be like, that would make me want to drink more.
	But as an old man, that just gets me high.
	And I'm just like, you know what?
	Maybe I don't also need to maybe be hungover tomorrow.
	I can just ride this out.
	Tomorrow I'll wake up and just be like, my God, no side effects.
	Totally makes sense that this is legal.
	Or illegal, I should say.
	I think that we should do some weird trip together, the three of us.
	Some pilled trip.
	Some trip.
	I've never been to D.C.
	I want to go to the Spy Museum.
	It's one of the few museums you have to pay to get into because it's not taxpayer-funded.
	Spy stuff, dude.
	Espionage Museum?
	Hell yeah.
	You can see shoes with stuff stuffed in them.
	Where's that even at?
	D.C.
	Oh, cool.
	Okay.
	I mean, I would love to go.
	Doing a DC trip sounds, like, awesome to me, because we could, like, do all the other- we could do all, like, the rational, normal DC tourist stuff, and then we can go to Comet Ping Pong and, like, find the basement of the torture dungeon and expose the truth to the world.
	I'm sure we can find a lot of weird stuff.
	going on?
	Oh, yeah, but I mean, you got to do comment.
	I mean, yeah, that's, yeah, I love cheese pizza.
	Yeah, that's a lot.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	When you order it, you got to say I'm super creepy.
	You're like, Hey, I'd like some cheese pizza.
	And they'd be like, Yes, sir.
	No problem.
	pie.
	And you're like, Yeah, I really want that cheese pizza.
	Let's, let's let's do this.
	And then there's like, Oh, you're doing a bit.
	So Security. You're like, no, I just wanted some pizza.
	And we get get out there. Fuck a wise guy.
	And you're just like, what?
	But and it's like, yeah, I know what you're up to.
	And you're just like, no, I really just want cheese pizza.
	I hear a hair standing in the comb over might not be a great idea,
	but I'm not joking, nor am I nor am I a pederast.
	I just want pizza.
	Mike, if I get you a shirt that says I ordered cheese pizza at Comet Ping Pong,
	would you wear that?
	I would wear it for a very specific situation.
	It would not be my, I'm going to the mall, let me throw this shirt on.
	What if we just went there and they just had shirts that just said Comet Pizza?
	Or Comet Ping Pong or whatever.
	I would absolutely wear that.
	I had a coworker of mine freak out because he was just like, yo, dude, there's a guy wearing a Jeffrey Epstein shirt over there.
	And then I look over and I see it's a Jeffrey Epstein shirt.
	But then, because I understand the universe, I look at it and I say, oh, it's an Epstein didn't kill himself shirt.
	This is not a pro Jeffrey Epstein shirt this guy's wearing.
	What was the shirt?
	What is it a feature?
	So it's it's Jeffrey Epstein's face with his eyes like removed and like in that middle area where his eyes should be are the words Epstein didn't kill himself.
	So like that's what you're supposed to notice and like.
	The person who alerted me to it did not... The words, Epstein didn't kill himself, are very small.
	It is way too small.
	The punch of the joke, those letters need to be a lot bigger.
	That font type needed to be at least 10 points higher than it was.
	Because the font was at 12, it needed to be at 24.
	Because, again, this person just looked at the guy and was like, why are you wearing a Jeffrey Epstein shirt?
	That is the weirdest thing.
	Yeah, dude, you gotta have this, you gotta draw them in.
	So that way they don't have to scrutinize you and then they see the message in the shirt and they're just like, oh, I get it.
	Yeah.
	That's how you make friends.
	Also, who the fuck would be walking around with a pro Epstein?
	Who's pro Epstein?
	It was one of those rare cultural moments where everybody got together to agree that, first of all, this guy did suck and should have been dead, so that's cool.
	But also, if it was by his own hand, it was under duress.
	I mean, you know?
	He didn't just get sad enough himself.
	His sadness didn't knock out the cameras in that way and cause the security guards to disappear and fall asleep.
	But, you know, at the end of the day, net positive.
	We all agreed, and we finally reached across the aisle and shook hands.
	We were just like, we're glad he's dead, but it was totally not suicide, right?
	Okay, back to hating each other forever.
	And that was just how it went.
	You gotta take those dubs.
	There's so few and far between.
	Oh, my favorite thing about that whole Epstein moment was after he was dead, QAnon couldn't take the dub.
	Literally, they were like, 48-hour rule, we gotta make sure he's really dead, we're not gonna do this.
	And to this day, there are people who are like, Epstein's in secret witness protection, giving up all the dirt on the deep state and bringing him down.
	It's like, no, he's dead.
	It's over.
	Calm down.
	Don't worry about it.
	Dude, the only thing I want him to give up is Ghislaine's phone number.
	What?
	I didn't say that.
	Anyway, let's go on to our Amuse Bouche!
	It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
	Get ready for the Amuse Bouche.
	I mean, can you blame me?
	Have you seen the cans on that lady?
	Anyway, okay.
	Uh, time for Amuse-Bouche topic number one!
	Madness in the Stooniverse!
	Which, thank God we get to talk about this fucking clown again.
	I hope it's great.
	I hope that madness is literally just like, you know, he astral projected and now he's come back with like Krishna's soul and he's gotten really weird with it.
	Oh yeah, this is, this is some fucking insane shit.
	So like, this is, like, QAnon has, like, stopped being crazy in the sense that they're just like, vote for Trump!
	Yay, we're going to win!
	And then he'll kill all the liberals because we're going to call them pedophiles.
	So it's like Team Stew and their crew have decided to be like, well, there's this like craziness void in the universe that needs to be filled.
	So we're going to fill it.
	So, um, you may have heard about Steve Buscemi getting, like, socked in the jaw, um, recently.
	I did!
	It was a delightfully terrible thing.
	Like, it's a thing that shouldn't have happened.
	It does suck.
	But at the same time, it is, like, a funny little thing to just be like, dude, did you fucking hear that Steve Buscemi got punched in the face?
	People are like, why?
	It just, like, for no reason.
	Somebody just ran and punched him.
	Right, exactly.
	So like Steve Buscemi... Did they not like his role in The Sopranos?
	Was there a reason?
	No, just a random crazy person just punched Steve Buscemi is basically what happened.
	So the followers of JSTU have created this conspiracy theory
	Around the fact that this attack on Steve Buscemi was a form of terrorism
	to like silence liberals and people that are trying to like speak out against all the
	evils of Michael Flynn and the deep state and all that good stuff and
	That like now the bad guys are like actively terrorizing everyone and Steve Buscemi was but the first domino to fall
	in this massive conspiracy to silence
	everyone who is a good person and to usher in the dark era of
	Michael Flynn's digital soldiers sweeping across America and conquering our great nation
	I'm glad that since QAnon, much like Gojira, showed up, terrorized our capital, and then went into a slumber, and isn't doing anything currently.
	Like, Stuonot has risen, like so much, I don't know, Rodan.
	It's like, now Stew and I is going to be the thing where all the crazy people go, and they're just like, hey, we're doing it, but we're liberals!
	We really hate QAnon!
	And it's just like, okay, cool.
	But you're also a bunch of wackadoos, and you behave just like QAnon, with just like a different belief set.
	So you are icky sticky, yucky mucky, and we don't like you.
	Yeah, and the thing is, that was part one.
	Part two is the DC pipe bomber, which has been an ongoing mystery that everyone has their favorite suspect for.
	Marjorie Taylor Greene has been accused of being the DC bomber a million times.
	Not to be confused with the DC pipe layer that's for Hellworld After Dark.
	Excuse me, you're supposed to call her like Margie Three Toes or some shit.
	Margie Three Toes.
	She's got the funny feet and sort of the pipe bombers.
	So yeah.
	I know because I can dissect for what feet look like inside of shoes that like, like the like two pixels.
	Who knows?
	Is she fucking Aarakocra?
	Why didn't she just fly the bomb in, you know?
	For the listeners who don't play D&D, the Aarakocra are a species of bird-like people.
	So there we go, just so everyone's caught up.
	Oh god, I can't wait until we do Hellworld's Critical Role or whatever and we just do a tabletop campaign.
	It's gonna be great.
	I can't wait until the time where I can- Imagine if I didn't have to keep my full powers contained.
	Imagine if I didn't have to be walking around like God Eggshot.
	I was like Superman and I could just talk about pop culture bullshit all the time.
	I would lose my mind with power!
	You wouldn't even know!
	Soon I'd have to talk about to replicate even a fraction of my power!
	Okay, enough of that.
	Back to chase 2 stuff.
	So what was part 2?
	Did I miss part 2 with my yammering?
	No, it was the DC pipe bomber suspect things.
	That was it.
	The three-toe thing really threw me for a loop.
	What the fuck does the three-toe thing mean?
	Well, it's just some random comment about Marjorie Taylor Greene's feet being weird, and she apparently is some sort of...
	Pterodactyl, or the D&D bird creatures that you spoke of a minute ago.
	Pterodactyl's fine.
	I can easily imagine them only having three toes.
	That's a dunker, I guess.
	Yeah.
	So, basically, what happened was, now that Marjorie Taylor Greene has fallen out of favor for being the pipe bomber, she has been replaced by this guy, Ivan Rankin, Who is someone who is tangentially related to Michael Flynn, which of course means- Would you say he might be the lowest ranking member?
	Boom.
	Nailed it.
	Yes!
	Yes I would!
	Nice.
	Yeah, so he is like the lowest Rankin member of the Flynniverse, and basically what people are thinking at this point is that this is a desperate attempt by Jay Stew to get Ivan Rankin to try to sue him, because J-Stew's main form of income at this point is GoFundMe money, and his main reason for running a GoFundMe is because he has to fight all his legal battles against Michael Flynn and all the other bad people that are trying to sue him.
	So, basically, this is his go-to tactic.
	Hey buddy, how about you GoFund yourself?
	You know you need some help with the expenses there, buddy?
	I got some advice for you.
	Go find yourself.
	Yes.
	These are your own problems, but don't pass them over to me.
	I don't give a fuck about you.
	Yeah.
	Go find yourself!
	Yeah, and basically the last time his GoFundMe got into the zeitgeist, people were talking about it, was pretty much somebody saying, yo, you ripped me off.
	I want my money back.
	And Jay Stooges being like, boom, already spent it.
	Don't know what you're talking about.
	So this is probably not the greatest situation for him.
	Yeah, I haven't hit bring any sort of attention to it, because Lord knows he would love... Lord knows that man loves to cross-reinterview Nailtoon.
	Like, Mike, go fund me!
	To defend liberty!
	The ability to say whatever the fuck I want!
	Especially the untrue stuff!
	Yup!
	He does love saying lies.
	That is a thing he's a huge fan of.
	Okay, buddy.
	I don't really have much else to say besides fuck that guy.
	I do like that there's discontent in his sphere.
	And I'm happy when we get to report on his sphere being fucked up in some way.
	Don't harass him or anything.
	Just ignore the guy.
	Ignore him until he goes away.
	That would be the best plan for that ding-dong.
	Uh, anyway, speaking of ding-dongs that I wish we could ignore until they go away, it will be our first time this episode talking about Donald Trump.
	That's right.
	Former President Mr. Donald Trump has infiltrated even our boosh.
	Uh, because people be asking, does this man gots dementia?
	Mike, does this man gots dementia?
	Uh, it feels like it.
	I mean, this is what, like, uh...
	Every time he goes out to campaign, it is such a shitshow.
	This is the weirdest political campaign I've ever seen in my life.
	For the record, I'm assuming this is going to be the segment in which we talk about his weird Hannibal Lecter rant, right?
	That has to be what this is.
	Because he was sundowning and he remembered watching Silence of the Lambs last week, so he's talking about Hannibal Lecter.
	The great guy, the great guy Hannibal Lecter.
	You know, just a wonderful dude.
	And that's the way his brain works at this point, is that he makes these weirdly tenuous connections because he was talking about, he's like, you know what the difference between an insane asylum and a mental hospital is?
	And the audience is just sort of like, no, we would never even think about those differences.
	Why are you talking about this?
	And Trump's brain is trying to, like, convey this information about the difference between an insane asylum and a mental hospital to his audience.
	So the only person he can think of that's, like, in an insane asylum is, like, Hannibal Lecter.
	And then he's just like, Hannibal Lecter!
	Great guy!
	Just awesome dude!
	AIDA guy!
	Yeah, you know how it is!
	And the audience is just sort of like, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, because they've already dug this hole.
	They can't get out.
	They're tied to this guy.
	It doesn't matter anything else.
	So yeah, you just have this person who's lost his mind ranting and raving about how his bro, his homie, his friend, Hannibal Lecter, is a good person.
	And then after... Do we think he knows that Hannibal Lecter is not real?
	Question number one.
	And that's not a dementia related question either, necessarily.
	That's a Donald Trump regular intelligence level question.
	Do we think Donald Trump knows that Hannibal Lecter is not real?
	He did slip up and imply that Wakanda was real at one point.
	Remember that?
	So do we know if he knows that Okay, I can ignore it no longer.
	Cut.
	Because Hayley is silently, wildly gesticulating at the camera.
	Am I still on?
	Yeah, you're here.
	It told me my session ended and it started, like, it said, like, was your session good?
	Thumbs up or down?
	And then it said, new session recorded.
	No, no, you can pop right back in and it says, Hayley's recording will continue on a new track.
	You're fine.
	Alright.
	Yeah, you're good.
	You're great.
	Okay.
	I tried to just keep moving, but you kept thrashing about and I was just like, oh god.
	Does she need an adult?
	I'm like, Hayley, you muted yourself.
	Why are you freaking out?
	Because we can't hear you.
	The mute button's there.
	And then, finally, Elle decided to talk to you.
	I'm just coming in and out of the studio, I think.
	But that's okay.
	No, you're fine.
	Right now, everything's good.
	If you ever crash all the way out, we'll just pause again.
	I'll count myself back in.
	5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
	Yeah, so I guess the real question really comes down to do we think our former president has enough powerful brain left in him to know that Hannibal Lecter is not a real person?
	Well, this is a tough one, because back in the ancient times, in the pro-wrestling world, Vince McMahon apparently, like, died on TV.
	Like, a car bomb, like, blew him up and killed him.
	And allegedly, Trump wanted to, like, call Vince to see if he was okay, and if he had actually been murdered or not by the car bomb.
	So it feels like kayfabe and fantasy are things that Trump has a hard time- How did you feel when that old lady gave birth to that hand?
	Yes.
	It wasn't the thing that got me to stop wrestling or stop watching pro wrestling, but it was like the final nail in the coffin.
	I was like, this shit is getting absurd now.
	I'm done with this.
	I was like, this curtain's on this one.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I feel all of that.
	Absolutely.
	But yeah, like, so what Trump understands as reality and what Trump understands as fantasy is a great question.
	And Hillary Clinton, ugly as a dog, and not one of those good dogs, like the ones at Homeward Bound.
	Homeward Bound, great movie.
	Beautiful dogs.
	Love those dogs.
	What a great pack of dogs.
	And one cat.
	Two dogs and one cat.
	What was I talking about?
	This guy used to be our fucking president.
	He might be our president again!
	Unreal!
	And also, even if Hannibal Lecter was a real guy, he's a fucking convicted murderer slash cannibal.
	Why are you talking about how great this guy is?
	Armie Hammer is still alive.
	If you want to fucking venerate a cannibal, Armie Hammer, I'm sure would love to get some shine on him.
	Oh man, yeah.
	Armie would probably be very happy to go on stage wearing a MAGA hat.
	Oh my god.
	I mean, I thought he was just a baking soda, but it turns out he's a person.
	I mean, great guy.
	Drunk Uncle Trump.
	And on top of that, we had him screw up Jimmy Carter's name and call him Jimmy Connors, and then rapidly try to fix up that little mess.
	He malfunctioned on a bunch of other sentences and just started mumble-bumbling his way through them.
	I mean, it's just amazing how So many of his, all of his rallies, literally all of his rallies are just nothing but a bunch of liberals chopping up all the dumb, bad things he says and posting them online.
	And then everyone being like, Oh my God, this guy's totally fucked in the head.
	This is ridiculous.
	And then a week later, I just see Paul Trump crushing dominant.
	And it's like, Do these candidates even exist?
	Is reality even real?
	Oh, did you just see the hundreds of thousands of people that attended his rally?
	That was apparently in Rio de Janeiro?
	Yes.
	I think Jon Stewart might have done a bit about that this week, but like literally the moment I saw that photo, I was just like, I've seen enough movies.
	I know, I know exactly what Coastline did.
	I've seen that beach a thousand times.
	I was just like, there's no way that, like, why would he be in fucking Brazil doing a rally?
	What are you talking about?
	It's like, nah, that's New Jersey.
	New Jersey palm trees, New Jersey scenic coastline, New Jersey incredible giant statue of Christ.
	Yeah.
	The mountains on the Jersey shore, those famous Jersey shore mountains.
	Everyone knows them.
	Hey, it's Rio de Janeiro, baby!
	Stop by Rio de Janeiro for one of our slices.
	You'll never find a better pie than Rio de Janeiro.
	Forget about it.
	Okay.
	Oh god, yeah, it's so... Dude, I'm so confused about Trump.
	The thing that confuses me the most about Trump is that in our country, you can be anything you want, so I don't know why Donald Trump is choosing to be both weak and gay.
	Mike, why is Donald Trump choosing to be weak and gay?
	And please quickly explain to our audience why I'm using that terminology.
	What?
	I did see that in the notes.
	I just saw weekend gay.
	Oh, dude, if you've not seen this video, Mike was kind enough to share this video before we started talking about it to me.
	I assumed you had already seen it.
	This is the funniest thing.
	I love this so much.
	So, there's a woman, Valentina Gomez, who is running for Secretary of State in Missouri, and she has a quote-unquote campaign video, and the campaign video is her jogging while wearing a bulletproof vest, and she's talking to the camera, and she says, America is where you can be anything you want to be, so don't be weak and gay.
	Stay fucking hard.
	And then it would be a smash cuts from that to her holding a gun and all the other like right wing accuser amounts of
	being a lunatic.
	Yeah, let's pass a little note to the GOP right now to just say that the term fucking hard, uh, when it just has sort
	of gay...
	It's a fucking hard.
	It comes, like, it's giving strong gay, even if it's not intended to, like, it would have to be really context dependent for that not to sound a little gay.
	Fucking hard.
	That sounds like the way you want to think, you know?
	Probably more, you know?
	I mean, after dark, you know?
	That's our off the podcast, Hayley, where we talk about all of our hard gay.
	She's the book burner, yeah?
	She's like, I'm gonna burn books as soon as I'm in office or some shit, right?
	Oh yeah, I mean, if your campaign begins with you literally running with a bulletproof vest on and screaming about people being weak and gay, you're probably one of the worst human beings to exist.
	I mean, the audience you're targeting with such an ad is really niche.
	Having a bulletproof vest on when you're just like walking around in like, I mean, I guess, she's in Missouri.
	I give her credit, she could be on like the West Side St.
	Louis in that video, in which case, like, probably sure wear a vest or whatever, but like, generally, a white, a white conservative just walking around in a bulletproof vest for no good reason, it, like, is giving strong incel, like, guy with a trench coat and katana energy.
	Remember those clowns from the early 2000s?
	The people that would just walk around like, Like, if they couldn't carry a real katana they would carry a wooden one, and if they couldn't do that they would carry an umbrella that had a handle that made it look like a katana.
	I know exactly the type of guy you're talking about.
	Yeah, so those people just, I guess, grew up and transformed into these people that are just like, yeah, I'm just gonna walk around with my bulletproof vest and my AK, no big deal.
	Just in case I need it, you know?
	Exact same logic as fucking Katana guy.
	Why else would you have it?
	You say, quote unquote, just in case you need it, but everybody knows it's just because you think it makes you look cooler.
	You think it makes you look cooler, and people have got real touchy about smoking cigarettes, so now you have to find another way to shortcut it.
	You're so correct.
	That shit just blows my mind.
	a butt. If you wanted to look cool, if you want to look 10 to 30 percent cooler depending on how
	good your posture is, you can just rip a butt. But now everybody hates that so you have to carry
	fucking AK around like a goon. I just that shit just blows my mind. Just the idea of
	I'm gonna head to Wal- I'm gonna head to Walmart, better strap my AK on.
	And it's just like, why?
	What do you think is going to happen that's going to require you to take cover?
	It's not what they think is going to happen, Mike.
	It's what they hope is going to happen.
	And we all know what they hope is going to happen.
	They hope that somebody is going to act a fool so that they can finally live out their fantasy of shooting another human being with their gun.
	Because that's all they live for.
	All they want to do in this world is use their gun to kill another person, and it's all they've ever wanted to do.
	But the law says you can't do it, so you have to just try to... It's a numbers game, Mike.
	You have to put yourself in the position where you can score, you know?
	It's much more like... All these idiots want to be Kyle Rittenhouse, and they haven't noticed the shit nightmare that Kyle Rittenhouse's life has become since Kyle Rittenhouse became Kyle Rittenhouse.
	You should make it shittier, though.
	That's just a call to the audience.
	Make his life shittier.
	It's not shitty enough.
	He's here too much, and I'm tired of it.
	We're not saying the Rittenhouse Rittenhouse.
	No, no, no.
	I'm just saying to continue to protest all his Turning Point USA-backed events, continue making fun of him.
	Keep an eye on him, and if his favorite sports team ever happens to win a thing and he tears down a stop sign or whatever while celebrating, you know what to do.
	You're just like, dude, he was out there.
	He was coming right for me, you know?
	I feared for my life.
	Yeah, he was causing property damage and I traveled a long way to shoot someone, guys.
	Just like he did, remember?
	Remember when he had to travel a long way to do that?
	Anyway, fuck that kid.
	Yup.
	All of us were in agreement on this.
	Yeah, so I like this lady's chances.
	I mean, the Don't Be Weak and Gay platform is pretty strong.
	Traditionally, you know, people that have, like, hate people that are gay I don't know, that doesn't seem true anymore.
	Doesn't seem like that's been true in a long time.
	It seems like if you want to succeed in this world, you should probably at least pretend to be on Team Gay.
	Or, even better, do what rational people have done since they learned what gay was, and just be like, oh, okay, that's fine.
	Because you know what?
	It's fine.
	In fact, I'm fucking shocked that we're still talking about it.
	It really makes me angry that this is like a position that has, like, Who's still upset about gay people?
	What?
	This is 30 fucking years ago?
	Actually, I will say that I saw that Target is going to not hold as much of their Pride stock merchandise as they did last year because of all the backlash that they got.
	And that backlash was, like, largely pushed by some Turning Point USA influencers.
	They were some of those viral videos and they, like, kind of did the rounds.
	When they were like, look at these tucking bathing suits!
	And their reaction to the news that Target will be dwindling down their Pride section was that they need to go even harder to completely eliminate the Pride section.
	So that's what happens when you give in to the, like, few anti-LGBTQ freaks in this society.
	They will never be satiated and they're gonna continue to lust for Blood.
	And fuck you, Target.
	Because yeah, most people are not like that, and giving in to this small base of hateful people is pretty fucking ridiculous, in my opinion.
	Sorry, that just reminded me of it.
	Dude, I'm just gonna say it.
	Like, I'll say it to somebody's face at the Nemetou.
	It's fucking creepy and weird for you to be investing so much of your energy in, like, other people's, like, sexual preferences or, you know, gender identity or whatever.
	It's fucking weird.
	It is weird.
	The only way that that could get you tied up in knots inside is if you somehow can't disassociate yourself from thoughts of them fucking or whatever.
	Like, it's the only rational thing that makes any sense.
	Because otherwise, why would you possibly care?
	Why would you possibly care?
	Anyway, sorry, I'm just gonna start yelling at my audience, and I don't need to preach to the choir.
	Our audience is a bunch of beautiful babies who are cool, savvy people, and they don't need to be told this shit, because they already know this shit.
	I'm sure there's one fuck that needs spoken to.
	Some hate listener?
	If you were one of our hate listeners, if those people exist, then I love you slash go fuck yourself, and try to just, you know, stop being so creepy and weird about gay folks and trans folks.
	Like, just don't think... How about this?
	Just don't think about their downstairs parts.
	Don't think about where they're going or what they're doing, what they look like or what they are.
	Just ignore them.
	Ignore them.
	It's fucking so easy to ignore a thing.
	I just can't stop thinking about that lady's cock!
	Oh god!
	Yeah, okay.
	Time for us to move on to greener pastures, better things, happier things, the state of Arizona, a tranquil place, a place where the gays are fully accepted and trans rights are the only rights.
	That's our motto.
	Trans rights are the only rights.
	You know what?
	Dude, let's get some groundswell behind that one.
	Change Arizona's state motto to trans rights are the only rights.
	Let's go.
	Fuck a gradual flip.
	We're gonna do it the way all progressives want it done.
	Overnight, immediately!
	Blue Arizona, so deep blue you'll never see it again.
	Almost black, it's so blue.
	Ah, fucking emerald Arizona, just absolutely.
	Anyway, yeah, it's time for our Arizona correspondent Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, to let us know what's going on and her flaming creator of the state this week.
	Hi Haley, we love you Haley for all the work you do.
	Let us know what's going on in Arizona, please and thank you.
	Um, so there's some, like, slightly good news, um, as- I know, right?
	Uh, so, Ellie, you weren't here for, I think, like, it- most of it or some of it, but when I was talking about how, um, yes, Arizona's Civil War era, uh, 1864 near total ban on abortion in Arizona has been, um, it's gone.
	We don't have it no more.
	Uh, the, some, some Republicans, um, sided with the Dems and voted to repeal it.
	Katie Hobbs signed it in a big ceremony.
	It's donezo.
	Um, but, but, um, It's kind of, so, it's, it's, it's, um... Wow, Hayley doesn't know how to handle good news.
	Like, Arizona has broken her.
	She's, she's not conditioned to understand what a dub is.
	It's like, it's like QAnon.
	It's, it's a W, but it will not go into effect basically until 90 days after session ends.
	So there's going to be like, kind of a couple things going on here.
	Um...
	It will get repealed 90 days after session, but this is going to bring us back to basically the 15-week ban.
	So there'll still be restrictions in Arizona.
	The Arizona for Abortion Access ballot measure that will be up for vote this November will actually extend the right to abortion in the state.
	It won't be just this 15-week ban.
	Um, but, um, Chris Mays is also, um, basically filed a request to, uh, delay enforcement of the ban.
	Um, so there's just a lot of ways that the, the ban is being targeted right now.
	And, uh, that means that, yeah, basically this, Law will probably never see the light of day if we get lucky, which is pretty good, but people should still vote for the Arizona for abortion access.
	So yeah, it was repealed and Chris Mays is also holding up some shit in court that will make it so this thing ain't happening.
	And who is Chris Mays?
	She is the Attorney General.
	Yeah.
	So anyway, mostly good news, but there's still some back and forth that's going to happen in Arizona.
	Still vote for Arizona for Abortion Access, which will expand our rights.
	Also in Arizona, obviously like most other states, there's been like a Gaza solidarity encampment protests
	at like the colleges.
	And a lot of made news, UCLA made news because there was some like pretty violent counter protests.
	Columbia has obviously been in the news pretty reoccurringly.
	Arizona has also somewhat made the news for violations against protesters on campus.
	First of all, when Arizona State University tried to set up their encampment, the police basically started making arrests before they even had a chance to go set up.
	They just started picking people up within the first 15 minutes.
	But then throughout the day, the news would catch the Arizona State University police
	chief Michael Thompson.
	He was in street clothes and cutting up tents and he was caught on camera by the news.
	He's currently placed on leave for all that.
	Paid leave, of course.
	And also his department ripped off the headscarves of some Muslim women that were protesting.
	So that school is about to get sued into fucking oblivion.
	Have fun with that.
	Some similar stuff happening at Tucson's University of Arizona.
	Not any, like, ripping off of hijabs as far as I know from the police, but they have definitely fired rubber bullets at people's head, which is basically Incredibly dangerous.
	They call it less than lethal, but it's meant to be shot at the body, not the fucking head, which will still kill you.
	So yeah, there's just been a lot of typical police bullshit going on at the protests.
	There was also at ASU, some frat boys that helped the police destroy the encampment the first night it was up.
	And that went kind of viral on Twitter because a lot of right-wingers were like, woo!
	Like, go frat boys!
	You know, that kind of became like a rallying cry.
	It was like the frat boys versus the protesters.
	Are your frat boys deep state agitators like the kid from Ole Miss who was like super racist and Alex Jones and all the rest of them had to be like, that's not real.
	He was obviously paid by Soros to be a racist sack of shit.
	Because never has there been a white frat boy in Ole Miss who's been a racist.
	Never.
	Never not once has that ever happened.
	You got to get cold hard cash to perform a racism in that school.
	Yeah, that guy was doing monkey chants at black women at the protest.
	Ours were just trashing the protesters' stuff and it went super viral.
	Blake Masters, who's currently running for Congress, like quote tweeted it and said, like, White Boy Summer has begun, which is a white supremacist catchphrase.
	And he was like asked about it in the media and he pretended not to know what it meant, which I thought was very funny.
	It's just like, Yeah.
	So anyway, that's kind of been what's going on in Arizona.
	His race is also interesting.
	He's running against Anthony Kern, who we've talked about for the last few weeks.
	And, um, also Abe Hamaday, who actually was the one who ran, uh, against Chris Mays.
	He's the one that lost by like 300 votes and then has also been Doing a bunch of crack-in lawsuits similar to Carrie.
	Blake Masters and Abe Hamaday used to be part of this like when they when when Carrie Blake and
	Abe were all running they did like a like a bus together that was like the Blake Abe and Lake bus.
	or something and like all campaign together.
	Now Abe and Blake are really going after each other because they're running against each
	other in Congressional District 8.
	And Blake Masters is straight up just being like, you're an anchor baby.
	Your family's illegal.
	I'm I have a nice white family.
	You're gay.
	And I had a week.
	Big Masters looks at the camera and goes, you're weak in K.
	He kind of is.
	There's been these hits on Abe because he's not married and doesn't have a family.
	And yeah, Blake is kind of like more explicitly kind of- Just leaning into it.
	Leaning, yeah.
	You stepped on my bit because I want- I'm sorry.
	No, no.
	Blake just looks at the camera and is like, Abe, you're weak and gay.
	And then he just turns and starts firing at targets.
	And he's just like, German Walther PPKs, the most beautiful guns in America.
	I love them.
	Blake Masters loves guns, does not like gay people.
	I just love that he literally went from a Senate-wide race to trying to win some blood-red lunatic district in Arizona, because he realized how aggressively above his weight he tried to punch by winning a statewide election.
	He got smashed by Kelly.
	So now he's like, time to tuck it in and go to some plus 20 red district where I might be able to get a seat.
	My takeaway from all that Arizona news is that Hamaday is the last name that exists, which is great, because the next time I need to make a big fat character for a roleplaying game, his name is going to be Fat Hamaday.
	That sounds like a great name.
	Or if I ever get into electro swing, that will be my... If I ever download FL Studio and I start doing sick electro swing beats, I'll be Fat Tamaday and that'll be my name.
	And when people see me, they'll be like, yeah, I knew it was you.
	I heard Fat Tamaday was going to be here and I've never seen the guy.
	Then you walked in and I was like, oh, that's him.
	That's him right there.
	I'm glad that we've finally gotten your producer name.
	We've done it.
	I've got my mini-names.
	I just enjoy Abe Hamaday because he is, according to one review I saw, the only politician in America who lost his race due to COVID deaths.
	Wait a minute, is his first name Abe?
	Is it short for Abraham?
	Yes.
	Is his name Abraham Hamaday?
	Is his name Abraham Hamaday?
	His name is Ibrahim, I think.
	Let's see.
	Ibrahim Hamaday!
	Let's see if there's... It calls it an internet personality on Google.
	That's funny.
	I can hear you typing, which is unfortunate because that means you're doing research.
	I didn't mean to indicate that much to the level of caring.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	I won't.
	I don't know.
	No, I mean, you can.
	I just feel like you're wasting your time.
	I don't know about this clown.
	And aside from the name Hamaday, I will erase all memory of this conversation.
	Okay, I'm sorry.
	Hamaday.
	It's okay.
	You don't have to apologize to me.
	I'm the one who doesn't care about this so-called internet personality.
	The burden of caring would be on me, and I am not clearing that burden.
	Our listeners might care very much about Ibrahim Hammett Day.
	Sounds like the workout plan.
	Anyway, I know jokes about that cat's funny last day, although I could keep making them.
	Trust you and me, I could keep doing that.
	But I believe it's probably about time we move on to our headline news segment, Cues in the News.
	From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News.
	Stop me if you've fucking heard this before, we're going to be talking about Donald fucking Trump.
	Fuck, fuck, fuck.
	Of course, Donald Trump is obligated to sit in court and watch people come up and paddle his ass verbally on the stand, so we will continue our coverage of Trump's verbal ass paddling this week, featuring Michael Cohen, the Big Shot second witness number two.
	I mean, I'm sure there have been more than Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen, but who gives a fuck about them?
	Big names only here, you know?
	Yep.
	If you come with the king, you best not miss.
	So world's most credible person, Michael Cohen, is here to talk about Donald Trump.
	And for more on that, I'll toss it over to Mike.
	Mike, what is going on with Michael Cohen, most trustworthy person on the planet of the Earth?
	Well, Michael Cohen, the most trustworthy man on the planet Earth, has come in to basically corroborate the fact that Donald Trump cut him a pile of cash to cover the fact that Michael Cohen was the one who cut Stormy Daniels a pile of cash.
	To quash her story about how she was having sex with Donald Trump while Trump's wife was hanging out with her newborn baby that she and Trump had just had.
	And Trump thought that might play poorly in the dying days of the 2016 presidential campaign.
	And so basically, Cohen corroborated all of the prosecution's case.
	We had documents, we had information, blah, blah, blah, all this good stuff.
	And pretty much everyone said that this went as well as it could for the prosecution.
	And we started the cross-examination.
	Apparently, they take Wednesdays off, which is very interesting that they have a four-day work week at this trial.
	But basically, Tuesday afternoon... How could you expect them to work five days, Mike?
	That would be crazy.
	Oh, God, so brutal.
	Five days.
	And that courtroom is so cold.
	Oh, let me tell you, Donald Trump gets in that cold courtroom and he just falls right asleep because he's so plum-tuckered out from the coldness of it all.
	Five days in a row in this cold office?
	What are you, fucking, what inhumane conditions are this?
	Yeah.
	You'd have to pay me at least $50 an hour to do this.
	Oh my god, yes.
	Minimum.
	Minimum $50 an hour to hang out in this cold courtroom.
	So, that all happened, and basically Trump's defense team's cross-examination was pretty much, you're a fucking rat, aren't you?
	Aren't you, Cohen?
	You rat.
	You fuck.
	And Cohen being like, hey, you can call me whatever you want.
	They have evidence that proves what I'm saying.
	And they're like, yeah, fuck your proof, you fucking rat.
	And it's like really odd.
	I mean, they're not wrong.
	Hey, look, two things can be true.
	I believe every word that's coming out of Michael Cohen's mouth when it comes to Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is a piece of shit.
	And I'm sure he's prone to piece of shit behavior.
	And they used to be pieces of shit together.
	That being said, he's also clearly a rat thing fuck himself.
	I mean, Michael Cohen is not likable.
	He's not especially credible.
	Like, I wish he was.
	Lord knows I wish he was more credible.
	I mean, fuck.
	Like, if they had a credible witness with this level of dirt, like, that would be a slam dunk.
	But this guy's slimy AF.
	And that is a problem, you know?
	It sucks that that's a problem, but it is.
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	I mean, but I... And that's the thing that's, like, so funny is that...
	What you're saying is basically what the defense is doing, which is just they can't attack the actual paperwork and the paper trail and the documentation that Cohen and the prosecution have brought.
	So they're just attacking the credibility of the person and they're just calling the person in question a piece of shit.
	So it was really funny that that was what they were doing.
	And so Cohen told his story, Trump is seething.
	They did this really awesome thing where a bunch of Republicans came in, hanging around with Trump, and they're all wearing red ties, and they look like groomsmen at the world's shittiest wedding.
	And you've got Vivek and Speaker Mike Johnson and all these people like pissing and moaning in front of the courthouse.
	Oh, this is so unfair.
	Oh, this is so mean.
	All these terrible things that are happening to poor Trump.
	It's so wrong.
	They're just like, they're just like carrying on.
	It's the saddest thing in the world.
	And once this cross-examination is over and Cohen leaves the stand, the prosecution is going to rest.
	And we really don't know what the defense is going to do to present a defense.
	It's very interesting to see what they think they're going to be able to do in order to try to show how Trump didn't commit these crimes.
	Because team prosecution has done a very good job of explaining the crimes that Trump committed and how he did
	them.
	So exactly how the defense is going to stand against that remains to be seen.
	I mean, I think their defense is like, you didn't know what those guys were doing.
	And I bet the closing argument's gonna be like, Oh, these people, they painted a pretty picture, but I
	doubt if Trump knew what was going on.
	But he didn't.
	He was just a dumb, dumb idiot, dumb, dumb, stupid, dumb idiot in charge of a billion-dollar corporation that was a dumb, stupid moron who had no idea what was going on with his personnel.
	For hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars.
	He was just a big stupid fucking moron.
	He was a huge idiot.
	And you can't hold that against him.
	And please vote for him in our future presidential election.
	That's the guy you want with the hand on the wheel.
	Mr. President, what happened to that 4 million dollars?
	What 4 million dollars?
	What do I care about 4 million dollars?
	I don't know about 4 million dollars.
	Ask the guy.
	That guy's in prison.
	Well then don't... I can't fucking trust him.
	Fuck him.
	Well then who am I supposed to ask?
	I don't know!
	I don't know!
	I wasn't involved in any of this!
	I don't know!
	Donald, I take no responsibility at all, Trump.
	Truly, truly the man that we want running our great nation.
	Yeah, and imagine trying to explain, imagine trying to sit down to any Trump supporter and be like, look, this is, this is your guy's defense, is that he does not care, like, would $100,000, sir or madam, would hundreds of thousands of dollars change your life?
	Well Donald Trump literally couldn't care less about that $100,000.
	He says he had no idea what was happening with that money.
	Couldn't care less.
	Had no idea.
	Never needed anybody to run that amount by.
	Are you fucking kidding me?
	$100,000?
	Get out of here.
	I'm busy playing golf.
	I'm busy having somebody come and measure my penthouse again to see if I can pay them enough money to say that it's ten times the size it's supposed to be.
	Yeah, it's a 300,000 square foot condo.
	It's the biggest fucking condo ever.
	It's the fucking TARDIS of condos.
	You'll never believe it.
	Six bathrooms up in this motherfucker.
	It's the world's greatest condo.
	It's all of these things.
	It's all that and a bag of chips.
	Oh my god, yeah.
	So, uh, the trial's winding down.
	Hopefully it'll be over in the next week or two, and then hopefully after that we can start using the phrase, convicted felon Donald Trump, and it'll be wonderful.
	Magical and enchanting.
	Another thing that happened this fucking week was that the hot off the heels of Democrats getting together to just be like, like getting together to defend his position because fucking the Republicans are a bunch of dysfunctional lunatics.
	Mike Johnson just decided to show up to the trial for no reason.
	Just to be like, you know what's bullshit?
	The American criminal justice system.
	None of this works.
	This is all rigged.
	This is bullshit.
	Nobody should trust this.
	Don't trust any of this.
	None of this is important.
	You should all ignore this.
	What a sham.
	Democrats are using the courts.
	What a fucking sham.
	That was the script that Donald Trump gave him because he continues to call in people to read his words to circumvent his own gag order.
	Right, exactly.
	He had Vivek attack the judge's daughter because that's just what he's doing now.
	People are like, look, Donald Trump can't speak to this, but that judge's daughter has such a conflict of interest that this judge is terrible and he needs to recuse himself and the case needs to be dismissed immediately.
	And I'm not reading a script that Trump gave me and told me to say these words exactly this way.
	No.
	No, sir.
	We should've knew something was up with you.
	It's just like, the judge's daughter is ugly.
	Ugly as a dog.
	Not a good dog.
	Not like that here, bud.
	What a dog this here, bud.
	Have you seen this here, bud?
	Such a good basketball player.
	You think it'd be against the rules, but it's not.
	Beautiful dog.
	Beautiful basketball player.
	Such a good dog.
	What was I talking about?
	I'm just trying to make it sound authentic.
	I'm reading it in your voice, sir.
	I don't know.
	I'm just trying to make it sound authentic.
	I'm reading it in your voice, sir.
	No more questions!
	Pass the microphones.
	Yeah, I love how it's just like, he's just like, get me my strongest puppet to say my
	words.
	And then sure enough, there's this fucking Speaker of the House to be like, yeah, don't trust the American criminal justice system.
	It's a sham.
	It's like, what are you fucking doing, guys?
	What the fuck is wrong with any of you?
	You're all...
	You're all absolutely just profit-driven morons.
	You're all just bought and paid for, a bunch of fucking empty suits.
	And, yeah.
	I mean, again, once again, they almost have a point.
	Maybe we shouldn't trust a lot of our institutions, you know?
	Starting with some of our courts.
	You're getting close, guys.
	You're so close.
	You're so fucking close.
	Yeah, maybe some amount of our courts need an overhaul.
	Let's take a look at them.
	Let's start with maybe the biggest one.
	Let's start there.
	Fucking soup to nuts.
	Let's fix that shit.
	Anyway, that's just one man's opinion.
	Ignore me.
	It's comedy shit.
	Okay, so yeah.
	A lot of hot shit flied at the Trump trial, of course.
	Although, hopefully, as Mike said, it winds down and they're just like, felony conviction for Donald Trump.
	President equal no.
	And everybody gets to do that double fist motion over both of their shoulders.
	Except for anybody who loves Donald Trump!
	And they'll pee all over their diapers until they weigh themselves into their stupid graves.
	We could only hope.
	You know who else has arrived this week?
	It's Dark Brandon.
	That's right, somebody woke up our current president and was just like, hey, do a thing.
	And apparently he responded by calling out the God Emperor.
	Mike, talk to me about Dark Brandon.
	Hi, Hayley.
	What's up?
	Hi, Hayley.
	Welcome.
	Welcome back to the show.
	You never left, according to our recording.
	No.
	No.
	Can you hear us?
	OK, I guess it's cool that it happened during this transition.
	Yep.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	I mean, we can hear you, but you can't hear us, I don't think.
	I got it now.
	I can hear you.
	I don't know what the fuck's going on.
	I think my house is too hot.
	It's Arizona.
	What are you gonna do?
	Okie dokie.
	I'm so sorry, Mike.
	You have to edit again this week.
	It's so annoying.
	It's all good.
	It's all good in the hood.
	No, don't let her off the hook.
	Haley, this is unacceptable.
	You know, it's so professional.
	It is, though.
	It's like, why is my shit just not working?
	It's like my Internet's not working.
	My air conditioner's not working.
	My mic's not working.
	Yeah, I mean, the air conditioner thing is the worst out of all of those.
	So we'll power through the rest of this and then you can go get your chill on.
	Mm hmm.
	I don't know.
	I don't know how one does that.
	And hopefully you have like a pool or something.
	I need to get it fixed.
	OK, well, then hopefully you have a fan into a water bottle.
	Oh, yeah.
	OK, so.
	Yeah, so Dark Brandon arose from his crypt and he has called out Donald Trump for debates and he's... Malarkey!
	Yeah!
	Malarkey ends now.
	And so basically, because earlier in the campaign trail, Trump had said, I'll debate Biden any day and he plays anywhere.
	So Biden posted a video and all the media have disseminated it and basically, Biden's calling for Trump to debate him and they wanted to do a debate in June and another one in September because the Republicans had already pulled out of like the debate agreement committee previous to this.
	So Biden's called his shot and he wants these debates and pretty much this has rustled the jimmies of everybody.
	And the biggest thing going on right now is we have the massive Republican revisionist history about this whole thing.
	And everyone's just like, oh man, Biden's walking into another trap here.
	That big dum-dum.
	Old Donnie Trump gonna clean his clock and just, just beat this man from pillar to post.
	I don't know how this stumbling, bumbling old buffoon thinks he can handle the silver tongue slickness of old Donnie, old Donnie Trump, the former president, the great debater.
	And it's like, guys, did you all forget the two debates they had last time where Biden crushed him both times and it wasn't even close?
	And are we also forgetting in 2016 when Hillary beat Trump in all three debates?
	Like, Trump is very bad at this.
	He's not good.
	Because, like, Biden and Hillary, like, do debate prep and they, like, work on this to get good at it.
	And Trump just walks on the stage like, I'll wing it.
	Eh, whatever.
	You'll ask me a question.
	I'll answer it.
	It's all going to come up roses.
	And on top of the fact that he has sucked at this for forever, he's like more senile than ever now.
	He's just going to, he's going to talk about him elector.
	It's going to be great.
	Yeah, I mean, this guy, like, considering when he has all the time in the world to prepare for just standing on a podium and speaking to exclusively people that are there to slob his knob, and he can't not talk about Hannibal Lecter?
	I would be pretty worried being grilled by the sitting President of the United States, even if it is Joe Biden, and also who is allegedly supposed to be a third party, like, you know, presenter or whatever.
	Somebody to ask you questions.
	That's right.
	And you expect that they're not just gonna hand you, like, softball lobs.
	Like, it's just like, Joe Biden, you've been criticized for your handling of the situation in Israel that, you know, fucking Joe Biden has to go and talk about how he's not fucking that up, but he totally is.
	And then they're just like, alright, over to Mr. Trump.
	Former President Trump, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
	They should just write to the Duff.
	Animal Lactate?
	What a guy!
	And they're just like, what the fuck?!
	We couldn't make it!
	It's like, literally, it's a soft-serve question!
	How else can we use, like, edible actor?
	I don't care what a guy eats!
	You know, I eat my meat red!
	What are we talking about?
	It's, like, going off.
	It should be, like, Anderson Cooper comes up with a pool cue, and he cracks it on his knee and just throws it on the ground, and it's like, have at it, and whoever wins is president.
	Ah, well, the thing about that is that Biden wins immediately, because Trump can't bend over to get that pool cue.
	No, he can't!
	He's fucking hilarious!
	It's incredibly unfair.
	Like, Trump needs to have his shard of the pool cue on a little table next to him so he can grab at it.
	Because otherwise, I mean, that man has no mobility.
	Biden would finally have some cool t-shirts and it would just be him, like, driving a stake through Trump's heart.
	I'm just saying, man, if Trump being the president is the thing our country really wants, and he gets a second term, then we should really just, let's just turn it into, I've said it before, I'll say it again, talent show!
	Let's have it be like, fuckin', again, like, you know, there could be like a fuckin' beauty component to it, talent part, just like a fuckin' pageant!
	Miss Universe!
	Swimsuit competition?
	Yeah!
	Like, that would solve this old problem.
	Ageism would clear that right up immediately.
	Like, all of a sudden it would just be like, what's the minimum age for president?
	45?
	Okay, well 45 is this 45 year old guy with abs is the president.
	Uh, it's 35 because Taylor Swift couldn't technically be president at this time.
	35, nailed it.
	There we go.
	Even better.
	The pool gets way wider then.
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	Then it's not just like, I've maintained my abs.
	And it's like, okay, slam dunk.
	Like, there are several 35 year olds who are still clinging to abs.
	They're like, we did not go the path of child.
	And they lift up their shirt to reveal some abs.
	Not me, though.
	I'm past that age, lift up my shirt, and it's just like, oh my god.
	Pale round, pale tire, looking like the Michelin Man.
	Sexy Michelin Man.
	I think Salma Hayek would win.
	I think she's our new president.
	Love it, dude.
	She's in her 40s, right?
	50s, maybe?
	I'm here for President Hayek.
	I'm okay with that.
	Oh, man.
	Actually, I was just thinking when I was like, I lift up my shirt, then millions of spiders just pour out.
	El Skinsuit just dematerializes and the spiders that create him just go wild.
	Truly, I am the oogie boogie man.
	You know, like, I feel like conservatives don't think that, like, liberals, like, stupid cook liberals, like, you probably wouldn't want a hot lady president.
	Yeah, that would be great.
	I would love that for a variety of reasons.
	Lady president, finally, about time.
	Like, attractive president, finally.
	I mean, I can't remember the last time.
	Like, Obama came close, but he's not exactly my cup of tea.
	Like, why can't Idris Elba run for president?
	I know, like, we have to have an Idris Elba that could legally be our president.
	Let's make a birth certificate for him.
	I vote for him immediately.
	And once again, like, if it came down to the talent show, he's got the abs.
	String of Bell?
	I mean, it was all ab.
	Young Denzel, could we have gotten Denzel Washington to be president?
	I feel like Denzel Washington would make a pretty good president now, I'm not gonna lie.
	As the representative on the show for just like a regular dumbfuck people who don't know shit about politics, like yeah, Denzel seems like he'd be a great president.
	But I'm also a stupid idiot.
	He also, in my mind, for some reason, he seems like he's kind of a badass.
	But that's just because he portrays badasses in films.
	In real life, he could be like a poet.
	Like a real soft poet boy who doesn't want to do anything about fighting.
	But I like just looking at him, I'm just like, yeah, this guy looks like he could throw hands.
	Because I'm a moron.
	I'm easily tricked, you know?
	Yeah.
	I'm just seeing so much dumb political commentary about this debate and how Biden is going to get trucked.
	How?
	Does anybody ever back that up with, like, Trump's going to destroy it with his stance on this?
	That's the thing.
	Exactly what you just said.
	No one backs it up.
	It's this bizarre cycle where everyone's like, you know, Biden's lost his fastball.
	He's losing a step.
	He ain't in really good shape.
	And then he does a State of the Union.
	And everyone's like, whoa, Biden was really fired up there.
	What was going on with that?
	Holy smokes.
	And then the next thing you know, like a week after the State of the Union, people are back to, you know, Biden lost his fastball.
	And it's like, you guys, like every time, like, it is amazing how everyone sets the bar so egregiously low for Biden that then when he shows up, he's able to clear that low bar and people are blown away by it.
	And it's like, guys, This is like the 20th time this has happened.
	Can we recalibrate the bar so that Biden has a little higher standard to achieve for you people?
	Just like, nope.
	They're like, I saw like Nate Silver who's currently like, he's trying to ingest the brain worms that RFK Jr.
	has.
	And Nate's just like, Biden calling for one debate in June and another one in September shows he really isn't that confident in winning this thing.
	And it's just like, On what planet?
	Like, I would debate Donald Trump.
	Like, no problem.
	Whenever.
	Like, anyone who would be afraid of debating Donald Trump is, like, I don't know, cognitively impaired legitimately.
	You would have to have, like, Been like that MTV show, Dating Myself to the Max, where the guy had the lawnmower blade go through his head.
	Like, that is the level of injury you would have to suffer to be like, oh man, I can't get on the stage of that titan of the podium, Donald Trump.
	He would just work me like a speed bag with his crippling wit and sparkling observations about American politics.
	It's just, it's just insane how Trump gets overhyped every time one of these things happens and Biden gets underhyped constantly.
	I mean, thank God that Trump is bad at debating because again, like Biden is going to get cooked on any of the questions regarding Israel.
	Like the people that vote, like the people that are going to vote blue, they want, they want to hear Papa Biden.
	Like, summon Stark Brandon and say some shit to Israel about their situation
	over there and they're not going to get that.
	It's not going to happen.
	So, uh, you know, like we should be thanking our lucky stars that they
	decided to put Trump up against them again.
	So he's got the world's softest target to just be like, eh, like take his licks,
	get fucked on the Israel situation.
	Like every question about it just pummeled and then, uh, you know, like turn around, turn around, smack Trump around for everything else.
	Cause Trump just has to sit there.
	Like, as long as Trump can sit there and like, not just be like Hitler was okay or like whatever, you know, like he, he like on the, like he just has to sit there and be silent and watch Joe Biden get fucked up pretty bad.
	Well, that's the thing that's so great about that, to me, is that, like, they're gonna ask Biden about Israel, and Biden's gonna answer, and then they're gonna go to Trump, and they're gonna be like, so Trump, what's your take on it?
	And he's like, Israel should turn Gaza into a parking lot.
	Fuck them.
	Like, you think Joe's bad on this issue?
	I'm so much worse.
	And then it's just, like, Yo, Donnie, like Biden's giving you this massive opportunity.
	There's all these votes you could court by being like moderate to like, just not bad on the issue.
	And Trump's like, Nope, I've decided to just outflank Biden to the right and we'll be worse on the issue.
	Get fucked idiots.
	And it's like, yeah.
	Exactly, so hopefully this goes back to bite them in the ass.
	Like, thank you for backing Trump once again.
	Yes.
	And that's somebody that could easily take this fucking layup.
	Thank you for somebody who has delivered the alas oop and just, like, lets it hit them in the back of the head and then looks around confused.
	And then starts talking about beautiful dogs again, because that's all they're capable of.
	And edible lector.
	And edible lector.
	What a guy, you know?
	I like my meat rare too.
	What are we talking about?
	Okay.
	Time for us to go to the listener mailbag.
	Our listeners got questions.
	We got answers.
	It's time for Q&A.
	Wake up, Hayley.
	It's mailbag time.
	I'm sorry.
	I know.
	It's okay.
	We know that you're suffering in the hot airs of the heat.
	And yeah, we will power through.
	Let's get to it.
	Mebat asks, movie that pisses you off the most?
	For me it's Reign of Fire.
	Dragons taking over the world?
	Bah!
	At least have them release a plague or something to weaken humanity first.
	I'm just gonna give you my most recent one because I just saw it and I'll say that it's the movie Anatomy of a Fall.
	So a lot of Oscar buzz for that movie.
	Everybody said it was great and it was one of those movies that clearly incredibly well crafted but I don't think it was entertaining.
	However, Like, so much of that movie takes place in a depiction of the French legal system, like the French court.
	And I've never felt more patriotic in my life than watching that movie and just like seething with anger over the amount of horseshit that the French judge was just allowing these French fucks to just get away with in their courtroom.
	Like, having their experts just come up and during their testimony just, like, speculating about the entire crime.
	Just being like, uh, like, as a blood spatter expert, it was like, I think this deranged freak did it!
	And it's just like, and the judge is just like, I see!
	I see!
	And I'm just like, holy shit.
	Uh, so yeah, dude, watching that movie made me genuinely angry.
	I was like, is this really how French court is?
	How did they get anything fucking done over there?
	What is going on?
	Like, why isn't anybody objecting?
	And at one point, the judge was just like, oh, you know, if you keep questioning every little thing, we're going to be here for a long time.
	And I'm just like, he's not questioning nearly enough!
	Like, he's only asked questions like three times.
	This dude should be stopping every other word and just being like, speculation, leading, fucking, like, what's going on here?
	Like, this is unreal.
	And like, new evidence just getting administered all willy-nilly.
	Like, it's fucking crazy.
	I was like, holy shit.
	If this is really how the French court system is, then no thank you.
	Another legitimate reason to be like, France, no thank you.
	So Haley, you got a movie that annoys you?
	I'll just go with an easy one and say The Last Airbender movie.
	Easy.
	Why is that?
	Because it was too good?
	It was so good.
	You know, I was like, they really should have made the show more like this movie.
	Yeah, my favorite part was how bland it was.
	How bland and boring.
	Remember that scene where there's like eight earthbenders in there just like doing their thing?
	They're levitating a very small CGI rock?
	Yeah!
	I love that clip so much.
	That rocks.
	Yeah, M. Night Shyamalan's the worst.
	You know what?
	Also, since we brought him up, The, uh, is it The Happening?
	The Happening with the trees?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude, The Happening is maybe the worst movie.
	It's funny because it's just like, it's hard to think of a movie that's worse than Avatar The Last Airbender.
	It's like The Happening, and you're just like, ooh, yeah, that might, that might easily clear that bar.
	Hey, imagine if somebody literally sucked the soul out of Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel and then made them act like they were in love for two hours.
	Oh yeah, by the way, the backdrop is the trees are killing everyone.
	It's very stupid.
	But God, maybe the worst performances in movies I've ever seen.
	Not counting movies that were never intended to be good.
	I mean, this is like post fame by like 20 years Mark Wahlberg and post fame by like eight years Zooey Deschanel and they're just the absolute worst.
	Anyway, I could talk about that movie all day.
	Sarge and I covered it on our podcast back in the day.
	I mean, there's plenty of movies that bother me, but I think the movie that makes me just roll my eyes the most is Kingsman, because the ending of the movie is that Samuel L. Jackson activates the murder device that makes everyone on Earth fight to the death.
	And he has activated that murder device for 90 seconds before he gets defeated and the good guy saves the day.
	So, and then after that, the good guy then goes and has butt sex with some lady, because that was a thing they teased previously.
	And she's like, after you win, we will do it in the butt.
	And then after that, then he goes back to his old pub and beats the shit out of some street toughs.
	And it's like, bro, America literally fell during those 90 seconds.
	In those 90 seconds, everyone in America was fighting to the death.
	Like, the body count is in seven figures minimum.
	I mean, like, everyone's dead.
	Like, and, oh yeah, by the way, on top of that, like, the movie also indicated that every world leader had sold out their nations just to Samuel L. Jackson.
	So, and then the good guys, like, rewired everything and killed every world leader.
	So, like, every government in the world's been toppled.
	Like, most countries are dealing with mass casualties.
	America is actually a crater.
	And it's like, nope, none of that happened.
	Total success.
	Good guys won.
	Everyone go home.
	And it's like, no!
	That's not what would have happened.
	That's not how this actually finishes.
	Like...
	During the 90 seconds, they do these, like, cut scenes where you see, like, people on a beach, like, fist fighting, and, like, there's a baseball game, and, like, some guy's, like, whacking other people's in the tummies of a baseball bat.
	So they're giving you, like, this PG level of mayhem, and it's like, why don't we just go to, like, anywhere in America right now, where, like, literally every Walmart is just a bunch of idiots of AR-15s just lighting each other up, and lighting up everybody else around them in crossfire.
	It's just like, oh my God.
	I don't want to spoil the show so I'll try to talk about it as best I can but there is a show that I watched recently where one of the plot points at some point is that a big EMP knocks out power for the whole planet for a time and at one point one of the characters are just like my god thousands are dead and I was just like Oh, really?
	Thousands, huh?
	I'm just like, yeah.
	How about let's start with thousands of planes fell out of the sky and each one of those had like, let's say, a hundred people on it.
	So let's just say, right, just from airplanes, hundreds of thousands are dead.
	To say nothing of the calamity that caused it on the ground, but literally just people in airplanes hitting the ground when the hundreds of thousands are dead worldwide.
	They're all dead.
	All those people are dead.
	Uh, yeah.
	Like, all the astronauts that require Earth to communicate to do stuff and, like, may have been hit by this, they are fucking dead.
	They're all super dead.
	Everyone on the International Space Station, dead.
	Yep.
	Are you on a ventilator?
	Dead.
	You know, just dead, dead, dead.
	Like, you're all dead.
	Thousands are dead.
	Yeah, okay.
	Thousands times thousands of people are dead.
	Do you mean millions?
	Yeah, millions.
	Like, probably way more than that.
	Like a lot of thousands.
	Yeah, like thousands upon thousands of thousands, you know?
	Anyway, next question.
	We gotta get through.
	Hayley's dying!
	Pancake Peasant asks, who's the biggest sellout in history?
	Me.
	Give me your money.
	Oh man, I just, I really don't know.
	I can feel like when I've seen an artist change their product to fit an artist trying to pander to their audience.
	I just feel like that's kind of basically, at this moment in time in history, every right-wing grifter.
	You look at like Russell Brand and Jimmy Dore and all these like allegedly leftist people like they post one video on YouTube like vaccines question mark and it gets like five times the hits of their other material and then they're like oh shit I just need to get on that anti-vax bandwagon and you just ride that gash cow of conspiracy bullshit and just start making making it rain and it's I but like So I guess at this moment, I would just say, like, right wing disinformation grifters, because boy howdy, is there an audience for it?
	And if you just tell that audience what they want to hear, they will just shower you in cash.
	But like, biggest sellout in history, my brain is not quite there to actually come up with a really good example, personally.
	Johnny Rotten of Sex Pistols.
	Johnny Rotten?
	Yeah, he was all MAGA, which I thought was funny, because it's like, Mr. Punk is MAGA, you know?
	Yeah, I'm sure it's a musician somewhere.
	If I wanted to think about a more authentic answer, I'm sure I could come up with one.
	But, you know, I'm not the first person to bring up the irony behind this, but it's just like, what's the price of a Rage Against the Machine ticket these days?
	I don't know.
	That machine seems like it's been paying those guys pretty well for a while.
	For like 30 years.
	30 years of living off of the machine.
	Yes.
	Which is cool.
	If it weren't for their name, I would be giving them no shade about that because Lord knows I crave the machine.
	I know that this isn't a stake, but ignorance is bliss, you know?
	So thank you for the question.
	Reginald Denny's asks, JFK was a Democrat and a philanderer, so when the Deep State killed him, shouldn't that have been a good thing?
	No, the Deep State is bad, so when they kill someone, that retroactively makes that person good, no matter who they were.
	And so, QAnon ties themselves into all kinds of knots to explain how, like, the liberal JFK and the conservative Donald Trump are basically the same person.
	They're all the same.
	So, like, that's just the way they're very easy to explain to a five-year-old narrative is told.
	I love the memes of a picture of Kennedy and a picture of Trump that says, the starter, the finisher.
	Also, for the record, why would they dislike JFK's philandering?
	He seemed to only be tagging on top-shelf honeys, if you get what I'm saying.
	Like, that dude had pretty good taste and had a pretty good track record.
	It would be really hard to claim any of those women had penises.
	Like, it just seems like... I mean, I'm sure that they would try if they needed to now, but in hindsight, it's just really easy to just be like, dude, JFK, fuck, am I right?
	And then they pound, they give each other, like, fucking elaborate bro grabs and shit.
	JFK, we're gonna go crush pussy like JFK.
	Oh!
	Yeah, she's gonna cause my head to explode in the back of a limo.
	Oh!
	That was a that was a Reddit thread.
	And it was entitled what what would you what would be like sex moves named after celebrities and someone said the JFK she tries to flee the car after I explode all over her.
	Yeah, I mean, I'm sure if I had a few moments not on the mic to have to think about a fun one of those that wasn't JFK-related, I could, but it's difficult right now, especially because, again, I have to stress, right behind you, JFK campaign poster, that dude's head, in a Target, like, literally...
	Like, hey, like, I mean, where's the Nostradamus conspiracy about this shit?
	Dude, he predicted his own death?
	Whoever was his campaign manager predicted his death?
	It was just like, JFK's your guy.
	Headshot.
	Like, yeah.
	JFK, he's gonna blow your mind!
	Like, they were trying to tell us, you know, like, what did it mean?
	Okay.
	Oh, God, yeah.
	Thank you for the question.
	Cleodora Silvestri of the Hellworld's Great Inquisitor asks, when, not if, RFK Jr.
	becomes president as our first brainworm host, how soon can he open the Stargate for his overlords to integrate Earth with the Gul'dan Empire?
	Depending on what position I get in this new empire, I'd do it like as soon as I could fucking, as soon as I could.
	Through the switch for the gate, you know?
	Humans fucked it.
	Let's give somebody else a shot, you know?
	I don't have that much love for humans, if aliens show up with an enticing proposition.
	Especially if it's revealed... Are his worms the same worms that Philip J. Fry got?
	Because if so, how am I going to stop worrying and love the worm, you know?
	I would be so riddled with worms.
	I'd be eating worm tablet all day.
	I'd be more worm than man.
	Instead of spiders, if you opened up my big round Michelin belly, it would be worms.
	Glorious, glorious worbs.
	Oh, I can, I can only hope that, I mean, I think that this is another point in
	favor of RFK Jr.
	's election, because if we actually get access to Stargate-level technology, that's probably good for everybody.
	I think that's just a total win.
	So, man, thank you for coming up with another solid reason to back RFK Jr.
	I'm here for it.
	If we ever get around to recording any Hellworld after dark, remind me to tell y'all about how Stargate gave me a sexual awakening.
	Okay.
	Sounds good.
	Eric, the Deep State Operative says, every four years someone tries to prop up some alternative to Democrats and Republicans.
	Ross Perot was possibly the most high profile in living memory, but he didn't even carry one state.
	Do you think there's any way a third party candidate could be actually viable?
	It's possible if we ever get like a new form of voting in, because right now, like, Anyone who runs is just a bad faith spoiler against the side they're quote-unquote on.
	Again, RFK Jr.
	is basically spoiling for Trump.
	I just saw an interview RFK Jr.
	gave where he's like, yeah, 57% of the people that would vote for me would vote for Trump if I was not here.
	So he's admitting he's shaving off more votes from Trump than he is from Biden.
	That kind of thing, when you have our system of voting, which is quote-unquote first-past-the-post, which whoever has the most votes wins.
	Once you have that system set up, if you run as a conservative against a Republican and there's a Democrat, you're splitting votes from the Republican, you're going to fuck them over.
	Guess what?
	Democrats are going to give you money to achieve that goal.
	And by the same token, if you're a liberal and you run with a Democrat in the field against a Republican, Republicans are going to fund you to take votes away from the Democrats so they'll win.
	So you have to change the whole system.
	I stood out in front of a polling booth, a polling station, in 2020 with a Ranked Choice Voting sign in Massachusetts.
	We lost narrowly.
	I'm very annoyed about that.
	But I just think that they were putting the cart before the horse by running candidates.
	If you don't actually fix the voting system, you can't fix the rest of it.
	And that's basically how I see it.
	My answer is that America, I think, would get behind a candidate and elect them if they were not Democrat or Republican, but instead a dog.
	So you're sort of similar to that, but less of an Air Bud style funny goof.
	I do think there's a level of celebrity where it's just like, you know, I don't think any people now qualify for it, because it's like- The Mr. Beast ticket?
	Yeah, or like Taylor Swift.
	We already know what Taylor Swift's political leanings are, but imagine a world where Taylor Swift just remains sort of politically neutral, up until suddenly she was just like, you know what?
	I think we need a third path!
	And I'm going to bring my hundreds of millions of followers with me, and I'm going to just say whatever, like I'm going to have my position be whatever it takes to get over the goal line, you know, because right now I'm vanilla, and I could just be like, I like guns, and I don't like all abortion, but I do like some abortion, and just sort of tailor it to just barely squeak over the goal line.
	I think that the top tier of celebrity could do it if they had managed to get to that level of being politically neutral.
	But coming in pre-banked as being, like, tainted Democrat... I was gonna say or Republican, but let's be real, like, none of the biggest celebrities on the planet will ever be Republican.
	I think that's enough to preclude you from ever really swaying enough people to get there, but... In the future.
	Who knows what the future of, like, influencer celebrity holds, you know what I mean?
	Like, Mr. Beast seems like a pretty big deal right now, but, like, influencer shit seems like it's just gonna keep getting more, like...
	The biggest influencer 10, 20 years from now is probably going to have like a crazy amount of reach.
	So, we shall see.
	Yeah.
	And that brings us to our final question as always.
	What are you guys looking forward to?
	Bro, I'm getting my paint on.
	Dude, I painted some mummies.
	They're as finished as they're going to be.
	This morning I woke up and before we recorded I put the fucking base coat down and blocked out some coloring on my set of four zombos.
	Now I'm working on four zombies because I'm painting my Hero Quest set.
	Getting back into the mini painting game.
	And at some point tonight I'm going to sit down for another session.
	I usually do about two hours at a stretch.
	I think in the next couple hours I can probably get these four zombies, at least most of the way done, if not all the way done.
	Sounds good.
	Send me some photos.
	I'll post them to the Hellworld Twitter feed.
	Nice.
	Well, we'll see if I'm proud of them.
	The mummies, it was funny, a friend of the podcast, Molly, is one of the chosen few who are in my crafting chat with some of my personal friends.
	And I posted some pictures of my mummies and I was complaining about them.
	And she was just like, I think you have artist dysmorphia.
	And I was just like, that's a funny way to say that.
	Yeah, I think that's a thing.
	Yeah, I mean, it's like, I knew exactly what she was talking about.
	I was just like, yeah, I guess it's the person who made it all.
	I could see all the flaws in it, what I could have done better.
	But, you know, it's one of those things where it's just like...
	Yeah, I should probably just stop being a wuss about it and post my progress when I make it.
	So maybe I will send you pictures for the whole world feed or whatever.
	Also, speaking of social media, I'm not going to lie.
	I was kind of tempted this week to just fucking get off this guy and just get back on Twitter.
	And just be like, you know, no one hands out medals for keeping it real.
	Exactly what the Kings of Nothing sang about when they did that song.
	Nobody gives a fuck that I was like, I'm leaving Twitter.
	Everybody just stayed on fucking Twitter because you're all a bunch of bags of scum.
	So I feel like at some point I might just tuck my tail between my legs and be a scumbag right alongside you.
	And I mean the raw you, not my two co-hosts.
	Oh no, I deserve it.
	But well, I mean, including my two co-hosts.
	You're both still on Twitter and never left.
	But yeah, I'm just like... It's honestly awful, though.
	Blue Sky is boring as fuck.
	I will take a bad algorithm over no algorithm.
	Like, Blue Sky, they need to get an algorithm, dude.
	Like, I'm just tired of listening to the same two talking points regurgitated by 40 different people.
	um like it's getting to the point where it's just like i'd rather just not have this social media account like if like because i just don't care about this shit enough to watch a dozen dude when the aurora borealis thing happened oh my god dude i was like how many pictures how many pictures of the northern lights do i have to see today Literally 15 minutes of solid, like I was doing it as an exercise.
	I was like, I'm going to scroll for 15 minutes to see, or I'm going to scroll until I find a photo somebody has posted this morning that is not of the Northern Lights.
	And I believe it took me 15 minutes.
	Although I did stop for a couple of laughs.
	It was beautiful.
	Don't get me wrong.
	It was a great thing.
	But like, dude, like the fact that there was no algorithm to break that up for me meant that it was just like, blue skies, just like, you want to see these 40 people talk about nothing but the Northern Lights, dude.
	Anyway, sorry, rant over.
	What are you guys excited for?
	Air.
	Not sweating.
	Yeah, not sweating.
	Beating the hit.
	I accidentally said beating the hit, like a weirdo.
	Beating the heat.
	Due to Arizona problems.
	That's only going to get worse, right?
	Like you guys are just in the middle of it.
	Are you going to be broiling?
	Well, presumably your air conditioner will be fixed.
	You know what?
	Don't let me keep you.
	I'm excited.
	I'm excited for your air as well.
	Mike, what are you excited for?
	Oh, probably just going to go head down to the Salem Willows and mosey about and see what's open besides the Clamshack, which is not opening yet, but will be opening soon.
	So you're going to go circle it like a vulture?
	Yeah, well, I want to see if, like, basically, for those of you who don't know, the Salem Bellows is a little tourist trap boardwalk in downtown Salem.
	And it's very funny because they have many installations that have been there since the 1950s, if not earlier.
	But now they have, like, a little area of, like, new hip things that randomly jumped in there.
	Like, they got, like, a Laughing Cow ice cream.
	They got, like, this, like, taco place.
	They got this Korean barbecue fusion place.
	The Salem Lowe got taken over by new management.
	So, like, they have those new things right next to, like, the old, tiny skee-ball arcade, and the old, tiny carousel and kiddie rides, and all that kind of stuff.
	So, I just want to see, like, how close to, like, fully armed and operational the joint is.
	Because I know that, like, my main reason to go there is to get a cheap lobster and some scallops or some shrimp.
	Like, that will be next week, because I believe this upcoming Monday is when the clam shack will burst forth from the earth and start serving out delicious seafood for the summer season.
	Yeah, so Mike wouldn't exactly call what he's going to do circling the area like a vulture, but since he mentioned that clam place twice in that, I'm going to say that his goal for the future is to go circle the location of this place like a vulture.
	With his mouth dripping like one of them St.
	Bernard's when they see their food bowl full of salivating shells.
	I'm right there with you, dude.
	I love a fried clam.
	It's so good.
	It's about to be that season again.
	All right, let's get the fuck out of here so that Haley can enjoy hopefully soothing air.
	Let's glide like Bobby the Iceman Drake out of Hellworld this week upon our powerful mutant powers.
	Good for us for being such powerful mutants.
	And good for you, our dear listener, for listening to the show and supporting us.
	Thank you so much for doing so.
	If you want to support us even harder but still for free, you can give us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
	If you have money and you want to give it to us, we will take it.
	You can visit us at Patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
	If you donate $5 or more per month, you get access to our slate of bonus content, which includes all the stuff we recorded back with Sergeants on the Crew, and a bunch of stuff all the way up until now, Haley and Mike discussing JFK conspiracy theories, etc.
	There's a bunch of stuff on there.
	$5 or more per month for the beautifuller babies in the crib at Patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
	Thank you so much, beautifuller babies in the crib!
	You guys are the coolest.
	We love you.
	If you have money and you want to do some good in the world with it and not give it to us jerks, we totally get it.
	There's a bunch of ways to do good with it, but if you need a suggestion, you go to love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
	Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our original theme song, accidentally remixed by Mike Rains.
	What a legend, Mike Rains, the legend of the DJ arena.
	We've always called him that, at least I have for as long as I've known him.
	Man, what a good DJ.
	Also, thanks to our buddy Frosty for all of our voice work, including the voice of Q and all of our bumps, and any other voiceover work we need.
	You can find Frosty on BlueSky at FrostyVO.
	You can find the show that you're listening to, the Adventures in Hellworld podcast on Twitter at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. You can find Hayley on various social media platforms at Arizona Right Watch, or AZRW, and Mike Raines, of course, on various social media platforms.

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