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April 25, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld

01:46:53

Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #186: Man On Fire

This week we talk about Tucker going nuts. We find out of the Ukraine aid package was part of The Plan or not and then we talk about a QAnon promoter who is now a pedophile on the run from the law and all the madness inside and outside the courtroom at the Trump Trial. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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	You You
	You You
	Content Warning The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
	Listener discretion advised.
	Hello, everybody, I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
	Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
	This week, I'm joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
	Arizona Right Watch.
	Hello everybody, I am here from your third week in hell.
	Wait, well, it's just the third week that I've said that I'm in hell in a row because of abortion stuff, so hi.
	Hey, and we're also joined by the mysterious Elle.
	Mushy, mushy, my beautiful babies!
	It's me, Elle, and I'm here, mustering as much enthusiasm as I can and not leading the episode by talking about how much of a bummer abortion rights is.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	It's happening right now again.
	Last week when we recorded, it was happening when we were recording, like the House and Senate being in session, and it's happening literally again right now.
	And I was just sent a video From a friend who is in the chamber.
	And it was the whole crowd up top singing, like, Amazing Grace or some shit.
	It's just like, this is just my Wednesdays now.
	My Wednesdays for the last three weeks have been dealing with this shit.
	So it just times perfectly with the podcast.
	Remember that every time you dare to feel even remotely proud about your state of Arizona, your state of Arizona, there's nothing but shame.
	And that's what you're here for.
	You're like, you are like flag bearer for the Magic the Gathering players out there.
	And all shame must target you when it comes to that shit.
	And then, but then I'm here to keep it light and fluffy, which is why I went casual Japanese, baby, Kawaii desu!
	You know?
	Everybody knows it.
	And then Mike is also here.
	And Mike times in more when we're talking about the stuff that is, like, news-related.
	Okay, well, keep it light.
	What did you do this weekend?
	Abortions. Sorry. Uh, I...
	I mean, fuck all so far, really.
	Well, actually, no.
	I did do a thing, and it's incredibly dirty, so I will share it.
	I've got a new D&D game coming up, so I have been preparing a potential assortment of miniatures for my new D&D game, because I have a character, and the character has a horse.
	So it may behoove me to have both a character and a horse.
	And in addition to that, a character on top of a horse, uh, mini, or set of minis.
	So, I've been looking into that.
	And it's been dorky and fun, and it's been getting me thinking about doing miniature painting again, which is also dorky and fun, and something that Sarge got into after he, uh, like, left the show and his schedule changed up.
	He had more time for, uh, painting, which he started doing.
	And he's gotten quite good at.
	Good for him.
	He'll never lose like this.
	So, fuck you, Sarge.
	But also, good work, Sarge.
	We're proud of you, buddy.
	Are you good at painting?
	I have a natural talent for it, but I haven't done it in some time.
	Really?
	Yes.
	Interesting.
	Which is one of those things that was very surprising to me and everyone I knew, like, a decade ago the first time.
	I was just like, yeah, I guess I'll try to paint some minis.
	We were all just like, what the fuck?
	I was like, what the fuck is going on here?
	Hidden talent.
	Yeah, El was very good with the painting of his orc teams in Blood Bowls.
	He was... Oh yeah, I even forgot about those.
	That was even prior to the thing.
	That was longer than... That was over 20 years ago at this point.
	Or just about 20 years ago at this point.
	Holy shit.
	Time flies.
	Yeah, and then like a couple years ago, some friends and I randomly went to an art bar and the prompt was to paint this candle.
	And they were showing us how to paint a candle.
	Like literally paint on canvas a portrait of this candle.
	They were like, hey, you want to come to this art bar and paint a candle?
	I thought we were going to be doing the thing where they give you like a candle and you like dip it into wax or paint or whatever to make it look all like tie-dye and shit.
	And then I got there and it was like a bunch of canvases set up and I was just like, oh, we're going to be like...
	Painting, painting.
	And then they're just like, okay, well you can do your own thing.
	And I was immediately just so bored by the idea of painting this fucking candle that I went off and did my own thing.
	And honestly, I'm not gonna lie.
	I thought I was just like, wow, this is coming out surprisingly well.
	Like, I didn't know that this was gonna come out, uh, come out good at all.
	And I felt a little proud of myself.
	And then two of the fucking people that were working there, like, came by and just glanced at what I was doing and were just like, Oh, do you paint in your off time?
	And then my head got super huge.
	And I was just like, Oh my god, I'm doing it.
	I am the goodwill hunting of painting.
	And then eventually I let myself come back down to earth.
	Like I kept most of that to myself, but I did feel very, very chuffed by it.
	And then, uh, yeah, I let myself come down to earth.
	And I was just like, I guess I just have a natural talent for painting, but I don't do it.
	So I'm certainly not good.
	Do live nude painting.
	Pass.
	Really?
	I mean, I just don't really give a fuck about painting the human form on a canvas.
	Pose!
	You could pose.
	That'd be fun.
	Have people paint you.
	Yeah, but I don't think, I don't think when people go to like paint a human figure, they want to be painting Peter Griffin from that episode of Family Guy where he wished he had no bones.
	It's sort of what my body looks like.
	Not everybody, you know, it's a unique bodies, you know, learn how to draw different bodies.
	You know, I think it'd be fun.
	Look, Hayley, this is an interesting way to tell me that you want to see me naked.
	No, I'm not.
	We'll reserve that for Hellworld after.
	But what did you do this weekend?
	Because your state sucks, but I'm sure that your life doesn't completely blow.
	But you have to have fun.
	What did you do that was fun this week?
	I went to a zine fest, and I got a lot of stuff, but look at this hat that I got.
	It's a little cat with a butt.
	Ruck on, and I get it.
	Traditionally, cats have... Listen, dear listener, this is a very rough but deliberate illustration of a cat with a human butt facing the camera, which is a fun little play on the way it normally is, because they typically have a tiny little pink starfish for a butt, but this one is caked up, and its cheeks are facing you, the viewer.
	So, that is the hat.
	It is very cute.
	Um, the zine fest was very fun.
	Lots of cool local artists.
	Um, the, uh, you know, it's kind of like a scene that would probably be described as Woke.
	Um, but I ended up picking up a Zine.
	Wee-oo-wee-oo, D.E.I.!
	Yo, there's D.E.I.
	at the Zine Festival time!
	Um, but... I don't know why, but when you did that little whisper into the microphone, that little... I just started laughing hysterically.
	I don't know why it broke me so much, but it did.
	Um, but I found a zine that I'm gonna read from front to back, um, and we will probably, uh, we could probably get bonus content out of this thing because, um, I don't know what's going on here.
	It's, like, kind of QAnon and also, like, kind of SovSit and definitely, like, We are no longer human because the government forced us to take the vaccine and then we all became trans humanists, but also trans rights are human rights.
	It's really weird.
	So I have to- It's like a new age- it's a- yeah.
	I want to punch that guy in the face, and probably not for any of the reasons that any other liberal would, but for somebody to look me in my face and tell me that I've become transhuman just because I took the vaccine...
	Like, if you come to me and you're just like, hey, you've become transhuman and what that means for you is that you feel the exact same.
	Your body is exactly the same level of shitty as it always has been.
	You don't have any cybernetic parts.
	You don't have any powers.
	You don't have any agency.
	Same as it ever was.
	I would choke you to fucking death.
	How dare you take that dream away from me?
	When I finally become transhuman, I'm going to use my psychic powers to kill the people I ate.
	Wow.
	That's going to happen.
	Did you take the vaccine?
	Are you okay?
	Is everything okay?
	I did.
	And my self-perception hasn't changed, so I'm just very aggrieved.
	It was supposed to be different, you know?
	First the Obama thing, and now this.
	Like, when's it gonna be my time?
	When is this white, cisgender, heterosexual, mostly male going to finally catch a break in this world of ours?
	I wish that it did at least give us the 5G, because I go through roads in Arizona where I get no reception, and it's like, I'd like some 5G.
	Hell yeah.
	One last question before I move out of the bike real quick.
	Aside from the soft set thing, what was your favorite zine that you saw?
	What was your favorite wokest zine?
	There was some interesting zines from the group.
	I'm gonna do it.
	I'm gonna do it again.
	There was a table for the people that are collecting signatures for the AZ for Abortion Access, but it was also they had featured art.
	Um, by artists and then like zines, like how to use certain contraceptives, and they were handing out those contraceptives, including like Plan B. Um, and I thought that was really interesting.
	They had them in multiple languages.
	Um, and then also there was a zine that, um, it's, it's kind of in this, uh, like whole little kit and it comes with a button.
	And like a card and like a little zine and it's the truth about horses and it's like, like supposed to look like a conspiracy zine that horses aren't real.
	And it's a government conspiracy.
	I like that one.
	I also got a really good block print.
	Horses aren't real is a great one.
	I really got a really good block print art piece that says Kissinger is dead.
	Oh man.
	So shout out to all those artists.
	Hell yeah.
	And now it's Mike's turn.
	What the fuck did you do this week, bud?
	It's a light pre-boosh this week, you know?
	Where I'll just sort of vibe.
	Hades 2.
	I got to get on the test access of that, and Hades was one of the greatest games ever, and I've just been super pumped that I got to play.
	I got to play, and I get to kill Hecate three more times before they're going to kick me off the server.
	So that's going to be kind of fun.
	How are you liking 2?
	It's awesome.
	Allegedly they're bringing all the gods back, although we haven't seen a few of them already.
	But when Artemis showed up, I was just the happiest clam in the sea.
	She was always my favorite god from the original game.
	And in this one, for people that have played 80s one, she's kind of like Thanatos in this one, where she shows up and actually starts throwing some punches with you in the room.
	So it's really kind of cool.
	Yeah, I'm happy that it's coming and I'm happy that you are enjoying your time with it.
	I mean, again, we're getting a small sample of the actual game here, but so far so good.
	So far, like, 10 out of 10, no notes.
	Yeah, I'm happy that it's coming, and I'm happy that you are enjoying your time with
	it.
	I also like that it really highlights how the manner in which we consume certain media
	diverges greatly, because I also love Hades 1 so much, in fact, that I would rather die
	than help them fucking playtest their shit ahead of schedule.
	Like, I'm glad that there are other people like you who want to do it, because I want it to get playtested, but fuck no.
	I like the first one so much, when it comes out, I want it to be the polished... I want it to be the experience that I got from the first one, because I didn't play in the pre-alpha for... or the alpha for the first one either.
	I just waited for it to get released.
	Even though everybody on Earth was talking about it, like, you know, all the video game podcasts were like, so good.
	So yeah, Hades is great.
	I'm glad we're getting a second one.
	It's their first sequel.
	It seems like they have decided to just make the first game again, which I will allow them to do once.
	And that's because Hades 1 is great, and I'm happy to do a run back on it.
	I don't know if I want three of them to all be identical.
	Then we're getting into Mega Man territory.
	It's like, all right, slugger roll there, buddy.
	It's like, all right, dude, come on, buddy.
	Oh yeah, there's some differences so far.
	There's a resource system, and when you go out into the game, you can take one resource gathering tool, and it's a question of what you need.
	If you want to go mining, you gotta take your pickaxe.
	If you want to help bring spirits back to your home base and get spirit energy from them, you have to take a different tool to outwit them.
	And unfortunately in the test run, they haven't given us the fishing rod yet.
	You bastards!
	Are you one of these sickos that loves a fishing minigame in a game for no reason?
	Not really, but it just makes me laugh.
	The obsession that people have with the Hades fishing minigame is hilarious.
	I just saw so many streamers that were like, no!
	Why do I not have the fishing rods?
	Oh dude, it's not just Hades, brother.
	It's like a thing.
	It's like this pervasive virus amongst video game players.
	For whatever reason, it's like one out of every three video game players just craves a fishing minigame, like Precious Blood.
	And they don't know they want it until they encounter games that have it, and they're just like, I love fishing game!
	Fishing game!
	Yeah, I like fishing in Animal Crossing and Skyrim.
	I don't know why.
	It's just kind of a pause from the game.
	Games within games, I always do it for way too long once, and I'm like, why am I doing this?
	And then I'm done.
	I had that problem like 20 years ago.
	There was a game that came out for the Dreamcast called Shinmue.
	And one of its most charming features to me was the fact that if you went to the arcade, there was like, in the game, there was an assortment of real Sega Genesis games that you could play.
	So I spent almost all of my time in Shinmue for like a weekend, just like doing odd jobs to make enough money to go to the arcade and play Space Harrier.
	It was very stupid.
	I ought to be young and just have an unlimited amount of time to be like, yeah, what else can I be doing?
	Playing outside?
	I've got no obligations.
	I actually pulled out my Switch and I've been playing a little bit of video games lately.
	Wow.
	Epic Gamer over here.
	When you're playing like Harvest Moon or Stardew Valley.
	I am going to actually, I want to play Hades because you guys have told me multiple times.
	But I've just been playing Smash.
	Super Smash.
	Nice.
	Yeah.
	You know, a little bit of fighting.
	Just get a little bit of rage out.
	Yeah, I was very tempted to play another run through of Stardew Valley.
	Like, a lot of people randomly get the, like, you know, it comes in waves for a lot of people, and I just happened to have crested it with a bunch of other folks I saw online that were just sort of thinking about playing more Stardew, now that the big patch came out.
	But I resisted that urge, especially because my roommate is borrowing my Switch, so it's like, that's fine.
	I don't need to buy it on yet another platform, you know?
	Anyway.
	That is enough pre-Boosh.
	Look at us.
	We recommended some stuff to people.
	We're doing great.
	We talked about whether or not horses are real, which they totally are not.
	Fake fucking news.
	Government conspiracy.
	Yeah, dude.
	The earth is flat and horses are all just two guys that are out to get you in a costume.
	But it's time for us to talk about our amuse-bouche.
	It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
	Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche.
	Alrighty.
	Bouche-y topic number one.
	I guess this week Tucker Carlson has decided to go slightly more bananas than normal.
	But I don't know shit about this.
	So Mike, what's going on with our zany, wacky buddies Tucky C?
	Uh, our boy Tucky C went on the Joe Rogan Show and decided that he was like, you know what?
	I'm on Rogan, so I gotta up the crazy.
	I just can't come here with, like, the normal bullshit about whatever, 9-11 being an inside job, which I think they got into.
	But he decided to explain that we have Supernatural beings that exist in the oceans of the world and that our governments know about these supernatural beings that we've been kind of, you know, like dealing with them.
	We got like deals, treaties, negotiations, all that good stuff.
	What, like mermaids?
	Like mermaid deals?
	Like with Poseidon and shit?
	It felt more like energy kind of things.
	It felt more just sort of like they were incorporeal.
	I don't have enough context to truly know what he was going for.
	But the gist of it was that there's a lot of supernatural shit out there, and way more ocean-based than land-based.
	And so he had that, and then at one point, Joe Rogan made the comment about, you know, evolution, how we all got here, and all this kind of stuff.
	And Tucker Carlson was like, evolution, bro?
	You buy into that bullshit?
	And Tucker just went full creationism on him.
	Just, you know, evolution, shmevolution, what are you doing?
	To be fair, that really jives with his merpeople theory, right?
	Because...
	Like, that's one of the fucking classic, uh, what's it called there?
	Atheist criticisms of the Bible.
	It's just like, Noah's Ark, man, like, what, so God didn't have any beef with fish?
	Like, all the fish were fine, bro.
	Like, what are you talking about?
	Like, that's how we got sharks.
	Because God was just like, you're cool, bro.
	And it's just like, well, like, you know, that that's why he's just like, you have to look to the sea for your mysteries, man.
	Because our Lord, Big Ups, he decided to destroy the world by water.
	And that means there's all sorts of aquatic horrors of which we know nothing.
	That's true.
	They never got the reset.
	They just they just got more water.
	Yeah, right.
	Interesting.
	Exactly.
	In fact, now must suck for them compared to back when like, like, you know, we've reclaimed like, what, 50% of landmass, like from the earth?
	They're like, man, you remember the Great Flood?
	That was awesome.
	Yeah, they're just like... Fucking global climate change, you know, like we're losing water by the day.
	Anyway.
	Yeah, I just like the idea of, like, shark culture, being like, why did God turn his back on us after God granted us victory?
	He cruelly snatched it away.
	Why?
	What did we do?
	I guess humans just wanted it more.
	Yes.
	God could have made Jesus a shark.
	The Messiah could have been a shark.
	It would have been mad easy for God.
	He could do all sorts of stuff, that wacky guy.
	Ah, that's our new B-movie that we're gonna start a GoFundMe for.
	Yeah, religious shark movie.
	Yeah, religious shark movie.
	That's gonna be the name of it.
	Cause it's actual day.
	Yeah, for the people that brought you Washington football team for those two glorious seasons or whatever it was.
	Oh god.
	Apparently the Arizona hockey team is moving.
	Your coyotes are leaving.
	Arizona sucks.
	They're moving to Utah and they're not going to have a name for at least one year.
	They're literally going to be Utah Hockey Team.
	Utah Hockey Team!
	Oh that's so awesome!
	I want t-shirts.
	That's incredible.
	Yeah, dude.
	Did they ever make Washington football team merchandise?
	They did.
	Oh God, yeah.
	Oh my God.
	Dude, they're going to be building a Washington football team just as much as I am for years and years to come.
	Every fucking five or ten years, roll out of the Washington football team merchandise.
	It's going to fly off the shelves.
	Why do they not get a name for a year?
	Because apparently they've said that they quote unquote want the Utah hockey team to get the name right.
	So like they don't want to rush them into a name that would be not great.
	So they're like sort of And apparently the people that own the team now are going to keep the rights to the term Coyotes, and they're going to try to basically get an expansion team back in Arizona in a few years that will keep all the colors and scheme and name of the Arizona Coyotes.
	So when they move to Utah, they're just like a new team entirely.
	Because I know my grades will love it, and because I can't help myself, I'm going to tell them to stop ignoring my letters and change the name to the Utah Maronis.
	Obviously the name that Mike Ranz wants the most, and I'm right there with them.
	You cowards!
	The Utah Moronahs.
	Here we go.
	The Utah Golden Plates.
	Damn it!
	The Vegas Golden Knights.
	Okay, Vegas, you gotta shave the golden off your name.
	You're the Vegas Knights now, and the Utah team is the Utah Golden Plates.
	So there can only be one golden team in hockey, and it's gonna be Utah's.
	Remember when the segment of The Boosh was just talking about Tucker Carlson?
	What a time that was.
	So, dude, aside from fucking going full creationist, which is like fine, I guess.
	Yeah, that's pretty Trex with him being a weirdo Christian, too.
	It just sort of seems like, if anything, it seems more desperate than crazy.
	It seems sly and desperate, you know?
	Because he's just like, as long as he pivots to hard conservative Christian, he can always retain some amount of his base.
	Right.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's just going creationism, going full Kent Hovind and just doing all that shit.
	I mean, hey, why not?
	There's an audience for it.
	Because it turns out that Tucker Carlson was probably not ready to get severed from the fucking cable teat, you know?
	Like, he needed that teat.
	That teat was supplying him his viewers.
	People don't want to watch Tucker Carlson anywhere but on cable, you know?
	Like, you can't go to Twitter or Truth.
	And a lot of his audience is like, what's a podcast?
	Where do I go?
	I don't...
	This is too confusing.
	Right.
	Yeah, I mean the median age for a Fox viewer is like 68.
	They're not on fucking X to see whatever bullshit he's talking about.
	Every time they load up Twitter, they fucking, they see like whores that they hate like fucking not wearing any clothes and as soon as they're done masturbating to them, they hate them and then they leave.
	They're just like, fuck this.
	This is the worst and we hate it and we're done cumming so we're out of here.
	See you later.
	Speaking of outta here, see you later.
	Let's move on to our next boosh topic, which is gonna be a fun one, I suppose.
	I guess.
	Man's gotta have a take on everything.
	Ukraine aid package passed, and I guess we have to talk about Donald Trump being cool with it?
	Question mark?
	What's going on with that, Mike?
	Okay, so basically, the Ukraine bill, which had been stalled for forever by a Republican sack of shit, Mike Johnson, he finally let the bill go to the House floor, where it passed overwhelmingly.
	The Senate just passed it, Biden signed it today, so all kinds of cool stuff is now going into Ukraine to help them kill Russian people, which is awesome and good, it should happen.
	QAnon, originally, when this all happened, started screaming and yelling that Mike Johnson sold them out, that he's betrayed America, blah blah blah, endless wars, all that kind of shit.
	But then some QAnon promoters decided, we're going to try to take a different tax here.
	We're going to cut it into a different lane.
	And what we're going to say is that You know, like, Mike Johnson just went to Mar-a-Lago, like, a week ago and talked to Trump, and then Trump was like, yeah, the Ukraine aid would be okay if it was, like, a loan.
	We just can't give them the money.
	They gotta give it back to us with interest.
	So maybe Mike Johnson did what Trump wanted him to do, and, like, this funding is all, like, totally okay, and it's cool, and we just have to accept, like, whatever Trump's five-dimensional chess move is here and just trust the plan.
	which it's like it's not alone we just gave them the money and it's we didn't even really give them the money all we're doing is just giving them surplus fucking military shit that we already have and the 61 billion dollars is just us funding the replacements that we're going to build for ourselves because America's not currently in a war, and we can just fucking take our time rebuilding all the shit that we just gave to Ukraine.
	It's no must, no fuss.
	Yeah, and also, you know, we haven't really talked about it, I guess, that much.
	Like, you know, the Ukraine thing keeps coming up, but we haven't really needed to delve into it too recently because, for some weird reason in America, the headlines have been dominated by politics.
	But we're not We're not giving the money to Ukraine and just getting nothing.
	We're giving the money to Ukraine to, like, stabilize the region, to help send a message to Russia, and, like, you know, if we all unite to help Ukraine get out of this sticky situation or whatever, then it's just like, you know, you have another Uh, like you have an ally.
	Somebody that you have by the balls.
	Because you bailed them out.
	Because you're American.
	That's what America does.
	We sell weapons to everybody.
	They fight each other.
	We help one side.
	They're just like, okay, now you owe us.
	You know?
	That's what we're paying for.
	That's where our taxpayer money's going.
	So, unless you're gonna be mad about it, like, just like, you know, if you're just like, fucking Ukraine package, couldn't we use that to, like, end the homeless crisis-ness?
	Then, you know, you might have, like, a leg to stand on or whatever, but the people were just like, why the fuck are we sending our money overseas to begin with?
	It's like, for a variety of reasons.
	Like, you don't get to be the number one country on Earth without being, like, Earth Cop.
	Which is what America is.
	The Earth Cops.
	Right.
	I mean, that's what always makes me laugh about this shit is people are like, we should be dealing with our own things.
	What do we care about this?
	It's like, well, we care about the international community.
	We care about Ukraine being a democracy versus Russia being a dictatorship.
	If Russia conquers Ukraine, they're not going to stop.
	They're probably going to look to start fucking around with Poland and the rest of Eastern Europe.
	No way.
	They're going to stop this time.
	Don't worry about Crimea or whatever it was six years ago when they did their test run for the Ukraine thing and everybody was just like, hey, we see you taking that strip of land.
	We're going to let you do it.
	But we're watching.
	We're seeing you do it.
	And we don't like it.
	You stop that.
	They said semi-firmly, you know?
	Yeah, I mean, like, that's the thing, is that these same people, I mean, not QAnon, because QAnon is pro-Hitler and just generally a bunch of shitty fucking Nazis, but I mean, These same people who are like, man, World War II was so bloody and vicious and horrible.
	How did it come about?
	It's like, well, mostly because America and Western Europe just like buried their heads in the sand for as long as they possibly could about how dangerous Hitler and the Japanese were until Hitler and the Japanese started directly punching those people in the head.
	And those people were like, oh shit, we're being punched.
	Time to start punching back, I guess.
	So it's like, You know, if maybe we had told Hitler, no, we're not giving you this for Dayton land.
	No, we're not appeasing you left, right, and center.
	We're actually going to start arming up now, you fuck.
	A lot of that shit could have been averted.
	Anyway, how are Trump sycophants responding to Trump being fifth dimensional?
	Is this enough to rattle anybody?
	Are they like, boo, Trump is fucking up.
	He's finally done it.
	He's showing weakness.
	Get him.
	Well, again, the people that want to be mad about it, it's the good cop, bad cop bullshit where even though, again, Trump controls the Republican Party, the fact that this passed means that Mike Johnson betrayed him.
	So if you're mad about it, you're just blaming Mike Johnson.
	If you are weird to ambivalent about it, you're trying to tell people, hey, wait a minute, maybe Ukraine passing ain't a bad thing.
	Maybe there's a reason for it.
	Some guy I saw posted like quote-unquote vote comms where It was, I don't know the exact numbers, but just basically imagine if you broke down every number in all of the voting, between the yeas, the nays, the people that voted present, and the people who didn't vote.
	If you added up every single digit in all of them, it came out to 17.
	And they were just like, look, vote comms!
	Patriots in control!
	And it's like, I thought Q loved Putin and hated Ukraine.
	Why is Q sending a message that we're now arming Ukraine?
	I don't understand.
	Because fuck you, Mike, shut up, that's why.
	You just gotta trust the process, and the process is mixing up numbers in whatever way you need to to get the number you'd like to pop out, and sometimes converting those numbers into letters.
	It's a real fun game.
	You and any number of your friends can play, and you can make the universe tell you whatever you'd like it to.
	So easy.
	We should call this game Gematria.
	I think we're on to some new hotness here.
	Yeah.
	I was on the road and saw a mile 17 marker and I wanted to steal it for you so bad.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, you sick freaks have pointed my brain to the numbers 14 and 88 and all sorts of horse shit.
	It's the worst.
	You know, fucking Jim Carrey, the number 23 dude.
	Talk about the number 88.
	Every time I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm ready to clock them.
	I'm just like, did they look like they were fucking born in 1988?
	Because if not, dude, I'm coming.
	Like, that's not true.
	I'm a pussy.
	Anyway.
	It is a good way to know that people, listeners, if you see that in someone's user, and you see that in their name, and their at, And they don't look like they were born in 1988.
	I mean, that is actually a good rule of thumb, and I do use that online.
	You know what I mean?
	That was how I found out that one person that was at my reunion was quite undesirable.
	Because I was like, wait a minute, we all graduated too old for any of us to be born in 1988.
	That math ain't math in there, boy!
	And if there's a 14 in front of it, be even more wary.
	Yeah.
	No, I was 14 in 1988.
	But yeah, it's actually time for us to talk and like, you know, let's let's stop talking about
	Nazis and white nationalists and horrible conservative bullshit.
	And instead, talk about Arizona.
	Wait, that can't be right.
	Anyway, it's a classic because it works.
	It's Arizona Madness with Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, who I hope is who Mike Raines was desperately pointing at there and not him pointing at me because I said a thing that I wasn't supposed to.
	Did I accidentally say the N-word while I was leading up to the Arizona thing?
	Do we have to stop recording now?
	Is that what happened?
	The pointing was very desperate.
	I was just like, is my background on fire?
	Oh wait, I'm not on webcam.
	What the hell could I have said?
	No, I was just pointing at Haley because I was like, oh man, it's Haley's time to shine.
	It was Arizona moment.
	It was excited pointing and not desperate pointing.
	Anyway, hi Haley.
	Welcome back.
	Hello.
	Hello, everybody.
	Elle was making fun of me for being really knee-deep into my phone right before this segment, but I was... I was very, very amused, and it brought a big smile to my face, the amount of laughter I got.
	I told you, I have a bunch of those pictures.
	I'm gonna get you every time I see you.
	Every time I see you checking out to look into your phone for a while, you're gonna get one of them.
	But for those of you who have been following the Arizona abortion saga, the house is in session today to again consider Um, you know, uh, repealing the, the territorial ban.
	This is not, this has been a three week thing because the Republicans have the majority and it's just, it's basically just been a bunch of procedural drama.
	Um, but, um, as of right now, um, the people that a lot of us saw probably viral, uh, praying and speaking in tongues are back.
	And the legislator who brought them, State Senator Anthony Kern, is currently leading them in another prayer in the chamber, so the gallery, so that's cool.
	Is he dancing around with the snake and stuff?
	Is it like an old school revival or shit?
	There is no snake.
	I don't think that would get through the checkpoint.
	That's a bummer.
	Yeah, they're back, so that's cool.
	Who is there?
	I also see some Turning Point USA people, which is what we'll be talking about today!
	So, for those of you who were following the story of the two Turning Point USA affiliates who gay-bashed a professor, a queer professor, at Arizona State University, They were charged back when it happened with like assault and harassment.
	They have admitted guilt and are now They have to complete court-ordered diversion programs before April of next year, so that's their punishment for stalking and then violently pushing down a professor and cracking his head open.
	They have not lost their jobs from Turning Point USA because it's a hate group and they suck and they are headquartered here.
	Thank you, Charlie Kirk.
	Um, in other Turning Point news, the actual, um, new news, we have multiple Turning Point USA slash Turning Point action, um, like workers and leads who are also lawmakers here.
	One is Jake Hoffman who kind of infamously got like banned from social media platforms because he was operating a troll farm on behalf of Turning Point USA to like spread election lies.
	He works with Turning Point USA and Austin Smith.
	He is a representative here.
	He works with Turning Point Action.
	He's one of the leads with Turning Point Action.
	And obviously, Turning Point USA and Turning Point Action have been some of the lead voices in the, you know, election denialist movement that we've been suffering from.
	And, you know, just a bunch of lies about elections, a bunch of lies about fraud.
	Well, Mr. Austin Smith was, he faced a challenge for his upcoming election, the signatures that he gathered, because It appears that he forged over a hundred of them, and so there was a legal challenge to the signatures, and he dropped out of his race.
	He dropped out of his race and also he resigned from Turning Point Action.
	He has not resigned from the Arizona House, but he did put out a statement that he just got married, literally this last weekend, to some other Turning Point Action person.
	And he said that he just didn't have the time and money to take on these legal challenges, which is horseshit, because Turning Point USA is like a massive uh organization conservative grift organization and they fund a lot of like
	legal challenges and shit here and uh two people signed affidavits that said they did not uh sign his uh petition and their names appeared on the ballot so he's possibly fucked uh and that is funny unfortunately he hasn't resigned from that house yet because they would basically lose they would then it would be half and half the the They have a really slim majority.
	A one-seat majority by what you just said.
	Yeah, on both the House and the Senate.
	So they don't want to lose.
	They don't want to lose a guy, but he should resign and people should demand he should resign.
	The signature is so funny, too.
	I'm not like one of those people that is like doing handwriting analysis on the timeline and like, you know, doing like, like shoe analysis to pinpoint Marjorie Taylor Greene as the bomber or whatever.
	Type shit.
	But this was so obviously the same signature because the M's were so unique.
	They were like, they look like two A's kind of next to each other.
	And like multiple signatures had that it was very obviously the same signature.
	So Austin Smith, possibly fucked.
	Also, if I think he's found guilty, he can't run for quite a few years anyway. Also, Turning Point, I'm
	surprised they like had him resign because they let like, absolute filth fascist fucks work for them.
	You know, David Erickson It's Candace Owens still Turning Point?
	Yeah, Tawny Yeah, after like, right after she got the boot from
	Daily Wire, literally that day, Turning Point USA put out like a
	post about, you know, like how they were backing Candace.
	And then they announced that she was like a keynote speaker at
	their upcoming women's conference.
	Thank you.
	Like, she's still totally affiliated.
	They've been, yeah, leaning into her... Being a Nazi.
	Yeah.
	I love that.
	I love that that's turning point standards.
	Perhaps some impropriety with ballot signatures, immediate dismissal.
	Praising Hitler, keynote speaker.
	That's rock solid.
	Way to go.
	I love that.
	Thank you, Charlie Kirk.
	Being Nazis.
	Yeah, let's show them.
	Yes.
	Anyway, breaking boost news that I'm sure that Mike hopefully thought that I forgot about, and I almost did, but then I reread my notes and I was like, damn, I'm good at remembering stuff because I have notes.
	And that is to say, apparently Katy Perry has released a photo with a Cybertruck.
	And when this breaking boosh news appeared at the top of the show, Mike seemed incredibly whelmed by it.
	Hayley, on the other hand, lit up like a Christmas tree, so I wanted to give Hayley a chance to tell me what the fuck is going on with the Katy Perry Cybertruck fiasco.
	She just posted- I have no- I have- I'm just- I just thought it was funny.
	I actually- I'm gonna do a rare- Are you just amused by the fact that there are two things that are just like, you know, obviously not having the best moment in their careers currently?
	Yeah, it was like her- she was posing very pretty.
	I think she thought she was doing something in this by like, being like, I got, thank you Elon, hashtag like my idol, and it's like, lady, he's a Nazi.
	He's literally a fascist fuck.
	What are you doing?
	Please remember that Katy Perry exists.
	Yeah, you know, I'm not the biggest fan.
	There's this music video that she has that she filmed on a military base that is just like the cheesiest.
	Most.
	It's a little bit.
	It's a bit much for my taste.
	Look, Katy Perry is clearly beautiful and talented.
	Yes, she's very hot.
	She's very attractive.
	She's talented.
	She can make music.
	Snap, snap, snap.
	Wonderful.
	I'm not a fan of any of it, and I'm especially not a fan of that music video.
	And I love that, like, it's like, lady, turn on the internet before maybe you do like a I love Elon post and I love Cybertruck, which literally just got recalled.
	Just in general, very funny.
	The best the best post that I saw was a quote tweeting it was said, like, imagine marrying Russell Brand not being the most embarrassing thing you've ever done, which I agree with.
	I agree.
	You know, don't don't do that.
	Don't don't support Elon.
	He's a Nazi.
	Also, to be fair to Katie, that was back when, you know, she was at a time in her life where she probably needed, like, some just, like, grimy pipe work done in her life, and that's why she went that route.
	Then she corrected herself pretty quickly, you know?
	I just want Katie Perry to transition into, you know, just, like, daytime TV, like a lot of these people do when they're at the end of their careers.
	She'll have one.
	She'll have a... Katie!
	Yeah, just go to, you know, it was fine.
	It'll be insufferable.
	Have any of you guys seen a Cybertruck in the wild?
	No, we live where liberal people are.
	Yeah, I've seen three in the wild, because I take a picture every time I see one.
	And they get dirty easily, because I can see all the handprints on it, especially around where the door is.
	It's just like, you can see every handprint.
	So that's my first complaint as far as it being dog shit ugly.
	Yeah, it somewhat looks uglier than its inspiration, the DeLorean, which is like a notoriously ugly fucking car, but it's got like... It really goes to show that there's something about a car that is ugly but has a charm to it versus a car that's just ugly because it looks like it's underbaked.
	It's funny that you guys haven't seen one and I have to live in Arizona where apparently They're more relevant.
	Well, it is funny that you have to live in Arizona.
	You know, I often think that.
	I just assumed everybody had seen one by now.
	Well, there's a Tesla dealership near my house, and I will make a pilgrimage around there on my weekend here to just see if I can spot one in the wild in their parking lot.
	That's cheating!
	That's like going to the BMW dealership, or the fucking Volkswagen, whichever one it is, Volkswagen, and you'll punch a punch buggy, you know?
	You're just like tracking it down.
	That's cheatings.
	Well, the only reason why I want to see it is because people have told me that, like, no matter how ugly you think it is, it's just worse in real life.
	Actually laying eyes on the thing, you're just like, oh my god, it's hideous.
	I guess.
	People say it about me.
	If I told you that cow shit smelled worse than you could possibly imagine if you were right up close to it, you wouldn't be driving to a farm, you know?
	I'm just saying.
	This is a massive effort.
	You Elon bootlegs.
	That's not, that's not even remotely true because I go to Richardson's all the time in the summer when it is incredibly fragrant because they've got the cows on site.
	Mike, you have to give me for the credit for the fact that I went with cow shit for the listener and I literally could have picked any other animal shit and I know it would have played for you but it would have played less good for them.
	You fuck.
	Alright.
	Let's move on to Q's In the News!
	From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
	Okay, we're chopping this up for reasons that should be obvious to anybody that doesn't want to hear us talk about Donald Trump for like 45 minutes in a row or however long we're gonna be talking about the news segment this week.
	Uh, so, in news segment number one, self-immolator!
	I hardly know her!
	Uh, yeah, some weird fucking guy I guess decided to light himself on fire outside of Trump's trial.
	Uh, and, like, the most surprising news to me, I thought that was exclusively a liberal thing.
	Like I like every time I've ever heard of somebody doing that it was like the last time it was the guy protesting uh like for Palestine and then usually it's like monks and shit you know it's like fucking like I was just like whoa whoa whoa this is a right-wing playbook thing too uh so Mike what's going on with our right-wing buddy who decided to light himself on fire for Trump?
	Uh, well, this guy was an Illuminati believer.
	This guy was a full-blown... Oh yeah!
	That's the stuff, baby!
	We're in it now!
	Yeah, this guy was a literally there are no heroes kind of guy.
	Like he apparently threw a sign or signs before he set himself on fire.
	And the important sign of that he had was that Biden and Trump are working together to stage a coup against America.
	He was very much adamant about the fact that everyone who's doing anything is super bad and evil and they're all working to destroy us.
	Uh, he, uh, posted on Substack and he's like, hi, this is me.
	I'm the guy who just set myself on fire.
	And so on his Substack that where he like literally had that as the title of his, uh, article, it went into a lot of detail about how, oh, you know, all the standard shit about how we're controlled by the banks and the world and it's all evil.
	And, uh, he's had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
	Yeah.
	How do you like that reference?
	How do you like that reference, whoever got it?
	Throw that one out there for you.
	Enjoy that one.
	Tasty.
	Sorry, Mike.
	Back to you.
	Nope.
	No problem.
	And the big thing I took away from this fucking schizophrenic rambling of this guy was He went deep into a section about the Simpsons and about how the Simpsons are predictive programming and how the episode Lisa the Iconocast was like proof of how these bad people put their message into the world for it to be absorbed and discombuted and that like he was just like
	I saw Life is Hell comics on his Instagram.
	Which is the pre-Simpsons.
	Right, right. He went into that. He was like, Matt Groening made life as hell.
	Why would he have done that and then become the leader of the Simpsons, the maker of the Simpsons,
	if he wasn't like in on the plot to show us all how we are doomed. And it was just like, yes.
	It was money. It was money killed the beast, you know.
	Obviously, it was money.
	But I will say, as I got cut off previously, but yeah, that's a great pick.
	If you're good at conspiracy theory or something, a huge pop culture juggernaut like The Simpsons, where there's a bunch of examples that you can point to of them, quote unquote, predicting the future, that is a solid pick for you to have a wild conspiracy theory meltdown about.
	I'm not implying that anybody go flaming Moses themselves in front of the fucking courthouse or anything, but, like, if you're gonna be a wackadoo... My friends and I, like, back in the day used to have drunken talks about the apocalypse and shit, and I was just like, yeah, my plan is to form a religion around Harry Potter, because you just, you know, there's a bunch of literature you can point to, and just, like, you can really massage that, and in the post-apocalypse we're gonna be a weird death cult surrounded by Harry Potter, because I've got the books, y'all.
	Well, I don't now, but I can get them.
	You can find them at any thrift store.
	Or in the home of any white woman of a certain age.
	Yeah, and The Simpsons predicting the future is a subculture.
	There is a large quantity of conspiracy theorists who do believe in that stuff.
	I saw after the Baltimore Bridge incident, some people made some bullshit AI art pretending like The Simpsons predicted that.
	Oh, I saw that, too.
	Yeah, they posted it on Twitter.
	They're like, how did they know?
	And it's like, they didn't.
	You're fucking lying.
	Like, this isn't real.
	You made that up.
	Gee, I don't know about crashing this barge into a bridge, Homer.
	D'oh.
	No.
	No.
	I never tried to impersonate Simpsons characters and I wasn't willing to try for the first
	time on air, so that was my dramatic rendition.
	It's a table read.
	The word table read just broke me.
	I don't know why.
	It was just fucking perfect.
	Mike, question.
	I saw a lot of debate back and forth, because El said it at the beginning, whether he was right-wing or left-wing, and what was your interpretation of that?
	Uh, he was just Illuminati.
	And the thing is about the Illuminati, and the reason why it never reached the heights of QAnon, it never achieved any sort of real traction in American pop culture, is that Illuminati is very apolitical, because we're just fucked.
	That's basically the whole point of Illuminati.
	It's just, everyone's rich, everyone's famous, everyone's powerful, because they're part of the in-group of the Illuminati, and you are a working age-o, because you're not.
	And that's just it.
	Okay, well, as the podcast's closest thing to a tether to real reality, as the mouthpiece of the regular person, I was here to tell you that the Illuminati is not apolitical.
	That, like, the perception is that's strictly a right-wing conservative lunacy thing.
	That level of conspiracy theory is not a thing that your average Joe, like me, associates in any way with left-wing politics.
	It's all right-wing all the way down if you believe in that shit, baby.
	Like, that's just the way it is perceived by normal people.
	Because I did see actually like a couple so-called like anti-capitalist accounts kind of post about him positively because I think they read some of his stuff in that way.
	Like left-wing crazy stuff is like doesn't usually involve like a manifesto.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, there are things out of this playbook that, like, when you read about them in headlines, or read some articles, because this managed to float across my, like, when I read into this guy, like, for the whole time, I was never just like, I don't know about this guy who could go either way on his politics.
	He fucking lit himself on fire outside of Donald Trump's trial, left a manifesto ranting about the Illuminati.
	There was a lot about crypto, right?
	Oh yeah, crypto is a massive scam.
	And that's another way that the Illuminati are using to steal all our wealth, that they're just like, getting us to put money in crypto, then they're just gonna rug pull.
	He just thinks crypto is just one big rug pull waiting to happen, and it's all gonna go away.
	They're gonna steal all our money, which could be right.
	Crypto kind of sucks, I think.
	Also, I think it's- Crypto is kind of a scam.
	These people are frequently close to saying some sort of truth.
	That's interesting that you just said that because I think it's interesting that Instagram still has his profile up.
	Usually those get taken down, you know, and kind of like, I don't know, like if someone's a mass shooter, their profile gets yeeted pretty quickly.
	But this guy's profile is still up and I've seen a lot of people idolizing him in the comments and kind of Yeah, saying he's speaking truth to power, basically, on some of the stuff, which is a little... All those people are getting clapped, monitored, clapped by the FBI.
	You're all getting monitored, baby.
	If this is not my opinion of any of this, it's just, I do think it's interesting that
	they left it out.
	Monitored by the FBI, baby.
	You get monitored by the feds, you fucking morons.
	Remember when the Silk Road went down?
	Clap.
	And then it came back up.
	Clap.
	You get monitored, clap, by the FBI, baby.
	Sorry, these people are so fucking dumb.
	Like, oh, I love the shit you're talking, like, I love the sort of stuff you're talking about, we should mobilize.
	Yeah, okay, get ready for them fucking people to be looking at your dirt, bud.
	So stupid, sorry.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I just think that, like, this, this shit is something where People look at it from an apolitical eye in the sense that they just see the person hates everybody.
	And that was like the con that Alex Jones ran for a long time, where a lot of liberals were like, oh my god, this guy's right about 9-11.
	And it's because, no, he's not right about 9-11.
	You're just mad at the Bush people, and that's why you like Alex Jones, because he's telling you Bush is shit, because he did 9-11.
	The only reason why Alex Jones hates Bush is because he's not right-wing enough.
	He's not nearly as big a nut as right-wing extremists want him to be.
	So in their world, Bush is a cuck liberal.
	And so is Alex now for not liking Hitler.
	Oh yeah, that was awesome!
	I totally forgot about that.
	That was fucking great.
	It was so fucking funny.
	Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
	Finding out that your audience is pure Nazis now.
	Way to go, idiot.
	It's nothing but Nazis.
	Yeah, and for the record, I don't think that you're wrong.
	I'm sure that a lot of these people believe that they're being apolitical, but my position is that to the average Joe, that sort of ranting and raving in a manifesto about Bill Clinton being a member of the Illuminati makes you look pretty much like a right-wing lunatic.
	No, yeah, I think the normie perspective is interesting, because I do like to know what kind of just, like, a guy would think of this incident.
	For the record, I also forget that Mike has enhanced empathy for people, and probably you do as well, enhanced empathy for people that get hoodwinked by cults.
	Yes.
	And I have reduced empathy for those people relative to you guys.
	I was raised in Jehovah's Witnesses also.
	No, I feel you.
	We've all got our own shit, and that's just the way it is.
	I try to rise to your level of empathy versus trying to drag you guys down to my levels.
	I like your levels sometimes.
	But yeah, like, I do want to offer my perspective when I think it's, like, important.
	And in this case, I just partially defend myself because, like, it was so obvious to me, like, in my mind, in my world, that he was a right-wing crazy person.
	That I brought it up at the top of my lead into the story, and it wasn't until Haley mentioned that there may be, that might be contentious, that I thought for a moment that there were, there was a slant on it that wasn't my own.
	You know what I mean?
	It was so weird.
	Like, I was just like, oh shit, I guess I should sort of get it there, just like defend my position on this, because I did come at it pretty high.
	We love normal guy perspective.
	And I'm just a normal guy, you know, just a regular Joe.
	Hey, forget about it, etc.
	He's just a small bean.
	Small bean Hill.
	It's his birthday.
	And as much as I'd like to continue exploring the ways in which I am great and also deficient, it's important for us to move on for both our time and the audience's time.
	So let's talk about the QAnon promoter who's on the lam.
	Of this week's episode of Cops, which I hate, I guess.
	So what's going on with this one, Mike?
	OK, so our our hero in this case is William Guy Emick III.
	His name is Guy?
	His middle name is Guy.
	That's awesome.
	He's Guy.
	Yeah.
	And he is an incredibly gaunt, dark haired man.
	And Our boy here is charged with 13 counts of child sexual abuse.
	Good job, moron.
	Shocking that the QAnon community would... I'm over here.
	I'm practically apoplectic with surprise over here.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	And this guy was known for a long time online as E or I the Spy or E's your friend.
	He was a hardcore LARPing QAnon person who pretended to be like a secret agent who was
	doing crazy missions.
	A lot of QAnon promoters hated him because he was such an aggressive LARPing asshole.
	One person even debunked one of his videos and showed how it was like just literally
	a golf country club that he went to and not some secret establishment.
	And our buddy Emmec here just ignored that and just kept rolling through that he was
	truly a secret agent superhero fighting the deep state and saving the world alongside
	Donald Trump and Q.
	And now he's on the run for being a petarist, which again knocked me over with a feather.
	So weird that these people would end up turning out this way.
	Were you familiar with this guy before he got popped?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Yes.
	I have numerous... I bet if you do a word search on my Twitter feed for the words like exposed fraud or just like confirmed fraud, you'd probably get a ton of hits about me talking about this guy because his, again, his act was just like, ooh, I'm saving the world!
	Ooh, I'm on an adventure!
	Ooh!
	Just took down some more bad guys, helping out the Q team and Trump.
	And he was, uh, do you know the, like the, the, the real dark judge
	or the real dark judges?
	Do you know that account, Haley?
	No, I don't think so.
	Okay.
	There's like this like dumb LARP account where they're just like, this, these
	bad people have been executed.
	They basically pretend like they're the criminal tribune.
	They pretend to be the leaders of the military tribunals executing all their enemies.
	Basically, E was a variant of that.
	He was one of these guys that was like, um...
	I'm part of Q-team, and I'm a globetrotter, and I'm running around saving the world from all the bad people that are doing the bad things.
	And all the rank-and-file regular grifters in QAnon were like, dude, fucking dial it down a bunch, because you're making us look bad.
	Like, fucking cut the shit.
	And, uh, he wouldn't.
	He would not cut the shit.
	It was great.
	And, uh, I'm trying to remember, but I think this guy was, like, tied to Jim Watkins.
	I think Jim was, like, one of the only big QAnon promoters that wouldn't... Yeah, I bet he is.
	I mean, legally, we might not be able to prove it, but... I can think of at least one way I'm willing to bet that this person and Jim Watkins are similar, at the very least.
	They're QAnon promoters.
	That's the one way Al was thinking, for legal reasons.
	Yeah, they both use Tor Browser for no reason.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	So yeah, like this story broke a few days ago.
	There's no updates about him being captured yet.
	So he is currently on the run.
	And like, if you see a really scrawny guy with dark hair, just call the cops.
	He's so cute.
	Where's he originally from?
	I believe Minnesota.
	He's in Arizona.
	Everyone flees Arizona.
	His whereabouts, ellipsis, are unknown.
	A BCA statement read, he may or may not still be in Minnesota, is the article from the Star Tribune.
	Missing presumed Arizonan.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	Oh God, yeah.
	Okay, well, hopefully they catch this fucking piece of shit and then, you know, they can convict him and put him in prison and then do stuff.
	Let's hit the road and find him.
	Yeah!
	Yeah, dude.
	Vigilante justice.
	Yeah, we're going to buddy cop this.
	That's going to be our bonus content.
	I can be your boss in the chair, except I disavow everything that you would do because I don't want to go to prison.
	I'm not going to do anything.
	We're just going to find who he is.
	We're going to see him.
	You're too punk rock to not want to go after him with a bike chain if you saw him.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	I know your deal.
	You're not going to fool anybody.
	You might be able to fool other people, but not me.
	I know you've got a punk rock heart.
	Anyway, I'm just imagining Hayley, like, saying, there he is, and she calls 9-1-1, and the cops are like, we'll be there in five minutes.
	She's like, not good enough!
	She just rushes out, rocking a sock, just domes the guy, poof!
	There we go.
	Now I'm sure you won't get away in those five minutes before the cops show up.
	Just like five bars of soap, tube sock.
	Yeah, exactly!
	You know, Bruce is in with the benefit of living like a springtime fresh scent, you know?
	Yep.
	Okay now stop distracting me!
	I'm trying to transition to our unfortunate having to discuss Donald Trump because of course our dear former president is finally on fucking trial in front of a fucking judge.
	We have to sit there and just take his lumps like a stupid bitch and he has to complain about it like a stupid idiot moron dumbfuck who I hate so much but it's so great to see him just get his ass paddled day in and day out in court for the past week my goodness and of course we have to talk about it and we will so Mike Let's get right down to fucking brass tacks.
	How goes that Trump trial, baby?
	Well, I guess for the listener who might be living under a rock in a cave, which crime is he on trial for this time?
	Okay, so this trial is for the Stormy Daniels hush money payment slash election interference.
	Um, and we finally seated the jury.
	We had opening statements by both attorneys.
	Trump's defense decided to take the very interesting, and by interesting I mean bizarre and fucked up, tactic of saying that these crimes happened before COVID, which I wasn't aware was a legal line of demarcation.
	What does that mean?
	I don't know, but literally his lead attorney, the HAPA lady, when someone was tweet transcribing her statement to the jury, she was just like, these things that were alleged happened before COVID.
	And all the replies were like, why did she say that?
	What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
	Was that the Purge era?
	Did I miss it?
	Right.
	Before COVID, you were allowed to pay off people with campaign funds to hide the fact that you were covering up damaging information about your campaign during the presidential election.
	It was only in the 2020 presidential campaign where that was made illegal.
	I don't know.
	It's so fucking weird.
	But that happened.
	So we had the opening statements and then Our boy Pecker, everyone's favorite aptly named man, the guy that ran the National Enquirer, and again has an incredibly unfortunate surname, was then called as a witness to testify, and he stated that, yeah, I was basically working as an unofficial campaign surrogate
	For Trump during 2016.
	And whenever Michael Cohen or the Trump campaign would call me up and tell me to write a flattering story about Trump or to knock down one of his enemies, I would do that.
	And so Pecker was the one who came up and posted the articles about Ted Cruz's dad murdering JFK.
	He was the one saying that Hillary Clinton was about to drop dead from all of her horrible diseases, just everything.
	All the articles that were about the 2016 campaign were basically planted by either Cohen or people working for Trump to Pecker, and then Pecker would just run with it, because that was his job, again, as the unofficial press liaison of the Trump campaign.
	So that was- Mike, what's your-
	What's your- I thought I was seven, but I think I'm nine now.
	I think I'm jury number nine.
	So yes, we're gonna go with that.
	Are you the one that gets your news from True Social?
	Uh, no.
	My God, what an awesome juror that would be.
	Holy smokes.
	I dream only of such a juror.
	Oh, that reminded me!
	You sent me that link where Charlie Kirk was like, is it moral to lie to get on the Trump jury?
	Would Jesus condone it if you were to lie your way onto the Trump jury so you could hang the jury and keep him out of jail?
	And then the next segment was, are AI girlfriends replacing real ones?
	I'm not even kidding.
	I mean, God, we can only hope.
	No, just kidding.
	Where am I?
	I love that there are people out there that it's their actual dream, but it's just like, it's not how it is in fucking Weird Science Boys.
	Like, right now it would be like a fucking cold steel box with like a gel sleeve, and it makes like a whirring sound while it operates you, you know?
	Like, calm down, brother.
	Like, it's coming, but probably not in your lifetime.
	It's coming.
	Oh, like an orgasm!
	That's how old After Dark folks... Goddammit, we keep giving away our After Dark content.
	Didn't some ding-dong on Fox News just straight up describe the crime that Donald Trump is accused of doing like while trying to defend him.
	Well, he's just like, yeah, so he slept with the porn star and then he asked her to sign an NDA and he paid her some
	money to do it.
	What's the big deal? And the same afternoon that Donald Trump's legal team was just like,
	the following things are not at all what Donald Trump did.
	One, sleep with this porn star. Two...
	Oh yeah, I mean, this is basically the legal defense of Trump is that
	this whole thing is kind of like all of the things that happened were technically...
	I I would assume that paying somebody to sign an NDA and all that kind of stuff is all above board and legal, but the whole criminality here was that Trump, being just such a cheap bastard, used campaign funds to pay this whole thing off with Cohen.
	And then after they used funds from the Trump 2016 campaign to pay off Cohen, they then just cooked the books and was just like, paid Michael Cohen piles of money for expert advice about elections.
	And parentheses, not covering up the fact that I fucked a porn star.
	And then we paid her off so she wouldn't go, she wouldn't tell anyone who wasn't in the National Enquirer about our scheme to silence her so that she would not damage my chances of being president.
	So, like, that is the crux of the case.
	And so it's like, oh, so who doesn't cover up their sex, their sexual affair with a porn star?
	Who doesn't?
	Might I remind you, it is not illegal to influence an election.
	Love that.
	Love that big time stressing, which is just like, it's technically true like in like a general sense where you could be like, I would like to influence this election by professing that I support Donald J. Trump.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, that is fine.
	But like, there is a limit to it.
	Several legal limits, like the impediment and stuff.
	It's very, it's, yeah, it's super bizarre.
	But also really interesting to watch.
	Also, how we like those courtroom sketches, because no cameras inside for security reasons.
	So just an abundance of incredibly rendered Donald Trump courtroom sketches that I'm sure would fetch a pretty decent price were they to become available to purchase.
	And the other thing about what we have in the courtroom is that we have very much documented evidence of Donald Trump constantly falling asleep at the trial, which is hilarious.
	He's still awake for that?
	Let's take his powerful mind.
	Yes, oh yeah.
	His incredibly powerful mind that needs a little rest every now and then because it's just firing on so many cylinders at all times.
	His high octane brain.
	It needs maintenance.
	It needs a little upkeep, that's all.
	He's sleepy.
	He's a sleepy dude.
	And the other thing that we're being told about from less credible sources... God, what if he died in court?
	That'd be so funny.
	Oh my god, the conspiracies would not end.
	Oh, man.
	That would be great.
	Oh, boy.
	He eventually has to die and I just fantasize every day about the kooky scenarios that it could be.
	Wow.
	Of all the things to fantasize about, my God.
	No.
	No, it's not.
	Let that man live rent-free in your head, Hayley, please.
	I mean, I don't think about him too much, but when I do think about him, I'm like, that would be funny when he dies.
	I don't think about it too much, but when I do think about it, I'm like, come on!
	I just like to think about when he'll eventually die.
	The thing is, content-wise, I'm also waiting, because when he does, no matter how it happens, it is going to be a content palooza for at least a little while.
	I want shirts.
	I want every shirt.
	Oh my god, it's going to be so funny.
	Mike, we have to do a trip when it happens.
	That's our next trip.
	Our next trip is to Trump's funeral.
	We have to go to DeSantis' hell.
	We have to go to Mar-a-Lago.
	Yeah.
	Maybe they'll bury him in an unmarked grave next to his wife on the golf course.
	That would be great.
	He's gonna have an open... With a bunch of documents.
	He's gonna have an open, like, service where you can view his body for, like, months.
	You know?
	And we're gonna go see it.
	Maybe he'll just stall on himself permanently.
	Yeah, I'm kinda hoping.
	Yeah, he'll just stall on himself permanently there in Mar-a-Lago.
	I'm really hoping that's what happens.
	The line?
	It would be huge.
	It would be.
	We could blend in really good in Florida, Mike.
	Me and you could do, like, just kind of a Florida look, you know?
	Oh, yeah.
	And nobody would recognize us.
	No.
	Nope.
	No, no chance.
	Oh, man.
	Give me a little time to tan up and I'd fit right in down there.
	I'm fucking white, white, white, out of shape, fucking overweight.
	And we could definitely do a Southern accent because I'm originally from the South.
	Yeah.
	I could blend in like a chameleon.
	It's my favorite future vacation that we will be doing in the future.
	I could probably chug a beer faster than most of them clowns.
	Dewey's the party.
	It doesn't matter if you're the clown.
	Sometimes you gotta chug a beer fast, dude.
	So, we do know that Trump is sleepy from credible sources.
	The argument that we are currently having is, is Trump smelly?
	Because apparently, Democrat partisans have been claiming that Donald Trump is at the very least farting, if not shitting himself, in the trial and generating an obnoxious amount of odor that is making his lawyer's jobs that much harder.
	I hope he's doing it on purpose.
	Oh yeah, just absolutely just eating massive quantities of Taco Bell before he gets his three hours of sleep.
	Who are these reports coming from, and where are they coming from?
	I'm talking literally physically in the courtroom.
	Is this dude, like, is this dude odious to the point where people in the back room, like, sitting there, like, fucking taking notes, are like, holy shit, this guy smells like actual Duke?
	Basically, the thing is, is that someone who works with Midas Touch, the left-wing social media platform, content creators, and George Conway, who's another evil liberal.
	They work with Ron Flipakowski, who is a loser bitch.
	For the audience.
	Haley proved my punk rock point super well for me.
	She just threw up the bird.
	She was like, fuck that guy.
	She threw up a bird to nobody but me and Mike.
	She was like, there's so much I hate that guy.
	He's funny.
	He's stolen some of my videos and also some of my friends' videos and then he blocks us when we've called him out for it.
	He's a funny guy.
	Oh, yeah, he makes good money.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, he's a huge grifter.
	He's absolutely working that like network.
	Midas Touch also applied from Jim Stewartson at one point.
	So good job, you guys.
	You really know what you're doing when it comes to this kind of content.
	Big thumbs up.
	But yeah, so it was like these left-wing partisans who were saying, I've been hearing credible sources from inside the courtroom that, oh my god, does it stink?
	And then people are pushing back, like, hey, we need better sources than you to know that Trump is a smelly baby.
	We're not willing to buy in just yet on these articles.
	I bet he smells like baby powder.
	Uh I that would be that if he just like doused himself if he just had like a heavy baby powder smell so because he just yeah I like again I'm also sort of surprised by that because the reason I asked like where these people are reporting from is because You would have to be pretty flatulent for your farts alone to be odiously, like, creeping, like, potently back to the rear of the courtroom consistently enough for people to be reporting on it like it's just like, dude, this motherfucker smells bad.
	So...
	Like, I don't know, man.
	Maybe all those funny diaper jokes aren't jokes after all.
	The guy is old.
	He is old and out of shape.
	There is kind of an older stinky.
	Maybe our guy is pooping.
	Maybe our guy is pooping into a diaper.
	Oh, well, I'm here for it.
	And for all the people that are pearl clutching and wanting more verification of Trump being smelly, we got an election to win.
	So fuck it.
	I'm all in on smelly Trump.
	Make him defend it.
	It's like the LBJ pig fucker story.
	Hopefully none of our listeners will be like, man, they're punching down on Trump.
	But in case anybody out there is and are thinking we're playing like Dirty Pool, I mean, again, like, he's like an alleged billionaire.
	Fucking, like, he's like an untouchable.
	Yeah, like, you can't really punch down at the guy.
	You want me to punch down?
	I can't wait for him to die.
	That's me punching down at him again.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
	I don't know about that.
	In a peaceful way in his death, not, you know, peacefully in his sleep.
	In a peaceful way in his death.
	You can't even wish his death to be peaceful without you, like, reiterating the death part.
	All right, enough of that horse shit.
	It's time for us to jump into our favorite part of every episode, the part where we get to engage with our precious listeners who we love so much and who I never make fun of during this segment.
	I promise it's never happened once in our life.
	It's time for our listener mailbag.
	Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
	It's time for Q&A.
	Yeah, it's funny, in the downtime between last week's episode and this week's episode, I generally don't think much about the pod in between recordings, but when I was this week, I was just like, oh, there have been a fair handful of times recently where we've gotten one of these questions that's just been like, fuck you, buddy!
	And then I answer the question, I do answer the question, but I'm like, fuck you!
	I'm gonna try not to get mad and or aggro at our listeners this week.
	Be nice.
	I'll try.
	Well, we got a ton of questions this week, so apparently hating our listeners has only inspired them to earn your aggro score.
	Never mind!
	Get ready for my fucking boot!
	Got a bunch of listeners who like to be yelled at.
	Eric, the Deep State Operative says, what do you think people are getting out of QAnon?
	Not the grifters or the influencers.
	I mean the jermokes, the grifties, if you will.
	Community.
	Yes.
	A, community is a big part of it.
	Also, understanding of the world.
	It's a religion.
	Like, earthquakes and mass shootings and all that shit are scary and chaotic, and when you turn that chaos into order, where it's a weather weapon that made the earthquake happen, or it's an MKUltra sleeper agent who was activated by the Deep State so they could steal your guns, when you put a reason behind things that don't have reasons, it makes people feel comfortable and better about what's going on in the world.
	Sometimes the Earth is just really random and scary, and that's hard to deal with, and you just have to do that and not fall into conspiracy cults to make sense of the world, but unfortunately that's what a lot of people do.
	Yeah, like I remember one QAnon conspiracy bullshitter, Julian Trum, who's like always like flickering in and out of reality every so often, like one week a long time ago, like a lot of crazy shit was happening and he He made a tweet where he was just like, man, I don't know what I'd be doing this week if it wasn't for QAnon.
	And it was just like, getting hit with all these crazy news stories like tsunami just devastated this community, mass shooting over here, like fucking all kinds of bullshit going on over there.
	And he was just like, man, that would have really just rattled my cage before QAnon.
	But now that I know this is all just part of the battle between the Deep State and the Patriots, it just makes everything so much easier, so much smoother for me to digest it all.
	And I really think that's like, as terrible as all this shit is, it's incredibly comforting to these people.
	Like, it's reassuring.
	And in the end, they're gonna win.
	Trump's gonna kill all the bad guys and save the world.
	And that's why they're in, that's why they invest in it.
	And all their enemies are gone.
	And then they have paradise.
	Doesn't that sound beautiful to, you know, to some?
	Oh, I mean, that's the hard end of this shit, is that after we kill all the liberals, we'll find all the secret technology they've been hiding from us, and we're gonna have free energy, med beds, we're gonna get the trillions of dollars of illicitly gained Rothschild wealth, and socialistically distribute it capitalistically to the people of the world, and end poverty, all that shit.
	It's like fucking utopia.
	There we go.
	Sorry, I didn't have much more to add besides community.
	You guys covered the rest.
	Yeah, but community is a huge part of it, so L's one word did a lot of work.
	OldNibWatkins asks, I used to be one of those guys who cared very much about his UCI, I think you mean DCI rating, in Magic the Gathering.
	I even once paid a guy to take an L while he was beating me in a tournament.
	What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever done or witnessed in a card tournament or other event if you don't
	play?
	What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever done or witnessed in a card tournament or other event if you don't
	play?
	And it's certainly, first of all, it is a poker tournament and not a magic card tournament, which is what the spirit of the question is.
	And I apologize.
	My tournament scene stuff has been pretty boring in terms of what I've been there for.
	So that poker tournament, Mike might remember the exact one, but there was one tournament where a guy He got kicked out, or was about to get kicked out, for being stinky.
	Really stinky.
	And when they confronted him about it, he had a full-on meltdown, where he kept screaming, show me the rulebook where it says about smelling.
	And I'll always remember that poker moment.
	When I think of poker, if I think about it for more than a few moments, I will inevitably come to that guy, flipping out, and saying, show me the rulebook where it says about smelling.
	And that does cross over to general Magic Tournament stuff.
	Like, obviously, TCG tournaments are notoriously stinky, just like Super Smash Bros.
	tournaments, so... Yeah, I would say that guy losing his mind and screaming, show me in the rulebook, where it says about smelling is probably one of the greatest moments I've ever seen of somebody losing their mind.
	Yeah, oh god.
	I had a few Magic the Gathering events.
	Many of the insider catchphrases that me and Elle use with each other come from crazy things that have happened in Magic the Gathering tournaments.
	The term fight me right now came from a guy freaking out at a Magic tournament.
	That was great.
	There were these tournaments where small children would, it was basically age cut off.
	It's like basically 12 and under got to play against each other and all the older kids who knew how to play Magic better didn't get to beat them up.
	The little kids would get very crazy when their creatures would fight each other.
	So you attack a creature and then the other player declares that they're blocking with a creature.
	These little kids would just yell, BLOT DEAD!
	And it's like, no, I can play tricks.
	There's things I can do to make my creature win the fight over your creature.
	But these little kids would just so quickly declare that they'd won the combat immediately.
	BLOT DEAD!
	And it eventually got mistranslated to BLOT DEAD.
	And this was a phrase that me and a bunch of people that were around me would use to describe small children getting very excited at Magic the Gathering.
	So that was another thing we enjoyed talking about.
	My favorite incident?
	That involved me, was I was playing a card game called... I was playing Lord of the Rings, which was a short-lived card game, and my opponent was doing very... Your deck was two decks built into one.
	You had the Fellowship, there were the good guys, and then you had the minions of Sauron, whatever evil group you were using as your Sauron-based faction.
	And your Fellowship had to run the ring to the end of the line to win the game, and your bad guy faction was trying to kill the ring bearer and steal the ring, and you could win the game that way.
	And my opponent was having a terrible time drawing Fellowship.
	He had, like, Gandalf and, like, Pippin and, like, fucking nobody else really helping out Frodo.
	And I was just watching the veins bulge in his forehead as he was getting, like, fucked over more and more.
	And he finally moved into the zone where, like, my deck, which was, like, the Moria Orcs, it was like a fast swarm deck that was designed to overrun the Ringbearer and kill him.
	And when you don't have a lot of fellowship, my deck was just, like, perfectly designed to destroy that deck.
	And so he moves to the bad spot, and suddenly I have, like, five goblins mauling Frodo, and the guy looks at his hand, looks at his hand, looks at his hand, acknowledges that he lost, scoops up his cards and goes, Great game!
	A monkey could have done that!
	And then he stormed off all frustrated.
	And it was just like, sorry, man.
	Sorry your deck betrayed you.
	But I did win.
	And I'm sorry.
	Hayley, do you have any tournament card gaming experience?
	No.
	Are you sure?
	You don't want to jump in there?
	Come on!
	Get in there!
	I don't.
	Alright.
	Next question.
	Yeah, thank you for the question, listener.
	Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor, asks, imagine you've been given the budget and creative freedom to resurrect a dead franchise of your choice as a TV series, either live action or animated.
	What show do you bring back gloriously?
	Hmm.
	This is one of those questions that I feel like... A franchise, I think, is what they said, right?
	Not necessarily...
	A dead franchise, yeah.
	Yeah.
	So it doesn't even need to have necessarily started as a show.
	It could just be brought back in show form.
	So say you were a big fan of Pogs, since we were talking about this earlier, and you wanted to bring Pogs back, but not in Pog form.
	You could do Pogs the animated television show.
	That'd be a terrible one, though, because they're just discs.
	You can make it like Yu-Gi-Oh!
	You're activated by Trap Pog!
	It's like, nooooo!
	Uh, yeah.
	This is one of those questions that sort of, like, would require, like, deeper thinking to come up with, like, a great answer.
	But I... Yeah, are there dead franchises anymore?
	I thought all we did was regurgitate the same old bullshit over and over again.
	Well, a franchise that hasn't been around for a while.
	More like Dormin.
	I can't think of what they haven't brought.
	My answer right now is going to be Thundercats.
	I saw a goddamn commercial for a fucking Bad Boys sequel when I went to go see Civil War and I was like, who asked for this?
	What is this?
	There was a sequel for The Quiet Place?
	I was like, why does this need a sequel?
	It's actually a prequel to The Quiet Place so that you can find out why the place is so quiet.
	You know?
	If you came away from that first movie being like, yeah, but why did it get so dang quiet?
	They're going to show you that.
	Yeah, my answer is Thundercats.
	The last Thundercats reboot we got was fucking Thundercats Roar, which was like Cheetos brand flaming hot garbage.
	It was like they were, they tried to Teen Titans My Precious Thundercats.
	But like, the thing is, is that Teen Titans was a comic book for people my, like, you
	know, I would recognize for my youth, you know, like, like a late 80s, early 90s, right?
	But then they rebooted it as a cartoon for children first, and then, then made the gap
	to Teen Titans go.
	Thundercats, again, starting out the same way, a property some of my age will remember
	from when I was like, in that pocket.
	But then, they tried to reboot it a couple of times and nobody gave a fuck ever, and
	They were like, you know what we're gonna do?
	Now that nobody really cares about it, we're gonna make it like Teen Titans Go, but only for people who are in their early to mid-thirties already.
	And it's just like, who the fuck, like, pulled the people, like, nobody that is 32 wanted that.
	Shut up.
	Get it out of here.
	Like, me, personally, was like 35, or like, COVID makes time dilation a thing.
	Let's say I was in my early 30s when they announced that.
	Yeah, hey, go fuck yourself, buddy.
	That's not what I want out of my Thundercats reboot.
	Do it, it doesn't have to be super duper serial, but it does have to be serial enough where I'm like, where it doesn't seem like we're just making it for a goof.
	Like, I want like an overarching story, like an 80s style weird sci-fi fantasy story about cat people.
	Thank you very much.
	The reboot they tried, like 2008 or whatever, was pretty close to what I wanted, you know?
	But it got too anime after a few episodes.
	But, like, the first had a good spirit to it.
	Yeah, it was a good attempt.
	But, like, then they were just like, yeah, the mech suits.
	I was like, no, no mech suits. I asked for Thundercats, not fucking Gundam.
	What the fuck is this shit?
	Like, what are we doing?
	Anyway, that's my portion over.
	Yep.
	Since it feels like they're constantly just fucking dicking us around about actually rebooting it, I'm just going to reboot Babylon 5.
	I'm just going to do this.
	Just bringing it back.
	J. Michael Straczynski, you get the budget, you get to do it, and we're doing it.
	And however you want to make it, I trust you.
	I trust your vision.
	I love that show.
	I keep hearing about how we're going to get sexy Babylon 5 on Warner Brothers Network or the WB any day now, and then it never happens.
	Let's just do that.
	Let's just get Babylon 5 back in circulation.
	Haley, back to you!
	I got nothing.
	So I'll just say, bring back Firefly is what I'm saying.
	Hey, there you go.
	That's a perfectly valuable answer.
	Are you a Firefly fan?
	I've seen it.
	It's fine.
	But you'd be more doing it for the culture?
	I'm just doing it because I can't think of an answer, so I'm throwing that one to the people.
	There you go.
	How would you feel about using your magic genie production wish to get a show off the ground about conspiracy theories regarding the existence of horses?
	I would do it.
	Your favorite zine, come to life!
	You've got production genie powers!
	That would be cool.
	You could get Riker to host it, like what was it called?
	Beyond Factor Fiction?
	Yeah, I would watch that.
	Oh God, we made it up.
	Yeah.
	And that could just be it.
	He could just show the audience a picture of a horse and just be like, is this horse real?
	And then give you some time to think about it.
	And it's just like, we made it up.
	Or we gotcha.
	Not this time.
	That was fiction.
	It doesn't exist.
	Greatest show ever.
	Yes.
	Oh my God.
	We're there.
	Let's make a script.
	Eric Andre, I swear to God, if you're listening and you make that horse sketch, I'm going to wring your neck.
	Pancake Peasant asks, new Taylor album dropped, babes.
	Any QAnon reviews?
	Please share your non-QAnon reviews, too.
	I haven't listened to any T-Swizzle albums.
	I have heard her music.
	The only thing I've seen was someone declaring Taylor Swift's new album was very unchristian, because there were some There were some naughty words in there.
	I saw that.
	And there were some other lyrics that were blasphemous.
	So someone was trying to get on Taylor for not being one with the Lord.
	That's a guy that got booted from Turning Point USA.
	It's funny because Turning Point USA folks like Charlie Kirk and Jack Posobiec are very anti-Taylor Swift because they're all like, What's going on?
	Why is she so famous?
	Something must be going on, you know, Illuminati type thing.
	Like, she's being pushed by Big Woke.
	But, like, the women of Turning Point USA absolutely fucking love Taylor Swift and can never, ever, ever, ever stop talking about her and her music and everything that she does in all their shows and podcasts, so that's where I get most of my information on Taylor Swift, even though I've only heard songs in, like, the supermarket.
	I don't know any of the songs in this new one.
	I'm not really a fan of this type of music.
	I'm sorry.
	People.
	I know that this is probably pissing off a lot of people.
	I don't mean it in a rude way.
	It's just not my shit.
	But I do think it's funny.
	That the Turning Point USA people are big fans of the Taylor Swift music and actually there's this like kind of bullshit women's magazine that I subscribe to, Evie Magazine, it's actually like ran by Peter Thiel and it has these articles that are always like 15 reasons why you should stop taking birth control.
	Or like 10 reasons why your man should be the boss in the relationship.
	It's just like shit that's clearly not shit you would see in a women's magazine for normal people.
	It's just the Bible as a magazine to try to fucking con you into Christian bullshit.
	It's like, why you should use beef tallow on your face and drink raw milk.
	Like that kind of shit.
	I'm not even kidding, that's an article.
	Oh my god.
	I don't know though, if you switch that over to beef tallow for french fries and raw milk, I might be interested in reading your article.
	That sounds pretty nice.
	That was what made McDonald's fries so good, they fucking fried that shit in beef tallow.
	They reviewed the Taylor Swift album, and it was a Turning Point USA woman that did it, and she was a big fan of it, so it's probably not my shit, is just what I'm saying.
	It's just not my type of music.
	I'm not really into the pop thing.
	My only opinion about Taylor Swift is that if she really wanted to do the world a favor, she would go fucking out of her way to admonish her fans for being pieces of shit all the time.
	But she doesn't, because she's chasing that bag, and I guess I'm not supposed to blame her for that, but I will, because I I hate the way that people enjoy her stuff.
	It's not her fault, I guess.
	Us not being a fan might get us cancelled by some Swifties, and maybe our numbers will go up a little bit.
	Fuck it!
	Come at me, bro.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Like, she seems perfectly fine.
	And she's fucking aging, like, why?
	Like, I never thought she was that attractive until recently, and now that she's, like, you know, fucking, like, out there to, like, turn her ears to her or whatever, I was like, for the first time I saw pictures of Taylor Swift, and I was like, oh wow, Taylor Swift is actually pretty attractive!
	Like, which is super funny, because like, she's been famous forever.
	And I've just been like, eh, I don't know.
	I just don't really see it.
	And then recently, it was just like, oh, oh, so good!
	Everybody gets taken eventually, is what I'm learning.
	Okay, so thank you for the question.
	Amanda Scatlin asks, according to QMom, the Cabal has 6,000 patents hidden from us.
	One of them, according to her, is a wormhole that teleports people through space.
	What is an example of other patents we don't know about?
	Oh, what's the classic?
	A water-powered car, obviously.
	That's the classic, dude.
	MedBed?
	Classic.
	MedBed.
	Perfect.
	The moment Hayley said med bed, like after Elle said water-backed car, immediately I was like, family feud, and she was like, bing!
	Number one answer!
	Number two answer!
	It's like, she's like, show me potato salad!
	I was just like, right there.
	I was like, oh my god.
	Oh dude, space laser parenthesis Jewish.
	Yeah, exactly!
	God!
	Actually, sorry, that's really opposition.
	The good guys would probably have space laser parentheses, Christian.
	Space laser for the Lord!
	Oh, screw you, Riverside, for not having the Family Feud Bing as one of your default soundboard drops.
	So I can immediately just put that in there.
	Earthquake machine!
	The pill to cure cancer.
	The pill to cure... We have the cure to cancer.
	That's... Yep.
	Oh, all of that.
	I mean... All the shit Tesla was supposed to have had.
	You know?
	All of it.
	Just the Tesla package.
	Yep. 100%.
	Oh God.
	And since this is a huge mailbag, our final question is from MeBad.
	Bermuda Triangle, good clean fun or portal to hell?
	Why not both?
	A portal to hell could be good clean fun.
	I can totally see that.
	Do you really want to go to heaven if the people who think heaven exists are correct?
	It depends on who I'm talking to.
	It's true.
	Do I get an opportunity to allow to poll them about what their opinion of Heaven is and then settle on the one that I like the best?
	Because I'm sure one of them could come up with something that sounds appealing enough.
	I just don't really want to go to Heaven in its current form, I don't think.
	I'm lazy.
	Paradise sounds awesome.
	I don't know.
	I'm so lazy.
	I just want to be comfortable.
	Do you have to hang out with people in heaven?
	It's paradise, so no.
	By the logic of what the Bible tells us, you're just happy and it's great.
	Heaven is just ignoring everybody.
	It's just having a little cloud being like, man, fuck everybody else.
	Jehovah's Witnesses unfortunately get stuck on Earth, but it's paradise.
	Also, even if you did have to hang out with them, given an eternity, wow, this episode might run long, given an eternity, I think that cool people could elevate boring previous Christians Then, like, previous Christians would drag cool people down to their level.
	Like, you know.
	I feel like with an unlimited amount of time and no burden to do anything other than produce culture, eventually you would win them over.
	By just being like, hey, you can continue sitting there in your beige box and just, like, smiling politely into a corner and doing whatever.
	Or you can join us, where we have dancing and music.
	And, you know, good food.
	Just cool stuff going on.
	Or juice.
	Pizza.
	I've always wanted to understand how consent works in heaven when it comes to that kind of stuff.
	Jesus Christ.
	I feel like the rules probably fucking apply everywhere, Mike.
	Enthusiastic consent is kind of what you want.
	I know, but I'm just saying, like, Paradise for me is like, there's that hot chick over there, and I totally want to get with her.
	And it's like, it's paradise, so I get what I want.
	And it's like, but the hot chick is like, no, go away, you weirdo.
	And she like, heaven maces me.
	And then I'm like, ah, my eyes are burning, but it's paradise.
	This is why you can't ever be the fucking one, Mike.
	If it's your paradise, Why would you ever let your weird hang-ups about consent figure into it at all?
	Just use Paradise to construct a fucking sex robot that is literally 99.99999% indistinguishable from the real thing.
	Just have it your way!
	Have God create you a perfect woman, the most perfect woman that would perfectly love to consent to have sex with you.
	Couldn't wait to do it, you know?
	Yeah, it's heaven.
	The woman that you would meet would be, like, a creation specifically catered to you.
	I hope that when I get to heaven I have options that, like, forbid me from needing to think about whether or not I want to fuck other people that had died ahead of me.
	Or that died show up.
	I can't, like, I hope I'm not there rigging my head just being like, oh, my high school crush.
	Ooh, I can't wait for her to die in a car accident.
	What we were talking about here is like, is heaven a holodeck?
	Because if it's a holodeck, then that's whatever.
	But what Elle just said, I've always had in my head is like this terrible dark view of heaven, where it's like, just all these guys in the 1950s are dead, and they're all just waiting for Marilyn Monroe to croak.
	And it's just like, oh man, can't wait!
	And it's just like, and God's like, guys, guys, I don't know if Marilyn's getting in here.
	And they're like, oh, she's fucking getting in here, goddammit!
	You don't make the rules around here, God, we do!
	And it's like, well, man, this is getting ugly.
	Do those guys get into heaven?
	They seem a little aggressive.
	I know!
	Dude, the GoPro's moving, though!
	Like, you know?
	That's the problem.
	That's why, again, getting back to the beginning of it, I would need to line up a parade of these ding-dogs that would just be like, tell me how your heaven works, and then eventually I'll settle on one.
	I'm like, deal!
	This heaven sounds cool and rad.
	Excellent.
	Well done, you creator of my heaven.
	I love how our question of the Bermuda Triangle goes to have a theological discussion about- Oh yeah, was that the initial question?
	The Bermuda Triangle is really boring.
	Like, unfortunately, it's just boring.
	It's just a highly trafficked stretch of water, and because it's highly trafficked, like, yeah, there's a higher propensity for stuff to go missing there, because more shit's going there.
	Like, I would love for it to be Aliens or Methane Gas or Avalon or whatever.
	Atlantis, it's none of those things.
	It's just a stretch of water.
	It's more heavily trafficked than normal.
	And it's in like a hurricane belt or whatever.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	There is a gigantic man-eating, ship-sinking crack in there, though.
	Yeah, except for that guy, but he's cool.
	Just leave him alone.
	Yeah, his name is Steggy.
	He's great.
	Okay, so that brings us to our final question, which is always, what are you guys looking forward to?
	Uh, becoming a nude model.
	Let's see!
	You should look into it.
	Check it out.
	Cross it off your bucket list.
	It wasn't on my bucket list.
	In fact, you may say it's something I've never considered.
	I saved my nudity for very specific moments in my life, like showering, etc.
	No, no, no.
	I got nothing.
	Pretty boring, chill pattern.
	I guess I could say... I mean, I'm going to probably reuse it again when the time comes closer, but I'm a sucker for a good trailer.
	The new Deadpool trailer came out.
	It's a movie I'm definitely going to go see with some of my goober friends.
	So, looking forward to that.
	It's like rattle around in the brain.
	And D&D, but I think I used D&D last time.
	But I'm always excited about D&D.
	I'm a nerd in that fashion.
	Yeah.
	What are you looking forward to, Haley?
	Um, I'm going to, um, go look at some trains, you know?
	Um, there's, you know, in Arizona, we have a lot of open desert and some of that open desert trains get parked there for periods of time.
	And if you like art, legal, definitely legal art on the trains, It's fun stuff to do.
	Just go on the trains.
	I'm going to do a lot of trains.
	It's good weather right now.
	Yeah.
	Train watching.
	There's a there's a building block.
	The train I take during part of my commute passes by and everyone in the block has come to an agreement and once every season they allow local graffito artists to paint a big group mural on it.
	And sometimes they're incredibly fucking rad.
	Like one time it was all like comic book themed and shit so there's a bunch of different people's takes on different comic book characters and stuff.
	Periodically one graffiti artist who's like very good at hyper-realism shows up and one time he did like a Boris Karloff's Frankenstein on there.
	It was very good.
	Anyway.
	Yeah, you mentioning that totally legal art reminded me that we actually do have a little spot for some totally legal graffiti art that I get to train past, so it's sort of like a weird juxtaposition.
	I saw a cool Simpsons one the last time I was out.
	You know how some people write letters and it's Simpsons characters?
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	Yeah, it was a good one.
	Was it about eating shorts, etc., or steamed hams?
	No.
	It was like a couch.
	But it looked cool.
	How about you, Mike?
	What are you excited about?
	Well, we have more sports ball upcoming.
	The Celtics are going to crush the Miami Heat.
	The Bruins are trying to blow it against the Toronto Maple Leafs.
	Those battles are going on.
	And tomorrow night is the NFL Draft, so we're going to see if the Patriots fuck it up or not.
	That'll be the fun on a bun when they are the third team to make a selection and either they pick the right quarterback everyone wants them to pick, they pick the wrong quarterback, which would make us all very mad, or they don't pick and they trade the pick and they give someone else the ability to get the good quarterback, which would also be enraging.
	So that'll be a really fun little moment in time when the broadcasts are like, now New England's on the clock!
	Will they fuck it up?
	And then we all get to watch and see If the New England Patriots, now not run by anyone confident, are just like a little toddler walking towards an electrical outlet with a fork in their hand, do they stab the outlet or not?
	What will happen?
	Oh man, please.
	Please don't do it, little toddler.
	Don't drive the fork into the outlet.
	Someone stop the toddler from doing that, please.
	I beg of you.
	Nice.
	Well, there we go.
	Of course, there we go, Mike, at the end, finally somehow tying it back into a toddler, electrocuting itself, presumably to death.
	Wonderful.
	What a light and fluffy show we run here.
	Comedy show!
	Am I right, guys?
	What a bunch of cobblesters.
	Thank you, dear listeners, so much for listening to the show and supporting us.
	If you'd like to continue to support us even harder, but still for free, you can do so by leaving us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
	If you have money and you want to give it to us, Lord knows we will take it.
	You can visit us at patreon.com slash talker politics, where your donation of five dollars or more per month will get you access to all of our bonus content, past, present, and future, including all the stuff we recorded in the Sarge days.
	And all the current up-to-date content that Mike has been recording with Haley, and all the future stuff we may do together once I stop being such a lazy bum about it.
	Thank you so much for all of our beautiful babies who are already up in the crib.
	If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, we totally understand that.
	There's a bunch of different ways you can do good with it in the world.
	The one we've always suggested is visiting love146.org.
	They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
	Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our original theme song, accidentally remixed by Mike Rains himself.
	Thanks also goes out to our buddy Frosty for all of our voice artist work when we need it.
	The voice of Q, our bumps, etc.
	You can find them on bluesky.com.
	You can find the show you're listening to, The Avengers in Hellworld, on Twitter at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. You can find me, Mysterious L, on Blue Sky only because Twitter is for losers.
	Losers like my other two co-hosts who are on all social media platforms at the following information.
	You can find Hayley, Arizona Right Watch, a.k.a.
	AZRW, and Mike Rains, of course, at Poker Politics.
	So, if you're a social media fan, that's where you can find your boys!
	Honorary boy goes out to Haley, in this instance.
	So, that's going to do it for another successful episode of the Inversions of the Hellhole podcast.
	As always, I've been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined by Haley, a.k.a.
	Arizona Right Watch, and our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mike Rains, a.k.a.
	Poker Politics.

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