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April 18, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:41:33
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #185: Sleepy Trump on Trial

This week we cover OJ Simpson being killed by the vaccine, Aaron Rodgers is totally insane. And Warhammer is now woke. Haley lets us know that abortion is still totally illegal in Arizona and then we get into all things Trump. That drooling, sleepy lunatic who is now finally being called to account for his crimes. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Thanks for watching.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined as always by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome again to hell.
I'm in hell.
Hi.
Hey, that's where everyone is.
I'm also joined by the mysterious Elle.
As-salamu alaykum, my beautiful babies.
How's everybody doing today?
Peace be upon you.
Yes.
upon you. Yes. Thank you. I appreciate that very much, mostly because I like, I just enjoy how,
like, our view of religions is such that when you actually, like, have proper, like, Muslim
traditions, people get, like, look at you all cross-eyed and weird. And it's like, no, that's
what you say when you speak of the Prophet Muhammad.
You say, peace be upon him.
It's just a nice way to be nice to people.
Just be chill.
In the year, it was either 1999 or 2000, because this was when I was in my freshman year of high school, one of our social studies teachers insisted on starting every class with that greeting, which was fine, and I had no problem learning it, and I'm glad that I know it.
But, you know, a short year later, that, like, you know, I'm assuming she probably stopped that.
You know, like, one short year later, that probably became a little, like, a little awkward.
A little dicey.
Absolutely.
A little dicey.
Which is funny, like, I haven't thought about that in a long time, but I was just like, oh yeah, I do remember saying that, like, way back, like, back in the day.
That's not one of those phrases that I learned recently to say on the podcast or whatever.
It's just something that's been with me since I was, like, 13.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember, oh man, I just remember 9-11 happening and I worked in a really, um, I worked at an incredibly shitty store in a mall.
Al knows what I'm talking about.
He knows the terrible store and the terrible owner of that store and the turtles that took giant shits all over the back of that store.
And it wasn't a pet store.
It was not a pet store.
Those turtles were not supposed to be there.
And the giant size Rock'em Sock'em robots.
You guys just had rogue turtles?
That was your pest infestation?
I've never seen that on a health code violation.
The owner just owned turtles and let them roam the store and it was not great.
They're stinky!
That's a bad pet to have roam around.
Yeah, it was wild.
Yeah, more saga of Mike Rains' backstory and employment history forthcoming.
So that happened, and then I worked the next day, and I just abandoned the store I was working at, walked down the hallway to the bookstore and that mall, and I bought myself a Quran on 9-12.
And I'm like, I gotta read this.
I gotta see what these people are up into.
And I was like, oh, it's just the Old Testament.
That's really all this is.
It's just like, yo, God, God's gonna throw some punches.
You thought you were gonna unlock the forbidden knowledge?
Yeah, I was like, what is this crazy arcane religion?
What does it all mean?
I'm like, I've read this before.
This.
So basically, it's just like, yeah.
Moses and Jesus were cool.
Now there's this new guy named Muhammad.
He's cool.
God's really cool, even though he, like, seems to be really kind of angry a lot.
But yeah, so I was like, man, like, this was... My socks remained firmly attached.
They were not knocked off.
This religion was neither, like, It neither shook me to my core and made me rethink my faith, nor was it some sort of mind-blowing, out-of-left-field experience.
I was like, yeah, this is really just a rewriting of the Bible.
That's really all this is.
So, I guess... In Mike's defense, he did the same thing with the Da Vinci Code.
He went straight down to the bookstore and he was like, I gotta see what this is all about.
That was literally me, honestly.
When I was like a teenager, I was like, what the fuck is this book?
And I was just like, it sucked.
I remember everybody had Da Vinci Code fever, and I was like, okay.
And I picked up the hardcover in a Barnes & Noble and I was looking at it, and I was just like, oh, there's a little printing error on this dust jacket.
And I was like, wait a minute.
It's not a printing error.
One of these letters is subtly more bold than the other ones.
And then I was just like, oh, that's cute.
There's probably a secret message on the dust jacket.
And there was.
And I was like, oh, that's cute.
That's a good way to market it.
And then I never read the book.
That should honestly have a resurgence, is the Da Vinci Code, because there's so many codes and shit, and, like, it should come back into the culture so we could relive the Da Vinci Code.
Oh my god!
Is that going to be our next media watch through?
Are we just going to watch the Da Vinci Code?
The movie was even worse than the book!
It sure is!
The Q Vinci Code!
Starring Tom Hanks as Guy who is surprised by a bunch of weird stuff.
Did anyone watch anything this week?
Are you trying to get us to talk about Fallout?
Oh, yeah, that's right!
Is that good?
Yeah, yes, that's the only thing anyone's been watching this week as far as my little fucking spear of the internet is.
Oh, I'd rather die than watch that movie.
Fuck you, Alex Garland.
I thought that movie was, like, reckless and stupid to be putting out when I thought it had an opinion, and then when Alex Garland was just like, no, no, no, I insist.
The movie has no political opinion.
Absolutely.
Well, then fuck you even harder there, buddy!
Either you're lying, or what's the point?
Fuck off!
It is very hard.
Like, we have no opinion.
I watched it.
He's just, like, incredibly- I mean, that's fine.
That's toothless and stupid, and, like, it's still inflammatory to show, like, American citizens blowing up the White House with an Apache helicopter, and, like, it just- like, why are you poking that there?
Like, People are gonna come away from this movie with all sorts of messages that are not what you intended, because apparently, and this is their stance on the matter, their opinion on the matter was nothing.
They're just like, journalists are cool and important.
It's like, you could have told that story a billion fucking ways, idiot.
Yeah, it's mainly about photojournalism, and honestly, I think his interpretation on journalism is... shit.
Yeah.
I think Alex Garland has cool stuff to say as it pertains to special effects work.
I think that, like, generally Alex Garland is probably incredibly overrated in terms of what they have to say in their storytelling acumen.
I've never been compelled to go see their stuff, so I will fully say 100% off the top here that I've never sat through an entire Alex Garland movie, but that is a problem.
When people come to me with these, where they're just like, dude, Denis Villeneuve, you should check out his movies.
And then I see clips from those movies, I'm inclined to search them out, because it seems like they're probably pretty rad.
But when I saw the clips for Ex Machina, I was like, oh, I'm sure this movie's good.
What an effect.
And then they're just like, you want to watch it?
And I'm just like, eh, nah, not really.
I'm OK.
I don't know.
Yeah, I think I'll watch Civil War this week, and maybe me and Hayley can do a bonus content going through it, because I've seen a bunch of QAnon people just sort of be like, man, there were a lot of clones in this movie.
Hold the phone.
Hold the phone.
If we're going to watch it for pod content, I do feel a little guilty for having not done a bonus content with you guys in a while, so if we want to make Civil War discussion our bonus content...
I would love it because, like, it is about photojournalism and, like, going to conflict, like, areas and just covering it, but it has the opinion that, like, we should do that from a completely neutral standpoint and just kind of deliver the content to the people, which, as somebody who somewhat does that, I completely fucking disagree.
Um, and... No, no, no, Haley, Haley.
So, what you're...
Let me imagine an unthinking, unfeeling robot with no emotions of its own just being around stuff and recording it.
That is kind of the movie.
Alex Garland's just like, hey, you know what would be a great field for AI to maybe take over?
Journalism, you know?
I mean, that'd be pretty cool.
Unbiased opinion.
Don't you love it?
It's like, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure a lot of people will like it.
Journalism's never been fucking unbiased.
Anyone who ever thought that journalism was unbiased is just like, all right, cool.
Especially?
Because some of these reporters in this movie, like, work for big outlets, and it's like, give me a fucking goddamn break.
Of course you're biased.
And, like, I don't know, I just think that whole... I mean, it's Kristen Dunst's heroic character at the end revealed.
She, like, wipes the sweat from her brow.
She's like, wow, the Huffington Post is really gonna love these impartial photos of the war.
Woo!
I will not spoil, but I will just say, my review, listeners, instead of watching Civil War, read Accomplices, not Allies.
Or, I guess maybe watch Civil War because there's a chance that we're going to be discussing it on our bonus content.
That's true.
If you're one of our beautifuller babies who are subscribed to the Patreon.
at patreon.com slash QuakerPolitics.
Normally I don't show early in the thing, but you know, if we do this
and the people want to listen to it, that is where you'll be able to find it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I should, yeah, that's been like, I've heard people like basically defend
the apolitical nature of the movie.
And I just, I can't roll my eyes hard enough because the whole idea of a civil war
is that politics have gotten so fucking bad that we've resorted to violence.
So the idea that you'd be like, well, there's this fascist side and then there's this not fascist side, or maybe there's just two equally violent fascist sides beating the shit out of each other.
I feel like, as a reporter in that situation, I would have to, like, explain things.
I would have to, like, have an opinion about things.
And the idea that I'm just like, I'm just taking some great photographs and just going to show these photographs to the people of America.
It's great, wonderful.
Well, Mike, as your co-host, I feel like, as a rock star, you should keep it in your pants, my friend, because it seems like we're probably going to be talking about this in the future for the bonus content.
That'd be pretty spicy.
I wasn't expecting that to be how that question trajectory went because, yeah, up until like 30 seconds ago, I had no interest in seeing this movie for any reason.
But I was like, all right, I do a podcast.
I could make fun of it in a semi-professional capacity for the people who are nice enough to support us.
So that would be cool.
But instead of Civil War, I've been watching Fallout.
I'm halfway through it.
It is better than it has any right to be, although, you know, it is goofy as fuck, like on purpose.
So like for anybody who wanted it to be Uh, like, not goofy as fuck.
It's like, it's more goofy than the video game Fallout 3, which is my personal favorite, because Fallout 3, more than any of the other three-dimensional ones, like, really nails the tone of the post-apocalyptic wasteland and all the weird fucks in it.
This one's a little more lighthearted than that, but overall I'd say it's a solid, like, solid B of a show.
It's pretty good, you know?
It's not like the Game of Thrones water cooler talk fucking break out smash of the season or anything, but I have had a lot of chatter of people just being like, yeah, surprisingly good.
Good for it.
That's cool.
I do need to watch it, because I do enjoy Fallout.
And again, we like Walton Goggins.
Apparently, we were calling him Walter Goggins on the show, and someone called me out on that.
I'm like, oh, I had no idea.
Oh, I didn't know either.
You know what?
Show me some receipts, listener.
That seems like a Mike Rades mistake.
Probably me.
If I said his name, I didn't know that.
I'm the mysterious cell, you know?
I know our man's name is Walton.
Like, dude, come on now.
Like, I'd be calling our man Rafe Fines, you know?
I know his name.
It's Rafe.
It's a weird name, but I got it.
It's Rafe.
Willem?
It's not William Dafoe?
Yeah, Willem Dafoe.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
That's another one that tons of people get wrong all the time.
And you know what I do?
I plainly ignore it, because there's no reason to correct everybody all the time.
This is a condemnation of our listener.
It sounds like it is, but it isn't.
This is actually more a condemnation of a lot of my friends that started to get real pedantic in their older age.
Like, a lot of people have started doing the opposite of improv, and will start leading a lot of their fucking sentences with a no.
Like, I'll say a thing, and they'll just be like, like, if there's any part of it that's incorrect, they'll just jump in there with a no but.
Like, an unironic no but, let me, um, actually correct you right now, and I'm just like... Do online.
Tell them to get online.
I'm just like, dude, wait, way to fucking grind this conversation to a halt real quick.
Alright, cool, let's be pedantic about sentence structure for a little while.
You got me!
So I'm just like, yeah, not super keen on that stuff.
You know, sometimes just let it go.
Pick your battles, my friends.
I guess if you're like a younger sort, if you've still got time in the hourglass, you can be more aggressive in your battling.
But, you know, I'm a 40-something almost, so it's about time for me to start picking my battles.
You know what?
It is William Dafoe.
It's fine.
William Dafoe.
Love that guy.
I know who you're talking about.
I don't need to correct you.
It's William Dafoe.
That's fine.
Exactly, exactly.
Alright, I feel like that's enough vamping.
Let's get into our Amuse-Bouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche!
I feel like just in case the post-processing on our podcast doesn't catch it, I will apologize.
If the listener can hear whatever that rattling is, I can hear whatever that rattling is, and it's going to drive me suddenly fucking mad over the course of the show, like the telltale heart.
So get ready, like 60 minutes from now, I'm going to be furious.
That's not true.
I don't know what it is, but... Oh no, Hayley got up!
Was it your air conditioner?
If it was your air conditioner, you'd put that shit back on right now.
You live in Arizona.
No, it is.
I think it is.
I'm sorry.
It's loud.
I could lie and say that it's still there, but it is not.
That is taken.
Yeah, so it's mine.
It's fine.
I'll just sweat for two hours.
No, you know what?
It's fine.
You can turn it back on if you'd like to, and I'll just ignore it because it's essential, or the listeners can fill us in and tell us if they heard it to begin with.
Anyway, I've already derailed the fucking amuse-bouche segment.
It's crazy.
We are professionals.
No time at all.
I was worried it was me because sometimes my table setup rattles if there's work happening.
Anyway, you know what?
I'm gonna smoosh!
Topic number one.
Woke hammer.
I don't even know what this is.
What the fuck is a woke hammer?
So Warhammer 40k, the tabletop game, they released a army.
They released, basically what would be considered like the Praetorian Guard of the Emperor, like the Emperor's personal army.
They decided to release a set of them that are women.
And this was totally unacceptable to a lot of people because they're murderously angry incels.
Who can't have lady figurines in their manly man game.
And, um, so the Adept Custodes, uh, faction is now, has now has women in it.
And this, oh man, there have been some thought pieces.
I saw our boy Sargon of Akkad got in on this action.
Oh shit.
We're back on Gamergate era.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
We're trying so hard.
Oh, this is all about ethics in miniature model video, uh, tabletop games.
Oh, it is all about that.
Yeah, and so the pissing and moaning about Games Workshop having gone woke about their highly expensive tabletop game that's a mockery of fascism and no one seems to fucking understand that.
It's just, oh man.
So yeah, it is... Did anybody even bother to ask the opinion of the three women that play Warhammer?
That's great, that's a great question.
Can we get those ladies on the horn and just be like, did you guys need this?
I mean, or want this?
Is this good for you?
That sample size is so small, you should be able to get some opinion, fuck, feedback on that immediately.
Like, hey, is this for you?
Do you like this?
Is this good?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
Now that I know what this is about, I did hear about this, and it's just so hard to care about.
I've never seen a woman play Warhammer.
I know that they do somewhere out there because obviously it's just a hobby like any other but like I've been to hundreds of gaming stores and I've seen hundreds of games of Warhammer and there's never been a single woman within a hundred yards.
Probably because of the smell, but also because of the toxic atmosphere.
And I don't think that, like, putting a woman in your lore is going to change the problems that the Warhammer community has with having women involved.
But, you know, good for them.
Representation is great.
Anybody who would be weirdly pissed off about this fake...
9 foot tall super soldier in a mech suit having a different set of genitals or whatever is very stupid uh because who gives a shit because it's all fake it's all make them up in your head in your head cannon just they get hit with a rocket that's the end of them that's cool good for them they are they in the head cannon uh it's a bummer they died in the rocket strike but What if I don't want girls in my universe, hmm?
Then that should, I mean, I guess in theory be fine, but just keep to yourself.
I don't know.
Again, like, inside your mind, it can be whatever you want it to be, you know?
A girl's sign?
Like a five-year-old?
Yes, yes.
It's spelled grills.
Yeah, you would think they would want Warhammer to just have like tons and tons of women in it because of escapism.
They would want their fucking fictional tabletop game to be the opposite of their real life.
Which is to say, the Warfare players get no bitches, dude.
When I grew up in high school or whatever, it was a different era, and those people were 100% it.
They were getting nothing from nobody.
Unless you happened to be at one of the gaming stores where there was a Queen Bee lady and you caught her attention, you and your shoulder length, brown hair, and your rock and or metal band t-shirt were getting no action from anybody.
But it's a different time now, so I shouldn't be casting those stones.
But I will say, anecdotally, in my time period, those people were a certain way.
And I know so much about them because I was right next to them, being a dumb card game player.
And, you know, having all the traits of a dumb card game player, like carrying myself away and probably not smelling great or whatever when I was like a 14-year-old, like, goober idiot.
So it cuts both ways.
But I will say.
There's no reason for anybody to be afraid of wokeness coming to Warhammer.
It's never really going to come to that, guys.
Don't worry, guys.
Some part of it will still always just be for you.
And also, you can always just go play at your friend's fucking bar or whatever and just not invite women.
It's fine.
L unlocked a horrible memory of mine from back in the day when I was playing The Magic of the Gatherings.
I was playing this guy who was actually psychotic.
This guy was obsessed with his DCI ranking.
He really wanted to make the pro tour and all this kind of stuff and I beat him in this match and like as like the tide turned as I was winning like you could just see the rage building in him as he was watching it all slip away and when I finally beat him Like, he basically gets up, like, says he's gonna write up the person running the... He basically is claiming that the time limit expired, he should have won, and that they extended the game illegally.
And he's gonna, like, report the people who ran this tournament to the DCI.
He's gonna call his lawyer.
Like, it was like that kind of mentality.
This guy was, like, so bent out of shape.
And, like, it was so intense being around him and just seeing him, like, freaking out.
Then when I walked away from the table, I, like, walked over to my friends and, like, I fell to my knees.
And then one of my friends looked at me and said, you just won a fucking card game, buddy.
Get off your fucking knees.
It's just, like, the best reaction ever.
The guy was, like, fucking overdramatic much, bro?
And I was like, yeah, you're right.
You got me on this one.
I accept it.
I accept that.
Yeah, dude, you just gotta have people to keep you in check.
Anyway, this is a dumb thing for people to be complaining about.
You would imagine that, like, you know...
Games Workshop, the company that owns Warhammer, is probably doing this to try to, you know, be more inclusive in the hopes that more people will get into the sandbox.
So, like, fucking woe be unto the people that are complaining if this ends up working at all, because then you're going to start to see, like, oh my god, like, gay characters in Warhammer.
What?
Oh no, dude, the woke.
Ah, it's so woke.
It's going to be like, well, you know, I think it's just because Games Workshop is a company and they want to make money, you know?
And you know who has money?
People.
And you know who people are?
A broad spectrum of fucking genders, sexual creeds, religious orientations, all sorts of shit, you know?
Fucking craziness.
Ugh.
It's very silly.
And what Elle just said there, I mean, Warhammer, like the mythos of Warhammer, they're the quote-unquote chaos gods, and one of the chaos gods is like Slaanesh, which is just all like hedonism and debauchery and all that kind of stuff.
So like literally every sexual perversion exists under Slaanesh.
Nope!
No, no, no, no.
A lot of them are, but you're wrong.
First of all, it's all straight stuff.
And second of all, your gender is tied to the set of genitals you have.
That's just a fact.
There's just no escaping that.
It's just the way it is.
So anybody who tells you otherwise, they are worshiping a different, even more chaotic god than Slutash.
Slutash is like, oof, that's a little too much for me.
Ew!
Who are we?
Conservatives inviting Rob Schneider to come to a stand-up routine for us?
Surprise, boosh!
We didn't have it on the topic list, but here it is.
Crashing through the wall like Kool-Aid Man, a thing that Elle heard about and remembered.
Boom.
Yeah, did you guys hear about this crazy shit with Rob Schneider getting invited to and then swiftly sort of hooked offstage from this fucking conservative fundraiser or whatever?
Ooh, really?
That's funny.
He does a lot of events here with the conservatives because he lives here, so please tell me.
So I don't know the particulars of the event.
I'm hoping that Mike is savvy enough to be looking it up as I'm talking about it and isn't just looking at his phone for an unrelated reason.
But yeah, he got invited to perform.
And according to the event organizers, they had a verbal agreement with him that he would stick to, like, sort of more above the, like, brow, like, you know, higher brow humor.
And it was obvious that what they wanted was him to come out and do his routines about how liberals are cucks, and how they are the worst, and stupid liberals, am I right?
But instead he came out and he started talking about picking up broads at whorehouses and stuff like that.
And the crowd started clutching their pearls, and I think he was slated to do a 30 minute set, and they cut him off after 10.
And then after the event they sent out apology letters to all the people involved.
Yeah, here's the article I just found.
Former Saturday Night Live cast member Rob Schneider delivered a comedy set so off-color and off-putting to a group of prominent Republicans late last year that the host cut the performance short and later apologized to the attendees.
Senator Sidney Hyde-Smith, R. Missouri, Mississippi, walked out during Senator's performance, which occurred at the holiday gala hosted in the Waldorf Astoria by the Senate Working Group, a networking group for senior GOP Hill staffers, downtown alumni, and other corporate and individual members.
Yep, what else?
The show was supposed to last at least a half hour, but SWG executive producer James Kinney stopped it within 10 minutes after the comedian made raunchy and inappropriate jokes.
Yeah, dude.
Who would have ever thought that Rob Schneider would show up with some raunchy and inappropriate stand-up material, you know?
We thought that he was one of the good kind of conservative comics that only speaks ill of colored folks.
And LGBTQ people, yeah.
He's talking about sex, boo!
No, you're supposed to be punching down!
Punch down!
Well, apparently he did attack non-white people, but it was unacceptable because he went after Asian people, including making a crack about a quote-unquote Korean whorehouse.
Ah, see?
But I mean, sex, boo, we hate that as conservatives.
Sex is yucky.
Sex is yucky, at least to all those kids we hate.
I mean, love.
The best part about this at the end, it says, Representatives for Schneider did not respond to a request for comment.
So of course... Yeah, what the heck?
He complains about getting canceled all the time.
Does this not count?
Rob Schneider holding a finger underneath his nose and speaking with an accent wasn't available to comment as his own agent.
Yes.
Because he is Rob Schneider.
Because he's Rob Schneider and if Adam Sandler is busy that day, who's going to speak for him, you know?
That's gotta be like so weird to be just like Adam Sandler, like this person who's just literally this giant whale that all these little remoras are just eating the crumbs off of.
And it's like, you know, you know, Adam, you can cut Rob Schneider loose.
You don't have to keep paying the man's bills.
It's okay.
If you're Adam Sandler and you're on the fucking toilet scrolling news outlets, because if you're Adam Sandler, you're definitely the sort of guy using your phone while you're shitting in the morning.
If you fucking see the latest Rob Schneider headline, you just gotta be like, ah, come on, buddy.
And at some point, have an intervention for him.
Just be like, dude, if you want to keep sucking on my tit, you can't keep being a fucking weird goober.
Choose.
Choose my tit or the goober.
It's your choice.
You can suck on my tit, or you can suck on Roseanne's.
And of the two, Mysterious Elle would choose Adam Sandler's tit any day of the week.
Yeah!
Because Adam Sandler's tit is full of delicious money.
It's really good.
Yeah, that's the reason.
Exactly.
The reason is because Adam Sandler's tit is great, and not because the alternative sounds like the nut-low.
Like the 7-2 of tit.
The absolute hammer of tit.
Uh, anyway.
Take that, Roseanne.
Finally a podcast to knock her down and peg her too.
Yeah, it feels like punching down because I am talking about how she looks wretched, but also she's like more successful and rich than I am and also a damaging force in the world, so fuck her.
Fuck her and her horrible breasts!
Anyway, I'm moving on!
No, Mike, I'm cutting you off!
I have to pull out of this one!
I'm recording it, buddy!
It's over!
We have to talk about Ortho James Simpson, because he's dead.
Yes, he is.
He never found the real killers.
And in a surprise twist, the Grim Reaper acquitted of the crime.
I mean, it seemed like a dunk, but I mean, we were just like, wow.
I mean, it really seemed like you were the guy.
But no, it turns out that a jury of the Grim Reaper's peers were just like, nah, he's probably innocent.
He probably didn't do this one.
Yeah, our boy Orenthal James Simpson perished, and of course, QAnon and the right-wing anti-vax lunatics Can't just take a victory.
They have to try to make it about themselves in some way, shape, or form.
And they found video about OJ telling people to get vaccinated.
And so this, of course, meant that when OJ died, he died of turbo cancer.
Which is the new way the vaccine kills you.
Because if you forgot that the vaccine was going to kill you when they turned on the 5G, the vaccine was going to kill you with mitocarditis, the vaccine was going to kill you with the nanobots.
We've now moved, oh, the vaccine was going to destroy your immune system and give you vades, which was the new form of vade.
The snake venom.
The snake venom and it turns your blood black and it hardens it.
That was Stu Peter's movie.
That was real though.
My blood is hard as fuck.
Yeah.
I was about to make a horrible joke and I swallowed it so you guys can keep going.
And so now we've moved from all of those other ways the vaccine kills you to what's being called turbo cancers, which is cancer to the extreme.
And that's what got OJ.
That's what got OJ, according to the brave truth tellers in the anti-vax movement.
The darn turbo cancer, the deluxe speedy cancer that you can only get by being vaccinated.
But he was coming out like pro-vaccine, so why do they care?
Right.
I mean, like, was Deji a good guy or a bad guy?
It's kind of weird for them, right?
Because he's, like, a sports hero, a Wheaties Box guy, but he's also a person of color, accuses, like, a precious white woman.
And an Italian, I guess.
Basically, their mentality is that he got what he deserved in the sense that he promoted the vaccine, he took the vaccine, and then the vaccine killed him.
That's what he got what he deserved because of the vaccine?
That's what it is?
Sometimes they get real close to having the real point and almost getting there.
Uh, OJ Simpson died yesterday.
Fuckin' clown, he got what he deserved.
You're just like, yeah, right on.
Finally, something we connect on.
He's just like, that's what he gets for promoting vaccines.
It's like, no!
That's what he gets for murdering his fuckin' girlfriend!
And that other guy!
That's what he got!
For doing that!
For fleeing!
For the police!
Yeah, oh yeah.
Everyone from the QAnon lunatics to the people who are normal people who know that O.J.
got away with murder, everyone was happy about O.J.
perishing, but for different reasons.
So, yeah, um, that was, because that's the important thing about all of this is that
when someone famous dies, these people have to find an angle.
They have to find a way to get into the story so they can make it about themselves.
Because if you don't center yourself in the story, why even talk about it?
That's their lives.
Well, uh, rest in piss, O.J.
Simpson.
May you fuck off forever.
Uh, yeah, what a clown.
And a ding-dong.
I'm glad that he had to do at least, like, what was it, ten years in jail or whatever for completely unrelated bullshit, but it's like... Property crime?
Like... Yeah, yeah, well, for fucking, like, like, holding, like, robbing those people of all that shit that he said they stole from him first.
Anyway, the end result was O.J.
Simpson had to do some time behind bars and now he's fucking dead, thank God.
Uh, we don't have to talk about him ever again.
Unless it's just like, oh, the murder weapon was finally found!
That would be crazy.
Anyway, in the meantime, move over QAnon, it's time for QAron, as in Aaron Rodgers, because apparently he is going even crazier, which is like, just brilliant, because why, you know, you either retire the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain, something something.
Christopher Nolan, give that man an Oscar.
Yes.
Yeah, so our boy Aaron Rodgers decided that he hasn't said enough dumb shit as of late.
And after having been hinted at as being RFK Jr.' 's vice presidential pick and all that good stuff, he's like, you know what, I need to get back in the news somehow.
And so he decided to do so by declaring that the government created AIDS, and that Dr. Fauci had a hand in the creation of AIDS.
It was a government plot to kill people.
And We are back on This Conspiracy Theory, which has been around for a long, long time.
Sounds like somebody's been listening to College Dropout, am I right?
Am I right, Ye fans?
Anybody?
Sounds a lot like Yeezy to Meezy!
Yeah, it's great that we now have a guy who's going to allegedly play football this year and be the leader of a football team.
And he's not even one degree of separation removed from Alex Jones.
He's just all the way there.
He's just fully pilled and going to be spouting this shit.
So, I'm glad that QAnon has their new favorite team in the NFL.
And, uh, I wish all the worst for the New York Jets and their terrible lunatic of a quarterback who is just gonna say dumb shit for attention probably for the rest of his life, it feels like.
To be fair, though, those are two shitty tastes that go shitty together, you know?
Like, I mean, it's so easy to hate the Jets, and it's so easy to hate Eric Rodgers.
And, I mean, put them together, dude.
That's gonna be a hell of a team to watch lose football games.
It's gonna be so good.
The sad thing is that there's nowhere for him to go but up this year in the sense that he played like four plays last year before tearing his Achilles.
Oh no, Mike, he could die.
He could die on the field, Mike.
He could be the first guy to do it.
Oh man.
But he could be the one.
Somebody could just dive over the O-line and just accidentally just hit him with a shoulder, like just a freak accident, not on purpose, just like a weird, a weird accident.
But then boom, that's the end of Aaron Rodgers.
Anything can happen.
I'm not saying I want it to.
Lord knows I love Aaron Rodgers.
Oh man.
Mike and I have been joking for years, because we've watched several football games together, of course, because we've been friends for a long time, and we're always joking, like, anytime there's, like, a hit that's anywhere above intensity four, it's just like, oh god, he's dead!
Oh, they killed him!
We're always talking about people getting killed in football games.
What a couple of savage knuckleheads we are.
Yeah, oh, I love it when, uh, I love it when someone's helmet comes off.
I always just yell, oh my god, they beheaded him!
Oh, it's just his helmet.
Like, that, that zinger never fails to get people to roll their eyes at me in angry indifference, and the fact that I won't stop making that stupid joke whenever I'm watching football.
You can tell when it is a real hit, because usually most people's reaction is, no!
Like, it starts with, like, an excited, like, oh, what a tackle!
But then you realize exactly what's going on, and you're just like, oh god, no.
Anyway, Aaron Rodgers is a piece of shit.
So, like, I don't know, what's his move here?
Is there any reason outside of maybe his brain starting to fail him that he's decided to take this pivot so late in his career?
I think it is because it's late in his career and he knows this is probably his last season.
He's got maybe this season and one more maybe.
And he's just trying to do stuff to get more attention on himself.
I mean, there was that story that came out that Pat McAfee was paying him millions of dollars to be a guest on his pod and now his live stream.
And so they had like that kind of thing going on to keep him kind of relevant.
And now they're moving from that to Once he got a little too hot and heavy with Jimmy Kimmel, they basically said that he'd been disinvited from the show.
So now he's just gotta go around and do the media circuit without Pat McAfee.
So I guess he's just trying to be outrageous and controversial and just find ways to get people to be like, oh shit, we gotta have Aaron on for his hot takes about everything.
This guy must really hate the idea of, like, being in the booth, you know?
Like, he just, like, can you imagine, like, somebody, like, having this much fear of doing any sort of broadcast stuff?
If you were, like, a quarterback at the level of Aaron Rodgers and you were hard up for something to do once you had to retire...
Like, you have to imagine that somebody would let you stick a microphone in your hand and let you be on the field for some portion of the game just being like, Oh, what a football!
The game is on the field and all the players are present.
And then they're just like, okay, here's your brick of cash for showing up.
Thank you very much.
Um, I don't know.
I feel like he has to believe at least some of it.
So fuck him.
Yeah, they're paying Tom Brady just literal gobs of money to be a color commentator this year, and no one's ever heard Tom Brady even talk about football.
He could be a no-personality Charisma Void.
Aaron Rodgers could absolutely have done that if he really wanted to stay relevant, but no, he wanted to be relevant in a weird right-wing conspiracy way.
I want more than anything for Tom Brady to just be, like, a white-hot ball of charisma.
Just absolutely, just, like, blazingly, naturally, perfectly great at that craft.
Not because I give much of a fuck about Tom Brady in that regard.
I don't give a fuck about that man.
He was good at throwing footballs, but now that that's over, who cares?
But because there are so many people that hate his guts, to see him, like, pivot to a new phase in his career, just excel at it immediately, I would love you there, Crow.
I'd be going around collecting those tears and just ejecting them straight between my toes.
Anyway, do you have any opinion on the coyotes being moved to Salt Lake City?
Uh, I just heard about that like way late.
Like I'm usually Mr. Plugged in on sports.
And then I heard about like, someone was like, someone's like walked up to me at work and was like, Hey, the coyotes are moving to Utah.
And I was like, and I saw an article that was like three days ago, like, yeah.
You guys have never supported the Coyotes.
Nope.
They have a terrible stadium.
Arizona is not a sports town.
I mean, Utah cares about the jazz.
We have spring training.
It's a spring training town.
Yeah.
But like, you sure as fuck don't care about the Cardinals.
Every Cardinals home game is like half red team fans.
I mean, it's just sad.
The only team you guys care about is the Phoenix Suns.
Your basketball team has some support, but beyond that, really, it's not much.
People were devastated.
I heard it was a big deal here.
I didn't know if that was something sports people care about.
Oh, I am very, I am laughing that the leader in the clubhouse for the renaming of the Coyotes is the Utah Yeti.
So that's the, that's the rumor that that's what our new hockey team is going to be called.
They're actually just going to be a cricket.
That's cool.
Yes.
My other sports fact, just cause we're talking sports and I love to throw out the few sports facts that I learned throughout the week, even though this isn't really a sports fact, it's just, we had the, we had the Charles Barkley blimp in the air for the final four and it was fun.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Arizona hosted the final four.
Yeah.
You guys got a little, you got a little shine there.
Watching UConn truck everybody, cause as they do, cause that's how the world works.
Mm hmm.
Sports.
Yes.
Sports.
Yes.
I know who Aaron Rodgers is and the team he plays for.
That's more than I know about the fucking coyotes, which is why I was just like, oh, the coyotes have been mentioned.
Time to just mute my mic real quick.
I don't know if that was news.
To me, the Arizona Coyotes, or whatever city they were representing, if it wasn't just Arizona, that sounds like a double-A baseball team to me.
That sounds so fake.
That sounds like a cartoon baseball team.
I don't know, the Arizona Coyotes?
Anyway.
No wonder they're going to Utah.
Wait, Utah?
That can't be right.
Utah.
Really?
A sports team?
Another one?
It's Utah, anyway.
No, fuck Utah!
We need to talk about the best state there is.
Arizona.
Haley's state.
The state that Haley loves and has no problems with.
Which is why every week we give her a little segment to talk about how great her state is and how much she loves it and why you should all love it too.
This is this time's, this is this time's, this is this week's time for that.
This is this time's week for that, which is to say it's time for the Arizona is a Magical Ray of Sunshine segment of the show, starring Hayley, aka Arizona Right Watch.
Hi, Hayley.
Hello.
Hello, everybody.
Sunshine.
That is technically a thing Arizona has.
It is.
It's honestly one of the only things that we have in abundance besides racism and cactus.
Do you think those two are related?
Racism is a cactus.
I don't know.
I don't know.
We'll have to do a study on that.
This week we also have an abundance of fascism.
For those of you who didn't tune in last week, Arizona got thrown back into the 1800s with a territorial ban, uh, uh, territorial era ban on abortion,
which basically outlaws, outlaws it entirely, even in cases of
rape and incest. And it, uh, has prison time, uh, written in the
law for, uh, doctors. Um, so cool shit. This has caused, uh, absolute chaos in Arizona because obviously it's a big
deal. It's like the most, uh, like it's the worst state ban on
abortion since, uh, the Roe v. Wade decision.
Um, so yeah, Arizona went a little haywire and some of the Republicans said, um, you know what?
Fuck.
Life begins at conception.
Life begins at my, uh, polls and they're not looking so good.
So I actually support abortion maybe a little bit.
Um, Before the territorial ban, Arizona had a 15-week ban, so no abortions after 15 weeks, which is still restrictive.
But the Republicans are basically trying to be like, hey, how about we go back to the 15-1?
Like a handful of them, a handful of them that are basically worried about their numbers.
Including Carrie Lake, who that became kind of like the talking point nationwide was that Carrie Lake flip-flopped on it because She kind of, she very publicly supported this total ban.
And then as soon as it happened was like, whoopsies, because Trump has openly been telling the Republicans, like, you guys need to repeal this shit, this territorial ban, because this ain't looking so hot for my numbers.
Um, so, uh, and that's where she got into it with the Babylon B because they were fucking very mad at her for, uh, letting babies die.
Yeah, the Babylon Bee had a headline that was basically like, Carrie Lake seeks another election loss, but this time while supporting baby murder.
And Carrie Lake War Room, which is their spokesperson account, was like, this isn't even valid satire and got all pissed at it.
And then it caught the Jeremy Boring stepped in and was like started mocking the Carrie Lake war room account and then a bunch of like other like, like right wingers kind of were dogging on Carrie.
She's been trying to save face all week by posting like photos of her when she like gave you know, like, like her holding her baby.
Like when she back 20 years ago when she had it and was like, I just want every person to experience motherhood.
And I think abortions should be, um, rare, safe, um, and legal.
That's kind of like her new line.
Um, she also publicly came out and supported IVF, which kind of caused a little stir within the community that she's been like, you know, Baiting for four years or whatever now.
Um, but yeah, so it was kind of that situation and the Republicans the next day after the territorial ban.
Uh, was put like the decision happened.
They had the opportunity to repeal it.
Um, there was, um, the, the, the, the, uh, they, the, the house and the Senate met, um, at the Arizona Capitol and they had the opportunity to repeal it.
And none of the Republicans who, uh, so what happened was.
A Republican representative named Matt Gress introduced the measure to repeal the ban.
He brought it forward.
Then immediately another lawmaker introduced a motion to dismiss for the day.
All the Republicans who basically said that they wanted to repeal the territorial ban instead shut down the debate and voted to just, like, dismiss and left.
Matt Grass, who originally introduced, like, the motion to repeal the territorial ban, Initially said like, oh, I voted not to dismiss.
I wanted to vote on the territorial ban.
He was lying.
He was caught on camera, like voting to dismiss.
So they were like, we're gonna vote again.
We're gonna Take down the territorial ban and then they were immediately like, actually, let's go home today.
They're meeting again.
And yeah, they will be possibly voting on the territorial ban.
I got a text from a friend this morning as soon as he got there and said lawmaker Barbara Parker just brought a suitcase full of fake fetuses in so it's going to be a really normal day.
At the Capitol.
And if none of this is successful, if the lawmakers do not get rid of the territorial ban before November, the Arizona GOP basically has a plan.
They have a couple plans to interfere with the, there's currently Arizona for Abortion Access.
They're trying to codify the right to abortion in the Arizona Constitution.
It's very popular here.
It's going to be on the ballot if there's no issues because so many people are signing that.
A lot of people are behind this measure.
The Republicans are trying to You know, interfere with that because they know that they're fucked.
And they know that, uh, if this goes to the vote, they will probably completely lose this.
Like this will make it so you like, this will be even better than the 15, like currently have a 15 week ban.
This will get rid of that too.
Like we'll have very good access to abortion in the state of Arizona, which the Republicans obviously don't want.
Um, Because the Arizona Republicans, their evil particles are outweighed by their stupid particles.
They accidentally sent their evil plan out to the Democrat lawmakers too.
So it got leaked to the media and they basically want to introduce their own Like a ballot measure that would kind of confuse the vote.
So it would look like there's multiple like abortion access measures on the ballot, but two of them would basically undermine the full Arizona abortion access.
So they're just trying to undermine Uh, the possibility that we will bring down this territorial ban, uh, which is obviously that was what was going to happen, but that's what's been going on in Arizona.
Like this happened in another ballot measure.
I remember where the whole thing was.
I forget if it was Ohio or Missouri, but one of the endless places where, uh, an abortion ballot measure was put up and it passed, but, um, Like the people that were against it managed to make it so that it looked like the opposite where like you would obviously think I need to vote yes for ballot for abortion access and they managed to flip it where like a no vote was for ballot for abortion access so they had to like retrain the public to be like
Keep abortion in Kansas or whatever.
Vote no on two.
And I remember after that vote happened and it won in a landslide, like Charlie Kirk or some other people were like, oh man, we tricked our own audience because they didn't know which side to vote on.
And it's like, well, the other side knew which side to vote on.
So you should have got your people up to speed or stop making the measures confusing, dum-dums.
The only reason why you do that is to try to trick people.
Um, they, the, the, the Arizona Republicans also want to, uh, put a ballot measure up that would make it so the Arizona Supreme Court judges are retained for life.
Oh, obviously.
Well, that sounds excellent.
I mean, we all love lifetime appointments here.
On the show, we've talked about it several times, and we're just like, dude, we're for that.
Lifetime appointment.
Let's go.
Because obviously, that's the way it should be, right?
I mean, what about the turnover?
There's so much admin.
Turnover, shmurdover.
That's what I've always said.
Anyway, thank you, as always, Hayley.
So that's the update in Arizona?
Yeah, wonderful.
Yay!
Exactly as I expected.
Nothing but a scalding hot ray of sunshine scorching the landscape beyond recognition.
So good.
Okay.
Oh, I got another sports question, Arizona-related.
Have you heard of a Mr. Orange?
No.
Mike?
No?
Never mind.
I guess he's like some guy that goes to all the games and he looks all orange.
I don't know if sports characters are in your radar.
I believe the person's name is Donald Trump.
Bazinga!
Let's go to our news segment!
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Okay, well, of course we'll be talking about Donald Trump at some point even further, and I could use this as a segue to do that right now, but instead, let's go with the smaller and grimmer, I guess, of our two headline news topics.
Content warning.
Yeah, well, we do a content warning at the top of the show, but additional content warning.
This is extra content warning.
We've been light-hearted this whole episode, and this is so not.
Yeah, that's what happens when you cover this shit.
Very rarely when you get QAnon-related crimes in the news, you're just like, man, this is going to be a fun, light-hearted rock to talk about.
Anyway, I'll turn it over to Mike for the bummer fiesta that hopefully we've primed you for.
Get ready for bummers!
It's a bummer!
Yeah.
So there was a astrology influencer named Danielle Johnson who went by the online handle A-O-K.
Like A-Y-O-K-E, I believe was how it was written.
And she got into these conspiracy theories surrounding the eclipse as being this massive event that was going to transform the world and do all kinds of crazy stuff.
And one of the last things she retweeted was a message from a QAnon account that was like, do not look at the Eclipse.
Big things are happening.
Like, this is it.
And so on the day of the Eclipse, she killed her partner and then went on the highway and threw her two children out of her car.
And then she crashed her car into a tree and killed herself.
So this was literally a family annihilator situation.
One of the children lived, which is... One of the children lived, yes.
This is the grim reality of what these conspiracy theories do to people.
That you get some people so worked up and freaked out about stuff that she actually did see the eclipse as a sign that the world was ending.
just freaked out and decided well time to like I don't know spare my family the pain of the rapture or the tribulations or whatever she thought was going to happen here and went on uh this like annihilation spree which it's just really depressing and crummy that this is the kind of thing that results from a harmless natural phenomenon it's just like oh man but This is what happens when these people get all worked up for weeks on end about stuff happening, and this eclipse isn't what it seems, and why are all these state of emergencies being declared?
What's going on?
What's happening here?
And then the next thing you know, this is what happens.
Fuck all you conspiracy theorists, you have blood on your hands.
This sucks.
And that's... Yeah, her last posts, her last shares on Twitter were from like a QAnon account and Naomi Wolf.
Oh, God, the absolute worst human being.
Yeah.
And it was Naomi Wolf basically being like, prepare for the eclipse, you know, like, okay.
Fucking hell, man.
Did the QAnon community respond to this in any way?
Did they just ignore this word, or were they disavowing any of this shit?
Oh, I saw total radio silence on this one.
They didn't even bother to do the whole false flag MKUltra sleeper bullshit.
Because that's the main thing.
Whenever the culpability is thrown on them, they will find a way to hand-wave it away as quickly as possible.
But in this situation, they just didn't even...
You couldn't even be bothered.
You couldn't even be bothered to be upset about it.
Because it's just so grim that there was no winning for them.
So they were just like, nope.
Didn't happen.
We don't know what you're talking about.
La la la.
Plugging our ears.
Closing our eyes.
All that good stuff.
It's a little bit coincidental that this sort of thing starts to always flare up in the same community in response to any sort of big-time external stimulus.
Like, ah, the sun is passing between the earth and the sun, or the moon is passing between the earth and the sun, time to lose my mind, you know?
It's never like a Democrat goes on a reading spree.
Or maybe it is, you just never hear about it because it's so boring, but... I'm just saying, you know?
Like, you know, correlation is not causation, et cetera, but, you know, humans are pattern recognizers.
My brain is wired to do it.
Oh yeah, exactly, exactly.
And also, you've got to try to keep it light and fluffy, because this shit is horrible.
Anyway, thankfully our Boosh segment ran a little bit long, so I don't mind sort of just sort of ushering us past this horrible thing.
It was like something we had to talk about we're obligated to do, but instead we can move into the more fertile ground for conversation in KrakenWise to Donald Trump being a sleepy idiot this week as he starts his hush money trial.
So, before we get talking about this, did you see that poll that came out that, like, fucking AP was reporting on or whatever that distressingly shows that only, like, one-third of Americans think that what Donald Trump did was illegal?
That should not be a question!
That is illegal!
Like, I mean, like, if that happened, it is illegal!
Like, I mean, just, like...
It's fine.
I mean, again, who knows what this poll, how they actually did it, all that kind of stuff.
But what I did enjoy was I saw a bunch of QAnon people being like, this poll proves it's a witch hunt!
Will they continue this farce of a trial now?
And it's like, yeah, because they have evidence and witnesses and facts.
This isn't a thing where we just ask the public if someone should go free or not, and if the public says yay or nay, then they are let go.
We have a legal system for a reason.
It is not a American Idol poll-based legal system.
So, yeah, that is, um, yeah.
Uh, yeah, it's just, uh, it's just incredibly aggravating.
It's just so frustrating that like these, because this is what, this is what they do also for like why their, uh, crimes, why all the evidence against Hillary Clinton and all those other people haven't been revealed because, oh, the public wouldn't understand it.
They'd all like freak out and cry and start being sad.
Yeah.
Well, on top of that, it turns out that he's been having allegedly a little bit of difficulty staying awake during his own jury selection for his big-time trial, which has been pretty funny, because you've got multiple news outlets in there with reporters reporting on stuff, and some people are just like... My favorite part about the reporting has been whether or not the reporter is willing to go on record saying that they thought he was asleep.
Yeah, Maggie Haberman from the New York Times has stated that he fell asleep on day one, and then more reporters indicated that he also fell asleep on day two.
And another thing the reporters indicated was that Trump said something to a juror as they were heading into the jury box, and the judge immediately got on his legal team to be like, Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Fucking reign that shit in.
Your client doesn't talk to the fucking jury.
Like, uh, get right on that shit.
And, um, so we had all of that.
Uh, we had the sleepy Dawn stuff.
We had the Trump says things stuff.
And, uh, the last big bit of news from the trial was that, uh, Trump really wants to go see Barron Trump's high school graduation.
And according to Trump, he's been told to fuck off, that that shit ain't happening, which is actually not true.
The judge was like, look, we got to see where we're at in the trial at that time.
And if the scheduling coordinates, then yeah, maybe we could do that.
We'll see.
But Trump's like, oh no, this crooked, evil judge won't let me go to my beautiful grandson, Barron, or whatever he is, the very tall, The very tall giant thing that lives in my house now.
I think it's much more accurate in Mike's impersonation to have him confuse it for his grandson.
That would actually be hilarious because I don't think he loves his children until it's politically convenient for him to be like, uh, I need to skip court.
I'm going to go to your graduation.
Your Honor, I love my grandson.
It's very unfair to keep me in the court.
Can't see my grandson's graduation.
Very sad.
Very sad to not get to see your grandson.
They're just like, that's your son.
And he's like, eh?
What did I say?
I meant Grand Space Son.
He's my grand son.
He's my favorite son.
He's the best son!
I've always said that.
Of all my sons, I like him the best, so I call him my grand comma son.
You get it.
It's like that George Santos.
Remember George Santos?
I've always said that I hated him, but when he said he was Jewish, I got it.
I was like, yeah, I totally understood where he was coming from.
He's Jewish.
You get it.
Just like my son is a grandson.
I hate this guy so much, but I love how in court he's just gonna get to just continue to do and say and be the way he is.
And he might be not in front of cameras, but we do get to imagine what's going on in the courthouse, which is in a lot of ways better.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, because it's like, it's so weird that they restrict so much access to what we get to see and hear.
But the reporters come running out and they're like, you wouldn't believe it.
Oh, my God, this shit's so fucking crazy.
So yeah, and he also Basically just apparently just learned the word conflicted a couple days ago because when he left the courtroom one Recently he used the word conflicted like six times whining about the judge and how conflicted the judge is and how they're gonna fight the conflicted judge
And it's like, it's like baby's new word.
Oh, look, the Donald learned the word conflicted.
Oh, isn't he sweet?
It's like, it's like indubitably from, uh, was it the eight days at hell or seven days at hell?
Whatever that short thing that HBO did with, uh, Andy Samberg and whatnot.
Yeah.
That's great though.
Indubitably.
If you know, you know.
Yeah.
Deep cut, deep cut pop culture reference of the wee.
So we had all that happening inside the court, and apparently our podcast is perfectly set up for recording on Wednesdays, because apparently there is no trial on Wednesdays.
It's a Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday sort of trial.
So we get to update the last two days, and then we get to look forward to the next two days.
So apparently the jury will be fully selected soon, and then the actual trial will happen, which is really funny, because Trump was whining about they're brushing this trial.
It's like, don't you want the trial to be over so you can be acquitted of your not crimes?
And then you can use your vindication to go on the campaign trail?
Wouldn't that be just lovely?
I love how people keep putting the microphone into Sleepy Joe's face.
And they're just like, Mr. President, what do you think about Donald Trump's current problems or whatever?
And his press person is just like, the president is too busy campaigning.
All but rubbing Donald Trump's face in it.
She's like, the president, who doesn't have to appear in court, by the way, is using his time, not having to appear in court, to instead campaign for the upcoming election.
Thank you very much.
We don't give a fuck about Donald Trump.
Fuck that clown.
And Donald Trump knows it, you know?
There was a reason he wanted this delayed indefinitely.
If his ass just has to be in the seat and this thing goes fucking mad long or whatever, it just means that he can't be out there campaigning.
His ass will just get pinned in jail.
And all anybody will know about Donald Trump or where he stands politically is what they read on his ranting on Truth Social in between him calling the judge's daughter ugly.
Right now it's perfectly set up for him where he's going to be on trial for the next six weeks to two months in this section of the year.
And then after the Supreme Court rejects his immunity argument, he very easily could be on trial.
From August until election day.
So it's like literally he's going to have this campaign where he's going to have like this like brief, like two month window to actually go out and do campaigning.
And then right after that happens, he'll be right back in court for another two months, right when the election's like really heating up.
And it's gonna be like, Biden's going to be in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, like fucking screaming about how he's going to like restore Roe v. Wade and make our tax system better.
I was going to triple tariffs on Chinese steel that he announced today, and I was like, holy shit, triple?
That's a lot.
Triple is a big amount.
Yes.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, China, and your goddamn steel.
We're putting the boots to you.
Um, just breaking news on my end.
Um, the vote has happened over the territorial ban and the Republicans have voted for the third time to uphold it.
So we will still have the, um, 1864 territorial ban in place.
All the Republicans who were pretending that they wanted this repealed once again voted to keep it in place, except for Matt Grass.
He decided not to lie this time and actually voted for it, but it still wasn't enough votes and we still have the territorial ban next week.
We'll probably have another vote around the same time we record, so we'll see how things go.
Once again, I have to stress that if there's a crime where you have to have a proviso for not including incest in the way you enforce it, and you choose not to use that proviso, you are tacitly being like, yes, in our state, we sort of like incest.
It's just a fact.
So enjoy your incest, Arizonans.
You know, fuck your cousins or whatever, mad good.
Procreate with them at will, according to your government.
They're just like, do that.
Why would we want to step in?
Why would we, the government, want to step in and tell you who you get a kid I have a baby with?
Even if it happens to be your actual relative.
So good stuff, love that.
What a state, Arizona.
Sunshine!
My favorite part about this is that Trump is like literally, you just have these like two poles.
It's like when QAnon was dealing with Trump and the vaccine, their hatred of vaccines was like so great they had to like just sort of ignore Trump being like, Operation Warp Speed was great!
Get the Trump vaccine!
Woo!
And the same thing is happening with abortion where it's like Republicans just hate women so much that they'll just like go to the maximal position.
Even when their nominee for president, the god emperor, the former president, was just like, yo Arizona you should not do that ban because I really need those electoral votes in November and I'm really going to lose them if you do this shit.
The Congress critters and Republican senators of Arizona were like, we can't help it!
We just need to do it!
Ah, abortion ban!
Absolute!
Woo!
Yeah, for conservatives, I would like that thought exercise for conservatives.
If the women you know, slash every woman in the country, were not currently allowed to vote, do you believe it would be possible to get suffrage through now, with the current political climate, the Republicans being what they are?
I don't think so, mate.
I think the Supreme Court would be absolutely just like, fuck no.
Of course not.
Women are property.
Our property.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Haley.
Unfortunately, your state continues to drop the ball, despite the fact that they are known for their abundant sunshine and cactuses.
Yep.
Yep.
Support abortion funds in Arizona, listeners.
Thank you.
Yeah, dude.
Support abortion in general.
Agreed.
I mean, choice in general.
Yes.
But more importantly, abortion.
Support it.
It's fine.
It's okay to support it.
You don't have to feel bad about supporting abortion.
It's actually just healthcare and it's a normal thing that a lot of people have over time.
So it's fine.
So on top of all the fun with Trump in court, we also got Donald Trump on the stump because He did get to do a little bit of campaigning before he went to court, and while he was out there whipping up the votes in Pennsylvania, he decided to let the good people of Pennsylvania know about the Battle of Gettysburg, which... Oh yeah, I have seen this made fun of so many times this week already that it did not occur to me that we would be talking about it, but yes, this is fucking incredible.
This is a man who is doing a book report and has not read the book.
Uh, so yeah, he was- And also, like, you can tell- it's such a funny sound clip
because, like, you can see- he's like, he's definitely just thinking out loud. Like, you can tell-
this isn't like a senior moment where his eyes glaze over and he's just babbling words.
This is just like a regular, dumb-dumb moment where he got caught in the middle.
When he says beautiful, when he says the fight was beautiful, it's like, oh, this devastating, horrible, horrible battle, beautiful battle, but horrible, beautiful, but horrible, terrible battle.
You could tell like, his brain reached for beautiful and then he said it and then immediately he's just like, no no
no no no no no no no no it wasn't beautiful no no no.
Yeah, as someone in my comment section said a little while ago, the phrase
Gettysburg wow has been burned into my brain.
Just kidding.
That was one of the things, Gettysburg, wow.
To be fair, I'm going to take a weird position on this one.
I'm with Trump on this one.
As somebody who has been to Gettysburg, I mean, Gettysburg, wow!
What a beautiful, but horrible place.
That's exactly, dude, when I went there in 7th grade, fucking exactly my assessment of it.
Gettysburg, wow.
Look at that field.
Imagine all of the things that happened here, but aren't currently, it's just a field.
But imagine it!
A time ago some stuff was happening here and it was pretty bad, but also pretty interesting.
And it's just like, ma'am, will anything interesting be happening on the tour?
Uh, good question, little boy.
No, you'll be looking at this field.
Okay, cool.
So, uh, everybody else who has ever done a report on Gettysburg without having been there, they're the ones who is full of shit.
Former President Trump is the only person who's got the right take on this.
Gettysburg, wow, beautiful.
I mean, terrible, but beautiful, but terrible.
My favorite part of his dissertation on Gettysburg was when he turned Robert E. Lee into an Irishman.
I really enjoyed when suddenly Robert E. Lee became Bobby O. Lee!
And he was telling his troops, me laddies, don't be fighting the pill!
You fight a pill, it'll be a disaster!
My favorite part was when he was just like, Robert E. Lee, who fell out of favor.
Have you guys ever noticed that?
So weird.
Anyway, yeah, what a guy.
He just fell out of favor, this guy.
Could have been for any number of reasons, you know?
Why doesn't anybody talk about how great this guy is anymore?
This guy seems pretty sweet to me.
I don't know.
What bad thing did Robert Lee do?
You mean Robert E. Lee?
I mean, uh, I don't know, I could be talking about any Robert Lee, you know?
Yeah, oh, I mean, it's like, man, are we just canceling everybody now?
Friggin' woke America not being totally in favor of the guy who led armies in the furtherance of rebellion that was being done to further slavery.
I mean, my God.
Which again, I mean, like, it just, you know, like, is Donald Trump just an idiot?
Or is Donald Trump like, like, I mean, it just seems like he's genuinely kind of in favor of secession.
Like, it just sort of seems like his position, if you really drill down to it, and you've got to just say his honest position on it, he'd probably just be like, I don't know, I feel like if you don't like a place, you should be able to leave.
Like, like he's just a dumb child level.
Understanding of why he thinks that Texas and California should be able to become the United Western States.
Ooh, A24!
Got it!
Apache!
Helicopter in the White House!
Alex Garland, so cool!
But yeah, the January 6th thing, he thinks it's totally copacetic.
He's out here wondering why Robert E. Lee isn't fashionable anymore.
Why isn't anybody talking about how awesome he was?
Yeah, dude, because he was fucking leading.
The bad guys, you know?
Like, we talk about Hitler a lot, but you're not supposed to be like, he was awesome.
Like, we talk about him a lot because he's the world's perpetual bad guy.
Like, he's the baddest guy that we've currently got, in the West anyway.
And it's just like, whenever you think about something bad, you think about him.
It's not like fucking, like, whenever anybody's talking about Robert E. Lee these days, they're talking about how he was a piece of shit.
And that's the way it should be.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Yeah, so, Gettysburg, wow, great, awesome, amazing, terrible, beautiful battle involving Irishmen.
I do enjoy that he made a vague comment about how Lee lost his great general.
I think he was talking about Stonewall Jackson, and that happened a long time before Gettysburg.
Jackson had been dead for, I think, half a year by that point.
So, yeah.
You can expect fucking Trump to remember all the stuff his aide hurriedly told him, like the Kosovo vs. Gettysburg right before getting out there.
I gotta imagine there's always somebody next to Donald Trump with like an iPad just full of like facts and stuff he should be saying, and just like things that are gonna be up on the teleprompter for him to say, and he's just like, I got it, kid.
Speaking of razzle and dazzle, let's get into our razzling-dazzling listener mailbag!
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
I'm going to start with a question for co-host Haley.
Is your room like swelteringly hot?
Do you need to turn your AC back on?
I still feel bad.
No, I'm fine.
I'm a-okay.
Dude, I panged with hell of guilt.
Anyway.
No, I'm okay.
Eric, the DSA operative asks, an unlikely situation, but hear me out.
The former guy goes to jail and QAnon is so shocked that they all denounce him and realize that everything they believe is a lie.
What would you guys talk about in Hellworld after that?
Well, first things first, he's not Voldemort.
You can use his name with us.
It's fine.
If you're on Twitter or something and you're doing it for, like, algo reasons, that's cool.
But, like, with us and our mailbag, you can just use his name.
I mean, we're not scared.
Yeah, he's not a scary boy.
What I would say is, I think my big statement would be about the fact that you used the phrase, everything they believed in.
Because Trump being jailed and exposed as weak and ineffective at defeating the deep state wouldn't actually crumble the QAnon mythos.
Because the QAnon mythos is built upon the Illuminati, which is built upon, like, the Satanic Panic, which was built upon, like, God, what was it, McCarthy and the Communists coming through America and ending at the Protocols of Zion.
Also Day of the Rope.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All that kind of vengeance fantasy.
It's a fascistic fantasy where they want to kill most of us.
Right.
But the general idea is that the bad guys run everything.
And, like, QAnon just added in a protagonist to fight the bad guys and to get us to the day of the rope, where they do defeat us and they do overcome everything.
So, like, and I've seen this from a lot of QAnon promoters, and they're like, you better hope we're right about Trump, because if we're not, you're all in a real big pickle, because oh, no, oh, it's going to be so bad when those bad people do their bad things to you.
And it's like, no, not really, because the bad people... As much as Trump is not a hero, the deep state is not villains.
Like, the world just sucks, because that's the state of our world, and it's all the fault of corporations, and concentrated wealth, and capitalism, and all that kind of good stuff.
And you don't want to deal with that.
You just want to think that Tom Hanks eats babies.
That's how you want to handle the world.
Speaking of Tom Hanks eating babies, if Trump gets fucking put in the fucking birdcage or whatever, and we're free to talk about something else, My plan has always been to hijack the reins of the podcast and talk about anything else because QAnon's boring as fuck.
Yeah!
We're going to be a pop culture podcast now!
Come on!
We're going to do Hellworld After Dark, but regular Hellworld is going to get scorched beyond recognition by the radiant sunshine of Arizona.
And therefore, After Dark is the only Hellworld.
I'm here for that.
I think this was more of a question of like, if you could do another podcast, what would it be?
If your brain wasn't racked with QAnon and had to do it, what would it be?
But I do agree with your analysis.
I think that QAnon would be more hearted in their belief if Trump actually went to prison.
So what would your podcast be, Hayley?
We're just going to rewatch The Simpsons and see how it holds up from Season 1 to Season 8.
Yeah.
So you're only going to rewatch the Good Simpsons so you can look back and be like, damn.
And just have a good time.
That's some Good Simpsons.
I mean, that's fine.
The Simpsons and Vine podcast.
Yeah, because honestly, it's like, let's do something different.
Let's do something happy.
The After Dark is good.
Anything but this.
I mean, honestly, if I knew something was going to stick for as long as this had back when Mike had proposed it, I would have tried to jockey to just sort of become like more of a general conspiracy show that like frequently returns to the topic of QAnon to touch base with that.
But you know, having sort of like expanded Because I know that Mike just loves conspiracy theory everything.
Like, I could talk to him about JFK or 9-11, like QAnon, Flatterer, fuckin' all this crazy stuff.
But, you know, it turns out that, like, QAnon is where his expertise lay, or whatever.
So, in hindsight, I would have tried to massage this into a more general conspiracy show.
But in a world where it's literally just from the jump, what would you like to talk about the most randomly?
I mean, general pop culture is just so boring.
I have the kind of itching to just do an anime podcast for normal people.
Because that's something that Sarge and I always talked about, where we were just like, we're not about anime fan culture.
We think it's weird and gross.
We're just regular people that happen to watch, like, a lot of anime.
And there has to be a market for that, right?
Just regular folks talking about anime without discussing which of the animated women they want to sex the most with, like, creepy weirdos.
Anyway, sorry, so that would be my answer.
Yeah, I'd go with football.
I would like to do a football podcast, and I may attempt to do one.
Do one!
I'm gonna try.
I'm gonna try.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I mean, like, podcasts are so rare that there's a chance anything you get will just stick.
Yep, so yeah.
That is one of my problems with starting new shows, where it's just like, back when me and Mike were originally dipping our toes in the podcasting waters, there were a lot of podcasts, but now there's just like, I mean, everyone's got a podcast.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh man, that was my favorite moment of generation conflict on the show The Floor.
The Floor was basically a trivia game where they would put photos of stuff on the TV and you'd have to answer what the photo was showing you.
And the topic was hobbies, and these two people were, this is a tennis match, they were just nailing every question.
Boom, boom, boom, back and forth.
And then finally, the lady in her mid-50s got a photo of two young women wearing headphones with microphones on the stands with the arms, and the two attractive young women have laptops in front of them.
For anyone our generation or younger would immediately know that's podcasting.
And the woman just looked at it and was like, uh, voiceover work?
And she was just totally frozen, just did not understand what she was looking at.
And it was just so funny.
It was just like, no, no, sweet old lady.
No, you've been defeated.
I'm so sorry.
Youth culture forever.
You're feeling for your own old lady.
Yes.
So thank you for the question.
Cleodora Silverstreet asks, what is the weirdest food item you bought at a food service, and to your surprise, really enjoyed?
Oh my goodness.
a question that in theory requires memory.
I'm trying to wrap it.
So I'm not gonna lie.
I think that the first thing that my brain went to, I believe I've already talked about on the podcast, maybe several times.
It's the pumpkin risotto I had for That Place Crazy Burger in Rhode Island, mostly because We went to this burger shack, and I was looking at the menu to decide what burger I wanted, and for the first fucking time in my entire life, my body saw the weird vegan option, pumpkin risotto, no burger about it.
It was just like, you should get that.
And I was like, alright!
And it was the best risotto I've ever had.
So, uh, yeah.
I mean, pumpkin risotto is not a weird thing in general, but in the context of my experience at that restaurant, which is one of those places that's like, oh, like the Discovery Channel came here because we're one of like the nation's best burgers and et cetera.
I went there and I was just like, you know what?
No, thank you on the burger.
I would like your vegan pumpkin risotto, please.
And thank you.
Yeah.
Haley, do you have any crazy foods that you've enjoyed?
Um, not so much me, but one time when I was a kid, my dad ordered Rocky Mountain oysters.
They have oysters in the Rocky Mountains?
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
It was at Rawhide, which is this, um, Kind of just cowboy themed little, I guess, just theme park kind of thing that we have here.
And yeah, so he ordered that.
Those are bull testicles for listeners who aren't aware.
I took a bite.
It was fine.
Yeah, honestly, marginally, if not just like completely a push with the disgustingness of regular oysters, you know.
It's just like, ew, are these testicles?
No, it's just gray slime in a shell that tastes like the ocean.
Have you ever had oysters?
Are they, what are they, have you ever had them?
Uh, yes.
My friend finally convinced me to try them just about three or four years ago.
They taste strongly of the ocean.
The texture is very bad.
So the point is you just suck them down your gullet as quickly as possible and let it sort of like coat your tongue with flavor on the way down.
Ew!
Yeah, because it's just like the consistency is just like slimy grossness.
Like a booger?
Yeah, pretty much.
Eww, why do people eat that?
Because at some point... It makes you horny, right?
Allegedly.
I mean, I didn't get too horny, thankfully, because it was me and my married couple friend.
That would have been a weird way to kick that out.
He was just like, how'd you like it?
And I was like, it was okay.
And he was like, you want another one?
And I was like, no, thank you.
I am good.
I've had the experience and you and your wife may have a lovely time with those wasters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, man, I'm drawing a complete blank on this because I am the weakest little baby when it comes to food and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Mike is like, what's up?
I got chicken fingers at a Chinese restaurant.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
That's me.
That's me going way outside my comfort zone.
Let me tell you.
Holy smokes.
Yeah, and I mean, even if I did come up with something, it couldn't possibly defeat the slime oyster or the Rocky Mountain oysters.
I am completely outmatched, and I will just put up the white flag much like Robert E. Lee did after he got his ass kicked.
So yeah, I will just accept defeat on this question.
MeBad asks, the new Tennessee law, why are chemtrails a thing?
I figure the best way to spread the quote-unquote evil chemicals would be out of a car or truck exhaust.
Um, this is a law that was in Tennessee about banning chemtrails, which is great.
You next you can outlaw Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.
Just continue.
No, Mike, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not giving them enough credit.
I will say that of all the conspiracy theories, Kim Trails is one of the least stupid, not that it isn't incredibly stupid, because obviously it is, but for a lot of this conspiracy theory stuff, your enemy is something that you can just never see.
Like chemtrails like at the very least there's a thing that you can like at least show a person to just be like what does it mean and like point up and you know obviously you could just be like well it's like vapor it happens when you're moving like you know quickly through you know whatever try to explain the scientific process behind it which I don't specifically know but I just like I always just assumed it was vapor like water vapor But at least on the spectrum of shit that conspiracy theorists are afraid of, chemtrails are a thing that you can point to and be like, what is it?
And then someone will explain what it is and you will ignore them.
Because you will just be like, or it's a chemical spray.
You're like, okay, fair enough.
My favorite part about chemtrails is it's just you do realize they're spraying it all over the major cities, which is where the evil Illuminati live.
They're not spraying a lot of that shit over flyover country.
You're not getting sprayed as much as the people in Boston are if you're living in Nebraska and shit.
Yeah, but what about our crops, man?
What about our rivers and lakes, bro?
How do you explain that?
Explain that.
Checkmate.
So thank you for the question.
Pancake Peasant asks, last episode L said he can sense vibrations, much like a dune sandworm.
Have the recent dune movies made any waves at all in QAnon?
Not really.
Some of them have kind of like missed the point and think that Paul Atreides is like the super good guy.
Yeah, obviously.
Of course they would.
Of course they would fall for the bait that isn't even really bait right in front of them.
You mean like glimes?
Oh my god, can we talk about Grimes for a second?
I was just about to say, can we actually?
Put a pin in that question because that listener, solid listener, we will get back to that question.
I love talking about Dune, but more than talking about Dune, I love talking about how much I hate Grimes.
Fuck Grimes!
Grimes melting down at Coachella.
Easily the highlight of my week so far.
So good.
It was really funny.
Unbelievably incredible to have her complaining about having to do this simple process of being a performer of electronic music.
I know!
It's like, I can't do my job.
She's just like, the iPad that plays my track is broken, so you expect me to just perform?
Yes!
Fucking yes!
That's what a fucking musician is!
Why does anybody care what you have to say?
Get the fuck off the stage!
Which is so funny, because Blur, on the other hand, like a real band, also just completely bombing at Coachella, which is really funny to me.
Not because I give a fuck about Blur, but I'm just like, I love how there was a crowd there that was willing to get hype for Grimes, as long as she could literally just do the bare minimum.
Just, Grimes, we will fucking cheer our heads off for you as long as you literally could just perform your job.
Just press play.
Meanwhile- Just press play correctly, Grimes.
Just do it.
Meanwhile, Blair out there, like, by all accounts, doing a good show, but like, could not get the crowd to give a fuck at all.
Like, impossible.
Like, I was, I have expected fucking David or Damien, I can't remember which it is, to like, just like, take the mic at one point and just be like, you do know that I'm also the guy from the Gorillaz, right?
Like, why aren't you cheering, like, at all?
Like, come on!
We're, to do it!
Like, do the thing!
You know the song!
It was so desperate, so funny.
I loved this year's Coachella, it was great.
Anyway, sorry.
Dune.
Boom.
I told you we'd get back to it.
Yeah, of course Q and I was going to watch Paul Atreides look directly at the camera and say, we are the bad guys, the stuff we are doing is bad, and be like, so humble.
What a perfect messiah, he's the most humble guy there is.
Yeah, I mean, all they get out of any story is basically that the revolution is a good thing, and we are fighting to beat the bad guys, and that is an awesome thing that we enjoy, and that's just where they are at.
Dune isn't really permeated a lot.
I have seen a few QAnon...
The thing is, the Dune nerds inside of QAnon watched Dune just to enjoy Dune.
I saw a few people being like, I've been fed up with woke Hollywood for so long, but it was finally good to see a movie.
And you could just tell those guys loved themselves some Dune, and they just wanted to see some Dune, and that was all there was to it.
But the people that were trying to look for the message, man, they just saw the message they wanted to see, and they just rolled with it.
So yeah.
Dune really hasn't made that much of an impact on QAnon because the allegory is more Muslim-based, which is icky and bad for them.
So thank you for that question.
And finally, SnorlaxCpap asks, what is the best comment you would make to get expelled from the Trump jury selection?
Just that I'm an Antifa super soldier.
This is a hypothetical quote, so this is in quotation marks, and it is hypothetical.
It is not a threat.
It is an answer to a question.
But the question would be, I would like to see Donald Trump dead.
That's perfect.
Excuse me, sir, what's your opinion of Donald Trump?
I wish he was dead.
Is the death penalty on the table for this crime?
That's what you should ask.
Yeah.
Yes!
Can I sentence Donald Trump to death?
If so, I want to be a part of this jury so bad.
You have no idea.
Oh, wait.
I'll be totally impartial.
Totally impartial.
Do I get to potentially help kill Trump?
Yes, no.
Please let me know.
Just a weird question.
As a potential juror, were he to get the death penalty?
Could I be in the room?
Literally.
Can I, like, put the needle in his arm?
Yeah.
Again, all hypothetical answers to this hypothetical question.
So don't worry about any of this.
Yes.
I'm too lazy to go to New York.
Get out of here.
I'm going nowhere.
Yeah, I think that my hypothetical question would, I would go from the other action where I just sort of like go on the stand and they're asking all this stuff and I'd start acting like I could be totally impartial but I just make it look like I'm breaking and then at one point I was like freak out and go DJT's stock is almost down to $20 a share!
Do you know what you've done to me, Donald?
Oh, my family!
My retirement!
Oh, I trusted you!
I trusted you, Johnny!
And then they dragged me away and I started, like, crying and screaming at him and sobbing that my life savings is gone.
Because I invested in his dumb meme stock and now I'm gonna be penniless.
It's gonna be great.
Oh, that's a German.
It means, The Trump.
The.
Yes!
Little throwback for Hayley there, lover of The Simpsons apparently.
Yeah, I literally was just watching some Sideshow Bob episodes like last week.
I'm showing somebody The Simpsons who's never really watched it before.
That's going to be an incredible journey up to a point.
Yeah, I'm also stopping at a certain point.
Honestly, I think that would be a fun experiment to just like keep going with them to watch what their reaction is to the slow decline of The Simpsons.
Maybe that should be our podcast.
We should only watch bad seasons of The Simpsons.
That'll be our fail Hellworld post to podcast.
Of course Hellworld would only get the bad episodes of The Simpsons.
Yeah, we just have to suffer.
It's just like, man, you guys want to watch The Simpsons and we're going to turn it on and it's Family Guy?
No!
So, A24 presents...
We do, we decide to be like shock jocks doing like dumb argument styled podcasts about cartoons.
One of us has to defend Quagmire while the other two of us explain that Quagmire is actually a serial rapist and should actually be in jail for forever.
No way!
I'm not arguing that he's not that, Mike.
I'm just saying that it's hilarious!
And then one of us goes giggity.
That's kind of like our thing throughout the series.
We just say.
Yeah, so I've already saved my clip to Bazinga.
Somebody else can get giggity.
I'll take you there.
At some point we'll just be the Barstool Sports Podcast, you know?
That's what we're forfeiting it to.
Whatever podcast will be all those podcasts.
It's just, you know?
Dude, the Barstool Sports guy, he gets to fucking eat pizza for a living.
I want that guy's life.
Like, I would pod person him if I could.
Yes.
David Pertnoy or whatever, I only know his name because he eats pizza for a living.
What a fucking guy.
Like, I want that.
Give me your job.
Give me your pizza job.
I want it.
If you're hearing this, hire me to eat pizza.
I'm fat as hell.
People will look at me and be like, damn, he's got good pizza taste.
You're fucking right.
I love pizza.
Anyway, sorry.
So that brings us to our final question, which is always, what are you guys looking forward to?
Pizza.
No.
What the fuck am I looking forward to?
I mean, there's like a bunch of good stuff coming up.
I just don't know.
I'm about to order some minis for a D&D game I think I'm going to be playing in.
It's hard to find a frog cowboy, but I found a decent enough frog cowboy stand-in.
So, thanks to the fine folks at Etsy.
I think I might be getting my hands on some 3D-printed Tosh that I'm going to have to sand down and paint.
But, you know, that'd be cool.
I like shopping for dorky, nerdy stuff.
Especially when it's cheap.
Sort of will come in at under $20.
The dopamine of buying a thing without spending too much money.
So frugal.
So wise.
Elderwise, I've always said that about you.
So frugal, wise, and humble.
That's me.
All three of those things.
All three of them.
Hayley, what are you looking forward to?
I'll be on the road this weekend to go to a unspecified-until-next-week art event, kind of, and it'll be fun.
I have friends that will be going as well.
Last night I went to a book reading for an author, John Washington.
It covers borders.
The Case for Open Borders is his new book.
I recommend it.
He'll be there.
And yeah, just lots of cool people.
We'll be enjoying art.
You know, local community folks.
And yeah, it'll be fun.
We love art.
I am looking forward to my state tax return because I have this beautiful one-two punch where the federal government took X amount of money from me and the state government gave me Y amount of money.
So right now I am out the federal money because the federales went into my bank account and went swoop, grasp, and ran away with it.
And now the state is just like, we're coming with a refund any day now, sonny.
Don't you worry.
We're going to make you whole.
We're not going to let Uncle Sam get away with what he did to you.
And it's like, okay, state.
Any day now.
Any day now.
I really appreciate breaking even on my taxes, because that's what I did.
And can that happen now?
Can I please be back to where I was before?
And the state's like, just check back tomorrow.
We'll get right with you.
It's like, oh, thanks, Massachusetts.
Your speed and alacrity is truly a sight to behold because I filed my taxes on the 14th and the federal government was in there to collect with the swiftness.
So, yeah.
Well, there you go.
That's kind of a grim thing to be excited for in a vacuum.
You know, it doesn't have like the cheerful sort of ring to it that you would hope.
But Lord knows, breaking even financially, the dream, you know?
What a perfect dream.
Especially for people of a certain age.
I hear tell that in the past people would be able to dream about a thing they called savings, but I don't know about that.
I'm a millennial or whatever, so... I'm an elder millennial.
I don't know what a savings account is.
Get the fuck out of here.
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and enjoying the show.
Well, hopefully you enjoyed it.
It's time for us to fuck off.
In the spirit of my frog cowboy, we're going to mount our tremendous mechanical steeds and ride posse-ed up out of Hill World.
Cha!
Come on, girl!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and supporting the show.
If you want to support the show even harder, but still for free, you can give us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
If you have money and you'd like to give a little bit of it to us, we will take it.
You can visit patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
To give us a monthly donation.
For those of you who donate $5 or more, you get access to our slate of bonus content past, present, and future, including our hypothetical future series on, I don't know, are we going to watch Civil War and talk about it?
I don't know, we might.
Sounds like a pretty good idea.
But there is over 50 hours worth of bonus content already in the can for people that are interested.
Once again, patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
Thank you so much to all of our beautiful babies who are already up in the crib.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, Lord knows there's a billion ways you could do some good with it in the world right now.
But the one we've always suggested is visiting love146.org.
They are an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our original theme song, accidentally remixed by Mike Rains.
Thanks to our buddy Frosty, aka FrostyVO on Blue Sky, who is the voice of Q and the voice of all of our bumps and our intro and such.
Whenever we need voiceover work, Frosty is there for us.
You can find the show on Twitter, at hellworld with a Q instead of an O. You can find myself on Blue Sky, at Mysterious L.
You can find Haley, of course, on multiple social media platforms at Arizona Right Watch or AZRW.
And Mike Rains, of course, at Poker Politics on all social media platforms that are worth being on.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures of the Hellwode podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L. Joined, as always, by Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, and Mike Rains, aka Poker and Politics.
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