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June 1, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:28:35
Adventures In HellwQrld Episode #142: Mike's Internet Drama, Chik-Fil-A Boycott

This week Mike gets called out for being a Flynn funded shill and the Soft Boys talk about the Right protesting everyone, even Chik-Fil-A for being too Woke. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
I'm going to play a little bit of it.
♪ Music Playing ♪ Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined by Sarge.
Yeah, like most weeks, I always forget about our content warning.
Really listened to it this week, brought it home for me.
And the mysterious L. Hello my beautiful babies!
Yeah!
It's me, Rock L!
Oh, I thought you were doing a Macho Man.
I thought it was Rob Zombie.
I went for Rob Zombie.
The yeah kind of really made it fun.
I guess Mike was closest without going over then.
Because Rob Zombie does do rock music.
I don't know what Macho Man's affiliation with rock and roll was.
He seems like the sort of guy who'd probably like it.
I wouldn't doubt it.
I would not doubt it.
I don't know.
Let's get out the Wawag board.
We'll summon up the Ghost of Macho Man.
We'll summon him from beyond the graves with some Twizzlers.
That's not the right word.
Slim Jims.
Yes!
Slim Jims.
Meat Twizzlers.
Meat Twizzlers.
Yeah, you were right to make that noise, Sarge.
That is how you should feel whenever someone mentions the Slim Jim.
Those things are disgusting.
Twizzlers don't really have much flavor.
I mean, Twizzlers are fine.
They're just incredibly low-grade red licorice.
Of the licorices, red is the right one.
If you're listening to this and you're a Black Liquorice fan, I don't get it.
You do you, but that shit is mad gross.
I remember when QAnon a few months ago got really upset about Ouija boards, and I could not roll my eyes any harder.
You do know they just sell them in toy stores.
They're literal nothing.
It's like, nope, still think they're a gateway to a demonic portal.
It's like, really?
You think demonic portals can be accessed by like a $15 contraption you can buy at like Toys R Us or anywhere else?
Well, yeah, I mean, of course they would think that.
Of course they would think that like this $15 toy that you could buy from Hasbro We'll allow you to contact the other realm.
Because that plays right into their narrative that there's some grand conspiracy that we're all involved in.
Obviously, if Target sells it, then oh boy, we're done.
We're done with that.
We can't be having any of that, you know?
I don't know if anyone's been listening to their music through Apple iTunes recently, but you've probably heard The Summer's Party at them already.
We'll get to that later.
I was hoping that you would be here to give us a review of the scintillating rap there.
Yeah, I mean, we can get into it later.
It's not going to be flattering.
Like, it's not like the guys.
It's like, you gotta give it to him.
He's talented.
Exactly.
It turns out that the people that have the juice don't go MAGA, you know, because you could just make a lot more money not being MAGA.
Yeah.
Anyway, no, we have to we have to restrain ourselves because that's that's a that's a news item.
But we haven't even gotten into our into our delightful amuse-bouche.
Yeah, uh, we should do that right now then.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
Mike was expecting me to vamp for longer, so he was pretty cold on that button.
It was the opposite of hot on that boosh button.
No vamping here.
Well, I mean, look, I could have vamped for longer, but I have to imagine that this first boosh item is going to get Mike Rains all wound up, so I'm assuming that he's going to do plenty of fucking ranting or whatever.
Mike is in a Twitter fight.
Yeah, because Mike Rains did his favorite thing, and he engaged with somebody on Twitter, and they engaged back.
You know, what a time to be alive, so.
I'll let Mike Riggs talk about his glorious drama for the week.
I won't even do any lead-in to it.
Mike, the entire floor is yours.
Lead in free.
Talk about how great your drama was.
My drama was exquisite.
It was truly the greatest of all dramas.
What happened was, I just posted a thread about how Michael Flynn did not start Q. And this was in response to the story we covered last week about how the FBI did a half-assed investigation into the identity of Q.
and then came away with, we don't know, so we're just going to leave it at that.
And also, we don't really see how Q broke any laws, so going after him is kind of pointless,
because as long as you're not making money off impersonating a federal agent,
whatever, you do you.
And so...
I think that's still legal, for the record.
Oh, I'm sure it is.
But the thing was, is like, you had to be enriching yourself or doing something actually, like, that could be actually, like, something that was hurting people.
Like, if you came up to somebody's house and told them, hey, I'm an FBI agent and you have to listen to me or else you're going to get in some trouble.
And then people called, like, the actual cops, like, is this guy in the FBI?
They're like, no, he should not be saying that shit to you.
But going on the Internet and saying, I'm a federal agent and Hillary is going to get arrested tomorrow.
Like, there's no actual thing where anyone's being harmed except for the dumdums that believe you.
And there's no way that you're actually, like, making a buck off of it because, like, there's no, I'm Q and here's my t-shirt, buy my I'm Q and FBI agent whatever t-shirt.
So.
So basically, the reality-based version of this story is that the FBI looked into it, didn't see how a dum-dum on the internet was making a buck off his scam, and then said, fuck it, there's no reason to go further down this rabbit hole.
But the people that are obsessed with Michael Flynn being Q were like, Oh,
the FBI shut down the investigation because Trump and Barr made him because
they knew their boy Flynn was behind it.
And I just saw all these replies to all these threads about it, where they
were like, it was Flynn and that's why they shut down the investigation.
So I made a post, I made a thread about how, no, it wasn't Flynn.
Calm the fuck down.
You're just wrong about this shit.
I mean, I'm not a naive little babe in the woods who didn't know that Jay Stu is, like, the king of the Flynn is Q bullshit.
But I didn't make this to, like, go at him.
I just made this as a thing, as, like, a PSA.
Like, yo, people, Flynn is not Q. You all need to calm down about it.
And it took Stu, like, three days to wake up and stir from his dungeon to, like, come out and be like, oh, this guy is saying that Flynn ain't Q and he's wrong and bad and...
Blah blah blah.
It's fine if you want to say that I'm wrong.
That's, that's okay.
Cause everyone has an opinion and you can state your opinion.
It's fine.
But he then went further and at one point said, shame on you, Mike, because I'm, I'm, I'm doing something wrong.
And he accused me of being part of a group called Q Slayers led by some, uh, basically there's, there's a guy he's, he, he goes by three names.
I cannot, I cannot remember his name for the life of me.
You got that part right.
the full government three names thing.
And he is a mega Republican who hates QAnon and thinks it makes them look bad.
But, oh yeah, of course it does.
But it's like- You got that part right.
Yeah, but also- My God, a sensible Republican?
You can edit that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Now I know JSTOR is full of shit.
I mean, before, I was just like, hey, maybe this guy might actually have some truthiness inside of him, but no.
He just described somebody that sounds actually, like, kind of reasonable.
I love how that's the bar now.
It's like, I'm a Republican that hates Trump.
It's like, oh, thank God.
Oh, you still don't want rights for a lot of my friends, but oh, thank God.
At least you don't like Trump.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know if he likes Trump or not, but I know he just hates QAnon and he thinks QAnon makes the rest of the Republicans look bad.
Well, like I said, even a broken clock.
So.
Oh yeah.
So, uh, this, this dum-dum, and I think we can call him dum-dum, accused you of being the leader of, or being a part of this group that, Uh, the Q Slayers?
And so they slay Q?
So basically, yeah, basically this, this anti-QAnon Republican, he formed a group of people that were in a DM group and that DM group was called Q Slayers.
And they would repost, they would repost shit from people like me and other QAnon debunkers to kind of show people, yo, QAnon's fucking stupid.
Stop buying into this shit.
You're making us look bad.
And that was the point of these people.
But in Jay Stu's mind, I was part of Q Slayers.
I was in the DM group with them, talking to them.
And also, apparently this DM group, in some way, shape, or form, was connected to Michael Flynn because the point of this group was Make QAnon look bad, but also distance Michael Flynn from QAnon because reasons.
Because we were getting our marching orders from on high to make sure to not implicate Flynn in QAnon.
Yeah, dude, and the reason is obvious, because Flit is obviously cute.
It's just so obvious.
Right, exactly.
The most obvious part is how it was totally one guy the whole way through, and it definitely never changed hands, and it definitely wasn't several people.
Yeah, it was definitely not three, two, maybe four guys, but mostly Ron.
It was mostly Ron.
I love the idea that it's just like Flynn, like belly down with his legs crossed at his bed, like click clacking away on his laptop, like a teen girl writing in her live journal or whatever.
How's that for dating myself?
I guess that would just be Instagram, right?
Does anybody have like a Tumblr?
Updating their fetish Tumblr.
But instead it's, you know, instead it's just Michael Flynn just like, I'm going to whip up a spicy Q drop right now.
And you know what?
Just to mix it up, I'm going to write it in a completely different style.
Because I have a gigantic brain and I can just turn it on like that, you know?
Do you think he had a bright orange MacBook?
Uh, maybe.
I'm picturing him in, like, pink pajama bottoms.
Yeah, yeah.
And, like, a loose top.
And I never actually put much thought into it.
Actually, I think in my mind, it's more like, do you remember what a portable word processor used to look like?
Yeah.
Where it was, like, technically a laptop, but all it could do was word process.
Sort of picturing him in one of those.
He's an old man.
My grandfather had an email machine.
It could just email.
It was all the computer he could handle.
And then he had to stop using it.
He was very sad because the company went out of business because laptops got so affordable.
Well, yeah.
Well, I mean, your dad's from a simpler time when there were mail machines and there were email machines.
But now we know that there are many different machines along the spectrum between mail and email.
I also explained to my grandfather that the DVD player was essentially a small computer to which he asked, can it do email?
And I was like, fair question.
I did call it a computer.
Yeah.
And also you can't judge too many people because you still called the Nintendo DS and like every other system Nintendo made beyond that Game Boy.
Yeah.
They're Game Boys.
That just, that whole fact will always tickle me.
I just love the idea that it's just like, Hey, you playing your Game Boy?
She's like, dude, this is a Nintendo.
This is like a Nintendo 3DS.
It hasn't been a Game Boy in like 20 years.
Yeah, they hit it out of the park with the Game Boy.
Hey, you over there playing that latest Game Boy tape?
Everything else is just an iteration on the Game Boy.
They could have called it the Game Boy DS, and I think they should have.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's circle back to Mike's feud with Chase, too.
We're doing our vamping now, goddammit.
Oh yeah, I'm glad that I led into the vamp.
It makes it worth it.
Again, this thing is about how apparently we're all weirdly subordinate to Michael Flynn on some level, and all of us, me, these MAGA anti-QAnon people, Mike Rothschild, all the QAnon debunkers on top of the rest of it, We're all somehow enthralled to Michael Flynn and will not admit he runs Q because we're part of this massive conspiracy to just fuck with Jadestu for some reason.
And he first said, uh, shame on you, Mike, one of the posts.
And then when I was like, what are you talking about, bro?
Explain yourself.
His next, uh, thread to me said, don't play dumb.
Because apparently he knew that I was in these chat rooms with these people getting my orders from Michael Flynn.
Like Michael Flynn's like, look, look, poker, look, buddy.
I want you to keep tearing all the grifters in QAnon a new asshole.
I want you making fun of the Q drops.
You're allowed to do all of that.
But when it comes to me running Q and being Q, you cannot say that.
That is the only line you can't cross.
And I'm like, you got it, General Flynn.
Whatever you say, buddy.
You know what my favorite part in all of this is?
Goodfellas.
By which I mean, when it came time for us to sign the contract and start getting our big payouts from Moloch or whatever, and then Moloch or whoever, I guess Michael Flynn in this instance was just like, hey, yeah, sure, I'm making you filthy rich with blood money, but make sure not to show it.
You can't really live outside of your means.
Yes, technically you have this money, but do not flash this cash.
We were like, we've all seen Goodfellas, so we're going to take your advice.
We're gonna continue to just live, like, barely above bums.
Just the three guys living barely above bums.
And, you know, like, you know, not struggling per se, but not not struggling, you know?
And in that way, it will secure the fact that we're secretly super rich.
We'll just, we'll never enjoy it, but we will technically be rich.
Yeah, the Michael Flynn money is incredible.
I've never spent a penny of it, but boy howdy, the day when I can cash in my Flynn bucks, it's gonna be incredible.
I'm gonna be so rich.
Yeah, when I'm eating my sixth bagel sandwich of the week, because it's just an easy alternative to a real meal, I'm like, yeah, you know, this is what being rich feels like.
The best thing that happened was not actually something direct from Jastu who was coming at me, but what I assumed to have been an acolyte of Jastu was talking to me, and at some point I then said to this person, Do you, like, what do you exactly think is going on here?
Do you think that, like, I'm an agent for Michael Flynn because I think these things and this is how this is going?
And the guy replied to me and said, I don't think you know what you are.
And then said that there are so many psyops going on that I probably don't understand what's actually happening, but I will not find my answers on the internet.
And then he left.
He was just like, this is my final comment to you and I'm ending this conversation.
So basically what that guy was saying is that I'm under the control of Michael Flynn and I don't even fucking know it!
Michael Flynn has so manipulated me with his powerful psy-op onion that I'm trapped in one of the layers of that I don't even know I'm under his thumb.
I don't even know that I'm working for him.
Thank god we have gigantic brain geniuses like Jace do to lead the way.
Yes!
To really shine the light of truth in the darkness, you know?
Yeah, oh, it's so great.
Hey, it's obviously Flynn for reasons that I can't exactly say, you know?
And when I do try to explain it, it sounds like horseshit for some reason.
But that's all part of the PSYOP, man!
The greatest thing was he told me that Flynn copyrighted the term Digital Soldiers before Q ever started posting.
And A, the term Digital Soldiers is kind of universal.
It's like a thing that's existed since the internet came out and people were like just posting troll shit.
But also, the actual copyright for Digital Soldiers that Michael Flynn patented was way after QAnon started.
And when I asked Jay Stew to please show me the earlier copyright, he actually couldn't do it.
What?
Come on.
I mean, just give him credit for it.
It's obviously there.
Why else would he say that?
It's got to be just for a couple of things, right?
It's clothing.
It's just clothing.
Oh, it's just clothing.
Yeah, it's just digital soldiers on shirts and shit.
That's what he got the copyright for.
It's grifting.
Yeah, I actually hold the copyright on it as it pertains to actually soldiering digitally.
If you actually try to do that, if you try to get on the digital battlefield, I get a slice.
The funniest thing is that like Q, I think Q used the term digital soldiers once, like once in one Q drop in like 2020.
The main thing he said a few times was digital battlefield.
And that was just Twitter.
So it was just like, basically all Q was saying is if you get suspended from Twitter, make a new account and stay on Twitter and continue to shit talk libs because that's where the libs exist.
So.
In a couple years when Elon finally destroys Twitter, which we'll talk about a little later on.
That's a pretty good segue, you said it yourself.
Yeah, but I'm saying, so when Twitter's dead in a couple years, I wonder if people will just, like, realize, oh my god, Q's now totally out of date, there's no context for these drops, and it was all LARP, we can give up on it.
Or no, they won't.
They'll just burrow in even deeper.
They just won't let go.
They'll just be like a termite, chewing on the last rotting piece of wood they can find.
Well, at the very least, until their great leader, Michael Flynn, dies, you know?
Oh yes, yes.
That is truly, when you think of QAnon, the ultimate hero of the story is Michael Flynn.
I mean, all these MAGA Q idiots are like, definitely not vaccinated, so.
Also, when was the last time any Q person has mentioned Flynn ever?
Right? Like, I mean, he's not exactly like a popular talking point anymore, if I recall.
Oh, they care about him only when he does his grift tours.
Like, there's like a reawakening tour where they go to all these
churches.
That was that, I think the reawakening tours were that time when the guy got, those guys got sick from obviously COVID, but they couldn't admit it.
So they talked about how they got hit with anthrax.
Like, and they were like, Oh no, we got anthrax.
And it's like, no, you didn't.
You just have COVID.
We got hit with commie pox.
Griftors is my favorite cartoon from the 80s.
Yes!
I was thinking, after Commipox, I was thinking of cooties, and then I was just extrapolating from that, because back when you're a kid, the girls gave you cooties.
Now that you're an adult, the gay and the trans people give you the cooties.
It's like, oh no!
I've got the bad people stuff on me, because they looked at me, and I'm a delicate flower who can't deal with people I don't like.
Being in my field of vision, and this makes me upset and sad and stupid.
Because of all these things.
The more you talk, the further away from your own segue you get.
Yes, I know.
We were supposed to start talking about Elon Musk.
Fair.
We'll move on to our buddy, our hero, our champion of all things reality, Elon Musk.
Al, do you want to make your offer to him now at the top of us talking about him?
Oh yeah, give me a million United States dollars and I'll stop talking about how deformed and terrible your penis is.
Okay.
It's a segment of the show where we talk about Elad's weird dick!
Until he gives me one million United States dollars.
That would be great.
And I like, I'll take pictures of it and everything.
So that way, you know, unlike the Moloch checks, which have to remain a secret, uh, even to my own bank account, the, the Elon Musk payoff money will be very apparent.
Yes.
Unless I have to sign an NDA, which I will do, but then the audience will know if I just suddenly stopped talking about it.
It just never mentioned it again.
Yeah.
No, no.
Now, if we stop talking about.
Elon's weird penis.
He paid us off.
And Starflash and cash.
I was about to mention, like, that week's podcast opens by me introducing Sarge and then saying, live from Paris, it's the Mysterious L!
He's just like, bonjour, my beautiful babies!
He's just like, just livin' it up, just traveling all around Europe.
Hey, who is this Elon Musk?
He seems like a pretty great guy, you know?
Yes.
Anyway, so I guess we gotta talk about our boy Elon this week because he's been... I mean, this is something that Mike told me.
I've kind of been disconnected from the world this week.
He may have been digitally stalking AOC among some other horseshit.
What's going on with Elon Musk?
I hadn't heard about the AOC stuff.
I had heard about Twitter maybe getting banned from all of Europe, so...
Okay, so we'll just start with the AOC stuff, because it's the weirdest and creepiest of the things.
Or maybe second, we'll find out.
We can take a poll at the end.
So there is this parody account of AOC called AOC Press, which pretends to be her press team on Twitter posting shit.
And they use the same avatar photo as her.
Basically, they try to make the channel look as much as her official channel looks.
So they can pass off the parody?
They do not list themselves as a parody.
So this is just everything that was illegal back in the days before Lord Dum-Dum took this place over.
And so they do all this dumb shit on Twitter and pretend to be her and instigate bullshit.
But then they posted a tweet that stated, I have to confess, it was basically words to the effect of, I have to confess, I have a crush on, and then tagged Elon Musk.
And Elon Musk replied to this tweet with a fire emoji to just be like, yeah, AOC is hot for me.
I always do it!
So, this is just a really weird, creepy thing where Elon knows exactly what he's doing, interacting with this, like, in-bad-faith, quote-unquote, parody account of AOC, and he's now playing along with the idea that, hey, she's got the hots for me, guys!
Hey, how's it going?
You know, chick magnet Elon Musk, just dominating the Twittersphere, and all the liberal ladies can't get enough of me, even if they say they can't.
Does the AOC have to raise campaign money ever again?
She just like...
They constantly put her name in the headlines, just, like, every other week.
They're just reminding people that this congresswoman from New York is apparently, like, fucking Dr. Doom for MAGA chuds, and it baffles my mind.
She would be so much less relevant if they just left her alone.
Let's not get it twisted, though.
She will still take your money.
Oh, absolutely.
She's a congresswoman.
Oh, absolutely.
But I mean, it is weird, because AOC isn't in Democratic Party leadership.
She is a congresswoman from some blue plus-100 district.
I remember last year, in 2022, some QAnon-adjacent lady was like, I'm going after AOC, and I'm going to take her down!
Anyone who gives you a penny should just be a fool who's being parted from their money because you actually can't win.
You could out-raise AOC by 500 times and you would still lose because that district is impossibly Democrat.
You can't win.
It's like that guy who went after Marjorie Taylor Greene in Georgia and raised, like, $4 million.
It's like, you should be ashamed of every penny you raised for that, because you're never beating Marjorie Taylor Greene as a Democrat in that district.
It's like plus-27 Republican.
Like, calm down.
It's like when Beto O'Rourke, like, got within three points of Ted Cruz.
You're not flipping Texas.
People just hate Ted Cruz.
Yeah, it's like, I get it.
I mean, at least in Beto's case, you're fighting the good fight and it's a statewide election.
Maybe something could happen, but these districts, it's like anyone who runs in these districts is literally just stealing money from people.
So Elon still allows, to bring it back, Elon still allows an obvious Uh, parody slash imitation account of a elected official to function and imitate her.
Even though he has said, like, like he, do they have parody in the.
They, they now have, they, they now have put parody in their name and they now have parody in brackets and is, but the, their, uh, wallpaper and their avatar are exactly the same as hers.
Which, if you're flipping through Twitter real quick, will get most people.
Oh, and the other thing is that if you click on any of her tweets or any of the tweets of this account, it comes up as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and then you just see the first three or four letters of press.
So you never see the word parody in any of it.
And people have actually, in earnest, retweeted the pinned tweet of this account, which reads, printing money is the only way out of inflation.
So people have absolutely retweeted posts that go, look at this dumb liberal broad.
Oh, we're just going to print more money and destroy America's economy.
This is how liberals actually think.
Again, like they know what they're doing.
They know that like, this is absolutely an attempt to just make AOC and all Democrats look stupid and shitty.
And Elon's just brofisting them.
Elon's just like, boom.
Yeah, this is, this is awesome.
I am totally in favor of people pulling this kind of shit on a popular Congress person.
And this account right now has over a quarter million followers on Twitter.
So it's going great.
Well, get rekt us.
So, what's this I hear about Twitter maybe getting banned in Europe?
Okay, so the Europe thing, which is great and very funny to me because a couple weeks ago Elon was like, I had to censor Twitter in Turkey because the dictator there told me to.
And what am I but a poor businessman having to conform to the demands of the governments there?
Elon just took Twitter out of a voluntary agreement to fight disinformation in Europe, and European leaders who basically run the regulations of media entities, they have let Elon know that By August of this year, he had better have a better track record of fighting disinformation or steps will be taken about Twitter's continued existence in Europe.
And since Elon has made it clear that he has no interest whatsoever in fighting disinformation, When August rolls around and they're like, yo, Elon, you got your homework?
Elon's gonna be like, nope, lol.
And then we're, we're going to see where the rubber meets the road here because Europe, uh, they've hit all kinds of social media companies with like, uh, tens of millions of dollar fines for stuff like that.
Right.
So they, they, Europe doesn't fuck around on this shit.
They do enjoy crushing social media platforms for not abiding by their rules.
And the fact that like they're opening Salvo and this thing is, yeah, we're just going to pull Twitter from the market is like, that's a pretty, that's not even, yeah, we're going to give you a billion dollar fine.
There's like, no, you just won't be allowed.
We're just going to turn the Twitter switch off in Europe.
You just won't be able to actually access Twitter from Europe because, um, Europe has a lot of laws about the Holocaust, and about what you can say about the Holocaust.
And that's why whenever I get flagged by Chuds on QAnon for shit, Whenever I crack open my email about the report that's been filed on me, the term Germanic law is always in the tweet.
Even if the tweet was just by an American against me, a fellow American, they go over Germanic law in the tweet because they have to.
So...
Yeah, it is not a very good sign for the continued existence of this social media platform that Elon's just like, no, I'm just gonna let terrible monsters on this platform who say things that outright violate European law all the time and When push comes to shove later this summer.
Yeah, we'll just see, because Lord knows Elon ain't going to back down on this stuff.
He'll back down to Irigin in Turkey, but to Europe's democratically elected leaders?
Pissed up a rope, Rubes.
I'm Elon Musk.
Yeah, I mean.
Well, yeah, he doesn't see it, but we have a new CEO coming in like not this month, but next month.
That poor lady.
Oh, she's got nothing to work with.
As if she's going to have autonomy.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
You would have to hope that whatever contract she signed to come on board includes some sort of like insane golden parachute for whenever it goes bad.
For sure.
Oh yeah.
It's just like, yeah.
And you know, should Twitter collapse due to circumstances beyond my control?
I get out of this with like $10 million dollars.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, I get like, I get like 10 years salary at my current rate if you, my boss, happen to sync Twitter so aggressively outside of my control that I lose my job.
Like, I just, fuck you, buddy.
The get out of jail free card she needs to have for when Elon destroys the job she has has to be massive.
I mean, you would imagine, but maybe she's a true blue believer, you know?
Maybe she just really believes that his free speech is absolutionism with an asterisk message.
It's absolute asterisk.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's go ahead and move on to our Headline News segment for the week.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
So, Dark Brandon really pulled the wool over the eyes of the GOP.
Am I right, y'all?
Because he managed to get those good old boys to agree to, you know, a deal that just keeps the American economy working without having to invoke the 14th Amendment, which is, you know, What a scrub stupid power play that they let just score on him.
And of course, QAnon has some shit to say about this sicko move on DarkBrandon's part.
So for more, I'll turn it over to Mike Rains.
Mike, what's going on with the debt ceiling fallout?
So QAnon's original stance on the debt ceiling was to breach it.
They were basically like, let corrupt Babylon fall!
They're just the dumbest, stupidest people in the history of the universe.
And they live only to destroy America in the most aggressive ways possible.
And I've seen so many people being mad about just the idea of not
defaulting on the debt has pissed people off.
The fact that a deal was struck makes them even madder.
And as I have pointed out on Twitter, it's like, if you guys are mad
about the debt ceiling increase, uh, man, you should be really upset
about the God emperor, because it happened three times under Trump's
presidency that they had to take this vote to raise the debt ceiling.
So if that was something you didn't want to have happen, you should have been like, yo, Trump!
Crush America and the world economy!
Let the debt ceiling breach happen!
Which, shockingly, Trump did not want to do.
When he was president, he was very in favor of raising the debt ceiling.
And at a CNN town hall, he told the Republicans to actually let the debt ceiling happen.
And when the host was like, but you said you didn't want that to happen when you were president.
And he was like, but I'm not president anymore.
And the crowd roared in approval because they enjoyed nothing more than just rank hypocrisy.
They're just like, yay, our guy's a hypocrite.
Woo!
MAGA!
Just the greatest!
And so right now, the main thing QAnon wants is, because they couldn't destroy the economy and crush America and the world, they now want McCarthy removed as Speaker.
Because... I mean...
I would love to see them have that fight all over again.
Yeah, so basically, I've seen a lot of people, a lot of QAnon posting on Twitter about how
McCarthy got the job of Speaker, kissing the rings of the Freedom Caucus and all these
other crazy people.
But the deal he signed stated that if five Congress people file a motion to vacate, then
basically McCarthy loses the job and the Speakership becomes vacant.
we have to go through the whole rigmarole of electing another speaker again.
Five.
Five?
Yep, just five.
That was the threshold the Freedom Caucus got from McCarthy to try to put him on a leash for his speakership.
And this is why people were like, well, this is really dumb because he's effectively not speaker if his speakership hangs by such a tenuous thread.
So now...
Yeah, now QAnon's like, yo, where's our five?
Where are our five brave Congress people that will step forward and strip McCarthy of the speakership?
And then we can get a good speaker in who will let America default on its debts or whatever.
The thing that's really funny about this is it's like this kind of game where the threshold is so low, but at the same time, I don't know who's going to actually put their neck out and do this because I think most of them realize if we strip McCarthy of the speakership, we actually have to nominate someone for it.
And nobody wants that fucking job.
It is literally the worst job in American politics.
Like, I know Pelosi had it for forever and made it not look bad, but If you guys don't remember, back in the good old days when old poker was the eye to a grasshopper, we had this guy John Boehner as the Speaker of the House, and he just quit.
He was like, hey Paul Ryan, take the gavel, fuck this shit, and he just left.
He just walked out the door.
And the entire time Paul Ryan was speaker, he was just like, ah, this sucks.
If you need me, I'm going to be aggressively drunk and or high cause this shit.
Cause you, you, you just can't rash.
You can't reason with the Republican in the house caucus.
They're insane.
You have the Freedom Caucus, which is like Boebert and Matt Gaetz and all, and Louie Gohmert and all those nut jobs.
You have the 20 or so Republicans who actually won districts and that Biden won in the presidential election.
So those 20, those 18 people are just like, like keeping their heads down, praying no one notices them and votes them out.
You've got George Santos, who's a fucking crook and who's getting ready to be removed from office.
You have a guy in Utah who's resigning right now.
So now McCarthy's majority is four seats instead of five.
So it's just, oh my God, it is the absolute worst.
But, uh, here's to hoping.
Here is to hoping that Republicans actually decide to just like, like that firecracker and start more inter-party chaos.
And we end up with Speaker of the House, Lauren Boebert or fucking whatever, whatever their dream is, whatever they're...
elected out. Yeah, until she gets voted out because she won her last election by like 200 votes. I
mean, yeah, so it's just, oh my god. It's always good to see infighting in the conservative crowd,
which takes us to our next headline news item. It's boycottin' time, boys. Yeah.
Put on your cotton pants and your boy caps, because we're boycotting some shit.
And obviously it was Target, which has been on the boycott for a while.
And Petco, and a bunch of other places.
You know, Wayfair, Obvi, unless you want to buy a child.
But the newest one on the list, which somehow hasn't caused MAGA to lose their power immediately for fingering the wrong target.
So let's see when they finally step on that rake.
But now it's Chick-fil-A, of all people.
They're just like, hey, Chick-fil-A, go woke, get broke, thumbs down.
Meanwhile, the Target Boycott song is topping the charts on iTunes, allegedly, in a totally legitimate fashion, because everybody knows and loves that song.
And it's definitely not that guy's rich daddy just buying it, like, a million times.
Anyway, for more specifics, I'll turn it over to Mike Rains, because I have to imagine he knows more than I do, even about MAGA rapper Forgiato Blow.
Oh, no.
The MAGA rapper guy is all you.
But for me, Chick-fil-A decided to appoint a new vice president of DEI, and DEI is the new boogeyman of the right.
We used to have Critical Race Theory, which was a CRT, which basically they've created all these abbreviations that are super scary and terrifying and bad.
And DEI stands for diversity, equality, and inclusion.
And so this is just the absolute most boilerplate sort of thing where it's just, don't be a racist.
Have everyone kind of under the same tent.
Make everyone happy.
Be accommodating and friendly to people.
Unacceptable.
Unacceptable to the Republicans.
And so because Chick-fil-A actually has a D.I.E.
department that needed someone running it, now Chick-fil-A has run afoul of the right, and now they are unacceptable.
And this is Chick-fil-A who literally closed on Sundays because it's the Lord's Day and
aggressively promoted a bunch of anti-LGBTQ charities and organizations for the longest
of times.
And there's all kinds of liberal watchdog groups that will point out, Hey, Chick-fil-A's
backsliding.
They're still doing this shit.
Don't go there.
They're terrible.
But nope, just because Chick-fil-A has this one corporate section of its company that
caters to this, they're bad.
They're now anathema.
A little less misogynist.
A little less racist.
Don't worry, they still hate the LGBTQ community.
They'll still quietly give money to anyone who hates them as well.
So don't worry.
Don't you worry.
Yeah, but have they hit the sweet spot where their chicken sandwiches are just so good I'm willing to overlook it?
No.
I haven't bought any Chick-fil-A since I was back in college, but my relatives brought a bunch to something And I was like, well, I didn't pay for it, so I can eat guilt-free Chick-fil-A.
And it was just as mid as I remembered.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not about to waste food.
So if somebody shows up with Chick-fil-A, I will happily eat it.
But I don't think I've given them any business for 15 years.
Yeah.
And now I have a Flip the Bird near my house.
And if you need a chicken sandwich, they're fine.
And they're small companies in the North Shore of Massachusetts.
I'd rather just go there and help them out and not promote bigotry.
So there you go.
There's your plug, Flip the Bird.
Now endorse the podcast, but you've never heard of.
Yeah, there's your plug.
Mike Rades called you fine, which, uh, I've been to a couple of those locations and my travels up there.
And, uh, yeah, I have to say that fine is a good way to describe some of it.
Every once in a while you'll get it and it'll be great, but most of the time it is fine.
Yeah, I was.
And when I got Chick-fil-A back in college, it was a Chick-fil-A Express.
So someone explained to me the college had to buy it from Chick-fil-A first anyway.
Somehow Chick-fil-A had already made their money, so I felt better about it.
They were making money, so it was bad.
But I was like, well, I can get it while it's here.
And their chicken biscuits were, again, just fine.
But this was years ago.
So...
Well, I mean, it's a good thing they've completely turned it around and now they're like a super ally to all creeds and colors and sexualities, gender spectrums, all that stuff.
Proud allies.
Chick-fil-A.
Liberals.
The chicken boycott is over.
They are now the proud ally.
So they're definitely calling in bomb threats and mass shooting threats to the Chick-fil-A's and not just the targets.
I don't know that we've gone that far yet, but I mean, at some ill-defined point in the future, I'm sure somebody will do something stupid in a Chick-fil-A and it will go viral and we can have that to, like, look at and just be like, what the fuck?
How?
They're going to need a sick follow-up track to that, whatever the name of that stupid song is, that is like that anti-Target boycott song that I don't know the name of, but I've seen ridiculous clips of all week.
I think I've luckily, I haven't been on TikTok, so.
Uh, yeah.
I mean, it's what you would expect from, like... I can picture it in my head.
...the self-professed, like, king of MAGA rapping.
I think Vice did.
Like, I think that's how I know about the guy.
I watched, like, a little Vice video on him that was, like, 40 minutes long or whatever.
I thought they were dead.
I thought we... Uh, no, they're dying.
They're not dead yet.
They're dying.
Yeah, it'll take a while.
They're filing for this sort of bankruptcy that lets them keep operating until they really run out of money, so... Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's coming, but it hasn't happened yet.
So instead, I get to know about this 4G auto blow guy who's like this like white chud tattooed bearded rapper dude.
He drives around in a big Supa Trump monster truck with like a Trump blow up doll in it.
Nice, nice.
Uh, cruises around and does rap videos talking about, you know, how great MAGA is and, you know, occasionally having attractive women, if you like that sort of type of woman, because he is from Florida, so picture what you will.
Like, you know, just like coming up to him and be like, I love your music.
I'm just like, really?
God, wow.
His beard is so aggressively styled.
The lines of his beard are, I would go to say, intricate.
It's like he's really going for this bizarre facial shaping with his facial hair.
I'm sure he goes to a white guy barbershop where the conversation gets real colorful.
Oh, man.
I remember the last time I went to a barbershop, and some lines were towed.
I was like, it came up that I was a veteran, so it was immediately taken into the conversation.
They just assumed.
They're like, oh, my son's in the Navy.
And I'm like, great.
A little off the top.
Man.
Yeah But yeah, I can't remember I didn't I didn't do any research because I never do cuz fuck research for the show But that's not my job but as far as I know this guy's some sort of like trust some kid and his daddy's got like real big-boy money from some former fashion and You know like he's just like oh that like dude by my fucking songs over one of iTunes like song of the summer It's just like it's really not though.
I mean Like, however you guys are juicing those sales numbers, that's fine.
But like, I'm pretty sure if I go to Spotify, this number will still belong to like Taylor Swift or like The Weeknd or something.
Because iTunes is like the biggest scam when it comes to these people wanting to present themselves as actually being popular.
Because no one really buys direct from iTunes in any real way.
So if anyone wants to game the system, it's the easiest way to fake popularity, because this is what the quote-unquote January 6 chorus did, where they did that mash-up where they were singing the national anthem and Donald Trump was speaking the Pledge of Allegiance, and they would like cut between the two of them, and that Quote unquote song was number one on iTunes for a little while also, because this is how right wing grifters make themselves look big.
And it lets right-wing media do all this like bullshit where they're like, Woke, like Woke Target defeated by smash hit song number one on iTunes.
No, that doesn't matter.
It has no, it's not getting radio play.
No one's actually listening to this.
The song is barely resonating above the right-wing bubble.
The only people who hear it are people that want to hear it, or folks like us who see clips of it on social media because we engage in the political sphere.
It's like, look at this dumb idiot who's literally walking down an aisle of Target with just six boxes of tampons in his arms, rapping about how much he hates trans people.
It's great, wonderful, just absolutely the best.
You can't imagine anything more spectacular than this.
Yeah.
And also he's just mid as fuck.
Like they're right wing leading ding dongs out there.
Bring the caucasity to hip hop that at least like are better at it in terms of like being
able to spit their bars.
You know what I mean?
Like what's his name?
Samson.
His name's Samson.
There's a guy out there named Samson.
He went viral on TikTok a little while ago for doing a funny little, a funny little set
of rap bars about having sex with Nancy Pelosi.
And then when I looked into a bit, I was just like, Oh yeah, this is pretty much the guy
you would expect.
He's just like, I'm just talking about the truth.
If you want my guns, you're gonna have to come take them!
Because guns is what makes America great!
Why we're not a tyranny, or are we?
I'm Simpson.
But like, he can actually kind of rap.
So it's like, okay.
Like, luckily guys like him aren't trying to trick people.
They don't want to be the MAGA rapper, you know what I mean?
They probably not have that kind of heat on them.
Versus like this, you know, husky white dude with his well-manicured beard from like Jacksonville, Florida or whatever, who's just like...
Yeah, my favorite thing in life is my Donald Trump, Donald Trump giant super truck, because I don't have an identity of my own.
My identity, I've decided to hitch it to Donald Trump, and that's just the way it's going to be.
It really is always Florida.
Florida, I mean, it's just wretched.
Like, we don't really need to get into it, because what could we say about Florida that hasn't already been said about it?
That they haven't said themselves.
But I mean, just figure it out.
Having such a diverse, different set of communities down there, it's just like, are any of them, like, good, though?
Like, they're so diverse.
There's so many different, like, there's, like, pockets of old people, and pockets of, like, weird, just, like, you know, Jimmy Buffett people, and, like, actual redneck people, then there's, like, Miami, and then there's, like, you know, all the vacation spots, and it's just like, yeah, but does any of it not suck?
Like, that's the question I post to you, Floridians.
We have the old Cubans who hate Castro and vote Republican because they think Democrats are communist.
And it's just, no.
You don't really understand that... The problem... Communism is a bad and failed system, and I know I've just lost like five viewers for saying that obvious truth, but the problem under Castro was that he was a dictator first and a communist second.
That's the thing is that if the Democrats seize power, which they win elections a lot of the time, they don't immediately then end democracy and become dictators.
Like the big problem that you had with the government that you fled from was the fact that that guy was like, now I'm running Cuba.
And by the way, I'm a dictator.
And if you don't like me, you will be disappeared.
Or you'll go to jail for many years until you come out of jail and be like, you know what I like?
I like Fidel Castro.
He's truly the greatest.
Love me some Castro.
Love me some Castro.
Truly the best.
And please use this out of context to make me a communist dictator sympathizer.
I mean, look, you gotta hand it to him, you know?
Yes!
You do have to hand it to Fidel Castro.
Yeah, you gotta hand it to him.
That's just the default, you know.
You just want to smokescreen somebody?
You gotta hand it to him.
And then he just lets them keep talking.
So yeah, so come on, but it's really kind of funny in a way that like Florida is just becoming more red.
And I, I almost wonder if that's kind of a net negative for them.
Cause I can just see lots of conservatives fleeing like woke Pennsylvania and Wisconsin and Michigan and like all those blue wall States that we are winning by 1% in these presidential elections.
If all you conservatives just fly down to Florida and like really load that up and just abandon the Midwest and Pennsylvania, that'd be a shame.
That would just be terrible under America's current dumb election system.
Like, oh no, the Democrat just won Pennsylvania by four and Wisconsin by five.
Suddenly the Republican Party doesn't exist anymore.
They can actually never held the presidency again.
But man, they've got Florida locked down.
Yes, Florida is their own little, the People's Republic of Florida.
They can have their own little dictatorship down there and all that good stuff.
But yeah, you've managed to isolate the poison to like a couple bad states now.
So the rest of us can just count on our 300 plus electoral votes every four years, which would just be just ducky for the actual fate of the nation.
It's the Southeast and the Northwest.
There's just this diag- hit my mic.
There's this diagonal band of like giant empty states and then hot populated states and they hate poor people and gay people.
Importers.
That has to be, we have to do like some sort of bizarre study where we see if temperature makes you more conservative.
It's just really hot out and you just are sitting there thinking, man it is so hot out and now I hate everyone who isn't white and straight.
Yeah, I know I get in a bad mood.
Yeah, it's because, I mean, it's got to be like the San Diego Parallel, where you're in San Diego and it's just nice all the time, so you become incredibly liberal.
But if you're in Florida, it's just oppressively hot all the time, so it just melts your brain and you just become a knuckle-dragging conservative because the heat just does that to you.
It just shuts off your empathy.
You're like, I'm hot, so everyone has to be hot, and also non-whites need to be second-class citizens, because it's so hot out.
Well, we can't talk about America's horrible penis without talking about the ruler of America's horrible penis, and current Trump opponent, Ron DeSantis.
And apparently him and Trump have done a little slap fighting this week, so we should probably touch on that before we get to our mailbag for the week.
Tell us about Trump slapping and or fighting with DeSantis.
Have the blows been devastating?
Has it been a real meeting of the minds?
Oh, it is truly the greatest of all battles.
So Kellyanne Conway, who was one of Trump's greatest lieutenants in 2016, she was on Fox talking about the battle between DeSantis and Trump.
And apparently she ran afoul of the God Emperor because Trump got mad at her.
And he called her Milk Toast Kellyanne Conway, which, A, we're going to have to workshop that a little because I don't really think that... I don't think that hits too hard, Donnie.
And B, he spelt Milk Toast as in the word milk and then the word toast.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that's like the easiest trap in the world to fall into.
Very few people have ever seen that word written down.
So I'm assuming that like 95% of people would make that fuck up.
I mean, well, I'm assuming that 95% of people would, like, get to that point, and then be like, maybe I should Google how this is spelled, because this looks sort of dumb.
Milk Toast.
It's like, now that I'm thinking about it, what does this even mean?
You know what?
Maybe I should watch a 15-minute little YouTube documentary about the history of the etymology of Milk Toast.
That should be enough.
The day Donald Trump says etymology will be, I don't know, the day the Earth loses its orbit and just falls into the sun.
Oh my god.
The idea that Donald Trump has any intellectual curiosity in him at all is truly the most incredible fan fiction we've ever concocted about that dumb orange globule.
I'm not saying that I agree with the guy, and I'm not saying that it's not funny, but I am saying that of all of his fuck-ups, this one's pretty understandable.
Oh yeah, I understand that.
I completely agree on that front.
The best part about this, though, is that, again, in QAnon world, Trump cannot fuck up.
It is impossible for Trump to make a mistake.
So he had to be talking to QAnon in code By using the words Milk Toast and not the proper spelling of Milk Toast.
So people were like, yeah, there's an extra K in there, and we got this.
Alright, let's pull out those extra letters and get them into the Yamatria machine.
Fire up the Yamatria!
Yamatria really is the answer to everything.
This answer doesn't make any sense.
Oh, convert it into numbers, and then I can see whatever.
And then convert the numbers back into different letters.
And do that until you have it say a thing that you want it to.
Kind of.
I have a guy who's a reply guy to me who believes, through the use of Ymatria, he believes he has proven that Q is communicating directly with him.
Which is just... I'm like, buddy, you really need to touch grass.
You need to get out of the house.
No way, bud.
Live your truth.
Q loves you, you know?
And he talks right to you.
And, you know, talk to J-Stew about who that person might be talking directly to you and maybe get in touch.
Yes.
Like just reach out and just be like, dear person that J-Stew might believe to be QAnon, I am your biggest fan and I would like you, the leader of the Anons, I would like you to be my boyfriend.
Do you like me?
Yes, no.
Yeah, so we have the weird milquetoast thing on the one side, and on the other side, DeSantis, yeah, Covfefe, which we went over in Unfollow Cabal, where some people were like, Trump did that to bring light to the Covfefe Act.
It's like, no, that was the time, the time works the other way.
Reversed.
But hey, whatever you want, buddy.
However you need to make Trump the good guy and the crinkly brained genius you believe him to be, then you do that as best you can.
But again, DeSantis on his side is just... DeSantis is basically running a general campaign at this point.
Donald Trump does not exist.
Ron DeSantis is running exclusively against Joe Biden, and that's all there is to it.
I saw him on Fox News talking about how at the end of his two terms he will have, quote, destroyed leftism in America as president, which I didn't know was something the president should be trying to do or seeking to achieve to, I don't know, outlaw or annihilate a political view.
I don't remember Obama or any Democrat ever running on the principle of, I will end conservatism in America.
It will no longer exist after my time in office.
Well, yeah, but they don't have to say that, because as we've discussed before, we have time on our side.
Time will do that for us.
Oh, glorious time.
We're just aging out.
We just have to be patient.
Oh, but hey, but then Charlie Kirk and Turning Point USA, they're recruiting so many young Republicans.
Oh wait, all the Republicans they're recruiting turned into Grapers and go down that rabbit hole.
I don't know how many people you can turn into Holocaust deniers.
I don't know if that's a winning electoral strategy for the future of America.
And, like, how many young women these days can you just, like, fucking, like, you know, morally repress into just becoming, like, breeding stock or whatever?
You know, the platonic ideal, or, like, the, you know, I guess very much not platonic ideal of what Republicans want.
They're just like, you know, make America great again, where women were just in the house with the children, making pies and shit.
Stay at home, bitch.
Working his man's work, you know?
Oh, I actually saw my favorite thing from like just political moon brain bullshit was there was a article that said DeSantis is gonna run as a moderate on abortion and it's like he just signed a six-week ban like what?
This idea that Republicans are ever going to let go of their losing culture war bullshit to become more electable is such a fantasy that the Beltway media has where at any moment DeSantis or Trump or any of these fucking like lunatics are going to make themselves more palatable to more of America.
They're not.
They're just going to run to their base harder and more aggressively.
And it's not our fault, because we tried to explain to them that you have to adapt or perish, and they were just like, we do not believe in evolution.
And I was just like, okay, then cool, then perish, I guess.
I don't know what to tell you.
As the vaccine t-shirt says, fuck it, die, I guess.
I mean, it's just...
It's just that.
I remember, oh my god, in the Halcyon days of 2016, I remember our beautiful political media talking about Donald Trump and the pivot.
Like, when is our big wet boy gonna pivot and start catering to the center?
And the answer was never.
Never.
Trump was just gonna run a dumb base campaign the whole time.
And he's like, I'm a right-wing extremist and that's all there is fucking to me.
Build a wall, Mexico's gonna pay for it.
And the media was like, he's so dumb and xenophobic and racist.
Also, what about that lower man's body makes you think he's capable of a pivot?
He's not even capable of walking a ramp.
Nope.
Dude, he would break his own ankles.
It would be the sickest move of all time in sports history.
He would fucking, like, bring himself low with his own skills or lack thereof.
And yeah, and the other thing that happened this week was there was a photo of Donald Trump on the golf course.
And all the talk that the Republicans in QAnon have about Joe Biden being on his last legs and on his way out and the Democrats are going to push him out the door for Kamala Harris or Michelle Obama or maybe even Hillary.
When you see Donald Trump nowadays, it feels like a bit of projection.
Feels like Donnie might be the one that's not exactly, uh, in his fighting prime as we get ready for the 2024 campaign.
And, uh, I was thinking about this.
Again, time is on our side.
Yes.
I was thinking like, it feels to me that in a lot of ways, Republicans really need Donald Trump to, like, die.
Because if he's- As we've all said, it'd be great if he just, you know, passed away quietly.
Oh, well, QAnon would lose their minds because he'd be poisoned, laser beamed, heart attack gunned, whatever.
You imagine this alternate world where Trump's indictments end up stacking up so high that somehow the Republican establishment is able to just pull enough voters away from Trump that he barely loses the nomination to DeSantis.
Trump isn't going to go away quietly.
He's going to launch a write-in campaign and go scourge dirt and just destroy the party.
And Biden's going to get like 53% of the vote.
And then Trump...
Yeah.
Trump fucking the Republican Party.
Right.
And then Trump and DeSantis are going to split the other half, and Biden's going to... We're going to have blue Texas.
We might have blue Oklahoma if it breaks right.
I mean, it'd be this absolute slaughter show of an election.
And there's no way Republicans could stop it, because Trump was never going to just give up.
Trump's never going to be like, well, Ron DeSantis beat me fair and square.
I'm just going to head back to Mar-a-Lago and Wait for my indictments to lead to me being in court or under house arrest for the rest of my life.
And even if he was showing signs of wanting to give up, all it would take is one savvy secret liberal acting in Republican bad faith to just get in there and just be like, you know, Mr. President, I always believed in you.
But, you know, if you're throwing in the towel, I guess I understand.
How could you beat Ron DeSantis anyway?
Anyway, I guess I'll just leave you to your thoughts.
Exactly!
Let's see how long it takes before he truths out something insane.
Yeah.
Total meltdown.
So it's like, on the one hand, if DeSantis wins, then Trump goes third party or write-in and just destroys him.
And if Trump wins the nomination, I just think that he's going to be so radioactive and toxic between all the indictments and the fact that he's going to be this very frail, practically senile old codger Like all of their attacks on Biden will just be tenfold more aggressive against Trump.
It'll just be like, Biden's too old and too not with it to be president.
There's no way we can do this.
And we're like, look at Trump.
And Trump's gonna be like, I like oranges.
Just, just absolutely not even on this planet.
Just sundowning, doing maybe one campaign stop like a day if he has the energy for it.
Just everything.
Trump will be like the perfect opponent for Biden because all of their claims like old, senile, dementia, like not with it.
That'll all be Trump.
It'll just be all him all the time.
It'll just be a mirror.
Trump is just as old as Biden and also just like Objectively fatter.
And I'm saying this as a fat guy, like, but it's just true.
Trump is like a heftier dude than Biden, which, you know, when you start creeping up in age, it just starts to look like garbage bags hanging off you.
So now Donald Trump just looks like he's wearing garbage bags.
I actually, this was the funniest thing I've ever seen from a QAnon supporter.
Cause it was their rare brush with reality where someone posted like two different photos of Biden from like a couple of years past.
And they were just like, you can't tell me this is the same person.
And the other guy replied back.
He said, it's a facelift and he lost 40 pounds.
So there was just a point in Biden's life where he was like, fuck, I gotta get in shape if I want to live longer.
And he just did.
Biden just got on the treadmill.
Still doesn't explain the earlobes though.
No!
What else could explain it other than that they got it wrong when modeling the hologram.
Let's go ahead and move into our mailbag for the week.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
So, our mailbag is very scant this week, so we have a grand total of, it looks like, two questions.
My goodness.
Well, hey, we'll do our best, and if the show is short, then it's the listeners' fault, you know?
It's your fault, isn't it?
Yes.
It's all on you, listeners.
You're the ones who have made us go short, because we couldn't possibly just yell and scream more.
This one's on you.
And if you have a question and you're just like, I don't know how to get it to you, then that's on you for skipping our outro, where we give you all of our social... I mean, don't get me wrong, I get it.
But also, it's still on you if you do that.
So, Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld's Grand Inquisitor, asks, now that DeSadness has thrown his hat into the ring officially and has been blasted by Trump relentlessly, how long until he pulls off a Ted Cruz and begs his Orange leader, please, sir, may I have another?
I mean it's I don't think it's gonna take too long because we we really get into the campaigning not for another couple months like not till like 2024 so like he's announced but we're not gonna see any of the real fighting in for another couple months after it's I If he's able to recognize that he has no chance, then he'll
bend the knee.
To me, the real issue is just the question of, is he viable after the big boy indictments come out?
Cause that's their only hope.
I really feel like, I just feel like that's why he's doing what he's doing right now where he's not bringing up Trump or anything.
Cause I, I feel like the DeSantis Brain Trust, like originally they were like, maybe we should wait for the big boy indictments and then declare.
And then someone's like, no, that makes us look weak.
Declare first.
And then, and then run this weird shadow campaign where we pretend Trump doesn't exist.
And then...
When the big boy indictments show up, then we turn on Trump and then we give it to him and we try to run on this whole, well now he's unelectable because we have the photos of him handing MBS nuclear secrets and MBS pushing the cartoon bag of money over to him and hoping that's enough to pry away enough voters.
But who knows?
I really don't know if there's any crime Trump could commit that would actually sway MAGA voters away from him.
I just don't know if that actually exists.
What if they caught him shopping at Target, you know?
That's our deepfake!
Oh my god!
That's our deepfake!
You deepfake Trump with a cart, and it's got just a ton of Bud Light in it, a bag of Chick-fil-A on the top of the Bud Light, it's got the Target on it, he's grabbing the gay and trans shirts and putting it in the cart, and boom!
It's a Santa's landslide, baby!
It's all over.
All over.
We're done.
So, I mean, that's possible.
That is a winning strategy, I think.
Just break reality.
Only if you don't think that Trump is sending us a message by shopping at Target.
You know, what could it mean?
Trump is on Target.
He's attacking the Deep State.
I think Q said that.
Oh, absolutely.
Oh, God.
You know what?
Fire up Trump on Target into Ymatria and let's get to the bottom of this.
YAMATRIA!
Oh god, that is the ultimate podcast.
We're in a podcast where we just do negative 48 breakdowns and just absolutely rip a hole in reality.
I want like the old sound effect from Press Your Luck with the lights dancing around the board.
I want that to be our Yamatria noise.
Repeating our stuff into the Yamatria calculator.
Oh God, that'd be so great.
Oh man.
It is.
It's, I just really want to see that if to say this could ever get forward momentum in the polls after Trump gets hit with like the wave of bad news that's coming for him.
Cause I was reading that basically it looks like Georgia is going to indict him in August and the federal indictment is coming probably around then or a little bit, maybe in July.
So we'll see, but like, that's basically when we'll actually see if DeSantis puts on his big boy pants and starts swinging, or if he continues running this weird Garfield without Garfield, uh, GOP without Trump, uh, campaign of his.
Because if he does that, even after Trump gets all the bad news, then he's just going to lose.
Cause he's going to be like, I'm the good kid that can beat Biden.
And Trump's going to be like, meatball Ron is a child fucking piece of shit.
And the Republican primary voter is going to vote for the guy that's screaming and yelling.
They're huge fans of screaming and yelling.
It's the best.
More people should do it.
They do love screaming and yelling.
Yeah, I mean, it projects power.
It's also how you, like, chase off a bear sometimes, depending on the bear.
Yes.
And Pancake Peasant asks, real talk, what keeps you hopeful and moving forward during hard times?
Um, I've run into this because I watch a lot of true crime and things are getting kind of dark there for a little bit.
So you know what?
I put a pause on all that and went over to cooking shows, went back to, I haven't watched Taste of History for a while.
So I went and just, I was watching a bunch of Taste of History.
That's a very like... Do you mean Tasting History with Max Miller?
Yep.
Okay, I was just making sure.
Because there could be another channel called Taste of History.
Taste of History?
No, Tasting History.
Tasting History of MaxMill.
Yeah, that is the show.
That's just one thing.
Just find things that, like, media and other things that relax you and, like, I have put Twitter on timeout for a couple days, and that certainly helps.
So, yeah, just find nice, soothing things to enjoy that aren't what's going on.
Yeah, like drugs.
Yeah.
That's my answer to drugs.
Not like high drugs, but I smoke a lot of weed.
I love weed.
I get mad high.
It's just like, oh man, I'm feeling kind of blue.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to get high, and then it's going to tell me what sort of TV I want to watch.
Then I'm going to watch that TV, and then I'm going to be high watching TV, and suddenly I probably won't be thinking about that thing anymore.
Sometimes I'm powered by pettiness.
That's not an impulse.
It's a good look, but I'll be real.
Sometimes a little bit of pettiness can be converted into a lot of drive.
It's great.
Yeah.
There you go.
Drugs and pettiness.
Yeah.
The first thing for me is I just sort of understand that where I am in this world is really fortunate.
And I'm just kind of I kind of count my blessings on that level.
And then beyond that, just engaging in my hobbies, just I really enjoy doing the stuff that I do.
So I work to do that and be it just this Monitoring and debunking stuff, which I don't know why I have the brain worms that I do, but I absolutely have been involved in this stuff for like a long time in my life because... Well yeah, ever since Flynn came to you with an offer you couldn't refuse, you know?
Yes, that is exactly.
I mean, I was just very lucky that as a teenager I was obsessed with the Kennedy assassination and that led to me being really into conspiracy theories and research and got me into the Illuminati, which led me to the doorstep of Michael Flynn's house, where I then entered that house and was treated to a sumptuous feast.
And then a large bag full of money was handed to me so that I could disseminate false information about QAnon on only one topic about QAnon, which is its origins.
every other part of QAnon I have been nothing but authentic and legitimate but
on who started it giant sack of money I won't tell you get fucked so yeah so
between the Michael Flynn payola and my hobbies that's mostly how I get for
through life and also just the fact that when I'm bummed out it's like hey I got
a roof over my head things are going pretty well for me on that front the
people at my job don't seem like they want to fire me anytime soon and I'm
good at it so just like that kind of stuff like it's it's really like the
weird no one ever knows exactly where life's gonna take them and all that kind
of stuff and I did enjoy poker and gambling that kind of stuff but I never
would have thought that I'm a really good dealer and I understand the rules
of poker and I can engage with people in an pleasing way so I'm a good frontman
for a casino Spider-Man!
just never that was never the vision for young me going on in life, but that's where I am right now
And it's it's not bad. It's not bad. It's basically what I'll say. So
That's just my lot in life is acceptable. The best way I can look at it. So that's that and
That brings me to the question of the week as always is what are you guys looking forward to?
Spider-man spider-man spider-man spider-man Spider-man for sure and then
the Warhammer open is happening in Kansas City this weekend,
and I have a hobby paint pass so I just get
For the whole weekend I get unlimited access to their full line of paints
and I can bring my own minis in and I just get to paint and Check out the hobby and what's going on? So yeah, well
Oh, yeah.
When El brought that up, it reminded me, obviously, of the Spider-Man movies coming out, because this upcoming month for Marvel Snap, it's all Spider-Man cards.
It's just Spider-Man all day, every day.
What about his amazing friends?
Are they along for the ride?
Well, it's multiverse Spider-Man, I believe.
And do any of them have fucking friends?
I mean, why are you dodging the question, Mike?
Iceman is in the game, but Firestar is not.
Well, it seems like a wasted opportunity.
And Aunt May's dog, who was a character in that show, Missed Lion, is not in the game either.
Neither is Aunt May.
Didn't they say that they're not going to be doing alternate versions of characters, right?
Like a character card just is its card?
Yeah, so they have Spider-Man, then there's Miles Morales.
Yeah, but you're never gonna get, like, Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man or whatever, right?
Yeah, they said they're not gonna do that.
It will always be a different card.
So, uh, you know, that means that at some point, I mean, don't get me wrong, they've got, like, a fairly deep roster, but, like, after a few years, like, are they gonna be, they're gonna have to be digging pretty deep.
I don't know, they've already gotten really fucking deep.
We have Stegron and Giganto.
Well, yeah, so I'm sure they just know that they're going to have to dredge up the muck at some point, so they're going to just constantly be dredging up some small amount of muck.
Yeah.
And you're going to be getting cards like, oh, shit, it's Maggot.
I love Maggot.
Look at this guy.
The newest card released was Living Tribunal.
Well, hey, Living Tribunal just showed up at that Thor flick.
Oh no, that was Eternity.
Yeah, Eternity.
It made me laugh because every time I see the Living Tribunal, all I can think of is the Living Military Tribunal, and just Obama and Hillary kneeling before it because they're about to be sent to get killed forever.
I just love that they tried to do something really interesting with Kitty Pride, and they could not get it to work, no matter what they did, so they just had to completely Redo the card and re-release it and gave it to everyone for free because it literally broke the game.
Like, it made the game crash as they initially released it.
Then they took it off the shop for months and then they just gave it to everyone.
And now it's good, but it definitely doesn't do what they initially wanted.
Yeah, so the cards that are coming out are Ghost Spider, Spider Ham, Silk, and Spider-Man 2099.
Yeah, so they're, I mean, those are separate characters, but they're kind of toeing the line with their, we're not going to have separate versions of a card.
Dude, I can't believe it, like, you know, I obviously haven't seen the movie yet, and I'm going to be avoiding spoilers until the moment I do see the movie, but Going into all the stuff, like based on all the press materials I've seen of the trailers and stuff, still no Supiter Man.
That seems pretty weird to me.
Do they not have the license to Supiter Man all of a sudden?
They said it was going to be in it, but this is supposed to be a two-parter.
I know.
So maybe they're just saving that.
Is that one of the big reveals for the third one?
Is that when we're finally going to get Leopard on?
Yeah.
I mean, maybe they're just mentioning that one.
Dude, he's the emissary of hell.
Yeah, I'm with you.
I'm excited for it.
And when he shows up, he better say all the lines.
He's only going to be around for one of the flicks.
I want him to say all of the stuff.
He didn't start out saying all that.
He workshops it for a couple episodes.
And then they get to Emissary of Hell and they're like, nailed it.
We're not changing it.
Yeah, but now it's like the established parts I care about.
It's like that stupid Voltron show that sucked.
Because, like, they did so much stuff right, but they just fumbled the fucking ball by just not doing the stuff you had to do.
Like, you have to say, form Blazing Sword.
You have to say, I'll form the head.
Like, you have to do it.
You have to.
You can't, you can't tongue-in-cheek skate around it.
You gotta do the thing.
Just, even if it's just once.
Yeah, it only has to be once!
Even if, just do it in the first fucking episode, you clown!
Just do it!
But when you intentionally go out of your way to do it, it's just like, what, do you think you know better about the fandom than I do?
You don't.
Like, fuck off.
I'm not much for Voltron, but the whole payoff at the end of the fight is they literally say, Form Blazing Sword.
That's how you know it's really on now.
Now Voltron's fucking sick of your shit, and it's time for you to get chopped up.
And then that fandom got wildly toxic, and I found out how the show ended, so I've still never watched the last season, because I don't need to, because the ending blows.
So I can't believe that one of these Netflix animated shows has a toxic fandom.
They all seem so nice.
Like every time I hear people talk about how much they love She-Ra, I'm always just like, yeah, you're great.
You're great.
I haven't heard about the She-Ra fandom.
And she says for the for the honor of Greyskull in not every episode, but most of the time when she transforms, Yeah, the people doing the He-Man stuff seem to get it.
By the power of Greyskull, He-Man still has the power.
That's how that goes down.
He still says power twice, back to back.
It's pretty funny.
It's always been really awkward.
They don't workshop at all.
By the power of Greyskull, I have the power.
Just boom.
Nailed it.
Okay, I guess.
By the power vested in the power of Greyskull, I have the power to power.
Now the power's in my hands.
It's like that urban legend that Emeril Lagasse got 50 bucks every time he said, bam, and that was written into his contract.
So he would just constantly say it while he was cooking.
It's like, maybe that was their thing.
The voice actor was like, every time I say power, another $20.
So boom.
Just put that in the script every time you can.
Yeah, right.
As if they had that person reading in that booth for that more than once.
They were just like, we have it.
And that's the one clip of that we're using for 140 episodes.
Transformation, same clip.
You better believe it.
Here we go.
Bingo bongo.
We're saving mad dough.
You know what?
We could save even more money if we just haven't transformed multiple times every episode.
Just go through the same process every time.
Remember that one episode that was just like over half of the runtime was just the transformation because he just couldn't stop going back and forth between Prince Adam and He-Man?
It was the awkward double date episode where it's just like Prince Adam and He-Man are taking somebody out on the same date at the same time.
Okay, we're the weeds here.
So, I've already said that I'm excited about Spider-Man.
Mike, what are you excited about?
I am excited about the fact that my beloved Las Vegas Golden Knights are in the Stanley Cup Final, because my beloved Boston Celtics, not so much.
They're very bad at basketball, and everyone should be ashamed.
Well, they were probably never going to make the Stanley Cup Final.
That would have been really strange.
If they did, man, the money you'd win?
Oh yeah, no one would have saw that coming.
That would have been quite the long shot, but yes.
So, sports ball is about to be dead in two weeks, because boy, regular season baseball, yuck city.
We've covered this before on the pod, but yeah, it's very bad.
So, that's all going on.
Mostly just looking forward to the Stanley Cup Finals and just seeing how stuff goes forward at ye olde Workstead over the summer because May is a weird month.
People got stuff going on.
This is our slow season when you're in this industry.
As summer moves on, people start flocking to the places that have powerful air conditioning, so we shall see if we once again refill our casino with more people that no longer are doing dumb things like going outside and enjoying the day and all that stuff, because now you can't, because it's 90 degrees and with 80% humidity, because welcome to New England, dum-dums.
So yeah.
And also, this could be my first test research.
I could do like a baseline poll of people now and see how Republican they are.
And then by the end of August, I can see if they've converted.
Because if the weather has actually turned them MAGA or not, as we, as we posited earlier in the pod.
Maybe they just have like a, like a bright red, like melanoma that starts at the center of their head.
And then as it's exposed to direct sidelight, it grows into the red baseball cap.
Some Junji Ito shit there.
Yeah.
God.
This is my MAGA hole.
It's just for me.
And on that note, it's time for us to fuck off for the week.
So let's squeeze into our predetermined personal perfect fit holes and slide gently into oblivion away from Hellworld for the week.
Thank you everybody for listening to the show, for supporting us.
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Thank you to all of our beautifuller babies who are already supporting the show.
By the way, you can't support for a lower amount if you just want to throw $2 at us to tip your dealer.
That comes with nothing except for a warm handshake digitally, which I am now giving everybody now.
There's your digital handshake.
It's firm, but soft.
That's soft skin there, Al.
Thank you very much.
Much appreciated.
If you have money you don't want to donate to a gaggle of jerks like us, you could do some good with it by donating to love146.org.
They are an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Unlike our opposition, the people who like QAnon, we actually do decide that we would like to help children in spots like that.
If you have money and you want to do some good with it, love146.org.
Thank you, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our theme song.
Still no social media for DJ Minimal Effort.
What an advanced specimen.
Less advanced, but still very supportive of the show, and we appreciate him for it, is our buddy Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO, because, again, very unevolved, like a parasite, just like us!
Which is why you can find our show on Twitter, at Hellworld.
With a Q instead of an O. Myself on Twitter, at HellworldL, with Hellworld spelled the same way.
Sarge, at Sarge in Hell.
And Mike Rains, of course, at PokerPolitics.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts of the Mysterious L, joined as always by the enigmatic Sarge.
Fumbled the bucket right there at the end.
And of course, our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
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