This week we celebrate Oath Keepers going to jail for a long time and Ron DeSantis has a train wreck of an announcement that he's running for President. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| Music playing. | |
| Content Warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| PokerinPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| I am joined this week by Sarge. | |
| A day late for reasons that are probably obvious if you have, you know, a phone or the Internet. | |
| Yes, if you have access to the world, you know why we waited a day. | |
| And I'm also joined by the mysterious Elle. | |
| And Dollar Short, my beautiful babies! | |
| That's Sarge and I's new hip-hop duo. | |
| He's Daylate and I'm Dollar Short. | |
| The old-timey colloquialisms. | |
| It doesn't quite roll off the tongue that well, but it's still a work in progress for the band name. | |
| We sound like the Beastie Boys, which means it will be easy for us to do and we'll get over. | |
| Yes! | |
| That's what it's all about. | |
| Yeah, that is what it's all about. | |
| I mean, doing minimal effort and getting maximum reward. | |
| God, the American dream. | |
| In fact, just earlier today we were talking about how, like, When our grandparents talked about the American Dream, they were like, yo, work at an office, bring my briefcase home, wife has dinner on the table, I can afford a house and support a family of like two or three kids or two kids and a dog. | |
| And then we were discussing earlier how my American Dream is having a ceiling panel fall on me at a Walmart while somebody is like recording a TikTok so that they catch it on film. | |
| So I can be like, I'm suing Walmart. | |
| And Walmart has to pay me, like settle out of court with me for like $2 million. | |
| And I never have to, I'm just like, ah, that was easy. | |
| Yeah. | |
| TikTok wanted to give me a passive income scam where you set up a fake bank account so that when robocallers | |
| call you, which is illegal. | |
| You give them the fake bank account so then you know who to send the lawsuit to. | |
| And then they all just settle immediately if you have their information. | |
| They're like, it's passive income. | |
| I know a guy who does it full time. | |
| He just waits for robocalls to roll in and gives them a fake bank account so you can get the information to serve them. | |
| And I was like, wow, what a country. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I'm also just like not convinced that that's true. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Although TikTok did serve me up the other day, a heroic tale of a guy who invited all the billionaires he could find the information for to his wedding. | |
| Did you see this? | |
| Did you see this? | |
| Did you hear about this? | |
| Yeah, so he was just like... I can't remember if he had the idea, if he got it from somebody, but he's just like, I'm getting married, so I'm just going to invite every billionaire I could find the contact information from. | |
| Because none of them are going to show up, but there's a chance that their assistant sees it and just gets me a gift out of obligation. | |
| And apparently, indeed, that is what has started happening. | |
| And a couple of people have, like, apparently called him, like, a couple of these billionaires, like, called him to wish him, like, a happy wedding, because they just can't remember. | |
| Because he'd been, like, on, like, the invitations, he'd be like, can't wait to see you guys again! | |
| And, like, he'd just send it out, and he's just like, yeah, I've been getting, like, gift baskets and stuff. | |
| Hey man, that's a sweet hustle, but it's only going to work so many times. | |
| Oh yeah, this is it. | |
| This mine is already tapped. | |
| This is the one guy that gets away with this. | |
| And then internet savvy assistants will be like, ah, it's the billionaire wedding grift. | |
| Right. | |
| Or maybe billionaires are just the infinite piñata because they have enough money and not enough time to care about that shit. | |
| If they're just like, whatever, send them like a $200 bottle of wine. | |
| What do I care? | |
| I'm a billionaire! | |
| On a completely different note, the building directly across from mine that's in my eyeline, they're working on the roof. | |
| So out of the corner of my eye, I'm Like, on the third floor, but I keep seeing people moving by, and it is very weird. | |
| So I gave, like, just guys working on the roof over there. | |
| At some point, Mike and I are just gonna see, like, some sort of Japanese-style ghost woman, like, materializing behind you. | |
| That's your millions right there, if we get, like, actual ghosts on my webcam. | |
| Did you see it? | |
| There's plenty of photographic evidence of ghosts, and if you choose not to believe it, that's your problem. | |
| Have you ever seen a spirit orb, sir? | |
| What else could it possibly be besides a ghost? | |
| I went to college for photography. | |
| No other explanation! | |
| Did they give you a class on photographing the paranormal? | |
| Where they're just like, yo, if you're in a dusty room with some light shafts in it and you manage to catch one of these spirit orbs, congratulations. | |
| You're a paranormal investigator. | |
| You've done it. | |
| Yeah, we didn't cover paranormal photography, but we did cover common errors you can make, like bouncing light off of dust. | |
| It's like whenever I see one of those photos from like 1960 or whatever, they're just like, dude, look at this photo. | |
| I mean, like the person in the foreground looks normal, but what's up with that weird looking person in the background who's like kind of semi-transparent? | |
| I'm just like, well, the photo's been double exposed. | |
| And they're just like, yeah, or it's a ghost. | |
| Or it was double exposed. | |
| And that's like an actual other person, but just like barely exposed on the film. | |
| The first photographer to really get into double exposures, he immediately started doing ghost photographs. | |
| Oh, absolutely. | |
| We did study that. | |
| It'd be like if you were somehow the first person to invent the translucent fishing line, and then all of a sudden you're just like, I am the world's greatest and first telekinetic! | |
| Because, you know, why go legit? | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Getting people to buy into the supernatural is so much more lucrative than just trying to sell people on the usefulness of your invisible fishing line. | |
| What good is that when instead you can just make people believe you have magic powers? | |
| Well it's like you hear about these cats of like the like the 40s through the 60s or whatever when they were just a bunch of like Commercial good inventions coming out like rapid-fire like and a lot of them because there was just like a handful of these guys that Would just like invent 60 things that are incredible incredible over the time of their life But you know like the guy who invented the glue for sticky like for you know like sticky notes or whatever Like dude everybody on earth uses those things now and I like it's the last time I checked he didn't die the world's first Trillionaire the way he should have you know like he probably got paid like $200 for that | |
| No, because he was working at 3M. | |
| I do love that story, because he was trying to make a super strong glue and ended up making a super weak glue and used it for Bible notes. | |
| Yeah, but he was just a company man, though. | |
| He didn't get, like, gazoinks-bo rich off of that like he should have. | |
| No, sure didn't. | |
| Because if your American dream is inventing something that gets you, like, rich, then congratulations. | |
| That's never going to happen. | |
| It's like Kodak inventing the first digital camera. | |
| Well, there's a reality TV show where people who think they have good adventures have to go beg people that are already rich to give them money to make it a reality. | |
| Like, please God, please give me some money. | |
| Oh, my idea is so good. | |
| Please give me money. | |
| And they're like, nah, I'm going to pass. | |
| And the viewers at home are like, yay, they crushed that person's dream because their invention was really dumb. | |
| I've only seen clips of that show, and I think that's how it's going to stay. | |
| I did like the time an actual Pyramid Scheme guy tried to pitch it to them, and they all smelled his grift immediately. | |
| My favorite one was the people who showed up and they were just like, yo, our invention is like, here's our pitch. | |
| We make this wine and we figured out a way to can this wine so that we could serve this wine in can form at like sporting events. | |
| And the sharks were just like, bro, this wine canning technology is off the Chiz Arts. | |
| We love this. | |
| This is going to be great. | |
| The wine tastes like piss. | |
| It's wretched. | |
| We want nothing to do with the wine, but we do want to buy your patent for this can. | |
| And they were just like, we're winemakers, no deal. | |
| And it's just like, okay, well you just showed millions of people on TV that there's a market for wine canning, so you know what you can go find out in the wilderness now? | |
| Is cans of wine. | |
| You can just go get cans of wine right now, so good for them. | |
| I don't know how much of that is their wretched piss wine, but having Mark Cuban or whatever drink your wine, it'd just be like, this tastes like swill, but I love the can! | |
| I just remember the time when some guy was like, my invention is a camera in your doorbell, and all the sharks were like, that's stupid! | |
| Get fucked, moron! | |
| Yeah, they're not right all the time. | |
| Yeah, and then that guy just became a trillionaire, and he was like, oop, thank god the sharks didn't buy my idea! | |
| Thanks, sharks, you're the best! | |
| It's like coming in second place on American Idol. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| Oh man, I missed out on my $100,000 recording contract where Fox gets all the creative control. | |
| But instead, somebody offered me a $400,000 recording contract where I get half creative control. | |
| Shucky darn, I guess I got second place. | |
| I'll never sell as many albums as Taylor Hicks. | |
| Or whatever. | |
| I was going to ask, but I couldn't name a single American Idol winner. | |
| Well, Kelly Clarkson, right? | |
| She was first. | |
| There's been like one or two, right? | |
| Katharine McPhee, she was one of them. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And then, you know, other ones, I'm sure, but none of them really ever truly mattered. | |
| I mean, yeah, get out of here. | |
| I mean, the person who's had the most success from being a singer from that show is Adam Lambert, and he didn't win, but he's now touring with Queen. | |
| So, I mean, good on him. | |
| Wow. | |
| Unreal that you would promote such satanic music on this wholesome Christian podcast. | |
| That's me. | |
| I'm kind of a monster that way. | |
| Did you not know that the lead singer of Queen was... Mustachioed? | |
| Anyway, 10 minutes worth of vamping over. | |
| Let's get to our mooseboosh. | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the amuse-bouche. | |
| Let's talk about the sort of stuff that MTG likes to have on our lips. | |
| Uh, specifically Chapstick. | |
| Yeah, I mean, this is a weird headline, or I guess, boosh line for Mike to bring to the table, because I don't, I mean, we're talking about Marjorie Taylor Greene Chapstick? | |
| Yeah, so what happened was, is Kevin McCarthy was doing an auction of some sort to generate funds for Republican House candidates. | |
| And people were bidding on various and sundry items that were being offered up in this thing, like McCarthy would come and do a meet and greet, or this, that, the other thing. | |
| And then one of the items that got thrown into the auction was Kevin McCarthy's used chapstick. | |
| And so they put that on the docket, and then the bids came pouring in, and the winner of all the goods that included this used chapstick was Marjorie Taylor Greene. | |
| She was the winner of Kevin McCarthy's used chapstick, plus other accoutrements that were not reported on. | |
| That's why it's the headline, because that was the winner of this thing. | |
| Because the other things were like, we don't care, but it was like, why the fuck did you throw a tube of used chapstick into the things that we're fighting over? | |
| Marjorie Taylor Greene and Republicans launder money for campaign donations. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So yeah, but it was just so creepy and weird, and it made for an awesome, easy-to-dunk-on headline against Marjorie Taylor Greene that everyone takes that opportunity, and because I have no compunction with dunking on her, fuck it! | |
| Why did you buy used ChapStick? | |
| Who thought that was a good idea? | |
| Who was just sitting there going, oh, oh, we need another item to throw into the hopper to sell! | |
| Kevin McCarthy's used ChapStick! | |
| Yes! | |
| I can think of at least one person who would be a fan of her making sure that her lips were unchapped and ready to rock. | |
| That would be her pastor, correct? | |
| That's her, right? | |
| The one who's currently cheating with her pastor? | |
| Is that some other lady? | |
| I think it's her, I'm not sure. | |
| I know Boebert, people are alleging that Boebert is also Look man, when I 10% remember a thing that's Q and J said, I need you to be there with the other 90%. | |
| This is your whole life. | |
| I play three different D&D games. | |
| That is my life. | |
| You talk to me about how many levels Spiros Spiros has, I'll give you his whole damn statutory for sure. | |
| But when it comes to who Marjorie Taylor Greene is cheating on her husband with, I can't keep it straight. | |
| I think it's a pastor. | |
| He looks like a youth pastor, you know? | |
| He's got big flowing hair, he looks like he's gonna pull out the acoustic at the sleepaway camp and really bum everybody out. | |
| Yeah, not Trump with his tiny mushroom penis. | |
| Uh, no. | |
| How dare you invoke that horrible peen. | |
| That was the idea there for a little while, that she was, like, hooking up with Trump. | |
| Or no, McCarthy. | |
| That was the rumor. | |
| But were any of those rumors, like, actually serious? | |
| I always just assumed that that was, like, you know, Blue Anon nonsense. | |
| Yeah, I mean probably. | |
| There's another thing with her and her pastor, it seems like it had some real juice. | |
| Or at the very least the Blue Anon crowd was really loving it. | |
| They were just like, yeah, Marjorie Taylor's such a such a righteous Christian woman, am I right? | |
| And she's like, yeah, finally, finally a way to bring MDG down a peg. | |
| Thank God. | |
| It finally happened. | |
| A way for us to talk some shit about Marjorie Taylor Greene. | |
| Got her! | |
| I don't know if she had the gavel at the house meeting, but when she called for decorum and literally the entire house burst out laughing and continued laughing for 30 seconds, that was fantastic. | |
| If you haven't watched that clip, I highly recommend it. | |
| Yes, more people need to laugh at MTG. | |
| And actually, the pastor guy with the long hair is Bobert's side piece. | |
| Bobert's side piece. | |
| See, this is why I need you. | |
| Yes. | |
| I need you to tell me who is cheating with whom. | |
| So I apologize to Marjorie Taylor Greene for saying that the chapstick was in preparation of your pastor. | |
| I don't know what sort of relationship you have to your pastor or to God. | |
| Maybe it involves used chapstick. | |
| Either way, you bought that used chapstick, so you should get right with God. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That was definitely like, oh, we're selling something. | |
| So it gets around campaign finance limits. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Okay. | |
| I like to imagine that we don't have a huge listener base, but I like to imagine that there's just one listener who's always just like, Al, he's getting it wrong. | |
| And Ken, he doesn't know anything. | |
| And it's just like, yeah, you're totally right about that. | |
| I don't know anything. | |
| It's great. | |
| It's so great. | |
| You have no idea how angry I get at these bozos for posting QAnon-related shit in not our podcast group chat. | |
| I'm just like, shut the fuck up about these clouds. | |
| Dude, I hate them so much. | |
| Yeah, the big story is basically that Boebert is denying that she's had a long-term affair with Sean Fucht, who is a Christian pastor and may or may not be a white nationalist. | |
| That's also one way to read that last name. | |
| It's not necessarily the pronunciation I would have gone for. | |
| I didn't see that. | |
| How would you say it? | |
| My name immediately goes to Fucht or Fucht. | |
| Right? | |
| Because it's F-U-C-H-T or something like that. | |
| Yeah, it's F-F-E-U-T-C-H. | |
| Yeah, Future Fuck or whatever. | |
| Yeah, like anytime I read that name, it's just like, youth pastor involved with like sex scandal or whatever. | |
| And then his name is like roughly adjacent to fuck. | |
| I'd be like, yeah, okay. | |
| His name is, this guy's name is Pastor Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Because I am a child. | |
| Anyway, I propose to the group that there is no non-creepy reason for anybody to be buying anyone's used chapstick. | |
| So, I think that we can all agree to put a button on this boosh item. | |
| Marjorie Taylor Greene is a confirmed creep. | |
| Even if she has not confirmed cheating on her husband with her fucked pastor. | |
| Anyway, moving on to the boosh, let's talk about some sedition sentences, or sentencings, which is what I meant to say, but it came out as like an amalgamation of that and sentences. | |
| Anyway, the problem was because I was loading up the word Cyclops, because our Cyclopian friend is the one who has been seditiously sentenced. | |
| Boom! | |
| Nailed it! | |
| Look at me! | |
| And for more on this, I will go over to Mike. | |
| Mr. Mike Rades, what's going on with the Cyclops sedition sentencing? | |
| Our boy, the Cyclops, Stuart Rhodes, the man who dropped his gun and shot himself in his eye, and that is why he is a Cyclops now. | |
| Oh, is that why? | |
| He got caught by Wolverine. | |
| Got him. | |
| Yes! | |
| He dropped his gun. | |
| Yep, that's what happened to him. | |
| He dropped his gun, it discharged, got him in the eye. | |
| And so our boy Stuart Rhodes, now the best part about this was basically the government, they're like, yo, government, what's your idea? | |
| What do you want for sentencing? | |
| And the government lawyers like, here is why we want the sentence to be the way it is. | |
| And then they bring up Stuart Rhodes and they're like, yo, Stu, What do you have to say in your defense? | |
| And he was just like, I'm a political prisoner. | |
| This is a crock of shit. | |
| And he basically said everything you're not supposed to say in this situation. | |
| Like no contrition, no remorse. | |
| No, just, just, nope. | |
| These fucking fucks put me in jail and it's a load of, it's a load of hooey. | |
| That's what I got to say. | |
| And the judge said, yeah, you get 18 years for what you've done, which Stuart Rhodes is 57, and this is federal time, so you serve it. | |
| There's no, you serve half of it, you get off time for good behavior, no. | |
| Federal jail is big boy jail. | |
| So he ain't seen the light of day again until he's 75, if he makes it to that point. | |
| So, uh, congratulations to Liz Agurth. | |
| Now he just gets to be like King Klansman on cell block whatever, you know? | |
| I mean, don't get me wrong, prison is certainly where he belongs to be, and no great shakes, but, you know. | |
| You'd really hope that maybe some people who were not white supremacists got to him before he got safe. | |
| I'm not wishing death or harm on the man, I'm just saying, you know, sometimes a prison does a thing. | |
| I'm gonna say whatever I want on this comedy podcast, this is all Gary. | |
| I hope they stab him to death with a knife made out of his mother's bones, come at me. | |
| Comedy podcast. | |
| Comedy Bones is not where I expected that to go, but like I was here for it. | |
| Jokes. | |
| All jokey jokes. | |
| Yeah, this ain't no news show. | |
| What, you think we got headlines? | |
| Get out of here. | |
| We do, but we're commenting on them. | |
| Yeah, we're talking metaphor. | |
| This is like when Alex Jones is like, I want our enemies to be murdered! | |
| Politically. | |
| Just always has to throw in something after the fact. | |
| To be like, I don't actually want you to kill people. | |
| Winky winky. | |
| I hope Stuart Rose is brutalized in prison. | |
| With a whoopee cushion. | |
| Yes! | |
| By aliens. | |
| Yeah! | |
| And Kelly Meggs, one of Stuart's buddies, also got 12 years today, so the sentences are rolling in for these dumb-dumbs who are getting convicted of real crimes. | |
| I know a guy who put his feet up on a congressman's desk and was photographed, got four and a half. | |
| Four and a half years! | |
| I hope it was worth it, buddy. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So yeah, so all these dumb dumbs are getting nailed. | |
| Uh, I believe more sentences are coming down today for the people that were actually convicted of seditious conspiracies. | |
| So, uh, the act, we are finally reaching the final stages of the finding out after the January 6th fucking around, which, uh, couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of seditious traitors. | |
| And the best part about all of this is that now this shit With like Stuart Rhodes and so forth. | |
| This is going to be a part of the Republican primary because you're going to have DeSantis has already been questioning. | |
| He's like, well, we're going to have to look over these cases and see where there was, you know, judicial overreach and political weaponization. | |
| And maybe the power of the pardon will have to be used. | |
| No, fuck you. | |
| Yes or no, are you going to pardon Stuart Rhodes? | |
| Answer the question. | |
| Answer the question, asshole. | |
| Like, what are you going to do? | |
| Because if you say yes, you're unelectable to America, and if you say no, now Republican primary voters are not going to support you. | |
| So, please, let us know which seditious traitors you're willing to spring from prison once you become president, Mr. Republican President of the United States. | |
| That's all the Ron's going to get until later. | |
| Save the Ron. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, the Ron's being saved. | |
| Yes. | |
| Keep your pants there, Rockstar. | |
| Talk about this final item, because I don't know shit about this. | |
| The FBI Qvest... How am I supposed to say that, Al? | |
| Well, it's literally just Qvestigation. | |
| Qvestigation? | |
| Okay. | |
| Come on, if I had to say a slycopian sedition sentence, certainly you could say Qvestigation. | |
| Qvestigation. | |
| I thought about it too hard. | |
| I looked at it and I was like... | |
| Yeah, I got tripped over. | |
| It's giving Mike Rades time enough to research it in his phone, which we get the pleasure of watching. | |
| In media res! | |
| No, I was going to look for the document itself, but the problem is the documents are very much redacted. | |
| But what happened was, is after a person who believed in QAnon freaked out and caused a standoff on the Hoover Dam in 2018, the FBI opened an investigation into Q trying to... and they were basically like, who is this Q person? | |
| What is their deal? | |
| What's going on here? | |
| What's their deal? | |
| Yes, the Steinfeld, yes. | |
| They were trying to find out why this person pulled this shit on the Hoover Dam, because it could lead to further frivolity. | |
| The problem with a lot of the documents is that they're very redacted. | |
| It is very hard to actually see where they were going with any of these things, and until these redactions are removed, we're not going to really have a lot of daylight on this. | |
| The one cool thing that is unredacted is in one of the documents it states that this person, the person that was in the Hoover Dam was involved in the cult called QAnon, which made me chuckle immensely when I read that because it was just like, oh man, the people that are in Q, yeah, when the people in QAnon read that, they're going to be super mad that they were called a cult by the FBI. | |
| They, the FBI was wondering if they could potentially charge Q with, um, Faking being a federal official. | |
| That was like the actual crime they were looking into when it came to actually accusing Q of a crime, because shitposting on 4chan is not illegal as of yet. | |
| And it turns out that the burden of proof for you quote-unquote impersonating a government official probably extends a little more than just being like, I've got Q-level clearance! | |
| And Hillary Clinton's going to be in irons any day now for face carving. | |
| You just can't wait. | |
| It's going to happen any minute now. | |
| Her passport's already been seized. | |
| She's already been held up at the airport. | |
| She's going to get arrested any time now. | |
| In fact, I think it's going to be tomorrow at 3pm. | |
| And then Q got over that shit real quick. | |
| You know, it could be any minute now. | |
| Nobody can stop what is eventually coming. | |
| He stopped making definitive predictions, but he didn't. | |
| There were just more vague ones as well. | |
| He stopped giving definitive time frames. | |
| He would still assure you that Huma's laptop was going to cause the fall of the Clintons, but he would no longer say at 5pm on Friday. | |
| The first few Q posts, he's pretty specific with the times. | |
| He's just like, within 24 hours, everyone's going to be dead. | |
| And it's just like, nobody is dead. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And so the big thing about this was, is that the investigation was opened and then it was closed. | |
| It was closed in 2019 and it was pretty half-assed. | |
| The most people are speculating that because Q there was no actual way to discern that Q had made any money off of QAnon that impersonating a government official That didn't lead to any sort of criminess, because generally speaking, that's how these people operate, where you claim to be an immigration officer, and you're gonna get deported if you don't dole out the cash to me, or I am an FBI agent, and if you don't pay me money, I'm gonna let this warrant on you go through, et cetera, et cetera. | |
| So, because they couldn't find any way to discern that Q had made a buck off of QAnon, The thing went away. | |
| And that is what the rational people who are looking at this shit have to think about it. | |
| The irrational people are looking at this and saying, oh, Michael Flynn was Q and Barr and Trump shut this investigation down to protect their boy. | |
| We know the score. | |
| We know what's going on. | |
| And that's the truth, Mike Trump. | |
| L is our official envoy to Stewin' On, because L is actually fully pilled in stew. | |
| He is 100% on that. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| L definitely doesn't think that that guy is a huge ding-dong. | |
| I wanted to use stronger terms there, but all the ones I could immediately think of seemed like they would get me in trouble for various ways. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But mostly because since I am an American, as far as people know, I speak with an American accent, the assumption is that I'm an American, I can't really use the C word with the abandon I would like to. | |
| As an American who happens to be an Anglophile, thank you very much. | |
| much. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yeah, so I saw immediately on the replies to the people posting about the FBI documents, | |
| where people were like, it's because Flynn is Q and blah blah blah. | |
| And I posted a long thread about why Flynn isn't Q. And if you actually, if you did what | |
| me and the gang here have done and read the early Q drops, and you see how contradictory, | |
| full of lies and absolutely shitty they are, nobody trying to map out a year's long psyop. | |
| Had to be that way, man. | |
| Had to be that way to throw you off the scent, you know? | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| And it worked so well that the scent was not thrown off. | |
| Tons of people think it's him. | |
| So no matter what way you want to spin it, you cute ding-dogs, you're going to be wrong. | |
| Yes. | |
| No matter who wins, we win. | |
| Damn right. | |
| That's why this podcast was made, so we can flaunt our smug superiority over everybody else. | |
| It's going to be just like the 2024 presidential election. | |
| No matter who wins, we win. | |
| Am I right? | |
| Because it's going to be sleepy Yusef Biden versus somebody, and that somebody could be anybody. | |
| We'll get into this more as we segue seamlessly into Q's in the News. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News. | |
| I don't know if any of you have heard of Twitter, but it's owned by a D-bag named Elon Musk. | |
| And that D-bag named Elon Musk tried and failed to host an online video sort of space with good old meatball Ron DeSantimonious, who has, in a shocking turn of events, decided to throw his hat in the ring as the Republican nominee for presidential candidate for 2024. | |
| What a twist. | |
| Nobody could have seen it coming. | |
| So let's toss it over to Mike Riggs to get the temperature of Q's reaction to DeSantis putting up his dukes against little Donnie Two Scoops. | |
| Mike, tell us the measured QAnon response. | |
| I'm ready for measured. | |
| So measured. | |
| Oh, it's so very measured. | |
| DeSantis is a traitor. | |
| He is Deep State. | |
| He is a monster. | |
| He is everything that is bad and wrong in America. | |
| He's the most terrible. | |
| He's pretty much the most terrible human being who has ever lived. | |
| This is the funniest thing about all of this, is that DeSantis is trying to placate these people. | |
| He is so desperate to not offend them. | |
| And you can't do that. | |
| Once you've stepped to the God Emperor, you have achieved offense. | |
| There's no non-offending capabilities here. | |
| Beyond the disaster of the Twitter space crashing repeatedly and the Elon having to fuck around and hit a million buttons and finally find a way to stabilize the goddamn feed so he could get the Santas on to babble argle bargle for an hour or so before logging off. | |
| I think Grimes showed up and said some stuff and everybody was like, shut the fuck up Grimes. | |
| Nobody cares. | |
| If only! | |
| That would have been the greatest thing ever. | |
| That was what everyone immediately laughed at, which was deserved. | |
| Dunking on DeSantis for the Twitter space crashing and all that shit going wrong was great. | |
| But the thing that was so really noticeable about DeSantis' announcement, and this was a terrible, shitty, weak announcement, Was that he avoided going after Trump. | |
| Like there was this like one very oblique part of... I saw this. | |
| Basically there was one point where he was like, well you know the national response to COVID wasn't that great, but Florida's response was so much better. | |
| And I did a bang up job on COVID, whereas other people not so much. | |
| Actually, bringing up Trump and going at Trump was something he was so terrified of doing. | |
| It was really bizarre. | |
| Meanwhile, Trump was having a stroke on Truth Social and basically doing everything short of calling DeSantis a tiny-dicked child fucker. | |
| I mean, Trump was just... | |
| A whole hog going at DeSantis, screaming and yelling. | |
| And that's like two, two and a half inches worth of hog? | |
| I mean, we're talking some serious hog. | |
| Oh, oh man. | |
| We're packing. | |
| Between DeSantis and Donnie Two Scoops, they got some thunder in their briefs. | |
| Let's just, that's pretty clear. | |
| And for anyone who's like, oh, you're being weird. | |
| Let's not forget in the 2016 presidential election, Donald Trump was talking about how big his dingaling was on the stage of Rubio and Cruise. | |
| He was letting everybody know, my opponents, not so much. | |
| Me, big one. | |
| And also, to those people I would also like to say, these hypothetical audience members who are upset that we're making fun of Donald Trump's penis, is that I am obligated by my own personal code of honor to mention that Elon Musk has a wretched and deformed penis as well. | |
| And he has to pay me one million United States dollars to get me to stop publicly talking about how gross Scott is because once again he claimed that a woman should have been able to ideate like a photo light up upon having seen it for however long it takes to totally not sexually assault a woman by flashing her. | |
| No, because it's true. | |
| It's fucking true. | |
| He said it. | |
| If you're a new listener to the show and you're just like, man, why is this guy suddenly going off so hard on Elon Musk's Phantom of the Opera-like deformed penis? | |
| And I'm like, hey, he's the one who told me that his penis looks like the Toxic Avenger. | |
| And not the Toxic Avenger's penis. | |
| It looks like the whole guy. | |
| It's holding a mop and bucket and everything. | |
| Fucking gross. | |
| Yes. | |
| Anyway, speaking of guys that are fucking gross, back to talking about Ron DeSantis. | |
| Meatball Ron DeSantis. | |
| He looks like a meatball, I guess. | |
| So, what's gonna happen to him the first time somebody confronts him about Donald Trump? | |
| Is his head gonna bobble all the way off his neck? | |
| Is he going to die? | |
| Are we going to watch somebody catastrophically overload the first time they're confronted with even the tidiest amount of scrutiny? | |
| I mean, even George Santos just ignored his scrutiny until it finally got him, like, landed in front of a court. | |
| He has to summon human emotions and charisma, and man, I've done a fantastic job of ignoring Ron DeSantis, but every single time Mike sends us a clip or I'm forced to watch one, he just, like, falls apart. | |
| He's just, like, the human mask strapped over his gator body, like, starts to slip immediately. | |
| He is very bad at retail politics and the people that are leading him, the people that are running his campaign have put him in this unwinnable position where they really think that it's okay to run a campaign where you're not going at Trump in order to win the Republican nomination. | |
| I honestly believe that these people think That there is an indictment coming down the pike that will be so damaging that it will actually derail Trump's campaign. | |
| And I think these people are wrong. | |
| I don't see how Trump voters will ever give the man up. | |
| That's the problem. | |
| And the real problem for DeSantis is, are those people more than a majority of the Republican voter base? | |
| Because I think they are. | |
| So there's no magic indictment where literally, oh, here's a photo of Trump showing nuclear secrets to the Saudi Royal family. | |
| Here's the Saudi Royal family sliding a cartoon bag with a giant dollar sign on it across the desk to Trump. | |
| Here's Trump throwing the money in the air like some idiot. | |
| Here's the two of them sharing a nice drink out of the hollowed out skull of Jamal Khashoggi. | |
| Yes, Khashoggi, yes. | |
| Here's Vladimir Putin declaring all of Trump's political enemies enemies of Russia. | |
| Right. | |
| There's nothing that can be done that's going to make Trump toxic to his fans. | |
| His fans love him. | |
| They're not going to abandon him for any reason. | |
| So welcome to the Frankenstein's monster you idiots have created and good luck stopping him with an indictment. | |
| DeSantis is winning the Republican nomination only if Trump is dead. | |
| It is just that simple. | |
| There's no way he's getting around him unless he actually goes at Trump over Trump's big weakness, which is that Trump lost and that Trump is a loser. | |
| Consistently. | |
| He's consistently lost. | |
| He's got many failed businesses that he's brought up. | |
| The porn star that he paid off to not talk about their affair. | |
| His penis is small. | |
| There's footage of him failing to go up a ramp. | |
| Again, DeSantis. | |
| I don't know who DeSantis' campaign manager is, but I should be empowered to fire that guy. | |
| Like, DeSantis only has one way to win, and he has to go... He has to make that bobblehead work, but, like, aggressively. | |
| Not in a blowjob sense. | |
| I don't want him to suck anybody off. | |
| I just want... He needs to get aggressively bobbleheaded. | |
| Like somebody telling you very bad news, like at a fish market or something. | |
| I want to see him wildly gesticulating, flailing arms, legs, head, everything. | |
| To me, this is such an obvious and ridiculously easy thing to do. | |
| You're Ron DeSantis, and you get ready to give your big speech about how you're going to run for president, and you get in front of the cameras, And you say that Joe Biden sucks. | |
| He has the charisma of a turnip. | |
| And yet Joe Biden beat Donald Trump in a landslide the last time we had an election. | |
| And if we as Republicans nominate Donald Trump again, he will lose another landslide. | |
| He will drag the party down like an anchor. | |
| We will lose the House, Democrats will control the Senate, and then they will cram their woke agenda down our throats, and there'll be nothing to stop them. | |
| And if any of our very old Supreme Court justices die, the Democrats will replace them with far-left radical judges. | |
| So we need a non-loser at the top of the ticket to make sure all that doesn't happen, and that's me, Ron DeSantis! | |
| Let's go! | |
| And the fact that I, a moron with a podcast, can say these things, and DeSantis' high-paid advisors can't think of it, he can't think of it, nobody in his, no one around him is saying this shit, I just don't get it. | |
| I can't wrap my head around what their strategy is, other than just turning on CNN every day and praying it reads, Trump rushed to hospital. | |
| Well, I mean, so like, you know, I say that this is DeSantis' only possible chance at victory, and I do stand by that, but I understand why they don't do that. | |
| Because in order to do that, you just have to come out and you have to be like, Trump lost clean. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| Because like, if you're going to say that he lost, you can't keep towing his line that it was stolen from him. | |
| Because the point would be that he is weak and he is lost. | |
| So you have to come out and you have to be like, Trump lost cleanly. | |
| The Democratic process worked. | |
| Donald Trump sucked so bad that he managed to lose an election to sleepy Joe Biden. | |
| Ron DeSantis would need to come out with a PowerPoint presentation prepared, hit the first slide button, and it just says, like president like like Trump 2022 or whatever Trump 2020 | |
| and it's just like well wouldn't that have been nice but instead we got this click Biden 2020 boo | |
| his and it's just like yeah it turns out that that is the way you should feel nobody likes a loser | |
| and Donald Trump is a loser. | |
| What has Ron said about the last election? | |
| Oh he's been very lily-livered about it. | |
| He's just sort of like, oh, maybe some stuff happened. | |
| I'm not both. | |
| I just know that I won my election. | |
| So, I mean, he wants to play it both ways. | |
| He wants to protect the integrity of his own crushing landslide re-election, but at the same time be like, oh, those wacky Democrats. | |
| And also he loves bringing up the fact that Florida runs really great elections. | |
| They do a bang-up job. | |
| And I know how to run an election, and I won it, so it's all great. | |
| So it's really a question of when he's going to get pushed on this shit about, so Ron, did Trump get jobbed in 2020? | |
| What Al just said there is going to be another big moment where the old bobblehead is going to start weebling and wobbling. | |
| When someone's just like, so, so, uh, Governor DeSantis, uh, did Donald Trump get jobbed? | |
| Was the election stolen from him in 2020? | |
| And if so, if you're the Republican nominee, how do you prevent a theft from happening to you in 2024? | |
| My god, he's going full Fishmonger. All of his limbs. He ate his back all at once. | |
| Good old Fishmonger, Beat Ball, Ron, De Sanctimonious. | |
| Old fishball Ron! | |
| Yeah, and now Trump is extra not gonna come back onto Twitter, no matter how much Elon begs. | |
| We're gonna see because everyone's talking about the fact that Trump's Contract of truth social ends in June and he's allowed to go on Twitter. | |
| It's starting in June. | |
| So we'll see what we'll see what happens. | |
| Oh, yeah Junking on DeSantis we we haven't even really touched on the fact that he teamed up with Elon Musk for this powerful announcement. | |
| Oh Yeah, so that was another part of this whole thing that was so sad So the announcement was bad for not attacking Trump and other reasons, but one of the other things that was so poor about this announcement was that it was kind of like a press conference where a bunch of DeSantis fanboys just kind of asked him softball questions and got softball answers from him. | |
| And that was all really pathetic. | |
| And it was really the kind of thing that you do a month into your campaign. | |
| It's not what you do to start your campaign. | |
| Usually you start your campaign with a monologue where you just get out there, you give a speech, you explain your bold vision for how you're going to win the primary and the election. | |
| And then you have people question you and like flesh out your platform down the line. | |
| Someone asked him about like fucking Bitcoin and, um, Digital currencies from the federal government. | |
| This weird, this weird niche shit. | |
| This weird niche shit nobody cares about. | |
| And it was like, what the fuck? | |
| Why are, why are we talking about this? | |
| It does need to be dealt with. | |
| But yeah. | |
| But I don't, don't need to ask Ron DeSantis about it. | |
| Cause he's never going to get through the primary. | |
| But also it's like, that should be one of the 50 most important fucking things our president should be fucking dealing with. | |
| This was, like, when people don't remember, this is one of my favorite things that happened to poor old Mitt Romney. | |
| That video that came out where Romney was like, 47% of Americans don't pay any taxes and are freeloader scum. | |
| That was the video that, that quote was the big thing that, like, people attacked Romney for, for calling half of America parasites. | |
| But there was this really funny bit later on where Romney's doing a meet-and-greet with all the fat cats that paid to talk to him. | |
| And this one guy was like, hey Mitt Romney, I think you should campaign on abolishing the penny. | |
| And Romney was like, well, I don't know that really a lot of people care about that, but it's a thing I could look into once I'm president. | |
| And the guy was like, no motherfucker! | |
| The penny! | |
| I want you to go hard at the penny, goddammit! | |
| And you can just see Romney being like, bro, this, what the fuck, why do you think this matters? | |
| An issue that does need to be dealt with, but not on the campaign trail. | |
| I mean, but have you guys like, when was the last time you guys used a penny, you know? | |
| I certainly pick them up, like, when I see them on the ground. | |
| And all the day you had good luck? | |
| Yes! | |
| But only if they're face up. | |
| Yes. | |
| I'm just imagining that guy watching the 2016 results roll in, and they're like, Obama has won re-election! | |
| And that guy was like, told him to go for the fuckin' penny. | |
| Fuckin' didn't listen. | |
| Son of a bitch. | |
| I just love that. | |
| The other problem with all these people asking these dumb questions to fucking dissenters was they always preface their questions by being like, Hey, Ron, thank you for having this Twitter space. | |
| And by the way, Elon, thank you for buying Twitter and taking away the power of the woke mob to be able to censor us and what you've done to make this platform a great place for free speech and allowing people to say what they want. | |
| And it's like, and then now I'm going to say the N word 48 times. | |
| And the sentence is just like bug eyed, like, no, no. | |
| Not on my announcement, please! | |
| But it's just... Well, you had to get the announcement to work first. | |
| As you mentioned briefly at the beginning, it was in a Twitter space that, like... It took them, like, eight minutes to get a functioning Twitter space. | |
| Like, they kept logging on, crashing, logging on, crashing. | |
| And then finally, after, like, this interminable period of time, they finally got a stable Twitter space to work. | |
| And the DeSantis campaign is trying to spin it as Rod DeSantis broke the internet! | |
| His announcement was so powerful and so many people rushed to hear it that Twitter couldn't handle it. | |
| It's like, no, Twitter is just run by a skeleton crew. | |
| So now even the slightest bit of pressure on any of the pressure points of the site causes it to fail. | |
| That's on Elon. | |
| It's not because DeSantis is super popular or anything. | |
| It's like that scene from Forrest Gump where he gets up to the podium at like the, yeah, the fucking pod in front of the monument and this microphone just cuts out. | |
| It's like DeSantis is just like, thanks for having me on, Elon. | |
| A lot of people have been asking me how I feel about Donald Trump. | |
| So let me just go on the record that eight minutes worth of silence as Twitter spaces crash and then he gets back up and he's just like, I think that's the last I ever have to say about that, you know? | |
| It's just like, good point. | |
| Good point. | |
| I think Grimes said something. | |
| Everyone was like, shut the fuck up, Grimes. | |
| What the fuck are you doing here? | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | |
| Nobody gives a fuck what you have to say. | |
| I'm thoroughly convinced that Meatball Ron is a lizard person, specifically a gator person wearing some sort of human skin and does not understand human emotions. | |
| This is the second time you've brought that up, man. | |
| And they're like, I wouldn't have said it the first time, but that's really disrespectful to gator people. | |
| Would I picture, like, a gator person? | |
| They're fucking cool. | |
| They look fucking rad. | |
| Hey, I, like, listen. | |
| We all play Blood Bowl here. | |
| You know what a Kroxigor looks like. | |
| They're awesome. | |
| Ron is not awesome. | |
| No. | |
| So, like... Did you remember that X-Files episode about, like, the... | |
| Side show? | |
| Back when the episode aired, they called it a freak show. | |
| So I'm going to use that term here. | |
| But know that I will not be using that again. | |
| And there was that one... | |
| He's a performer who had a slightly smaller, grosser version of the self in their stomach. | |
| Ron DeSantis is that guy. | |
| He crawled out of a larger, cooler person a while ago. | |
| He's a quattro? | |
| Yeah, but one that could, like, get free. | |
| He, like, slithered out of it, got free, and then sort of, like... He... Jonas Venture Jr'd it, but not in the cool way. | |
| Now he's Meatball Ron. | |
| And his head operates like a blowpop, even though he doesn't really... He's not really blowpop-shaped. | |
| His head's just got a mind of its own. | |
| I just, you know, I went with the Florida connection of Gators. | |
| He can be some other terrible lizard person. | |
| Certainly there's got to be something else that's awful that Florida has in abundance that we can compare Ron DeSantis to. | |
| I got it. | |
| He's a white guy. | |
| Oh, yeah, that's pretty rough. | |
| It's not that that's kind of hidden below the belt there. | |
| But like, you know, no white guy has ever been as cool as a gator, man. | |
| So I feel like we're the clear here. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, they did just announce the Lizardmen for Blood Bowl three. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| We have to remind people frequently that we are sufficiently aware of and guilty of our whiteness. | |
| Not that I'm going to change anything. | |
| God, it's awesome. | |
| But I am guilty about how awesome it is. | |
| Like after you're done having sex with somebody that you know is way more attractive than you, you're just like, that was great, but I didn't really deserve that one. | |
| I don't know how that happened. | |
| I'm basically responsible for every war. | |
| And if something's going wrong in your life, it's someone that looks, it's something like me has probably caused it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So a lot of people had fun about the whole space thing and it crashing. | |
| The Biden re-election campaign posted, Biden's Twitter posted a thing that said, this link works with a link to donate to the Biden re-election campaign. | |
| Again, as I was mentioning, Trump losing his mind, just constantly posting shit, shit talking to Santas. | |
| At one point he called him Rod DeSantis, or Rob DeSantis, and then said that his button works just like he told Kim Jong-un that it did, unlike Rob's whose button doesn't work. | |
| And then later on, the Trump campaign, who were incredibly proud of this, posted a video or an audio clip with some video on it to both the Trump Truth Social account and to Trump's Instagram account, where there was a space with DeSantis, Elon Musk, Klaus Schwab, George Soros, Dick Cheney, Hitler, the Devil, and the FBI were the eight people in the space. | |
| Dick Cheney was constantly coughing, which was making dissidents very mad because he wasn't able to get his speech in. | |
| Eventually the FBI was like, yo guys, this is a public space. | |
| We can't talk about how we're going to take down Trump. | |
| We're out of here. | |
| And then the FBI left the space. | |
| DeSantis tried to get his speech in. | |
| They played some clips of Hitler screaming from downfall. | |
| And then after DeSantis finally got his announcement in, Trump joined the room, talked some shit about the devil, talked some shit about Hitler, talked some shit about Dick Cheney, and then did the Trump 2024 thing. | |
| People are questioning if Trump actually used his own voice or if this was actually AI from his campaign that did the Trump WWE-style promo for this thing. | |
| But yeah, the Trump people were very proud of their little vignette that they did. | |
| And it just really, to me, it just heightened the fact that on the one side you have Donald Trump claiming that his opponent is allied with Hitler, the devil, and Klaus Schwab and George Soros, a.k.a. | |
| the evil Jews. | |
| And on the other side you have Ron DeSantis being like, Donald Trump? | |
| I don't know him! | |
| No further questions! | |
| And just running away, screaming, praying no one will ever talk to him about his opinions of Donald Trump ever again. | |
| It's just it is he's term limited for being governor like This is it when when he's done he he can't be governor of Florida again, so Is his war with Disney will have ended what will he have left it? | |
| I don't think He can run for any other like I don't want to say lower office because being a senator would be That's a pretty big deal, but I don't think he's got the juice to fight anyone else in Florida. | |
| Maybe ignoring the existence of Donald Trump is his strategy. | |
| Maybe he will run for the nomination and the entire time his strategy will just be like, I will not acknowledge that Donald Trump exists. | |
| That would be the ultimate power move. | |
| God, can you imagine how pissed off Trump would be? | |
| Well, Trump wants a lot of people to ignore he exists right now. | |
| Well, Trump would be okay with it up until the moment DeSantis actually started challenging him in the polls. | |
| The moment DeSantis became competitive, oh, that would break Trump's brain if DeSantis pulled that off. | |
| But that requires DeSantis to actually not be polling at like 15%. | |
| Come on, let's get those numbers up, DeSantis. | |
| These are rookie numbers. | |
| Let's go. | |
| DeSantis needs to go to where Donald Trump is and give him the old Jenna Maroney, uh, hi, nice to meet you. | |
| Hi, nice to meet you. | |
| Like he has no fucking idea who he is. | |
| Yes. | |
| Hi, nice to meet you. | |
| I'm a presidential candidate. | |
| Mr. Meatball Rod DeSantis. | |
| How are you? | |
| Who are you again? | |
| Are you some sort of titan of industry or something? | |
| I don't recognize you. | |
| What a distinct coif. | |
| That would be great. | |
| Oh my God. | |
| It needs to be like the judge in Trump's case told me I'm not allowed to talk about him. | |
| Oh, that'd be so great. | |
| I'm not gonna talk about it. | |
| He needs to be like, hey, Trump's wife told me not to talk about him, you know? | |
| I'm having sex with his wife and his daughter, you know? | |
| The way he wishes he was having, yeah. | |
| I'm Andrew Dysentis. | |
| That's your TikTok. | |
| That's how we actually, that's how we actually defeated capitalism and achieved the American dream. | |
| Andrew Dice DeSantis. | |
| That's the character. | |
| We, we create that character. | |
| We go viral with it. | |
| And it's, it's like hot for like five months until he gets crushed in Iowa and New Hampshire. | |
| And then the character is dead as a doornail, but ride that rocket ship for the half year or so that we got it. | |
| Cause boy, that would be, It was like that lady who would do the videos where she would lip-sync Trump and really embellish it and sell it. | |
| She got gigs out of that shit. | |
| Can you imagine the amount of denim vests I would have to wear? | |
| No thank you. | |
| At least four. | |
| A denim vest and a bandana actually tied around my head? | |
| What are you, out of your fucking mind? | |
| Are you kidding me? | |
| Do you know how much a Harley Davidson costs? | |
| Especially one for my fat ass. | |
| It would need to be like a Harley Cherian. | |
| Can you get one of the big cruisers? | |
| The Ben-Hur model? | |
| Well, yeah. | |
| Certainly I'm not fatter than the fattest biker. | |
| Get out of here. | |
| Give yourself some credit. | |
| Certainly I'm not fatter than the world's fattest biker. | |
| Call them Guinness. | |
| They're irrelevant, but they still keep track of some stuff. | |
| Hey, Guinness, who's the world's fattest biker? | |
| Oh, God. | |
| That fucking crime racket that is the Guinness World Record Company. | |
| If you want to talk about scams, the world record thing is a scam. | |
| It's all bullshit. | |
| Don't trust Guinness. | |
| They're full of lies and beer and beer-y lies. | |
| Yeah, and also, I mean, just because something's a world record doesn't mean that it's cool or interesting. | |
| Nope. | |
| Like, ugh, I juggled the most, like, Michael Jackson songs while walking backwards on a Tuesday. | |
| World record. | |
| It's just like, nobody cares about that. | |
| Shut up. | |
| No one. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| How about world record for most heart surgeries performed? | |
| How about that record, huh? | |
| But most fourth graders taught. | |
| Let's do that one. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Let's not get into the relevancy here. | |
| God damn it. | |
| We're supposed to be all about the irrelevant shit. | |
| That's what I'm hearing. | |
| More for our police officer friends out there. | |
| Least minority shot for no reason. | |
| Where's that medal? | |
| Oh man. | |
| Oh man. | |
| That's like the thing when you retire, they give you a medallion for the unfired gun. | |
| You didn't discharge your gun in the line of duty in your entire career. | |
| It's almost impossible, but you pulled it off. | |
| Somehow, you just didn't use your police murder rights to murder people. | |
| And because progress is slow, for this reason we present to you the Gilded Noose. | |
| And we take this with our compliments. | |
| In the army, it's every two or three years that you don't get disciplinary action taken against you. | |
| You get a good conduct medal, a.k.a. | |
| the good cookie. | |
| It's like one of the lowest medals awarded, but it still exists. | |
| Like, hey, you didn't get arrested or fucked up. | |
| Like, good job. | |
| Literally from the people who brought to you the complaint about participation trophies comes a fucking military medal for just not fucking up. | |
| You didn't fuck up at all. | |
| Here's like a literal medal. | |
| Here's a literal military medal. | |
| Well done. | |
| I just love the fact that it's called the Good Cookie. | |
| That's also incredible. | |
| My God, that's so funny. | |
| Good Conduct Medal. | |
| I'm sure they still call it that, but when I was in, you would call it a Good Cookie. | |
| It's the lowest military honor we can award you. | |
| You didn't fuck up. | |
| In high school, we did a fun thing called Ookie Cookie, and that's when... Oh, sorry, we're running low on time, so let me move on to the next headline. | |
| I'll talk to you about the Ookie Cookie later. | |
| Actually, the next headline was just Trump stuff. | |
| I was trying to segue into a headline that doesn't exist because we just organically started talking about Donald Trump. | |
| So, ookie-cookie, you see. | |
| Uh, no, I guess in that case we could, uh, we could just segue into our, uh, wonderful mailbag segment. | |
| Oh no, we had a little, we had a little more Trump because... Well, you should have just fucking fired it off there, bud. | |
| We're three minutes from go time. | |
| How much Trump do we got? | |
| We got about three minutes of Trump, we're good. | |
| So the Washington Post reported that the investigation into Trump has uncovered that apparently people were moving the boxes with the classified documents a day before the raid actually happened in Mar-a-Lago. | |
| And on top of that, apparently Trump had ordered his minions to conduct a quote-unquote dress rehearsal for how they would move these boxes should the need arise for them to move those boxes in the near future. | |
| So it's just one of those things where Donald Trump was just like, if we need to do some crimes in the near future, I would like you to do crime preparation to achieve criminess for me. | |
| I want maximum successful crime. | |
| I can't believe you rescinded my segue to backtrack to talk about Donald Trump doing a thing that obviously, of course, he definitely did. | |
| Like, headline news, Donald Trump did not stop, he did not stop moving and looking at those documents when instructed to. | |
| When the government was like, Donald Trump, do not fuck with those documents, he did not go, absolutely, and stop fucking, like, of course he didn't! | |
| What? | |
| Is that even news? | |
| That would be like Donald Trump yelled at a waiter. | |
| Like, yeah, that's a headline news item. | |
| It doesn't happen 30 times a day. | |
| It's so obvious. | |
| In other news, shit still smells bad. | |
| It's not good. | |
| It's not good in the nose. | |
| Friday's president ever committed crimes. | |
| The fact that, like, if you told Donald Trump, like, not to pick his nose and turned around for a second, his finger would be immediately up his nose. | |
| So, just, like, the fact that it's just, like, and in other news today, Donald Trump Obviously didn't stop fucking with those documents. | |
| It's just like, yeah, of course he didn't. | |
| I never for a moment thought he did. | |
| It was like when I tragically heard about the passing of Tina Turner this week, which is a shame because she was like a real talent, but also at the same time, I thought that she had been dead for a long time already. | |
| I was just like, oh, I am just now finding out today that she was still alive and is now dead. | |
| Yeah, and so the other thing that they came up with was that there's reports that he left those documents in his office where other people could view them, and that he would show those documents to people every so often. | |
| Oh, there we go. | |
| That's the headline news right there. | |
| That's the one that I know. | |
| That was something I never thought he was capable of. | |
| I thought he was keeping it close to the vest. | |
| Totally declassified documents? | |
| Yeah, oh yeah, oh god. | |
| Yeah, he looked upon them with his declassified vision and at that point he could just start showing them to whoever he wanted to, like a collection of Pokemon cards. | |
| Yes, yeah. | |
| He was like, hey MBS, check a look at my shadowless Charizard and also Nuclear Secrets. | |
| You wouldn't believe how Nuclear Secrets is so huge. | |
| And the thing that's really weird about this that I saw from people that were talking about it on social media was the Washington Post was like, this is really good for the government's obstruction case. | |
| And people were like, no, this is an espionage case. | |
| This is the shit that we sent the Rosenbergs. | |
| I can't remember the names. | |
| But like, the people we sent to the chair for espionage acts, this is that shit. | |
| This is the actual big boy crimes where the death penalty gets put on the table, because you're actually betraying the country. | |
| No shot. | |
| Never happened. | |
| Huge nothing, Berker. | |
| Donald Trump inside of a prison, still no closer to being a reality. | |
| Like, are you guys kidding me? | |
| What sort of blue-eyed shit is that? | |
| Oh my god, this is the thing that cracks it wide open! | |
| Donald Trump is gonna get hugged from the gallows! | |
| We're gonna do it! | |
| Real patriots in control! | |
| That's fucking maximum grade copium. | |
| Literally never going to happen. | |
| You've heard it here first. | |
| Donald Trump will never see the inside of a prison cell. | |
| He could beat a homeless man to death tonight and not get arrested and put in a prison cell. | |
| He could maybe get convicted. | |
| I could see him getting convicted. | |
| Oh, convicted, absolutely. | |
| Pay your $100,000 fine because you're a rich white guy and, you know, pinky swear promise that you're going to do some community outreach or whatever. | |
| He's like, yeah, absolutely. | |
| The next TV show I do, I'll just check the box that says this is community outreach, but there it is. | |
| Oh, I'm not saying he's going to get the death penalty or anything. | |
| I'm just saying that this is what the dissenters and all these people who are hoping he'll go away, this is what they're hoping for is that they can turn to the Republican primary voter and be like, look, these are really serious crimes. | |
| We're going to lose to Biden in the landslide if you vote for him. | |
| And those people are going to be like, fuck you, Trump 2024, MAGA, woo! | |
| Check in the box for Trump three times voter fraud for the God Emperor. Yeah, I mean | |
| That's the hope he was going around someplace because like if those people didn't think that January 6 was treason | |
| They're not gonna think that anything was right January 6 was literally Trump being like hey people that like me | |
| Go prevent the new president for being made official so that I may retain the presidency | |
| Like, if that didn't move, like, if that didn't move the fucking numbers in terms of whether or not people thought that Trump was guilty of sedition or treason or espionage, I don't think showing a document to a maid or whatever is going to get the job done. | |
| Hey, Coach Whaley, you want to see where our nukes are? | |
| Take a look at this. | |
| No, kid out. | |
| I don't think you're a real person. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| That's the thing that I just think that anyone who thinks that they can just sort of push Trump out the door without confronting him for being a loser and the guy that got like raffle stomped by Sleepy Joe last time. | |
| They're deluding themselves and it's truly sad. | |
| I mean, it's just, you either run at Trump or you don't run at all. | |
| There's no middle ground here. | |
| There's no, oh, we're going to kid glove Trump and then the law, the legal system will take care of him for us. | |
| No, it won't. | |
| Even if a miracle happened and Trump was in jail before the election, he would run from jail and he would still get more votes than DeSantis. | |
| It's just... No, there's no... Unless he's dead, he's beating DeSantis in the primary. | |
| Period. | |
| That's it. | |
| You have no chance. | |
| In all of this talk, we haven't talked about how effort... Yes, you lose! | |
| How effortlessly our strong, young, masculine president is just gonna just totally destroy whoever they put up against them because, dark-branded, he's gonna emerge from his crevice and start getting stuff done again, eventually. | |
| You'll see. | |
| Yeah. | |
| He's like the slacking of presidents, you know? | |
| First three rounds, nothing, and then he wakes up and it's just like, oh my god, look at those stats! | |
| Then he goes back to sleep and you're like, ah, that was fun. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Anyway, now, sir, may I have a mailbag? | |
| Yes, you may! | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q & A! | |
| Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor, asks, within the QAnon timeline, at exactly what moment did Q go from being a simple whistleblower with high clearance to a prophetic time-traveling infallible messenger from God? | |
| That was mostly the Deltas. | |
| It's when the Deltas got transformed, because originally the Deltas were The period of time between a Trump tweet and a Q drop. | |
| And this was something that QAnon would use to confirm that Trump and Q were working together and doing this weird thing where Q would be on his phone being like, Hey Don, about to hit send on a Q drop. | |
| And Trump was like, I got you bro, about to hit send on a treat. | |
| On a tweet! | |
| 3, 2, 1, boop! | |
| And then they'd high-five each other and brofist because the time between the two of them was like only three seconds or under a minute and people got so hyped about that. | |
| Oh shit, a one-minute delta! | |
| Or, oh my god, a zero delta! | |
| There's even, I don't know if he still has it, but Praying Medic had his bio information for the longest time was, quote, only here for the Zero Deltas, because that shit really got QAnon's jimmies jangling. | |
| But then over time, the Deltas became anniversaries. | |
| They became Year Deltas and Two Year Deltas. | |
| And once you got into this period where people were like, Oh my God, a four-year Delta! | |
| Q said this in 2018 and then it happened in 2022. | |
| That's when Q went from just being a guy who was like, yo, I work for Trump and I got the fucking hard-hitting intel for you, to I'm Q and now I'm a prophet of mystical powers. | |
| I can divine the future. | |
| So like Q, in and of himself, was never like an oracle of prophecy, but QAnon reinterpreted him that way as the initial prophecies failed and they needed the prophecies to be true. | |
| They recontextualized everything as to being... Q was saying these things and they're going to come true years down the line. | |
| They have a new deadline. | |
| I forget what the date it is. | |
| I think it's June 1st. | |
| I think Hillary's gonna get arrested and it's gonna be like this weird six-year delta from like the first drop even though that was in October. | |
| I don't exactly know where they got June 1st from but Basically, as time has gone on and Q has failed, Q's power has only grown in the movement as what he actually is supposed to be. | |
| So that was the metamorphosis. | |
| The other metamorphosis that Q did was he went from insider with secret intel into Q was just telling us to think for ourselves, man. | |
| He was just waking us up and telling us to, like, think about the system and disrupt the matrix. | |
| I was like, no, he was telling you Hillary's gonna get arrested tomorrow, and so was Huma and John Podesta. | |
| Like, he was just giving you intel. | |
| I mean, he would tell you to think for yourself, but he'd only be telling you to do that so you'd hate Democrats and shit. | |
| That's one of the things that always makes me laugh so much about QAnon. | |
| They're like, oh, the only cult that tells you to think for yourself. | |
| It's like, I don't see you guys holding scholarly debates about shit. | |
| Like, you guys aren't actually discussing anything. | |
| You know what happens to the people who think for themselves and come back just being like, you know, after doing a bunch of research, I believe that gender might be a spectrum. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Fuck you, buddy. | |
| Oh man, there are only two genders and you're wrong if you think otherwise, you scum. | |
| And guess what gender Michelle Obama is? | |
| Ooh! | |
| Hashtag Big Mike! | |
| Ooh! | |
| The only picture we want to see is that Good Doctor show. | |
| Oh God. | |
| So yeah, so that's basically the timeline of Q. The one thing that's really kind of funny is like the last Q drop was like the weirdest shit Q's ever kind of posted. | |
| Yeah, we're not going to take it? | |
| No, that was the one that was the last one for a long time. | |
| The Jim drops I'm talking about. | |
| Why? | |
| Why are you talking about those? | |
| That would be like me talking about Thundercat's roar. | |
| Like, yeah, it's got the name on it, but everything else is different and bad. | |
| Oh yeah, I understand. | |
| I'm just saying that the last Jim drop was as weird and supernatural as Q ever got, because he was just like, who put the code in your DNA? | |
| What does it mean? | |
| And it's like, what the fuck? | |
| You're supposed to be working with Trump. | |
| You're not supposed to be communing with God. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| And that's when Jim was just like, ah, this Q shit's too hard for me. | |
| And he just quit, just stopped doing it. | |
| Yeah, he couldn't figure out how to run his own website. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So thank you for the question. | |
| Ken Statnik asks, if you opened a Q themed food truck, what would the cuisine and name be? | |
| And he says Freddy Potatoes votes for BBQ. | |
| Oh, it would, there'd be a lot of pizza. | |
| They talked about pizza quite a bit. | |
| Well, yeah, Q never talked about pizza, but Pizza Gate was like the Ur-QAnon, so pizza is a big part of QAnon's lore, absolutely. | |
| Okay, so it's a pizza foot truck called The Gate, and the logo is a round pie of pizza with the slice cut out where the Q line would be for a Q, and it's just pulled slightly away from the pie, so that way the people who know are in the know. | |
| I can accept that. | |
| You have to do your own baking. | |
| You just have to do it. | |
| You just show up and they're like, do your own. | |
| Make your own food. | |
| Do your own baking. | |
| My food truck is a breakfast food truck and it's called the Great Awakening because I just do a great morning food for you. | |
| We got the breakfast burritos. | |
| We got the McMuffins. | |
| No, we do not serve ethnic food at the Kid Blue truck. | |
| Are you kidding me? | |
| Yeah, here's your Q burrito, right to go with your Q fucking tikka masala. | |
| Here's your Q bimbap. | |
| What are we talking about over here? | |
| White food for whites only at this Q truck, you know? | |
| I'm talking boiled chicken. | |
| I'm talking about unseasoned potatoes. | |
| I'm talking Indian food, you know, British cuisine. | |
| I'm sure QAnon dummies could convince themselves that tacos were not Mexican. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I think if they're just immune to the idea of hypocrisy, they could just, you know, like eat an unlimited amount of burritos and be just satisfied with themselves. | |
| It's like, man, these burritos and tacos are great. | |
| I sure do. | |
| I sure do love Mexican food. | |
| God, yeah. | |
| Can I reroll and get that as like one of my perks? | |
| Immune to the concept of irony? | |
| Or hypocrisy? | |
| Live life just like this blissful dum-dum? | |
| Live, laugh, love. | |
| Oh, it's what it's all about. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Snorlax, this is more of a comment, but Snorlax CPAP says, El is taking one for the team with Boebert as a power move. | |
| Mr. El Boebert would give us the inside info and the pod power to influence policy change. | |
| So, like, are you ready to become a political insider with your relationship with Lauren Boebert? | |
| So since I was tagged to this one, I actually saw that there was a follow-up question about what level of monstrous, like, is too much monstrous for what I would, you know, I guess, like, hook up with. | |
| The problem with joking about this stuff is I don't want to go too hard into the paint talking about doing sex with anybody, you know, it's kind of gross. | |
| So, like, we'll try to dance around it as best we can. | |
| I mean, look, You know, what happens outside of the bedroom, it's not really my business, you know? | |
| I can move goalposts. | |
| That's what I learned from the QAnon movement. | |
| Move those goalposts. | |
| Move them around until you get what you want. | |
| So, you know, maybe she's a 9, but her racism is a 10. | |
| Like, for a night? | |
| Maybe I'm just a Caucasian white male and I don't talk about stuff like that. | |
| If you think that all I will sell out for is money, then you are mostly right. | |
| But only because attractive women don't want to sleep with me. | |
| If I'm ever put in a situation where a 10 who, let's just say, doesn't like Jewish folks wants to sleep with me, I'll report back with whether or not my fortitude remains strong. | |
| I will say that I went on a terrible date with a woman, and she said, and I quote, I don't like banter, and that was like giving me a dick softening pill. | |
| It was wild. | |
| I was like, oh my god. | |
| And that was only one of many several moments during that date, but that was the one where I was just like, oh no, I'm trapped very far away from my house with this woman. | |
| Which I bring up to say, like, look, I'm not so hard up for sex that I'll just do just old anybody. | |
| But there's, you know, there's some people out there that look like Scarlett Johansson used to look. | |
| Like, back when she was, like, peak Scarlett Johansson. | |
| And she shows up and she's just like, I've got some opinions on Israel. | |
| I'm just like, hush, baby, hush. | |
| Like, let's just talk about something else. | |
| Yeah, let's talk about some sports ball. | |
| Boy, I mean, there's a game on the TV. | |
| Do you like baseball? | |
| I hate it, but whatever. | |
| And he's like, I don't know, which sports league has the Redskins in it? | |
| No! | |
| Stop being so racist! | |
| Why are you a racist 10? | |
| There's our sitcom, Racist 10. | |
| Not problematic at all. | |
| That was like that episode of Andy Richter Rules the Universe where he had to deal with the fact that his girlfriend was a raging anti-semi. | |
| Oh yeah, maybe I just heard her wrong. | |
| Yes! | |
| Thumbscrews? | |
| Yeah, how about that reference, huh? | |
| Andy Richter Controls the Universe refer. | |
| Are there any Elder Millennials in the audience? | |
| Woo! | |
| Odds are, most. | |
| Yeah, throw them up! | |
| No way, man. | |
| We've got bad Generation Alpha or whatever listeners. | |
| They're like youth culture for warriors out here. | |
| They're really here for the Turboteen references. | |
| Hey, Turboteen is trans, literally. | |
| Wow, that's a hard take. | |
| Trans-am. | |
| Yes! | |
| Wow, boom! | |
| Nailed it! | |
| There we go! | |
| That's what we're here for! | |
| That's me breaking the backboard. | |
| I mean, let's not pat ourselves on the back that much, buddy. | |
| You let me have this one, goddammit! | |
| If I've never been called out for breaking the backboard on this show, I don't think you get to be the first. | |
| You wouldn't even give me that joke on credit that one time. | |
| I think I've heard that. | |
| I'm still raw about that one. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Oh, it's just like that, uh, the, those questions had a photo, they had a GIF of Elon Musk in one of them. | |
| That just reminded me like the last little thing. | |
| Um, The DeSantis team released a video. | |
| It was like a two and a half minute long video with no music. | |
| And it was only 53 seconds of video that they just looped like two and a half times. | |
| And half of it was Elon and half of it was DeSantis. | |
| And it was like, is that the ticket? | |
| Is it DeSantis Musk 2024? | |
| What the fuck are they doing? | |
| Why is Elon so front and center of this thing? | |
| And by the way, he actually can't run for office because he's not a natural-born citizen. | |
| That's right! | |
| I'm an Elon Musk birther, and I'm right, because it's a thing that's real. | |
| He was born in Africa, which you Republicans are very mad about. | |
| Whatever, show me his birth certificate. | |
| Yeah, it's from Johannesburg. | |
| Or whatever South African city. | |
| I only know one. | |
| Yeah, Johannesburg, Florida, according to this new scientist. | |
| Oh God. | |
| He's like, look, these Puerto Rico birth certificates here say that Elon Musk is technically an American. | |
| Oh, that would be the greatest thing in the history of the world if the Republicans went reverse birther and caught Elon Musk on the ticket. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| Let's go. | |
| Fuck it. | |
| Whatever. | |
| Yeah, we had a good run. | |
| Yes. | |
| Fuck it. | |
| Boom. | |
| Let's just throw America in the trash bin. | |
| Let's do this. | |
| Start learning Chinese. | |
| It turns out the movie Looper was right. | |
| Yes. | |
| So on that happy note, what are you guys looking forward to? | |
| Ooh, I have an extended weekend of shenanigans. | |
| I mean, I'm not going to be doing much on Monday except for honoring our fallen soldiers and whatnot. | |
| Whatever you're supposed to do on Memorial Day, very reverent. | |
| But yeah, hot dogs. | |
| Is that what you said? | |
| Hot dogs? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Nice. | |
| Yeah, I'm going to be doing hot dogs on Monday. | |
| Just, you know, every hole that can fit one, they're going in. | |
| But no, I've got some board games coming up. | |
| The new hotness board game, Earth, that people in the board game know I've been talking about. | |
| I've played it a couple of times. | |
| We're getting together to play it again tomorrow. | |
| Earth is confirmed good. | |
| If you like an engine building game, it goes by pretty quickly. | |
| Even with five players, it should be pretty easy to get a game in under 90 minutes. | |
| So, recommendation there for people who like board games. | |
| Earth, if you can find a copy, because it's very popular right now, it's quite good. | |
| Then I've got a cookout on Sunday, because I'm an American, so of course I do. | |
| And I am going to eat delicious Chinese sausages that have been soaked in Aso, and then put on the grill, just for me. | |
| Well, technically for other people, but then everybody else is going to foolishly ignore them, because they look sort of scary, because they're beet red. | |
| And then I'm going to eat all of them, and I can't wait. | |
| You suckers get the hamburgers, I get the good meat. | |
| Yep. | |
| Hey, fuck them. | |
| I will eat my first one, and I will leave the other ones there for the gentlemen's 45. | |
| You got 45 minutes to eat your fill of those Chinese sausages. | |
| Afterwards, I'm going at them like a hurricane. | |
| Like, dude, the scorpions were talking about me. | |
| I'm attacking them. | |
| I always thought that song was about you. | |
| Yeah, so, uh, for me, the, uh, fuck Memorial Day, whatever, um, the game Boltgun came out, and it, I'm having a whale of a time. | |
| It's a ton of fun. | |
| Uh, I got a bunch of stuff next week that I'm looking forward to, but I'll save it for next week. | |
| So what is the game Boltgun about? | |
| You are a single ultramarine, and it is a Doom game. | |
| It's Doom, but Warhammer 40k Doom. | |
| It's Warhammer 40k Doom. | |
| Which sounds reductive, but I don't want that to diminish how, like, if you were into those things, it looks like the perfect thing. | |
| Oh, it is a ton of fun. | |
| Yeah, I just personally don't care about Doom, so I just wanted to specify in case I've ever brought that up on the podcast that this is not me shitting on Sarge's fun time. | |
| Like, I'm not here to yuck his yum. | |
| Like, from what I hear, if you like Doom and you like Warhammer 40k, this thing rolls. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, it's a ton of fun. | |
| So, I am not looking forward to the end of the Boston Celtic season, which should be soon, maybe tonight. | |
| By the time you hear this, they may be eliminated from the playoffs because they were absolute gutless choking scum that lost the first game of this series before managing to win Game 4. | |
| And Vegas has way too much faith in them because no NBA team has ever come back from three games to zero. | |
| And Vegas was like, if you want to bet the Celtics to win this series, we're offering you 7-1 odds! | |
| And I'm like, it's never happened before in the history of the NBA. | |
| 20-1 is like, maybe where we can start talking about me putting a bet in on this shit. | |
| Because it's never happened! | |
| And you think it's like, 7-1? | |
| I'm like, no. | |
| Hard pass. | |
| One of my co-workers was saying that the Celtics were still an 8-point favorite tonight. | |
| Does that happen? | |
| Yes! | |
| Yes! | |
| They are an 8-point favorite. | |
| How is that possible? | |
| I know! | |
| Their ass is completely battled. | |
| I know. | |
| I almost bet the heat tonight because I couldn't even wrap my head around that number. | |
| It was one of those things where I just looked at the number and I'm like, this is a trap. | |
| They have to be setting me up. | |
| I'm going to put the farm on Miami. | |
| And then I'm gonna turn the game on, like, 20 minutes in. | |
| Like, Boston up 40 to nothing! | |
| It's never happened before in the history of the NBA! | |
| And then we'll be like, uh... Surprise rules change! | |
| A lot of chainsaws onto the court for the first time in NBA history! | |
| The Celtics got word of it early! | |
| Yes! | |
| Exactly! | |
| Basket Blood Bowl. | |
| Just no! | |
| Yeah, so I don't understand any of that. | |
| But the better news for me is because I did spend some time living out in Las Vegas, I get to root for the Golden Knights who are already up 1-0 and will probably sweep their way into the Stanley Cup Finals so that we can have the Stanley Cup Finals all hockey purists have yearned for. | |
| Florida versus Vegas. | |
| Two absolute hockey hotbeds. | |
| Wahoo! | |
| Yes, it's the dream. | |
| It's absolutely the dream. | |
| And shut up, Sarge. | |
| You don't have a hockey team. | |
| You have nothing. | |
| You're filled with sadness and the best football team in the universe. | |
| I have the blues if I want them. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| But I'll be cheering for St. | |
| Louis, and I'll be dead in my grave before I cheer for a St. | |
| Louis team. | |
| Right, so you have nothing, as I said previously. | |
| I win this argument. | |
| Boom. | |
| You know what was great? | |
| When I lived out in Massachusetts for a long time, I was a Patriots fan. | |
| Then I moved out to the Kansas City area for a while. | |
| I was a Patriots fan. | |
| But I was like, well, since I'm in the area, I guess my second favorite team should be the Chiefs, right? | |
| And then I was in that transition when the Patriots decided to lay a huge fart and the Chiefs decided to become Academy. | |
| And I was like, nice, well done. | |
| Good stuff. | |
| And unfortunately, my friends from Kansas City will, at some point, will periodically try to rub it in my face that the Patriots suck now, that the Chiefs are great. | |
| And I'm just like, yeah, go Chiefs. | |
| I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. | |
| They're my second favorite team because I lived there for a while. | |
| That's the way it works. | |
| What, am I going to root for the Falcons? | |
| I looked at George like 30 years ago and it's still either Jai or the Falcons. | |
| A wise decision. | |
| Okay, well, on that scintillating note about sports, because Lord knows we all love sports, it is time for us to dribble the old pigskin and shoot the bucket right into the touch zone, our way out of Hellworld for the week. | |
| So thank you so much for listening and supporting the show. | |
| If you'd like to support the show even harder, but still for free, you can do so by giving us a five-star review or what have you. | |
| You know, whatever you do to tickle the algo at the behest of whatever service provides the podcast for you. | |
| If you have money and you want to donate it to us, we're like, damn, good stuff. | |
| Give us that money. | |
| And you can do so by visiting our Patreon at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics. | |
| Now look, guys! | |
| We haven't produced any group bonus content in a while and for that I apologize. | |
| But there's still our robust back catalog of bonus content and all of Mike Raine's solo stuff and plus any other bonus content that we produce will be available. | |
| You get all that for five dollars a month. | |
| Donating $5 or more per month to get you access to any bonus content that we have currently or any that comes out in the future. | |
| And we've already got like 50 or 60 hours worth of content up there just with the boys. | |
| So if you need more of our dulcet tones and you haven't yet indulged in that content, go ahead and give it a spin. | |
| Or, you know, hold on to your money. | |
| That's cool by us, too. | |
| Or if you'd like to do some good with it, you could do so by visiting love146.org. | |
| They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation. | |
| Sounds pretty good to us. | |
| Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our intro song. | |
| Thank you to Frosty, our voiceover guy. | |
| You can find Frosty on social media, unlike DJ Minimal Effort. | |
| On Twitter, at least for the time being, at FrostyVO. | |
| Speaking of Twitter for the time being, you can find the show at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. Myself, at HellworldL, spelled the same way. | |
| Sarge is at Sargent Hell. | |
| And Mike Rains is, of course, at PokerPolitics. | |
| So, you know, get at us on the social. | |
| Here's your call to action. | |
| Come make our moms think we're cool by engaging with us. | |
| Like, drive up our numbers. | |
| Let's become podcast millionaires. | |
| So for another successful episode of the Adventures of the Hellworld Podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L. Joined as always, and pretty consistently recently, so big hand for, you know, Sarge for turning it around, but our enigmatic Sarge, and of course our expert at all things QAnon Crazy, Mr. Mike Rains. |