Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #133: Nashville Shooting and Transphobia.
Mike, Sarge, and L cover the Nashville shooting and the attempts to blame all Trans people for it happening. We also go over QAnon drama and return to our holding pattern over Trump getting indicted, which now seems like it's not going to happen anytime soon, but will happen for really reals down the line. Maybe. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This is a video about the new version of the Game Boy Advance.
It's a very simple game, but it's a lot of fun.
It's a great game, but it's a lot of fun.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined by Sarge.
He's here!
I am.
I am here.
Much like the lion, I have returned.
That's my contractually obligated 40K reference for the week.
Oh, thank God you made it.
Now you'll get paid.
And I'm also joined by the mysterious El.
No funny voices, my beautiful babies, because I'm too busy jumping in there to be confused by this Warhammer 40k reverence.
The lion has returned.
Yeah.
Okay.
I was just like, I was like, what the fuck is he talking about?
You beat me to the punch by just being like, this is Warhammer 40k, which is why nobody knows what I'm talking about.
Hey, I bet Tapper, if Tapper still listens, he knows what I'm talking about.
I mean, look, we get enough listens every week, fortunately, where it's safe to say that, like, a couple of people, there's some pretty fortification.
All five of you.
All right.
I mean, let's not get crazy.
Like, let's not go nuts.
Hey, I dialed it back.
I almost said a dozen.
Yeah, I mean, wow.
That's a lot of credit.
Henry Cavill's not doing that much work.
Because everybody loves him, and he does love Warhammer, and he's happy to talk about it, but the problem is that he's never in, like, stuff that people want to see.
Like, he was in that one Mission Impossible movie, and then, like, everything else has been sort of like, everyone's just like, yeah, we don't know about this.
He was in Dark Snyder's Dark Superman, where Superman lets his dad die, a thing that would never happen in any interpretation of Superman.
Yeah, he's in the Dark Snyder universe, not to be confused with the Dark Snyder universe.
Those are way different universes.
Those are way different.
And there's my contractually obligated bastard with two exclamation points reference of the week.
How'd you like me now, even less people than the Warhammer 40k crowd?
Yeah!
And that's including the fact that Netflix just did a reboot of that.
I'm still sure that, like, one, maybe two people listening even know what the fuck that might even be.
I went deep.
You went deeper.
You went subterranean.
The point is to alienate as many people that could potentially want to be entertained by us as possible.
We just want them to be confused.
Yeah.
Because that way they'll stop tuning in and they won't get to the part where we have to talk about the depressing fucking news of the week.
Oh god, it's so depressing this week.
It's never great, but some weeks it's like less great than others.
Yeah, it's super crummy.
This is one of the reasons why QAnon and these kinds of things exist.
It's a coping mechanism for the world.
I remember Julian's Rum, who's one of my favorite people to content mine from.
Oh, we haven't talked about that clownery.
Months.
Oh yeah, but there was this week where there was like a mass shooting and there was a big
storm.
It was just one of these days where like it was just everything happened in this series
of events.
And the guy posted, he was like, man, if I didn't know about Q, this kind of week would
have just broken me.
And it was like, just him knowing that the, the weather event was caused by the deep state using a harp and that he knew the mass shooting was an MK ultra false flag.
All of it just gave him this comfort, just this reassurance that yeah, the bad guys are hitting us with a lot now, but when the good guys counter punch, it's going to be sweet and we're going to win and it's all going to work out.
And it was just.
Using this alternate reality as a coping mechanism for the actual chaotic nature of the world was something he found very enjoyable.
And it's something that I think a lot of QAnon followers find solace in through believing in this stuff, is that it's like, oh, as bad as it is in the end, it's all going to work out right.
It's kind of like God works in mysterious ways, only here it's Hillary Clinton using the harp machine to attack a city.
And eventually she's going to get arrested for it.
Yeah, and it's strange that they would wrap themselves in the warm blanket of QAnon for that sort of thing.
Mostly because I use distance, personally.
I mean, it's a callous thing to say, but it is also the truth.
Like, the warm fuzzy blanket I use to remind myself that I'm going to be okay is literally distance from where the thing was.
Because it's like, oh, tremendous storm, absolutely devastating, just completely took an entire town off the map or whatever.
Well, that sucks, but I mean, that's so far away from me that I'm not gonna let that break me.
That seems like a weird thing to let break me.
And also, simultaneously, a mass shooting, which is just like, it's headline news this week, but let's be real, we're in America, it could be headline news any week.
It's just like, okay, that also sucks, and I hate that, and hearing about that is the worst, but also, it's gonna be tough to break me, because it didn't happen to me.
So, like, you could have empathy for situations without needing to turn to a conspiracy theory to prevent it from shattering your mind.
I say this to you, our educated listener who probably doesn't need to be told, and also you, the hate listener who went to The Matrix and were like, wow, I can't believe what's happening here.
How do we not know that we're living in a computer simulation?
And it's just like, okay, well, okay, I'm glad to see you for the first time ever consider something beyond yourself.
It's astonishing that it took The Matrix to do this.
I mean, it's just like all the, like, somehow still Andrew Tate fans are just like, oh, him being arrested for crimes that he committed, that's just proof that he was right.
And that the fix is in and the matrix is real.
And it's like, or maybe he actually did the crimes that he was arrested for.
Yeah, conspiracy theories are weird because they're sort of plugging a hole that there shouldn't be.
They fill parts in people's self that are normally filled by different coping mechanisms, like just being able to be like, oh, that's far away, or what are the odds it's going to happen to me, or that's just the world we live in, or whatever.
Like, you know, we're all coping in our own way, like, with stuff as we experience it.
But for whatever reason, conspiracy theory people, like, I guess they've got, like, cracks in their system that they need to fill in with the weird, like, wool that is, like, oh, well, it's obvious that all this bad stuff is happening because Moloch is involved.
It's obviously Moloch, guys!
Look around you, it's so obvious!
I don't trust or like the American government, either.
There's so many things they've done wrong.
Like, just in my lifetime, like I watched Waco happen.
Janet Reno should be in jail.
But I also don't think that the level of corruptness and incompetence in the American government
means that there's a secret demon blood drinking pedophile cabal running things.
It's, it's, It's forever the, like, when you hear hoof beats, do you immediately think zebra?
Like, conspiracy think.
We've talked about it endless times.
It's so baffling.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's the problem with doing a conspiracy theory related show, is that we are going to have to talk about how stupid conspiracy theories are a lot.
One of my favorite things is that our government, the people that are in our government, are just incompetent, generally speaking, and it's not this...
Massive plot of all these incredibly genius people playing 12D chess, finding ways to fuck over the common man while killing God and ushering in Satan's golden age of demonic rule over all of us.
Bill Clinton twice lost the activation device for the nuclear football and Hit it from the military for a few months because the Clinton White House was embarrassed about it.
And then eventually the military was like, wait a minute, where's the biscuit?
Because that's what they call that device.
The football needs a biscuit to be installed in it.
And then the Clintons were like, oh, we lost the biscuit.
And then they were like, fuck, they had to make a new one.
They were like, don't fucking do that again.
And then a few years later, it happened again.
So I mean, it's just, Yeah, the American public can't know that our nuclear football, first of all, yes, we call it a football, it is activated using a biscuit basket system.
Which is like, uh, Mr. President, we need you to put the biscuit in the basket.
It's like a code phrase.
They're like, Mr. President, we need you to put the biscuit in the basket, and he's just like, swish, and they're like, touchdown.
Because they're a football.
It's every sports metaphor.
It absolutely is.
So that way, if anybody's listening, they're just like, it's just two guys talking.
They're just being guys.
And then the world ends, as God intended.
If only we could be so lucky.
Yes.
Okay.
I have a very non sequitur question that I've been thinking about a lot.
I'm going to throw it to you guys here at the top while we're fucking around.
If you got the Death Note from anime, Like, is Donald Trump the first on your Death Note list?
And what is the most ironic, like, death you could write for a minute?
I think... COVID.
Just straight up, Donald J. Trump and the Death Note, COVID.
I love the level of credit you're giving to the listener.
You're just like, hey you listener, you all, obviously you all know what the Death Note is.
You know what it is!
For the two of you that don't know what it is, I will say.
There's an anime in which there are Grim Reapers everywhere, and each one has a book called a Death Note, and they write people's names in it, and that's how death occurs in our world.
And in the anime, a normal human uh gets a hold of it and just begins like going on uh killing criminals spree and there's it's a whole detective drama but there was also the live action netflix one i think i i can get a i get a the death note isn't too deep
Yeah, for a variety of reasons.
I'm not going to get into exactly who and why I would wish death upon on, if I could.
It seems like the sort of thing that I want to be on record talking about.
Coward.
Coward.
I would say that no, Donald Trump is not, I mean, probably not anywhere near the top of that list, if on the list at all, because I would want to use it for petty vengeance that minimizes the chances that I get caught or pursued by an owl.
I only have enough room in my life for one L, and I'm him.
What would the most ironic Donald Trump death note death be that you could write in there?
I don't know, can you die by eloquence?
It's just like, Donald Trump shows up to party well put together, presentable, not puffy or sweaty at all, gives a rousing, stirring speech that is actually coherent and well articulated, and then just expires from that.
His body just transcends out of his body.
He doesn't heart attack or anything, he's still just like, I did it!
He just escapes like he was a ghost trapped on Earth the whole time.
We were looking for drowns in urine.
Drowns in urine is the correct answer.
I was almost there, but actually what I was going to say is dies of a heart attack after the pee tape is released.
That would be actually what happens.
Like it just goes out, it's everywhere, on all media, at all times.
It's real, it happens.
And then breaking news, like a half hour later, Donald Trump in the hospital, cardiac event.
And then a few hours later it's reported he has passed from the cardiac event.
The P-Tape could come out and he could die of a heart attack and he would still carry
Alabama?
Yes.
Easy, easy.
10 points.
Alabama loves piss.
We've always said this.
That's always been the official and vicious HowlRound stance on the state of Alabama.
We're starting the GoFundMe right now.
The change.org petition.
It's on their license plates now.
Yep.
Alabama.
All about the water sports.
That's where it's at.
Boom.
They love it.
They're all about it.
I wish we were just famous enough to have, like, one incredibly diligent listener who takes, like, crazy notes and can tell us which states we have made sure to go out of our way to fucking just completely shit all over.
We have to get all 50.
It's close at this point.
I mean, the One Dakota campaign's been pretty intense.
It's gonna be tough when we get to some states, though.
Like, what the fuck do you even say about Arizona?
Is it even a thing?
There we go.
Boom.
Check Arizona off the list!
Oh, because of Haley, we crush Arizona all the time.
I chose like a weird state for that one.
We destroy Arizona all the time because they constantly have an abundance of stuff to talk about.
The problem is our One Decoded campaign has done a great job of just cutting out most of the incredibly boring states.
So I sort of painted myself into a corner.
Anyway, our nonsense segment has gone on like five minutes longer than it's supposed to.
So let's roll out into our amuse-bouche.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche!
These days we'll do a podcast and we won't fuck it up in some way, and then we can retire.
Then arseholes can leave our body, like Donald Trump.
Yes.
Anyway, boosh topic number one for the week.
Apparently there was a medical scare for our person of interest.
Because I don't want to say friend of the podcast.
Praying medic.
Person that we talk about on the podcast because they are not a friend, they are an enemy.
Yeah.
Mike, what happened to Praying Medic?
So, Praying Medic reported that he was having some sort of heart problems, and he had to go to the hospital and get a looky-loo at the old ticker, because that's kind of spicy.
So his connection to God and his medical training helped him.
He was just like, hey, my heart hurts, and God and my own training can't save me.
Time to get a second or third opinion, I guess.
Right.
Pragmatic did not use his $120 faith healing class to heal his heart.
Instead, he ran to medical professionals who then did medical science upon him.
And after administering some drugs to him, Dr. Autumn Springwater, please Reiki the heart out of me or whatever.
Reiki my bones away.
Yes.
Get your magnets and copper bands on.
Like.
Yeah.
Align some chakras, let's go.
Drink some piss.
That's a thing they do, right?
Yes!
Oh man, I'm glad this week's podcast is piss-themed.
I was dreaming of that.
I was so hopeful that we were finally going to have an aggressively urine-based podcast.
Was Prang Medic one of the piss drinkers?
No, no.
There is a shockingly small number of QAnon piss drinkers in the community.
It's very, it's very frustrating.
There's a shockingly small number.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you've got Medec, who's got the faith healing class, you've got Jordan Sather, who's telling people to drink bleach, and was recently, like, selling oregano as a cure.
He was like, Oregano oil kills COVID!
And I'm like, really?
Oregano?
That's your favorite?
I almost spit my coffee.
Oregano oil cures COVID.
Yeah.
Yeah, so, and Michael Flynn, fucking Michael Flynn just came out with ivermectin cures you of the vaccine.
If you've got the vaccine and you've got all that bad RNA shit in you, right, but the COVID will get rid of the mRNA.
It'll cure you of it.
You will no longer shed spike proteins and kill your loved ones if you take some horse paste.
So these are all well and good, but I'm assuming that Praying Medic went to a building and asked a science believer to be put into an assortment of bizarre futuristic machines that are supposed to diagnose an illness.
Yep, exactly.
So yeah, he got diagnosed, he was treated, he's now back to having dreams about ham radios, which is his life.
And my favorite part about all of this was that our boy, Jordan Sather, who I just mentioned a minute ago, He posted a quote tweet, like, Praying Medic's kind of banged up, folks.
Thoughts and prayers.
Let's hope he turns it around because he's an important part of our community.
You can just see the kayfabe melt away when this shit happens because if like some famous person was sick from something and Sather didn't have a personal connection to them and he wanted to make a buck off their plight he'd be like oh man this guy's banged up but if he was drinking some of my bleach or taking some of my oregano oil he'd be in tip-top shape in no time But because Sather actually knows Medic and they're bros in the grifter sphere, he isn't going to tell Medic, Hey Medic, drink some bleach!
Have some oil!
Align your chakras!
Do something!
Don't go to that hospital!
They get paid money to kill people!
All the stuff they say about medical silence just vanishes.
It just goes away.
Yeah, once he was actually sick.
Yeah, once one of their own is actually in trouble, oh no, you see a fucking real doctor right now and you get treated.
You get healthy and well by using real science.
The moment you get back, we'll go back to faith healing and oregano oil and sheep drench and all the other quack shit we're killing our audience with.
But when you're in trouble, buddy, you go to the hospital and you see a real doctor.
That's how this works.
Go ahead and drink some Ivermectin, fucking piss, bleach, oregano oil, all things they, like, one or another QAnon promoter has said will fix you.
Right.
It's so funny to me just how when shit hits the fan, you just drop all pretenses.
And right after this is over, they'll just go right back to what they were doing before.
They'll just go right back to mainstream medical science is toxic.
The vaccine kills people.
Doctors are paid to put you on a ventilator and blow your lungs out.
I do.
All of it, all of it.
Like there's, and their audience will just accept it.
They'll just nod and go along because they don't want Predicament to die
and they kind of know that when you're dying, you see a doctor.
That's how that works.
I do, hence why I have this death note.
Yes.
I love how in the fiction of that world, it would just mean that there is like some
like bored ass death God that's up there just writing down a bunch of fucking like,
Tammy Lynn, the horse paste, Peter G, Peter G horse paste, Alabama Slim horse paste.
It just like going down just like all these dumb people just to, hey, you know what?
Decided not to vaccinate and just did a marks down like a whole couple of pages.
Yeah!
You don't even do anything different, just... It is what it is.
In some ways it's a self-correcting problem, but we're not supposed to talk about that part because that makes you sound like a monster.
We'll continue to avoid talking about that part.
Or will we?
No, we will.
Because we have to move on to talk about a different sort of cannibalism.
True The Vote deciding to take it to itself.
So, Mike, what's going on inside the hallowed halls of Truth-O-Vote?
Surely, surely something so strong could not start to fracture.
Oh, Lord.
So our friends at Truth-O-Vote, Catherine and Greg, are dealing with a lot of hot, hot heat coming at them from other grifters on Truth Social and also from Connect, who We're basically the victims of True The Vote's big scam, where after 2,000 mules came out and True The Vote was promising, we're going to release all the data to show you how the mules were operating and where they were going and what they were doing.
And we're going to totally validate Dinesh's movie.
And we're going to do it at this event called The Pit.
And it's going to be great.
And then they brought all these QAnon promoters to The Pit to get the hot, hot information.
And as soon as they showed up, Greg and Catherine were like, well, we don't have the cell phone data, but what we do have is Kinect.
They're the new bad guys.
Hate them.
My God, they're going to take a lot of market share from the Lego brick company.
We know it.
They're going to be part of the big three.
It's going to be fucking Duplo, Lego, and then... Caught it in my throat.
So what happened was, Um, there's a bunch of crazy shit that occurred from this point on to catch people up to the story.
The founder of Kinect got indicted in Los Angeles and then through the vote got sued in civil court by Kinect in Texas.
The Los Angeles case against Kinect got thrown out, their CEO, and there is some concern that maybe someone in LA's DA office was pilled and that they got this information from True the Vote.
That's why they decided to take a shot at the champ.
But Kinect's lawsuit against True the Vote is ongoing and The new news that is coming out from that lawsuit is that Kinect is now demanding the names, numbers, and addresses of everyone who attended the pit because the pit was literally just a meeting to disseminate disinformation against Kinect that True the Vote hosted and brought these people in to then, like, slander True the Vote.
So I mean slander connects so connects like we want the names of all those people because they were sent here to be given false information and then to broadcast that to the world in an effort to destroy us.
So we want all of them and according to the stuff that I was reading on truth social.
Truth or Vote has at least rolled over on two of the attendees of the pit and given away their information.
So this has led to a lot more arguing and infighting.
Someone posted Catherine's business address on Truth Social.
Which Greg that had a stroke about was like, this is doxxing and if Truth Social doesn't pull this
down right now, we're leaving this platform.
Their buddy and enemy of the podcast, In The Matrix, was like, if Truth Social doesn't stop, I'm also leaving.
So now people are getting ready to take their ball and go home.
They're going to leave their safe space because they were triggered on Truth Social and Another little fun bit, which for people who pay the extra $5 a month to listen to Mule's Errand, boom, plug, we talked in that documentary review that we did about how they used a map of Moscow to represent Atlanta in the movie, which makes no sense and also is incredibly stupid.
Someone brought that to Greg's attention, and Greg said, oh yeah, Dinesh put that Moscow map in the movie as a witty little jape, as a little joke.
A bon-ment.
Yes, exactly.
And the person replied to Greg and said, you realize that was like poisoning the well, even before this all started, that you used a fake map.
And then Greg replied, F-O, because he's too Christian to actually type out fuck off.
I'm with a community of people that are way in the weeds debunking 2,000 mules and arguing with all kinds of internet trolls, and there are people out there who to this day deny that that is a map of Moscow.
So now you have Dinesh and Greg on the record as both saying, yes, it is a map of Moscow.
That is a real thing that we put in that movie.
Wow, turncoats.
Yes, traitors.
It is the real truth.
Fucking got them.
The mules must have got to them.
Somebody paid them a hefty sum.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
They're hiding the real truth.
I'm not saying that if you see Dinesh walking down the street with an oversized stuffed messenger bag that you should tackle him in the name of democracy.
Why would I ever say that?
L's subtle that way.
It's all inference.
Yeah, I mean, we all know that I don't believe in mules.
Nope.
Or do I?
No, I don't.
But it is another way for me to segue into our next Boosh topic, so I'm going to take it.
And we're going to go and talk about our good friend Elon Musk, who I'm getting the fatigue.
I wish his self-implosion would just finish.
I wish it would just terminate.
Like, I just want him to suck himself into his own little black hole, and I don't care how that happens.
If his quote-unquote losing ends up just him having to, like, fuck off in the public eye, only being a hundred millionaire, then so be it.
I just want him to go away.
Yeah.
Yeah, so our boy Elon, first of all, the first thing he did that was really funny was he declared that Twitter has a value of twenty billion dollars right now.
Which...
It's a sick return on investment.
Didn't he just buy it for, what was it, $4.4 billion?
$44 billion.
You misplaced the decimal point there, my friend.
Yes.
So his evaluation is that he has spent more than double the worth of the property that he owns right now.
Normal, rational people, before Elon bought the company, pegged its actual value at $13 billion.
And that was before he took out billions and billions of dollars in interest and loans in order to obtain this property that is now hemorrhaging money left and right.
All the pie-in-the-sky nonsense, all of it, for his failing, slowly becoming, or quickly becoming Gab 2.0 hellscape of a website is, best-case scenario, he's out half the value.
Reality-wise, he's Probably, probably paid, I don't know, 10 or 20 times more than what Twitter is worth at this moment because all the advertisers are fleeing.
Twitter blue is not a thing that actually generates revenue.
It doesn't actually work.
It is incredible how this is operating.
And allegedly on April 15th, he's just going to get rid of all non-paid for blue check marks.
Yeah.
And the For You section will only be blue check marks after that.
So it'll only be paid users in the For You side of Twitter.
And most paid blue Accounts have less than a thousand followers and it's just like, it's been a hell site for a while.
It's just turning more and more Mad Maxian by the day.
Elon backtracked very quickly on that and then said, oh yeah, by the way, you'll also have followers.
Oh yeah, if the 4U section is just a bunch of chubs who are willing to pay for Twitter being able to blast their nonsense at me, then I'm just going to uninstall that shit immediately.
I don't use it enough for that to be worth the ride.
annihilated for doing what he wanted so he immediately had to retreat and oh yeah if the
for you section is a bunch of chubs who are willing to pay for twitter being able to blast
their nonsense at me then i'm just going to uninstall that shit immediately i don't i don't
use it enough for that to be worth the ride fuck oh my god The thing that's really funny is, like, I will scroll my timeline a bit for Twitter, but a lot of times I just go to the people I follow and just read their feeds directly, because that's always the way I've, like, handled Twitter.
Because I don't trust my feed at all.
Yeah.
Because so many people will tell me, they'll be like, hey Poker, I haven't seen your shit in my feed for like a month.
I don't know what's going on.
So I've never trusted my feed.
I always am just like, oh, I enjoy this guy's commentary.
I'm going to click on him and check his timeline.
Cause I just think that like either following or for you either way, I don't think I'm actually getting everything I want to see on Twitter, which is basically like four guys, political commentary, uh, sports headline breaking news stuff.
And that's really about it.
That's really what I care about.
Yeah.
People get shadow banned all the time.
A lot of, uh, A lot of adult content workers get shadow banned no matter how, like, tame their stuff on Twitter is.
Yeah, which is a bummer because it means now I almost never see any boobies or butts on my feed.
I used to see a lot of boobies and butts!
I wasn't looking for it, but it would just arrive, and I would be like, I'm thankful for this.
We have it confirmed now that certain accounts were getting actively promoted, and one of them was captured too.
Yeah, Cat Turd 2, Glenn Greenwald, and then there were some libs in there.
AOC was getting promoted.
The VIP list, as they called it.
You know what, Sarge?
I'm glad you brought up Cat Turd 2 because I wanted to talk about this in the bush.
I saw some photos floating around on the Twitter being shared that were purported to be of that man.
And it's probably not to that man's credit that I am incapable of telling whether or not those photos have been Modified by AI or Photoshop or whatever.
So either way, very unflattering and unfortunate.
Certainly not the gentleman's best work, I'm sure.
And Cat Turd, our boy, is now one of Trump's major polling sites.
Cat Turd had a poll on Twitter and Trump was crushing DeSantis and Trump retweeted it.
Look, Cat Turd 2 says I'm winning!
Hashtag MAGA!
Oh my god, really?
He's probably just excited because the gentleman's head looks like a crystal ball.
Who better to know the future?
I mean, the photo I saw, he literally had no earlobes.
I commented as such.
Yes.
I also went back to the well later because I thought of it even better when I said it looked like he was an image generated by Dolly Maxie.
It's topical because everybody hates AI art.
Yes.
God.
Yes, so we have now just Elon driving this site even harder into the ditch than previous.
It's one of the funniest things about it is that I go on to social and there's still so many QAnon promoters that are whining they can't get back on.
And half of them are like, I'm back on Twitter.
And It's again, there's this QAnon is a crap bucket.
Everyone's out for themselves.
I have seen no QAnon promoter being like, I got my Twitter account restored.
Thank you, based Elon.
But until all QAnon promoters I love are free, I will abstain from using Twitter.
Nope.
The moment they get their Twitter account reinstated, they're like, FUCK TRUTH SOCIAL!
FUCK THIS DUMP!
BOOM!
I'M BACK ON THE FRONT LINES OF THE DIGITAL BATTLEFIELD!
I DID IT!
I MADE IT BABY!
I mean, MTG managed to get herself restricted?
Suspended?
Based on her comments with... Yeah, yeah, yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba, you're trippin' with the gun there, Chief.
Super Chiefson.
Hey, we're talking about Twitter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're about to try to segue into our headline, and that is a thing that requires a bump in between, Cap.
So let's, I guess, just do that now.
Seamless.
Do it.
From the digital headlines to the digital frontlines, it's Q's in the News.
Perfect what?
Segway who?
Notice she didn't get herself banned, just suspended.
And I saw a couple tinfoil hat theories that Elon is the one behind suspending her so that he can unsuspend MTG and be the free speech hero.
And I don't totally disbelieve that.
Well, the thing about that is that it's Elon's thing.
Even if it was some evil, woke liberal working at Twitter, at the end of the day, he's still the one that is in charge of it.
He's still the one that has to make these decisions and allowed the ban to go through.
Because they had, during the Twitter files where they were trying to make it out to be, oh, Twitter was so leftist and doing all these things, they made it clear that like libs of TikTok and other people had special sort of things where If they broke terms of service, you had to go to upper management to talk to them about it.
Cause it, it just wasn't the kind of thing where like you as a manager could see a terms of service violation on that account and be like, okay, give them a 24 hour timeout.
They're doing a wrong thing.
Like, Nope, they got a special flag.
You have to run it up the flagpole to make sure it's okay to time out this person.
Cause they're, they're, they're, they got the gold club.
They got VIP status.
They're excellent.
And it's just.
So I just don't, I just don't see that.
Because it's, what you're saying is a lot of what a lot of QAnon promoters love to do in order to apologize for why they don't have their Twitter accounts back.
I, TruthHammer, another one of our favorite idiots to fucking laugh at, he was doing, he posted a thing where he was like, Elon, you need to fire more people at Twitter.
I still don't have my account back.
What's going on?
And it's like, you don't have your account back because he doesn't know who the fuck you are.
That's what it is.
Like no one's in his ear telling him, Oh, you need to get truth hammer back on here.
Whereas somebody told him who in the matrix was somebody told him who war nurse was, which
Jesus Christ were nurse is a really fucking niche QQ and on account, but somehow.
You long got the message, put them back on Twitter and he did.
And that's how this works is if he finds out that you're a dumb right wing shit
weasel and you will say things that Elon thinks will generate controversy and
attention, you get your account reinstated.
Jordan Sather's back on Twitter.
So it's like, we'll see how that lasts.
Forever.
Elon's keeping these people for forever.
Even when Jordan does his drink-bleach-every-day-for-a-month challenge and gets people killed, Elon's just gonna be like, free speech!
Gotta do it!
Distributing medical misinformation is just the price of doing business in a First Amendment society that is a Freedom America democracy, but we're really a republic, or whatever the fuck you would say.
It's that's just it's just it's just really silly that anyone's and that the evil the evil woke people that Elon hasn't fired yet is why I don't have my account back or why Marjorie got suspended for a few hours just children children's blaming the devil for for why an all-powerful God can't do what he wants.
Yeah, well, they're blaming everyone for our main headline right now on Twitter, so... Are we good?
Apparently we had three more minutes of Elon Musk talk in the tank after my subtle segue to our headline news segment.
So I figured I was just gonna let y'all get it out of your system.
Are we done?
We're good.
So three minutes post-bump.
Yes, we have a lot of news to talk about.
You can jump in any time.
No, no, no.
I just mentioned previously to say shut the fuck up about Elon Musk, play the bump, and then you talk about Elon Musk for three more minutes.
I think El's role as the scold is important, and I appreciate and respect it.
So I'm okay.
I've been chastened.
I am humbled.
Someone's got to have their hand on the brake.
You know what I mean?
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Okay, especially because we can't delay it forever.
We have to talk about the shooting this week.
So secondary content warning.
There's all sorts of shit that goes into this.
It's like a weird Venn diagram of cultural war and gender politics.
It's national tragedy.
So all sorts of weird shit.
All sorts of landmines.
So we're going to talk about it as best we can without trying to offend anyone or, you know, be too grim.
But again, we're not journalists.
This is supposed to be a comedy show.
So we're going to try to keep it light in places.
And that is it to make light of the situation.
Anyway, unfortunately, as is de rigueur in our country, there was a mass shooting event in Nashville, in the state of Tennessee, I believe.
This is where Mike jumps in and is just like, nope, it was Nashville, Florida.
What a weird place.
Because I'm not actually looking at a fact sheet.
This is just all off the top of the dome.
Apparently, it was, I believe, currently the body count is six people, three children and three adults were unfortunately shot to death by a person aggrieved at their former scholastic institution.
And unfortunately, that person, as far as I know, as far as has been reported that I've seen, identified as transgender, which means that from our point of view, We have to talk about Q's, of course, measured and perfectly normal response to this bit of information.
So I'll turn it over to Mike to tell us.
Mike certainly didn't lose their fucking minds over this, did they?
Oh, man.
Boy, I was lucky I was able to stifle that cough.
That was gonna be a real long cough button pause in between you throwing it to me and this not going anywhere.
But So QAnon and the right have immediately seized upon the fact that the shooter identified as trans as proof that trans people are monstrous violent psychopaths who are evil and cannot be trusted.
This is basically Back in the good old days of America, whenever a horrible mass shooting would happen, and you'd have right-wingers really hoping the shooter was Muslim so that they could condemn another out-group for being a bunch of violent sociopath lunatics who will never assimilate into our culture and thusly can be demonized in perpetuity.
The New York Post ran their headline, which literally said, Trans Shooter Attacks School.
And it was like, why did you feel the need to immediately identify the shooter as trans?
Was any other mass shooting involving you saying, White cishet male commits mass shooting at school?
No, of course not, because you didn't think that was relevant.
But yeah, you wanted to get it out there real quick that this shooter was trans and that we should hate trans people just because they're objectively bad and evil and amoral and sick.
Yeah, I love how the headline should be, finally it happened, fuck them.
Yeah.
It's just another thing that these people think that they can come and take away from a white male.
Like, not on our watch!
Not on our watch!
And then I saw, of course, there were a bunch of people posting videos of trans people with AR-15s talking about their gun collections, talking about all this kind of stuff.
And they were like, look at these violent extremist weirdos!
And I'm just sitting there thinking, Well, originally I had made the statement that the Second Amendment is a whites-only amendment.
I now have to amend that to it's now a white cis-het male amendment.
Because nobody else is allowed to have a gun in America legally.
How do you explain all those Christmas photos of whole-ass conservative crazy families, every member standing for the Christmas tree with an assault rifle?
Oh yeah, don't worry.
Some people have brought that up.
Oh, I'm sure.
I mean, look, the easiest thing on earth to do is to bring up the hypocrisy of the American conservative, and likely the conservative of the world over, I just don't know.
But, again, I've said it before, and I will continue to say it, they're immune.
They're immune to facts and evidence.
They are immune to the feeling that is supposed to wash over you when you are confronted with the fact that you are being hypocritical.
Would someone just say, hey, it is fucked up that you believe that and also this, like a regular normal person is supposed to just be like, oh, I feel kind of gross because that is like dissonant.
But these people, they do not get that feeling.
They do not give a fuck.
Nope, not in the slightest.
They're just like, hey, yeah, I should have a gun and that person shouldn't have a gun because I'm good and they're bad.
Yeah, their spin on this is going to be like, I'm going to need my AR-15 to protect me from those armed transgenders.
And it's just like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?
Like, if anything, they need to hide themselves from you.
Because if you look at the statistics, it's much more likely that you are going to kill them.
Yeah.
But I'm only killing them because I got to defend America, freedom, democracy, traditional values, and I'm, again, it just comes down to... Also, don't come to me with your science and your studies and your statistics and facts and figures and knowledge.
No, none of that.
All I need to know is what I see with my own two eyes on the news that I choose to accept from sources that I choose to trust.
Yeah, exactly.
Also, there was a post on Twitter from a Chan troll using a Chan troll handle that I'm not even going to try to explain the handle because it's unbelievably racist and terrible.
But basically, it was just a troll who posted a photo of a trans person with a gun talking about how they wanted to murder everybody because they're just a hateful lunatic monster, as all trans people are.
And the actual trans person who is an MMA fighter named Elena McLaughlin.
She said another sock puppet trying to stir up anti-trans violence using my pictures.
Please report them.
And then the accountant did get suspended.
But their tweet got retweeted by all the typical right-wing shitheads.
And Breitbart then even wrote an article posting, and then this person on Twitter
had a photo of them with a gun talking about how they wanted to kill all
good Americans and blah blah blah.
And it's, and this is one of those things where it's like, did Breitbart fall for the hoax? Or did Breitbart know it
was a hoax?
It was like, fuck it. We don't care. This encourages anti-trans hatred. Let's just go for it.
We don't give a shit.
So... Regardless, the reaction to this particular bit of information regarding the shooting, you know what I mean?
Because, like, there's a lot going on in an event like this.
Like, you know, especially, it was just, like, it was premeditated.
There was a manifesto.
The person in question went to the school previously and, like, may have had, like, a grievance with the school.
It was a religious school, so there may have been, like, a religious grievance.
And, you know, for the...
For obvious reasons, they're not releasing the manifesto, so we don't know for sure.
And we might not ever know for sure.
But there's a lot of stuff going on.
Predictably, all the Republicans saw when the information was presented to them was, hey, it is an opportunity for us to talk about how much we hate trans people for no good fucking reason.
So, like, now we have a reason to hate all of them, right?
Like, look at what this one of them did.
And again, because they're a mean hypocrisy, you can't point out that This is not very common, but it's just like, I hate that we live in a society where it's just so predictable.
My response to this at our group chat was to post the headline that had revealed that the person in question was trans and that gif from The Office, a show that I do not like, but it does have a very good screaming no gif.
Which I posted, because I just knew.
I knew we were going to have to talk about it on the show, and I knew it was just going to be a bunch of conservative wackadoos sharpening their knives for people who were already above average being injured and killed across the country for just being who the fuck they are.
It's so crazy.
I hate it so much.
This is why we waited for a bit to get into the headline news segment this week.
It's always so grim to talk about one of these mass shooting events.
Yeah, and another thing that these assholes have done is there was a protest scheduled in support of trans rights in front of the Supreme Court, and there is an event known as the Trans Day of Remembrance, where it's basically just remembering trans people who've Suffered and died as a result of anti-trans bigotry in America and the world, and it's a day to remember them.
And this event that was gonna be held in front of the Supreme Court was called the Trans Day of Vengeance because the Supreme Court has been fucking with minority rights and trans people for forever, and this was supposed to be trans people being like, hey, Now we're going to yell at you, and this is going to be your day of reckoning for your bigotry and your hatred of us.
And this was scheduled for April 1st.
And of course, this shooting happens a few days before that.
So now the right takes this gathering, and they're just like, oh look, the trans people are coming with vengeance, with hatred, with the desire to injure and damage and kill us.
And it's like, no.
They were coming to protest the Supreme Court for being bigots.
And unfortunately, for the situation, you were able to take the word vengeance and then try to create a blanket statement that trans people want vengeance against everybody, against the world itself.
And that's not what the point of it was.
So it's just one of these things that's just so bleak because These people just look to manufacture outrage, look to sow division in society, look to punish an outgroup, look to just be as hateful as possible.
And this event gave them an opening.
It gave them an opportunity to do this shit and to claim righteousness.
And that's what's so appalling about it.
Yeah, and also, you know, you can just see the wave of shit coming from a mile down the pipeline.
And, you know, it's, unfortunately, being, you know, of the privileged majority, I'm just sitting there, I'm just like...
I'm just like, oh my god, these people that are already fucking marginalized and suffering.
Like, I could just see... I could just see it coming down the pipe.
There's nothing I could individually do to stop it.
I'm just like, I'm just watching it come down the pipeline.
I'm just like, this fucking sucks!
Yeah, it sucks so bad.
Yeah, you're just... you at a distance are watching an avalanche come down on a group of people, and you're just like, fuuuuuck.
That is so bad.
Like, there's...
There's nothing anyone can do.
That snow's just flying down that hill and that's going to be real bad.
I guess the best we can do is use our platform to just try to educate people and continue to remind people that the conservatives are the ones that are in the wrong here.
Trans people across America are being attacked on every single front right now.
Yeah, and every once in a while you'll encounter somebody who's really angry.
A trans person who's really angry, they're saying some angry shit.
The same way you do whatever you're dealing with any marginalized group who's fighting back.
And it's just like, yeah man, why wouldn't they be angry?
You can't really hold that against them.
Even if you do encounter somebody who's just like, yeah, fuck you.
You suck.
Like, you suck and it's because you're just a white dude and I'm not about that life.
Like, you fuck you.
It's just like, oh, well, I didn't specifically do anything to you, but it is hard to judge you for feeling that way because you've probably been fucked over a lot by people that look exactly like me, so fair enough!
Yeah.
Oh, like I was at work and our waitresses have new uniforms that are like dresses.
And someone made a joke to me.
They were like, Hey, sooner or later, your uniform is going to be a dress.
And I told them that one of the female managers, when we were talking about uniforms, that the men got measured for pants and she did not get measured for pants.
And that she was very worried that she was going to be given a skirt to wear as her uniform.
Yeah.
of that. And I said, if you get assigned a skirt, I will wear a
skirt with you. And I told those guys that and they one of them
just said, well, the kid stop you and I could just feel the venom draining away from him. When I just said that I didn't
care if I was wearing a dress or I would wear a skirt in solidarity with my female employee. If she was being
assigned a skirt because she's a woman and the men were being
assigned pants because they were a man. And it was just like,
damn it, my my thing about you wearing a dress like should have
like made you feel ashamed or funny or something. But the fact
that you took it in stride, no wrong. It was just like, also, if they demand that she wears a skirt and don't give
her the option to wear pants, you can just go to an employment
lawyer, and they will just hear a cash register noise being Oh yeah, exactly, exactly.
What I'm just saying, it was like really funny.
Yeah.
It was just like, yeah.
So it's just one of these things where you see people and they just have this, they have this notion, they have this idea in their head About like the about trans people about people that are other that are different or bad.
But I I knew I may have told the story on the podcast before but I knew a trans person.
We had a rapport where they joked about being my dad, because I had brought up the fact that I didn't have a father.
They joked about being my dad.
One thing led to another, and eventually I saw them after they transitioned, and I just asked them, and I said, so are you still my dad?
They're like, no, I'm your mom now, but I'm going to be tough on you.
And that was it.
And when that person came into the room and played poker and hung out, no one cared.
No reaction at all.
And it's just that kind of thing where it's like, they're evil, they're deviant until you know one of them.
And then you just, all the preconceived notions you have just kind of go away.
It all just doesn't matter.
And I think that's really something that I think it's why gay rights got... we speedrun gay rights compared to how Blacks and Civil Rights, that movement, took a century.
But like gay marriage went from like being banned in a decade later.
It's like, no, that's fine.
We're good.
Cause people just like found out, wait a minute, gay people aren't monsters.
They aren't groomers.
They aren't trying to turn our kids gay.
Also, stereotypical though a lot of it was, and obviously it didn't age super well, I feel like popular media was really friendly in the terms of introducing gay people to regular Americans, you know what I mean?
Like your CBS sitcom crowd.
And of course, once again, I do need to stress, I do know that when you look at that shit now, it looks very cartoonishly bad.
But it was better than the nothing that we were getting before.
Like, at the very least, they were sort of just, like, making— they're normalizing it, you know?
Oh, I remember how controversial Will & Grace was.
Yeah, Will & Grace, Ellen Show, like, when she came out, like, killed her career for a while there, even though it turns out that she was kind of a shitbird anyway.
But what are you gonna do?
Like, gay people, they're just like the rest of us, including sometimes they suck.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, but I think that, like, that's the thing, is that just having representation, running into people.
I remember someone talking about how they had a father and two uncles who listened to Rush at Limbaugh three hours a day.
Just that kind of angry, miserable person.
And the moment they ran into someone who was trans in their community, in their little social circle, they got over it.
They just accepted that person, and that was life.
And it's just that kind of thing where it's just like... You hit the nail on the head.
Representation matters, and this is why representation matters.
It's very hard to hate someone when you know them as a person and not as a concept.
And there's all these like far right shippers that are just starting
all these culture wars because they need an other.
And being trans and gay is the other that they have chosen lately.
Absolutely. Now, for the record, it does still totally suck that this person decided that
they were going to do their their shoot up a school thing.
That's kind of bullshit.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Check the notes.
Not ideal, I've written here on the notes.
Nope.
She, like a lot of shooters, it seems to have been suffering quite a bit of mental trouble and seems like she was not able to get the help she needed and was still able to buy six guns seven guns before the school shooting in the the time before there's a lot that I read the body cam footage of ghouls yeah everybody's a calm down everybody out
Oh man, so that was one of the other things that happened here was you got the truthers, because these people, they can't help themselves.
Oh my god, what's the conspiracy theory?
What's the truth or conspiracy theory?
Okay, so the first thing that happened, the first one I saw was someone complaining about the shoes the shooter was wearing.
On the security camera footage, they looked one way, but in other photos, they looked a different way.
They're like, why has the shooter got different shoes?
And this was one of the all-timer greatest moments in dumb QAnon history, where you had Jordan Bleach Boy Sather Debunking Julian's rums bullshit and being like, Julian, the shoes are the same.
It's just the video quality on the closed caption on the security footage is just different.
They're the same shoes.
Calm down, buddy.
And Julian had to take the L. He had to admit that Jordan Sather was right about something, which is like, oh my God, you've gone way astray if you're in a situation where you're like, you know, Jordan Sather's the voice of reason here.
He's right on the money on this one.
Yeah, but what about the shoes, Mike?
But who was phone?
And then there was another guy that was complaining about the shootout where they were like, where's the blood spatter?
Where's the pools of blood?
What is going on?
And again, it's like, probably the camera just wasn't high res enough to catch all that stuff.
And maybe the carpet's dark and that's why the blood doesn't like show up on it.
Calm down, buddy.
This is what happens when you get into this world and you just start trying to decode everything, and you just work yourself into a lather where nothing is real, everything is fake, everything is staged, and you're the only smart one.
You're the only crinkly-brained person out there who can see through the matrix and know the truth.
Because I remember having an argument with a DeMar Hamlin truther, and there was this TikTok video that they linked where a guy explained how when DeMar Hamlin had the heart attack on the field, the ambulance wasn't real.
It wasn't an ambulance.
The ambulance wasn't real?
Yeah, he wasn't loaded into an actual ambulance.
He was just literally loaded into a wagon that had a back on it or something.
It was like a truck with a square attached to it, like a trailer.
And it's just that kind of stuff that people just...
The conspiracy theory is both the world is run by a global group of satanic pedophiles, but it's also down to the minutiae where they got the shooters on the body of the mass shooter wrong, or they didn't pool the blood right, or there wasn't an advertisement on the ambulance so it wasn't a real ambulance.
Or they got that camera angle wrong so you could see what, like, the best boy ran out there and switched over the shoes.
Is that what a best boy does?
That's one of the great mysteries of life.
I don't know what a best boy does.
I mean, it's like Knowledge Fight talks about the wet cement theory, and that these conspiracy theorists, they have to get in while the cement is still wet.
And like, get their disinformation in and like, well, I heard this back when there's still a lot of room for disinformation.
Cause like, back before people find out that nobody's uncle works for Nintendo.
Yeah.
Well, while Elle was talking, I brought up CNN and, uh, the, the police chief in the town has already said that the shooter, Did not have any particular problem with that school She had just targeted it and planned that that they're they're already releasing more information And we already have more better information that literally came out this morning.
And so yeah, it's the wet cement they got to move in and like get there like truth or nonsense in while it can still have a chance of making sense and And it also then bakes into it where people remember, oh, I remember the day of the shooting.
One of the things that made me like a crazy conspiracy theorist back in my good old days was the fact that I remember when Oklahoma City happened, that they had like two suspects.
They had like the drawing of McVeigh, then they had their drawing of another person.
And once McVeigh got caught, they never brought up that second person again.
And that was the kind of thing where it's like my brain was just like, They're hiding something.
They never brought up that second guy.
What's going on?
And then I just realized that, like, that's what happens in that first 48 hours of bullshit, is just all kinds of stuff is just getting thrown out there.
Because I'm a diseased person and I am, like, not normal.
I watched like hours of the Kennedy assassination, live as it happened, news broadcasts.
And they talked about Lyndon Johnson, because Lyndon Johnson was two cars behind Kennedy.
So you had Kennedy, the Secret Service car, then the Vice President's car, which nowadays would not fucking fly.
But anyways, during those reports, there were reports that Lyndon Johnson had been shot in the arm, that he'd had a heart attack.
There was all kinds of stuff going on about him.
And it was like, nope, he's fine.
He's just good and now the president.
Perfectly untouched, yeah.
Perfectly untouched.
And that's the thing, is that if this shit, if social media had existed now, Back then, people would be talking about how the real Lyndon Johnson died of a heart attack in that motorcade, and now we have a clone president.
I mean, like, that would have been the kind of shit that would have... Wait, are you trying to tell me that that's not how that went down, Mike?
Uh, I am, but you do make a compelling point.
I think that it's very possible that you have this record where they incorrectly but correctly labeled
Lyndon C Johnson
Exactly the games of hoods Yes!
And then in dramatic anime fashion, the window breaks behind me and I turn around and crouching in the window frame, like, Rorschach style, is Lyndon Z. Johnson.
The final model!
He's a hunter for the United States government.
He's here to kill me because I know the truth.
Yes!
My god.
LZJ.
Coming soon.
Crouch and roll.
We're doing this!
Start the Kickstarter now!
Boom!
It's gonna be the greatest anime ever.
Okay, we're running long today, so we're gonna have to eat into our precious mailbag time, unfortunately, because there's no way for us to avoid talking for at least a few minutes about Donald Trump.
Lord knows I wish we could, but it seems like it would be reckless for us to do so.
So Mike, quickly, fill us in on the updates to the Donald Trump situations.
Okay, so on the, on the weird Stormy, and I say it's weird just because of the fact that we had seen so many lawsuits that were supposed to be the one that was going to bring our, our orange boy down.
And then out of nowhere, the Stormy Daniels, like it's basically like this horse race.
And suddenly the Stormy Daniels hush money horse like soared into the lead and people were like, what the hell?
Where did that, where'd that horse come from?
It was just like The Ultimate Warrior.
Like, yeah, it was around for a while and it was like really loud and everybody knew about it, but then it got kind of old and we thought that it went away and then suddenly charging to the ring in our moment of need, it's back!
And oh my god, we're all surprisingly excited for some reason!
Yeah.
So, basically the news there, the most recent like update from The testimony side of it was our boy, I believe his first name is Larry but it doesn't matter because his last name is Pecker and that's all that anyone will ever remember.
Our boy Pecker testified before the grand jury and that is because He was the guy that kind of did the capture and kill work for Trump when it came to scandalous stories.
The National Enquirer would buy the exclusive rights to the story and then bury it and not publish it.
And so if they were talking to him about this, that's obviously about more groundwork for what they knew about Stormy Daniels' affair with Trump and how it could have damaged his political career in 2016.
After that, the new news is broken that apparently this Manhattan grand jury is not planning to meet for a month, which now has everyone very angry because this was a quote-unquote, this was a quote-unquote planned hiatus that they were going to be taking.
So now everyone's throwing a fit and everyone's like, Oh, Trump's getting away with it again.
And I knew we were never going to get any consequences and blah, blah, blah.
I have seen some people posting about how if they want to go at Trump about witness tampering, they have like a hard deadline at the end of April for that statute of limitations.
So we shall see about that.
But again, that's the weird New York case that came out of nowhere that suddenly Trump was like, I'm being indicted tomorrow!
What the fuck?
That got this, everyone all jeeped up.
The federal grand jury, which is kind of the spicier meatball, because that's the one that's actually about the big boy crimes.
They recently reported that Mike Pence has to testify before the grand jury, that he is not able to claim any sort of executive privilege or confidentiality.
That much as the lawyers got nailed with the crime fraud exemption and they have to testify, now Mike Pence is going to have to tell the grand jury what Trump told him on the days before January 6th, which was basically, yo, declare me still president.
Let's do this.
I do not wish to not be president anymore.
Allow me to remain president.
Because when the Founding Fathers crafted the Constitution and all that, they secretly made the vice president A position of infinite power that can decree how an election is decided by will.
Yeah, Donald Trump pulled Mike Pence aside and was just like, look, man, we all know that the vice president really has all the power.
And then Mike Pence was just like...
Wasn't Joe Biden vice president?
And Donald Trump was like, shut up.
You shut your mouth, Mike.
And now we're getting reports that Pence is saying he will testify and he's gonna stop trying to dodge using illegal trickery or whatever and get out of testifying.
Well, I mean, we'll see.
Yeah.
So that will be, I mean, because that's been something that they really wanted to get before
the grand jury was exactly what the shit Trump was saying before the attack on the Capitol.
And before he begged Mike Pence to have the courage to do the right thing and all that
happy horse shit that Trump said.
So, and also, I believe that there was a previous update where like Dan Scavino
and Sean Spicer and a bunch of other people in Trump's inner circle were also being told
that they are going to have to testify before the grand jury that they do not have
executive privilege to dip out on this.
Yeah.
So.
While the Stormy Daniels thing appears to be losing steam, the federal case against Trump, which is, again, the real case against Trump, appears to be gathering momentum, which I know so many people don't want to hear.
So many people just want it.
Unlike QAnon, who endlessly will try to kick the football, like forever.
QAnon will always, just trust Charlie Brown, and they're always going to try to kick that football.
We here on the left, and not in the Blueanon sphere of the left, we don't want to kick the football anymore.
We're looking at Lucy and she's like, come on, come on.
And we're like, no, fuck you, Lucy.
Not believing it.
Well, the point is, before you try to kick the football, first you have to put the biscuit in the basket.
Yes!
Exactly, exactly!
It's a multi-step process, and I don't have the time for it.
No, no, no.
Nor should you.
Nor should you.
Why would you?
So yeah, it's just one of those things where I get it, people have been burned so many times with this kind of stuff, and there's real good reason for cynicism.
And we here at The Pod have had a believe-it-when-I-see-it mentality when it comes to a Trump indictment.
But all I will say is that if this kind of stuff was happening with one of QAnon's enemies, where let's say that Joe Biden was being forced to testify about crimes Barack Obama committed as president, and that Biden's vice presidential powers were not being allowed to be used, and that Biden had to testify about Obama's crimes, QAnon would be out of their minds.
They'd be like, It's happening!
True Social would be nothing but memes of Obama in prison.
But they love, even now, they love...
There's a there's Obama did a video where he went to the prison Mandela was in and there's a there's like photos of Obama in Mandela's prison cell and they love just posting that still photo of that with a hat with like soon or it's gonna happen like they just love the idea of Obama in jail and it's just Like, if they actually had a grand jury working its way up the chain to get Obama, it'd be 24-7 non-stop about how that's happening.
Durham is coming!
Oh, it's gonna happen!
And it's like, meanwhile here, you do have people who are hopeful, but you also have people like, yeah, fuck it, Jack Smith ain't gonna do shit.
He's a new Mueller.
He's a new Avenatti.
Nothing will ever happen.
Trump will get away with everything.
And then you black pill it even further, because once you get people nice and depressed, you go the extra mile to make them even angrier and more depressed, and you're like, and by the way, Trump's gonna win in 2024.
You just give him the whole hog, where it's like, nothing can stop Trump, he'll never get indicted, and he's gonna be president again!
And then you get all the good, like, negative anger, and all the people that want that kind of nihilism on your side.
And that's how you get market share, folks.
Just glib nihilism is just, boom, catnip on the internet.
People love it so much.
You're not wrong.
No, it's absolutely, I mean, I promise you there's so many like quote unquote leftists on Twitter who's gonna be like, babe, know what we can do?
Biden's weak.
Merrick Garland week, Trump's gonna win again.
If you'd like more hot takes, donate to my Patreon and I'll just tell you more negative shit to make you feel better than the normies who think that Biden's gonna win.
Mike, they're all too busy live blogging the Gwyneth Paltrow trial and talking about how problematic all the parts of it are.
This is true.
This is very true.
That is happening.
So we can ignore them.
We can ignore them while quote, the whitest trial of all time happens.
Yes.
I believe that was Dan Amira, so shout out to Dan Amira.
There we go.
Anyway, let's get to our truncated mailbag for the week, shall we?
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Yeah, sucks for you nerds.
We ran long with quote-unquote content.
Well, the mailbag's small anyways this week, so it works out great.
No, it was huge, but we are only choosing to answer a few questions because we're running short on time.
Oh, right, right, right.
Exactly, exactly.
Our listeners are beating down our doors with questions, but only a select few.
Only the lucky few.
Why wouldn't they want to know what we have to say about stuff?
We seem like we're generally pretty with it.
Oh, yeah.
We're the greatest.
We should put together a seamlessly perfect 90-minute podcast every week.
Yes, absolutely.
Pancake Peasant asks, if you were to start a cult, what would its tenets be and what would be the requirements for joining?
Do I get to choose the circumstances?
Because I already have an answer locked for this one if I do.
Yes, absolutely.
You're totally under control.
It's all your power.
I feel like in a book of Eli-style post-apocalypse, where somehow the apocalypse causes people to also destroy all literature or whatever, that seems like the perfect breeding ground for a charismatic individual to turn Harry Potter into a proper cult.
You already have, like, a Christ-like figure and all that stuff.
Unlike The Matrix, which also does a lot of that, it's a book series and not just a video thing.
So, in theory, you could have a version of it that survives.
Maybe even in Braille!
Spoiler alert for The Book of Eli.
Maybe even with Mila Cutis spoiler warning for The Book of Eli.
Um, I think I'd go Fast and the Furious.
So, you just joined the family.
And... So, we're off here?
No.
That's family.
And this is family.
I mean, I get that there's a different reflection, but if you recall, the Toretto crime family is just a crime family.
What they do is crimes.
And everybody, all the men have to shave their head and wear a pretty generic cross necklace.
I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to call them wife beaters anymore, but a tank top... Yeah, but nobody knows the actual name for those?
What is it, like a sleeveless tank top or whatever?
A sleeveless male's tank top?
I saw you wrapping up on that one and I was just like, I also don't know what they call those things.
I was like, I bet we're not supposed to call them that anymore.
It seems insensitive on a number of levels.
They have to wear the alcoholic senior uniform.
Wait, that's still bad.
Damn.
We're gonna have to workshop what you call that thing now.
Yeah, we'll just settle on the dress like a Polack.
Am I right guys?
Those people are white, so I can use that punchline!
Even if they're offended, it's hard to care too much, do-ba-do, because they're white.
Anyway, uh... They're dumb.
Uh, alright, let's calm down.
We don't want to be offensive.
So yeah, Mike, we've stolen from pop culture for our cult.
So how about you, buddy?
Oh, the cult of Shirley Manson.
That's the easiest, the most obvious thing for me in the world.
That's also the creepiest.
I mean, you want to center your cult around a woman?
That seems like you're just asking for some trouble.
Hey, am I gonna get the Cult of Garbage?
That gives me three men.
Gives me three men and one woman.
So now I'm only 25% problematic.
So that makes that much easier for me.
We gotta make it such as where we want to.
Anyone else, I know you're a super fan, so anyone else, I'd be like, and name those three men.
But I know you could name the members of Garbage, so it doesn't work.
I would like to opposite of check you on that.
I would like to give you so much credit for knowing that, that you do not need to prove that you can.
The thing that would be so funny about that was that if he had said that, and again, peek behind the curtain, as Zella has said, we can see people, we have webcams.
It'd be so awesome, just like massive flops would start pouring on my forehead and I started freaking out.
And I'm like, oh, of course I could name them.
No, we don't have to worry about that!
It'd be so great!
It's like Gilligan's Island, Shirley Manson, and the rest.
Right, exactly, exactly.
It'd be so perfect.
Yeah, Shirley Manson and three guys.
The men, the boys, whatever, whoever they are.
No one ever knows them.
I mean, there's a lot of outfits like that.
See, also Paramore.
Yeah, on that front, I could not name anyone but Hayley Williams and Paramore.
Absolutely not.
Because you're a regular person.
Right.
I can't even remember that short-lived group that Eminem was in with other people to say, yeah, no one knows the other members of blank.
Was it D12?
Yep, it was D12.
Wow.
And the main reason why I remember that was A, because people were talking about how it was basically just Eminem trying to make good with all his friends who were like struggling back in the day.
Yeah, it was Adam Sandler in it.
Right.
It was basically one of those things where it was like, hey, if one of us makes it, we'll all make it.
And so he tried to pull them up and did his best he could, which was what he was.
But also, I remember one of, quote unquote, the other guys in D12 actually had a lyric that, quote, you're more garbage than Shirley Manson.
That was an actually lyric from a DL12 song.
Sorry, buddy.
The cult thing was a joke.
We already gave you credit in not checking you on garbage.
Done.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
Next question.
Next question.
ConfidentlyBefuddled asks, what's the most nuts conspiracy theory you could come up with in two minutes?
Uh, I mean, we've gone through so many on the show.
Like, Titanic trutherism still gets me to this day.
So coming up with something crazier than what's already... I'm just always baffled by the actual conspiracy theories that are out there.
I don't know.
My glib answer is that America is a functioning country.
Yeah, I don't know.
They're already so crazy that coming up with something crazier than Hollow Earth run by lizard people is like, it's very hard to do.
Mine would be the difference in packaging between hot dog buns and hot dogs is not a capitalist one.
It is, there's like a different motive behind it, but the specifics of that motive are too sinister to get into here.
I mean, I know we do a content warning at the top of the show, but it's pretty fucked up stuff.
You do not want to know why there's 8 hot dogs and 6 buns.
You just don't want to know.
Yeah, we have to save that for behind the paywall so that way I'm off the hook for being cancelled or whatever.
We'll just say... Would you find out what I know?
And the top most...
most acceptable level of this the hot dog bun conspiracy theory it starts with animal sacrifice and that's where we it goes deeper from there right exactly the truth of it is so horrible that people are just like all too happy to assume that it's just purely capitalist if you they're like well yeah obviously they just want to make you buy one more of one to the other that you have but uh like it's a cycle until you just decide you don't want either of them Right, and then you have to throw out the two extra buns or whatever.
Or you could cook two hot dogs sans bun.
If you fold a $5 bill in such a way, the truth is in there.
Yeah, exactly!
I love that shit.
I would just come up with, ants actually rule the world.
It's one of those things where people talk about that sort of toxin that cats give you that makes you love the cat and stuff like that.
Oh yeah, I believe they call that Pussy Fever.
Yes!
Don't tell anybody you've got that though.
No.
You will get asked to leave the family reunion.
Yeah, yes.
So yeah, it's one of those things.
There was a guy who's...
There's this fungus, there's this worm that gets into praying mantises and then convinces the praying mantis to jump in water so that the worm can then leave the praying mantis and then populate itself in the water.
And then once again, like throw it's like larvae onto the land to get another praying mantis.
And they would dip praying mantises in like jug cups of water and 90% of them had a worm jump out immediately after they did that.
It was just like, Jesus Christ, this worm is everywhere.
So it's just like that.
It started with ants, and eventually now their parasites are in us, and they rule the world.
So that would be my conspiracy.
Probably not as glib and not as weird, but hey.
I had two minutes!
You gave me two minutes, goddammit!
Well, you went last, so you had six minutes.
Oh, right.
And what you came up with was the last of us, but ants.
Ah, man, fuck.
I should have, I should be more comfortable.
Get Paul Rudd on the phone.
Laughter Um
Our new questioner who again is just chart emoji, person emoji,
hourglass emoji, beer emoji What if Q has actually been dark Brandon secretly stringing around the Q-Nutters the whole time?
The funny thing about that is that we actually did have some people talking about how Biden is controlled by the Patriots and that maybe he'll be the one to make the tweet, my fellow Americans, the storm is upon us, because that was when Trump didn't have Twitter and couldn't make the tweet to signify that Ragnarok had been initiated.
So that would have been very funny if we went that way with it.
And the thing is, is that Biden makes a lot of sense in the sense that Biden's way more comparable to Kennedy than Trump is, because Kennedy and Biden are both Catholics, they're both Democrats, they both set records for age when it came to being elected president.
And Trump was none of those things.
Trump is basically a godless piece of shit who was a Republican and awful and bad.
Hey, Trump's favorite Bible passage is all of them.
You know, it's just a great book.
Trump's favorite Bible passage is upside down and backwards.
All of these things.
Oh my God.
And, uh, Karma shows up in the question in the mailbag and says, what do you know about the fake Punisher, Eric Kirk?
Which the answer to that question when I read it last night was nothing.
And then I went on this guy's YouTube channel and holy fuck, is it an alternate reality?
He's the guy.
Is that the actor from the, uh, mid 2000s movie who played him and desperately wanted to be back as Punisher?
No.
Is it Thomas Jane?
I think they're gonna get Thomas Jane.
No, I think you're thinking of someone else.
This is just a nut guy who... Oh.
No, this is Dolph Lundgren.
Star of Sanctuary.
Yes.
Oh, God.
No, this guy, basically, his quote-unquote Punisher gimmick is the whole John Durham thing.
This is a guy that just looks like John Durham.
And is basically role-playing as though he was John Durham and about to arrest all the bad guys.
And all the comments sections are, you get him Punisher!
You got this!
We're praying for you Punisher!
We know you're gonna bring justice!
And it's like, I don't even know if these people are like LARPing along with him, or if they think he's actually Durham in some weird alternate universe or something.
It's so strange.
It's the most detached from reality thing I've ever seen.
And the guy isn't that popular.
His YouTube videos have, like, 15,000 views or whatever, which is not dropping the bucket.
But, like, the group of people he has following him... That's so many more views than we have listeners.
Oh, it is.
Absolutely.
But I'm just saying, it's, like, still, like... It makes me want to throw up.
Yeah.
Well, we need to weirdly cosplay as Jack Smith or something?
I don't know.
And just have this, do this, like, I don't, none of us look like Jack Smith.
Like, one of us is gonna have to do a Jack Smith, like, tutorial, get the hair, the beard right, and then We can pretend to be Jack Smith and the other two of us can pretend to be his top lieutenants on the prosecution team that's going to bring down Trump.
And then we can be mildly YouTube famous by being like, this week we secretly interviewed four more people before the ultra-secret grand jury that no one knows about.
Trump's going down any day now.
Hashtag Blue and On.
Hashtag Jack Smith's coming.
Bah, bah, bah.
Hashtag give us fucking money.
Ah, it'd be great.
Every week we should just announce what person that we don't like has been, like, secretly detained by the world good guy police and has been replaced by the clone.
So it's just like you, you the listener, chose a few.
You know the truth.
It finally happened.
The Hamburglar has been put into the secret prison.
He has escaped containment.
No, he's been put in containment and replaced with a clone.
So that way the world is none the wiser.
But the new Hamburglar is like, he's a white hat, I assure you.
He's reformed.
Yeah, he's one of the good ones.
Yes, absolutely.
Reformed Hamburglar, who we actually can't merchandise off of because that's probably copyrighted anyways, but it's in the ballpark.
Almost certainly.
Yeah.
Ham White Haddler.
I don't know.
And he's, like, not stealing burgers.
He's, like, swatting away people trying to steal burgers.
He's a good guy.
More like the fuckin' Rat Burglar!
Pop!
Pop!
That is also a D12 lyric.
I'm deeply invested in them.
It's really sad.
Yeah, we love D12 here.
Yes.
In their album.
Yeah.
It was self-titled.
I mean, you're not going to get us with that one, buddy.
No, that wasn't a question.
That was, how many were there?
It's just one, I bet.
Oh, several.
They've got, you know, they just put out two a year while you're not watching, like ludicrous.
That guy's so prolific.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
And so that brings us to the final question in the mailbag, which is, what are you guys looking forward to?
Oh, dude, I'm going to see D&D the movie on Sunday.
It's just going to be lit.
Oh, nice.
I can't wait.
It's getting positive reviews.
Like I just it doesn't have to be like high art.
It just has to be a fun time.
And by all accounts, it is.
So that is going to be pretty exciting.
I have something off.
Maybe I'll go see it also.
That'd be fun.
And a minor piggyback, Lou from Dimension 20 was on Jimmy Kimmel with Chris Pine for a D&D bit.
I haven't watched it yet, but I've seen people posting about it, and I think Lou from Dimension 20 is one of the best people on there.
Yeah, I have a lot of love for all the people that were part of Fantasy High, just because that was the thing that got me into all of that stuff.
I am, you know what, I started with 40k at the top so I'm looking forward to the fact that they announced 10th edition and of wherever 40k and all the books I bought for 9th are completely irrelevant they said so but they said that when the new rules come out here in June they are going to release all of them for free online so I'm more happy about that.
So they've kind of backed off their content thing that they were trying earlier with the whole monetization scheme?
Trying to be more community friendly?
Yeah, because like, so the books for anyone that plays Imperial Guard or the World Eaters, those just came out.
So they are going to have a shelf life of six months or less.
And that doesn't feel great.
So they said we're simplifying the rules, we're going to make it easier to play and easier to get in, and we've indexed the whole game, and all of the rules are going to be online for free day one when 10th edition drops.
So it's been a weird journey, because I started collecting before that, and who knows what's going to be good.
Nuns with guns.
I always want the nuns with guns to be good.
They make me laugh.
I enjoy them very much.
The sisters are rad.
Yes.
I'm mostly looking forward to just I'm drawing a blank.
My life is just dull and soulless and crushing.
I'm actually looking forward to having the NBA and NHL playoffs starting soon so these games actually matter.
One of El's favorite things to roll his eyes at is that regular season sports ball and non-football things is interminable and takes forever.
And now, thankfully, that's ending very soon.
The Bruins have had a pretty good go of making the regular season worthwhile in that they are, like, in contingent for breaking a bunch of records.
Yes, the Bruins are absolutely raffle-stomping everybody, which is... It's one of those things where you love having a team kick everybody's ass all year long, but then, as a Boston sports fan, you start getting Patriot Perfect season flashbacks, and you're just like, Well, none of this really matters if they don't win the goddamn championship.
And when it comes to winning the championship, the Bruins have a very checkered track record of getting that done exactly once in my lifetime and losing.
In my lifetime, the Bruins have lost four Stanley Cup finals and have prevailed in one Stanley Cup final.
So it's like, It's like us thinking about the Trump indictment.
I'm watching the Bruins holding down the football, they're telling me to kick it, and I'm just like, Bruins!
I don't trust you!
I don't know what any of that has to do with the Patriots' successful perfect season that one year.
Oh yeah, the refs called holding on the job.
Asterix.
Fucking fuckers.
So yeah, rooting for the Bruins to actually pull this off and win the whole goddamn thing.
Rooting for the Celtics to turn their shit around, because for the first half of the year everyone was like, oh my god, the Celtics.
Unstoppable.
The title is theirs.
And the last, like, two months of the season have been, Celtics!
Second round playoff exit?
Question mark?
Not looking so hot anymore?
Should they fire their coach immediately?
It's been a bit of a turnaround since the All-Star break for the boys in green.
So here's to hoping they can get their shit together.
I think it's pretty funny.
They're introducing the pitch clock to baseball this year in an attempt to speed things up, and I think that's going to be hilarious.
I cannot wait to see the first pitcher get penalized for the pitch clock.
And batters can get penalized also, because if you're out in the batter's box by a certain time, you get an automatic strike called against you.
And if you think that fucking Major League Umpires, who already have the biggest egos in the world, and think the game is all about fucking them, oh my god.
Like that absolute unit who ejected that guy for dropping that ball?
Or for like, turning his glove away?
With the tip of the ball?
Get the fuck out of here, buddy!
And the guy was like, I thought you threw the ball back because you didn't put the ball in my glove.
The guy was like, yo, I can't see you.
I'm wearing a catcher's mask, doc.
You're behind me, and I'm wearing a catcher's mask, and I thought you threw the ball to the pitcher, so I turned my glove over, and you threw me out for showing you up, question mark?
Immediately.
There wasn't a decision.
Before the ball even hit the fucking ground, that guy was pumping his fist.
He's like, get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, it's like, I can't imagine giving a guy like that more power and not having him abuse it.
That guy went home and made love to his partner.
It was the best lovemaking ever.
He was just like, he was in Fuego.
He was so passionate and furious.
Oh God.
There was, this was at the college level, I believe, but there was a college baseball game.
Where there was a close call on a strike, and the batter was very upset about the call going against him.
And then the next pitch was a mile out of the zone, and the umpire just rung him up.
The umpire was like, fuck you buddy, strike three, and it was the game-ending strike.
The ump ended the game just calling a ball a strike to show a kid up.
He was fired.
Yeah.
Well, I heard he got suspended.
I'm glad to hear that he got fired.
But yeah, Jesus Christ.
I mean, it's just like, oh man.
It's really funny how people get these jobs and then they just power trip.
They're just absolutely like, oh man, I'm the ump.
Boom.
I'm throwing people out of games.
I'm calling ball strikes.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm unaccountable.
And it's like, you've been fired.
Ah, fuck!
Damn accountability!
So yeah, I am looking forward to Ump Ball.
It's going to be great.
Hashtag robot umps now.
Yeah, finally.
I think that we want robots to take the job of, you know what I mean?
It's about damn time.
Yes.
And on that note, it is time for us to climb into the Oscar Wienermobile and triumphantly drive our Wienermobile out of Hellworld for the week.
Wiener!
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Thanks, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our intro song.
Still no social media for DJ Minimal Effort.
What a unit.
But our buddy Frosty, you can find on Twitter at FrostyVO.
Frosty does all of our voiceover work when we need a masculine-sounding voice for stuff, including the voice of Q. You can find the show on Twitter at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. Myself, at HellworldL.
Hellworld's spelled the same way, of course.
Sarge, at SargentHell, and Mike Rains is, of course, at PokerPolitics.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld Podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined us finally, again, jeez, what a guy, by Sarge and our expert at all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
