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March 23, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:34:50
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #132: The Trump Indictment Waiting Room

This week Haley fills in for Sarge and we are still stuck in limbo as The Trump Indictment Event Horizon inches ever closer to us yet remains out of reach. Also we deal with Nate Silver becoming a Lab Leak Truther and Kari Lake continues to flail about in Arizona. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined by our Arizona correspondent, Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Wing Watch.
Hello.
I just sneezed.
I hope that didn't catch on the camera.
It didn't, but watching you soundlessly jerking your head violently back and forth.
I was like, Oh my God, she's dying.
This is bad.
We're going to have to audible out of the podcast now that Haley has perished.
Haley has perished before my very eyes.
So that was, that was alarming.
I'm sorry.
No problem.
And we were also joined by the mysterious Elle.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
It's slow Australian L today.
Australian?
I don't know.
It felt twangy, that's all.
I went off the twang.
Yeah, you associate all twanginess with Australian?
I don't know why.
I just kind of felt Crocodile Dundee-esque.
I don't know why that was what caught with me, but that's where I was.
But I didn't say the word cunt even once.
Wow, just coming right out.
In the context of it, I think I'll be forgiven.
I wasn't, like, talking about Carrie Lake or whatever.
This was a content warning.
Bazinga!
See, here we go.
Yeah, plus we do a content warning on the top of it.
I'm pretty sure if our content warning covers, like, dangers against children, it covers casual use of the c-word.
Yes.
But in case it does not, I use c-word there.
You see?
It can be taught.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
So, yeah.
So, this has been, uh... A good opening?
No, it's a stellar opening, but also, I mean, it's just this whole, this whole week has been just so bizarre.
It's like, it is like we are now living in a reality that is the fantasy of QAnon, where it's just like, oh, our enemy's gonna get indicted!
Oh, our enemy's gonna face justice!
And the news is even telling you, like, you turn on the TV and they tell you these things.
And then, like, we are where we, like, literally last week's episode was entitled, The Looming Trump Indictment, and now here we are, like, a week later, the looming continues.
It's just, it's just like, oh my god.
Speaking of weird cue-adjacent, uh, like, reality-twisting stuff, uh, I am going to seize the range of our tangent segment that is unnamed that comes before our amuse-bouche.
Where we have the floor to talk about whatever horse shit we want to.
Usually this is where me and Sarge talk about cartoons, but no, no, dear listener, this week I'm here to talk to you about something way cooler than cartoons.
Apes.
And specifically the Planet of the Apes.
Because me and my friends, we watched that whole damn reboot, Planet of the Apes trilogy, and on top of being incredible, which it is, I forgot how hard the intro to the second movie is.
Like, in a post-pandemic world.
Because, like, so the end of the first planet... Like, a spoiler warning for the Planet of the Apes reboot trilogy.
At the end of the first one, the virus that makes apes smart gets out into the world and starts killing people.
And then the end credits scene shows it being transmitted across the world like a game of Plague Inc.
or whatever.
It's scary to see how easy things transmit, even though it's just a movie.
It is.
It's like, oh god, COVID.
Just when you think you're done with that, you're like, oh, that didn't make me feel super great in a post-pandemic world, but I guess it is what it is.
That's the reality of the situation.
The second movie opens, and the opening credits sequence is them dealing with what was, at the time, The idea of a fake response to a pandemic that starts killing millions of people across the globe, and you did in fact have a Yahoo go up there and just be like, they made it in a lab!
But in the context of the movie, he's fucking right!
They did make it in a lab!
Up to and including, there's a guy, he's sort of like a protagonist and an antagonist at the same time.
He's sort of like the Judas of the human group, but he's not actively trying to portray them.
He's just a conservative ding-dong who's just like, I hate them apes!
Them apes are responsible for all of this!
And like, a scientist who's just like, like a virologist or whatever, is just like, you do know that humans did this, right?
That it was like, it was our fault?
And he's just like, yeah, but who else am I supposed to hate?
And they all just sort of like, installably are just like, I can't like, like think on that for a second.
And I'm just like, what?
No!
You can't just choose a thing to hate because you don't like the reality of the situation.
Stop making me sort of even sympathetic towards this goon!
I want him to be murdered by an ape!
Yes.
And then when that happens, it's off screen and it's very dissatisfying.
I'm gonna see that man get murdered by an ape.
Boo.
Give us our catharsis against the goon.
What are you doing, movie makers?
But yeah, man, the opening, I would like, like, literally, if you're one of, like, if you're part of, like, the group of people that is easily, like, sort of triggered by depictions of, like, uncomfortable stuff in media like that, then, like, I would, like, as incredible as that reboot trilogy is, and I do think it's very, very good, highly cannot recommend watching that if you are the sort of person who might be triggered by stuff that reminds you of the pandemic, because holy shit, I was like, wow, I'm even made a little uncomfortable by this.
Yeah, I mean, it's just a virus that destroys the world and kicks humanity off its spot as like the champs of Earth.
Like, we lose to the virus, making the apes better than us.
It's like, oh man, really?
We lose to the apes now?
Son of a biscuit.
To be fair, those apes are pretty rad.
They're strong.
I'm a huge Maurice Stan.
Maureen is the greatest.
Sorry, Maurice.
Maureen.
Maureen and Maureen, they're both great apes.
Yes.
Anyway, so Planet of the Apes tangent over.
I figured I would just take the opportunity to talk about how weird it was to watch them totally nail it in 2015.
Like, this is probably how dumb morons would react to the virus or whatever.
Dumber.
Because then, of course, there's protests as stuff is happening, and people are starting to fight and kill each other, and it's just like, yeah, I bet if it ever gets real, real bad, if there's another one and it's even worse, then it's just like, yeah, I bet we're just gonna start hissing and clawing at each other.
Oh, it's going to be great.
That's one of the things that makes me laugh so much about QAnon is they're like, oh, the COVID death shot.
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
And guess what, guys?
If you were right about that, humanity's done.
It's over.
If 10 or 20% of humanity just dropped dead over the course of a few years as a result of the vaccines, society collapses.
We all lose.
It's over.
You don't win.
I mean, you get to walk around going, I told you so, but you're doing that either in a pred line or in a Mad Max style, a post-apocalyptic hellscape.
They'll be doing just fine because they'll be selling all of their unvaccinated sperm.
Oh, right.
Right.
Yes.
Absolutely.
It's going to be worth its weight in gold or whatever.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
100%.
The greatest of all precious bodily fluids.
Come!
Yes.
The unvaccinated incel come.
That's the dream.
The dream to possess it.
To achieve it.
See, look at what I did with my funny Australian joke earlier in the episode.
Just opened the doors for us to talk about all sorts of unsavory things.
Yes, that was the goal, and we've achieved it.
Yeah, hit the monetize button for this one.
Let's see how fast we get kicked off of ACAST or whatever.
Done!
Whatever, I'm not sure about that.
Anyway, I feel a little peckish.
You guys want to get a boosh?
Let's do that.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse Boosh.
All right.
Time to start talking about ding-dongs I don't know about.
And this one happens to be named Silver.
Something Silver.
I forgot to keep my note in front of me.
So I have named him Hi-Ho Silver.
Hi-Ho Silver has gone crazy, I guess.
Mike, who is this mysterious silver person?
And why are we talking about them in our boosh?
Okay, so Nate Silver is a quote-unquote polling expert, question mark, who got a few elections right, and as a result, everyone was- So was Pete Davidson, am I right?
Yes!
I thought I made myself.
So basically, Nate made himself into this sort of prognosticating genius in the political world.
And then 2016 came around and he and everybody else said that Hillary was totally going to win that thing.
And then Trump won and that started to damage Nate's brain a little bit.
He started to get a little fuzzy and around in COVID did a little damage to him, but he was whatever.
But then.
Eventually, he got into this whole thing about the COVID lab leak being the real source of what happened and not the wet market.
And for some odd reason, this was a thing that he just couldn't let go.
And recently, he's become Mr. Lab Leak.
He is just like, you know, When I think of how COVID started, it was the lab leak and everyone suppressing the information about it and they don't want to talk about it and blah, blah, blah.
And I just, I'm just trying to get the truth out there.
I'm just open-minded and people have been showing me like a new article came out about the raccoon dogs and how this wet market is an absolute.
Just nightmare of all these different species of animals that have, like, have coronaviruses specific to their genotype, and one thing can lead to another, and it transmits and it moves from them to the next animal, then to humans.
And this article came out and all this information was exposed.
And Nate's just shaking his head like, you know, these virologists, they needed to not be a lab leak in order to keep their funding.
Because if it's a lab leak, they're in trouble.
And that is the exact same shit that climate deniers say about fucking climate scientists.
Oh yeah, you've got to tell us this global warming, because if you stop with this global warming shit, the governments will take your money away from you.
So you're financially invested in your conspiracy theory, unlike me, Nate Silver, truth seeker, who's just totally open-minded and willing to accept either side on this issue.
I love how the climate denier people, they're just like, hey, despite the fact that we have lived for however long we've lived and we have historical records dating back however long we keep them, it's just totally natural that suddenly California is under snow in the winter and literally on fire in the summer.
That's just the way it's always been.
And it's like, no, it's never been like that.
In fact, historically, California's been the place people go when they don't want seasons.
So, it seems like them getting, like, the anime version of Seasons seems pretty annoying.
It seems kind of weird, right?
Like, they went from just being like, yeah, 72 and Sunny all day to just being like, oh my god, three feet of snow in the winter and literally all of our property burning in the summer!
And here in the majestic Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we now have a month of winter.
Like, we just have, like, February and maybe a slice of March is winter.
The rest of what you would consider to be winter is just what we would call a cold fall.
It's just, oh man, it's December, so it's just slightly colder fall.
Any snow?
No.
No snow.
That sounds like the net.
I love fall.
Oh, if we could have perpetual fall, that'd be the best.
And of course, now our Massachusetts summers are hotter.
It's weird.
It's almost like something's happening that's increasing the temperatures.
I don't know.
Almost as if the climate has been changing?
Almost.
Almost as if, yes.
Almost as if.
The other thing I want to finish up about this whole Lab League versus Wet Market thing is that Team Lab League is never honest about what they mean when they talk about the Lab League.
Because when you're talking about it from the standpoint of, oh, it got out of the lab, that is just Like the story of some scientist was working on the virus and then something happened and they thought they had a cold, but it was really the virus infecting them.
They went home.
They infected their family.
Then their wife goes to work.
Their kids go to school.
Boom!
Next thing you know, coronavirus everywhere.
That's not what the Lab League people are actually talking about.
They actually want to talk about it being a Chinese bioweapon that was intentionally unleashed on the world to shut down humanity and ruin Donald Trump's re-election chances, because that's how you would fuck with Donald Trump.
He's so powerful, only a global pandemic could have brought Donnie Two Scoops to his knees.
That's the thing is that even if you were the most earnest, like, lab-leak believer in the world, and you really thought it was an accident from a lab, you are in bed with absolute conspiratorial lunatics who are still going on about this being a QI-COM bioweapon.
And it's like, no, like, notice who your friends are, buddy.
Notice who's associating with you.
Like, if you're like, I believe in this thing, and then you look around and everyone else who believes in it is evil or Nazis or whatever.
Maybe you should be like, maybe I shouldn't believe in this thing, or maybe if I want to believe in it, I should reassess a little and see why they're with me on this issue.
Oh, Mike, you rosy-cheeked babe in the woods.
In order for them to think that way, they would have to assume that Nazis are bad.
This is true.
This is absolutely true.
Because for you and I, and most reasonable folks, if a Nazi says something, you're inclined to just be like, well, why would I trust what you were saying?
You are a Nazi.
But there's this special class of people, and those people are sort of at the very least Nazi-adjacent, and they think that maybe these Nazis have some pretty cool ideas.
Those people are wrong.
Yes!
God.
Oh, boy.
Anyway, speaking of wrong, let's go to one of our wrongest states in the country and turn the mic over to our good friend Haley, aka Arizona Right Wing Watch, for a segment which I have named Arizona Right Wing Watch.
Look at me.
I'm a clever guy.
Haley, what's been going on in your fine state?
Well, I'm here.
A lot of stuff is going on here, but I'm here to talk about Carrie, you know?
Gary Lake, fan favorite.
Gary Lake, big winner.
Fan favorite queen of Arizona.
Yeah.
She lost a while ago.
Yeah.
If you hadn't noticed.
Right.
Yeah.
So what is the shadow governor up to now?
Well, yesterday she had a big prayer meeting because her case might get heard by the Supreme
They're debating if they'll hear her.
The Arizona Supreme Court.
They're debating if they're going to hear her case challenging the election, which has been shut down twice now for having no evidence and being embarrassing.
But she held a big prayer meeting yesterday where like a couple hundred people showed up.
That's probably the video you saw going viral, Mike.
Did God show up?
I don't think so because he's not been really answering her prayers.
But you never know.
He works in mysterious ways.
I feel like he probably doesn't answer a lot of them, right?
We only hear about the ones he answers because people want to grow about it.
Nobody wants to hold a press conference and be like, you know what, I prayed last night for some shit and God did not deliver on his end of the bargain.
Exactly.
That would probably only be news if the Pope did it.
Then it would hit a little different.
Comes out of the balcony.
He was just like, yeah, I really wanted to get the new Yeezys and God delivers, so we're breaking up now.
Satan is my new best friend.
That would be awesome if the Pope just was like, you know what?
I don't even buy into this shit anymore.
I'm out.
I'm done.
Or, the Pope becoming a Satanist would also be awesome.
The Pope converting to Islam?
Now that would be spicy.
That would be really good.
Lateral move, really.
Yes.
That's a secret for us.
Anyway, none of that has anything to do with Carrie Lake.
Well, I guess it's, like, God-adjacent, and apparently so is she.
Yes.
So, I mean, God didn't show up.
I'm assuming Jesus also had no show, and the skies didn't open up and shaft a ray of light down upon her and put a crown on her head.
Not yet.
I'm assuming things are still looking pretty bad for her.
Well, the Supreme Court is definitely not going to vote in her favor because there's no fucking evidence, but it's kind of funny because there's some pretty powerful Republicans on the Arizona Supreme Court who are pretty friendly with the rest of the AZGOP.
And I've seen some of them, like, warning Carrie, like, you better not call them, like, frauds and accuse them of being, like, you know, part of the cabal when, if you lose the case, if your case gets denied or if you lose, like, like a Republican saying, like, tweeting that, which I thought was funny because she's definitely going to do that.
That's the thing about these conspiracies.
That's the way all these conspiracies work, because they only get bigger.
Because the conspiracy theory is true.
That is like rule number one.
The conspiracy theory is real.
Carrie Lake got screwed by the 19 inch ballots and the polling places getting shut down and
the mail-in ballots and the mules and anything else.
So she got dropped, period, point blank.
That's a true statement.
Anyone who denies this statement is part of the conspiracy against her.
So when these buddy-buddy Republican judges tell her, look, we would love to rule in your
favor, but you got fucking nothing.
So we can't, she's going to turn around and call them deep state shills and cabal fucking
puppets and all that good stuff.
She's never going to be like, oh, well, these well-reasoned, measured Republicans looked at my case on the merits and came up that I just didn't have the goods.
Introspection is impossible for Carrie Lake, so she's never going to look at her case and be like, fuck, I didn't have enough goods.
I didn't bring the documents.
I didn't have the evidence.
Unfortunate.
She's about to learn the hard-ass lesson that those crazy teen girls back during the Salem Witch Trials learned, where if you have enough juice to point like a conspiracy gun at somebody and get them in trouble, You have to, like, toe the line of who you use it on, because you can't use it on anyone who's got more juice than you, but not so much juice that they can ignore you completely.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, if they have to look your way and you're antagonizing them, but they are stronger than you, they can crush you immediately.
So you just have to like not you, you have to not accuse the judge or the judge's wife
or whatever to of being a witch.
Because at any moment, he's just like, no, we're done here.
We're good.
It just shuts it down immediately.
Exactly, exactly.
So if she decides to spout her bullshit at the wrong person, I'm assuming there are people out there that have enough power inside the Republican Party where they could just be like, hey, the new mandate is Carrie Lake who?
And then in a year we don't have to talk about her anymore.
Wouldn't that be great?
Until she's Trump's vice president pick.
Yeah.
I was going to say the same thing.
Or she's also considering a run for Senate for cinema seat.
Oh God.
Can she please be the new McSally who just loses race after race for Republicans?
I'd be so good.
Yeah.
For those of you who don't know who McSally is, McSally actually was the person who lost to Cinema and then lost to Kelly, who then beat Blake Masters.
So basically, she's just been the... She's like basically the stand-in for a Republican loser candidate.
If you just think Arizona losers, you think McSally.
That's just the way it works.
Wow, they probably shouldn't use that as their box quote or their campaign slogan.
When you think loser... Hey, that's what Lake's gonna be sued.
When you think loser, you think Lake.
I mean, that's... Yeah, I'm wondering if she'll even get out of the Republican, like, win the Republican primary in that, because Mark Lamb has already announced he's the sheriff.
He's a sheriff here.
Oh yeah, he's the sheriff nut guy.
I remember him.
Yeah, he's a QAnon sheriff.
And people love him.
The ladies are really horny for him because he's kind of buff and like, you know, I don't know.
They think he's hot.
Oh, that's one of my favorite things in QAnon is the casual misogyny against the JFK Jr.
truthers.
I don't know why QAnon hates JFK Jr.
so much being alive as they do, but I've just seen so many of them post stuff like, Oh, the JFK Jr.
people are just these bored housewives who wish you would bang them.
And it's like, you're the guys that are sitting there going, maybe AOC is the secret white hat.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Because you've got a crush on her.
But men who are attracted to women are okay.
Women who are attracted to men are icky and gross.
I mean, to be fair, they're probably not super fond of their feelings towards AOC because, you know, these misogynists are also racists.
Yeah.
That's why they edited her to look like white.
If you've seen that.
I mean, I'm assuming under the best of times.
Like, I'm sure if you dig deep enough on True Social or whatever, you can find some real horrible shit in regards to all of that that I don't want to think about because fuck those people.
Yeah.
Uh, so moving right along, uh, and people that I wish I didn't have to think about, uh, let's talk about Ron DeSantis, I think, uh, is how that's pronounced, or is it DeSantos?
No, that's not it.
It'd be great.
That's the hot new pivot.
Ron DeSantis is secretly illegal.
Like, Trump, get on it.
Boom.
That one's for free.
Oh, man.
That would be basically the only line of attack he hasn't taken against DeSantis recently.
So, our boy, who we're going to be talking a lot about in the news, in case you haven't noticed, Donald Trump, kind of making some headlines, but our boy Trump, Posted a message because DeSantis came out to say that he was not going to get involved in extradition between New York and Florida Should there be a need to extradite Trump from Florida to New York to stand to stand accused of his crimes and
Trump got all upset about this and started whining and he was just like, Oh, when they come after you, DeSantis, we'll see who stands up for you.
Cause they might go after you for, you know, being around like the wrong woman or man.
And people were like, Oh man, really?
Trump's like going with the gay attack on DeSantis.
And the funny thing was, is he posted this and then he like deleted it very quickly.
And people were like, oh man, so I guess Trump just thought that was a bridge too far.
But then he reposted it with the photo of DeSantis with the high school or young college women and the implication that DeSantis was partying with underage girls.
So Trump was not like, oh man, I've, I've crossed the line here.
He's like, I didn't go far enough across the line.
I need to make this even spicier.
I need to just hit DeSantis even harder with this underage woman or man attack that I've lined up.
Cause I really want people to know DeSantis is maybe gay, possibly a pedophile and just an absolute piece of shit.
Cause he won't prevent New York from extraditing me from Florida should they decide to do so.
I love how Ron DeSantis seems like such a nobody for Donald Trump to be firing, like, every arrow in his quiver at him.
He's a pedophile!
He's gay!
Like, boo-boo, like, we hate this guy.
And then, oh my god, I don't know if you saw the headlines, Mike and or Haley, but apparently, on an interview with Peters Morgan, Ron DeSantis got pretty aggressive at Trump, saying something along the lines of, I think people should be truthful.
Wow, what a savage beating.
What an absolute savaging.
Fucking clown shit.
And any media outlet, I don't care how, liberal, conservative, whatever, any news outlet that's out there trying to drum up fucking clicks by claiming that he, like, Ron DeSantis is unhinged, he's going after, oh my god!
Like, yeah, fuck the lot of you.
He didn't say shit.
All he said was that politicians should be truthful, which we've all always believed, and also, none of us expect.
Oh yeah, I saw some people talking about DeSantis unloads on Trump.
It's like, no, he didn't.
DeSantis, it is so wild to me that DeSantis had built himself up as this brash, confident, swaggering, uh, big dick energy, just, I'm Ron DeSantis and I don't take shit from nobody.
He had Jorge Masvidal, a UFC fighter, cutting campaign ads for him in Florida about what a tough fighter he is and how he keeps Florida free.
And now he's finally in a real fight.
He's finally in an actual battle with another like major Republican.
And he is so milquetoast.
He is so weak.
He just, he doesn't have the gumption he needs in order to actually fight with Trump.
And I, I don't know what he expects to happen here.
Cause Trump isn't going to, I mean, even if Trump gets indicted for everything, he's not going away.
Trump is his opponent in these primaries and.
The Republican Party is like, it is locked into Trump.
They're handcuffed together as Trump is about to be handcuffed by himself.
But.
This idea that he could just run some sort of weird, above-the-fray, I'm just a hard-working governor of Florida putting Floridians first and doing my best for those people.
And if the good people of America, out of the kindness of their hearts, would give me the honor of serving them as president, I will do my best.
No, fuck you, Ron.
That's not what Republicans want.
You know what Republicans want?
They want the Stop Woke Act.
They want book burnings.
They want all this bullshit.
And in order to prove that you've got the gumption to do it nationwide, you've got to go with Trump.
And he's absolutely incapable of doing it.
He's completely gutless.
He had this really funny post, I saw it in an interview, where he said that he was born in Tennessee but his values are that of Ohio and Pennsylvania and the hardscrabble Midwest.
What does that even mean?
Are you saying that Florida sucks?
You're the governor of Florida!
You're like, I don't have Florida values.
I have Ohio values.
He values trust in his politicians.
So when he looks around Florida, he probably thinks, damn, this place fucking sucks.
Their governor's a lying piece of shit who does nothing but persecute people.
He's an absolute scumbag.
Who would vote for that guy?
Oh wait, it's me.
I'm attacking me.
He's harder on himself than he is on Trump.
This is incredible.
And like, dear listener, if you happen to be in Florida and you're just like, man, They are really taking it to our state, like they take it to the Dakotas.
Then let me assure you, I know what it's like to be one of the cool people living in a place that has a stigma about it that isn't necessarily wrong, like Boston, or anywhere in the Midwest, or the South, for that matter.
Even Arizona.
Yeah, we have Arizona Right-Wing Watch on the show right now.
Don't worry, we get it.
The moral of the story is that most states suck.
True, true.
That's true.
Big facts.
I had a guy from Texas in the casino a couple of days ago, and he actually just declared the best state in America is Montana, which I thought was really mind blowing that a Texan would just give up on his own state.
And he's like, you know what's even better?
Montana.
Cause there's even nothing there.
And it's just awesome.
And I was like, okay, whatever you want, sir.
You got it.
Enjoy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess if you're into, like, sort of... I mean, I can see how, like, if you're, like, a Texas person that styles himself after a cowboy, you'd, like, sort of, like, look sort of wistfully at Montana.
I feel like Montana's probably the second state I would immediately associate with cowboys, which is weird, just because it is... I do also associate it with nothingness.
It just seems like a great place, like, if you like planes, baby, or if you just want to, like, you know, ride a horse someplace where there ain't nobody, I've got a state for you.
Montana.
Every state rocks in their own way, it's just every state government is trash.
That's my opinion.
We have the Grand Canyon, you know?
Arizona's not so bad.
I can tan like 300 days a year.
But, you know, we got Wendy Rogers.
Yes!
And for those of you who don't know, Hayley's natural skin tone is Trump's.
She's actually just naturally orange.
Yeah, I'm really orange.
The beautiful Arizona sun just baking her every day of her life.
Yeah, she looks like Duke Nukem.
Not the action hero one, but the one from Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
I think he was based out of Phoenix.
I think that's the actual lore.
So I think that's right.
I think that tracks.
Let's go to the lore scoreboard.
The lore board.
Is it canon?
Bing!
Oh man, that's the ultimate nerd show that would get 20 viewers at most.
So good.
Contact me, Dropout.
I'll help host it and everything.
I really just want to meet Brennan Lee Mulligan.
Call to action, listeners!
Make that happen!
If any of you have the juice, give me an opportunity to stop doing the podcast by instead going to work for Dropout!
Anyway, I guess it's time for us to get down to brass tacks.
We can only avoid talking about our orange daddy for so long, so let's get to our news segment, shall we?
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
All right, folks, I'm just going to level with you.
In our show notes here, I have this listed as Trump indictment waiting room, because that is sort of the situation we find ourselves in, waiting to see if Donald Trump is finally going to get indicted by the state of New York.
And for more as to why and who the players are, I'm going to toss it over to our buddy Mike Rains.
Mike Rains, fill us in on what's going on with Trump possibly finally getting arrested.
Okay, so the Attorney General Bragg, who is now the quote-unquote Soros-funded Attorney General of New York.
Trish.
Yeah, oh, absolutely.
That was the one sad thing DeSantis did in his whole press conference about exerting Trump was Use the word Soros prompt, uh, like maybe like 50 times because he just had to let everybody know that while I won't let, I won't stop Trump from being cuffed and stuffed.
I do want everyone to know that evil Jews are behind the plot to indict Trump.
That is what is happening.
So yeah.
And it's just really subtle, Ron, real subtle, but.
So Bragg, puppet of George Soros, is in the process of indicting Trump, or so we think.
Now, Trump was the one who blathered about how he was going to get indicted on Tuesday of this week, which Now that people have actually been reviewing what's going on, it seemed like it was kind of an impossibility because this grand jury meets on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
They don't actually meet on Tuesdays.
So on a day they weren't going to meet, they were going to indict him.
It seems very weird.
So basically today they were meeting and then Bragg cancelled today's meeting with the grand jury but he told the jury to be on standby for tomorrow so he may be presenting something to them tomorrow to begin the process of an indictment and Fox News is freaking out right now and posting articles about how the Manhattan D.A.
office is up in arms.
They don't even know if this is a good thing to do or not.
They're debating if the indictment will happen.
Have we mentioned which one of the smorgasbord of crimes he committed he's finally getting indicted for yet?
So this indictment is the Stormy Daniels hush money payment.
This is the Michael Cohen, who was Trump's lawyer at the time, took out a giant home
equity loan of like $130,000, paid Stormy Daniels off with it.
And then they, the Trump campaign wrote this off as some sort of campaign contribution,
which was illegal bookkeeping.
So they illegally paid a porn star to shut up about the sex she had with Trump and his tiny mushroom-shaped penis, then wrote it down as a campaign finance thing.
And there's also talk about how there may be witness tampering involved because someone may have gone to Cohen and told him, you say what we need you to say.
And if you do that, we will give you a pardon.
So this whole thing has nothing to do with the New York tax case that's going against Trump, which is moving forward in a civil lawsuit for a quarter of a billion dollars.
And I believe that will start in October.
So.
We have that to look forward to, and also those tax charges may result in criminal penalties against Trump at some point in the future.
But for now, New York has criminally pivoted away from the taxes and is now focused exclusively on the Stormy Daniels stuff.
So does it seem like an actual, so does it seem like indictment is imminent, or could this all just be, like end up being a huge nothing?
I mean, there seems to be like a lot of heat around this one.
Yeah, that's the thing is that this seems very much like it's going to happen.
I kind of feel like the between what they've been doing with Cohen and the people that have been going before the jury, Trump just had his lawyer testify before the grand jury, which was That was what we talked about last week where Trump was offered and he was like, oh, uh, thanks, but no thanks.
I will not be testifying before the grand jury.
Thank you.
But his, his lawyer went before the grand jury and Trump was like, my lawyer destroyed Michael Cohen.
He told everyone the truth and the truth is I did nothing wrong.
It was a perfect hush money bribe to Stormy Daniels and everything's great and totally legal.
And if I know anything about Trump's legal team, it's that typically when they get grilled by somebody, they destroy them.
I don't know if anyone else has seen any of the clips of all the recent interviews that have been happening with Trump's defense team or whatever, but man, crushing it, they have not been.
They have been getting actually bodied.
And not the Piers Morgan, DeSantis, coming after Trump way, but like the real actual journalist coming after somebody saying a bunch of wrong stuff way.
Those dudes get so sweaty so fast.
Oh yeah, like the guy that was reaching for the paper on CNN, he's like, let me see that!
Let me see the documents!
Yeah, getting cornered in an argument with facts, so you just like, go after it like Gollum in The One Ring, like, ARGH!
Yes!
Yeah, so...
Now the other thing about all of this is, is that while everyone's waiting for New York to potentially indict Trump, he's still on the hook for Georgia, which could happen at any moment now, and When we move to our next topic in the headlines, he's also facing even spicier shit going on in federal court right now, which is not getting, which is not as close to the indictment event as New York, maybe, but it feels like what's going on in the federal court right now is much worse for Trump than just a indictment over the hush money with Stormy Daniels.
And also, for the record, a lot of the hot heat coming off of this potential indictment comes from the man himself, who truthed out on either Sunday or Monday, I believe, that he was just like, I'm gonna be indicted on Tuesday, y'all!
And it's just like, uh, okay, breaking news from the Trumpster, I guess.
Yeah, and it's... people are really trying to figure out why the fuck he did that.
Was he trying to get in front of it?
Was he trying to create a false deadline so when it didn't happen he could be like, look, didn't get indicted, they back down, I win again, go me.
Like, why was he leaking the timetable for his own indictment?
It was very confusing.
I was submitting to the QAnon crowd, it was 5D chess.
Oh, you have no idea about, oh my God, this shit with these people.
They have so quickly pivoted about this indictment.
It is incredible.
Every last one of them is just like, look at the testicle get indicted.
What a master stroke.
It really is!
That is them unironically saying that.
They're just like, oh, the deep state is so flailing and desperate, so pathetic in their attempts to stop Trump that they'll do anything, that they're now indebting him on a bogus charge.
It will backfire on them spectacularly.
And he will win election in 2024 in a landslide because the sheep are going to wake up.
They're going to see the system being used in this unfair manner against their beloved former president.
And oh, man.
People are going to be camping out for months in front of the polling stations to vote for Trump when the day comes, because boy, they're just going to be so, so angry about him being persecuted malevolently by the corrupt deep state.
They've completely mapped out this alternate reality.
Even our boy Elon was like, oh, if they indict Trump, he's going to win in 2024.
Totally going to happen.
And that's what they said about the Mar-a-Lago raid.
When Mar-a-Lago got raided, everyone was like, oh, Republicans going to win the midterms in a landslide now.
And then, spoiler alert, they did not.
They actually lost seats in the Senate.
So this is how they cope with this stuff, that everything that's bad for them is actually secretly good.
That the deep state has wandered into yet another trap, the one millionth trap they've wandered into.
All right.
Transitioning away from all the action that's happening in New York, let's take a look at the aforementioned Trump federal woes.
Because I have here at our headline sheet, federal quote-unquote bombshell.
It's a pretty strong term, Mike.
So I guess I'm waiting for it.
I prepared.
Drop the bomb on me.
Okay, so the problem is that the Jack Smith's federal prosecuting team went to a judge and they told the judge that Trump's lawyers in this case, when this has to do with the stolen documents, Trump's lawyers in this case have to testify about things that Trump did with these documents that they know about citing the crime slash fraud exemption to attorney, client, and privilege.
Which basically means that if you're an attorney and you see your client, basically, let's say they're your client, just shoot somebody in front of you.
You can't be like, oh no, attorney-client privilege, we can't talk about that.
No, it's like if your client does a drug buy in front of you or tells you about the drug buy they did with evidence for it, you have to talk about it.
And the judge in this case Ruled that, yes, what you've presented to me rises to the level of crime fraud exemption.
And these lawyers are going to have to produce their evidence about these things that happen with the documents.
And there is the reporting indicates that there are handwritten notes and also audio tapes involving this evidence involving what happened here that these lawyers are going to have to talk about.
Doug, are you taking notes on a fucking criminal conspiracy?
Yes!
Yes!
We are actually in Stringer Bell World now, yes.
Man, when you were talking about all that, I want to find out if the crime fraud exemption has always been on the books, and if not, I want to make a movie that's set before then that's a scintillating thriller where somebody gets this attorney to represent them and then abducts them and makes them do all sorts of horrible shit that they have to keep quiet about just to torture them.
That'd be insane.
Hit me up, Del Toro.
We'll get working on it together.
It'll be great.
We'll get A24 involved.
It's all about the A24 now.
They're the bees knees and the cat's pajamas.
They are totally crushing it.
Good for them.
Yeah.
Anyway, so this bombshell stuff, has anything come out of this yet?
Or are we just waiting the same sort of way that we are for Trump to be indicted for this to bear some sort of criminal fruit?
We do have to wait for this to bear criminal fruit, but The idea that a judge looked at the evidence that the Jack Smith team presented to him and the judge was like, Oh my God, like this rises to the level of criminality where a lawyer is going to have to like, they're going to have to waive attorney client privilege to talk about this, that they have to do this.
This That basically is basically indicating that a crime was committed because that's the only way you can get to this level of exemption.
So I know that there's a bunch of lawyer talk about how, Oh, this meets this certain threshold.
Then you have to go to up to this threshold for an indictment.
And then you're going to have to go to even higher threshold for a conviction, but to, um, Me, the layperson, and I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know all this fancy legal talk, but that situation seems to be very much of the likelihood that Trump has done something very wrong and that his lawyer is going to have to admit to that.
And this Like, I don't, I've heard people talk about the Stormy Daniels thing maybe being a misdemeanor.
I've heard a lot of like whining about this is a tiny crime.
It's kind of meaningless because if they'd gotten Hillary on a parking ticket, the right wing would have actually had it thrown a parade.
But this is the potential espionage potential actual like treason shit where Trump was selling these documents to the highest bidder who were foreign nations, probably Saudi Arabia.
So this is this is the real crime.
This is the actual like just big boy shit that I think it's going to be even harder.
I know Republicans are going to bury their heads in the sand until QAnon, but I really, this is, this is the bad stuff that Trump's looking at, not the Stormy Daniels stuff.
Well, that is sweet.
And I am excited for that, but to be fair, I would go ahead and call that less of a bombshell and more of evidence suggesting there is a bomb.
Fair.
I can accept that.
Like, somebody has called in and they're just like, yo, there is a bomb.
This is like, it has not exploded yet, but we have reason to suspect that there is a bomb.
So hopefully when it gets messy down the line, it'll get real messy and we can continue to just talk about Donald Trump getting indicted for more crimes every week.
That'd be great.
We've transitioned from talking about how badly Alex Jones is getting his ass paddled in court podcast to talking about how badly Donald Trump is getting his ass paddled in court podcast.
Yes!
The judge, Judge Howell, quote, found that the prosecutor showed significant evidence that Trump intentionally concealed the existence of additional classified documents from his lawyers and that they put Corcoran, I don't know how to say the guy's name, in an unwitting position to deceive the government.
So basically, Trump lied to his lawyer and said, I don't got any more documents.
And then the lawyer went to the feds and said, Hey, Trump's good here.
He's got no more documents.
And then when the feds found the documents, they were like, wait a minute, Trump lied about not having these documents.
And he lied to his lawyer about it.
And This is something that Trump was known for, that he's a pathological liar, that he lies to everybody, and that in previous instances when Trump had lawyers, those lawyers would only meet him in pairs, so that the lawyers could back each other up on Trump's lies.
They never wanted to meet Trump one-on-one, because then it's he said versus he said, or he said, she said, when Trump's like, I didn't say that, I don't know what you're fucking talking about!
So, because lawyers know Trump is incredibly slippery and horribly corrupt, they now have developed anti-Trump corruption measures to try to prevent him from being able to get one over on them.
They have to use the buddy system to avoid any sort of, like, criminal mix-up when Donald Trump just lies to their face about stuff.
Yes, that's where they're at.
That's where these lawyers are stuck with.
They've got to bring in two people, one of them probably wearing a wire, the other one making eye contact with Trump as they're taking notes in front of him.
They're like, OK, Don.
I'm hearing you.
I'm writing down everything you're saying to me right now, and also talking to my buddy's lapel a little louder, please.
I should have suspected something was amiss when they hired the law offices of Bananas in Pajamas.
Yes.
God.
There's your weird reference of the day.
I have to do one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I had to do one.
Oh, for our British listeners, Bananas in Pajamas.
There you go.
Shoutout to the Pyjamas crowd out there.
I also prefer calling it Zed, but, you know, it's an uphill battle.
So, like, I'm sorry.
I feel your struggle when you hear American English.
I salute you, people in Britain.
Anyway, let's move on to our last news topic of the week, shall we?
And that's going to be, of course, Donald Trump related.
He's not happy about all the stuff going down for him, but he's asking his exuberant fanbase to rise up once again, having learned nothing from him doing the same thing ahead of January 6th, because why would he?
But this time, let's just say mixed results.
And for this one, I'm going to go to Mike and Haley, Arizona Right Wing Watch, to discuss Trump's limp protest powers.
Take it away, folks.
Yes.
So Haley, tell us about the protests in Arizona, the mighty protests in Arizona.
I honestly think we had the biggest one.
I was looking at protests elsewhere and it was like, I think we had the biggest one.
Even though it was only like five people during the day.
And it was so funny.
It was like a group of like... Wow, only 5,000 people showed up?
Yeah, 5,000.
That's so crazy.
Yeah, it was like a group of like retired three percenters, you know, just like old dudes retired who have nothing better to do but ignore their wives.
But they were like tailgating in the Capitol parking lot, making like toast on buckets on like an open propane flame.
Which is so funny to me because there's a jack-in-the-box in that parking lot.
Are you sure they weren't just homeless?
No, they weren't.
They weren't home.
They were talking about how they were there for Trump.
Oh, okay.
They were looking down the barrel of the camera and being like, yeah, we are here to support Donald Trump and are not homeless.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, would you like some propane toast?
That's literally what happened.
Yes.
And the reporters, I'm sure this is one of those things where like 20 Nazis go to a rally and like 75 reporters go there.
So each Nazi gets like five reporters to talk to them.
This is so accurate, Mike.
You are so real for this.
Like literally the only people that showed up into the night were like legitimate.
And I don't use this term lightly.
Neo-Nazis.
Base Mike, let him cook!
Let him cook!
And it's just like, they're there to recruit the five other dudes that are there loyally, you know?
Because those are guys easy to recruit.
And like, yeah, get interviewed on the camera.
But luckily, nobody even gave a shit in Arizona.
There was one actual professional photographer there.
Oh, thank God.
I like to picture these grizzled old white men who, from an outside perspective, may look and or behave homeless, but are not.
They probably have very nice mid-family homes or whatever, with wives that they ignore.
Own small businesses, absolutely.
Huddled around an open propane fire, just cooking bread on it.
Again, the behavior, they're not homeless, I have to stress this.
And the camera's just going around and each of them are saying their piece about Donald Trump, like that 70s show style.
And then eventually the camera spins around and it's just an obvious neo-Nazi with a fake beard.
They're just like, yeah, and the shoes, am I right?
Yeah, that's about it.
And then the bit ends with all the other guys sort of solidly, like, nodding their head, just being like, yeah.
And it's just like, no!
He's obviously not one of you, and it would stop being anti-Semitic for no reason.
You're here to support Donald Trump and eat barely toasted bread.
It is really wild that, so Trump calls for these protests and nobody protests.
I saw people posting on the Donald.Win and all these other forums were like, we're going to build a human moat around Mar-a-Lago and they're going to have to murder thousands of us to get to Donald the God Emperor.
We're not going to take it lying down.
Smash cut to like five guys in front of in Arizona, two guys in front of Trump Tower in New York.
Just.
Yeah, I believe I was saying reporting that there was more media at the protests in New York than there were protesters at the protests in New York.
Right, exactly.
That's what I was saying about the 20 Nazis and 75 reporters.
That's the thing that happens in these things all the time, where the idiot tries to start unrest, media flock to witness the unrest, the unrest actually doesn't happen.
Okay, well, so this begs the question.
Why?
Why this time, when Trump called for his people to rise up, why did it fail?
Do we think that this is maybe like a term, maybe this is like an indication that he is losing his juice?
Well, the first thing I think is that there's no actual sort of belief that anything could happen here.
That protesting against these indictments, like, achieves nothing because Trump is going to be indicted.
Nobody thinks they're going to spark a, like, second civil war sort of scenario where we back the New York police or the feds or whoever.
We back them down and we make Trump above the law.
Whereas on January 6th, these dumb-dumbs actually did think they could stop certification, that they could prevent Biden from becoming officially President-elect of the United States, having the Electoral College certify his victory.
They thought they could do something to keep Trump in power, and that this was an actual historical event where that could be done.
Whereas now, that juice doesn't exist.
Also, I saw an unbelievable number of QAnon believers that were just sitting there saying, you know, Trump's telling you to protest, but you can just make some memes.
You can just hang out on the internet.
We're all protesting in our own special way.
So don't, don't throw your back out.
Don't, don't do anything crazy.
So people are so worried about getting arrested after January 6th and that anything like this is a honeypot or a trap or some sort of trick.
So There was a lot of reticence against doing stuff like this.
And I saw some QAnon promoters being like, if they, if you won't accept your constitutional right or freedom of assembly, you've already let the deep state win.
You need to, you need to rise up.
You need to fight.
And a lot of people were like, yeah, the Q Shaman fought and then he got three years.
I ain't doing fucking three years.
Fuck that.
So I really do feel like a lot of people are very snake bit after January 6th.
And then there were other people like, well, don't bust out any windows or knock over any doors.
The way we got tricked last time.
I love that they talk about they were tricked.
I was tricked into punching a cop on January 6th.
You know, you just know how you do.
Those Antifa people get in your head that Mike Pence is fucking over Trump and Biden's gonna win the election, and the next thing you know, you just can't help yourself.
You're just duking it out with law enforcement.
You're like, yeah, I wish I wasn't doing this either, buddy, but I'm very bamboozled.
Yeah, I've been hoodwinked, and the only way I can react to being hoodwinked Is to slug law enforcement in the head.
That's just how this works.
And now that I've knocked you over, Mr. Police Officer, I'm gonna grab your riot shield and break down a window in the Capitol Building so I can enter it.
And I've been tricked into doing all these things.
Those wily Antifa Deep State Soros operatives have tricked me into my, like, homicidal rage that I am currently invoking right now.
All a trick.
Okay, so Donald Trump's armchair call to action got an armchair action response, which is to say people posting memes instead of actually protesting.
Do we think the reaction would have been, or possibly the future still can be, different if he were to call for action in the middle of a perp walk in front of a swarm of media cameras the way you know he wants?
That is possible.
And there's been reporting today that Trump wants to be perp walked.
That Trump literally wants to get cuffed, walk in front of cameras, while handcuffed, to just get attention on himself.
And that he has even gone to the dark place that he might get Oswalded.
That during his perp walk, someone might shoot him.
Oh, please.
I just, sorry, edit that out.
That's saying it.
Haley's request for Trump's birthday.
Bye.
I'm just kidding.
But yeah, like that's a weird thing to fetishize about, right?
To just be like, Oh, yeah, like, it's just like, yeah, totally.
I'm gonna do the perp walk, and it's gonna be great.
I get to say my piece in front of all those cameras.
is it? You know, if I happen to get assassinated, pretty good.
But you know, whatever.
Yeah, but the thing is, like, does it is his cause strong enough to succeed without it? Like,
You know what I mean?
For all the juice that he has surprised us with, I don't think he has a martyrdom level of juice.
It would certainly get sticky there for a while, but I think at some point Republicans themselves would just be like, alright, goobers, we can't actually do a civil war, you lunatics, calm down.
I think that for QAnon and for, like, the fringe, a Trump martyrdom is, like, the best thing that could possibly happen to them.
Because they would just turn him into the next Kennedy, he would- Oh yeah, he would be coming back in ten years, they'd be like, oh my god, like, whatever, like, look, we found him, he was in a cafe in France the whole time.
We never would have suspected we'd go to such a weak country, but that's why he's a genius.
5D chess is back, baby!
Oh yeah, absolutely.
He'd be the new Bigfoot.
I mean, that's... But for, like, mainstream Republicans... Actually, Trump's death is the best for everyone.
It's the best of both worlds.
Mainstream Republicans get to deny him and denounce him and be like, oh, we're never doing that crazy shit again.
Oh, he's dead and we're happy.
And QAnon gets to have a martyr.
So everyone wins if Donnie Tooskoops drops dead.
But what about us liberals?
What do we get out of the deal?
Dead Trump.
We get dead Trump also.
I will also accept dead Trump.
For the record, this is a comedy show.
Certainly none of us are wishing death on Donald Trump.
That would be irresponsible.
That would be the reward.
Yeah, I mean, you know what?
The real death of Donald Trump was the friends we made along the way.
Am I right, guys?
Yes!
I want to go to the funerals when Donald Trump dies so bad, you know?
Are you going to press X to pay some respects?
Oh no!
That would be a pretty funny sign to sneak into the Donald Trump funeral.
Oh my god, it would be.
Oh man.
God, press F for respect.
Let's do this.
Oh man.
It's a shame.
Just kidding.
Trump, we love you.
Please live forever.
Or whatever.
Or whatever I legally have to say after those spicy jokes.
Yes!
Let me confirm with our lawyers.
Okay, I think we're absolved.
We're absolutely, totally in the clear here.
Nailed it.
Comedy show, again.
Santyra, et cetera.
First Amendment, free speech, free, free speech, or A, come and take it.
Sorry.
It is just, I just really think it's like funny because Trump is such
a whiny baby about everything.
Yet, even in his darkest moment, he thinks to himself, you know what?
A perp walk would get on the news.
I would be on the news.
Wouldn't that be great?
It's going to be his campaign shirt.
Are you kidding?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Donald Trump is more surprisingly more like Jenna Maroney than any of us ever would have suspected.
Like, he seems like he will probably do just about anything to get in front of cameras, apparently in his own mind, possibly getting assassinated.
Wouldn't it be great, he said.
Like, I mean, hey, if you have to go out like that, I guess being in front of a bunch of cameras might, like, for some people, would be appealing.
I've often said that I would much rather be killed by, like, a tornado than, like, a heart attack or whatever, because at least then when somebody is just like, hey, what happened to Elton, you can be like, yeah, tornado.
Are you shitting me?
Yeah, that dude got thrown 200 feet in the air.
It was ridiculous.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Anyway, so let's go ahead and move on to our wonderful listener mailbag for the week.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. So DR initially opens up the mailbag by asking, how much longer till QAnon starts to love China now that they're backing Russia?
QAnon has no idea what their opinion on China is.
China is both bad and good at all times.
China is both the villain and the hero.
I've heard people say that Xi Jinping is destroying the Chinese Communist Party when he is the leader of it and he controls the Chinese Communist Party.
A 5G chest, baby!
He's destroying it from the inside out!
Within, yeah.
Yes, oh yeah.
Much like a virus, you see?
Dude, I think I found the sixth D.
I just, oh man, Trump's even like, Trump, there is no greater comedy in this world than the weird Trump videos he posts on Truth Social all the time now.
And the lighting is getting darker in every video and his like, his makeup is getting darker and more blotchy.
He's gone from orange to brown.
Give it two more months and he's gonna be an actual blackface, and people are gonna have to have a really uncomfortable conversation about that.
I mean, his bronzer is getting really weird.
But he had one of his videos where he was just like, the China flu, the Kung flu, that killed millions of people, China's gonna have to pay bigly for what they've done.
I don't know how, but they will.
Everything he says now is very sing-songy, his cadence is very stilted, and they're not editing, like, they only edit jump cuts in these videos, because, like, sometimes they'll do camera one, camera two, where it'll be, like, full-on shot, and then, like, a quarter-face shot, and when he just fucking gets off script too badly, they'll do, like, that jump cut from one to the other, but the videos where it's just two minutes of him just directing the camera with no camera two, The asides he does are so bizarre.
He'll be like, China did this thing and it was a very bad thing.
Very bad.
So unacceptable what China did, but they'll pay, and then he slowly reins himself back into the teleprompter, and it's just like, holy shit, this guy.
How these people think he's gonna last a year campaigning while under indictment.
Hoo boy, his brain's already tapioca.
You add in all the stress and the stress eating he's gonna do, that dude's gonna be like three and a half bills in no time flat.
But um, Their story of China is super nuts, because they did coronavirus to cost Trump the election, but they're also working with Russia to topple America, and America's bad.
So if you're looking for internal consistency in QAnon about China, you're never going to find it.
Never not once, because they don't know what they're talking about.
They're goldfish.
They're just goldfish, and whatever happens today, Is good.
Like, today, China's allying with Russia.
Yay.
Tomorrow, someone's gonna have a Lab League story.
China bad.
Boo.
Yeah, they're wearing their American military uniform, but a Chinese military form under that, just in case.
Yes!
They're just double-dipping, so that way they can play both sides.
They love playing both sides.
They love just giving themselves an out to always be right, even when they're never right.
Yes, that's how it works.
China is the good bad, and Xi is a white hat deep state operative.
So that's just how it works.
And definitely not Winnie the Pooh.
Definitely not.
Winnie the Pooh is backed by Soros, just want you to know that.
Yeah, Winnie the Pooh is definitely deep state, for sure.
Play-Doh's Pizza Party.
What do Q folks think about Ivanka deciding not to support her father's reelection campaign?
Guessing crickets, but wondering if there's been bother to bring it up in any capacity.
You were right.
You answered your own question.
Total silence.
Ivanka is absolutely just a heretic.
We do not speak of her.
Her name is anathema.
I mean, to be fair, that's probably for the best.
I'm certainly not a fan of anyone in Trump's orbit, but the people that are smart enough to get away from him now, probably pretty good.
Uh, you know, regardless of how QAnon feels of the issue, which I guess is no way, maybe they're just happy.
Maybe they're just happy for her getting away from it all.
They're just like, yeah!
They're just looking and like slowly clapping.
Well, I mean, the thing is that she's always been kind of the bad child of the Trump kids, because they love Trump Jr.
They love Eric.
Ivanka converted to Judaism for her husband, who is Jewish, so there's always been that level of sort of dissidence with QAnon when it comes to her, because that's the bad religion.
And you're not, we don't talk about that unless we're the anti-Semite QAnoners, but yeah.
Camera pans around, guy in fake beard.
Yes.
Am I right?
Yes.
Absolutely.
How do you do getting in here?
That was one of my favorite moments ever, was I was arguing with AwakendOutlaw, who is one of the QAnon promoters who's not an anti-Semite, and I just brought up, I'm like, yo bro, you hang out with lots of vicious anti-Semites.
The guy was like, I'm not an anti-Semite!
And then another QAnon promoter jumped in and was like, I am!
I'm a crazy anti-Semite and damn proud.
And then I was like, look, hey outlaw, what are you going to say?
What are you going to say?
And he said, he did not reply.
He did not reply to the guy who was just like, I hate Jews and I don't care who knows it.
That's my defining feature of my life is my blind hatred of a group of people for no reason.
And it was just like, oof.
Sarge was picking a fight with somebody who was white-facing some black representation and magic artwork on Twitter.
It was great.
That guy was just like, yep, you know what?
I'm sick and tired of all you people that are complaining about the blackface, whatever.
I'm going to do what I want, because the Lord of the Rings is pure and I love it, or whatever.
So good on Sarge for getting in there and dunking on losers on Twitter.
Yeah.
You might not be here recording the pod with us, sir, but I am going to salute you anyway for your good work going after racists on the Internet.
Fuck those clowns.
Yes.
Essential Corp has a question very near and dear to my heart.
What are your experiences with escape rooms?
I've done a handful of them and generally like them.
I mean, I haven't been back to one post the Rona, so I don't know if it hits different now.
But at the time, it was like, you know, right when they started to get popular, they were a lot of fun.
I loved poking around in the ones that I did.
The best one I went to, unfortunately, had, like, the rooms that they had available were great.
And very wealthy, well-executed, with smart puzzles and stuff.
But, at the expense of the turnaround on those rooms being incredibly low, to the point where I did all of their rooms, it was just like, okay, I'll come back when you get some new ones.
And they just never did.
Hailey, have you done any escape rooms?
I have never done escape rooms like IRL.
I've done like those old game ones, but this weekend I was like wandering around downtown and like a bunch of people are dressed as Smurfs and I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
And, uh, there was like an out, like the whole section of the city that they were walking around was like a big escape room that they were trying to solve the puzzle of or something.
Okay, so there's this group.
I've done the outdoor escape room thing, and it's basically kind of like a scavenger hunt where your phone...
Directs you around and you interview witnesses and you solve riddles those witnesses give you.
And you unlock clues to solve the murder over the course of time.
And the problem with that game is that, what Elle said about the rooms that he did, the turnaround and the play of those outdoor escape rooms is very bizarre.
Because the company that runs them, He's like, Hey, play the escape room in Boston this weekend.
And we're like, okay.
And they're like, Oh, I missed it.
When can I do it again?
They're like four months from now.
It's like, why?
It's an app on your phone.
You can do it whenever.
So, um, Call to action for our listeners.
If anyone can design an app for this kind of ARG kind of thing, talk to me because here is the billion dollar idea.
We just designed this thing and we run it exclusively in Salem, Massachusetts, and we let you play it every weekend of October.
And we just like a million dollars because we just lure all the tourists in the Salem They play our ARG Escape Room in Salem, and they're rich, and then we revamp it every year.
We just run a different one every October in Salem.
And if we need to take it nationwide later, we will.
If not, we'll just collect all our money from all the people that just go to the Witch City, because Lord knows it's the craziest tourism hub in the universe for one month a year, and good on them for being so.
Dude, you have to hear about that fine line I was talking about earlier.
Look at us talking about historical Salem, Massachusetts a bunch on this week's podcast.
Yes!
So topical, considering we are just about as far out from Halloween as one could expect.
Yes.
If you were looking at a calendar, with the months side by side, we'd probably be pretty close to being directly opposite the globe, so to speak, from October.
Yes.
As for actual escape rooms, I've done a trillion of them.
I love escape rooms.
I think the funniest thing that ever happened to me with escape rooms was the incredibly bad one I did one time, because me and my escape room team that I do these with, we are addicts, and if we can do like seven in a day, we will.
And we did.
And then we found there was an escape room like a half hour away from where the places where we did the seven.
And we were like, fuck it, let's do an eighth.
So we drove to it, we went to it, and our brains were totally fried.
Making mistakes.
We were drunk on escape room.
We basically were drunk on escape rooms.
We had an escape room burnout.
We absolutely did.
But we were making all these mistakes.
We missed really obvious places.
Like, Oh, look, there's a, there's a, there's a mouse hole on the floor.
And if you reach in, there's a key.
It's like, why didn't we do that 15 minutes ago?
And we were just screwing up and we were making all these mistakes.
And if you don't know how an escape room generally works, you have an hour, you have an hour to beat the room.
If you, if you complete the room in an hour, you win.
If you don't, you lose.
So we had made every mistake we possibly could, and at the 30-minute mark, we solved these puzzles and got this key for this door.
And we were like, OK, we're going to put this key in this door, and we're going to open it, and it's going to take us into the second room that we've got to complete to win the game.
We put the key in the door, we opened it, we walked out, and the guy was like, you win!
And we were like, we beat that room in a half hour, and we were fucking terrible the whole way.
Who is challenged by this room?
You're just stealing money!
Get fucked, idiot!
I mean, it was like the worst thing I've ever seen, where we were so frustrated with how bad we were playing, and we won in a half hour, and it was like, no, we're not that good.
This room is actually that bad.
So that was, it was, it was funny, because like, I've had a bunch of really excellent rooms I could talk about, but that room was inspired in its awfulness.
Beautiful.
So that was a magical thing.
I'm so sorry, Ken.
You've told me how to spell your last name, but say your last name.
Ken Stanchik says, favorite vacation destination?
And Fruity Potatoes this week is wearing a Florida shirt with a lei over him as a good doggo would.
So what are your favorite vacation destinations?
I've never really taken a vacation, like a traditional vacation, I guess, like a family vacation or whatever.
I've never gone to like Hawaii or like the Caribbean or, you know, even over to like Europe.
Like a bunch of my friends have done like European vacations.
I don't know.
I go to MAGFest every year.
I love going to MAGFest.
That's always usually a pretty good scene.
So shout out to MAGFest and my DGens that do that every year, just like I do.
Like always, always look forward to it.
I think it's going to be my 10th year this upcoming year.
So we're going to have to, we're going to have to do a blowout and think about making some customizable collectible ribbons.
Cause there's like a, like a hot ribbon black market trades, like, like collecting, like, like undercurrent throughout MagFest.
It's great.
So what about you, Hayley?
Where do you vacation?
Um, I also don't vacation because that costs money.
Most Arizonans just go to Vegas or Mexico or California.
Yeah.
I do like New York, though.
I went once to New York and that was the best vacation I ever had, but I'll never probably be able to go back because, you know, money.
I went to New York a couple times for... because New York had this long-standing weird... to get into the conspiracy theory about why New York did not legalize MMA and the UFC is... like, that could be a podcast in its own.
It's a very funny story.
But I went to two UFC cards at Madison Square Garden.
It was a lot of fun.
The garden's awesome.
I recommend it.
But I would say probably my favorite vacation would be Vegas because I lived there out there for five years and getting to go back to my old stomping grounds, see some of my friends, do all that kind of stuff.
And it's Vegas, so it's cool.
So yeah.
We should meet next time you go.
I'll drive there.
It only takes like four or five hours to get there if you're fast.
Oh, geez.
So yeah, maybe that'll be our plan.
This football season, the Patriots are playing the Raiders in Vegas.
Oh!
We might try to do a Hellworld event for that game.
Okay.
Yeah, do that.
So that'll be the plan.
So sometime this fall, we'll set that up.
Hell yes.
Yes.
Okay, so for all three listeners that would want to show up for this, much like a Trump protest...
You can be a part of our Las Vegas adventure.
The alternative would also be to... The Patriots are playing the Cowboys, so we could go to Dallas and I could bore everyone to tears talking about going to Daily Plaza and pointing out all the things that happened when Kennedy got shot.
Dude, you could point out the sewer grate or whatever.
Yes, I could point out the sperm drain!
Absolutely, God.
I could show you how there's no fucking way that could have happened.
It'd be awesome.
We'll record you and it'll be a live Hellworld episode.
Oh!
Mike in Daily Plaza!
We'll make a YouTube video for it.
And now that we're talking about it so early, you can start fantasizing about being assassinated now.
Yes!
I can fantasize about standing on the X and the screen and getting my head blown off and becoming a martyr.
Oh God, my martyrdom on YouTube for everyone to see.
Well, what would actually probably happen is I would go to Daily Plaza, start doing stuff, and then one of negative 48's lunatics would come out and beat me up.
And I'd be like, oh no!
It's happening!
My martyrdom is having this, like, doughy 50-year-old punch me a bunch.
What's really funny is I, Karma was asking me for locations in Dallas to post as her location to screw with Negative 48's cult.
And I told her to put in a location and she did.
And some guy went to that location to try to find out what the connection to the Kennedy assassination was.
He actually got informed.
I was actually educating Negative 48's cult via karma location messages.
We'll get a karma cutout and bring it with us.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Like the John John doll.
Yeah.
Oh man, our trip to Dallas is gonna be lit.
This is all happening.
So Pancake Peasant asks, why don't we hear more Space Force conspiracies from QAnon?
Most folks get excited about space because it's cool as hell, and Trump can claim a real responsibility.
Space Force in the QAnon lore is more of an anti-election fraud unit.
They were monitoring the satellites and they got all the data from the chatter from the international conspiracy that was used to flip the votes to screw Trump over.
Space Force actually communicating with the Greys and the Pleiadians and all that kind of stuff.
Not so much.
They're not really into that.
They're more into just Space Force being like a alternate intelligence arm fighting for Trump against the Deep State.
Because originally in QAnon lore, the NSA was good and the CIA was bad.
So like Space Force is like NSA 2.0.
2.0 the Space NSA.
Yeah.
Uh, but the, it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that despite how cool, like
look, I know space is cool.
There's tons of cool stuff going on in space.
But as it pertains to the space directly surrounding our planet, the Space Force has nothing to do.
Like, literally, they do fuck all.
Like, there's no combat in space.
Like, they're not up there, like, putting up, like, platforms or whatever.
They're not helping us get to the moon for construction.
They're not doing shit.
As far as we know, they just kind of, like, have uniforms and a logo, and they just sort of look like Starfleet, but are legally distinct from Starfleet, and that's that.
So, like, I will give the QAnon crowd some credit for not talking about Space Force, because they're worthless, and when they start doing stuff, then we can be confused as to why they might not be talking about them.
Space Force was basically just a branch of the Air Force, and then Trump was like a lunatic.
He was like, I want them to be separate, an independent unit that I get credit for, because I'm a baby and I want credit for something.
And then the military was like, you're the Commander-in-Chief.
If you sign a piece of paper saying you want Space Force, you get Space Force.
He's like, yeah, Space Force!
Goddammit.
I mean look, I would love to wake up like four years from now with the alternate reality where Trump gets re-elected despite the fact that he had to do it from a prison cell and then he funnels a ton of money into Space Force and he reverses the U.S.' 's like playing ball on every world policy as it pertains to space being for everyone and not claimable.
And he's gonna be like, fuck all that shit, I, President Donald Trump, declare that space is America, and the moon is also America.
And we have Space Force in fighter spacecraft to defend our claim to space and the moon.
We actually do the Ronald Reagan Star Wars thing.
We actually just put lasers on the moon to shoot down nukes other nations would try to fire at us.
And we're like, what are you going to fucking do about it?
We got the moon space station!
Zap in your nukes!
We own you now!
It's like, oh no!
Yeah, it would be great for me to live in the future where we need a mighty space force.
Like, I can't stop chuckling just thinking about it.
Just the idea that we've got, like... It's a very toyatic idea.
You can imagine the ability to market how cool the US spaceships look.
Oh, look at this fighter spaceship!
Pew pew!
Take that, China!
The moon belongs to us!
Action!
Look, lunar playset!
And so finally, a guy who has a, like, I don't know, chart emoji, man emoji, hourglass emoji, beer emoji, asks, could a divorce between blue and red states actually happen in the U.S., and might it even be inevitable?
The answer is no and no.
We are stuck with each other at the moment.
Friends!
Friends!
The red states really don't understand how much money we blue states prop them up with.
If California and New York were like, you know what, fuck you guys, we're independent territories, suddenly Oklahoma, Louisiana, and a bunch of other red states would be feeling a real pinch, not having those blue tax dollars flowing into their coffers.
We're all We're together.
I mean, the idea of a civil war is very bizarre because as much as people are like, Oh, I'm from this state and I'm proud of it.
People really don't understand the crippling sectionalism of America during the civil war, where people were like, Virginia is my home country.
Like I am a Virginian first and an American second.
Like, that doesn't exist in America now.
Like, no one... I'm not gonna die for Rhode Island.
Like, no one's like, ah, my state is so good, I'm gonna shed blood for it.
Like, way to go, Connecticut!
Let's do this!
And Massachusetts, yay, Massachusetts, whatever.
Like, if someone told me... I mean, Texans would probably do that.
Oh, they would, yeah.
Because Texans hate being Americans.
Oh, yeah.
I've seen people talking about, Texas is gonna secede from the Union.
It's like, do it.
No, please, let's, let's carve those 40 electoral votes out of America from Texas and see a Republican ever win the presidency ever again.
Please leave, please leave and take your madness away from us.
And, uh, you'll be begging to come back in a few years and Republicans will be begging, wait, no, Texas, come back.
We need you.
We're, we're, we're not nationally viable without you.
Oh no.
We have our own power grid.
Yeah, that works great.
I can't wait for the rolling blackouts in the summer when that happens, and then for everything to freeze in the winter.
So, yeah.
We're never going to get popular if we keep alienating every state.
Oh, come on.
We can do it.
I believe in us.
We'll find some people.
Or we have to make sure to hit all 50.
Yes.
We hate all states.
You're next, Illinois!
But for all the other states, remember, at least we want you to remain states.
Hashtag OneDakota.
That's right, Dakotas, you don't deserve to be two.
You should be one.
And even that's being generous.
Yeah, don't think you're safe, Dakota.
States that are adjacent to Dakota, we see you.
Yeah, we're gonna smash you all together.
We're gonna make you one incredible state.
It just depends on how you spin it.
Marketing is a lot, you know?
We'll talk to the people at the Coca-Cola Company to teach us how to properly market this idea of the One Dakota and just be like, look, right now you're a bunch of states that nobody really cares about, but together you could be a powerful, mighty state.
Yes, exactly.
That's the dream.
We're just going to, we're just going to take all, we're just going to take all these states.
We're gonna take Wyoming, Montana, Nebraska, North and South Dakota, all of you, boom, you're just one state now.
You are just greater Nebraska because Nebraska has the best branding out of all of you.
That's just how this works now. Yeah. Hashtag one Nebraska.
Yes. One Nebraska. That's the dream now.
That's gonna be our first bit of hell world swag is just a map of the United States with those
states just smashed together is one. I love I love how Nebraska is the state that we're probably
like, like, you know, ruining the least in terms of what we're talking about. Just because it's
like, no matter what sort of bad stuff we say about them at the end of the day, we're giving
giving them a lot of land. We're just like, yeah, you're going to Nebraska. This is all
for you. Yep. Boom.
You get all this.
It's all yours now.
Man, the governor of Nebraska, practically a warlord.
Practically the governor of half of America at this point.
And you still have about one-fifth the population of California, if you're lucky.
Yeah, I was about to say, like a massive influx of Nebraskans.
500, maybe 600,000 of them.
What a huge deluge.
Yes.
And as always, our final question of the week is, what are you guys looking forward to?
Oh, jeez, I don't actually have anything, like, specifically going on that I'm too fired up about.
So I guess I'll say that I'm marginally excited about this D&D movie that's happening, just because, like, it's getting some positive buzz for the pre-release screenings, and they've been, like, actually, I guess, screening it for just, like, general audiences, which is usually indicative of them being pretty confident in the product they're cranking out.
I'm not expecting it to be a masterpiece or anything, but I do love going to a cinematic experience where I get to turn my brain off.
So, as long as it is sort of like the Fast and the Furious, but in a fantasy land, I will be fine.
I want to see them drift racing horses.
I'm here for the Tokyo Drift, or whatever plane of reality they drift horses on in D&D.
Yeah, Fast and Furious, Faerun Drift.
There you go.
Yes!
How about you, Hayley?
What are you fired up about?
Also, similarly, not much going on.
It's been raining, which means... Men?
Hallelujah!
Yeah!
But that means there'll be some nice wildflowers out, so I've been looking forward to walking around and looking at some flowers.
Aha!
That was not where I was expecting that to go, I'm not gonna lie.
It is incredibly wholesome in a way that we don't usually get on our show.
It has nothing to do with a screen of any kind.
Arizona rarely rains, so it's like, oh, rain, nice.
Wow, that's like the yearly dusting of snow that we got in Nevada.
People were like, oh my god, what do we do?
Ah, the world's ending!
Why is the evil white stuff falling from the heavens?
No!
Nobody can drive in Arizona when it rains.
It's wild.
Oh god, I cannot imagine it.
In New England, everybody forgets how to drive in the snow immediately as soon as the snow goes away.
They should get neuralized.
Yes.
The first snowstorm every year in Massachusetts is just nothing but pileup after pileup.
It's like, we did this last year!
How are we doing it again?
And it's just what happens.
New year, new snowstorm, new freakout.
Just guaranteed.
Yeah.
So I'm looking forward to my retirement from sports betting until football season kicks in because Massachusetts decided that literally if you had two legs and a pulse, you were getting an online sports book.
And I have basically milked all of them for all the free bets I could get.
And I'm up a few hundred dollars at the end of the thing, but now all my free money offers are gone.
And if you try to bet baseball or basketball or any sport where there's just a million games a day, You are a sucker and you will get killed because it's really hard to predict those things and the big problem is is that you just get into the into the need for action and for a sweat.
So it's like you might study some early game like and know it and then you guess it right and you win and then you're like oh now I got an extra hundred bucks in my pocket.
Oh there's a game on?
Oh I'll bet it.
And it's just that mentality that just keeps you in the game.
And it's like, no, you gotta quit.
You gotta win and leave.
And so thank you literally every online sports book in the universe for your generous free money offers that you've given me.
But I will see you all later during football season.
So good day to all of you.
So that is what I am enjoying.
Wonderful.
As always, you can rely on Mike to be excited for some degenerate gambling action.
As we would expect from poker politics.
The show's about politics, but every once in a while we'll get a little bit of that poker vibe in there.
Thank you so much for listening!
You know, and thank you to Haley, aka Arizona Right Wigwatch, for filling in for Sarge once again.
Because Sarge, something something, joke about Adrena Kroh, or whatever.
I don't actually know what Sarge is up to this time around.
I think he might just be sick.
Classic-style sick.
It must be another lab leak.
Am I right, guys?
I got him!
I unfortunately not ironically and unintentionally said, am I right guys?
I started picturing the dude with the beard again and I was like, oh geez.
Anyway, but yes, thank you again listeners for supporting the show by listening to it.
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Thank you, or not thank you.
If you have money and you want to give it to a good cause, you can donate it to love146.org.
I guess thank you for being the cause we've chosen to support.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation, and that's always sounded pretty sweet to us.
Thank you to DJ Minimal Effort, you can see how I got a little bit ahead of my script there, for use of our intro song.
Still no social media for them.
Thank you, as always, to Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
He is, of course, the voice of all of our bumps and cue when we need it.
You can find the show on Twitter at hellworld with a Q instead of an O. You can find myself on Twitter at hellworldL, spelled the same way.
Sarge is on Twitter at sargenhell.
Mike is, of course, at PokerPolitics.
And Haley is at AZ underscore RavingWatch.
What's your Twitter handle?
AZ.
R-W-W.
There we go.
Boom.
I always mess it up.
You'd think I would have it written down by now, but I know it's because I suck.
It's fine.
Nobody cares.
Hey, we care.
Oh, thank you.
You are our valuable pitch hitter for when Sarge or myself happens to be busy.
So we thank you for that.
And you, the listener, should thank her for doing that as well by visiting her social media and being like, hey, I would like to know more about your crazy state.
And she'll be like, hey, here's the deal about my crazy state.
Here's all the info.
So for another successful episode of the Individuals in a Helluva World podcast, I have been one of your co-hosts, The Mysterious L, joined as sometimes by Haley, aka Arizona Right Wing Watch, and as always, our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
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