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March 16, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:24:05
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #131: The Looming Trump Indictment.

This week we talk about Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk being morons and Donald Trump is now oh-so-close to maybe being indicted. It's really happening, well maybe it is. Also Sarge gets us into a Highlander kick, as he often does. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
I'm going to play it again. Here we go.
Music playing.
Music playing.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Grains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
I'm currently on eBay looking up Highlander the card game.
See how much I can, uh, how many of these I can get.
So me and Al can play Highlander the card game.
Live the dream, sir.
Live the dream.
In the mysterious hell.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
E-girl voice, uwu.
You really sold it.
Yeah, I don't actually have one of those, but wouldn't it be funny if I did?
For our listeners, unfortunately for you, you missed the transition.
The outfit change was incredible.
So just wanted to let you know.
Yeah, you know, kawaii desu.
Et cetera.
I don't know, boys.
A sealed starter deck box of 12 starter decks for Highlander the card game is $45.
You think it's worth it?
No, because for a time we lived together, and when I arrived with our third roommate at the time, we brought a giant box of other dead TCGs with highfalutin ideas to play a bunch of them, and then we never did.
I think we played one game of Magi Nation.
But we never played any MLB Showdown 2001 or whatever.
We had so many packs of that.
Oh man, I remember MLB Showdown.
That game was the bee's knees.
It was super fun.
I know, the first time I saw anybody playing it, it was you and a bunch of old people from our past in a hobby shop also from our past.
Yes!
The best part about that was it was supposed to be a baseball simulator, but because card game players can't stop being shitheads, someone developed an infinite combo in the game.
And it was just like, oh, this is supposed to be fucking people playing baseball and using like stats and stuff.
In theory, there could be a team disparity where it is so great that it is effectively just an unlimited amount of dingers.
Yes.
Is there a mercy rule in baseball?
Could at one point you go over to the umpire and just be like, hey, I've demonstrated a little loop.
Can we just move on to the part where you determine the victor?
Oh man, if that ever happened in real baseball, that would actually make baseball enjoyable.
To like, to see on social media people be like, oh shit!
The Astros are going for a loop!
This might happen!
And be like, oh man, there's only been five loops in MLB this year!
They're wobbling!
Oh my god!
Oh, the Astros are wobbling!
The Braves or whoever don't even know what hit them!
Yes!
With a final score of infinity to nothing.
The refs have called it.
Oh, you're so great.
I'm here for that.
I'm here for CCG nonsense to bleed into reality.
That's what I want.
The problem is that there are a lot of people pushing around actual physical currency in fantasy leagues, so I feel like if one team went up over another team, infinity to whatever, it would probably affect a lot of those leagues.
I'd love to see the Daily Fantasy grifters on FanDuel and DraftKings being like, oh man, you gotta take the Yankees today because they might loop.
They got a great lineup and it's very possible they may actually score infinite.
You have to have all the Yankees in your lineup to get infinity on the Daily Fantasy.
They might.
They might loop.
Yeah, but you would only need one of them.
Because, in theory, if everyone just has... That's the push, right?
You just have to have your safety bench of just players from every team, so you can just throw them in there and kiss them, it goes infinite.
Yes!
You said that in my loop, like that's a real thing?
Yes!
It's future nonsense slang.
Oh, man.
Remember when the Patriots had Brady and Gronk and they just got so many kill screens?
It was incredible.
I mean, just all the time.
Nothing but kill screens.
Oh my god.
Brian, aside from the word blur in everything you just said was complete nonsense.
Yeah.
Anyway, this has been sufficiently esoteric and I mean...
Boy, howdy.
Thank you to the one listener who said they didn't mind if we decided to monetize this.
Yeah, if we run ads.
Can you imagine?
I held off on talking more about the Highlander card game.
Yeah, you're just biding your time.
You didn't run down the street.
You're still lurking in the bushes.
All I'll say about it is, man, I'm glad we got past the era of card games where they use photographs, like, because it just makes them look so cheap.
It looks so cheap, because they're just using stills from the TV show.
Yeah, that was one of the contributing factors to why it didn't do well.
The other being the weird gay paleo candidate where you have to physically decapitate your opponent to win the match.
Yeah, it made player retention real hard.
Yeah, it's why Power Slap is reduced to merely just concussing your opponent by striking them in the head until they can no longer compete.
So we've downgraded from the OG version of that game where it was just swing a katana at someone's neck and if you decapitate them, you're the winner.
Play initiative was very important in Highlander as a result.
Yeah.
Okay, I promise it will get into the actual stuff we're supposed to be talking about here in a moment, but I do have to say for the record that this power slapping thing, like the idea of competitive, like, sport where you just slap each other's face was real cute until people started to take it serious.
I seem like a few years ago I saw some videos of a slap competition, and I was just like, oh, that looks kind of brutal or whatever, but nobody looked like they were killing their opponents.
Now you get these huge heavyweight beefcakes that just look like they're literally just like, hey, guess what?
My opponent has died, so I have declared the victor.
I hit my opponent so hard that their bones in their face and neck and shoulders all erupted at once, simultaneously.
Yeah, it turns out hitting someone in the head repeatedly Classically not good.
My favorite part of that is the guy, like, lining up the slap.
Like, you have to stand there as a guy, like, puts his hand on your cheek and is like, okay, where do I hit you in the chin with my open palm as hard as possible?
And it's just like, man, you know, not even in like MMA or boxing, do you have to do that where you have your opponent's like, okay, now I get a free shot.
And you're like, okay.
Time to allow you to line up your free shot on me!
Guess you do.
Yeah, it's like, no!
I would never agree to that!
That's the most ridiculous concept industry in the world!
No way, that's gonna be the sickest new UFC implementation.
If you get caught cheating, like, oh, you accidentally hit your opponent in the ding-dong, well, he gets one free shot on you.
Oh my god!
A spinning back kick has killed the opponent!
He's dead!
I think we just need to go to Mortal Kombat rules and line either side of the ring with pits filled with spikes.
Like, let's put some real stakes on this.
Yeah.
Fun intended.
Let's go for like Tekken ring outs, but it's actual murder instead of just going out of the ring.
It'd be great.
Yeah.
Look, as a modern evolved person, I am supposed to say that I would absolutely hate a Mortal Kombat style death tournament that I got to watch between The world's greatest supernatural martial artist.
I'm supposed to be like, no, that would stink.
I would hate that.
I would really hate to watch a guy made out of lightning electrocute the head off the top of some ghost or whatever.
Anyway, okay.
We have talked about nonsense for too long.
Let us move into our booze boosh.
No such thing.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
Well, don't worry, Sarge.
The amuse-bouche is just us talking about nonsense that's slightly more inside of the pocket.
For instance, talking about some weapons-grade jabronium in the form of a ding-dong who made it so, I guess, what was it, a sheep drenched himself to death?
Is that an ivermectin thing?
He overdosed on ivermectin.
Yes, we had our boy.
He runs a telegram channel called, like, Dirt Road Travels, I believe is the name of it.
It's either an MLM... It seems to be fake, right?
I mean, that's like the most... I mean, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard.
Dirt Road Travels is either an MLM or some, like... Are there SoundCloud country stars?
Like...
I feel like that's where you- I mean, sure there are, but Dirt Road Travels to me sounds like a metaphor for adal sex.
Oh.
Well, you took it in a different, closer direction.
I mean, it's no secret that I think that, like, half of these, like, hardcore conservative people are just closeted in some form or another, and it drives them crazy because they're morons.
I agree with you more than I should.
It was Dirt Road Discussions, I'm sorry, so Dirt Road Discussions.
Oh, okay.
It's not the actual act, it's the pillow talk afterwards.
Yes!
So, Danny Lemoy was the guy who ran Dirt Road Discussions, and his last update on the site was, Happy Friday, all you poisonous horse-pace-eating survivors!
And then a few hours later, he died of an enlarged heart, which is a common side effect of ingesting ivermectin.
So, yeah.
And apparently he'd been taking ivermectin for like a decade so he'd really been pumping this stuff into his body for a long time.
He and the other admins on this Telegram channel were also telling people how to give ivermectin
to their children and have worked on like formulas for child dosing your kids with sheep
drench so they can get on this path of all the bad side effects of ivermectin that can
literally kill you, which is what happened to this guy.
You need to help them when they're young.
Their own president was pushing down the vaccine And so they were just doing anything they could, trying anything to treat this disease that was just killing millions of people!
It's like people that take fish antibiotics or whatever.
Yeah.
Medical people tend to really be like, hey, don't take...
Don't just take these antibiotics all willy-nilly because they can mutate and stop becoming effective and that's bad for everyone.
But, you know, some people are just broke and they can't afford to go to a doctor or whatever.
They gotta do what they gotta do.
I definitely don't know anyone who's gone down to Mexico specifically to pick up bulk prescription drugs at low, low prices that bring them back across the border.
Yeah, I've definitely never at any point in my life gotten the penicillin that they give to fish and taken it.
Nobody has ever offered me, and I quote, a Mexicillo.
Yeah, so it all starts in these communities or in people that have no other choice.
And then we have an idiot white man.
I know he's an idiot white man, but just someone who has access Presumably to some of the best medicine in the world.
I don't know his financial situation.
And then just literally kills himself.
What's the trade a crow go for these days?
50 bucks a bottle.
We'll get some for the podcast.
We'll all like take a sip.
It'll be great.
Um, actually, from what I was reading about our buddy here, he had Lyme's disease and he was taking ivermectin to treat the Lyme disease.
And then it branched out from just the Lyme disease treatment to being the miracle cure that does everything bullshit that ivermectin became during COVID.
That does seem to be a road that a lot of people go down.
Yeah, because this, again, as I had said previously, this guy's been doing this for over a decade.
He'd been really- It's a dirt road.
Yes.
A dirt road you discuss things on.
That's what it's all about.
You go down the dirt road and then you discuss.
Apparently the dirt road is a lot about horse medication.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure there's a now approved treatment for Lyme disease or like a vaccine.
Am I wrong?
He wouldn't have cared.
He wouldn't have given a shit.
Oh, the best part is that after Lemoy died, the mods and the other people running the platform are continuing to push their pro-Ivermectin agenda.
And there are a lot of people that are in the chat that are just like, he wasn't killed by Ivermectin, he was killed by a Western medical system that puts profits above patients.
And so close.
Yeah, you're, you're almost there.
Yeah.
How about just vote blue instead of sucking dead horse paste?
Any takers?
Yeah.
How about Democratic Party over horse paste?
Anyone?
Real change?
Systemic change?
Anyone?
No, we gotta bail out banks.
We can't pay for people's medical expenses.
You can't segue into that.
That is later.
Put a pin in that segue, listeners.
Yeah, and that's hard news, Sarge.
That ain't the boosh.
This is for silly stuff.
My point stands.
I feel strongly about this.
That would be quite a mighty boosh, Boom.
Thank you.
Taste it.
Taste it like horse taste.
Cue old Greg joke.
Yeah.
Okay, well, so, you know, it's heartening, and I don't think it technically counts, but I will say, yeah, you know, I'm getting word from the booth, it is, we're getting word that we are going to count this as a Reaper Roundup.
Sneaky Reaper Roundup out from the side hatch.
We thought it was over because we had sort of gotten through the worst of COVID, at least for the time being, but wow, here in our fateful hour.
March of 2023, Reaper Roundup.
He's back!
Q the Highlander music.
Go, like, pan out.
Now the lightning and the fog effects.
We cannot license Queen.
We don't have the money for that.
We don't have the money for that because we don't do ads normally because we spend too much time talking about Highlander.
I don't feel confident monetizing our discussion about Highlander on our QAnon podcast.
I'm not as good at puns as you, so I'm trying to think of my podcast with a podcast for Highlander.
I mean, well, I'll leave that one to you.
I have a couple of ideas already, but this is your baby.
You're really in a Highlander mindset.
You've got, what is it, about like an hour and fifteen to go?
So... Let's get quickening.
Yeah, I faithed you.
Nope, that was just, you know, no wrong answers in brainstorming, so I'm just assuming that was a brainstorm.
In the meantime, it's time for us to move on to another thing that nobody knows anything about, Jordan Peterson.
Now, this is somebody I know we've talked about on the show multiple times, and I still can't be fucked to remember who they are, so assuming that there are other listeners like myself who are in the same boat, Mike, who the hell is Jordan Peterson?
Jordan Peterson is a Canadian crank who rose to prominence by freaking out about a bill where basically the Canadian government was like, don't misgender people.
That would be mean.
And that was really just all it was.
But Jordan Peterson was like, if I misgender someone, I might go to jail for forever.
And this is thought speech and Orwellian horror and all this other bullshit.
And he became this hero of free speech and anti-woke nonsense.
And he then became a sort of men's right activist slash young kid groomer, like anti-groomer.
He made books about make your bed in the morning and this is how you fix yourself and all that
stuff. Dr. Mr. Jordan Peterson.
Yeah, Dr. Mr. Jordan Peterson.
And then he got absolutely zooted on benzos, as the kids would say, to the point where his daughter smuggled him to Russia to have him put into a medically induced coma to get off the drugs, because apparently she and the rest of his loving family thought that that was the best way to treat his addiction.
And Now he's back, and more insane than ever.
He'd been banned from all social media platforms for being a nut, but Elon let him back on Twitter, and... Now, real quick, we need to get El's temperature on something.
El, how do you feel about the genre of male cock milking porn?
I mean, it's not really my thing, but you do you, fam.
Well, as Mike's about to tell us, Dr. Mr. Jordan Peterson is clearly a fan.
Yes.
Is that why I've been seeing more cock milking photos going around on Twitter or whatever?
Does that have to do with this?
I've literally seen two of those on Twitter over the past week versus zero in weeks prior.
So I have to imagine that this must be some sort of connected?
Yeah.
Usually when I see stuff getting milked sexily on the internet, it's furry stuff.
You know what I mean?
That's usually how that goes down.
Dr. Mr. Jordan Peterson, he saw somewhere, we'll never know where, some male cock milking porn.
And he then constructed a narrative or he saw someone made a shitpost meme that's almost certainly what happened.
It said this is a Chinese Communist Party sperm milking camp and or facility and he retweeted that shit.
Like, no looking back, just boom.
Right there.
I wish that we had a livestream for the podcast sometimes, because you could see the poetic Robert Frostian fork that diverged in the wood there, when Sarge really dialed into this aspect of the story, started talking about the cock milking.
And Mike Raines immediately had to get into his phone and was clearly, like, searching for stuff.
And I was just like, okay.
It's just interesting to see how, like, we were talking about this guy.
Clearly he's crazy.
He's obviously got a bunch of weird talking points.
Sarge was really dialed into this one and it seemed like Mike was going down the road that maybe wasn't less traveled.
No, the thing was, I was trying to remember why Peterson was posting the video.
I was trying to remember how he got duped into it, because I had just seen that photo that he had posted, and I had seen all the reactions and all the dunking, and I was trying to jog my memory about what societal ill Peterson thought he was reporting on vis-a-vis the cock milking photo, the video.
And I forgot that it was this bizarre idea that China was reversing its one-child policy into a three-child policy.
I forgot that that was the bizarre thin bridge that Peterson had put himself out on that was just like, here, here's this thing I'm posting a video about because China's gonna outbreed us via their powerful cock milking technologies!
That America has fallen behind on!
Now look, the premise of this is going to sound inherently a little misogynistic, so for that I apologize up front.
But surely, if China needed to revise its policy and start getting people to start cranking out children, instead of having an elaborate lab facility where they abduct men and milk their seed, surely there have to be chads in China that the government could just hand a contract and just be like, Like, we have a bunch of women who are quote-unquote willing because we're the Chinese government, knock them up and you sign these documents and you don't have to... the government will take care of these kids.
It's just genuinely more easy to pass policies that incentivize people to have more kids because you'll get help from the government than to build top-secret facilities.
That sounds like such a crazy... it's not like they're not the fucking Borg.
Medical science is just great, and for a long time their stupid government had a dumb, don't have more than one kid policy on the books.
It doesn't mean that there aren't people that are willing to have multiple children, just make it easier for them.
Or, if you want to get dystopian about it, do the Zap Brannigan.
Pay an army of studs to score a round the clock, or whatever.
I don't think we need a big, like, fucking milk it, like, we don't need to make it this clinical, we abduct a man off the streets and strap them down, siphon their cum.
Like, what are we talking about?
Also, didn't they do that on What We Do in the Shadows, the TV show?
Come on, China, get with it.
Yeah, so Jordan's other less popular thing, because again, the cock milking fetish video was such a big hit, his other dumb thing that he fell for was somebody posted a story of their quote-unquote de-transitioning And this person was trolling.
And I've actually seen people being like, oh, you guys are picking on Jordan Peterson.
And it's like, no, this person absolutely did not try to signal to Jordan Peterson in any way, shape or form.
They just posted a fake detransitioning story on their Twitter feed.
They posted headshots of right-wing grifter slash atheist to GamerGate pipeline enthusiast and user ShoeOnHead.
If you don't know who Shoe is, you're better off in this world and I bless you.
But basically it was a photo of Shu when she was younger with short, like a tomboy haircut, and then Shu older with her long hair.
And Shu is a cis female.
She's a cis woman.
She did not detransition.
And Jordan Peterson, apparently just scrolling Twitter for detransitioning stories, saw this and retweeted it immediately as though it were legitimate.
Because he has no idea what reality is.
He has no concept of what's going on in this world.
Because again, he fell for the Chinese cock milking video, so of course he was going to fall for a detransitioning story.
Our boy here, who is the top lobster, if you know what I'm talking about, and all that good stuff, this man who's here to show young men how to live their lives right, is probably heading back to Russia to get sedated again, because he's probably suited on the benzos some pretty bad again.
He's not in a good place, our boy Jordan.
Oh shit, time to get combed up!
Yes!
Which is what the kids call it when you get put into a medically-at-risk coma.
Let's flatline, bros!
Yes!
Let's get Kiefer!
Yeah, there we go!
How's that for a reference?
You thought Highlander was hot shit.
I got a deeper cut reference for you, bro.
Yes, topical!
Got any Flatliners card game?
It's on us.
We have to live the dream we want to see.
Yeah, do you think we could get a Kickstarter campaign going for the Flatliners card game?
Oh, let's do this.
Oh, man.
The only card game with the goal is to get to zero life and then stay at zero life for as long as possible before eventually going back up to one life.
When does that movie go?
Do they start seeing ghosts or some shit?
Is it a horror movie?
You know what?
I've clearly seen it and I still don't remember what's going on.
I think so.
I think spoopy stuff starts happening to them.
I know they did a remake, and that was more clearly what was going on in the remake, but I'm not sure if that was lifted straight from the source material.
I want to say my mother really liked Flatliners, and that's why I saw it a bunch when I was a kid.
It was like that and the Lost Boys.
I saw a bunch.
I'm definitely confusing it with Scanners, and that is not the same.
No, that is a way different thing.
Scanners is about people's heads exploding.
Flatliners is about people sleepily getting, like, having their heart stopped and then being brought back from the brink of death.
Yeah, and the point was that they weren't dying naturally, so they didn't get the white light and dead relatives beckoning.
Because they were trying to do, like, a Trixie death, they got, like, sent to hell, basically.
And when they got revived, they were like, oh my god, that was fucking terrible!
And then the next day I was like, no way, man, it's supposed to be, like, the white light and stuff.
They're like, no, it isn't!
And he's like, well, kill me now!
And then they're like, oh, it's over.
You basically found out that if you try to, like, get the... If you try to, like, use death as a recreational drug, God doesn't like it.
He gets mad at you, and you get a bad trip.
You get a bad trip from dying instead of the good trip you get from dying if you die naturally and then get resuscitated.
That's not where I expected that to go.
Everybody keeps trying to trick God.
Like, just doing butt stuff.
Like, all these flatlining.
Why is everybody trying to trick God?
It's so easy.
It's famously easy.
Yeah, I think that was my...
That's one of my little tidbits of the Kennedy assassinations.
They didn't declare him dead until the last rites were given.
Because again, God was just sitting there going, I don't know if JFK's dead or not.
Oh, we got the last rites in.
Cool, we're good, we're good here.
It's like, no problem, God.
Thank you.
Everything's smooth sailing.
JFK, it's like, check the list again.
That's what I want.
I want Kennedy talking down to God.
That's the way it should be.
Nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedys.
Sorry, right this way, right this way.
Don't let it happen again, don't you know who the fuck I am?
Yes!
That's what I want.
I want Kennedy talking down to God.
That's the way it should be.
Nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedys.
Never not once.
Anyway, yeah, okay, so Jordan Peterson, upon refresh, quite the card, and I'm sure I'll
forget about him up until the next point we have to talk about him.
But for the time being, it is time for us to move seamlessly along, smoothly, smoothly and seamlessly along into our news segment for the week.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
Smoothly and seamlessly, as I said earlier.
Welcome to the Trump indictment waiting room.
I guess it's coming any minute.
Yeah, any second now.
Hot indicts coming down the pop line.
Yes!
Oh man, we've gone to the Chinese indictment milking farm, and boy howdy, we may have an indictment of Donald Trump any day now.
Basically, right after we finished recording last week's podcast, the New York Times broke the story that New York attorneys are looking to indict Trump any minute now over the hush money payment to Stormy Daniels, and that Trump had been invited to testify before a grand jury.
Not that he has to, but if he wanted to, he could do so.
And that usually offering the target of the grand jury a chance to testify before the grand jury, before it concludes, is like the wrap-up phase before the indictments are unleashed.
And so, as I saw one person- And he was just like, nah, I'm good.
I don't feel like doing that.
Yes.
Oh no.
Hard pass.
he was like, no bueno, no thank you. We're good here.
Yeah, our boy Donnie Two Scoops decided to skip the whole grand jury testimony thing.
So here we go.
We are now back on deck awaiting the potential indictment of Trump for one of his myriad of crimes.
What's really funny about this was that New York was supposed to be getting him on tax shit.
And then, out of nowhere, it was like, Oh no!
New York's going for the Stormy Daniels!
We're doing the callback to 2016!
We're doing all this crazy stuff.
It's like, man, the writers of reality sure are getting lazy.
They had that Chekhov's gun from 2016.
Now they're finally picking it back up.
Way to go guys.
I mean, I thought Georgia was more likely to get them than New York.
New York's trying to get them on taxes, right?
But now it's the Stormy Daniels.
Right, exactly.
Like New York busted out the Stormy Daniels subplot as their new indictment thing instead of the taxes.
Whereas We already had the four person of the great jury from Georgia be like, oh yeah, I told them to indict a ton of people.
We were all like fucking, whole list, all of them, all those fuckers, indict them.
They should be totally indicted.
I would like to petition, before we go any further, I would like to petition the council for a tongue-in-cheek, conservative-themed drag queen named Stormy Capitals.
Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society.
Boom.
Motion passes here.
You have my vote.
Oh my god, what a perfect name.
Anyway, I guess we can continue with talking about the actual news, but for whatever reason it hit me, it was a brainstorm.
It was a brainstorming Capitals!
Now in my head, Ken, in Stormy Capitals is the manager of Ivan Crusher Mall, so we got our cinematic, the Hellworld cinematic universe grows by the day.
Building our list of characters.
Like Abram Lincoln.
Yes!
Abram Lincoln.
But he's bonus content.
You gotta pay five bucks to get Abram Lincoln.
Oh yeah, with that fucking cloud.
He's DLC content.
Yeah, he's DLC content.
The silhouette is on the fighter's flex screen, but you just can't get him until you pay off the shekels.
Yes, exactly.
Who's this guy with the cool hat?
I just don't know.
So that is basically that story.
And also we have the specter of Jack Smith lubing over all of this for the January 6th.
He's the Stormy Capitals indictment that we're all waiting for.
And then we also have the Mar-a-Lago shit in Florida.
It's going to be so funny when after the Republican National Convention, Trump gets his fourth indictment after being the Republican nominee for president.
It's gonna be so awesome.
That DeSantis is such a piece of shit and so weak and spineless that the omni-indicted Trump is going to just raffle stomp him in primary after primary.
It's going to be so funny.
I love all of his campaign ads, too, because it's just like, Rod DeSantis is strong and cool and look at him doing all this stuff that you like.
And it's just like, yeah, but he's not any of that shit, though.
Ronald DeSantis will clean Donald Trump's shoes even if they're not dirty.
They had him on Fox News a few days ago playing catch with one of the reporters.
And it was like, what are we doing here?
You're trying to make Ron DeSantis into like an everyman.
It's like, oh, me and a Fox News reporter just throwing the whole ball around the yard.
You know how men do.
Just America's pastime with the baseball.
And it's like, It's like, I mean, Trump was a lot of things, but he never, like, did that shit.
He was just like, I have dumb hair and I'm racist.
Vote for me!
And people were like, fuck yeah!
Woo, Trump!
Trump didn't have to, like, throw the old pigskin around with someone on Fox News and be like, I like that Tom Brady.
He throws a tight spiral like me?
Donald Trump?
It's like, ah, it's just so funny.
I just love the idea that, like, an interview happening during the catch, that, like, the Fox news person's just like, so, uh, had to back down off of that Disney thing, huh?
Then Rod just drops his glove and just walks away, the ball just, like, limply rolling on the ground, he's like, this, this catch is over.
Exactly!
Oh, man, it's so funny.
Did he back down on the Disney shit?
Oh yeah, he is rolling over to the mouse.
Like, it's not making the headlines it should be, because the headlines should be, Rod DeSantis colon bitch colon is rolling over to Disney.
But yeah, he is reversing course on that.
Because they were just like, here's your 1.7 billion dollar bill that your taxpayers have to front during this election cycle.
And he was like, let's see what we can do about that.
Yeah, they told him that was gonna happen, too.
They were like, hey, we're in charge of this whole district, so we pay all our own infrastructure.
If you take it over, you have to pay it.
You fuckin' dum-dum.
Man.
He's cool.
He's always loved Disney, I'm sure.
He'll be up there shaking Bob Iger's hand any minute now.
Yeah, and somehow being in charge of the land where the park is meant that he was going to end their woke movies.
And it's like, I don't think you get to make creative decisions when you decide where the fire stations are located.
Dude, everybody hates woke though.
Service the park.
Yeah.
Everybody hates it.
Nobody knows what it is, but it's just bad.
And everybody hates woke.
Yeah, the woke banks that we're gonna be talking about in a minute, those evil woke banks, so corrupt and woke and bad.
And Bethany Mindell, who is just one of Twitter's main characters, she's written a book about how evil woke is, and then she was on a podcast, and she was asked, so can you define woke?
And she was just like, no.
Yeah, she drops the bag so hard.
The clip is great.
I may not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it.
And today she has doubled down and declared the reason why she couldn't define woke was because she was rattled by the podcast host being mean about parents of children.
And she was so rattled by this anti-parent sentiment from the podcast host, When the podcast host was like, Hey, so what's woke?
She was like, Oh, you're, you're so mean to people who have children.
And I'm a person who has children.
I, I can't define woke anymore.
Just say socially progressive.
Forgetting that the clip is online, it's a minute long, she goes, something something woke, and then the host goes, what does that mean to you?
Can you define woke?
Socially progressive.
That's what they should say.
Because what is somebody going to be like, oh, so you're saying that you, a conservative, is not interested in socially progressive politics?
And the answer is, yes, that is what I'm saying.
I do not like those, because I am a Republican, and we have never liked those.
I don't, like, why are these people so, like, you don't have to be brain dead to be a racist capitalist shill.
You should be able to have an answer just loaded for this.
And how about a little fucking confidence?
Like, I hate to be sort of, like, telling the opposition how to do their job, but, like, guys.
If you would just do it a little bit better, you would look a lot less like clowns.
Like, how about when somebody asks you to describe woke, you just, like, give them the answer?
Like, just don't be afraid to say, yeah, I am not socially progressive, obviously.
Fucking duh.
I want things to stay how they are or go backwards.
Yeah, dude, when I say make America great again, I mean the 50s, dude.
Like, we didn't have transgender or gay people in the 50s, and then the other person would say, yes we did, they were hidden, and then you could say, yes, for a reason, I'm a monster.
I'm not saying that they're right or that I agree with them, because fucking lord knows I don't, but if they were just a little bit honest sometimes on their talking points, they would look a lot less stupid.
Listen, I want segregation back.
Can we get segregation back?
Woke is moving away from that.
I want it back.
That's the anti-woke agenda, is let's get back to segregation.
Just openly racist all the time.
Right.
And that, and the thing about that is, is what Elle is basically saying is that you have to, you have to code it.
You have to have coded language.
This is the Southern strategy.
This is all the stuff that they talked about back in the day where you let the racists and the anti-Semites and the bigots know you're on their side, but you say it in a plausible way so that people who don't want to vote for those bad things have an excuse to vote for you.
And that's why you say, I'm against these socially progressive policies that take America away from its Judeo-Christian values.
That's the kind of nonsense you have to say.
But these people just get deer in the headlights every time someone asks them to define woke, because in their head, They know what woke means to them.
They know it's a very slippery slope.
Right.
In their head, they're literally saying, how do I say this without sounding like I'm racist or homophobic or transphobic?
How do I do it?
I don't know.
I haven't been coached up on this.
I haven't gotten the talking points yet.
So it's like, Oh, it's like when Ron DeSantis is, uh, staffers were put under oath and forced to define woke for a judge.
And they literally said, woke is believing that America has systemic racist problems that need to be overcome and like fought against.
In order to achieve a more like perfect union or like a more equitable society.
And it's like, yeah, that's exactly what woke is.
And that's why it's a good thing.
And it's why you can't say that in public because saying woke people don't want us to discriminate against people.
Makes you look like an idiot, which is, it's like so funny that they have this word they can't even define because it just means everything.
It just means, woke to them just means bad.
That's all it means is just like, can you define woke?
Woke is bad.
Why is woke bad?
Because it is.
Well, we've been talking about Woke for a while, so let's just jump to the next talking point on our headline news segment.
Apparently, we got Woke and then we went broke for Silicon Valley Bank.
Is that the name of it?
Yeah.
Yes.
That was it.
Wow, look at me knowing that so easy.
For Silicon Valley Bank, rest in power kings, because apparently overnight they went from being a thing to not being a thing, to the point where the government had to step in and just be like, you're not a bank anymore, or at least you're not a bank that we don't have control of anymore.
Yeah.
And as always, for more information on this, I'll turn it over to Mike.
Mike, fill us in on the details of the Silicon Valley Bank collapse.
So what Q thinks about it?
I'm sure they're, I'm sure they've got their sticks above their head and they're going, uh, desert people sounds.
Oh man.
So QAnon's reaction to this is awesome.
So, and it literally happened this morning.
I'm so happy when I went on, when I went on social media and got the new QAnon talking points about the SVB collapse, it was incredible because the original talking points from everyone is what Sergeant L had been saying, which is the, uh, go woke, go broke.
Those evil Biden regulations crippled this bank and brought it to its knees and they had DEI and ESG and all these other evil acronyms that I may have gotten right or wrong, but are being thrown around by Republicans and All these acronyms are is just platitudes.
It's like diversity, investments, trying to invest in green energy and all this kind of stuff.
Everyone's doing it.
Even the most right-wing corporations are talking about this stuff because it pays to put a public face on this stuff to show that you're inclusive and supportive of diversity.
You don't want to be the bank for whites only because that's both illegal and a great way to not do business.
This is... there's a straight through line of this.
From now to the president Carter in the 80s, and also people would blame Bill Clinton for this, for ending redlining, which if you don't know what redlining was, it was back in the good old days when cities would have realtors segregate the city and non-whites could not pass a certain red line in the city because that's where you only sold property to white people.
And then Carter Outlawed redlining so that if a house was on the market, a bank had to give a loan to black people no matter what, no matter where that house was.
And when we had the Great Recession in 2008, people would turn around and blame these kinds of regulations and those crafty Cutting poors for tricking those poor, innocent banks into giving them money when they had to because of evil Democrat regulations.
And then those evil poors didn't buy houses with it.
They just used that money for bad things because they're poor and evil.
And then the banks collapsed through no fault of their own.
They weren't greedily running a pyramid scheme or anything.
No, no Sir E. Bob.
They were just innocent banks trying to make a buck.
So I actually, speaking of which, I actually missed the beginning of this.
What the fuck did actually happen?
Like, why was there a crazy run on this bank all of a sudden?
Okay, so the reason why there was an actual run on the bank and what really happened was They had SVB had not diversified their portfolio a lot.
They were just all tech bros all the time, all startups all the time.
And interest that basically a lot of their assets were tied to low interest rates.
And then when interest rates went up, their assets weren't as valuable as they once were.
And SVB was just kind of like, Hey guys, we have a little liquidity crisis here, but it's no big deal.
We're going to work around it.
We're going to be able to fix this.
SVB's leadership was like, Hey guys, we supported you through your tough times.
You need to do that with us right now.
And Peter and Seal and a bunch of SVB bros who were all in a group chat, Again, Peter Thiel, right-wing billionaire, financier of right-wing campaigns, paid for the campaign of now-Senator J.D.
Vance, paid for the campaign of failed Senate candidate Blake Masters in Arizona.
Peter Thiel was the guy who started this bank run.
Peter Thiel was the guy who was in the Discord or whatever group chat of the SVP, who was like, I don't like the looks of this shit.
I'm getting my money out of SVB and you guys should too.
And the venture capitalist bros, they're the ones who did the run on SVB.
It wasn't the wokesters.
It wasn't anybody else.
It was them.
It was right-wing shit weasels who killed their own bank.
And then that got reported on Twitter.
So we had an illiquidity, a liquidity crisis, which became an actual run.
and turned into a real solvency crisis and started a domino effect,
which then brought down Signature Bank in New York, which also got scooped up by the government
because they're trying to arrest the domino effect and not have a bunch of runs on other banks.
Right, and at this point in the situation, the government has made it clear
this is a not a taxpayer funded bailout.
All this money is going to come from fees that banks pay into FDIC in order to be licensed banks.
bangs. And...
And SVB fought against the regulations that bigger banks have that prevent them from getting
caught in illiquidity spots like this that could lead to a run because SVB was like,
hey, we're a medium bank, we're a small bank.
We don't need all those stringent regulations that you put on these big banks.
So don't regulate us.
And they fought hard to put themselves in this spot where they could get themselves
destroyed, which was what they did.
So combobulations of Lidsic Earth on that front.
And so they don't exist anymore and neither does Signature Bank.
And the government has made it clear that the only people that are getting money out
of this are depositors.
There were shitweasels involved in this stuff who looked at the collapse of SVB and then bought more stocks at SVB thinking they were going to get the fat bailout check from the government so that their SVB stock would go up as they were cashing out from SVB because These venture capitalists are greedy, money-sucking parasites.
They're monsters who will make a buck at any cost.
They don't give a shit about the ethics of it.
And so right now, this appears to be contained in the venture capitalist sphere of the economy.
QAnon Their reaction at the start of this whole thing was like, yes, all the banks are going to fail.
Centralized banking will be destroyed.
We're going to win.
The Great Awakening is going to happen.
And the actual bank itself was just an evil woke bank that was bad and wrong and could be toppled.
We've talked about it.
I still don't understand how all the woke narrative got started.
I understand how the run started, and I understand the consequences and everything that happened afterwards, and what the government's doing.
Yeah, what about this capitalist, like, banks are literally what happens when capitalism takes shape?
So I don't understand how that could be woke.
Again, it's because of the diversity, the D.I.E., the diversity initiatives that all banks are basically pledged to support and that kind of stuff.
And also trying to fund green energy projects and just getting off of oil.
Just vague, boilerplate, boring ass shit that these people can point to and be like, oh, look, I saw one person talk about how they didn't have a head of risk analysis, but they had a D.I.E., like head of D.I.E.
that was making sure that everything was all woke and diverse in their bank.
And if you look at the banks, like the heads of the bank, it's all white men.
Every person in every section of the bank is white.
There are some white women, but it is as diverse as a polar bear in a blizzard.
But because the bank posts a few ads with a black person as the face of the ad and it talks about how here at SVB we value all people in all communities.
Woke Bank, that's why they fell apart because they were investing in woke green energy and Woke initiatives and other stuff that doesn't make a buck in our world.
So that's why they collapsed.
And we had Republicans on TV talking about, yep, another woke bank falling apart.
And again, the interviewer or the news person would be like, how do you define a woke bank, Senator Republican?
And they would just be like, DEI, ESG, things, words.
Another woke bank taking advantage of Trump's deregulation of the finance sector to have a catastrophically bad portfolio that was susceptible to a massive run.
Oh yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's just, it's so childish.
I think that Republicans are very happy that woke is their dumb buzzword of the day, because if they had been on TV talking about how a communist bank had collapsed, the reporter would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
How could a bank be communist?
And they would just be like, Obama bank!
Yully screamy!
It's so funny, it's so childish, that they just have a word that they're not going to let go of.
It's just like an infant with their security blanket.
It's their security word that makes them safe in this world, that they get to call the bad things woke.
Speaking of petulant morons saying stupid shit, it's time for us to move on to our next headline news segment, which, of course, because this is our show and these are our people, we have to talk about Elon Musk again.
Ugh, this fucking clown.
Isn't he done being relevant yet?
Hasn't he squandered all of his billions?
Can you stop talking about him?
He's got another couple months until Twitter finally breaks for good.
Yeah, what's Elon Musk's personal burn rate?
How long do we have to deal with this fucking clown?
Yeah.
So, the Tucker files, or the January 6th files that were being ushered forth by our boy Tuk Tuk He got like the 44,000 hours of footage and Carlson literally just posted very little.
Like people actually did breakdowns of it and he maybe aired like seven minutes, if that, of January 6 footage.
And the big footage that they were using was the Q shaman after the riots, after he had stood in the well of the Senate, after all that stuff.
They had the Q shaman like holding a bullhorn going, Hey everybody, Trump says we lost and we have to go home now because Biden's going to be president anyways.
And our attempts to hang Mike Pence have failed.
And then everyone, everyone looking at their phones and being like, Trump's telling us to leave.
We should go now.
And they'll make sad noises and they're all pathetic.
And so these videos are like, Oh, the Q Shaman was peaceful and was trying to encourage people to like not do bad things.
And, and he got four years for that shit.
Can you believe it?
This is free of the Q Shaman.
Let him go.
And Elon, I mean, Elon got on that wagon right quick.
Oh man.
Elon Musk was the Q Shaman's biggest supporter.
He was just like, man, this, this poor guy got railroaded by the corrupt system and it's so unfair and we need to let him out and blah, blah, blah.
And the thing is, is that the Justice Department has pointed out that the Q Shaman's lawyers had all this footage in Discovery.
This is not new.
This is not shocking, never before seen footage.
If the Q Shaman's legal team had wanted this footage, they could have had it.
And the Q Shaman pleaded guilty to what he did, which was, again, interfering with a government's effort to conduct business, which was certifying the election of 2020 and declaring that Joe Biden had won it.
And so many of these people now are getting this sort of, oh, we need that footage for our cases.
It's like, no, you all pleaded guilty.
None of this video evidence is exculpatory.
None of it exonerates you.
It's over, mate.
You said that you did it.
You had an opportunity to draw it out, and you didn't.
You just copped to it.
It's over.
Good day, sir.
You get nothing, except for whatever sentence you pled for.
Because they're just like, look, man, there's like 40,000 hours of this videotape, and we're going to say that most of it looks very bad for you.
There might be seven minutes that look pretty good for you, but the rest is going to make you look pretty bad.
Yeah, I just love it.
It was so funny because QAnon for like weeks was like, the January 6th narrative is falling apart.
The mainstream media's lies are being exposed for the world to see.
And if you turn on Tucker tonight, he's just going to have libs of TikTok on and they're going to scream about trans people.
And the whole January 6th thing is going to be forgotten because all Tucker had to say was, look at this video.
It exonerates you.
And they're like, boom, Tucker did it.
We're exonerated.
We're not going to dig any deeper into it.
Our boy on Fox News said we win, so we won, and it's great.
It's all we need.
It's gone so well.
Yeah, like... And now, Tucker's not going to face any legal consequences, but they're certainly going to make it look like he's going to.
Like, there's talks of him being Well, I don't know what they could possibly charge him with, but like the, the Congress member, the speaker who gave it to him will not face any consequences either, but they'll talk about it.
Oh, well, we'll see how that all shakes out.
If Tucker's opening himself up to another Dominion lawsuit or not, because that's really all the consequences Fox is facing is just billion dollar civil lawsuits.
So that's, that's at least cool.
Another spinoff of this bullshit was that.
There was some video of January 6th prisoners singing the National Anthem in prison because they're patriots who love our nation.
And someone took the January 6th prisoners singing the National Anthem, spliced it together with Donald Trump saying the Pledge of Allegiance and created a song.
I use the term song very loosely.
And this grift got jumped on by Trump.
And as of a couple days ago, it was the number one selling song on iTunes.
And QAnon is very thrilled about this, because they pushed woke Miley Cyrus out of the top spot on iTunes and replaced her with the January 6th Patriots and Donald Trump.
And The one thing I will say about this, because I actually listened to it, because it's nothing.
It's absolutely nothing.
It's the National Anthem being sung with very minimal music in the background, and then that fades out, and then Trump says a chunk of the Pledge of Allegiance, and then it goes back to the National Anthem.
And to whoever edited this, if you've ever listened to any remixes where they put the rapper into the song or the singer into the rap song, You have the other part of it just be a section.
You don't go back and forth from the singer to the rapper and the rapper to the singer.
Because that's what this is.
It's so weird that you have a chunk of the National Anthem and then you just have Trump dryly saying, I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.
And then it cuts away from Trump and it cuts back to the National Anthem.
And what really ruins it at the end is that after they finish the National Anthem, they all start chanting, USA!
USA!
And it's like... It's for sporting events.
Right!
Exactly!
It's like you took this from like a somber Love of America thing to being like, woo!
Get him, Tom Brady!
Go Bucks!
Yeah!
And it's just so, so silly at the end.
And they're so happy they sold like 10 copies of it, which is what I think it takes to make the top of iTunes.
I mean, that's truly horrible.
I'm glad that I have never and will never listen to it.
Nor should you.
It is absolutely the biggest nothing in the world.
And it just goes to show that if you put the Trump stamp on anything his minions will just run
Screaming to throw their money into a fireplace for it. I will say that now that Caucasian rappers are getting more
proficient It's getting easier for them to trick me into
Listening to guys that you know, I'll be I'll be like grooving with and then they'll say something that makes me think
wait a minute Are they secretly some sort of weird conservative?
And then, yes, if I do any amount of digging, I'm just like, no!
Caucasian rap guy!
I thought you were just regular, but it turns out that you're a monster!
No!
And, uh, I'm just like, and it keeps happening to me on TikTok.
It's happened to me like two or three times.
I'll be like, yeah, okay, this guy.
And then I'll just be like, oh no, I think he might be a weird conservative.
And I'm just like, oh no, I watched that thing for like 40 seconds.
Oh no, my algorithm.
Yup.
Yeah.
This may surprise you.
I was at the, uh, uh, game store the other day and, uh, one of the ones I don't go to as much and, I'm going to grab a new mini, and one of the guys there is just like, yeah, so I went to the comedy show the other night, and
I was like, well, I'm right here.
I'm going to listen to this.
Like, I'm, I can hear this guy's story.
And he's like, and this name's comedian and he just opened up with, who here's grandparents are dead?
And one guy said, yes.
And he goes, yeah, did they die from the vaccine?
And I was just like, oh, and like, there was all this, like, people didn't know if they were supposed to laugh.
I was just like, I don't know.
Where you are on this, do you think it's funny that this guy told this joke to make people uncomfortable?
Or are you actually anti-vax?
It's so weird.
There's this line that people try and toe, and then you get got, and you're like, oh, no, you're a shitbag.
Was that guy opening to Joe Rogan's Anti-Woke Comedy Club?
Yeah!
He could definitely... It's like, did you get your jokes from Roseanne?
Like, holy shit.
Yeah, it's just so hard to be a comedian these days, guys.
Yeah, so hard.
Yeah, which is why now if you are, if you want to attend the Anti-Woke Comedy Club, you have to get your face scanned.
So if you heckle, they can like ban you for life and track you.
And also they take your phone so you can't record the sets because that obviously is something that And the irony of all that Big Brother-style shit is, I'm sure, completely lost on them.
They're just like, come to your free idea thinking, like, anti-woke comedy club.
Now please turn over your cell phone and let me scan your face for our database.
Yes!
Yeah, Joe Rogan is beyond parody at this point.
Like, he...
He was always a shitbag.
I just didn't know.
But he's gone so far beyond.
He just does not... He is beyond parody.
He doesn't see irony.
He doesn't see satire.
I can't believe he was ever a comedian.
It is baffling.
Not great.
It's the opposite of great.
It's really funny how all of these people, they sort of reach the right-wing crank event horizon, and people are like, oh shit, this guy's doing it, he's about to become just a standard right-wing troll, and none of them ever pull out.
None of them ever steer out of the skid and get out of it.
They can't!
No one else will have them.
It's so but you would think if you're true Rogan, you've got
your nine figure Spotify deal, and all this stuff that you could actually be like, wait a minute, I don't need to do
this. And it's like, Nope, nope, you have to say Elon Musk is a
multi trillionaire.
Can't do it.
Has to be a right-wing shitbag.
I don't understand what the gravitational pull of this shit is that's so powerful that none of these guys can say to themselves, hey, wait a minute.
Maybe this isn't the right play.
Maybe I shouldn't do this.
They're all just like, nope, totally the right call.
Totally the right thing to just be- Elon's an idiot, so- Oh yeah, oh god, Elon- So is Joe Rogan.
Yeah, it really goes to sh- All of these guys are like, just showing you that anyone who thinks that capitalism is some sort of perfect meritocracy, and that the sharp, cunning guys rise to the top, no.
Absolutely not, under no circumstances.
You have people that are just dumber than dirt, and they're billionaires.
Just absolutely- If, like- If there was a way to quantify intelligence, I know, like
an actual true IQ test, so many people that are poor would be
so much higher ranked than people that are rich. It's not, it's
not even questionable.
Generational mega wealth is a problem.
Right? It's just so it's just so ridiculous that anyone thinks the
system is rewards perfectly that you get where you get on merit.
It's like, no, no, you don't.
You actually don't.
Something something bootstraps.
Oh, absolutely.
It's like, and I'm not saying this as some sort of filthy poor that's bitter and miserable about things.
I'm just a realist.
I just understand this.
Like, it's just the way it is.
I mean, there's nothing to it.
So it's really funny, and I just find it really Bizarre that this is a culture and a community that's being grown and expanding, and that more and more people are just like, man, I just really hate trans people.
Is there a group that will accept me?
Oh, there is!
Sweet.
I don't care about any of their other views.
I'm in.
I'm just in on it.
I'm here for it.
Like, the people that are scared to death that Bill Gates is gonna put a chip in their vaccines are like, please put your chip in my brain, apartheid emerald mind daddy!
Do it!
Neuralink me up!
Woohoo!
I mean, it's just... It is.
Who doesn't want Elon Musk to have access to their mind and brain?
I know I feel like, hey, I mean, the self-driving Tesla's been going so well, why don't we let Elon take me for a test drive?
He's only killed every monkey they've put the chip into.
So, 100% failure rate.
Sign me up.
I'm here for it.
But I'm not a weak monkey, Mike.
You're a chad with a powerful brain that can handle the microchip.
Yeah, dude.
I'm fucking insanely chatty.
You don't even know.
Look at these Chinese soldier abs.
Yes.
That's a throwback reference we haven't made in a while.
Speaking of things we haven't done in a while, I feel like it's been a whole week since we've gone to the listener mailbag, so let's do that now.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Snorlaxcpap says, what is your best zombie survival tip since scientists have doomed us by bringing back that Ice Age virus they found recently?
Uh, yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I feel like I'm going to die immediately in the zombie apocalypse, but for me personally, if I have any hope of survival, it's going to be starting a cult.
I don't have the tools to survive on my own, so I would need to trick people into doing it for me.
And I think that the only way for me to do that would be to trick the feeble-minded, strong-bodied with some sort of religious nonsense.
Yeah, right before Elle spoke, I was waiting my turn in queue.
But my answer was charisma.
That is the only way I survived the zombie apocalypse.
And it's probably the only way most people survive the zombie apocalypse.
So yes, absolutely.
Like, I don't have the gumption to lead via any other means than prophecy.
I would basically have to become Joseph Smith or Q or L. Ron Hubbard.
I would have to do something of that like, like, basically, Everybody else is running around shooting zombies and screaming.
And I would just be running through my house, trying to find my house's copy of the Bible, hoping I had one.
And when I found it, I'd be running outside, screaming some obscure Bible verse, trying to explain to people how it proved that the Christian God saw the zombie apocalypse coming.
And that if we follow these simple steps, we'll get through it.
And that's the only way I'm making it.
It's the book of Eli, right?
Yeah, I gotta do something.
I ain't making it with my gun skills.
Never shot a gun in my life.
Survival skills, can't make a fire.
I got nothing.
I got nothing.
So this is just, oh boy, thank God charisma is not my dump stat, because it's the only thing that's going to keep me on this earth.
I guess I just hope that the virus that makes everyone else a zombie turns me into some sort of super being.
Yeah, I'm not a weak monkey, Mike.
Yeah, exactly!
That's how you survive.
You claim you have the Neuralink.
You quickly put a scar on the top of your head to show where Elon's doctors put the chip in your brain, and you're connected to the hive mind in Elon.
So everyone's got to listen to you, because Elon's sending you the messages on how to run the ship.
Oh man, this is gonna work real easy.
We're gonna be living high on the hog in the zombie apocalypse.
We did it.
We made it, everybody.
We are co-rusin'.
Yes.
By the way, if anyone else tries to steal the Neuralink religion from us in the zombie apocalypse, you are heretics!
You are piercing a false religion and you will be stashed down into the fires.
It sure sounds like that's how the zombie apocalypse starts, with your guys' Neuralink religion.
Probably.
We are both the cause and the result of the zombie apocalypse.
Leech from Buffalo asks, have you tried using a VR device for gaming?
Yeah, a couple times.
A friend of the show, Frosty, has one, and when I visited him, I was able to try it out.
I played Don't Stop Talking or Everyone Explodes?
Is that the name of the game?
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes.
I was literally going to bring that up because I've played that on my phone, but I have friends who've played the game on VR.
So that was my touchstone to that world.
Bunch of fun.
Yes.
So yes, we've tried it.
One of us has.
I've done VR a few times.
Love of Beat Saber.
There was one, it wasn't super hot.
It was some other VR shooting game.
That was sort of like a rhythm game.
Like, you were sort of walking through a scene, blowing people away, and if you were doing your shooting and dodging to the rhythm of the music in the background, like, eventually you would sync up to it and you would, like, you'd get into a groove.
You'd sort of enter the flow state or whatever.
Like, actually, you're just like, oh, I get what this is now.
I can't remember the name of it for the life of me, but that was really fun.
Yeah, VR gaming is okay.
The couple of killer apps make a good use case for it, but it's something that I'm not interested in doing more than a couple of times a year for the novelty of it, you know what I mean?
I couldn't see VR gaming being my primary form of gaming.
At least not yet.
Lord knows once we get full-dive VR, I'm gonna be in that tube all day.
I want the VR game where I'm a goalie in hockey.
I mean, I'd obviously have to have a mat to like throw myself down on, but I think that would be like a very fun game to play where you're just like making saves and trying to keep your team in the game.
And I, cause I've seen like the quarterback VR game and I think that's interesting, but, uh, throwing a ball to the people that's basically just Madden, but I'm just using my arm instead of a joystick.
I'd rather like have to use my whole body to like block shots and stuff.
So.
Once you make goalie, maybe I'll look at your Oculus Rift or your Meta Rift or whatever you call your stupid technology, Zuckerberg.
So thank you for the question.
Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor, asks, now that wokeism is being blamed for bank runs destroying badly managed investor funds, what do you think the right will accuse wokeism of destroying next?
More hammer.
Yeah.
A woke Warhammer.
No, they're already complaining about that.
So don't you worry.
A woke hammer.
Remember that, guys?
Boom!
You're not the first person to make that joke either.
Oh, well, I mean, D&D got destroyed by being woke.
So, I mean, oh man.
Sports have been destroyed by being woke.
I mean, I think the actual question is reversed.
What hasn't woke destroyed at this point?
Uh, yeah.
I mean, at this point, yeah.
Has it covered NASCAR yet?
Is NASCAR woke yet?
I can't remember.
Oh yeah, they banned the Stars and Bars, right?
Yes, they banned the Stars and Bars, and they had a black driver, Bubba Wallace, I believe is his name, he won a race, and he won it on a rain delay, they had to call it due to weather, and of course everyone was like, oh yeah, they gave him the win, bullshit!
It's like, People win on weather all the time.
People win on fuel all the time.
There's ways to win at NASCAR that are not particularly exciting, but it happens.
I believe that for most people, the not exciting way to win at NASCAR is nearly all ways.
Did you like my little weekend update delivery there?
Yes, the aggressive lean into the punchline, the SNL glory.
So, oh yeah, MeBad posted, your picks for who's going to be headlining this shithole about the Joe Rogan comedy club.
Dave Chappelle!
Obviously the headliner.
It's not even a doubt.
I mean, I guess.
I don't know if Dave Chappelle is tight with Joe Rogan.
It seems like the sort of thing that would happen, for sure.
But what's his face there?
That's all, folks!
Kramer, whose name I can't remember right now.
Oh yeah, Michael Richards!
Yeah, there we go.
Yeah, he could do his set totally untethered from reality.
Gallagher, if he wasn't dead.
I guess the zombie of Gallagher.
He'll be up there and he'll just be like... He'll be like, Watermelon, am I right?
Black people, et cetera!
Now I'm gonna smash it with a hammer!
And everyone will be like, yay!
We love you, Gallagher!
You're our favorite!
You're our favorite zombie comedian.
Truly the greatest of all zombie comedians.
Your anti-Muslim material is second only to Jeff Dunham.
God, fuck these clouds.
I hate that.
God.
Raised by Wolves asks, what's the best way to get back on Twitter after you accidentally nuke your own account?
That sounds like a question for you, Sarge, because you're the new account creator of us.
Oh, I mean, I just made a new account and don't use it.
Like, I locked myself out of the one after I got a new phone, and I was just like, well, I guess I'll make a new one.
And I just don't really use it.
I had Elon yell at me to get rid of my two-factor identification, and that I was going to be locked out if I didn't do it within the next four days.
So I had to figure out what my password is, because I've never logged in.
I've just logged into Twitter always, so I never know what my password is.
I had to figure out my password.
I'm using your site for as long as it's free and not one second longer.
So when I get hacked in the next month or so, thanks Elon for that shit, because I'm
not going to pay eight bucks for two-factor.
Go fuck yourself, buddy.
I'm using your site for as long as it's free and not one second longer.
The moment you charge me a penny for that shit, I'm out.
It's not that great.
It's not worth it.
Luckily, I haven't encountered this yet, but due to some authenticator nonsense, if I ever do log out of my Twitter account from my mobile device, I will be locked out of it forever, I think.
So we'll cross this bridge when we come to it, I suppose.
And we have a secret question from Reverend Xenofact who messaged me on Patreon.
And so, for our listeners who do want to get in questions who have abandoned Twitter, because it sucks, feel free to hit me up on Patreon.
Just send a message to me and I will put your question on the air.
And Reverend Xenofact asks, does it seem like QAnon and the GOP are out of ideas?
Where are the imaginative conspiracy theories?
Is anyone trying to take us back to the days of dumbs, starseeds, and medbeds?
I kind of miss it.
It is very true that today's conspiracy theories are grounded in a very dull, boring reality, and they also involve re- I see people posting shit like today, where they're like, Michelle Obama is a man!
Am I right, bros?
And it's like, Barack Obama hasn't been president for like six years now!
He's not relevant!
Or they're like, oh, Hillary Clinton just murdered somebody!
It's like, Hillary hasn't been relevant in forever!
God, can you guys just hate Joe Biden?
Do we, do we still need to be mad at the Clintons and the Obamas?
They don't matter.
They're not going to matter.
They're, they're done.
It's over.
Hillary lost.
Michelle isn't running for, yeah, Hillary.
Yes.
Obama had his two terms.
The constitution literally says he's not allowed to be president anymore.
Michelle Obama is not going to run for president.
She doesn't want to deal with that shit.
These people are of an age.
They are of a previous age.
They're gone.
They will never trouble you again until you see a Breitbart article about how some junior staffer from the Clinton administration died in a plane crash and obviously Hillary had her snuffed or some shit.
But beyond that, don't worry about it.
The boogeyman's gone.
You now have old boring Joe as your president.
You don't have to worry about anybody else.
It's like, oh, but Biden's, but Obama's pulling the strings.
It's like, yeah, we'll calm down, calm down, relax.
It's over.
Like, it's just so, it's so funny how they, they, they, their material is so old and so tired.
It's like, they thought they were going to be able to hate the Clintons for like 50 years and the Obamas for 50 years.
It's just like, it's like, guess what?
When you're a president, you get eight and that's it.
You'll get more.
And in Trump's case, you only got four.
Like if in 20 years, I'm sitting here like on social media or on a podcast or whatever and being like, you know who I hate?
Donald Trump.
Fuck that guy.
Someone stage an intervention.
Someone stop me.
I do hate Donald Trump and I will fight him sometime, but once he's dead... Once he is dead or incapable of being president, like once the 2024 election is called for Joe Biden, and now Donald Trump no longer has political relevancy, Like, that will end.
He will abate.
Six years after Trump could be president anymore, I will never bring him up.
He will not matter to me.
A year after he's unable to be president, he won't matter to me.
Like, I don't spend my life, like, just hating people and basing my identity around hating those people.
I don't wake up in the morning going, Like, Donald Trump has been indicted for his blunder of crimes.
And you know who else I want to see go to jail?
George W. Bush!
I fucking hate that guy!
Like, I haven't thought of George W. Bush in a million years!
I don't care about him!
I do hope he's charged for crimes, but I'm not actively, yeah, I don't talk about it.
The last time I thought about him is when he had, when he, uh, Ellen sat next to him at a football game and then she talked out of the side of her mouth about how, oh, you gotta be nice to him.
You gotta be nice to the people that you, uh, hate.
That's how you bring them around.
It's like, he actively campaigned to take away your rights, Ellen.
So, I don't know.
Yeah, but you know, there are bad people on both sides.
Yeah.
There are good people on both sides.
You know what?
There are people on both sides.
Surely there are people on both sides, Sarge.
That suck.
That suck a mountain of tits.
And are good on both sides.
Absolutely.
Wink.
There are no good Republicans.
Sorry.
So, what are you guys looking forward to?
I started rewatching the new Planet of the Apes trilogy with some friends.
We saw the first most James Frankalicious version previously this week, and there's a chance we might see part two tonight.
We might get together and watch whatever the second one of those is.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes or whatever.
It's like Rise, Dawn, and then some other type of War for the Planet of the Apes or whatever.
Love those movies, though.
They're very good.
Yeah, they're surprisingly good.
I have friends coming into town from Omaha for a friend's birthday, and we're gonna go to Kansas City Comic-Con!
I'm going to make fun of the Scientologists that always post up out front, because we have a big Scientology building here in downtown Kansas City.
And they always are just handing out their flyers and everything, so.
Hashtag revoke Scientology's tax-exempt status.
Hashtag not a religion.
Fuck you!
Yeah, you're not wrong.
I'm looking forward to the fact that after tomorrow, I will be back to just regular dental visits, because my deep clean, which has cost me an incalculable amount of money, thanks dental insurance, you're the greatest, and not totally a scam.
My deep clean is over, but I have one baby cavity left, which Means I don't have to pay $10,000 for it.
Literally, the two kinds of problems you can have with your teeth are cavity, which can be paid for by a normal human being, or not cavity, which is, you're now out a month's salary, you stupid poor.
Thankfully, this is the former and not the latter, so once that's taken care of, I don't have to see my dentist again for quite some time, and that will be great.
So, I'm looking forward to preventative care on my teeth for the foreseeable future, because fuck this shit.
That sounds awesome, mostly because dental stuff sucks to the max stream, so hopefully you'll be out of the dental woods pretty soon.
Whatever the Latin word is for woods and teeth.
I was going to do like a vagina dentata riff, but then I realized that I don't know enough Latin to do that.
Sarge, are you doing a Latin translation for me?
Yeah.
Look at Forest's teeth.
It would be something dintada, I'm sure.
Teeth is dintas.
Forest.
This is the content people crave.
Oh, it really is.
The boys do an English to Latin translation.
That's the title of the pod.
If we were Taskmaster, that would be the title of the pod.
Silva.
Dentes Silva.
Or Silva Dentes.
I think you're supposed to flip them.
Yeah, there we go.
So, the answers to the burning questions you've been hoping for.
So, thank you everybody for... Lord, if you've made it this far, for supporting the show.
God bless you.
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Thank you, as always, for the use of our intro song to our friend DJ Minimal Effort, who still doesn't have any social media.
What a lad!
You can find our buddy Frosty, who does all of our voice artistry stuff, our drops, our bumps, all that thing.
You can find him on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
You can find the show on Twitter, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. I am at HellworldL, spelled the same way.
Sarge is at Sarge and Hell, and Mike Rains is, of course, at Poker and Politics.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, and there can be only fun, our Highlander podcast is our podcast.
I'm one of your hosts, the Mysterious Al, joined as always by Sarge and our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rades.
Good speed, Patriots!
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