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March 9, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:37:22
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #130: Elon, Tucker, and CPAC

This week we have MTG and Boebert lying about Americans being sent to Ukraine. Elon's mocking disabled employees, Trump promises to run for President even under indictment and Tucker is trying to whitewash 1/6. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Yep, just me here saying dumb things on Twitter, as is the way.
And the mysterious Elle.
Hello, my beautiful babies!
Regular voice today.
No special voice today, because somber news at the top, and I want to get that away so that we can get back to being a comedy show.
But unfortunately, last week, I did discover that one of our listeners had passed.
So I just wanted to acknowledge that at the top of the show, that it really sucks.
His name is Chris.
He was a personal acquaintance of mine, and every time I got to meet him in person, he could not help but tell me that he loved our show.
It was very sudden and, you know, I'm not going to blow up his or his family's spot by getting into any details about, like, the circumstances of it or even what his last name is, but I just wanted to say at the top of the show that we do really appreciate all the listenership and especially the people that we get to meet in person that happen to have heard the show outside of our, like, you know, tight-knit little friend group.
So it was kind of a bummer to hear that somebody had passed that was in my orbit in such a fashion.
So that kind of stunk.
Yeah, that's a huge bummer.
I didn't know about that.
So for half a second, I thought you were running a bit, and I felt terrible.
No, no, no bits this time.
Actual, just actual, just serious, like, respect to the passing of our listener and acquaintance of mine, Chris.
So, you know, rest in peace, sir.
Yes.
Onward to Valhalla and all that good stuff.
Valhalla specifically, because we do have some very Norse language coming up in the program.
So, Norse alert!
Back to doing bits!
Beware!
There's some Iceland shit happening!
Alright, time to pick the room back up.
Welcome, my beautiful babies, to the newly monetized Adventures in Hello World podcast, according to another listener of the show.
Hipped us to be like, hey, couldn't help but notice you've got some ads running!
And I was like, as I say on the show frequently, I don't listen to the show, so this is news to me!
ACAST has a thing where apparently I hit the button in the opposite direction this week where it activated ads instead of deactivating ads, and I then looked at quote-unquote revenue, and our revenue is listed under a currency called S.E.K., which I then had to look up.
It is apparently Scandinavian Krogers.
and or a Swedish Kroger's and basically a Kroger is worth a dime. It's basically worth one tenth of a dollar. Nice. And
I think we are now at somewhere around I think five bucks. I
think that's the amount of quote unquote revenue that was Let's roll it in.
Yeah, by me accidentally hitting that button in the wrong way.
Once I went to that page and saw that it wasn't USD was the way this was being translated to me.
All these zeros are meaningless.
I was just like, this sucks.
This has got to suck if it's not USD, because whatever you're trying to sell me on, is this crypto?
What is this?
Okay, all that being said, I don't know why you're poo-pooing the thought that, like, us three dorks talking into our computer, you accidentally clicked a wrong button and then that made us five dollars.
By your own admission, you accidentally hit a button on your computer that turned into $5.
Okay, fair enough.
I will keep hitting the $5 button.
I apologize to our listeners for ads.
We can wait for the fans to tell us how they feel about whether or not they want us to add up our show for the price of $5.
I feel like for me, free $5, that's pretty good.
But I did hear that there were three full ad rolls in that episode.
So that seems like a lot of advertisement.
But hey, thank you listeners.
Lord knows, tell us if you don't mind a little adage.
We would love the free money.
Hit us up.
Like, my DMs are open on Twitter.
I never check them, but you can contact me.
Let me know what you think of the ads.
That maybe pays for our podcast maintenance costs.
Yes.
And something, anything, however it works out.
Yes.
But yeah, that was, it was a surprise to me when I found out the ads existed.
And then I looked over and I looked at like the last seven podcasts or whatever said like monetization deactivated.
And this one was just like ads enabled.
And I was like, oh, I did a thing.
Way to go me.
We're leaving money on the table.
I kind of assumed we'd hit some sort of milestone.
I was just like, what the hell?
I was like, did we get like our 50,000th listener or something?
And now Inkast thinks we're a real show?
Because we're probably still not.
I don't know.
I did get chastised by that one listener who is also like an actual journalist that listens to the show that was just like, hey, Like, I appreciate what you're doing, and I was like, I know I was making a bid, I'm sorry, thank you, but also why?
Why?
Hey, we want to actually report on stuff.
We can let the number out, we're around 5,500 a week, and we want to thank every single one of you, especially the hate listeners.
I would say 55 a month, I think.
Yeah, I think that's a week.
Oh God, I would love it to be per week, but no.
Well, regardless, the number is smaller, but that means there's more things to go around.
We appreciate every single one of you, especially the hate listeners, if you're out there.
Honestly, again, I never thought that anyone would be listening to me, much less over a thousand people a week.
That's a whole auditorium.
That's a massive auditorium.
Statistically, three of those people are having a birthday every week, right?
Yeah.
Yes.
So happy birthday.
Yes.
So happy birthday to this week's beautiful babies.
I don't know who you are, but statistically speaking, there should be around three of you.
So happy birthday.
Yes.
Okay, and on that note, let's go from talking about our sec money to talking about our amuse-bouche.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
Elon Musk is a dickhead.
That's not what I have written here.
That's just my personal opinion.
And also, he's got a wretched penis, because he keeps refusing to pay me off!
Pay me off, Elon!
What million United States dollars did I stop talking about how horrible your penis is?
Anyway, now that I've... Well, at this point, I think we know how you actually get at Elon, is where you claim to work for Twitter, and then Elon reacts to you by saying, No, you don't!
And if you did, you're a dum-dum!
And then one thing leads to another, and you potentially have a lawsuit on your hands.
I need to tag Elon and just be like, uh, yeah, Elon, I was head of your horrible penis PR department, and now I'm locked out of my work computer, what should I do?
As someone pointed out in a video I was watching, Twitter clearly does not have a functioning HR department, so if you want to put Twitter on your resume, on your CV, Fucking go ahead and do it!
Just, like, give the number to a friend.
There's no way Twitter will answer any sort of verification, because it's- as we're about to talk about, they clearly do not have a functioning HR department.
Like, that is not a joke.
I mean, that has been the news of not having a functioning HR department.
Here's my take on it.
Female employees of Twitter, I recommend a head-to-toe hazmat bodysuit and a sidearm.
Yes!
Yes.
Yeah, enjoy just preemptively mace any male employees you see within 20 feet of you.
Just nail them.
Mace nothing.
If any of your male co-workers try to show you porn on their computer, send them to the Shadow Realm.
Yes, send them to another dimension.
That's where they need to go.
This is the 4Kids version of Twitter sexual harassment policy.
Oh, man.
Yeah, go ahead.
Okay, so what we're talking about is an employee of Elon's not being able to get- Former!
Allegedly former employee of Elon's Pat was trying to get in touch with Elon to figure out if
he was still employed or not and was reduced to tweeting out, hey Elon, I technically work for
Twitter but I may or may not be fired.
I have not had access to my computer for six days. What's the haps? To which Elon basically
began mocking the guy for being disabled.
Well, essentially, he started with, who the fuck are you?
Like, he just came at him and he was just like, he was just like, tell me, like, identify yourself, you fucking plebe, who's decided to book me and wake me from my Twitter slumber.
He was like, uh, here's who I am, and then Elon was just like, okay, that might be who you are, but what did you do?
He was like, here's what I did.
Yeah, Elon's written consent to put out what work he did for Twitter, because he worked for Twitter, because his company was bought by Twitter, and instead of taking a payout, he took a job.
Because he wanted, he believed in paying his taxes.
That's going to be irrelevant here in a second.
It just goes to show the stark difference between the two people interacting in this story.
One person is just like, I could not disclose that because of non-disclosure stuff, whatever, being incredibly professional, and then the other one is Elon Musk.
Anyway, so Elon Musk asked him for his credentials.
Essentially, it was just like, who the fuck are you?
And he was like, okay, do I have my permission to tell you who the fuck I am and what I did?
Elon's like, yes.
And then he's like, here's the stuff I did.
And Elon came back with essentially, you didn't do shit!
Yes!
You lied about being disabled, and to which every employment lawyer in the world was just like, holy shit, what are you doing?
Why?
And to which every Elon bootlicker was like, here's- it's time for the ableist slur list!
Let's get our ableist slur bingo!
Bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing!
Just attacking this guy, just slandering him, just every kind of mocking of his disability, just absolutely worthless scum that boot like a billionaire who is a raging narcissist man-baby.
There's no- Elon has no redeeming qualities.
That's what makes this like so ridiculous.
It's just that you're dealing with such an absolutely terrible human being, and yet people are like, oh, Elon's so based!
Way to cut that guy down a peg or two, Elon!
And then just... Mikey, give the guy some credit.
If you need somebody to come in and take 40% off your market value, I know a guy.
Yeah, yes!
I know a guy who could take over your company and make it worth about half as what it was like that.
Yeah, while saddling it with billions in interest, yes.
So yeah, to which Elon, after Elon mocked him and said he wasn't disabled and used it as an excuse, he then went on to say, and yes, you are fired.
To which, his name, we just went over how to say his name, Haraldson, He then said, OK, how are you going to pay out my contract?
Because as part of his buyout contract for his company, which he got employment, he took a job instead of a straight buyout.
If he's ever fired by Twitter, they have to immediately pay him 100 million USD.
That's the part that was relevant there, where Elon publicly fired him to his 130 million Twitter followers.
So you can't reel that one back.
Can't reel that one back.
And also, you publicly said you fired him for his disability, which you said wasn't real.
Which is why we got an immediate, immediate Elon apology tweet.
Cause the, I don't know, the two lawyers that still work at Twitter just came like screaming into his office like, Like, shoes on fire, they were running so fast, it's just like, what the fuck are you doing?
This man could now own Twitter, he's just gonna sue us.
And you.
But why would somebody want to own Twitter at this point?
Yeah.
Like, inevitably, it would have to become worth way less than this, for somebody to look at it and just be like, yeah, it might be worth trying to turn this one around.
But like, right now it's just in this weird, like, we're in the middle of its freefall.
Like, nothing is gonna change it.
Like, we're in the process of watching Elon Musk ride Twitter, like, you know, Dr. Strangelove style.
Like, he's got his cowboy hat, and he's about to crash it into the ground.
It's gonna explode real big.
Yeah, Twitter clearly, like I was saying, does not have a functioning HR department.
Elon and Twitter.
Someone still has some lawyers and someone was paying attention because that that apology tweet came fucking fast and And the best part about the apology tweet was Elon blaming other people for this shit.
Yeah.
Elon was like, oh, I got some bad information from some people that wasn't true.
Who?
Name them, Elon.
Name the bad employees who told you, oh yeah, the guy that's currently blowing you up on Twitter about maybe not having a job here, he's faking his disability.
Rip him, Elon!
Get him!
That was my favorite part about Elon's quote-unquote apology tweet, was he was just like, I was acting off of, like, information that was wrong, and some of the stuff I said was based on accurate information that I interpreted wrong.
Yeah.
He's just like, it was, I think the words he used was just like, accurate information that wasn't relevant.
Yeah.
And it's just like, That's a weird dodge, considering if you look at that for half a second it puts even more blame on you.
In a world where all of that isn't transparently bullshit, I can certainly imagine where Elon Musk, who is stupid and easily tricked, could have just been easily tricked by somebody and be like, yeah, I don't think that guy's really disabled or whatever.
Uh, but if he got the accurate information of any part of it and then decided to act on it in the way he did and was wrong, that's more culp- that's more culpability for you!
Elon has also deleted the tweet where he was, I don't know if this was a reply or a direct tweet, but he posted, talking about the employee, he said, he's the worst, comma, sorry.
Just, this guy fucking sucks.
This guy faking his disability, that piece of shit.
Yeah, he's the worst.
Yeah, so Elon's lawyers were like, you need to delete that.
You need to delete that yesterday.
Yeah, get that fucking gone.
Yeah, click the button that makes that go away from the internet forever.
It's a good thing that the picture of that screenshot can probably include a handy little graph that shows how much engagement it got in the time that it was available, because that seems like it'd be pretty cool in court to just be like, hey, in the time this was available, 1.2 million people saw it, so that's pretty good.
You only highballed it a little, 160k thousand views.
Okay, still, whatever.
It was just like, it was over 30 minutes and 160,000 people saw it.
Half a million, over half a million, my bad, I misspoke.
He's considering staying at Twitter, which I have to figure, they're just like, Elon, he has a fucking poison pill in his contract, if you fire him, we have to give him A hundred million dollars.
Like, immediately.
He's considering staying on his Twitter because Elon is like, Hey pal, would you like to buy a Twitter?
I mean, I'm kind of used to like... I know that we've had our differences, but you know what would probably be like mid-defense?
Is if you bought Twitter.
What a cloud show.
Fuck Elon Musk.
God, what a loser.
Jeez, no kidding.
Like, yeah, just as we go on, more and more reports come out that, like, everyone at SpaceX is just constantly, they were just, like, they would just make things, write things for Elon to look at to keep him out of, like, the actual projects.
And to trick people to think that he was a genius.
Yeah.
He says, talking over the silent Mike Rains, who is muted, and I don't have a way to communicate that to him without communicating it to the audience as well.
Yeah, my button, my unmuting button didn't work.
Apologies.
No, what I was going to say is Elon's actual tweet was, I would like to apologize to Holly for my misunderstanding of his situation.
It was based on things I was told that were untrue, or in some cases true, but not meaningful.
He is considered remaining at Twitter.
I don't.
I read some shit that was true but not meaningful about it, but then I decided to act like a
goober on the internet anyway.
Yes.
That's a really long road to say I lied.
Like, people lied to me.
Okay, who and why?
Who would lie to you about this man's disabilities?
Also, do we have a legal minimum for definition of an apology?
If not, we should try to work towards the minimum definition of what an apology is.
Because it sort of started like, it seems like it was going to clear the bar there at the beginning.
I apologize to blank blank blank.
And it's like, oh great, with several more sentences after this, this is going to be a great one.
And then no, it just got worse from the outside.
I apologize because people lied to me and them's the brakes.
Maybe I should get a better retinue of Yes Men to tell me which disabled people I can slander on the internet and not owe a nine-figure payout to should I pull off that little stunt.
BT Dubs, that guy is looking to remain here on Twitter.
Maybe.
So, yeah.
This is such a great company to work for and everybody loves it.
Yeah, between that and Elon obviously tweeting this while his bodyguards who are shoulder to shoulder with him are standing behind him to prevent the coup attempts he thinks are going to happen inside his office in San Francisco.
Which if you haven't read those stories, allegedly Elon now has bodyguards that even follow him into the bathroom because he's afraid he is just going to get Julius Caesar'd at any moment and someone's going to take Twitter from him.
He's got bodyguards inside his office because he's afraid that he's going to have a coup launched against him and someone's going to seize Twitter by force.
I mean, he should be in the bathroom.
If a single pap gets a picture of his wretched penis, that's gonna be a dealbreaker for him.
It'll be on the cover of Fangoria Magazine tomorrow.
Yes!
In the words of that commercial, that's not how this works.
That's not how any of this works.
No, he wrote it into his own contract somehow, that if you could manage to kill him in single combat, that you could get the winner.
It's the WWE no-holds-barred belt rules of, like, CEO-ship?
If you can pin him anywhere, anytime, you get the belt in the CEO-ship?
What?
Yeah, Twitter is defended under 24-7 rules.
That is how this works.
If you really wanted to mess with him, you should just, like, chain a briefcase suspended from the ceiling of his office.
So he walks in and he's just like, No!
They're gonna money in the bank me!
No!
I mean, it really sounds like he thinks this works on, like, no-holds-barred WWE rules.
It's the greatest.
What is it about white men in podcasting that makes us inevitably start talking about wrestling?
I know Sarge very well, and I know myself incredibly well, and we don't give a fuck about wrestling!
But we are constantly making references about it on our show!
I don't follow wrestling, but with When Mike said he has bodyguards defending him, even in the bathroom, I didn't think assassination.
I was like, it's, it's like that.
I did watch wrestling during the attitude era, like everyone did.
And I just remember that they had that belt where the guy had to defend it constantly, 24 seven.
And yeah.
The WWE hardcore championship.
Yeah.
Hardcore champion.
Thank you.
Um, okay.
Enough of this.
Mostly because we're already running a little long on our first segment of the Boosh, so let's move on to our second segment of the Boosh for the week, shall we?
Which is apparently something that I have no idea about, but it stars, like, you know, if we had a circus, if our show was a circus, we would employ a certain number of clowns, and those clowns would include Elon Musk and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, who are the subjects of our next Boosh item.
Mike, what are these two clowns getting into this week?
Uh, so, these clowns at CPAC, which will- Have they fought to the death?
Oh, have they?
If only they had.
If only they had.
That would be, probably, you'd have to do an emergency podcast for the Bobert MTG brawl to end it all.
That would be absolutely incredible.
Yeah, it'd just be like, yo, on Messenger, just like, guys, did you see that MTG and Lord Bobert are having a kumite?
Are you available to record?
So what happened was is Ukrainian President Zelensky gave a speech and in that speech, he explained that America should probably support Ukraine because if Russia were to conquer and subjugate Ukraine, Russia would then be emboldened to do more bullshit.
And probably more of that bullshit would involve taking a crack at the Baltics.
And if they took a crack at the Baltics, guess what?
The Baltics, the Baltic states are under NATO, and they would immediately enact Article 5, and then we would have to defend them.
And as Zelensky was explaining, that if that happened, then you would have US soldiers fighting Russian soldiers.
Or as he said, like, American sons would have to go to, like, the Baltics to defend them.
World War III, baby!
Yeah.
And Boebert and MTG took what Zielinski said and started screaming that he was talking about American troops being sent to Ukraine to defend Ukraine, and they were just like, our sons and daughters are not going to die in Ukraine!
Go to hell, Zielinski, you monster!
You war-escalating lunatic!
And again, he did not say any of that.
He was just explaining that down the road, this is the situation that could develop if Russia's aggression continued past Ukraine and into nations that are under NATO membership.
And Boebert and MTG decided to misconstrue that into being that now Zelensky's demanding American troops come into Ukraine and help fight the war against Putin.
Which is unacceptable.
And these people to a foreign place to kill and be killed on the battlefield is like the most American thing there is.
Yeah.
But also, that's why we're fighting a proxy war right now and sending them weapons and money and training and giving them training.
We sent them Abrams tanks, which isn't the greatest gift you can send.
Those things are... The bad guy here is Russia.
It's astonishing that these red-blooded American patriots aren't, like, their position is, hey, let's not send anything over there.
It's not our business.
And also, we're pretty sure... Is he not seeing a single Chuck Norris movie?
Yeah, it's just like, why aren't they all, let's send all of it to, let's kick Putin's teeth in.
I'm so confused by that.
And I will continue to be confused by that while they continue to fucking, they just love licking boots.
If you're willing to say that you don't like liberals, they will lick all of your boot.
Like 100% all the way down to the shaft of the boot, to the base of the boot.
It's genuinely baffling.
I understand them not wanting to send money and aid to a foreign war, but Zelensky's 100% right.
Putin doesn't stop here.
Also, I don't understand the impulse to not do that.
Why be so prosperous if we can't stop Russia from invading a foreign country?
Yeah, I'm just saying, devil's advocate, I can understand that argument.
I can understand that argument.
I don't understand why they're so gung-ho.
I can understand not wanting to pay for universal healthcare.
We love Russia.
The way it's going down is great!
Another conservative talking point, they just, god, they're all so, they're all just so greedy.
What a bunch of fucking, what a bunch of Scrooge McDucks they are, except without any of the cool adventuring part.
They don't even have a giant vault of money they swim through defying physics.
If they could do that, I'd be more on their side.
Well, like, the thing is that that style of wealth is the sort of thing that they have decided to be anti-Semitic about.
Like, they want to be incredibly rich themselves, but they imagine, like, a rich evil person.
I'm assuming it's like Scrooge McDuck, like, but, you know, practicing the faith of the Judaism.
Pretty much.
That's how they just imagine George Soros.
That's what he is.
He just like lives in this giant bank vault of money that he's gotten by like fleecing non Jewish people, because he's evil and bad.
And this is the world that these people live in.
Because at the end of the day, all these conspiracy theories go back down to anti semitism.
That's just the way it works.
You're not wrong.
No.
So it is really bizarre that this is where we're at, where we have one of the two major political parties in America sort of playing footsie with Putin and kind of being on his side about this war, when it's just like, holy shit!
This is a dictatorship invading a democracy, trying to genocide them.
There's really no middle ground here.
Literally stealing their children.
Right.
This is as ridiculously cut and dry black and white a war as you could have since World War II.
Like, after World War II, all the wars got kind of muddled and muddy and weird.
And should we really be doing this?
Is this a good idea?
Yes or no?
You could actually argue it.
Here, it's like, no.
Ukraine is objectively good, and Russia is objectively bad.
That's all there is to it.
There's nothing beyond that.
And you can, like, scream about the Asov unit, and, oh, Ukraine's got Nazis in it, and blah blah blah, and all this stuff, and it's like, no.
It doesn't matter.
At the end of the day, Russia is the bad guy, and there's no defending it.
And I think my favorite part of this is reading these QAnon people who are like, well, if the Deep State and Pettowood and all these other people are for Ukraine, then I have to be against them.
And it's like, I'll say you're just a child with oppositional defiance disorder.
You can't even think rationally about what's going on and come up with a conclusion.
It's like, nope.
I saw the bad people on the TV like Ukraine, so I hate Ukraine.
Oh, that's good.
You have the reasoning of a six-year-old.
Compobulations.
I mean, just... And that you're taking Zelensky's words out of context to get mad at him.
Well, it's like, so what's your end goal?
You want Russia to win?
Why?
Tell me why you want Russia to win.
How does that help you?
Because for Boebert and MTG, they could never explain that because once you get into the why should Russia win world, that's just...
QAnon madness. That's just, Ukraine has bio labs where they created COVID and it's
where they human traffic all the children for the adrenochrome and it's just all that stuff.
You can't even be remotely connected to reality and explain why you want Ukraine to be annexed
by Russia. Yeah. It is.
God, it's just, it's super ridiculous that this is even a thing.
Like, I really, um, it's very funny.
I mean, we're going to get to Trump a little bit more once we get into the real news, but it's really funny that like, Trump isn't even trying to be like, Russia should win.
Trump's angle on the war is more... I could have ended it.
Right, his dumb cockamamie.
I can end the war.
Once I'm president, I will end the war immediately.
How?
Can't tell you.
Right.
I don't trust you.
I don't buy that.
Well guess what nerds, before we move into our news segment, I've got SURPRISE BOOSH!
Or, as I like to call it, AMBOOSH!
Did you guys see that hilarious Andrew Tate video that is going viral at the moment?
Uh, no!
I just heard about it.
The one where he accidentally... It's incredible, because he is, like, accidentally sort of close to making a good common sense argument against homophobia.
But he's doing it by just dropping layer on top of layer of misogynist horseshit on top of it.
It is hilarious.
If you guys haven't seen this, it's been making the rounds.
It's super funny.
No, the last thing I saw from him was what Sarge said about how he might have lung cancer and needs to be let out of prison immediately, which, um, no, I don't believe you.
I don't know.
Did you not see where he confirmed that he did not have lung cancer?
It was a scar on his lung, and true warriors have scars.
It was obviously a ploy by his lawyer to get him out of jail and get him, like, medical attention.
And, like, that was the play.
But then he couldn't look weak, so he was just like, I don't have fucking lung cancer, it's a scar.
So he couldn't even go with the play.
I just love the idea that his lawyer Was working out something, had bribed certain people, was setting things up.
It was just like, okay, if we do this lung cancer thing, I might be able to spring him.
We can work out a way.
And then Tate just like kiboshes it, just absolutely crushes it.
Like, nope, nope, nope.
I'm fit as a horse.
I could fight 10 men right now.
Even though I'm like, when they give me my phone to tweet in my prison cell, I whine like a baby about, oh, I'm in prison.
This sucks.
They should let me traffic women and be a monster.
That's cool.
That is his go-to.
I love that this cloud is like, he's sort of like on his last gasp of being relevant before he just like goes to like fucking Polish jail forever or whatever.
Uh, which is gonna be great, but yeah, I mean, uh, never before have I ever said, thought that I would say this, but I would recommend checking out that clip, because he's, he's, he's, it's, it's just a perfect example of somebody being close to having the right, like, get, like, it's always satisfying to see them getting there, you're like, oh my god, you're, you're close to having the epiphany that changes you from this dirtbag into a real person!
And then they just pummel it at the goal line and then continue to dishuman traffic with it.
I hate when that happens.
I hate when I get so close to stop being a human trafficker and then I fuck it up and I keep trafficking humans.
Man, yeah, it's also got a lot of layers to it.
It's really good.
Yes.
Anyway, okay, ambush over.
Let's move on to our new segment.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
So CPAC happened, and distressingly for me, and I don't know if Sarge has seen any coverage of this, CPAC happened at a place that I'm very familiar with.
So I was seeing a lot of photos coming out of CPAC that were like places that I've walked through like hundreds of times.
And it made me feel sort of icky.
But aside from that, I didn't keep track of that shit because I hate all those people.
Luckily, that's what our expert Mike Rains is here for.
Mike, what happened at CPAC?
Okay, so the first thing that happened at CPAC was they had a speaker declare that transhumanism needs to be eradicated.
And when this happened, a lot of people were like, this guy wants to kill all the trans people and that's very bad.
To which the CPAC promoters were like, how dare you?
We never said that.
We demand retractions and apologies because you have libel slandered us by saying these terrible things.
We never suggested that anyone be killed.
We merely suggested a concept, transhumanism, be quote-unquote eradicated.
And this leads to this, this is the Kabuki theater bullshit of right-wing extremism, where you say a terrible thing that your audience totally agrees with.
And then when rational, normal people hear that shit and post about it, you then pretend that you didn't mean what you said and throw yourself on a fainting couch and scream about how those hysterical liberals are taking everything out of context.
This is not what I said.
And.
As a lot of people on the dying Twitter machine have liked to say, this guy is basically saying Judaism must be eradicated.
Now, I didn't say anything about Jewish people!
I just said that Judaism needs to be eradicated.
However we achieve that goal... I said I was Jew-ish!
You know?
Yes!
Hey!
George Santos, still a congressperson, still not resigning.
Told you, we're stuck with him for two years.
God, I can't wait.
When he loses the Republican primary by 40 points, it's going to be so satisfying.
When Bob Emptysuit defeats that guy in the Republican primary, and it is uncompetitive, it is going to be hilarious.
But yeah, that's what they're going for.
This is the shtick they're practicing, and they know they're doing it, too, because they want to have it both ways.
They want to make these right-wing extremists know that they're on their side, and they want to wink and nod to them, but then at the same time, they want to pretend that what they're saying is, in some way, shape, or form, not horrifying and not terrible, which it fucking is.
One other thing that's really kind of funny to me is I've seen a lot of people post stuff about this that are like, wow, it is really crazy how the Democrats are really sticking up for trans people.
And it's just this idea that Democrats are like spineless cowards who cave at a moment's notice over everything is...
Not real.
Democrats have been very strong on social issues for a long time, to the point where my friends who have problems with Democrats will, like, hand-wave away social issues.
And they'll be like, but they're not helping enough on the economy and we need better wages and all that stuff.
And I'll be like, what about LGBTQ issues and all that kind of stuff?
They'll be like, yeah, they're good on that, but I don't care.
Well, they also don't care about higher wages, because due to the Rona suddenly making a lot of people realize that they could do their jobs from home and they could find other employment, wages have never been higher.
And they're still complaining about shit.
Because they're just like, oh, it's going to be triggered like a recession or whatever.
And it's just like, well, I mean, this is why none of you fucks are economists.
You don't know how shit works.
And it's why we have Crystal Ball Lady now saying she's going to primary Joe Biden, and we have people being like, yeah!
Get him!
Get him, Crystal Ball Lady!
You're the best!
Absolutely.
Hey, anything, you know, Republicans, if you're listening to this and you're Republican, please, write in your vote for this Crystal Ball Lady.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, go for it, please, by all means.
So, yeah.
Well, surprisingly, you're trading 0.05% of the vote away from this thing.
Yeah, I mean, go nuts.
Anything you could do to make sure that, like, a quote-unquote real Republican candidate doesn't get into office.
Or, God forbid, any one of these lunatics that, like, claims to be real, but is, like, openly a QAnon, like, nutter.
Can't have those.
No.
So that happened to start CPAC, and then we jumped to Donald Trump giving his big speech, which the highlight of that speech for me was that Trump made it clear that even if indicted, he will continue to run for president.
Yeah, definitely say that.
Yep.
If I'm indicted, don't give a fuck.
I'm going to continue to run for president.
You can all eat shit.
Just... this is the way it's gonna work.
And...
Well, I mean, that would be, like, his last play to avoid prosecution or whatever, right?
Like, he just has to get across the presidential goal line before they can actually get him, like, to a trial.
Drag it out for as long as humanly possible, try to prevent the trial from happening before he wins the presidency.
That's the goal.
Yeah, and then he can claim, yeah, he can't put President Trump on trial.
Diplomatic immunity!
So what I really think is happening here is that quote-unquote respectable Republicans, the people that are trying to pump air into the lead balloon that is DeSantis, They're waiting for Trump to get indicted.
And then the moment Trump gets indicted, DeSantis is going to declare his campaign for the presidency.
And they're going to go hog wild trying to make DeSantis into anything.
And then when DeSantis gets absolutely trucked in Iowa and New Hampshire and is just totally destroyed, they're all going to bend the knee and they're all going to back Trump.
They're all going to cave.
But that's going to be their one moment.
Because at the CPAC straw poll, Trump won in a landslide.
There is no grassroots momentum for DeSantis at this point.
He is a fiction.
He is a fantasy that He's intentionally pissing off and fighting Disney, and I don't know if you know, they have a lot of money.
A lot of money that they could give to other political campaigns.
Yeah, I mean, the Democratic Party in Florida has obviously fallen on hard times, and they really couldn't do anything about DeSantis winning re-election.
If you're running for the presidency and you're aggressively fucking with the mouse, I mean, that is, that's an albatross around your neck.
I mean, that is a really good way to make sure that you have an incredibly well-funded opponent.
America Freedom Pack.
The shell company of a shell company of a shell company of Disney's pumps, I don't know, like, a billion dollars into to just run ads about how to say this is a giant piece of shit 24-7.
That'll just be a thing that happens to you, right?
I don't even know if they need the shell company.
It could just be the Steamboat Willie pack.
Like, let's fucking go.
He said he was gonna make their con- he was gonna alter their content, make it less woke, and it's just like, You understand that's not how this works, right?
Just because you changed how the fire department works around Disneyland?
Also, I'm just gonna say, you know, they protest a lot.
All these people spend a lot of time thinking about genitals and...
Children, and genitals around children, and thinking about sex spectrum stuff, and how much they hate gender spectrum stuff.
Dude, I don't think most people think about this as much as you cats do.
You've made it your whole identity to think about this shit.
That's fucking odd, man.
Why do you care so much about other people's peepees?
Yeah, and which bathroom they go to.
Because it's just a way for this hateful rage base that they've created.
They've basically created this Frankenstein's monster.
Again, from the Discovery and the Dominion lawsuit, where Fox News is like, we have to lie to these people about the election, or they'll go to Newsmax or OAN.
We have to give the people what they want, and it's just...
It's like, how do you, how do you fuck yourself where you're a billion dollar corporation to the point where you're beholden to lunatics that you've just mind poisoned so aggressively that now anyone can just walk in and say the magic words and now they just follow them?
Like, anyone can be the Pied Piper for your community.
It's really not hard to be a right-wing grifter.
Also, Disney's just gotta be looking down at these conservatives from their mountain and just being like, wow, these clowns really do not know how to brainwash people.
Yeah.
They're doing it in a way that inevitably makes them turn on and eat each other.
The trick is to like, it's positive reinforcement.
You make people feel good when they think about your stuff and then inevitably you just get to hitch a ride with them forever.
That's the bag we're all in with Disney.
Right.
It's like, Disney does good things.
I like Disney.
That's the way a normal person looks at Disney.
And then you, the right wing and QAnon have to mind poison themselves, like, Disney's groomers and pedophiles and bad!
It's like, what are you talking about?
What do you even mean?
And this is where you have to get into the weeds in this shit and talk about how, like, animators in the 1960s would put in, like, Lude shit into one frame in a movie because they just were on a joke.
And that's like proof that Disney's trying to brainwash your kids into becoming trans-luciferians.
That happened to Jessica Rabbit in that one flick.
Yeah.
I wonder who lude Roger Rabbit.
I wonder who did that.
Who luded it up?
Who luded that up?
It eluded us.
I stumbled all over that one.
Yeah.
Look, they can't all be winners.
The other thing that I, speaking of this, and also this connects everything, is that Boebert and CPAC did this thing about how we are going to uproot and dissolve all the woke initiatives in the military.
Which, where's the line for what is a woke initiative in the military?
Integration, gay people serving, trans people serving, women serving, non-whites serving.
Where is it woke?
When does our military become Whatever the opposite of woke is.
Asleep?
Malevolent?
Yeah, because I mean, it's really funny that the military fought every bit of wokeness, kicking and screaming the whole way.
Like, Obama had to fight tooth and nail to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
That was a huge ordeal when he got into office, was he promised to do it, and then everyone's like, oh no, he's not going to do it, he's just going to be like Clinton, he's going to cave.
And then the way we got Don't Ask, Don't Tell repealed was literally by letting rich people keep their tax cuts.
That was the big deal we made.
We were Republicans.
We were like, Republicans were like, yeah, we'll let gays openly serve in the military if rich people could keep their money.
And we were like, deal, deal, fine, fine.
Whatever gets us over that hump and lets Obama fulfill that campaign promise, we're doing it.
So great.
Although at some point we should probably stop compromising on the rich people keep their money thing.
Yes, absolutely.
Well, good news.
See, the argument against that is that those people worked hard for their money and who are we to take it from them?
But my argument would be those people most definitely did not work proportionally hard enough for the money they have.
No.
Like, and if you think that, you're obviously a rube.
Shut up.
Especially if they were born into a rich family.
They worked hard for that money.
No, they didn't.
They've never worked hard.
Even if they've been putting in work, it's never been hard.
They've been working.
That's fine.
It's not hard.
It's never been hard.
Working hard is like, yo, if I fail this, I don't have a place to live, or I can't put food on the table, or my gas and or electricity gets shut off.
That is working hard.
Yeah.
Yeah, working to just maintain your status quo or to slightly improve your quality of life is not like working in a situation where you're The proverbial one paycheck away from the wolf being at the door, which is something that these people have never dealt with.
But, El, I put in an 18-hour day.
Like, that's crazy.
Like, sometimes I just don't sleep.
I do 32 hours in a stretch, whatever.
It's just like, okay, what happens if you stop doing that?
Uh, I'll maybe go from being like a multi-millionaire to a regular millionaire?
Yeah, shut up, loser.
I don't give a fuck about your plight.
That's not a real problem.
Yeah, it's like, all these people that are mega rich, like Elon and Joanne, it's like, yeah, we can sue them or come for them, but they're never going to be broke.
They're that rich.
Tell me Logan Paul worked hard for his money.
At any point.
Like, at any point.
Sometimes we just have to virtue signal that we do hate the rich.
Yeah.
We do truly hate them.
Until we become them, and then we will hate you, the regular poor person.
This is the way.
Yeah.
Quote Fry from Futurama, I don't hate Mr. Beast.
He seems nice.
Also, please give me money, Mr. Beast.
Or I am going to smash your chocolate displays if I ever see them.
Yeah, fuck that.
Because that was shameful.
That shit, unacceptable.
Sorry, Mr. Beast.
Stay in your lane.
Or hire your beast candy refresher people and have them take care of it.
Yeah, go back to curing blindness.
Boo!
Nobody wants to talk about your chocolate.
Boo!
Yes!
It's also American chocolate.
Boo!
It's definitely worse than European chocolate.
If Fischucci was really dedicated to the cause, they would be going around blinding people.
There we go.
That one came out right.
Oh, I figured out what happened on that Roger Rabbit one.
It was supposed to be lewd-framed Roger Rabbit.
That flows better.
But I flipped them and then stumbled.
Yeah.
It's a bummer.
Sometimes you actually have to... This is why you have to make checks in D&D.
No matter how proficient you are sometimes, it's not always automatic.
Sometimes you will just fail.
Exactly.
El, do you get a lot of D&D TikToks?
I get a lot of D&D ones.
Uh, no, not so much.
Probably because I don't think I've ever sat down and watched any of them ever.
I mean, like, every once in a while, it will remember that I like Brennan Lee Mulligan, and it will just be like, you want to see him do a thing?
And I'll say yes, but then any time any sort of nerdy D&D shit comes across, I just scroll past that shit.
I think it's for dance videos.
Yeah.
I had to start liking some Thirst Traps so I would keep getting them.
I was like, it's all 40k and D&D and political stuff right now.
I need a broader mix.
Had to make sure to like a couple Thirst Traps.
Keep them in the algorithm.
You needed a broader mix, so you figured you'd mix in some broads, am I right?
90s edgelord comic L!
Yeah, see, I do most of my TikTok in public, so I can't really abide by thirst traps, which is unfortunate, because don't get me wrong, there are a ton of great ones.
In fact, the one that I almost followed was a guy.
He's just this incredibly attractive Asian fellow who's just got Yeah, I get that.
I respect that.
One got an actual laugh out of me.
like a Dory gray thing. Yeah, he was very attractive. And I was
like, man, like you just sort of you look how I wish I looked.
Yeah, I get that. I respect that. I one got an actual laugh out of me. I think I shared it. Where this girl in like a
maid bikini was doing magic on a table. And there was another
girl sitting next to her and like a giant wrapped in a giant
blanket. And I'm like, why is she in a blanket?
And she drops the blanket and starts, gets up and dance.
And that's where the girl like, throws the bottle behind her.
And it genuinely distracted me the first time I watched it.
And I was like, all right, fair game.
This, this was actually really funny.
It was just so overt.
They were doing look at this hand, not that hand.
I was just, just with a girl in a bikini.
And I was like, okay, that's pretty funny.
You got me.
That should be, that should be our, we're gonna do like a like a sexy magic act or we're just gonna do that at strip clubs or we could just be like incredibly like profane with it.
Like the big prestige is just like okay now I have to disappear this thing real quick and it's just like oh my god a vagina!
But you have to actually say that.
It's so much more gross and lewd when you use actual anatomical terms.
Oh, absolutely.
Tell me, how lubricated is your project?
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Try for free on TripleTex.no Why are we on this tangent?
Because I don't want to talk about Tucker Carlson, but we need to.
Yeah, I mean, I guess.
It is probably the time for us to segue into Tucker Carlson's week-long fucking spate of madness.
This dude just cannot stop, like, desperately seeking attention.
I mean, I know I'm talking to our audience, but, like, Who the fuck believed for one second that when it was announced that Tucker Carlson was given a ton of January 6 footage that he was not going to edit it to support his narrative?
Did anyone for one fucking second think that's not what was gonna happen?
No, no one did.
But the thing is, is that the people that he was doing this for didn't give a shit.
Because there was like, there was like, Tuk Tuk's gonna give them the truth.
Yeah, we're gonna get the truth.
And they knew what he was doing.
They didn't care.
They just want confirmation bias.
Fair enough.
Let me let me tell you, boy, boy, howdy.
The QAnon world is so over the moon about Tucker Carlson's January 6th investigation.
Yeah, but before we get into how great QAnon feels about it, let's actually explain for listeners who might not know what exactly we're dealing with here.
What did Tucker Carlson do to this footage?
Okay, so basically what happened was, as Sarge said, Kevin McCarthy, now the Speaker of the House, gave Tucker Carlson this giant chaka blaka database of January 6th, Videos.
And Tucker Carlson has started, it took him forever to start posting these things and QAnon was getting kind of impatient.
They're like, come on Tucker!
He had to edit hundreds of hours.
Oh yeah.
They're like, where's your vindication?
And eventually Tucker came up with his first segment.
And basically that segment was showing the Q Shaman walking around the halls of Congress.
With police just sort of following him and milling about.
And they were like, look, the police are escorting the Q Shaman all over these places.
They're helping him do this stuff.
And in this investigation, Carlson even said, how the Q Shaman got into the building remains a mystery.
Spoiler alert, it does not.
We actually have the video of the rioters breaking, so basically There are three, there's like two windows and a door.
Rioters break through the door on the left on the screen and they start getting into the building.
Then they break through the window on the right and they start getting in.
Then rioters kick out the door in the middle and the Q Shaman gets in through that crowd.
You can literally see him because he's very well, he's very dressed loudly, being shirtless and wearing his dumb hat and his spear.
But he comes in after those rioters break through those doors.
There is no question how he got into the Capitol.
It was not a mystery.
Well, that's just your opinion, Mike.
True.
This is true.
He could have gotten in there any number of ways.
That could have been his twin brother who escaped without being caught.
There's all kinds of possibilities he has.
You can't prove that that's him in that costume?
I'm certain there's no footage of the guy in the fucking buffalo hat, how he got in.
He's really hard to spot in footage.
And so basically the point of this was is that the police were letting people in the police.
Tucker's spin on this whole thing is that the Capitol police are basically just waving everybody into the Capitol because they didn't want to die.
And that's basically the response that I've seen from the people talking about this, is that the police were grotesquely outnumbered.
And if they started trying to stop people, they were going to get into fights.
And then the police's option was to start drawing their guns and killing people.
And they didn't know how many people in this mob were armed and that would retaliate.
A lot.
Yeah.
So that's the thing, is that once the police started shooting, As it turned out, it was only Ashley Babbitt who got killed by a cop shooting at her, and that was because that cop was behind a wall and was telling them, do not breach that window.
Like, this is the point of no return.
You are not allowed to breach this barrier.
And she tried to breach it, and then they shot her.
And, like, thankfully for all involved, nobody in that group was packing and was able to return fire at that cop and really turn this thing into a shit show.
That could have gone really out of hand.
But this is the situation was that these cops were outnumbered massively and were, as Sarge just said, trying to survive.
Like, if they had pulled the Q Shaman down and tried to arrest him, that guy was their mascot!
He was like their hero!
If the cops had gone for the Q Shaman, people would have gone at the cops to free him from his bondage.
Like, he would be like the flag in a company back in the Civil War, and you can't let the flag hit the ground.
Like, that's proof that you're losing.
So, it's just... Yeah, police only like to interject if there's at least five of them and the person that they're going after is unarmed.
Yes!
And preferably already handcuffed.
And as a minority.
Yep.
Oh, yeah, that's definitely important.
Yeah, so they can just yell stop resisting at him while they're like, killing him.
So that's how that's basic training.
So there's the logic of this is so ridiculous, but QAnon doesn't care.
The last two days have just been a just Vindication fest.
We were proven right.
January 6th narrative is crumbling.
The media has been discredited.
It's all over.
I can't wait for all the leftists to apologize to us about all their lies about January 6th.
And it's so delusional.
It has no basis in reality.
And this is This is one of those things that creates the self-fulfilling feedback loop for QAnon believers is that they see this video and now they're completely exonerated.
And now they know they're right.
And then their normie friends will tell them, I don't know what you're talking about.
I didn't, I don't watch Tucker Carlson.
I didn't see those videos.
And I know what happened on January 6th.
And no, you can't change my mind.
And then they're just like, God damn it.
These normies, these normies, they just, they'll just never get it.
One of these days, maybe they will.
But so.
It's a great way to keep yourself isolated.
Keep yourself miserable.
Keep yourself upset because you think you're getting something out of this and you're not because.
No one's buying this shit.
It's ridiculous.
And we even had Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney, and a bunch of other Republican senators coming out and being like, no, what Tucker is doing is bad.
Fuck him.
Fuck him trying to change the narrative on January 6th.
We were there.
We had those people nearly kill us.
We know what happened.
This is no bueno.
So.
And, uh, QAnon is very mad at those people.
They're very upset with Mitch McConnell and his traitorous Republican scum that are daring to claim- go against Tuck Tuck.
Yeah, they have to really- Well, surely this is all Tucker Carlson's got going on for him in the news this week.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
So, again, QAnon, the only thing they love more than video that vindicates them absolutely is discovery and lawsuits, as they have often told me.
Gasp!
Discovery!
Gasp!
They do think discovery is very magical.
Oh, yes.
But weirdly enough, they're never going to talk about the discovery and the Dominion lawsuit against Fox News.
So strange that their favorite topic is something they cannot bring up when it comes against them.
The ref is just looking outside of the ring for no reason or whatever.
Yes, exactly!
Yep, the ref is just looking outside the ring, doesn't know what's going on.
And, uh, Tucker Carlson in the Twitter files that, uh, in the actual Twitter files, the Dominion files, I guess you should call them, basically said, I hate him in referring to Donald Trump and that he was, and that, um, this was a couple of days before January 6th was that he was just like, Thank God in a few days we will never have to have Trump putting his boot on the back of our necks.
Finally we will be free from Donald Trump having influence over the Republican Party and control over us and making us carry his water.
Because I hate it.
I just resent it so much.
And God, I can't wait to breathe the free air of carrying Ron DeSantis's water or whoever our new glorious hero will be to lead us into the 2020 board campaign.
Yikes.
Yeah.
We are very, very close to being able to ignore Trump most nights.
I truly can't wait.
I hate him passionately.
January 4th, 2021, Tucker Carlson texts to a Fox employee.
So yeah, our boy Tuk Tuk just couldn't wait, couldn't wait to finally be free.
But they're just obviously not going to cover that on Fox, so the people that watch Fox are just going to pretend like it never happened.
Yeah, exactly.
And actually, I do believe that there are directives that have come out from upper management in Fox to not cover the Dominion lawsuit on Fox News.
It's just no bueno.
Yeah, of course not.
You're not allowed to talk about it.
Yeah.
Right.
So we literally have Tucker Carlson now doing this January 6th bullshit while at the same time being like, God, I hate Trump.
God, God, if only, if only he would go away and guess what, Tucker, you're stuck with him.
You're stuck.
He is your nominee in 2024.
Like the only way you're getting out of this is if he's on the wrong side of the dirt.
That's about it.
Cause, uh, Indicted Trump, still running for president.
Convicted Trump, probably still running for president.
Just there is, there's no escaping this man and he is going to crush your, your idiot, uh, champion DeSantis with contemptuous ease.
It's so wild reading QAnon people talking about the DeSantis versus Trump fight.
Cause they want to like DeSantis a little, but.
You get anywhere near Orange Daddy, and oh man, you become second rate real fast.
It is not even... I have not seen anyone in QAnon being like, you know, it's time for Trump to hand down the mantle to somebody else.
And I think the sentence is the, nope, no one thinks that.
No one.
They're all just like, Trump, Trump forever.
Always, always Trump.
You literally created this Frankenstein's monster of a voter base, and Trump seduced them, and they are his now.
And there is no way you can change that.
So, combobulations again.
You've done it.
You've ruined American politics forever.
I mean, to quote Elle, it is Trump all the way down with them.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I mean, they have decided that they are all Trump rider dyes, which is really unfortunate, because Trump definitely sucks.
And it seems like it's going to be tough to win another election with him.
But I thought it was going to be tough the first time, too.
So who knows?
Maybe they'll prove us all wrong again.
At any moment, I can put a red baseball cap on and just be totally fine.
So really, it's on the rest of you jokers to make it good.
I'm insanely nervous for the election next year.
I'm nervous for the primaries.
I don't want to see none of the options are good.
Meatball Ron?
I just look at this and it's just gonna be a Biden-Trump rematch which I think is hilarious to me because like literally our media Trying to make this a horse race.
They're starting to be like, Hey, is Biden too old for this shit?
And then the Republicans are like, Oh, we're going to, we're going to take that issue off the table.
We're going to nominate nearly as old, much fatter in much worse mental and physical health, Donald Trump.
So.
If you all wanted to try to be like, Hey, just is Biden losing his fastball?
Is he not that sharp?
Maybe, maybe, maybe not.
You're going to have Mr. Man, woman, person, TV camera running against him.
You're going to have old word salad, drooling idiot Trump.
Who's now talking about flying cars and Liberty Cities being part of his platform.
You're gonna have that guy as the rock-solid, incredibly high mental acuity opponent for our current POTUS.
Yeah, but he can end the Russia-Ukraine war in a second.
He would just get him in a room, he'd say this to this guy, and that to that guy.
Yep, boom.
Just like he built that wall and made Mexico pay for it.
Exactly.
I just love it.
Like that's like literally Trump's campaign for president.
It's just, I will make a promise to you that I cannot keep.
This is impossible for me to do.
And people are like, yeah, impossible promise.
For America, we love Impossible Promises.
Yeah man, just look at every Bernie supporter.
Oh snap, Bern L off the top rope with the hot Bernie sick burns.
Fucking got him!
Got him roasted!
Get rekt all you Bernie supporters.
We all hate Joe Biden, he's old and out of touch and he can't deliver.
Let's get another old out of touch man who can't deliver up there.
Yay!
The one that we like!
Hooray!
I can't wait for my bag of free money!
Okay, well that was a fun return to form for Ol' L. But now it's time for us to go to our sweet, sweet mailbag for the week.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. MeBad asks a question for you guys, which is, Attack on Titan, problematic or good clean fun?
Woof.
Okay.
That's a bit complicated.
The author is, uh, it's kind of hard to find information on this, but the author is reportedly a Japanese nationalist, and, uh, that is just as bad as an American nationalist, so, uh, and the fact- But isn't he also an anti-Semite?
I can't find any confirmation on that, so I'm trying to be more careful with saying, uh, and I'm trying not to throw around Nazi, uh, anymore, so I don't have any confirmation that he is anti-Semitic, but But if you read or watch Attack on Titan, you will find out that the story is repurposed Nazi propaganda, but he's using it for this story so that the protagonists are
The Jews.
Like, there's no ifs, ands, or buts there.
That is what he... They are the Jews.
And they were all put on this island because they have within them super DNA to turn into giants.
And the rest of the world fears them taking over.
Because they can turn into literal titans.
And they've been kept in a literal ghetto.
So, problematic.
It's very complicated.
The forever ongoing fourth season is undoubtedly some of the best anime made in a long time.
You need to assess and research the media on your own.
It is very complicated.
If you find it problematic, you're not wrong.
If you don't find it problematic, it's hard for me to say you're also not wrong.
It's incredibly complex.
And I disagree with Sarge.
I think that no matter whether or not you do or don't find it problematic, you are wrong.
Because the only true way to enjoy Attack on Titan is to not watch Attack on Titan, like me.
Although my plan was to wait until it was done and then give it a go, but that was before all of this shit came up.
all this shit like came up and I like, why would I step into it now if I know that that's like
a thing I have to deal with?
So the current narrative in season four as we're wrapping up and as the show is only becoming
more complicated narratively is that extremism in any form is bad.
And that is a good message to purvey.
But smooth-brained idiots look at it and see, yay anti-Semitism, Good.
So, it's with a lot of things.
If you miss the actual message that is in there, it's bad.
And it's like people that watch The Boys and think Homelander's the good guy.
Yeah, if you're missing the point, it's problematic.
Okay, I have no truck with Attack on Titan and would probably follow El's advice and just steer clear of it entirely, so I don't have a dog in this fight.
Having seen the first season, I can tell you that it certainly doesn't start worth the risk, that's for sure.
If the first season's okay, the second season's bad, the third season's good, the fourth season is exceptional.
So take from that what you will.
If you're willing to give them four seasons, they'll start finally putting out the good stuff.
I mean, the fourth season is genuinely very, very good, and very complex, narratively.
But, oh boy, we're dealing with repurposed Nazi propaganda, and I'm not joking there.
And you're going to deal with the most, I'm assuming you're going to be dealing with the most toxic fan base in the history of the universe.
Yeah, a little.
I mean, some people don't get it, but like one of the English voice actors is a man named Vic Mignola.
So you can Google him and see where you stand on that.
And that's like been part of the fandom.
So yeah, not the best fandom.
Okay, so moving swiftly along, Pancake Peasant asks, which fictional setting or franchise has the best or worst elf fiction?
Your definition of best and worst is left to you.
I mean, the worst would probably be the Wizarding World, right?
Aren't they just slaves in that universe?
Yes.
Yeah, like they're just depicted as like this enslaved race that they're just sort of like, you know, they're just like, well, it sucks for us.
We're just subservient to wizards, I guess.
And they're happy to be subservient.
And when Hermione tries to free them, she's considered intrusive and an idiot for trying to liberate them from their bondage.
They are literally the happy slave trope.
Yeah, that's probably the worst.
I'm a little biased, so I think 40k has some of the best.
The elves in that had a galaxy-spanning empire, and they got so nasty and freaky that they fucked an androgynous sex god into existence, and that destroyed their civilization.
And the remainders have to learn different forms of karate so they don't get eaten by a sex god.
So, there you go.
I want to make the note that that is a chaos sex god, thank you.
One of the four chaos gods, the youngest of them, but still a god of chaos.
Yep.
Yes.
Wow, bunch of fucking nerds over here.
Notes so added.
Yes.
Next week our audience will have to name the four gods of chaos.
No cheating.
I watch a lot of stuff with elves in it, but they're usually pretty generic and boring, so I'm going to go with the ones that have probably brought me the most enjoyment in life, and say Keebler elves.
There you go, that's a good one.
They're just so wholesome.
They're wholesome and they delightfully produce cookies.
They sing songs and make cookies, and then I get to eat them.
The cookies, not the elves.
Yeah.
Possibly.
Question?
Furrows brow.
How about you Mike?
Best of slash most favorite elves?
I think my favorite elves are pretty much... Or worst.
Or most hated elves.
My most hated elves would definitely be whenever I get seduced by playing wood elves in Blood Bowl, and then just watch them die because their armor value is entirely too low, and they cost way too much money to replace.
So I have fun for like four games, then game five I run into chaos or dwarves, and then suddenly I'm like, this is why I don't play wood elves, so fuck you.
So for best elves, I really, I don't know, because again, as As you guys said, a lot of the times elves are just very generic and they're just kind of there.
I think I remember that people whining about Galadriel being too woke in the Lord of the Rings series and for the Amazon Prime show when they did that.
Yeah.
And it was just like, didn't the Lord of the Rings movies have the warrior elf that was saving Frodo from the ringwraiths and all this stuff?
I mean, the lady elf kicking ass was a thing that was there the whole time, and that just, calm down, guys.
Just relax.
You've been suffering women being empowered for way longer than you think, so maybe Maybe that was repressed inside of you before a woke Galadriel got to you and made you all sad again.
Hashtag make Middle-earth great again.
The only heroes should just be Gandalf and Aragorn and that's it.
The heroes have to be white men.
Only ever.
And that's it.
That's all.
And Sauron should be some weird trans spirit thing so that when we kick its ass, we feel even better about ourselves because we're manly and Sauron isn't.
Yeah, that'd be great.
So, I hope that was in the ballpark of a reasonable answer.
Thank you for the question.
Hogmongler asks, what do you think it would take for Trump to openly, publicly, and incontrovertibly endorse QAnon?
I'm talking full press release here, not just retweeting embarrassing Q-themed fan art.
I think it would probably be... An indication that it would help him win the presidency.
Yeah.
Not much.
If they had done some sort of testing or whatever and determined that they were just like, hey, we think that your shot at actually getting over the goal line here in 2024 is going to be to just openly embrace QAnon and hopefully we get enough of them to actually vote for you, then I think you would do it in a heartbeat.
He doesn't give a fuck.
I'll just walk him back later.
He feels like he can say or do any old thing.
Yep, I 100% agree.
I think that that is... he just goes where the attention is.
This is why his Truth Social feed contains so much retweeting of QAnon, because they are his audience, they're his fans, and they're just like, you're the greatest!
We love you!
We love you!
You're the best!
You're so warm and fuzzy!
Go God Emperor!
You get him!
And Trump just looks at it and just reposts it or Dan Scavino reposts it because they know that keeping those people fat and happy is a big part of Trump's popularity.
So at some point they'll be willing to break that seal and just go for it and just absolutely be like, you know what?
Fuck it.
We're just going to be full blown QAnon at this point because If you look at what's going to happen in 2024, it is going to be the QAnon election.
There's no... Trump is going to be so untethered from reality and from the issues of the day in 2024, it's not even going to be funny.
I mean, he's posting on Twitter, or not on Twitter, on Truth, he's posting shit like, Tucker Carlson's doing an incredible job!
The January 6th prisoners need to be freed immediately!
And the January 6th committee needs to be indicted for their crimes because Because they're the bad guys!
They're the wrong bads, and I'm the right good!
So, in 2024, you're gonna have Biden talking about jobs, and, like, healthcare, and the economy, and you're gonna have Trump talking about freeing the January 6th prisoners, and that January 6th was a false flag, and that he got it fucked over by the Italian spy satellites changing votes for him against him in 2020.
And so you're going to literally have to have like a QAnon starter pack to get more than five minutes into Trump's stump speech before you get hopelessly lost.
Because he might start off with being like, hey, Joe Biden sucks and being woke is bad.
But right after that, it's going to go just absolutely straight to crazy town.
I mean, he is just not even Like, he's gonna run that campaign for him.
It's gonna be a campaign about his grievances, about what he's mad about.
This isn't a campaign about how he's gonna uplift the American people.
This is a campaign about how Donald Trump got fucked over in 2020, and now you pricks are gonna pay!
That's it.
This is just...
Trump 2024.
Revenge, motherfuckers!
That's the slogan.
I mean, that's all he's got.
I saw someone talking about they firmly believe that Trump running for president was always meant to be a publicity stunt just to get attention on his name and grift, and then it kept working, and Then he got into office and saw how much attention he was getting all the time.
Everyone had to listen to him.
He was the president and how much grifting he was getting done.
And now he's got a taste of it.
He can't ever go back.
And I firmly believe that to be the case.
I think he failed upwards in the worst way.
Well, we can only hope that he's going to be having a fucking harsh reckoning, you know, as he presumably, like again, hopefully, fingers crossed, loses this next election.
And that's probably going to be his last shot.
I mean, the next time he runs after that, he'll be fucking as old as he's talking about Sleepy Joe is now.
He just gets to be Sleepy Trump.
And also, I mean, the other thing is that he's just the brain-putting guy.
I mean, we've just seen where he just, like, loses it.
He just has these moments where he's just talking and he's giving you a sentence and he's like, I don't even know how I'm going to land this plane.
I started this sentence.
I don't know how it finishes.
It happened to me earlier with Roger Rabbit.
I get it, Trump.
But I'm not trying to be the President of the United States of America.
At least yet, anyway.
That's what I need Elon Musk's peens, one million United States dollars for to start my political campaign.
That way I can get my blue Twitter checkmark without having to pay him.
Elon Musk's penis for president.
Not the rest of us.
Just his mangled, mangled penis.
But his penis isn't even an American citizen.
It's very unfortunate.
We're not going to amend the Constitution for his wretched cock.
Damn right.
That's what I've always thought.
Thank God for the Constitution, keeping Elon's penis and him out of the presidency forever.
He would try.
He also deprived us of President Schwarzenegger, so is it really... Is it like propping up?
I mean, maybe we should rethink this Constitution thing.
Yes!
Mistakes were made.
And finally, Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld's Great Inquisitor asks, how cowardly do you have to be in order to be terrorized by a fat orange Cheeto whose track record is a long list of failures that include multiple bankrupt casinos?
A business model when people come to you, drop off their money and leave.
Yeah, it does take work to lose at a casino because literally it's rigged in your favor.
I mean, it's a very lucrative business to get into if you're not apparently grossly incompetent the way Trump was with his casinos.
I find difficulty thinking of any like of the politically minded Republicans that I know off the top of my head that I don't immediately associate with cowardice.
I feel like just typically the Republican Party is the party of not being able to block warriors.
I'm from Missouri.
My senator is Holland Holly.
Literally we have footage of him running like a bitch down a hallway away from His constituents, like his people, so.
Oh, that was, I think that was in the Tuk Tuk thing where they were like, I don't think they showed the photo, but he's like, there were more people that were running from the murderous mob than just Hallie.
They, they set that poor boy up with the video they showed of him.
And it's like, well, then release the rest of it.
Show us more Republicans running in power from their murderous constituents.
I'm okay with that.
And if a few Democrats are running from him, too, I wanna run!
Those people were trying to kill them!
Literally!
They were not yelling, hang Mike Pence, because when they saw someone who was not Mike Pence, they were gonna be nice to them.
They're like, oh wait, you're not Mike Pence!
Go about your business!
I just wanna kill Mike Pence!
It's like, no... As someone who's in the United States Army, we called it something else, but I assure you, it is 100% okay to run away from someone trying to kill you.
We just framed it differently.
It's allowed.
Tactical disengagement?
Something like that?
Strategic movement?
Any buzzwords you need to keep your manliness intact while you're getting away from the guy with a gun who's trying to murder you with it?
El's favorite is what I told him.
We actually got a memo when I first got to Iraq that they read it out to us and I said, you're not supposed to, if it comes up, you're not supposed to call it a double shot anymore.
It's a security, a double tap.
It's a security shot.
I love the... Gotta be secure.
Yes, gotta be secure.
The proper colloquialism for shooting someone a second time to make sure they're dead is now this.
Yeah.
Double tap sounds too aggressive for the army.
It's a security shot.
And, you know, fair game.
That sounds less, like, gruesome and bro-y.
So, like, good job, whoever wrote that up.
But no one's ever said that in the history of ever.
I just love that the military is like, officially we do not condone the term double tap.
It's not in our parlance.
It's important.
We didn't tell you not to do it.
Just don't say it.
Yeah, I mean, it's still incredibly tactically sound.
To the point where, like, it's still my most frequent complaint in any sort of horror movie.
Because inevitably there's the trope-y part where, like, one of the main characters manages to knock the slasher down or whatever.
And then they just book it away from them.
It's just like, no.
They're like, what are you talking about?
You hit them with that bat and they fell over.
Just continue with the bat.
Make the bat happen more.
Do the bat around their face and head and neck.
That's usually the softest, most tender part of the slasher.
Oh no, but he's got like a ghost mascot.
Yeah, beat the ghost mask.
Pummel it until that thing stops moving forever.
I feel like your self-defense case will be pretty strong once they track down the eight bodies around town that this person stacked up before they got to your house.
They broke into.
You have Castle Doctrine and they're a serial killer backing your play.
For going full Negan Walking Dead on them.
I mean, you're allowed to do this.
Yeah.
I mean, integrated, in some of those movies that wouldn't work, right?
Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, like Michael Myers, they're probably not going to get put down by the Bat.
But at the very least, like, make the attempt.
Certainly against Michael Myers.
Like, he didn't become a demon until, like, the sixth movie.
For a lot of those movies, it feels like the Bat plan would have worked just fine.
Yeah.
That was really weird.
I actually saw two, I didn't see the final new Halloween movie, but I saw like the first two.
And then at some ill-defined point, they were just like, Oh yeah, Michael Myers is no longer human.
He's just actually like evil incarnate.
And I was like, wow, that was, that was quite the pivot.
We just went from this guy that I probably could have taken out with a gun to now just being a guy that like, Would probably reform if I dismembered him brutally.
He's gone from just a lunatic that escaped a mental ward to now the T-1000.
Just somehow, mysteriously, in the course of a couple movies.
We snuck some binge wording here at the end.
Yes.
That's not that uncommon.
Sometimes it happens, you know?
Yeah.
So that brings us to our final question, as always, is what are you guys looking forward to?
I've got a full week of nerd stuff.
After we're done recording today at some point, I'm getting together with my pals to play some One Piece trading card game.
We're doing testing for the new set because one of our buddies is making a go of it.
And then tomorrow is D&D, and then Saturday I think we're going to see the new Scream movie, which is probably the reason why I have slashes on the brain.
And then Sunday I'm doing a roleplay game.
So it's just like I've got a ton of stuff going on this week.
So, what is the complexity level of the One Piece game?
Is it as difficult as Magic the Gathering, or is it a simpler game?
It's a lot simpler.
In terms of the complexity of the mechanics overall, it's pretty easy.
It's not incredibly mechanically deep, at least not yet, because the second set has just come out, so there's not a ton of keywords and this and that.
Playing it, there's a lot of, like, strategic decisions that you have to make every turn, because a lot of your cards pull double duty.
You can hold onto them for additional defensive power on, like, blocking, or you can play them out to the board to continue to increase your board presence.
And, you know, there's character-to-character combat, so, like, you know, Doing, making one move will make it a character that's doing it vulnerable to attacks on the backswing, and it's actually surprisingly, like, rewarding to play.
I actually really like the One Piece trading card game, so.
Oh, that's cool.
I will have to look into it.
I enjoy all sorts of those games.
Well, if it ever lines up, and maybe we can, there's like online stuff, and you know, there's a bunch of different ways to play it, so, and some mutual friends of ours are playing it, and one of our mutual friends is the one making a go of it, so maybe we can learn you some one-piece TCG at some point.
Can't wait.
That sounds like a plan.
Much as I had dreamed of playing Blood on the Clocktower, but was denied it.
Cruel, cruel fate denying me my Blood on the Clocktower.
Honestly, you would love Blood on the Clocktower, I am sure.
I'm sure that you would eat that shit up for breakfast.
I had, like, kind of... It was me hanging out with ten of my friends, so there's like a floor to how crappy it could have been.
Yeah.
But, like, for a lot of it, I was pretty close to that floor.
Like, The biggest problem with Blood of the Clocktower is that storytelling for it seems like a thankless job.
There's just dozens of ways that you can mess it up, and when you mess it up, it can really throw the game off kilter.
So it seems like it was just like coming away from it.
I talked to my buddy who was running it.
We played two games of it back to back and I was just like, man, that seems incredibly hard.
And he was just like, yeah, I can't stop messing up.
There's so much information that you have to keep track of.
Oh yeah, that's the thing.
I want to try being the GM for that.
It seems like it would be really an intense thing to do.
For instance, in the second game, I was one of the good guys and we lost.
It seemed very difficult to win because one of the roles, the Poisoner, makes a lot of your information suspect.
So in the second game, imagine my surprise to be the Poisoner.
I'd be very excited about that prospect, only to have the storyteller forget to allow me to activate my power on the first night.
And then I opened my eyes and three different people were just like, I pointed my power at L and I think he's evil.
And I'm just like, what?
No, you guys are probably all poisoned.
And then the GM's face goes way to the sheet and he's just like, oh no!
Oh no!
Anyway, yeah, if you like social deduction games, I know Mike Rains does, then Blood on the Clocktower is obviously going to be probably the next big thing.
Yeah.
That will be the plan for me, is to try to somehow create some big Halloween night of Blood on the Clocktower with a group of people.
Try to find that and get that together.
There'd be a ton of lead time for that.
For me, they introduced a new big Chaos demigod in 40k.
He's Vashtur, the machine demon, Lord of the Soulforge, and he got a cool new mini that's coming out real soon, and I'm probably going to pick it up and paint it, even though I don't play Chaos in any way, shape, or form.
Because I think it's a really cool mini.
I am looking forward to the completion of my quote-unquote deep clean that my dentist is putting me through.
Oh, nice.
Because my gums have, over the past couple days, finally stopped feeling weird and awkward and annoying from the first batch of that.
But now I get to have the other half of my mouth deep cleaned tomorrow, so...
All that annoyance I had on one side of my mouth will now be transferred to the other side.
So that's going to be a hoot and a holler.
So I'm mostly looking forward to sometime next week when all of this is gone and now my gums are considered healthy by dentist standards.
So that will be just absolutely ducky.
Mike Rains is excited to stop having a filthy mouth.
Yes, pretty much, because I knew that this was going to happen because literally right before COVID happened, They were like, you need this procedure.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And then the world ended and I could not get the procedure.
So then when I finally obtained what I thought was dental insurance, spoiler alert, not so much, I was like, I will have the procedure done, and now we are here.
I am now in the midst of the procedure.
To be fair, I think they just push the deep clean on everybody.
Yeah, my dentist tried to get me to do it, too.
Not that I like the idea.
Every once in a while you should, but they're just like, you know, we recommend the deep clean like every six months or whatever, and it's like, yeah, I'm sure you do, bud, but we're gonna go ahead and pass on that one.
Yeah, let me take two days off of work, like once every six months, so I can come here for two separate dental appointments and get my mouth deep cleaned.
No, thank you.
We'll do that once every two years, thanks.
Well, that was the thing.
I was offered it in 2020, and that's why I got it now, because I was like, yeah, I probably need Oh yeah, yeah.
I mean, it does make sense to do it every once in a while.
I'm sure that your mouth is a cesspool.
Well, half a cesspool now.
Yes!
It's just a pool, or a cess.
My mouth's name is Steggy.
A reference for us, and only us.
Yes!
And maybe a select few listeners if you are deep cut nerds.
Anyway, on that note, it's time for us to strap on our sparkly roller skates and a cool roller skate out of hell world.
We're doing tricks and stuff.
The little deal we do like the figure eight with your feet to go backwards.
We're doing all that stuff.
Like so much Moon Girl.
Yeah.
Imagine the theater of your mind.
Don't be mad because I'm doing me because I'm better.
I'm doing it better than you or whatever the line is in that song.
God, I'm fumbling all over my shit today.
Jesus, get your shit together.
Yeah, well, you know, at least I'm fucking trying, Sarge.
Fuck you!
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and supporting the show.
We really do appreciate it.
You can continue to support the show for free by giving us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
If you have money and you want to donate it to us, you can do so by visiting patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
Any donation of $5 or more gets you access to our slate of bonus content, including several series where we break down QPOP media such as Kabbalah, What We Do Out of Shadows, Mule's Errand, etc.
Thank you so much for all of our beautifuller babies for your financial support.
You help keep the lights on, so to speak.
And thank you, barking dog, for interrupting my outro.
Wonderful.
Good stuff.
Very profesh all around.
Yeah, yeah.
Bet you feel real guilty about busting my balls for stumbling over my words now, huh?
This bit is for people who stick around for the outro.
Way to go, dog, for injecting a little majesty into it.
That's Penny, the star of the pod.
Anyway, I was at this part of the outro.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, you could do some good with it by donating it to love146.org, their own organization whose vision is the end of trial trafficking and exploitation.
Thank you, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our intro song.
Still no social media for them, but hey, DJ Minimal Effort, you were pretty cool.
Thanks to our buddy Frosty, voiceover artist friend.
You can find them on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
You can find our show on Twitter, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. Myself on Twitter, at HellworldL, spelled the same way.
Sarge is at Sargent Hell, and Mike Rains is, of course, at PokerPolitics.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures of Hellwar Podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined as always by my friend Sarge, and our expert on all things QAnon-crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
Good speed, patriots!
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