All Episodes
Previous Next
Jan. 19, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:24:36
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #122: Santos killed a dog, GOP shooting spree

Just when you think the GOP can't get any worse we have George Santos swindling people out of 3,000 dollars and letting a dog die in the process and a GOP loser in New Mexico coordinates a mass shooting spree because he was mad he lost in a landslide. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
I'm going to play it again.
Content.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against
people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined as always by Swith Sarge.
That's me.
Yeah, stepping over my intros right away.
Going smooth.
And also I'm joined by the mysterious El.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
It is I, Dumbledore.
I thought you were doing the Elden Ring narrator at the top.
That would have required me to have played more Elden Ring.
Granted, I played enough to see that, but it wouldn't have stuck in my head.
You just have to raise the volume on that old Dumbledore voice until you're just shouting, the loathsome dung-eater.
It's right that you say old Dumbledore, because this is like the first movie Dumbledore.
Still an old man that didn't die from being old.
Fair enough.
And then he got replaced by a much sprier old man.
And then he got replaced by a much sprier man still when they went back in time and he became Jude Law.
Wearing a suit.
Yeah, but before he became old it was immediately just like, why aren't I wearing pajamas?
He hadn't hit tenure yet.
And then everybody else at school was just like, well, I guess Dumbledore's dressing like a spooky, old, classic-style wizard.
I guess that'll just be the fashion here.
And then somewhere in his chambers, Dumbledore's quietly like, stop riding my dick, you old witches and wizards!
Let me have my own thing!
Joanne goes out of her way to say wizards for some reason don't know how normal people clothes work.
Like, one guy's wearing a boot on his head, and she's like, I think wizards would still understand that galoshes go on your feet.
Yeah, I mean, she's also just a hobbyist.
I mean, at least as far as the movies are concerned.
Lord, I never read those books because I was an adult by the time they came out, so it was very easy for me to miss.
I know a lot of adults that went back to it.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
By the time the whole thing was over, like, I was a full-grown-ass adult and I was just like, eh.
Like, I never really got into any of the YA stuff.
That being said, the movies never really explained why, like, wizards of the muggle world don't just get, like, shot with guns or whatever when they start acting a fool.
It's just like, yeah, sure, I mean, congratulations, you're making that table levitate.
And you've been shot.
With a gun.
I mean, certainly some people in Britain have guns, right?
Like, those Dementors are like, flying around, causing havoc.
I feel like somebody with guns will show up at some point.
They have hunting shotguns.
That was kind of like my reaction to, like, the big payoff at the end of Hellboy 2 when Prince Nuada finally summons the Golden Army, and they're just these dumb clockwork golems, and I'm like, that wouldn't do shit!
We would crush them so easily!
Yeah, great, they reassemble.
We'd put them in cages.
This guy would, like, lose his big conquest of humanity in, like, 30 minutes, if that.
What I've accidentally done here is I've just started to get us talking about the anime Gate again, which is literally the purpose of Gate, is that the gate from our world to a fantasy world opens up in Japan, and the Japanese send their military, as it were, the Japanese Special Defense Force, but not a military, through the gate, and they just aggressively paddle the ass of these fantasy creatures.
Let's fucking destroy them with, like, actual munitions and stuff.
Like, a dragon will show up and they'll be like, oh, this is kind of a big deal.
But like, aside from that, it'll just be like, enjoy getting mowed down by bullets, idiots.
It's just like, it's just such a, such a weird, oorah!
Like, go military!
At one point, they're, they're meeting with a fantasy world leader, and they see one of their citizens being held captive.
So like, this sergeant in the Japanese Self-Defense Force immediately snaps into action and like, He grabs her, and then the guy's like, what?
And tries to grab her back, and she just beats the shit out of this dude.
Like, with modern fighting techniques.
Because I'm here to tell you, ancient fighting techniques are ancient.
Just because they're old does not make them effective.
Yeah.
And then we show them mortars, and they're just like, oh, we shouldn't fuck with you guys.
And what does any of this have to do with QAnon?
Fucking none of it.
We are, in theory, a QAnon-related podcast, so I guess we should stop fluffing ourselves with the nerd stuff that we love and get to our starting segment of the Amuse-Bouche.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche.
This week in poosh news, as it were, I guess this week in poosh poosh, because it is supposed to be distinct from our news segment, we return to the fussing and feuding and hellcatting between MTG and Lauren Popert.
So I'll turn it over to Mike for our Foxy Poxy update of the week.
Yes.
It appears that Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert had a shouting match inside a bathroom in the House of Representatives, where Greene accused Boebert of taking McCarthy's money in her reelection campaign, which, by the way, Boebert barely won in what is supposed to be a heavily Republican district.
Boebert managed to eke out a victory of about 500 votes against someone who no one gave a shot to, because again, supposed to be a heavily Republican district.
So, Boebert escaping... Before we get too far beyond this, have we ever discussed why Boebert did so bad there?
We keep coming back to it and touching on it, but have we ever discussed, do we know why she performed so badly?
It's Colorado.
It's a much bluer state.
It's a bluer state.
The district was supposed to be stronger Republican, but apparently whatever they attempted to do in that district didn't.
Because Colorado is blue, obviously any attempted gerrymander would be to try to sequester all the Looney Tunes Republicans into one district and then keep all the other districts more blue.
But whatever they did in Colorado did not make Boyd Bridge District as safe as they thought it was, or Her constituents just don't care for her because she's a wackadoo QAnon promoter.
Like, the post-mortem of the campaign has been there hasn't been an official, like, result about why she did so poorly beyond the fact that she just seems to be really unpopular and this underfunded opponent of hers, like, came perilously close to unseating her, which would have been on nobody's radar when it happened, which is why... Right.
Um, in 2024, when she's running for re-election in a blue state with Biden and Trump at the top of the ticket, it's going to be a lot, lot scarier for her.
And probably that's why they're going to, the Republicans are going to find an empty suit the primary, as far as I can tell.
Okay, so that brings us to now, where she's getting into a shouting match with him cheating in the bathroom, and the story continues.
Yes.
And a source indicated that Green said that, Barbara, you were okay with taking millions of dollars from McCarthy, but you refused to vote for Speaker Warren.
Bam!
Just puts the shiv in there.
And this article that I'm reading from Business Insider, it sounds entirely from the Greene camp, because that witty bon mot that Greene lobbed at her.
And then the story continues by saying, the bathroom disagreement ended with Bobert running out of the bathroom, quote, like a little schoolgirl.
Whoa.
And the first source told the Beast that Bobert told Greene before leaving the bathroom, don't be ugly.
Savage.
I have to assume this is because, like, is Boebert not playing ball with the establishment?
Because that's MCG's play right now.
She got herself a, we'll talk about it in a little bit, she got herself a committee seat because she, like, was crazy enough and held up the speakership and is playing ball now.
Oh yeah, she kissed the ring of McCarthy real quick.
Yeah.
So yeah, that happened.
But Bobert was part of the 20 that dragged this thing out.
She was part of the Matt Gaetz coalition of dum-dums that did all the stupid things they possibly could, nominating Trump, voting for Kevin, some other guy's last name here, and all that kind of stuff until finally Everybody realized that their giant pout fest really didn't matter, and that nobody else was going to ever be Speaker besides McCarthy, so eventually he got it.
But yeah, so Bobert is still playing the outsider role, and still being a thorn in the side of the establishment, whereas now Marjorie's establishment, she's just decided, I'm with you McCarthy, I'm gonna do this stuff.
It really makes me wonder what she thinks her ceiling is, because she is still going on InfoWars.
The Internet never sleeps.
The Internet is forever.
So all the pro QAnon shit she said back in the day, it's never going to go away.
So it's like, if she ever wanted to run for like Senate in Georgia or governor of Georgia, I don't see how she could ever get away with that stuff.
Like the only position she can hold really is the one she has because she's in like a plus 23 Republican district where as long as she plays ball of the Republican establishment, she will never be primaried and she will never lose that seat.
She's like a representative for life at this point.
So, but if she thinks she's got more than that for her, then God bless her.
Cause no statewide office is still an impossibility.
Right?
Yeah.
It is.
She, yeah.
It's so baffling.
I think Bovert knows she's on the way out and MTG is much more secure in like her position.
She has to be primary.
There's no other.
No other way to get rid of her, unfortunately.
Yes, I forget who it was.
The guy's name was Flowers, and he was, like, her opponent in the general election.
And that guy raised, like, millions of dollars, and it was just a joke, because he got destroyed.
And he was kind of like the reverse of that crazy lady that ran against AOC in New York.
It was like, I'm bringing AOC down!
And it's like, you do realize AOC's district's, like, plus 30 dem.
You cannot beat her.
It is literally impossible.
And she's massively popular and you guys keep her name in the headlines.
She, I can't imagine she has to campaign at all anymore.
Like Trump was just like, I'm going to make sure that you're just super electable in your district for forever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you're, they're doing earlier, super electable at your district, you know, sometimes there's a goal post change, right?
Yeah.
You never know.
But yeah, I'm, Read the moment like Boebert and Boebert's the one who God knows what she actually did to.
But again, she's in a blue state.
That's the main problem she had was that she was trying to run in a red enclave.
She won the primary to unseat the Republican that was in that district where she was badly outfunded.
She was a viral candidate.
That's why she used QAnon and all that kind of networking in order to get to that spot.
Then she barely beat a Democrat in the general election to win the seat.
And then everyone was like, Oh, well, now they gerrymandered a little to try to keep the Republicans all sequestered.
And she's, she's got it.
She's good.
It was like, actually, no, it wasn't that whatever they did, did not, did not protect her from the wrath of her constituents to the point where we were in automatic recount range when she lost.
And now you suspect that they are going to primary her and take her political career out behind the woodshed and put a bullet in it.
it.
Speaking of killing dogs, I've got my next boost item here.
I got the reaction.
I'm buttery smooth.
I've got this next two Bush items here.
The next two Bush items I've not heard hide nor hair of this week.
It's wonderful.
So we're going good too.
Apparently George Santos has killed a dog.
Mike!
George Santos is the gift that keeps on giving for our boosh.
He killed a dog this week?
Or he was discovered to have killed a dog this week?
Killed a dog this week?
Question?
So, what actually happened here was there was a veteran who had a dog that had a growth on its liver.
I thought you were going to say that Bingo was his name-o.
Oh, if only!
The thing you said was much worse.
Yes!
And so George Santos started a GoFundMe on behalf of his dog so that the dog could see a veterinarian, have surgery to have the growths removed, and everything would be great.
And the GoFundMe raised about $3,000 towards this surgery, which would have been enough to get the job done from what I'm reading.
And Santos just scrammed with the money, just took the three dimes, called it a day, ran away.
The military guy was like, hey, where's my money?
I need it.
The growth of my dog's liver is getting bigger.
This ain't good.
And that was it.
And then the dog died because it did not receive the surgery it needed.
And George Santos made a crisp three grand in exchange for lying about helping a veteran care for his dog.
And we definitely know this story is true, because it sounds like Scrooge levels of evil.
This sounds like the sort of story that somebody would make up just to pass around in meme form with some sort of salacious picture.
You're not even using George's real name.
George Santos isn't even his real name, maybe.
Yeah, the text messages are under Anthony DeVoilier, or however you say that last name that could be him.
And, uh... Oh wait, could be him!
No, no, I'm saying that they... He has gone under this other name.
He has used this other name in other circumstances.
DeVolier.
So he's called himself George DeVolier Santis in other situations as well, when he's been... Is that just like his crime name?
Is that the name he uses when he's doing some crimes?
I'm trying to figure, yeah.
He's like, I'm gonna go do a big crowdfund scam, so it's time for George Santos to become a fly's mustache, George Lavalier, or whatever it is.
It's come forward that several people are, and there's a video now of him introducing himself as Devolier, and other people have come forward and they're like, that's not George Santos, he told me he was Devolier.
And everyone's like, what the fuck is going on?
Like, not only has he lied about a million things, but his name, one of the most fundamental.
Remember just like a few weeks ago, everybody on the internet was like, oh my God, the Game Awards kid.
How did he manage to get up on stage and do that thing?
So crazy.
It's wild that he just got up there and did that.
It's like, no, look at this George Santos character.
He's like an actual flim flam man that got to like the highest level of American office.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm reading the article now, and a veteran who was living in an abandoned chicken coop, and he had his dog, took the dog to a vet.
The vet said that he's got this tumor, and the vet told him, I know a guy who runs a pet charity who can help you.
And the guy's name was Anthony Duvalier.
His pet charity was called Friends of Pets United, the vet tech told him.
And Anthony Duvalier is one of the names Long Island rep George Santos used for many years before entering politics in 2020.
So, um, this vet, um, who's, uh, Michael, uh, uh, Ostoff is the guy's name.
Uh, Michael Bell was this other, another person involved in the story.
And they... For the record, I hate this story because it has both veterans and veterinarians in it.
Yes.
Yeah.
So... It's like a, it's like, it's like, it's going to turn into a fucking, like a, like a 1930s style comedy duo bit.
I had to have, so way back in the day, I routinely go as like, I'm a vet, I'll just say it.
I didn't know that some people find, don't like that.
I had to, like a guy who worked at the local comic book shop that me and Elle used to go to was like, oh yeah, I had some, a veteran say, don't call me a vet.
And I was like, what, fucking what?
Are there actually people out there that don't like that?
Like, for the record, I'm fine with it.
You can call me a vet.
I am a veteran.
That's fine.
We shorten things.
I don't find it disrespectful.
I don't think other people should either.
But yeah, Elle's not wrong.
This story is...
Gut-wrenching.
It has a veteran living in a chicken coop with his sick now dead dog being schnookered by a flimflam man using a fake name who's now in elected office?
What?
Yeah, everything about this is awful.
It's just really amazing how unbelievably crummy Santos is and how every day it just gets worse.
A bunch of Republican officials in New York have asked for him to resign.
He's refusing to do so.
I do wonder if at what point, I mean, Lord knows McCarthy's is as spineless as a jellyfish, but I wonder at what point does the national GOP start telling this guy to step down?
I mean, no matter what, you know some random Republican is being groomed in that district to primary the shit out of him.
I forgot that our boo stories were supposed to be light and fluffy when we tackled this dog killing story.
I think that somewhere deep down inside I thought that it must have been not just a story about George Santos killing a dog.
And I guess technically that's not true.
Because it's really more of God who is killing the dog.
But, in the interim, George Santos decided to get in there for a quick little 3K smash and grab.
Which is kind of wild.
So, let's move on to our next bougie item.
Another thing that I have no idea why we're talking about it or what it means.
I have it listed here as woke stoves.
I feel like stoves can only get so woke.
Because I feel like they are an appliance that for many, many decades now has not really implied a gender.
Okay, so real quick, there was a meta-analysis of a number of studies that show that there is some connection between childhood asthma and gas stoves.
We don't know more than that, but A study of a number of studies show that there's like around 12% more childhood asthma in households that have gas stoves.
They don't know why that is.
There's no, but there's nothing beyond that.
I would imagine if that is true, it is probably because of the gas.
Yeah.
But like, when you're talking about like, yes, Elsa L is a scientist.
I just need you all to know he is in fact a medical doctor.
And you can take everything you say he says as a medical opinion.
Stop doxing me.
So then and that was that should have been the end of it.
But the like, fossil fuel industry Is using social media to create this culture war saying Biden and the left want to ban gas stoves.
No one has said that ever.
It's just the people that don't want you, that want you to keep using your gas stove.
Like again, there's some, there's evidence that it could So this is oppositional defiance disorder, basically.
childhood asthma, but we don't know any more beyond that.
And now it's turned into this woke culture war thing.
Apparently it's anti-woke to have a gas stove.
Yeah, like.
So this is oppositional defiance disorder, basically.
Again, all that came out was there was a study that was linking these two things
and that further studies may need to be done in order to indicate what's going on.
And if so, will there need to be a regulation placed Will we have to find ways to do something to maybe make it so that gas stoves aren't generating this kind of toxicity in the air that could contribute to childhood asthma?
Because the fossil fuel companies and these gas companies really hate regulations and they really hate having to do anything, they've turned this into a version of the NRA's Great Gun Grab, where if you don't fight now for your gas stove, The Gas Stove Gestapo are gonna kick down your door, rip your gas stove out of the wall, and put one of those hideous electronic stoves in your house, and oh no, now you'll have evenly cooked food.
Oh, the horror!
And so... I mean, to be fair, I'm Team Gas Stove.
Yeah, I am too.
I have an electric stove.
At the end of the day, I don't really care, because I don't cook very often.
But, like, you know, gas stoves have always struck me as being Better to cook on.
When I needed to do so.
Oh, they absolutely are.
You can get better and more even heat.
So, fuck those kids!
I guess what I'm saying is, I mean, fuck them!
That is what actual medical Dr. L says.
Fuck them kids.
Yeah, fuck them kids.
Fuck about those kids.
So the funniest thing that happened from this is that it created this giant wave of social media posting from all these dumb shitheads who want to gain clout by being the biggest proponent of a gas stove imaginable.
I've always loved my gas stove, it's the greatest thing in the world!
Oh my god, have they figured out how to roll coal but for gas stoves?
I actually saw some guy, like, they did, like, a quick slapdash thing where they basically had, like, a gas stove, like, top, and they had, like, shooting blue flames out of it.
And what the best part about it was is they literally attached a rubber hose to, like, a metal conduit directly, which is a great, unbelievably sanitary, safe, and effective way to pump gas into a gas, like, stove installation.
But beyond that little bit of theater, Elon Musk's boss and everyone's favorite Twitter user, Cat Turd, posted on his Twitter that, I've turned my gas stove on all day, fuck you libs, how you like that?
I'm the hardest, edgiest conservative in the world.
Because Cat Turd's actual name is known, I know his first name is Phil, but people actually were able to Zillow his house, or they found social media posts of his house, and Cat Turd does not actually own a gas stove.
Yeah, I saw these posts.
Yeah, he lives in Florida.
Florida is a very low gas stove state.
It's really funny, I think, when they showed the map of gas stove usage in America.
California has a lot, and the rest of America not nearly as much as evil blue California.
Bro, that's because Chess Art couldn't go fucking electric stoves, are you kidding me?
There wouldn't be content because he couldn't go to an electric stove.
And can you imagine, like, in your head, if you had to picture, like, the state with the highest amount of snooty chefs per capita, it would probably be California, right?
For me, it definitely would.
Oh, California, by a mile, sir.
I mean, New York, I'm sure would have a bunch of them, too, but New York's got other stuff going on.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I still think if we're going snooty chefs per capita, it's going to be California and New York, then, like, Florida's in the fight, like, right there.
I, well, see, I think, like, I think after year one and year two, I feel like it gets kind of opened up, right?
I bet Seattle would be up there, places like Portland, like, just, you know, just driving averages, like, all askew.
I think the West Coast seems like a snooty chef sort of, sort of spot.
Pretty much, pretty much T to B.
I can accept that.
I can see Oregon being just full of chefs that will just, like, hold their nose at you when they're brought in front of an electric stove.
You wanna talk about a fuckin' artificial culture war?
How about East Coast versus West Coast?
I have no dog in that race, but I still regard the West Coast as a place that, like, is sort of, like, a different country.
Like, they have their own way of speaking, mannerisms, like, I have my own prejudices.
A different way of speaking, you say?
Uh, okay, Boston.
I mean, my Boston accent is pretty low-key, because it's mixed in with my Southern accent.
Yeah, I'm just saying in general, you can't accuse the West Coast of having a different way of speaking.
I've lived on the East Coast with you, and the East Coast accents are way more egregious than the West Coast accents.
I mean, agree to disagree.
I feel like everyone in the New England area speaks just fine.
They definitely don't sound like a bunch of cartoon characters.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it really is like, if you broke up America by accent, it would be like, Bostonian, and then general the South, and then general Midwest, which I think most people would just drift into like the Chicago, De Beers area, sort of Wisconsin.
And then you would get like a surfer dialect for West Coast.
I was gonna say, because there's a New York accent, which is different from the Maine accent, because they talk different in Maine, there's a little bit different Rhode Island accent.
Oh, they're all different.
There's a great, like, I think, I can't remember if it was VQ or Vanity Fair or whatever, but one of those YouTube channels has, like, a great dialect guy who went over the whole goddamn map of the United States, like, starting up in Maine and then going all over and he just used his powers
of being a professional Linguistics expert to do the different accents and explain
what the differences were. It's wild. I highly recommend.
Yeah, I Remember like people talking about how most people think
the JFK sounded one way But actually what most people think is the guy who impersonated
him named Elvin Meyer Was like because no one had impersonated a president for
like 20 odd years because you couldn't impersonate FDR during World War two
Because if you went on the radio and did an FDR impersonation and said that Nazis landed in Boston, that could fuck things up really badly.
So no one did him.
No one did Eisenhower.
But then when Kennedy got in office, a guy did an impersonation of him, it became a smash hit.
And most people think that Kennedy's voice is actually that guy's voice, but it's not.
It's like funny.
Thick ass Massachusetts accent.
I mean, I've heard Kennedy's Like, that wasn't that far off.
You listen to him trying to tell you that we do these things not because they're easy, but because they are hard!
And it's just like, okay, yeah, I mean, to be fair, when JFK himself was putting some stake on it, it got really cartoony.
Uh, by the way, we actually do have a third place state for this, because I just looked at the map of electric versus gas, and hilariously, New York and California are two of the states that are more gas than electric.
But, uh, Illinois is also in the mix.
Oh shit!
Chicago, Illinois!
Yep.
My god.
They're rolling gas.
Yes.
And Nevada and New Jersey are also in there, but they're just satellites of California and New York, respectively.
Yeah, I mean, let's be real.
They're apparently their own states.
If somebody decreed tomorrow that New Jersey was now just, like, Greater New York, everyone would be fine with that.
Except for people in New Jersey.
They'd be like, hey, but we're so different, over here!
Anyway, that sounds like a great note, a great nice belly laughing note to get into our horrible fucking headlines for the week.
So, Mike, roll that Cues in the News headline bump!
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News!
All right, so depressingly, but very much USA-ingly, I suppose, if that word exists, which it does not, we have to start this week by talking about a shooting.
Luckily, in this case, I don't believe any human beings were struck in shooting, but this, more than any other recently, is very much a politically motivated series of shootings.
For the details, I'll turn it over to our expert, Mike Rains.
Mike, who was rooting and tooting this week?
So Solomon Pena, a man who ran for the House District of New Mexico's 14th District, lost in a landslide.
He got a massive 26% of the vote.
So this was an absolutely uncompetitive raffle stomp.
He decided that this was not his fault for losing, that it was rigged by the deep state.
And all that good stuff.
And he then conspired and paid four men to carry out shootings of Albuquerque area homes of two Bernardino County Commissioners and two state legislators.
Nobody was actually hurt in the shootings.
So, do we know, was that by design?
Was he paying somebody to intimidate these people, or was he just trying to get them all blown away in their sleep and all these guys were just bad at that?
One lady woke up because the bullet passed close enough to her face, she thought a spider walked across her face.
That's what she said, and it woke her up.
It turns out it was the bullet moving over her face.
So, it was bad shooting.
Yeah, they were trying to kill people, basically.
Peña's social media contains stuff where he's got Trump flags, and he says, Trump just announced for 2024.
I stand with him.
I never conceded my House District 14 race.
I am now researching my options.
And he's wearing his MAGA hoodie under his Trump flags.
And on another one, he says, I dissent.
I am the MAGA king.
He also, Arizona Right Wing Watch, aka co-host Haley of our show, has posted a bunch of things from him.
Let's call her our Arizona correspondent.
Yeah, that makes us sound professional.
Oh my god, the most professional that we could possibly be.
Yeah, so she posted a bunch of stuff that Solomon had posted about the Arizona recounts and how He was obsessed with them because he really... He's just totally bought into this.
Everyone who loses is losing due to Arizona.
In Arizona or anywhere else, lost due to fraud.
He posted a tweet saying, it's rigged.
Cochise, Gila, and Yapapai counties in Arizona are stopping their certifications pending further investigation of the midterms.
You and your cheating friends got caught.
He also was posting Mark Fincham stuff.
He was just all in on Carrie Lake getting screwed out of her election and all the other Arizona Republicans losing only due to fraud.
Because that's just his worldview.
Because when you think you got screwed in an election that you lost 74 to 26, Everyone got screwed in every election they've ever lost at that point.
To be fair, when a beating like that happens in the fighting game community, it is fraud detected followed by fraud confirmed.
Maybe Mains is just a fan of the EVO Fighting Game Championship Series.
I thought Fraud Detected, Fraud Confirmed was when you got reverse swept, and when the other person got to match point, it was Fraud Detected, and then when you lost match point to them, it was Fraud Confirmed.
It eventually just spiraled into just a way to just straight up call somebody out for being bad at the game.
Okay.
So like, if you were getting rolled, like once the rolling started, it was just like, uh oh, I believe we have a fraud detected situation.
And then with the rolling concluded, it would be like, ah yes, the fraud has been confirmed.
Typically, that would involve a sweep.
I mean, sometimes somebody would, like, heroically take a single game off of somebody out of, like, you know, eight.
But it's just like, that's still sort of pretty fraudulent.
Yeah, we introduced fraudulent quite a bit into our lexicon.
And downloading.
Someone gets downloaded.
I heard downloaded quite a bit more.
Yeah, that was big in the FGC for a while as well.
That one didn't exactly ripple out the way a lot of them did, but sometimes they just take time.
It took the general populace a long time to steal mid for Magic players.
Did we steal mid?
They think they're so clever.
Did they steal that for Magic players?
I thought that was, like, a UK thing, saying something's mid.
I mean, for me, it was like a TikTok thing.
Maybe TikTok stole it from Britain, who stole it from Magic Players.
I mean, we all know the UK stole it from Magic Players.
I mean, it's clearly the way it went down, right?
I...
Get fucking used to it.
I...
The UK have called you out.
My favorite fighting game community term is punish.
I just enjoy, like, whenever something happens, I go, oh, no punish!
I just, I love the punish.
I only ever really use that when I'm getting punished.
For instance, when I had to fly out for my trip the last week, I decided not, like, I ate lunch because I had leftovers.
But then I didn't want to order food and I didn't want to go shopping because I wasn't going to be around for like a week.
So I was like, whatever, I'm going to the airport early and I'll just eat when I get there.
So I got there.
It was like 10 o'clock and everything was fucking closed.
And I had to wait there for like seven hours.
I was like, oh god, I got maximum punished by not eating before I got here.
Now I'm like fasting.
This sucks.
Anyway, speaking of things that suck, do we have any more to say about this shooting story?
Were there any bullet points that we missed on this one?
Bullet points?
Oh, yeah.
I didn't mean to do that, but it is great.
I'm a genius.
I mean, I feel like this is truly fucking insane, right?
This is a crazy thing.
Didn't some other elected official in Las Vegas just murder someone a few months ago or whatever?
Yes.
Yeah, that did happen.
I remember it.
I don't remember the particulars, but I do remember the story you're talking about.
I think the main thing to bring up about all of this is that this is just where the Republican Party is going over time.
It's why Everything they say comes direct from this right-wing fever dream world of good and evil, where the bad guys are just unrepentant monsters and the good guys are soldiers fighting for God, who are allowed to do anything they need to save the world.
I mean, it's why we are always talking about Democrats committing treason, Democrats are murdering babies, they're trying to groom your kids and turn them trans or gay or some other sort of abomination because that's how we think that you're turning our children away from God and that's evil and bad.
And it's just this mentality.
I had someone This guy was posting a screengrab of something Blair White said where it was like, we didn't care about LGBTQ until you brought kids into it.
We didn't care about these drag shows until you brought the kids around.
And we don't care about all these other issues until the kids are the issue.
And the guys would quote over that screengrab was, if you people keep fucking with our kids, we're going to have to do some patriotic shit.
And I was just like, hey, don't be shy.
Talk to us.
Tell us what that patriotic shit involves, because I know what it means.
I know what you're saying, but you're the one who's being too cowardly to say it.
So just tell us that you want to kill people because you think that they're bad and wrong and they're quote-unquote going after the kids.
If there's any sort of aligning to these shootings and like, you know, other acts of political violence like this, it is at the very least that uh we the quote-unquote far left because i certainly wouldn't consider myself far left but i'm sure that like a conservative would uh we could point this out to people who like the people who think that they're more more evolved centrists who are just like hey man remember back a week to talk about politics without it being like
Like, everyone is the enemy, like the opposition is the enemy, and it's just like, well, I mean, nowadays the opposition is actually trying to kill my people, so they kind of are the enemy.
Like, we have people out there taking up arms to try to murder, like, Democrats, which are liberals, and I do consider myself a liberal.
So yes, in that instance, there is opposition, and they are the enemy.
Yeah, I mean, when the Pelosi hammer attack happened, instead of Republicans being like, oh my god, this is so scary, they were like, haha, hammers, oh, it was probably a gay love affair gone horribly wrong.
They were just like, oh, that wily Pelosi, maybe you shouldn't be spending the afternoon getting hammered, haha, but seriously, he was probably gay.
And it's like, what is that, what are you talking about?
Denounce the hammer attack!
Yeah, this isn't hard!
Like, if something happened to a Republican where they were violently attacked, I'd be like, that is wrong.
That is bad.
It's not a situation where it's like, oh, it's time to downplay what happened and make some witty japes about it, and then cast aspersions that, oh, you know, that guy, that he was a weirdo, kind of a creep, probably had it coming, eh, you know how it is.
I mean, like, now, Now, if any of the young women that Matt Gaetz advances towards happens to act in self-defense, and Matt Gaetz gets hospitalized or worse, well then, I'm gonna wait for the facts to come out.
But, like, random acts of political violence, bad.
No, wrong.
But if you're defending yourself... Yeah, that, like, baseball field shooting from several years ago that the conservatives love to still dredge up.
I mean, don't get me wrong, that was horrible, and the people involved needed to be punished or whatever and all that shit, but it's like, you know, the ratio of ours to theirs is pretty high.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like when it gets to racism and all they've got is like digging up the corpse of Robert Byrd and being like, oh, look, Joe Biden was hanging out with this guy from the Ku Klux Klan.
And it was like Robert Byrd like left the Klan after a year or two, denounced it his whole life, literally said it was the biggest mistake he ever made and like fought for civil rights for the last like 40 odd years of his life.
But hey, if you guys, if that's the thin branch you have to paint the Democrats as racist, Guess what?
Hillary and Biden are going to die sometime in the next decade or so, and then you're going to have to be like, oh, this person knew Hillary who knew Robert Byrd, who, oh, racist!
They're going to have to play this game of racist telephone through the generations.
Meanwhile, their heroes are burning Black Lives Matter flags and being like, back the blue!
But only when they kill black people, when they defend the Capitol, they're bad!
Also, I can't believe we didn't have this on our official list of headlines, but we can at least touch on it now.
Uh, you know, it's like when they, when conservatives get a, like, something that's got some meat on the bone, like Joe Biden somehow just scattering a bunch of fucking classified documents all over his shit.
God damn it.
And then they're just like, oh yeah, it looks like, looks like sleepy Joe has a bunch of hidden fucking documents all over the place too.
How do you like them apples, Democrats?
What do you think about that?
And I'm just like, It sucks.
It's not great.
It's not good, and I don't like it.
I feel like there needs to be an audit of documents at this point, because it's clear that too many people have just been taking them all willy-nilly.
I'm not here to just be like, I'm going to bat for Sleepy Joe!
Why would I do that?
He fucked up.
I would have gotten to bat with him after the first document got found and the lawyers were just like, hey, we're doing the right thing.
We found this thing.
We're reporting it.
But once it turned out to be a paper trail of documents, they're just sort of all willy-nilly all over the place.
I'm just like, yeah, that sucks.
I'm not going to bat for that guy.
I just want equal treatment under the law or whatever.
I don't think I'm asking a lot.
No, and this is the other thing, is that we really don't have cults of personality.
Again, if tomorrow you told me, in order for Trump to go down and Biden has to go with him, I'd be like, fine, sign me up, not a problem.
Come on, Mike, if you listen to the conservatives, we love AOC.
Whatever AOC says, we're just like, dude, you're so cool and we love your dancing and that means that we're just totally slaves to your policy.
Absolutely, absolutely.
No, that's just not true.
Although I do like her dance, her funny dance made her, it did make her endearing.
I don't understand why conservatives were up in arms about the dance.
I like a dance.
Because they don't like our politicians being human and or likable.
And or young.
All these things, oh god.
Yeah, they just want everyone to be angry and embittered by politics.
They don't want anyone to be like, oh look, she played Among Us on a Twitch stream!
Oh, she's so... She gets us!
Just... No!
Bad!
Wrong!
She's just like us!
Yes.
Anyway, I'm sure that we could talk more about the stupid documents.
I'm sure the QAnon people are having a field day with the stupid documents.
But at the end of the day, it's just like, Papa Joe has a bunch of documents out.
It sucks and we hate it and unfortunately we do have work.
Okay, from when he was Vice President?
Yeah, as far as I know.
But the other thing I've seen about QAnon about this is that they're like, oh, they're using this document thing to push Biden out the door.
Because the one thing that's really funny about QAnon is while they hate Biden and they will call him a pedophile and say that he's horribly corrupt and all this kinds of stuff, he really just doesn't get the juices flowing for them because he's an old white dude and they're just misogynist, racist stacks of shit.
And since the moment Biden was the nominee, all they've done is dream about how he'll be replaced.
They just want to get Biden out of there so they can finally have an enemy to truly rage against.
And the new conspiracy theory is, oh, it's so convenient that Biden's got his two years in and now they're getting ready to push him out the door with this fake document bullshit to hide the rest of his corruption.
And the story about that is that some morons eventually found out about the 25th Amendment and how you can technically serve 10 years as president if you get in late to a term from another president and then run for re-election twice, so you can get a full 10-smasher.
Because LBJ could have served for nine years if he had run in 68 and won, because he had one year under Kennedy, he won re-election himself, so he had five years, but then Vietnam fucked him over and he called it a day and tapped out and didn't run in 68.
So now the plot is, oh, they got Biden in as this placeholder for two years because they want Harris to be president for 10 and give us the crippling socialism of Kamala Harris.
And it's just like, she's a boring centrist, just like Joe.
She's really going to be the same thing.
That would be great, though.
For what it's worth, that would be, I mean, it's just like, yeah, Shucky Dart, it's a real bummer that the greatest president in all time barely was under our watch, because, can you imagine?
Can you imagine such, like, high-level play, where it's just like, I need ten years to flip America to full socialism, and then she gets it done?
Yeah, I'd say goaded.
I'd say goaded status.
Move aside, Lincoln.
You ain't got shit, Washington.
Yes.
Harris dismantled our capitalist society in a decade.
It turned us into the socialist utopia that the left has been dreaming about for forever.
George Washington built America from the ground.
There was nothing here that he built.
And it's just like, yeah, well, that just shows Kamala Harris had to fucking tear down some shit and then build something and it's fucking, like, ashes.
Like, get out of here.
She had a two-step process.
And she needed those extra two years.
She needed them.
And she knew it, and she knew it, and she played the game.
Yes!
Yeah, that sounds like the electrified presence of literally almost no Democrat president ever.
Right.
I guess Obama came closest.
Obama did have an energy about him where it was just like, yeah, the president!
He was charismatic.
He was charismatic and the fact that he was black was incredibly important as a historical note.
He wore a tan suit.
We were coming off of a bunch of horrible horse shit from the Bush era or whatever.
Yeah, Obama!
But I mean, aside from that, when was the last time you were fired up about it?
It was just like, yay, Al Gore!
Or, woo, Joe Biden!
I, it's really kind of funny in a lot of ways that like the Democrat machine doesn't really, I mean, Biden's the first I would consider to be like low charisma president.
The Democrats have actually been able to push over the finish line because you basically had like Kennedy fall out of the sky in 1960 with the charisma 18.
And then after him, it was Clinton.
And then after him, you had Obama and all those guys were really charismatic.
And the Democrats were just like, Oh, good.
We got a unicorn.
We can finally beat the Republicans with him.
But every time after, besides that, that we've nominated a bore like Gore or Kerry or Hillary, just the Republican, who could be equally as terrible and pretty much as uncharismatic as them, just somehow won.
So like, in an odd way to me, it's kind of like, we did it!
We got the boring guy in!
Woo!
Finally, our voters just accepted boring.
It didn't have to be lured to the ballot box by the Charisma's 18, like just smooth talking, ultra hypnotic, mesmerizing, just, oh, that guy is so cool.
I got to vote for him.
He's the best.
We were just like, you know, we have to vote for Biden because Trump fucking sucks.
We're doing it.
We're doing this now.
And yes, I erased Jimmy Carter because that was after Watergate and he barely won.
So yeah, that doesn't count.
Got him.
Take that, Carter.
Boom!
History's greatest monster knocked down another peg.
Let's talk about a budding and yet potentially timeless love story.
Because we have, this week, got our juicy peepers on some textual exchange between star-crossed lovers, question mark?
Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones.
Let me turn it over to our resident love correspondent, Mr. Mike Rains.
Can you even get through it?
What's going on with the textual massage?
So our boys Alex and Tuk Tuk, they decided that when Alex accidentally gave away all those messages to the lawyers, In the Sandy Hook case, eventually those texts have become public and in them Alex Jones is talking about how he's scared of being arrested.
He wants advice from Tucker about what to do about all that.
Tucker Carlson's patting him on the head and telling him he's a good little boy and that all these people that are trying to censor you, we're going to use you as the stalking horse to be like, look, the people that came out after Alex Jones, they ain't going to stop.
And if the Democrats win these midterms, they're going to censor poor little me, poor Tucker Carlson.
I'm not as crazy as Alex Jones, but I mean, hey, they're going to keep moving.
It's a slippery slope once you de-platform Alex.
And Tucker also, kind of gave Alex the seal of approval where he's like,
look, Alex is kind of a wacky guy, but he's, he's been more right than the mainstream media
recently. It's pretty on the ball. He knows what he's talking about. He's been more right than the
mainstream media. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like they did this whole thing. I remember about like Rachel Maddow
and Alex Jones basically being like two peas in a pod. One's just left, one's right. And really
what's the difference between the two of them other than the fact that one of them isn't, you
know, on the hook for $1.5 billion because they fucking slandered dead kids and their parents
and was just a colossal piece of shit and all the other stuff. And
And Rachel Maddow isn't on TV screaming about how, like, she's had God talk to her and the devil tried to recruit her and she told the devil no.
I'm not on your team.
I'm on the other team.
And she almost never talks about gay frogs.
Almost never.
Very, very seldomly.
Is it possible to imagine Alex Jones and Tucker Carlson sending each other text messages back and forth without picturing each one of them sort of like belly down in their bed like with their like kicking their feet up in the air like they were some 12 year old girls?
Absolutely.
Oh, absolutely.
You hang up first.
No, you hang up.
Yes.
They're just gabbing.
They're just gabbing about their troubles.
Instead of writing a diary, they have each other.
Did anything more salacious come out of this?
I saw the headlines about this, but I didn't really delve too deep into it.
Did anything of actual substance come out of this?
Not really.
I mean, it was mostly just the fact that people wanted to show that the most popular host on Fox News still has a working relationship with Alex Jones to the point where he returns his text, they talk to each other, they're spitballing.
And it really just goes to show, like, the kind of reach that Alex Jones still has in the right wing, like, information sphere.
Because, um, He had a thing where he was like, hey, I got this thing from Joe Rogan he sent me.
And so you still have like, Rogan's still bros with Alex Jones, just refuses to acknowledge who he is.
Tucker knows exactly what Alex is doing, but he's still working with him because he thinks he's useful.
So it just goes to show that as bad as Alex Jones is, there are people who are just like, eh, I'm going to hang out with him.
He's not nearly toxic and radioactive enough for me to be like, nope, I'm not going to return his calls.
I'm not going to answer his texts.
I'm just going to stay away from this guy because he's bad news.
So do we think that these are the most salacious of the texts?
Because they got the full kit and caboodle from Alex Jones, right?
And as far as we know, the first thing to come out is this?
They got a clone of his phone for the last two years.
So, it's only the last two years, and his texts with Roger Stone were weird, but these ones with Tucker are, yeah, more interesting at least.
I mean, I do wonder how much January 6th shit is on his phone that we haven't seen yet.
Is there a chance that there's a bunch of fucking shit out there that we just don't know about yet because it's part of ongoing investigations?
It's very possible.
If the lawyers that got their hands on it did, in fact, see stuff like that they're obligated by law to report it
you know what i mean two years with somebody's text messages if it's got any would be evidence
out there you got to turn it over oh yeah like
That was one of the things that happened during that trial was when the lawyer was like, yo, Alex, we got these text messages from you.
And then the moment that happened, the 1-6 committee was like, we would like to see those.
And then there was a hearing a couple of days later, and the judge was like, I will not stand in your way if you want to turn those two years of text over to the 1-6 committee.
And then the 1-6 committee got them.
So, I mean, they're in the cooker.
They're in the stew of all the evidence that the 1-6 committee got, so... So it's not that these texts haven't been getting out there, it's just that potentially the most damning ones are being kept under wraps for investigative reasons.
Or maybe there's nothing on there.
Maybe it's Capone's Vault or whatever, and Geraldo's gonna look real sad.
Also, worth noting, his ex-wife, who is suing him as well, she requested and received the copy of his phone as well.
So, there's multiple lawsuits and trials and people that have these things now.
Well, yeah, because wasn't he sending nudes of her to, like, Roger Stowe or whatever?
No, that's his current wife.
His ex-wife.
Oh, gotcha, sorry.
Yes, that's true, though.
His ex-wife is accusing him of stalking her and sending InfoWorms employees to, like, harass her.
And I say accusing because It allegedly definitely happened and he is very dumb and probably texted about it.
Okay, well, of course, Alex Jones is a story, the embodiment of a story that won't stop developing, so we'll get an opportunity to talk about Alex Jones.
And someone else's Ballywood, mostly.
At least that was not just about the Sandy Hook shit, because god, that was getting tiring.
Now we're getting into weirder stuff, like him stalking his exes and having textual message exchanges with Tucker Carlson.
It's all weird stuff.
But before we get into our mailbag for the week, we do have to revisit an old mini segment within a segment we haven't been to in a while.
It's time for the Reaper Roundup Show!
Get your guns up!
Yeah, so there was a Proud Boy, one of the co-founders, whose last name I absolutely have no idea how to say, and screw that guy.
His name is Adam LeGay, I would guess.
I would think a stab at if I had to.
It did look like a pretty legay last name.
Yes.
That was my guess as well when you typed it out asking for a check on it.
I was just like, is there a way for me to tell Mike that I think this may be pronounced legay without it sounding like a bit?
Yeah, exactly.
So, uh, this man was a absolutely massive anti-vaxxer and COVID denialist.
Uh, his Twitter timeline was full of, uh, him posting stuff like, yeah, I had COVID, got it for like a couple of days.
Then I got over it.
No harm, no foul.
Just like everybody else.
Then I crushed it with my pure genetically white blood.
Yeah.
Yup.
And so he had all the just literally nothing but posts about like yelling at people wearing masks, just all that kind of stuff.
Of course, he had the tweet up about 99.9% survival rate, what are we worried about?
And all that good stuff.
And eventually there are photos of him in the hospital that seem to indicate symptoms of COVID.
And then the news, The news broke like a week or so ago that he had passed and then got run up the flagpole and was finally confirmed a few days later that, yes, he has died of COVID.
And that's what happens in these situations when you just absolutely refuse to take this at all seriously.
Don't get vaccinated, don't do anything.
You get sick and you're rolling the dice.
I mean, Hey, 99% chance of survival, 1% chance you won't.
I mean, when you live in the world of a casino, you understand probability very well and odd shit happens.
You spin the same number three times on roulette.
How often is that going to happen?
Not very often.
Still does.
Still does.
Yeah, the skull anomalies still happen.
That's why they're anomalies.
And like, I mean, a one percenter is not even an anomaly, right?
Like, that's an appreciable amount.
Like, you know, there's fucking just like name the fucking 400 million people on earth or whatever that you would just like sacrifice to those odds or whatever it is.
You know what I mean?
Like, right.
Yeah, that was my favorite thing was when, back when, like, when COVID first struck and we really didn't have any idea what was going on, people were giving it like a 3.4% lethality rate or something in that ballpark.
And there were still people who were like, oh, that isn't that big of a deal.
It's like, do you know what the population of America is?
Do you know what 3.4% of that population is?
Do you know how many people you're killing because you don't want to wear a mask or be locked down?
Yeah, and the survival rate's based on, like, the two years worth of pandemic precautions most people were willing to take.
You know what I mean?
Like, in a perfect world, like, these cats are just, like, these cats hope for.
It's just like, who knows what happens with it mutating and stuff.
It could just, like, destroy everything.
Yeah.
It could wipe out, like, a third of us.
Us being all of us.
Yeah.
Yeah, so this is a real thing.
We still don't exactly know what killed Diamond, but again, people have speculated that it's COVID because, again, she was a militant anti-vaxxer.
So this is a problem.
I just recently was reading a guy who did a QAnon year in review of our wins, like the victories we got.
And one of those victories was the Omicron variant, which made COVID non-fatal and easy.
And everyone got a bout of it and then got perfect, natural, God-given immunity from the virus.
And everything's just unicorns and puppy dogs.
And it's like, no.
It's not.
We have yet to find a variant of COVID that is non-lethal.
People are still dying from every variant.
People don't usually die of the flu, but the flu does kill people.
But Omicron was way more transmissible, which made it more dangerous in certain ways.
A lot of people were getting over it better, but more people were getting it.
Look, y'all.
The pandemic is over.
COVID is a distant memory.
Ain't nobody dying of COVID anymore.
Except for this guy.
He's the last one.
He'll go down in history as the last guy ever.
We promise.
What a wonderful way to wrap up the news segment this week, with a nice Reaper roundup.
See you in Valhalla or whatever, that guy.
Yes, for sure.
Racist Valhalla in this case.
I just love the idea that, like, for every afterlife it's segregated into the racist and non-racist sections, where it's just like, yeah, somehow you manage to make it to the good afterlife, but also you just have to be around, uh, like, you get exactly what you wanted, being around your own race exclusively, and then, uh, suddenly they just tear each other apart for some other reason.
What can we say?
Dickhead's going dickhead.
Yes.
That's their idea of paradise, just being mad at other people for reasons.
That's it.
And then at some point there's like the ultra VIP habit that's reserved for the one who is the best at it, but he's just like, I'm the tallest, strongest, whitest, best vision habitist, cleverest, like just super airy and imaginable.
And she's like, yeah, you've been dead for thousands of years, mate, so enjoy that.
No, my precious bloodline!
Anyway, man, this really got off the rails.
Let's get to our mailbag!
Sounds like a plan.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
So, Will Krumer calls us to task with his question, which is, why no new Patreon-only episodes?
And the first answer is mostly scheduling, and the other answer is that my day job has gotten more annoying.
I mean, you're not wrong.
We've been promoting it less because we've just had a bunch of scheduling issues coming off of the holidays and Mike Rains' hourly stuff getting moved around.
We will get back to it at some point, I assure you, but you were not wrong to yell at us for being a little bit slow on the draw for the group stuff.
And yeah, you were right to shame us, so thank you for doing so.
I am going to, tonight or tomorrow, actually do a solo review of that year-end review of QAnon's victories for 2022, because it is a hilarious substack full of just aggressive opium, and, look at this great thing that happened for us, guys!
And it's like, no, that really wasn't a great thing.
We were also waiting to find out what our next Q Media review thing was going to be, so if people have suggestions for that, if there's a good one... If we can get ripped copies of My Son Hunter... I don't know what you're talking about.
That sounds illegal to me, and I don't know... In fact, I don't even know what that... What is a rip?
Well, I know as a medical doctor you don't know about this, but no.
If we can find a way to watch My Son Hunter, I'd be interested in doing a... Oh yeah, that would be the dream, but I'm not giving anybody money.
Yeah.
That's the rub, you see.
Yes.
It's meaningless if we have to give them 3x their vig.
Yeah.
Did that movie make like 800 bucks or whatever it was?
No, that's the other new... You're thinking of Death on the Prairie, Gina Carano's new too-woke-for-the-right cowboy movie.
They'll get my ticket immediately if I hear that she takes her kit off in it.
Just kidding, I will still just get that online for free.
Oh Gina Carano, why did you have to be terrible?
She just had a great figure for a big strong woman action star.
It's a real bummer that she's a loon.
Yeah.
That's so unfortunate.
That was something that was really funny.
I was reading a bunch of people mentioned that, that, like, just Gina Carano just not fitting the standard mold of, like, your Hollywood starlet who's, like, a size zero, just really, like, tiny and thin, that she was just, like, action, she was a professional female athlete who was just, like, big and strong and could, like, do fight scenes where she was, like, she could, like, fight a guy and it didn't look ridiculous.
And people are like, this would be awesome!
And it's like, oh no, she's an anti-vaxxer, who just won't shut up about those things.
Don't forget, anti-Semite.
Oh, don't forget, yeah.
Yeah, and again, I'm sure that there are a lot of people who have, like, wacky beliefs like that that we just don't know about it, but they're just savvy enough to, like, keep that shit to themselves, so that way the mass market, aka me, will, like, still enjoy them.
So, I mean, it's like, you have to be a monster and fail an intelligence check.
Or a willpower saving throw if you just can't keep your ass off of Twitter when somebody says something that you disagree with.
I have written out and deleted more Twitter slash Facebook slash whatever posts in my lifetime than I care to admit.
Like, you don't have to hit send on them.
Type them out and then just delete them.
Get it out of your system and remember that nobody needs your input right now.
There's been a handful of times where I'm like, I'm gonna engage with this person who has Warhammer 40k opinions and uses words like woke and tourist and consumer.
And I'm like, I write it and I just delete it.
Because there's no winning there.
Yeah.
So, Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor says, in your opinion, what are the odds that George Santos is going to be exposed as having pulled off an identity theft path similar to the talented Mr. Ripley?
It's not zero!
And that's a weird thing to say.
I've never seen or read talented Mr. Ripley, but talented is in the name.
This dude's already been fucked up.
I don't think he's talented at doing anything.
You should catch me if you can.
That guy was pretty on the ball.
He only got captured like the once or twice.
This dude, he's already been caught out before he got anything done.
I don't know about all this.
I feel like there's a chance that this guy might get caught for doing some just, like, regular, old-fashioned, non-talented identity theft, where they will just be like, hey, could you, like, produce your actual birth certificate or whatever?
And he's just like, yes.
And then they're like, oh, this was clearly stolen from a baby that died in, like, fucking Boise in 1983.
You have stolen this person's identity.
Who the fuck are you, for real?
I think that's entirely possible.
There was that book that got into detail about how to do that, so a bunch of people went out and just started doing it.
I can't remember what it was called.
That just made me laugh, because it reminded me of, like, locally, there is a murder where this guy just got... They haven't found the body of the wife, but the husband has been arrested, and his Google searches were, like, literally, how do you get rid of a 115-pound body?
And stuff like that.
It's just, like...
Oh yeah, I remember reading some headlines about that.
It fits the same thing.
I believe that was the guy who was just like, I don't know what you're talking about, I was working all day.
And they were just like, oh that's funny because we have you on security camera here at Home Depot buying a plastic wastebasket for a human-sized body and a bunch of cleaning supplies and a hacksaw.
Yep, pretty much that's it.
He's like, one body disposal kit please.
Yes!
It was like your conviction insurance, uh, kit.
If you're working at the Home Depot and somebody comes up with that shit, like, in this day and age, honestly, like, clearly it depends on the person's vibe, but I would just be like, yo, I'm on somebody's TikTok or something right now, this is clearly some sort of sick prank.
And this guy's just up here whistling Dixie and just being like, here, I would like this duct tape and this one giant tub and this, like, you know, industrial-sized thing of bleach and, like, and these zip ties and this hacksaw.
And then it's just like, yeah, okay, I get it.
I get what's happening here, bud.
I'm on TikTok.
Now, 99 times out of 100, it's gonna be some asshole YouTuber TikToker and be like, I'm gonna go in and buy this shit from Home Depot and see what they say.
But 1% of the time, which as we discussed earlier is an appreciable amount, they're an actual murder.
They're, yeah, they're an actual murder.
Which I mean, or I guess 1% they have like a legitimate reason for it, or like they have to, like I guess in that theory, are you storing deer or whatever?
I feel like this is not legal advice and this is certainly not anything I would recommend, but I feel like it might be safe to just throw a punch in that situation.
Just go over the counter at them.
I'd just be like, maybe you're saving somebody's life.
Maybe you're preventing somebody from doing further crime to somebody they've already killed.
Maybe you're punching an innocent hunter who's just trying to start some tea.
I'm not gonna let you talk yourself down.
Elle is an actual medical doctor and a lawyer.
So that is legal advice.
You can take it.
No, I don't think you're allowed to say stuff like that.
It is a joke.
I don't think you can say this is actually legal advice.
It is not.
I don't think you could do that.
I don't think that's how that works.
Dude, the old double juice!
Sarge beat me to it because I was about to call him Dr. Lawyer L. Dr. Lawyer L, this is all 100% real medical and legal advice.
The Law Offices of Doctor and Doctor.
They're both me.
I have two doctorates.
Oh man, this laughter sucked whatever I was going to say out of my brain, so I've now forgotten my witty bon mot that I was about to limb there.
This is satire.
You might have a case.
Have you been fooled by L?
I'll represent you.
Yeah.
So our last question in the mailbag is exclusively for me, because I have to explain the story of this, because when I saw this I started laughing hysterically.
This person named Heretic with a Q instead of a C at the end of Heretic says, who's not afraid of Austin Steinbart?
And I will explain this really quickly.
Austin Steinbart is the guy who was Baby Q, who said he was Q in the future, sending coded messages to himself from the past, got arrested for doing dumb shit, got caught using a fake dick in a drug test, All that good stuff.
This person, Heretic, has been DMing me and other people, also DMed Karma, and has been asking if any of us want to interview Austin Steinbart because he's ready to quote-unquote blow the lid off the whole QAnon community.
Uh, to which I have told this person to go fuck themselves, because no, I am not going to give Austin Steinbart any press.
Not that I can, because I don't have that big of a platform, but no.
I'm not going to engage that guy.
He's a fucking weirdo and a creep.
When he first started his shit, he messaged me and, like, uh, I think Frederick Brennan and Travis View and Mike Rothschild, and sent all these photos of himself in front of, like, computers, like, servers and, like, all these, like, supposedly confidential areas to make himself look like
real.
And he was like trying to like impress QAnon debunkers or something.
And it was really weird.
So I have...
If you have pictures of yourself in classified areas, that's a crime.
Yeah.
It was super weird.
So yeah, whatever thing he's going to try to do, no, I'm not going to be a part of it.
And this heretic person then told me, oh, it's fine.
We don't need you.
Karma is going to fall in love with him.
So congrats, Karma, on your whirlwind romance impending with Austin Steinbart.
I hope I get invited to the wedding.
I have to imagine, I'm on a QAnon podcast, and we get in the weeds sometimes, and I have to imagine this is what my partner feels like when I talk about 40k lore.
Just like, now, this is the primarch of the 8th Legion, and he's dead, but he maybe let himself be dead.
You're right Sarge, truly nobody cares about that.
What a great point to make!
I know!
What's incredible about that was I actually found the last question from Chairman Walkerman in his list of questions to us, and that question is actually, Gork or Mork?
Those are the two gods of the orcs from the Warhammer, Warhammer 40k world.
Yeah, I guess I have egg on my face.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ha ha! Go fuck yourself.
Aw!
I have no opinions about this.
Blood Bowl is a million times the game that Warhammer ever was, fight me.
It's certainly not new Blood Bowl, but what was it, Blood Bowl 2nd Edition?
Bad 3rd Edition?
Blood Bowl 2nd Edition was the tits.
Yes, I agree.
I'm still gonna play.
If you're looking for somebody to roll double skull, boy howdy, I'll show you some double skull.
So in our ultra nerdy moment, I'll reveal behind the curtains, I was asking what Warhammer 40k army L would play.
He said orcs.
It's a terrible idea for him to play that because you need to roll sixes for orcs, because anytime orcs hit on a six, they shoot again.
L is terrible at rolling dice.
So there's a million reasons why that's a bad idea.
No, really great at rolling a six, right?
Because that's what the skull means.
Those dice is six.
Yeah.
I played the Tyranids for like five minutes.
Never actually had an official battle with anyone, but I did paint a bunch of Tyranids for a while.
Warhammer menus are great for painting, and that's sort of how I feel about my Hero Quest set that I have.
I was excited that they were re-releasing HeroQuest because of my nerdy inclinations.
So when people got it for me for X-Men, I was very excited, but I haven't played it yet.
I'm not sure if I will ever play it.
Mostly I just wanted it for all the cool looking minis and for the hit of nostalgia.
Although I would be happy to play it if people wanted to.
I'm not trying to like collect it or anything, but at some point I would like to paint it up real nice.
There's a new Blood Bowl, an undead Blood Bowl army that has werewolves and Frankensteins
and zombies with pumpkin helmets.
Uh...
Yeah, that was a team.
The Necromancy team was in previous edition Blood Bowl as well.
Did it have werewolves and Frankensteins?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like Flesh Golem, Vampire, Werewolf, Zombie.
And then I think there was one other type.
I can't remember.
What kind of team are they?
Uh, pretty smashy.
Werewolves have claws, they do a good amount of damage.
They're pretty smashy, but I also remember they were like, they... since all of your specialty pieces had like a billion different skills, and several of them were drawbacks, then, uh... Oh, was Thrall the other one?
Yeah, it's Thrall.
Because there was something your vampires needed to eat, because their drawback was that they had bloodlust.
Yeah, basically, if you roll a one on the bloodlust check at the end of the round, you have to be next to a thrall to injure it, or the vampire runs off the pitch and starts killing crowd members.
I'm sorry, I told you, nobody cares about Warhammer 40k, but as soon as they start talking about Blood Bowl, boom, look at that, we're all in it, we're all engaged, we're all talking, the people at home all totally know what we're talking about, and they're loving it.
Yes!
Yeah, on my private personal Twitter, I routinely release pictures of the very bad painting I'm doing on my Eldar army I'm putting together, so I don't know, if you idiots want to see that, let us know.
And when Blood Bowl 3 comes out, we will maybe make a league.
No, Bubble 2 only.
Bubble 3's bad.
Yeah, Bubble 3 seems like it eats hot dogs.
I mean, I haven't played it yet, though.
Maybe it's surprisingly good, but I doubt it.
I've never in my life not expected it to be surprisingly good.
I will give it a chance and report back.
I promised myself I'm gonna actually try and play a passing team this time around and not
dwarves.
Play worms and just kill them.
Murder is the only way in Blood Bowl.
Kill them.
When they try to avoid getting killed, it'll open up a passageway that you surprisingly pass to a guy that they heist up into the end zone.
It's great.
Yes.
So that brings us to our final question, which is what are you guys looking forward to?
I'll start because I have kind of a weird one.
When I am done with you folks, I am going to file my taxes.
Oh, yeah.
I got a boy.
I got an email from TaxSlayer saying, You were working on your taxes this time last year, and I'm like, well, yeah, I'd love to do it again this year, but I don't have all my documents.
Yeah.
Luckily, I don't need very many documents.
I have very few documents, and I have collected them.
I get to file my taxes, which is always nice, because it's the first step in getting some quote-unquote free money.
At the very least, money that you were entitled to.
We'll see how much I'm going to be getting back.
I just found out I get to take more deductions on my state than I thought I did, which was also very exciting.
Congratulations, my state, for having tax deductions that I qualify for.
Big fan of that.
Yeah, and then also, I believe I'm getting my holiday bonus check or whatever as well.
So the short answer is, what is Al excited for?
Precious cash.
And I have to decide once those tax returns come in whether or not I'm going to be an adult big boy and save them like a responsible adult and maybe like, you know, put a couple hundred dollars on my nose doing whatever.
Or if I want to buy a Steam Deck.
Yeah, I do.
Somebody had the audacity to produce one in front of me recently.
A friend brought his to our first session of a tabletop RPG we were going to start, and he was like, check this thing out.
And I was like, oh my god, here it is, in person, being everything I wanted it to be.
Just feeling its substantial heft.
Feels like a real machine.
He was like, oh yeah, I only get like three hours of battery life on it because I run everything in native 6D.
And I was just like, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
I just want something to play in my bed.
I don't give a fuck if it's only got three hours of battery life.
We're gonna be playing it in bed and then I will plug it in overnight and that will be my routine.
But I'll probably end up being a responsible adult and buying clothes with it or whatever.
I'm just so boring now.
How dare you.
How dare you.
Fashionable L.
I am looking forward to doing some more painting and I bought a big fancy carrying case box for my minis and I get to assemble that and I'm excited to assemble my very nerdy mini carrying box.
It has metal trays and I glue little magnets to the bottom of the minis so they just stay in place because a bunch of mine are weird sizes.
I'm excited to assemble my dumb miniature case.
That sounds like both tons of funds and not at all.
Yeah.
Your mileage may vary.
Yeah.
I am looking forward to A, the San Francisco 49ers beating the shit out of the Dallas Cowboys because the Cowboys are an overrated swill.
They're fraudulent.
That is confirmed.
When they're down 20-0 at the end of the first half, it'll be fraud detected.
And when they lose that game 35-3, it'll be fraud confirmed.
So that'll be awesome.
I will probably have some financial stake in that outcome going that way.
Here's to hoping for all the best there, and I'm also looking forward to finishing Pool 3 of Marvel Snap.
I am now three cards away from completing that journey, and now I don't even have to play my decks anymore, because I just got Agatha!
So I can just let her play Marvel Snap for me!
Oh man.
Yeah, she's fun.
You missed the time before they patched her when she still earned you cubes for everyone in your deck and not just her.
Because now they changed it because people were just using her to farm cubes.
So they patched it a while back.
She will only earn cubes for Agatha.
Which just means you're gonna keep leveling up and splitting your Agatha.
Oh, that's really weird.
So I can't get cubes with her?
That's fucked up.
She'll only, if Agatha's in your deck, to prevent people from using her to farm pips for other cards, that she only earns pips for Agatha.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
That's fine.
I can level Agatha up.
She's literally plain right now, so getting her to infinity is not a problem for me.
Yeah.
There you go.
Super nerdy outro?
Yes.
Yeah, thrilling.
Everybody loves Pokemon Snap but me.
I just have to get to come to terms with it.
So it's time for us to snap our asses out of Hell World for the week.
We're going to dance out of here like the sharks and the jets.
We're just going to go backwards snapping.
So, like I said, thank you everybody for listening and supporting the show.
If you'd like to continue to support the show for free, you can do so by giving us a 5-star review wherever the hell you're getting this podcast from.
Tell them you love us.
If you want to support us with some money, you can do so by visiting patreon.com slash PokerPolitics, where if you donate $5 or more a month, you get access to our back catalog of bonus content and the bonus content that we have been shamed into continuing to produce in the future, so feel free to do that if you'd like.
Or I believe the minimum is $2 a month if you just want to tip your dealers.
Either way, we love all of our beautifuller babies who support the show with their hard-earned geish.
If you have geish and you want to give it to somebody that's not us, you can give that geish to love146.org.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Or you can find any other good way to spend that geish doing some good in the world.
Or, you know, just treat yourself.
We're not your dad.
Thanks, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our intro.
DJ Minimal Effort.
Still too cool for social media, what an advanced lad DJ Minimal Effort is.
You know who is not an advanced lad?
Zing!
Take that, Frosty!
It's our buddy Frosty, who does all of our bumps and such.
You can find Frosty on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
You can find the show at Twitter, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. You can find me on Twitter, at HellworldL, spelled the same way as the show.
Sarge is at Sargent Hell, and Mike is, of course, at PokerPolitics.
So for another successful episode of the Adventure in the Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L. Joined us sometimes by our friend Sarge, and our expert at all things QAnon crazy Mr. Mike Rains.
▲
Export Selection