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Jan. 12, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:33:55
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #121: Woke M&M's return, The House Goes Crazy

Sarge and L are back this week and we're all here to talk about the GOP going crazy now that they control the House and Tucker informs us that Woke M&M's will be the death of America itself. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld Podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have
to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello everybody, I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld!
This week, the Prodigal Son returns!
It's Sarge!
It's me, I'm back!
There was maybe a week where I didn't have to be gone, but you know, it's kind of nice to get away from the darkness for a little while.
Yes, and the mysterious El!
Wahoo!
Hello, my beautiful babies!
Kiss me!
El!
laughter laughter
And I'm giving it more than Chris Pratt did.
Yes!
Where's my check?
Where's my fucking check, Nintendo of America?
Yeah, come on, Nintendo.
You really screwed the pooch on this one.
Dude, I'm so cheap.
Give me the booth, I'll do it for 50 grand in exposure, let's go!
Outside of the pod, Al was telling me how much he's ready to sell out to Wizards of the Coast, so...
Uh, oh yeah.
Dude, I am not moving off of that position.
I think that that shit is wild.
If anybody wants to fight with Elle on Twitter, you come at me about my opinions regarding Open Gaming License 1.1, aka closing the book on a 20-year chapter of Wizards of the Coast, giving a bunch of people an opportunity to make a bunch of money for free.
And all those people now complaining.
Uh, wah-wah.
Aside from that, which I'm sure is like a hot take that everybody will hate me for, which is fine, that's what I'm here for, a little bit of housekeeping up top before we get into our juicy booshy.
Hey, listeners, this is a call to action for you, but the sort of call to action that you should actually listen to, because I'm not trying to shill or sell you anything.
If you ever notice any sort of audio quality issues with the podcast, you have to tell us.
I do not listen to the podcast I perform on every week, because why the fuck would I?
I met a very dear friend at the event I was at this week who listens to the podcast every week and was just saying, hey, sometimes you guys have some audio issues.
And I was just like, well, I would have no way of knowing that because I don't listen to the show every week.
I record the show every week.
And before that, I do a meeting for the show every week.
And that is where my week is done.
Read the show.
So please, we do want to make the show better.
So if you ever notice any sort of audio issues, for the love of God, tell Mike.
He's at PokerPolitwix on Twitter, he's got a huge install base, and he's on there, he's fuckin' addicted to it.
Every time I go out to dinner with the man, he's glued to his phone.
He loves that Twitter, until we find something better.
So, please, tell him if you ever encounter any audio issues, and we'll do our damnedest to fix them.
Yeah, we both were like, we got that feedback, and we're like, oh, uh, yeah, I guess we should listen more often, but also... No!
That's never gonna happen!
Why would I listen to my own hilarious jokes?
If I wanted to listen to my own hilarious jokes, I would just make new ones and tell them to myself out loud in solitude, like a creep, and then laugh at them like a crazy person.
That sounds like a plan.
That is.
I hate listening to myself, which is the main reason why I like go over the podcast and send it.
But sometimes I don't listen to it all the way.
I completely acknowledge that there's possibilities that there's audio troubles.
And every now and then people will just message me like, hey, the podcast that got uploaded was like last week's or something like that.
And I'll be like, oh, crap.
And I'll have to get on that.
So like, yeah, I am.
Yeah.
And for anybody who is who's pointed it out in the past or is going to point it out in the future, we really do.
Thank you.
Genuine, actual appreciation for both listening and taking a little bit of time out of your day to let us know how we can be doing better.
But again, I can't stress this enough, most of the time we do not listen to our own show, so if there's an issue, we need to know from you, our audience.
That makes us a professional, but we never claim to be professional.
And I'm the complaints department, so just come to me and I'll... I have... I'm where the audio is saved, so I'm the one who has to go and try to fix it if possible.
Yeah, you're also the person with, like, you know, 15,000 Twiller followers or whatever, compared to my, like, mighty 400.
My powerful 400 followers, almost all, if not all of which, are also following you.
Nobody gives a shit about Elle outside of the podcast, and as well they shouldn't.
Because I am not an expert on anything except for Crackin' Wise.
Anyway, fucking enough of that horseshit, let's get to our first boooosh!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
I'm going to do these out of order so I can make this very inappropriate joke up top.
Let me clear my throat a bit.
Diamonds aren't forever!
Did Diamond die, or did Silk die?
Because it was Silk and Diamond, right?
Yes, it was Diamond and Silk, and Diamond was the one that has passed on.
Diamond is the one who has passed on, which leads me to believe that somebody needs to get in touch with the creator of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, because diamonds apparently are breakable.
All right?
Was Diamond the one that made the bad points, or was she the one that went, uh-huh?
I believe she was the second.
She was the affirmation after the bad point was made.
Silk was making the bad points, and then Diamond was nodding and agreeing with the bad point that was made.
Okay.
So what you're saying is Silk was the one who would be rough, and Diamond was the one who was the diamond in the rough.
Hey-o!
I got a bunch of them!
Because I don't care about this person, because she seemed like a real quote-unquote winner when she was alive, and now she's dead, and that doesn't retroactively make you a good person.
Godspeed, Diamond, on whatever journey to whatever afterlife you are on.
Or maybe you just disappeared into nothingness.
Who knows?
But whatever it is, you can no longer make a buck being a conservative lunatic.
Yes.
And the heartbreaking part of this for QAnon and the right was the fact that they couldn't blame the vaccine for her death because Diamond and Silk were very loud and proud anti-vaxxers who had one tweet out about how The Biden administration or someone was like that black people are more susceptible to severe consequences of COVID.
And they were like, this sounds like they're trying to like push us towards the vaccine.
They're trying to make black people take it.
That sounds like the Tuskegee experiments.
So they were just... Woof.
Yeah, they were just all the way, all in on this.
Yeah, it's just like that, except they're making everyone do it.
Right.
And don't get me wrong, the Tuskegee Experiments are terrible, and I fully understand why people in the black community in America might have difficulty trusting the government, injecting them with anything.
I get it, fam, but we all had to line up for those fucking shots.
Every single one of us.
Well, if you wanted to be a member of society, so it's just like, Yeah, it was an unprecedented situation, and there was a lot of nuance to it, but at the end of the day, nobody had a good excuse for not taking the vaccine.
So, sorry!
Like, you know, sometimes you just have to suck up whatever personal beliefs you have for the good of everyone, and if you're not capable of doing that, you're a bad person!
No, according to my old coworker who messaged me on Snapchat,
the vaccines don't work.
And then she asked me why I screenshotted her message to me, because I forgot Snapchat narcs you out
when you screenshot shit.
And that's why.
Did you tell her it was for your dumbfuck collage?
So I could send it to another former co-worker and be like, oh, well, I haven't talked to this person in a couple of years, and now I can continue not.
But it was the same answer.
The thing you said was the same as what I said.
So speaking of all this vaccine stuff, I had been hearing reports that Diamond was actually in the hospital, possibly for COVID, when they expired.
Is that correct?
That is the situation where once Diamond died, there was this giant pile on about the fact that it was absolutely COVID that killed her and she should have taken the vaccine and all kinds of dunking.
But the truth is, is we don't exactly know what killed her.
She was sick for I think about like three months before before she passed.
So exactly what the cause of death was is unknown.
However, because people love the They love the schadenfreude of a militant anti-vaxxer dying as a result of COVID.
That was the immediate speculation.
All the people that posted about her passing have been very cagey about why she passed.
Trump posted on Truth Social about it and was just like, it's very sad that this great patriot has passed.
Diamond was the greatest.
I truly loved her.
She was bigly awesome and all kinds of other dumb things that Trump says.
But nowhere in all of these things was it announced what happened.
So that also fueled speculation that they don't want to admit that because it's embarrassing.
Conservatives love traitors.
It seems harder to- I mean, like, you know, I get that as a Caucasian person there might be more nuance to it than I understand, but from the outside looking in, it sure seems like every black conservative is a traitor.
It's just like, why are you supporting these candidates who do everything they do to keep their fucking boot on your neck?
I mean, like, don't get me wrong, it's bad all over, but it's certainly worse with the conservatives.
It has to be.
Yeah.
I mean, you literally have, this is a political party that after the abortion ban, after Roe got struck down, you had a guy come on TV and was like, I'm thinking we need to look into Loving v. Virginia.
Interracial marriage is being something the court might want to take a peek at.
And it's like, okay, buddy, really?
We're just going to go We're just being like, hey, you know what?
We need the Supreme Court to start reinstituting Jim Crow.
That's what we need.
We need to get to cracking on that.
Yeah, and they're already, like, now that the House stuff has been sort of resolved, they're already, like, fucking sharpening their knives to get rid of, you know, like, programs that assist lower-income people, and thanks to institutionalized racism in our country over the past couple of hundred years, most of those people happen to be people of color!
And it's just like, hey, like, These people are actively working against you at every turn.
How could you possibly support them?
And the short answer is, they're willing to give us money now, and that's all that matters to us, because money is cool.
I get that, I guess.
Futurama quote.
Fry, why do you support them?
You're not rich.
Yeah, but I might be someday.
And when I am, they better watch out.
Temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
That's America.
We're all about to be stinking rich any minute now.
Dude, I'm hitting that mega millions tonight.
Unless the drawing was last night and somebody else already hit it.
In which case I'm gonna hit it the next time.
It's fine.
Everyone whiffed Friday's 1.5 billion.
1.3 billion.
See?
Well, there we go.
I'm gonna come down with whatever, like, 53% of 1.3 billion is, and then, you know, I will not have to do this podcast anymore, and I won't have to deal with any of you boars.
What is it you take?
Call them brokies.
Won't have to deal with, won't hang out with any of your brokies.
On a serious note, at this event we went to recently, the reason that Sarge and I weren't gone, we were on a shared vacation at an event.
At that event, I had the opportunity to go around and effectively just give out free money to people when I saw them doing good deeds.
And man, that felt good!
That felt fuckin' awesome!
I'm just like, holy shit, if I become rich, I could do this whenever I wanted!
It'd be the greatest day in history!
I'm just like, man, I feel kind of down.
I guess I'm just gonna go walk around and give thousands of dollars to people who need it.
And give myself a pickup.
Speaking of the lotto, I'll have to talk to my Sometimes Lotto group, see if they want to get in on the tontaine again.
Yeah.
Yeah, if one of us becomes a billionaire, we all become millionaires, Groob.
Yeah.
I'm in for Operation Socialist Millionaire Operation.
Dude, just imagine how many unfuckable woke M&M's we could buy with a billion dollars.
Oh my god!
I saw these ads as soon as I got home.
M&M's launch first all-female M&M team.
I can't wait for old touch marks to take.
And it's not nearly fuckable enough.
Like, I wanted, like, where's the whale tail?
I want a seductive green M&M bent over looking like she's ready to somehow receive.
I mean, that's a Google search away, sir.
But I want it official.
Yeah, I want it in canon.
I want it canonical.
The Mars Corporation just sent out OGL 1.1, which says that I shouldn't be supporting those people anymore.
Anyway, so Mike, in case people aren't hip with Eminem's advertisements, what's going on with our unfuckable and woke Eminems this week?
Yes, so as Elle stated, there is a new ad campaign that apparently features... That was Sarge, by the way.
How dare you give me credit for Sarge's mentioning of seeing these ads.
I haven't seen shit about these ads!
Well, you brought up the unfuckable M&Ms, which is what I gave you credit for.
Oh, I just knew that the unfuckable M&M was coming down the pipeline, because they announced the first one a while ago.
They were just like, hey, there's another lady M&M, and she's not meant to be, like, she's not in heels or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, so basically there is, and I, the one thing I will say about this is because most of the sourcing I'm getting from this is from the right wing, I have no actual honest belief that they are telling me the full story on this.
But yeah, there's a Green M&M and a Brown M&M who are supposed to be representing lesbians, I guess, question mark.
And my favorite thing is that there's a purple M&M that is supposed to be representative of quote-unquote plus-sized people and body positivity, but the purple M&M just looks like a peanut M&M to me.
It looks exactly like the yellow M&M, who's a peanut.
It's just purple.
And also, I assume the purple M&M is feminine, so it's just like...
I wouldn't, never in a million years would I have associated that M&M with being fat.
I would have just been like, oh, it's a peanut M&M, but now they got a lady peanut M&M.
Yeah, they're M&Ms!
It's a lady peanut M&M to go with the dumb peanut M&M who's a guy.
And much as the regular chocolate M&M guy's a jerk.
I mean, so it's like, I just, people put so much effort into these things to get upset about them afterwards.
The entire right wing, and I see it so much in QAnon, is just create a thing to get incredibly mad about, and then get really mad about it, and have all your friends on the internet get really angry alongside you, and then a week later forget that you even did that.
I mean, no one's going to remember their outrage over these Eminem ads for more than like a few minutes.
It's so bizarre that this is a thing that even exists in our world.
I don't even understand it.
Maybe it's just because I'm dripping with privilege, and that almost certainly has something to do with it, but I never once gave any hoots about the perceived gender, sexuality, etc.
of these anthropomorphized candies.
I acknowledge that Billy West has like a voice that comes out of somebody who I believe identifies as male, but I'm pretty sure that none of those chocolates have any organs, sex or otherwise.
So what are we doing here, guys?
Yeah, what's the what's the candy version of a furry?
Bye.
A chocolatey?
I have no idea.
Yeah.
We'll keep working on that one.
A confection-y?
I like that!
That's much better.
Confection-y.
We'll get there.
I'm gonna keep... Are you part of the fection community?
Yes!
Yes!
Trying to get infection.
Do you even crinkle, bro?
But in our community that means wearing a wrapper and not wearing a diaper because we're less creepy than the furries.
It's not just furries that do that.
The only time I've heard of it, it's been related to furries.
So anecdotally, yes, it's only furries and all furries.
That's not true.
I believe we have at least one furry listener in the air to light, so.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I can't wait to hear Tuk Tuk's hot take on the M&Ms.
He already had thoughts on Yeah, oh, he's there.
He's already there.
He's already... He's already there?
Yeah, oh, he's already really angry about the lesbian in the plus-sized M&Ms.
Yeah, he dedicated like 10 minutes on his show last night ranting about how incapable he was of jerking off to the new M&Ms.
It was really wild.
Yeah, it's really bizarre to me that Fox News is covering the M&Ms more than they were covering, like, the Biden documents thing.
They were just like, yeah, documents, documents, we'll figure that out tomorrow.
It's time to get upset about M&Ms!
Let's do this!
Yeah, it's all... But I have no interest in covering the M&Ms, and that's the problem.
They're not sexy enough.
Yes!
It's all the same as the... Anytime the right wing gets mad about M&Ms or bullshit like that, just remember that when Jerry Faldwell, was it Jerry Faldwell, said that the one Teletubby was gay, four days before that, he said the Antichrist is alive and among us and is Jewish.
So...
Just any time you see something, you're like, why the fuck are they mad about this?
They are trying to distract from something else.
That is like, basically everything we cover on this podcast is, the right is trying to distract you from something.
They fucked up somewhere.
It's probably George Santos.
We're going to find out if he actually killed someone to get into the mob or something.
It's going to be the ultimate payoff.
We were here to talk about it last week when it was happening, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was literally just to try to get some heat off of the fucking 15 boats it took to get the speaker in.
Yeah.
But we'll be talking about that more later.
For the meantime, we can talk about the return of the Jack.
Parentheses, asses.
Because here comes Rod Watkins and Stewinon leader himself, Jim Stewart, back on Twitter because of free speech, something something, amendments, etc.
Elon Musk continuing to go more and more mask off.
The thing that's so funny to me about putting Ron Watkins back on Twitter is it's like, who does this move the needle for?
Like, who the fuck cares about him?
Because his whole, the whole, like, power of Ron is that you have to pretend he's not Q. So, like, making him important, it makes it more likely that he was doing the Q drops at the end there, before Pop Pop got in there and started stepping on the rakes.
Even without the Q stuff, like if you're one of the people that somehow doesn't think he had anything to do with Q, it's just like, it's really unfortunate that we have to report on him because at the end of the day, the headline would be, Failed Politician Comma Former Moderator of Racist Pedophile Website Rejoins Twitter.
Which is just like, who cares?
Yeah.
Yeah, Ron is so beneath acknowledging that it's very strange that Elon brought him back, because the other two...
Stewartson is a schmuck who has a community around him, people that buy into his dumb stuff.
He is a left-wing... he, like, basically he's like the biggest anti-QAnon grifter out there because he has this weird Psychotic narrative that Michael Flynn is Q and I have the proof and no you can't see it, but that's the way it is and I will shout down anyone who disagrees with me.
And a lot of the Michael Flynn is Q shit, and by the way Flynn got his account back also.
Yeah, I was waiting for you to bring that up.
Michael Flynn is back on Twitter too.
Right.
And, oh, and trust me, like, literally all Stewartson's, like, tweets are just, Michael Flynn!
It's literally pro wrestling.
Every tweet is him just cutting a WWE promo on Flynn.
Flynn!
I know what you did!
Now I'm coming for you, brother!
We're gonna settle this at WrestleMania!
And Jim Stewartson's gonna stand tall and kneel in the ring!
And it's just, it's like, oh my God, buddy, calm down.
He loves puffing out his chest.
Jason thinks he's so fucking hard, and if I ever met him in person and decided to get big in front of him, he would fold, like, origami.
He would become, like, into a delicate paper craft immediately.
You're not wrong.
Yeah, he is... Stewartson, I understand, again, because of the grift, and he really, in a lot of ways, hurts the debunking community because he's the exact opposite of it.
He is a person who's come up with an alternative conspiracy theory to what QAnon is, is convinced of it, and if you try to disagree with him and present any evidence for that, he will get incredibly mad at you.
Yeah, thank God he's not eloquent or, like, you know, seemingly well-read or well-educated or any of the important things you would want from, like, somebody with the sort of influence that he might could have.
Because, like, at least he's just some dumbfuck bro posturing and just being like, like, if you're not part of them, if you're not part of us, you're part of them.
God, like, only I know the real secret truth.
Me and my pal Moroni know exactly who Q is.
And, like, It's just like, because, you know, he could be doing some even more serious damage if he was just, like, not a huge moron.
Yeah, if he ever had the understanding that like reaching out to people and networking and because if he managed to like be bros with like like Rothschild and Travis few and Mark and Mark Andre Argentino and and and heaven forbid Ben Collins and will summer if he ever got like into the actual Debunking community as like a person of substance and then went off on his Flynn tangent or was just sort of like look guys sooner or later You're gonna figure out that Michael Flynn's behind all of this then we're gonna be able to like right the ship and make things work and
But instead, he's just like, Mike Rothschild is in on it, he's part of the QAnon operation, and I got the emails to prove it.
And Mike Rothschild's like, release the emails then.
Just get on that.
Expose me.
It's what we say to QAnon every time.
You know, where's the face carving video?
Where's the anything?
It's like Alex Jones constantly, like, I've got 87 documents.
It's like, alright, see ya.
He also rolls over and plays the victim immediately, like, when confronted with any amount of pushback.
Like, even somebody just being like, I think you might be wrong.
He's just like, what's his favorite word?
It's like disingenuous or dishonest or something like that.
He's just got the one word that he's always calling people.
It's fucking so funny.
Anyway, he's constantly just like, you're like all trolls and bad faith people and you're just getting your army of people to believe you to attack me because I'm totally, totally legit and I'm the victim here and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's just like, no, you're just like, you were somehow trying to fight conspiracy theory with conspiracy theory.
And like, you're just like, waving a big obvious I'm a liberal flag while you're doing it.
And it seems kind of fake.
Like, it seems like, it seems like Jaisu is one bad day for becoming QAnon's version of the Joker, which is literally just a QAnon supporter.
Yeah.
Like, it seems like if he was ever just, like, if one person of color ever crossed his path the wrong way, he'd just be like, you know what?
I used to think that this was all bullshit, but now I love Q and I hate everybody who hates Q.
What a fucking clown.
Oh, it's there.
I mean, it's really there.
I, God, I just have no use for the guy at all.
Like Flynn and Ron are just right-wing grifters and Elon's going to let fucking 4,000 of those kind of scumbags come onto the site.
But Stu is a special breed of not great.
He's really just not fun.
Yeah, and I hope to God he hears this, because I would love to see what he thinks about me.
I'm sure it would be super flattering.
I'm sure that I would be some sort of like, some sort of deep state opposition, whatever, like QAnon, like I'm just coming to get him because he's got the dirt or whatever.
And the answer is just like, hey man, I like to role play too, buddy.
It's fun.
And when I role play, I also tend to be a lot more important and influential than I am in real life.
Because who doesn't want to be that way?
But at the end of the day, you got nothing.
Congratulations on getting your Twitter back.
I'm glad that you could talk to your weird, devout followers about the nothing you have.
Congratulations.
And it speaks to both Jim and Ron that we spent this whole segment of the Boosh talking about Jim coming back to Twitter and not Ron.
Because as much of a nothing as Jim is, Ron is that much more of a nothing!
Aside from probably being Q back in the day, he's nothing!
Yeah.
Oh, super show.
Before we move out of the boosh, I have a boosh question.
Have either of you heard of the Burrow Network on Roku?
Yeah, that was the Roku.
The Burrow got real hot in our debunking community for a few days because Karma brought it to my attention.
And then like in one of the group DM chats I'm with.
I also had someone bring it to my attention for us.
Yeah, a bunch of people were like, whoa, this Burrow thing is no bueno.
In case you didn't know, Roku has a really big problem with content moderation and what they allow for channels.
And QAnon adjacent channels have happened in the past, but this is a new one where like Fall Cabal and a bunch of other just absolute total nonsense was available to a Roku subscriber through the Burrow network.
But I do know that the serious people that are into pushing back against QAnon disinformation and stuff like that, they've sent messages to Roku about Burrow.
And so I do hope that it's either taken down already or that it will be taken down soon.
Because yeah, it is just literally a channel designed on trying to red pill people and get them into QAnon.
The logo is a white rabbit going down a hole.
I mean, it's just, it's all that.
It's all those things.
The pill network.
Yes, absolutely.
One last boosh before we get to our headlines for the week, and it's this week's, I am already sick of talking about this other week, but let's get into it because it's kind of good news.
Hamlin is alive and doing well, apparently, as well as can be expected of somebody who had cardiac arrest in front of millions of people.
Yeah, so he has just been discharged from the Buffalo Hospital because he was in a Cincinnati hospital for the week, and then he was flown back to Buffalo, put in the hospital in Buffalo, and they have since discharged him and said that he is as good to go as one could be in his current state.
His healing process shall continue at home.
So, like, hooray!
What could have been an incredibly tragic event was avoided, and that is a very good thing.
The main thing about this that I wanted to talk about was the fact that there were so many people that just wanted him to die in order to promote their terrible anti-vaccine narratives.
It was really appalling.
There is and there was a guy, Eric Dedders, who I believe is running for governor of Kentucky.
And this guy on his Twitter posted that literally he had sources inside the hospital that said that Hamlin was dead.
And they were just waiting for some time to pass for the heat to come off of it before they announced he was dead.
And Another guy, Stu Peters.
Why are they always named Stu?
Why are all these peoples like Stewie?
But Stu Peters then released a quote-unquote exclusive that sources told him that Hamlin was brain dead at the Cincinnati Hospital and that was not true.
So Hey, you don't know that.
The Hamlin that we're seeing in all of these posts and stuff could be a hologram or whatever.
I saw some photos of Joe Biden circulating the other day that totally proved that he was an actor wearing a mask.
He was an actor wearing a mask and they managed to get the earlobes wrong.
Only one of them was separated when both of them should have been separated or whatever.
Proof's in the pudding.
Joe Biden is an actor and that means stuff, I guess.
Because the cabal can't just put who they want into the White House.
They have to put who they want in the White House dressed as somebody nobody wanted in the White House.
This'll really get them.
And I actually was engaging with a Hamlin truther who showed me a video on TikTok where someone was trying to allege that the ambulance that took Hamlin to the hospital was not actually an ambulance.
It was just like a truck.
An ice cream truck?
Like it wasn't actually an ambulance?
It wasn't actually an ambulance.
They were like, where's the advertisements on the sides of this ambulance?
There's no advertisement.
That's really suspect.
Then I ran the plate.
Then I ran the plate on the ambulance, and it turned out it was actually registered to this vehicle here.
This ain't adding up.
And I was like, what are you saying?
That he was dead and they knew that, so they brought out a not ambulance out to get him?
Or that it was all staged and his injury was faked?
What is the conspiracy that you're trying to tell me?
What are you trying to sell me on?
That instead of just getting a real ambulance and using it for their conspiracy, they went with the much harder and more complicated thing of making a fake one?
Also, they did all of this in service to, I guess, cover up the fact that the vaccine, like, dropped him on the field, which means that everybody who was watching that, that had any sort of juice, saw this professional athlete do an incredibly physical task, then have a cardiac arrest problem on the field, and they were just like, the cause of that is obviously the vaccine, it has nothing to do with professional football, and we need to cover this up immediately.
That is like some keen insight.
That is like a Nat 20 on an insight check level of insight.
With a generous GM who will still let you critically succeed on such things.
Like, that is buck wild.
Because I feel like everyone on Earth watching that assumed that it was probably related to football.
It was just like, oh shit, he got hit in the chest.
Or, oh shit, his heart was strained because he was hitting people with football.
Or like, oh shit, football is a very strenuous activity and that guy works out a lot and his heart might have exploded.
Or whatever.
Like, it takes a special kind of person to see that and just be like, the vaccine!
Even if we go down a more nefarious route and we're like, oh, he was maybe taking some sort of performance enhancing drugs and those are very hard on the body.
Like, to immediately go to a vaccine is a wild, wild place to be.
It's literally just their one answer to everything.
They have no other worldview.
I saw this dirtbag who was running for the Libertarian nomination for President, and he posted a video of someone collapsing during a basketball game this weekend.
Let's see them try to blame a violent contact injury on this one, and then you go to ESPN, and the guy fell down, and then he got up, walked to the bench, and watched the rest of the game from the bench, which you don't do if you had a heart attack caused by the vaccine.
And the thing is, the guy knew that.
He knew that he was posting bullshit, but he's just lying on Twitter, because he has an audience of people that want to hear it.
And you can do that now, even more so than before.
But from the podcast to Mr. Hamlet, we're happy you're doing well, and the only reason I said I was sick about talking about it up top is because it seems like it was getting a lot more media coverage than when that crazy person broke into Nancy Pelosi's house and tried to kill her husband with a hammer.
And that's just the state of our country.
An athlete has an injury on the field, or like has something happen on the field and it like stops the universe for like three weeks.
Like a right wing nut job tries to kill the fucking speakers.
husband with a hammer and it gets covered for a week and then everyone stops talking about it except for making
hilarious jokes Yeah, you know and also he only attacked the speaker's
husband because he wasn't able to kidnap her So yeah, it was like literal break all of her limbs while
interrogating her in front of a tribunal or something don't worry that only has belly has a week's worth of
coverage in it because Yeah, because that does not involve the NFL
Talk to us when the NFL is involved.
Talk to us when some footballs have been deflated.
Maybe then we'll discuss it for several months.
Yes, oh my god.
Mildly underinflated footballs, that's way more important than the person third in line to the presidency nearly being kidnapped slash assassinated.
And then when that fails, her husband is nearly killed with a hammer.
But the right wing gets to make weird gay sex jokes about how it was just a jilted lover or something.
Teehee!
So it's all water under the bridge.
Democrats just have to accept that they'll be the victims of political violence for the next couple decades.
And the right is allowed to just basically instigate that by constantly talking about how Democrats are pedophiles and traitors and we all know what the penalty for treason is.
Am I right?
Second Amendment!
Am I dog whistling enough for you?
Are you hearing the message clearly enough yet?
You need to put parentheses around it.
And I need multiple parentheses to know what you're talking about.
Yes.
Anyway, hats off to Mr. Hanlon for pulling through.
Hopefully you can get back to some semblance of your career, even if whatever happened prevents you from being on the field again.
I hope that you can comment or coach or something, just because it would suck for a random heart condition to take away everything you've aspired to very publicly in front of millions of people.
That seems like a real rough beat.
So we wish him all the best.
And with that, since our booshes ran a little long, let's get to the fucking mailbag.
The mailbag?
Oh, sorry, not the mailbag.
Our headlines!
From the digital headlines to the digital frontlines, it's Q's in the News.
Yeah, I've got shit to do.
I just wanted to fucking get out of here.
No, no, no.
We have to talk about some important global events.
And we're going to start with what I have listed here is January 6-2, colon, the Proud Boys from Brazil.
So for those of you who... They came January 8th.
Yeah, who may not have heard, they decided to take some of the Donald Trump January 6 insurrection playbook down to Brazil.
For the supporters of Bolsonaro.
I don't know how to pronounce it.
Bolsonaro.
You got it right.
I've never heard it said out loud.
Okay, so for more on that, we will of course turn to our actual expert of global events, Mr. Mike Rains.
Mike, what's going on with Brazil?
Yeah, so what you said is pretty much what happened.
The Congress of Brazil was stormed by Bolsonaro supporters on January 8th, and they pretty much did what happened on January 6th, where they were unable to actually get at the people they hated, so they just trashed the place.
Did the vandalism and the terrorism and all that fun stuff.
Unfortunately for them, Lula is the president of Brazil right now, whereas on January 6th, they still had two weeks of cover because their boy was in office.
And a lot of these people got cuffed and stuffed right quick.
I've seen two different... You know before, applauding the government, the army, when they showed up?
There are those great clips of everybody making a path for the people that are about to arrest them while applauding.
They're just like, yeah, the military's here!
They're going to help us take over the Capitol!
And then the president's just like, I'm going to use my authority as the president to tell you to arrest all these clowns.
And then the military was just like, yep, you're the boss.
It's like fucking stuffing up a church.
Chokes out.
Now, I've seen two different numbers that I saw 400 people got arrested, and then I saw 1,200.
Yeah, I saw the higher number.
I saw over a thousand people had gotten arrested for what happened.
And I've also seen people on Twitter being like, why didn't we do this on January 6th?
What's going on?
Why are we so weak and Brazil so strong?
Trump was still in charge.
Yeah, again, the president orchestrated the attack.
It was One president was mad about the attack.
The other president was happy about the attack.
Biden was not able to jump into his time machine and seize the presidency two weeks early on January 6th.
And yes, Trump being free sucks and all that good stuff.
From what I've been reading from a lot of people, they're just sort of like, hey, if you guys are starting to get itchy and you want the Brazilian legal system to be your legal system, boy howdy, that is not a great look.
Because due process and a lot of rights you Americans take for granted, not so much down here in Brazil.
This is kind of a lock them up and throw away the key kind of community in a lot of respects.
Yeah, I mean, let's just, like, let's not forget that just because they have managed to vote out Bolsonaro and fend off a January 6th of their own doesn't mean that Brazil is, like, sort of beyond reproach.
They... there's plenty of reproach to go around for Brazil.
So much reproach.
Just like, it was just like, that would be just, that would be like, oh, the Americans somehow managed to get liberals into all three branches of their government.
Like, hooray, the Democrats did it!
Let's stop judging America!
No, that's... Networks, America's fucked up, deeply fucked up in a lot of ways, and we deserve a lot of condemnation across the board, even when we're doing, like, ostensibly the right thing.
Same thing with most countries, including but not limited to Brazil.
So let's not get too crazy.
We're trying to overhaul ourselves to make us a little more like Brazil.
And we will be seeing about if Bolsonaro is extradited from America to Brazil over this, because that's going to be kind of the $64 question, is how much can they connect him to the actions of these people, much as the January 6th Committee spent a lot of time painstakingly trying to connect Trump to the attack.
It seems unlikely that he's going anywhere as long as he keeps having these spontaneous medical issues.
It sure seems like as soon as a little insurrection happened in his former domain, he was just like, oh now that I think about it, I have a condition!
Oh no, I need to be in a hospital immediately!
Yeah, he checked himself into a Florida hospital because The man is not well.
In 2018, while he was running for president, he was stabbed.
And apparently, he has never gotten over that stabbing.
That it has caused intestinal problems that have persisted in perpetuity.
And he is just back in the hospital all the time.
He had that weird skin condition on his leg that was terrifying to look at.
He is a proud anti-vaxxer who also has had his bouts of COVID.
More than one.
Yes, yes.
So this is a guy who has a litany of health issues that are just always around him.
Someone pointed out, they were like, I hope the Florida hospitals are ready for him.
And then boom, there he was in the hospital, like basically like about two weeks after he arrives in America, he already made a quick stop at a hospital.
So who knows?
Who knows if that guy just and his overall health and if he is connected to these crimes or other crimes that he had while he was president, because much like Brazil's legal system is spotty in some other areas.
Politics in Brazil often involves criming.
Lula, the current president, was convicted of crimes previously and barred from holding office and then that conviction was overturned and rescinded and then he was reinstated to be allowed to run for office and now he's president.
So there are twists and turns in Brazil that make American politics look very weak by comparison.
Well, there we go.
I mean, you know, like it turns out that America, not the only fucked up country, having some troubles with right wing insurrection at this point.
And honestly, we're not going to be the last.
This seems like a trend that is unfortunately on the rise.
And, you know, waves like that only go away once they crash.
So we'll see exactly how long it takes for that one to slam upon some mighty shore and eventually for these dumb fucks to stop.
Deciding to do insurrections.
Hopefully it doesn't require a shitload of bloodshed.
But, you know, typically when people like this tend to overreach at some point, it gets to that point.
You can only push the line of actual call to action treason so far before you start running up against the people with guns.
So my sincere suggestion to the people who are inclined to riot over when they don't get their way in politics is to maybe do it in a way that lessens the chance that you get shot by an MP.
That would be great.
And we'll go ahead and move on to our next news item for the sweet week, and that is going to be talking about the House!
Or as I have listed in our headlines, House House!
Yeah, so our boy Kevin McCarthy only took him 15 votes to win the Speakership after he literally begged Lauren Boebert and Matt Gaetz and all the rest of them to please let Baby have his binky in the form of the Speaker's gavel.
And they didn't have a plan B, so basically their plan was to just throw a fit for as long as possible until McCarthy promised them the moon and the stars.
And the rest of the Republican Party just rolled over because they are just...
Amoebas, they're spineless jellyfish that let the extremists rule over them.
It makes me laugh so much when people are like, oh, politics are so polarizing.
Marjorie Taylor Greene and AOC, it's all the same thing.
They're all crazy.
And it's like, Democrats don't care what AOC says.
She doesn't have any actual power inside the House.
She does Twitch streams, and it's popular.
But that's it, actual legislative clout, not so much.
Whereas Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz are like kingmakers.
They actually were like, hey, you want the gavel, buddy?
Jump through this hoop.
Oh, you didn't jump through enough hoops.
Here's another one.
Here's another one.
So it's just like.
Except there's that incredible clip of somebody coming over to Matt Gaetz and apparently making him a fucking offer
he cannot review.
Yeah.
That clip, I mean, I don't know if larger context makes it look less damning.
I have only seen the individual moment clipped.
But that is some, like, actual... That's the first thing I've ever seen.
Like, that's the first thing I've seen in a long time.
I shouldn't say ever.
First thing I've seen in a long time that leads me to believe that maybe there is some sort of cabal.
Because some guy comes over and just whispers some stuff into Matt Gaetz's ear and then immediately he's just like, I have changed my opinion.
I will now vote President.
After turning fucking white as a ghost.
He's just... Like, I have no idea.
I mean, I would love to imagine that guy just came up to him and just said, eggplant emoji.
And she's just like, okay!
Uh, yep!
I was literally about to say something to the effect of that.
I was gonna say something like, we have the rest of your Venmo receipts.
And he's just like, oh no!
Oh no!
I have to let McCarthy be speaker now.
So...
I think that, for my money, the best part to come out of all of this drama has been the ongoing fucking tensions between Boger and MTG.
The fact that there's this crazy schism developing inside their little fucking hyper-lunatic right-wing clique is just so juicy.
I love it so much.
And maybe it will lead to some foxy boxing.
Oh, we can only hope.
You know what?
I would take regular boxing.
Like, I just want to say, like, hey, you guys have a difference of opinion?
Fuck it, box it out.
But you know that.
They're conservatives.
They'd rather shoot it out.
Yeah.
And the right-wing grifters were getting really mad at Marjorie Taylor Greene because she went, she went, she sided with McCarthy much quicker than the rest of them did.
Ali Alexander claimed he had evidence of Marjorie Taylor Greene committing a crime, and he was going to expose it in order to get her removed from Congress.
And it's like, well, uh, hey.
Okay, bud.
Do it then!
Again, why do you people always hold your evidence away from us?
If you've got the evidence of her committing a crime, show it!
Don't fake blackmail her!
I mean, in this instance, doesn't it make sense?
The person who allegedly has this evidence, I'm assuming, is also some sort of conservative wacko?
Oh, he was a big part of the Stop the Steal January 6th, and he had to testify before on the 1-6 committee.
Well, yeah, then of course he wouldn't want to release it.
He would be holding onto all of the evidence for all of his conservative buddies.
Like, that's the thing.
It totally makes sense for them to be withholding evidence of crimes that I'm sure they actually do have for their fellow conservative pals.
Like, it seems pretty likely that that one guy has some sort of line on something that Matt Gaetz doesn't want to get out there.
I mean, just based on that little interaction I saw.
Like, it seems like he's got some leverage over him.
But, like, it never makes sense where they're just like, our enemy is the Democrats, the stupid grooming liberals, we have gender rights with this evidence.
And it's just like, okay, well, let's show the evidence.
And they're like, no!
No!
I don't wanna.
Oh, and for the record, L.A.
Alexander is now on the Yee 2024 campaign staff.
Is Yee still, like, literally disappeared?
Last I heard, he had actually disappeared, and no one knew where he was.
I haven't heard anything from him, but I have not heard the disappeared story, but that tracks is what I'll say about it.
Oh no!
Kanye West aka Ye or Yee, however it's pronounced.
Oh jeez, he might be gone forever.
Oh no.
That would be a real bummer because his music was so good like a decade ago and his anti-semitism was real good up until like five minutes ago.
Fuck that clown.
I would love for Ye to disappear.
In fact, can we go back in time to a timeline where he disappeared after making Graduation or whatever?
That would be great.
He made College Dropout!
Yeah, he sure did, bud.
Yeah, I mean, look, he said that, like, all of his albums have, like, one or two, like, decent to good songs on them, but, uh, unfortunately, uh, being a good artist does not excuse any amount of antisemitism.
You know, it just turns out that I don't care how good your fucking artwork is.
If you're a piece of shit, I don't want to support you.
See, also, rolling, comma, JK.
Like, yeah, guess what?
The Wizarding World, whatever.
I don't give a fuck about it because you're a terfy loser and everyone who's just like, it was too important in my childhood to do the right thing and stop supporting it now.
I'm just like, hey, that's your cross to bear.
I still think that you're kind of a bad person.
Yeah, I am judging you.
I stopped listening to CeeLo Green a decade ago when I found out he was a rapist.
It was really easy.
It was.
Not that hard.
Man, you know the last time I ate a Chick-fil-A sandwich?
2008.
So, guess what?
It's pretty easy to not buy a thing.
In fact, it's astonishingly easy to not buy a thing.
Yeah.
It's real easy to avoid evilness.
It actually can be done.
If you just put your mind's eye's heart to it, it can be achieved.
Don't worry though, I'm sure a bunch of otherwise incredibly woke liberal people will be lining up for Fantastic Peace and How to Ruin a Franchise Part 4 Colon Somehow Even Worse Than the Last Ones Parentheses We're Shocked Too.
They'll just be like, oh my god, I love it when Newt Scamander did that funny dance.
It was so great.
It was just like, hey, does J.K.
Rowling think that trans people exist yet?
And they're just like, no, but wizards, meh!
So, back to people who have horrible opinions and wield political power, our new House ratified a quote-unquote rules package, which apparently guts the Ethics Committee so they won't be investigating George Santos and all the fucking criminal shit he's up to.
It also empowers a subcommittee called the Weaponization of Justice, or the government, or law enforcement.
But I remember the word weaponization is in there, and this is gonna be chaired by Jim Jordan, the guy who covered up all the rapes in his neck of the woods.
Nice, nice.
Yeah, all the... It was that... God, it was Ohio State, and it was that doctor whose name I'm blanking on, and don't care because he's a monster and doesn't deserve to have his name used.
But yeah, so Jim Jordan is going to now try to actively meddle in DOJ investigations.
And I'm sure that they're all throwing a fit over the fact that now they get to try to make up the new Benghazi about Joe Biden's documents that were found in an office in a locked safe, and were turned over to the National Archives as soon as they discovered them.
Which is completely an apples-to-apples comparison to the Trump illegal documents that he stole, that the government was like, please give back.
And then he said, no, I will not give back these documents.
Fuck you.
And then one thing led to another, and eventually they had to fucking get a warrant to get the documents back from him.
So yes.
Yes, QAnon, the Biden documents and the Trump documents are exactly the same.
completely similar. Both men handled them in the exact same way. And you're totally
Yeah!
right that now Biden has to go to jail along with Trump if Trump goes to jail. Which, spoiler
alert, I will take that trade.
Yeah, if Biden committed crimes, absolutely.
Yes. I actually saw one QAnon promoter being like, the president can declassify anything.
The vice president can't.
So this makes Biden's crimes worse than Trump's.
It's like, well, again, we have no legal precedent for the mind declassification that Trump is alleging happened here.
And also, the Vice President can declassify shit that isn't the fucking laws.
And lastly, what if Obama came out and said, I mind declassified the stuff Biden had that absolutely happened?
How would you be able to refute that?
Yeah, he was like, when I was president, I looked over every document that Joe wanted to look at with my declass arrays, and I declassified all of them.
Yes!
In fact, I'm still using my declassify as we speak to declassify every document.
As a former president, I could totally do that.
Everything's declassified.
Go nuts, Joe.
Yes.
Go nuts, Joe.
Joe, you want to tell them the truth about Area 51?
You can.
You can do it.
It's okay.
I declassified it. We're good.
Everybody strap in.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Experimental airplane technology!
Whoa!
Oh my god!
So crazy!
crazy. Damn it. Who knew?
Who knew?
Who knew the government was developing top-secret new military projects?
Everyone.
Everybody knew.
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone for forever.
Who would have thought that this isolated Air Force base with an airstrip in the middle of the desert might be using their facilities to design and develop new drone and airplane technology?
I don't know, it could be anything.
It's probably aliens.
I don't know though.
I see a bunch of weird stuff flying above that base I've never seen before.
It's probably aliens.
Okay.
Yes, I agree.
Absolutely aliens.
Has to be aliens.
Yeah.
I love that people in 2023 still think that Area 51 has alien spacecraft.
It's just like, dude, if Area 51 has alien spacecraft up in that motherfucker, like literal galaxy-spanning aircraft, and they've had 70 years to reverse-engineer it, and the best we've gotten out of it is a cell phone, then let's get our STEM programs kicked into some gear.
Because if some anti-gravity, wormhole-producing, fuckin' universe-hopping spacecraft has just been, like, sitting in Area 51 for 70 years, and we don't have any of those technologies yet, ehhhh, I don't know.
Seems like some scientists are doing a piss-poor job, I'm just gonna say it.
Yeah, what are we doing?
So, if you happen to be one of our listeners, and you used to be working on top-level government projects dealing with the aliens in Area 51, I'm calling you out.
Where the fuck is our anti-grav?
Why could we not leave Earth?
We could just be like, hey, Trump, you guys can have Earth.
Go nuts.
You've already fucked up the climate, like, to such a degree that we can't reverse it.
So, like, Earth is yours.
We're gonna go to a different planet.
At the very least, give us the fucking clean, usable fusion technology that scientists managed to get net energy emission out of fusion for a very, very brief period of time, but now we're actually getting out of theoretical workable fusion plants to actually making one.
Why haven't we had that?
Because, I don't know, not being dependent on oil ever again.
Because we can just literally build energy at will.
That'd be pretty nice.
Let's get on that.
I mean, anything.
But then how are they going to sell you oil, Mike?
Uh, this is true.
That's how we have the medbeds.
We already have that.
Oh yeah, we already have it.
The government's suppressing it, and then Trump didn't unsuppress it for some reason.
If we had unlimited clean energy, Mike, that would be very bad for the Middle East, and America loves the Middle East.
America has and always will love the Middle East, and we would never do anything to hurt them.
Never.
Never, not once.
It seems like American government would really hate to just be able to flip a switch and turn off the economy of the Middle East.
Guess what?
Remember when you guys were all worth like hundreds of billions of dollars?
Now you're worth nothing.
Like boo!
Overnight.
All of your money powered down.
Like everybody who was rich there is now Elon Musk.
Like all of your money just trading from your body all at once.
America would be very disinterested in that.
Super angry.
Never would we dream of actually not being beholden to the Saudi government or anything like that.
Or Russia!
Oh, Russia!
Your big oil and natural gases are really keeping your economy afloat, making it so that we have to fucking be afraid of you.
Oh, just kidding.
We've hit the switch and now your economy is all done.
Pretty much that whole section of the world.
We've hit a button, the free energy is here, and you've all gone away.
The next time you come to America, it better be with your fucking hands out.
That sounds like something the government would want to do!
It's so weird how the Deep State doesn't do things to benefit the Deep State.
It's so odd.
It's almost like they don't exist.
Almost.
It's like they have all the technology where at any moment they could just hit the button
and make America truly the capital of Earth with our unlimited amount of free endless
energy and our anti-grav technology and our med beds that make sure that we're all effectively
immortal and you know all this shit but we're not doing it because it's like you gotta have
the slow ramp up to it otherwise it's meaningless.
You gotta have the slow build.
It's like the ramp in Rick and Morty.
It's like, yeah, you gotta have that slow ramp.
Fucking love that ramp.
We'll get to it later.
I actually caught some recent Rick and Morty.
Oh no.
Yeah, I don't know.
They were alright, but it just confirms what I've heard, that the new seasons are really inconsistent.
Rick and Morty hasn't been consistent since season 2 or whatever, because they can't tell whether or not they want to be an episode-to-episode goof sci-fi show, or a deeply woven web of mythos and world-building and lore show.
They're trying to have both of those cakes, and you can only really have the one cake, I'm afraid.
That's why I just can't watch the show, because it just feels like so often they're like, oh, look at this world we're building.
It's going to be so interesting and immersive.
And then every episode, it's just, here's the procedural plot of the week.
Here's the A plot and the B plot.
And now it's resolved.
And I'm like, but you're building so much of Rick's backstory and all this history.
And they're like, you will never get any of it.
I'm like, OK, great.
Mike, that's not true.
You're being disingenuous.
The last two episodes of every season are always some dumb fuck web of Rick history bullshit.
It's like you'll get like eight episodes of regular Rick and Morty goofs and japes and then the last two episodes will just be like, now delving into the secret history of Rick Sanchez that you always wanted.
What?
None of you wanted that, but we thought you did.
Oh well, you're getting it anyway.
I'm back and I've completely derailed the podcast.
Pop culture bullshit.
It's good.
It's good to be back.
Live the dream, sir.
Live the dream.
Yeah, although we did hear reports that last week's double special guest episode was quite good from one of our friends down in DC who listens to the show.
So a special thanks to whatever guest host we had last week.
I don't listen to the show, so I don't know.
Yeah, we both got the report that our guest hosts from last week were really great.
So, you know, like I said, special extra thanks to them.
It is weird to listen to my own podcast, as we talked about previously.
So it feels so strange to me.
Yeah, it was Amanda, a.k.a.
Frank the Turtle, and Arizona Right Wing Watch, who is pretty much a co-host at this point on the show, so thank you, Hayley.
Yes, there we go.
One of our recurrent guest hosts, along with Karma and previously Dapper Gander.
Yes.
So, you know, thanks to everybody who helps keep the wheels turning while Sarge and I are gone.
They're like the extra Silverhawks that show up every couple episodes.
They're the end of the rest of Gilligan's Island's first season theme song.
And if they keep testing well, maybe they will get their names in the theme song later.
I love first season Killigan's Island so good.
And the rest!
It's so savage.
It's such a sick burn.
It was at the event we went to, I don't know if you saw, but somebody had gotten their class of, I think, third graders to make either nice cards for people at the event, or roasts for people at the event.
Somebody got one of the roast cards, and on the front it just said, like, hi or whatever, and when they opened it up, it literally just said, skill issue.
And I was like, wow, what a sick bird.
Here, take this card.
You open it up, it's just a skill issue.
It's like, wow, sick.
Way to go, third grader.
Anyway, and with that, it is time for us to leave Hellworld!
No, just kidding, that was... I thought you were gonna say headlines.
That was out of practice.
And that was the callback, because callbacks are a very easy way to do humor.
Anyway, no, it is time for our succulent mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. So first up is Cleodora Silvestri, the Hellworld Grand Inquisitor, who says, what is a movie you love that you feel got unfairly overlooked or maligned by critics and the box office?
Pilgrim versus the world.
That was a snap call.
Yeah, the fact that that movie bombed in theaters is like an actual travesty against cinema.
Especially for the fucking casting director.
You go back and you look at that movie and it's just like, everyone on screen is fucking famous now.
Like, it's impossible to imagine how that movie didn't do well in theaters.
And I'm very glad that it got, like, it became a quote-unquote cult hit, and now, like, you know, 13 years later, however long it's been, I think it's only been nine, or ten, but whatever, like, however many years later, it's finally getting its due as, like, an incredibly good action comedy with a ridiculous cast.
Also, a special shout-out to Walk Hard, which I think is the most underrated comedy movie of all time.
That didn't get its due in theaters.
I seem to recall original RoboCop did very poorly in theaters and, like, became a cult hit later.
Same with the... I think that you're very wrong about that.
Only because I just watched the episode of the movies that made us, and I'm pretty sure RoboCop was, like, kind of a smash when it came out.
I know The Thing did incredibly badly in theaters.
And the same with The Goonies.
And The Goonies was just a huge part of my childhood, and The Thing is, like, one of the, like, greatest suspense movies ever made.
So, like, the easy answer is The Thing.
Like, I know for a fact that it's terrible in theaters, and just would only years and years later, like, get its due.
Yeah, The Thing is actually a great answer.
I'm going to go with Margin Call, because I got into the big short, which kind of got all the buzz for talking about the financial crisis.
But Margin Call is just a really well-made movie that I don't think anyone watched, and it's just great.
And when Jeremy Irons shows up to just bring the hammer down, he just is awesome.
It's just like, hey, Jeremy Irons, just be incredible.
And he's like, will do, boss.
So yeah, that's my movie that I definitely have enjoyed more than I should have.
And I think like 10 people have watched ever, so.
That brings us to Dumpster Watcher, who asks, how long is it going to take for the Cuneiverse to become disappointed in the GOP house, and who will they turn on first?
Side question.
Some of us are leaving Twitter.
How else can we join the mailbag?
You can message me on Patreon.
You can just, on the Patreon, just send me a message.
Chairman Walkman, literally, yes it is, but it's also true, because Chairman Walkman sent me a ton of questions.
Tonight's mailbag, or whatever you're listening to, this mailbag is the last question I have from Chairman Walkman that I put to send here.
So yeah, if you've got questions, go there.
That's a great way to get in touch with me.
If you're fleeing Elon's burning hellhole, which you should do.
I'm an addict.
I can't be saved.
As Gandalf said, fly you fools.
So yes.
I mean, hey, I will leave Twitter as soon as a better Twitter alternative emerges.
All the fake Twitters so far have been fucking awful in some way.
It's just like, God, why doesn't somebody just literally rip off Twitter?
Just do exactly Twitter, but just call it something else.
Welcome to Twooter!
Enjoy Twooting!
Like, oh, you made a twoot, but it's just like, no, like, instead join Mastodon, figure out what your local server is, like, input the arcane runes, like, twist all the knobs, make sure that you're shoveled enough coal into your steam, like, boiler to, like, you know, it's just like, Mastodon's too many fucking steps.
I just want to be able to click a button and do a thing.
Absolutely, yeah.
I'm very lazy.
And also, just because I am a lunatic and I had to double-check, Robocop did $53 million on a budget of $13 million.
So it wasn't an incredible smash, but it still was quite successful.
It was still successful, yeah.
Yeah, I want a lazy, easy Twitter alternative as well.
Everything I've looked at before is not great.
I love all the people who are just like, Twitter's a big dumpster fire.
We're going to go over to Instagram.
And it's just like, y'all know that Instagram's owned by Facebook, right?
I'm just checking.
Okay, cool.
It's still Facebook.
Now that we're done confirming that Instagram is still owned by Facebook, I will continue to not use Instagram.
Thank you so much.
Nothing will kill my voter for somebody faster, like, regardless of whether or not that voter's for a project that they're doing, or a product that they're offering, or, like, you know, they're just like, hey, if you want more photos of me because I'm attractive, go to my Instagram.
All that shit?
No.
It's just like, it's essentially the same as asking me to join your OnlyFans.
It's never gonna happen.
I don't care about it.
So no.
Thank you, but no.
So back to your actual question, which is, I think it's mostly just going to come down to who decides to fail or not vote correctly.
I think the lunatics are going to vote right.
So I think Jim Jordan's going to be the guy that's going to eat the most shit, because there's only so much they can do.
When you only own one house of one section of Congress, eventually you have to cave on some things.
Like when the debt ceiling comes up, Someone's going to vote wrong.
Either McCarthy's going to cave and let the bill go through, let the debt ceiling get raised without getting all they want and all this other stuff.
And someone in his caucus is going to have to go with him, and that person's going to be demonized.
Will it be Marjorie Taylor Greene, because she already sided with McCarthy?
Very possible.
But at the end of the day, they're never going to get what they want.
And it's just Whatever asshole bows to reality is the one that's going to get absolutely destroyed.
Do we have any idea what McCarthy offered MTG to make her, like, switch sides immediately?
She was pretty quick on that fucking draw.
I'm assuming she got offered something.
She probably is back on committees, because that was the big thing, is that she got... Oh, yeah.
She has extra no power.
Yeah, so now she's going to be on committees and she's going to do stuff like that.
And it really feels like Marjorie wants to be a big shot, which is very interesting because of the fact that she has very obvious and open ties to QAnon.
Other really like all the seedy stuff in her life.
I wonder if like how much of the stuff about her divorce is going to go public because that kind of stuff is always catnip for political journalists and people who love gossip and personal scandals.
So Um, George Santos could also be one of the guys they hate if he resigns and hurts the Republicans by costing them a seat.
So I think it's more along the lines of like taking odds on who it's going to be instead of like who it actually will be.
But, uh, I think...
I think McCarthy's going to be number one, because they're all like, we're watching McCarthy with a tight leash, and we'll see what he does.
And if he's able to keep MAGAing, and he won't, he's going to cave.
He's a jellyfish.
The man stands for nothing.
He just wanted to hold the gavel for a week or two.
And once he gets the phone call from the billionaires who are like, yo, motherfucker, you're not allowed to crash the American economy.
That hurts my stock options.
You're going to vote right, or you're going to be out of a job.
He's going to bow.
He's going to cave.
As for the debt ceiling overall, it's the dumbest vote in the history of the world.
I fucking can't understand it.
Hashtag mint the coin.
Just bypass it.
Go around it.
We don't need to deal with this crap every X number of years where we allow Republicans to just put a gun to the head of the American economy and be like, do what we say or America gets it.
How do we keep voting for these fucking people when this is their only platform?
Is terrorism, just political terrorism.
Just, oh God.
Yeah, well, Q, this is America.
Yep, yep, pretty much.
Oh God, it's so super frustrating.
Good stuff.
Yes.
I love to see it.
Yeah, yeah.
Old McWalkin says, if Kevin McCarthy and the early 90s Buffalo Bills were playing against each other, who would win and how many overtimes would it have taken?
God, the ultimate battle of loot.
Well, McCarthy won in the end, which means he would have prevailed over the 90s Buffalo Bills, because they never made it.
They were kind of like the reverse McCarthy, where they got really close in the first Super Bowl, then the other three, not so much, whereas McCarthy just kept slowly creeping and creeping and creeping until finally he achieved glory.
So, sorry Buffalo Bills.
Unless you win the Super Bowl this year, or any year in the near future, you are still Bazinga!
the losers. You are still the Buffalo Bills. And Bills stands
for boy, I love losing Super Bowls. So yes, that is what your
name is actually means.
Jeff Sarris Bozinga.
Yeah.
That was like a sign and other kinds of t-shirt and other things that people use to ridicule the Buffalo Bills
before they fell into obscurity for decades before now rising up
to once again, maybe contend for a Super Bowl.
We shall see.
I got Cincinnati coming out of the AFC, so fuck you, Buffalo.
It's hard to want to be on Team Buffalo for anything, really.
So I guess I will join you and say that, yeah, I also think that McCarthy is greater than old Bills, because the Bills just... Hey, Siri, what's a synonym for suck?
I'm from Kansas City.
I especially hate the Bills right now.
Siri, I assume you're trying to answer my question.
Thanks, babe.
She's the best!
And I'm sorry if I accidentally triggered any of your devices at home.
Hopefully you're listening to this with headphones.
But otherwise, maybe you learned something about synonyms for suck.
Holy shit!
Siri just came back and said bills!
Wow, so wild!
Take that, Bills.
Boom.
Roasted.
See also the 2022-2023 Patriots.
Yes.
We're no great shakes.
Hashtag fire Matt Patricia.
Yesterday.
Fuck that guy.
I mean, at this point, I think we need to start firing a hell of people.
Bill Belichick made himself look like a real clown by being bad at football for the past few seasons.
It seems like that debate has been fully put to bed.
Who is the power in the couple of Brady and Belichick?
It was Brady.
It was greatest quarterback of all time, Tom Brady.
And that's that.
I love when people are just like, how do you like Tom Brady?
He's such a whitey bitch.
It's just like, he's the best at throwing the football.
That's what the job is.
Like, I don't give a fuck.
Like, unless he's doing, like, toxic shit off the field.
I don't give a fuck what he does.
It's just like, yeah, sure.
He doesn't drink caffeine or eat strawberries.
And he, like, throws Surface tablets on the ground when he's angry that he's losing.
How many Super Bowls does he have?
Seven?
Seems like he's probably pretty good at throwing that ball.
I don't know.
Maybe you shouldn't eat strawberries, Bill.
Yeah.
Somebody take away Matt Patricia Strawberry's stat.
Yes.
So Eric Hayden asks, here is one.
Why should any of us stay on Twitter any longer?
Meeks, I'm addicted.
And also it's a source of information that's not terrible at the moment.
I mean, Elon's trying to ruin it, but it's not totally unusable at the moment.
So I'm here.
And the other thing is, is that someone pointed this out.
I think it was a Frederick Brennan.
When he was talking about, he was comparing this to 8chan and stuff like that, where he's like, getting more users does not mean that you're monetizing those users and making lots of money off of them.
All more users can end up doing if they're not using your service to give you money is making you pay for more bandwidth and making the service more expensive.
So bringing all these like QAnon shitheads and all these things back is like, maybe they'll buy your $8 check marks, maybe, but they're not going to add value to your brand.
No advertiser is going to be like, Oh, you got Jim Stewartson back on Twitter.
Now Ford is going to advertise.
I mean, like they, there's no incentive to doing this.
Like Elon, look at all the engagement we're getting.
It's like, yeah, you're getting engagement from Nazis and conspiracy theorists.
And anti-vaxxers, I don't want to sell my medicine on your website where some lunatic is going to call my customer base a beta cuck for taking it.
Or tank our stock prices by $2 billion by saying that our insulin is going to be free.
Right, exactly!
It's like, no!
Yeah, probably not advertising on the site where that happened.
I mean, to answer the question, the short answer is there's no real reason to stay on Twitter.
The problem is that, as I mentioned earlier, all the alternatives fucking suck.
And it's difficult to expect a cool alternative to emerge because with the amount of people on Twitter, like, it's like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, all these fucking social network sites, they get big to the point where Only corporate interests can keep them alive.
Which means that over time, they are all inevitably going to become less cool.
Because in order to keep such a massive thing afloat, you need a lot of revenue.
You need tons and tons of people, like, giving you ad dollars and shit just to keep the lights on.
So I'm not surprised that there's not a Twitter ripoff that can support 80 million people or whatever, migrating over to their service all at once.
And even if one emerges, if it gets popular enough to actually be the new Twitter, at some point, it is probably going to become less cool because they're going to have to make concessions to keep the lights on.
It's just the price of doing business.
Absolutely.
So unless the cabal decides to flip the switch to make energy free, and therefore server bandwidth is not an issue, or whatever, less of an issue, cheap is free, because it's literally just like, oh yeah, the server farms are built.
The problem with it being expensive was because it just sucks massive juice.
It's like, well, juice is free now.
It's like, okay, well.
Oh, now Bitcoin is infinite, and now it's also worthless.
Way to go!
Oh yeah, that would be a great other thing that the infinite power would ruin, is Bitcoin.
Although it seems like time is just doing that already.
I feel like NFT was the straw that broke the camel's back, and now that everyone's had their laugh at everyone who lost their shirts at the NFT rush, everyone's starting to just be like, hey, maybe all of this crypto is fucking bullshit.
Maybe you're like Logan Paul and you get called out and then you threaten to sue the guy who investigated you and then you have to back way off because everyone's calling you out on your crypto scam.
What a tough break for Logan Paul.
Yeah, that millionaire.
That pig abandoning piece of shit.
Pancake Peasant asks, soft voice to Congress.
If each of you were a representative or senator, what would be your top issue that you'd work on and why?
And roll legalization of marijuana!
Yeah.
There's no reason to not do it.
And all it is is a net positive.
In fact, my friends who live in the Massachusetts got an actual, here is your tax.
We overtaxed you because we are making too much marijuana money.
Here is free money.
And like everybody I know that lives in Massachusetts that had a tax burden just got a check in the mail, essentially courtesy of pot.
And that's in addition to all the money that they had already put, like, into schools and stuff.
And also the decrease in crime, because people have to do it illegally.
So, like, how about we just fucking federally legalize marijuana at UCLan?
Uh, getting rid of the Electoral College, and also, I don't know.
It would be bananas, but like some sort of federal law.
I don't think the federal government could affect state level gerrymandering, but try something to help with fucking gerrymandering.
It is very funny that Sarge said that, because my number one issue is the abolition of the Permanent Apportment Act of 1929, which is basically what capped the House of Representatives at 435 representatives.
So California, the number of people to a rep is way higher than Wyoming, which is like a half million people.
So what you do is you uncap the House.
And then we just give every other state one representative equal to the population of Wyoming.
So then all the states that are really big get way more reps.
And then that also balances the Electoral College because now the big states actually have electoral college power equal to their popular vote power or in the proximity thereof.
And all that good stuff.
So yeah, that's... Well, y'all put way more pie in the sky with it than I did, so I'm gonna amend my order to also add a little One Dakota.
That will be my platform.
I was literally about to say that.
One Dakota, make Puerto Rico a state.
Like, absorb Washington D.C.
either into Maryland or make it its own state.
It probably just needs to be Uh, absorbed in.
Yeah, it's kind of fucked up that the capital of our country is not a state.
Yes.
It is very weird and, like, just makes it so hard for the people that live there.
And again, yeah, all the fucking, the college shit and the electoral college shit and the, like, So much stuff could just be remedied if we could just consolidate all these crumbum states with very low populations into one giant state that is properly represented for its population.
Yes.
And then it would be like, hey, like, look, guys, we get it.
You have less voting power now, and that kind of sucks.
You know, it would probably help that if you tried to actually work to incentivize people to move to your state.
You make your state more attractive for people to live here, and that will give you more voting power.
Like, we don't, like, I don't care how you do that, but there's got to be ways to attract people to your state.
Tax breaks, or like, facilities, or whatever.
Just like, like, I want to see a tourism board for one Dakota.
Come here because it's great, and here's why.
Yes.
And Betty Chow, or Chai, asks, uh, hello, is the enemy of your enemy your friend?
And I would say, no, they are just someone who has a common interest in me, and at some point I will discern if they're my friend later on, but I do not think that slogan is actually true.
Yeah.
I mean, it's certainly snappier that way, but I believe that the real saying should probably be, the enemy of my enemy can be my ally.
Yes.
Like, that's usually how that works out.
It doesn't mean we're friendly, it just means that our interests align, and we can tag team for a while to get stuff done, and then afterwards we can go back to however the stats... because the saying speaks nothing to my relationship to the enemy of my enemy.
It's just, it speaks to my relationship to my enemy, and the enemy of my enemy's relationship to my enemy, but that third line that makes up the triangle is never drawn.
Yeah, because the West was not allies of Stalin in World War II.
We were allied in World War II against Hitler, but we were not friends.
We were just sort of like, yo, communists!
Help us crush the fascists!
And then we will duel each other later.
And the communists were like, deal.
But at no point were we like, man, after Hitler's gone, Stalin and America, BFF.
Yeah, we're going to be best buds.
We're going to have heart emojis and everyone's going to be great.
And there's not going to be like 50 years of near nuclear annihilation.
None of that.
It's going to be just smooth sailing.
The enemy of my enemy can be my ally for as long as it's mutually beneficial to both of us.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
And that brings us to Chairman Walkman's question, which is, who would be your fourth wheel if you guys were in a real-life Oregon Trail?
I mean, if I got to choose anybody, I don't know the name of any other more modern survivalist, so I'm just going to go with Les Stroud, the one I know.
Yeah, Bear Grylls.
Bear Grylls has a team of fucks with him at all times, which makes it harder to take him seriously as a survivalist.
He's like, I'm going to show you how to survive in the woods by doing dangerous shit.
And I can only do that because I have a paramedic off camera and like two people to like, and like I have a fucking chopper that I can radio at any time.
Well, Les Straub will just literally do the thing.
He'll just be like, like he, he did his drift at sea, like on a raft, like stunt at one point.
And I think they had to like scrub it because at some point it became too dangerous.
And they were like, Hey, you're going to die.
So we're caught.
We're calling this one, Discovery Channel does not want your death on its hands.
So no more being adrift on a raft for you.
When being real gets too real.
Yeah.
And also, I remember one of the episodes I liked the most, he was just like, I'm going to simulate crashing in the Canadian wilderness.
And it was like, obviously being in a plane crash, I'm probably not going to be in good health.
So I'm only going to use one of my arms, as if my other one was broken.
And after a couple of days of that, he's just like, Yo, I gotta use my other arm.
Like, this is getting actual dangerous for me, so enough of this one-armed horseshit.
Like, I am in fact all alone out here with all of my gear, so I'm gonna free the second arm.
He pulled a doomsday.
He just ripped the second arm out from behind his back.
Yeah, and it was like, okay, I get it.
Like, I don't want you to actually die, mate.
Not for TV.
So like, you know, do what you gotta do, bud.
That would be awesome if he was like, I must maintain the LARP even at the cost of my life.
It's like, no, no you don't.
Sure.
Dial it back a little.
I actually have no idea who the fourth wheel would be in this situation, so I'm going with L's suggestion because that seems like the right call in this spot.
Because...
I, for the record, would be absolutely useless in a real-life Oregon Trail situation.
I would just be like, hope I don't die of dysentery, because this is not going to go well for me.
I am officially bad as being a survivalist, and living off the land.
My poop is already sick, so I feel like I would dysentery immediately.
I would get in the wagon and I would just be like, ooh, I feel like I got a little dysentery.
Oh God.
Sarge might have a chance, but the rest of us not so much.
Oh, I don't know.
I also have a weak digestive system, so I'm in trouble if modern society goes away.
Yeah, but at least you did boot camp, so you'll actually be able to buy the musket and shoot a deer or two for us.
We'll all get sick and die from eating the deer meat because we improperly prepared it, but at least we'll have the false hope of having deer meat for a few days.
So that brings us to the final question, which is what are you guys looking forward to?
I have tickets to go see Shin Ultraman this evening.
I'm very excited.
I've been waiting for this movie to be available in America for years now.
It's so hard.
Like, it's been so hard to watch it.
So I'm just really excited to watch Shin Ultraman this evening.
Live the dream, sir.
I'm going to go down to my local, quote, community garden, unquote, after I've done recording the podcast.
And when I get back, I am going to enjoy some of those community flowers and do my taxes.
It's going to be great.
That does sound incredible.
I get to have a giant weekend of sports ball because the NFL playoffs are here.
So that will be very exciting.
And by exciting, I hope that The Bills and 49ers win their games by a million points because that will be where my money is being wagered legally through DraftKings and trips to New Hampshire.
Come on, Massachusetts.
Come on, Massachusetts.
I mean, I know it's legal, but legalize it faster, basically.
Let's go!
Look, Mike, your Bills messaging has been real all over the place these past 20 minutes.
Well, the current Bills are much better than the current Dolphins, and they are going to smash them.
I just think that the week after that, they're going to lose to the Bengals, because I think the Bengals are the best team in the AFC.
But Miami, oof.
They managed to defeat the New York Jets 9-6 in a battle between two teams that hated moving the ball in any way, shape, or form.
Yeah, that game was hard to watch.
This past Sunday of football was the one full day of football I got to watch, essentially.
And God, most of those games were fucking awful.
Of course, I was out of market for the Patriots game, which, granted, the Patriots lost.
Of course, they were going to.
But for a while, it was a real game with a real score.
But I got to watch the epic suck versus blowfest of, hey, it's 3-3 going into halftime and the game ends 9-6.
Yeah, like, at halftime of that game, I was just furious with myself, because the total on that game was $37.50, and I almost bet it.
And I'm just watching, and I'm like, goddammit, that was free money.
There was no way these teams were getting it.
They weren't going to get close to $30.
They didn't even get to $20, much less $37.50.
I was like, goddammit.
Why was I a coward?
God, I can't block Warriors.
I mean, it was just the absolute worst.
That game was terribad.
Miami is incredibly bad.
The 2-7 matchup in the NFL playoffs is a joke.
And I just think the Niners and Bills are going to stomp.
They're going to raffle stomp.
And I hope they do, because I'll win a few dollars if they do.
Nice!
Well, on that note, it is time for us to escape from Hellworld for the week.
How are we going to do it this week?
Let's say magic carpet, because I'm not sure if I've done that one before.
Time for us all to jump on our magic carpet and ride out of Hellworld.
I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid.
Tell me, listener, now when did you last visit our Patreon at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics, where you can become one of our beautifuller babies for $2 a month, and if you donate $5 or more a month, you get access to our slate of bonus content, including such wonderful shows dissecting Q Media, such as Kaballen, and What We Do Out of Shadows, and Mule's Errand, and more to come, I promise, now that we're out of the holidays and scheduling gets slightly easier for both Sarge and I.
So yeah, if you'd like to visit us on our Patreon, you can do so.
Patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
Big shout out to this week's beautifuller baby, Kevin D. Kevin D, you're beautiful, baby.
Anyway, for those of you who don't want to support our show with money, you can support our show for free by leaving us a Firestar review wherever your podcast is provided from.
Let them know that you love us.
Or you can just visit us on our socials and call to action style, engage with us.
The algo loves nothing more than engagement.
Tell me how wrong I am for not necessarily pooping all over myself at Wizards of the Coast, or tell me how wrong I am for my take on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, or Walk Hard, etc.
I mean, you would be wrong to tell me I'm wrong, but you can do so.
And where could you do so?
You can do so on our socials, which you could find, for now, all of us on Twitter.
The show itself, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. Myself at HellworldL, Sarge at SargentHell, and Mike at PokerPolitics.
I always want to put an and in there, but there's no and.
Just Poker Politics.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to the show, you can donate to love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Look at me remembering to shout out the charity that we like.
Big shout out to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our opening song.
Still no social media for DJ Minimal Effort, so you can't find him anywhere.
He is a secret just for us.
But while you're exploring Twitter before it turns into a flaming crater, you can visit our buddy Frosty, who does all of our voice artist work, and who we visited down at the event that Sarge and I were at and saw in person and hugged with our powerful bodies.
He can be found on Twitter at FrostyVO.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L, joined as sometimes by my co-host Sarge, and as always by our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
Do it, RoboCop!
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