Adventures In HellwQrld Episode #90: The 1/6 Pregame Madness Pod
This week we talk about all about the 1/6 Committee and all the folks getting caught in the net. Proud Boys, Peter Navarro, Jim and Ron Watkins. It's a pretty 1/6 heavy pod with some crazy GQP spice added for flavor and it's all brought to you by Budd Lyte. (Not really) Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Bad bye.
I'm Bizarro Sarge.
That's right.
And the mysterious El.
Howdy, my beautiful babies!
It's Cowboy L, because we're doing the 1-6 Roundup today.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's a rootin' tootin' shootin' jamboree.
Oh, let me tell you.
Wow.
Recording for all of, like, six seconds before the dog comes in to interrupt.
What a clown show this is.
I should have done a clown voice for this clown show.
We're going to be talking about clowns all day.
It's going to be great.
Oh, we got quite the assortment of clowns today.
My neighbors wouldn't slam their goddamn doors.
The dog was asleep.
Oh, yeah.
Blame the neighbors.
Blame the neighbors.
I will.
Ride under the bus with those neighbors.
Boom.
Take that Sarge's neighbors.
Much like Congress and the January 6th Committee.
We're talking about a bunch of guns there, champ.
You were just trying to skate right over the hottest, sexiest segment of them all, the amuse-bouche, where we talk about the news.
It's not necessarily important enough to be a real headline, but it's something that we want to talk about anyway.
It's just fun.
Yeah, just an idea.
And we've been doing this so often, I actually went to Frosty and now I have a bump.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-cuche.
Cuche?
Cuche!
Oh god, that rolls off the tongue just terribly.
Oh my god.
Oh wow, you love it.
You love it.
Yes, that was, oh man, that was so good.
Now we're stuck with it.
Now we're not trapped in here with the Bump.
The Bump's trapped in here with us.
Oh god.
I blame Mike for that.
I don't think, I'm not gonna, I'm not willing to throw Frosty under the bus.
That was not a Frosty ad-lib.
Mike created a script that was like, Here, you're going to say, a moose CUUUUTE.
Actually, it was an ad-lib.
The one I gave him to said a cute moose.
Nope, you're not supposed to say that.
You're supposed to follow the sword.
Fine.
I'll edit out my defense.
It was me.
I totally did this.
It's my fault.
Just sloppily edited.
You're just going to sloppily edit it.
Just, you know, like fake doctored proof that it couldn't have possibly been you.
I'm hip to your game, sir.
Yes, well, you should be.
Okay, well, I guess that's kwoosh.
That's kwoosh.
I suppose that's all your kwoosh balls.
Yes.
Oh, gross.
Yikes.
So just before we started recording, Mr. Mike Rains hipped us to a chap named Billy Long, which first of all sounds like the protagonist of an 80s arcade game for sure.
That guy, that dude is white, he wears a headband, and he knows mad jump kicks.
You better believe it.
Oh god.
But unfortunately we live in the reality where Billy Long is just some wackadoo with a wild plan of three-card presidential Monty.
Mike Rades, what's Billy Long's Billy Longshot plan?
Billy Longshot, who is absolutely a bad enough dude to save the president, came up with his plan for the Senate.
He's a congressman running for Senate, and his platform is as follows.
Step one, get Kamala Harris, our vice president, to resign.
Step two, have the president appoint Trump as vice president.
And then step three is to get Joe Biden to resign.
Then step four will be to finish the Keystone Pipeline and step five is to finish the wall.
So all of this is incredibly logical, incredibly well thought out.
This is one of the leading minds of the Republican Party who definitely should be elected to the Senate.
I have some questions and or possibly notes.
Why would President Biden ever do that?
Ever in a million years?
Yeah, I love the fact that, like, the dumb plan to make Trump the Speaker of the House and then somehow, someway, both Harris and Biden resign and Trump becomes President.
I love that Billy Long decided that that plan wasn't convoluted enough and we needed even dumber, more impossible steps.
Where Harris resigns the vice presidency, and then Biden's like, well, I'm going to appoint Donald Trump to be my vice president, and the democratically controlled House and the now-tied Senate would both be like, yeah, we affirm your decision, Mr. President.
Donald Trump should absolutely be your vice president.
And then Biden's like, excellent, and now I resign the presidency.
Good day, everybody.
I was team Trump the whole time!
How's that for some malarkey?
That'd be great.
I'm in for it.
Come at me, Joe Biden.
Let's see if you can pull it off.
Do you got the guts, Joe Biden, or are you a yellow-bellied coward?
I mean, why did they have to jump through those hoops?
Obviously, Donald Trump could easily win if he ran again.
I mean, obviously.
First of all, he's still actually the president right now, but for a laugh he could run again to reaffirm his presidency like a second wedding.
Right, exactly.
That all makes sense.
That all checks out.
Makes perfect sense.
What the fuck?
Like, it just...
The, like, negative 48, the guy who thinks JFK is still alive makes more sense than this.
Like, what?
Well, let's not go too crazy.
I think Mick Jagger was JFK in a mask or something at one point.
Oh yeah, everyone.
He was out there just performing with the Rolling Stones.
I mean, wouldn't that be awesome?
I mean, would it be?
Like, I don't know.
When I think awesome, the Rolling Stones don't really factor into it, mate.
There's been a lot of music since then.
Like, so much.
I don't know.
Like, they still... They're still there.
I mean, they do exist.
Several bands still exist.
Big Nickelback fan?
They exist.
Remember Stained?
They might still exist.
Who knows?
You're not debating from a place of intellectual honesty.
Stained and Nickelback do not compare to the Rolling Stones.
I mean, they are identical in several ways.
That much I can assure you.
I can't wait until the day when we have like an actual audience so you can field all these emails from your wild ass comments.
I pulled that pedantry for a paper I wrote in high school.
I had to compare a character that I was portraying in my drama class to another character from popular fiction and I wanted to do it so Painfully literally, which is a word I just used, that I wrote the most pedantic article ever where it's just like, way number one, in which the two are incredibly similar, they both require oxygen to live.
And then I would just like explain the process by which they were breathing.
I did that for the whole paper and I got like the C minus or whatever that I deserved.
Because you didn't write it.
I did write a paper.
Yes.
Oh, God.
That is truly... Pedantry is truly one of the most beautiful things in this world when used for malicious purposes.
So I salute you for doing this thing.
But not so malicious that I get full on into long shot territory.
I'm not going to be pulling the very strings of our democracy and making that puppet dance how I would.
Yes.
Look at that.
Look at the metaphors I bring into the podcast.
I didn't even make a lay of the pop culture reference.
Like, I didn't bring up Puppet Master once until just now.
Until you literally... Is it a reference if you just name the movie?
Sure it is.
I was talking about puppets previously, although technically I was talking about marionettes, but I'm sure some of the ones are marionettes.
Look, don't check me on this.
What's the one with the drill for the head?
I don't know.
Drill head?
Do they have cool names?
I don't even remember.
They do.
They have to.
I bet they.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
How dare you?
How dare you show up if you got nothing?
You either show up with their name or not.
You brought a puppet master, not me!
But I didn't forget the name of the movie.
I wasn't fumbling for- I was like, that movie with the puppets.
Anyway, let's move on, sleevelessly.
Let's segue Puppet Master into a coach for... what is this, a college basketball team?
I'm not actually sure.
Sarge brought this one to our attention before.
No, this is a coach for the professional Washington football team, the Washington Commanders.
They're defensive... Oh my god!
I forgot that they had to change their team name, so when you mentioned them, I was just like, oh, that must be like a college team or something.
No, the Washington Commanders, the professional NFL football team.
The Amuse Couche of football team names.
I just love so much that they literally got caught with their pants down, didn't have a name to replace their old racist name with, were the Washington football team for like two years, and then the best they could do was Commanders.
That was the dart at a dart board they landed on after two years of agonizing research into what would a name that would not suck be.
And it's like, great, you're the Washington Commies now.
I mean, it's just...
Really?
That's all you could do with your multi-billion dollar sports ball franchise, and you just couldn't find anything better than Commanders.
Well, and they hired some dumb dumb coaches because their defensive coordinator compared the, and I'm quoting here, dust up on January 6th to the protests over the murder of George Floyd.
And he was like, look, we had a little dust up here in Washington.
No buildings got burned down.
So that was better than the protests over the murder of George Floyd.
He did a mealy-mouthed half-apology.
I don't know who forced him to do it, but... Oh, God, yeah.
Checkmate, libtards.
Yeah.
Way to get coached by this fellow.
Am I right?
Yeah.
I mean, it's really amazing that the guy who is one of the coordinators of the team that is in Washington, D.C.
was just like, remember that terrible thing that happened literally here?
Meh.
NBD.
Whatevs.
I mean, What was it Dinesh said about it?
It was a primal scream.
It was just some people that were a little upset about election fraud or whatever.
I mean, you know how it is.
Your side loses an election, so you blow off a little steam.
What would they like to think that the leader of the Commanders would probably be pro-America in a way that meant he would have to wag his finger most hard at those January 6th boys?
You would think, but no, it turns out he's just a bit racist.
Tiny, tiny racist.
Like, not super racist, just a little.
I was gonna say that he could just be a dumb Republican, but again, at this point, like, being a Republican means you are tolerating racism on some level.
I mean, that's just part and parcel of who they are.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Yeah, even if you truly believe in your heart that you're not racist, you're at least sort of wrong, because you don't condemn racism when the people that you support are racist.
And I found the 10 most awesome puppets from Puppet Master.
Tunneler.
The one with the drill for the head is Tunneler.
I think his name is Drillhead.
Write in if you disagree with Sargent that that puppet's name is Drillhead.
Some of these puppets have not aged well.
Do not look up the puppet Kamikaze from Puppet Master.
I just don't spend a lot of time looking up puppets.
Like, I hope you're in incognito mode, bro.
Or using demo or whatever.
Otherwise, you're on some weird list now.
Your Facebook is going to be recommending you all sorts of weird shit.
I'm on so many lists.
I've simultaneously looked up moon landing fake, Kim Trails, QAnon any number of times, and now The 10 most awesome puppets from Puppet Master franchise.
You are going to get so many invitations to Jeff Dunham shows now.
It's going to be incredible.
You are just going to be inundated with just the master of puppets and all that.
And really, which is the most racist puppet that Jeff Dunham has?
Is it the talking jalapeno with a sombrero?
Or the skeleton suicide bomber?
You tell me.
Another classic Sarge invitation to be more racist than a thing.
Hey, would any of you fellas like to step on this rake and try to think of a funny way to riff on maybe an even more racist puppet?
Fuck Jim Dunham.
There's no riff.
I wasn't setting you up.
Fuck that guy.
He made his money on racist puppets, more so than the Puppet Master franchise.
Uh, no sir.
I will not try to imagine any racist puppets.
Not today, Satan.
I've seen your notebook.
Don't let Al get away with this, listeners.
He has a notebook filled with his racist puppet musings.
I don't, but I did partially grow up in the South, so boy howdy.
If you want to see casually racist anything, I've seen them.
I used to live in Georgia and Florida, mate.
This was in the early 90s.
It was barely civilization.
Wow.
Yeah, well, I'm allowed to talk shit about it.
I'm from there.
And I'm Cardi folk.
Oh, yeah.
That one's true.
He's told me the stories.
All right.
Let's once again, another seamless segue from Coach saying some dumb shit about January 6th to the spiciest headline of them all, but not before our bump.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
That's right, everybody.
Welcome to the January 6th hearing pregame hour brought to you by Bud Light, but not really brought to you by anyone.
Except us.
Bud Light, but spelled with two Ds and a Y instead of an I for copyright reasons.
It's the legally distinct Bud Night.
Or Bad Light.
Yeah, Bud Light.
This happens in anime all the time, and it's great.
Oh, yeah.
Doctor People.
Dr. People is one of my favorite ones.
They always go to Danny's.
So, yeah.
We have so much of a slurry of bullshit to talk about, considering January 6th, both the event and the upcoming hearings, that we are recording too early to be getting big eyes and ears full.
Yeah, you're going to have to wait until next week.
Believe you us, we'll probably have thoughts on what's coming out.
But for now, we still get to speculate and we get to discuss the things we do know.
Let's go ahead and start with a heartwarming story for the ages, and that is some white supremacists getting brought up on sedition churches.
Oh boy, a bunch of the Proud Boys got big boy charges, and I'm here to tell you, I'm excited, both because they're pieces of shit, and there's no way they're doing 40 years for anyone.
So, who do they flip on?
We're, like, desperately clawing our way up the chain here, like so much Leech Woman from Puppet Master.
God, I really hope our listeners were just chomping at the bit for Puppet Master references.
Holy shit.
Fair play, Mel.
You know what?
That was weak, but you're in the moment.
You're having fun with it.
I like that.
We are.
We're just like, just horror movie style, climbing our way up the chains.
dragging racist idiots to hell.
And we're at the tippity top of the Proud Boys here.
Now it's important to note, the Proud Boys were providing security on January 6th
for a number of people.
One of which, Alex Jones.
I don't know if anything will come from it in that angle, but that is worth noting.
God damn it.
Stone.
Roger Stone.
Roger Stone had Proud Boys security that day.
I don't know of any others off the top of my head, but a bunch of shitheads had Proud Boys security.
And that's very important for like, you know, phone records and text chains and shit
that is going to help bring more people down to hell.
Like so much Jason.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now it's Jason?
It wasn't even another Puppet Master puppet?
Nah, I switched horror franchises.
Boo!
Boo!
I don't know the name of all the Puppet Master movies!
You just called up the list!
No, I had the puppets, not the movies!
So the first one's Puppet Master, and the newest one is The Littlest Reich.
And I didn't have any way to... And you couldn't pull any puppet names with The Littlest Reich?
What's the matter, you?
What's the matter, you?
I mean, they're all kind of, like, lame.
There's Leech Woman and Torch.
And there's, I think there's one called Pinhead.
How original.
See?
Kamikaze.
Imagine how much better this shtick would have been if it was coming from a place of you having continued your own bit.
Just imagine.
Live in a world where that is the case.
This is our multiverse of madness.
So anyway, yeah, so sedition, you love to see it.
They haven't busted out actual sedition in a hot minute, correct?
Yeah, we I think some I the Oath Keepers got hit with these charges because Stuart Rhodes, the leader of the Oath Keepers,
him and his boys, they they got they got they got the they got
this chart, those kinds of charges put against them a few months ago. And now the Proud Boys, another right wing
militia group, their leader, Enrique Tarrio, who is has been
has been cooperating with the feds for a long, long time.
Apparently that wasn't good enough to get him to avoid a sedition charge.
Along with Ethan Nordean, Joseph Biggs, Zachary Real, and Dominic Palazzo conspired to use members of Congress to prevent members of Congress from certifying the election.
Yeah, that's basically shit.
Yeah, all the like, all the major leaders of the Proud Boys who were there on 1-6 have now been charged with just yeah, the the big boy crime as Sarge keeps calling it, which is not obstructing Congress from performing its duties or like, destruction of property.
That's what all the trespassers have been getting like, right.
Like, you've been actually hit with the, you tried to overthrow the government, you piece of shit.
Like, that's the really real charge.
And QAnon's reaction to this has been, well, the Proud Boys are all just a bunch of feds, so probably, like, three of these guys are, like, getting fake charges so they can railroad the other two.
The classic playbook of disowning them immediately.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
Well, has it there actually been, like, some of these white supremacy groups that have had trouble with letting, like, FBI, like, undercovers get, like, way too close to their operation and shit?
Oh yeah, that happens all the time.
I mean, it's kind of one of the problems with these groups is that it's really hard to recruit people, so when the FBI shows up with undercover agents, they stupidly usually let them in.
The those guys who got acquitted for trying to kidnap Governor Whitmer in Michigan.
I think what I was reading about the case is that the FBI had informants in there.
And they think that probably the main reason why they got acquitted was they moved too quickly.
They didn't let the plot advance to a point where a jury wouldn't have thought there was reasonable doubt.
And this is what led QAnon and so many right wingers to be like, Oh, yeah, like the FBI had their informants in there.
They were the ones who led the operation.
It was entrapment the whole way.
That's why these guys got away with it because it was all bullshit and the jury saw that it's like Actually from what I again, who knows?
I'm not a lawyer.
I didn't follow the case with that much attention, but the general synopsis from the people that I was reading was that it when they arrested these guys for the crime of kidnapping Whitmer and They could have, the reaction was, Hey, we were just bullshitting.
Yeah.
We, we wouldn't really mean it.
Hey, everyone just talks about kidnapping the governor now.
And then when they're mad at him, Hey, come on, man.
Hey, it's no big deal.
And, but that's the kind of thing that happens with all these operations is that you commit lots of crimes when you're a right-wing militia member.
And then the government comes up to you and is like, hey, would you like to not do jail time for your crimes?
How about becoming a confidential informant?
How about flipping on your fellow right-wing racists?
And people like those ideas.
So they do that.
And that's kind of inevitable.
Give us Tucker Carlson.
I'm still wondering where all the prosecution of Matt Gaetz is going.
Like, where the fuck is that?
Oh, apparently that man's more bulletproof than Trump.
Apparently, like, after these 1-6 hearings are completed, Trump's going to be cuffed and stuffed with ironclad evidence, yet Matt Gaetz is just going to be Venmo-ing 17-year-olds with a note reading, not for sex, that I took you across state lines for.
Winky face emoji.
See, I did the winky face.
That means it doesn't count.
Right, exactly.
Everybody's 18 somewhere, baby.
Ah, that sounds like perfect Matt Gaetz logic to me, 100%.
Mister, I don't think that's true!
So, let's keep stirring up the January 6th pot.
Although, before we go out, I just have to say, what's that guy's name?
Enrique Tarrio?
Yeah, Enrique Tarrio.
Maybe we haven't mentioned this on the podcast, but like, how do you become a white supremacist with a name like Enrique Tarrio?
Apparently, his given name is Henry.
Enrique is his nickname that he goes by, so I don't know.
How in the... I mean, what?
That's... Okay.
I mean, man, white supremacists are real crazy.
Yes.
Yup.
So, all right.
Let's talk about... I mentioned old Tuck Boy, our friend Tuck.
Tuck.
Tuck Everlasting.
Well, his show is going to be going about as planned tonight.
And all of Fox's other programming also is going to be doing that because they have decided not to cover the January 6 hearings like every other major actual news outlet.
So, Mike Rades, we now cut live to our Mike Rades cue correspondent to tell us how pumped Andrew Jazd is.
How jazzed are the cuesters?
Oh, they are very happy that Fox News isn't covering the sham hearings for the 1-6 committee that are all bullshit and everybody knows it.
They don't really like Fox News right now.
There is a big... We've talked about this in other media.
There's a big, like, tussle between the 2000 Mules crew and the Fox News crew because Fox News doesn't want to play in that sandbox of bullshit.
Ah, jeez.
2558 into the recording.
Mark it down.
Time to mules!
Mike Rains loves him some mules.
But...
Because of that, like there's been this like big movement on Truth and other social media platforms that QAnon frequents to like hashtag boycott Fox and all this kind of stuff.
But Fox has earned a little bit of goodwill with the QAnon community about the fact that they're not going to be covering these bullshit sham hearings.
So On that front, they're very happy and their general reaction right now is that this is only going to it's a whole Obi-Wan bullshit that whatever the committee tries to do, whatever comes out in this hearing.
It will only make Trump and the Patriots stronger.
All of these deep state lies that are going to be wall to wall covered this evening, it's all going to just be bitter ashes in their mouths when they find out the power of MAGA is too strong to overcome.
Like, every episode of Dragon Ball Z where, like, Pelosi and the rest of the 1-6 committee, like, they hit Trump with a giant energy attack, and there's a giant ball of smoke around him.
And they're like, oh, that had to do it.
We had to defeat him.
And then the smoke dissipates, and he's just there with a little, like, burn mark on his skin, but no other damage.
They're like, no!
Impossible!
That was my full-power energy attack!
And then Trump's like, this isn't even my final form!
And it just keeps going on and on.
Planet Namek will explode in the next episode, maybe.
Okay, so they're not covering it because they hate anime?
Oh yeah, and I saw one Fox News, I think it was Laura Ingram, said something to the effect of, hey, we got to cater to our audience.
And our audience doesn't want to be made sad by watching people tell them that Republicans did a treason.
So we're just not going to do it.
We're just not going to air that, because why would we?
Did a treason.
We need to cater to our audience, and that does not include news, because we are Fox News.
We're here to air Tucker Carlson content and the rest.
I mean, he really is just that network now.
What's the over-under on how legendary his episode is going to be tonight, on the night of the hearings that he's literally, like, counter-programming against?
God.
Yeah, he's probably going to have to come on TV scorching hot tonight.
He's going to have to come out just guns blazing.
I want to see neck veins, mate.
Let's get crazy.
I want him to go Michael Keaton ballistic.
Go Keaton!
I want to see it!
Just fuck it, I'll do it live.
I want him to unbutton the top button to loosen the tie and just start Alex Jones-ing right into the camera.
Just get loud and wrong.
Do both of those things simultaneously.
The opening statements for the January 6th committee have started.
Rep Thompson is giving his opening remarks.
Well, I mean, that's not how this was supposed to work.
You're supposed to be unplugged, mate, so that we can still speculate.
I mean, nothing is actually happening.
It's just a senator giving opening remarks.
But you've got it called up, friend.
That's going to ruin the surprise.
All right, I closed it.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to just sit on it when Durham kicks open the door and runs in and gives a speech?
Oh my God!
That's gonna be crazy.
The audience is gonna toss him a beer, he's gonna crack it open and pour most of it all over his face.
It's the cream of the crop.
I can't do him.
Macho Man.
Oh, was that Macho Man?
Macho Man would say is the cream of the crop.
Yes, that was that was the famous Macho Man Randy Savage promo, the cream of the crop.
I am somehow unfamiliar with this, despite being, you know, like I know who Macho Man Randy Savage is, of course, because I'm a huge Slim James fan.
His friends call him Jim.
Yes.
Yes, he would refer to himself as the cream of the crop.
Yeah.
I was trying to think of something about... I saw one QAnon promoter, Brian Cates, he used to get a paycheck from the Epoch Times, and now he's just literally a QAnon-promoting lunatic who has a substack that you can pay money for, and he was just like...
Even if they have an indictment for Trump waiting at the end of these like bullshit hearings, it will only empower him further because the government doesn't want Trump and his lawyers getting access to discovery.
And it's like, you remember when Trump was president for four years and literally had access to literally anything because he was the fucking president?
Now you're telling me, oh, they can't indict him because they're worried about discovery.
Oh, Trump's going to get the documents.
He's gonna get the secret documents that apparently only existed after he became president.
Like, they didn't exist at all.
There was no paper trail during his presidency.
Otherwise, he would have just known about them and prevented his loss, obviously.
But then, the information showed up as soon as he was done being president, and it is smoking hot.
It could not be a more red-hot gun.
This was our best chance to find out about Area 51.
Trump just wanted to impress and get a bunch of nerds to vote for him.
Here it is.
Here's Area 51.
No, he didn't spoil anything.
Do you think he was fucking smart enough to ask about Area 51 when he was president?
And do you think anybody decided they were just gonna volunteer that information to him?
I have to wonder how much light sedition and treason went on with Trump in office, where it's just like, okay, we're all here, so we're not gonna tell him about the time machine, right?
We're all just agreed?
This guy cannot know?
Or just like, this guy probably doesn't need to know about our continuing work on anti-gravity technology.
Well, he's going to want to use it to make a carousel or something that's got his big dumb face on it that kids can ride around, just riding his face.
We'll tell him several times, Mr. President, you can't have a small child ride your face.
And he'll say, just watch me.
I'm a Republican.
Just be like, so no, we're Once again, we're all agreed, we're not telling about the time machine or the weather machine, just none of us.
There's no fucking way America has a time machine, I'm gonna tell you that one right now.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
No, it's one of those super- they can only go back seven days.
It doesn't matter.
You can fuck up a lot of shit in seven days.
Like, I'm pretty sure that you can achieve a string of, like, just incomprehensible victories over seven days.
And every seven days, aka forever, aka literally until the end of time.
I'm obviously referencing the amazing UPN sci-fi show Seven Days, in which they had a time machine that could only go back seven days.
Nobody remembers that show or network but us.
And I only remember the network.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Yeah.
It was a fun show.
I mean, like, it has to be incredibly unfun for me to have never even heard of it.
Now, early edition Magic Future Telling newspaper.
Now we're talking.
Remember early edition?
Are you bringing CBS into this?
Dude, CBS totally rules.
Bazinga.
Name two other CBS shows.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
Oh, you're gonna try to get me to name two CBS shows?
You don't think I can pull CBS shows?
How far back do we want to talk?
From the same time as Early Edition was airing.
How about even before?
Was it Dr. Quinn Mendes, a woman, a CBS joint?
I think it was.
Oh, it has to be.
Or was it ABC?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I can name two others.
What about Northern Exposure?
I think that was CBS.
What about Northern Exposure?
Yeah, what about...
Guys, what about Northern Exposure?
Our podcast?
Our podcast rather than a podcast.
What about Northern Exposure?
The first one that's not a dumb pun name.
It's literally just asking an important question.
Guys, what about Northern Exposure?
Exactly!
See, it's a good thing we don't have a huge fanbase, because if we did, they would probably demand that we make that a thing, and we would have to do that.
We wouldn't take time out of our lives.
There's so many shows that we would have to watch.
Me and Mike talked about Babylon 5.
We would have to watch Turbo Teen.
I don't know why.
I don't even know what that is.
What are you talking about?
Probably some puppet master, now, would have doomed ourselves.
Well, we don't have a fan base, so we don't have to walk on eggshells, we can just talk about whatever dumb horseshit we want.
Yeah.
And hope that we never get famous, I guess?
Yeah, and your racist puppet journal comes out.
Yeah, oh god.
I love your fun improv, where you're just continuously accusing me of being racist.
Making you racist!
Yeah, this is what a hilarious gut buster I can be!
Next week I'm probably going to bust out my transphobic serge material and it's going to really light the world on fire.
You don't even know.
Listen, listeners, Elle's closet is just filled with KKK robes.
Just so many.
If we ever do a live show, ask him to do his wacky KKK person impression.
Wow.
Wow.
This is a very weird... I'm just gonna... Stop digging!
You've hit oil.
And we don't need any more oil.
No, we're good.
Okay.
Shuffle up on the oil.
Instead, let's talk about our friend Rod Watkins.
Oh yeah, Rod.
How could Rod Watkins have anything to do with January 6th?
What is happening, Mike?
Our boy Ron Watkins has announced that he has been asked to testify before the 1-6 committee.
And Jim Watkins had already been asked to testify before them.
Jim and Ron are now, of course, pouting.
They're claiming that this is an attempt to sabotage Ron's smoking hot run for the U.S.
House.
That's just lighting Arizona on fire and clearly He's just gonna crush that Republican primary.
Because if Arizona is currently on fire, it is not because of global climate change.
Because that's not a thing.
It's because of Ron Watkins and his, like, 18 charisma score and just, oh god.
He's got the 18 double zero.
He's got the old school full nut.
Damn right.
Yeah, so is this real?
Yeah, this is real.
Both of Team Watkins have been asked to testify before the 1-6 committee.
The people I've been talking to have been chuckling about this.
We wonder if Ron is going to be asked if he's Q or not under oath by Congress, which Would be hilarious, because you know he'll deny that shit.
God, I hope so.
I want listeners.
Give us more listeners.
Please listen harder.
Just start talking about Q in primetime.
Oh, that would... I don't know that Ron's gonna make it to the primetime hearings, but, uh, yeah.
It would be really awesome if... But he's got an AT-00, baby!
He's got scalding hot charisma!
Oh, does he ever.
Oh, man.
I mean, when he looked right at the camera and told me that my rights would be...
I felt it.
There was a moment between me and Ron and the TV screen.
And he punctuated it with the poorly timed up fist of success to let you know that, boy, you should be fired up.
Like, if my stirring words and tone of voice didn't get you inspired, just look at this fist.
It's so ill-timed.
That's such a powerful move.
Exactly.
Oh, man.
I rehearsed this for three hours in the mirror, and this is how well I pulled it off.
I mean, how dare you not want me to be your congressman?
How dare you?
Man.
If anything, I'm going to come to your house.
I'll roll up these sleeves and I'll give you the slow fist, which means we'll box.
It's not a sex thing.
Anyway, I'm Ron Watkins.
Yes.
I'm Ron Watkins.
I support this message.
Yeah.
He has a channel on Telegram now called Ron Watkins Chronicles, which is just like photos of like him on the campaign trail looking for Lauren and Ernest.
And there's these pieces of paper that have Ron Watkins for Congress on them, but it's like only the top half of the paper.
The rest of the paper is just blank.
It's like the most poorly formatted thing you've ever seen.
And the quote-unquote graphic on these photos It looks like half of, it looks like the vast majority of the Bills don't have his glasses in them.
And then they realized, oh crap, the glasses are a big part of the motif.
So then they hastily printed up more copies of these, like, I don't know what you'd call them, like posters or whatever, and quickly etched in a pair of... I just got them in our message.
Yeah, a pair of...
These are so dumb!
The best part about the glasses is they're broken.
The glasses are, like, broken.
It's like someone stepped on Ron Watkins' glasses and shattered them, and he was very proud of his now-damaged glasses.
Dude, we need to scoop up as many of these glasses-less...
I know those are the collector items.
Those are gonna be the hot, the ones with no glasses?
Dude, on the secondary market?
Forget about it.
Can you imagine if he ever does get successful in politics?
He could just be like, bro, I have, yes, I have a Jimiment 9.8, no glasses, Ron Watkins campaign flyer.
I'm putting out a bounty of a crisp high five for if you are in the area and you could grab one of these.
Yeah.
We would love to have one here at Hellworld.
I just love that they had the full sheet of paper.
They're like, nope, just the top half.
Only put graphic, only put ink on the top half of the piece of paper.
Maybe it's supposed to be folded over.
Like a taco.
The Ron Watkins taco poster.
Maybe that's how they were going to get out there.
Maybe they were going to be at a taco truck and they were just going to be wrapping delicious tacos in his campaign flyer.
And that's going to make getting a Jim Menwin even harder because the rest of them are going to be covered in taco grease.
Damn it!
We're going to have to break in the Ron Watkins campaign HQ in order to get the glasses-less posters of the Ron Watkins for Congress campaign materials.
And then in like 10 years we'll sell it to Logan Paul's kid and he will wear it in his debut at WrestleMania.
Exactly.
That'd be great.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Ron Watkins is the gift that keeps on giving.
I can't wait for him to get 4% in that primary.
It's going to be so awesome when he just gets absolutely steamrolled.
And then he's going to blame the Deep State for rigging the vote.
It's going to be awesome.
It's going to be great.
His little pout fit when he goes down in flames is going to be just delicious.
I gave it some thought and I determined that his G.I.
Joe name would be Husbando.
I don't know.
That's almost, that's too funny.
It's too good for him.
I'm sorry, man.
I can't help being too funny.
And humble.
Do we have any other, I mean, do we have any other spicy January 6th stuff we need to discuss?
Oh, it's going on.
I mean, yeah, like it's it's going it's it's happening in media res right now.
We're gonna we're gonna cover more in the future.
But we do have some other stuff to get into.
Yeah.
So another thing that will probably isn't gonna come up in tonight's live hearings, but is obviously something that is very interesting.
Is John Eastman, the guy who was the legal mind behind pretty much all the bullshit in the efforts to steal the election and overturn the results, and one half of the creative duo that created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Yes, exactly.
How dare you besmirch the turtles?
Oh, sorry.
I think that was a different Eastman.
It could have been.
But for right now, I think there's one in the same.
And I haven't seen two different Eastman in the same room.
So I can't I can't disprove that.
No, no one has.
Can't prove anything.
No, but our boy Eastman, he has had a lot of his documents come out from a judge demanding them be released.
And Recently, a judge ordered that, quote, in the fifth email dated December 22nd, 2020, an attorney goes beyond strategizing litigation outcomes.
This email considers whether to bring a case that would decide the interpretation of the Electoral Count Act and potentially risk a court finding that the act binds Vice President Mike Pence.
Because the attorney concluded that a negative court ruling would tank the January 6th strategy, that doesn't sound fucking ominous.
He encouraged the legal team to avoid the courts.
This email cemented the direction of the January 6th plan.
The Trump legal team chose not to seek recourse in court.
Instead, they forged ahead with a political campaign to disrupt the electoral count.
Lawyers are not free not to bring cases.
They are not free to evade judicial review to overturn a democratic election.
Accordingly, this portion of the email is subject to the crime fraud exception and must be disclosed.
So this judge literally said, yeah, this was fucking, this is a crime.
So attorney-client privilege does not hold merit in this allegation because what you are suggesting is fucking criminal.
So yeah, that's, uh, That's gonna be a fun email when it eventually leaks from the 1-6 committee.
Oh, you mean this crime email?
Yes!
All this crime I did?
Yeah, this email detailing a full crime, you say?
That a judge took one look at and was just like, ah, yes, a crime.
Can you imagine how silly?
It's just something that has to be.
I mean, granted, I know that he's a judge and he probably poured through it, and even if it was just a tiny thing, he could make that call.
I like to think that he put on his little judge glasses and took one look at it and was just like, oh my god!
It's like a detailed plan to murder Hillary Clinton right here!
Exactly!
This is definitely not legal!
In no way, shape, or form does this hold up under attorney-client privilege.
No goddamn way!
No way, sir!
He just starts throwing up onto himself.
He's just like, oh, it's so specific!
I am going to do a treason.
Yes!
Yeah, so they just can't stop creating more and more of a paper trail to condemn themselves.
The same kind of paper trail that QAnon and these lunatics think that Deep State has created, that Trump's going to get on Discovery to bring the whole house of cards down any moment now.
Something, right?
I mean, they're taking up a lot of primetime television.
Yeah.
So it's like you need to you need to be they need to have some heaters.
Otherwise, God, this is going to blow up in their face.
So I guess before we segue out of this particular headline, let's wrap up.
Let's let's wrap up the last little bit of January 6 soup in the bottom of our bowls with a prediction of do we think it blows up in their face and it makes everybody look like a bunch of real dummies and nothing comes of it.
They just look real dumb.
I don't know.
The Democrats have proven themselves very capable of letting things blow up in their face.
Well, the one thing I will say is that the media has already said, oh, these hearings are going to suck, nothing is going to come of them, this is a train wreck, the Democrats are bad at all of this.
And they are.
Yeah, but when you have everyone setting the bar so aggressively low for you, that probably you're going to be able to clear it.
So I really, I just wonder... So wait, so you are positing that the expectations have been set so low that even the Democrats could manage to step over it, even if just?
Even if, yes, they're going to just clear the bar of incredibly low expectations.
I mean, the real question here is, at the end of these hearings, at the end of these live, big primetime events, what do they actually tell the DOJ and Merrick Garland?
Like, what is their thing?
Because, again, QAnon's just like, well, if you got anything on Trump, why don't you charge him?
And that's really what I'm wondering.
To quote Omar, because if you take a shot at the king, you best not miss.
And even though he's not president anymore, he was and is still very rich.
So if you come, you have to come correct.
And like, you cannot miss.
Oh, to be fair, we do also have, we've got We got our good friend Father Time on the rooftop with the with the beat on.
So it's like any moment.
COVID, come on.
You could have taken him.
Not even COVID.
Just like how about just being like old and out of shape?
Yeah, just being old and out of shape and probably do like this is not a specifically Donald Trump thing.
This is just being a rich in the 80s thing, probably doing a lot of cocaine, probably tons and tons.
I mean, he hung out with Jeffrey Epstein.
If you had any amount of money, Yeah, probably on some dubious islands with some dubious people.
But the most important thing is he was rich during the 80s, which means that he probably did a lot of coke.
And if he did a lot of coke, that's not good in the long term for the old tickaroo.
So I'm just saying, at any moment, we could get the mulligan on that one.
No matter how ineffective the January 6th Committee may be, because yep, it's a clean sweep, we all think this is gonna be a huge nothing.
Although I don't think it's gonna disastrously blow up in their face, I just think at the end of it everyone's gonna be like...
Yeah, who cares?
I mean, big deal.
I just don't have my hopes.
Either it wraps up with a big Greatest Showman-style musical number where Idina Menzel comes out and sings an indictment to Donald Trump.
I don't think anyone is going to care.
That would be amazing.
I'd buy that for a dollar.
Like, I don't really care about like what's on television as, uh, during the hearings and all that I, what I care about is like what the committee's recommendations are and the case they lay out for like, look, these are the people that committed the crimes.
And here is what we are asking the DOJ to do.
And I, I want them to go whole hog.
I want them to be like, Hey, A lot of Republicans were in on this.
They should be charged.
And like, are the Republicans going to piss and moan and call it partisan tactics and blah, blah, blah, and all this kind of bullshit.
Yeah.
But Hey, fuck them.
They did it.
I mean, they were part of a plot to try to overturn the result of an election.
And yeah, they should be, they should get a lot of shit for that.
This should not be a kind of let's bygones be bygones sort of thing.
I mean, you had.
The insurrection happened and afterwards you still had all these people objecting to electors from various states.
They're literally still doing it.
Right, they were still dragging, they dragged out the count of the electoral vote until like 2 or 3 in the morning before they finally confirmed that Biden was the president-elect and Harris was the vice president-elect.
They're like, now we're gonna go to Georgia.
They're like, we have 140 Republican House of Representatives members who object to this.
And it's like, you motherfuckers!
Like, you and your... There are people knocking down the doors, calling for the guy making this announcement to be hung.
Like...
Six hours ago and you're still doing this fucking shit because you think it plays with your voters that be like now I'm not saying this election wasn't on the up-and-up, but I'm not saying it wasn't either winky-winky and it's just Fucking winking at terrorists.
It's just ridiculous that this is where one of our two major parties has gone.
I mean, we're all, I think we've all read the shit where they're just doing this to prep for the next one.
Like, uh, well, it didn't work this time, but maybe, maybe it'll work next time.
Yeah, here's the hoping.
Here's the hoping.
We can just end democracy in America because there are no unintended consequences that could possibly blow up from that.
Oh no, no, no fucking way.
Oh yeah.
So yeah, it's just, it's really wild that there's, as you said, this is ongoing, that like you still have people tut-tutting and poo-pooing what happened and, I remember seeing QAnon people talking about, why don't they free the political prisoners from 1-6 who were tricked into going into the Capitol?
It's like, oh yeah, they were tricked.
They were.
Yeah.
You know, as you do, like, one day you're outside the Capitol, and then the next thing you know, oops, I'm inside the Capitol taking a shit on Nancy Pelosi's desk.
I didn't mean to do that.
Oh, accident!
It must have been Antifa.
It had to have been.
It had to have been Antifa, 100%.
Because if they got tricked, it certainly wasn't by Donald Trump, that's for sure.
At least one guy actually went for that defense.
The Donald Trump hoodwinked me, I was supposed to be defending the president or whatever, and they were just like, yeah, tough shit, jail time, or whatever.
Yeah.
Jail.
Straight to jail.
Just, ugh.
Or like, yeah, tough shit, it doesn't look good for you, plead, so whatever, just get some jail time, or just admit your guilt, fool.
Admit that you were guilty and wrong and bad at being American.
Yes.
Literally the number one thing you need to be if you're American is pro-democracy.
Pro-God, pro-democracy.
Well, I mean, I'm talking about the real stuff.
We could make an endless list of fake stuff that you'd really need to be into if you want to be an American.
Capitalism!
Racism!
Gun-ism.
Gun-ism, yeah.
Christian-ism, for sure.
100%.
White-ism?
Oh god, I'm a hardcore Christian-ism.
It's all about me.
Separation of church and state doesn't really work if the church doesn't play by the same rules.
No.
No, man, what they meant was that they got to separate their church from the previous state and bring it over here to make a cooler church.
Right, right, right.
Damn right.
And God We Trust is on our money, and it's always been there, because that was something the Founding Fathers definitely wanted, and it's always been there.
It's also in the Pledge of Allegiance for the same reason.
It's always been there.
Don't worry about it.
Everybody loves God.
Yeah.
Oh, hashtag team God.
Let's do this.
Yeah.
Hashtag God wins, which was like, wasn't that, did we see that for real on the back of some t-shirts during vacation at one point?
Who can remember?
It was so long ago.
I'm going to take this opportunity to finally segue away from the January 6th hearings.
More on that to come over the next week, I'm sure.
Yeah, I'm sure we'll get a bunch next week.
Let's talk about Navarro.
Don't even remember who that is, but apparently they got indicted.
Mike Raines, who is that guy?
Why should I care?
So Peter Navarro was a member of the Trump administration who was asked to testify before the 1-6 committee.
He told them to fuck off.
Oh my god, just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in.
They pulled you back in, those sons of bitches.
How did you guys not catch it?
This was supposed to be part of the January 6th news.
No!
But anyways, so Navarro got himself indicted for contempt of Congress, much like our beloved hero, Steve Bannon, did.
And Bannon's going on trial within a week, I believe.
I think his trial starts on the 15th.
Not getting pardoned this time.
Nope.
Yeah, I think the guy currently occupying the seat that gives the pardons is a no bueno on Steve Bannon.
Yeah.
You never know.
Biden could surprise us.
Yes, Biden could appoint Trump Vice President tomorrow.
Whatever Steve Bannon has on every president, it's pretty potent stuff.
You have no idea.
If you thought the pee tape was salacious, boy howdy.
You have no idea what horrifying documents Steve Bannon has on all of us.
They're so important, that's why they're called the Q documents.
But so Peter Navarro got indicted for contempt of Congress, and he has decided in an incredibly brilliant strategy that he's going to represent himself in this case.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
And he has said that if he got a real lawyer, it would probably cost him about a half a million dollars, and that would take away all of his retirement savings.
So he ain't wrong.
However, I mean, if he didn't want to go down either of these roads, he could have
just complied with the subpoena.
He did not have to get hit with a contempt of Congress charge.
Like he was the one who was like, fuck you.
I ain't testifying.
And they're like, you do realize you can walk in here and take the fifth.
I mean, you can just do that.
That's what Alex Jones did.
Right.
You can just like show up, answer a few questions.
And the moment, the moment, the lightest bit of heat comes on you, the moment you feel a droplet of sweat on your brow, you can just whisper to your lawyer and then lean over to the microphone and be like, uh, from now on, I'm just going to plead the fifth to everything you say.
So FYI, this is going to be absolutely a total clown show for you.
You're going to get nothing out of me, but.
He didn't even want to do that.
He decided, I'm going to, I'm going to go the Bannon route.
I'm going to just literally risk spending some amount of time in a club, in a club fed, because this is an open and shut case.
I remember when Bannon like first got hit with the contempt of Congress charge and they had like the parameters of the case brought before the judge and the prosecution was like, Uh, we're going to call one witness to explain how the Constitution works and how contempt of Congress works.
And then we're going to rest our case.
Our case is going to take us 45 minutes.
So, um, whenever you want to hold the trial judge, we're good because, uh, we, we don't need, we don't need anything.
This, this is fucking constitutional law 101.
It's over before it started.
QL's famous, uh, dunking swish motion.
Just dunk, dunk.
Yeah.
It's very famous among us.
Just us.
Not you guys.
Because this is an audio medium.
But he does it a lot.
Imagine the Swish.
It's incredible.
Yes.
It's just as good, if not slightly better, than you can imagine it to be.
100%.
Just like the reality that the QAnon devout live in, just where, like, the bad guys you think are the bad guys are the bad guys, and you are a chosen one that is fighting against them in, like, a literally righteous holy war against pedophiles.
Exactly.
So good.
I mean, that sounds rad.
Like, someone should make that into a very awesome open world GTA clone style game.
Hey man, no one can really get you on board but yourself.
So you should probably do some of your own research, mate.
That's the name of the game.
Do Your Own Research.
Oh, it has to be.
Oh my God.
That's probably the subtitle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The name of the game would be Red Build.
Red Build, colon, Do Your Own Research.
Do Your Own Research.
If we started a Kickstarter for that, we would get like $2 million almost immediately.
And then we would just have to aggressively rug pull and just keep the money.
Red Build 2, the rug pull.
No, I mean, we could make an actual game, but it would just be like sort of...
Like 90s style crappy metal music that you would hear in a game like Doom and the whole game would just be like you sitting at your computer scrolling Reddit and like going to log into Twitter and remembering that you're blocked and then it's like a quick time event where you like have to quickly hit a button to curse at like something antisemitic like out of your breath.
Now you're doing it to yourself!
What am I doing to myself?
That's a hilarious pitch for a video game about racists.
Well, I guess anti-Semites in this case.
But don't worry, they're also racist.
That's one of the difficulty modes.
Oh, so the final thing about Navarro getting indicted was Louie Gohmert, absolute moron representative who gives Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert runs for their money, who is the dumbest member of Congress.
Louie, in response to this indictment and the 1-6 hearings and all the rest of this stuff, I saw this when it happened.
television that Republicans can't even lie to the FBI without it being turned into a
case. Like, if you lie to the FBI, now you catch a case.
What kind of bullshit is that?
What has America become?
It says, what has it been illegal to lie to the FBI?
Exactly.
Hey, I said no takesy-baksies, and you guys have to abide by that.
I'm like, what?
Bro, you didn't put my hand on a Bible.
I'm not under oath.
I can say whatever the fuck I want to you pigs.
Did Navarro's cooler older brother Dave show up?
Uh, no, not that I know of.
Jesus.
There's just a Scalding Hot Word Association.
Hey, that's a Jane's Addiction reference.
Oh, thank God.
Oh boy.
Man.
Oh, that Dave Navarro.
I was thinking of the other one.
I couldn't tell you a Jane's Addiction song if you paid me.
I mean, I think that says a lot about you as a person.
Yeah.
I'll just leave it at that.
Yeah, alright.
Before I ask you to name a Jane's Addiction song.
You've already been trying to fucking pull quick draws on me tonight.
I'm Teflon Dodd, baby.
I'm the Matt Gaetz of this podcast.
You can't get me.
Nobody stops Mr. Tabido.
Hahaha.
Return time.
Ugh.
Anyway, we're starting to lose our minds, so do we want to head into our
succulent mailbag and start answering some Give it to me.
That sounds like a wonderful idea.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
Oh, Q and A. I get it.
Yes!
This is why we don't record day and night.
We've all had a full day's work.
Trapped in, like, different disasters.
It moves cute indeed, I guess.
And our listeners have no idea the hell that me and Elle went through to get to the computers to talk into the can today.
We had ourselves adventures.
Magical, separate adventures that were great.
Until at one point we triumphantly came together for one final adventure before making it safely home, not unlike Milo and Otis.
We're Milo and Otis.
Yeah, I think that happened, right?
At some point they got together before they made it back to the farm and did a thing.
I know that one of them has like a full family.
Milo and Otis is buck wild.
What?
No, they're together the whole movie.
Then they separate right at the end and come back with families.
Yeah, that's what I said.
There's been a lot of times since I've watched Milo and Otis, I'm not gonna lie.
Oh god, the babysitters at my church put that movie- I've seen that movie like 20 times.
I don't think I'm exaggerating.
So anyways, SnorlaxCPap says, Father-in-law coming into town.
He is a big board game fan.
What game do I pull out to completely destroy him and ruin our relationship?
My heart says Monopoly.
And this question has a reply.
Why would you do that to yourself?
This question has a reply from HellworldL that is a gif saying, My time has come.
So L, the floor is yours.
Well, so honestly, if you just want to make him hate you, then Monopoly is a good call, because that game sucks, and it's terrible.
It's like Mario Party.
It's useful for nothing but wasting time and destroying friendships.
Or relationships, I guess, in this case.
So if your goal is to ruin your relationship with your father, or your stepfather, I already forgot the relation here.
Mike, refresh my memory.
Father-in-law.
Father-in-law, there we go.
If you truly want him out of your life for whatever reason, play some Monopoly.
But if you want the king of games, you can play Die Siedlers von Catan, also known as just Catan now because they got too hip to be the settlers of Catan.
And, uh, I don't care.
I know that, like, perception in the board game-o-sphere with, like, hipster board game nerds is sort of turned on Catan as being passé.
Well, it's only passé because a bajillion people have played it, and it's very good and still among the greatest of all time.
So, I have it right.
You could, you could stroll into, like, literally any store that might even remotely have sold a board game once, and they will have a copy of Catan for you to buy.
You can go to Target.
Or Walmart, or Barnes and Noble, or Borders if those still exist.
Probably Dell.com.
If you want to be real cool, find Game of Thrones Catan.
Don't do that.
Just buy the regular one.
Yes.
I love Catan.
I know Mike Rands loves Catan.
Sarge just loves Catan.
Yeah, that game's good.
That I played with these guys.
That game is just great.
But, you know, I have an endless fountain of board games I could recommend.
We've been really enjoying Brian Boru, which is a cool ass sort of like territory control.
It's hard to explain, but it's like because it's got like a light trick taking component to it, but not really.
It's very strange, but it's also very nice.
Loved me a Brian Boru.
A personal favorite of me and my partner is Everdell.
I kickstarted that for the most recent expansion.
Still waiting on it because it's shipping from Shanghai, so gonna be waiting for a little while.
But Everdell is a bunch of fun, and if you like that type of game, Lords of Waterdeep is also one I haven't busted out in a while, but is a huge personal favorite.
I love that game.
Yeah.
If you like the dopamine rush that comes from solving a puzzle and you have four players, because I think it's best at four players, I highly recommend the game called Cryptid.
Cryptid is the nut.
Love a cryptid.
I love that game.
I am fucking terrible at it because my brain just does not work in those lines.
Nothing hits quite as hard as when you get there on a cryptid guess.
It makes it makes very good, very good feeling in brain.
Yeah.
And if you want to fight a board with one of the teamwork games where the board is the enemy, I like Pandemic, and I've played a couple games of Ghost Island.
I haven't gotten super deep into that game, or Spirit Island, I think is the name of it.
I love both those games.
I've heard good things about Spirit Island.
Yeah.
But what about this Ghost Island game I've heard so much about from my friends?
You've heard wrong, because I'm an illiterate moron who can't talk.
I just heard him say that he loved some sort of game called Ghost Island, and it sounds very cool.
No.
I know myself and Elle take a lot of board game recommendations from the YouTube channel Shut Up and Sit Down.
I don't 100% agree with them on all fronts, but I usually agree with them most of the time.
I'm privileged to have a board game enthusiast friend who is a very much enthusiast, so now I have even one more filter between me and that YouTube channel.
Sometimes I'll still watch their content, but now for the most part I don't have to, because it's getting British-style filtered through my pal, and only the cherriest games are making their way through to me.
So good.
Nice.
That is a nice system.
But Catan is the answer.
Get Catan on it.
Yes.
100% Catan.
Catan is... I have a...
A anniversary edition of it, big hundred dollar wooden one.
Although for what it's worth, it is going to require a third or a fourth.
If you're talking about a straight up Heads Up game, then probably a board game is not the way to go.
I still really like Smash Up.
I think Heads Up Smash Up is a lot of fun, but I know that I'm in the minority there.
If you like trick taking games, Fox in the Forest is really, really fun for Heads Up.
It is designed for two players.
Or what's it called?
Baseball Highlights 2049 or whatever?
That's like a two-player deck-building game where you're like cyborg baseball players.
It's actually pretty neato.
Yeah.
I think Mike Rades would really like it a lot because the theme he got is quite good.
Yeah.
They're like baseball in the future.
Baseball was fucking boring.
So we shortened it to six innings.
We allowed robots.
We allowed cyborgs.
And then fielders got super magnet gloves.
I love all of this.
This sounds like a great game.
There you go.
10 minutes of us talking about board games.
We finally did it.
Damn right.
Damn right.
Anyway, thank you for listening.
Oh, sorry.
More questions, boo.
So Big Bad Bald Bastard asks, or says, the Amuse-Bouche is a great segment.
How do we convince more restauranteurs to serve an Amuse-Bouche course?
And he then goes on to explain that he got a great Eric Cheney, and they gave him a small plate of the rice mixture that he forms them from, and he tells us to always tip well.
So I appreciate you wanting to tip well, and that you did get a good amuse-bouche.
See, that sounds delicious, especially because I know what that is.
Mike Rades seems like he does not know what that is, despite the fact that I have ordered it and eaten it in his face.
And I think I had him try it.
Me and you have done way too many Italian restaurants for me to have any memory of any of the meals.
And my answer for how to get it on the menu everywhere is officially changed to the amuse couche!
Who could resist such an incredibly decadent sounding word as couche?
Yes, 100%.
Cush is the third city right behind Sodom and Gomorrah that got wiped out by God, but he was just like yellow to smutty.
Yes.
I think it's in the Apocrypha.
It has to be.
There's no two ways about it.
Also, the problem is I don't think Americans are ready for a true amuse-bouche just because, you know, Americans... Well, there's a reason why when you go to an ice cream establishment and you get their smallest ice cream, it's still, like, two scoops of ice cream.
Pfft, yum.
When you go to a place, if you just want one scoop of ice cream in a cone, you have to, like, specify that.
You have to just be like, I want that.
Maybe that is what you normally serve to dogs as a pup cup.
But if that is the case, that is still what I would like, please.
I would just like one scoop of this ice cream in a cone, please.
That's it.
That's all I want.
Please.
I made the mistake of trying to order the kitty.
I was, I was, I was out with my partner, uh, last week and like we made the, I was like, what size do you want?
She was like the smallest.
So I made the mistake of ordering kitty.
It was still two scoops.
It was way too much.
Yup.
Yup.
Oh God.
I was going to say, anytime we go out for ice cream, uh, if I get anything bigger than a small, I put it in the freezer and have it the second day.
That is the way it should be.
Listen up, Americans, practice some portion control.
Goddamn you.
So thank you for the question.
Confidently Befuddled asks, do you think the evangelical right is cozying up more with QAnon and other conspiracy theories, or do you think this is a standard for that demographic?
I think that when you get really religious, you fall easier into conspiracy theories.
Because once you live in the world where God is walking among us and the devil is corrupting people, it's really hard.
You've already blurred the lines of reality so much that why wouldn't you want to believe in stuff like Adrenochrome and Trump being handpicked by God to save the world and all of that shit?
I mean, I just think that hardcore religion is just kind of a form of LARPing and QAnon is just LARPing harder.
It's just all degrees, really.
I do think that it's become sort of, like, fashionable in those circles for, like, not just, like, white nationalism, but also, like, Christian nationalism.
It's just been, like, on the uptick, where it's just like, yeah, fuck it, I'm Christian, and I think that all non-Christians should fucking be murdered so they can get to hell faster.
It's like, yikes, bud, that's pretty tough, but, you know, it's just sort of like, I feel like the fact that Trump got his shot and, like, a bunch of bigots just got to come out of the woodwork and just be like, You know what, maybe I can just be a Nazi in public again.
Wouldn't that be fun?
And luckily a lot of that self-corrected.
But yeah, I just think nationalism in general is on the rise, and that includes Christian nationalism, which is also frequently white nationalism, just in a different form.
Yep.
So thank you for the question.
Confidently befuddled.
Cleodora Silvestri pours kerosene on the, I assume, NFTs.
QAnon has become stuck in a position where they create the illusion and consume the illusion to sustain themselves.
How do you pull them out of this Schrodinger street card Monty where they are both the swindler and the mark without collapsing local reality around them?
Um, it's, it's, it, this is like one of those, yeah, this is like one of those things where it's like, do you have sympathy for the fact that they're a victim or do you hate them because they're a con man?
And for me, it's like, you just see so many QAnon promoters who are just totally pilled and believe in it wholeheartedly.
And it's like, but they're still doing something evil.
So basically my mindset is, is that if you're promoting it and you're like putting yourself out there and talking it up and trying to kill more people, you're a bad guy and I'm going to shit on you. And as to
how to avoid making local reality collapse around them, no idea. I mean, it, it just takes so much
work to get a person to admit they've been conned about anything.
I mean, the minorest shit can happen, and people are just like, nope, I didn't get conned, I didn't get swindled, I don't know what you're talking about.
Like, people who go to fortune tellers and all this kind of stuff, they're gonna believe, and when you tell them it's all cold reading and it's all bullshit, they're gonna double down and refuse your evidence.
Like, it's really hard to get someone to be like, nope, you're right.
I was, I was lied to.
I was manipulated.
I was tricked.
And getting to that level of clarity is just, it's really hard.
And if someone doesn't want to get to it, they won't.
So this is the incredibly unsatisfying answer, but it's the only answer I can give.
I mean, personally, I have very little sympathy for them.
Especially the people who, like, up until this were... By all accounts, they were just like a regular person, man.
And it's just like, were they just a regular person?
It's just sort of like the same as it were.
It's just like, I don't drink tequila because tequila makes my clothes come off.
Really?
That specific liquor is the one that does that, is it?
Whiskey makes you want to fight?
You're sure it's not just being drunk and suddenly you don't have inhibitions and it turns out that the real you kind of wants to fight?
Or the real you just wants to be naked because there's a person you're attracted to?
Or maybe deep down inside you're just like secretly a racist and all of a sudden QAnon comes out.
Suddenly there's, you could be a big racist with a bunch of pals on the internet.
And it's like, Donald Trump's the president.
He says it's okay to be proud to be white again.
You're just like, yeah, well, why not be proud to be white?
White's awesome.
You know what, this Q guy, like, these Democrats are lame, and Q says being white's cool, and I'm white, and I don't like the Democrats, and I'd like to see Hillary Clinton arrested, and maybe she's a pedophile, like, and it's just like, okay.
So up until then, you were just a quote-unquote totally normal person, and then, oh, you're a big victim, because the big bang QAnon came, and they managed to, it's like, I don't buy that.
Certainly some of them have mental illness, because, you know, mental illness is like a real problem.
And in those cases, presumably, the QAnon thing was not the first indicator that they had that issue.
It is unfortunate that they did not get the help that they needed.
But for a lot of these people, I'm assuming that QAnon is like, maybe their first go-round on the conspiracy express?
And I have zero sympathy for those people.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, when you get sucked into a conspiracy theory, and you distance yourself from your friends or your family, or you start alienating people, you're part of the problem.
Yeah, it's shitty that people brainwashed you, but...
You're buying in.
You're accepting it.
You're not listening to your social circle that's trying to help you out.
And that's a problem that you need to figure out yourself.
There's no toys about that.
I definitely agree with that.
It boils down to a question about personal responsibility, which is too difficult for chuckleheads like us to answer.
Oh boy, yeah.
That's a scam.
But especially like in the times we're living in now, where again, at any moment, anyone or almost anyone
who could possibly be pilled by QAnon, meaning that they have access to the internet,
has just the subtotal of humanity's knowledge just at their fingertips at any moment.
And if they really wanted to, they could just actually...
I mean, that's it.
it out and just be like, ah, yes, look at all these reputable sources telling me this
is bullshit. I should probably acknowledge that it's bullshit, but it is much sexier
to believe the lie. Like, who doesn't want to live in a more magical world?
Yep, absolutely. I mean, that's it. That's so much about the allure of conspiracy theories
is they make the world way more exciting and fun. So thank you for the question.
Yes.
And so Leach from BX says, whatever happened to the whole May 22nd Biden selling out to the UN World Economic Forum or whatever?
Any reaction from the Q crowd that after nothing happened?
Oh, no, they've been next year.
Yeah, next year.
Yeah.
If you didn't know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you didn't hear about this, basically there was a like subdivision of the UN that had a The World Health Organization was working through the UN for basically a plan to deal with pandemics and to try to make a better global response, which was basically saying that China screwed the pooch on COVID and we need to not let that happen again.
And it was just this kind of thing where it's like, hey, we need to be an international community that reacts to potentially fast-moving viruses quicker than we did last time.
And so this kind of global cooperation would be a big step leg up in our race to prevent the next pandemic.
So all the Alex Jones QAnon nuts were like, they want nations to cede control of themselves to the UN and be be put under the thumb of globalist rule and oracle
bargain. It was none of that. The UN is fucking toothless, like Jesus Christ, people chill out.
Passed a resolution that says the WHO, the World Health Organization can declare a pandemic even if the country
that it's happening in says it's not. IE, China, recently.
That that's all that happened. The WHO is just like, hey, we
really could have gotten a jump on this if we'd been allowed to
declare a pandemic. But China keeps saying kept saying no, there wasn't one. But, you know, we all knew there was and
we really need to be able to just say, pandemic. And you like
start start the ball rolling.
And the UN was like, yeah, that seems fair.
Well, yeah.
UN resolution to be able to raise arms above head and wave them around in a panic like Kermit the Frog.
Yeah.
I mean, you're not too far off.
The motion is passed.
Yeah.
Boom.
Take everybody's hand and applaud.
Bang the gavel.
Yep, take that nations having sovereignty defeated.
It's all over now.
We're now under the one world government.
UNing accomplished.
Exactly.
Unfurl the banner.
Boom, we did it!
It's just the Shadaloo flag, bison steps out.
A giant T-Rex comes in from off screen and starts eating members of the UN and then the banner falls over it and says, what dinosaurs ruled the earth?
All of this happened simultaneously.
That's an old reference and a topical reference because that new Jurassic Park movie is coming out soon and I hear it is very bad.
I've seen reviews that are, now it's not going to be for everyone, but I had a good time.
Which is a very polite way to say that it's bad.
I think one of the headlines I read called it, Colossally Terrible.
I didn't see anything being that direct.
I saw everyone being like, just couching it.
Yeah.
So thank you for the question.
Brian asks, I'd love to hear what y'all think about the Utah County Sheriff's Office hunting perpetrators of ritual abuse.
If you didn't hear about this story... Oh, Jesus.
Is this satanic panic shit?
Yeah, it's a Titanic panic ship.
And it's it's actually incredibly aggressively specific and political.
There is a Utah County, like race for like, the basically like the Attorney General of that county.
And this sheriff has endorsed the opponent of the incumbent.
And the incumbent apparently about a decade or so ago had some weird charges about him that were that he had faced and they were dismissed as being bullshit.
And then the sheriff like just came out of the woodwork and it's just like, Hey, everybody, I'm going to get back into this and check out these claims.
The sheriff's name is Mike Smith and Mike Smith is investigating these things because David Levitt, who is the Utah County attorney that is currently the incumbent, It was a suspect in this thing like about a decade ago that involved charges of like child abuse and cannibalism and all that kind of just absolutely ridiculously salacious horseshit and Levitt is
Absolutely furious that this has been brought up.
He has called on Mike Smith to resign for being a piece of shit by like just bringing up this absolute nonsense.
And Mike Smith's been like, nope, this is a totally legitimate investigation.
I'm not doing this to sandbag a political rival right before an election.
Totally on the up and up.
Fair.
I'm just looking for evidence, and if anyone has been, you know, ritually abused, or if they had a family member that was eaten by Levitt and his wife, please come forward.
I'd love to hear your story.
We're just trying to get to the bottom of it all.
You know how it works.
Yeah, nobody is rushing to call you a cannibal, but also nobody is rushing to not call you a cannibal.
Exactly.
I mean, this is classic shitty politics where you just make them respond to something ridiculous.
Yeah, but I mean, like, criminal investigation for cannibalism is pretty spicy.
Good for him.
Yeah, that's rad.
Yes.
So, yeah, maybe the guy, maybe the guy is like a ritualistic cannibal.
Oh, that'd be so awesome.
You don't know the man.
This is true.
I do not know the man.
I do not know.
But I do kind of know.
I know him, he's a nice guy.
He makes a hell of a pot roast.
He's got a weird flavor.
Yep, the best long pig in Utah.
It's so succulent, I don't know how he does it.
It's the greatest pork I've ever had.
100%.
I'm like, what's your secret?
He's like, it's all in the people that you've murdered, because this is people.
Man, that guy's not subtle at all.
Holy shit.
No, he really loves his work.
He can't do it.
In fact, I'm surprised he's pushing back so hard.
We just watch Hannibal all the time.
God.
And other cannibal media.
Is Hannibal Lecter the only famous media cannibal that's had any, like, I mean, I'm sure there have been others, but he's just been, he's had, like, such a heroic run.
Certainly we could get another cannibal.
Well, they canceled Santa Clara diet after like only a few seasons.
She was a zombie.
That doesn't count.
She was a weird zombie.
Yeah, but she was a weird zombie.
I mean, she still had to eat people.
But she was still a zombie.
Nonetheless, they made it clear that she was dead and had to eat human flesh because she was a zombie.
I'm talking about, I eat human flesh because I like it.
I eat human flesh because it is the biggest decadent delicacy.
You can't be getting this just anywhere, man.
They say you run out of the Bill Dolphin.
You can go get Dolphin if you really want it.
This is people, man.
Somebody had to die for this.
Oh man, that's what I want.
I want ethically sourced human.
I want humans who've died of natural causes being- Hell no!
I want it the most unethical.
I want to hunt it myself.
I want the most dangerous game.
The most dangerous and delicious game.
All right.
We got any more questions?
Yep.
Our last question is from Reverend Xenofact.
The January 6 hearings are here.
How is QAnon going to ignore their role in terrorism and murder?
Any new narratives you expect?
Uh, no.
They're just going to say this is all bullshit.
They're going to roll their eyes.
They're going to roll their eyes and call it all bullshit.
They're just going to hand wave it away.
And that's it.
They're just, Oh God.
Plug their ears.
La la la.
Not listening.
That's, that's what we're going to get out of them.
They're going to be a bunch of goddamn children.
Durham, Stone Cold Stunner, etc.
Oh god, oh man.
Once we finish recording here, I'm just going to pop on Twitter and it's just going to be like, hashtag Durham, hashtag Durham time, hashtag justice.
I'm going to be like, oh shit, the fucking storm happened.
I don't believe it.
Oh man.
I'm going to be watching Durham 316.
So besides Durham opening up a kid of whoop ass on the Democrats in the 1-6 hearings,
what are you guys looking forward to?
Oh, um, well, I found out about this Indian movie, RRR, and I've been working my way through it.
It's incredibly rad, so I'm looking forward to getting back to that.
There's like, at one point, a guy punches a tiger with a flaming fist, and another time he grabs a jaguar and flips it around and throws it on the guy, another guy, and then the jaguar does a luchador-style takedown, and that's only like The 30th most crazy thing that happens in it.
Was it a Hurricane Rana?
Did he just, did the Jaguar just absolutely front backflip the guy around him?
That sounds awesome.
I think he does.
Uh, because like, there's a lot of like, like Kung Fu movie moves and wrestling moves in this movie.
At one point a guy flips up a motorcycle and he uses it as a shield, uh, and then flips it back around.
Uh, And it's it's on Netflix.
If you're at all interested, give it a watch.
It is fucking wild.
That just I don't know why but that reminds me of when Blade just like hit a guy of a vertical suplex straight from the WWE in a movie and it was just like, okay, it's fine.
Then you got the Reaper elbow because I think Reaper was the bad guy that he was like, you're just Stop.
You're talking about the Reaper's elbow.
Yeah.
Well, if you're watching that movie, you're like, where the hell did the bad guy go?
And then you see him coming up and doing a flying elbow.
Yeah, dude, he had to climb up to the top rope.
I mean, that's how it works.
How are you going to do a flying elbow if you're not climbing up to the top rope?
So RRR and the Blade Trilogy.
I'm looking forward to the Blade Trilogy.
Yes.
The Reaper's the cream of the crop.
That's why he did the elbow.
The cream of the crop.
Yes.
I mean, I like that you're working on it.
I'm going to keep working on it.
It is getting more like Randall Savage.
That's what we're here for.
Yes.
I'm going to be quick about it.
I'm excited.
When we're done recording, I'm going to eat Chinese food leftovers.
I'm going to watch anime like a grown man child.
It's going to be incredible.
That sounds so good.
And I am looking forward to the fact that your Boston Celtics are two tiny wins away from actually winning a sports ball trophy for the title-starved city of Boston.
We have gone so Terribly long, without any success from any of our major sports ball franchises.
Yeah, what a fucking drought for you guys, huh?
Oh God, it's been interminable.
It's been like maybe two years, maybe somewhere around there, I don't know.
Maybe three, oh God.
I can't even remember, but yeah.
But it appears it is possible that that drought may end sometime next week, or the week after, because God is the NBA spacing out the time of these fucking games.
But yes, our Boston Irishmen are defeating the Bay Area hooligans, or however, whatever other weird terminology you use for warriors.
But yes, this grappling of the sports ball is going Boston's way at the moment.
So the crow I'll be eating in our next podcast when shit's gone sour the other way, that will be for you, the listeners who hate Boston, to relish in.
Oh, tough shit.
It is time for you to eat crow right now, because based on what you just said, that implies that you believe soccer hooligans to be soccer warriors.
Perhaps.
You could potentially make that delineation.
You could besmirch me that way.
I can accept that.
So would you say some tall, bald-headed guy going, oh, you want me?
You're like, that guy.
That guy's a warrior.
What a warrior that guy is.
There is no fucking way a coward can block that guy.
He's enchanting.
He headbutts a guy because both hands are holding a pint.
And then everybody around him cheers.
Damn right.
Okay.
Enough talking about hooligan warriors.
Let's get the fuck out of Hellworld.
Let's say we're on a magic carpet ride this time, because I don't want to think of anything else.
Thank you all so very much for listening to the show.
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Once again, $5 donation gets you access to all of that stuff.
This week, we have some wonderful, beautifuller babies to welcome to the squad.
So thank you very much for BattleTag09, that is a cool name, HotWalkinSummer, not a fan of that mental image, not a huge fan, Bobzilla, ShermC, And apparently Old McWatkins, who's a vintage beautifler baby, who claims that they never got their shout out.
Well, guess what, Old McWatkins?
Your time may finally done come.
And the time is now.
So thank you, everybody, for your continued support of the show.
We love you.
Uh, if you want to give your money to a cause better than three jerks talking about QAnon on the internet, we totally get that.
You can donate your money to love146.org.
They are an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
That whole bit there is in quotation marks because that is how they describe themselves.
What a bunch of lads.
What a bunch of hooligans and or warriors.
Thanks always to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our intro song.
No social media still for DJ Minimal Effort, so this shout into the void is for you.
Parentheses, shout noise.
You can go visit our buddy Frosty who delivered our incredible amuse-cuche bump, as well as every other bump, and the voice of Q when we need it, etc.
You can find them on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
And at some point, if you would like to hear Sarge and I continue to talk about pop culture, you can squat upon the rotting carcass of the At Binge Wordy podcast, which you can find on Twitter, atbingewerdy, B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
At some point, our lives will simmer down for long enough for us to get back to talking about dumb pop culture bullshit, And when we do, we'll be posting it there.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, Hellworld Al, joined by another host, Hellworld Sarge!
And what is this?
A third host?
And our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rades?