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June 2, 2022 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:24:56
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #89: Durham Loses

This week the HellwQrld crew laughs at Durham losing his court case, Dinesh engaged Mike on Twitter which made Mr. Rains day and we have yet more 1/6 nonsense and conspiracy theories around the Uvalde shooting. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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♪♪♪ Content Warning...
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from Hellworld.
We've been doing this for over a year, and I just now realized I could say that.
And the mysterious Hell.
Goodbye from Hellworld!
Support our Patreon, etc, my beautiful babies.
They'd be great.
World's shortest episode.
Boom, we nailed it.
Nothing to cover this week.
We got nothing.
We have no news, no information.
Sorry folks, you want your hell world fixed, you gotta wait until next week.
Because maybe something will happen between now and then.
No wait, we're in our third week of needing an additional content warning because we're going to be talking about extra fucked up shit, even more than normal.
Because we still have to talk about the... How's that place pronounced?
Uvalde?
Valde is what I've heard when I've listened to the news.
I've seen it in print like a gajillion times recently, of course, but we'll just say The Horrible Child Massacre.
We're gonna have to talk about that some more.
So yeah, keep it light and breezy up top.
Yes, the hell world way.
That's how we operate.
That's why we tried to hack the coding of the Matrix and add in our own little release valve at the top of the show called the Amuse-Bouche!
It's time to amuse some booshes out there.
The first thing we're going to talk about, because lord knows Mike wants to talk about it, is Mike is still deep down the mules rabbit hole.
He's still out there scrapping over mules.
He can't get enough of it.
No, I can't help myself.
But more importantly, I actually got Dinesh D'Souza to engage with me on Twitter, which was goddamn hilarious.
Oh my god, acknowledgement for daddy.
Oh god, oh man, yes.
Notice me, senpai.
My beautiful grifter daddy said hello to me.
I was so honored.
He tussled my hair, he pinched my cheeks.
It was the sweetest moment.
What did you say to him, and what did he say to you?
Uh, well the thing that was really funny was I actually, I had been trolling him on Twitter by like following his post and like giving him the razzle dazzle and he replied to a couple of the things that I had replied to him about and then he actually went into one of my threads and yelled at me and that was, that was wild.
Because I was I was just talking about like, what is one of the major plot hole of the movie, which is like, it's really hilarious in a movie with no plot as a plot hole.
But Dinesh has this whole conspiracy theory about like, the mules were taking photographs of the ballots so they could get paid because That's how the operation worked, and it's ridiculous.
And for those of you who really want to get into it, you have to go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash PokerPolitics to listen to Mule's Errand, our bonus content.
Shameless plug there.
But the thing about the photos was I made a comment about how Dinesh is saying that Zuckerberg and Soros Demanded that these photos be taken in order to get payment.
And Dinesh was like, I never said that.
No one ever said that.
That's a ridiculous claim.
And it's like, yeah, you never said that Zuckerberg and Soros were demanding photos for payment, but you did make it really clear that they were the two people that you named that were the money men behind the election theft.
So, like, maybe they weren't working on the day-to-day minutia of how the mules were operating, but they were the one cutting the checks.
And you said that.
So, um, I think it's, it's, it's, it's a very fair point that like, these are the people who you painted as the bad guys of the story.
And you, and you did that in like the 85th minute of this movie.
Like literally the movie has no villain other than the mules until the bitter end.
And then at the last second, Dinesh is just like, holy shit, I haven't blamed any bad guys yet that people can name and be mad at.
Who do right-wingers hate?
Oh, they hate Zuckerberg and Soros for mysterious reasons.
Let me interview this guy and have him name drop them.
Oh, so it's a Studio Trigger show.
I get it.
That one's out there for my weeb friends, but you'll understand what that means.
Deep cut nerd reference from Al.
We got one.
We're just five minutes in, I mean.
Hey!
So, apropos of nothing involving mules, something Mike said did remind me of a thing that does tickle me pink.
It will help amuse abuses, I'm sure.
Mike led part of that story with the funny thing is, which we is all guilty of.
Don't get me wrong.
We is all guilty of that.
We've all done that before.
But I just love the compulsion to do it because it's just like, no, no ignoramus.
If any part of this anecdote up until now has amused you, you have been wrong.
The funny part of the anecdote is arriving.
And when it arrives, you should be prepared.
It's going to knock your fucking socks off.
No, the funny thing is how Dinesh creeped into my thread or whatever.
That's the funny part.
Anyway.
That tickled me about as much as my Darling in the Franks dunk.
Or you could, you know, insert any Studio Trigger property there.
So, let's move on to our second official Abu's Boosh topic, and that is True the Vote, a thing that I believe you had to explain to both of us last episode.
I'm still just sort of vaguely aware of it as people who think the vote was stolen.
Shocker.
And this week I guess they're doing even more dumb stuff, but not dumber important enough to make actual headlines, which is not surprising.
What's up with True the Vote this week?
So True the Vote just held a meet and greet with the esteemed legislature of Arizona, which as we all know, is a cesspool of just brainwormed filled lunatics.
And what's really funny about this is you've got truth vote coming into Arizona to talk about ballot harvesting and all this corruption, when literally we had like a three month long audit in Arizona with cyber ninjas trying to get to the bottom of who stole the election.
So suddenly having Truth or Vote coming in and being, oh, by the way, it wasn't Dominion or Smartmatic or the Italian satellite or the golden server from Germany.
It wasn't any of that.
It was just a bunch of guys trafficking ballots, like illicitly, like just Really?
The Arizona conservative wasn't satiated with their tax dollars, went to proving that there was fraud, and then the people that they appointed came back to say that there was in fact no fraud?
That wasn't enough to sway them off of their opinion?
Facts?
What?
That's imposterous!
Yeah, it's so weird.
It's so bizarre that they weren't able to, they weren't able to accept reality literally ever, which is kind of where they're at.
This is why I'm done pretending, like, I know that it will get my wokeness card revoked at some point, but I've done pretending to try to want to operate across the aisle with these people.
They cannot be told.
They are somehow immune to facts and reason.
So any efforts to try to impress it upon them is wasted effort.
They've demonstrated this time and time again.
They just do not care.
So we just need to shun and ignore them and try to, like, just do it.
Just allow time to slowly erode them to the point where we become the crack that sinks them into the ocean and causes a big tsunami of people with guns acting a fool.
That metaphor kind of got away from you there, huh?
I got it back to a second Civil War, though.
You better believe it!
That's where I want all my metaphors to end.
Yeah, I'm like the guys who did Game of Thrones.
I started strong, and then eventually I got to a part where she's like, what if the Civil War never ended, man, and slavery was still around?
That's a thing that two white guys should be exploring, right?
Yeah.
No, don't do that.
Everyone's just like, uh... I just remember hearing that that was a thing those guys were pitching, and I was like, ooh, wow, really?
There is so much dicey about being like, wait, what if we decided to do a story of an alternate history where the South won the Civil War?
And it's like, That, I mean, it's like, I know Man in the High Tower exists, but still, like, that's like, it's a real, it's a real ugly thing, because like, the Confederacy is basically, like, the worst thing in the world.
And everybody with one voice said, hey man, don't do that.
No!
Yeah, it has like a palpably, just the idea of it has like a palpably uncomfortable energy, uh, which I got to experience in like a much more refined beam recently.
I'm not gonna spoil any, like, I can't say the name of the movie because I don't want to spoil anything, but I went to go see a movie simply recently in cinema in which there was an incest scene that popped up.
And once it became, like, everyone in the audience went on this emotional journey together that you could feel in the air where it was just like, no, surely they're not gonna...
Oh no, it really looks like the... And then we're all just sitting there just being grossed out together.
It was very nice.
It's something that you definitely can't get watching something at home.
It's just like, oh god, we're all in this uncomfortable situation together and you can just feel it.
We all hate it.
It was really great.
It was like one of the highlights of the actual moviegoing experience for that evening.
We were talking about it in the vehicle on the way home.
It was just like, how icky and gross did it feel immediately?
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
So, True The Vote decided to let us know that, A, they have no video in Arizona, which is great because that's really going to help us crack the case.
And they even went so far at one point in this eight, this was like an eight hour long, like meeting with the Arizona legislature.
And I've like, I've seen, uh, clips of the more juicy segments cause, uh, ain't nobody got time for eight hours of these idiots.
And at one point, they actually stated that of the people that were stuffing all the ballots into the ballot boxes in the movie, that like, quote unquote, only one of them was a mule, that like, that fit their criteria.
And it's like, what were the other people then?
Visual representations of mules?
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, It was supposed to be a visual representation of an American, but stock footage search reveals that it is actually a footage of a Russian in Moscow or whatever.
That was the thing that happened in that movie, right?
They were putting up pictures of Moscow as like Atlanta or something.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's that's a super funny thing that we will be getting into in depth when we get to that part of the movie.
It is the Absolute ridiculousness that they go through with this shit is... It's really hilarious.
It's just something I would call boomer porn.
It's because they were like, we need to make this look like CSI and NCIS.
We need to have lots of monitors and screens.
And we need to have a diverse ethnic group of people typing on keyboards as they gaze seriously at the screens as they're downloading all this important data.
Because...
That's what people in their 50s and older think.
That's the planet!
Oh!
Here's my thoughts on it, which is funny, like, why is there a need for boomer porn when Russia is in a war as we speak?
Like, you can simply look and just be like, hey, remember the old bad guy from Your Glory Days?
Well, they're back!
Yeah!
They have returned!
It is the legacy sequel you have been waiting for!
Oh, uh, that reminds me.
Get Mr. T and Chuck Norris out of retirement.
Let's go.
Dude, they literally put Tom Cruise in a jet plane again, my dude.
Like, the man is in the plane again and it made the most money.
So, like, clearly the appetite is most of the way there.
So it's like, why can't we just get the American conservative back on the, like, hey, how about we just disagree with Russia real bad?
You know what I mean?
Let's channel our energy into just being like, yeah, Ukraine, fuck up Russia.
They suck.
Because most of these people are pro-Putin and pro-Russia.
I mean, like, it's amazing how diseased, like, their brains are at this point.
Oh, but what you just said reminded me, there is so... I saw this in some QAnon sections of the internet and also, like, some of right-wing media.
The right-wing media has decided that Top Gun Maverick is, like, part of their culture.
And this is real America.
They won because Top Gun is, like, a blockbuster hit.
What?
No, it's just boomers went back to the theater, like...
Oh, they're talking about Top Gun is a celebration of America, the military, and it's USA, and rah, rah, rah, and it's not this woke bullshit, and it got a trillion billion dollars, and that just proves where Freedom Maga is at, and how you like that, libs?
Cry more!
Boom!
And it's like, uh... Yeah, ask them about how the Taiwanese flag was taken off of Maverick's jacket to kowtow to the Chinese market.
So...
And the fact that it's a Hollywood blockbuster involving Hollywood stars, evil baby-eating monster Lady Gaga cut a track for it, I mean, like- There's no- Tom Cruise is a literal Scientologist.
Yeah.
You have to feel a way about him, right?
It was, there was this really funny thing that happened in QAnon where for like a month they went at Scientology and then like after that month they stopped going at Scientology and it was really weird.
Scientologists probably somehow dug up the true identity of Q with receipts immediately and were just like hey guess what we know who you are so shut up and he was like okay yes sirs.
This is the one thing that, like, Scientology, like, can, like, they could just legally do that sort of stuff and just sort of, like, get publicly available information about you and do digging on you and stuff.
So, I wouldn't be surprised if the Q people were just like, either it happened to them or they were just like, you know, we don't need this kind of heat.
Yeah, it was really funny because Joe M, one of my favorite QAnon promoters, the guy that did Q, the plan to save the world that we we reviewed, he actually had a bunch of tweets about like Scientology is bad and they're probably pedophiles and they're I hate them.
And then like a while later, I did this was back when those people were still on Twitter and shit.
And then like a while later, I did a search of his timeline for the word Scientology and they were all gone.
They were all deleted.
It was so weird.
Like, I don't know what happened.
That guy never deletes anything.
And then suddenly all of his shit against Scientology was just memory hold.
It was just gone.
And I was like, wow.
Did this guy actually, did Scientology go up to this guy and be like, hey, you want a GoPro?
And he was like, oh no, no, no, no, Scientology, I ain't going with you.
Please don't hurt me.
Yeah, please don't hurt me.
They don't really send goons so much as they do, they just send people in, like, khakis to stand on corners near where you frequent, so you just see that they know you where you are all the time.
The fact that QAnon hates Tom Hanks so much, but apparently has no beef with Tom Cruise, is like... I'm calling shenanigans.
That shit is... What?
Like, that's baffling.
Well, the thing with Tom Hanks is there was a QAnon promoter who claimed that her dad sold her to Tom Hanks to be sexually abused by him.
And that led them down that rabbit hole.
Like, basically, that was just, like, one woman's, like, just evidence-free claim against Tom Hanks.
And then that just turned them all into raving lunatics who hated him.
And did everything in their power to try to prove that he's a pederast and a murderer and a lunatic.
And it's, um, it's super bizarre.
It's a very, it's a very weird world to go very weird world to live in.
And that's where I am.
So huzzah me.
Yeah, I mean, we're here with you.
But like, yeah, that that shit's When the truth comes out about Hanks, we're all going to have egg on our face.
Oh god, the most powerful eggs.
A huge egg.
Okay, speaking of egg, let's go into our headline news segment and talk about some goose eggs.
Am I right?
Get it?
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News!
Does the ghost of Goose come back in the new Top Gun?
And like, talk to Tom?
I have no idea.
I don't think I've ever seen the first Top Gun, and I definitely have not seen the new one.
So as far as I know, yes, the ghost does appear.
And he's covered in cool chains, like, what's his name, like Marley from the... How is that possible?
You grew up in the same time period I did, and you never saw Top Gun?
Dude, I was just like, pretty sure that I was mostly heterosexual from an early age, so...
No, I just missed it because I didn't really care about jets.
I'm not gonna lie.
I only really cared about the one jet and it was because the X-Men owned it.
That was sort of where I was as a kid.
Fair enough, I guess.
I liked low-to-the-ground superheroics.
I really liked the movie Predator because Arnold Schwarzenegger was badass in it.
I really liked the movie Cobra.
It's got Sly Stallone in it.
My father and I watched a bunch of rated R action movies where it was just a single white male going up against an army and winning.
It was great.
So that was sort of how I grew up.
Nice.
Just never really factored into it.
Also, I don't remember being, like, into trains or even cars really that much as a kid.
I only liked cars that had, like, features.
Like, I liked the Mach 5 and the Batmobile.
Right on.
And if I had known about it when I was an actual child, I probably would have loved Turbo Teen!
Because he was a kid and his feature was turned into a car.
I just feel like it was on TV a lot or my dad, no my dad owned the VHS and I was raised by television so I feel like in an early age I was just given free run of like my father's VHS collection and it was like Star Wars and Top Gun and I'm sure like assorted other nonsense.
Well, this is the opposite of news, unless we call it audible and start talking about it.
Q has an opinion about Top Gun being top of the pops just because it is oorah American nonsense.
Do we think that it's actually going to do the old Top Gun trick of driving recruitment?
Are we going to get a bunch of, like...
Red-Blooded Americans signed up for the Navy?
Are we gonna get a bunch of Navy boys?
I mean, it did, like, back in the day, it did that in ways that no other movie or anything had.
So it wouldn't be outrageous to see that.
And it's so baffling.
I understand why conservatives are just like, ah, Top Gun did it.
We're awesome.
We're on the top again.
But QAnon not having any thoughts or feelings on it is baffling.
Oh, they're just they're just jumping on board so they can be part of a winning program, unlike their boy Durham, who is a loser in a losing program.
Boom.
Pulling the show back onto the rails.
Sorry, we weren't talking about 2,000 mules, Mike.
We'll try to get back to it as soon as we can.
Please do.
It's the only thing I have in my life.
It really is.
It's so sad.
And at some point I was even going to circle back around to the segway that we had before involving goose eggs.
I was talking about Zero, Sarge wanted to talk about Top Gun support.
I indulged him.
Yeah, I'm just still confused.
I mean, QAnon loves pop culture, and them not having any feelings about this movie is very weird.
And Tom Cruise is very weird to me.
And also, we're obligated by blood to talk about Durham, but he is and always has been a nothing.
And the headline that we're leading with this week, that's a real headline and not just dithering, is him losing his first case.
So our headline is really, nothing confirms nothingness, colon, it was nothing.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened like we knew nothing was going to happen.
And yeah, here we are.
But because of the show we run, we're going to let Mr. Mike Rains color inside of those lines.
So Mike, try to make something from nothing.
I'm going to do my level best to do so.
So Michael Sussman, the man accused of one count of lying to the FBI, which QAnon told us was the most important trial in the history of the world.
He was acquitted of that one charge, and he's now a free man in the eyes of our legal system.
QAnon had literally spent like Basically, the past three months just freaking out about this indictment because they never get indictments.
They never get anyone actually arrested.
And that's the been the whole story of QAnon is 200,000 sealed indictments.
Everyone's getting shipped to Guantanamo.
Like all this stuff is gonna happen.
I mean, there's one Q drop where Q is like, are you ready to see arrests?
And it's like, are you ready to see pain?
And it's like, yeah, we are.
So like, get on with it.
So the fact that Durham finally arrested somebody was so exciting to them.
And Uh, the right wing griftosphere had spent so much time talking about how Durham had this open and shut case, how they nailed this guy.
There's no way he was going to get away with it.
He was going down.
And then like in their world, like once he gets convicted, either he spills his guts out for a lesser sentence or Durham uses that conviction to build the momentum towards going up the food chain, eventually indicting Hillary.
But in reality world, the people that were looking at this case were just sort of like, this case is incredibly fucking flimsy.
There's really nothing to it.
It is a nothing burger.
It is.
Oh, God.
When Flynn got indicted for this shit, the right wing called it a process crime and said it was bullshit that Mueller was doing this to him and that he was being railroaded.
But the problem was Flynn actually did it and pled guilty for the crime in question and then got pardoned by the president, which again, it's part of the Supreme Court that when you accept a pardon, you're admitting guilt.
So it actually happened.
Whereas Sussman said he was not guilty and then was acquitted.
So even that is apples to oranges.
But the two main problems with this case Was one, the FBI, the FBI knew Sussman was a lawyer for the DNC.
They knew that he worked with those people.
So the whole idea that like Sussman, like went up to them and said, Hey, guys, I am not working for the Democrats or Hillary.
And I would like to talk to you about a thing.
Winky winky.
Like the FBI be like, no dude, we know you're working for them.
And that this goes to a legal concept called like materiality.
I believe I got that word horribly wrong, but I apologize.
But the whole point is, is like, did the lie actually impact the FBI's investigation?
Did the FBI be like, oh shit, that guy totally hoodwinked us by what he said.
So we, we went off on a wild goose chase for a couple of months before we finally figured out he had bullshitted us and holy shit, that what he did totally flim flammed us.
But the other side of this is the fact that when it went to the jury, the judge was like, okay, so this is this is the entire case.
You have to believe this guy said this lie in this one meeting he had with one FBI agent in this one situation where neither man took notes during that meeting.
And the FBI agent has given three different versions of the story between when he testified here, when he was interviewed in other situations.
So basically, the FBI agent has had it every which fucking way when it's come to what his recollections of this story was.
And also, we have no notes.
So there's no actual definitive proof he said those words in that meeting.
And again, I'm not a lawyer, but that sounds like reasonable doubt to me.
I mean, that sounds like a thing that would be really obvious.
And the jury agreed because the case went to the jury early on Friday and then they left at five o'clock on Friday.
They came back Monday morning.
They asked for a couple exhibits from the from the judge.
They were presented those exhibits.
And then like a couple hours later, they're like, yeah, we got our verdict.
We're good here.
It took them like five hours to be like, Nope, this is bullshit.
We're out.
We're done.
Fuck this.
So, I mean, to get 12 people to agree to anything within less than an eight hour window is pretty ridiculous.
And they're like, yeah, the government has no case.
Fuck this guy.
I can't believe this thing was still going on.
I know, like, justice doesn't move terribly fast, but holy shit.
Well, you know, Durham's justice is a long delta type of justice.
We've always done that.
So after taking such a monumental L, his red power eyes have powered down.
Everyone is out there erasing those from their profile pictures.
And suddenly you can hear a collective BEEEW!
Oh, if only, if only.
There is nothing that QAnon enjoys more than snatching the perception of victory from the jaws of actual defeat.
And they have come up with all sorts of cockamamie ways to explain how this crushing loss wasn't actually a loss and everything's going great and Durham's still going to get the bad guys and Hillary and Obama are going down for sure.
Sometime in the near future.
How many dimensions of chess are we up to now?
23 dimensional chess.
The main thing that they're hanging their hats on is that Robbie Mook, the guy that was Hillary's campaign manager in 2016, A guy whose name, and I have to stress, is literally Mook.
Yes, exactly!
The moment I heard that, I was just like, oh no, Trump has a shot here.
This guy's name is fucking Mook?
Are you kidding me?
Oh my god.
Dude, get a professional name or something.
Robbie Smart.
Robbie's good at campaigns.
Not Robbie, my last name is literally slang for dumb-dumb.
It's just like, oh my, oh my lord.
Or the very least, a background character.
My name is Reginald NPC.
It's nice to meet you.
Yes, it's a foreign name.
It's French.
Exactly.
It's a misspelling of Monk.
He's actually the defective detective.
It's a misspelling of Musk.
He's actually Elon Musk in a costume.
He sabotaged the campaign.
It was him all along.
That rascally Elon.
So, uh, the big thing with Robbie was he testified that, um, Hillary had authorized the campaign to go to the New York times and the media to, uh, peddle the Trump Russia connection, because that was a thing you want to do in a campaign.
Cause you want to, you know, win a fucking election and become president.
Right.
And what was really interesting about this was Durham's legal team were literally heels in a wrestling match where the judge at the judge at one point was like, OK, now you're going to read this document and you're not going to read the part that that involves the campaign.
And because that is not material to the trial here.
And the Durham lawyer was like, yeah, you got it, boss.
Now, Mr. Mook, Mr. Dum-Dum, please read this tweet here and just read all of it.
Like, literally, the guy just went against the judge's wishes and had Robbie Mook read the full thing when the judge told him, don't read the second paragraph.
And then Robby Mook, following the lawyer's instructions, read everything, and suddenly you just had Fox News and QAnon going, oh, like, Clinton campaign manager admits Hillary's hideous evil, like, that she pushed the phony Russia narrative when she knew it was all a lie, and Again, it's not a crime because this is just partisan politics.
This is back in the good old days when LBJ told his staff he wanted to start a whisper campaign that his opponent, who was a farmer, fucked cows or whatever animal it was.
And someone said, Lyndon, we can't do that.
And he doesn't fuck cows.
And Lyndon was like, I know he doesn't fuck cows.
I want him to just deny it.
I want him to have to go in front of the crowd and be like, Hey, I'm not an animal fucker because that just looks bad.
And it's like, this is, this is how you throw elbows when you're running for office.
It's not illegal.
And the funny thing was, is like, after the lawyer did that, the judge literally.
Was like, okay, now that you've broken the rules for the 50th time, because
again, this is a sideshow trial, it's not actually a real thing.
Because again, the jury took no time at all to acquit this guy.
Yeah.
When the tweet or the piece of information got sent into like the jury room, they literally blacked out the section that Mook had been told to read out to the audience.
They were like, no, no, you should not have done that.
Every but like, they were like, Oh, Robbie Mook said this and Durham got all this information out.
That's gonna be great for further prosecutions.
And it's like, that's not how our legal system works.
You don't try a case where you know, you're going to lose to literally torture somebody of the legal system, just to quote unquote, get evidence on the record.
So then your real trial can begin after that.
It's like, no, that's not reality.
I'm pretty sure that's how that works.
Yeah, Mike, you're not a fucking lawyer.
No.
You can't say definitively that's not how it works.
Maybe that's absolutely how it works.
Oh, it could be, it could be.
What I think of as prosecutional misconduct is actually just, like, sound political strategy.
Just sound legal tactics.
You caught yourself, but I'm still living in a magical world where you said prostitutional misconduct.
That wasn't the word I was getting wrong.
It was like, uh, prosecutional.
You almost said prostitutional.
No, I was looking for a different word involving prosecution, and I knew I had it wrong.
And I know the word I used was wrong, but I wish I had butchered it.
I think Biden said prostitution instead of prosecution recently, and that was a huge razzle dazzle.
That's the sort of thing that Dan Fielding from Night Court would be trying.
See?
I've still got it.
I've still got it, listeners.
I've still got pop culture references.
You better believe it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So, like, basically, even though this was a huge loss that QAnon had invested months and months into, literally every QAnon promoter I've seen has been like, hey, bros, just rub some dirt on it.
No big deal.
Derm still got bigger fish to fry.
This isn't the end of the story.
This isn't the end of nothing.
We got this, we're good, we're gonna win.
Nailed it.
It is amazing.
It's one of the things I've talked about in all my posting online is that QAnon always does this thing where the next big thing is the payoff, and then the moment it's not the payoff, it was never the payoff.
You put all your eggs in the Durham basket that he was going to convict Sussman?
Idiot.
We never said that.
And if you check everyone's timelines, it's just like after Sussman gets convicted, the first domino falls.
The deep state crumbles when Sussman goes down.
Yeah, Mike, the bottom of the basket has a trap door that when the time is right opens, releasing the eggs into a larger basket with its own door.
And in that way, the basket is ever growing.
It's the ever basket.
Yeah, the forever basket.
It's all of these things.
Ah, they're so dumb.
We could get that meme to trend on Q Twitter immediately if we just had somebody photoshop, like, eggs in baskets falling into larger baskets.
And all the eggs with Durham's face on them.
It'd be perfect.
With the activated eyes.
And maybe, like, also a chicken with activated eyes because of the eggs.
We'll workshop the rest of it off mic.
Luckily for us, the Durham News came along to take some of the hot, hot heat off of our next awful headline.
But again, we are bound by the code to talk about it.
And that is to say, QAnon's continued twisting of the Uvalde.
God, that still doesn't sound right.
I should have looked at some coverage, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I've only been reading coverage.
Anyway, that horrible mass shooting and twisting it up to squeeze some even juicier conspiracy theories out of it than previously.
So Mike Rains, how's Q got it twisted up?
Rip this bandaid off.
So basically, QAnon had decided that, I mean, they originally were like, hey, these cops are bad, just like everybody else says they are.
Like, how could they possibly have been waiting around while these kids were being attacked?
And then their inner authoritarian took over cause they have to love the cops.
And then they started coming up with this, like they had the, this was the greatest thing I've seen from them was everyone pointed out that Uvalde had this ridiculous thing where like, like over a quarter to like half the city's budget went to the cops.
They had like their own SWAT team for this town of like 10,000 people.
And it was like this ridiculous thing.
They somehow managed to conflate the militarization of our police force into being the deep state paid the Evaldi cops this giant sum of money to let them conduct this false flag in the school.
And the Evaldi cops, because they had been given money hand over fist, were willing to accept the stand down order to not go into the school to stop the shooting.
And that was really surprising to me because I thought QAnon really hated the slogan, defund the police.
I thought QAnon was all about giving the police piles of money.
But when you need a conspiracy theory, and all you've got is these cops were getting tons of money, you come up with whatever you can in order to try to justify that.
So that was a very hilarious, weird twist of like, America spends too much money on cops, and now the deep state's the one that's paying them off for it.
It's like, okay, that's... Yeah, I guess we'll throw in here, it's still...
Early days on all this and there's a lot of investigation going on.
So here at Hellworld, our editorial response is we're waiting to see from like further investigations.
But it does appear that maybe there's some malfeasance on the part of the officers.
Because of the statement in which they released and said, uh, all of the people who died that day died from the gunman.
And, uh, it's like, well that's a weird thing to say.
Like, that's an odd...
Also, it's weird to be in a position where we have to clarify that we're a comedy show and not a news show.
And yet here we are, because that's definitely the case.
We're a comedy show and not a news show.
We try to be cool and get the stuff right, but sometimes we get it wrong, because we have no moral or legal obligation to get it right.
Comedy show.
We commentate on the news.
We actually do that, unlike other shows.
Yeah, other shows who try to use that legal term to get out of their lawsuits.
The other thing was, so the Evaldi Police Department, which has just been covering themselves in glory this whole time, they recently tried to blame a teacher for propping a door open to allow the shooter to get into the building.
Yeah, they sure did.
And that was again that was seized upon by QAnon that like this was again an inside job that the shooter had helped that this other person was part of the deep state that was helping was working as a collaborator.
Those people have clearly never smoked cigarettes in their lives.
As somebody who has smoked cigarettes, you go to a place where there's a security door and you prop it open all of the time.
That's just the thing that you do.
And I have to imagine, even if that's not what the teacher was doing, at the very least, that is one certainly reasonable... It's just like, yes, is that a thing that is not... Is that against the rules?
Yes, the security door is supposed to be shut and locked at all times.
But practically, people are doing that all the time everywhere.
Have you ever been to a kitchen?
They've probably got a door like that, and that door is almost always propped open because people are smoking butts in the alleyway or whatever.
That's just the way it is.
Yeah.
But the thing was, is after they did this, a little while later, the police department came out and said, oh yeah, by the way, when we claimed that that teacher did that, they actually didn't.
We were wrong about that.
We fucked up.
That civilian that we tried to throw under the bus and blame for this mass shooting, they actually didn't do what we said they did.
And now we look double-plus even more bad than we already do.
They should have doubled down.
They're just like, no, we're pretty sure the fire department is wrong.
And on top of that, we have eyewitness evidence that that person was wearing a cartoon-style black ski mask for crime.
They looked mad, as the kids say, sus.
That's a modern reference.
We don't do those normally.
They had a crowbar despite not needing one because they were clearly inside the building and propped open the door from the inside, but they had a crowbar just in case.
And after this all came out, eventually, I've heard that probably the Department of Justice is going to get involved in this shit.
But I do know for a fact that the Texas State Police are looking into the situation.
Yeah.
And recently the Evaldi police department has released a statement saying they are not going to cooperate with the
Texas state police about this.
And oh man, talk about again, as Sarge just said, looking mad sus.
I mean, that is wild.
That like the investigation into us, we don't want to be transparent and straightforward with it.
We want to now obfuscate the investigation into our response to this shooting.
Guys, I hate to break it to you, previously the whole police force used to vote Democrat, but now after seeing that the Democrats of the Party of Hate, they are now switching over to voting Republican.
And now I guess the attacks are going to come out against them, am I right guys?
Fuck you Elon Musk, give me 1 billion United States dollars and I'll stop telling people about your Phantom of the
Opera horrible penis.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
This thing is a nightmare.
Yeah.
And the fact that, and now we have the 911 call from a kid where the kid said, I've been shot.
And someone in the crosstalk of the conversation says they shot a kid.
Like, that sounds really weird and bad.
Like, I don't know why they used the phrase they in that situation, because the shooter is a singular person.
And as people have brought out, that if you were a small child and you got hit with an AR-15 round, you probably aren't in a position to talk.
So, like, it's... again, this is totally speculation, and we here at Hellworld have no idea what we're talking about in any way, shape, or form.
You can't sue us if all the police department go to hell.
First Amendment.
But, uh, it's looking bad.
It's basically, like...
All of this is looking so bad, and the fact that this... Everything they try to do makes it look worse.
They have not made a single good PR move the whole time.
They've been trying to blame parents and teachers, and not cooperating with the investigation.
Every move has just been worse than the last.
They can't stop fucking themselves.
It's actually kind of impressive.
Yeah, a lot of it's just like, if you have nothing to hide, what's going on?
Yep, Patriot Act!
Yeah, it's like, fucking baffling.
And what they should have just done is just immediately been like, yo, a situation like that is scary as fuck.
We were cowards.
It's our bad.
Please give us our love.
Yeah, the kid ran into the school and started shooting, and we ran away, and then after a little while, we realized that looked really bad.
So we just started indiscriminately spraying into the building to kill him, and we probably hit some kids in the process.
Our bad.
I mean, it's like, this is one of those quote-unquote comedy cop shows, but in real life, where the super incompetent cops just...
Absolutely make a total, like, shitshow out of a situation.
Just an absolute disaster.
Making a real dog breakfast of it, like... Right.
Only here it's no laugh tracks and no comedy.
It's just, wow, you guys probably shouldn't fucking be cops if you can't handle this situation when you literally have, like, about half of your fucking town's budget so you guys can have all your cool guns and all your cool shit.
And yet, like, one dum-dum runs into a school and you lose your minds and have no idea how to handle it?
It's like, oh my god.
Yeah, and if any of them somehow did manage to hit a kid with some rounds, like, they should probably see fucking jail time or whatever.
Like, fuck you!
Yes!
Like, a single door prevented you from getting into there and doing your job.
So you just decided to, I don't know, like, just spray through the wall or whatever?
This isn't Call of Duty, man.
It's more like Captain America The First Avenger.
You have to be the heroic guy who kicks open the door.
It just gets in there.
That's sort of what you're being paid to do.
To sit around and listen to them murder kids.
That's just one man's opinion though.
I'm just anti-child endangerment up to and including murder.
I feel like children should be safe and not murdered.
Bold.
I know!
Wow!
You're so brave!
Where's my medal?
You're so brave.
El stepping out on the thinnest branch with the most bold commentary.
Oh man.
I'm willing to go out there and admit on our podcast to some amount of listenership that yes, I am in fact anti-endangering children.
Thank you.
Whew, boy, wow.
Which is funny, because I don't especially like children.
I'm just a reasonable guy.
I'm sort of anti-endangering anyone.
I feel like we should all be pretty... I know, I keep getting more heroic by the moment.
By the second.
What's the next virtue that I should signal, guys?
Who can say?
Oh, man, we should- Okay, well, uh, yeah, I'm done talking about this horrible tragedy.
At least until next week, when, God, I hope we don't have to talk about it anymore.
Yeah, hopefully the people who have gotten to the bottom of this shit or the Evolving Police Department will have found a way to somehow unfuck themselves.
Any of these things, please.
Any of them happen.
I'd be such a fan of it.
While we're rounding up stuff, let's go ahead and jump the gun a little bit and let's just do our round-os back-to-back.
Let's talk about the ongoing war of Russian aggression in Ukraine.
And more specifically, once again, we're going to be talking about their fearless leader, Mr. Vladdy Daddy Putin himself, who is apparently, like, apparently the bubble around him is beginning to leak like some sort of sieve regarding his failing health.
What new information do we have on Putin this week?
So we have reports from spies that he definitely has cancer and is losing his eyesight and will most likely be dead within the next three years and that's scary for a number of reasons because he's already very desperate and It just, it puts more and more... It's starting to make the war in Ukraine make more and more sense.
It's just, everything is making more sense by the second.
Yes, because it's incredibly short-sighted.
Am I right?
Do you see what I did there?
Because his eyesight's failing?
Yep.
Mike, you're not laughing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. God. That reminds me of the fucking like Stalin giving
a speech and everyone like clapped for 20 minutes because it was like known that like you never want
to be the first person to stop clapping after Stalin gives a speech because that can get you
into a ton of trouble. So yeah.
That'd be great if you're the first guy to back out after, like, minute 15, and at the end of the night you get, like, escorted into a room and interrogated by some officers.
It's like, dude, it was 15 minutes!
It was starting to get really awkward.
Like, I was getting uncomfortable.
Everyone in the audience was getting uncomfortable.
At some point, that's going to make our glorious leader start to feel uncomfortable.
I was just, I was just trying to dial it down.
I was trying to, I was trying to defuse the situation.
I thought if I stopped, everyone else would kind of get the message and be like, 15 minutes is enough.
It's like, no, sir.
You just, you just keep clapping until your little arms fall off.
That's, that's, that's how we do it in Stalin, in Stalin's Russia.
Okay, so Putin is apparently in a bad way, according to spies, but the war continues nevertheless.
How's the Q temperature on our Russian friends?
How's the denazification of Ukraine going?
Well, the Russians have been capturing some territory in Eastern Ukraine, and QAnon is over the moon about this.
I've seen a lot of articles that they post things about, because the Western media will basically call it as it is in these events, and it's like, Russia captures a city, or they capture a railyard.
You'll see all these posts from QAnon were like, yeah, the media was lying for those first like two months when they were talking about Ukraine kicking all kinds of ass and beating up old Vladdy Daddy.
But but now the cold hard truth of Russia's dominant, inevitable victory is starting to seep in and they got to accept it.
They got to know that their boy Zelensky is going down for the deep state fraud that he is.
And we're going to we're going to win.
And it's really like just so Bizarre and hilarious.
They're just like all in on a Russian victory in this war, which is just really like sick.
I mean, it's just a larger nation bullying a smaller nation.
And that's like a bad thing.
And The other thing is, is that, like, this is Russia's on, like, plan, like, G at this point, pretty much.
Because, like, plan A was, like, just Blitzkrieg, decapitation strike, take Kiev, topple the Ukrainian government.
Yeah, they're fighting street by street, block by block, which we don't really do anymore.
No.
Yeah.
It's incredibly, it's incredibly bloody and a great way to grind your army into dust.
And again, like all of the stuff that was happening in Western Ukraine where Kiev is like, that's basically a dead front.
Russia gave up on it now.
They're mostly just like, we're working on trying to like take the Donbass section and like, like pushing through the East and trying to like obtain territory there.
So like Russia's goals in this war have diminished drastically to like now just trying to find
some places where they can get some victories, where they can actually win a few fights.
And QAnon's reaction is just, nope.
Again, those first two months where the Russians were getting repulsed from everywhere, that was just the Western propaganda machine lying to us.
And now that Russia's having a tepid success in the East, that's the truth.
That's the reality.
Like Ukraine, well, I'm going to wake up tomorrow, probably, and Ukraine's going to fall.
Zelensky's just going to beg Putin for peace.
merciful Vlad will grant him an honorable surrender because that's what our beloved,
esteemed supreme leader of the white race, Vladimir Putin will do because he's a better
man than us. He's the greatest of us. I mean, it's just, it's so funny how they went right
from their orange daddy to Vladimir Putin being the actual leader of their movement.
It's when Elon isn't shit posting on Twitter, like that's our three heroes is Elon, Putin, and Trump.
And that's it.
It's like, so they just want their heart of hearts.
They have to know that Trump has no real power right now, aside from like the influence over their currently powerless group.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
They have to make up this like bizarre storyline that like Trump is still the president, even though they want to complain about inflation and gas prices and Biden being terrible.
It's like Schrodinger's presidency, where if it's bad, it's Biden.
If it's good, it's Trump.
And that's just how this operates.
And yeah, and They, they just, uh, I mean, they're, they don't want, it's going to be so funny for QAnon when Trump openly declares he's running for the presidency in 2024, because their entire narrative is that he's secretly still the president and that he doesn't have to do that.
And they're just gonna, they're just gonna pivot on a dime when that happens.
They'll be like, Oh, well, I guess we're going to get three terms out of Donald.
His first term, his secret second term, and then his public third term.
Score, baby.
12, hashtag 12 years of Trump. I mean, just that's there that that that I mean, they're
going to do the mental gymnastics. It's already there for them. They're never going to change.
But well, that doesn't work out. They can always just try another coup, because you better believe
we're still talking about January 6, because it turns out that when you try to do a coup,
it's a pretty big deal.
And apparently there are some sort of receipts that are emerging as people start entangling the situation that led up to January 6th.
Receipts are starting to be unfurled, like CVS style.
Here's your massive receipt.
Yes, exactly!
C.V.S.
receipts.
Mike Riggs, talk to us about the C.V.S.
situation surrounding January 6th, or as I have it written down in the headline, how to get away with coup.
So a man whose name is probably not Kenneth Cheese Bro, but that's what I'm going to call him because he doesn't deserve to have his name said properly.
He created a memo and he said that he sent to Rudy Giuliani.
Rudy, getting a shout out!
And he sketched, quote unquote, sketching out a plan for then Vice President Mike Pence to halt the certification of Joe Biden's victory.
He dubbed it the President of the Senate Strategy.
And the reason why this is so interesting was that basically, in order to quote unquote, keep Pence's hands clean, and to prevent the seeming the fact that there'd be a conflict of interest here.
That what was actually going to happen was Pence was not going to be the president of the Senate for the certification of electoral vote, and that he was going to give that status over to the ranking member of the Republican Party, Senator Chuck Grassley, and that Grassley was going to be in charge of this.
And then that Grassley would declare that he wasn't going to accept the electors from the disputed states.
And that they were going to basically try to throw this thing to the Supreme Court.
And in this memo, they even stated that, like, this was probably going to be kind of weird because we don't know exactly how the Supreme Court is going to rule on this.
And it even states that, like, the resolution could have been unpredictable and Mike Pence could have ended up as president in some sort of outcome here.
So.
Yeah, so this was a desperate Hail Mary. But what really makes
this interesting was that on January 5, Grassley did make a Grassley or his staff did make a public announcement that
they thought that they were going to be that he was going to be
the chair for the electoral college certification, which that
seems very interesting that like he that this is a matter of
record that he thought that was going to happen. And
And it's like, why would Grassley have thought this if there wasn't something afoot?
because literally this is an event that the vice president is always the chair of.
The vice president always handles the certification of the electoral college.
So the fact that Grassley was like, hey, by the way, I'm gonna be chairing that thing tomorrow.
That's gonna be pretty interesting, isn't it?
Yeah, it's gonna be me, Mr. Grassley.
Right, yeah, so it's really weird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we'll see again.
I mean, we're going to get the live hearings of the 1-6 committee sometime this month, and we'll see exactly where this all goes.
I mean, it's, it's, I mean, God.
I love doing like a memo on official letterhead that it's essentially just like, like regarding how to undermine democracy.
Exactly, exactly.
For who they concern.
I don't like that the guy I want to be president lost the election, so here are some exciting, like it's like a BuzzFeed article, top ten exciting ways to steal election for Donald Trump.
Number four will shock you!
Oh my god.
That's so great.
Between this and the Eastman memo and all of this stuff, and the fake electors that literally submitted, hey, dear Congress, we are the electors for Donald Trump who wish to present that we'll be voting for Trump on January 6th.
And it's like, no, you're not the electors from that state.
You didn't win that state.
We already have the real electors.
They're the Joe Biden electors.
It's just like all of it.
It's just like, Oh my God, why do we still have this stupid fucking system?
Like, like, like, I don't think anyone understands or very few people understand that.
Like when you quote unquote vote for president, you're not voting for president.
You're voting for someone who's going to go to legal college and cast a vote for president.
It's so dumb.
And it's just like, you know, we only did that a million years ago because the founding fathers were afraid of democracy and all this shit.
But we've streamlined it.
We've fixed all this stuff.
So, like, just, I don't know, get rid of the fucking Electoral College!
God damn it!
We all hate it.
Everyone, we all agreed, we hate it.
Yeah, we took a vote and the majority voted and said no.
We would like to just be like every other country in the world where the president gets directly elected by a popular vote.
That's just how this is supposed to work.
If you have a system where whoever gets the most votes becomes president, that's a good system.
That's what we want here in America.
If you have a system...
Where the president gets voted by popular vote, you might be a democracy.
That's not us.
We're a fucking Federalist Republic.
And it sucks.
Was that your Jeff Foxworthy?
It was.
It was an incredible week, Foxworthy.
Yeah, I don't I don't try very hard.
That's, that's basically my- I have to look at Mike Raid's face.
Oh, listen, if only you could have seen his face.
That's some great content.
Just commenting on how something looks over the airwaves.
Oh, I can't believe how great it looks!
Oh my god, that's incredible!
An audio medium.
Oh my god.
All right.
The news sucks.
Do we want to go to our questions?
That sounds like a plan.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
All right, let's not.
Better fucking bring it.
Bring the heat.
Yep.
So Reverend Xenofact asks, you are handed a lot of money to consult on Q, the video game, after L convinces you to sell out.
What would the game be?
A shooter, RPG?
What has to go in it?
It has to be like a GTA clone, right?
No way, man.
I want it to be like an XCOM.
Oh, okay.
Like fighting your way to the servers?
Well, so I wanted to be like because I wanted to have the the base building like plate spinning element where like you like, you know doing like Counterintelligence information campaigns to combat disinfo, and you have to allot resources to pilling people, like, getting your rank up, and doing your base building stuff.
And periodically, the storyline determines a reason for you to be boots on the ground battling some guys.
Like, you're fighting to get to the German server to get the Huma laptop, or you're,
you know, you're like going to, you're finally going to really kill bin Laden because before
it was a lie that he's super, he's been super alive this whole time.
Uh, huh.
And you can have a diverse cast of characters for your hit squad because they could be either
Russian or Chinese or American.
End of list.
Yeah, I go the route of a GTA clone because the open world, wandering around and like actually hunting down and finding the shit that Q says is out there.
But like, You have to go out and find it.
I think that, God help me, sounds fun in the world where we're indulging this.
I think open world would be okay, but I kind of view it also in a way that I like the idea of a role-playing game.
I like the idea of building up and it kind of being basically Call of Cthulhu, where it's like a Lovecraftian horror, where the stronger you get, the more bleaker the world is.
And XCOM sounds like a good idea also.
I just think there's a lot of Ways to play on that sandbox, because a game about the hidden truth is like a really easy thing.
It's a really easy thing to make.
The only problem is, is that you're now pandering to the absolute worst people in humanity.
It's free money, it seems like.
Oh, absolutely.
You can split the difference and just have it be more like the Shadowrun games with a base building element or like a plate spinning element, because the Shadowrun games were sort of like XCOM style gameplay, but with like heavy RPG elements and like Elaborate quest lines and dialogue trees and stuff they had to go down.
I'm sold.
I'm sold on this.
So any rich QAnon idiot who wants to make this game, we're here to be your dev team.
We're here to work on it.
We'll develop it.
And make it sort of like Shadowrun or whatever.
Yes.
That's our pitch.
Oh, it absolutely is.
We're here for you.
We are.
And by the way, Truth Social Media, if you ever need anyone to actually write fucking Q posts, oh my God, the Q on their site is so dumb.
He's like literally like, Hey, everybody, try the veal.
Waka waka.
I'm Q. It's hilarious.
I'm so good.
It's like, Jesus.
I mean, I think, yeah, we mentioned Game of Thrones earlier.
It's like, this is the final season of Game of Thrones shit from the guy pretending to be Q on their site.
It's so hilariously stupid.
Wow.
If it's cratering that bad, I think it's pretty bold that you think you could step in there and write that shit.
Can you imagine, like, if hypothetically there was another season of Game of Thrones, can you imagine how incredible it would have to be to redeem, like, what had come before it?
I mean, it's just like, hey, for the next season of Game of Thrones, it's just another season of The Wire, and we're bringing everybody back.
I mean, they basically made more wire.
It's called We Run This City or whatever.
I mean, I saw that that exists, but I don't know.
I'm not sure how much of the gang got back together for the behind-the-scenes stuff on it.
I don't know either.
My brother had to go into isolation for a little bit because he caught the Rona and He started what he told me he was watching the new Wire and I was like, wait, what?
And he goes, we've run this city.
It's made by the same people and set in Baltimore.
So yeah.
I don't know.
Yep.
All right.
Thanks for the question.
Enough talk about the Wire.
Yes.
Amanda Scatlin asks, which Beastie Boys song is the best, Sabotage or Intergalactic?
Uh, I feel like their beats are roughly equivalent in their very goodness.
Both of those are incredible beats.
Uh, I would give the nod to Intergalactic over Sabotage because I think the lyrical quality is higher.
I think there's, like, more actually being said and it's less, like, you know, the older Beastie Boys songs are the words, just like, like... They're corny.
I, I, with your constant ribbing and then I listen to, um, No Dogs in Space, the podcast about bands, they had like a three or four part series on the history of the B.C.
Boys.
And I went and listened to like the best of and they got significantly better as they got older and just literally matured.
Because when they started, they were like fucking teenagers.
So yeah, it was literally just like Yo, look over there, it's a cat.
That cat is wearing a hat.
It's just like, it's like the Lonely Island, right?
But that's actually how their lyric structure was.
It was just like very hard, very simplistic and rhyming syllables.
And being as corny as possible, just talking about like, you know, just sort of rapping about stuff that's in your vicinity.
It's really dumb.
If I'm choosing between those two, I like Intergalactic better, so I have to say that's the better song.
When it comes down to saying what's better than something, usually I go with, and this is going to be, most of the time I go with, what do I like more?
And yeah, I'll go with Intergalactic.
And I am shockingly going to make it three for three, because I don't know why, but I'm always tickled by the line, I like my sugar with coffee and cream in Intergalactic.
I think that was a very funny thing.
Yeah, it's pretty funny.
So, yeah, I just think I understand that the Sabotage is very hooky.
And I think that probably would be considered like the more mainstream of the two songs.
But I just think Intergalactic, as both Sarge and Elle have said, I just think that The actual lyrics are better, and I'm a lyrics person.
Sabotage is just mostly like yelling.
It's just like, that's fine.
The music is good, but just screaming is not nearly as good as actually having pithy things to say in your rappery.
Three for three.
Drop.
See, there we go.
So thank you for the question.
MeBad asks, we all had a chuckle after Candace Owens seems to have incontinence after eating all that ivermectin.
What do you think will be the next miracle cure for the next COVID wave in the fall?
Did we miss some poop related gut busters from Candace Owens?
Uh, yeah, she had a thing about, like, the fact that she was having problems, uh, like, not peeing herself, and people were like, well, that's because you were eating a lot of horse paste, and that probably could do that to you, so, um...
Maybe don't, uh, take unlicensed medications and you'll be better off for it.
And, uh, this then led to him posting the photo of the guy who's like literally turned his skin purple by eating too much colloidal silver.
Cause that was a thing that he thought was going to cure him of all kinds of problems.
Uh, as for what's going to be the next Miracle Cure, I mean, it's, it's like so hard to guess what these grifters are going to, uh, what rock they're going to look under next.
Sarge doesn't have to guess.
He found the answer the other day and he shared it with us in the group chat for the boys.
Oh yeah, what did I send?
You sent, it was that house full of good information that declared that maple syrup... Oh no, that was our other friend shared that.
Oh, was that our other friend?
I believe... Well, in that case, you and I received the good news at the same time.
It turns out, it's maple syrup.
Yeah, maple syrup, and don't use your A.C.
because it doesn't pull outside air, just traps all your air in with you.
There's so much, this, the picture of this house is making the rounds on the internet.
Well, stop telling people about the good news, we need to keep it secret for us, so that way we can live for a hundred years, but I will say that At a surface level, lung cancer can't be cured by maple syrup, so if you happen to have some lung cancer... We are not doctors, in the same way that we are not journalists or lawyers, but I've heard the good news for an anonymous house somewhere in the middle of the country that's telling us maple syrup is the key.
So, I know da cure for muffin top, body odor, and skin cancer.
I want control of the White House for trade.
I'm sure that if you look that up, you'll find what photo we're talking about.
But yeah, I believe that we should be embracing team maple syrup for the next Mystery Cure.
At the very least, eating a lot of it will probably not directly destroy your anus and colon and bladder.
I mean, it may have some ill effects if you put on a lot of weight.
So everything in moderation, including the new Mystery Cure maple syrup.
You do.
God, there's so much going on in this picture.
But yes, maple syrup is listed as a cure for something, among so many other things going on, if you find that picture.
There you go.
Have fun.
Do your own research.
Yes, exactly.
The Do Your Own Research Podcast.
The Nerdy Horror Fan asks, if the Dems are the Rebellion from Star Wars and the Republicans are the Empire, who in each party would play what character?
You may include Cantina Monsters and other characters if you wish, finding the characters most fitting to their looks or personality.
I don't want to play this game.
It sounds so awful.
You don't have to play the game, it's fine.
You can bail out, we're good here.
Madison Cawthorn is Anakin Skywalker because I'm sure he would kill a room of children
and then tell everyone about it.
He seems like he's the sort of dude who would potentially use the force, because this is a Star Wars thing, use the force to choke his wife almost to death, his pregnant wife almost to death, and then just be like, WHY AREN'T YOU DYING?
I'M SO ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR KILLING YOU!
Exactly.
Trump's too dumb to be Palpatine.
He's too stupid and powerless to be Palpatine.
He's too powerless and ineffectual to be Darth Vader.
I feel like, and not just because of his body shape, but I feel like Jabba the Hutt suits him.
He had a small amount of pull and then with the going got tough.
A literal criminal.
A literal open criminal and no one cares about it.
Rudy Giuliani could be, uh, what's his, what's his face there?
Salacious Crumb.
Salacious Crumb.
Yeah.
Cause he, again, a thing that was just like teamed up with Trump all over the place.
You couldn't get away from him.
Never said anything like, like melting face and all that.
And then as soon as Trump went away, so too did our crummy friend.
Who's the guy who lets Luke in?
Bip Fortuna?
Who's Bip Fortuna?
I don't know, man.
I can barely remember who Bib Fortuna is in Star Wars.
I'm not a Star Wars nut.
You lie.
Yeah, I'm sure there's a bunch of there's a bunch of token characters in Star Wars.
I will let you play that game yourself because I don't want to come across as racist, but tokenism exists in both of these parties.
So you do your own research about that at home.
I was going to say that like Trump could be like Jar Jar Binks, like the dumb idiot who accidentally creates the empire and like the Palpatine would actually be like Steve Bannon or one of the other people like pulling the strings from behind the scenes.
Yeah, but Jar Jar was, like, a good guy at heart.
He was just a buffoon.
Like, Trump is certainly a buffoon, but he is not good at heart.
He is greedy and miserly.
He's more like Waddo than Jar Jar Binks.
Waddo.
Yeah, that's true.
I can accept that.
Yeah, man.
Good job, Star Wars.
Like, eight different races think that character is a racist representation of them.
Yeah, I mean, well, between Wado and Jar Jar and the people from the Trade Federation, they've got all their bases covered, those buffets.
They're races across the board, like, let's just be real.
It's quite bad.
Yeah, I guess, I mean, you know, the problem is a lot of Star Wars characters are cool in ascribing any of their characteristics to people that suck.
No Democrat is heroic enough to actually be part of the actual rebellion.
Democrats do not have a Han Solo.
They're not standing up to anyone right now.
What are you kidding me?
I guess the closest you would get would be a Queen Amidala, because all she did was stand in rooms and talk about people.
Except for that one time she got kidnapped and put into that Coliseum arena fight where she had to blast some stuff.
But for the most part, it's just like standing around, you know, ineffectually speaking, in front of the Senate, just being like, you know, we all need to come to a decision that doesn't fuck the country.
Either nothing happens, or somehow the decision fucks the empire.
It's just like, now everyone will be punished by our bad decision making.
Yeah, we should make this clearly evil Sith our ruler.
We should give him all the power.
Yeah.
So thank you for the question.
And Sub-Zero T-Shirt Art asks, after all the recounts, audits, reinstatements, mules, and now Durham imploding, have Q got anything left to hang their hats on like at all?
This thing is looking so bleak now.
Well, they still have another Durham trial.
Durham has a trial in October, and this one's going to be in Virginia, not that corrupt DC swamp.
So they're totally going to get their man this time.
Sounds right.
We'll not get there, man.
We'll probably be another acquittal and Durham will then probably just vanish into the sunset.
This is the thing is that QAnon is all about just constantly jumping from one failure to
the next possible success and on and on.
Like, all they want to do is just keep stringing things along.
Like, supposedly sometime now that we're in June, the Supreme Court is going to probably give its opinion on Roe v. Wade striking down abortion.
They're going to pass another opinion that's going to be like, gun laws, fuck gun laws, guns for everybody always.
And QAnon will be very happy about those wins.
And then they're going to be just like, They're going to, and they're going to push towards the midterms where they expect to get some wins there.
They're, they're very malleable.
They're very capable of eating like seven defeats in a row so they can get one victory and then be like, look, we had a victory, the plan.
We're going to do it.
Hashtag God wins.
They're, they're very resistant to reality.
Just constantly reaffirming the fact that they're wrong and they're losing.
They're very good at ignoring that.
Yep.
And lastly, hilariously, Big Bald Bastard says, why did the memes fail?
They put laser eyes on Derm's photo.
Laser eyes!
Yeah, I don't know how it could have lost.
I thought that was legally binding that if you had laser eyes, you'd win all your cases.
I think they even gave Sidney Powell the laser eyes.
That was... Oh god, they loved her back in the crack of day.
We just use our liberal powers to hijack the laser eye memes and just put laser eyes on stuff to make it look funny and stupid and rob it of its power.
Whatever power it may or may not have in their community.
I'm talking Mr. Peanut with laser eyes.
I'm talking the Michelin Man with some peanut eyes.
Some peanut eyes?
Yes!
Peanut laser eyes.
Peanut laser eyes for everybody.
Yeah.
Yes.
Where's that?
Now I'm just talking about swapping eyes with stuff.
Yeah.
Give the president Mr. Peanut's eyes.
Just put Durham's laser eyes on the baby in the sun from the Teletubbies.
So that brings us to our question at the end of every show is what are you guys looking forward to?
I am looking forward to they well, it's been announced for a while.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Shredders Revenge.
It's a beat them up style.
Co-op game.
Four people can play as the Turtles.
It's a modern game, so made a little bit better than the old Quarter Eaters.
And for the first time ever, April O'Neil and Splinter are playable characters in not a fighting game.
So, I guess maybe not literally the first time ever, but the first time in a game like this.
I think April was maybe a fighter in Turtle Fighters, I'll have to check.
But I'm excited to play this with three other people, MB Turtles, and also a little excitement.
I was getting kind of bored with Warhammer 40k Daemon Hunter, and they put out a patch today, a big patch, and it addressed several of the problems I had.
So, hooray!
Looking forward to playing that again.
I'm just taking a break.
I feel like the last truly great, like, couch co-op beat-em-up game was Castle Crashers.
I think a lot of other ones came close.
I really like Dragon's Crown, and I know a lot of people really have love for Scott Pilgrim, even though I don't really like it all that much.
And then there was, what was the one that you were playing on the Switch?
With the two feisty lasses?
Oh, River City Girls.
Yeah, River City Girls.
Also good.
But none of them seem like it hit the exact right sweet spot since Castle Crashers.
I'd really love for another one that just presses all the buttons correctly.
My favorite was The Simpsons.
I love that.
So, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, back in the day, my favorite quarter eater was, of course, the X-Men arcade cabinet.
I already explained how my favorite jet was for the X-Men.
How could my favorite arcade machine not also be the X-Men?
X-Men.
Yeah.
Colossus noise and everything.
Yeah.
I am excited to continue to test negative for COVID-19.
I had a close contact recently, but so far everything is coming up millhouse.
I don't really have any plans to celebrate with following being cleared of my Board of Health by testing several times after contact, but it will be nice to know that I have inside of me Blood of Kings and I continue two and a half years into it.
I am invincible.
Like Boris from GoldenEye.
You don't talk about a no-hitter.
I'm talking about it.
I'm invincible!
Hey, when it comes out, we can play Turtles together online.
No deal.
Hard no.
I've always hated the Ninja Turtles.
Anyway, Mike, what are you interested in?
What are you excited for?
What are you interested in?
What do you actually like?
Oh, do you have any fucking life, you piece of shit?
Yeah, that's me.
Well, sports ball continues.
The Boston Celtics are in the NBA Finals, which is great.
So that will be tomorrow night is game one against the evil monsters known as the Golden State Warriors.
Boo those people, boo them.
History's greatest monsters, the Golden State Warriors.
Absolutely.
All of these things are true.
The other thing I'm looking forward to is Curse of the Dead Gods.
One of my friends has been begging me to play this, and I downloaded it last night, so I'm going to start playing it today.
It's apparently like a mix of Slay the Spire and Hades, which... Yep, it's a roguelike.
I've seen it.
It's supposed to be good.
Yep.
So I'm in.
I mean, you tell me that I'm going to get to play Slave the Spire plus Hades.
That's, uh, that's something that I will sign off on 10 out of 10 times.
So yeah.
Uh, video games and sports ball, uh, the rich life of a decadent failed middle-aged white man in America nailed it.
Jump shot.
So yes.
Truly, we are all cruising on easy mode, and we are going to continue to surf that wave right out of Hellworld for the week.
So thank you so much for listening.
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No Beautifully Babies to shout out this week.
This space could be yours if you were to sign up for the Patreon.
You could be getting shouted out as we speak right now.
I could be saying your name over the airwaves.
Isn't that right, Matt M?
See?
Yeah, yours is free, Matt.
You can take that one to the bank.
If you'd like to give your money to a charity or another institution that might do some good with it outside of just talking into a cam like us jerks, you can do so by donating it to love146.org.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
I'd like to thank DJ Minimal Effort for continuing to use our opening track, which I believe has no name, and he has no social media, so this shout-out is all he gets.
Into the void with it, I say, but it still makes me feel better doing it.
You know who is on social media, though, is our buddy Frosty, who you can find on Twitter at FrostyVO.
He's a voiceover artist who provides our content warning, our bumps, and the voice of Q whenever we need it.
Also, at some point, our podcast, our spinoff podcast between Sarge and I will return.
You can find out when that is by following us on Twitter at BingeReady, that's B-I-N-G-E-W-R-D-Y.
It will probably be reappearing at some point in the future, and I would imagine with a format change, more on that to come.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined by another host, The Less Mysterious Sarge, and then possibly the most mysterious of all, our expert at all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
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