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April 29, 2022 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:36:02
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #84: Musk "Buys" Twitter

Elon Musk and Twitter have reached a deal to let him run the bird machine. Also Trump is on Truth, Madison Cawthorn has more dirt dumped on him, Ron Watkins tries and fails at public speaking, and MTG says we need Marshall Law to save America. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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♪♪♪ Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the Internet, the very troubleshot Internet.
And the mysterious Elle.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
Robot El Billionaire!
El Billionaire!
Robot El Billionaire!
I had a feeling you might be a robot today.
I never know where it's going, so I don't even try.
Based on prior interactions.
I gotta mix it up.
It's gotta be mixed.
Yes.
Damn right it does.
So, we have all sorts of fun and frivolity for what El calls the amuse-bouche this week.
But first, El has a mea culpa to make to one of our esteemed beautiful babies.
Oh yeah, I forgot to give a shout-out to our latest Beautifuler Baby last week, so this week I'm doing it at the top of the episode, before most of you have probably stopped listening.
So, thank you very much.
I believe, based on the way it's spelled, this is supposed to be pronounced, Richie Fenn!
So that's what we're going for.
So thank you very much to Beautifuler Baby, who I forgot last week.
Richie Fenn!
It certainly feels much better in the mouth that way.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Yes, that's good.
You get the triple shout out for being a $20 beautiful baby.
We are absolutely, completely total whores once you get to that level.
Nothing we won't do, basically.
I mean, for legal reasons, I am doing this funny bit independent of any whoring I do on the side.
For tax reasons, I have to keep those separate.
Fair, fair.
Gotta keep the book separate, yes.
Anyway, that's... I mean, wow, what a way to kick it off.
So let's get into... I love how you described it as, as I call it, the amuse-bouche.
No, no, no.
It is the spiciest and most youth-friendly segment of the show, but newly introduced, the amuse-bouche.
Kids these days, they love French cuisine.
They can't get enough of it.
Especially the French.
I mean, wow.
They really love this stuff.
So, Ron Watkins is leading off our Abu's Boosh this week, because God knows we love him.
And this week, he had to do a little bit of public speaking.
And it was, clench his fist, pauses, great.
This weird internet doofus had to get up and talk in front of real people that don't have
to put up with his bullshit.
Okay, I'll let Mike explain what's actually happening for the people that have missed it, but I will say, up front, the most important part of this Bardun is it's an instant meme, right?
Like, I looked at it and I was just like, yo, I could use that gesture so often, just in meme form.
Anyway, what's going on with this bike?
So, the funniest part about this was, like, the guy that Ron had been targeting with, like, literally all of his vitriol, that guy, like, no-showed the debate.
And the guy who actually is going to win did show up, and Ron really didn't know what to do with him.
Yeah, he was just desperately flailing, and as El pointed out, the big payoff was Ron just desperately trying to, like, project confidence and swagger.
And he was like, we're gonna, like, keep, and then he did his little fist, like, shook his little fist at the camera as best he could, and be like, you're right!
And it was, I mean, you could just tell he was going for such an alpha power move.
And I mean, I mean, so I like, I mean, OK, well, but before we get it, before we get to the meme, just just so everyone's clear, you said this is a debate.
Like, where is this and why is this happening?
This is the Arizona 2nd District.
This is this is Ron actually somehow earning the right to be on the debate stage in the Republican primary again.
Yeah, so he made it.
Our boy actually made it onto a debate stage to try to speak to the good citizens of Arizona to let him be the Republican nominee for Arizona's second congressional district.
And let's just say I don't think they're going to be knocking down the doors to head to the polls for old Ronnie Watts after his display.
Yeah, so now that we've done the messy business of actually describing what was happening in like, you know, the important broad strokes, let's get down to really talking about this memeable moment.
To me, what it looked like happened was so like in his mind, he was like, OK, I'm going to say the following thing.
I can't remember exactly what the quote is.
Let's just say I'm here to stand up for your rights.
And so he's just like, OK, boom, I've got that locked in.
That's what I'm going to say.
And then he was just like, I'm also going to do a hand gesture.
I'm going to do like a real, like a strong, like I'm going to be a real strong guy.
But at some point in the execution of these things, he got halfway through the first one, did the second one, but with the confidence of somebody who realizes they suddenly forgot what the next thing they're supposed to say is.
So like it threw off the confidence of the fist bump and led to an awkward little pause.
So he ended up just being like...
And I'm gonna stand up for your weak Success Kid motion.
Pause.
Rights.
Didn't even let him know.
And this is a...
Yeah, guy!
And this is...
Oh, I mean, at least he...
Yeah, guy...
Uh, who is that?
Howard Dean?
Yeah.
Is that his name?
At least in that instance there was like actual, thanks MC Chris, that's literally the only reason I remember that is from an MC Chris song because I'm a huge fucking nerd.
But there was like power, there was like passion and enthusiasm behind the Howard Dean thing, right?
It was just passion and enthusiasm filtered through a horrible sound coming out of a dreadful face and it was just like a total package of bad bombing.
But at least There was, like, passion there.
I mean, Rod Watkins delivered his little memeable snafu with all the passion of, like, I don't know, the person checking the door at an anime con dealer room back in 2004.
I was going to say, all the glitz and sizzle of a UPS truck.
I mean, it's just like, holy shit.
And his weak little success kid fist cannot be understated.
Like, people should really... I mean, if you're this sort of person who's inclined to listen to this podcast, you should probably look at this clip.
It's going to be great.
And I highly recommend turning it into a meme gif for future use.
Or Jeff if you're feeling frisky.
Yeah.
It's just, he's, he was, like, we've watched the, like, we'll get into it more later, but
we've watched the QDoc, so I've watched a ton of footage of Ron.
That guy is fucking awkward on a normal day.
Like, just weird and awkward on a normal day.
Well, I'm surprised you were able to watch the Q-Doc, but we'll get into that a little more later.
Right now, we have to talk about... I have here in our notes, this is breaking news, by the way, but it's not a real headline, so I'm not doing the voice.
You get that for real headlines only, listeners.
But I have it written here in my notes as Madison Cawthorne, Hotel Eggplant Wave.
Now, after last week, I finally saw the photos of him wearing lingerie, and I was like, well, I mean, he should just own it, but he's not going to.
Right?
He didn't look bad in lingerie.
He's got the look for it.
Yeah.
I was into it.
He's in shape.
Like, he's fit.
An asshole, but fit.
He's keeping it tight.
What a tremendous opportunity.
So you're telling me something else has happened since last week with him wearing lingerie?
Oh, it's much juicier than that, my good friend.
Oh yeah, dude, the hotel eggplant wave can mean only one thing.
It's Venmo time.
Damn right.
So the first thing that happened, this has all been posted on the Twitter-trons from the Midas Touch political action committee folks.
There's a 10 second video of Madison Cawthorn and he is talking about, oh, I'm on the beach and it would be so nice.
I feel the passion and desire.
I would like to see a naked body beneath my hands.
And then the camera pans to apparently one of his staffers who's a guy and the staffer laughs and says, I'd like to see that as well.
And then the guy reaches out and touches Madison's crotch.
And the camera pans away after... the video stops after the crotch caress, as it were.
And then... It's just boys being boys.
Just boys being boys.
Just locker room jerking off.
Yeah, yeah.
And then...
They found Madison Cawthorne's Venmo account and he has payments.
Steven Smith paid Madison Cawthorne a note for loving me daily and nightly.
And then Madison Cawthorne paid him back for quote-unquote the quickie at the airport.
And then he paid him again for the stuff we did in Amsterdam.
And then the final payment was getting naked for me in Sweden.
So, I have to ask a question.
And there's nothing wrong with it if he is.
Is Madison Cawthorn openly gay?
Is he openly gay?
No, he's sort of like the opposite of openly gay, isn't he?
Yeah, he was married to a woman who recently divorced him, and there was... I wonder why!
There was some allegation, like there was some conspiracy theories that she was a Russian honeypot.
There was a big to-do about Madison Cawthorne's now ex-wife and what their relationship actually was and if he'd been set up with a honeypot or something to that effect.
But yeah.
Okay, well, we didn't cover it, so I'm assuming that it never came out that, yo, Madison Cawthorn's wife was a Russian honeypot.
We'll leave that in the realm of baseless speculation.
We'll put a pin in that if that ever comes back up.
I guess slightly less baselessly, based on current context, speculate about his sexuality.
I mean, like, it sounds like he's some sort of queer.
And I think that it would probably be better for his party if he just, like, owned that, right?
I mean, they would probably love just, like, an evil token gay.
Yeah.
Didn't Milo, like, flame out?
Wasn't he that for a little while?
Oh, yeah.
He's, like, on Cameo and, like, has said he's had to sell all his thing.
And he said he's not gay anymore.
Oh, yeah.
He's gay now.
I mean, that was just a phase or whatever.
He fixed himself.
They're all fucking monsters.
Air quotes.
Yeah, like I mean, first of all, it would certainly be better for his spirit if he were to just own it instead of like, you know, like trying to keep it some sort of secret while having this horribly repugnant political career.
But yeah, I'm not saying I'm sure that I'm sure the party could embrace him in a way like a Sith sort of way.
You know what I mean?
Because it just sounds so evil.
But of course, of course, that that particular group loves their tokenism.
I'm not saying we don't drive him- But how can we hate them if we have one of them on our side?
Oh, exactly, exactly.
It's not going to drive him to become a serial killer, but I can think of at least five or six serial killers off the top of my head that were closeted, forced to be closeted gays, and- Yeah, but this guy's also a politician, and that would make it fucking incredible if he was a serial killer, but I really doubt he is, and it is the position of the show that he is probably not.
Yeah, it's a position to show that we don't know about the state of his ex-wife being a Russian honeypot, and we do not think that he's a serial killer.
We just think that there's a possibility he could become one.
His probability is probably the same as anyone's.
It's a real roll of the dice.
Yes.
That's what that Lion King song, The Circle of Life, is really about.
It's about becoming a serial killer?
Ordinarily avoiding it, because it could happen to any of us.
It's like, that song is about the Cold War standoff where we're all in with one another.
It's like, hey man, at any moment I could just snap and start killing people and everyone around you is just like, dude, same!
Why do these people keep making notes on their Venmo payments?
It's just like, they know that it's accessible data, right?
This is part of what got that idiot from Florida, or will hopefully one day eventually get him.
Or why couldn't you just be extra vague about it?
Like, stuff.
Yeah.
Right, right.
Like, things.
Yep.
Hanging out with my bro!
High five emoji or whatever.
Right.
Just like, smiling face emoji.
Just something incredibly vague.
Or beers, or booze, I mean, just anything.
I mean, sex with women.
Do you know what all the idiots in Q think they actually do?
They just say, for food, that one time, for pizza.
Oh my god, that would be so awesome if QAnon tried to defend Madison Carthurne and they were like, hey, I didn't see him ordering pizza on Venmo, so sounds on the up and up to me.
Just like quote for like August 8th, 2019.
Hey, I want to eat pizza off of your glistening chest.
You're $50.
There's nothing wrong with it.
He shouldn't hide this.
That sounds awesome.
I would respect him more.
I mean, like, again, same thing.
Like, I would have respected him a lot more if he was just like, yeah, I was crushing that lingerie and that, like, it was a goof and I crushed it.
What about it?
It looked incredible.
Shut up.
You're not supposed to just say that.
You're supposed to hate it because you're conservative.
See, he could, like, He would be like an evil entity.
Again, I really like my Sith comparison.
He would be like Darth Maul showing up if he was just owning it.
If he was just like, yeah, I'm back and I'm rocking this lingerie, what are you going to do about it?
Madison's shown himself several times to be not very bright.
Lying about witnessing an illegal act of someone doing drugs right in front of him in his own political party, and they're like, okay, well, you need to say who now, because you witnessed a crime.
He's like, oh, I didn't think you'd ask me to do that.
Man, Sarge, you would be crushing the Segway game if all of your hot Segways weren't into our actual headlines.
I know.
Because we'll be getting into some lies and some lying later.
But first, we have to talk about the return of the Mac, which is to say that Orange Daddy has finally returned to his His only platform on the internet where you can do a free speech.
Truth.
So what did Donald Trump return to truth to say?
What sermon did he give from the mount?
The sermon he gave from the mount was a photo of himself looking like he was on the polo grounds of Mar-a-Lago, holding his phone in his hot little hands.
His dainty, tiny little hands.
And the text of his tweet, or truth, was in all caps, I'm back, hashtag covfefe.
Because Covfefe is just something that drives all the boys wild.
Yeah, it's just catnip because they love their conspiracy theory around the secret meaning of Covfefe.
What tantalizing hints is he trying to give his audience via this obvious misspelling that he did a long, long time ago and refused to admit that he just fucked up?
Yeah, I sometimes I'm like, you know, Russia should just nuke us.
Like there's so many people that are obsessed over Trump's fucking, uh, typo years later.
And she's like, nah, we had a good run.
We may, we just, it's just a long game.
We don't have to do any nukes.
We just have, we just have to wait.
It's going to take time, but time will do the job for us.
Yeah.
Especially if pandemics become a more regular thing, because people are filthy and we can't stop being filthy filths to the planet, so inevitably stuff is going to gestate and we're going to carry it out of the wild and put it into our ecosystem.
Trump may be vaccinated now, but he definitely had COVID.
He almost died!
He literally almost died of COVID.
Yeah, he had to go get adrenochrome straight from the source in the secret underground lair of that medical facility.
I forgot he was off the grid for a couple days, because he was definitely at a hospital with severe COVID.
Yeah, he was getting, like, every COVID treatment on Earth made.
He was getting experimental gene therapy.
I'm sure there was, like, a Reiki specialist there.
Like, it was popping off.
He got the cups.
He got the little cups.
They aligned his chakras.
It was the only thing that saved him.
I mean, it was really touch and go there for a while.
Yeah, dude.
His root chakra was roughed up.
So many things have happened.
I completely forgot that Trump had certified COVID.
He tried to give it to Biden.
That was the controversy of the first debate.
He showed up and was like, I ain't getting tested.
Now let me get on that debate stage with Biden and start coughing on him.
Licks his eyeball.
I'm imagining, like, Trump and Biden going in for the handshake, and Trump just starts licking him.
He's just, like, full-on licking and coughing.
He's just like, what a weird power move.
What is Trump doing?
Why the fuck is he doing that?
It's obviously not because he has COVID.
Jeff Ross is in the booth off to the side going, oh my god, it's the art of the deal!
That's the name of that, that's his finisher.
He gives you the handshake, he pulls you closer, he just licks your whole face.
The art of the deal.
It's called the art of the deal.
That is awesome.
That is the greatest, horrifyingly stupid finisher name ever in the history of not wrestling.
Yeah, get on a Celebrity Deathmatch.
I was Celebrity Deathmatch.
They did a reboot and it was 20 years ago.
Did they?
Oh my god.
Yeah.
That horrible thing just sort of bubbled up from inside of me like gas.
Anything to punch up this story, I guess, because we had to talk about it because it's funny and because it will shortly segue into our first headline.
I mean, it's just going to be us taking prop bets on whether the January 6th committee actually does, comes for Trump in any meaningful way, because that's like all we have left.
I mean, most I'm just sort of concerned with, like, what is he drumming?
What is he like?
Is he actually drumming up hype for anything?
Or does he just got nothing and he just needs to remind people that he and Truth Social, because that was sort of like tied to him, like are still things in the light of our first headlight.
So let's go ahead and play that bump.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
No, it's on everybody's lips, including Mike Raines.
He and I, it was on both of our wet pink lips.
We just couldn't wait to talk about Elon Musk, Space Daddy himself.
He said he wanted to fight Twitter and is apparently actually doing it.
Twitter was like, yeah, we're super into that.
Yeah, Elon Musk decided that a free social media platform was worth 11 times the purchasing price of the rights to Star Wars.
So your childhood was worth 1 11th of Elon Musk's right to obtain quote-unquote free speech in the most Nebulous and awful way to possibly use the term free speech.
So, um... Well, hey now, that's not fair.
They bought Star Wars back before the numbers got inflated to, like, big-time stupid dumb figures, like Microsoft buying Activision for $70 billion or whatever.
This is true.
So, Twitter's like half an Activision, is basically what we're coming down here with.
Yeah, I mean, it's slightly more than half, but yeah, I mean, hey, that's the way it shakes out, baby.
That makes it like a few times a Bethesda, which like, you know, certainly sounds right.
Well, I saw Reuters released an article where they just genuinely don't think Elon Musk is going to go through with it because it's tanking the Tesla stock and it just doesn't actually get him anything.
Twitter doesn't make money.
And also, doesn't that work out to like a sixth of his total net worth or whatever?
It's like a lot of money.
Yeah, it's about 20% of his total worth, and he's not putting up the actual money for this.
He's taking out loans.
It's all against Tesla stock.
Right, which is why Tesla sinking like a stone directly after this.
has made a lot of people question if he's actually going to go through with the actual purchase or
not. Also in the agreement, there was a statement that like he can't take shots at Twitter and he's
still doing that. He's absolutely still taking shots at Twitter on Twitter about this as they're
getting through the process. But a lot of people have said, yeah, Twitter is not actually going
to enforce that mechanism against him. Yeah. So don't don't don't hold your horses that like
Twitter's gonna go, Aha!
You have besmirched us!
We will no longer take your 44 billion dollars, good sir!
And then slap him with a glove and challenge him to Pistols at Dawn, or any such thing like that.
So the not so tinfoil hat theory I saw is that, like, Twitter, like, does make money, despite what I said, but barely, it's barely profitable.
And a lot of people use it, but don't like it.
And so the next time anything better starts coming along, you're gonna see bleed off.
You saw a lot of bleed off with this Elon deal.
So a lot of people think that This is the founders and the money people at Twitter being like, oh, deal.
We can get this huge buyout and dump this, like, it's not a sinking ship, but there's a lot of holes in it.
We can just dump it on Elon and then it's his problem?
Deal.
Like, it looks like a real deal.
Discord's been inflating increasingly with the people trying to abandon Twitter because It sure seems like Elon Musk is buying it so that he could let racists back onto it.
Yeah, I saw... He's like, and in the interest of free speech, doubt Donald Trump gets to tweet again.
It's just like, hooray, the world, it's so much better.
Thank God.
Yeah, I saw something.
You did it, Elon.
You really crushed it.
Thank you so much.
Now he gets to misspell words and talk about minorities in unflattering ways and inevitably accidentally say something homophobic.
Yeah, some shitheads I follow that I won't name so as not to give them any air or just like maybe he lets Alex Jones back on and like he absolutely will not do that.
You need to let that hope die.
There's no chance.
And that's the big thing about this is that QAnon is over the moon.
They are so happy that their space daddy owns Twitter, or is going to own Twitter down the road.
A bunch of them jumped back onto Twitter immediately and got their ban evasion accounts immediately smacked back down.
And then they're like, Oh, well, I guess like Twitter ain't taking word from the boss yet.
We got to wait a little while longer, but we'll be there soon.
And And the other thing is that Elon himself has decided to just become an absolute shitposting moron over the past few days.
He made a tweet about how he's going to buy Coca-Cola and put cocaine back in it.
Yeah.
He just recently made a post about how The left has just gone further and further to the left, and the right has not moved at all.
And Elon, and basically the Elon character that is quote-unquote me, Elon has been forced into the conservatives' camp due to the crazy left just becoming further and further more extreme and more left-wing, while the sensible, moderate conservative has not moved an inch.
They've not moved to the right in the slightest.
So it's really interesting that Elon is just promoting this whole, like, right-wing edgelord.
Like, yeah, I'm going to let both sides speak their minds and because that's what free speech is all about.
And that's the vision I want for Twitter.
That's what I'm going to do once I own it.
And I just, I can never wrap my head around what the left-wing equivalent to the 8chan Nazis is.
Like, what do far-left people say that's like so horrifying you have to ban them from social media?
Like, tax rich people more!
Or maybe socialism could work if we did it in the way the Scandinavians do it.
Whereas on the right you have Holocaust denial and disinformation about vaccines.
Yeah, I mean, people on the left, and typically I see get banned when they threaten people.
And anyone who threatens violence on someone else, yeah, should be kicked off of social media.
So it's just like, Yeah, I don't know.
You make a good point.
They're not going to kick me off of Twitter for saying we should defund the police.
Yeah, and letting a bunch of racists back on the platform is just...
Just thinking about it, you let racists back on your platform, because that's exactly what's going to happen if he just, like, decides to get looser with the moderation.
And you just have to, like, you know, in your heart of hearts, really believe That being surrounded by people that are not racist is going to wear down their racism versus them infecting impressionable people with racism?
You know what I mean?
That always works.
We just need to have their side of the argument, man.
There just needs to be somebody on that side saying that they're just like, hey, because of the color of your skin, you're not really a whole person.
So how do you like that?
We have to listen to those people.
And then we have to debate them in the digital public forum!
It's not public, Doc.
In order to acquire it, you were spending $44 billion.
Literally, to make it a private company.
Yeah, to make it a private company.
It's not a public anything.
It's just popular.
And I'm not actually sure.
Is it even as popular as WhatsApp, globally?
You know what I mean?
It might not even be the top dog.
I don't even know.
Because there is competition in the market.
So, it just seems really weird for it to just be like, well, everybody should be allowed to say whatever they want on Twitter.
It's the new digital, like, town square!
No, it's not.
It's one of a litany of social media platforms.
It's one of the ones that people quit like the most frequently, I think second only to Facebook.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like people, like when people are just like proudly just being like, I'm quitting a social
media platform.
It's like Facebook number one, followed by Twitter.
And then they're just like, I'm just taking all of my shit to Instagram because all I
really want to do is post pictures of my beach vacations and food eatings.
Things I do on Facebook, use messenger and look at videos of people rescuing kittens.
That is exactly all I do.
I don't go there for news.
I don't go there, really, for anything.
I look at pictures of my mom's quilts.
That is about where we begin in on Facebook.
I'll go several days without even opening it because I just don't need it and don't want it.
My position on the show is pretty...
I'm a big fan of that.
I don't give a fuck about that.
Why do you give a fuck about that?
It should be more conservative leaning.
Why?
well the way they moderate it it makes it it makes it like liberal leaning i'm just like yeah
that's great i'm a big fan of that i don't give a fuck about that why do you give a fuck about that
you know i should be more conservative leaning why everything conservatives want is terrible
and all their celebrities are bad So you don't even get funny celebrity tweets.
And like, who was the last big TikTok star that was also just like, oh yeah, by the way, like I can't stop loving Donald Trump.
Like, like my two favorite things are A, having 7 million followers on TikTok and B, like the Second Amendment.
Now watch me shoot this AR-15.
Exactly.
Yeah, that's the thing that's like so weird about this is that I've just, the whole idea that Twitter Is this massive political arena where everything has to be fought over your worldview vis-a-vis liberal versus conservative?
And what's so funny about that to me is you look at like posts from politicians or politics, like political commentators and stuff like that, and they get nowhere near the engagement of a photo that's like a meme of sports of any kind.
Like, just a picture of someone in basketball dunking over somebody else in a recent NBA game gets like 20,000 likes and a million retweets.
And it's way more relevant.
It gets way more engagement than, like, than AOC talking about raising the minimum wage or Joe Biden saying we need to do something about guns.
It's just the idea that You got to frame the entire Twitter sphere as just political.
And I'm going to make sure the right and the left get a fair shake.
And it's just like, you know, a lot of people are just on there to like follow their favorite, like celebrities, like know when the new movie's coming out, tour dates.
They feel obligated because they have a podcast that they want to help promote and be there for if people want to engage with them.
Right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Patreon.com slash poker politics.
Yeah, I mean, it's just the idea that, like, I'm a fan of, like, new, like, pop artists that's really, like, that's really going off right now.
I'm a fan of Dua Lipa.
I go check out her tour dates, and at the bottom I see some racists screaming and yelling about her doing, like, having a song featuring a black rapper.
And now it's just, like, Is this acceptable on my Twitter now?
Because Elon's just like, yep, that racist has to let you know that he really hates, like, black people, and now you're gonna deal with that.
I can't remember if I mentioned it on the show or not, but I was looking at a listing for carpenter brew tickets that, like, showed up on my Facebook, and I clicked on it, and somebody was just like, yes, I'd be going to the show, except fucking mask mandate, whatever, man, COVID is bullshit.
And I was just like, wow.
You won't be there.
I was like, yeah, all right, cool.
I was just, I think, I'm pretty sure I responded to it.
It just said, get fucked.
I just wasn't having it.
I was like, yeah, get fucked.
It was super great.
I'll be real bummed out that that guy's not in the crowd when I am listening to some fucking sweet synthwave tunes.
Yeah.
I mean, like, God, Elon on Twitter.
The other thing that's really funny to me is it's like who is Tesla's market?
It's rich liberals.
So now you like literally have the guy that's like the face of Tesla being like there's plenty of crypto bros.
Oh, I'm sure there are but but I mean like But at worst he's tricking dumb crypto bros into thinking that having a sweet zero emission electric vehicle is a status symbol.
Tesla kind of has become that.
Again, Elon Musk is a huge piece of shit.
It's not great.
I kind of wish that he had a different personality of almost any other sort for what he is about.
Because what he is about is launching spaceships to try to get us into space and creating electric batteries and propagating electric vehicles and making them cool enough to actually generate a market for them.
Like, you know, having his fingers in eBay, which was like a big deal.
Yeah, if only he stuck to the innovation part of being a weird... Or was it PayPal or both?
It's hard to say.
It was PayPal.
He's done a bunch of shit.
He makes fucking rocket parts and stuff.
He's, you know, and it's just like, oh, that allows me to sort of empathize slightly with his weird defenders on the Internet.
But then I read the stuff they say and I'm just like, guys, you need to calm down.
Elon Musk is kind of shitty.
But in this one particular instance, him buying Twitter to turn it into an open free speech platform, would I blow your minds if I told you that there's a chance that he's right after all and maybe he does need to get in there and he needs to release us from the yoke of censorship on Twitter because it turns out Censorship on Twitter has hit our fair QAnon debunking community in the form of some revelatory information that Twitter diminished the promotion of that QAnon doc we had mentioned earlier.
And somebody's sawing in the background.
I know.
I was about to say, I sure hope it's not Mike Rains, because I'm about to throw to him, Mike Rains, what's the deal with Twitter's censorship of us, the liberals?
We're the good guys.
He doesn't censor us.
If only I had a sound box, a sound port to play him sawing noise, that would have been great.
I'll go ask him to saw more.
Cameragg noises, too.
Yeah.
There's unfortunately a lot of construction around my place right now.
But yeah, so Colin Holbeck, who was the director of Into the Storm, the anti-QAnon documentary that ended with Ron Watkins basically admitting he was Q, he came out with a series of tweets stating that Twitter labeled his account as quote-unquote harmful and therefore limited the reach of the documentary.
And, uh, when they, uh, he found out about this when he tried to promote the release of the documentary on iTunes.
And, uh, so basically just by, um, and this was not just the algorithm.
This was actual people at Twitter who looked at the documentary and were just like, yeah, we need to, uh, reduce its visibility in search replies, timelines, timelines, and recommendations.
So this is a very bizarre thing that Twitter did where, again, this wasn't just the algorithm messing up and being like, oh, QAnon, stop it.
This was a documentary trying to explain the origins of QAnon and why it was bad and who might be behind it.
And Twitter put their thumb on the scale to try to make it harder for people to see that, which is really fucked up.
I can't even wrap my head around it.
I don't actually remember where we fell on the doc.
Did we say that ultimately it spent too much time dwelling on who Q was because that was irrelevant and obvious?
Is this the documentary question?
No, it just had a confusing timeline because he doesn't label when things are taking place, so you have to know by context of the events.
This is the one where we got Ron giving up the goose, right?
Yes.
Yeah, this was the one that either could have... Basically, my mindset about this documentary was that it either could have been done in a tight four, or it should have been expanded to like eight or ten parts.
I forget if it was... Yeah, it was a six part.
And it felt like they could have gone to eight to really nail down a lot of shit.
I wish I could take my six to an eight.
Am I right, guys?
Or they could have tightened it down to a solid four, because there was like a segue in the Gamergate that was really weird.
There was this incredibly indulgent thing- Wait, why were they possibly talking about a group of heroes supporting ethics in video game journalism?
And they have, like, the de facto leader of Gamergate Audit, he had a Nintendo Switch with him, and he's like, it's just about gaming.
Yeah, it's like, oh my god, they got THE Dylan?
Because I'm just picturing some random kid just, like, sitting on a couch.
Yeah, so I just didn't like what she was saying about games and stuff because, you know, she was like a whore or whatever.
What a hero.
We salute you, greasy teen.
They were soft on a lot of these people.
They got into Gamergate because 8chan got big because of GamerGate, because when GamerGate got kicked off of everywhere else, they were given a home on 8chan, and that gave the board some amount of relevance.
Right.
And there was that weird part where he was like, I flew to Italy to try to find Steve Bannon to see if he was cute, and then I didn't run into Steve Bannon and left Italy.
So then I ate some delicious pasta and had to drink some wine at the time of this production.
And here's some footage of me staring out over a beautiful Italian sunset vista.
It's just like, okay, cool.
All good stuff.
But anyway, again, we're the good guys.
Why would Twitter do this to us?
Twitter, you're supposed to be on our side.
And this is after they kicked, they did the banning of all of the openly cute accounts.
Right, next, me?
Are they going to come for me next to try to censor me, man?
Probably not, now that Space Daddy owns it.
He's got my back.
He's going to allow me to keep making jokes, and also to continue to solicit him for one million United States dollars.
I will believe that it's happening when the deal has closed, not a second before.
What, that he's going to finally gift me a million dollars?
Yes.
I will also believe that.
I've tried twice already.
I don't want to be too up his bum about it, but periodically I'll just go, hey man, you seem to have a lot of money, give me one million dollars.
Because free speech!
What's he going to do, censor me?
Is he going to block me for soliciting for one million United States dollars?
That would not be very supportive of my free speech.
You can't block somebody in the town square if I'm yelling, give me a million dollars!
You can't block me.
That's not how that works.
Nope, you have every right to demand a million dollars from Elon Musk every hour of every day if you so desire to do it.
Yeah, in fact, I should be doing it more.
Yeah, he's lucky.
He's lucky that I don't have like actual podcast powers.
Otherwise I would I would drum up support for a campaign to get me $1,000,000.
As someone I follow on Twitter pointed out, with all the money that he's using to buy Twitter, he could have bought every single animation frame from legendary anime powerhouse Project Aiko.
And I mean, that's just like that's just free real estate right there.
He can probably buy every animation frame ever.
He could select me and like 43,999 other people to get one million United States dollars.
Yeah.
He could give everyone quite a bit of money.
I'm not actually sure if the math checks out on that, but who cares?
L wants us to focus on what matters, which is L getting a million dollars.
Yeah.
I mean, for anyone out there who's worried that wealth will change me, remember, it's only going to be like $600,000 after taxes or whatever.
Right.
Then we can get a podcasting studio, and maybe Sarge won't have sawing and bagging and dog barking in the back of his recording.
Hey, I don't feel good about any of that, but here we are.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's what I'm here for, buddy, to kick you while you're down.
Exactly.
Anyway, speaking of getting kicked while they're down, Marjorie Taylor Greene's been having a week, huh?
She got to do some lying while being questioned by the government about stuff, which we covered last week, and I guess this week she has some spicy texts that have come to light.
So, Mike, what's up with MTG's textual transmissions?
So Marjorie, the day after the attack on the Capitol, she texted Mark Meadows and said, Yesterday was a terrible day.
We tried everything we could in our objection to the six states.
I'm sorry nothing worked.
I don't think that President Trump caused the attack on the Capitol.
It's not his fault.
Antifa was mixed in the crowd and instigated it and sadly people followed.
But when people try everything and no one listens and nothing works, I guess they think they have no other choice.
So, Antifa started it, but the other people who attacked the Capitol at Antifa's behest... They were patriots.
They were patriots justified.
Just frustrated patriots.
Just frustrated patriots.
We tried everything and nothing worked.
But we did not do it under the direction of Donald Trump.
I love slash hate that she was savvy enough to put that in there.
Yeah, absolutely no excuse and I fully denounce all of it, but after shutdowns all year and a stolen election, people are saying they have no other choice.
I defended Trump last night on Newsmax.
He has been the greatest president.
I will continue to defend him and if anyone attacks you, I hope you are okay.
Feel badly for everyone.
And Marjorie Taylor Greene, Mark Meadows replied to her, thanks Marjorie.
How polite of that.
Very nice of him.
Big ups Marjorie.
Thanks for expressing concern in these dark times and really hedging your bets.
Yes, Antifa started it, but Dosh, Garnet, they were just letting off some steam after the election got stolen from them and they were locked down for a year.
I mean, I totally understand why those patriots were so easily hoodwinked by the Antifa leading the attack on the Capitol.
I would never in a million years support the idea of succession or secession, but, you know, like, you know, some people might.
It might be a pretty good idea.
My ancestors have some great uniforms in their closet, and we can crack those back out.
Yeah.
She wants to secede, and she loves the HBO original television show, Succession.
A lot of people do.
I couldn't get into it.
I haven't seen any of it, but I do love Kieran Culkin.
He's amazing.
I've watched clips.
I tried to watch it.
It just, everyone's a monster and that's one of those shows.
Yeah, it's got the always sunny problem where it's like, who am I rooting for?
You're all shit.
I mean, it's just, it's just that thing.
It's always sunny problem where everyone is just constantly screaming at each other and it's supposed to be jokes.
Uh, so after that text, uh, on January, uh, 17th, she sent another text to Mark Meadows, which was, in our private chat with only members, several are saying the only way to save our Republic is for Trump to call for Marshall Law, spelled Marshall as in M&M Marshall Mathers, and not Marshall as in actual military law.
Is it, is it, is it that the Tekken character?
Is it that, or a Tekken character?
Marshall Law?
Yes.
Yeah!
Yes.
It also sounds like it would be the cool name of a cowboy.
Oh, yeah.
Martial Law, I'm sure I watched that cartoon when I was a kid.
Was it on before or after Bravestar?
Probably before.
Eyes of the hawk, ears of the wolf.
Anyway.
It's for the five of you, maybe.
Those are the people that we rely on to keep us going, spiritually.
Yes.
She continues by saying, I don't know on those things.
Again, hedging her bets.
I just wanted you to tell him they stole the election.
We all know.
They will destroy our country next.
Please tell him to declassify as much as possible so we can go after Biden and anyone else.
Now that final line is, to me, that's when my ears perk up.
Because that was one of Q's big things that he would always tell his audience was that Trump could declassify all this secret information that was being held back by the intelligence agencies that would expose all the deep state's corruption and allow for all the arrests to begin.
It was just something that QAnon will always talk about.
It was like, oh, they're antagonizing Trump, but with a stroke of his pen, he could at least, he could start the declassification that would bring them all down.
So the fact that... Do a Death Note montage.
Right, exactly.
Oh, God.
He's just declassifying the shit out of shit.
It would be like the Death Note montage like backwards.
So he's like, he's like putting the pen to the paper and removing the ink.
Yeah, I remember the time all that actually happened.
And Trump didn't, instead, Trump didn't lose a ton of paperwork, mainly about himself.
The funniest thing about this was, is there was a deadline to, like, to classify, like, basically, like, quote unquote, the final documents about the JFK assassination.
And then Trump punted and, like, let them remain sealed for more years.
So, like, when push came to shove on the ultimate catnip of all these conspiracy theorists, Trump just couldn't do it.
He couldn't even pull the trigger on that low-hanging fruit.
I mean, why would he ever pull the trigger on anything?
They made it pretty clear that he never has to do any of the stuff.
You can just take credit for having wanted to do the stuff in perpetuity.
I mean, how many years does he have left?
Even if he's just like an Adonis, I mean, like 20 more years at most?
You could ride that out.
You could just be like, remember all those times I said I was gonna do that stuff?
And then like, yeah, we loved you when you were president, Mr. Trump.
I guess President Trump.
Yes.
And I guess they'd still be like, we loved it when you became and still are President, President Trump.
Yeah, so that's like the thing to me that's like so funny about all this shit is that he Marjorie has said that she's like, oh, I don't believe in QAnon.
I don't follow it, blah, blah, blah.
But she still knew enough to bring up the term declassify and to ask.
Trump needs to declassify as quickly as possible so we can get Biden.
That is something only someone who is totally pilled would say that.
Like that is not something you can just like, Pluck out a thin air and just guess at it.
I mean, you could... He's like, I don't even know who Q is, but if I did, I would probably say something like that he was a handsome genius that was always right about everything and was the modern-day Nostradamus, but only because of his robust military ties and his glistening abdominal muscles.
And his incredible collection of life-size Rei Ayanami dolls.
Yeah, I mean, even one is a very big collection, because most people don't even have one.
I don't know the guy, but I would say that my favorite part about him hypothetically
would be that he was always willing to fight for my rights.
He definitely practiced that, right?
Oh, in the mirror all day, just the power move of the fist.
He's like, I'm going to nail it.
Fresh out of the shower, wearing a towel around his waist and his cowboy hat, because he's never without the cowboy hat.
Just like, you talking to me?
Fist.
You're going to be talking to me.
Fist.
I really nailed it.
There's nobody else around here, so you gotta be talking to fist, paws, me!
Nailed it!
What about your clowns?
With your Finnish-Russian accent, do you want to take us into the Russia roundup?
Can I do it without doing a Russian accent?
I am le-tired.
Fine.
But no, we of course do have to do our Russia roundup because, I mean, what can we say?
Russia be in the headlines and QAnon devout be loving Russia.
So this one actually Sarge brought to the table.
Apparently a bunch of Russian oligarchs have ended up mysteriously killed or dead.
Sorry, did I say killed?
I mean accidentally died.
Suicide.
Oh yeah, suicides.
That's it.
Yes, wonderful.
Everybody, everybody I've seen all the time always.
In the past year, six Russian oligarchs have mysteriously have committed suicide.
Nothing funny about that.
That they all shared the same social strata of Russian society.
That they all had massive amounts of money.
Didn't we talk about this like a week or two ago?
Because it was like two back to back, but now four more have come to light.
Yeah, so we talked about it last week because two of them, within a week of each other, murder-suicided them and their wives.
And now people started going back a little further, and it's been six in the past year, and they're all just, you know, tangently related.
They're all fairly close to each other in terms of what they sell, what they do, how they made their money, and It's weird.
Like things that are going wrong with the war all seem to be associated with what these guys sell.
Like the troops are running out of fuel and it's the last two that died, uh, you know, by their own hand, uh, sold gas.
So it's so weird.
So very weird.
I've heard rumblings on Twitter that a bunch of buildings in Russia have also been committing suicide.
Yeah, Russia's complaining about the Ukrainians fighting back and attacking them.
They said, that's not fair, you're not allowed to fight back on our turf, but a bunch of A bunch of Ukrainian special forces have been launching over-the-border attacks in Russia, blowing up.
Yeah, it's a there. Kilgore trout had on Twitter has a list of either these events, either their
Ukrainian special ops or their sabotage by Russia, anti war Russians. The the Dmitrovsky
chemical plant, a key Russian manufacturer of industrial solvents lit on fire on April 21.
There's...
Um Then there was a Russian rocket and spacecraft scientific center that got lit on fire on April 22nd.
There's a large fire at an oil depot in Bryansk on the 24th.
In Belgrade on April 26th, a Russian ammunition depot got set on fire.
On the 29th, a Russian TV in Kursan, Russian TV became unable to broadcast because their TV tower exploded.
It's just this ongoing thing where...
All this infrastructure in Russia that would be needed for maintaining the war, or in the case of television, transmitting propaganda and information, is mysteriously blowing up and being destroyed.
It's so weird.
It's just not working anymore.
I mean, who knows why?
I really hope it's sabotage.
I hope that right now there's like a...
Like a like a sneaky little like Cold War era style like just actual saboteur But creeping around Russia just hit hitting targets like that video game the saboteur or like that Beastie Boys song sabotage No, not like that song Only like to the only like the beat to that song hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
I Yeah.
So we're now building towards May 9th because that's Victory Day in Russia.
And that's their big day of national celebration where they do the military parades.
And there's a lot of concern because Russian rhetoric in this past week has ratcheted up from being sort of like, we are fighting Ukraine for glorious Russian purposes, blah, blah, blah.
To Russian rhetoric sort of being, this is a war between Russia and NATO and Ukraine is merely the battlefield upon which we will achieve victory over NATO.
So is this just like Putin's saber rattling and trying to like puff out his chest and explain why the Russians are having a tough time of it in Ukraine?
Or is he actually crazy enough to want to like try to throw hands with NATO?
Because given the fact that they've been getting demolished by Ukraine, like with only their troops being backed with NATO weaponry, It seems like a really dangerous move to escalate by actually like trying to throw punches at NATO, either attacking like weapon shipments or whatever.
Where you might actually kill non-Ukrainians.
Yeah, he keeps threatening the nuclear option.
Guess what doesn't serve a purpose?
When you keep thrusting a gun in someone's face saying I'm going to shoot you, and you never do.
I'm not saying anyone should get nuked, but there comes a point where these threats kind of ring hollow.
God, you would hope so when it comes to the nuke.
I mean, holy shit.
I don't want anyone this to actually happen, but he just keeps saying this and it's like, uh, some point you're going to have shit or get off the pot, bud, because you're invading other countries and people don't like that.
Yeah, I mean, them going out and killing some NATO troops would be just very ill-advised.
I could scarcely think of anything less advised.
Please don't do that.
I mean, on top of all the other stuff that we've been begging you not to do for a while, Putin, just please don't do that.
You can do anything for Ukraine, because they're beating your ass, and God love them for it, but you can't do that.
We're going to fight Ukraine and NATO.
Okay, gotcha.
Sure thing, bud.
Yeah, if we could literally put a force field around all the nuclear weapons and just have NATO versus Russia, Russia's military would be destroyed within a week.
I mean, that has been made abundantly clear at this point.
Yeah.
If he engages with NATO and American jets get to come into Ukraine, God, it's just like, start playing the Jock Rock now.
It's like, there's so many videos.
Imagine if it just turned out that everybody's military wasn't shit.
That'd be great.
That'd be awesome.
Like everybody's military gets involved and it just turns out that we're all just kind of weak and crappy.
I know for a fact that a bunch of our boys are just hanging out in Germany, just waiting for the go order.
But yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah, that's it.
That's how America works.
Once we conquer your country, I mean, we sort of leave, but we don't actually leave.
I mean, it took us 20 years to get the fuck out of Afghanistan.
I mean, yeah.
You just look at Japan.
Japan doesn't have a military because of us.
We were like, you don't have a military anymore after we beat the shit out of you.
Yeah, your military, it's our military.
Don't worry about it.
We got your butt.
Japan has a self-defense force.
Right.
Yeah, and you know, and their elite squad of espers.
Elite squad of espers?
Is that an anime thing, you nerd?
I mean, it's a manga thing.
We've been over this, you philistine.
How dare you accuse me of such profane indulgences.
Yeah, so the Russia roundup, I guess, not necessarily as grim as usual, but grim in a different way.
It's just Russia suffering internal casualties.
It's not great, like, Russia's just really getting fucked up in its war on Ukraine, and in addition to that, it's starting to collapse from within.
Oh, and the final note I would say is, the Chief of the General Staff of the Russian Armed Forces, Valery Garisimov, apparently he's personally leading the offensive of Russian troops now.
So, given the fact that, like, eight Russian generals have been killed on the front lines recently... So many!
I mean, it's like, I really do hope that guy didn't take his personal cell phone to the front line like so many of these other dum-dums have, because, like...
Seems like a great way to get hit with a drone strike.
I mean, yeah.
Don't worry, they'll figure out a way.
They're plucky.
Yes.
Plucky, scrappy Russian army.
Let's give them a battleship or whatever and see what they can do with it.
Yep.
God.
Fuck it.
Just let's let's I mean, they've proven pretty capable with The arms they've been given.
Like, you give a Ukrainian farmer a fuckin' anti-tank weapon and they'll anti some tank with it.
It's fuckin' crazy.
Yeah!
They've shown more than once they're ready to go.
Yeah, those people are fuckin' ready to rock.
Absolutely wild.
Again, we support the effort of peace in Ukraine, but it turns out that the only way we're getting that is by cheering them on while they fuck up Russians, so... Sorry, Russian soldiers.
I know a lot of you probably aren't thrilled to be there either, but...
Don't worry, most of your contracts are up in June, so here's to hoping you're able to stay alive until then and then leave the army post-haste.
All right.
Well, with that, I believe it is time for us to get to our pulsating sack of questions.
Yes.
More solos.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
So we open with Cleodora Silvestri says NFTs are a pyramid scheme.
It says, considering the sheer amount of insane scheming Q has put into finding ways for Trump to be made president again, and it's not happening.
How long do you have to do you expect we have to wait until they shift strategy and start pushing Putin running for US president?
I think if they're going to pivot to a person who can't run because they're foreign-born, but would like to be American President, I think Musk 2024 has a much better ring to it.
I think Elon for the Oval Office is definitely where they're going to be heading with this shit.
Well, we can't get it, but the dream match that everybody wanted, Elon v. Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
Yes!
That would be the crazy political battle.
Do you think he'd give him the people's elbow?
No, probably not.
He's like a gentle giant now.
You gotta save that stuff for the silver screen, dawg.
Can't just go around thrashing Elon Musk during a presidential debate.
That wouldn't be the most American thing ever though, right?
Yeah.
Maybe just start doing like full-on wrestling moves to Elon Musk and just like giving him wedgies and stuff.
Look at this nerd!
Look at this stupid nerd!
He just like gives him a big wedgie and then like pig bellies him.
He's just like, you should vote for me because I'm handsome and you've seen me in movies and look how strong I am and how easily I crush this fool.
He's like, and he might be richer than me, but I'm still rich.
He doesn't have a compelling point.
He is handsome and rich.
Yes.
Yeah.
So that's basically my answer to that question would probably be, I've already seen it.
And I actually saw like a couple of people being like, Hey, if Musk wants to be president, no one's going to be able to stop him.
And he's just going to win and turn America into like a nightmare hellscape of like Muskistan or whatever.
If Musk wants to be president, yeah, he's got it sewed up.
He's like, hey, I want it, and he's just gonna take it.
It's not even fuckin' all said and done that he was able to do that with Twitter, which is just some dumb company on the internet.
So, let's maybe put the brakes on how unlimited we believe Elon Musk's power to be.
Yeah, just a touch.
A skosh, maybe.
Oh boy.
So, thank you for the question.
Windiosity asks, does anyone know who PepeLivesMatter is and does anyone really care?
So the answer to the second question is no.
And to the first question, Pepe's been kind of weirdly self-doxing recently, in the sense that they announced that they've had a chronic pain condition for a while, and it's gotten worse, so they needed to take some time off, and then they immediately ignored that whole taking time off.
I needed to take some time off of my racism, because of the chronic pain.
Hey, racism's hard.
I bet that person is also deeply religious.
I love the idea that they can be deeply religious and then just, like, posting vitriol on the internet, talking very badly about their fellow man, and then have their body wracked with horrible pain, and then still just be like, yeah, I'm a true patriot and a Christian and everybody loves me and I'm great.
All of what you've said is true.
Pepe's the most hardcore Jesus person in QAnon there is, pretty much.
And also they have a brother that goes by QStradamus.
They don't post as much as Pepe does.
Shut the fuck up.
Not joking.
Their avatar is a Pepe, and that's their name.
Kewstradamus.
Goddammit.
It's a little too on-the-nose if you know what a fucking hack Nostradamus actually was, and how they got zero predictions right.
But beyond that, it's great.
Totally perfect.
Kewstradamus.
Goddammit.
So dumb.
I mean, hey, who doesn't love failed prophets or whatever, you know what I mean?
So good.
I only want my future site coming from people who are demonstrably wrong about it all the time.
I only like my veterans uncaptured.
Wow.
Take that, John McCain, you piece of shit.
Yeah, going... Hey, that is a quote from our president.
Going full anti-McCain there.
No, he won, so our president.
Yeah.
Oh, and he is still our president?
I mean, we don't know the truth.
Yes.
It's only a matter of time before he pulls the mask off of his grand scheme.
And reveals that he is Jim Carrey.
I almost said Drew Carrey.
And reveals, I mean, to be fair, like, I, of the two, if somebody needed to play Donald Trump, I feel like Carrey Show era Drew Carrey is much more Trumpian than any Jim Carrey.
Yes.
Trump doesn't feel very frenetic the way Jim Carrey was in his prime.
So I'd go Drew Carrey also on that one.
Is it weird that no one ever talks about revisiting that show despite the fact that it had like eight seasons or whatever?
It just felt like it was on forever.
Oh, the Drew Carey Show?
Yeah, I don't know how many seasons it actually had, but it felt like it was on for a long time and nobody ever wants, like, no one's ever just like, hey, you know what?
I've been re-watching the Drew Carey Show.
I mean, before she went full mask off, I went and revisited some old Brosanne and like the first couple of seasons are still very funny.
Yeah, but that's not the Drew Carey Show, mate.
Of course people are going to revisit Roseanne.
Roseanne was a show about poor people living in what always looked to me like a mansion.
Because I was actually poor.
Roseanne's Prestige was just like, yeah, it's fine.
It's a sitcom for the lower middle class.
And I was just like, OK, well, I mean, they have a second floor to their living space where there are bedrooms that have I think they had a basement, too.
They had, like, multiple bedrooms and probably multiple bathrooms.
I was like, fuck, get out of here.
This is the poor family on TV?
Yikes.
So, yes, this question about the identity of PepeLivesMatter has taken us where it usually does, so thank you for that.
I blame myself, because I did it.
Accused your dumbness.
Yes.
ConfidentlyBefuddled asks, why won't my parents love me?
And to that I say, I don't know.
You don't donate enough to our podcast, patreon.com.
Your parents will love you if you only give us more cold hard cash, if you're not already doing so.
So yes, that is how you earn love by giving people money.
It's America.
I think they probably blame you for your brother's death.
You knew you weren't supposed to take him in that cave when it was raining, but you did it anyway.
This one's on you.
We now have a question from Hellworld L who asks, hi, first time long time.
My question is this.
Now that Elon Musk has purchased Twitter, why hasn't he given me one million United States dollars?
That's a great question.
Good question.
Yes, it is.
Elon, what the fuck?
Why haven't you hooked our boy up?
What's going on?
Why haven't I received one million United States dollars from Elon Musk, Ed?
That piece of shit.
I mean, where's your dedication to free speech, bud?
Right.
I was the only one brave enough to ask for it.
I'm sure only I was brazen enough to just come to you with my hand fully out.
I would like one million dollars, please.
Money, please.
Make it United States dollars, the best ones.
The best of dollars.
Nailed it.
We'll be awaiting for this week and every other week to know why Elon's a coward who doesn't truly respect free speech and has not given El a million dollars yet.
Unless it's the week when he does, in which case we will be talking to you from our new palatial podcasting studio.
So, yeah.
I can't wait to tell everyone how wrong I was about Elon Musk.
I'd be like, boy, you're too changed.
I will be taking no questions about my change of tune.
I love him and apartheid and emeralds.
All of these things.
Hey, I mean, I could love two out of three of those things without being a monster, right?
So SnorlaxCpap asks, what's the best cocktail to have while playing poker, or the most creative you have seen at the tables?
I don't know that I've seen a particularly creative beverage.
I've seen just... Yeah, by grades, you booze hound, you fucking cunt.
Yes!
Tell us about your whimsical cocktails, bro!
L is giving me all this shit because I'm a teetotaler and I abstain from alcohol.
So, for the listeners that did not know that, that is why I'm currently being hit with both the razzle and the dazzle.
It, like his beard, is part of his religious beliefs, which we will not be getting into, but use your own imagination.
Exactly.
Um, I will just say that at the tables, I've seen every level of drunkenness, including like people that were pretty much falling out of the chair drunk and yet incapable of losing a hand of poker.
I saw a guy that was just annihilated and he was up about $2,000 and the rest of the table was just seething with rage.
Trying to beat him in the hand, failing to do so.
And then his girlfriend came to the table and was just like, honey, let's play some blackjack.
And he just took all the money and left and went to go play blackjack with her.
And you, yeah, oh, you don't know anger until you've seen a table full of people watching the dumb drunk fish just escaping from their clutches because, like, happenstance happened to just, like, pull him away.
Because he was never leaving if his girlfriend didn't show up.
They would have gotten all that money back.
But nope, she arrives, boom, whisks him away, and he gets to leave the table plus two dimes.
So, just the way the world works.
Hashtag life's not fair.
He earned it.
I have a signature cocktail.
I have a cocktail of my own invention.
Yeah, it's called the L-Bomb.
I invented it when I was a desperate... Housewife?
Totally legal person partying at the totally legal age of my high school years, if you catch my drift.
But it's evolved over time.
So it's Bacardi 151, apple juice, and a splash of sour apple pucker, and a caramel sugar rim.
It's quite good.
Sounds like a sour apple Jolly Ranger.
I seem to remember that when we, uh, no, there was a watermelon.
The waitress recommended that drink to you because it was very watermelon-y, and you agreed upon a review of the beverage.
It got less watermelon-y as it went on, but she wasn't wrong.
The first couple of sips were quite a watermelon-y zip for something that had no watermelon in it.
That's interesting.
So I think that concludes that question.
So Pancake Peasant asks, now that Fabricator General Elon Musk owns Twitter, are bandanons clamoring to be let back?
What do you think Elon will do with the platform?
A, yes, and they think daddy will release them any moment now so they can harass Chrissy Teigen and every other celebrity that they think is part of the deep state.
It's like one of those scenes from the movie version of World War Z with the zombies crawling all over the top of each other to make a big pillar that stretches into the sky.
So they can finally get to the top and say that Ariana Grande is a man with a penis.
Yes, exactly!
She does witchcraft.
I mean, take a pick.
Maybe it's Entwine.
She's a Satanist.
I, uh, oh man, I actually saw some QAnon promoter, uh, screaming about Lady Gaga being a man, and I was like, is this 2004?
What decade am I living in now?
Also, what does it matter?
Like, what does that accomplish?
Even if she was.
Oh, it's just, uh, it's this whole thing.
I bet a lot of people in the QAnon community would feel really guilty about jerking off to him.
This is true.
Oh, man.
But they just want to talk about the depravity.
It's the whole thing where they talk about Disney being grooming.
All these evil people are trans on our televisions, and it's warping the minds of our children, and it's like, your children doesn't know what this means.
They don't understand shit about shit.
They're kids.
You're the ones that have to explain it to them and tell them why they need to get mad about it.
Like, you're the problem here, asshole.
Not the celebrity.
I hate to break it to you, but, I mean, it's just so ridiculous.
Wow.
Sounds to me like somebody who doesn't know the truth.
Wink!
Yeah.
And the answer for what Elon will do with the platform, I feel like if he ever does actually fully own the platform, he'll find out that he needs to leave it basically the way it is.
Any more quote-unquote free speech will just turn it into a chambord hellscape which will bleed market share aggressively.
And I mean the whole reason why Elon bought this thing is so that he could be a big swinging dick and be like, I own Twitter and it's a really popular social media platform.
Because he would have had to have paid like, I don't know, 50 bucks in a comp at a Red Lobster to own Getter or Truth or Gab or any of these other shit quote-unquote free speech sites.
If he wanted a free speech, he could have had it for way less money.
Trump would tell him the truth yesterday.
Oh God, oh God.
If Trump ever heard someone offering to buy something off him for a billion dollars, he'd be like, with a B?
And then he'd immediately ship the paperwork over to them, not even questioning it.
$1 billion. No, no question. All the talk about Trump being rich,
Trump being a ballerino. It's all bullshit. That guy would do any you do
anything for $10 million. Never mind a billion. But I mean, I'm something of a
Trump myself.
Exactly. Exactly.
Bye.
So yeah, I mean, the only two options are Elon takes over the platform and does nothing with it, or he destroys it.
I mean, there's really no other way this goes, because could he add an edit feature?
Yeah, great, whatever.
But I mean, the idea that Elon's going to show up and quote unquote improve Twitter is laughable to me, because I feel like once he owned it, he would like Do free speech for two months, then the thing would fall apart.
The banks would be like, yo, Elon, we're not getting our return on our investment.
What the fuck?
And then he'd make Twitter back the way it was before.
Put some person in the position of CEO, be like, blame them.
They're running it.
I'm back to doing rockets and Tesla again.
Twitter's a side thing.
I don't care about that much anymore.
And that'd be that.
I mean, I just don't think Uh, nothing to ruin are the options, and I don't think there's any other options.
He's gonna convert it into a digital platform to sell skateboard decks.
Yeah, in five years that's what Twitter is gonna be.
Just all skateboards?
Yeah, well, you know, just the decks.
You have to get the wheels and the trucks and stuff someplace else.
I bet that guy'll sell Myspace.
Oh man, that's where you go to get your trucks and your wheels.
You go to Twitter for the deck and then you get the rest of the components at MySpace.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Yeah.
And then you go on Facebook and post all of your rad skateboarding videos.
Yes.
Because everybody loves Facebook.
Don't worry, 5-10 years from now, Facebook is going to be just as popular as ever, baby.
It's going straight to the moon.
We're going meta to the moon!
Yes!
Put your feet on the blockchain!
Something something non-fudgeable!
Hashtag board ape!
Have you ever wanted to get paid to be on Facebook?
Boy howdy, convert your post into an NFT.
Your Facebook memory of your scathing review of one of the last episodes of the last season of Game of Thrones?
Well now you can put it on the blockchain and try to get $10,000 for it.
Oh, to dream of such immense wealth for such a pithy original thought.
So thank you for the question.
Jason asks, was Musk part of the Q narrative earlier?
And if not, have you seen any attempts to write him into previous drops?
Slavish devotion to rich white men seems to come naturally to these guys.
Elon is only mentioned in Q's typically, like, cryptic way because Q has to make it kind of mysterious and you have to unlock the mystery and by that I mean that Elon Musk is his initials are used and in QDROP 571 Q says Jack MZ which is Mark Zuckerberg EZ ES I can't remember who that is but it's one of the people that he hates
J.B., E.M.
J.B.
is Jeff Bezos.
E.M.
is Elon Musk.
S.H.
is like Sean Hannity.
I don't know.
I don't know who else S.H.
is.
And then MSM, etc.
And then it says, Do you know that we know?
Do you know that we see all?
Do you know that we hear all?
FEAR THE STORM!
The fear and storm are in all caps.
Nobody playing the game gets a free pass.
All caps.
NOBODY.
All caps.
Q. And there's one other Q drop that has E-M in it, and that one also is, you, Elon Musk, are a bad person and I don't like you very much.
So the only two times Q ever bothered to bring up Elon Musk was to say that he was a baddie and he doesn't like him, and that he sucks and he's awful.
So, it's very funny that Elon, who, again, was shit-talked by Q, has an obvious Illuminati puppet that was the mother of his children in Grimes, and he promotes evil woke electric cars, is now the hero of QAnon.
I mean, it's just nothing about the guy's backstory before he became a right-wing edgelord on social media.
I mean, like, he's always trying to hide that photo of him, like, with no hair, too.
Oh, he has the photo of him with no hair, and there's the photo of him with Ghislaine Maxwell!
Yeah, and at the same dinner, he's one table over from Epstein.
Like, it's not even tinfoil hatty, he was at this big dinner with, like, Epstein.
Right, exactly.
I mean, yeah, it's just so, it's just so ridiculous that this guy, all the stuff that they would do to absolutely crush anybody else is, they just have to hand wave it away and be like, Oh, no, like, no, Elon's actually a good guy.
Oh, yeah, he's one of the goodies.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Q asks, why is Elon Musk provided big worldwide subsidies?
No subsidies equal question mark?
Because someone posted on the forums, missile tech slash guidance cap is SpaceX tech, me thinks, via Obama, possibly.
Am I right, Q?
And then Q was like, yeah, Elon's getting money.
Elon's getting funded by the Deep State.
Of course he is.
So yeah, Q said that guy's a piece of shit twice and was very open and honest about it.
So everything about this is just viciously retconning the actual story of Elon Musk in order to make this all make sense.
Unless he is Q. In which case he just said that to throw off the scent.
Oh, I'd be so good if Elon was like, by the way, guys, I'm Q. Just does it.
Just openly takes the Q mantle for himself.
That's his first order of business once he buys Twitter is to change his username to at Q. Yes.
He's so good.
I'd be the greatest.
I'd be such a fan.
That would be an incredible.
I mean, that would just be such an incredible textured part of the story, it would really.
Like, my god, what a time to be a QAnon podcaster.
Those would be the salad days.
We'd get our Goodfellas voiceover montage where it was just like, ah, this was the start of the good old days.
We had that QAnon money rolling in.
Yes.
Elon Musk was on top of the world and he was bringing the rest of us with him.
Damn right.
One of the other things that I've seen a bunch of QAnon people talking about is that Elon's buying Twitter in order to get the evidence that the election was stolen from Trump.
He's going to get the algos.
He's going to get the hidden texts.
He's going to get all the information needed to bring down all the corruption.
And to me, it's just like, if the Deep State owned Twitter and all the evidence of their crimes was on Twitter, they wouldn't sell Twitter for any amount of money ever.
It would be like if some rich person in my neck of the woods was like, hey Mike Rains, remember that time you robbed that bank and shot two security guards and a teller?
I would like to buy the gun you used in that robbery for $10,000,000.
And then I'd be like, sounds great.
Here you go.
Oh, wait, I'm going to jail for life now.
I probably shouldn't have sold you that gun for any amount of money.
That was an incredibly specific example.
Yeah, that was like, clip this part, editor, clip this part out.
Editors are us.
In the quote-unquote fiction of that story, Mike Rains caught, what, three bodies?
Yes!
I wanted to make sure that I was going to jail for forever as a result of the crime that I absolutely, hypothetically, did not commit.
Because I did not sell that gun for, hypothetically, $10 million.
Yeah, you should have hypothetically mentioned they were white if you wanted to ensure... I mean, there are a lot of factors at play here.
I have no idea how long to put you away for.
Maybe it was self-defense.
Maybe you were just standing your ground.
Your Honor, my client was just an innocent man trying to cash his check.
Trying to claim his hard-earned money from the job that he works, legitimately.
Exactly right!
Thank you, incredible lawyer Elle, for saving my bacon.
Maybe I can sell that hypothetical gun now for $10 million, now that I've got you backing my play.
I didn't even go full Southern lawyer on it.
I went regular lawyer, not Southern lawyer.
You haven't even seen my file form.
It's good you didn't go full Southern lawyer.
So thank you for the question.
Reverend Xenofact asks, between Le Pen going down in flames, Musk's midlife crisis, Ukraine continuing to hand Russia its ass, it feels like QAnon has lost the plot.
Is there any current narrative?
I feel like they have so much to tie into their conspiracy bullshit.
Musk buying Twitter is going to bring down the deep state.
Russia is winning.
If you literally go to any QAnon promoter's timeline, it is such an incredible reality inversion field about what's going on in Ukraine.
It would just melt your brain.
There was one guy who posted this thing where it was like, in this theater of battle, the Russians are dominating in this way, and over here, more Russian dominance continues apace.
And the closing line of this just ridiculous Russian propaganda was, NATO's weapons at this point in time are mere gifts to the Russian coalition forces.
Like, they literally, like, NATO tries to hand the Russians, the Ukrainians, weapons, and the Russians just rip the weapons away from the Ukrainians.
And they're like, thanks, NATO!
Suckers!
So yeah, it's just...
Like, tomorrow Putin could announce a full withdrawal of Ukraine and admit total defeat and they would never acknowledge it.
They'd be like, Putin's just setting them up.
He's doing the Sun Tzu and pretending to be weak when he's actually incredibly strong.
And also an Alpha Chad.
My God.
The art of war.
He hit him with the art of war.
It's even more devastating than the art of the deal.
It's the setup for the art of the deal.
He tricks your feeble mind with the art of war.
Oh my god!
Suddenly his fucking tongue is all over your face, his orange breath in your ear.
And then he tags in Adam Smith and he hits him with the Wealth of Nations, which is my favorite bizarre name for a wrestling finisher ever.
I just want to hear Jim Ross scream that, because it's like the most ridiculously silly thing that can be said in the history of wrestling.
Oh, he's going to move to Wealth of Nations!
Oh my god!
It should have been a Ted DiBiase fetish.
Yes, absolutely should have been.
So that brings us to our question of numerous.
What are you guys looking forward to?
Sleep.
I've been getting a lot of sleep recently.
And guys, I'm loving it.
It's working great.
I love sleep.
sleep.
I have, uh, uh, so here in a week, uh, what's my is coming out.
Um, Dr. Magic in the universe of places.
That too?
Universe of Places.
No, in a week, the new Warhammer 40k Chaos Gate, which is supposed to be a Warhammer 40k XCOM game, is coming out.
I have that pre-ordered.
Very excited to play that.
Yeah, but are you excited for anything good, though?
I'm just kidding.
Actually, the Warhammer games have actually been pretty rad.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, no, I'm excited to play that, obviously, since I've had it on pre-order for like a month now.
I hope it's good.
The last XCOM-like game I played was the Gears of War one, and that one was cake-easy to the point where I stopped playing.
I heard it was pretty easy.
They've got that Firaxis is coming out with that Marvel one at some point that looks very bad.
That's going to be quite the treat.
It looks very interesting, and I'm going to give it a try.
Speaking of Marvel, now that I've reminded myself that it's coming out, I will say that on top of being excited for Sleep, which is true, I'm also excited for Doctor Wizard and the Universe of Places.
Disney's Marvel's Doctor Wizard of the Universe of Places.
That comes out, I believe, a week from today as of recording.
That sounds right, yeah.
Yeah, I got some tickets to go see that with some friends.
It's going to be a good time.
So I'm going to stick to sports ball.
The NFL draft is just kicking up as we're finishing recording this podcast, so And nobody gives a shit about it this year because last year sucked all the fucking energy from it.
Oh, I'm just waiting for around like 11, 1130, whenever the Patriots make their draft pick, to be getting ready for bed.
Getting ready to find out who the Patriots are going to select, and then they just trade back into the second round for like nine more picks.
Because that's all Belichick ever fucking does.
So I can just be like, God fucking dammit, I stayed up for this shit!
And then I can turn off my TV and get a bad night's sleep because I'm grumpy and crappy.
It's gonna be great.
Chiefs have a million picks.
I'm already preemptively mad at Belichick and he hasn't even done anything yet.
So, shape up and draft somebody, Bill.
I want to have aspirations that we have a guy that can do a thing.
So, that'd be great.
And also, the Celtics, fresh off of crushing the Brooklyn Nets, will start their series on Sunday against the old Milwaukee Bucks, who are the defending basketball champions of the universe.
So, that'll be exciting as well, because the Celtics are good, which was very surprising to me after the first half of this season.
So go them and continue to make America hate Boston because we have the best sports teams and everyone else's sports teams suck.
That's true.
It's easy to hate a Boston sports fan because they're typically assholes and their team is typically better than yours.
So it's a powerful combo.
Now that it's time for us to ride the old zamboni of truth out of Hellworld very slowly while flipping off all the haters who are not from the Boston area.
Suck on it, nerds.
I've claimed it as my homeland despite Not being born there, nor having lived there exclusively.
I've only lived there for stretches.
I've lived tons of places, but New England is my home because I want to be associated with the worst of the worst when it comes to sports fans.
You're talking about those guys pelting the Yankees with garbage or whatever, or Yankees fans pelting the opposing team with garbage?
That wouldn't be shit in Fenway.
You'd be lucky if it was just garbage.
Yeah, it's all about the bags of urine.
That's how we roll.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, did the Patriots win the bowl?
Get ready to piss into a cup and just throw it over some spectators because, boy howdy, it's a Boston tradition.
Anyway, thank you so much for listening.
Once again, just a wild show.
It's always going off the rails and then sort of coming back onto the rails.
If you'd like to support us, you could do so for free by telling a friend or leaving a five-star review.
If you have some money and you would like to support us with that money, we would love it.
Elon Musk, one million United States dollars!
And you could do so by visiting us at patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
Where if you subscribe for $5 or more, you get access to all of our bonus content, including miniseries, but a couple of our favorites, including What We Do Out of Shadows, which wrapped semi-recently, and Kabbalon, which was much longer and full of much more Abram Lincoln, which is a classic.
Nailed it!
So, yeah, and once again, a shout out to our beautifuller baby from last week, Richie Fan!
Ooh, Richie, love it.
Thank you so much for your support.
If you have money, you don't want to donate to it. I just quirky picked it there for a second.
If you if you have money, you don't want to donate it to us.
You can do some good with it by giving it to love146.org. They're an organization whose vision is
the end of child trafficking and exploitation, which is always sounded pretty rad to us.
Or again, you can do whatever you can with it to support Ukraine and their fending off of the Russian invaders.
Help buy Ukraine another Stinger missile.
Let's go.
Thanks, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our opening song.
He's still not on social media, so none of you will ever know who he is.
He's a mystery.
You know who's less mysterious, though?
It's our buddy Frosty, who you can find on Twitter at FrostyVO.
He's the provider of all of our bumps, the voice of Q when we need it, and our intro content warning.
If you can't get enough of me and Sarge, well, God knows why, but you can find us at our pop media podcast, BingeWordy.
That's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
And on Twitter, at BingeWordy, spelled the same way.
This month, we've been watching Patrick Swayze movies and doing them as double features.
So we did Roadhouse and Point Break a couple of weeks back, and the next one we record is going to be Ghost and Dirty Dancing.
And man, I watched Dirty Dancing the other day.
That movie's fucking wild.
It's gonna be quite the show, looking forward to that one.
Nobody puts Baby in the corner!
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, I'm just gonna say, up top, a little teaser for anybody who listens to both these shows.
I was shocked by how little impact that iconic line had in the context of the movie, because, like, for whatever reason, the scene where Swayze just shows up there at the end, like, when you think that he left, It just didn't have very much energy to me.
And then he just sort of, like, walks through this, like, function hall and then just, like, stops at their table where she's, like, she's not being abusive or anything.
She's just sitting there kind of bored and sad.
And then he just says it.
And then they do a very well choreographed dance.
It's very bizarre.
Anyway, yeah, so if you can't get enough of us, you can find us on Pidgewerdy.
But that's going to do it for this week for another quote-unquote successful episode of the Avengers of Hellworld podcast.
I have been Hellworld Al, joined as always by Hellworld Sarge and our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
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