The Adventures in HellwQrld crew deal with JFK Jr. maybe returning to public life either at the Grassy Knoll or a Rolling Stones concert. Also there were some elections that QAnon got very excited about. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| Hello everybody! | |
| and I have migraines, aka. | |
| Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| I am joined, as always, by Sarge. | |
| Hello, you nasty weirdos. | |
| And the mysterious El. | |
| Hello, my beautiful babies! | |
| Nasty weirdos. | |
| I'm trying something new. | |
| I felt it. | |
| I feel like you workshopped that. | |
| You may have ran it by your partner a couple times. | |
| You may have had a short list, and that was what you went with this week. | |
| So, I mean, I can't wait over the course of the next three or four weeks to see your aggressive attempt at finding a catchphrase on the level of beautiful babies, but probably not getting there. | |
| I wanted to- We can try something new. | |
| I should do the whole show in that bad fake Mrs. Doubtfire voice. | |
| Jokey Jr. | |
| So, this week, boy, we play the content warning always because we never know where we're going | |
| to go, but this week it feels aggressively like we're aiming towards the silly side of | |
| QAnon instead of the dark side of QAnon. | |
| But in case we actually go to the dark side, here's the content warning. | |
| Content Warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld Podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| So is your implication that the return of a zombified JFK Jr. | |
| is the sillier side of QAnon? | |
| Is this not part of the mainstream QAnon canon, the fact that JFK Jr. | |
| is not dead and is coming back any time now? | |
| In fact, we've pored over the data and we know that he's going to show up on this day at this time on the grassy knoll. | |
| Why the fuck would he show up on the grassy knoll? | |
| That's JFK Seniors territory! | |
| Yeah, why did he not come ashore on the beaches of Cape Cod? | |
| I mean, that's where his plane went down. | |
| Or just successfully land a Phantom plane on the tarmac or whatever. | |
| Just like, oh, we have an unrecognized aircraft, what the fuck is going on here? | |
| And it just touches down. | |
| What the hell was the name of that? | |
| What was that show? | |
| Was it called Turbulence? | |
| I can't remember the actual name of that TV show about the plane that, like, goes up and then disappears for, like, six years or whatever, and then, like, touches down later, and everyone's just like, you guys vanished! | |
| And now you're back! | |
| Not the layover. | |
| That'd be too cool. | |
| I think it was called Turbulence. | |
| No, we called it Timebulence because of Time Turbulence, but I can't remember what it was actually called. | |
| Oh, Jesus. | |
| We're gonna work with turbulence until Sarge sneaks away and Googles the actual name of it. | |
| This was one of the weirdest things, and because my view of QAnon has been towards the quote-unquote, like, the serious QAnon... Manifest. | |
| Manifest. | |
| Okay, there you go. | |
| Because... | |
| I generally deal with the people that hate the JFK Jr. | |
| crew. | |
| I had known of the guy named Whiplash, who also has a dumb number attached to his name. | |
| He's like Whiplash 38 or something. | |
| But I had never heard of negative 48 until this thing got out of hand. | |
| And he's big. | |
| I mean, he has a six-figure follower group on Telegram. | |
| He is a hardcore, uh, gematria lunatic, which if you don't know what that is, it's literally just this thing where you convert, it's, it's an old Jewish tradition where you convert words into numbers and you can literally make anything mean anything. | |
| If you just work, if you just work it right, you can make, you can make any phrase equal to another phrase that is terrifying, bad, and scary. | |
| And yeah, and basically they somehow some way came up with the belief that yesterday in Daly Plaza, the site of the | |
| assassination of JFK Sr. as it were, they were, JFK Jr. was going to appear from the grassy knoll. | |
| Like, was he going to descend via a rocket pack? Was he going to like burst out of the Earth's crust? Was he going | |
| to manifest as a being of pure energy that took human form? | |
| The answer to all of those questions and more after we remember to play our news bump. | |
| Fair. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News. | |
| I thought I was going to say yes to all of them, because it sounds- Yes. | |
| No, he's going to run in like the Undertaker at WWE. | |
| So real quick- If he's going to run in like anybody, it should be the Ultimate Warrior, right? | |
| Yes! | |
| Everyone's just waiting by the grassy dole. | |
| They're all looking like north or whatever. | |
| And then from the south, it's just like a JFK Jr. | |
| just comes charging up the street. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| Everybody's super hyped. | |
| So as of recording yesterday, hundreds, do we have any numbers? | |
| We'll say at least hundreds of dum-dums gathered at Dealey Plaza, QAnons, waiting for the actual return of JFK Jr.' 's | |
| Fairly well documented on Twitter and different news outlets. | |
| Sorry to say, he didn't show because he died in 1991 when his plane crashed in the ocean. | |
| Or did he show? | |
| Maybe he showed up and nobody recognized him because he's been dead, allegedly, for 25 years or whatever. | |
| So Mike, real quick, how did we get here? | |
| We've talked about it on the bonus material and I think on the pod before. | |
| How did QAnon come to fetishize JFK Jr. | |
| so much? | |
| Okay, so the direct JFK Jr. | |
| stuff comes from the fact that when one of Q's many breaks that he took, because saving the world's a part time job. | |
| Yeah, another troll on the chan boards jumped in with the going by the tag of R and R | |
| made it pretty clear that he was JFK Jr. The whole time. | |
| And so that that got that little bug into the movement where it was like, Oh, man, | |
| like, JFK Jr. is like talking to us and stuff like that. | |
| But the the thing that happened with JFK Jr. What | |
| in the actual Q drops was that in Q drop 1082, Q made it clear that Hillary killed JFK Jr. | |
| to prevent him from running against her to take her Senate seat in New York that she was then going to use to springboard herself to the presidency. | |
| So, uh, the Q-drop itself says, uh, POTUS and JFK Jr. | |
| relationship, plane crash 1999, HRC Senate 2000, the, quotation marks, start, enjoy the show, Q. So basically, JFK Jr. | |
| gets murdered by Hillary and that's the moment when Donald Trump's ears perk up like a dog hearing something scary and he's like, wait a minute, son ain't right here and that's what leads Trump down the path to finding out what he needs to do to stop Hillary because his buddy John John got dropped by the deep state. | |
| Uh, I mean, he was a Kennedy, so he's almost certainly a Democrat. | |
| Also, JFK Jr. | |
| never held elected office, and I don't know if he had any intentions to run, but he never did in his life. | |
| Right. | |
| This is all fan fiction. | |
| And what you just said is something that everyone always brings up all the time about JFK Jr. | |
| was a Democrat. | |
| His dad was a Democrat. | |
| Then people are like, why does QAnon fetishize these people? | |
| Why do they love them so much? | |
| And the answer is that Kennedy was murdered by the deep state. | |
| This default makes him a good guy. | |
| Period. | |
| I mean, that kind of makes sense. | |
| In a very dumb, flat-earth kind of way, that makes sense. | |
| Hey, here's my hot take on it, right? | |
| Let me throw this one by you. | |
| They like the Kennedys because literally no one is whiter than the Kennedys. | |
| If you imagine, like, a white American in your head, like, you're probably imagining a Kennedy. | |
| Not necessarily one of the named Kennedys, but the WASP-y person that you're imagining in your head. | |
| Like, I feel like it's a coin flip, right? | |
| When somebody's just like, hey, like, if you go across the world, you're just like, picture a white American. | |
| I feel like you're probably either gonna get somebody who's picturing something that looks very Kennedy-esque, Or something that looks very much like a trailer park boy, right? | |
| Just like some fat, sloppily idiot wearing like a confederate flag hat. | |
| Which is great, because those are the people that QAnon should actually be worshipping. | |
| But even in their own minds, they're just like, oh god, the Kennedy's. | |
| Also, they're almost all dead, so they can't ever talk back at QAnon and tell them they're idiots, so they all just get to say, oh, they would support us and we love them. | |
| Hey, they're almost all dead asterisks. | |
| We don't know. | |
| Yeah, yeah, sorry. | |
| JK Jr. | |
| could come charge it down your street at any moment. | |
| Start hitting you with some shoulder blocks, some running tackles, get ready for that press slam, just dump you in the room. | |
| So that's my vote. | |
| I think he was going to charge in WWE style. | |
| How do you think he was going to appear? | |
| I think he did appear, but I think he was just sitting on a bench. | |
| Oh, Darkman style? | |
| No, Steve Rogers in Endgame style. | |
| I think he was just there on a bench waiting for people to get excited that he was around, but nobody recognized him because he's just an old man now. | |
| Like how old was he when he died? | |
| Right? | |
| Like that dude was no spring chicken. | |
| He was in his 30s or 40s or whatever. | |
| Yeah, he was 38 when he died. | |
| So he'd be 60. | |
| Yeah, he'd be 60. | |
| No, 70 today. | |
| 38 when he died, so he'd be 60. | |
| Yeah, he'd be 60. | |
| No, 70 today? | |
| I'm imagining it's like one person sees old man JFK Jr. | |
| sitting on a park bench at Daly Plaza and they run over to him and they're like, you have to run for president! | |
| You have to save America! | |
| And he's just like, nope, I don't think I will. | |
| And he's just like, I'm done with you people. | |
| You're all morons. | |
| Yeah, and then he pulls out a duffel bag or whatever and passes a big shield to some QAnon idiot and they're just like, what the fuck? | |
| Just a badly made cardboard cue. | |
| Here, it's yours now. | |
| You get the burden of it. | |
| It's the bell from the white squall boat. | |
| Just like passes him that. | |
| That shitty little bell. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| White squall. | |
| Oh, yeah, this is everything. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Did the Dum Dums have a consensus on how he would appear? | |
| They really didn't, and there was also some talk that if he didn't appear at Daily Plaza, that he was going to appear at a Rolling Stones concert later that night. | |
| What?! ! | |
| Yes. | |
| Why? Why would he show up in either place? | |
| One was where his father was inceremoniously assassinated right next to his mother. | |
| That doesn't make any sense why he would ever appear there. | |
| That seems like an ill omen. | |
| I know it's probably, they say, just like spit in the face of the deep state. | |
| But it doesn't make any sense at the bottom of a pile of things that don't make any sense. | |
| It would make sense if Mick Jagger pulls off his face Mission Impossible style to reveal that he has secretly been JFK Jr. | |
| for the past 25 years. | |
| I think you mean Darkman style. | |
| Let's keep the references together. | |
| You keep referencing Darkman. | |
| I haven't referenced Darkman a single time this week. | |
| I have once, that's the second time you had the opportunity to stay with my Darkman reference. | |
| You have to carry your own Darkman burden. | |
| If you want to reference Darkman for the whole show, you have to do it. | |
| That's my gimmick typically, but I'm allowing you to use the gimmick of just constantly referencing one stupid thing until you beat it into the ground. | |
| We'll make our audience fucking love the reference if you just keep repeating it. | |
| Remember that whole episode I did with Music Man references? | |
| That was great. | |
| I don't remember how long Darkman faces last for. | |
| Dammit. | |
| So long. | |
| So JFK Jr. | |
| did not appear and this led to a lot of consternation for both those who were believing that he was going to show up and also for the QAnon people who hate this shit and just They hate the fact that this is part of their movement, because it's such an obvious thing to get dunked on by the media, because when you hang out in Daily Plaza for seven hours waiting for JFK Jr. | |
| to manifest, when he obviously won't, it's a real easy way for you to be painted in a negative light as being people that are... | |
| As for being for being painted as people who aren't totally with it and might be Something you might want to not listen to because they're preaching bullshit I watched the crazy video on Twitter the two minutes of that woman wearing the crazy-ass hat and wig explaining why JFK jr. | |
| Was gonna appear and She dipped into some sovereign citizenship real quick about how We hadn't had a real president since 1871 or whatever Yep, that's the that's the public that that's the origins act of 1871. | |
| The thing that was that literally quote unquote, incorporated Washington, DC. | |
| But when you when you when you read that, when you read that word, you think of one thing, but that actually just sort of meant make this municipality more manageable for us because the District of Columbia is a weird non state thing, but someone has to run it. | |
| And this is what we're doing. | |
| It was not actually selling Washington, DC to the British I got to try and explain Sovereign Citizen to my partner and I was just like, oh god, I don't know a ton about this. | |
| It's all wacky and it's very hard to keep straight. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And so, on the one hand, you had the quote-unquote serious QAnon getting very angry and being like, look, idiots! | |
| This is what happens when you go to Daily Plaza looking for JFK Jr. | |
| You make us all look like dum-dums! | |
| Stop doing it! | |
| Stop buying into this stupid shit! | |
| Stick to the stuff that we have rock-hard, absolute, certified proof of, which is the electric body. | |
| They're just like, guys, everyone takes us so seriously. | |
| We don't want to finally give them an avenue to be able to mock us. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| Don't be the domino that starts our lack of credibility. | |
| Yes, don't don't don't bring us down while we're sticking household keys to our arms claiming we're magnetized or | |
| bringing up for the 1 millionth time to drone river said that Michelle Obama was a man and then died a few weeks | |
| later, which was obvious proof that she was silenced for giving out the secret truth and all that stuff. Yeah, like | |
| stick to stick to those things stick to the real logical stuff about the JFK Jr. Shit. And then you had the | |
| JFK Junior. | |
| truthers who couldn't believe that John Donne didn't rise from his grave. | |
| I actually saw people talking about how God is testing our faith by not bringing back JFK Jr. | |
| on this very day, and getting into the whole none shall know the hour bullshit when it comes to these kinds of payoffs. | |
| But my favorite My favorite reaction of all the various people screaming and yelling about this was our boy QAnon John, the guy who runs all these QAnon conventions and shit. | |
| QAnon John said, think about this for a second. | |
| If JFK Jr. | |
| is indeed alive, then simple logic dictates that he would not never come out publicly. | |
| He simply can't, at least not as JFK Jr., especially not announcing beforehand. | |
| That would be the worst possible move and go completely against military precision. | |
| I believe this is COMMON SENSE, with common sense in all caps. | |
| He would be the biggest deep state target in HISTORY! | |
| I just love that QAnon Jon can't put his foot down. | |
| That he literally has to try to straddle the hot button issue of JFK Jr. | |
| being alive or dead. | |
| And he's not gonna give either side a satisfactory answer. | |
| He's gonna play it down the middle and take a wait-and-see approach on JFK Jr. | |
| being among us or not being among us. | |
| Pretty sus. | |
| It could go either way. | |
| You could go either way. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Do we have any rough numbers? | |
| Does anyone know how many dum-dums actually showed up? | |
| It looked like hundreds. | |
| Yeah, that would be my ballpark estimate. | |
| It would be like 300 or so people were in Daily Plaza for that nonsense. | |
| I don't know how many of them actually went to the concert after the fact. | |
| Because, again, you probably needed tickets to get into that. | |
| And that's one of the reasons why I think these idiots did the whole Daily Plaza thing. | |
| Because it's just a public place where anyone can go and congregate. | |
| And... Was there any Savvy Grifter there selling JFK Jr. | |
| Returns merch? | |
| Oh, there... God, there really should have been. | |
| There had to be somebody who got a lightning-like print run of something done or had... | |
| How many JFK Jr. | |
| candles could we have sold? | |
| We could retire on JFK Jr. | |
| I mean, you gotta have something to get in and collect money. | |
| How many JFK Jr. candles could we have sold? | |
| We could retire on JFK Jr. candles right now if we'd just been there. | |
| Coins, yeah. | |
| Go ahead. | |
| I like to imagine that there was some, like, hot dog vendor there, just, like, selling hot dogs, and somebody was just like, hey man, what's up with the hot dogs? | |
| Like, seems kind of in poor taste. | |
| And then he was just like, JFK Jr. | |
| loved hot dogs, and the QAnon audience was just like, oh, then I'll take six. | |
| Give me all of your hot dogs. | |
| Because we don't know a fucking thing about JFK Jr. | |
| We just know that he's supposed to come back and we're excited. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Selling toy planes or something. | |
| I, it is such a really, I mean, it's such a bizarre thing all around, but, like, Daily Plaza itself is just like a haven for, like, weirdo grifters who have newsletters about the Kennedy assassination and all that kind of stuff. | |
| So, it had to be really funny to, like, have those people, uh, seeing these lunatics work, literally working their side of the street, like, rushing into this... | |
| They're like, hey, come on! | |
| I'm trying to sell people on the grassy knoll and have them buy this shit about how Pappy Bush shot JFK! | |
| What the fuck are you doing? | |
| Why is everyone here? | |
| No! | |
| It's not about his son! | |
| It's about the dad! | |
| Give me my five bucks for my newsletter! | |
| I mean, just... I just love the idea of having these, like, just small-time grifters who live in Dallas, and this is how they make a quick buck, just getting aggressively big-footed by lunatic QAnon promoters Just rushing an army of people in the Dealey Plaza to wait for JFK Jr. | |
| to gandalf the white ass and just like materialize in his flowing robes and his staff and the light of the sun just beaming upon everybody as their hero strides upon the earth once more. | |
| And there was even Some stuff that was on Telegram that where JFK Jr. | |
| was going to announce that Trump was the president once again, the whole devolution thing is true and real, and now we're going to reveal it, that Trump suspended the Constitution, which is something presidents can totally do, and now that he's revealed it- Yeah, I read that. | |
| I learned that in fourth grade. | |
| They could just say, no, it doesn't apply anymore. | |
| Any Kennedy can do that, it turns out. | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| Oh, it's a Kennedy. | |
| It's a racial power of the Kennedys. | |
| Okay, I see. | |
| That's why they had to nerf Kennedys in 3.5, because they were... They, as a class, were entirely too strong. | |
| I mean, like... It's like QAnon is really excited for JFK Jr. | |
| not being dead, because when he rolled his character, he was still playing the old edition. | |
| Yes. | |
| He accepts all of his broken powers and everything. | |
| The Kennedys originally came out in an expansion book. | |
| It wasn't really playtested all that well. | |
| They gave him those constitution nullifying powers. | |
| Did not think that one through. | |
| This month's Unearthed Arcana was Unearthed Arcana colon Kennedys. | |
| Yes. | |
| That's a joke for my D&D fans out there. | |
| Yeah, boom! | |
| I have a question that Mike Raines can almost certainly answer. | |
| Is the book depository still there? | |
| Yes! | |
| But before you go into whatever Kennedy-related riff you're going to, allow me to finish my bit. | |
| So, considering that the book depository is still there, if QAnon supporters love JFK Jr. | |
| because they love JFK Sr. | |
| because JFK Sr. | |
| was killed by the Deep State, Wouldn't the last place you want to go is Dealey Plaza? | |
| Like, right next to a book repository that's still there? | |
| Like, Nick, could you picture a better place for a Deep State operation to kill a bunch of QAnon supporters to go down? | |
| Yeah, it's really weird. | |
| I just looked at that thing and I'm just like, this is so bizarre that they would go there and that they would treat this place where the president got murdered, and he's their second favorite president behind Trump, and they're just like, we're gonna go to his murder site for our celebration. | |
| Which is just kind of depraved. | |
| It's really weird. | |
| I have yet to make my pilgrimage to Delhi Plaza, but I plan on doing that sometime soon. | |
| I've had friends like send me photos and it's so weird because you basically have modern Dallas | |
| everywhere around it. | |
| And then when you just get to Dealey Plaza, it's the way Dealey Plaza was set up exactly the same way | |
| as it was in 1963. | |
| It's just this weird slice of unmoving history in the middle of this modern city. | |
| Exactly how it was, including with the big X's on the street. | |
| Yes. | |
| And I'm sure that when Kennedy was driving up to, like in his motorcade, he was just like, | |
| hey, yeah, not for nothing, but what's the deal with those big X's? | |
| They're just like, don't worry about it, Mr. President. | |
| He's like, all right, cool. | |
| Yeah. I'll- What's funny about the X's is that the city, for a period of time, the city would get rid of them, and then the people or person who was doing them would just replace them. | |
| And it just got to the point where the city gave up. | |
| So we don't actually know for totally really reals if that X is exactly where Kennedy was seated when he was shot in the head, but It's something that someone was really adamant about and so now that X is like a big part of like the Dealey Plaza experience that like that was the exact spot that JFK was where he was when he was fatally shot. | |
| Yeah and you don't you don't see it very often because there's not a lot of photos from the right angle but if you if you go to the backside of the Grassy Dole there's like a like a hastily scrawled X there too. | |
| Conspiracy theorists keep going out there, and every time the city, like, wipes it away, like, some lunatic comes out there with, like, a little paint roller and is just like, no, this is where it happened! | |
| So what they don't know, JFK Jr. | |
| coming back would trigger the return of JFK Sr., but then that would also trigger Oswald and then Ruby coming back. | |
| We don't want this, people. | |
| It will be a nonstop returnening of names that, like, me and Mike and, like, a hundred other weirdos know. | |
| Uh... | |
| Oh, I think there's plenty of Americans who know Oswald and Ruby and all those. | |
| Yeah, Oswald and Ruby, but we could get into some esoteric shit like Badge Man and The Umbrella Guy. | |
| And The Three Tramps. | |
| Oh yeah, I could just watch the engagement of this podcast go down a cliff. | |
| That's why we banished you to the bonus material. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| It's like, oh no, he's on one of his Jags! | |
| Abort! | |
| Abort! | |
| Get out! | |
| Get out! | |
| Skip forward until Elle makes a reference and we know we're safe again. | |
| But yeah, it is really, it's so strange that this was where the grifters were like, yeah, go here, go to like, this would be like some weirdo being like, the great-great-grandson of Abraham Lincoln is gonna reappear and declare Trump to be the president. | |
| Everyone, quick, rush to Ford's Theater. | |
| Everybody just pile in and just look towards the presidential box where Lincoln got shot in the head. | |
| His great great grandkid is just gonna like jump out of the chair and start cheering. | |
| Some dumb 8-chan LARPer is why we have this, and if he had just chosen like a much cooler president, an actual president like Lincoln, we could have had a whole different thing. | |
| But because he had to do someone that could plausibly still exist, uh, we're stuck with JFK Jr. | |
| I think JFK was always going to be the focal point of this bullshit because the JFK conspiracy has been around literally since they declared JFK to be dead. | |
| I don't know exactly when it was, it was probably a month after the assassination, but the first ever poll of the American public of what happened A majority said it was a conspiracy. | |
| And it has never dipped. | |
| Lone Gunman has never beaten conspiracy in a poll that was taken by a reputable polling source in the history of America. | |
| So we're going on like 60 odd years now of Americans believing that Kennedy was murdered by a conspiracy. | |
| So that is the lowest hanging fruit when it comes to roping somebody into bullshit like QAnon. | |
| Is just being like, hey, this QAnon stuff, it's really interesting. | |
| You should get into it. | |
| And someone's like, I've heard it's all bullshit. | |
| They're like, do you know who really killed Kennedy? | |
| And the person's like, well, now you've got my attention. | |
| Who? | |
| And that's the thing. | |
| That's one of the hooks that QAnon throws out there to ensnare people. | |
| And because everyone buys into that shit, it's a real easy way to lure people in. | |
| I mean, it's way more socially acceptable to believe in a conspiracy to kill JFK than like the moon landing being faked or 9-11 trutherism or any of that shit. | |
| Well, much like Darkman, I think we've stayed in this, uh, bit too long and our face is melting off. | |
| So on to something else. | |
| Boo, that was weak. | |
| Try to do it better. | |
| My face, much like Darkman, the face of this bit has melted off. | |
| So, now on to something different. | |
| Still not good. | |
| I'll work on it. | |
| So, I hear our president, our actual legal president, Joe Biden, pooped himself, and I don't think that's true, but QAnon sure does. | |
| This was a very weird thing that came up from a single tweet that I found from a woman, I believe it was the wife of Jerry Tartanian, who was the longtime basketball coach of UNLV. | |
| And the Tartanians are Republicans who have been, I believe their son has tried to run for office in Nevada a bunch of times and has had very limited success in this endeavor. | |
| But she made a post about how the rumor going around the Vatican is that Joe Biden shit himself while he was in audience with the Pope. | |
| And that is why his meeting with the Pope went so long, because they had to hide him crapping himself and sneak him in some new clothes. | |
| Now America is more of a laughing stock than it ever was before, because now we have our president who can't control his bowels. | |
| And then this became just such a wonderfully hilarious story to QAnon, they couldn't stop running with it. | |
| And right wing grifter, idiot, cat turd started pushing hashtags like | |
| poopypantsbiden or poopgate or whatever. | |
| And Russian bots and everybody else pushed all of this crap, like right | |
| into the trending now on Twitter. | |
| And boy, were they all really, they were so pleased with themselves. | |
| They were so excited that they had gotten this fictional story that was literally one dumb tweet from a person that was now being promoted by just random grifters. | |
| And it became just a way to get yourself some attention on the right wing in America was by going on social media and being like, Look, I don't know who started this crappy rumor that Joe Biden pooped himself. | |
| It seems like a really shitty thing to say about our president. | |
| Just doing the whole, like, song and dance with the rim shot, and if I were making these jokes, there'd be a Waka Waka thrown in there. | |
| It was just... | |
| This alternate reality that you're living in where you see people posting messages like, Biden crapped himself! | |
| Let's go Brandon! | |
| And if you're a normal person who doesn't have internet poisoning, you're just reading this shit and you're just like, what? | |
| What are you saying? | |
| When did Biden shit himself? | |
| When did that happen? | |
| What does Let's Go Brandon mean? | |
| I also had to look that one up. | |
| I've said this before about QAnon, but it gets more true every month or so. | |
| They just become more and more like the Tamarians in that episode of Star Trek where they're just speaking metaphorical gibberish, and if you don't have any basis of reference for the shit they're saying, They just sound incoherent. | |
| They sound completely, totally, like, they don't even sound like they're speaking English. | |
| They're speaking, like, just QAnon, which is this new language that only they understand, which, for me, is a good thing. | |
| Because the more incomprehensible and incoherent they are, the harder it is for them to recruit people. | |
| I mean, the basic story of QAnon, when it started, was Hillary Clinton has broken a lot of laws. | |
| She's corrupt. | |
| We don't like her. | |
| And now she's about to face justice. | |
| And so is her friends, John Podesta and Huma Abedin, who are also involved in Hillary's criminality. | |
| And you've gone from like that very easy to explain story to Biden crapped himself! | |
| Let's go, Brandon! | |
| JFK Jr. | |
| will appear in the grassy knoll! | |
| And it's just, it's just like, man, uh, the, The message discipline of QAnon has now become a bit lacking, as it were, as it keeps going on and on. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I want to grab these idiots by the shoulders. | |
| More specifically, I want to set them down across a table with me. | |
| And they're going to be like, Biden, Sleepy Joe pooped himself. | |
| And they push those chips into the middle. | |
| And I'm just like, OK, I will I will be raising, first, I will call your poop pants narrative with my pee tape narrative, and then I will raise you with this sweet, sweet video evidence of your president being unable to navigate a ramp that is provable because we have it on camera. | |
| Also, him paying multiple sex workers to have affairs with him. | |
| Like, we just know. | |
| I mean, that's irrelevant to the conversation. | |
| Like, I mean, it's relevant to the conversation of Trump being a piece of shit. | |
| But it's like, the conversation for, oh, Joe Biden is so old, he pooped himself, haha, and it's great. | |
| And it's just like, okay, if we want to talk about our presidential candidates being old men, like, and their bodily functions, like, My p-tape narrative, like no-sells-your-poop narrative, and then on top of that I have Donald Trump can't navigate a ramp. | |
| Like, and I have video evidence of that second one. | |
| And also, like, that's discounting the fact that, you know, the source for the alleged pee tape is much better than this random Twitter person. | |
| Yeah, and then there's also, there was a rumor going around about Trump shitting himself more than once, I'm fairly certain. | |
| I mean, look, we've all shit ourselves. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's just a fact. | |
| Yeah, and if you have, what does it matter? | |
| Like, people get sick. | |
| And sometimes stuff happens. | |
| It just absolutely doesn't happen. | |
| And Elle's point stands. | |
| If that's true, then by that same logic, the P-Tape is true. | |
| And if the P-Tape's true, a foreign enemy government has it and had blackmail against our president. | |
| They just love talking about how hyper-masculine and totally with it Donald Trump is when it's incredibly clear that he is not either of those things. | |
| There's so many of those photoshops of Donald Trump's head of a ripped Jesus body or a Rambo body or something. | |
| You know why? | |
| Because actual photos of the man are not masculine or manly at all. | |
| Because he's just a stack of mashed potatoes crammed into a blue suit with a horrible hairdo. | |
| Like, but, you know, they're just looking for any, like, simultaneously photoshopping Donald Trump's head onto Rambo's body while just being like, Joe, sleepy Joe Biden's such a doddering old man. | |
| He's pooping his pants. | |
| And it's just like, yeah, man, I could photoshop Joe Biden's face onto Rambo too. | |
| That doesn't make him Rambo. | |
| Yeah, I literally jumped over to Snopes and they're like, this is false, Biden didn't poop his pants. | |
| And the final paragraph of the Snopes article, Biden, of course, is not the only president to have unflattering and untrue rumors spread about his bodily functions on social media. | |
| Social media users previously claimed that the former President Donald Trump has pooped had pooped his pants on the golf course. | |
| This rumor was based on a fake photo. | |
| That he had peed his pants before or during a public appearance in Tennessee. | |
| Real photo misrepresented it. | |
| Misrepresented. | |
| And that he had once worn his pants backwards. | |
| This claim was based on seemingly ill-fitted pants. | |
| So that's just, they just rattled off three examples of Trump getting dunked on | |
| for stuff that didn't happen. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| Facebook wasn't. | |
| Facebook and Meadow were a mistake. | |
| Yeah, and I remember when the whole argument was going on about Trump's cognitive decline and stuff like that, and he gave that interview with Fox News earlier, he was like, I had to remember five words, and then he literally picked five things in his line of sight in order to show, and it was just like, oh my god. | |
| You're trying to tell me that my concern should be Joe Biden's mental acuity when this guy is like... There are times where he'll give a speech and you can just tell that he starts a sentence and he has no idea where it's going to end. | |
| He's just like, I'm talking and where this plane lands, I don't know. | |
| I'm just hoping I can find some traction at the end of this thing. | |
| I'm hoping I can get to a payoff. | |
| But wherever the plane lands, we know that we'll safely have JFK Jr. | |
| aboard it because he's still alive and not dead. | |
| Yes. | |
| And not cremated and then had his ashes spread in the ocean. | |
| And back to the poop take. | |
| Like, look. | |
| We're not above making fun of Donald Trump when it looks like his pants are up backwards, or when some guy in the CIA or whatever says that there's a pee tape about him. | |
| You know, so I'm not saying that we're, you know, I'm not Blueanon, but I'm also not above taking shots at Donald Trump because he sucks. | |
| But I'm also not simultaneously out there, like, you know, making a big, making like a big banner to hang at the World Series that's like, Joe Biden photoshopped on a centaur, like, decapitating Donald Trump or whatever, you know what I mean? | |
| Like, I make fun of Donald Trump because he sucks, and then, like, I acknowledge that Joe Biden is the president because he won the election, but I'm not claiming that Joe Biden is, like, the second coming of Christ, or that he is working with, like, actual God to defeat actual the devil, or any of that shit. | |
| So, in that sense, like, our hands are much more clean. | |
| Like, the closest we get to doing any of that shit is putting out a podcast weekly to explain to people that QAnon are morons, and that following QAnon is for morons, and to be easily tricked, and to occasionally be like, man, and if you know somebody that got tricked by this, that sucks, and, you know, we do have empathy for that, but at the same time, these people are the worst, and, like, sucks for them. | |
| Like, you know what I mean? | |
| So, like, I don't want anybody listening to this to just be like, fuck it, Elle's such a hypocrite, he loves talking about Donald Trump getting peed on. | |
| And indeed I do. | |
| But that doesn't mean I'm out there, but like, I don't have the other, like, QAnon has the other part of it, where they're just like, Joe Biden pooped his pants and Donald Trump is the greatest king of kings ever. | |
| Fuck Jesus, Trump is the man. | |
| It's like, okay, cool. | |
| I remember one QAnon promoter, and I mean, a few of them have said things like this, but one QAnon promoter just like flat out came out and said, Q is Jesus. | |
| And there were some people in the replies who were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, gotta have to dial that back just a skosh because Even for us, that might be a little much. | |
| Didn't Janet O. refer to Trump as the ruler of rulers or something? | |
| The master of masters! | |
| She blasphemed real good. | |
| And those people fucking love that shit. | |
| They can't get enough of that. | |
| So it's just like, you know, like, I guess they're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| You can't actually use the J word. | |
| But we all know what you're saying. | |
| I mean, obviously, yeah, Trump is Jesus or Q is Jesus or Q and Trump. | |
| Oh, my God. | |
| It's the Holy Trinity. | |
| Jesus and Q and Trump. | |
| They're all the same. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But Trump is cute, sometimes, according to them, maybe. | |
| Yeah, because he's getting fucking peed on when he's not been engaging in water sports and getting sprinkle-genied all over. | |
| So yeah, I mean, it's really bizarre that this was a running narrative for like three days in QWorld that Biden had shit himself and we know the secret truth of him pooping his britches, but the mainstream media, man, they won't let you know. | |
| Meanwhile, while they're screaming and yelling about that, we've now cleared the bar for the vaccines for children from the ages of 5 to 11 to start getting shots, which they've been pouting about for forever. | |
| So it's so funny that they take their eyes off the ball. | |
| All us adults, we've all got one foot in the grave from getting vaccinated, but now they're coming for the kids. | |
| No worries, I'm sure that their eye will get back onto the ball, by which I mean the football, by which I mean the American football, by which I mean a hand egg, by which I mean Aaron Rodgers who just came down with COVID because he refused to get vaccinated. | |
| They're gonna look at Aaron Rodgers and be like, what a heroic white millionaire who has decided that he doesn't need to cash any more future paychecks for this. | |
| You think Aaron Rodgers listens to Joe Rogan? | |
| Probably. | |
| He feels bro-y enough to have some of that Rogan in him. | |
| And the thing is, man, if you were another unvaccinated, attention-seeking athlete, you've got to be so mad that Aaron Rodgers just ate your lunch. | |
| Kyrie Irving is furious because he was QAnon's favorite for the past month because he was trying to single-handedly sabotage the Brooklyn Nets' attempt to win a championship by standing his ground and opposing the mandates. | |
| I ain't going to put that experimental crap in my body. | |
| And now, unfortunately for him, a bigger star who also fits the QAnon demographic, Reid Bleach White, has now come out as being an unvaccinated dum-dum. | |
| And it's just like, I haven't seen it yet, but I mean, it's coming. | |
| It's coming right down Broadway that all of QAnon are suddenly going to be the biggest Green Bay Packer fans that have ever existed. | |
| You know what, there is going to be one person out there who is a much bigger fan of Aaron Rodgers than anyone in QAnon, and that is Ruggs. | |
| Yes! | |
| Dude has got to be so pumped that Aaron Rodgers has tested positive for COVID. | |
| Can you imagine? | |
| He's just like, God damn it, the news cycle's all going to be about me getting drunk and going 156 down the highway and murdering this person in a car accident. | |
| And they're just like, no, NFL fans and the general public will only decide to talk about Aaron Rodgers having COVID. | |
| He's like, oh, thank God. | |
| Oh, thank God for that. | |
| Yeah, now I can go to the CFL for a couple years and rehabilitate myself and make it back to the NFL and no one will even remember why I was playing those two years for the Saskatoon Fire, or whatever they call them. | |
| Yeah, if you're gonna get drunk and murder somebody with your car, you have to do it in France or whatever, like Matthew Project did. | |
| You can't be doing that shit on American soil. | |
| You go to a foreign country and murder people with your vehicle, thank you very much. | |
| Oh man. | |
| God. | |
| Save Faris. | |
| So, I hear Mike Lindell did a thing. | |
| That's actually what our notes say. | |
| Mike Lindell does or says a thing. | |
| Yeah, because during our free show meeting, he said Mike Lindell and then my brain just sort of shut off and I typed Mike Lindell and then followed it up with does or says a thing. | |
| Yeah, so our boy Mike Lindell is definitely not in a million years the boy who cried wolf. | |
| Mike Lindell is now talking up a new thing that he's getting ready to do that will finally reveal the absolute truth that Trump had the election stolen from him and that Mike Lindell is going to bring a case to the Supreme Court that they will accept And once they do, they will have no choice but to rule 9-0 in Mike Lindell's favor and restore Trump to the presidency. | |
| If all of this sounds really slipshod and scatterbrained, it is because you can't just walk into the Supreme Court and demand they hold a case for you. | |
| None of what Mike Lindell is saying is at all coherent. | |
| But lucky for all of us, he has set a date. | |
| I don't know if there's going to be an actual location for this, or if he's just going to do this like from his offices at MyPillow Incorporated, but the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so I guess it's the 24th, he is going to start a three-day streaming marathon Uh, where he is going to present all of his evidence and information to the American people to once and for all prove that Trump is your rightful president. | |
| And I mean, just because the cyber symposium crashed and burned as hard as you could possibly imagine, just because all of these other things didn't work out the way Mike Lindell said they were going to work out. | |
| Doesn't mean you shouldn't just go into this one with an open mind and be ready to rock because this time he's absolutely going to get it right. | |
| This time we're all going to be marching in the streets demanding our beautiful orange boy become our president again and get rid of President McPoopypants. | |
| We don't like him anymore. | |
| I look forward to Karma's breakdown on Twitter of that stream because I won't be watching it. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Oh, I mean, this is like the leftovers of a bad meal because the Cyber Symposium was his money shot. | |
| That was the big payoff. | |
| And within like four hours of that thing starting, it was so obvious that the wheels were just coming right off and that thing was going to crash and burn so goddamn hard. | |
| It's, I mean, it's been pathetic, now it's just genuinely getting sad, and like, if he had the, like, if his company had the chance to vote him out, I think they would, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that. | |
| Yeah, he's the owner-emperor of MyPillow Corporation, so... | |
| Yeah, this isn't like a Papa John thing where the board of directors can stuff Papa into a locker and make Shaquille O'Neal the new face of the company. | |
| They're stuck with him. | |
| He's their boss and he makes the decisions. | |
| Well, thank God. | |
| I can't wait to have to talk about him every fucking week. | |
| I genuinely feel like I blacked out there. | |
| You guys started talking about Mike Lindell and I just started thinking about other stuff. | |
| Yes! | |
| It's like that scene from The Simpsons where they like zoom up into Homer's brain and it's just like stock cartoon footage for like cows dancing or whatever. | |
| That's me whenever Mike Lindell happens. | |
| And blessed are you for having it, yes. | |
| But we could talk about somebody who still gets the fire in my belly going. | |
| Who's that? | |
| Tucker Carlson, a great proper piece of shit. | |
| So yeah, so our beautiful boy, Tucker Carlson, I believe he has started his Alex Jones-esque 1-6 Truth documentary called Patriot Purge. | |
| Unfortunately, this thing is being hidden on Fox Nation or their streaming service or something. | |
| So I don't- Aw shucks, we don't get to watch it? | |
| Bummer. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But the truth is right there. | |
| Yes. | |
| So close to where you can taste it. | |
| Oh god. | |
| It's just him peddling the same old, January 6th was a false flag operation, that shit, and Fox News itself cannot distance themselves any harder from it. | |
| But it's so disingenuous! | |
| If they really cared, they'd be like, you can't have your show anymore, or you have to, like, do something. | |
| But they're pretending that they don't like it, when at the same time, he's still their, like, leading anchor. | |
| He's still the most important man on their show, on their network. | |
| So I will bite the bullet whenever this thing is completed. | |
| I don't know if it finished today, or if it's yesterday, or today, or if it's being aired in weekly chunks, but I will find it in whatever I have to do to watch this ridiculous sham of a documentary, I will do. | |
| So you will all be getting a review of Patriot Purge, as it were. | |
| And we'll just because it feels like this is going to be a rehash of the idea that the three percenters, the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers, all of these far right militia groups, the fact that they have FBI agents inside them monitoring them and reporting on them. | |
| They're gonna spin this as being the FBI agents were the ones who ordered the attack. | |
| That the FBI itself controlled these organizations and then, against their will, made them attack the Capitol. | |
| Which, again, I would love to see this version of reality where the FBI agents are like, we gotta storm the Capitol to get Trump back into office! | |
| And all these noble, proud boys are like, dude, we had a free and fair election! | |
| Biden's our president now. | |
| We just have to accept it. | |
| And the FBI is just like, no, I won't. | |
| You guys got to do it or you ain't really Proud Boys anymore. | |
| And they're like, OK, if you say so, boss. | |
| Just glumly marching to the Capitol. | |
| I'm only doing this because Bob's making me bullshit. | |
| I believe in democracy. | |
| And I mean, Georgia was close, but Biden's message must have appealed to people. | |
| What can you do? | |
| I mean, it's just it's just so ridiculous to think that like these people were not on a hair trigger just waiting for the moment to strike. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| I mean, but You brought up elections. | |
| I guess we're having one of those, so... Yeah. | |
| And I'm sure QAnon has thoughts about that. | |
| So the really funny thing is that the Virginia election happens and pretty quickly it's clear that the Republican, Youngkin, has defeated the Democrat, McAuliffe. | |
| And you would think that this would trigger just universal celebration and praise inside of QAnon, that they would be just over the moon for their big W and sticking it to the deep state. | |
| But I go to QAnon world on the internet and there are the people, the people that are like basically just grumpy Republicans that got into QAnon because it lets them say terrible things about Democrats. | |
| Those people are like, yeah, we did it. | |
| Boom. | |
| We got a W. This is great. | |
| And then you look at the guys who are more like the religious fanatics that got into QAnon through like that kind of stuff and the politics is kind of secondary. | |
| And they're all sitting around like, man, Like, do we have to wait a little bit longer for the 3 a.m. | |
| ballot dump when the Deep State steals this from us? | |
| And they're all, like, really upset and worried and nervous. | |
| And it's like, guys, uh, Youngkin's already given his victory speech. | |
| McAuliffe's already given his concession speech. | |
| You've won. | |
| It's over. | |
| It's done. | |
| And they're just like, oh, I know they're gonna steal it from us, man! | |
| I know they're gonna take it! | |
| And it's like, they're so beaten down. | |
| They're so depressed. | |
| And what was, like, what was really hilarious was, um, This morning, Gateway Pundit, who is one of their favorite sources because he'll just print anything that makes right-wingers happy. | |
| Gateway Pundit came out today with an article that Declared that we did win Virginia but Lord knows what this actually means and that like it's like the gist of this the gist of the story is that the | |
| Virginia being won by a young kid is probably just a head fake by the deep state to make us think that elections are free and fair. | |
| And now that we're buying into this whole democracy works bullshit, they're going to hit us with an even bigger election theft in 2024 when they really screw us over and they either reinstall Biden or get Harris like a president or whatever. | |
| Right. | |
| I love that. | |
| Yeah, I was trying to explain this last night to my partner, we were talking about JFK Jr. | |
| And I'm like, they all have different theories. | |
| There's no one QAnon canon, they all come at it from slightly different angles. | |
| So it is vastly confusing. | |
| And when something goes wrong, they can always just be like, oh, that's what Those people say. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's so abundantly clear. | |
| You know, it's unfortunately not a conspiracy theory. | |
| It's just a reality that we have to live with. | |
| Republicans can still win elections places. | |
| Yes. | |
| How fucked up is that? | |
| That shit is crazy. | |
| That party is absolutely bonkers. | |
| The fact that they can win an election anywhere is like truly a devastating blow to Americans. | |
| Like, if you live anywhere else in the world and you're looking at America and what's been going on with that party for the past, like, 20 years, and they're still pulling up Ws, you've just gotta be like, man, America is fucked. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The closing paragraph of this article is, as Joe Hoff reported earlier today, one year ago 300,000 votes magically appeared for Joe Biden in the middle of the night to give him the win in Virginia. | |
| Literally none of this is true. | |
| Biden was winning Virginia the whole way and no one ever thought it was going to be close. | |
| These magical votes have yet to be explained. | |
| The Democrats' fake news and even the Republican Party are incurious. | |
| So where were the magical votes this year? | |
| Was this on omission? | |
| Was this omission on purpose? | |
| Was this part of a larger psyop on the American public? | |
| Was this part of their game? | |
| Throw in McAuliffe as the sacrificial lamb knowing they can steal any future election at will? | |
| Yeah, they're so powerful that they have to hoodwink the American people. | |
| They're so powerful that it has to be like a weird bait-and-switch cat-and-mouse game and not just them putting their heavy thumb on the scale and just being like, we own you. | |
| Because at any moment, armed p-p-p-patriots could take back control! | |
| No. | |
| No they can't. | |
| We've been over this a hundred times. | |
| If the United States government wanted to put their fucking boot on your neck, they would just do it! | |
| They've got the military! | |
| They've got nuclear weapons, and submarines, and drones, and jets, and tanks! | |
| And they have done it. | |
| I mean, hey, if the government wanted to kill us with this vaccine, guess what? | |
| We'd be dead. | |
| Because, like, more than half of America has taken the goddamn thing. | |
| And, like, if you think that you and the quote-unquote, like, brave survivors who haven't been vaccinated would survive, then the government would make a more lethal virus that would just kill more people. | |
| I mean, it's just, like... And it sucks, because I've said it before and I'll say it again, but these conservative idiots, they're just immune to logic, reason, and facts, like, backed up by, like, actual receipts. | |
| So, like, I could go to them and just be like, hey, do you know who gave out the information for how the voting systems worked and admin password and all that shit? | |
| It was a conservative QAnon supporter. | |
| Hey, a voting machine went missing from a county. | |
| Do you know who took that? | |
| Oh, it was a QAnon supporter and a conservative. | |
| When it comes to people actually fucking with our voting machines, it's not Democrats doing it! | |
| It's kind of only Republicans doing that, so... | |
| Oh, hey, they just gerrymandered a bunch of districts to, like, fudge the numbers on where the votes are coming from for the candidates. | |
| Who was it in favor of? | |
| I'm getting word from the booth, it was fucking Republican conservatives! | |
| And never Democrats! | |
| So, but, I mean, they don't care about any of that shit. | |
| Like, they care about the 300,000 votes that mysteriously showed up for Joe Biden that never happened. | |
| Because any of the things that are happening that you could like point to and just be like, here's evidence for it. | |
| They don't want to hear that. | |
| They want to hear about these magic votes or, oh, the dead are rising to vote for Joe Biden or whatever. | |
| And it's just like dead people did not vote in the election. | |
| That did not happen. | |
| And also the only people rooting for somebody to come back from the dead is you, Fox! | |
| For JFK Jr! | |
| You're literally going out to fucking Dealey Plaza in the hopes that somebody returns from the dead for you. | |
| I just looked up the election in Virginia between Biden and Trump, and Biden actually won by over 400,000 votes. | |
| So he didn't need to... That 300,000 bonus votes was just gravy. | |
| He already had the state won with more than that. | |
| That was the deep state, man. | |
| Rubbing it in your face, bro. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The deep state was like, hey, Biden's winning by two points, and he was like, not good enough, make it a ten point win. | |
| Pour the votes on. | |
| But sir, the patriots will catch the illegality of our 300,000 fake votes. | |
| I don't care, do it anyways. | |
| Pour those votes in. | |
| Hit the button that gives Biden more votes than he doesn't need, because he already won the state by plenty. | |
| It's just... It's like... Run it up the scoreboard. | |
| It's like Baron Harkonnen going to the Emperor to pick up the elite units to help crush House Atreides. | |
| It's just like, dawg, you're bombarding them from orbit or whatever. | |
| You don't need any help. | |
| They're stuck on a planet, you are in space or whatever just launching missiles down at them. | |
| You've got this in the bag. | |
| You don't need to implicate the Emperor in this directly, but just go ahead and do that anyway. | |
| Just make sure that if anyone survives the attack, they have first-hand recollection of the fact that the Emperor's forces were personally there. | |
| Like, definitely don't just blow them up from space, which you were also doing. | |
| Anyway, sorry. | |
| Someone watched Dune recently. | |
| That was a little message from the future for next week's binge-worthy episode on Dune. | |
| Yeah, so I love looking at the vaccination tracker in America. | |
| So right now, 58% of Americans are fully vaccinated and 67% of all Americans have at least one dose. | |
| So again, if the government was going to kill us with this vaccine, guess what? | |
| They won. | |
| It's over. | |
| We're all dead. | |
| I mean, if you think the remaining 30% of Americans are going to be able to Keep civilization intact. | |
| You're mistaken. | |
| It's over. | |
| We've lost. | |
| Yeah, and I'm going to be scheduling my booster shot soon. | |
| Yep, me too. | |
| For all of you QAnon people who are like, oh, they'll rebel when the boosters come out and they have to take those. | |
| Nope, not rebelling. | |
| Totally pacified sheep. | |
| Totally content. | |
| Rolling up my sleeve to get more Moderna put in my body. | |
| Don't care. | |
| I mean, the idea that, like, People get yearly flu shots. | |
| People get a message from their doctor saying their five-year tetanus booster is due or whatever. | |
| I mean, booster shots are not some weird, freaky thing that's going to blow people's minds and make them go, oh, oh, now I'm going to get a yearly COVID shot? | |
| Oh, this is obviously bullshit. | |
| This is obviously some sort of plot by the government to alter my DNA. | |
| Now I'm out. | |
| Now I'm pilled. | |
| I got my MMR vaccine updated because you know what? | |
| That can wear off too. | |
| And I didn't want measles as an adult. | |
| I'm going to rebel against the booster in that I am not going to schedule an appointment for my booster. | |
| I'm just going to wait until I can walk into a Walgreens and just get it immediately. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| You can just walk in and- They're just going to be like, yo, booster shot available here. | |
| And I'm just going to be walking by, just be like, you know what sounds good right now? | |
| A booster shot. | |
| They're just going to go in and get it for free. | |
| And then just be like, oh man, more protected against COVID. | |
| Fuck you, everyone who's not. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Somebody on Twitter posted, they were just like, how do you feel when some anti-masker, anti-vaxxer dies of COVID? | |
| And I was just like, ah, what's the best applause gif I can find? | |
| I mean, there's a whole subreddit called the Herman Cain Award. | |
| Like, that's all they do is document dum-dums from Facebook bragging about not getting the vax, and then post their Facebook post from their wife or whatever, and like, flowers can be sent to such and such funeral home. | |
| Yeah, and all of these good QAnon people will just be like, so much for the tolerant left, and I'll just be like, dog, the intolerant left has been here for a while. | |
| Holler at your boy if you want to talk about intolerant left, because I will educate you. | |
| I will ask you if you are vaccinated, and if you are not, I will say that I will applaud your death if it comes from COVID. | |
| Yeah, I will blank out your name and post your significant other's Facebook posts asking for prayers in this time of your death on the HermitCainAwards subreddit. | |
| Thoughts and prayers intensify. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It really it's just it blows my mind when you see these people that when they're so devoted to it and they're so like just hardcore entrenched in their belief that like that this what they're doing is the right course of action and they've been so misled and they've Just indoctrinated themselves so hard that what I've said previously just doesn't sink in. | |
| You go to my work and like everyone's like we basically have like a scheme where you have to wear like a wristband to show that you're vaccinated and every all the employees are wearing that and you talk to anyone who's playing poker and they're all a million years old and they all talk about being vaccinated or getting their booster. | |
| Like society at like the majority of society is vaccinated and nothing's happening to them and yet you're still holding out for like some sort of weird payoff that was supposed to happen where everybody else was gonna just fall apart and drop dead and I mean literally all these people have to talk about is um I can never say the heart condition that some people get from the vaccine, which you're more likely to get from having COVID in the first place. | |
| And they're like, there's devastating heart condition. | |
| It's like, it's a bad heart condition, but It can be treated. | |
| You can get that. | |
| The doctors say you can have it and then you like just don't exercise for a while. | |
| You relax and then eventually your heart will calm down and the swelling will go away and you'll get back to like something resembling a normal life. | |
| Which is something that cannot happen when you die from having COVID. | |
| I'm sure there are some listeners that are just like, damn, Elle is pretty harsh when it comes to this COVID shit. | |
| It's just like, well, I mean, I would feel the same way. | |
| Like, heaven forbid, I was on a plane and the plane went down in the ocean. | |
| But if it happened, I know that if I reach underneath my seat, there's going to be a flotation device that I can apply to prevent myself from drowning in the ocean. | |
| So, if I was in that process, drowning in the ocean, and I retrieved my flotation device, and I put it on, and it prevents me from doing so, and I look over, and there's another person, like, struggling and about to go under the water, and I go over to them, and I'm just like, I've got your flotation device! | |
| Put it on! | |
| Prevent yourself from drowning! | |
| And they were just like, no! | |
| Freedom! | |
| I would rather die than put that on! | |
| And then they drowned. | |
| When I told that story later, I would be like, and then the dumb motherfucker went and took the flotation device, and they drowned! | |
| And that shit is fucked up, but fuck that guy. | |
| Like, he clearly just didn't want to live anymore. | |
| So that's how I feel about the vaccine. | |
| Like, just take it. | |
| Like, the government and everyone with a brain is trying to hand you your flotation device to prevent you from drowning, and you would rather roll the dice to see if you could just fight against the current. | |
| And if you lose that fight, that's fucking on you, and I'm gonna think that you're a dumb idiot. | |
| Yeah, it's the joke about the two boats and a helicopter. | |
| I mean, we're doing everything we can to save you, and you're spitting in our face. | |
| What does Joe Rogan think? | |
| Ask Joe! | |
| Exactly, exactly. | |
| So, I think that about wraps up this week's news, as it were. | |
| Incredibly hard-hitting news, like did Joe Biden shit himself, and is JFK Jr. | |
| alive? | |
| Let's see what our listeners have to ask us. | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q and A. | |
| I tell you what, before we get into this, I am glad that we play our content warning, even though this week's headlines were light and frivolous, Biden pooping himself and the return of JFK Jr. | |
| Because inevitably, every week, we have to talk about COVID. | |
| And when we talk about COVID, it's just like, this is a dumb fuck's diet of COVID. | |
| A bunch of us are not displeased by this. | |
| It's just a content warning. | |
| The Adventures of Hell World podcast features people that will applaud if you die of COVID after refusing the vaccine and refusing to wear a mask. | |
| I've been an unashamed member of the Herman Cain Award on Reddit, like... Yeah, I mean, I'm sure, like, yeah, if you want a more progressive podcast, I'm sure you could find one. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The Chapo Trap House Birdier Bus Podcast! | |
| So, Bobby, who runs Barter Town Ellis, asks, has the Q movement pretty much moved on from the idea that the election will be overturned a year on? | |
| Or are they mostly looking forward, or are they still looking back in anger? | |
| Looking back in anger, and hoping that JFK Jr. | |
| would appear out of a puff of smoke and tell them that Trump is president again. | |
| This is a wildly disparate movement that is real good at moving dim goalposts, so yes and no. | |
| Yeah, I actually saw some pretty ridiculous explanations as to why you need to keep voting even though elections are hopelessly rigged and there's no possible way we can win. | |
| Some more people were saying that like Youngkin, if he wins in Pennsylvania, if he wins in Virginia, Langley, the headquarters of the CIA is in Virginia and he can have state police barge into the CIA headquarters and grab the golden server and reveal the voter fraud that made Trump lose the election. | |
| Just like there's there's no end to the larpiness of this nonsense. | |
| They will always make up new stuff to keep Just piling things on and they have to keep you voting. | |
| They have to keep you engaged because if you don't participate in this shit, you'll get disinterested and you'll leave. | |
| And that kills the game. | |
| They need you to care in order to keep the content flowing. | |
| I mean, that's just how this works. | |
| Yeah. | |
| They're just, they're the goalposts moving as fools around. | |
| So it's always just going to be yes and no. | |
| Like, yeah. | |
| Oh, it's always yes and no when it comes to this stuff. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| Yeah, they're still obsessed with Hillary. | |
| She hasn't been in front-line politics in over four years. | |
| Oh, when Bill Clinton went to the hospital, they fished out a two-and-a-half-year-old Q-drop about that Clinton's public health will deteriorate rapidly. | |
| They were like, see? | |
| See? | |
| Q nailed it! | |
| He said rapidly two and a half years ago. | |
| And by the way, Bill got discharged from the hospital. | |
| He's fine. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I'm a, I'm a let you, uh, nasty weirdos in on something secret. | |
| I think both hit Bill and Hillary should go to jail, but not for any of the reasons Q wants, but you know, there we go. | |
| So, yes. | |
| So, uh, thank you for the question there. | |
| Uh, I don't know that there's a better answer than that, because again, as, as Sargent mentioned, QAnon's a mess. | |
| Troy McClure asks, where did negative 48 come from? | |
| And that is a great question for me. | |
| That's all Mike. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I totally missed him myself, but he's an incredibly popular guy who deals with, uh, dramatria and all this kind of nonsense. | |
| And my timeline was like full of a kind of an explainer about this guy is that he lives about an hour away from the Ramtha cult commune. | |
| And, um, He is someone who is known for not sleeping for days at a time. | |
| So I feel like he's the kind of a person that is like spiraling and there are people that have obvious mental health issues who got really big in QAnon and there's nothing worse than being validated when you Need to not be validated. | |
| Instead, you need to receive help desperately, quickly, now. | |
| And so I can only think that this guy is probably going to crash sooner rather than later. | |
| And when that happens, Again, I really kind of hope that he gets attention. | |
| Negative 48, for the record, has over 100,000 people following him on Telegram, which is like just aggressively terrifying and not good. | |
| Whibbity wham wham wazzle. | |
| I was over here lamenting the fact that I got punchy in this podcast despite the fact that I forgot that I'm supposed to be selling out. | |
| I was supposed to be selling out and playing it down the middle and just being like, I don't know, man, I just disagree with your opinion, bro, to get that money. | |
| But then I see these conservative people, they say the most vile shit, and they're just racking up the subscriber counts, and it's just like, fuck. | |
| I really need to rewire my brain. | |
| Is there, like, an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind service that will, like, wash my brain Republican? | |
| Can I do that? | |
| Yeah. | |
| And just for a little quick comparison here, Perennial Whipping Boy on the podcast, Jordan Sather, Mr. Stop Worshipping the Gabgate Jr. | |
| People and Give Me Money, Our little boy John John, Jordan, who's been in QAnon since the very start, he only has 70,000 subscribers. | |
| So the JFK Jr. | |
| will appear in Daily Plaza. | |
| Gematria, crazy guy who didn't matter six months ago, has already surpassed Jordan in follower count with his whack-a-doodle Telegram channel. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| I just... Silver linings. | |
| Silver linings, bro. | |
| Exactly. | |
| When God closes a door, he opens a window, man. | |
| Are you telling me if you tell these dum-dums what they want to hear, they will follow you and you can sell them coins? | |
| Yep. | |
| It's so funny to me that so many of these QAnon grifters appear either unwilling to accept or just are incapable of understanding that this entire thing is confirmation bias. | |
| And all you're here to do is to tell people what they want to hear. | |
| That's it. | |
| There's no search for the great truth. | |
| There's no search for the hidden secrets of the universe. | |
| It's just, I want you to tell me that my orange daddy is coming back to the presidency tomorrow. | |
| That's all I want. | |
| And I don't care how convoluted and dumb the story is. | |
| Just get me to that payoff. | |
| And if you do that, I'll buy two Trump coins off you. | |
| Well, that's good. | |
| Because here goes my convoluted and dumb story. | |
| Get this. | |
| JFK Jr. | |
| never died. | |
| Oh boy. | |
| Wow. | |
| That's a strong start. | |
| I'm interested in what you have to say and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Is there any way that we can get in on that grift by like, who is JFK Jr.? | |
| I keep just wanting to put the Jr. | |
| on there because he's been in the news cycle. | |
| Who is JFK's father? | |
| Can we get on the grift of the opposite direction and just be like, everybody's too worried about the son. | |
| You should be more worried about the father. | |
| Ooh, return of JFK Sr., Sr. | |
| Wasn't he the bootlegger or were we a generation removed at that point? | |
| No, Joe Kennedy was the guy who made the money for the family. | |
| The bootlegging is not, that's kind of a thing with the gray area where people are not sure if he was an actual bootlegger during prohibition or not. | |
| But pretty much, the father, JFK's dad, was the guy who got the Kennedys all their money. | |
| And once he got all the money, he was like, okay, now my sons are gonna run for office, and they're gonna run America. | |
| And JFK's older brother actually died in World War II. | |
| His plane blew up, I believe. | |
| Well, did it! | |
| Nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedys. | |
| Right. | |
| And pretty much what happened was after that happened, Pappy Kennedy was like, OK, Jack, you have to be the president now. | |
| And he was like, dogs. | |
| So that was the burden that was thrust upon him as being the oldest living son of Joe Kennedy. | |
| My dad, I don't want to be in office. | |
| I just want to smash movie stars. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| Dammit son, you're gonna have to do both. | |
| Aw jeez, I guess I'll do both then. | |
| We need a segue into being a zoo crew and get that clip from Clone High. | |
| Nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedys! | |
| Don't worry, we know that you're locked into saying it at least three times anytime we talk about any Kennedy. | |
| I mean... | |
| We're good. | |
| It is the Waka Waka or, uh, what, like, what are you talking about of Sarge. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Ha ha ha. | |
| If QAnon stops bringing up the Kennedys, I will stop quoting Clone High. | |
| It's never gonna happen. | |
| Don't worry Sarge, believe in yourself. | |
| The real Zoo Crew was inside of you the whole time. | |
| So, Reverend Xenofact asks, after seeing the JFK will return gathering in Dallas and the community reacting with some support, I wonder if the community is really turning into a messianic religion for anyone, Trump, JFK Jr., JFK, etc. | |
| Do you feel it's mutating more towards messianicism? | |
| No, because it was always messianic. | |
| Trump was the messiah. | |
| Q was his prophet. | |
| The whole point of QAnon has always been somebody is going to come in and take care of shit. | |
| Somebody is going to fix all this stuff. | |
| Like, old school Illuminati New World Order shit was mostly get right with God because God's going to have to do this stuff. | |
| And it was just really just a total flat re-skinning of Christianity where Jesus was going to show up one day and save the world. | |
| QAnon just kind of takes the Messiah template and assigns it to whoever you want to be the Messiah. | |
| And that makes it a little more accessible to a lot of people, because it's sort of like, hey, Trump's the guy who's going to save the world. | |
| It's not him. | |
| JFK Jr. | |
| is. | |
| In 2024, it might be DeSantis or Junkin if he runs for president. | |
| Who knows? | |
| But just, like, Bridging that gap between religious fever and politics is a big part of QAnon, and it definitely is going to help whoever they deem to be their messiah in that election, because that person is going to get a lot of unwavering blind support from QAnon voters who think that person's going to save the world and usher in a thousand years of peace. | |
| So that's going to be both a hoot and a holler. | |
| Nice, nice, nice. | |
| Yes. | |
| So, thank you for that question. | |
| Cleodora Silverstri asks, in the video of the Boston Dynamics dog with the gun mod, it doesn't look like the gun has a mechanism to lift or lower the gun. | |
| Is this a design flaw or a Chad move to have the dog shoot everyone in the dick? | |
| What? | |
| I mean, I feel like the mechanism to raise and lower the gun is the dog, right? | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's got legs. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, like, I mean, I get what they're saying. | |
| It doesn't happen, like, you know, like, but, but still, like, I feel like, I feel like if you need to raise or lower the gun, the dog can do that. | |
| Like, granted, it won't be able to tilt at an angle, but maybe, maybe the dog is designed to either shoot you in the dick or the upper thighs or the lower belly, and that's it. | |
| Yeah, yeah, it's just going for, like, center of mass or peen, as it were. | |
| So, I think that's... I'm lost. | |
| I have no idea what's going on. | |
| You haven't seen the Boston Enigma gun dog? | |
| It's awesome. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Also, I was just like, through context, you couldn't put that together. | |
| We're talking about a robot dog with a gun strapped on it. | |
| Get, like, dial it in. | |
| Hold on, hold on. | |
| Hold on, hold on. | |
| We're hanging by your ass, Sarge. | |
| You can figure out the context that we're talking about a gun-mounted robot dog? | |
| Get out of here! | |
| No, I didn't know they'd put a gun on it yet. | |
| Dog, it's We3. | |
| Yes. | |
| Come on now. | |
| This thing is terrifying. | |
| Yeah, I'm gonna go with Chad Move. | |
| That absolutely, it's the right thing to do and the tasty way to do it. | |
| Because, I mean, if you see that dog coming for you, you know it's coming for your genitals or your lower tummy, and getting shot in either of those areas is really bad. | |
| So, yeah, I'm very... Because, I mean, if the dog's aiming at my head, that's a painless death, whereas I'm gonna be feeling about it and knowing about it if that thing blows off my balls, so... I mean, just imagine how much more terrified you're going to be when the dog rears up on its hind legs and manages to shoot you in the head. | |
| Like, before everything goes black for you, you're gonna be like, man, that dog is... I thought it was fucked up when it was on four legs. | |
| Now I'm just even more terrified. | |
| It's a robot with computer timing. | |
| It could just jump and shoot you. | |
| Oh, that would be- if the Boston Dynamics robot dog actually had like a powerful vertical sweep- Just mad ups, just- Oh, yeah, it shoots you in the head and then it dunks a basketball, that would be- then- Oh, yeah, dude, Boston Dynamics dog fuck it definitely above the rib. | |
| Like, sick about it. | |
| Robot Air Bud. | |
| Also, the problem with the robot being designed to only shoot people in the dick is doesn't that mean that our robot mercenary technology could be counterfeited by an army of incredibly adept women soldiers? | |
| Because everybody knows that only male genitals is the one that you can damage by hitting them. | |
| Yes. | |
| Women are immune to strikes to the crotch. | |
| Yes. | |
| We just outfit everyone bulletproof cups. | |
| Yeah, I got that. | |
| Just like bulletproof like full-on like fake vaginas. | |
| Shrub-a-bob, boys! | |
| There are dogs out in the field. | |
| That would be a great, that would be like a great like 1917 or whatever style like war movie where like the camera just goes down into the trench and a bunch of like fucking like, you know, red-blooded American Patriot soldiers just like pulling down their pants and strapping on their bulletproof vaginas to protect themselves from the robot dog army. | |
| I got bad news. | |
| We had, on the standard body armor, there's a Kevlar dick pad, so we were way ahead of the robot dick shooting dogs. | |
| I mean, but like, what caliber can that withstand, though? | |
| You don't know what sort of- I mean, you're still going down for a while, because you just got, like, punched in the nuts harder than you've ever been. | |
| That's why you need the pillowy but also durable protection of a Kevlar badge. | |
| I hope someone makes that an out of context clip for this week's episode. | |
| I'm sure it's going to piss off somebody that doesn't understand that I'm not fucking going after women. | |
| I'm going after dumb masculinity in the army. | |
| Yes. | |
| Please don't be mad at me. | |
| The humor comes from the idea that they just be like, we need to protect ourselves with vaginas. | |
| I want to live in this world so much. | |
| I can see why QAnon gets so fired up about stuff like JFK Jr. | |
| Because now, man, I want to live in the world. | |
| First of all, Robot Dog Uprising or whatever has to be the baseline for my fantasy world. | |
| It would be great. | |
| Oh Jesus. | |
| So thank you for that question that went horribly off the rails, which is what I want my questions to do. | |
| Placeholder asks, what new to anti-QAnon noob post are you most tired of seeing? | |
| That this is blood libel reskinned, watch the social dilemma on Netflix, something else. | |
| I think the thing that I most get disappointed in is when people try to like just solve QAnon where they're like, oh Russia did it or this that the other thing when someone has like a quick clean obvious solution to all of this stuff or they're like isn't Ron Watkins Q and It's like it really doesn't matter. | |
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter, right? | |
| Like anyone who tries to tell me oh, we already know like who started it or who did it So it really doesn't matter anymore It's just it's just so preposterous to think that we know the guy who threw the grenade so the grenade can't possibly do any more damage and it's like well I'm sorry but the grenade actually was thrown into like a ammunition factory and now the explosions are going to be going on for the next like 20 years. | |
| I mean it's Just because you quote-unquote know how it all started or who was behind it or why they did it, it doesn't change the actual damage to society that has been done by it. | |
| So thank you for your keen insight, but try to, I don't know, just deal with the collateral damage, deal with awareness, deal with actually trying to help people out when family members get sucked into this bullshit, all that kind of stuff. | |
| So yeah. | |
| I think that's the thing that most frustrates me is just people like just having a quick clear answer and then they're like, yep, I solved it. | |
| Boom. | |
| No need to thank me, everybody. | |
| I'll see myself out. | |
| Brilliant QAnon debunker who started my Twitter account two weeks ago. | |
| Mission completed. | |
| Signing off. | |
| Yep. | |
| Good job. | |
| Congrats. | |
| Sorry if I was icily silent during the answering of that question. | |
| I was too busy choking back the vomit that was coming out of my gullet upon reading this headline. | |
| And I'm sure my hatred of this headline is going to piss off people. | |
| So for those of you who managed to stick with me through the wishing of COVID death and through the toxic masculinity bulletproof vagina riff, here's something that may be like, and all the things I've said about the Beastie Boys in the past, here's the breaking news headline that makes me want to just punch a baby. | |
| And that headline comes from the A.V. | |
| Club and it says, it's always sunny in Philadelphia. | |
| It's 15th season. | |
| We'll show how the gang handles COVID. | |
| Oh, thank God. | |
| Just what I always wanted. | |
| I'm assuming it will be a bunch of idiots screaming at each other in masks because that's what that fucking show is. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you have all managed to have avoided, for the most part, me and Elle's burning hatred of It's Always Sunny. | |
| So, for those of you who are fans of the show, I apologize for the fact that you follow that show. | |
| Yeah, I was about to say, if Mike is going to apologize for us, I'm going to cut him off and apologize that they have bad taste. | |
| Yeah, that show, it's never funny in Philadelphia, as we call it, because we're witty and clever, unlike that show, which sucks. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Okay, so sorry, this is why you don't check the news while you're recording a podcast | |
| because sometimes you'll just see something that makes you want to put your head into | |
| your hands. | |
| Yep. | |
| So, our final question of the week is from Little Lappy Loopy Lou, which asks, where | |
| was Beans on 1.6? | |
| Referring to Tracy Beans, one of the initial QAnon promoters. | |
| Nope, referring to the food. | |
| You know, they were around in kitchens across America. | |
| Referring to the legume. | |
| Yes, yes. | |
| Being eaten by hobos over trashcan fires in comics from the 1920s, the same as they always were. | |
| Yeah, that sounds right to me. | |
| I've heard nothing about her being anywhere near the whole ordeal. | |
| She's like so periphery to the movement. | |
| I mean, she won some small bit of power in the South Carolina Republican Party when Lin Wood was trying to become the chairman and got dunked on most aggressively. | |
| So I think that she's trying to just keep her head down because she used QAnon for what she was looking for, which was just enough notoriety and enough attention to get herself into a place where she was able to win some level of party apparatchik status. | |
| And she's probably going to keep moving through that in probably 10 years. | |
| She's gonna be a state senator from South Carolina or whatever, and just be working the grift and the hustle that way, unless she runs into another scam. | |
| Representative Beans! | |
| Yep, exactly! | |
| It's coming down Broadway. | |
| It's gonna be great. | |
| QAnon's main bean machine. | |
| Governor Beans, we have questions for you. | |
| In like 10 years or whatever, it will be President Beans. | |
| America literally run by beans! | |
| Whenever she has her ads, someone says, roll that beautiful bean footage. | |
| It'll be wonderful. | |
| It'll be absolutely magical. | |
| Looks at Mike Rains, say the line! | |
| Boy howdy, if there was ever a Mike Rains joke for a Waka Waka, that was it. | |
| Wagga Wagga. | |
| Yeah, that's right. | |
| Yay! | |
| So that concludes the Mailbag Proper for the week. | |
| So our question to Numerous is, what are you looking forward to? | |
| I'm looking forward to people hearing this episode just being like, man, El was on something that day. | |
| I mean, you're right. | |
| I don't know what crawled up my ass during the recording of this show. | |
| I think it was because I watched White Squall right beforehand and it got my hockles all up. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, for those of you who are our subscribers and getting our bonus content, you're about to get a very punchy Where We Go One We Go Squall recorded today. | |
| So yeah, that's gonna be magical. | |
| Yeah, there will be surprising twists, I assure you. | |
| So yeah, I mean, aside from just generally being excited for listeners to hear this episode being like, fucking hell, Jesus, you need to calm down a bit. | |
| And I'd be like, yeah, probably. | |
| And all those sweet Darkman references that Did you notice the sergeant backed off of those immediately? | |
| You ruthlessly made fun of something I was doing, so I stopped doing it? | |
| What a shock. | |
| I In a nutshell, I hey I come at you to make you better and | |
| like, you know Says every abuse abusive spouse ever. I'm like skipper from | |
| white squall Yeah | |
| Too hard because I want you to grow because I believe you you make me piss on the ropes and that makes me stronger | |
| Hey, and did that kid not climb up to all the way at the top and ring that bell for that boy? | |
| After that boy shot that dolphin? | |
| Yeah! | |
| Checkmate! | |
| I just want you to be on the top ringing the bell for Dolphin Murder Boy! | |
| Where does the racist metaphor go? | |
| What dolphin are you gonna smash in the head with a sledgehammer? | |
| Well, if I need a racist metaphor, maybe I should just say that I'm not fond of Dark Man. | |
| OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH! Y FUERAAA! This is known. Uh, no, uh... | |
| I... | |
| I'm looking forward to a number of things have started up. | |
| The anime Blue Period started on Netflix and I really liked that manga, so I'm excited for that. | |
| There's actually some good anime out, so I'm excited for that. | |
| There have been a couple of seasons where there was just nothing to watch. | |
| I am looking forward to the fact that I'll probably be getting killed at the poker tables in the next few days because I've been playing a little bit more recently and that is something that I've found to be mildly enjoyable. | |
| So that like silly hobby of mine rearing its ugly head once again will probably leave lead to new segments on the podcast called Mike's Terrible | |
| Bad Beats, where I just piss and moan about the fact that I ever agreed to play poker in | |
| the first place. | |
| And I can't, can you believe what that moron just called me with? | |
| And all that good stuff, because Lord knows everyone's bad beat stories are the most original, | |
| witty, clever, and funny stuff you've never heard a million times. | |
| Yeah, if you're not complaining about bad beats, are you really playing poker? | |
| I would say no. | |
| Oh god no. | |
| Of course not. | |
| And that's like half of playing Ocarina of Time. | |
| Are you really playing Magic? | |
| And are you L? | |
| Yes. | |
| Oh yeah, bro. | |
| I mean that is like my whole Magic career is just constantly just being like, can you believe I drew my 14th land out of my 16th land deck and then lost to this pile of piss? | |
| That's like half of every draft that I do. | |
| Yup. | |
| Someone made the point at a table one time where they said, why do we all have hobbies that only hurt us? | |
| Like, we bet on sports, we play poker, we go golfing, we do all these things, and after it's done, we're mad. | |
| Like, why is this? | |
| Why can't we just have a hobby where we're happy after we've engaged in it? | |
| And it's like a very weird thing that there's just so many people that have like hobbies where the end result of the hobby is just Broken golf clubs, lost money, ruined friendships because that idiot called you with a gunshot, and why would you do that to me? | |
| You asshole. | |
| I mean, the trick is because people are stupid, and the actual secret spice of life is variance. | |
| Everybody likes to pretend like they don't like variance, but they love it. | |
| You just can't get enough of that sweet variance. | |
| Yeah, I mean, it's one gotcha gangster thing. | |
| Yeah, if people didn't want variants, everybody would just love chess. | |
| Just literally a 100% skill tester, just you and your opponent and whoever can out, like, it's like that Futurama gag where the two robots sit down to play chess, where it just goes, mate in a hundred moves, and everyone's like, you win again. | |
| Like, yeah, like, that would be a world without variants. | |
| So the secret, the trick is, like, even though I hate getting beta screwed, Mike will hate his bad beats, like, etc. | |
| Like, we're just addicted to the variants. | |
| It gets our blood, it gets the We're going. | |
| I agree. | |
| I absolutely agree. | |
| That's something I say to people all the time. | |
| I'm like, no one's playing high stakes chess at the Bellagio because without variants, there's no game. | |
| So, can't do it. | |
| Well, hopefully your bad beats won't be too beat-tastic and that I don't have to come, like, pull you out of, like, your little cardboard makeshift lean-to in a grimy alleyway somewhere after you gamble all your money away. | |
| I don't want to have to come retrieve you at your lowest moment, because the place I live in is pretty small. | |
| I don't think I could put up on my grains. | |
| I wish I could, but, like, I don't think I've got it in me. | |
| Fair enough. | |
| Fair enough. | |
| And speaking of reins, I'm going to hand you the reins. | |
| Oh shit, that's some hot segue action. | |
| I appreciate it. | |
| Okay, well, Jesus. | |
| Thank you everybody for listening this week for what has become a totally normal Adventures in Hellworld podcast. | |
| As always, we appreciate your support. | |
| If you would like to support us further, the easiest way to do so would be to tell a friend or leave a positive review. | |
| You know, just anything to help get our engagement numbers up. | |
| Or, you know, just you do you. | |
| Continue to support the podcast just by putting it in your wonderful ear holes. | |
| But, if you have money and you want to support us, that we would really... | |
| super interested in discussing further. | |
| I'm just watching start to crack up, I'm saying this. | |
| I don't know if the audience could hear it, but there's people | |
| sawing and banging on my roof, so I've been muted a lot. | |
| No, that's fine. | |
| I just saw you bust a stitch when I actively started listening to you. | |
| We like money. | |
| We like your money even more. | |
| I mean, well, I like their money when it becomes our money by way of our Patreon, which they can find at patreon.com. | |
| Anybody who supports us at the $5 and above tier gets access to our bonus content, of which we have a fairly robust slate, including our wrapped-up series Kabbalen, Mike Rains' solo outing that has wrapped up The Fellow's Deed, where he talks more about JFK, in case you didn't get enough of that on this podcast. | |
| And after we're done recording this, we will finally be recording Where We Go One, We Go Squall, our crossover podcast with The Binge-Wordy Podcast, where we are going to be discussing White Squall, a movie that we all watched. | |
| But yeah, so you can get access to all that stuff for $5 or more at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics. | |
| Now, maybe you have money and you don't want to give it to us. | |
| Why? | |
| I couldn't possibly imagine. | |
| But if you have that money and you want to do some good with it, you can donate it to love146.org. | |
| They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation, and that is in their own words. | |
| So yeah, if you want to do a little good in the world with a little bit of money, go ahead and donate it to love146.org. | |
| As always, we are going to thank DJ Minimal Effort for providing our wonderful intro song. | |
| He still remains too cool for social media, so there is no way for me to direct you to him to let your love of his podcast theme be known, but it helps my soul to know that we are shouting about every week, even though I'm not actually sure if he listens to the podcast. | |
| The voice of Q when we need it, and the voice of all of our bumps in our content warning, provided by Frosty, who's a voiceover artist that you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO. | |
| And if you just can't get enough of me and Sarge talking about Darkman, then boy howdy, I've got some- or Dune, I guess I made a Dune reference. | |
| You can find us on the BingeWerdy Podcast, where we talk about pop media. | |
| You can find that on Twitter, at BingeWerdy, at B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y. | |
| Podcast is available wherever podcasts are provided, under the same name. | |
| So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld Podcast, I have been the Mysterious Al, signing off, as always, for my co-host, the wonderful Sarge, who I love very much, despite the fact I busted on his Darkman riffs. | |
| And, as always, which I say way too much, and I'm still doing it, our QAnon expert, Mr. Mike Rades. |