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Nov. 11, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:35:08
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #60: AstroWorld, Dealey Plaza, and other Portals to Hell

Was the Travis Scott concert a Satanic Ritual? What is QAnon still doing in Dealey Plaza? Will Kyle Rittenhouse be President one day? All these questions and more to be answered this on this week's podcast! (Also the answers are no, it's weird, and obviously.) Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody.
I am Mike Rains, AKA.
PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And the mysterious El.
Guten Tag, mein beautiful babies!
So Sarge went a grand total of one whole week with nasty weirdos being his catchphrase, forgot it immediately, and went right back to his old catchphrase.
It's still there.
He didn't necessarily forget it, maybe he just wanted to put some distance between it to really surprise the audience when he's like BOOM!
You're all nasty weirdos still!
Don't worry, there's still nasty weirdos, and it'll come back when I need it.
Remember way back in the day when I first started doing the Beautiful Babies thing and that one person sent us that message saying that it made them uncomfortable?
Boy, howdy!
If they managed to stick around and fight through it, imagine how they felt when nasty weirdos happened.
Yeah!
What's going on, you nasty weirdo babies?
Beautiful.
They said beautiful babies when you said it made them uncomfortable.
And in my head in our group chat, I was just like, well, congratulations, you've only made it stick around.
Elle has jammed nicknames on people in our friend groups, and he is the last one saying them a decade later.
Also, my read on that, that guy was just like, I think it's uncomfortable, you know, it makes me uncomfortable when you refer to us as beautiful babies.
And I was just like, welcome to my life, because every single woman I have dated for the past decade insists on calling me daddy.
You know, I don't think it takes like a fucking super genius to figure out where that might stem from, and it's kind of weird.
But if it's happening mid-stroke, I'm not about to call off the performance to pull someone out of the pit, you know what I mean?
El does not give up on nicknames, is what I'm trying to say.
Never give up, never surrender.
And a surprising amount of women want to have sex with their fathers, is what I'm saying.
Oh yeah.
We've gone in two different Not equally awful directions.
I'll let the audience decide which one's more awful.
We did the content warning already, right?
Of course we didn't.
Absolutely not.
I gotta remember to save the fetish talk for after the content warning.
Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds
Yes.
of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
I got to remember to save the fetish talk for after the content warning.
Yes.
So unprofesh.
The one thing I wanted to point out was that I was probably the last person on earth to
use one of Elle's nicknames like in perpetuity, because I had like left for Las Vegas came
back and I was like still have that mindset to use that nickname.
And it was just like nobody else on God's green earth did that.
And then eventually I too had to drop the nickname.
So it was just like, I know.
I know from dated nicknames, is what I'm saying.
Never give up, never surrender.
One of my friends will forever be called The Devil.
I'm the only person calling him The Devil now, and I'm the only person who ever did call him The Devil.
It's a nickname for you, for him.
I guess we should probably talk about QAnon.
They've been up to some stuff.
Why would we ever do such a thing?
Oh wait, it's the entire point of our podcast.
What idiots we were to sign up for that shit.
Looks like those clowns in QAnon did it again.
It's so incredible to not have a signal for that coming up, so I'm just talking over the first part of it.
The professionalism continues, it's incredible.
We're consummate professionals.
The height of professionals.
So last week we talked about Dallas, and with JFK Jr.
not coming back, they've all left and gone home, right Mike?
Everybody went home?
No, they've stayed.
They're actually continuing.
We've now begun QAnon's Occupy Daily Plaza movement.
This has become an incredibly weird situation where These QAnon followers who like quote-unquote mainstream serious QAnon are getting very upset with because this level of crazy makes them look bad.
Storming into a pizza joint with a gun didn't make them look bad?
Hey!
So just so I'm clear like wasn't there so wasn't there a step in between like so they showed up for the the day of JFK Jr's return which obviously was a huge nothing because JFK Jr is and has been famously dead for a long time.
And it didn't happen anywhere near Dallas.
That was where his dad died.
And then now, where they're still occupying Daily Plaza, for whatever reason, because, you know, they just figured that their messiah is late.
In the middle there, didn't they go to some Rolling Stones concert where they insisted that Mick Jagger or whatever was in fact JFK Jr.? ?
What?
I missed this.
Yes, yes.
There was a Rolling Stones concert that was attended, and there was the belief that either JFK Jr.
or JFK Sr.
was going to reveal themselves at this concert, and then there became this sort of blurring of lines that maybe members of the Rolling Stones were actually... What?
Yeah, the Kennedys.
It was this... Because again, they just have this...
Endless, this just endless way of trying to just make it all make sense and make it all fit.
If you go to like, if you go to Rollingstone.com, they have a headline of an article, QAnon believers have new batshit theories about the Rolling Stones.
Is Keith Richards really JFK Jr?
No!
What?
They were alive at the same time!
Like, everything doesn't make sense.
That's terrible.
Hey, did you ever see them in the same room?
Yeah, I... As it goes on, the fucking, the QAnon stuff becomes like, like 80s, like late 80s, early 90s, like peak National Inquirer shit.
Yeah.
Where it's like, BATBOY DISCOVERED!
Or whatever, you know what I mean?
Tiny peek behind the curtain.
I try and keep up with what's going on by following all of our experts here on Twitter.
And I'm a common lurker on, like, the anti-queueing on Twittersphere.
And I, like, I've had to read some of Dapper and Yura and Karma's posts.
Four times to try and like, and I'm like, I just feel like I'm listening to a Coheed and Cambria album, and it's just contextless world building that I like have nothing to attach myself to.
It's like prog rock bullshit, but You know, with people getting murdered in the real world, it is so hard to follow sometimes.
Uh, cause it just gets, it spins ever wilder.
Spinning, spinning, ever spinning.
That's one of the things that I've said about QAnon is that it's getting so dense and so self-referential that if you're trying to recruit somebody into this movement now, you have to start at this incredibly low baseline level.
Because if you ever talked the way you would talk to your friends that are engaged in QAnon, you would be speaking gibberish to a normal person.
Just you would be on Mars.
Just even trying to explain what quote-unquote Let's Go Brandon means to somebody who doesn't have chronic internet poisoning.
That would take work.
That would take like 10 minutes to explain.
Well, you see, There was this NASCAR show and the crowd was chanting, fuck Joe Biden, because we all hate him because he's a pedophile and he's a bad dude.
And there was this racer on whose name was Brandon and the evil fake news media person that was interviewing him was like, well, I guess that crowd's saying, let's go, Brandon.
And then we all thought it was funny.
So we beat that fucking joke to death.
And it's just.
It's just this thing where you, you have to explain everything so much.
It's not what QAnon wants at the start.
When QAnon started, it was Hillary Clinton's bad.
She's gotten away with a lot of shit.
Well, she ain't going to get away with it no more.
She's going to jail for forever because Donald Trump's going to put her in jail.
Hashtag MAGA, hashtag QAnon.
Like, it was this quick, simple, easy-to-explain thing to people who hated Hillary Clinton and Democrats could wrap their heads around.
Now, it's just babble.
It's just absolutely incoherent shit.
Like, you're having an ice cream headache reading my stuff, and you know me, you know what I'm talking about normally.
Sorry, go ahead.
Well, it's gonna be less funny now, because I was trying to organically get in there with a joke.
But then we talked over each other and now I have to get in there, but I'm still gonna do it anyway
Okay, this preamble is supposed to massage it to try to make it funny again
When I finally go into telling the joke instead of explaining that I'm about to tell a joke and actually go
and do the joke This is the part that's supposed to try to massage it to
make the joke funny again Anyway, you know how, like, all those, like, weird box services are still, like, wildly popular now where, like, you go to, like, you know, I want coffee but I'm too lazy to go to the store and get it dot com and they give you, like, a fucking, like, survey that you have to take?
We should make one of those for Conspiracy Theorists where it's just, like, take our survey and, like, tell us, like, what sort of conspiracies are you interested in?
Although we should probably call it truth.
What sort of secret truth are you interested in?
And they go down from, like, a drop-down menu and they're just, like, Like, moon landing was bullshit, like, Huma, the laptop, like, and all that.
And then it's just like, and then, like, on a schedule that you set, we'll send you a box full of goodies that speak to your truth.
And then we just, uh, that's how we need to start, like, I'm always, I'm always trying to figure out how we, how are we going to make a buck off of this conspiracy nonsense?
How are the three of us going to become podcast millionaires off of the QAnon phenomenon?
As much as I love our valued listeners, we're just not rich enough yet.
And I feel like, as a white, straight male, it is my destiny to become wealthy.
It's your birthright!
It's our destiny to become wealthy by telling other people how to get wealthy and not providing any actual information.
And this is all of us digressing from, these weirdos are still hanging out in Dealey Plaza singing Country Road.
Like, I literally just saw a clip of them, these weirdos, waiting for a dead man to come back over a week later.
Hanging out in Texas, waiting for a man who died off the coast of, like, Connecticut or whatever, or New York, in his plane, singing a song about West Virginia.
I think they edited the song to say Daily Plaza or something at the end.
And like, did I see Karma posting about someone's feeding them money to stay there?
Yeah, well right now people are trying to figure out who is bankrolling this shit because
these people are continuing to occupy the Hyatt Regency in Dallas, so like they're paying
for hotels to stay here in this place.
So they have to be getting money for these hotels and Negative 48, who Michael Protzman,
who is the gerometry rambling person who started this whole cult, they've been talking about
how they're getting money from somewhere.
And there's talk about Juano Savin potentially being someone who's helping financing this nonsense.
And... Real quick, don't digress too much.
Break down Juano Savin.
Who's Juano Savin again?
Real quick.
Uh, he's the guy that is part of the, like, just, uh, the clown shoes, uh, idiots of QAnon, who just, uh, put up all the easily debunkable fake crap, like, Hillary's getting arrested tomorrow, like, this, that, the other thing.
Like, these, they're the people that just, like, go out there to, like, say dumb stuff to get people jeeped up and all excited.
They're the people that have, like, the, the false deadlines and the nonsense payoffs.
He's one of the grifters of QAnon?
Yeah, he's one of the grifters that is around to just say whatever, not have any actual coherent point to any of it.
Just make sure that your audience is happy, riled up, and freaked out.
Getting into Jaseera, Nysera, like, again, the Iraqi Dinar refinancing schemes.
Like, there's not a dumb scam that, like, Juan and his group won't, like, put themselves apart of.
So, Juan Osteven is a scam artist with QAnon, and he is maybe Financing weirdos hanging out in Dallas for over a week because they bumped the date.
They moved the goalpost to like 10 days later.
Oh, there's been some stuff like the Julian calendar and we're using the wrong calendar for the return.
Naturally.
Yeah, because it's what always happens whenever you make a prophecy of the end of the world and it doesn't happen.
Oh, I just got the date a little wrong.
And, um, There is a... Also, Pottsman has brought up that there is a QAnon rapper known as Primeminister.
That's Prime with a Y instead of an I in Prime.
He's riffing off of our Hellworld gimmick.
Allegedly, Prime Minister has said that he has a use of property in the city that they could make a permanent headquarters for.
Prime Minister, I believe, has not actually responded to requests for comment by the media about this.
But if they if this is actually true, they may be actually obtaining a compound in Dallas or somewhere there in the city limits to have as their new home to wait for the return of JFK Jr.
How long is it going to be before Trump starts to get pissed off that JFK Jr., who has, again, been dead for like 30 years, is taking away some of his mindshare from these people?
How long is it before Trump comes out and he's just like, forgive JFK Jr., he's dead, fuck that guy, get back to loving me?
That would be great.
I would be so appreciative if Donald Trump was jealous of JFK Jr.' 's popularity.
He just needs to send out one of those digital missives where it's just like, from the desk of Donald J. Trump, like, and it's just like, for immediate release, JFK Jr.
is dead, and that's it.
Signed, Donald Trump.
Signed, Donald Trump, you're a beautiful baby boy that you should be paying attention to.
And then with a link to some Trump fundraising.
Yes, absolutely.
Oh God, that'd be perfect.
That'd be just absolutely chef's kiss.
So... Well, my segue was... Only news out of Texas this week, I'm sure.
Yeah, yeah.
And we're speaking about rappers.
Yes.
So, okay, I saw some of this, but it was the Astroworld Show, right?
Is that the name of the tour?
Oh yeah, Astroworld I believe is the sort of festival.
Yeah, so Astroworld was the name of a festival during which the security was quite bad and the crowd control mechanisms failed quite spectacularly as the security got worse.
And as, you know, people like Drake and Travis Scott or whatever took the stage and got these tens to hundreds of thousands of people all extra fired up, About being at a rap show, like hanging out at a music festival.
For many of them, maybe the first time since the COVID pandemic swept the world and kept everyone inside for a while.
And then during which there was a crowd surge to the front of the stage during the Travis Scott performance.
During which the combination of trampling and compression was enough to kill, I believe, eight people is still the number of actual deaths.
But it injured many, many more.
So, like, eight actual deaths from this crowd surge at this rap concert.
And clearly we're just talking about it because it's headline news and it's important.
We're big advocates for crowd safety at events, and that's obviously the only reason we're talking about this.
There's certainly no QAnon angle, right?
Like, how could fucking QAnon possibly be getting their goddamn fingers into this, Mike?
By declaring that this event was a satanic ritual initiated by the Deep State to further give tribute to their dark god, Moloch, and these poor souls that were brought to this concert, not knowing that the Hippity Hoppity, as it were, was actually a gateway to Beelzebub, and these people were slaughtered by these monsters.
And TikTok and social media is now just full of all these people trying to connect the dots of this terrible incident to manage to confirm that it actually wasn't just what you said, negligence, security being shitty, Not having the crowd properly set up to handle a surge where the mosh pit would get overrun, and instead was actually a plot to usher in the Antichrist and bring an end to the world.
People have looked at the Astroworld stage and they took photographs.
I saw one caption that said, the stage is an inverted cross connected to a portal to hell.
Yes.
I would love for this person to let me know, or let all of us know, where on earth are the various portals to hell?
I mean, these obviously have to be natural landmarks, where you go somewhere and there's a pond, there's a stream, there's a bunch of old trees, there's a portal to hell.
Supposedly there's one in Kansas that the Pope won't fly over.
I remember hearing about, yeah, there's one in Kansas.
Having been to Kansas, I believe that the portal to hell in Kansas is just called Kansas.
Kansas.
I knew where you were going.
Also, before we get too far deep into the riffing here, hey there beautiful babies, it's your boy Al.
Time for some serious real talk real quick.
What happened at Asherworld is a horrible tragedy, so any potential goofs or riffs that we go on over the next 10 to 15 minutes talking about this, not at the expense of the victims.
Like, that shit sucks, it was a ridiculous tragedy that could have easily been avoided, I hope that all the people involved get sued into complete oblivion, and any sort of lighthearted japery that we try to do surrounding this horrible incident is not supposed to be making fun of the victims in any way or whatever.
So like, Our hearts go out to those people and their families.
This totally sucks, and it's the worst.
But of course, because QAnon got their sticky fingers into it, we have to talk about it.
And so we will try to do our best to make all of our mockery about the QAnon people.
So I just didn't want anybody to be sitting there riding the edge of their seat just being like, oh boy, I don't want the Hellworld boys to go fucking on some sort of jag about the Astroworld tragedy.
And it's just like, no.
There was no excuse for any of those people to die at a music concert.
So no.
And, like, I've seen multiple reports that Travis Scott saw the ambulances rolling up and continued to agitate the crowd for at least another full minute.
Uh, yeah.
What exactly?
I mean, who is to blame?
And, like, the investigation, hopefully, will be very thorough and will actually, uh, come up with all kinds of evidence for what happened, what were the failures, and who is culpable for this.
And that is... I'm gonna, I'm gonna go out, like, this is not meant to be a hot take, and it's also not meant to be devil's advocate.
This is literally just me saying, we need to wait until more information comes out.
Because, like, I have performed on stage before, but I have never performed on a stage in front of a hundred thousand people with floodlights and pyrotechnics and all that shit.
But even playing in, like, an intimate, like, a high school theater or, like, a college theater or whatever, like, there are times where you just cannot see enough of the crowd to know anything about what's going on in the crowd.
And in addition to that, Typically, for a performer, it is in fact their job to get the crowd excited about the performance.
That's literally what their job is.
I am not trying to absolve...
Any of the performers that may have been responsible for this tragedy of their culpability.
I'm just saying that personally I'm going to wait until the investigation is done to start throwing blame around to people because there's a chance that Travis Scott was just on stage doing his job unable to really see the crowd that well because he's like covered in floodlights and pyrotechnics and then all of a sudden he just hears a mob of screams as people are getting crushed to death in front of him and at that point like what the fuck is he supposed to do?
So, I'm gonna wait.
Like, a lot of people are condemning him immediately, and I totally get that.
Like, you just want to throw blame somewhere when a tragedy happens, but for my money, I'm gonna wait until the investigation comes out to be just like, hey, fuck that guy for killing those people.
Yeah, he's already catching a lot of consequences, too.
His Vegas show was cancelled, he's lost sponsorships, and multiple lawsuits have already been launched.
By the families of the victims of this tragedy.
And as we all know, he's a huge Satanist and the stage was an inverted cross leading to a portal to hell.
And this was a dark ritual to be performed.
Yeah, like just real bang.
As soon as you said TikTok, I was just like, God damn it.
Yeah, I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again.
Man, nobody better ever tell QAnon about Carpenter Brew.
Yeah.
Like, if you go to a Carpenter Brew show and you think that their stage looks like an upside-down cross, it is because it is an upside-down cross.
That is literally the band's logo.
And if you think of that cross as, like, if you think that the band has erected what looks like a portal to hell to perform in front of, they probably have!
That's probably a real thing!
Yeah, I've been yeah.
Don't anyone tell them about literally every metal band ever that invokes satanic imagery for an awesome rock and show like So, the connective tissue of this nonsense, because the leaps of logic these people use is so overwhelming.
Like, everything is everything to these people.
It's all corkboard and strings and connecting the dots.
I saw a QAnon promoter actually talk about how the Astros had recently lost the World Series and that had to be tangentially connected to Astroworld on some level because the Deep State was trying to get the word Astro into our minds to make us think about it so that the ritual would have more power when it was performed.
There was also a TikTok video about how in a recent music video Travis Scott was wearing a Pearl Jam t-shirt And many, many years ago, there was a crowd surge at a Pearl Jam concert that killed nine people that to this day hasn't been like fully explored as to how that tragedy happened and occurred.
The only possible justification for Travis Scott wearing a Pearl Jam shirt in a video is that obviously he was giving a wink and a nod to the fact that some people were about to die at a concert of his a few days later.
Because when you think Pearl Jam, the only thing anyone ever thinks of is that very long ago event that happened where some people tragically died at one of their concerts.
It's not the body of Pearl Jam's work over several decades, as it were.
I said, like, this is not me goofing.
I literally did not know that about Pearl Jam.
Yeah, I also, I've watched a documentary about Pearl Jam.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
I mean, that's the thing is, this is the kind of stuff that these people will look for any detail from anything and then grab it and throw it into the stew and mix it up to make it fit the narrative that they're trying to construct.
Well, it's also just like, hey, did you hear that Travis Scott did a satanic ritual and killed some people in service to his Lord Satan?
And it's just like, oh, right on.
I'm sure he probably killed, like, what, five people, you know, because of the inverted pentagram, the five sides?
And they're just like, no.
It's like, OK, well, then he surely killed six people because, you know, six, six, six, six, the mark of the beast.
You get it.
No, he killed eight people.
Uh, for what?
Satan's octagon?
Like, what the fuck?
Like, what?
Eight has nothing to do with Satan.
Yeah, the UFC has always been a satanic ritual.
The Portal to Hell was really a portal to Fight Island.
Is Fight Island still happening?
Are we getting real-world Mortal Kombat?
Fight Island has gone away because UFC wants to actually do shows with audiences they can charge tickets for.
No, you fucking cowards.
We almost had real-world Mortal Kombat.
Oh, we did!
Fight Island did exist for a long time.
It was a thing.
There were a bunch of, uh... But it wasn't actually an island.
It was basically... It was just an Abu Dhabi.
It was just... Where's a place we can go where there are rich lunatics who won't, like, actually enforce, like, really tight COVID laws?
They found one group in the Middle East that were willing to do this, and UFC ran to them.
And like they had all these kind of crazy protocols where you had to like test negative for COVID for 40 hours before you got on the plane.
You had to test negative when you were getting on the plane and all this other kind of stuff.
But at the end of the day, it was just this kind of thing where UFC was like, we need a place that will actually allow us to host fights and we'll take anywhere.
And they got that.
Did Joe go there?
Did Joe take his Ivermectin and go to Fight Island?
I don't think he did.
Rogan's been kind of like a part-time employee recently.
He mostly only shows up for the American hosted events.
He doesn't leave America for UFC anymore.
Joe Rogan has a new job as Aaron Rodgers' doctor, right?
He's his health advisor.
He's good friend to famous He's like Super Bowl quarterback Aaron Rodgers and he provides him with all the competition.
One time Super Bowl appearing quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
I wanted to give you that setup there.
Yes!
Because fuckin' every... like, oh my god.
Maybe the worst thing having to grow up with in the history of the world.
I can't imagine any hardship greater than having to hear people list all, like, listing the greatest quarterbacks of all time.
And they'd be like, oh, you know, Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers.
And you'd just be like, what?
Like, what are you talking about?
That is insane.
That would be like listing the greatest video games of all time and starting with The Legend of Zelda and then going to Sneak King.
They're not even fucking close.
What are you talking about?
I mean, you said it in our group chat.
Patrick Mahomes has been to more Super Bowls than Aaron Rodgers.
Yeah, he sure has.
And has won as many.
And he's been in the league, like, about 25% of Aaron Rodgers' career, if that.
Don't worry, though.
According to Aaron Rodgers' 29-year-old fiancé, Shailene Woodley or whatever, he's got a massive hog.
And that's how she knew that those pictures of that guy from L.A.
were not Aaron Rodgers.
She was just like, now, I could say anything to prove that this isn't my fiancé, but what I'm going with is, look at how small that guy's dick appears!
Couldn't possibly be Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers has a massive unit and there's no worms in it.
Thanks to his ivermectin treatment.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, and he went on multiple interviews and said, I took health advice from my friend Joe Rogan, which Fuck, we are never getting rid of Joe Rogan.
Yeah, this thing and you will be shocked to find out everybody that Aaron Rodgers is now QAnon's greatest hero and their champion of champions.
The fact that he decided to not Actually get himself vaccinated and to act like an absolute putz when it comes to dealing with COVID.
This is how you get embraced by the QAnon movement.
And sorry to Kyrie Irving, who was their hero, but now that QAnon has a white savior, oh man, they are just a pig in shit.
They are the happiest clams in the sea when it comes to having Someone that they can talk about as being this brave soul fighting the corrupt deep state and winning some football games by slinging that pigskin around.
All of QAnon heroes are the Fajitas from Chili's.
Because they don't care how the meat tastes, as long as it sizzles real good for them.
Like Aaron Rodgers, actual Q himself, like all these people, they literally just all sizzle no steak.
They just talk and talk and talk, and nothing comes of it, and Aaron Rodgers has only been in and won one Super Bowl, and fuck him.
And they never deliver, especially not Super Bowls.
Everyone's gonna be like, well, gee, well, gee, Al, like, such a, here, here, Aaron Rodgers stats.
Clearly, he's a good quarterback.
I mean, fucking scoreboard, like, wins Super Bowls.
Tom Brady's done it seven times.
What's your excuse?
So, Aaron Rodgers...
Had to sit out one game against the Chiefs and might play next week for lying about getting vaccinated
And he has now been fined by the NFL, but it's what 15 grand which is the the number
I'm seeing is a $14,000 which as is being pointed out by very angry people
on Twitter is less of a fine Than the fine that CD
Lamb, the Cowboys wide receiver, got for having his shirt not tucked in during a football game.
A uniform code violation was worth a heavier personal fine Mike, Sarge, I'm about to freak your bean.
Are you ready to get your beans freaked?
vector for spreading and COVID as it were.
$14,000.
Mike, Sarge, I'm about to freak your bean.
Are you ready to get your beans freaked?
$14,000.
Not a lot of dollars, but 14 is a cromulent amount of words, if you get what I'm saying.
Yes, yes indeed.
Aaron Rodgers is being fined $14,000.88 by the league.
$14,000 and 88 cents by the league.
And the Packers organization is being fined $300,000, which I don't know what Aaron Rodgers' contract looks like.
But he makes more than that in one quarter of football, right?
Like- Yeah, if you
Yeah, if you're a quarterback of any worth in the NFL now, you're making $20 million a year minimum.
Absolute minimum.
And I want to also mention that Tom Brady got four games for mildly underinflated footballs, which may or may not have fallen in line with the ideal gas law, as Brady defenders will tell you.
For this alleged rule infraction, the NFL came down with the hammer and made him sit out 25% of a season one year.
Whereas Aaron Rodgers could have actually killed somebody with COVID.
Because COVID is a deadly virus.
And there has been no league-sanctioned suspension for the man.
The only reason why he missed the game against the Chiefs was because he tested positive, and if he tests negative in time for this week's game, he'll be on the field slinging that pigskin around, perhaps to Odell Beckham Jr.
as the Packers go on their Super Bowl push, which actually will probably end in failure because the Packers organization is a bunch of frauds and joke artists, as per usual.
Yeah, well at least the league got it right when they, you know, they only gave Henry Ruggs a two-game suspension, so I feel like that's fair.
I'm pretty sure Henry Ruggs is on the actual criminal charges suspension of the fact that you're probably going to be in jail.
They let Michael Vick back in the league, right?
Well, yeah, after he got out of prison, so... Hey, I mean, like, you know, he may have looked like damaged goods, but that dog had a lot of fight left in him.
We will be here all week.
Try the veal!
Yes, god, try the veal.
You know it.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Like, it's just baffling.
It's such a slap on the wrist.
And, like, I don't think it's okay that he didn't get vaccinated.
It is much worse that he lied about it and endangered all of his teammates and all the teams he played against.
And the NFL had this whole thing about how we're taking COVID super seriously.
We are all over this shit.
They even came out with protocols For the season where if a bunch of unvaccinated players had a COVID outbreak on your team and that's why you couldn't play, you forfeited the game.
You just lost.
We were not going to reschedule it.
We weren't going to move it a few days to try to get them on the field.
You just actually get an L in the record book and we move on to the next week.
That's it.
And now their response to one of the league's biggest stars bullshitting everybody about his vaccination status was, Man, no harm, no foul.
Water under the bridge.
Them's the brakes.
And you would think that of all the teams to take it super seriously, it would be the Packers.
Because just like a decade ago, a Catan outbreak destroyed their locker room.
Yes!
There was, oh, the oar and the sheep.
There was so much of it.
That was one of the funniest things that I heard about when that story leaked.
I was like, man, that's great.
Do you know what we've been talking about?
Oh, you didn't hear about this?
Like about a decade ago or whatever.
I guess the Green Bay Packers locker room found out about Catan and got hopelessly addicted to it.
And then when that information leaked, suddenly it became very difficult slash impossible to find copies of Settlers of Catan in the Green Bay area.
Because Green Bay Packers fans were just going and buying all the copies to find out what all the hullabaloo was about.
I thought you were riffing on the name of a real disease and not talking about the actual board game.
No, I was talking about the actor Chris Kattan.
He showed up in the locker room and delighted all of them with his whatever that guy was famous for, being bad on SNL or whatever.
Weird thing.
Oh man.
Everybody gets bit by the Catan bug at some point.
Yes, as well they should because it's an incredible board game and more people should play it.
Except it got too popular for its own good.
Now it's like, now most people think it's old hat.
Now that board games are super popular, there are just like a gazillion of them on shelves.
People are like, why would I play Catan?
It's like because it rules.
It is definitely me and Elle's baseline for board games.
Games are either more or less complicated than Catan.
Catan is like the perfect level and sometimes you want stuff with more crunch than Catan and occasionally you want less.
But like Catan is the middle of the hourglass, just the perfect watermark for where board games exist.
Like they're either above or below it.
I had, uh, I saw a Kickstarter for a game and the video pitch, someone was like, this is for your people that are like a little more hardcore than just, uh, Codename, Secret Hitler, and Catan.
And I was like, I play those three games and I'm considered the board game nerd in my social circle.
Like people to me are like, Oh my God, you play those weird games.
And now I'm watching a Kickstarter where I'm being called a filthy casual.
This is incredible.
Yeah, there's a lot of that stuff online where it's people that, like... I get the feeling that a lot of people online conflate playing a lot of games with being good at games, and I'm here to tell you that that's not necessarily true.
I would like to consider myself good at games, despite not having played a lot of them, because I have frequently picked up a game for the first time and just dominated people who have been playing it for many years.
It actually just happened last night, in fact.
It was a great feeling.
Uh, but we could talk about board games and how great I am at them all day.
Instead, let's talk about something else that I love, and that's anime.
What?
You might be asking yourself, how is it possible that anime has anything to do with QAnon?
Well, you'd be fucking surprised, listeners.
I think they would know about us and the Rei Ayanami statue and Ron Watkins, that anime does in fact have a place in QAnon's heart as it were.
Yeah, fair enough.
Well this time we're not just talking about an anime girl statue caked in Ron Watkins' jism.
This time we are talking about, it's a representative of the United States government posting A video that has been edited by his staffers to show him killing AOC.
The animated question is Attack on Titan, which if you care to know, was based on a manga created by a guy who is maybe not the best.
We, I had to do some of my own research last night because this has come up in my personal life.
My partner is a huge fan of Attack on Titan.
Now, there is the, the alt-right, A, the alt-right loves Attack on Titan, because we'll get into that in a second.
The creator of Attack on Titan is a Probably a Japanese nationalist and that comes with all the same problems as someone being an American nationalist.
He has included some imagery in his manga that is questionable.
Also, the alt-right loves it because it is based heavily on Nazi propaganda from World War II and that the Jews were A violent super race that conquered the world at one point and then had to get beaten down.
And in Attack on Titan, the Titans and the people, the main characters are revealed to be the Jews.
So the alt-right loves it.
Because they see it as World War Two fanfic where the good guys, read the Nazis, won and put all the Jews on an island where that's where they're kept.
Now, as the story goes on, We see that this is not what they're telling, but you can certainly see how they get that read.
So, Attack on Titan's been in the alt-right QAnon sphere for a while, and there are some people that get the read.
This video is also... I mean, you could see it as being anti-Semitic, even though... Yeah, it's a whole mess because... Yeah, so for those of you who are not weeb inclined, Attack on Titan is about...
Humanity lives in safe cities that are protected by massive walls to keep out the giant, like, 30 to 150 foot tall titans at bay.
And then, you know, as it goes with any time you try to keep a giant titan out of your city, sometimes shit goes wrong and the titans show up and they fucking start devouring all your family or whatever.
But there are badasses in the show who use a series of steampunk gadgetry to zip around the cityscape and then use swords to murder the Titans.
Mike, what was the representative in question?
Paul Gosert was the guy who was... Paul Gosert, yeah.
Yes.
So the video he posted, his people had cleverly edited AOC's face onto one of these Titans and then cleverly edited his face onto one of our heroes zipping around the city and then murdering that Titan with a sword.
And this is exactly the sort of thing it should be legal for you to post as a representative of the U.S.
government to your Twitter page.
Here's me killing one of my political opponents.
Ah, it's just a funny goof, though.
And one of my alleged colleagues, like, back in the good old days before all this polarization, The idea of reaching across the aisle, the idea that one day Paul Gosart would be like, Hey AOC, I have this bill.
I think you might be interested in sponsoring it.
And he hands her like the pamphlet.
And then she opens it up and starts reading the bill.
and is like, hey, Mr. Gosart, this does sound like a good idea to help the American people,
like have something good in their lives. And then they have a handshake and this and like the
hallmark, like graphics appear in the background as American democracy blossoms. And nowadays, we
have Paul Gosart, who is basically a neo Nazi, and literally had all of his siblings cut an ad in a
private in a campaign for his opponent saying, our brother Paul Gosart fucking sucks.
Please do not vote for him.
He's an actual monster.
Oh, that was this guy?
Yep, that was him.
And the good people of Arizona were like, fuck that guy's family.
We love Paul Gosar.
We love our Nazi representative.
Boom.
Two more years.
Two more years.
So, um... Yeah, so for those of you paying attention at home, anytime Joe Manchin opens his stupid fucking mouth about reaching across the aisle and trying to work with the Republicans, This is the person that he's trying to win over.
He's just like, hey, instead of using our power to actually make change in our country, I'm going to hold out so that we can work with our conservative buddies across the aisle when they are done making their edited videos of them killing their contemporaries with swords.
Yeah, when they're making anime AMVs of them killing us, Yeah, power fantasy of them literally killing progressive liberals.
The end of the video had Biden's face on one of the titans, and I don't think Gostert actually murdered the Biden titan.
Yeah, they didn't finish editing the video so that it would show him killing the president.
Wow, what a surprise.
All they had to do was... I mean, you know what's coming.
That's like, you know, that's the hot cliffhanger, that's the next time on Dragon Ball Z moment, where you're just like, oh shit, well he just murdered AOC with a sword and then Biden showed up, I wonder what's gonna happen now.
Yeah, it's so confusing.
Oh, I have no idea.
Oh, what's the payoff going to be?
I'm sure the character in that anime is going to be conflicted because she's going to be like, oh man, I really want to kill that titan because I hate his politics.
But at the same time, he's white.
So what am I going to do?
He's so white.
Like, yeah.
Yeah.
Fuck this guy and fuck everyone who works for him.
Yes.
And also, he has appeared at rallies with Nick Fuentes, who runs the American First neo-Nazi movement and is the head of the Gropers.
Nice.
Yeah, so Gossert is as big of a monster as you have in politics these days.
Right now, Arizona is redistricting of their map.
We don't even know if Grosser's going to be living in his district, and there's all this confusion about who's going to be running in what district and what districts are going to exist, because that was one of the funny fun things about Ron Watkins' run for Congress, is that What he said was, I'm running in Arizona's first district, which is likely to end up being Paul Gossard's district.
I feel like Ron is immediately going to back out, because he isn't going to beat an actual Nazi.
Even being cute doesn't give you the gravitas of being a Nazi for these voters.
And he's going to try to find the Democrats' district sooner or later.
But when that happens, Ron will almost assuredly be carpetbagging and not living in the right district.
And he's carpetbagging because he actually lives in Japan, beyond that.
Yeah.
And occasionally the Philippines.
Yeah, no, I, man, I didn't realize it was this, that, that Gosirk guy, because I remember when all that happened, and that he's an actual neo-Nazi, because I sent you guys the article about, from Business Insider, where they talk about, like, why is Attack on Titan so popular with the alt-right?
It's like, because they just read it and see it as Pro, uh, Nazi propaganda because we, spoilers for Attack on Titan, I guess, but like the people that put the Titans on and the, the people on the island, because we find out everyone's living on an island.
Well, they're all blonde haired, blue eyed people, and they have a nation outside the island and keep the dangerous man eating Titans, uh, uh, and the race of people that have that inside them on the island.
So, yeah, there you go.
Quick, yeah, so the official stance of the Avengers in a Hellworld podcast is that if you like Attack on Titan, you are a Nazi sympathizer.
Yes.
Yeah.
Note, that was a joke and is not true.
Please don't yell at us.
If you like Attack on Titan, that's fine.
Just, you know, if only there were a way for me to explain to somebody that maybe they should independently investigate the things that they are interested in.
Yeah, maybe even doing their own research, so to speak.
But yeah, look into where your content is coming from and then decide if you still want to support it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Look into like maybe the fourth season or the final where extreme isolated views radicalize a character and lead him down a dangerous path towards violence and genocide.
For what it's worth, I've heard that Attack on Titan gets better every season.
I tried to watch the first season and it sucked because it was barely animated.
It was sort of like a motion comic, which I hated.
And people are going to be like, that's not true!
I remember them flying around in their 3D gear killing Titans.
And it's just like, yeah, enjoy your rose-tinted glasses.
You remember 30 seconds of every 22-minute episode.
Good stuff.
But I have heard from many credible sources that the story and the animation gets better season to season, but unfortunately, it is hard for me to want to engage with that series very much, because the person who created it kind of blows, and it might actually be a not-so-great allegory to shit in the real world.
So, not exactly my cup of tea.
There's so much content for me to consume, I don't have to settle for shit from alt-right monsters or whatever.
But, you know.
I'm just saying, Ghost Search people didn't photoshop any One Piece, you know what I mean?
They chose Attack on Titan for a reason.
Do we want to go to our listener questions?
Oh, we still have one more headline!
We're going from power fantasy about a white lunatic killing somebody to actual reality of a white lunatic killing somebody because our boy Kyle Rittenhouse is currently on trial for all of the, how do you say, murdering he did during that Black Lives Matter protest.
The judge has forbidden me from calling the people that he killed victims.
We have to refer to them as rioters, apparently.
Not protesters, but rioters.
Yeah, that's kind of a weird language.
Mike, we sort of took the wheel because you don't know shit about anime there for a while, so why don't you tell us about our boy Kaikai and how his trial's going?
His trial is going about as well as it possibly could for him in the sense that, as you had mentioned, the judge in this case seems to be aggressively in the bag for him.
The current update that just happened, which I wasn't able to listen to the audio for because we are actually doing the podcast and that would be really jarring, has involved the judge getting incredibly angry at one of the prosecutors during their cross-examination of Kyle Rittenhouse.
So our boy Kyle gets on the stand and proceeds to have this like panic attack, freak out, method acting moment where he's aggressively trying to like squeeze out a tear and through frantic flailing and hyperventilating he managed to get one tear to drip down his cheek.
And the judge was like, oh my boy!
My poor boy!
We need a 10 minute recess!
Calm down!
And he tucked Kyle tight to his bosom and let him know that the bad man isn't gonna hurt him anymore and it's all gonna be okay.
And when we came back from Kyle's little weepy fit, Under cross-examination, the judge then started playing defense attorney on behalf of Kyle Rittenhouse, and all the QAnon channels that I follow are like, oh man, if we had had this judge overseeing the Biden voter fraud thing, Trump would be president right now.
Why isn't this judge running everything in America?
This is the greatest judge I've ever seen.
He's so good.
Oh, you're the He's a great judge.
We love you, Judge.
He's a great judge.
Now I believe in due process, but I must admit that it is the opinion of this court that
you are incredibly innocent.
Yes.
I mean, Kyle has to be a little upset right now because this judge might be the one who
ends up running through Congress after this acquittal because he's going to be like, hey,
I know Kyle Rittenhouse got acquitted for killing those people and I know you're very
happy that he killed those people because that's what the right wing in America wants.
They want an actual open invitation to murder their enemies without legal consequences.
So, while Kyle did that, and you're big fans of him, you gotta be bigger fans of me, the judge that put his thumb on the scale and got Kyle out.
So, vote Crazy Judge for Senate, because I'm the hero Wisconsin needs, not that little piker.
He's 18 years old, he can wait a couple decades for his run in Congress.
Yeah, I mean, we're just going to amend the books to, you know, to clearly define self-defense as arming yourself with an illegal weapon, traveling across state lines with it, and then defending yourself against attacks from people that are clearly fleeing from you because you have shot them in the back three times.
Mm-hmm.
Old Wesley.
They're coming right for us!
He's gonna try to, you know, run the length of the entire world and sneak up behind me because the world is a sphere.
So I need to shoot him now three times for defense.
I say, sir, my defendant merely shot He couldn't see what he was shooting.
Those people were so dark.
Oh no, I should not have said that.
Actually, it's one of the big things they bring up is that the people Rittenhouse shot were white.
And they're just like, oh, they call him a white supremacist, but he only shot white people.
So how can you possibly imply that?
And again, Rittenhouse's ties to the Proud Boys and all other right-wing militant groups have been kept from this jury because that would be presidential against poor Kylie Kyle.
And wait, what no slow down.
So him being involved with groups that we believe to be domestic terrorists, The jury is not allowed to know that he has ties to, if not being actively involved with, the Proud Boys.
Do we know of any others?
Is he like a three percenter?
Type in Kyle Rittenhouse Proud Boys Ties and the first headline that pops up is, Jury will not hear evidence of Kyle Rittenhouse Proud Boys Ties.
I just can't possibly see how that's relevant to this case.
My client simply loves Asian religions and that is why he has many swastikas.
Note, I do not know if Kyle Rittenhouse has any swastikas.
I don't think he does.
And I don't think it matters if he's in with the Proud Boys.
He's swastika adjacent.
Kyle Rittenhouse was 17 when he killed those people.
He was a boy and he was proud of being a boy.
He is a proud boy.
So how could that possibly- That might be one of the best jokes you've ever made.
How could he possibly be tied to white nationalism when obviously he's just a proud boy?
That's all he is.
He's cool.
He's all good.
You're right, he's proud and he is a boy.
I love that we're not- he's not on trial Like, no one's debating that he killed three people because there's no getting around that.
He killed two people.
He shot one guy's arm off.
Oh, my mistake.
He killed two people because, you know, he was just a young, proud boy, but, you know, not capital P, not capital B, but just a lowercase p, lowercase b, proud boy.
Defending an auto parts store or whatever from vicious Black Lives Matter rioters who were attacking him and all he had on his person was a meager A rifle that could kill from 500 yards, and then these people had the audacity to approach him with skateboards and bags, and what else are you supposed to do in that situation?
If all you have on you is a rifle and somebody comes up to you with a skateboard, it should be your constitutional right to defend yourself and that person with lethal force!
Yeah, when you put yourself in the middle of a protest or a riot, He put himself heroically in front of that auto parts store?
Yeah, in front of that Meineke.
Yeah.
With a gun that he bought because, and I quote, I thought it looked cool.
No crime in looking cool.
Nope.
Every proud boy wants to look cool.
Somebody should have told him that because, you know, I'm not here to say that he looks uncool, but I'm also not about to take, like, it is the official position of Elle from the Officials of Hellwell podcast that Kyle Rittenhouse does not, in fact, look cool.
No, I just watched him cry in open court while talking about the people he gunned down in the street.
You can cry and be cool.
You can't cry in open court while talking about people you murdered and be cool.
And I love how it came out, I love how it's just like, one of the people that was involved in this had, like, they also had a gun.
And it's just like, yeah man, if I have a gun for my own personal protection, and I see a dude literally taking a knee with an assault rifle and aiming down the barrel of it to fucking get some shots off at people that are in my protest with me, I might produce my weapon for some self-defense.
Fucking weird, that.
Like, so strange.
Yeah.
Don't worry though.
Ignore the fact he killed those people in the heat of the moment in self-defense.
Please ignore the fact that we have him on camera taking a knee and aiming down.
There was no other way around it.
It was all in the heat of the moment.
He barely had time to literally get on one knee and take a firing position and also line up his shot.
I look forward to the impending protests when he is not sent to jail for murdering people.
Yeah, so now it's time for Mike Love's bets.
What do you think the odds are?
What's the over-under on Kyle Rittenhouse actually convicted of any crime?
Well, any crime, maybe they'll get him on something minor, but just given, again, the lunatic nature of this judge, and the fact that... It's so strange, because the prism that I'm looking at this case from, because the mainstream media, they just have this very sort of dry, well, today this happened on the stand, and the defense did this, and the prosecution did this, But then you look at the QAnon world, and there's like, PROSECUTOR DESTROYED!
Like, Rittenhouse Defense wins again!
So, and Twitter's all internet poisoning, so I really feel like, from what I'm reading, Rittenhouse is gonna get away with, like, the big stuff.
I'd say conviction is probably, like, a plus-2, 15 underdog at this point, for him actually doing serious time for these crimes.
It just between the fact that the judge is doing what he's doing and it just the it feels and also it feels like I don't know if the prosecution is trying is what really it kind of comes down to is this is one of those things where um When these grand jury indictments don't get filled out, when a grand jury refuses to indict, a lot of times the prosecutor plays defense attorney and gives their grand jury a lot of information that they don't need to because when you're indicting somebody, you can just literally show them only what you want.
You don't need to give them the whole picture.
So I don't know what this prosecutor is doing vis-a-vis actually trying to win this case.
I don't know if they're running this shit up the flagpole knowing the judge is going to freak out on them or if they're actually exasperated at the judge being just cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
So all in all, this feels terrible and it feels incredibly toxic and Like, the only hope I can see there being for justice is if, uh, Rittenhouse is, uh, hit with, uh, federal charges for violating people's civil rights, which is how they got, uh, two of the cops that beat Rodney King after they got acquitted, is just, like, be like, bam!
You know what beating or murdering someone also is?
It's a violation of civil rights!
Bam!
Federal charges!
No double jeopardy!
How do you like them apples?
So, um...
I mean, that's kind of like the Obi-Wan, you're our only hope now kind of moment.
Yeah, I mean, personally, I think there's no shot that this kid possibly gets convicted of any sort of murder crime, but it is my hope.
Like, what little faith in humanity I have left would lead me to believe that after his inevitable acquittal, maybe some tourists might take a polite vacation to downtown whatever city is involved and Support some local businesses and maybe maybe do some dancing in the streets and just generally be positive.
I think there's a decent chance he gets convicted and then the judge just gives him like time served or something.
I totally see that happening.
That'd be great.
I mean, at this point, at this point, I expect the jury's verdict to come and just be like, we the jury find the defendant guilty.
And then the judge is going to be like, Now, I know the jury may have found you guilty, but again, I find you incredibly innocent, and I think your apple cheeks are very cute, so I am making sure that not only are you not going to prison, but here's a medal.
It says, number one coolest boy, and you can take that to the rest of your high school days and remind everybody that you are, in fact, the coolest boy.
Good for you.
On the other side of the coin, our boy Q Shaman, the prosecution has stated they want him to get four years, which would be the highest sentence for anyone involved with January 6.
They want to make an actual example of this dumb, dumb figurehead.
Yeah, I was reading that someone who actually punched a cop, they're looking for slightly less time for that guy over Q Shaman, because Q Shaman deciding to get all dolled up was a sign of premeditation, that he knew what he was getting himself involved in, and that he wanted to be the belle of the ball during this riot.
If Q Shaman was smart, he would have fled to Belarus or whatever, like that one guy did.
I can't remember the actual country involved, but that guy was just like, fuck this!
January 6 crime do what I did well fuck this noise I'm out of here and then he went to Italy and then he was just like Italy not quite far enough pleased to be going to an even even more like America hating country and they can detain me and I can just be like I'm here for asylum for the big bad American government and they're just like wonderful comrade we'll put you on state TV talking about how America sucks Because the ultimate patriot move, going to a foreign nation and appearing on their state television to talk about how shitty America is.
God bless America.
Anyway, are you fine fellows ready to go into our mailbag for the week?
But before that...
I believe it's time for the first time ever for us to put the ad in Adventures in Hellworld.
I'm so excited!
Yes!
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Boom.
And thank you for Prism Media for sponsoring us.
We much appreciate them helping us out here at Hellworld with the advertisement that they have so generously given us compensation for.
Yeah, thank you so much.
Keeps the lights on.
It buys weird conspiracy theory books for us to read and write about.
And it pays for the dumb movies that we watch to then tell you guys about.
Yeah, it helps a lot.
Thanks so much.
All that and a bag of chips.
So having done all that, it's time to open up ye old mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q&A.
More like all that and a mailbag of chips, am I right?
Yes!
Oh god, this is why El gets paid the big bucks, because he knows how to do segues.
Nark asks, do you ever bet on a team playing against a team you're a fan of?
Because if your team loses, you can still walk away with a few bucks, and if your team wins, well then it was worth losing a few bucks.
I'm just curious as a long-suffering Bengals fan here.
I have actually put down the emotional hedge bet on a few games in my life.
The most painful and shameful of those bets was I actually did bet the Giants in Super Bowl XLII against the Patriots in the perfect season.
And this was done A, as an emotional hedge, and B, because I told my boss, who was my friend and also the guy who ran the poker room, Uh, that I was not going into work that night if the Patriots lost that game, because I had worn a Patriot jersey every Sunday in that poker room, and had gotten shit on by people whining about the Patriots being a bunch of dirty, dirty, cheaty bum-bums, and me then razzling them, going, Yeah, but we're undefeated!
Boom!
19-0!
And, uh, I was not about to earn my stern rebuke should the Patriots blow that game.
So, uh, when they lost, I actually called out sick.
That was actually what happened.
And my boss accepted it.
We watched the Super Bowl together.
And when the game was over, I told him, not going into work.
And he was like, I understand.
So that was that.
So I have done the emotional hedge before.
Yeah, man, gotta do it sometimes.
Fucking, you know, like, emotions are emotions, but cash is a different thing.
You gotta get that cream.
Yes.
Dollar dollar bill.
Oh, I wish I could have thrown that ticket into a fireplace, believe me.
You know, you hope for the best, but you prepare for the worst.
Exactly!
Absolutely, absolutely.
So, uh, if you're doing that kind of thing, Narc, I understand.
And probably the Bengals have been making you rich for the past 10 years because, oh my god, the pain you feel.
And, man, did they honey-dip you?
Also, this is a good time for me to point out, like, I mean, the secret is you don't have to stay a Bengals fan.
You can just start rooting for a better team.
Yes.
Don't be a bandwagon, bandwagon bitch.
You live and die by your team.
I'm from Kansas City.
That just sounds like such a fucking awful, I mean, that just sounds like such an awful way to live.
Where you're just like, oh, like, I'm locked into rooting for this one team because they happen to be geographically the closest team to where I live.
And they're awful.
Like, like everyone who's a Dallas Cowboys fan.
It's just like, yeah, I mean, this is easy for you to say.
You're from the New England Patriot era, like... Well, yeah, but I mean, like, I was living in Massachusetts and was rooting for the Patriots back when Drew Bledsoe was throwing fucking meatballs all over the, like... I was there watching that Super Bowl where he completed more successful passes to the Green Bay Packers than to his own team.
And Mike can attest to this, that was when I stopped rooting for the Patriots, and literally the moment he, Drew Bledsoe, got injured and could not play football anymore, I was like, oh, time for me to be a Pats fan again.
And I was.
And it just, it ended up working out.
But like, you know, I don't exclusively root for the Patriots.
Like, I lived in the Midwest for a while, so I started rooting for the Chiefs.
Like, I like Tom Brady about as much as I like the Patriots franchise, so now I'm rooting for the Bucs.
Is it bandwagon-y?
Maybe, but it's also just like, I'm rooting for... I like success, what can I say?
You're a fan of winners.
Welcome to America.
I'm a big fan of the greatest player to ever play the game.
Fucking shocking that.
So weird.
I remember me and Elle went to the mall and we bought the second Patriot and Super Bowl hat when they beat the Carolina Panthers.
And Elle said, and I quote, success never goes out of fashion.
And it turns out that the Patriots were incredibly fashionable there for another, like, almost 20 years, so... Yes!
So much good.
But yeah, don't feel locked into being a Bengals fan for life.
Don't die a loser.
Yes.
And I apologize to Dark for having his team honeydick him by absolutely smashing the Baltimore Ravens and looking like they were the new Ottnas, and then immediately shooting themselves against the Jets and the Browns.
So that was a very unfortunate turn of events.
Sarah.
Also, for everyone who might be sharpening their knives or whatever, it's just like,
never you worry, the Pats are bad now and I'm still, what, rooting for the Patriots.
Mike Rains can attest to the fact that I do not think that Mac Jones is very good at football.
I had my 20 years of unbridled success, and now I get to taste the bitter wang of defeat.
And it's not great.
I'm not a huge fan.
I, on the other hand, am very used to it.
And being a Kansas City sports fan, I get wild spurts of success interspersed with decades of crushing badness to mediocrity.
Yeah.
So thank you for the question, Nark.
Sarah asks, if you had to give up either poker or politics, what would it be?
No compromises!
So that's incredibly serious.
If I was not allowed to do my day job as a poker dealer, then I would have to give up politics.
Because until I become a podcast millionaire, being on the safe side of the table pays the bills.
Being on the exciting side of the table is fun, but the other side is where I get to keep a roof over my head.
But I think it's safe to say that if there wasn't like a financial incentive for you to stick with poker, that in your heart of hearts, you would rather give up the joy of poker than the joy you get from yelling at people about politics.
Absolutely, 100%.
You are correct.
So there we go, that was easy enough to answer.
Once we break out as podcast millionaires and we're all living in our TikTok mansions or whatever, then Mike Rains can throw his love of poker directly into a fire pit and we can stick to just politics.
Yes, exactly.
It'll just be politics and more politics.
It'll be my new Twitter handle.
We'll play poker together, and I will constantly forget the hands.
That'd be great.
Snorlaxcpap says, last week you mentioned the Kingsmen in a post.
What songs would you each select as your background music to beat an entire congregation of bigots if you were in the Kingsmen universe?
Bunkers.
I mean, I feel like they nailed that.
Granted, it wasn't in an action scene, but that scene with Eggsy doing those donuts to Bonkers is just awesome.
I love that song.
Shout out to Dizzy Rascal.
Anything but the wiggles.
Uh, I really, uh, I don't really know what my beat-the-shit-out-of-everybody song would be.
In that, uh, in that situation, because it's, like, him in a church where they're, like, beta testing the murder ray, uh, I might, uh, I would probably use Marilyn Manson's Fight Song, because it's very anti-God and very angry that way.
And now that song is hilarious to me, because now Marilyn Manson's trying to get back into Jesus' warm embrace as a born-again Christian.
Because that was always the way that guy's career was going to play out.
He never meant a fucking word of anything he ever said.
He was always just in it for the money.
Yeah.
Doom Patrol already did Nazi puns fuck off where they beat a bunch of literal Nazis to that song.
I mean, that is a classic, though.
Oh, dude, somebody's going to get their head kicked in tonight.
That'd be another good choice.
Yeah.
Turns out there's a bunch of good songs that you can just beat people's asses to, but I'm gonna stick with my answer just because it's already a song in the Kingsman franchise.
It would just also be a suitable song for beating people's ass to.
Plus, what would be more bonkers than a Samuel L. Jackson death ray crazed L murdering a bunch of people in a church?
That would be up there.
For all of you who contribute to us with ridiculous content, feel free to draw that art for us, which is L just caked in the blood of his fallen enemies in a church.
As a, like, fake Kingsman hero or something.
Blood for the blood gods, skulls for the skull throne.
Yes, all of these things.
So thank you for the question.
Thomas Lequeu, I have no idea how to say your last name and I apologize profusely for that because I'm incredibly bad at names.
Have you discerned a clear pattern in which dead celebrities the Dallas group claims to see?
Is this a 90s nostalgia tour in pure force or are there other patterns within it?
And someone else adds, and riffing on this with a serious follow up, if each of you could build your own super group of dead celebrities, who makes the cut?
Ooh, I mean, for like, what purpose?
Because like, Freddie Mercury seems like a good time.
And he could have some Satanist vibes.
Then Yeah, I mean, it doesn't get more satanic than one of the dreaded gays.
Oh, there was a bunch of QAnon up in arms that Harvey Milk had a boat named after him by the U.S.
Navy.
Yeah, I bet.
Of course they did, because they fucking love boats and they hate, like, the other.
Yes.
How dare you name a boat after the other?
White men name only the JFK Jr.
boat, part two or whatever.
I mean, are we talking a super team of people QAnon actively wants to come back because Or no, just us.
Oh, just us in general.
I'll keep Freddie Mercury on my list.
It may seem sort of like a cop-out, but my team would probably include both Chadwick Boseman and Michael K. Williams, because how the fuck did we lose both of those guys this past year?
That sucks!
Okay, throw Norm Macdonald on there too.
Like, my team will just be people that we have lost randomly over the past, like, year or two that, like, did not deserve to go out as early as they did.
Fair enough.
Jack Kirby, because I'd love to see him come back and just Draw comic books again.
Just draw dots all over shit?
Yeah, I'm in for it.
Do you want to see him come back so he could react to the Eternals movie?
Yes, that would that would be fantastic.
We'll get into that on the other pod.
I had a lot of fun.
It was a hot mess.
Yeah, uh, I don't know my supergroup.
I really, I am drawing a huge blank on that.
No, you're not.
You say number one with a bullet.
Literally number one with a magic bullet.
We know who you want back.
If I was doing that shit, I would absolutely take Abraham Lincoln over JFK.
But it's a group.
You don't have to choose.
That's the best part about a group.
He wants Marilyn Monroe, Jack Ruby, Oswald, JFK.
No, I'll just go to the dead presidents.
I'll just take the four guys that got shot.
I'll just take McKinley, Garfield, JFK, and Lincoln.
We'll just put them in a group, and we'll have zombie Reagan, because he got shot, but he didn't die from that.
Spotted horse cannot be killed by a bullet.
You spotted Reagan!
Uh, didn't Andrew Jackson get shot?
No, Andrew Jackson had a guy run up to him with a gun, pull it, pull the trigger, not have it go off, reach into his pocket, pulled out a second gun, pulled the trigger, it didn't go off, and then Andrew Jackson beat him with his cane for having the temerity to try to shoot at him.
I would sort of love recruiting George Washington from Beyond the Grave to be on my team just so I could be like, observe the thing that you have made and just have it just be like, I made a terrible mistake.
It's just like, yeah, you like, you know, it turns out that with with a few hundred years under our belt, we really took that freedom thing and fucked it right up.
Yeah.
This two party system that you wanted?
No, I explicitly said not to.
Yeah, actually, my super group would be that one group.
My person I want to pull out of the grave and yell at would be James Madison.
I'd be like, hey, motherfucker, the Senate, this whole thing where we have like 20 states that have 40 senators and they have a population probably around the same size as California, which gets two.
You think that's fair, you dumb prick?
And he'd be like, uh, when America was being made, we didn't have one state with like Like, 20 million people in it, and another state with like 500,000.
We never thought the inequities of population would get that out of control.
And it's like, well maybe you should have written in some provisos when you were designing this whole thing.
And the Second Amendment, what the fuck were you doing there, you idiot?
Yeah, we'll go ahead and show the Founding Fathers.
Also, what do I get to do with my supergroup?
Do I have, like, full control over what activities we'll be engaging in?
Because if so, I might have Hitler on my team, and then he'd have, like, a couple of minutes and just be like, Akut Liba!
I'm back from the dead!
And then all of a sudden he'd look over and he'd just be like, who are you?
And I'd be like, I'm the mysterious L and then Dizzy Rascal's bonkers starts to play.
I'm pretty sure I'd go viral on TikTok with that one.
Yes!
Hey yo, it's your boy Al!
I'm about to beat the shit out of Adolf Hitler!
Like and follow!
So people think I'm bogus!
So, as for the first question, I really haven't seen a pattern around this.
I think it's just people making shit up because they're just desperate for this whole trip to Daily Plaza to have had any meaning to it, other than it just being negative 48, luring them to Dallas for no good reason, and now they're stuck in a hotel.
Waiting for a payoff they're never gonna get to.
What's your prediction for, like, so even though we don't think we've cracked the code yet, if you had to make a prediction about the next dead celebrity that they're gonna worship, what's your pick?
I know what mine is.
I don't really know anyone off the top of my head because I feel like the next person that they would mourn for like that would be someone who dies of COVID in a hospital that they could claim was assassinated by the Deep State.
Yeah, but I mean, COVID is a hoax, so how are they gonna find such a person?
Who's dying of COVID?
No one, right?
That's the thing, you go there with, like, not COVID, and they kill you, and then they claim it was COVID.
That's how they explain all that shit.
My pick would be Princess Di.
It seems like it's only a matter of time before she becomes venerated as their new Virgin Mary or whatever.
I mean, she checks all the boxes.
She's dead.
She was white.
She was blonde.
She was part of a monarchy that is exactly the opposite of what American government is, but that doesn't matter to these people.
Princess Di has been in very, very fringe sections of QAnon being alive and working alongside JFK Jr.
to help save the world.
That is a level of crazy that most people won't get anywhere near.
But my good friend Martin Geddes has retweeted some Princess Di, JFK Jr.
fanfic a few times a few years ago.
Give it time.
It's only a matter of time before the Dicer gets our turn.
So, thank you for the question.
PlusSizedCoffModel asks, when exactly did Michael Flynn turn into a nut bar?
And the answer is, it was when it became profitable.
The moment he saw that QAnon shit was like, fuck, I can make a buck off these rooms.
Boom, I'm in.
Wham.
Make it rain!
And yeah, that was one of those things.
That's what Hunter S. Thompson said, when the going gets tough, the weird turn pro.
I mean, so it's just that.
He just saw that there was a buck to be made off these rubes, and he'll say anything to make money, because he's a soulless grifter who has a massive legal situation that he has to rectify by getting money from people to pay his lawyer, who's also a pilt lunatic, because that's Sidney Powell.
So on a personal note, I really like your username, plus size goth model.
I hope that it's not a bit and that's actually your trade and that you're getting that money with your full figure beautiful self.
I myself happen to be a plus size person if you want to be generous with the phraseology.
So stack that paper to the ceiling.
Reverend Xenofact says, now that the GOP is the GQP, it seems to be filled with even more seething rage and resentment.
So what are the odds of this boiling into violence before and during the 2022 election?
And what kind of violence?
Give us an X kind of Y breakdown.
A 100% chance of bad violence.
That is sure.
Yeah, that was going to be my answer too.
Literal, inevitable violence.
The scope of which is up for debate, or like speculation, but the fact that it is going to get violent is not.
That will happen.
Yeah, let's go Brandon is just like the next thing.
It's just an example of them trying to hide their, like, their violence, their need for violence.
Yeah, their rage.
And this is the thing, is that when you tell people that every time they lose an election, it was stolen from them, you're just eroding their faith in democracy and the idea that they have a voice and they're represented by people.
Like, there was maybe like a two hour window after Youngkin won in Virginia where QAnon was like, we did it!
We won an election!
This is the greatest thing ever!
And then almost immediately afterwards, there were a bunch of shitheads, including the Gateway Pundit was like, hey, wait a minute.
Why did Youngkin win this election?
What was up with that?
Who is he really working for?
And Immediately people started talking about Youngkin having unsavory ties to all these groups or maybe he was allowed to win only as a head fake to keep us compliant and that they're going to steal the important elections later because what's the Virginia governorship really worth in the grand scheme of things?
You can only run for one term and you get term limited out.
Who the fuck cares?
So Once you have created this system where non-violent means to effect change upon your government is ineffective and worthless, the only way to get a redress for your issues is violence.
So this is inevitable.
I mean, that's what QAnon's all about, period.
Yeah, so forecast 100% chance of violence.
Pack your umbrella.
Yes.
Forever violence.
Yeah.
Oh, the forever violence.
So, I don't know... One second.
Someone's... Do we actually... Do we answer the second part?
What type of violence are we expecting?
Well, the type of violence to me is just probably people getting shot.
I mean, I don't... Or some level of, like, terrorism with some sort of, like, bombing or something bad.
I think it's more likely that we're just going to get more January 6th style violence, where it's just going to be people storming places that they should not be storming.
Although, I do feel like the next time that happens, it will be an escalation.
There's no way that it's a bunch of people just shooting bear mace at each other and hitting cops with fire extinguishers.
The next time that happens, a firearm will be discharged and it will not be from a cop defending the building.
Yes.
And finally, Michael Jones says, you said your aunt has big balls.
Wouldn't that make her your uncle?
My aunt can be whatever she wants to be.
So... It's 2021.
Balls don't make a man.
Being a man makes a man.
Yes.
Well said.
Trans men are men.
Hashtag stay woke.
Yes.
We're not being sarcastic.
No, no.
I hope that didn't read as sarcasm.
When I was out in Vegas, I had a customer that would see me and I don't exactly know how it happened, but we were just talking about life, and I brought up the fact that my parents got divorced when I was very young.
My dad fled, and I was raised by my mom as a single mother.
And that customer declared to me, and I quote, I'll be your dad.
And it was a running joke from there on that they were my father.
And whenever they would see me, they would say, my oldest son!
And just Do this whole riff about how, like, we were gonna go see the Grand Canyon one of these days, the way a dad should take his kid out for a vacation, and all that kind of fun.
And at one point, my quote-unquote dad was away from the poker tables for a while, and when they came back, they had transitioned.
And I had to pull them aside one day and we were just talking and I then jokingly said to them, are you still my dad?
And they said, well, I'm not your dad anymore, but I am your mom and I'm going to be hard on you anyways.
And that was that.
And it was just, it was just, they were the coolest, they were the coolest person.
That's all I can say.
And I respect her for being who she is.
And I wish people could just meet a trans person and understand that they're just people.
She was just living her life and this is who she is.
And originally when she made the comments about being my dad, that was just where she was at that moment.
And now she's where she wants to be.
Period.
That's it.
That's all it is.
That's all there is to it.
And I miss them.
The fact that I'm now halfway across America and can't see them.
Because they were a cool person.
They were very funny.
She would tell the worst possible jokes that took forever, and I saw the punchline coming a mile away, but it would still get all the other people at the table to laugh about it.
It was just that.
It was just a person living their life.
And the fact that so many people can get wrapped up in a rage over this stuff, it blows my mind.
It really does.
Now that we are implying that this is what you are doing, dear question asker, you may have just been making a funny goof, and that is fine.
Do not mean to imply anything negative about you.
You may have just been making a funny joke, but we have decided to take it as an opportunity to get on our soapbox and be like, hey, trans people, fucking support.
Yes.
Respect.
Yes.
And so finally, our question of numerous is, what are you looking forward to?
Uh, I have discovered a new old YouTube channel called Waving in the Wings.
He does hour long documentaries about different Broadway shows and the glory or, uh, shit shows that they are like, uh, the, his first episode that the algorithm gave to me is about Spider-Man turn off the dark.
And there's a bunch of information in the hour and 15 minutes that he presents about that.
That I did not know, and it was amazing and great.
I've watched a bunch more videos of his, so I'm looking forward to learning more about different crazy-ass Broadway shows and the drama that goes on behind making them.
I have not seen it yet, but I am on the hook to see Disney's Marvel's The Eternals, which I am excited for, even though it's getting wildly mixed reception and reviews.
If only because I like going to the movies, and I like seeing the dumb Marvel stuff, and even the bad stuff.
It scratches a particular itch of mine.
Also excited for the upcoming Friendsgiving celebration that I got invited to, because the host of that is a professional baker by trade, so I have to imagine that I'm going to get my hands on some most cromulent pies.
I'm looking forward to continuing my adventures around the North Shore of Massachusetts area, finding Italian restaurants to enjoy their wares, as it were.
Me and Elle have gone to a few places recently, and these field trips have been rewarding, because these places have been excellent for the most part.
But maybe our spinoff podcast is just reviews of Italian eateries nearby.
Yeah, I mean, who knew that there was so much Italian food around?
It's like, it's one of those things that I just never really thought much about because I was never much in the mood for Italian.
But yeah, like, you know, if you travel like 40 minutes in any given direction, like you're gonna find a handful of like decent hole-in-the-wall Italian eateries.
And some of them were massive complexes that we've seen a thousand times but didn't know was in fact a delicious Italian restaurant.
Yes!
That is a hilarious, odd thing that happened to us, but that's place.
Yeah.
That was great.
Oh, this little hole in the wall place that like seats 4,000 and is like directly across the street from your favorite ice cream joint?
Excellent.
Yes.
All of that.
All of that, sir.
All right.
Well, that is going to do it for this week's episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
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That is quite the exciting last initial you have there.
Anyway, as always, I need to thank a few people for helping support the show in their own special way.
The first being DJ Minimal Effort, who remains too cool for social media, but did in fact provide us with our wonderful intro song that still grows on me every time I hear it.
The voice of Q when we need it, but more familiar to you as the voice of our content morning and all of our bumps, is our voiceover artist friend Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
Sarge and I have a spinoff podcast where we discuss pop media.
Recently, we've been watching a lot of movies.
We did a movie every week for Spooktober, and now we're doing a bunch of other movies for New Release November on our podcast, BingeWerdy.
That's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
You can find that podcast wherever you get your podcasts, and you can find us on Twitter, at BingeWerdy, spelled the same way.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hell World podcast, I have been your host, Hellworld L, joined by my beautiful, bearded co-host Hellworld Sarge, and as always, our incredible expert in all things QAnon madness, Mr. Mike Rains.
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