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Aug. 19, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:30:54
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #48: Mike Lindell's Train Wreck Colludes

The HellwQrld crew check in on the aftermath of the MyPillow Voter Fraud Summit or whatever it was called and look into the possibility that Mike Lindell, Ron Watkins, and Lauren Boebert might have committed some crimes. Plus Rand Paul crimes, the Taliban take over is a false flag and listener questions. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Daily Dose of Dose of Health. I'm your
So to Adventures in Hellworld, I...
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
PokerinPolitics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And the mysterious Elle.
Wazzup, my beautiful babies?
You guys all remember that thing?
Yes.
Going old school like an old fool.
Who's so cool?
That should be my new gimmick.
I should just do old commercials.
Like, you know, next week it's going to be, where's the beautiful babies?
I'll keep doing parody commercials until literally none of our audience members know what the fuck I'm talking about.
That is quite old.
I remember when the Obama campaign used the Wazzop thing as a nostalgia throwback, so that is really old school.
I approve of this immensely.
My invoking of it means that I'm at least as funny as that movie, Scary Movie.
That's true.
And truly, what would be funnier than Scary Movie?
If only I was as profitable as that movie, that would be great.
I didn't know how much that first one made.
Oh, you can't see the motion I'm doing right now, but it is my hand going over my fist.
Yeah.
Oh man, shut up and take my money.
I'm here to see Scary Movie all day, every day.
Speaking of the horribly scary movie that is queuing on, we have to let you know that we might go to some weird places with this podcast.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
So the first and most magical bit of violence against people is violence against sanity and reason at ye olde Mike Lindell Cyber Symposium.
Which we were in the middle of when last we left you fine listeners of the podcast, because Mike had set that thing up to go from Tuesday to Thursday, and we were recording on Wednesday.
So we were We were starting to see the plane coming apart and the pilot telling us to put on our seatbelts and put the oxygen mask on, because we might be in for a little bit of a bumpy ride.
Yeah, this week, Michael and Bill's Cyber Symposium, and something is happening in Afghanistan, I suppose.
All that, plus people still refusing to get vaccinated on this week's headlines.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News!
Yeah, so our boy Mike Lindell crashed and burned as hard as humanly possible with his cyber symposium that was supposed to get Donald Trump reinstated, or at the very least was going to lead to Me, Sarge L, and all the rest of America marching in the streets demanding that Harris and Biden resign their illegitimately gained office and that our orange God Emperor return to where he belongs, properly ensconced in the White House.
And it was going to be $5 million well spent for our boy Mikey Lenz.
Yes, that all very much happened.
Yes.
So, uh, what actually happened was, uh, it was coming out during the time that we were recording on previous Wednesday and now has been absolutely confirmed was that he didn't have packet captures.
His whole thing that was the proof that China or whoever had interfered and meddled in the election, he didn't have it.
Whatever the goods were, he could not provide them.
But he had a crack team of white middle-aged men looking into it.
How could he have come up so short?
The main answer to that question is the name Dennis Montgomery.
Dennis Montgomery is a conman and a habitual grifter.
If you find the Dennis Montgomery Wikipedia page, it is full of literal crimes and scams that the man ran, the most famous of which Is the fact that after 9-11 when America was all kinds of fucked up and freaked out about Islamic terrorism, Dennis Montgomery claimed
To have secret software that could, like, watch Al Jazeera television and discern- For barcodes.
Yeah, for barcodes and secret information that was being disseminated from Al Jazeera as, like, dog whistles to terrorists, when to strike, when to attack, what to do and when to do it.
And because our government was out of their minds, they, like, cut him a check for this bullshit.
And then when they got the software, they found out it was all bullshit.
Basically, the FBI bought the software.
And then the CIA and French intelligence got their hands on this shit.
It was like, what the fuck did you buy?
Oh my God, this is all crap.
This guy scammed you.
You're fucking morons.
And so that was his claim to fame that he was the guy who defrauded our government
with phony anti-terrorism software back in the day.
And he's run a bunch of other scams since then, but none nearly as prestigious as getting a seven-figure paycheck from the government for fraudulent software.
In his minor defense, the head of the CIA at that time used his fraudulent software to move the terror rating up and down as he chose.
And I think a large part of it is he just wanted an excuse to do that.
So that doesn't make what he did okay.
He fully defrauded the government, but he had a little help.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, people.
Yeah.
Anyone who wanted to put their thumb on the scale.
And I mean, it's not like W was any less manipulatable than Trump.
I mean, Republican presidents as of late are not high on the brainpower and easy on the... You shut up.
Man, I really wish that we were done talking about Mike Lindell so I could use that defrauding the government line to just transition into our Afghanistan talk.
Because boy howdy, in terms of grifting.
Can you imagine saving like 20 billion dollars into a place and then having to get overrun by guys with second-hand Jeeps and AKs in two weeks?
Not learning the lesson that the Russians taught us already, that this place is, like, not worth fucking with.
Anyway, we'll get to that later.
Right now we're still scoring up points on Michael and Adele and his huge nothing burger.
Imagine 72 hours of pure nothing.
It's so funny.
Except Michael and Adele's paint drying symposium.
Mike Lindell's screaming at you to enjoy the paint drying while the paint refuses to dry.
Although, even then, that's not even accurate, because at the end of 72 hours, paint will have dried.
It's Mike Lindell's incredibly wet, undrying paint that just stayed wet.
Mike Lindell's incredibly wet symposium.
Sponsored by MyPillow.
You know, I love wet pillows.
Type in 1488 to save 69% off of our damp pillows.
This is taking a weird turn.
Hey, I mean, that's probably Mike Lindell's audience is a bunch of Nazis with kinks, so... Who wants a free mustache ride?
Buy a MyPillow, guaranteed mustache ride from wet Mike Lindell.
Ooh, I don't like those.
This is unpleasant.
Yeah, so our boy, Mike Lindell, speaking of unpleasant things that happened to Mike Lindell, after he realized that he was going to get destroyed for this thing being a total, absolute failure, he proceeded to declare that in between nights two and three at the symposium, he was assaulted by somebody who he accused of being Antifa, because that's what happens when you According to non-existent police reports, he stated that he was pretty sure it was Kamala Harris.
He was almost positive that Kamala Harris just ran up on him with a sack full of apples and just brained it and ran off, screaming, I'M KAMALA HARRIS!
Yes!
One of the people that was actually with him came out and said, look, Mike's not telling the truth here.
This didn't happen.
He was not assaulted.
He literally was hanging out with us and then he got into a glass elevator and people could watch him ride the elevator up to the sixth floor.
He claimed to have been assaulted on the first floor before he did that, and he didn't.
And I don't want the guy in the blue shirt in this photo who is now being accused of being the assaulter for attacking Mike, but no, this is not true.
He was not assaulted.
He gets in the glass elevator but forgets that everyone can still see him and he just does that scene from Liar Liar where he beats the shit out of himself.
He's the worst Willy Wonka ever, he gets in.
You can go anywhere!
You can push any of these buttons!
Yeah, he gets in the glass elevator, he gives himself a good ol' fight club, and then he just Wonkavators through the ceiling and just flies off into the sunset!
Mike Lundell's racist Wonkavator.
Yeah, I'm coming!
It's powered by packet captures.
Yes, the most powerful packet capture.
I saw on Twitter, someone was saying Space Force has all the packet captures.
Yes, that was just Space Force.
We all know that Richard Branson, Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos took the packet captures into space when they went to go to Jupiter to talk to the Galactic Federation.
They needed to present the Galactic Federation with all these packet captures and be like, dear alien overlords, please make Donald Trump our president again.
And the alien overlords were like, no.
Alien technology!
In space!
These conservatives will look up at me and say, make Donald Trump president again.
And I'll look down at them and say, no.
Man, they're making a lot of movie references on this podcast.
The thing about this that's so ridiculous is that Space Force is like the only good military we have in America now, and it's because Trump made it, because he's a giant dum-dum who is just like, Space Force sounds cool and I'm the president!
I'm making a Space Force!
So you just have these clowns that Anything Trump ever said or did is a good and honest and noble thing.
Well, Mike, didn't you know that the lack of gravity in space allows the human body to materialize the secret 10th abdominal muscle, like, package?
Oh, yes.
That's two more abdominal muscles than the rippling Chinese.
Right.
Our ten-packed Space Force alpha males who are het, cis, straight, white guys, because the only people the Space Force allows into their service, because it's deeply racist, the way America should be according to all of QAnon.
Yes.
To be fair, all of the original Star Wars movies, let's be real.
Yeah, if you were a woman in original Star Wars, you had two career paths.
Princess, or a sex worker in Jabba's Palace.
Like, that's it.
Full stop.
And if you were black, you were Lando Calrissian.
Morally ambiguous, gambler, man about town, womanizer, love cult 45.
Oh, George Lucas really seems like he's got his finger on the pulse, boys.
Time to go jump in my space Cadillac and listen to some space jazz.
Alright, cool, thanks.
You really tone the line with this voice.
I'm imitating a real person.
What do you want from me?
So Lindell has his train wreck happening all around him.
And after he claimed that Antifa attacked him personally, he claimed that Antifa was in the parking lot getting ready to break into the building at any moment to disrupt him from revealing the actual Stone Cold truth of what was going on.
Oh man, Stone Cold was there?
Yes.
He came and stunned all the Antifa that didn't exist and were not in the parking lot.
And then before Michael Adele could congratulate him for his good work, Stone Cold started screaming about how gay rights are a thing and Michael Adele got very confused.
He was like, but you look so white and bald!
And you have so many abs!
How dare you believe in equality?
Yeah, you're a rassler!
Goddammit!
I mean, why are you not following Hulk Hogan's sterling racist example and being the piece of shit that I need you to be in order to promote my horrible craft?
And being too bloated off of sushi to have sex with Bubba the Lovespudge's wife is so good, I shouldn't have had that sushi.
Man, our country is a fucking nightmare.
Yeah, it's a real shitshow.
Yeah, and so after all of this happened, so after this nightmare symposium wound down and we did not in fact reinstall Trump as president, We had QAnon promoters and other layabouts and gadflies take the telegram to try to, you know, smooth this thing over.
Kind of put into context what we saw, which was a massive failure.
So our boy Jordan Sather posted, I think Mike Lindell's symposium was great.
Good speeches, good information, good content.
I also think there were areas that could have been improved.
Oh, really now?
No doubt the man is ruthlessly getting attacked for what he was trying to do, though he needs a break.
Granted, we had expectations, and those expectations weren't exactly met.
Maybe everyone needs to give each other a freaking break.
Way to keep it PG there, Jordan, with the freaking.
We had expectations because Mike Lindell set the expectations.
There were some expectations that weren't met, all of which Mike Lindell did himself.
Absolute 9-0, the 100% exoneration, red 50, the whole nine yards.
These pack captures are bananas.
And my favorite part was that his own dudes were the ones who were finally halfway through that cyber supposed to be whatever they were just like, Alright, it's about time for us to go to the media and just wash our hands of this by telling them that there's no way that there's anything here.
Because we would still like to have some sort of career or whatever after this.
We'd like to not be deceived by Dominion.
Mike Lindell hired us to find something and I am not Larry Braverman, repeat, I am not Larry Braverman.
Our boy Truthhammer, who I love so much because he's the biggest dumb-dumb in QAnon, says, all right, I'm going to wrap up with a logical deduction.
Oh boy, you and logic truthy, that's a risky one.
Wow, you better fasten that fedora under your head a little tighter there, milady.
Yeah, something didn't go as planned!
Lindell never would have spent three months talking about the packet captures over and over and over if he thought there was any possibility of not being able to follow through on showing those.
Something didn't go as planned, yeah.
What?
Did, like, Antifa ninjas, like, steal the packet captures?
What are you talking about?
No kidding.
Something didn't go as planned.
We will have to wait to find out what really went down.
We're getting down to the dark truths of what happened to those packet captures.
Question.
What did the symposium accomplish at the end?
Answer.
It caught a lot of eyes on strong overall case for election fraud and helped push demand for audits forward.
Does Mike lose out on the $5 million now?
Answer.
No.
Because it was never at risk.
If nobody got to see the packet captures, then nobody got to disprove them.
Uh, so you're literally saying that, uh, if you, uh, can't disprove the fact that I made this rabbit come out of this hat through magic, you don't get the five million bucks.
And then I don't show you the rabbit, I don't show you the hat, and I don't take the rabbit out of the hat.
Therefore, you can't sue me.
I mean, that's... it's ridiculous.
I mean...
What was the whole point of this $5,000,000 declaration if it was entirely about, I'm going to show you evidence and then you can debunk it and if you debunk it you get $5,000,000.
Oh wait, I'm not going to show you the evidence.
So then you were fucking lying the whole time.
That's all this is.
I also really love this guy's assertion that the symposium featured I mean, that's their move.
That's just always their move.
Oh, no evidence means they're just really good at covering it up.
was Michael Adel's people coming out and saying, we have found no evidence of election fraud.
This guy's just like, what was the whole point of the symposium?
Well, the no evidence of election fraud is obviously strong evidence
that election fraud happened.
I mean, that's their move.
That's just always their move.
Oh, no evidence means they're just really good at covering it up.
That's just proof of the cover up.
Right.
The whole absence of evidence is not proof of absolutely.
It's not... yeah.
Yeah, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
I was just about to say the same thing.
All of QAnon are exactly Jen Rummy from the boondocks.
Right.
It's just that ridiculous nonsense that we just have to keep going deeper.
And this is where they always make the argument, well, if you're so sure Biden won, why don't you just let us investigate?
Because the investigation never stops.
After you investigate this state and you and Once you find out that the machines didn't miscalculate the votes, then you gotta check the balance for the proper ink.
And once the ink on the balance is right, you gotta check the paper.
You will never stop looking for evidence of fraud.
And once the paper checks out, you gotta check for evidence of soy sauce or whatever.
Bamboo strands.
Like, what racist way can we imply that these ballots came from China?
Right.
It never stops.
You're just constantly digging for something that you're never going to find.
But because you haven't found it doesn't mean you're going to stop.
I mean, you're just like, well, I didn't find it this time.
Maybe that means it's not there and Biden legitimately won.
No, that can't be possible.
I must keep looking.
That's not true.
That's impossible.
Right, exactly.
There's fraud.
There's fraud everywhere.
Making Star Wars references is my thing, sorry.
Can't you make your own thing?
That was a Star Trek reference.
Oh, I forgot about that famous Star Trek line.
Yes.
No.
All I'm thinking about is Joe Biden.
You photoshop Joe Biden's head upon Darth Vader's body, and then you photoshop Ron Watkins' head on top of Luke's.
Ron, I am your duly elected, legitimate president.
And Ron's like, no, that's not true!
It's impossible!
And he just like falls, he falls away looking... Ron's not even in America.
No, no, yeah.
Ron could truly say that it's not his president because Ron is one of the heroic patriots fighting on the front digital lines that happens to be doing so from the comfort of a completely different nation.
Him and Rei Ayanami are in the Philippines, right?
In fact, like, you know, I don't know if anybody's told Rod this, but the nation that he lives in was our mortal enemy in World War II.
If he was really a true red-blooded patriot, he would have a deep-seated racial hatred of them, because that's what real conservative patriots do.
They hate the other.
It doesn't get much more other than Japan.
Those people don't look like us and we fought them in a famous war.
The most famous war.
Yeah, they literally sucker punched us and we were so mad at them that when they were absolutely totally defeated we still hit them with two nuclear bombs just to let them know how much we didn't like them.
So, I mean, one would think that, you know, given that kind of history, that maybe you'd be like, you know, maybe Japan, not the best way to show your, like, absolute undying loyalty and fealty to the great American Empire led by the true God Emperor.
I mean, he's getting his patriotism playbook from Cancun Cruz.
Yes.
It was just like, yes, like, steward the people that you're supposed to be governing from a different country where things are not as bad.
So after this shit show of a nightmare, as it was falling apart on the third day, Mike Lindell started throwing punches.
He just started losing his mind.
And he started blaming the Gateway Pundit for making him look bad.
And you know when you have a bizarre grifter on grifter fight between the Gateway Pundit and Mike Lindell.
Grifter fight!
And Mike Lindell, like, holy shit are things weird.
So, some reporter on Gateway Pundit was being called Antifa, and then he started railing against it.
Awesome.
Then he started getting mad at OAN and True News and saying that they were, like, misquoting him and distorting him and making him look bad.
And then True News had a guy come out on the air and say that Mike Lindell needs to, like, back off and quit talking bad about us.
And we call on Mike Liddell to publicly apologize to True News for the defamination he's slandered us with, and to cut us a million dollar check for these terrible and hateful... A cool million dollars!
Or as Dominion calls it, pocket change.
So they wanted a cool mill off Mike Lindell for his libel slander of them.
But this morning, Mike Lindell has come out and said that he and the True News people have gotten together, they've prayed, and now they realize they were all set up by the bad people, a.k.a.
Dennis Montgomery.
And now they are unified in having been hornswoggled by nefarious people that they won't name, Because they don't want to bring a right-wing scamming shithead into this thing and trash him directly because that would be a little too on the nose.
And also, down the line, Dennis Montgomery might pull some more shit and they might want to use his quote-unquote evidence in those events.
So they're not going to actually go that extra mile and directly call out the scammer who started this whole thing.
But at the end of the day, This is on Mike Lindell.
He was the one giving this evidence, and then he was the one who ran to the cameras and started screaming about it.
He's the one that made a bunch of shitty documentaries, and then ran a cyber symposium in South Dakota for three days, ranting and raving about this stuff.
Like, anyone at any time could have said, yo, Mike Lindell, I did a Google search for Dennis Montgomery, his Wikipedia page came out, You might want to double check this.
You might want to have someone other than him verify this before we go public with this.
Maybe not throw all this money into your weird documentaries and those other stuff and start screaming and yelling about how Trump's gonna be president any day now because of the evidence you've uncovered.
Because This guy, kind of uncredible.
Just a little... Just a touch?
Just a touch.
Just a skosh.
Just a little splash of incredulity when it comes to our boy Dennis Montgomery.
And literally anything the man has ever touched in his entire life.
He is apparently a con man with a terrible gambling problem.
So he's always broke and always looking for a sucker to hustle so that he can get back to the craps pits.
And start throwing them dice some more!
So it's like, so it's like Mike Lindell, oh my god, like, no one did any quality control.
No one was able to rein Mike in and be like, dude, dude, dude, no, no, don't, don't make a third documentary!
This is a bad look!
We, I mean, oh my, it's really, it's, it's not like he's some innocent babe in the woods.
This guy's, like, got millions and millions of dollars.
He has a company that he's running, he's running into the ground aggressively now with this shit.
But, like, someone somewhere should have been able to say, yo, Mike, like, stop this now.
Alex Jones still trusts him, right?
Dennis Montgomery?
Alex, uh, also won't name Dennis Montgomery.
Like, when Alex did his mea culpa about this thing, he was like, yeah, Mike Lindell, he got in bed with a guy that was bad, but, uh, yeah, it was bad.
It was bad.
won't he won't say he won't say he's Voldemort, then this Montgomery is Voldemort. They won't say his name. It's so
weird. Because I think it's mostly because they know that it
once once they burn him, people are going to be able to go back
in time and look at like the sheriff RPO shit, and all the other dumb shit that Montgomery's done at the behest
of the right wing and be like, Oh, so all of these guys were
happy running with Montgomery's fraudulent bullshit, then, but
now that Icarus flew too close to the sun and got Mike Lindell and all this trouble. Now Dennis Montgomery is a bad guy.
Now he's an asshole.
It is now.
Yes.
I mean, it's really just...
There's nothing like this on the left wing, really, that I can think of.
There's no guy that exists out there that is, like, this habitual scammer that actually gets, like, major liberals in trouble.
Yeah, unless you count Joe Biden, am I right?
Whammo!
Yeah, boom!
Take that, Biden!
You're as bad as Dennis Montgomery!
He scammed our rightful president, Bernie Sanders, out of his seat.
Am I right, guys?
Yes.
You tell him.
Him and that corrupt DNC.
Yeah, what a scammer!
Such a scam!
And then they murdered Seth Rich to cover it up.
Boom!
I mean, hey, it is known.
The totally-pilled podcast.
So, I don't know about you guys, but I personally am especially shocked that nothing came of the Cyber Symposia, because Mike Lindell had produced a smoking gun, and thanks to our boy Rod—well, not Mike Lindell specifically, but he had a smoking gun produced by Rod Watkins.
And Rod Watkins not only produced the smoking gun, but also the hand and face and entire identity of the person holding it.
And that person was Tina Peters, and I hear that Tina Peters is now getting investigated, question mark?
But not just by the law, but also by people who are just interested in who she might be in contact with?
What's going on here?
Yeah, take me through Tina Peters.
So Tina Peters, who is now under investigation by the FBI for potentially committing really real crimes that could get her in some trouble, Tina is in Colorado.
And one of our two congresspeople that are a part of the QAnon caucus is from Colorado as well, Lauren Boebert.
Lauren Boebert's campaign manager, Sharena Bishop, is someone who is pals with the Proud Boys and was also, again, working with Boebert's campaign.
And she, it appears, had connections also to Peters.
Logan M. Davis, which who very nicely that is both his name on Twitter and his handle
at Logan M. Davis has a very long and interesting thread about this tangled web of the Boebert
campaign and Peters and how they more than likely were gotten got in touch with one another
and Peters may have been doing what she did at the behest of Bishop and the Boebert campaign
that this looking for fraudulent looking for tampering and dominion voting machines looking
for ways to have access to them was also something that beyond Mike Lindell and Ron Watkins also
Boebert who is one of these Trump really won the election was stolen
People that was contesting the election and on January 6th and also she was the one tweeting out where Nancy Pelosi was located during the riots and Supposedly the weeks before the Before the riots was leading people on tours of the Capitol before she was even sworn in as a member of Congress so Lauren She has a lot of interesting stuff going on in her history, as it were.
This timeline of events between Bishop and Peters that's on this thread is very interesting.
So I am, I mean again, Davis on Twitter makes it very clear that he's, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not law enforcement, I'm just, I'm just a guy on the internet with a bunch of free time and I'm looking at all these different postings On Facebook Watch and Zoom meetings and other things that these people have done.
And wouldn't you know, Bishop and Peters both showed up at the Cyber Symposium of Mike Lindell's to talk about the information that they had potentially uncovered about voter fraud.
So weird.
So weird.
So it is, I mean, Marjorie Taylor Greene has to be punching a wall at this point, because how is she not implicated in this?
How did she not get her grubby little paws on?
Oh God, it would be great if it came out that MTG and Lauren Boebert had like a ladies of QAnon rivalry going on that eventually spirals into a Nancy Kerrigan style like fucking drama that we get to watch a Lifetime movie of.
Be still, my heart.
Lord Bobert having a goon kneecap, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
That would be great.
My only lament in this thread of Logan's was that at the end he tagged only the guys from the QAA podcast.
Hey, Logan, where's my tag?
I'm here to shill your thread as hard as possible.
Well, I mean, he didn't tag you, and yet here you are shilling anyway, so who really won?
Yeah, he won.
He knew.
He knew that I'm a grasper.
He knows that I'm desperate.
Yeah, he dominated you the way that Donald Trump totally dominated the 2020 presidential election.
Hey!
You've been completely owed.
You just didn't realize it for some time, much like Joe Biden.
Yes.
Much like Joe Biden doesn't know that he's not really the president, even though Joe Biden is absolutely really the president and is destroying America with this.
Joe Biden knows he's not the president in whatever tube he's being held while James Wood wears his skin and pilots his body.
Yeah, it should be one thing that Joe Biden has done as the president.
You can't.
There we go.
Boom.
Absolute 9-0.
The laptop El is recording this podcast on is not named Sleepy Joe in honor of the check that El got sent after Biden got into office.
Yeah, it's L, it's L got Biden in office.
I mean, I just assume that that one also came from Trump, because the second one wasn't signed, and I remember the signature on the first one being from Donald Trump.
Oh, there was one of, I think it was Ghost Ezra, but someone was trying to make a point about, like, the proof of what was really happening with those second stimulus checks.
And there was like all these posts on Telegram where it's like, did you get a second stimulus check that was an actual paper check?
If so, what was the name in like the memo section?
And there was this big thing about that person who was part of the treasury was like secretly a patriot or whatever.
It was this really weird theory that they were trying to like really hammer home because Biden didn't make them edit the checks to have his name on them.
And delay the checks going out any time.
Because he's not a twat.
How dare you sarcastically, or not sarcastically, how dare you exasperatedly sigh.
I heard that sigh.
Yes, yes you did.
For points at this point, you either need to save that for way worse stuff or you need to just choke those impulses down because nothing we talk about is any sort of good.
Sometimes this podcast is so exhausting.
Yeah, sometimes it's a little difficult to talk about all these Trumps every week and all their desperately trying to destroy the country that we live in, and in a lot of ways, succeeding.
Yes.
I mean, literally, if they would just write it out for 50 years, the Earth will just do its job and kill all of us through wildfires anyway.
I don't understand why they have to be making things so much worse until that point.
Right.
Just let it ride until the tsunami destroys everyone.
It'll be fine.
Yeah, I mean, we're doomed.
We're doomed anyways.
Don't worry, guys.
Don't sweat it.
It's all downhill from here.
Yeah, pretty much.
I mean, we had a run.
That run is coming to a close.
And soon the Earth will be engaged in the great war between Ant and Cockroach for who truly dominates.
Swing and release!
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you guys ever watched The Newsroom.
I think we talked about it a little bit on Bid20 because I had been watching it with my former roommates.
But for our listeners, there's an episode of The Newsroom where they have a climate scientist on as part of it.
And I would highly recommend finding at least the clip of that part of that episode and just watching it.
And then remembering to yourself that that show came out like a literal decade ago.
Because that guy is summing up the way actual scientists just think now.
Like, the UN scientist that put out that recent paper, he was pretty much just doing the scripted television version of their position, but ten years in the past.
He was channeling a message from the future.
A message from the future, even though it's a teletype sound effect.
We're fucked.
Well, they're using a teletype in the future because we've destroyed all modern technology.
Yeah, everything else is gone.
We've been reduced to the teletype.
We're fucked.
Yeah, that's basically it.
They're just the TVA, so all of their shit is weirdly analog because it looks cool.
Yeah.
Because Feige was like, make it look cool, and they were just like, reel-to-reel tape looks cool, and he was like, make it so.
Yeah.
Yeah, so we have, like, this disastrous world that we're living in, which would lead me to believe that it's time to talk about how poorly we're handling the COVID problem in America.
Yay!
Wah, wah, wah.
So, yeah.
So, first off, let's go to the beating heart of Texas, the Lone Star State, our glorious former republic.
Yeah, that joined America for a few decades were really screw
that and then joined the Confederacy because they loved slavery and then that didn't work. Now they're back in
America. Although they don't like it too much. So the governor of Texas, Governor Abbott got himself some Rona
this week. And he says he's doing great and he's being hit with Regeneron and all the other high
Generan Yeah, he's getting the high grade.
He's asymptomatic, fully vaccinated, and they're still giving him like the 4,500 of pop Regeneron shots or whatever to make sure that he doesn't get- How much Adrenochrome is in Regeneron?
Is that like off-brand?
Is that when I go to CVS and I don't buy Tylenol, I just buy acetaminophen?
Yes.
That's the cowboy way.
When you get injured or sick, you rub some dirt on it, you walk it off, and also you inject several thousand dollars worth of experimental Regeneron.
Yes.
All of these things.
There's the noble way of the true frontiersman.
And the other thing that's been happening... Noble way!
Yes, damn right.
You shut up.
Yeah, it's just like, hey, bite down on this stick.
This is gonna hurt.
And then a Dr. Gingerly sticks in with a needle full of like $6,000 worth of chemicals.
Yes.
And he's like, oh, man, it's it's real hard out here on the range.
It's like, you shut your fucking mouth.
You immediately go back to your mansion and you burn all of your cowboy hats, you dumb fuck.
Yeah.
Also going on in Texas, hilariously, is some of the districts that are trying to defy his anti-mask mandate because they don't want to murder their schoolchildren.
Uh, they have looked at the mask mandate and they've said, you know what the mask mandate doesn't talk about?
And that's school dress codes.
So now they've updated their school dress codes to state that you have to wear a mask as part of the dress code.
Smart.
So, uh, they've, they've hit him with the loophole as it were.
So I'm sure that this is going to lead to all kinds of more fun and verbality because these dum-dums Just really, really, really want to give kids COVID.
Well now, Mike, as proud cowboys, these old boys, they just associate the mask with the dreaded bandito.
So, if you don't want anybody wrestling or robbing your banks, you gotta make sure you can see their face.
You need to look a man in the eye, and also in his face, if you're gonna do business with him.
Even if that man is a tiny child going to school.
Yes!
Oh, Ranch Hand L explaining the wisdom of the West to our listeners.
It's long been known that L is a bandito at heart.
He's a Western boy from a Western town.
Oh, you better believe it.
You better believe I'm a bandit at heart because I wear my mask every day.
Yes, gotta have that mask.
Yeah.
I take public transportation on my commute.
Fucking, you better believe it.
If anything, I wish I had two masks.
Oh, I still... I have, like, a spare face shield from my work.
If you want to, like, have the face shield, visor, and a mask, if you want to go, like, as close to a hazmat suit as you can, I can hook you up with that.
I do that Bubble Boy suit that NASA made for that kid back in the 80s or whatever.
Just, like, approach the trade with, like, a team of people pushing my little oxygen ventilator behind me.
Yes!
Yeah, just like, hey, I need this suit to protect me because I don't want to be on a ventilator.
Look at my fleet of people pushing a big tube around for me.
Sorry, I've got Bubble Boy on the brain, because I watched a little mini-documentary on YouTube about him, and I was just like, how tragic, but also, like, cool to see NASA rallying behind this one kid.
Did they get his immune system working in the end?
Wasn't he able to get out of the bubble?
I'm pretty sure the end of that story is that he is dead.
Oh, unfortunate, man.
But I don't know for sure.
And everyone's just like, did you just say you watched a video on it?
And it's just like, well, I watched a video about that year in the 80s.
And they talked about Bubble Boy for a little while.
And I'm pretty sure his story kind of ends tragically.
I don't think they injected him with enough Regeneron and Adrenochrome to get his immune system to work properly.
And he died when he was like 14 or whatever.
But I could be wrong.
Who knows?
Do your own research.
That's the greatest possible answer to anything, is to just angrily shout, do your own research.
Yeah, just say something that is likely wrong, and then just yell at the person you're speaking to to do their own research.
And then, the follow-up to that is when they come back having done their own research and try to explain to you why you're wrong, tell them that you don't believe any of their sources.
Power move!
They're all part of the cover-up.
Yeah.
Well, what are your sources?
The Bible?
Because if it ain't the Bible, I don't want none of it.
Yeah.
So, as Texas continues to burn in the fires of COVID, we also had more fun coming out of our beloved state of Kentucky, where it turns out that Rand Paul, U.S.
Senator?
How the fuck did that happen?
Answer Kentucky, Rand Paul, it's found out his he made his first and only ever stock by in the history of the world.
And it was for through his wife, right through his wife.
And it was for one of these experimental drugs that treat COVID, I believe his reserve here.
And he didn't report this purchase when he was supposed to.
And, um, He only now is having it brought to light while he is also going on television telling people that fuck the vaccine, fuck masks, and all this other stuff.
Meanwhile, he's investing heavily in, again, a very expensive treatment for COVID when you get really sick.
And it's weird that he's telling people that.
Yeah, so he's just doing insider trading, baby.
He's just like, yeah, man, don't take the vaccine.
It sucks.
Instead, get sick, and we have medicine that will help you.
Why are congressmen and senators allowed to trade stocks?
Like, I know his wife bought it, but... Yeah, I was about to say, he didn't buy any stocks, sir.
His wife did.
All they have to do is disclose them.
And he... I love Rand Paul, because at best...
In the best case scenario, he is simply plague profiteering.
It's much more likely that, like, there's probably some legal sticky wicket where he's, like, doing insider trading or whatever, but it's just like, even if what he's doing is not legally wrong, it's clearly incredibly morally wrong.
Uh, morals.
Who needs them?
Who wants them?
I mean, the thing about it that's so crazy is that all these Republicans were doing this at that time.
Like, Perdue and Loeffler.
As was the fashion at the time.
Right, as was the fashion at the time.
Those two Republicans who lost their Senate seats in Georgia.
And I mean, those races were incredibly close, so I don't think that it goes too far as to say that their insider trading being exposed might have been what tipped the scales to get them booted out of the Senate.
I mean, it's really incredible that this massive pandemic is brewing, and these people can see this storm coming, and their reaction is, How can I make a buck off of this in the most sketchy, borderline illegal way possible that will at least at the very, that will look bad at the very least when it's brought to the light of day.
And for the two of us jermokes in Georgia, our election is up this year.
So if this comes out now, this could be even more no bueno for us.
Hey, fuck it, gotta make a buck.
Yeah.
Hey, what?
Yeah, whatever.
I mean, sometimes you just have to make money, no matter how bad it might look and, you know, cost you your gig in the Senate, because reasons.
I mean, it's just, it really is amazing to me that I just don't understand that level of just unbelievable greed.
It's like, these people are already incredibly... I just don't understand how you can be that incredibly rich and still say to yourself, I need more riches, and I need these riches to be done in such a way that is probably unethical.
Because they keep getting away with it.
Apparently.
It just goes to show that I'm a Jermoke who is a dum-dum who buys into, I don't know, any kind of efficacy?
I don't know.
Yeah, they call that disease being liberal.
Pretty much.
Oh my god, I can't stop doing the voice now.
Time to move to Texas, I suppose.
Do you ride on a steel horse or a regular horse?
I mean...
I just immediately dropped my dumb voice.
Uh, yeah, I mean, I suppose, like, if anything, do I get to choose?
Do I get to choose what I ride on?
Can I be the only cowboy that rides around on one of those, like, single-person centurion chariot things from back in the day?
That'd be great.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I'm trying to think, like, well, I'm trying to... How to tell people I'm too fat for a horse without telling people I'm too fat for a horse.
So you want to be in a Ben-Hur style chariot, but a cowboy?
Yeah, absolutely.
What, you're telling me cowboys don't need protection from other chariots?
I mean, come on, get with it.
Oh, go on without me.
Leave me here.
This is where I die.
I just had to look this up for a moment.
But Loeffler, the woman who lost her Senate seat to Reverend Whitlock, or Warnock, in Georgia, her and her husband have an estimated worth of $800 million.
She has $800 million and she was still like, you know what?
Let me get in on this COVID insider trading.
Yeah, that's how it works.
That is just how it fucking works.
I mean, oh my God, $800 million and you're still not tipping your waiter.
You're still looking for more money in the sofa cushions.
I mean, it's incredible.
It's just like, oh my God.
And the best thing is that you didn't need to do ethically sketchy stuff to make money off of the pandemic.
I invested in AMC because that seemed like an incredibly sure thing, and it turns out it was.
This is not financial advice because I'm not able to give people financial advice because I am an idiot.
But back during the early times of this year, I saw the AMC stock was very low and assumed that once the corona was done, it was easily going to rebound.
And then it did.
So you don't have to be investing heavily into experimental drugs to treat people whose lungs are collapsing due to COVID.
You can just invest in the entertainment industry because at some point, hopefully, the pandemic will be over and we can get back to doing entertaining things.
Nope.
Were you a part of the Gang of Apes?
Were you a part of the Diamond Hands?
Were you a part of any of the cool AMC people?
No, I was just a casual person that had a little money to back AMC because I genuinely believe in the theater-going experience.
I was like buying it at like eight and I was just like, oh, well, there's no way that this doesn't go above 21.
And boy, how did it go above 21?
So, uh, yeah.
So I was just like, oh, I'll, I'll, I'll jack out when I make at least three times my investment.
And that seems like it's going to be a sure thing.
And like I said, it was, but that's, that, that, that wasn't me just being like, oh yeah, I can't wait for, I can't wait for everybody to die.
So that way the living can go to the movies.
That was just me.
Assuming that at some point people would get well and that movies would reopen and everyone would be pumped.
But, you know, Republicans, so damn entitled to their freedom to die on a ventilator that somebody else needs, is making it so that that spike was temporary because now everything has gone fuck up again.
Yeah.
Speaking of things going fuck up that we thought were done a while ago, how about Afghanistan, huh?
Am I right, guys?
Way outtie.
We talked about it briefly.
I wasn't sure if we were coming back.
Yeah, well, I mean, we don't really need to dwell on it, but mostly because for our purposes, the ongoing bullshit in Afghanistan really serves to allow us to talk about how it's obviously just like, you know, a big operation to distract us from the Arizona audit.
Yeah, the governments of the world have gotten together and decided that what's going on in Arizona is really sketchy for their cabal bottom line.
So they're like, man, how do we distract America?
Oh, we know, have the Taliban take over Afghanistan.
Yes, so Ron Totally Not Q Watkins made a post on his telegram telling everybody, hey guys, I know that you're seeing this whole Taliban taking over Afghanistan and stuff, but don't let it rustle your jimmies.
Just make sure that you know What really matters is the audit.
The direct quote is, the ongoing failure in Afghanistan is just the beginning of a planned distraction campaign so that they can ignore the Maricopa County audit results.
All eyes on Maricopa County.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
Yeah, this horrifying humanitarian crisis.
I fucking knew it.
Yeah, all of it.
This disaster in Afghanistan is entirely just There to try to divert America's attention away from the terrible truth of the 2020 election finally being revealed in Maricopa County.
That is what this is all about.
The withdrawal that literally Trump signed in to effect It was supposed to happen in May, but Biden cagely kept the withdrawal.
Biden was just monitoring the Arizona audit.
He's like, okay, when do I pull out the troops for maximum Maricopa County distraction value?
And then when he saw that the heat was getting spicy now, he made the call.
He's like, get them out!
Get those troops out right now, because Maricopa County is going nuclear.
Maricopa County is going hot.
I'm going to be in a Boatload of trouble, with all the evidence coming out of the, from the Cyber Ninjas, and the Code Monkeys, and the Fruit Salads, and the Fruit Ninjas, and that video game where you slice the fruit up, all of that stuff.
It's all happening soon.
So we gotta get the troops out right now, so everyone focuses on that, and not on the fact that I'm not legitimately the president.
Oh my god.
What, like, how does anyone ever take a group called cyber ninjas seriously?
Well, I mean, you know, the half of a country with a brain never did.
Like, I don't know any of my liberal friends who are just like,
let's give these cyber ninja guys a shot.
They seem like they probably know what's going on.
They definitely know what's up.
Yeah, let's give them the benefit of the doubt.
If you found out that Pokemon Unite was designed by a team called Cyber Ninjas, you'd be like, yeah, okay, it's a video game, Cyber Ninjas suitably.
Sounds good.
It's like, oh, hey, have you heard about this company, Cyber Ninjas?
And they're just like, no, what game did they make?
And it's just like, no game at all.
In fact, they are in charge of election security.
You'd be like, what the fuck?
They made a game called Stealing Democracy, undermining American democracy so we can make money.
Yeah, I was about to say, Stealing Democracy wouldn't work because they have proven nothing and have stolen nothing.
Except for Arizona's money, I guess.
Yeah, which I guess more power to them.
I mean, if Arizona wants people to really get to the bottom of what happened, they can get in touch with my people and I will charge them for the cool price of $20 million.
I will personally audit their ballots and tell them if I see anything amiss.
In fact, in any of the states that QAnon are worried about, $20 million and your boy here, I will personally guarantee that I'll go through every ballot and make sure that nothing is amiss.
Using my proprietary technology of my eyeballs and hands.
And you'll probably do a better job than Cyber Ninjas did on that front because there were plenty of things that people reported where there was a box of ballots that was supposed to have like 40 and Cyber Ninjas reported that it had like 36.
Like, basic counting was something that was beyond Cyber Ninjas' capabilities to handle.
Like, the whole thing was such an absolute train wreck.
Guys, I'm happy to report that having audited all of Arizona's ballots, I have found no hanging chads.
Repeat, no hanging chads.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Money, please.
$20 million.
Oh, thank God.
Cha-ching, baby.
Yeah, so this whole thing with Maricopa County is so important that literally everything in the world is a distraction against it.
What's important about all of this is that even if somehow they were able to find some level of malfeasance in Arizona, it wouldn't, like, change the election in any way, shape, or form because that wasn't enough electoral votes to flip this thing.
QAnon themselves repeatedly had said, okay, we got, like, they were working out maps.
We're like, okay, once we flip Arizona, then we got to go to Wisconsin, then we got to get Georgia.
And it's like, guys, like, you do realize by the time any of these, like, states, like, quote, unquote, flip, which they actually can't, It'll be time for the 2024 election.
You will have invalidated Biden's 2020 win in 2016, and then you're going to have to invalidate his 2024 win.
I mean, it's this ridiculous process that is designed by cyber ninjas and the Republicans in Arizona to never end.
It's designed to be perpetual.
They've said that there's going to be a preliminary report that's going to come out Monday.
But they're not even going to release that preliminary report to the public.
That that preliminary report is just going to go to the Senate of Arizona.
And they're going to look it over, have questions, and then send it back to Cyber Ninjas for revisions.
And they're going to keep doing that process over and over and over again until they finally have a final report they're willing to release.
AKA a report that is shady enough to try to pacify QAnon, but not shady enough for them to be personally on the hook for a billion dollar Dominion lawsuit.
El, you remember in school when you'd write a book report and you'd give it to the teacher and she gave you a bad grade and you said, no, give it back to me now because that's not the right report.
I'm going to keep doing it again and giving it back to you until I get the answer and the grade I want.
I do remember that.
I was always so confused when she kept insisting that it was because my book report was always on Penthouse Forum.
But I tried to explain to her that it was the only book that my dad owned, so what else was I to do?
Oh my god.
And it's a book report about a book you wrote.
You made it up yourself, so how do you keep getting it so wrong?
Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but the other night I rigged an election successfully for Joe Biden.
The packet captures I created were incredible and immaculate.
They were the greatest packet captures in the history of the world.
Signed, Dennis Montgomery.
In the future it's gonna make Michael and Del's cyber symposium so wet.
Um...
You like that callback humor?
I love the callback mostly because of Sarge's disgusted head shake.
You guys miss out on a lot of those.
That's a lot of disgusted head shakes for me.
Oh man, speaking of things that makes Mike Lindell super wet, Donald Trump gave an interview on Hannity and boy howdy did he look fucking crazy.
This interview with Hannity, it is amazing to me how just not lucid Trump is.
It's incredible.
This guy is just all over the place.
He is just...
You can tell that when he starts his sentence, he doesn't know where it's going to end.
He doesn't know how he's going to land the plane.
He does a lot of free associating.
He does a ton of free associating.
He was talking about how he had this great big deal with the Taliban, he negotiated with them, and everyone said he couldn't do it, but he did it.
Just like he did with Kim Jong-un, they said he was going to have a nuclear war with Kim Jong-un, but he didn't.
He got along great with Kim Jong-un.
He also got along great with South Korea, but South Korea wasn't paying him for protection from North Korea, and that wasn't right.
So he made South Korea give him billions of dollars, and that's what America should be, a protection racket.
But the South Koreans still loved him, even though he made them give him billions of dollars.
And it was just like, yo, Donald, we were talking about Afghanistan here.
And he suddenly just goes on this riff about Kim Jong-un and the Korean Peninsula, and it's just...
We're recording.
Yeah.
Mr. Trump, former president, Mr. Trump.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is, this is like, we only have an hour to edit this.
We only have so many takes we can have you do.
And Trump's like, what do you mean takes?
You're getting one take.
That's it.
I'm going to say what I'm going to say.
Cause I'm Trump.
I'm the man.
I was, I was the president.
You're all still kissing my ass.
So you just have to deal with grandpa crazy person.
Just spit in the yard about how Kim Jong-un's my bro.
In relation to Afghanistan!
Because reasons!
And whatever, just get over it.
And Hannity's like, fuck!
And on top of that, if you haven't seen the still shots of Trump's aggressively unkept hair, I mean, his hair, as bad as that weird, dumb, cove-over thing is, it is even worse now.
I mean, it's like he's just spreading it out and flattening it, You sent us the picture in the production meeting, and I was like, this almost looks fake, just because, which I hate to put out in the world, because QAnon.
Oh man, and of course, in that picture, I just called it up again to look at it, because there was something I wanted to remark about it.
And of course, Mike sent it to us, it is a screencap from PepeLive's Matters feed on fucking racist grammar or whatever.
And, of course, Pepe here is saying, Trump is not happy looking extra savage tonight.
And it's just like, wow.
They will literally just praise the man for anything, including looking like he combed his hair with a chicken bone.
Like, when I was a lad and I had, like, longer, more flowing hair, I went on a whale-watching trip with my mother, and I was leaning over the railing because a whale had swam under our boat, and it rose up to the surface, and I did not know how close to its blowhole I was, and it blasted me in the face with its briny spray, making me Mike Lindell wet, and making my hair look like Donald Trump's in this picture, and I don't think that anybody, Pepe included, would be saying that I looked savage.
You absolutely did.
Don't worry, buddy.
If only L's childhood was in the present day, we would have a clip of that to post on the podcast Twitter feed so people could actually see L with his Trump hair flowing majestically in the breeze, looking extra savage after getting blowholed by a whale.
Yeah, it actually sort of made me look more a little something about Mary because Trump in this photo, his little swoop is going aggressively to the left.
Mine was just going aggressively straight back because I was right over this motherfucking blowhole.
I had no idea what was about to happen to me.
I was like, oh my god, a whale so majestic.
And it was like, yeah, I'm about to majestically sneeze in your whole fucking face and body.
I was like, oh, great.
It tastes like the ocean from inside of a living creature.
Perfect.
Oh, at least it was a memory.
Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, quick.
Somebody tell PepeLezMatter how savage I was and how I'm ready to take America back.
Don't worry, buddy.
We will.
Yes.
I just want to be savage!
One day, Al.
One day.
So, I think that is the roundup of ye olde news for the week.
It's time to dip into the mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. So, Horizon2Horizon, NothingButMistakes, which is America in a nutshell, asks, Did the Deep State really fake Ashley Babbitt's death and is she now getting plastic surgery to alter her features to look like Kamala Harris?
I can accept that as a plot of a stupid movie.
That seems perfectly reasonable.
Speaking of Ashley Babbitt and stupid movie, somebody on Twitter, I wish I'd screen grabbed it or whatever, posted an incredibly Donald Trump's hair looking ridiculous savage Photoshop of Weekend at Bernie's or whatever, but it's like Weekend at Babbitt's.
I was just like, wow, this is making me laugh, but even I recognize how in poor taste it is.
I believe it's from our podcast's Twitter feed.
I'm looking at it.
It's Donald Trump and Jim Jordan holding up Ashley Babbitt with Bernie's corpse and Ashley's head on it with a MAGA hat.
I don't want whoever posted that on our feed to get it twisted.
I'm not condemning you for it.
It made me laugh a lot.
But it also made me do the disgusted head shake of Sarge as I was laughing.
Dark would be how we would describe it.
What I would say to do is to pitch this to NeonRevolt, because he is both a QAnon psychopath, racist lunatic, and also a failed screenwriter.
So I'm sure he's desperate for ideas, and he needs a pitchman to let him know Face.
what kind of terrible movie he might be able to sneak through Ben Shapiro's production company
so that Gina Carano can play Ashley Babbitt as the face-off stealth vice president who becomes president.
Face-off!
Ha ha ha ha!
But yes, that is the dream there for that potential movie down the line.
So thank you for that question.
DeportGamers asks, do you think Major Dad will become a Talistan?
Yes, because almost all of QAnon right now are aggressively pro-Taliban.
I've seen like, all these white nationalist shitheads and QAnon assholes are like, Hey, the Taliban's against gay marriage and abortion and all these other things.
Maybe the bad guys were not who we thought they were.
Maybe it's the friends we made along the way.
Yeah, look at all these heroes taking their country back.
They know what to do.
And it's just like, well, okay, try it yourself there, idiots.
Go ahead, mount up.
Yeah, let's see the American military leave America instead of a landlocked nation half a world away where our only two access points are Iran, which I don't think is going to let us in, and Pakistan, which is getting dicier by the moment.
So yeah, I mean, You can either have the logistics nightmare of Afghanistan or our own country, our home turf.
No, wait a minute.
The Patriots are in control and when they start mobilizing, it's only going to take two weeks for them to take over from sea to shining sea.
Yes.
Oh, man.
If only, if only that would happen.
Never forget how in control the Patriots are.
They're very in control.
Incredibly in control.
I mean, now that Mack Jones is under center, I mean, who knows?
Yes!
Oh God.
Please let it be our shorting quarterback sooner rather than later.
Sorry, Cam.
Love you, but not in love with you.
I'll drive you to the airport.
Yeah, I wouldn't even go so far as to say I love Cam Newton.
I don't know shit about Cam Newton.
He seems kind of like a douchebag and now that he can't play football, he's dead to me.
Oh my god.
I'm just happy that my Patriot Garoppolo 10 jersey is now my Mac Jones 10 jersey.
Just a look at the back.
Or maybe I'll put some painter's tape on the back and just use a Sharpie to scrawl Jones over the top of Garoppolo.
I have friends that live in Kansas City, so I can't wait to watch the Chiefs lose in the Super Bowl again to the Bucs.
That'll be great.
He'll be fantastic.
Oh god.
Just a 57 year old Tom Brady just dunking on everyone's pick for the next Tom Brady and it's just like well you don't get to be the next Tom Brady until the first Tom Brady fucks off and it doesn't seem like it's happening anytime soon.
So, thank you for that question that led to a football jag from us.
Amanda Scatlin asks, what is the difference between the Cabal and the Illuminati and who would win in a fight?
They're the same thing, pretty much.
Although the whole adrenochrome thing that came in as like a revisionist history, as a new wrinkle in the Cabal Illuminati story, I think that gives the Cabal the extra kick they would need to overcome the Illuminati were the two sides to like break into factions and start getting into a tussle.
See, I mean, you're our expert.
You certainly know more about this than I do, but I always sort of got the impression that the Cabal was like the Illuminati As it pertained to giving a shit about America and that the Illuminati was more of a global thing.
Well, I mean, the term Illuminati and Deep State and Cabal are interchangeable for QAnon, and they always throw these things around willy-nilly.
They don't have an actual definition of what any of these things are.
In the fall Cabal series, Janet Oh even says that Deep State or Cabal, because they're just the same thing.
They just use Cabal when they're on Twitter, Before they get kicked off or any other place where they gotta shorten the characters they use in a sentence.
And they're like, oh shit, Deep State's too many characters.
They're like Japanese school children.
They're abbreviating everything because they can.
I mean, the Deep State definitely doesn't sound like an international thing.
When I hear the phrase Deep State, that certainly rings to me as a single country sort of deal.
Hey, Mike, you're a bona fide expert, man.
You've been interviewed by the Washington Post and shit or whatever.
Guess what?
Use your expert powers to be the one to say, hey, I'm planting the flag here.
I'm the one doing a hierarchy of These three terms I would propose deep state being like a
local country thing followed by Cabal one step above that like getting kind of
international Maybe some kid touching from Dutch Royals or whatever Janet
ozon about and then the Illuminati Sits at the head of the table John wick style
I can go I can accept that I I will I will yield to El's superior nomenclature on this situation and attempt to poison people's minds with my interpretation of made-up shit that people are just throwing around all willy-nilly.
Yeah, imagine how satisfying it would be to get some traction with that because we're taking Q-mythos and we're canonizing parts of it.
We're just putting on our professor's hat and acting all hoity-toity and just being like, oh, you think the Deep State runs China?
Oh, what little you know of the world of QAnon!
Yeah, like that chungus that we were making fun of earlier on his Twitter feed, just being like, now let's be analytical about this.
Shut up.
The next thing out of your mouth is going to be the least scientific thing ever spoken.
Like, let's be analytical about this.
We all know Donald Trump is still the president, but it's like, okay, cool.
Well, every other word out of your mouth after that is completely fucking useless.
We could disregard everything else.
So it's like a Pokemon evolution and Illuminati's at the top.
That's the...
Yeah, Deep State evolves into Cabal at level 22 and then Cabal evolves into Illuminati
at level 37.
Okay.
And then it learns Psychic, which is great.
Oh!
Yes.
At level 37, it gets the little swirl on its forehead to let you know that it's fully Illuminati and totally evil.
Because symbolism will be their downfall.
Old Man McWatkins is here with his UFC cage match of the week for the QAnon community and says... Question I don't interact with.
Of these three groups that are three people each, Geddes, Medic, and Qtah versus Sather, Ezra, and Matrix, or Flynn, Steinbart, and CodeMonkey, which group of three do you delete?
And the answer is any group that has Ron Watkins, who is Q, And Flynn is by far way worse than the rest of them.
Yeah, that matchup does not seem close.
I don't really know a lot of those people, and the fact that two of the people that I do know are on one team, it makes that a pretty easy question to answer, even for me.
Yeah, boom, just crush... Probably the one with Michael Flynn and Q on it.
I would have to guess that team, but what do I know?
Right.
Ron is such a spindly idiot, too.
That man has never been in a fight in his life.
Almost assuredly not.
So thank you for the thank you for this week's UFC cage match emporium of QAnon promoters, old men, Milwaukeeans.
Trap Lord Fleco asks, Sarge, what is your favorite KC barbecue joint?
Ooh, so I think Arthur Bryant's has the best sauce, but Joe's definitely has the best sandwich, the Z-Man,
and Gates is the easiest to get to.
And that sounds kind of weird, but they have more locations than the others,
making them easier to access.
And they are very good as well.
snow.
I'm happy that Sarge answered the question because it was addressed to him.
But I do have to say, because there are three of us, and it would be sort of weird for only one person to be talking at any given time, that I have gone to visit and hang out with Sarge and eat KC BBQ with him.
And I agree with two out of his three points.
I agree that Arthur Bryant's has the best sauce.
I agree that the last one, which one was it?
Sorry, I got the middle.
Gates.
Gates.
Yeah, Gates is the easiest to get to.
But I do have to say, when it comes to Joe's, I was pretty whelmed by that sandwich.
It certainly wasn't bad, but it didn't knock my stocks off.
However, what did we get on the side?
Was it their brisket or their burnt ends?
Burnt ends.
Burnt ends is a big thing in Kansas City.
Them burnt ends were incredible.
Those were the best burnt ends I've ever had in my life.
I guess it just sort of depends on the experience.
Honestly, I did not think that their barbecue sandwich, the Z-Man, was that hot of shit, but it was more than made up for by the succulent incredibleness of The burnt ends that we got on the side.
Yeah, Arthur Bryan's sauce, if you get a chance to order it, just, I don't know, just do it.
Also, Arthur Bryan's is Obama approved.
Obama went there.
Yeah, he ate there when he was in town.
I have yet to visit Sarge in his native land, so I cannot comment on KC Barbecue.
My home and native land.
Yes, so I will respectfully abstain from this question, as it were.
And our final question of the week, as it were, is from ClubsZero, which is, favorite pair of ice cream flavors?
I feel targeted by this.
I can't imagine that either of the rest of you have a slam dunk answer for this.
And having gone out for ice cream several times with Mike Rains in person, he knows I have an answer for this.
But my order at our local dairy is always the same thing.
I don't have a combination of flavors.
I have a combination of toppings at or like mixings that go in the concrete.
Back to talking about Kansas City local food, like you don't even really have like good ice cream out there because y'all do frozen custard, which is similar but different.
Yeah, I can't think of like a go-to ice cream joint.
There was a local one in the town I used to live in that was good and they would do a breakfast cereal.
Ice cream where they would just grind up, uh, Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries into the ice cream.
And I went in one time and I was like, what is this breakfast cereal?
And the kid working counter goes, it tastes like Saturday mornings.
And I was like, sold.
And it did.
So I don't have anything to pair that with, but like, if you just take vanilla ice cream and grind up Crunch Berries into it, uh, with some Captain Crunch, it tastes amazing.
I mean, it looks like that is an answer.
That seems fine.
Your favorite flavors are vanilla and Captain Crunch mixed together.
Yeah.
I like what Sarge said about putting stuff in the cement, as it were.
I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
I love vanilla with the mixture of that.
And if you want to just go with flavors, The easy, boring chocolate vanilla strawberry that you can get, the Neapolitan, I've heard it called like a million different things, but just like that, that ice cream is, I love that.
I love that mix.
When there was that giant controversy, because like Nancy Pelosi had like some sort of like, quote unquote, gourmet ice cream in her fridge.
I was just like, oh, it's like slightly more expensive than Ben & Jerry's and they actually have a chocolate, a vanilla, and a strawberry flavor.
So I actually ordered a pint of each of those and then just made that.
And it was like, it didn't like rock my world.
It was like, oh my God, Pelosi's Ice Cream is the greatest ice cream in the history of the universe.
But I was like, man, this is, this is tasty.
It's better than like the hood brick I might buy when I drive home from work and it's at midnight and there's only, there's like at the gas station and I'm like, hey, ice cream.
Oh boy.
The three flavor one, boom, whatever.
And the local dairy that Elle's talking about also that I go to.
I also like the M&M ice cream.
They just like smash the M&Ms into it and I sometimes will get a large hot fudge sundae that's just As we describe it, the hillock, just this giant pile of ice cream.
Because when you go to something, it's like, I don't know what the rule is here in New England when it comes to these ice cream joints, but if it's not like a chain, like a Friendly's or something, if you order a large, you are getting a fucking large.
They are going to hit you with ice cream.
I mean, it is just, it is just the nature of the beast that you receive a considerable amount of bang for your buck when it comes to large hot fudge sundaes.
Yeah, I've unfortunately, I've lived a lot of places in the country, but I haven't been to many like dairies or ice or local ice cream shops.
So I'm willing to bet that it's probably the norm and that this isn't like a uniquely New England thing.
But I mean, the servings at the local dairies up in this area are like anywhere that just does local ice cream.
It's just like, oh, yes, can I get the kiddie cone?
And they're like, ah, three scoops of ice cream.
And I'm just like, wait, no, please, God, no.
I want so much less ice cream than that.
This has been Ice Cream, our podcast with, our ice cream podcast with a podcast.
I didn't even answer the question yet, Sarge.
You can't do the button until I give my answer.
And my answer is the local dairy that me and Mike Rance frequent, Richardson's.
Shout out to Richardson's.
They offer both a ginger and a green tea ice cream.
So I get those two ice creams blended together into what the rest of the country would call a milkshake, but what New Englanders call a frap.
Uh, and uh, green tea ginger frappe slash milkshake is fucking amazing.
So good.
And apparently, not a very common combo, because the last time I ordered it, the kid at the window was just like, hey man, how does that taste?
And I was just like...
I don't want to be a sarcastic douchebag and say it tastes like green tea and ginger mixed together, but that's honestly kind of what it does taste like.
So I went the diplomatic route and told him that it tastes very good, but it's hard to explain.
You should try it sometime because you work here.
I like putting banana, marshmallow, and chocolate into, oh no, peanut butter into a concrete.
That's my go-to mix-ins.
That's my backup option whenever I want a milkshake, but I don't have option of green tea and ginger.
There's peanut butter, banana, chocolate.
Boom.
Get it done.
So good.
And finally, of course, the Chairman Walkman question in numerous.
What are you looking forward to?
What's got you excited?
Uh, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of excited to go to Richardson's again and get me one of those green tea ginger fraps, so I'm gonna have to try to coordinate a trip with Mr. Mike Rades to go indulge in my being too fat for a horse.
See, this is why I'm too fat for a horse, is because I suck down delicious fraps.
Um, I am excited for, I'm finally going to start, like I've committed, I'm finally going to play Resident Evil 7.
I almost said Final Fantasy 7.
Uh, I've seen so many people talk about, uh, 7 and 8 and how like enjoyable they are.
And I like started watching a, a, a playthrough of 8 and I was like, no, I own 7.
I'm just going to sit down and finally like play it.
And then get eight because now that like it routinely goes on sale.
So I am excited to like finally like tuck into one of those.
That's cool.
I am excited because of the idea that I'm going to actually invest myself in fantasy football this year.
Last year I just couldn't do it.
I was like, they're going to cancel the season, this is dumb, there's no fans, this all kind of sucks.
And then I proceeded to just get aggressively dunked on and literally threw my entry fee into a fireplace.
And I'm like, you know what?
That seems like a really bad idea.
And I have been a perennial doormat in my fantasy football league for the longest time.
I'm the fish.
I'm the free roll sucker.
But this year, I am more motivated than I have been previously to actually show up and try to not suck out and just be terrible.
Be the easy win.
Oh, thank God I got Mike Rains' team this week.
I don't even have to play.
Oh, my quarterback's on a bye week?
I don't even need to replace him.
Done.
Easy money.
Got it.
You should take Tim Tebow.
Yes, I do.
I am planning on picking him with my first overall pick.
I am actually, at this moment, wearing a Jacksonville Jaguars jersey.
So it is incredibly funny that you brought up Tim Tebow, who is no longer a Jacksonville Jaguar.
I mean, it's astonishing that Team Tebow is anywhere even remotely near a professional football team at this point.
I mean, my God.
How many seasons did he take off?
As many as the Lord deemed necessary.
Yes.
Yeah, I mean, he was...
Kind of, he was the useless quarterback of the Broncos who got lucky and won a few games.
Then they got Peyton Manning.
When Peyton Manning became a Bronco, it was the end of his football career.
That ancient a time ago.
So, like two years before the Patriots won, they started winning Super Bowls again.
That was when Thibaut was finally removed from the NFL.
Became a minor league baseball player that sucked.
Then, because he's bros with Urban Meyer, he came back as a tight end.
And they were like, just block a lot!
And then he couldn't block anybody.
Because when you're a quarterback, your whole football career up until this moment... He's about not getting touched.
Yeah, you're not about laying in the hard blocks.
You're not about getting your hands in on their numbers and making sure they can't move you.
Anchoring!
Strong!
It's like...
You're saying he's not a Kelsey?
He's not a Gronk?
No, he's not going to go out and catch passes, nor is he going to be a blocking tight end.
He's not going to be that whole Rob Gronkowski quote-unquote extension of the offensive line.
It's like having six linemen out there with Gronks on the edge.
It's like having four offensive linemen.
He's actually subtracting offensive linemen.
If you actually had a five-man offensive line and Tim Tebow as tight end blocking, that's the Chiefs offensive line in the Super Bowl against Tampa.
Non-existent.
Just an actual sieve allowing people to freely rush at your quarterback at every moment after the snap.
Just a rotting fence where the gate's hanging off.
Just like, come up through it, boys.
Yes, exactly that.
Uh, sorry, uh, for that little minor delay there.
I assume Mike was waiting for me to steer this old boat out of the choppy waters that is Hellworld.
Take us home.
I was distracted thinking about milkshakes, because I'm a petty baby.
They bring all the boys to the yard.
Yeah, well, mostly it brought me forgetting to unmute my microphone to the yard and then losing my shit immediately upon realizing that I did it.
Consummate perfectionism.
Now I'm spiraling.
I'm spiraling.
I can't stop thinking about milkshakes.
It's the most... It's a delicious prison.
It's a delicious prison for me on the toilet, and that's what that is.
Wow, so that's a nice thought for us to go out on, Sarge, on the old poupier.
So for all six of you that have stuck around after all that, thank you for your support and for listening to the show.
We really appreciate it.
If you'd like to continue supporting the show, you can do so by spending a cool zero United States dollars.
By just telling a friend, giving us a 5-star review, interacting with us on our social media, doing anything you can do to massage that sweet, sweet algorithm into getting our podcast into more people's ears.
Or, if you have money that you do want to spend, well, then guess what?
We're happy to receive it.
You can visit us at patreon.com slash pokerpolitics to tip your dealer for $2, in which case you get nothing but our sweet, sweet admiration.
For $5, you get access to all of our wonderful bonus content, including Kabalin, where we discuss Fall of the Kabal, the series The Fowler's Deed, which was a Mike Raine solo special that has wrapped.
He is currently doing the Unknown, or Untitled, I should say, history podcast that's going up now.
Sarge is working on Sarge's Conspiracy Book Corner.
Sarge's Conspiracy Roundup.
That's what I've decided to go with.
Sarge's Conspiracy Roundup.
Roundup is an unfortunate way to end that.
I like Book Club better, but Roundup it is, because Sarge is in charge of that.
Sarge in charge!
So, yeah, we produce bonus content of varying different strokes for varying different folks, and you can get access to every single bit of that bonus content by giving us five delicious dollarydoos every month.
We do have some sweet people that we have to thank who are supporting us this week.
Or who started supporting us this week and will hopefully be supporting us into the future.
The first person is a delightful chap that has decided to tip their dealer.
And that is Backward Hat and Beard kind of guy, which is a cool name, I guess.
I'm not sure if it's a good look.
I guess I would have to look at your facial construction to determine whether or not you can pull off Backward Hat and Beard.
But we do appreciate your $2 donation.
And then, for $5, somebody has decided to elevate themselves from beautiful baby to beautifuller baby, and that is Sir Laboff.
L-L-E-B-O-F.
Laboff.
At first I thought it was Sir Laboof, and I was like, oh my god, is it Shia?
Does Shia listen to the show?
Can I get Shia's autograph?
I really loved his work in that one video on the internet where he's clapping at the end.
I was hoping you were going to say mix a lot.
What does Sir Laboff have to do with Sir Mix-A-Lot?
Besides having Sir in their name.
I was just hoping.
I mean, it definitely could be any Sir.
It could have been Sir Paul McCartney.
You were like, I was really hoping you were thinking it was Sir Paul McCartney.
And I was like, I don't know about that.
I didn't want to shoot the moon, a beetle?
Geez.
I mean, hey, I think shooting the moon is hoping for Shia the Beef Laboff to be a listener of the podcast.
But whether or not Sir Laboff Is Shia LaBeouf.
It is irrelevant because we appreciate them elevating themselves to $5 beautiful babies or beautifuller baby status.
So thank you very much for your support.
Anyway, if you have money and you don't want to give it to us because we are just some jerks that talk way too much about football and movies on our political podcast.
We totally get that.
It's ACES.
You can go ahead and donate that money to a wonderful charity, love146.org, who, and this is a quote directed for their website, their vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
And, you know, who does not want to get excited about that?
I'm being reminded literally as I speak to mention White Squall.
I don't know what this is.
It's come up a couple of times.
Yeah, we're talking about doing a crossover bonus binge wordy episode where we all watch White Squall and talk about it.
It is the source of the dumb QAnon quote where we go one where we go all and it maybe doesn't have JFK's boat in it, but we're looking for.
Five of you, five new beautiful babies to sign up or raise their pledge.
This is our telethon pledge drive.
We get five people to sign up or raise their pledge amount.
We will do a bonus episode of Bingeworthy, give it to you all for free.
We'll watch White Squall and talk about it.
Yeah, and based on the lack of smooth transition there, it's obvious I didn't know that was coming.
So that means that all of you listening can really appreciate how off the cuff it is that I'm about to say, come join us.
Elevate yourself to the beautiful or baby status.
And once we have unlocked that milestone, we will go ahead and give you all our bonus podcast, Where We Go One, We Go Squall, where we will watch White Squall and go ahead and talk to you about how boring or crazy it is, because I don't know shit about that movie.
But we will watch it for you.
So there we go.
Give us your money or give your money to love146.org or just keep your money.
That's fine.
That's, you know, there's nothing wrong with just keeping your money.
We get it.
Times are tough.
The pandemic's still raging.
People have PS5s they want to buy.
You know, just hold on to your money if you want to.
That's fine.
But honestly, we prefer if you give it to us.
But who wouldn't?
It's fine.
Anyway, lastly, but not leastly, we do have some people we need to thank and some other things we need to show for you real quick.
So I'll run through that quickly because this is getting a little long in the tooth.
First of all, thanks to DJ Minimal Effort, who is still too cool for social media.
He has provided our glorious Castlevania-sounding intro music that I love a little more every time I listen to it.
Voice of Q slash the voice of all of our bumps and drops when we need them is our voiceover friend Frosty.
You can find him on Twitter at FrostyB0.
Sarge and I have a tag team podcast where we talk about pop media called BingeWerdy.
B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
You can find that wherever your podcasts are provided, and you can find us on Twitter at BingeWerdy, spelled the same way.
So, after a needlessly long amount of shilling and some sloppy overall podcasting here towards the end, I have been your host, Hellworld Sarge.
See, I'm fucking it up already!
I've been your host, Hellworld Al, signing off for my co-host, Hellworld Sarge, and our glorious QAnon expert, Mr. Mike Rades.
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