All Episodes
Previous Next
Aug. 5, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:30:35
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #46: RonAnon an even bigger LARP than QAnon

Ron Watkins is at it again and boy howdy has he made a meal out of things. Also Tucker is still being dumb and Rudy has gotten himself into some trouble. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of the Game Theory Channel. I'm your host,
episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
PokerandPolitics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And the mysterious Hell.
How are you, beautiful babies?
Ah, it's Robot L this week.
So, uh, yeah, this week, um, we had, uh, not breaking news as it were, because, uh, Ron Watkins was here to tell us that maybe those packets that our buddy Mike Lindell was looking into might not be that wonderful.
And then, oh my God, what happened after that?
Well, before we get into it, we gotta play a content warning.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
I didn't want to step all over the very beginning of the show, but I'm very disappointed that Mike didn't reference or didn't get the beautiful baby reference of the week.
That wasn't just any old robot, Mike Rains.
That was Zero Wing.
How are you, gentlemen?
You have no choice, make your time!
Only classic, vintage, ancient memes for our listeners.
The Urr memes.
I've got a dancing baby gif over here.
Are you gonna start singing Badger Badger Mushroom?
Snake!
We're all very old.
Yes.
So, yeah, I totally did miss that.
I apologize for my lack of being on the right wave of L, as it were.
But our boy, Ron, decided that He was looking at the Horizon, which is coming next week in the form of the symposium that Mike Lindell is going to be holding, and some QAnon followers and study-ers were like, is Ron signing an NDA?
Why is he being so dodgy about this?
Because he's talking about these packets, and he's like, I don't know, guys, well, maybe there's something there, but... And you could just feel the flop sweat just forming on Ron's forehead as he was getting ready to try to Did he start melting out of his skin suit like Rudy Giuliani did?
That was incredible.
If only, if only Ron had like slimy hair tie like pouring down his face.
Oh yeah, we somehow missed this when we were going over our headlines for the week.
We can also talk about how that guy is melting and totally fucked.
So that's good.
A little tease for the future of this here podcast.
Yes.
Yeah, our boy Roots.
Always our boy Roots.
But dealing with the internet universe of QAnon and our beautiful boy Ron, he...
Then, after he started tamping down expectations for the packet captures, started freaking out and started posting all this stuff on his telegram where he was like, guys, you have no idea.
Oh my god, the stuff I got here is so explosive, so devastating, so powerful, it is gonna rock the deep state to their core.
This is it.
Bonafide proof of election theft.
Absolute infinity zero.
And it did, right?
Oh, absolutely.
I was gone.
So I must have missed it.
So he basically started posting a bunch of stuff about BIOS software, just computer software nonsense.
This was all computer for dummies bullshit.
And he's like, look at their BIOS, like formatting, look at the way this is being set up.
If you do like a From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
God, get the hackers on steroids.
Eeef.
Well, OK.
Hack the planet.
Play that bump, because it sounds like we're just going to get straight into this.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
It's in here as Ron Watkins does a John Carter, the movie.
Yeah, I mean, the books were fine, but it obviously did well enough.
But that movie, boy howdy, what an infamous stinker.
If you're in the audience, raise your hand if you've seen the movie John Carter.
Look to your left, to your right.
None of you are raising your hand.
Our boy Ron started freaking out and telling everybody that he's got it.
He's got the sauce.
He's got the power.
He's gonna bring down the cabal once and for all.
And not just from generic grabbing of voting machine manuals or whatever.
He's actually got something so concrete and so devastating the world will never be the same again.
This was the dramatic trailer phase of the John Carter experience, where we were all just sort of like, you know, yeah, he was jumping like 30 feet in the air.
There was a fully rendered CGI alien man that it was a sidekick.
Like, it could be good.
They did Pirates of the Caribbean.
It was fine.
Like, yeah.
Nobody's made money.
Nobody gave Pirates of the Caribbean any chance before it came out and then knocked all of our socks off.
John Carter is like Johnny Depp with six pack abs.
It's happening.
So, eventually, and then Ron, at some point, explained to us that this whistleblower video is only going to be 1 minute and 17 seconds long.
Which, obvious, I don't know why it would be 1 minute and 17 seconds.
Not looking for a Pavlovian response, are we, Ron?
Not like that's your alter ego or anything, is it, Ron?
And he's like, because this video is so short, anyone will be able to watch it and it will be fine.
And so finally the video comes out and the best part, every part of this video is incredible, but like the best part is it literally the opening caption is Dominion Whistleblower admin password remote access and he missed an L in whistleblower.
I'll leave it up to the audience to guess which L he fucked up on.
It could be anything.
It could be any of them.
It could be all four of them that he did before I had to put in the word whistleblower.
But he put this thing together so quickly and so slapdashedly that he was missing an L in whistleblower.
And then the actual video is just A bunch of blurry screens and two people who have their voices distorted, although one of those two people has an accent that sounds suspiciously like Ron Watkins talking about, hey, look at this here.
This just means this could be connected to the internet.
Oh, really?
You think it might be connected to the internet if they did this thing?
Yeah, I think it's possible it could be connected to the internet.
I mean, it is the most Like, benign, dumb conversation with a guy pointing at a computer screen.
And then they, like, smash cut between this conversation between these two voice-distorted jamokes and Dominion's CEO talking to Arizona's Congress Critters and him being like, no, there's no connectivity.
All of our voting machines are not connected to the internet.
They don't have anything to do with that.
You can't get them to do that.
So no, they're not connected.
Don't worry about it.
And then it cuts right back to NotRon and NotRon's friend being like, well maybe this thing here, if you hit this button here and beep this boop, then it will get us onto the internet!
And these machines will be accessible by the interwebs!
Totally plausible!
So... So I'm assuming then they went on to use this secret information they had to remote access a Dominion machine from the internet, right?
Oh, for sure.
Uh, no.
Actually, somehow, some way... WHAAAA?
LD of your surprise tat?
I've got my surprise tat.
We better move on.
It's made of Wagyu beef, baby.
Yeah, so our boy Ron did not manage to wedge in the actual hacking of Dominion voting machines via the internet in the 87 second clip that he distributed.
Did he even bother to try to call crash override?
Nor did he call Zero Cool.
He did none of these things.
The Plague was nowhere to be found.
I mean, surely if he needed help from within the Q-O-Sphere, our boy in the Matrix, with like some sort of lead hacker shit, he sees the code, right?
Yeah, him and Spooge.
It's the Matrix.
He's just...
Well, in the Matrix, it's somebody else.
But he just sees the numbers scrolling by.
His movie's crappy.
It's just called BIOS.
It's like, what is the BIOS?
And it's just like, yeah, good question.
Because even if that was a smoking gun, it is the least sexy smoking gun ever.
How are you going to get people to rally behind that?
Look at this blurry video footage of this computer screen showing some code and it's just like, oh my god, the code!
Quickly, get this information to 4chan.
I hear those are hackers on steroids.
So the best part about this is one of the things that Ron posted was, in one hour we exposed the most egregious election lie.
Spread the video.
Your life depends on it.
Spread the video.
Our country depends on it.
Spread the video.
The world depends on it.
Yeah, I read that.
It's so fucking dramatic.
He wants it to be short and wide like his glorious leader's penis.
All three inches of that mighty mushroom needs to spread all across our world like so much of Colonel Sanders' buttery spread as it grows.
Everything was at peace and then the Mushroom Kingdom attacked.
Yes.
And so now you might be thinking, wow, Mike, this was really disappointing and a colossal failure.
Typical for every other QAnon dumpster fire we've ever seen.
But wait, dear viewer, there's more!
So, Ron demanded everyone grab this video, download it, spread it to everybody they could.
About a few minutes after everyone started doing this, people started posting that their phones had now gotten a virus from the video that Ron had told them to download.
So Ron got everybody's phones hacked with a fucking virus that they then transmitted to other people.
So we have Ron being the Delta variant of some fucking internet virus.
That he gave to all of his beloved idiot followers who thought he was going to give them something, which he did.
A virus for their phones.
Incredible.
Good old Ronnie Watts infecting his web user base with a dirty digital dick.
Yes.
It's just like, one minute and 17 seconds of pure steel, baby.
Was it the worm virus?
Did the tankers begin sinking?
Yeah, did the Jesus Christ Da Vinci painting start warbling incoherently?
I watched Hackers recently.
Oh my god, the members of 4chan are gonna have to start flying through that city of cubes.
I love how- We're treading onto binge-worthy territory here.
I love how the 80s- Whatever, fuck it.
I mean, binge-worthy's a spinoff podcast, so this one, for a reason.
Like, one of our catchphrases here should be shouting, TURBOTEEN!
I love how, like, in the 80s and 90s, everybody assumed that the future of browsing the internet, or just even the files on your computer, was going to be Like, putting on a VR headset and flying around a digital city of cubes.
And it's just like, nah man, I'm just going to click on it with a mouse.
Or if I'm feeling particularly lazy, like when I want to open YouTube on my television, I just tell it.
I just tell it I want that to happen.
I'm just like, television, make YouTube.
And it's like, okay, cool.
It does that for me.
I don't have to fly around shit.
Make YouTube.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
So, Ron Watkins hyped up this huge stinker and then released it into the world.
Some percentage of the people who decided they wanted to share this stinker with their friends ended up transmitting some sort of cell phone computer virus.
And how did the rest of the Ron fanbase take his hot drop?
Ah, poorly.
Pretty much everyone's reaction to the latest Ron drop was, dude, this isn't enough.
This isn't going to pill anybody.
This isn't even a pink pill.
This isn't even beige.
This isn't even close.
I mean, we need actual red.
We need crimson up in here.
And we ain't getting it.
This is pathetic.
I've been talking about it with people on Twitter.
I still... Someone has to tell me why Ron hasn't posted his Q one last time.
I just can't get around it.
It's breaking my brain.
I really just feel like that he looks at Q as being a thing where if he starts it back up again, he's gotta commit to the bit.
He can't do a goodbye cruel world Q drop.
It just wouldn't be enough.
For him.
Because once he got back into being Q, he would have to keep it rolling.
And that would just lead down a path of him being stuck being Q. Which is not what he wants.
Because what he wants is actually being able to be a real boy in the world.
Because after this thing flamed out as brutally as it did, and after he was being called out by everybody for having once again promised them the world and delivered them absolute shit, He has pivoted from this video will save the world and you've got to give everybody the video and then they'll get a virus and now their phone is mining Bitcoin for Polish people or whatever.
After that flamed out so spectacularly, he decided that the new improved storyline that he was going to run with was that this video was but 1% Of all the powerful documents and evidence he's got.
And, like, now get ready because, oh boy, is Ron Watson going to come hard with the fastball because you thought that video was big.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
That was just a tip, baby.
You're getting the full Ron experience very soon.
This is the, uh, everybody kind of realized that the name John Carter was boring and that the marketing sucked, and nobody really cared about Taylor Kitsch to begin with phase, but then, oh shit, Taylor Kitsch is playing Gambit in that stupid Wolverine movie, and they're talking about doing a spinoff, so maybe we do care about Taylor Kitsch!
What a twist!
Yeah, so Ron, because again, all he ever wanted to do is to be a real boy.
And he got to be a real boy for a few minutes on OAN being a Dominion computer expert.
A voting program expert.
Yeah, voting machine programming expert or whatever the read the manual.
I read the manual and you know who I am wink nod.
So let me be on TV.
Oh, and so Ron, um, was able to get an interview on Gateway Pundit.
So our boy is making it to the bottom of the right-wing puke funnel misinformation network.
And he got to talk to Gateway Pundit and tell them, guys, I got so much coming.
You have no idea.
Oh, baby, we got so much hot, hot news.
It's going to be incredible.
And the Gateway Pundit was like, wow, if Ron Watkins' charges are to be believed, I almost spit my coffee out.
If Ron Watkins' charges are to be believed, they're not.
Narrator, they were not.
Yeah, it's just this thing where Ron is just so desperate for attention as Ron and not as Q that...
If he's able to get on OAN or he's able to be interviewed by Gateway Pundit, this life is so much more rewarding to him than his life was as Q, even though he'll never be nearly as culturally relevant as he was when he was the man behind the curtain.
So...
And he's trying to do it.
I mean, literally, by saying that he only gave us 1% of what he's got, he's literally doing Q drops all over again.
He's just this slow drip of information.
He's like, guys, the next drop is 5%.
It's five times bigger than our last one.
Ron's the king of edging.
I mean, so unfortunately for him this time around he doesn't have like a fired up
Base of goobers that are into it because it's like an anonymous thing that allows them to LARP out their military
fantasies They know that he's just some random guy
So he's like trying to start this with a user base of people being like I used to like code monkey
But now he's full of shit. He doesn't know anything Yeah, that's the problem is that Ron, Ron has already like
primed people to be on the defensive about bullshit Because, I mean, it's such a weird thing in QAnon that you have people like Jordan Sather and others who are trying to gatekeep the purity of Q's message.
I mean, like, no, those guys over there were talking about Jisera and Nisera and the Iraqi Dinar.
They're all full of shit.
You gotta trust me.
I mean, it's just all of that stuff.
It's like, it's so weird that you have, like, people that are trying to gatekeep this stuff.
So, like, now, when, like, you come with your new bullshit, The people that are like, well, hey, you were calling out Jon 07 and all the other people that were talking big and Ghost Ezra.
So now you got to provide some evidence for yourself there, Ron.
You got to show us what you got.
And Ron's got nothing and he knows he's got nothing.
So it's like, you've already built the fan that's going to blow the headwind into your face.
That's going to scrutinize your actual work now, whereas back in the heady days of QAnon, anyone could post fucking anything and people were like, oh shit, what does it mean?
What is the secret message?
Yeah, and like the only card he has to play now is to just like release a video that he took three years ago of himself logging into the Q account with its trip code and doing some drop posting and just be like, here's my incontrovertible proof fact that I am the one who is Q and A A bunch of people would still just be like, that's bullshit, you're not Q, this is a fake.
And B, even if people were just like, oh, okay, finally, the proof that this dude was Q all along, he probably doesn't want to be publicly Q. Q has a lot of eyeballs on it now, way more than I'm sure he ever attended, including the United States government.
Q ain't never coming back.
Like, that boy is dead.
Yeah, I mean, I know why he's never gonna post his queue again, because the entire alphabet of agencies is just waiting and watching, and now they could- there's real evidence that they could be like, well, we're gonna arrest you because you started an insurrection against the United States government.
It turns out that's a little illegal.
I'm assuming some amount of these people that have been arrested have mentioned, like, you know, like, Q in their legal defenses or whatever.
And it'd just be like, my client was just driven crazy by some online idiot named Q. And then if online idiot named Q decides to make themselves publicly known, well, we have a bunch of court documents with people on the record saying that you drove them to insurrection.
So that's probably not the best look.
I really hate to be that Q guy, am I right?
I'm not a Q, says Ron.
Yeah.
Thugs on his collar, nervous.
I really hate to be that Q guy, am I right?
What was Ron's tweet right before Q stopped posting?
Oh, that was the one where he was just like, guys, we gave it our all, but you know, them's
We got a new president now, so it's time to just like kind of put one foot in front of the other and do as best we can in this brave new world.
And, uh, I'm like, I'm happy with all of you.
Remember the friends we made on the way, right?
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, exactly.
He slowly turns off a light switch that's labeled Q and then a bunch of like dumb MAGA
idiots kick open the door to the room and they go, fuck, no you're not.
And then just turn that shit right back on and push him out of the room.
My partner pointed out that he said in that tweet, let's remember the friends we made
And we now know that Ron is a huge anime fan, and that's just a weeb thing to say.
Let's remember the friends we made along the way.
Right!
As he strokes his life-size Rei Ayanami figure.
Oh my god, the entirety of American Conspiracy Thought got duped by the worst guy from an anime convention.
Doc, seriously, 100% serious question coming your way, Sarge.
You hit that statue with a blacklight, what do you think you find?
Anything?
Ooh, like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Like, there is no way he has not touched that with his dick.
I mean, I'm assuming, like, I feel like there's a pretty good chance that that's the case, but do you think that he does proper upkeep on it?
I feel like if you own a life-size anime thing that you want to get your swerve on with, you're probably good enough to have the cleaning supplies to keep it from getting too foul.
Mike, where does Ron live anymore?
I think he lives in Japan right now.
Oh, so he's still in Japan?
I wasn't clear on... Oh, never mind.
It's just absolutely grimy.
There's cultural precedent.
Japan has figure cleaning services.
I guarantee if we looked on Fiverr in Japan or whatever, they'd be like, I'll come and clean your figures in a maid outfit.
But also, the stereotypical otaku, which is the sort of person that would have a life-size Rei Ayanami, they're notoriously gross.
So I feel like that probably pushes closer to keep your Luminala home, boys and girls.
My friend told me that they were just like, oh yeah, I broke the cardinal rule of never look up in an outhouse.
And I was just like, I had never thought about that.
But if I was never going into outhouses before, I'm certainly never going into them now.
I will immediately think about that, break that rule, and then just, like, die of a heart attack.
How many body pillows do you think Ron has, and do you think they're MyPillow brand body pillows?
Many, and no.
I don't think Ron's a loyal customer of Mike Lindell's.
I think if Mike Lindell was into that body pillow racket, his company wouldn't be hemorrhaging money as bad as it is.
To the tune of 65 million is what I read.
This is my segue into the Mike Lindell sucks corner.
Oh yeah, our boy Mike Lindell, he is hurting so bad that he is now given an affiliate link to Alex Jones for people.
That's gotta hurt.
Yeah, if you go to MyPillow.com or whatever and type in like slash Alex or whatever, you get like savings and it's like the Alex affiliate.
He gets a slice.
Of that money.
So like now, that's the circles that MyPillowGuy is trafficking in now, in order to try to fund his operation.
I mean, when you're Mike Lindell, and you had all this money, and you had all these companies that were willing to shelf your product and let you make money off of it.
It's incredible to me that this guy has burned all these bridges and has done all this stuff, and I honestly believe he's been duped.
I think this guy is just delusional.
You think Mike Lindell, you think he just fell down the rabbit hole a long time ago?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You think this Trump supporter is delusional?
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa!
Yep.
Okay, I'm done.
I was willing to ride that bit as far as you wanted, not a problem at all.
I think I fulfilled the covenant, right?
I did it three times?
Yes.
Okay, then yeah.
Rule three, yes.
It has been completed.
The summoning, it has been achieved.
The Awakened One stands before us.
Yeah.
And now we can move on.
Yeah.
Whoa!
I see callbacks!
Okay, now I'm really done.
The thing is with him, I just think that you have this guy who's just made all this money, he's been so successful, and he just doesn't think he could get tricked again.
And he is a delusional, Trump-supporting guy who Was dealing with these kinds of things before the election, where the polls were wrong.
Trump was going to win no matter what.
He may have not known exactly what QAnon was, but it was it was giving him the hopium.
And he bought in.
And then when Trump lost and he had to confront reality.
He decided, no, I will not confront reality.
I will deny reality.
I'll just double down on this Trump was going to win bullshit.
And I'm going to keep thinking that he did win.
And now he's been played by a bunch of hucksters and a bunch of conmen who've given him these packet captures and all this other bullshit.
And they've told him what he wants to hear.
And that's it.
And it's just like, if you can get into Mike Lindell's inner circle and offer him bullshit, That placates him.
He'll take it, and you'll probably get a fat check from it.
I mean... See, the problem for Mike Lindell is sort of twofold, right?
Because one, like, the pools that he's playing in are dirty, and therefore other people are pulling out, right?
Like, so he's losing, like, $65 million just because people don't want their fucking wagon hitched to this dumb, uh, Trump is the real president hokum.
And also, it's making Mike Lindell, like, a household name.
Like, people know his name, and not for a good reason.
And we're no longer in the age of, there's no such thing as bad press.
There's hella bad press!
Bad Press will fucking destroy you now!
The internet makes it so that if somebody can google your name and everything that comes up is just like seven shades of nonsense about how the Illuminati control the world or whatever, they might be disinclined to buy your fucking pillows!
I remember when I was listening to sportsball radio, the guys doing the show, they would do reads from MyPillow all the time.
There were a bunch of big-time podcasts.
It was a joke that podcasters would reference MyPillow.
And you know what I don't hear now ever?
That.
I never hear people on the radio shilling my pillow.
I don't hear podcasters shilling my pillow.
People are like, you know, the Mike Lindell brand is so toxic, I'm not gonna take your money.
For that on my on my podcast, MeUndies and Stamps.com and Squarespace.
There are plenty of brands that will just shower like popular podcasters with money.
So it's not like, Oh, it's like, Oh, no, where's this 30 second ad money gonna come from?
They don't have to worry about that.
They're like, damn, fuck it.
Gotta use the MyPillow guy's ads this week in order to make rent.
Yeah, I mean, if MyPillow wanted to cut us a check for ad time, that check would have to be big enough where we would literally just be like, okay, well, the podcast is dead.
But it was never going to get as big as this check is now anyway.
So we're just committing to killing it.
We're sacrificing it for MyPillow.
We're each taking our $10 million and we're walking out the door.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
If Mike Lindell wants to get us in a room and have us destroy ourselves, which is what it would be, then we'd have to be like, wait.
Personally, I need to clear six figures, high six figures minimum for myself here, for my integrity, for the long shower where I scrub myself and scream, still not clean.
I'm going to need that.
I'm going to need to look at my bank account and be like, okay, cool.
I can buy a house free and clear and have all of these things taken care of for the rest of my life.
That's the thing.
That's the kind of damage he's done to himself where he is now persona non grata in the mainstream.
And then he managed to alienate Fox because he was like, I'm going to make Fox air the ads for my symposium where I'm going to expose the fraud!
Yeah, I saw that.
And yeah, we covered that last week and then Fox was like, no, we will not air these ads because Dominion's lawyers are watching and they can't wait to hit us with another $3 lawsuit!
Oh my god, I forgot to ask about this when we were talking about Ronnie Watts.
He's fucking with Dominion now too, right?
Is he just trying to get himself roped into that lawsuit?
He was back when Dominion came out with their list of people that They had their thing where they were like, basically, cease and desist, stop bothering us.
And also, by the by, we are requesting all of the following people to not destroy any documentation right now, because we might be coming for you down the line.
So we want you to know that anything you do that could...
We're going to take that as a sign of you doing something nefarious.
Jim and Ron Watkins were mentioned by name in that.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh my God.
So, you know, he decided to post this video.
He's trying to poke that bear.
That's going to be hilarious.
I hope to God that they also.
They're just like, in addition to the other people we're suing for $1.7 billion, we are now also suing Ron Watkins for $1.7 billion.
Right, exactly.
Give us your 1.7 billion dollars, please.
Oh, you don't have that kind of money?
Well, then you are poor forever, please.
They come in, like, several large men in coveralls come in and take the Rey figure and, like, just start... They, like, start peeling the hat off his head while he sobs.
As you rest on your My Dominion pillow and go on 8 Dominion for all of your weird porn fetish needs, I mean, they're gonna own a website, a pillow company, whatever Lin Wood has to offer them.
I mean, they're... He's gonna put out a video where he's just like, on second thought, I love Dominion voting machines!
They're the most secure voting machines ever!
But he's still gonna make it 88 seconds long just so he can, like, try to save face.
Right, oh yeah, it's gonna be the ultimate Q-proof.
He's gonna try to put subliminal Q messages in it also.
He's gonna have, like, 17s all over the screen.
He's gonna, like... He's just gonna say a bunch of words that start with Q. Yeah.
He's gonna be like, I should have been more quiet when I was talking about the sudden conspiracy theories.
Yeah, these quality Dominion voting machines.
They make quick work of quite a count.
Yes!
Quite an accurate account, if I do say so myself.
Oh my god.
Oh my Jesus.
Wow, did we both just go there at the same time?
Yeah, you did.
Me and Sarge doing a mind meld.
But yeah, so like, I just, sorry, I didn't mean to drag us back into Rod Walks.
We were still scoring up a bunch of points on Mike Lindell and his dumb horse shit.
So where do we see this guy after Donald Trump is inevitably not reinstated president here in like seven days or whatever?
Speaking of which, next week's recording, I mean, like August 11th is supposed to be the day, right?
So we're gonna have quite the episode that day when the storm wave finally crashes into D.C.
And drifts that bitch Nancy Pelosi into the sea!
It hits her with a mallet!
Oh my god.
I was joking.
I didn't mean it.
That wasn't domestic abuse.
Honest, I swear.
These are all metaphors sponsored by MyPillow.
You know, folks, if you want a comfortable pillow... It's over.
We've ruined ourselves.
Cha-ching!
Not a real sponsor.
Dammit!
But, uh, yeah.
These...
These idiots, they're just doing all these things, and what happens with Mike Lindell is we're going to be mid-symposium on the 11th.
So the 10th, I mean, it's going to be really weird, because we're probably going to be on the eve of the big reveal, because I feel like he's going to save the hammer for the 12th.
So we're going to be mid-symposium on the 11th.
We're going to have day one and whatever.
Right, because the shit's supposed to drop on the 12th, and it will be so powerful.
Wait, what, did I make up the 11th?
I thought it was the 11th.
No, it's the 13th.
The 13th is when you, me, and the rest of America are gonna be in the streets demanding Trump be reinstated.
Ah, dammit, that's gonna be two weeks from now.
But we're going to be mid-convention.
We're going to have whatever day one and the middle of day two were.
And, like, I can't imagine what kind of a train wreck you could possibly present that would be three days long when your hammer, when your big payoff is something everybody already knows is dog shit.
Like, everybody already knows that the packet captures are just the publicly available information of like the Pennsylvania voter rolls that anyone can purchase if you want that information.
It's just publicly available.
So we already know what his big reveal at the end of this is, and it's going to be an absolute disaster.
I just can't imagine what it would be like to be told to...
Come out and be like the lead for something where the headliner is just an absolute, like, just train wreck.
It would be like, hey, music band, Milli Vanilli are coming back and they're going to sing with their real voices for Really Real and they're the headliner.
Do you want to do 45 minutes before they get up on stage?
And it's like, no.
No, I don't.
Because that sounds like a really bad thing to tie my name to.
No, wait a minute.
They're going to wrap up that carnival by breaking up special guest star, demonstrably and 100% provably alive JFK Jr.
He's got to make America great to get a hat on or whatever.
Or keep America great.
That's what they pivoted to.
Or even better, the rules have changed.
Everyone's just like, oh shit, the rules have changed.
The dead walk.
Yes.
JFK Jr.
and Tupac, surprisingly, are on stage to talk to you about how great Donald Trump is.
And in fact, he's still the real president.
Yeah, guaranteed.
But even then, they'd have no proof of that.
It would just be like, wow, what a world.
The people we thought were dead are alive.
Ghost Hunter was right about that all along.
Also, Chex Watch, Joe Biden's still president, so suck it, nerds.
I just really wonder how this convention, I would assume it's probably going to be like a standard convention where you're going to have like 8 to 10 hours of programming each day.
So it's how do you get 16 to 20 hours of programming on days 1 and 2 leading up to the big payoff on day 3?
I just, my god, I can't imagine that.
I can't imagine getting up on a stage and being like, hey everybody!
Everybody ready for the truth to come out in two days?
Roar!
Everyone excited about Mike Lindell!
They're so used to that!
They're just like, hey, things are gonna happen blank amount of time from now.
Insert a month.
They're just gonna bring back that lunatic woman that was just screaming everything she was saying at that previous convention.
I can't remember her name, but she was a real hoot.
Yeah, one of the Trump girlfriends, the woman who was like, the best is yet to come at the RNC!
It's just like, wow, bringing a desperate level of energy that's like teetering on somebody just held a gun at me backstage and told me to be as excited as possible.
Flap harder!
Yeah, just like, you're gonna go out on that stage and you're gonna be as excited as fucking possible.
And if we think that you could be more excited, we're gonna blow your brains out when we get back here.
And she's like, I just can't get enough of that shrub, it's crazy!
Just like, vibrating with excitement.
Maximum excitement!
That's what it's all about, baby!
Absolute excitement.
That's the sort of energy they're gonna bring to it.
You know, the Q folks, they're hungry for it.
They can't get enough of it.
They are desperate.
The only thing I really wonder is, I haven't checked for tickets to the symposium yet, but do they sell day one and day two passes?
Can you go and miss out on the payoff on the 12th?
You're like, no, I'm just here for that guy on day one.
He does incredible breakdowns on voting machines and his work on what happened in Ohio.
Breathtaking.
You have no idea.
I'm like a diehard believer in that guy.
Like, Lenny Smartmatic, he's the best of these debunkers.
He's incredible.
So, I don't need to see what Lindell's got.
I just want Lenny.
I mean, I just don't understand how you could possibly be a day one or day two person for this.
Do they just bring musical guests out?
I mean, does Pitbull perform?
Now with Smash Mouth!
I just don't see how you can have programming for this that could possibly carry the day for any period of time.
It's just so bizarre.
This is going to be the most esoteric thing I could possibly imagine.
Because at least when you do the regular Q conventions, it's just like, Up next, in the Matrix!
Then Matrix goes up, does his 20 minute set.
He gets back down.
Up next, Jordan Sather!
Sather goes up and is just like, Hey, do vaccines suck?
Yeah!
Does everybody hate masks?
Yeah!
And then after he does, you just keep passing the baton from one person to the next.
So if somebody comes out on stage dressed like Steve Jobs and they've got the big projector behind them and they're just like, now we all know what the biggest problem in America is.
Clicks button on remote.
Jews.
And they just get ripped off stage.
Yoink!
Oh no!
I really hate the people in, books at hand, Shelbyville.
God dammit, they're all just a Simpsons joke.
Who invited Ghost Ezra?
You're not one of the public faces of QAnon!
Be gone!
We all, we love all people of all races.
Ignore QDrop998.
I mean, just... But am I really the real Ghost Ezra?
Or just an actor in an elaborate costume?
Well, we're gonna arrest you either way and find out.
And he's like, don't do that, please!
I will see myself out, thank you!
Oh my god.
Me, Ghost Ezra, not Ghost Ezra in the suit of somebody else playing Ghost Ezra.
He just throws a smoke bomb down and then just like shuffles through the emergency door, triggering the alarm.
Everybody out!
The fire department needs to get out before they reset it.
Sorry, guys.
We're never inviting that asshole back.
He ruins everything.
The Jews did it!
Peels through the parking lot at the people who are now outside.
Yeah, that'd be great.
And scene.
Yes.
Oh my god.
I can't deal with these people.
So that seems to have been that world of just the internet clowns.
But these internet clowns, they do manage to bleed into the real world, which is terrifying.
And QAnon's favorite Arizona Congress Critter, Wendy Rogers, who is my hero because her avatar on all her social media posts is her when she was in the Air Force or whatever military branch she served in.
And it's like her young in her like fatigues with an American flag in the background.
And nowadays, she's an older lady.
She's like really like just small and just all like what you expect from her
avatar is not what you get when you see her being interviewed. You mean she's not the the the brassy
uh headstrong clarinet player in the air force marching band that we remember? Yes exactly right.
For the record, I don't know what the fuck she did, but it is equally as likely that she was in the fucking marching band as it was that she was flying MiGs over Russia or whatever, you know what I mean?
MiGs.
I don't know.
Plain term.
We don't have MiGs.
That's your lane.
Yeah.
You want accuracy in the military references?
You fucking make them.
I'll stick to Turbo T. But our friend of the podcast, Wendy, posted a series of angry tweets, because she's still allowed on polite social media for God knows what reason, talking about all this audit shit where she was like, Patriots activate.
They're acting guilty if it walks like a duck.
And then, should stolen elections be considered treason?
And then she continued to up the ante by saying, I would like to know if we have enough solitary confinement cells in Arizona available for the entire Maricopa Board of Supervisors and the execs at Fraud Machine Company.
We are going to need a lot.
And then finishing with, I would have arrested all of these people already if I had the power to do so.
I vote to arrest.
Arrest and put them in solitary.
I see her question about voter fraud being treason and raise her and does armed insurrection on the Capitol count as treason.
No, that never happened.
Shut up.
Yeah, that was just some people politely vacationing in that place that they were having to smash windows and break the doors to get into.
Yeah.
But, you know, that's apparently somehow, somehow that's not treason.
I would also ask, just like, hey, remember when Mitch McConnell keeps saying that he refuses to allow the president their constitutionally protected right to appoint, like, supreme justices or whatever?
Is that treason?
Because he's got to choose this to be, right?
You guys are some big Constitution thumpers.
Little treason, not big treason.
May have committed some light treason, yes.
Speaking of those tourists who just adventured through the Capitol all harmlessly, we had news that a couple more police that were involved in that had committed suicide this week, which is a terrible thing to hear about.
And QAnon was here to tell us the Clintons are murdering these people.
Are they?
Yes.
Apparently these cops were going to spill the beans.
They were going to tell us what really happened on 1-6.
They were going to get to the bottom of it and because of that they had to be iced.
They had to get dropped by the Clintons.
Sounds right.
Or other deep state evil people who are bad and evil.
We would never question why Trump didn't arrest the bad guys at any point in time or do what Q said he was going to do.
And now our police officers, Blue Lives Matter, back the blue, thin blue line, are being executed by the Clintons and QAnon and Trump just sit idly by playing Angry Birds on their phones or whatever.
It's really amazing how these people, it's just a way like how whenever bad things happen and Christians just blame the devil and you're like, why doesn't God just kill the devil, bro?
What's that all about?
It's even less defensible because you can make up mythos about the Bible and the prophecy and the end of days and all this stuff.
But it's like, no, Trump, Hillary Clinton wanted to confess and Trump wouldn't let her.
We have the video of Hillary slicing off the face of that girl and drinking her blood.
We've got everything.
We have it all.
Pictures in control.
And we're gonna see that video any day now.
Any day now.
Maybe that's part of the 99% of the big shit Ron's holding onto.
Maybe he has the video.
Oh, come on, Ron.
You can give it to us.
Help us out, man.
No, wait, Ron.
The vote was rigged.
Democracy is dead.
Speaking of dying democracies, I believe we have a bump for our next upcoming story because it involves our good friend Tucker Carlson.
It does involve our good friend Tucker Carlson.
However, that bump called out sick, which I have to apologize for.
Wow, you really didn't mention this sort of shit in the production reading before we had to talk.
I literally have a Tucker Carlson headline written in our notes here.
You didn't tell me that the bump wasn't there?
I'm sorry, I- Conscript professional.
That's gonna cost us our MyPelo.
Oh no!
Now we're never gonna get our 30 million dollar paycheck.
Fuck!
Alright, well, fucking no bump for our listeners.
If you've made it this far into the podcast, spoiler warning, we're not the most professional, I guess.
But this one is, for once, not on me.
So, thank God.
Anyway, so what the fuck is our buddy Tucker Carlson doing in Hungary?
Tucker Carlson is getting ready to be part of a convention, or a committee as it were, that is not far right, because, wink nod, that's going to be in Hungary, and he was hanging out with our boy, Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban, And very likely this is actually the shit that the NSA picked up on and not trying to get an interview with Putin, you know?
You think the NSA might be interested in Fox News' biggest star heading over to Hungary to talk shop with a fucking dictator?
Super weird, that.
Yeah, it's so odd that this is probably what Tucky Tuck got swept up in when the NSA was looking for him.
And he's going to deliver a speech appropriately entitled, The World According to Tucker Carlson, this coming Sunday at MCC Fests.
A far-right conference in Budapest that's being backed by Victor Orban, our boy.
Oh yeah, I actually mentioned this on the podcast earlier.
He's going to come out in a turtleneck dressed like Steve Jobs.
Obviously, it's gonna have to be.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
The world according to Tucker Carlson.
Can you imagine being the sort of person that would be pumped for that?
I can't wait to fucking hear about Tucker Carlson's worldview.
Can't wait.
Tucker Carlson's worldview puts asses in seats.
I think it would at this convention.
I got a feeling that these people did come to hear what Tuck's got to say.
And I also got a feeling that Tuck's probably going to be a little rougher around the edges than he is when he's on Fox.
Because you gotta play to your audience, as it were.
And his audience is the good conservatives of Hungary, where I'm sure there's no just crackling racism or anti-Semitism anywhere.
Tucker Carlson's gonna be like, I've got a very simple position.
Arabs, I've just never been a fan of them.
It's just like, oh, yay, or whatever, you know what I mean?
Whatever gets that particular, because I don't know shit about Hungarian, like, hyper conservatives, but I'm sure they hate somebody.
And Tucker Carlson has to hate those people, too.
Unless it just happens to be white capitalists, right?
If Hungary is far right, it's for some reason incredibly anti-white capitalist.
Tucker Carlson's gonna have a real bad evening.
We hate the heirs of frozen food corporations!
Boo!
Your frozen meals suck, Tucker Carlson!
Even here in Hungary!
Tuck's like, wow, this is a niche market.
Holy shit!
How did I not vet this ahead of time?
Our government made sure that the last three meals I ate were boiled shoe leather.
I still won't touch a fucking Swanson frozen dinner, you motherfucker.
Tuck, we love you.
Jews, we hate you.
Tug Girls is like, wow, this is a real mixed crowd.
Haters of frozen food and lovers of the things I hate.
Take that, Swansons.
Yeah, vicious anti-Semites who also hate Swansons.
That's pretty much the eclectic mix that makes up Hungry is Far Right.
Those are all just goofs.
I haven't had a Swanson frozen meal in forever because even though I am a sad single male, I'm not that sad and single.
You're not eating bachelor chow?
Yeah, I'm not sitting there with a fucking Salisbury steak and some steamed corn that I just pulled fresh out of the microwave and a little TV table in front of me just like sobbing while I eat it while watching like a Friends rerun or something.
No, I'm not that guy.
I will eat pizza that I have ordered freshly prepared for me and I will eat that while crying sadly watching YouTube.
I'm a modern male!
You tell him, Al.
You tell him.
So I think that covers our bumpless Tucker segment.
So that means that I'm happy to introduce a brand new segment on the show.
So welcome everybody for the Rona Roundup.
Mike, play that bump!
I'm glad I didn't get the chance to say this next part's bumpless.
Yeah, I was so glad.
So we may, in fact, come up with a Rona Roundup bump, because the Rona appears to be with us for a while longer, as it were.
Yeah, with Delta Plus.
Who could possibly imagine why it would be that the coronavirus is still a big deal in our country?
Why?
Why can't anyone tell us why this is still happening?
If only there was some way to figure out why people that were easy to infect with a virus that mutates would allow mass quantities of them to be infected by the virus, have the virus mutate, and become even more powerful and dangerous.
So yeah, we now have Delta Plus.
Yeah.
Which is apparently even more contagious than Delta, which was more contagious than original Alpha Coronavirus.
And we now also have the Lambda strain of the Coronavirus, which is apparently more vaccine-resistant than previous strains of the Coronavirus.
Somewhere in the world, the president of the Corona Brewing Company or whatever is sending a sympathetic email to the president of the Delta Airlines Company.
Yeah.
He's like, bro, we get it.
Like, we know.
I think I actually saw that exchange on Twitter.
Yeah, I saw a joke mock-up of that exchange.
Like, yeah, welcome to the world of suck.
Yeah, I mean, it is... Well, thanks for both of you having to tell me that I'm not very original.
Nope, no new thoughts in the world.
Have I ever told you guys my story about Vajazzling?
Yes.
I was there for that.
Oh, were you there that night?
Yeah.
I can't remember what point in my life that was.
I think I'm the one who told you, I'm like, that's a thing, man.
Yeah, we were just talking about, like, the idea of Vajazzling, and, like, it was, like, the body of Vajazzling was becoming a thing, and I was like, man, people should do that on their private parts and call it Vajazzling, or some dumb joke like that, and somebody, like, maybe Sarge turned to me and was just like, that's already a thing, and I was like, damn it!
And I think they call it vajazzling, or did.
Yeah, that was the reason I was so infuriated.
I thought that I was so clever for coming up with vajazzling on the spot.
It was like, that's already a thing.
It's like, you son of a bitch!
Goddammit!
Hey, if we rush now, we can be the two millionth person to make the gotta-keep-em-vaccinated joke about the offspring firing their drummer for not getting vaccinated.
How fucking dedicated to this shit do you have to be to be with a band for like 15 years and they're just like, Hey, you need to, uh, you need to get vaccinated.
Yeah.
You need to get the, you need to get the shot.
And he's just like, but I have a disease that that might exacerbate.
They're just like, we don't give a fuck.
You get the shot or you're out.
Yeah.
I don't know shit about the disease that guy's got and whether or not that is a good excuse, but it turns out that the guys at the Offspring didn't seem to care very much, so I guess good for them for being really into this stamping out the road of shit.
It's hard to really fault anyone for demanding someone they have to tour and live and sweat with every day to get their fucking shot.
It's just like, you know, even if it would exacerbate his pre-existing condition or whatever, I mean, that's a rough beat.
But also, I don't want to tour with you because, you know, touring.
Yeah.
And also on the Rona Roundup, we have our president, the real president for Really Reels, Joe Biden, decided to mention Texas and Florida.
You two kind of fucking suck and you need to get with the program and quit sucking.
And Ron DeSantis, the governor of Florida and the man who aspires to be the Republican nominee for president in 2024, while he's trying to clear out the dead that are piling like cordwood all around him and filling the streets of his now nightmare hellscape of a state, DeSantis had a day to respond to Biden being like, yo, dude, seriously, quit being a fucking idiot.
DeSantis responded by saying, why don't you close the border?
That's why Florida's COVID levels are so high.
The southern border's not being solidified.
Can you guys let me know how much of the Florida border connects to Mexico?
Hold on, let me get my placemat out with the map of the U.S.
I was literally thinking to myself, when he says the border, does he mean the border to the ocean?
Like, he's just like, if you just look out over our pristine beaches and you'll see on the horizon, like, a horizon littered with Cuban ships bringing their COVID-infested people here.
It's like, I don't think that, I think you could, that's not, no.
About that.
Yeah, so that was Ron and his crack staff of researchers and other people that were working in his office were like, how do we fire back at Biden for pointing out the fact that Florida is probably where the omega strain of COVID is going to come from and end humanity?
And his reaction was, blame Mexicans and just be a xenophobic sack of shit.
I mean, it's really incredible that that was his big retort.
Also, I hate to tell these conservative idiots, I mean, you would think a fucking Burger King franchisee or something would be the person to go to them and just be like, hey guys, the coronavirus has fucked up everything, your stance can't simultaneously be we hate immigrants and also we need people to work at Burger King.
Like, our Burger King desperately needs immigrants who are willing to work for the tiny pay we want to pay a human being to do the work for.
And like, now that people have realized the jig is up, and they don't have to do that job, we're fucked.
So please, embrace immigrants.
I mean, even where I live, which is not the most liberal in the world, but certainly has more liberal leaning than conservative leaning shit going on, there's just like...
A bunch of businesses that have signs up, they're just like, sorry, our service sucks.
Like now, there's not a lot of staff going around.
People are just not coming back to work.
So our service will be slow.
And me, just totally reasonable person, yeah, all right, my burrito is going to take an extra 30 minutes.
Shit.
Bummer.
Whatever.
That sucks.
I'm not going to hem and haw about it, but at the same time, it's just like, your options are embrace people that are willing to work for less pay, or Pay people a fair fucking wage.
Ideally both, but we know we're not going to get that.
No, never.
Boy howdy, if you could pay an immigrant a living human wage where they could afford a place for them and their family to live without needing multiple jobs, oh boy, what a world.
We are never going to get that.
It's never going to happen.
Such a socialist utopia would never darken the doors of the United States of America.
Yeah, because then those business owners would be like, but if I do that, how much am I supposed to pay the whites?
And it's like, a fucking livable wage!
You goons!
Just pay people what they're worth!
Anyway, yeah, Rona roundup just before we forget, because it is worth noting, even though there's no QAnon angle to it, but while we're generally talking about the corona, some places, like New York, have wisely decided, hey, fuck off, mask mandate, or vax mandate.
Prove to us you're vaccinated if you want to be inside places.
If not, enjoy the beautiful outdoors of New York City that everyone's talking about so much.
Yeah, and Asa Hutchinson, the governor of Arkansas, has come out and said, you know that banning of mask mandates that I did?
Ooh, probably should not have done that.
That one, that's my bad, guys.
My bad.
Yeah, probably should have allowed people to have masks.
And also, didn't Lindsey Graham come out as having COVID?
Like, doesn't that dude have COVID now?
Yeah, Lindsey Graham came out.
Oh, did that happen?
Wow.
Lindsey Graham came out and said he had COVID, but said that he's feeling great because he was vaccinated, and that's why his symptoms are minor, so you should get vaccinated too!
What?
That's Lindsey Graham!
He's Republican!
Yeah, okay.
So hey, guess what guys?
Get the fucking vaccine.
I mean, I don't know why I'm trying to tell our listeners that.
Our listeners are all smart babies who have their vaccine.
So I don't need to be talking about that to any other people listening to this show.
So that's our Vax Roundup for the week.
But before we go into the headlines, because I mentioned that we would discuss it at least briefly earlier and it's not part of our list here.
How about Donald Trump just turning his back on his boy Rudy?
I think that shit is hilarious.
I missed this.
You gotta give me the breakdown.
I completely missed this.
So I don't have any of the articles called up but here's the short version.
Rudy Giuliani is about to be flat fucking broke because all of his money is tied up facing several lawsuits and he can't practice law in like DC and New York or whatever.
So Rudy Giuliani is fucked and Donald Trump was apparently A. unhappy with the amount he was paying Giuliani for appearances and stuff.
I guess it was like $20,000 a day and Trump was unhappy with that.
And B. Donald Trump and his legal team are just not helping Giuliani with any of his financial problems.
They're just not pitching in.
And it's because his lawyer's position is apparently, Rudy Giuliani's actions, even if they were on the behalf of the former president slash current president of the United States, Donald Trump, were problematic.
And as a lawyer, he should have known they were problematic.
And so he is just sort of on his own.
If you wanted to get paid, you should have done a job worthy of getting paid, you big dum-dum.
Yeah, and if you broke a bunch of laws by saying a bunch of slanderous shit, or libelous shit, whichever one, pick your poison, on behalf of the President, well, that's on you, because you should have known better, but you did it anyway, so now you're fucked.
Get fucked!
Our legal position is, fuck you, Rudy Giuliani.
Enjoy, like, dying, like, you know, rich white person penniless, which is to say, still living way better than most people on the planet.
Right.
Yeah, well above the poverty line.
Yeah.
I mean, when Rudy Giuliani dies penniless, it'll be in a mansion or whatever.
Right.
It's just like, oh, the poor guy, he had so little money.
Yes.
I mean, him and Game of Thrones, I've never seen anyone burn their legacy quite so well.
He went from being America's mayor and the obvious next president to crazy dude who is talking in front of the Four Seasons landscaping department.
It is amazing that he destroyed himself as totally, utterly, and completely as he did.
It is breathtaking the fall from grace that man has had.
Speaking of destroying themselves, I want to announce Sarge's Conspiracy Corner.
That's coming up.
I'm doing the research.
We're going to start having those after Fall of the Cabal, when that ends.
And I want you guys to get excited.
The first part Is the first Sarge's Conspiracy Book Corner Book Club is going to be on the moon landing.
So we're still workshopping a name for it, which is why he said like 400 names.
So we're still working on titles, but Sarge's Conspiracy Book Club and the first book is going to be the moon landing Apollo and the Whistleblowers.
And we're going to go over the nuttiness that is Uh, faking the moon landing and why that's ridiculous.
So that's going to start after Fall of the Cabal.
The first episode is going to be free to all you beautiful babies.
It's always going to be weird when I say it, but we're going to give you the first taste for free.
And then after that, it's going up in the, uh, premium vault.
So look forward to that.
It's going to be coming up here in two weeks.
Yeah, and also, if you have any sort of crazy conspiracy book recommendations, you can ship those over to Sarge for potential future dissecting by the crew.
You can find him on Twitter, at hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. Sarge.
Yeah.
And now, play that fucking bump!
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. I guess one for three ain't bad.
Wow, one for three will get you in the Hall of Fame, as they always say.
Alright, let's answer some sweet, sweet listener questions from our beautiful babies!
So Nark asks, did any of you guys ever have a LAN party back in the day?
Diablo and Diablo 2 LAN parties with friends were the best.
Of course, I bring this up because LAN doesn't mean internet.
Uh, yeah.
So, uh, the short answer is yes, with an asterisk.
Uh, personally, I never really had, like, our family never really had enough money growing up for us to have a computer that could run games.
Uh, like, the computer I had was essentially just a fucking IRC machine.
Like, I was just in chat rooms, uh, like, you know, doing 12-year-old boy flirting with girls on the internet, who were also probably 12-year-old boys at the time.
Um, and then, you know, occasionally I would pirate some stuff off of, uh, Kazaa or what have you.
Uh, that being said, when the wonderful game Halo Colon Combat Evolved released, uh, boy howdy did I play the shit out of Halo.
At Halo LAN parties, where luckily our local gaming store for a while, we're holding in-person, full, like, you know, eight-man on eight-man Halo LAN tournament parties, like, every weekend.
And for a while, I played.
I was not very good, although I was a Capture the Flag specialist.
I was much better at capturing flags than killing people.
And I even earned myself a dumb nickname, and that was King.
So, yeah, I played some LAN parties back in the day, but on the Xbox and not PC.
I never did a LAN party.
I think like kind of like the edgiest like hang out all night kind of wackiness that I got myself into was a couple of Magic the Gathering like home games.
I remember like going to this And playing, like, 10-person multiplayer games of Magic that would start around 10 o'clock at night and end at, like, 5 in the morning.
Just these epically long, brutal, horrible games of Magic that took forever.
After, like, the first couple games, because everyone just brought their normal dueling deck to this just 10-player multiplayer shitshow of a game, then people started meting for actual crazy multiplayer bullshit.
Yeah, because when you nut off at Stroke of Genius for someone to death, you can only target one player with that.
Right, exactly.
And then one guy came up with the most ridiculous thing in the history of the world, where he busted out a Jester's Mask.
And the whole point of the Jester's Mask was that anytime anyone would look at him or try to kill him, he'd be like, if you kill me, I'm gonna give Bob the best hand possible.
So his, like, whole threat was just, I will suicide myself, I will let you kill me, but in response, I will make somebody else win the game.
He was just aggressively kingmakering with Jester's masks.
And if you tried to break the Jester's mask, he would also immediately threaten you with the same thing.
So, it was just, it just got to a point where it got too... I mean, it should've, like, if the rest of you guys were sick of that shit, it should've just got to the point where you just murdered Bob every week first.
Yeah, just let him king make for somebody until he realized that every time he showed up to this tournament, he was just first man out.
It was like, you can show up and we'll just kill you immediately.
Right?
Yeah, well, that was the thing is like once people started doing that shit, it like it went from being like the fun silliness to now being like competitive and that made everybody not so happy.
So it fizzled out at that point.
Ah, yes, what would later become known as the Commander Principle.
It was a multiplayer format where some people decided to start trying too hard for the rest of the people and were ostracized.
Yes, Commander, everyone's favorite magic format, which sounds sarcastic, but it's sadly not sarcastic.
It is wildly popular and a bummer for those of us that like the competitive part of magic.
Yeah.
Anyway, how about you, Sarge?
Any LAN parties?
Yeah, a bunch of StarCraft LAN parties.
We played local multiplayer StarCraft, just a ton of it.
You lucky duck.
StarCraft was never my shit, but I was always so jealous of the people that got to do it with Diablo.
Diablo looked so fun back in the day, but man, I just did not have a computer that could fuck with any of that shit.
Well, thank you for the question.
So, Old McWatkins asks his usual Fight Club insanity, and says, if Martin Geddes, Austin Steinbart, and QAnon John were all magic cards, which existing cards would they be, or what card would you create to represent them?
They would all be Melting, because Melting is the worst card ever printed.
I've always loved that card.
It just always makes me laugh, the idea that you would have that anti-Snowland card.
I gotta bring that in!
Snowlands are too powerful, man!
Yeah, I don't know enough about any of these guys to know for sure what sort of magic cards would represent them.
And also, we just already went on, like, a little bit of a magic tangent, so maybe we'll circle back to this one, but for the time being, just assume whatever the three worst cards of any individual block are.
Like, what are the three worst cards in Fallen Empires?
Probably those three.
Oh, God!
We're dealing with a lot of not... Was that the cephalids?
Did they have that in phthalids?
There were a lot of phthalids in there too.
Honestly, I don't really remember exactly what's in Fallen Empires.
I just know that it is historically, like, one of the sets that almost killed Magic.
So bad it was.
It just came out... Like, sometimes Magic almost died because a set came out and was too powerful.
That's happened a few times.
But there were, like, one, maybe two times where a set came out and it was just so bad that people were not interested in playing with Magic cards anymore.
I remember, because I got into Magic right almost at that time, and a pair of people told me that the Dark went into Fallen Empires and those two sets just blew.
They were just the absolute worst.
And that's why they had to do a massive advertising campaign for Alliances and promised everybody, Alliances will be full of good cards!
We promise!
And then Alliances had lots of good cards, like Force of Will and all that other dumb shit.
So yeah.
So yeah, they are magic cards that suck.
They're way worse than just a vanilla 1-1-4-1, let's just say that.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Much worse.
So thank you for the Fight Club Question of the Week from old man McWatkins.
Deport gamers?
Boo!
Don't deport us.
We're people too.
While Reagan undoubtedly created the conservative zeitgeist until Trump, U.S.
conservatives also ended up discarding many things about his original vision.
What parts of Trumpism do you think Republicans will eventually abandon while still sticking to the core?
His protectionism, his anti-free market and free trading shit.
Republicans want a trade with China.
They just want all the China bucks they can possibly get their hands on.
His trade war with China and basically ruining our farmers' ability to make money by selling their products to China.
All that shit.
Boo.
They will jettison all the protectionism and isolationism and they'll just keep the free markets and the xenophobia and all that other shit going strong.
Yeah, they want to hate foreigners, but they also want to do so while... They want foreigners' money.
Yeah.
I mean, just like, Hollywood especially just needs foreign money.
Now that movies are sort of coming back, or they were until the Delta started to just put it directly into everyone's bad place, it just completely...
Dependent on the fact that the Chinese love the Fast and Furious now.
I mean, so anything that the free market could do to hobnob better with China and the on-the-rise India.
The pandemic fucked a lot of the world that was on the up-and-coming.
So as the coronavirus becomes actually managed over time, we're going to start to see the re-resurgence of China and India.
I agree with all that.
And so thank you for the question.
I can't add anything to that.
Even though I don't want to be deported.
Chairman Walkman asks, what would be your perfect sandwich?
It exists.
It's called the Reuben.
Yeah, I was gonna say probably something in the Reuben family.
And if it's morning, some sort of Monte Cristo.
Yeah, I mean, see, so in the morning, I used to be a Monte Cristo fan, right?
But now, nowadays, my old palate and tum-tum, I think it might just be too much for breakfast.
Like, I can certainly eat it for, like, a dinner meal.
Right.
For breakfast, I'm of the mind that, you know, just a simple breakfast sausage, egg, and cheese on either a bagel or an English muffin.
Boom.
Knock it out of the park for breakfast sandwich.
Uh, but any other time of the day sandwich, I'm gonna go with a Reuben.
Like, I want it to be a nice Reuben.
I mean, I'll fuck with a bad Reuben anyway, but I already call the Reuben the king of sandwiches.
And I like Reuben derivatives, too.
Like the Rachel.
I'll fuck with the Rachel.
You know, the Reuben, the Rachel.
They're both nice.
Good, good, good, good.
How about you, Mike Rades?
What's your favorite sandwich?
I'm good with a turkey BLT minus the tomato.
I've found that just trying to not just eat a double quarter pounder all the time and looking for better proteins, as it were, that I do like turkey.
How do you feel about avocado?
Avocado?
Eh.
I could live or die.
I could go without.
I could tolerate it.
It's fine.
Here's a mysterious L life hack for you.
Since you don't like tomato, the next time, go ahead and try that BLT minus the T plus a little A. The avocado really helped bring a little extra something to a BLT.
Sounds good.
It's got like a different texture than the rest of it on top of adding that flavor to it because you get the crispiness of the bacon and you get that like smooth sort of like buttery consistency of the avocado.
And then you get the protein consistency of the turkey.
It's all quite nice.
And then the crispiness.
You're making me hungry.
Yes.
It's like I actually prefer I like I like my BLT with avocado added on top of it for that reason.
I think it's like it adds the texture it adds is just as important as the flavor.
This is, I love these questions. I love questions like this that are just like so off topic and lead to these
discussions. They're just, they're just great.
So thank you, Chairman Walkman for another great question.
Placeholder asks, was Michael Lindell really a crack addict or is that just the setup to his redemption story?
I don't have evidence against him, so I'm not going to call him a liar.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Michael Lindell claims he used to be a crack addict?
Yes, that is his story.
That is his actual story.
What the fuck?
I mean, I've never heard that in my life.
This is not a bit.
Like, this is completely new info to me.
I cannot believe that this guy is like, so he was just like, yeah, yeah, I used to be awful.
I used to be a crack addict.
And then I pulled myself up by my bootstrap and started making pillows.
Yep.
Is that a heroic story of Mike Lindell?
Yes, it is.
It absolutely is.
God, I kind of hope it's true.
Can you imagine that he was smoking crack, but just being like, God, every time I fucking get high on this crack, my back is all achy because I'm just sitting on this pile of wet cardboard boxes.
What I really like is a pillow that's economical and ergonomic and provides support and a high level of quality without breaking the bank.
And just decided to go make it happen.
I'll call it Crack Pillow, and then his buddy's just like, I don't think that's gonna sell, buddy.
He's like, okay, well, fuck it, like, what do you suggest I name my pillow?
And then the lightbulb goes off in his head.
Oh, man.
Okay, well, my answer to this question is, unfortunately, I didn't know he was supposed to be a crack addict from the beginning, so I have no opinion either way, really.
Is it weird to say I hope he was a crack addict?
A little.
I mean, like, for the story of Michael Adele, both in his favor and so we can continue to dunk on him, I mean, it pleases both parties.
Because I'm certainly not going to be like, ah, guy had a substance abuse problem, isn't that crazy?
But I do like the idea that that might have been the genesis for his pillow creation.
So, you know, for good and for bad, and in service to both of us, I hope he was a crack addict.
I'll say it.
I feel like I've made my case for why that's not too crazy to say.
Oh my god.
Yeah, it's kind of a foundational part of his story, so I doubt he was lying about it, because it just seemed like a really weird thing to suggest.
I mean, he definitely could be.
He's like, yeah, my partner Bubbles and I, we went into business to make the best pillow ever.
There's your, your, THE WIRE REFERENCE OF THE W-W-WEEK!
Well, once again, just completely lost on the two philistines that I am, uh, here recording with, and I know they have both seen The Wire!
Yeah, what?
What are you talking about?
I got it.
No, but you didn't acknowledge it, and it was great!
So I'm pissed!
The problem for me is that Bubbles, in my mind, Bubbles is a guy I knew in Las Vegas who was one of the greatest poker dealers that ever lived.
And so whenever I hear that name, I think of him and I don't think of The Wire.
Why would you possibly think of him when I say that name?
I don't know your buddy Bubbles.
I know, I'm just saying that's where my brain goes to.
It's my dumb brain.
I'm not saying that it's logical or right, I'm just saying... You need to get those synapses firing faster, sirs, for my topical 20-year-old pop culture references.
Although the wire is timeless.
This is true.
Both of these things are true.
I apologize.
So, our last couple of questions were to do with Ron's bullshit, which we just covered in depth.
But I think, because one person asked, isn't the distorted voice Ron's?
It's like, yeah, it is.
Hey, Mike, isn't Q just Ron?
Yes.
But the doctor initially wins the prize for questions involving Ron's bullshit video, which is, has Ron finally decided to jump into the ASMR vocals?
Because his distorted voice is so fucking weird in that thing.
It could have been attempted ASMR.
I mean, hey, like, you know, who knows?
I wouldn't put it past him.
He's obviously just doing whatever he can to try to get something out of this whole cue racket he has been running with the dumb mask off, right?
Like, he's trying to make a go of it as Booster Gold without the super suit, but it turns out that without his super suit, Booster Gold is fucking useless.
That's right!
Booster Gold reference!
Boom!
Wow.
Everyone's favorite DC superhero, Booster Gold!
Nailed it.
Man, so mainstream with the references, everyone's going to get everything this week.
Mike, do you know who Booster Gold is?
Be honest.
Yes, I do.
I know Booster Gold, but mostly just because Booster Gold was involved in the Death of Superman storyline.
He was, he was.
Yeah, he was.
I and most people would probably know him as being in some pretty good episodes of Justice League Unlimited.
I read The Death of Superman when it was coming out, but by the time Justice League Unlimited came out, I had forgotten all about the parts of that book that weren't Superman and Doomsday beating the piss out of each other.
Or I guess Doomsday beating the piss out of the Superman-less Justice League was pretty good too, where he's just like, you fucking chumps.
Ah, Blue Beetle's here to save the day, and Doomsday's just like, ooh, and snatches him.
What?
And finally, we close with the Chairman Walkman question in numerous, which is, what are you excited about?
I'll do mine.
Mine's easy.
I'm moving into a new place.
It's been a while searching.
I finally found one.
It is inside of my budget and close to all the things I wanted it to be close to.
I am quite pleased.
So that is going to be happening soon.
Everything is moving very quickly now that I finally found the place.
It's a little nerve-wracking in that sense, but also exciting.
I'll be happy to get settled in.
And in addition to that, I'm actually a little excited for that Suicide Squad movie that's coming out.
Mostly because I can watch it from the comfort of my own home.
I'm also excited for Suicide Squad, and... God, what else?
Hmm.
Trying to think.
There has to be something else.
Sergeant's life is a cold void.
I'm excited.
I'm excited for this month of Binge Wordy coming up because we get to do a bunch of Marvel stuff.
And I'm excited about that because I don't know what we're going to do for at least half of the month.
Yeah, we have kind of two of them locked in as we went over on our episode last week, but the other two are gonna, we're each pretty much gonna get one pick'em to round out the month, and I think I know what mine is gonna be, but we shall see.
But yeah, the Infinity August is happening, starting this week on BingeWerdy, and I'm a little excited for that too.
You know, we started the show talking about a bunch of Marvel stuff, and we didn't want to like, Give the impression that that was all we were about, so we moved off of it for a while, but now we're back at the saddle, baby!
Yeah!
And what about you, Mike Rains?
What are you excited about?
I'm excited because for the first time in a really long time, I'm probably going to sit down and play some actual poker this week.
I just have been on the other side of the table in perpetuity and just never really felt the desire to do that.
But now, I got a little jingle jangle in my pocket, as it were.
I've been working a lot, so... It's like, hey!
Let me get on the other side here and actually play against these folks that I throw cards at all the time, and...
It's just one of the most interesting games to play, because you never know what world your opponent is in.
You could be dealing with someone who's trying to optimize their 3-bet ranges in late position and all this kind of stuff, and then you're playing against somebody who's like, I was bored, so I called a 10-4 offsuit.
What can you think?
I mean, that's the way the world works.
And it's just like, oh my god, you just...
You just deal with just that.
The thing that you're doing, the slice of humanity, that the people outside the cards are so much more
important than the actual physical cards you get is just what matters.
And I just find that part of the game really fascinating.
Do you suppose strippers ever get that impulse where they're just like,
God, sometimes I just want to be the one in the seat watching the pussy pop.
They're just like, they're just like, hey, they just type to the bouncer.
They're just like, hey, can I get to the EO list so I can fucking get off early and then go see Sean Trees do her thing?
She's got really incredible pole game.
I mean, it has to be, right?
I am very much like a stripper, where I do what I do and people throw dollars at me, although they're in the form of chips instead of actual singles.
So I can accept that.
And I heard that if we pay you enough, you will blow us in a side room.
No handies, though.
That's not what he does.
No comment.
The problem with handjobs is that there's an implied level of eye contact that's just not there for a blowie.
He'll only do an H.J.
with a plague doctor mascot to obscure his identity.
I now want to deal poker and play poker with a Plague Doctor mask on.
I'm glad that wasn't going where I thought it was.
Now I want to play poker and give you headshots.
Yeah, I want to somehow miracle free roll a seat to the main event of the World Series and just wear a Plague Doctor mask the whole time I'm there.
And people are like, you're not allowed to wear that.
I'm like, yeah, I'm allowed to wear a mask.
What do you want?
Do you need COVID?
Yeah, you could be like that guy that got kicked out that one time for smelling bad.
Yes!
And you could just be like, show me the rule book where it says about wearing a Plague Doctor mask!
Wait, is that a thing?
A guy got kicked out for like... Yeah!
Oh yeah, a bunch of poker players are notoriously foul, but this guy, you know, it was a multi-day tournament and he had been playing in a bunch of events and he just wore this like one jersey or t-shirt or whatever, like, either for luck or just because he was a grimy dude.
And he smelled really bad and at one point, like, the floor came over and just like, dawg, You need to either change or get the fuck out of here.
A bunch of people are complaining about how bad you stink.
And he very loudly started, like, arguing that it wasn't in the rules that he had to smell good.
Or at least that he was like, show me in the rulebook where it says about smelling.
They showed him in the rulebook where it says about kicking you out for any reason whatsoever.
Yeah, cause you're a kiss me now.
And he was just like, oh shit.
The reason why I cackled so much was that that is the exact quote the guy gave me.
Oh yeah, I will always remember that quote.
Show me the rulebook where it says about smelling.
Right, and I'm just like, I had those exact words in my head and I was wondering if Elle was gonna say them or if I was gonna have to jump in and say them.
So I was like, oh my god, the fact that it's so memorable that Elle had it perfect the way I did, just, oh my god, chef's kiss.
It was so good.
So yeah, Mike Rades looking to get a little lucky, by which I mean at the poker table and not with a Plague Doctor mask in the side room of a poker room.
Show me in the rules where it says about smelling bad.
And that is going to be it for this week's episode of the Adventures of Hellworld podcast.
It is time for me to paddle this here three person kayak out of the borders of Hellworld, meaning it is time for me to talk to you, In a fashion a little shilly.
That's right, we're trying to make some money here, and we want you to provide that money by visiting us at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics, where you can tip your dealer for as low as $2 a month if you like what you're listening to.
Anyone that provides at least $5 a month gets access to all of our sweet, sweet bonus content Including the wrapped series, The Foulest Deed, in which case, or in which instance I should say, Mike Raines was talking about the life and death of JFK.
He's now pivoted to what we are calling Unnamed History Podcast.
Oh yes, it is the Washington football team of podcasts.
And then as Mike Raines was talking about general historical events, As Sarge mentioned earlier, we are going to be debuting the Conspiracy Book Club, or title to be determined, at some point.
And of course, we are coming up on the final, I guess, third Anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying, if you give us $5 a month, you get access to a bunch of our bonus content.
We like doing the bonus content a lot.
It's a lot of fun.
And this week's episode of Kaballen, spoiler warning, is probably the most fun we have had recording one.
I mean, we made ourselves laugh a lot.
So if you would like to see if we can make you laugh as well, you can get access to that and other shows for $5 a month.
Now, say you have $5 a month.
Or even more dollars a month.
And you're just like, I don't want to give it to you.
You're just some assholes on the internet.
Why would I give my money to you?
And it's just like, you know what?
We understand your position.
Fair enough.
If you would like to do a little good with that money, you can do so by donating it to love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
That is a direct quote from them.
So, you know, if you want to protect the children the way the QAnon folks claim they do, go ahead and put your money where your mouth is, literally by donating it to love146.org.
We have some people that help make our show go that we like to thank every week, the first being DJ Minimal Effort, supplier of our glorious intro theme.
He remains too cool for social media, so this is his shout out, but unfortunately I cannot direct you to any of his further works because he's just not online.
However, there are some people online, specifically our buddy Frosty, who does voiceover work for us.
He's the voice of Q when needed, but he's also the one who provides all of our drops and bumps for our various segments and such.
You can find him on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
And then, what's this?
Person that helps make the show go!
Just kidding!
It's us!
Me and Sarge, the team behind Binge Wordy, our spin-off pop culture podcast, where we discuss such incredible things as the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Independence Day and its crappy sequel, etc.
So if you would like to join us for that ride, you can do so by listening to BingeWerdy.
That's B-I-N-G-E-W-R-W-O-R-D-Y.
And you can find us on Twitter at the same name.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I've been your host, Hellworld Al.
Joined, as always, by my co-host, Hellworld Sarge, and the person who makes the whole thing go, our resident QAnon expert, Mr. Mike Rains.
▲
Export Selection