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July 29, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:35:02
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #45: Trump, Tuck, 1/6 Commission and Q Vs Flynn

The 1/6 Commission testimony makes it clear that QAnon doesn't really think Blue Lives Matter. Trump is getting even more pilled and somebody finally called out Tucker Carlson for being an awful person. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the Big Bang Theory. I'm your host,
to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And returning from Guantanamo Bay, the Mysterious L. What's up, my beautiful babies?
We're trying to keep it chill.
Yes.
On the down low.
Trying to keep it mellow, because once the Patriots get you once, it's very likely they can find the ability to get you again, and we don't want that to happen.
We don't want any more kerfluffles occurring here in our neck of the woods.
Yeah, if anybody puts a bag over my head again, I want it to be for sexual pleasure.
Yes, that's what this is all about.
The QAnon disinformation, misinformation podcast, and also Elle's various sexual proclivities.
That's what we're here for.
That's what we're all about.
Yeah, that's the new main topic of the podcast.
I mean, we have yet to do the full podcast.
I'm going to podcast about it, but it's somewhere in the ballpark.
I mean, at some point I'm going to be opening up my sex shop at Hellworld.
I'm going to sell all sorts of weird, terrible toys.
Weird, terrible toys.
I'm just going to straight up call the business Lament Configuration.
And that's the line.
It's weird, terrible toys.
That's the actual brand.
Oh boy.
Because this is Our Weird Minds, and it's also QAnon that we're talking about, you need to know that this may go to some weird places that are bad.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Demons to some, angels to others.
Nice!
So in the QAnon grifter sphere, there is a lot of infighting where you've got people that are trying to make money and trying to get market share fighting with other people who have different ideas for what the market shares would be.
Whereas one person wants to sell healing crystals and faith healing classes, another person wants to promote neo-Nazism and other kinds of monstrous stuff like that.
So you always have this push and pull between various factions of QAnon.
What you rarely have happen is Q themselves go at one of his sainted heroes, which has happened with this whole Telegram Pegasus thing.
Where Ron Watkins has brought up the fact that Michael Flynn is party to the group of people, NSO offices, I cannot remember their name off the top of my head, but they are an Israeli-based group that came up with the Pegasus spyware that was infecting Telegram and making all this kind of stuff.
Go wrong for them.
So suddenly Ron was just like, Hey, Michael Flynn, what's your deal, bro?
What's going on?
And the problem for Code Monkey is that once you go, once you step up, once you go behind the, once you leave the curtain, once you're no longer Oz, once you're now just Ron walking.
Once the dog Toto pulls the curtain away.
Yes, once the dog pulls the curtain away, once you laugh too hard on the HBO documentary when you're talking about how I'm not cute, I'm totally not cute bro, and you admit what you are now just you.
Your followers, they take our boy Michael Flynn's side over you, because you don't have the cachet of Michael Flynn.
So, uh, El... I think our boy Ron really needs to get in touch with Vince McMahon of the WWE, because he's made a whole career out of putting the genie back in the bottle.
Whenever Kane shows up to the ring, no one's like, oh shit, Isaac Yankem, DDS is here.
You're an affluent white male.
Maybe he just needs to go to Vince and just be like, hey, Papa Vince, I need you to somehow re-Q-ify me.
Yeah.
You're an affluent white male.
You probably seem like you'd be interested in getting me back to my Q prime.
I mean, he almost certainly stopped because, you know, hundreds of idiots stormed the Capitol,
but I don't know exactly why he stayed stopped unless someone behind the scenes was like,
yo, if you don't knock it off, the FBI will be like barging down your door.
It's really weird because his dad also was just like, well, after the election, Q won't matter anymore.
I think Team Watkins thought Trump was going to lose.
They just really didn't understand that.
Did they think that Christianity ended when Jesus got crucified?
Did they really think their boy losing would diminish the movement?
It's like this total lack of foresight about how things are going to work out is mind-blowing to me.
Can we talk about Papa Watkins' abhorrent mustache for a second?
God, I think it's the worst.
It's really bad.
It looks like some terrible spiders crawling out of his nose.
I hate it so much.
It grosses me out because I'm arachnophobic.
When I look at it, I'm like, ugh.
God, it looks like tarantula fur.
Get that shit out of here.
It's not, I mean, and you know he's working so hard on it.
You know when he gets up in the morning and styles that thing, he's just like, oh man, Jim Watkins, killing it with this mustache.
Yeah, I mean, if it was just like his dumb face, I probably would be like disinclined to talk shit about it because you can't really control your dumb face.
That facial hair situation, however, that's on him.
That's voluntary.
Yeah, he's he's opting into that horrible mustache.
And therefore I feel like I could talk shit about it just fine.
Right.
It's it's it's like Ron's Wagyu cowboy hat.
I mean, it's like when you go for an effect, when you go for like a style, you open yourself up to credit people criticizing that style.
I mean, that's just the way this works.
Yeah, if you want to be on camera dressed up as Lil Nas Q, a joke that I cannot remember if I've made on the podcast before, so I apologize.
No, you're good.
When that one formed in my brain, I was like, oh, this was such a dunker that I may have done this before.
But anyway, yeah, if you want to dress up as like a fucking Q cowboy or whatever, then I get to make fun of you because that is your choice.
It's not like you came out of the womb with that stupid wagyu cowboy hat on your head.
Yeah, he's chosen to go a direction, and that direction is the wrong direction.
Wearing a fucking cowboy hat.
And he's also going in the wrong direction relative to pleasing his former devout Q faithful, as indicated by some glorious, I believe, telegram posts that have been collected by one of our wonderful Twitter fans, 2021Karma.
So shout out to at 2021 underscore Karma.
for having collected these glorious screenshots that I am about to read some complaints off of.
I just want to give credit where it's due.
So yeah, let's see what people have to say about our boy Ron Watkins having dared to speak out against the loyal General Flynn.
Let's just, okay, so Ryan Holly chimes in, safe to say it's a hoax.
James Whitten says, shill, to which Craig F. replies, total shill.
Let's just say Matt, no last name.
I'm beginning to think most of this is fake, too.
Well, welcome to the party, pal.
DigitalWarrior007, what a cool name.
PoundSandDisinfoAgent, cool, right to the point.
Wu-TangCrayon, really cutting to the quick.
Aren't you cute, Ron?
Thumbs up emoji.
Wow.
So there's the first selection.
I'll get to a more selection after we chew on those for a bit.
And these are all from Gab?
Gab or Telegram, I honestly can't remember.
This is Telegram.
If you see a solid background, it's Gab.
If you see any pastel colors in the background, it's Telegram.
Because Telegram's default The default wallpaper in the background of Telegram is like a daisy, or it's like a daffodil.
It's this white flower with a yellow bulb in the middle, and it's a green field.
It's really weird that it's like, here, come get your Nazism and Accelerationist lunacy on, and here's this really tranquil, serene background.
Whereas Gab is just the complete copy of Twitter, where it's just like, Black background, white background.
Take your pick, Bub.
I said I was going to wait to read any more of these, but this next one is proof that some of these people are so close to actually just getting it.
I mean, they're never going to get it, but they're very close.
Wow.
So our boy Roy posts, it's all bullshit.
If it were going to drop, it would have already dropped.
If he were alive, he wouldn't be posting the BS coming from the TG.
If Q were more than a psyop, we would not be in this hell that we call America.
Qtards are the death of legitimate source information.
Eat shit and choke on it.
Wow.
And that's a Telegram post, no less.
Yeah, that's on Telegram.
You're so close, Roy!
You're right there!
She's a psyop.
Yeah.
So yeah, so what is this little spate of infighting mean for Q?
Does it mean anything, I guess, is the most important question of the day.
I think what it really means is that it's just one of those things where you see the pecking order and you see that the Frankenstein's monster of QAnon is now so far outside of Ron's grasp that he can't, like, he can't bring Michael Flynn to heel.
He can't, like, pull rank on him.
Which, I don't know if he even could have as Q because, again, when you're just an anonymous guy on the internet, It's hard to get people to, it's hard to wrangle everybody into buying into what you want to say.
Cause I mean, he couldn't even get people to agree on JFK Jr.
being dead, but it's really telling when you're the real person that you are, Ron Watkins, and you're like saying, Hey everybody, Michael Flynn's got some sketchy business connections.
I think he needs to address that.
I think he needs to explain to the good people of QAnon and the world.
Megashell.
Right.
It's like when you... All he's doing is literally saying, Hey guys, I just got some concerns about this thing.
And then people are like, Shut up, shill.
You're hurting the movement.
And it's like, I am the movement, you idiots.
I created all of this.
And they're like, No you didn't.
And if you did, then the movement dies because Hugh isn't supposed to be Jim Watkins' dumb, hentai-obsessed idiot son.
His soapland-visiting son.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's just like, Q is supposed to be this super secret spy who works at the right hand of Donald Trump.
It's not supposed to be the board admin of 8chan slash 8kud.
I just don't understand why he doesn't post his Q again.
It's bad.
Like, just one more, he's like, Hey, one last Q-drop.
It's me, Q. You know who's really cool?
Ron Watkins.
You should listen to him.
Q gone forever.
And then like an embedded link of like some Rage Against the Machines song because in my experience, 80 to 90% of Rage Against the Machines fans like completely missed the fucking point.
They have no idea what those songs are about.
They love the machine.
They can't get enough of the machine.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Those bulls on parade could mean anything.
Absolutely.
I mean, the thing to me is, like, I'm on Rage's side, like, most of the time, but I know what their politics are so much that there are times when I get mad at their songs for being, like, too nihilistic and too anti-left-right paradigm.
Like, every time I hear Guerrilla Radio and I hear the lyrics, four for gore or the son of a drug lord, none of the above, fuck it, cut the cord, I'm like, that probably swayed Florida and decided the election.
We probably got W because like 600 teenagers were like, yeah man, I'm voting for fucking Nader.
Fuck those two clowns.
I mean, but at the same time, maybe it just said like, you know, it could have just been a bunch of fucking fired up conservative idiots that were going to vote for Bush anyway, that were just like, yeah, we love Rage Against the Machine Man.
Fuck Al Gore.
Right, exactly.
You guys just don't even listen to the words.
You just like the pleasant noises that they're making.
Right, and you have no idea what the son of a drug lord lyric means, and you'll never look into it because you're colossal dum-dums.
So now that we've dealt with interceded QAnon drama, it's time to get into those headlines.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Is there any headline greater than Tucker Carlson himself being confronted by the CIA now that the NSA has said they're not spying on him repeatedly?
Oh, yeah, our boy Tucky Tuck had someone confront him at a Montana business and tell him he was the worst human being ever, and that he's just a monster, which is accurate.
And more people need to say that to Tucker whenever they see him in public.
Yeah.
because he is an actual terrible person who is inviting more people to die of COVID because
Fox News is still doing their weird weeble wobble bullshit on the vaccine because on
the one hand Biden's for it, so they got to kind of be again it. But on the other hand,
they're probably going to kill off like 5% of their audience base if they go too hard
on this shit. So well, Fox News also got to climb out of their sweaty cretin holes.
And come out clutching every pearl in existence. Be like how inappropriate for anyone to be
confronting anyone in public in such a fashion. It's like go fuck yourself Fox News. You've
been doing this shit for years. Yeah, it's like one of your bags.
Like, this was the man who had Tucker's time slot before him, Bill O'Reilly.
That was literally his shtick, was just, like, send a cameraman and a guy with a mic to, like, the supermarket that someone commonly frequents and they know they can catch him.
And then they're just like, hey, congressperson, what about this bill that's gonna kill millions of unborn babies?
Why are you supporting us, you murderer?
And the congressperson's like, hey, I'm trying to get dinner for my family.
Can I do this?
Yeah, you've addressed why it's going on!
Why do you hate America?
And Tucker himself told his audience, harass parents of mask-wearing children.
Yes, he was just like, hey, if you see a kid with a mask on in public, just slap that mask off their face.
Yeah, rip the mask off their face if their parents try to get in your way.
Tell them you're going to call child services on them for abuse.
Yeah, just literally not only not just having his army of flying monkeys harassing people, because that's how Fox operates.
They're just absolutely just all about being the shittiest human beings possible.
And is there any creature on the planet more hypocritical than the American conservative?
No, there absolutely isn't.
Good lord.
The people who were like, hey, Scalia died and the American people have a right to vote and decide what president will replace them on the Supreme Court, who were like, Ginsburg's dead!
Fuck it!
Ram it justice in there now!
Boom!
Yeah!
Victory!
These people have situational ethics of the highest order.
Nothing is precedent.
Nothing means anything to them.
Yeah.
In a shocking twist to the QAnon fans, like the people that are pilled that might be listening to the show, it turns out that the American conservative does not exactly behave in a way conducive to all the winning they're allegedly doing.
In fact, in a lot of ways, they act like a cornered animal, which is sort of the definition of losing.
But what do I know?
I mean, the goalposts keep moving, so they must be winning.
Yeah, that's how you win in QAnon.
Every time you move the goalpost, you get five points.
Yeah, but I mean, like, if you're good at the game, the goalposts don't have to move.
Like, if you're winning, you're already hitting the goalposts.
Ask Tom Brady.
He can throw a football so perfectly, it lands back in the football machine, which throws it back to him.
That was awesome!
How inflated is that ball, though?
Incredibly.
Well, I mean, like, anyone watching that who had two eyeballs attached to their fucking brain would know that that is not real.
But it still somehow made headline news, and, like, a bunch of fucking news outlets reported, like, Tom Brady video faked, and it's just like, yeah, man.
Do people get snookered by that?
Tons of people thought that they were posting that to try to show that, like, that Tom Brady was really doing that and not just like it's like a goofy, like, hype reel.
I don't know.
You missed last week when we got to talk about old Tommy boy Duncan on Trump.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was fun.
It just goes to show that you can peddle any kind of disinformation that exists.
This obviously fake video, people were just like, I don't know if it's fake or not.
Hey, it's possible.
You do understand that those machines, the wheels on that throwing machine are spinning outwards.
So the ball would deflect off of it wildly.
It would not suck the ball in and then eject it out.
Hey, whoever made that video is just looking for a job like the guy who got hired by Disney because his YouTube video was better than their actual episode.
I think that the guy who made that video already has a job by way of Tom Brady's incredible agent.
PR team, yeah.
After fucking peeling off of the pats and then winning that Super Bowl for the bucks, the people who managed Tom Brady were just like, we're gonna get you on social media, and we're gonna let you actually talk like a regular human for a while.
And it turns out that when you're the best ever, and you talk like a regular human, you come off as sort of cocky, but you can back it up.
So, in for it.
When your hand is so laden with rings, it just exhausts you.
Meanwhile, coming out of football corner.
Speaking of rich white men, back to Tucker Carlson.
Yeah, I mean, first of all, not all heroes wear capes.
And congratulations for this guy, for saying Tucker Carlson in the wild.
Just being like, hey, I just want to take this opportunity to say that I am a huge anti-fan of yours.
I think that everything you do, you suck.
Everything about you is the worst.
So I just want to say that it's like, you know, getting out there and making it known
to Tucker Carlson that a lot of people hate his stupid guts, including some white men,
is good for the country because it did like, you know, it didn't overstep the line.
It didn't come to blows or anything.
The guy just like went up to Tucker Carlson, which was like, hey, you suck.
I hate you.
I hate you.
You suck a lot.
Yeah.
I would love to do that.
If I had the opportunity, I would love to go to Tucker Carlson and just be like, you
suck.
Further speaking of rich white men, what's what's old my pillow Mike Lindell up to?
Our boy Mike Lindell is giving Fox News money to own Fox News, which is literally something QAnon has been talking about this week.
Mike Lindell is angry that Fox News isn't promoting his symposium that's going to reveal the election fraud, I believe August 10th through the 12th or whatever it is.
I have no idea how long this convention is going to go for.
why he doesn't just reveal this information right now and save America,
why we have to wait another couple of weeks for the big payoff.
But his big convention, which is going to be held in South Dakota,
because of course it's going to be held in South Dakota.
I guess all the good places, public places in Florida were booked up for the week.
So we had to go to South Dakota for this stuff.
Yeah, South Dakota is like the opposite of mask mandates and stuff.
They actually have like a coughing mandate, where an old person who's got an absolutely brutal cough,
just like hacks on you when you get out of the one airport that exists in South Dakota.
You describing that makes me feel uncomfortable.
God, it just grosses me out.
Most Dakotas are completely worthless, and man, if we ever get to the point where we finally start giving land back to the natives... Let's start with the Dakotas.
They're fucking worthless.
And if you're listening to this and you're from Dakota, I'm sorry, but also not sorry, because your state is worthless.
Yeah, give the Dakotas back to the Native Americans that we stole it from.
And also, while we're at it, like, I don't know, make them one state so they lose two of their senators, because that was literally a power move that was done back in the day when people were like, hey, admitting new states to the Union gives your party more senators.
Let's make Dakota two states.
Boom!
Double senator!
So, I mean, anytime anyone talks about shameless power grabs or trying to tilt the balance of power in the Senate, that's all the Senate ever was.
Like, literally, after Andrew Jackson got out of power and we had, like, slave states and free states and admitting states to the Union, everyone was just trying to fucking hornswoggle that shit.
Everyone was just trying to get their guy in over the top and just put in More of their people, so.
Is Hornswoggle the name of the symposium Mike Lindell is hosting?
Oh, the Mike Lindell flimflam.
The Mike Lindell's three cotton Monty Swindle.
Oh my God.
I saw that he was tripling down on August 13th, that Biden's gonna resign on August 13th, which is not a thing presidents do.
Uh, yeah, and if Biden resigned on the 13th, then Kamala Harris is the president, so what the fucking point is that?
And then if she resigns because of the corruption, Pelosi's president, so what does that matter?
I mean, it's just, like, this whole thing.
The other side doesn't get to win.
That's how this works.
The chain of succession right now, because the Democrats control the House, there's no pressure point where, and they control the Senate, there's no pressure point where the Republicans ever get a guy in.
Because the fourth person in line of succession is President Pro Tem, and I believe that's Patrick Leahy, because Pro Tem is literally the most, the senator of most tenure of the majority party, and Leahy's been around since the formation of the union.
He accepted Cornwallis's sword at Yorktown.
He fought against the splitting of the Dakotas.
Right, yeah, he was a no vote on the Dakotas being made into the two states.
So, I mean, it's like... Hashtag less Dakota.
Let's get it trending, folks.
Not my Dakota.
Make your voice known.
Hashtag one Dakota.
We don't even want Dakota fanning.
Sorry, Dakota, you're out.
Unify the Dakotas and then either elevate D.C.
or Puerto Rico to state status to keep it at 50 so we don't have to redo the flag.
Right.
What if we unified the Dakotas, the Carolinas, and the Virginias?
Well, then we'd have to elevate D.C., Puerto Rico, and, I don't know, Canada to states.
All things that should happen.
Yeah.
Let's just annex Canada and make it 30 new states and gerrymander the shit out of those states so they're all liberal.
That'd be great.
Welcome to North Massachusetts, aka formerly Canada.
So, oh yeah, by the way, Mike Lindell also offered, I think it was either a million or three million or ten million, whatever, x number of millions of dollars if you can defeat his evidence of the voter fraud.
Although I think that offers only to people he invites to the symposium directly.
So he has a bounty out in a fight Where only people he invites get to fight?
Because I could do that same thing right now.
Yeah, and also, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the people judging that fight also paid for it by Mike Lindell.
Right.
So, it'd be like that poor guy in China who just keeps fucking up Tai Chi masters, but no matter how often he beats them in fights on public television, the CCP or whatever just fucking, it's just like, And Taichi wins!
Martial Art of China!
Like, that guy's head has been caved in.
What are you talking about?
That's impossible.
He obviously lost.
And they're just like, no, Winnie the Pooh has decreed it.
He is the victor.
Taichi forever.
Man.
Yeah, so I mean, the thing that I really wonder about this is that, I mean, on the one hand, I know that you're going to move the goalposts.
On the one hand, I know nothing ever matters to these people.
But August is going to be so much sadness for QAnon because Cyber Ninjas is going to release their report, whatever the fuck it is.
Sure they are.
Yeah, well that's the allegation.
But I mean, I think the majority of the report is gonna be like, hey, the state wouldn't give us their routers, so we couldn't...
We know there was fraud, but without further evidence, we're not going to be able to nail anybody, so we're just going to kind of have to leave it be, because boo the state, and Lindell's dumb symposium is going to crash and burn so fucking hard.
I mean, it's going to be unbelievable.
Every time I bring this up to my partner, I tell her about Whatever we're going to be talking about or what's going on.
And I was telling her about Mike Lindell and I'm like, well, apparently our president's going to resign on the 13th.
And she goes, why?
Why would he resign?
What makes this guy think he could get the president to resign?
And I was like, that is a fantastic question that he has yet to answer.
Oh, the American people are just going to rise up.
Mike Lindell's evidence is going to be so overwhelming, so supreme, that all of us are going to stage a general strike starting on the 13th.
The American economy will just stop because no one will leave their houses.
We're going to walk out like the Blizzard employees?
Yeah, we're just going to bolt.
We're going to be like, fuck Biden, fuck this shit, we're done.
We're done.
Trump's the real president and everyone knows it.
We're all going to get pilled so hard.
That podcast, the Wednesday after the Lindell Symposium, is going to be lit as fuck, because we're just going to be QAnon supporters at that point.
The evidence is going to be that overwhelming, I'm sure of it.
Absolute everyone zero.
Absolute 100% to zero.
Just everyone votes Trump.
The full strut out.
So when the American people rise up this time, do we think it's going to go better than it did on January 6th?
Maybe, maybe.
I mean, but if it does or doesn't, we're still going to have the January 6th hearings where right now QAnon is doing what we call in the headlines the thin blue wine.
These children, these absolute babies, this whole thing about Back the Blues, Blue Lives Matter, our police are what keeps America from falling into chaos and anarchy.
Uh, these cops who were assaulted and attacked on January 6th by Trump supporters.
That's it, period.
That's who did this.
Not Antifa, not the FBI.
You clowns waving your Trump flags and your Confederate flags were the ones who did this.
These police started, we opened up the hearings about what happened on that fateful day.
And these cops testified before Congress about what happened and some of them got pretty emotional about the fact that they were getting the shit beat out of them.
And they thought that they could possibly be killed as a result of being attacked by a lunatic mob, many of whom were armed.
They were just tourists.
They were just tourists.
They were sightseeing.
Peaceful tourists.
Peaceful, cheerful, happy tourists who were just caught up in the rush of FBI agents and Antifa knocking down the doors and windows of Congress.
And they just happened to wander in for a stroll.
I know the last time I went to the Louvre, I made sure to bring my bear mace, because that's what you do.
The last time when I went with you, I also beat a security guard to death with a fire extinguisher.
Which, again, that didn't happen.
There was no police officers that were killed with fire extinguishers.
They were merely hit with the fire extinguishers, and the officer who died was maced, but the mace absolutely didn't kill him.
Shut up about all of that.
No, I'm way better than them.
I actually beat the guy to death with the fire extinguisher.
Oh, okay.
This is me.
Yeah, this is like the OJ, if I did it thing.
It's just like, oh, if I hit a cop with a fire extinguisher while going to the loo, that cop is dead.
I'll give him the security shot if I have to, I'll make sure.
Yeah, I'll take care of that.
That's my John Wick audition tape, is me just swinging two fire extinguishers around, just beating cops.
Like on a training course, like that viral video of Keanu.
But you're just like, you're just like running from post to post like it's American Gladiators and each post is just a different size fire extinguisher.
Fucking people.
It looks like we just invented a new mysteryman character.
I'm actually so accurate with a fire extinguisher I can throw it back into the fire extinguisher launchers if those were a thing.
Oh, man, Sarge bringing the witty references.
Callbacks.
Your game has been upped.
Yeah, so the cops were very emotional about their testimony.
We had a couple representatives that also got very emotional about the fact that they were Unarmed civilians that were in a building that was being overrun by an angry, murderous mob.
According to every headline or every article on this I have managed to see over the past few days, one guy went so far as to bang the table.
Yes.
Oh God, yeah.
I mean, imagine having an emotional response to the fact that your co-workers, literally your fucking co-workers, and also the President of the United States, ordered a mob into the building that you were working in to kill you.
And, like, that's it.
That is exactly what happened.
These people were chanting, hang Mike Pence.
Yeah, and all reports was Trump was giddy during this whole thing.
Oh, yeah.
Trump was like, holy shit, it's going to work.
I'm going to be installed as president for forever.
I mean, like this was... It's happening.
It's happening.
I did it.
I found the cheat code that allows me to remain president even after I've lost the election.
Holy smokes.
So, we had a bunch of absolute, like, shitheads.
I mean, Tucker Carlson even came out with a whole, like, These Bambi Pambi Wimp Cops!
I mean, it just goes to show these people do not care about anybody unless that person does something that they are in favor of.
Like, if the cop who had murdered George Floyd had been somehow acquitted and was then a police officer on the 1-6 riots, they'd be like, oh, that guy's a piece of shit!
Fuck him!
I mean, there's no loyalty.
Like everything you do is transactional.
You do a good thing, great.
You get a rub on the head, and now don't fuck up the next thing
because you have to stay a racist, murderous piece of shit that backs the QAnon far-right agenda,
or you're a bad guy, period.
Yeah, any of these chuds that fly one of those like Blue Lives Matter flags or whatever,
they only care about police insofar as they enjoy when police are killing unarmed black people.
Full stop.
That's all they care about.
The only reason they're out there banging the drum to support police officers is because all of a sudden police officers were coming under scrutiny for, you know, murdering innocent black people.
And whites were all of a sudden just like, oh my stars and garters, suddenly it's wrong to murder a black?
We stand by our police!
And it's just like, okay, well how about you stand by the police while the police stand in front of this angry white mob literally marching in insurrection against our government.
They're just like, oh no, those cops are assholes, fuck those guys, hit them with fire extinguishers.
Spread them with bear mace, hit them with flagpoles, do everything you can to them.
If you can, grab their service revolver and shoot them with it or whatever, you know what I mean?
Uh, break down the window, uh, that was leading to, like, the literal last line of defense that these cops had before they got into the actual halls of Congress and started killing people.
And when a woman tries to jump through that window to open the doors to let the mob in, and the cops kill that woman, docks that police officer, Everything in your power to try to destroy that man for
what is the most justifiable shoot in the history of the universe?
Yeah, if you shoot like a like an actual lily white woman who is actually in the middle of rebelling against the
country QAnon will come after you hard
But if you're a police officer that happens to shoot a 14 year old black kid in the back like eight times
Because he had a gun which he did not Then you know QAnon fucking loves you because what one less
black kid am I right?
High five!
I mean, it is still staggering that not more people were shot during this.
Because the crowd was all white, but yes, I absolutely agree.
It's like, there was a police presence there, those officers had firearms, they were being actively attacked and assaulted by a throng of insurrectionists, and only one person was shot to death.
And it's just like, that is less people than are shot to death in any, like, you know, minority, majority city in the country.
Like, every day.
That's less people shot to death any time there's a school shooting.
Any time there's any sort of mass shooting.
Anywhere in America.
Or just like a routine traffic stop on any place where the person behind the wheel happens to not be Caucasian.
It's fucking insane.
It's insane to me how holstered the guns were.
Like, when the insurrectionists started smashing through the windows of the Capitol building, I believe that that is probably the time where I would expect most police officers to draw and maybe discharge some of their firearms.
But what do I know?
And if that is not enough, then certainly none of the other situations in which these black folks are getting gunned down is enough!
Like, you can't have it both ways!
The two things that always make my head hurt the most are John Crawford and Tamir Rice in Ohio, which is an open carry state.
And it's like, if you're a white person with an AR-15 and a Walmart, A cop is going to walk up to you and be like, Hey, you got a license for that?
And if you're like a dumb sovereign citizen, you get into a dumb argument with them.
And if you're a quote unquote, responsible gun owner, you show them your license or whatever.
But these two, these two people who are black cops killed them on site, literally on site.
And it was just like, they had a gun.
And it's like, how?
Like, did the dumb rules of your dumb state state that you're allowed to open carry, but now if a cop sees you and someone called 911 because you might have a gun, now I have a right to kill you?
The Second Amendment is whites only.
That is an obvious statement.
Oh, yeah, it's the same.
That's the case for so many laws.
Yeah, it's like that John Mulaney bit where he's talking about white people cheering, how marijuana became legal in a bunch of states, and he's like, it's always been legal for you.
Yeah, calm down.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just like the system that we have set up where it's just like black people are under this horrifying scrutiny.
I just love that whole thing where it's like, just obey the officer!
Just follow orders!
Nothing will happen!
Comply!
And, uh, I think there were many officers telling Ashley Babbitt to, uh, do not jump through this window.
It's like, stay back, do not climb.
Oh, she disobeyed the police's orders when they had guns drawn on her, and then they shot her, and now that's bad that they did that?
I thought noncompliance warranted death.
It does whenever, like, a black person moves in a way that slightly agitates the Trigger twitchy cop that's near them.
I mean, you got to be kidding me with this stuff.
Yeah, well, you're only supposed to kill someone if you think your life is in danger.
And how could you possibly assume your life is in danger where you're in the middle of a riot of several hundred white people, many of whom are armed and like wearing fucking digital camouflage?
Who are you to say that your life is in danger in that situation?
They're only literally smashing through the infrastructure of the building to get at you.
That's all.
That's all they're doing.
Anyway, so to circle back around to it, these police officers that were, you know, heroically doing their job on January 6th, you would think, under normal circumstances, would be the perfect poster boys for QAnon and conservative Americans' love of the police.
But, because their opposition in this particular instance was white people, Uh, all QAnon can do is trip all over themselves talking about how, uh, effeminate they are, and how they're pussies, and how, like, a real Chinese soldier wouldn't feel this way, and yadda yadda, like, oh, you have PTSD after almost being killed in the Capitol riots?
Pfft, pussy.
Go home and manage your period.
Maybe eat a ham sandwich for some iron.
It's so ridiculous, this idea that the police... I love the idea that the police were supposed to be soulless killing machines.
If these police didn't have feelings, if they weren't emotional, if they were the monsters you want them to be, they probably would have killed dozens of protesters.
The Capitol probably would have been a raging firefight.
But because these police actually showed restraint, they didn't go to lethal force until it was absolutely necessary.
And after the fact, they were like, holy shit, that was terrifying.
And it was a really bad time.
Now you're gonna mock them and belittle them because your orange god didn't get to remain president after he lost the fucking election.
I mean, allegedly.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, one of the one of these days now we're gonna get the golden server back from Germany and we're gonna find out Trump won California.
That was one of the greatest things Michael Lindell has said in these various I don't know what you even call them like interviews or like WWE promos or whatever.
Like someone like said to him, did Trump win California?
And he literally, he decided to create a reality to explain how it works.
And he's like, hey, look, just with the stuff I have, he didn't win California.
But if you factor in all the illegal voting and the dead people voting and like the double ballots and the stuff that I don't have just from my data packets, yeah, Trump won California.
He loves data packets, data captures.
It was close, but he got it.
I love that in the QAnon mythos, California is a swing state.
It's like really close.
Like, if you counted California clean, it was like 51.49 Trump.
Yeah, it turns out that Latinos love Trump.
Yes.
It's like an abusive relationship.
No matter how much shit he talks about them, they just can't stay away.
They're just like, you know, this guy hates our guts, but we gotta vote for him.
Trump also loves the cabal, apparently.
Well, Trump is exposing the cabal, finally!
We're finally getting to the truth of the matter, which is the fact that...
We're not calling that we're calling a spade a spade as it were we're now going to admit the truth about what's going on in our world.
And Trump had his latest whiny rally in Arizona.
Where various people who were not totally loyal to the audit and the other scams that are being committed there were booed off the stage.
And then Trump came on and whined about routers, because he doesn't understand what's going on, but the MyPillow guy told him about the routers.
So he screamed about them.
And at one point in this speech, Trump said that Biden didn't campaign, that Cabal campaigned for Biden.
Because again... Oh shit!
Kabal!
The Kabal!
Yep, our boy Donnie is now just going whole hog with this shit and being like, you know what?
The Cabal.
The Cabal's a real thing.
They exist.
And they were working against me by hiding Sleepy Joe in his basement.
And they did all the heavy lifting to get him into the White House.
Which was so unfair.
Because I went out and did all kinds of great rallies and promoted myself right before the election.
And I asked Kermit Cain how good that was for everybody.
So, I mean, it's just... It is really striking to me that we have this situation where The most conspiratorial-minded president in the history of the world, this absolutely totally untethered-from-reality nut, is becoming more and more QAnon adjacent as he gets connected to Sidney Powell, Mike Lindell, Lin Wood, and other people who are just open QAnon supporters.
You're going to get to this point where, I don't know when the rubber meets the road on this, be it 2022 or what, or when will you, 2024?
But someone's going to have to make a decision.
Do we just do this?
Do we just go full QAnon?
Is the party that far fucking gone that we no longer have anything to do with reality?
We have nothing to do with it.
We're just now a completely nutty, stupid bunch of lunatics.
And I really wonder how many people in the Republican Party are going to be cool with this.
Do they think they can win elections this way?
More than we want.
Well, I think more than we want on, like, a local politics level, but when it comes to, like, big boy elections, like the presidency and stuff, I certainly don't think they can, because I don't think that every Republican is going to sign up for the, like, Hillary Clinton carves the faces off of children and drinks their blood party.
So, God, I hope that Trump goes full Q and it splits the conservatives.
That would be awesome.
It would be so good.
I mean, it already kind of has with the people that were just like, I didn't vote because the election was rigged and Trump told me not to do mail-in voting.
That was the greatest thing in the world.
Literally, that election was decided by Trump being an idiot and being like, don't use these methods of voting that are safe and will keep you from getting COVID.
And Arizona, by the way, fuck John McCain.
I hate that guy.
I mean, it's just the weirdest things.
It was just at every step of the way, Trump was working like really having Really trying to alienate as many people as possible and drive them away from the polls.
And then when they're like, hey, now we're getting another batch of mail-in votes from Pennsylvania.
And guess what?
It's 80-20 Biden again.
It's so weird how all these mail-in votes are Biden.
When he was the candidate being like, hey, stay home, stay safe, vote by mail, vote from your home.
And Trump was like, vote vote by mail.
It's bullshit.
I mean, it's just, oh my God.
I still love when Trump was like, last night I was leading, and then they counted more votes, and then my lead was gone.
And it's like, yeah man, that's what happens.
I love that of the two political parties in the US government right now, both of them have cracks forming that are sort of splitting them up.
And on the liberal side, that crack is like, hey man, maybe we should defund the police and invest those resources towards specific types of people with training for different situations so it's not just always a guy with a gun showing up.
And on the conservative side of things, it's There's a cabal of pedophiles harvesting adrenochrome from the blood of children to take over the world.
And it's just like, wow.
Conservatives are just off of their fucking rockers.
It's so wild.
Yeah, it's like...
On one side, we have police reform and actually tackling the challenge of climate change and finding a way to get more health care access to more people in America.
Like, actual shit you could talk about and discuss.
It's a policy debate.
It's a real thing.
Like, this whole concept of politics is based around that.
And on the other side, you have just Absolute clown shit.
Are these fantasies a real thing?
Are we living in an alternate nightmare world where the people we don't like, the Democrats, are actually supervillains from movies?
They're actually the monsters from Monsters, Inc.
Yeah, it's like, hey, Billy Liberal, what's your most out there political idea?
It's just like, I think carbon emissions are bad.
It's like, ooh, that's rough.
How about you, Jimmy Conservative?
What's your craziest idea?
I think cheese pizza is code word for sex with children.
Okay.
Not even really a political thing, but okay, gotcha.
Yeah, if there were rails, they'd They never even saw them.
Yeah.
I mean, like, if I were if you were if someone was like, hey, Mike Raines, run is the most hardcore, like, flaming liberal that you possibly could be.
And like still like the views you're expressing are still views that you actually personally hold and like try to win an office somewhere, try to like win dog catcher or whatever.
I'd be like, hey, uh, like, uh, license and legalize sex work, uh, decriminalize all drugs.
Like, I would have, like, all these, like, crazy, like, far-left beliefs that I would, like, put out there, but it would be stuff that I could actually, like, have a debate with someone at a town hall, when someone could be like, hey, migraines, I think, like, making heroin legal is, like, a bridge too far.
Like, that shit's, like, bad for you, and it could absolutely kill you.
And I can be like, yeah, but has illegalizing it really, like, stopped anyone from getting it?
Like, what's the give and take here?
Is, like, taxing and regulating heroin so you get it, like, as a not- we're not cut with bad stuff that kills you right away?
Like, we could have a discussion!
We can have a conversation!
And I've been run out of the room in more than a bunch of public chats where I've, like, stated things like that.
Where I've actually been the bad guy for being, like, too extreme on issues.
I think there's a difference.
Also, you said decriminalize, not legalize.
And I think that's an important difference.
Oh, yeah.
There's all kinds of different ways you can go on these issues.
And you can discuss the issue.
I can't discuss talking about the fact that 900,000 children go missing in America every year because they're being put into the adrenochrome plants.
I mean, there's no give or take on that issue.
Like the my response is no there aren't there are not 900,000 children going missing every year in America because that's fucking impossible And then your response is I don't live in your reality, and then it's like okay great now now we're here now We're in just nonsense land where I live in the real world where children are being swooped up off the street the street every 30 seconds. And you live in a world where
that's a thing that actually could happen. I mean, it's just
I mean, I know, I where do you stand on the idea that Disneyland is just a
machine that trains suit actors to put their fingers in baby's
buttholes?
Ah, that's absolutely true.
Bam.
100%.
There's no... Totally pilled Mike Rades!
I know every morning I look out the window and I see the kids heading to the bus stop
and one just gets snatched.
Just like, drive by like a... Or maybe it's a big trained bird.
I didn't think this bit all the way through.
Maybe there's just a big trained pedophile snatching bird.
No wait, it's just a big shiny vintage Cadillac with some like rich silk suit wearing boss hog motherfucker pulls up and he's just like, I want that one!
And then just snatches him up.
And it's just like, wow, that guy seems awful Southern for a lib.
And it's just like, hey man, quit being, you know, racist or whatever.
Yeah.
Hey, once you get a taste of that adrenochrome, it makes you a lib.
I mean, once you find out how good it is on the liberal side, it doesn't matter if you're a folksy Southern lawyer who happens, you develop an affinity for the blood of children and then you become a liberal in order to foster that.
Yeah.
Some people get pilled and other people get chromed.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Witness me!
...
Speaking of face coverings, I hear that the COVID's starting to get real bad again, so Joe Biden might be enacting a federal vaccine mandate.
Everyone gets 5G.
Coming Thursday, it appears that the Biden administration is going to be announcing that if you're an employee of the federal government, you have to be vaccinated, or you have to provide evidence of a recent negative test, which... That's a violation of my HIPAA rights!
And make sure that when you say that, or type it out, you spell HIPAA with two P's.
That way we know you're a moron.
The best part about all of this is just the idea of having to go
through that bullshit of getting tested constantly. Like, I got
tested. I've been tested twice for COVID. Once was a nasal swap
and that thing fucking sucked. Yeah. And the second time I was
tested was a blood test. And they did not have the collecting
tube where they're like, they're supposed to like prick your
finger, then use the collecting tube to drink the blood to get
the adrenochrome to take the blood and then put it on the little area where they test you for the COVID.
And as a result of not having that little tube, I ended up getting my finger stabbed like six different times.
I bled like a stuck pig.
I posted in various group chats of mine the rapid COVID test that I had that basically looked like a snuff film with all this blood on it.
And it's just like, if I had to go through that shit every week... No!
Fuck that!
I'll just get the goddamn vaccine.
Fuck this shit.
I mean, whatever.
I mean, this is what is going to happen.
We, as tolerant, friendly, benevolent American governments, we've given people every carrot we possibly could.
We told them you can have your 4th of July cookout if you get vaccinated.
You won't have to wear the masks if you get vaccinated.
We'll put you in a lottery for a million dollars if you get vaccinated.
We will do fucking anything we can for you.
Now you're not doing it, guess what?
It's time for some sticks.
The carrots aren't working, now we're going to the stick.
So I mean, it's time for these whiny, miserable... You would think death would be enough of a stick.
Yeah, you would think dying would be enough, but again...
Yeah, I don't like it when they shove it down my throat.
don't think they're going to die.
And if they don't die, they're still miserable.
Like that guy on CNN who was just like, yeah, I got COVID, still ain't getting the vaccine
because you want me to, so fuck you.
And it's like, I don't like it when they shove it down my throat.
It's like, you are, you could die.
What do you mean?
Yeah, at some point we're gonna shove a ventilator tube down your throat involuntarily because you're gonna be unconscious and you're gonna need it to try to keep your lungs working and it probably won't work because when you go on a ventilator you're in real fucking bad shape.
Yeah.
So I mean it's like...
Just that.
Just that.
This resistance to everything.
There's this oppositional defiance disorder that you're supposed to grow out of as a teenager and you're supposed to become a representative adult and part of society.
The fact that so much of America won't do that.
It's like, well, guess what?
Now we're going to have mandates.
Now we're going to have The DOJ came down and said that, yes, private businesses can mandate that you take the vaccine.
That is something that we see as a legally acceptable position.
So the sticks are coming.
At some point, insurance agencies are going to be like, by the way, you have to tell us if you're vaccinated or not.
And if you're not vaccinated, guess what?
Your premiums go up a fucking mile.
I mean, that's just the way this is going to work.
It is going to have to get to a point where it is really uncomfortable to not get the shot because otherwise this isn't going to end for a long time.
And as terrifying as bad as the Delta variant is, it's only going to get worse.
The virus is only going to get better at its job as time goes on.
I mean, aren't we in like the third wave at this point?
Yeah, and it's only not as bad as it is because it's the summer and everyone's outdoors and COVID's harder to transmit outdoors.
Once we get into the fall and a nice winter and everyone's tucked inside all shoulder to shoulder...
It's gonna be we're gonna have COVID for Christmas and it's gonna be great.
I mean, yeah, not me.
My 5G is fucking incredible.
Yeah, I'm gonna be going to Yankee swaps and everything.
It's gonna be amazing.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, we're gonna get the Omega variant for Christmas.
It's gonna be even better.
It's gonna be incredible.
I mean, it's just It's so wild that this is where we are and that thanks to the American system of government and federalism, we're just going to have states run by absolute science denying wackadoodles that are going to fight this to the bitter end.
And like Florida and the Dakotas and all these other states that we've been talking about, they're literally going to have to have like vaccine policies instituted by big box stores like Walmart, Best Buy, target these these companies are gonna have to say, hey,
you gotta get vaccinated to work for us. And then DeSantis and
other shitbags trying to like placate their public. That's my
patron has a state law saying businesses can't do that.
They're gonna come up with regulations for businesses to allow their their workers to kill their customers and each
other. I mean, got it. This is what we're coming to.
Yeah, I mean, that's a slippery slope, right?
Because at some point, is it my ability to drop my entire ball sack into somebody's frosty constitutional right?
Exactly!
Hey DeSantis, how many pubes am I allowed to sprinkle on that chili cheese dog before I serve it?
Yeah, how many public health crises am I allowed to do?
Only this one because it's politically expedient to you because you and the rest of the right wing in America have brain poisoned enough fucking people into not believing in COVID for reasons?
The mouse will come for him, as it already did.
Yeah, but I mean, the Mouse, again, I will be the happiest clam in the sea when fucking The Rock declares his candidacy for governor of Florida.
And we know that literally he's just the Disney puppet.
Yeah, I was about to say, we all know that if it ever comes to it, the real governor of Florida is Michael Mouse.
As soon as things get too bad for business, Michael Mouse will just be like, haha, fuck off!
And it's just like, okay, that's that.
At some point, fucking Kevin Feige's gonna be like, oh yeah, and by the way, if you don't shape up, we're just gonna pull this fucking operation right out of Florida and drop it into one of the Dakotas or whatever.
And they'll be like, oh, I mean, we love masks and the vaccine, can't get enough of it!
Yes, the older brother of Charles Entertainment Cheese will put his foot down, and he wields a considerable amount of authority in that state, so yes.
Yeah, you don't want to fuck with Michael Mouse.
Nope.
He will come for you.
Yeah, that was the one thing that was really like, I found was really interesting was that there was a bunch of QAnon stuff during the whole Epstein spike in interest, where they started making comments about Epstein being tied to Disney and Disney being tied to child trafficking.
And I was just like, Oh, man, that is one cage you don't want to ruffle.
If you people start getting out there.
They're very litigious.
Right.
I mean, if QAnon starts going out there saying, Disney's a bunch of pedophiles!
You do not want to stir that beast to life.
You don't want to wake that dragon up.
That goes really badly for you.
I remember, like, I don't know why he did it, but...
There was this moment where QAnon was going at Scientology, and Joe M, the big QAnon promoter back in the day, he had a bunch of anti-Scientology tweets up, and then someone was like, hey, Mike Rains, remember that beef that QAnon had with Scientology?
And I was like, I remember it.
And I went to go find those tweets from Joe M, and he deleted all of them.
And I was just like, did Scientology get to Joe M?
What the fuck happened there?
Oh, yeah.
Tom Cruise got on his footstool and, like, kicked him in the face.
Yeah, I think it's probably more likely that some, like, clammy, pale-skinned person dropped a manila envelope onto his doorstep, and when he opened it up, it was pictures of him kissing his secret boyfriend or whatever.
Yeah.
And he was just like, just kidding!
I love Zinu!
Yeah, exactly!
Can't get enough of that sweet, sweet Xenu.
My Thayton levels are off the charts.
Oh, you have no idea what level of Thayton I am.
Oh my god, I'm so Thayton it hurts.
Yeah, he's so clear.
Oh, the clearest of clears.
Oh man, I need to make it known in a public fashion, I will go clear for pay.
Scientology, reach out.
If you cut me a big enough check, I'll be clear as fuck.
I'll be windowpane.
So, you know that when we get into Scientology, we've probably covered all the news for the week, so it's time to dip into ye olde mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
So Chairman Walkman, our Grand Inquisitor, asks, who would be on your dream team if you were planning a committee responsible for America's new national anthem?
The Weeknd.
The Weeknd?
Yeah.
Really?
Your dream team?
I don't know.
Do you want a real answer?
I gotta do some research.
Do you want an off-the-cuff, funny answer?
Well, here's an off-the-cuff, funny answer for you.
That guitar-playing guy with the flamethrower attached to it from Mad Max Fury Road.
I just don't think that's sustainable.
I mean, he's just there to help shred.
I mean, it's not like he's performing the anthem at every single fucking event.
They're just there to write one.
Right, yeah.
He doesn't have to get the whole rig to suspend him while he's writing.
No, yeah, only while he's writing.
I mean, they could sustain it for movie filming.
I'm sure they could do it for a recording sesh.
Yeah.
So I want him shredding on his axe.
So I think that's our guitar live for it.
Because it's America.
Our new anthem, of course, has to have a ripping guitar in it, right?
I mean, what is more American than that?
Yeah.
I'm sure whoever designed the Coca-Cola jingle, because that's just what it's going to be.
They're going to sell the naming rights to the new national anthem.
It'll be the Coca-Cola National Anthem.
I'm not trying to come at you too hard, but does Coca-Cola have a jingle?
Yeah, surely.
I mean, I don't have normal TV, so I don't get a lot of the normal commercials.
That was an actual question for me, too.
I was just like, holy shit.
I think they have, like, the only thing the jingle I can remember is, like, always Coca-Cola, but, like, that's, like, really antiquated.
I guess they brought back Buy the World a Coke, that's what I'm seeing.
Can we not have that be our national anthem?
I mean, if we're gonna do that, why don't we just outsource it to the mouse and just have it be just smaller?
No, I'm saying they're gonna sell the naming rights, so it'll be there.
If they sell the naming rights, it will be Coca-Cola Presents America's New National Anthem.
So, I mean, it's not going to be the Coca-Cola Anthem for America.
Coca-Cola, please sponsor us.
Yes.
Coca-Cola Presents the New National Anthem sponsored by GoDaddy.com.
Yes!
So, the question for me is, how many singing vocalists do we have?
I think it has to be between one and three.
And what rapper comes in to drop the bars on the remix?
Kanye.
Obviously, Kanye.
Is there any more American success story than Kanye West, somebody who is suffering from severe mental illness, currently locked in a stadium, living there like the Phantom of the fucking Opera?
Wait, yeah, I saw his room at a stadium.
What the hell is going on?
So he had some big event because he was supposed to drop his new album.
I think it's called Donda or whatever.
And so he had this big event that was supposed to be the album drop party, I think.
And instead, he did not drop it.
So he missed his deadline for actually releasing his contractually obligated new album.
And then when the event was over, he just decided to stay in the stadium.
Like, I have not looked into this.
Just full disclosure, this could all be wrong, but from what I have received through Pop Culture Osmosis, currently Kanye West is sort of living in this stadium that was supposed to be the venue for his, like, album drop party or whatever.
Yeah, I've seen people talking about Kanye being this very weird phantom of the opera-like, just living this crazy, weird life, which seems to be just another day for him, as it were.
Well, yeah, I mean, the problem with Kanye is that so much of the stuff he does would be incredible to just riff on endlessly.
But, like, he has a diagnosed mental health disorder.
Like, the guy is wildly bipolar, so it's hard to want to, like, go at him too hard because, like, it's impossible to tell which stuff is just, like, creative wackiness and which stuff is, like, an actual mental breakdown on his part, you know?
Yeah.
So we got Kanye on the rap.
Let's do this by committee.
So we have Kanye doing a rap verse on it.
I propose the guy from Mad Max Fury Road shredding his flaming guitar for the guitar solo or whatever.
We need at least one female vocalist on this thing.
Maybe a choir of female vocalists.
Uh, so the thing is, is that if this is a cabal-led operation, then we got to have Beyonce or Gaga as one of the lead vocalists, because that's just the way that works.
I think Beyonce has probably had enough of Kanye West, so let's go with Gaga on this one.
Yeah, that seems fair.
That seems fair.
I mean, if they can pry her out, they could get Britney.
I think Britney could do something, but...
For true irony, for the new American National Anthem, I think we bring back the Spice Girls.
That would be... Are we giving ourselves back to Britain at this point?
Is the new American Anthem just admitting that we fucked this up and we now pledge fealty to the crown?
I think it would be truly amazing if the new American National Anthem was made by all non-American artists.
I think that is the way to go with this.
Do we know if all of the Spice Girls are still alive, and if so, do we know if all of the Spice Girls are not problematic in some way?
It seems like pretty likely that at least one of the Spice Girls is just like, and also, I think the Holocaust is fake, and you're just like, oh, okay.
One second.
Spice girl.
Sarge, please, if you're going to look things up, mute your microphone because you know the gunfire that goes off when you start typing.
I know, that one was intentional.
Sarge loves his chunky mechanical keyboard.
I do.
If anything, he wishes he could upgrade it to a typewriter.
I don't know the names of any typewriter brands to really bring the bit home.
I don't know the names of any typewriter brands to really like bring the bit home.
So, Stinger?
That's a failing on your part.
Learn two typewriters.
Failing on my part, not knowing typewriter brands?
Yeah, you gotta be up on everything when you're a host on the Adventures in Hellworld podcast.
Yeah, having seen one in my life.
What sort of hipster do you think you are?
A very bad one.
Well, apparently so.
I'm gonna have to ask you to hang up your checkered shoes.
No more fixed-gear bicycle for you.
Anyway, back to the new national anthem.
I feel like we should have somebody do a rocking saxophone solo on it.
We need to bring back saxophones.
Remember the saxophone?
Nobody rocks those anymore.
I mean, I never forgot saxophones, but no one rocks them anymore.
Yeah, I don't know.
That sounds good.
I'm in for a saxophone riff in the middle.
And if we're allowed to have non-Americans on the track, then I want Dua Lipa to do something, because levitating is a bop.
I insist.
I feel like nothing is more American than outsourcing a lot of this stuff, too.
Do any of us know any Indian musicians?
Because the most American thing I can think of is outsourcing our national anthem to either India or China.
Uh, and the best part about it outsourcing it to China is that we could then have the Chinese military, like, be part of the performance and they could have their men with their eight-pack abs just... Yeah, it'll be like a fucking Magic Mike sequel.
It'll be crazy.
Yes.
Crazy ripped Asians.
Yeah.
I tried to Google largest Indian pop idol and I just got clips from Indian, instead of American Idol, Indian Idol.
Yeah, of course.
I've got nothing.
Apparently Indian Idol is real big in India though.
Why don't we just make our new national anthem Tanook Tanook Toon?
Yeah!
I was about to say, isn't that the biggest thing?
It's just a new meme song.
Every year it rotates.
Yeah.
Well, there we go.
I don't think that really qualifies as a full answer, but it certainly was a bunch of bullshit we said.
Yes, absolutely.
If any of our listeners want to chime in on America's new national anthem, I am here for it.
Clutz Zero asks, how long before the Republican Party is completely purged of those not loyal to Trump?
The real question for that is how long is Trump viable to run for office in 2024?
Because if he actually runs in 2024, the Republican Party will be absolutely hell on earth.
It will be the most insane party that has ever existed.
It will make the Know Nothings and the other people that were like the anti-messianic parties of the days before the Civil War look quaint by comparison.
Oh man, if he successfully runs again in 2024, like, it's gonna be great because it's gonna be, you know, Republicans out there stumping and doing everything they can to get their boy back in office while liberals are just like desperately going on stage and just pointing to the last four years that Trump was in office and just being like, come on!
Come on!
And just like, just appealing to people to just look at what fucking happened last time!
Like, again?
Really?
Right.
That's the thing.
When Trump ran for president in 2016, he was an unknown.
There was this idea of a possible thing.
Like, hey, maybe America should be run by a businessman.
Maybe he's got some great ideas.
Maybe he'll shake things up and upset the paradigm and all that kind of stuff.
And it's like, oh no, we actually just got four years of incompetent white nationalism.
So it's just, I just, I don't understand it.
Before you knew what Hillary was, but Trump was this mystery box.
It was literally the thing where America was playing.
Let's make a deal.
And Monty Hall was like, you could have this beautiful sofa set and new TV or what's behind this door.
And America was like, door, door.
And then it turned out what was behind the door was really fucking bad.
So, I mean, I just, I don't even think it was a mystery door.
That metaphor falls apart.
Half of America, more than half of America knew.
It was just like, it's not, it's a see-through door.
And behind that door is bees.
Just killer bees that are racist.
I'm just saying, the people that found a way to vote for Trump because they didn't like Hillary and they just needed an excuse, they had a way to sell the lie to themselves.
Oh yeah, they just turned around and pretended.
Right, they just had a way to spin it.
If you're voting for Trump in 2024, you know what you're fucking getting.
You know why you're doing it.
You have no possible way to try to absolve yourself of it.
You can't wash that blood off your hands and go, I didn't do it.
I didn't know what was going to happen.
Like, like I'm an innocent babe in the woods.
Like you can't do that shit.
Like this is on you.
If you did it in 2020, you know what you were getting.
And if you do it in 2024, you know what you're fucking getting.
So fuck you, bub.
And it's going to be, 2022 is going to be very interesting.
Like how many people, like, Does Trump demand the Republican Party, like, nationalize the election?
Like, Matt Gaetz came out and was like, when we take back the House, I'm voting Donald Trump for Speaker.
Like, how many Republicans want to answer that question?
How many Republicans actually want to be asked, hey, bub, if Republicans win the House, are you going to vote for Trump to be Speaker of the House?
Like, who wants to answer that?
The answer is fucking nobody in a state where it's going to be even remotely competitive.
I mean, you don't want to be tarred with the, with like being like the Trump ass kisser.
Where does Trump even hold residence?
Could he primary gates?
That'd be hilarious.
Uh, yeah, I think you can kind of run in any district in the state you're in.
Like that's like Marjorie Taylor Greene did that.
She's like, so she didn't even live in the district she's a representative of.
She just didn't, uh, didn't Trump fuck off to New Jersey.
Isn't that where he settled?
After he fled Mar-a-Lago?
He's probably, I mean, he's probably, he's in the wind.
I mean, he's probably in Russia at this point for all we know, but I mean... Getting peepeed on!
But he, the idea, I mean, we've never done it, but the Constitution has no requirements for the Speaker of the House to be an actual elected member of the House, so that'd be the funniest thing in the world if they actually did it, if they actually made Trump the Speaker.
Because at that point, Trump wouldn't be able to help himself.
He would literally be going around town saying, Hey, if anything were to happen to Harris and Biden, guess who's president?
Waka waka!
You know, those second amendment solutions to what ails our nation.
And you would just literally have the entire Republican Party being like, Shut up!
Shut up!
Stop talking about killing the President!
And Trump would be like, Why?
You all suck my dick anyways.
I can say anything I want.
I'm the fucking man.
I'm untouchable.
Yeah, I said it.
No one can stop me.
I mean, it would just be the ultimate clown shit.
It'd be so bad.
For those of you that had 75 minutes on your Mike Raines Waka Waka pool, you're this week's big winners!
But in the interest of fairness, I will call myself out that I also caught myself earlier saying my patented catchphrase of, what are you talking about?
I was like, dammit!
Son of a bitch!
I almost made it all the way through without squeaking one of those in there!
Fucking shit!
But I was in Guantanamo last week, so I definitely cleared the bar last week.
Yes!
You gotta reset!
You gotta reset!
Oh, man.
Now that you've brought that into my attention, oh, that's gonna be in my head for the next episodes.
It's gonna be so bad.
Oh, Doug, that's exactly how I felt when one of my buddies was just like, oh, man, your catchphrase is definitely, what are you talking about?
And I was like, fuck!
As soon as they said it, I couldn't even challenge them on it, because it was just like my life flashing before my eyes.
But just like every instance of me saying that on almost every podcast I've ever done, just being like, Like Johnny Mnemonic style flooding into my parade.
I was like, ah, damn it.
Yeah.
So it's like seeing the FedEx arrow.
It's never going to be out of your head.
Yup.
God.
So Wine Cooler asks, can you please do a segment on Dr. Shiva and his rise to fame over COVID disinformation and his own claims of voter fraud?
In his attempt for the U.S.
Senate in 2020.
That guy is a local crank to me because I live in the beloved Commonwealth and he's a hero because he's such an absolute colossal piece of shit that his actual slogan for his Senate campaign against Elizabeth Warren was, the only person who can defeat a fake Indian is a real Indian.
And just, yeah, this dude is rough.
So he won the Republican nomination one time and then didn't win it the other time.
He claimed a million ballots were destroyed due to election fraud.
To deny him that, so he ran as an independent.
And still garnered zero vote, basically.
He's a guy that was a crank and then he just became... He's a guy.
No, he's a guy.
I mean, he was just kind of like a wacky dude whose claim to fame was that he would get angry at anyone who denied that he was the person who invented email.
That was his big thing.
Boom!
look him up on Wikipedia or like Google like who invented email,
like he comes up as being the person who claims to have invented it. And everyone's like, No, you didn't shut up.
You're fucking lying. But uh, let it be known on this podcast that I too am claiming I
invented email it was me l all along. I am there's a reason why you
can't spell email without l boom. Yes. Look into it. So do your own research.
Oh, else as good as this is Q is that's what I'm learning here.
So this guy has been a just he was kind of like a harmless crank for the longest time and then COVID hit and then he got on InfoWars and he decided to just you know what I'm already seen as being kind of In the periphery and outside of the mainstream and no one's really buying what I'm selling.
So why not just go full Looney Tunes?
Why not just go completely full-blown, pants-on-head crazy?
And that's where he is now as a COVID disinformation peddler and just spouting every crazy right-wing talking point you can imagine about anything.
Voter fraud.
5G, all the rest of that stuff.
And that's what really also interests me about like these 2022 primaries.
Like when Allen West loses the primary to Governor Abbott in Texas, like what is he going to do?
I mean, because on the one hand, you kind of have to have that, we're the Republicans and we got to beat the Democrats in order to keep our thing going.
But on the other hand, you're Allen West, you're a crank, you're out of your mind.
You don't have any actual, like, real-world gravitas?
Do you just, like, scream election fraud and that Abbott fucked you over and he's a part of the Deep State?
Do you stage a write-in campaign?
I mean, it's gonna be so weird watching these Republicans who are no longer willing to accept Election results, losing in primaries, and now what does the establishment GOP do at that point?
They're like, yo buddy, it was a fair election.
Like, we'll do anything to prove to you it was a fair election.
And it's like, the only fair election is an election I win, motherfucker.
So guess what?
Alan West, write-in candidate, enjoy losing like 3% of the vote.
So if this election is close, welcome to Governor Beto or whoever runs for the Democrats.
I mean, That's just the way it's going to be. I mean, you're going
to be dealing with now an unsatisfiable right-wing splinter group that are totally pilled
and totally mad.
Totally pilled and totally mad.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know what that book is about, but that is definitely the tagline for some dumb book.
Oh, for sure.
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
So finally, our last actual live question is from Old Man McWatkins, who actually lives in Brooklyn, I found out, because he got hit in the rainstorm that crushed me last night.
That was terrifying.
So yeah, way to go, global warming and climate change.
Just bringing the tropics and monsoons to Massachusetts.
It's better than the alternative, which is the flaming heat and dryness of most of the country.
Oh my god, there was, what was I going to say?
We're getting the smoke from the West Coast now.
I mean, this is terrifying.
I mean, it is alarming what is going on with The weather out here.
It's like, oh man!
The air is weird.
Yeah, that's the West Coast burning.
It's made it all the way to the East Coast now.
It's great.
Anyway, so what's that question?
The question is, in the Matrix, Neon Revolt, Jordan Sather gets stranded on separate desert islands.
Who survives the longest and who dies first?
Sather dies immediately because he drinks salt water thinking it will cure him.
And he has no understanding of how the world works.
And you can flip a coin between Matrix and Neon Revolt.
I figure Matrix probably has a little more meat on the bone, because he seems like he's a relatively successful grifter, whereas Neon Revolt is a miserable failed screenwriter, probably not as healthy.
So, Matrix, Neon, Sather.
That'd be my order of surviving.
Yeah, I mean, as a failed scriptwriter, I can only imagine that he would die pretty fast when cut off from his supply of Parliament cigarettes.
Roasted!
Take that, Angry.
The greatest thing in the world about Neon Revolt is he had his dumb book, like Generation Q or whatever it was called, and he did a GoFundMe on it, and he made so much money.
Punch a wall that these grifters were able to scam people.
But the best part about it was he had his intro video for the book, and he was just like, hello.
I'm Neon Revolt, and this is really my voice.
He was just so into how bassy his own voice was.
He was just like, yeah, ladies, my voice really is this smoky.
That's right, yeah.
I could be on the radio, but instead I'm writing this sham book, Neon Revolt, failed screenwriter, but a smokin' voice.
I'm just picturing Keith David.
Fucking, just a sultry baritone.
Oh man, that'd be so great.
Yeah.
Although assholes like him don't deserve Keith David's incredible voice.
Yeah.
So, finally, before we let Al sear us out, we have to ask the Chairman Walkman a numerous question, which is, what are you excited about?
Oh lord.
I mean, things have been challenging for the past couple of weeks for Ol' L, so I would be excited for things to just go back to being regular, stressful, and not extra stressful.
I just want things to go back to fucking normal.
I want my body to stop betraying me.
I'd like to find a new place to live because I'm sick of looking.
That would be all great.
So if any of those things could work out, I'll consider that a big win.
Let's see, mine are a little lighter.
I think I've already said I'm, well, I was excited to go back to the movies, so we'll
see how long that lasts.
I'm excited for good to passable nostalgia bait stuff that is coming out.
I saw the new Snake Eyes movie, the G.I.
Joe Snake Eyes movie, and it is a goofy pile of nonsense and I loved it.
So I'm excited to see that trend continue hopefully with nostalgia bait that is goofy and fun and doesn't take itself too seriously.
Yeah, Sarge is the reason Hollywood is doing this to us.
This is all on you, Sarge.
It's all on you.
And I would say that I'm just kind of excited for the fact that football is around the corner.
I'm seeing all these articles about training camp is starting up and this, that, the other thing.
And I'm just like, oh man, this means that in a week or two, someone's going to be like, hey Mike, you want to get into this fantasy league?
You want to do this, that, the other thing?
And it's just like, Just that, like, ritual of the late summer where you manage to extend the football season like an extra month because you have to have your prep work gambling before your actual season-long money-losing adventure that is watching football and getting everything so terribly wrong when you were sure the Dolphins were going to cover that three and a half, and they fucking didn't.
Well yeah, it's the middle of the summer, hockey is done, NBA is over with, so your only option is really baseball because there is no athletic competition happening right now that's worth half a shit.
But El, isn't the Olympics happening?
I know what I said.
I'm aware.
Yeah, regular season baseball is the absolute worst.
I mean, an incredibly boring game with also no stakes added to it?
Ooh, sign me up.
So yeah.
It's really funny that we have this, like, lull in the calendar where it's just, like, the anticipation of a real sport coming back is now, like, what matters more than, like, another sport that's actually actively playing games.
But nope, go to hell.
And the Olympics, I mean, literally, Right now, all the Olympics is is just a place for right-wingers to whine and complain about America.
This is something I've brought up a bunch of times on Twitter and other places, but it's like...
The right wing in America wants to have the only permission to hate America and Americans.
So it's like the US women's soccer team.
Trump, during that rally where he was complaining about the cabal, got the crowd to boo women's soccer.
Oh my god, Gab and Telegram were so happy when the Americans lost to Sweden in the first game, and now everyone on right-wing media is like, Simone Biles is the absolute worst!
And it's like, oh my god, you absolute children.
It's just so funny that, well, yeah, I mean, if anybody gave a shit about
gymnastics, like actually gave a shit about gymnastics, the way they claim to
when, uh, Simone Biles decides that she is going to stop competing in the Olympics
for mental health reasons, uh, then maybe thousands of them wouldn't be just like.
Molested at their camps and shit.
You know what I mean?
Maybe people actually cared about gymnastics.
The gymnastics world wouldn't be the cesspool that it is.
Right.
Uh, like, yeah.
Someone was like, Carrie Strong did that vault of a broken foot.
A. The Americans had already clinched the gold.
She didn't have to do it.
They were literally abusing her.
And B. After she was helped off the stage, she was taken into the loving arms of Larry Nassar, the pederast who assaulted all those women.
And C, if you don't like what she's doing, just continue to ignore her the way you do for the rest of the every four year cycle.
The Olympics is an opportunity for a bunch of people to feign interest in shit that they otherwise do not care about.
I posted that on Twitter, and it's just as true now.
Like, it's not like a year from now people are gonna be like, oh dude, did you see that swimming competition?
It was so good!
Those guys did that stroke so fast!
Like, no one's gonna give a fuck.
How about we just not give a fuck always, and then the Olympics can stop going to countries and ruining them.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Because the biggest story coming out of the Olympics is not Simone Biles, it's the fact that Japan is literally being ever more crippled by the COVID virus because of the Olympics.
So go fuck yourself, the Olympics!
Anyway, I do feel bad for all those people that have the Olympics as the primary avenue for them to display their incredible athletic prowess that they work very hard to achieve.
But, I don't care how good you are at doing a pole vault, the Olympics is shitty.
It ruins nations.
It is currently ruining Japan because we're in the middle of a pandemic and they're still having it.
So, you know, how about you just fuck off and just do the parallel bars at some state fair or whatever.
I was trying to think of anywhere else where somebody might go to see somebody compete in a sport where they otherwise do not give a shit.
Eat a deep fried Twinkie and watch Simone Biles crush some unsuspecting fool by doing like nine flips in the air?
Yeah, I'll have myself some of that crispy tempura and enjoy watching Simone Biles be unquestionably the best ever in gymnastics.
I'm not trying to diminish the individual athletes.
The organization is what sucks.
It's like fucking the World Cup or whatever.
It's like, I think football is very boring, but I appreciate that the rest of the world loves it, but that doesn't mean that FIFA aren't huge pieces of shit.
It doesn't mean that the World Cup doesn't suck.
Like, oh yeah, let's build a bunch of stadiums in the middle of the hot, hot desert in Dubai, killing dozens of workers, so that way we can make these professional athletes perform in like a billion degree heat for our amusement.
It's like, what the fuck?
What, are we all fucking Caligula?
We have air conditioned stadiums all over the world.
Just fucking hold the competitions there where people don't have to die.
I bought Football Manager because I saw how much fun a friend of mine was having playing it and how much time he had played.
And I was like, oh, there must be something in here for me.
And when I did, he actually messaged me and apologized.
He was like, you should return that right now.
Yeah, I mean, all of those manager games are just spreadsheet managers anyway.
It doesn't matter.
It's like, they're telling you that your players are playing football, but what's really happening is that you are watching a spreadsheet.
And for some people, that's enough.
Like, I've played some of those cookie clicker style games or whatever, where you're just literally watching numbers go up and just be like, yeah, I'm doing this.
It's like, not really.
Yeah, the human mind is easy to trick.
That's why QAnon is a thing.
Yep.
Anyway, time for me to pedal this here velocipede out of Hellworld.
So for everybody who's listening and who made it this far despite all of our ranting and raving, we thank you very much.
If you'd like to support the show, you can do so by telling a friend or anybody else who might be interested in hearing us jerks talk about the QAnon phenomenon.
If you have a little jingle jangle in your pocket and you'd like to splash that around and support the show monetarily, you could do so by visiting us at patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
Anybody that supports us at the $5 and above tier gets access to our sweet, sweet bonus content.
Currently, we have a few series running, one of which is Caballin, which is the whole gang getting together to discuss the fall of the cabal.
That should be wrapping shortly.
We also had the Mike Rains solo outfit, The Foulest Deed, him talking about JFK, which I believe has wrapped.
And have you started your new bonus content, Mike?
Yes, I have.
The currently untitled U.S.
History podcasts are rolling.
I've done two.
The first one was a little foray into Benedict Arnold and how he was the hero of the Battle of Saratoga.
And unfortunately for him, the injuries he sustained on that battle were not fatal.
And then he lived long enough to become a traitor, which was a bad look on his part.
And the second one was... Would you say that you die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain?
Absolutely.
I would absolutely say that.
And the second one is something that you know very well about.
It's me talking about the Civil War and how it was about slavery.
I mean, I believe it's about states' rights, but you and I can agree to disagree on that issue.
I love the Confederacy.
Long live General Lee or whatever.
So yeah, if you'd like to donate, anybody at the $5 and above tier gets access to all of that sweet, sweet bonus content.
You can go through and comb through the back catalog, listen to it, get caught up, and then tell us in real time whether or not you think we rule or suck.
Speaking of which, we do have some donors this week, some sweet, sweet, beautifuller babies.
MegaronTV has donated enough to get access to that sweet bonus content.
And we do have a lesser donation option, just $2 a month, just like a little tip for the dealer to say, hey, we like what you're doing.
We don't necessarily need the bonus content.
We don't necessarily want to spend $5 a month on you chumps.
And our friend Hector has decided to give us that $2 tip.
So we thank both of you for your support.
Now, if you have money and you want to give it to a good cause that isn't just some jerks talking on the internet, we've got you covered with a suggestion for that, too.
You can head over to love146.org.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
And those are words straight from the people themselves.
So that's no fun or clever L-spin on that one.
Just straight from the love146 organization directly to you.
So if you want to try to save some children, go ahead and donate your money there.
We have several people that we need to thank for helping make the show go.
First of all is DJ Minimal Effort, who has provided our sweet, sweet intro music that continues to grow on me every time I listen to it, especially after a week away.
He remains too cool for social media, so just keep him in your thoughts and prayers, I guess.
However, not too cool for social media is our buddy Frosty, who is our voiceover artist, the voice of Q when we need him, but more specifically the person who does all of our bumps.
You can find him over at FrostyVO.
If you can't get enough of myself and Sarge talking about sweet, sweet nonsense, we have you covered on that front, too.
Man, we've got you smothered and covered.
It's like Waffle House over here.
You can go find us at our spinoff podcast where we talk about pop media called BingeWerdy.
That's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
And you can find us on Twitter, at BingeWerdy, spelled the same way.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I am Hellworld El, signing off for Hellworld Sarge and our expert Mr. Mike Rains.
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